Are You Threatened By Your Partner's Success? | Date Your Wife | EP 138

And welcome to this week's date your wife moustache edition podcast. My name is Garrett J. White. I've got a new mustache in the house. I've never had a moustache, and I've got a moustache for this particular episode. And I'm gonna continue to say moustache until my wife pays attention that we're on a show.

I'm gonna call it a perv stache.

Perv stache. It's your perv stache.

It's just. It's like. It's just not your vibe.

Well, my perv stache did some damage last night, and you know it.

I. Well, you know.

Ex. Exactly.

No. No.

Yep. Can't complain about the stache in the day when you ask for it in the night.

I specifically did ask for it.

Did not want that.

I did not want the mustache. But I was after a result, so I looked past the perv stache.

Oh, no. Well, I need the perv stache for grip. Just grips down there. Just hold myself.

Sorry. In advance how we started this podcast last week. If you listened, we delivered absolutely no value.

Is that true?

Also want to apologize for that. We are human.

Lots of value, actually.

And we do have a good story. So we're not here to pretend like we're coaching. We're marriage coaches. We are.

We're marriage coaches. We run a marriage coaching program.

Are not running any kind of marriage coaching anything. But what we are trying to do on this podcast is share how we've got to where we are in life, in both business and relationships. And, you know, if you find some value out of it, like, we made it. So we made it. We've been married.

That's it. That was the weirdest intro I've ever.

No, it wasn't. We've been married for 20 years.

Coming up on 20. You're coming up on the big four zero.

Yep.

40 years old.

Happening two months. You keep saying that.

February, March, April podcast. Three months.

You want to let people know that I'm almost 40?

Three months. You're almost 40.

I feel great. I think I look great.

So why do you. Why when I say 40, do you immediately assume that you don't look good?

You are so funny. I think you're jealous that you're not in your 30s anymore. You're so jealous.

So jealous. I'm not jealous. After those pictures you texted me today.

Why you don't share the files?

I didn't share the files. When I say the pictures, it's not like they visually can bring anything up in their mind.

Every bikini competition I've done, I've only done three. But as, like, kind of like an accomplishment, I go, I've done, like, sexy photos. The first ones, we did beach ones slash gym ones. That was fun. Get that image out of your head for a second.

You're so funny.

The second ones. What did I do for the second photo?

Second one was at Paint yourself gold.

Paint gold. That was fun. And then Garrett was like, I wanna do a sexy couple shot with you. And I was like, we haven't done that one yet. So it was kind of, like, fun.

And, like, I thought we were gonna be totally naked, both of us.

I was in one of them.

Yeah, but I thought we. No, you weren't. We're totally naked.

I was topless.

Yeah, but that's not totally naked.

I know.

I thought we were gonna be totally naked together in the photo.

I know, I know. I couldn't figure out why. You were like, okay, I'm ready. I was like, I don't. That seems a little pornish. I'm like, I mean, I wanted it to be, like, sexy and classy, but I like where your mind went. But I wasn't.

I was ready to do it. I was ready to do it.

I thought the photos, they did put us out of our comfort zone for sure. I mean, I'm, like, straddling you on a bed, and there's, like, flames behind us. And I'm like, there's a guy, like, pretty much, this is a very intimate thing. And there's a guy, like, we had to pretend like he's not there.

I don't know why the photographers in places like that are always. The guy that you see in the movie who has a white van that kidnaps people, it's.

Cause he has a moustache.

Not even a moustache scent. Like, why is it. Why is it that guy always seems.

To be the character? I think he was very professional.

He was. He was professional. Just saying. Well, there was. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, it's like, they're always, like, these photo places. I was in the weirdest strip malls in the middle of nowhere. And you're like, how did we end up here with this guy getting photos in the middle of nowhere naked with my wife? This is like.

Wasn't expecting to be, like, photography studios. They're always in some dark, scary warehouse.

Why. Why is this. This is what I'm talking about, though.

It's cheap space. It's cheap space. And they don't. They're not Advertising, like a strip mall. Like, walk into my Boardwater photo shoot, maybe. Every. Every. That doesn't exist anymore.

That's the thing.

Every photo place I've been to, even with our kids, like, it's always in some random. You're like, my road. My map's cut off. I don't. They're like, I'm in the garage back here. You're like, what? What in the world? But it's. It's like a studio thing. It's all about, like, lighting. They set up their own things. It's the thing.

So why do you. Why do you. Why do you. Why do you feel so threatened by how much money I make?

Is that how you're trying to bring this in?

Why are you so threatened by it? Why are you so threatened by my success?

I'm just so jealous of the moustache that I.

Hey, it's not a hard. It's not a hard thing to be. I appreciate that you're being honest about it, because there are a lot of people have a hard time keeping their hands off me since I got the mustache. Men, women, dogs, like, sniffing. Lots of sniffing.

I'm just waiting for this show to continue.

I'm asking you a simple question. Why is it that you have a hard time? Like, why do you want to be so competitive with me with money?

I don't bullshit. Okay, so here's. Here's what?

You run your mouth about it.

No, no. I feel like we're in a good space now. There was some darker years, and there was. We were talking about this today in the training today, where it's like, if you. If, like, for me, when I kind of took on this acceptance of myself of, like, garrett can't save me. I have to do this for myself. When our marriage was sucky, we were selling furniture out of the house just to, like, make a move to Arizona. Like, when I was in this dark place, and I. I almost had to not rely on you. I had to mentally make a shift that if he doesn't get figured out, maybe I'm supposed to take on that role. And so I. That's when I got serious about doing hair. That's when I didn't look at it as, like, I'll just wait till Garrett figures it out, and I'll just keep, like, you know, I was making decent money, but it was like my mind had to shift where I was like, no, this is. I want a great life. I want to provide for my family. I might not stay married to this guy. And so I kind of had to make that shift. And that's when I again, when I started to take hair more. More serious. And so it wasn't that I was always trying to, like, compete with you in the beginning. It was, like, survival, right? I was like, I'm. I'm not gonna wait for him. I'm. I'm gonna figure this out on my own. And not only that, I was like, and I don't wanna. If this ever happens it again, I will never be in another situation with another man where I'm like, I'm. I just didn't wanna rely on somebody. I was like, I wanna be in a relationship because I want to be in that relationship. And I don't wanna go marry myself a sugar daddy and have somebody take care of me. Like, yes, I wanna be taken care of, but ultimately, like, I wanna take care of myself and I wanna take care of my kids. And that's, like, when I started to produce.

So how do you juggle that with the fact that the typical game is that you. You were doing this is a woman starts rising in power in her production, and she rises in her masculinity inside that masculinity. Not a problem, by the way. And just because you're rising in masculinity doesn't mean you need to be a transgender and tell everyone you're a man.

No.

So you're rising in masculinity, and this causes collisions, I think, in the costume.

You know what I think is when I started making money, I was just irritated at you. Like, I was, like, kind of irritated before that. But then when I started making money, I was even more irritated and more turned off by you. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I'm like, I'm doing hair. I'm juggling the kids. I can't. I don't want to out produce you. Like, I was almost, like, getting more resentful as, like, time went on. And so I think I would. It's not that I was masculine. I was frustrated. I was irritated. I didn't really even treat you as my lover or my friend or my husband anymore. It was just like, you were just kind of there. And so I was probably very dry in those times. Very closed off in those times, because I was, like, in survival, I was just building a little nest egg for me and my girls at the time. So I don't ever remember feeling super aggressively masculine other than now. As your wife, as your partner, as your lover, I am gonna come across more feminine, right? I'm not. Because I am more attracted to you now. I am more like the wifey mode. I am more mom mode. But in that time, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be married to you. So I was probably just very cold.

No, probably you were. It was rough.

Do you blame me?

No, I don't blame you at all.

I felt like too. One of the things that I had a hard time with is you were constantly pushing me. You're like, yeah, my wife's awesome. My wife's awesome. My wife's awesome. But then behind closed doors, I didn't feel like. It was almost like you didn't. You were saying you wanted me to, you know, produce and do all these things. But then, like, behind closed doors, it was like you were scared of me producing. And I don't know if it challenged you or why that was, but it almost like, made me push even more. I was like, fuck him. Like, I don't. I don't know what. He's got to do his own thing. He's got to figure out his own thing. Like, I'm not going to rely on him. I've got to figure this out. And it may have come across masculine, but that wasn't my intention. Like I said, it was more like I was just trying to kind of go into survival mode.

Well, we had. We had. I mean, the first round of making money was in mortgages, and, you know, that came to an end in 2008. And then we went down a different path, and I found out I wasn't nearly as good an entrepreneur. And also, I'd kind of ignored you for about six, seven years.

Yeah, it's like, it was a weird.

Kind of game back and forth, though.

And you know what? And you know what I realized as a woman? I think I was okay with that if I was being taken care of. Right. I was okay with you ignoring me. I was okay with you working your ass off. I was okay with that when you were producing and I was taken care of the minute you weren't producing, producing. And I realized that. That producing that production and me feeling safe was the only connection, connecting piece that we had. I was like, I've lost our connecting piece because you're working your. Your ass off all the time. Which, if I'm being taken care of, I like that. Right? But you strip that away and all of a sudden you're like, do we have a good relationship? No, not really. We haven't spent time together. We haven't gone on dates. The time we have Been. Has been, like, very surface and mediocre. We're both tired. We're not like, you know what I mean? We're not trying to just. I'm taking on the wifey role of, like, I have to accept that he's gonna work his ass off. And you're taking on the role of like, hey, this is how it is. You should be grateful for me grinding. And I'm like, yeah, I can't ask for more time from him because I should be grateful that he's grinding. But on the flip side, I want more time, but I feel guilty for asking. More time, but I want to be taken care of. So there's all these contradicting stories that it's just. You can see why this happens in so many relationships, right? It's like, you say you want something, but on the other side, you feel guilty for another thing.

And.

And it's just. And all of a sudden, like, we lost everything, and everything comes to the surface, and you're like, well, we got to do something. We have to do something. We're in this weird space, so we either get divorced, we figure it out. Either way, we've got to eat, we've got to pay the bills. We've got to do something.

We did do something. So what do you think big turnaround was because you started making money? I started making money again.

I know people.

Then we both started making money.

People always ask how we do more money than you, because I feel like a lot.

Then you caught up, and then I made more and more money than you again.

I feel like people, this is like, this really is something that if you have two entrepreneurs or two people, even if you're not entrepreneurs, you like, if the man starts to rise and the woman doesn't rise, that's when your guys have conflict, right? And same thing in my program, when my hairstylists start to rise and they start to make an immense amount of money and they want their partner to grow, but then they're like, I'm not going to feel bad for having success, so either you grow with me or you don't. And I think in our situation, I, like I said in the beginning, it was kind of survival, and then it got to this place where you started making money. So I was like, okay, that's a. That. Okay, I'm starting to feel that safety and that security and that trust back, right? And so then I was like, okay, I can take my foot off the scarcity protection mode, like the survival mode, right? I can get out of My survival mode because he's making money. And I was like, okay, that's great. That actually takes a little bit of the pressure off me as the wife. And. And maybe that's when I was a little more, Little less masculine because, like. Because I wasn't riding that pressure wave anymore. And that wasn't my intention to come across masculine. It was just like, when that pressure released, I was kind of like, maybe my feminine came out more.

Well, there's. I mean, listen, there's a masculine side to production. Man or woman, doesn't matter. There's a masculine side of production. To make money, be successful in business, you kind of have to be an asshole and kind of have to be, because no dancing around it. People can happy class be patsy. This on the outside, and it's just not the truth. There's aggressive grinding required work that you have to make hard decisions, cutthroat decisions, decisions of firing, hiring, letting people go, People hating you, people loving you. No matter who you are, it doesn't matter how nice you are, doesn't matter who you are, there's always going to be groups of people that run their mouths about you as you build something big. Now, where that becomes a challenge, an interesting piece is when you have two individuals that are both producers, and he put both of them in the same rising power. And inevitably, in that rising power, that person is looking for reprieve from a partner, which is a partner to say, you're amazing. And Danielle, when she started producing and feeling deep pressure, it was interesting because it was the first time she was like, she was respectful to me as a producer because she had no concept of the pressure that I was facing. Now all of a sudden, she's facing the pressure and there's this rising masculinity which has us battle, compete, battle for conversation and battle for alpha dominance of our home. And at the same time, though, there was also, on the backside of those battles was a rising respect. Like, I started laughing because I was like, my wife would go from like, you know, I can't understand to all of a sudden drinking tequila every night and you're like. But I will say exactly. Welcome to the entrepreneur stress dilemma.

Even though there's this been this level of, like, respect between the two of us, I see still when I'm at home, I am very feminine. I feel like I'm very, like, flirty and, like, I send the photos and I do the things. And I didn't do that in the past. And so I realized that I can play both.

Why didn't you do that in the past?

Because I didn't like you. But I realized I could play both roles, right? I was like, before, it was like, you have to be all wife. So in the beginning, I was like, you're gonna be all wife. He's gonna take care of you, you're gonna take care of the kids. And then I was like, well, shoot, that didn't work. So then I went into this flip mode where I was like, grinding, hustling, building a brand, doing all these things, and I kind of shut off that feminine. And then now I realize I'm like, okay, my wife or my wife. My husband respects me. He likes that I have respect for him, But I still gotta be flirty and I gotta be feminine and I gotta be sexy. And so I started to kind of, like, pull that out of me. And that's what I see a lot of successful women lose. I'm like, you lost your sexy. Like, seriously? I'm like, it's great that you're successful, but, like, dial it in. Let your man be the man. Because ultimately, I still wanna be taken care of. Even though we're both producing, I wanna feel like I want to feel taken care of. I want to feel feminine. I want you to feel masculine. I want to feel. I still want to feel that safety and security. Right.

Well, we were driving up Go Ski yesterday, and I asked you a question. I said, how often do you stress about money? And you're like, don't start a fight right now. I was like, I'm not trying to start a fire right now. I'm just asking you a simple question. How often do you feel stressed about money?

And your answer was, I leave that stress to you now?

Exactly. You said, that's your problem.

But in the beginning.

And I was like, okay, so. But I'm just putting there. So, like, there's a balance here. Because with that pressure of that's your issue to handle, that puts this in my position. Like, I've not met a guy. I've just not met a guy who's out produced by his wife. I'm not saying they don't exist. I'm just saying I have a very large sampling of men, 55,000 plus, entrepreneurs over the past 10, almost 11 years. I've yet to meet an entrepreneur whose wife out produces him, who does not feel at some level less than her. Not saying it doesn't exist. I'm saying I've yet to meet a guy.

Do you like that I produce? Does it push you?

I like that you produce. Yeah. Yeah, I like that you produce. I think it's great.

I think for one who brings a connecting piece for both of us, gives.

Us conversation, gives connection, respect, both directions. Yep. There's a respect, I think, level you got coming to me, I think sometimes. And I got a respect level coming.

To you when I'm working a lot. You kind of are like, ooh, dial it in. Because we both, like, come home, like, kind of stressed and tired. So I think that you like that I'm not. So, like, where I'm at in my business right now, where it's like, I can be involved, but not as heavily involved as I was. But again, I've been in mom mode for the last couple years. So I was like, I can't do that with two babies. And I can't go that. The first time I went that direction, it was like our babies were a little bit older, we had the two kids and then I had an eight year gap. And that was. Those were my hustle years. I was like, I didn't know if we were gonna stay married. I didn't know what was gonna happen. And so I kind of like grinded and grinded and grinded. And then like when we had Isla, I thought I was like, oh, this is my last one. I really wanna enjoy it. Turns out we had two more. And I was like, oh. So I was very much into this more of a mom feminine mode. But I could, because we were in a place in life now where there wasn't like, I had to produce. And so now it's funny because going back in my business, I'm like, gosh, I really. It's a different stress and pressure to get involved. It's more purpose driven for me right now. How can I make a difference in my industry? How can I make a change? Like, what does that do for me? How does that make me grow as an individual? Whereas in the beginning I was. I got no fucking choice. Like, I have to figure out how to make this work. And so now I think it's almost like. It's almost harder. You posted something on your story. I don't know who it was. A guy was like, it's easy to get gains when you're making gains. It's easy to do this when you're. And I was like, yeah, it's almost like harder once you start to have the success, like to get in these pockets of growth again. And I feel like that's where I'm at in my business right now. And so. But that's why you and I grew so much is because we were both in these, like, back and forth pockets of like, you push now, I go now. You lead now. I lead now. And it just. There were some rocky times, but now I'm like, how do we have that, that element of growing and pushing one another without feeling like we have to sabotage or burn anything? Does that make sense?

Yeah. Well, we've made it to that place, right? There's not a sense of it. Like, it's like both of us kind of gotten into roles. I mean, like, listen, there's all kinds of stuff that happens where, like we've learned how to volleyball a game back and forth. You play more feminine, I play more masculine. We've learned how to play those roles. When you get into your aggressive game and you want to do your aggressive game, I'll back down a bit and let you just be what you're going to be and do what you're going to do. And we found the places. I cover ass. I've been great with the kids. I cover your ass with the kids, and I cover your ass for the kids. And at the same time, you cover my ass with the kids and with what we're doing with the kids, but in two totally different ways. You're never handling the middle of the night. It's not happening. You're not handling her in the morning. It's not happening. Like, that's not you. You're not charging teaching kids how to ski down the mountain. You're not teaching them to the bumpy, jumpy house. You're not teaching them how to swim.

I don't think I could ski with Isla.

Dumb. But I'm just saying, like, you're not doing all that. That's my stuff.

Dads are more play. Dads are more like play. Hands on women are always like multitasking, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and then half time playing with a Barbie with one hand and a scrubber in with the other hand.

Yeah. So I'm saying you go all in on the mom mode, which you chose that. So, like, even though you're a producer, you've also very deeply, when it comes to being in the house, have figured out a very feminine be a mom mode. But at the same time, you delegate. You even delegate to me.

I do.

I don't really delegate to you.

I know. I think it's funny.

You delegate to me.

You know what I think is funny is when, like, I'll give you an example this morning, you. I'm like, I'm on my phone, I always do, like, my social media check all my slacks and my voxers and everything in the morning. Like, I have, like. I don't. I usually wake up about 6:30. I'm not like super early. I'm not like super late. I'm like. I'm like right in there. And then I have like an hour where I just kind of work on stuff. And you come in at like seven. You're like, you gotta take Isla. I was like, heather's here. You're like, well, you gotta take her. You gotta help her. I go. Half the time I'm not home and I'm actually working right now. I'm like, heather can handle it.

What did you think I was doing?

So. But what I'm saying is I think that sometimes you think you need to go in and put out a fire or you think people don't have it handled.

Heather, she didn't have it handled. The child, she could have handled. I had come in and interrupted my zoom meeting that I was in in my office.

I think it's hard to, when you.

Step up, stop seven times in the first 30 minutes of the call. Finally, I picked her up as Heather's frantically trying to chase our toddler, who I've been juggling since 4:30 in the morning with her nightmares, who sat by me on the couch since 5am While you were sleeping, who came into my meeting now over seven times in the first 30 minutes. Heather's frantic in her eyes, holding the baby, cannot control Isla. Isla's telling everyone to screw off and called Heather a bitch. And now I'm trying to juggle this child. I bring her up to you and give her our daughter after I'd already been coordinating with her for hours while trying to run a business meeting while you're on social media. So let's. No, no, no. Let's call the spade a spade. So you're saying I just came up with you? I did. I have a mustache right now.

I'm sorry. This happens to me a lot. I'm always trying to work out of the home. So because you have one chaotic, chaotic moment, you don't get it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You deal with nightmares in the middle of the night.

You know what? We had four. And these last kids that you actually kind of stepped in and had.

Yeah. And guess what? We're a lot older, so it counts. You were young.

You were in your 20s. I haven't experienced that you were in your 20s.

Now you're gonna be 40.

Okay. I'm just saying I can validate that you had a rough morning. That's cute. But I need you to respect the fact that I'm also a producer and a mother and have experienced so many times.

So don't.

No, no, no, no, no Me.

Yeah, but if I bring the baby, I'm gonna give her to you after I've been juggling for hours. How's that being rude?

I excuse your rudeness this morning because.

I was like, I excuse your excuse your never had.

He's not used to having kids. Interrupt him when he works. Welcome to being a mother. No, no, no, no, no, sir. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna create a meme for that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Sorry. I don't feel bad.

Of course you don't feel bad.

Let's get back to.

That's why I didn't feel bad bringing her up and dropping her on you.

I brought her right back down and told Heather to handle it.

You did? Cause I just looked out the mirror with her. With her waving into my window in my office while I'm doing the zoom, and there you are standing with her like, 20 minutes later. So don't lie. Tell the truth. Live by a code, woman.

That was after I finished.

This would be like posting your pictures without filtering, you know?

You want to know what I really did? I had to tell you what I really did.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is funny. You'll like this. I literally looked at Isla and I was like, knock this shit off. And she's like. She starts giving me sassy. I go, if you say that again, I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap. And I look at Heather, and I was like, I gotta follow through. I took her in the bathroom, I put soap in her mouth. She cried, and I said, sit in your bed and don't come out till you're ready to calm down and obey your mom. And that defused the situation, and she did not come out. And I went and finished my work, and Heather handled it, and I knew.

You can handle it. That's why I brought her to you.

I know. So I'm just saying. I did handle it. Took me three seconds, and I was back to work.

Well, good. You took you three seconds after I had her for three hours. Congratulations. Way to put the frosting on top of the cupcake.

Maybe you should be more effective with your time.

God, I'm not even putting the pellet in between us tonight. I'm just Gonna breathe heavy on you moustache.

I'll sleep somewhere else.

I don't think I'm gonna shave this moustache for a minute.

Okay. Why?

Okay. Okay. I go into bed.

That's exactly the response you'll get if that moustache comes to bed tonight.

Unless you're watching. And then I will look past night. Side note, it's been the first time ever in the history of our lives that I've started thinking, I think my wife just wants to come. I like, I think this is the first time I never had this thought in the past, like, couple of months where I'm like, man, my wife really just wants an orgasm. She doesn't want me. She just wants egg orgasm.

Why are you. Why don't. Why has that never crossed your mind?

I don't know. Never has. I think it's because you're almost 40.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not.

Oh, you're such a hot a. I know. It's quite amazing. So our daughter's been doing great, and I got two more thoughts, and we're wrap the show.

I was just. The only thing I wanted to get across in this show is like, I get it. Like. Like how your guys come to you. Like, when people are growing, they're like, how do you deal with that?

Oh, yeah, we didn't finish that conversation.

We got to loop that conversation right back around, because I think that could actually add some value in this show.

It's easy when you make more money than your spouse and they don't like it. Divorce them.

Please don't. Listen, I apologize for his mustache and.

His na na, na na girl moustache get ripped. Divorce her or him. Nah, that's not the answer.

I think it's submission on both levels. Cause even for me, I'm like, hey, if I want my relationship. Because people ask all the time. They're like, well, how did you guys kind of come out of it? And I kind of got to this place where I'm like, I am kind of an angry, bitter wife, and maybe I need to shut the fuck up. Are you gonna listen or. It's going on in this podcast.

I think you're so cute, and I think you're fun.

Okay, keep going. I'm not putting out tonight. Okay, this is. I'm gonna.

It's not my mustache. It will sound it.

I'm trying to loop this around. Pay attention. Garrett. Eyes up here. Eyes up here.

Shouldn't Text me the picture. You text me right before the show. You got my brain. I was coming, focused, heart in the paint into the podcast, and I look at my phone. Whoa. Hello, bulging pants. Ready to go? Now you're distracted.

No, I'm not distracted.

You know how long I waited?

You know how long I waited, distracted?

I waited my whole life to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman who texted me spicy photos.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Okay.

Do you ever worry they're gonna, like, get on? Oh, no. What did I just do? It's recording right here.

Okay. I was like, it died. Our podcast died.

Oh, no. I might have just killed it. Keep going.

You want me to keep talking? I'll keep talking just in case it is going.

So let me see. Keep talking.

It says it's recording.

It says recording, but somehow I killed the.

All right, well, I'm gonna keep talking in case anybody's listening to this. So when. When I look at kind of what I've been through in my life and the success that I've had, I almost have to ask myself, like, what do I want out of this? And specifically with my relationship, I'm like, I want a man who can take care of me. I want a man who wants to be with me. I don't want a man who I feel like is that I have to be in a relationship where I'm relying on him to take care of me. It's really boiled down to just wanting to be in that space. I wanted to be sexy for him. I wanted to be the feminine for him. I. I wanted to dote on him. I wanted to do all. And it was I. In Garrett and I's relationship, I had felt very hurt from him having, you know, cheated on me in the past emotionally with another woman, and then losing everything and losing everything. We're in this place where I just had to rebuild trust. And it was really hard for me, but ultimately, like, I had to ask myself, what do I want? And I had to grow individually so that if I decided to stay with this man, it was because it was on our terms and my terms, and we had grown together. And it kind of took this place, too, where I had a lot of abundance and success in life, where I'm like, I could go divorce him and go find another hot guy and move on. Right? But ultimately, because I had kids, I'm like, I. I really. You know, I already have a family. I don't know if I wouldn't repeat these patterns and behaviors with. With somebody new. So I would prefer to figure it out with the man that I'm married to and the family that I have right now. And it took a lot of me just kind of like submitting for things like, you know, like, okay, I, you know, I approached this person that I love with just kind of attacking words or whatever it is. And that didn't really give me the outcome that I'm looking for. So over the years, I really, really, really, really had to work on my communication. And the simple thing that helped me with my communication, ladies, is I asked myself, what do I want in speaking these words? What is the end result that I'm looking for by speaking these words? When is a good time to bring up this topic of conversation? A lot of times we want to bring up heated con. Inappropriate times, and then we're surprised by how poorly that, that, that it ends or that it ends in an argument. Right? And so it's all about communicating, but setting yourself up to have these windows of communication where you're. You're going to be less triggered for. Garrett and I, we actually did therapy for a period of time because it created a sounding board. We couldn't have these conversations without one of us blowing up. And it was to the this point where we weren't going anywhere because we were both after being result. And even though that wasn't the. That that wasn't the outcome that we all wanted, we just, we couldn get clear and we couldn't have these conversations. So by having a therapist, and we worked with multiple therapists because not just one therapist is going to work for you, you kind of have to, like, find your vibe and your person. And by having this sounding board, we were able to break through some of these conversations that we hadn't in the past. And that's when we started to see a little bit of momentum pick up in the way we communicated with each other. And we both kind of had to ask ourselves, like, is this something I want to say right now? Is this going to give me the result that I want? And so it doesn't happen overnight. It has to happen with, with weekly date nights, weekly communication, weekly therapy sessions. But ultimately, like, I did want my marriage to work out. I wanted to be with this man. I knew that there was once this chemistry and this spark that I knew that we could have back. I knew that we had so much history together, and I didn't. Wasn't willing to throw that away in order to be right or because I thought I was too good, or because I thought I was good looking or had the success. Right. I was like, okay, let's, like, look inward a little bit and see at what would the domino effect be if I actually made this work. Who would impact listening to this podcast? It's like, yeah, I'm in a shitty space, but. But you know what? These words are resonating with me, and I want to put forth this. This effort and this communication inside my own marriage. So, you guys, I. We're gonna wrap this podcast up. All I can tell you is it does require both. Both couples, both the. The husband and the wife to submit and to grow together. You cannot have one person who wants to grow and the other person is comfortable and wants to stay there. Ultimately, you both have to grow. And in the beginning, I didn't necessarily want to grow with Garrett, but I wanted to grow it for myself. I wanted to grow for my children. I wanted to grow as a woman. I wanted to grow as an individual. Not because for Garrett and not because I wanted. Even I or I knew that our relationship was going to work or stay together, but I knew I had to ris even if I decided not to stay married to him in order to attract the new husband that I was looking for. So it ultimately comes down to you have to grow for yourself, and you have to grow together.

Well done. You carried that show. We were. I kicked a cable. Hopefully the last part of the show got caught.

It was solid.

It was great. It was a great show. Hopefully we got the last little bit because it was a great close. And if we didn't, well, then we didn't.

Oh, my God.

And it's all good.

We got it. We got it. I. I close this down. So, you guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode of the day, your wife podcast. We try to do these weekly. Sometimes. Sometimes we miss. If you find value in this, a good laugh. You want to grow a mustache. Good luck with that. All right, you guys, thanks so much for listening. If you want more information on me, I actually created a hair extension system called Natural Beauty Rose. You can follow me on Instagram, Danielle Kwhite or my natural be to row hair extension education. Natural Beauty Rose Extensions is my Instagram handle for my hair. We offer tons of education, but my education is not just about pretty hair. I actually coach thousands of artists on the art and science of having it all, which means love the life, love the clients. Have time with your family. Don't burn out behind the chair and all the things. And natural beaded rose and pretty hair is just the tool I give you in order to create abundance in your life and experience the life that I know all of you can and that I have at some level. So, you guys, thank you so much for listening. Those are my closing statements.

And if you're looking to grow out a mustache and are wanting to have sex like a porn star as a married man, you can go sexlikeapornstar.com for married men.

He's the worst. I'm sorry.