Are your needs being met?

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the day to your Y podcast. This is your host with the most, Garrett J. White, hanging out here with my queen who has changed her clothes into that high school classic movie Mean Girls.

No, that's just a cute little pleated Prada skirt. It's cute. I was gonna wear with my new. My new. I got. I. I went shopping.

I know you did.

I.

You didn't even try to.

Really proud of myself. No, I. I was really gonna attempt to slow by much as it looked and I have not bought any designer things since we went to Dubai. So anyways, I bought these really cute, like.

You've not bought any designer since Dubai?

No.

Since. Since April?

No.

May, June, July, August. Four months.

So proud of myself.

Do you know what the code is?

Do I know?

Real, raw, relevant results translated into stop lying.

I've shopped. I haven't bought any designer. I have shopped.

You've not bought any.

I have not bought any fancy shoes. You bought me a pair of cute like Louis Vuitton slides in the mall one on one of our date nights. And then when we went to Vegas, you bought me that cute banana bag.

So we did buy some designer.

I said, I personally have not purchased myself anything designer for four months.

Okay.

But I have gone shopping. But anyways. Yeah, so I bought myself a cute. A couple cute, cute things. And I'm gonna buy a couple cute dresses for. We're going to Greece next weekend. Yeah. So here we are.

All right, so we got giant Apache helicopters doing flight patterns in front of our home. This is why I feel safe in Orange County. Right here. We have police helicopters above our house constantly. We have sheriff all over the place. We have a motorcycle cop that gives me tickets when I ride my E bike with my kids. He's a dick. And then we've got the Apache helicopters protecting our freedoms right here.

And occasionally on stage, military, like, running their drills.

Yeah, they're running drills right here in front of our house. Look at them. They're running. They're flying a huge ass Apache helicopters right now.

But aren't they running drills because we're close to the Navy base thing?

No, they're running drills because we're close to war of the sexes. All right, so let's look at this.

I thought you had a topic.

We do have a topic. Is marriage actually supposed to be the way that we play out?

You left our last podcast sounding like we're. You made it sound like we're dabbling into an open relationship.

We did.

You did. I Was like, there's a cliffhanger.

Oh, are we are.

No, we are not.

We're not. Okay, good. I was just checking probably from. Just had to make sure.

Are you.

Last night you asked me a question. You were like, yeah. And I was like, no. Anyways, this is a topic that's actually quite spicy because we look at this. Here's a question I'll start off with. Can a. In a marriage, the expectation is that a person's needs are being met fully and wholly by their partner.

Right.

This is like the current origin of marriage in the last 150 years, prior to 150 years ago. It's not that people weren't in love. It's that people didn't get married for love. People got married for convenience and they got married. Even like now we know people right now got married just to get visas.

Yeah.

There's two different relationships. I can think of person. What's that?

You got to kind of like that person.

Yeah. But I'm saying, like, the lot of like, marriage was like, very different. It was much more survival tactical. You know, he was even like reading some books about this in the past, like the Viking culture.

But don't you think we've evolved as humans? Why would we stay in, like. I mean, think about kings and queens when they. The king had like, his, you know, hundreds of women.

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm thinking about.

But that's. I'm saying, like, although many men were like, we should go back to that. Like, there's are some men that if they wanted hundreds of women, they could. Yeah, but what level is that not fulfilling?

I don't know. I just saying, like, marriage is actually as. As a construct. The way that we say getting married for love is really only the last 150 years. Prior to that, for thousands of years, people weren't getting married for love.

Right.

They're getting married for a whole bunch of reasons. Convenience.

That's why there was arranged marriages. Yeah.

And like, also, they. There's a. There's a study. There's tons of studies out right now and books I'm reading that say that women have been naturally, like, can naturally move on from one man to another man much easier than a guy can move on. That women actually are built to move on faster. And a lot of that's primal from back in the day.

Because they died in the war.

Well, because women, like, in wars, like, one group would take over the other group and take all their women.

Yeah.

So they managed to get killed and they'd have to adjust. It's like, either you go be with these new guys or you die. So I think there's a lot, a lot of that. How many women do you think stay in marriage just because they are worried about not being able to provide for themselves and their kids?

Oh, for sure. So many women saying that they're like, they don't even entertain the option. They're like, oh, that'd be too scary. Especially I was like thinking the other day, I'm like, okay, if I'm married to a super producer and I don't work, even though I don't, I say this lightly because I can promise you being a stay at home mom is hard as fuck. Is so hard in ways more harder than building a brand. But I say this meaning, like, I forgot where I was gonna go with it.

No, you're saying being home and being safe and then being in a relationship is no bueno, but you're staying because you're safe and secure.

Oh, yeah. So you're staying in this because there's this piece of you that don't value yourself as that mother role as that seeing that value. So you're immediately like, what do I have to offer? I just have to keep my mouth shut because I have all the safety and security. And ultimately, even if you're not happy, you're thinking, I have all the safety and security for myself and my children. So you're like, I would rather just die inside and, and not give up this safety and security. Because I don't see anything that I could value. Like if I got divorced, I'm just the. Especially when you get older, you're like, I'm in my 40s and now I've got like, you know, four kids. Who's going to want me? Yeah, but I, I mean, I don't think that for myself, but I can imagine, like if you were the stay at home mom and you. There's that thought that goes to your mind that's like, okay, like, I don't provide anything or how am I going to provide? What if I don't find a guy? And now I've got these kids, you know, so there's like a lot of like, lack of belief in oneself. And so they stay in these marriages by choice and are trapped based on the safety and security which women want. But at what point is that so painful that you're like, screw it, I'll let go of all the safety and security because my soul is dying inside, which a lot of women do. You See women who are. We know several couples where you're like, you guys have five kids and now all of a sudden you just went wild and now you gave it all up and you're at the bars every night and you're like, who? No, I did not see that happening.

There's a couple of hustles where things have turned. You know, it's interesting. All of them went the path of open relationships. That's like how all of them started. They started this place of let's see if we can. I don't even know if it's rekindled, but I think a lot of younger.

Because they're too scared to let go fully. So they're like, well, let's just test the waters over here. But then I'm still have some safety and security. To me that's super weak. That's like I don't believe in myself enough. I'm not willing to take a risk on myself. I'm not willing to gamble on my own. So I'm just going to play half ass inside of a relationship and go test the waters over here. How does that even say I'm ask.

You a direct question. You ready?

You're okay.

Do you believe if I was a complete lost my mind and divorce you that you would find another quality man?

Yes, I know I would.

Okay. See that fast response. Now ask me the same question.

I know you would too.

I would not find a quality man. I'm not gay.

Well, I hope you find a quality woman.

Yes, I will find her.

You value yourself and I value myself. Okay, so we're in this relationship based off of wanting to be.

Yes. Okay, so think about this. If you are not at the highest value as an individual, then at some level you are trapped in the relationship.

You know why I didn't divorce you when I found out you had an emotional affair after two kids is because I didn't believe in myself. Yeah, I stayed in the relationship for my kids.

If I had an emotional affair right now and I was out dinner and holding hands and walking through the park with another woman, you'd be okay.

No, absolutely not.

What would you do?

I'd be like, been fun, see you later.

And that's why. Because you value yourself. Right. But that back then you were young. Yeah, I was dumb as. I mean, what the was I thinking?

But that's what I'm saying.

Like I was like out of my mind. That was 15 years ago.

I found myself. So in that moment of when this happened with us, I was like, I will never be in this situation again. And so for me, I was like, I'm going to start my brand because I don't want the man to have this control over me where if, like, things are going sideways, I can't provide for myself. And I also don't want to be in a situation where if we get divorced, I got to go find my next sugar daddy because I'm that dependent on somebody to make money for me because I don't believe in myself enough to do it.

So this is a hard one. This is a hard, sticky slope.

Because I didn't want to be. I never wanted to be a producer. I literally was comfortable doing hair as a hobby. I charged hardly nothing, even though I was always very good at it. I wanted to just be taken care of and loved and be a wife and do hair as a hobby.

I wonder if I had known how to show up then, if that's how you would have stayed. I think you probably would have. I think at some level I forced you into your masculine.

You for sure did.

But I also wasn't providing the things we talked about last episode.

Right. But I also am very grateful for that. I know that sounds crazy, but the woman I feel I am today, couldn't this the certainty I have, like, just physically who I am. I had to go through a lot of stuff to have the certainty.

Yeah.

Otherwise, because I'm very introverted. I'm very shy. I could barely get in a group setting when I first started my brand and like talk to other hairstylists. I was always so nervous. And I have met some other, like, very successful men and their wives are who I would have showed up as. When I'm like, dude, she can't even hold up a conversation. She's in her ugly sweater over there and she's married to this like uber powerful man. And then you wonder why he's like not. He's not attracted to her at the same level because he's grown, but he's like, I can't leave her because she's the mom of my kids. And I feel so bad, but I really want her to grow. Well, he doesn't want to push her into her masculine. Right. So I look at it as, I'm like, if, if I hadn't have gone through what I did, building my brand, putting myself out there, you know, going on to have two more children, the fitness and things like that, I wouldn't be this person. I'd be this 40 year old person. You know, you see people that just don't grow. Yeah, I would just been somewhat. I mean I've grown a little bit, but I've just kind of been kind of stuck in the same little thing. Yeah. Like, I think like a lot of our, like I think about like a lot of our sisters and brothers and you're like, you're like, they're all kind.

Of doing a lot of same shit they've been doing for a long time.

For like 20 years.

Yeah. So look at this. We were raised in religion. We left religion. We were raised, I was raising in poverty. Like not no money. Wealth was not a conversation. I left and broke the poverty box. We. You left the I'm going to be a kept woman became a producer box. Like we've gone down the path of like shattering the education box with our kids. We don't believe in education the same. So all I'm saying is that is the marriage box a box that's going to blow up. Statistically proven, like it's, it's less effect. Like being a successful marriage is as difficult as being successful as an entrepreneur.

I don't think ours would have had the success it even has today had I not at some level been pushed into my masculine. Because I wouldn't be at your level.

Yeah.

Like if you kept growing and like the man you are today, you wouldn't have even considered dating 15 years ago. Danielle maybe, but she's pretty cute.

Maybe I would have.

I was like, actually she probably would. She's cute.

Yeah.

You probably would have been really attracted to the feminine, soft version of me. But I don't, I mean, I don't know.

I mean, listen, we can't go back on what it has been. But, but as we look at. All I'm saying is what have we also done? I mean, how many times you've shattered the sexual box for you as a woman? You don't go from I need all the blinds shut and north face jackets to stripping for me in our bedroom. Like that's a massive shatter. Even couples will tear this to couples and guys can't even believe it because they're married to women who are missionary style sex in the bedroom. They've been married to these women for 20 plus years. And it's like maybe occasionally in the shower, but the idea of a woman having the confidence turn on music, put on lingerie, put on the heels, dance for her man in their bedroom, like that is like that's a. You're, you're a unicorn. I guess in a.

Like I said, it was uncomfortable for me But I found a lot of power in it. It was almost like I was like, I own this man. Like, I was.

Like, I was easily owned.

Yeah, he likes it. He likes it. He's like, she's powerful. I like this.

Yes. So the flip side goes for a guy going the other direction. Like, there's just. There's so many things. Like, this is the question. Like, see, like, take somebody. If you had. If you had. Had. If you had. If we go back and say you had had sex with 50 guys, you've been with 50 different men, you'd have variety points of experience and exposure. Right? If I had had sex with 50 women, I'd have all these variety points and exposure, and we didn't even come close to those numbers at all. Like, not even close. Like, our children have more experiences with multiple people than us. And we are sitting here in this place trying to recreate ourselves inside of a container in which the only person who gets to practice being the next version of us. Like, I'd only get to experience this new version of being with a woman because you died and were reborn into something new. Otherwise, if you were the North Face jacket, all the blinds down, clear the neighborhood, and now we can have sex, girl. Like, it would. That girl was cute and amazing, but she was so terrified of herself sexually.

But if I was who I am today and I met hipaa hip hippie Garrett barefoot, I've never even considered dating. Of course I'd be like, no, that guy's not at my level, of course. But I think that guys, successful guys, can date down, if that makes sense.

Yeah.

Like, not in looks, but they can date down, like, intellectually again. And women can date down on physicality.

There you go. You know, you think, oh, because women are more turned on by their mind.

No, because women value safety and security and being seen more than. They're like a super shredded six pack.

Yeah. Like, they're Elon Musk. Elon Musada, straight. He's like. He's like, no woman in the history of the world has chosen a six pack over six cars.

Exactly.

He's like, gentlemen, go work harder. Get out of the gym.

All right, you guys, a little bit of an interrupt really quickly. If you are loving this podcast and you're sharing it with your friends, I would encourage you also to check out my education page. I'm Danielle K. White, the creator of Natural Beaded Row Hair Extensions. So if you're a hair stylist or you're looking to find an artist that offers MBR hair Extensions. Go ahead and visit NBR education. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like if you lined up two guys and you're like, this guy has an eight pack and a Ferrari, but he lives in this apartment, then you're like this guy, not horrible looking, way more successful. I'm like, for sure that guy.

Yeah, that's probably.

But that's what I'm saying. So guys will date down intellectually and women will date down on looks.

Is that what, how does that work over time? Like play it forward. I'm 58. You're, you're 51.

Yeah.

Like the game changes for us in different ways. In 10 years, like as me, as I keep getting older, my range still stays open. At 51, you could probably date a 28 year old boy and a 38 year old and a 48 year old. What I'm saying is like there's like it at some point, like the game.

That'S what's hard for women is we get.

Well, it's, it flips for women differently.

I disagree and I agree. Like they're, If I'm like super successful and like say I'm in my 50s, I, you know, and I'm super successful, I guarantee I could get me a little 30 year old if I wanted.

Oh, for sure.

But I think money plays that dictation. So if you're an older woman who gets divorced and you're in your 50 and you have no cash, like you're gonna, you're gonna date Surfer Bob.

Yeah, you're gonna have Surfer Bob at the point.

Those are your options because you're not a high valued woman. Now don't say that with disrespect, but it's. You didn't believe in yourself. You have nothing to offer this man. And now you're old. You're not, you're not 28 years old anymore. So you're going to go with Surfer Bob.

Bill Belichick was the coach for The Patriots. He's 72 years old and he's married to a 26 year old and she's pregnant with his baby.

How did he get it up?

He. Just because you're 70s doesn't mean you can't get a hard on.

Okay?

There's plenty of dudes in our 70s fucking.

That's good.

But that's the thing I'm talking about. He's 72. Bill Belichick, Super bowl champion, like, I don't know, eight times a legend in the football world, married to a 26 year old who's pregnant with his baby. So I'm saying is there but you're not going to hear the story the other way. Which is a 72 year old woman who is amazing producer who's with a 26 year old.

She doesn't want to. She values the intellect more than she does that 23 year old. She's like, I can't hang. That's what I said. So even if you're older, you're like, you can only, you can't date a dumber guy than you. It's really. I've talked to my, some of my single friends and they're like, he was, he was great until I realized he's just not that smart.

So this. So again the rain, the desire. Even when they're older, right. Is still the same as it was. Younger guys don't get less horny to.

Find somebody who's like older. Then there's people like they're both older, they both have success and I'm sure that they, there's in situations where they get together. There's that one guy that spoke at clickfunnels and I was like, wow, his wife's older. Like I was so surprised that his wife was surprised his age or a few years older because I'm like, he's uber successful.

We're used to seeing guys like that.

With girls 20 years younger happen. And I guarantee he, he like just from talking to him for a second backstage, I was like, that's not a guy that wants to date a 23 year old. He's bored with that conversation in three seconds. And he even shared the story on stage. I go, he liked this older woman because she challenged him and he's never had that. And he's like, what the hell, I can get all the 28 year old that I want. And he's like. And all of a sudden this woman who's like, I don't have to put up your. He's like, well that's new. How do I catch this one?

Isn't it crazy? It's even a dialogue now. I mean if you went back like when I was young like you, you didn't see late 20 somethings. And with 50 somethings, the gap, it's.

Getting so ridiculous actually getting quite wild. It's like gross though. Like, it's just gross.

Why do you think this is happening and what's happening to all the girls? What's happening to all the women in the middle?

That's what I'm saying.

I swear to God, there's going to be the biggest there's going to be. Feminism is going to blow up on itself with what it is driven, which is it's driven women to be hunt. I'm a boss. I'm this. And now they're in their 40s, they have no men because the men are like, why would I. Why would I be with you? Because guys at the end, they want to be challenged, but they don't want to fight.

Yeah. Yeah.

And if you're at that point, I can have, like, doting happy 30 year old, or I can have. I got an opinion and tons of rules. 48 year old. Why am I hanging out with 48?

I hate to bring out.

Even if I have more money, why would I hang out there?

I wouldn't bring up another couple we know that recently. Recently got divorced. But it's. Yeah, it's. It would be hard when you date somebody with scars. Be hard to be married to somebody. Although there's connection. Too much. Too many scars.

I'm telling you, we're gonna have a tidal wave of single, miserable women bigger than we've ever had.

What do you say about the mom? What do you say? Okay, but what do you say about the women who are, like, in miserable marriages and they were like, the mom for like, five years and they're finally like, I'm out. But the guy's.

Maybe we've just changed miserable from married miserable to single miserable.

I don't know.

At least married miserable has kids. Single miserable has cats. Half of them are hairless. I'm just like. It's a weird thing. Think about it. Like, even at some of the conferences we've gone to, how many? I would be interested to see how many girls at the conference you went to that are over 40, are single. Like, they're powerful. Boss. The main girl's single. She's 42.

I don't know if she's single. I think she is.

She's single.

She doesn't have any kids.

She's single. Amber. Well, the main girl that runs Paris, is she single?

I don't know. She doesn't have kids. I know, but. And she's my age. But the thing that's crazy that I give myself kudos to is I'm married, I have four children, and I consider myself pretty successful for a woman.

Yeah.

So I'm like.

I don't know how that's pretty successful as a human.

I'm. Yeah, I don't have. I don't, like, compare myself to women. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I'm successful as a human.

There you go.

But I think that's where.

I just think it's. I. I'm. I'm watching it, and it's. It's wild to watch. What's. I don't know. The dinette. That's why, like, people have this idea I'm gonna get divorced, and it's just gonna be better.

So have you ever ran into anyone who successfully does an open marriage relationship? I mean, I know your best friends.

I mean, my best friend has an open relationship, but besides those two.

Nope.

I've seen people start down that path and then they get divorced. So I. I'm not saying it is the answer. I'm saying I can see why people think it's the answer because it's. But it's a weird thing. And, you know, you and I have talked about this. I think you have the ability to physically have sex with other people and move forward and be fine. Yeah, I emotionally connect to everyone. Like, I don't think I could do it.

I know. I think that's what scares me about.

You is, like, I'd end up having nine women.

You. You emotionally open up. Well, and this is why the, like, emotional affair happened so many years ago is because you emotionally open up to people. And if that woman's in a painful space in her relationship or marriage, and all of a sudden she feels seen. No, not only that, but she's like, challenge accepted. She will then go out of her way to hunt you down, and you don't even know it's happening. You're like, I just feel sorry for her, and I'm going to be her savior. And, like, I just was helping her, and then all of a sudden, she, like, came on to me, and I'm a man, and all of a sudden we're, you know. So that's. That's where I get like. Like, okay, babe. Like, I wouldn't say it's in the back of my mind, but I don't think you notice that about you. Like, I'll see women that are, like, fangirling over you, and I'm like, bitch, move.

Well, I'm going to listen. There's a lot of. There's along that same line, there's women. Couples having threesomes. Like, all things are going on. I just think that across the board, for me, I am so emotionally connected to humans, I can't emotionally unplug from him.

Right. But what I'm telling you is, so.

I sexually connect with somebody.

Notice a woman that's like, kind of crossing the line. Do you shut that energy down?

No, I just vita right in. I'm like, come on. My wife's not home yet, but she'll be home later.

Just come back. And you have to, like, almost open that up a little bit.

No, I open up intimacy. My broad challenge was before all my medicine work and before dealing with some of my sexual abuse, a kid. I could not create a distinction between sex, intimacy, and love. So I can love another woman. I can have intimacy with another woman without having the. Without following through on any sexual desire or even shutting down sexual desire. So I can be coaching and be intimate with somebody who's hurting.

Shut down the sexual desire?

No, I can shut down the sexual desire, and I can be intimate. Whereas in the past, if my intimacy and my love and sexuality were all the same thing.

Yeah.

So it was very difficult. So I had to just isolate myself completely from women for a decade.

Noticed that from you because, like, even. I mean, I've been in the room when you're, like, training women, and there's nothing sexual about it, but there is an intimacy about it, and it's interesting. That's a very powerful thing. That's a compliment to you. Because I noticed when I'm talking to men in general, they immediately kind of like. It's almost like they can't even look me in the eyes, which is respectful, and I like it. But it's. It's.

You have the power eyes, though.

No, but they're. I noticed.

Melt the wall.

I noticed they're shutting down. Their sex energy. Yes, their sex energy. But then it gets weird, and they don't even want to talk, and I'm.

Like, that's because they can barely maintain themselves. I'm telling you, it's your eyes. Your eyes are like superpower.

I. I don't disagree. I don't know. I think I have the ability to, like, really connect with people with my eyes.

You 100 do. That's why opening up, like. And most guys can't handle. Because guys. Because people can look at you and feel seen by your soul when you look at them with your eyes.

I was gonna say, that's why I don't talk much. I just look at people and I send them.

Yeah, listen, I've watched you. I've watched you look at women, men, etc, and I watch all melt, all of them. I watch straight women now all of a sudden think they're lesbian because they looked at you.

I think. I think it's important.

Like, I do, but it's not even a sexual thing. It's like just a super.

When sometimes when people are hurting, there's a lot of. There's a lot of value. Like, if you just show that you care and, like, even if you, like, put your hands on their shoulders and you're like, how are you? And you look them dead in the eyes, like, you can just really melt. Melt a person, all of a sudden they're like, oh, my God. Like, all you did is stop, put your hand on my shoulder, and ask, hey, how are you? And you, like, slow them down for a second, and they're like, thank you. Like, thank you for, like. And a lot of times they just.

Start crying, and you're like, I think what if. What everybody's actually dying for and the reason why sex has gone so crazy is because people want to be seen. And because people aren't being seen in their marriages, they're not being seen in relationships, they think that having sex is being seen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Only to find out that inevitably, every time that sex is not equal being seen.

Right. Everybody wants to be seen for who they are, truthfully.

And I think that there's just people in this. I think there's people in, like, many individuals in life who can separate having sex with someone and not have it be intimate and can be intimate with some not have sex. And I think even in my world, though, like, sex is such an intimate thing for me. The idea, like, I just can't. I can't see it. Like, there's. There's plenty of couples, like, right now that I'm. It's, like, amazing to me, the number of couples I'm meeting who are having threesomes or an open relationships that I didn't expect to see. Hear that from them, and then I'll hear the. From them. I'm like, wasn't expecting that. And I. I don't. I can see why in some levels, they're the principles behind why they're trying to do this.

Yeah. Yeah.

At the same time, as a guy who I am, as emotionally as emotional as I am, I just couldn't do any of it.

I know you couldn't. I. I couldn't do it. You even asked me. You're like, hey, could you do this? I'm like, yeah, probably. Like, I'm open to it. And then. But I was like, but I worry about you. Like, you literally, it would, like. I think it would mess you up a little bit.

Not a little bit, a lot of it. I think it would confuse all my feelings.

Yeah, because you're so like, I just love. I love everybody. Yeah.

I love our lawn guy. I love my car wash guy.

I'm not gonna say you, but some delivery guy.

I like my. Let my girls at the office. I just like. And I got her stylist.

You love on everybody.

Yeah.

I'm very closed off. Like, I don't give people my energy. Like, I'm like. Even like when I'm working out or anything like that, I. I'm like. I wear my hat. I'm like, you don't get my energy. My energy is very sacred. Only people who get my energy are people who I love and care about.

That's why I think that you could have sex without giving energy. I don't. I don't even know if I can. I feel like I have to give energy. Like, I. Anything I'm doing. I mean, you can go to the gym and work out, and I'm saying high five and everything.

So the people. So.

So there's people who are like that. Like, there are a lot of people are able to like, separate physicality.

Yeah.

Because I've heard people say, well, it's just a fleshy thing. I'm like, the. Is it me?

Or like. I've heard people say, well, as long as it's a we thing, like, if we're all in it together, y. I'm like, you're okay, but. But then I'm like, but if the we thing, like, you're okay with this and this.

And that was.

They're like, well, no.

Well, that was one of the couples we knew too. Like, they went and they started going to a strip club, and then they won. They got a girlfriend with the two of them, and then the guy started hanging out with the girl by himself.

Yeah, that's.

And then they got that all up, and then they got divorced.

Yeah.

I don't know. I think it's all crazy. And these are stuff you're just not going to talk about at church? Just not having this. At the local couples church conference weekend, talking about Jesus.

The answer for some people to have relationships.

I don't know, maybe it's not right.

For you, but are you judging others that do have a relationship?

Yes, I'm judging a lot of humans. I do a lot of judgment every day. I'm a judgment machine. But what I am saying is that I know of some couples who have pulled it off, and they're doing fine, it appears. Now, are they us? No. Are they in the dynamic stuff? Do I believe that a Family that the people who are pulling it off do not have four or five kids together.

Do you think. Do you think you're so against it because you actually want it?

Maybe that's it. Maybe next episode when you invite my girlfriend on.

What?

Maybe we need to take applications for our girlfriend.

No, we're definitely not doing that. Please don't announce that on a podcast.

We've already got our dog girlfriend. Her name's Coco. We invited her into our bed. She shared the bed with us for two weeks. She is a total. She pisses on everything. She's now been banned from our bedroom.

Yeah.

For not only is she a blocker, she was. She's literally a pisser.

She literally woke up and there was pee on my pillow. I was like, like, okay, we're done with that. So she's cute.

But some backwoods, twisted porn video. Somewhere, people piss. Disgusting. We're wrapping it up because I gotta go ahead to a sale.

Okay. This is like a real. We've got no value for you. Like, a threesome is right for you. Go for it.

It's not. No. Here's the deal. These are conversations that are happening everywhere right now.

Yeah.

This is a conversation that comes up behind closed doors in rooms of my men that comes up way more than people think. And this is not coming up from some outside the box psychopaths. I'm talking about very controlled, very wealthy, very committed men to their wives. That I am watching this undercurrent of conversations starting to open up because men and women cannot find these pieces with each other. They're struggling to put it together.

But can you get intimacy other than just, like, hooking up with somebody else? Can you get seen without, like, it always being from your husband? I do believe you.

Can you? I think you have to.

Absolutely.

That's why I tell you, go to the gym and let boys. Like.

I think I get dressed up. I'm not like a. I. I don't like the attention. I like to be seen. I go to the bathroom every time we go on a restaurant. I get three compliments on my outfit. I like being seen by women or men. I'm like, I know.

I.

All guys and girls do, but it fills it. It fills up my bucket. I mean, you do it too. But then, of course, everybody wants to feel seen at some level. So.

Yes.

I just think that if you need to feel seen by somebody else, then that's like a question you should have inside of your relationship. Because being seen that way, is it ultimately going to you up and if you've been married with somebo for so long, and then you're like, we're gonna try this box out. Inevitably, from what we've seen, it never works out. Like I said, the only couple, there's.

No coming back from it. We don't want one couple of couple.

We know that has done it is because they started the relationship that way. Yeah. So it's like, you know, that was.

The foundation of relationship. And both individuals had. Came from a very open lifestyle. Singly.

Yeah.

So a single people that are very open. These were not people who are. Every couple we know who was Christian origin, who went down this path of going to an open relationship, it didn't work out. It did not work out. 100 of them. We just had another one recently. He is now have all the children. She is now only able, like, because what's happened, One of the two goes crazy.

Yeah. Yeah.

They go off the deep end and, like, they unleash all of this frustration from decades.

Well, and then I think too, then it's like, how do you repair that?

You're like, there's no repairing.

Wife just went out and like, 20 guys.

And you're like, it is. I can't unsee that. Like. Well, in my world as a man, for me, like.

Like, the thought, it probably diminishes the value in that woman.

Well, for me, it. For me, it does. For me, like. Like, I think about, like, I sit and think. There's. There's situations where I've talked to guys like dudes that I have met inside of different worlds of warrior whose wives have gone out and had sex with something. They were an open relationship. And I'm like. And he, like. I was talking with a guy literally three weeks ago, and he was like, my wife cheated on me. Cheated him. I said, hold up. Can we stop the tape for a second? I said, okay, can you run this back for me?

Me?

Didn't you tell me you cheated? How many women have you slept with? It was like nine women he slept with. Right. Over the past, like, 10 years. Yeah. And finally she was so pissed that she went and had a relationship with another guy and then came home and said, I'm divorcing you. I met another guy, and he is like, anguish of his soul loss. And I was like, hey, bro, hold up, hold up. Run this by me again. You have been with almost 10 other vaginas in the past eight years that are not your wife. And she found out about them. And then she went with one guy and that one penis in that vagina is now breaking you. And he's like, yeah, guys take it totally different. A man, for whatever reason, a man penetrating another woman.

It's not a big deal. It's like, yeah, it's like a work trip. She didn't mean anything to me.

When somebody else. The thought of a penis in somebody else's. And you just turns me into a fucking rage. Yeah, I want to murder death, kill somebody. Like, there's nothing about. Like, my brain can't compute with it. And some people are like, oh, you're not open. I was like, yeah, no, I'm not open. I ain't trying to be open.

But wait, that happens a lot in culture, I would say, too, where the guys. It's okay if the guy cheats, but then if the girl. Cheese, it's like the end.

But it's even like this. Why is it weird the. The thought of, like. Like, we were talking about this to a guy and guy culture. Guys like, hey, what if your wife was with another woman? And most guys, 90% of guys are like.

It'S less bad.

It's. I don't know why, but it does. Doesn't seem as bad. It's like, yeah, but then you say, it would never go the other way.

Yeah.

It's like, hey, how would you feel about your husband? Like, taking it in the ass from the neighbor. It's not ever gonna line up. You're not going, God, that's real attractive. I like that. Right? Or maybe you're feeling the other way.

Yeah, that's not.

Because that's ever happening.

But I think that's like, a double standard. And then it's like the guy that's like, you know, I had to leave her. She cheated on me. But he's like, but I'm allowed to cheat because I'm the produce.

This is what's. But this is the whole frame that's just. This is the dynamic we're all in in marriage is this weird cocktail. Then add porn and all of the. On social media, all the sexuality everywhere. And we wonder why people are this. It's like an epidemic of sexual chaos right now in marriage. And people are just kids coming up. Oh, my God. Lifetime fitness is one giant Lifetime fitness.

Oh, my God. And then this bar I went to in Scottsdale, I was like, I'm looking at, like, like, someone my daughter's age.

And then, like, it's a giant fest.

Everywhere, getting so wildly gross. And I am telling you what we are doing in our marriage and relationship.

We're Going to show people how to do it.

We are gonna. We are gonna restore the foundation of families and marriage. And I don't like when I say this out loud because then I have to get over my own ego and really work on the marriage with you. But ultimately, that's what I want, even as a powerful, producing woman.

That's why we went down.

So that's what we're doing.

Listen, we're having a hard time. We're having the hard conversations that you guys want to have, but you can't, and now we're giving you permission to do it. We're getting topics out on the table that if we don't talk about them, well, our marriages are divorced. Our marriages are going to chaos. On top of this, our kids are. Yeah, you think that we're in chaos. Go talk to your teenagers about everything's okay. Go look at everything going on for them sexually. Just consider the reason we've got to address these topics now and put a, like, suture up the wound in our relationships is because all of our children are watching this chaos and they're coming down a pathway of sexual confusion at the highest level. We now have gender confusion on top of I'm 19 different identifiers, plus everything's okay. In a generation where blow jobs are less intimate than making out, it's like, what the fuck is happening? And our boys are being bombarded with pornography. Girls are becoming onlyfan. Girls are being thinking that show my body. It's just like. Like, this is. You can't avoid this.

We got to put. We got to put a.

We don't talk about it. Who's going to talk? You talk about a church on a Sunday.

It might.

This ain't happen to church on a Sunday, but it's happened on the day podcast. It's basically church.

We've got it. We've had a lot of. We've been doing this podcast for a while, and we do have, like, some fun guests coming on. It's been fun to hear other people's stories, and it's been fun to just hear, like, that we're not alone. And the more people start talking about it, it will start to shift and change things and keep marriages together. So you guys stay in the fight, but you have to both stay in the fight, otherwise it's going to fall apart.

Amen. So listen, a couple things for you real quick. In the spirit of all this open relationship and threesomes and conversation, we do run a weekly Bible study that you might really be interested in. And if this at all has scared you away, wouldn't come. I'd go hang out with Joel Osteen. But if it doesn't, you might want to check it out because we have real conversation with real men going after real results every single week using the Bible. Check it out. Warriormenbiblestudy.com Also, Danielle always has amazing things going on over at the Danielle K. White website as well as her social media pages.