Battle of the sexes Date your Wife podcast

In the end, if it's hurting my marriage, I'm like, I just need sunshine and a Range Rover. All right, so welcome to date your wife. The podcast. We're just hanging out here, chilling. I had cute shoes on with sweats, so it's kind of how we're starting the show. Happy New Year, you guys.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. Our last show was with Sean and Sax. That was amazing. We don't. We haven't done a lot of couples podcasts.

Nope.

But we're. We're going to do that this year.

We're gonna do more this year. Actually quite a few couples podcast. A lot of powerful couples.

Yeah. And I feel like that we're. We're like, finally in a season. We've been in such, like, grind and hustle and, like, just building that. Now we're in this space where we're like, hey, let's collaborate. Let's. Let's. You and I are both. Both kind of, like, extroverted and introverted. You're more extroverted than I am. But, like, it's. We don't socialize that much.

Nope.

But I think it's just because we're. We're so busy and so focused on family and what we're doing. But I feel like this is kind of the. The year where it's like, we have so many connections. It's time to collaborate and do some big shit.

So we've. We've got some different things that occurred, some big decisions we've made in the last couple weeks. I made a big decision. I'll tell them about it.

Oh, man.

So I had a problem drinking for a long time. I wouldn't necessarily. It was a problem in the beginning, but then it kind of got. Became a problem. Kind of like everything. It starts out okay, and then it becomes a problem. And the problem was I was drinking every night. Right. I was drinking hard liquor every night. Vodka. And it was all in the way. I could figure out how to unplug from the stress of business. And by the way, this is a very common thing for Mormons or people that don't drink. They don't drink. They'll just either work out a fucking ton or they eat a shitload of sugar. It's not any different, though. All right? Somebody. The sugar addiction is no different than somebody with an alcohol addiction. And people say, no, that's not the case. I'm like, listen, an obese human being walking around with an extra 50 pounds of fat on their body because they eat too much Fucking sugar is no different than somebody that's destroying their liver with liquor. You can just fight all day long, but you being fat as fuck is just as bad as me drinking a lot of liquor. So I might not be fat, but I have a big problem, which is I was drinking a lot.

The only thing with alcohol, though, is it does impair your decision making. Where sugar.

Sugar impairs your decision making. Walking around with this every single day.

But not your decision making as alcohol.

But you think you're making the same decision walking around 50 pounds of fat on your body.

I'm just saying there's.

If you had 50 pounds of fat on your body, I would change the same decisions.

Maybe you're making a bunch of smaller, dumber decisions.

Well, you make a lot of small, dumb decisions when you're drunk, too.

That's true.

So this isn't about fat or alcohol. What? This is about addiction. So then I swapped alcohol. I went from liquor to beer, which was actually better.

You know why? Because you're living in the gap, not the gain.

Oh, boy. We're gonna get to that in a second. Got her a book to listen to over Christmas break. Now she's all being spiritually plugged in and all, like, personal development style and usual Dan Sullivan talk.

January feels right.

So then I went from liquor to beer, and then I spent, like, a couple years just drinking, like, three IPAs every night. That was better. And then I was introduced to plant medicine, and I wasn't ready to stop drinking. I just was like, I really didn't know how to unplug. And you didn't start. You know when you started drinking?

When I was not pregnant.

Well, yeah, of course. When you're not pregnant. Thank you for that. You started drinking when you started feeling more business pressure?

No.

Yes.

You can't tell me when I started drinking.

I know exactly when you started drinking more.

You tell your story, I'll tell mine.

Okay, well, I'll tell you from my perspective as your husband, which, according to our therapist, I'm the resident expert on Danielle K. White's, can you tell your story?

I'll tell mine.

I'm the resident expert, so I'll tell your story, too, and then you can tell your story yourself. But I'm telling you as a resident expert, you can have an opinion. But I also get to have an opinion, too. There's your opinion. There's God opinion. There's my opinion. I'm third. Okay, so you started feeling pressure.

Did you say, I'm 30?

No, I said no. You started feeling pressure, and then you had a spike in drinking. I remember one time you told me, you're like, man, I like, understand why you're doing this. And I was like, I know, because it's fucking stressful. And so you have this world that you've created as an entrepreneur. You've got this wife and you've got these kids, and you've got this life and your teams and your clients and all this pressure. And you're like, how do I transition from the war zone of business to home life? Because the minute I walk through the door, they don't really give a shit what I've gone through. And how do I not torture? How do I not torch what I have in my face?

Okay, so is it like you don't know how to unplug or. It's like you just want to turn your brain off?

It's. How is that any different? If I'm unplugging, I'm turning my brain off. I don't know how to unplug is turning your brain off.

Oh, no, like, for me. Like, okay, so, like, for you, it's hard for you to not think about, like, work stuff. You know what I mean? Like, so I guess it's the same thing. Like, unplugged. Like, it's hard to. You, like, want to, like, go answer, like, more emails. Like, you can't. You're like, I gotta shut it off. Come back to it tomorrow. So your way to, like, shut that off and in an attempt to be present, numb yourself. Isn't that wild? Yeah, because you think about it, like, sedation is to turn off your brain to connect to your wife or your family, only to be numb.

Is that any different than.

No, I just.

But is any different than a woman who spends two hours a night on social media while her husband's home?

I don't know. I don't do that.

You know, this is the number one complaint we have from guys in Warrior about their wives. Besides not getting late enough, they say.

Their wives are on social media. It's a good thing you write.

They said if my. If my wife touched me as much as she touched that fucking screen, I'd be the happiest guy on the planet. I say, you know, that's never happening, dude. That's a lot of touching. I mean, she'd be touching you for two. I mean, could you imagine her touching you for two to four hours every single day? Four hours of just laying there and being stroked by her thumb as she's just stroking you for two, four hours. Yeah, that's what happens with social media. So most guys feel in competition as a married man with their spouse and her social media addiction.

Aren't guys. I think guys are addicted to social media, but it's probably like different hours when they're not with their wife. It's like the two to four fuck around hours where it's like they've worked in the morning, they've kind of got this two hour gap where they could probably get some stuff done. But really they're just like on social media around. But then when they come home and they're judging their wife and you're like, dude, why don't you just come home earlier instead of around on your phone on social media and pretend like you're doing stuff?

Why, why doesn't a woman just around on her social media middle of the day and then when her husband comes home?

Because she's with the kids.

Well, why doesn't she find space?

I'm just saying. But you can say that about the women. But I believe that men probably have like an afternoon time where they're kind of doing the same thing.

Are you admitting then though you and women have a problem with social media at night?

I do not.

You have a problem with social media?

I'm very rare. I'm not social.

Online shopping.

I usually, I usually watch shows or I like to. I'll browse online shopping. That's kind, I'm kind of like a mix. But I don't, I'm not really on social.

Your iPhone. How many hours it say you're on your phone every day?

Why do you know I'm not going to do that?

Oh, you're nervous to find out that number?

I don't care. I don't have anything to prove to you, sir. But I just, what I'm saying is like I know personally I am not on social media a lot. I don't like, for me I get, I don't like to get like sucked into like, almost like, it almost makes me like, like kind of have a downer. Like in a way if I find myself scrolling for too long, I'm almost like playing like this comparison game and I don't like that. I like to just compete with myself and where I'm at. So honestly, like I will, I will. I'm not gonna lie. When I wake up, I will always check it in the morning. I like to see what my teams have posted. Sometimes I post, sometimes I don't. And then in the afternoon maybe check it. But Usually not, because I'm usually on calls or I'm with the kids. I'm not. I don't think to go to social media. I'm not a social person. And then at night I'll check it one more time again. If I'm making a post, I'll go support some of my students. But I'm. I'm really. I hate to tell you I'm not.

Social, but you're on your phone, so what do you do?

Yeah, well, I actually do not social media.

You're selling your phone, so what do you.

I do most of my business on my phone. I know because I'm kind of always like, juggling. I like being with kids and sometimes I'm kind of juggling. So it could be like, I'm checking Voxer. I'm checking Slack. I'm checking avocado. I'm checking. I'd like to kind of like, periodically like to keep in loop with my teams. So I'd say I check that like three or four times a day, but not even to the point where I'm like, obsessing over. I'm just like, checking it because I don't have my notifications turned on. I have told my teams I'm like, my notifications are not turned on because I am at home with my kids. But just know that I will check that several times throughout the day. If it's an emergency, text me and tell me to go check slack. So I'm. I'm. I'm really not on social media. I do like watching shows at night. It's kind of like, it actually helps, like, calm me down. And like, I. My problem is I'm always like, overthinking things. So I find like, watching a show, you might find it annoying, but it's the one time where my brain is like, ah. Like, I can focus. I'm focused on something else and I'm not like, so in my brain.

So your shells are liquor, your shelves are social media.

I mean, it feels. It feels like Lick feels like Netflix is safer than liquor. But.

But I'm saying it's still. It's still serving the same purpose, which is there's tons. People binge watch TV every single. But it's like, look how excited you are about that show you're watching right now.

I know. I just like to have an hour. I like to have like, something that I look forward to. Like, I like to have like something where it's like even. Even if you're next to me or Isla's Next to me, and somebody's next to me. But, like, you could be on your laptop. She could be on her little show with her headphones. But I like to have an hour of just watching TV or a show.

That's great.

So.

And it accomplishes the same thing, which is helps you unplug from the day. Yeah, yeah.

I can go without it.

Social media, unplug from the day. Work on your phone.

So keep going with your story. So unplug from there. Let's talk about.

Drink too much vodka. Unplug from the day. Everybody's at some level trying to unplug from the day. Okay, I saw this meme. I saw.

I feel like that is true. Like, everybody wants to unplug, but the problem is, is, like, you have to, like, almost choose your pain. Like, if it becomes like, if I'm like, if I'm like, if I get to a point where I'm watching a series and I'm like, bye, babe. And I'm out for, like, three hours and I'm not helping with the kids, and I'm just up there like a crazy lady watching three hours a show. That's weird. But if it's like an hour. So I guess anything could turn into a problem. Like, anything could become an addiction. That's what I've even been learning in the. The gap in the gain. Is that what it's called? The gap in the gain? It's like, hey, how do you know if you're living in the gap or the gain? He's like, if you're living in the gap, it's like you feel like you have this, like, addiction or like you have this other place that you need to be instead of being happy within the presence. And he was using that. The analogy of the sports guy. I don't remember his name because I'm not social and don't know anybody. But he was talking about how he needs football. And he's like, I don't need football. I choose to be the best for myself.

Tom Brady.

Was it Tom. It was a Tom Brady.

I don't know.

I don't know. Some big football player.

You read the book?

I am actually listening to it. I don't. Like, I don't.

Listening to the big book. I've only read the skinny book.

I'm actually doing. Listening to two books right now.

You are on it. So now we're listening to books and watch tv. It's great. I'm just saying that there's a piece in all of us that, like, and it was. I saw this reel today. This big dude tatted up, big biker dude at an AA meeting. And he was making the fucking most profound truth, like, Throwdown. And he said, the reason most people can't stay sober is because real life is not exciting enough at all for them. There's nothing about being sober that's more exciting than just being drunk. He's like, until your real life becomes more exciting than being drunk or high, you will always relapse. He said, relapse is guaranteed.

That's true. I agree with that.

And he said. But here was his catch. He said, the only way out. And he was talking to people in AA in the 12 steps. He said, the only way out is step 12. This dude's, like, jacked. Like, biker dude had it blasted. He's like, I relapsed 74 different times until I got step 12. And step 12 was spiritual. And that is when you serve and care about other people. And when you start caring about other people and them being sober, you'll stay sober because you're worried about helping them be sober. And by default, you'll force yourself to be sober. And it was interesting because, like, that whole piece, like he said, then my life started to make sense. And, like, it made sense for me to stay sober because being alive and being sober was better for me than being not sober. My life started to have more value and experience in it because I hear people like entrepreneurs all the time. Like, it's a really hard game, but there's a. There's a song that. I'm gonna play a song. Hold on, I'm play song. I'll play a clip of song. Hold up.

Are you gonna play on the piano? You grab your harp.

I'm gonna play a song.

Okay, get ready, kids. We're ready to play a song that's.

Gonna change your life.

Okay.

All right.

Check the song. So these. This is. These two. Two black dudes. They're awesome. The cons down country. I don't remember his name.

When did you hear this song?

I heard it first time, like, a couple weeks ago, and then I heard again today.

How's it relevant to what you're talking about right now?

You'll see. Just. Just relax. You're gonna find out. I put my Beats headphones on listening song. And I cried for three and a half minutes.

I believe it.

And a man who cried for three and a half minutes. Hold on, here it comes.

Okay.

I can't hide myself I don't expect you to understand I just hope I can Explain what it's like to be a man. It's a lonely room and they don't care about what you know. It's not about how you feel but what you provide inside that home. Being a man is what you make it. You can't always live up to expectations. You try to please everybody while you struggle so you fake it and end up out of balance Compromising situations as a good man do what he should man I give everything he has and do everything he could man you might find yourself feeling all alone inside a house you built that you don't recognize his home and that's what my daddy told me and I'll tell my son the same now that I'm older I relate and I actually feel his pain. He never cried. He might have lied but he didn't know. I complain and he said son one day you have to do the same. I get emotional when I stop and think and I look around beyond the county lines of my small town. I think about all the men out there who feel like I do now who are screaming on the inside but won't ever make a fat mess. I don't expect you to understand. I just hope I can explain what it's like to be your man. It's not about how you feel but what you provide inside that home. Don't give up, keep fighting As a man our sun is our horizon and our father's actions play a role and we end up liking so they can't let us see them hurt cause we'll embody what they do and start a generational curse. No wonder most men are so depressed all the things that they can't express they go to war, get thrown on the shelf and go back to war with they mental health and grab that bottle and ask for help Try to pull themselves out of hell then fall back down and then realize that they gonna have to do it themselves. It's the circle of life As a man you provide they don't know what you worth till the day that you die and that's when they start crying then move on to a man to confide in. That's why we feel we can't hide ourselves wicked us we don' you to understand we just hope we can explain what it's like to be your name. It's a lonely room It's a lonely room and you don't care about what we know it's not about how we feel, how we provide.

Well, Danielle's going to the restroom. She made it through most of the Song. That song is like probably one of the only song that made me cry again. It's probably one of the songs like. It's like most guys, 60,000 men I've worked with, it's like there's never been a place, not a place for guys. Nobody gives a shit what you think when your wife's pregnant. You're not getting any empathy with your wife being pregnant. Nobody gives a shit about what it's like to be in sexual suicide for nine months while your wife's going through hell and then another six months with her trying to find herself. And for this happens 4, 5, 6 times while your wife's pregnant. Spend a decade with your wife in a closet making babies while you're trying to figure out how to contain your sexual energy as a 20 something or 30 something year old. Where's a mania for that? It doesn't exist. Men are measured by one simple thing. What can you provide? How do you know? Look at a woman and ask her when she's dating. Her girlfriends will ask her very different questions than what men will ask a man when he's dating. When a man is dating, he will ask his buddies. His buddies will meet with him and say, oh, dude, I heard you were the new girl. And guys will do this harmoniously across the fucking border every single time. Don't care. Your race, your religion, don't care if you're Muslim, you're Jew, you're Christian, you're black, you're Asian, you're Latin, you're white, I don't give a fuck. Guys will ask one simple thing. Dude, is she hot? What she look like?

What do girls say? Girls say. They say the same thing. Is he good looking at all? They say, is he good looking? And then. Really?

They don't say that.

And then they say, how much money does he make? No, I am a woman.

What does he do?

No, they don't.

Okay, what does he do? Guys don't give a about what a woman does. They care. What does she look like and who is she? Girls. Harmonious and across the board with every man I've seen divorced in Warrior. Every guy that's married and where. I have more data on men than you do on women.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. You have 60,000 clients. Women.

I work at a salon where all.

I do is 60,000 women.

I don't need this comparison right now. I work with women. I know women as well as you know men. I've been doing hair for the last 22 years. Sad. Women sit in my chair. Plus, I train women that are hairstylists. I know women.

Okay, so what are women looking for?

Commitment.

Okay?

Connection.

Okay.

They, they care about if a man's good looking, but they would take money and connection over what he looks like.

They look for safety and security before they look for anything, which is always about money. What can a guy bring to the table? What does he provide in the house? So I'm not saying it's wrong. Guys are looking for pussy and girls are looking to get paid. It took us a long time to come to terms with that as a couple, long term. And I'm not saying you're not a producer. I'm not saying you didn't just smash $45,000 today. I'm not saying you don't out produce most men that I know you do. But I'm saying inherently at the foundation of the game, women are expected from men. We look for one thing. Will you put out and care about me? Will you want me? Do you care about me? Does all this shit I'm doing fucking matter?

I think that when I hear that song, what I looked at is like, this is probably part of the reason you created Warrior, is men have all this stress and they have nowhere to go to. Like, men's groups didn't really exist that I know of until you. Until like Warrior was born. And you felt very called to serve men, to kind of really express what you were going through. And so that's kind of what you're opening up is because men do, they like, they tend to bottle it up and feel like, I can't share my feelings. I gotta be all alpha and like, strong. Whereas it's natural for women to kind of like open up and share. And so. But women also suppress too. So that's probably why this song really impacted you, is because that's what you've been able to do for thousands of men inside of Warrior.

So this piece comes back and pulls full circle. One of the lines in there is he talks about how men go to the bottle to try to shelter or shield their families and dig themselves out of hell. Men have never had a safe place to go to try to be honest with themselves. Men cannot be honest with their wives, not fully. Because the minute a man is fully honest with his wife, his wife begins to lose safety and security. Because if he shows vulnerability, weakness. That's not true. If I came to you with my weakness every single day, you would be turned off and not sexually put out. And you would not be inspired by me at all tell the truth.

No, it depends on how you approach it, because I think that's true in a way. But I also think men are scared in the sense they're like, I can't be a pussy. I can't share that with her. Whereas, like, if. If you shared something with me where you were in pain when women are naturally nurturing. So, like, say, for example, for you, like, in Hawaii, you were like, I'm gonna stop, feel, freeze. I was like, okay. And I knew it was something you wanted to do. You didn't come at me. You just said, I wanted to stop. And I knew you were in a painful place when you expressed you were having a hard time with you. I wanted to nurture. I wanted to support. So I agree, and I just.

That's how you acted. Now.

I agree, and I just.

That's not how you acted for. That's not how you acted past.

But I think it depends because it was always, like, before. I could see it was painful for you, but I. And it was hard for me to see you kind of, like, numbing out, but then even you recognize it's a problem, and you're like, I'm so sick of this. I want to stop. And I'm like, okay. I felt like I would get angry at you sometimes, but then you even expressed you wanted to stop. So it was kind of like, do you want to. What do you want to do? Like, where are you at? But I feel like I was. I was more supportive for you when you were, like, in a funk and feeling low even on our Sunday walks, more than I was, like, really rude about it.

It was equal, okay? It was equal. I got attacked as much as I got empathy. I got both. I got ruthless heat from you, not empathy. And then I also got. In the final moments when I'm in Hawaii and I'm detoxing for four days and I'm shakes and night tremors and nightmares and sweats, and I'm trying to get the Kratom out of my system. Just a week and a half ago, you were loving and caring and intimate and empathetic because you could see the finish line on the other side of me getting out of this shit. Prior to that, hell, no, I didn't get that kind of love. What I got was the opposite. I got date nights with collisions and yelling and screaming.

Really?

What the fuck's wrong with you? I got that at least four different. Four or five different times.

Okay. Within a year. Not bad, I would say most of the time, it was like I felt like our relationship was improving, and it.

Was hard for me. I didn't say that our relationship wasn't improving.

I know, but you're painting this picture like I was just this raging bitch.

Like you were a raging bitch at times. And then you were all, yeah, you're admitting it. You were raging.

But I had to be that way to get you. Sometimes for a man, like, they need that. Like, here's the thing. Men, strong men, they need that cross check, and sometimes they can't hear it any other way.

Okay, I'm not disagreeing with you, but I. You have to admit, you are raging bitch. On certain. On the same topic. And you were an amazing, empathetic woman.

You're welcome.

You're welcome, too.

What am I welcome for?

Everything we have. Because my addictions didn't show up. Because I didn't have something to fucking do better with my time. My addictions came up because as a.

Man, I don't need this show to be attack on me.

I'm not attacking you. Why do you think I'm attacking you?

You look like you are the minute.

You're gonna have to come to terms with the fact that I'm sober now. And when my energy is intense, you can't always just pull this back out.

You don't get the.

You don't get yelling because I'm not.

Sober, that you can't manage your emotion.

How am I managing my emotion? I'm talking. I'm. I am a grown ass.

You manage your emotions.

I'm talking intensely. So why can't you handle that?

Because it feels like this show. You're very attacky to me, and I'm not gonna.

So notice what you said. It feels like.

Why don't you acknowledge my feelings?

I am, but I can't. I can't manage your feelings. I can't manage your feelings.

But you can control your. Your output and your emotions.

Okay, so let's talk about this then. How am I supposed to talk?

Because you want to fight on this show or do you want to have a conversation? I know. Tone your energy down.

Okay.

Okay.

So at what point in our relationship does your interpretation of my intensity have to change?

Well, it's interesting because when we speak with our therapist, he's like, garrett, why don't you ask her this way? And then you always get what you want, but instead it's like you kind of keep coming at me and coming at me and coming at me to where I'm like, I can't breathe right now. I need you to tone your tone down.

At what point do you need to expand your capacity to manage my tone?

I don't. I need you to learn how to communicate with me. No. In therapy, he says this all the time. He's like, garrett, I want you to try that again.

Okay.

And then you resay it, and then I hear it differently, and I'm like, oh, okay. But instead you come across, like, really, like you're trying to pick a fight for no reason. And then you're wondering why I'm reacting the way I am. Okay, so what do you want out of this podcast, Garrett?

What do you want? I thought I was just trying to tell a story.

That's perfect. What do you want out of this specific conversation?

Specific conversation? I'm trying to paint a picture for guys to have a space, to be on it.

Don't make it attacking the wife then.

But you have to understand the collision. Don't. You attack me multiple times this year to try to get me out of a rut. And you attack me also at other times, trying to get yourself out of it.

I know, but you paint the picture like it. You're painting the picture of me as, like, the bad guy.

No. You're deciding that you want to be seen from one light, which is this plastic, perfect person, when you're not.

I don't. I feel like both. I'm not.

You're an act.

You're trying to paint me as, like, this ultra bad guy that I was just this raging.

I'm not trying to paint you as nothing that you're not.

That's fine. You're a little bit attacking the show. What do you want out of this conversation? How could it actually help the listeners?

It's helping the listeners right now. This will be a more effective show than we've done in the last two months.

Yeah.

Because this one. Right. Because this is real shit.

Because women are feeling like, yeah, he's such a fucking asshole. And the guys are like, yeah, we're not feeling heard.

Well, there again is our predicament. Penises and vaginas, centuries and centuries of.

But I believe you have more. I believe that you're smarter than that.

I am smarter, and I am doing it right now.

Okay.

Right, here's the piece that's interesting. See, part of my challenge as your husband has been the fact that I have massive fucking energy. And you don't like that. You love it when I'm fucking everybody else up outside. I believe you love it when I build our kingdom. You love it when I Go handle shit and take people the fuck out. But the minute I come here, I have to be not me. And when sobriety is going to be different, Can I tell you, I'm trying to figure this out. This whole drinking thing was about trying to maintain my energy in a way that didn't make you feel something.

So if I go to work. So if I go to work and I'm super alpha and aggressive and I can be a certain way, but. But when I'm with you, over the last years, I've had to make a conscious effort not to be work Danielle and to be like sweet, doting Danielle. And I'd ask you to do the same at home, whether it's through a podcast or anything.

So you learned to be a woman.

I don't know why you're attacking me. You're. No. This is going to be really hard for me this year. If you can't understand, there's this role of Garrett that can be a hunter and go to war, but you need to be fucking strategic with your strikes. There's no reason to come home and come at me with this intensity. You know how I am. You know, I'll close off. It's ridiculous. I can go out and be this person and I can come home and be soft and empathetic to you. And you, you keep telling me, well, I'm sober, motherfucker. I'm like, no, you do not get to talk to your wife like that. Manage your tone.

So how would I present it?

Manage your tone. I have learned how to be one person here and one person there. And yes, sometimes I can cross check you and be very alpha. But our relationship wouldn't work if I didn't go into feminine Danielle. If I kept this alpha face and said, you, I'm a producer, we'd be divorced. But I didn't. I chose to come and act a different way with you. So I don't give a if you're sober. You come home, you treat me like your wife.

So what energy you asking me to be then?

Conscious.

I am conscious. No, you're not more plugged in right now than I've been a whole year.

You're not plugged into me and my energy. Okay, you're not plugged into the fact.

That you're plugged in.

I'm. Yes, I'm asking you to tone it down. You're with your fucking wife. Tone your energy down. You don't get to show up like this. You don't get to show up like Alpha fucking with me. You don't get to do it. Just like I go into feminine with you.

You want me to go into feminine with you?

I want you to go into. Not fucking. I'm gonna go to war and then bring it home to my wife. Okay, so now I am. I am. No, I am confident that you can flip flops. I see you're very great with the kids. You go into this different, fun, like, version dad. You go into this alpha with work, but then you come back and you treat me like I'm one of your guys. I'm not one of your fucking guys.

I just went four hours straight in the studio recording very intense content.

I also went with our kids and closed three sales calls and then came back to do a podcast with you. Manage your tone and your emotions.

You spend half the week with our kids. Not in your.

I am not going to let you get out of this.

I'm not saying you're going to be.

You're going to have to figure out how to show up differently now that you're sober.

Okay, good.

You want to be in this relationship, you're going to have to show up a certain way, then go out and hunt.

I got nine days of practice. You've had years. Years of being able to practice this. Years.

Okay, stop making a dag at me right now. Stop it.

You and I are having dialogue. This is what happens in marriage. This is why people fucking fall apart. This is why guys drink. Because guys have learned.

I know, but I don't like your tone that you're so attacking to women on this podcast. Own your shit.

I am owning my shit 100%. I am telling you why. Guys fucking drink, smoke weed, and disconnect.

Great.

Because this shit goes on and there's no way to fix it.

It goes both ways.

Guys don't know how to do it. So what guys do is they shut down because we've not been taught how to transition. What you're asking me to do. What you're asking me to do and figure out. I could not give you one fucking guy. I know who's pulled this off. The energy required out there to build what you and I both demand.

Why don't you be. Why don't you be the first, then?

Oh, well, why do you think I'm here talking about it? This is what I'm trying to do. I've been the first pioneer up this fucking mountain over and over for 12 fucking years with Wake Up Warrior. I have figured shit out that nobody fucking understood. This is what I'm doing. And I'm doing it again.

So you have been saying to me all week, hey, you better get ready for my intensity. Almost like it's a threat.

It's not a threat.

I know, but I'm telling you, it feels like a threat. Like, if you can't handle who I am, then this is. This is me. And I get that, Garrett, but I need to tell you, I shifted my energy when I realized my relationship wasn't working. I can't show up like he's my partner. I have to show up like a wife. I have to show up like he's my lover. That's why you got laid a lot. I switched energies. I made you dinner every night. I went into mom mode. I realized that, like, Alpha Danielle is attractive at some level, but really, you just wanted, like, a sweet wife. So I really worked on myself the last, like, four years to, like, be that person for you. And I can go out and crush business, but really, I'm not. I even kind of, like, let my companies go. I was like, okay, I'm gonna let my teams handle some stuff. I'm gonna be home with the babies. I'm gonna be involved, but I'm gonna be more in this active role. So I don't want to be at war with you. And I told you that on text yesterday. I was like, I'm not. I refuse to be at war with my husband. Like, I refuse. Like, I won't do it. So that's great that you're sober, but you need to now show up as a husband and not treat me like I'm one of your guys. I'm not. I produce like a guy, but I'm not. So however that is for you, do it for me. I was like, okay, I gotta be sexy. I gotta be the instigator. I gotta be, like, light. I can't be so intense all the time. I think that women are so intense all the time, and so it comes across nagging to men. So men feel like they're unappreciated. And I'm like, I don't want to be naggy. I heard it from my mom growing up. All the time. I was like, my mom just sounds like a nagging bitch that doesn't appreciate my dad, Although my mom was a producer. I was like, why is she so mean to my dad? And I didn't. I didn't like that. And I think it's because she didn't feel appreciated. So it was kind of like she was naggy. And so I think that men Kind of interpreted that as like, gosh, my wife doesn't appreciate me, so she's naggy. So I really feel like I went out of my way to even, like, not make you feel that way. And so this year I was like, hey, I just want to feel like it's reciprocated and feel connected to you. And I believe that men want the same thing, but they feel so lost and they don't know how to communicate it.

I agree. I agree with you. It might be a bad idea to do a podcast in the middle of the day.

Why?

Because I don't know how to shift gears.

You can.

I understand that you can do a lot of things too, and you had years to figure it out. I've had eight days. So you understand. Last time, this kind of intense.

I know I'm just bringing it to you. We've been working with a therapist all year. I understand that you should be more conscious.

I was drinking Kratom every day. The reason I could sit and mellowly listen is because a part of me didn't.

I believe that there's a piece of you that can tap into that with me. And I tell you, do it with the kids.

I am telling you, the kratom, which Dr. Daniel said, or Dr. David Boyd told me operates like morphine, was giving me an ability to sit in space and listen to shit in a way I've never been able to listen to it. Even in my teams, my software teams, everything. Half of it, I swear to God, was like part of God's plan in my life to get me into this so I could get out of alcohol and into this. And then I got addicted to that shit. So I get out of cradle and these little blue fucking bottles. And you hated them. You hated the blue bottles. Yet at the same time, I didn't fight with you. I hardly ever fought with you. You think back this whole year, I almost didn't fight with you ever. I didn't argue with you, I didn't come out yelling. I wasn't disagreeing this.

And your eyes were bloodshot, you looked high.

That's fine. I'm saying you didn't. You got a different version of me. You didn't like that version, you didn't like this version.

It's not the least of the version of you, though.

But this version of me is in the middle of the day on a work day. You're meeting me in the middle of a day on a work day. I've been fucking smashing shit since 3:30 this morning.

I believe.

Okay, I know, but when a wave is moving at 100 miles an hour and then I'm supposed to walk through the fucking door and turn 100 miles an hour into three, I do it all the time. I stand with wide open arms. That's easy to do with children. It's not easy to do with a wife.

Why?

I don't have skills in it. I don't have reps in it.

That's a story.

Why? Okay, well, why couldn't you emotionally tell me the truth until 2023?

I didn't know I was there. I thought I was being truthful.

Me too. I thought for years I've been showing up like a fucking great husband only to be collided last spring and told me that I'm fucking disconnected from you. I don't know who you are. I don't feel your soul. And if shit doesn't change, I'm the fuck out of here. So I'm like, what the fuck is happening? I thought I was doing everything right. Why? Because you never told me. You didn't say anything.

I don't think I knew. I think even I was at a place where I was like, I just need to become more. And maybe he'll see me. And so I was like, well, I get it. And I think that men and women deal with the same thing. As isolated as the man might feel, the woman might feel the same thing. And so ultimately, what I got to last year is I was like, okay, we're both in a. We both want the same thing. We both are not feeling seen or heard. Right? So you say, well, why did it take you so long to, you know, be truthful with me? Well, honestly, I just was kind of working on myself, and I thought, okay, if I hit all these checkboxes, then it'll be fine. And that's how men are, too. I'm not saying that, but. But women go through the exact same thing. At least I do. I. I'm like an uber producing woman and mom. So there might be other women that are different, the same as there are some men that are different, but I'm not like most women.

So we're saying that in 2023 was the first year of true, deep honesty between each other.

I think we. We'd had a lot of moments of honesty up to our level of consciousness, but when we realize we had done so much and there was still something missing, I believe it's like almost like another awakening. You're like, okay, I have all these things. I've accomplished all These things. But yet why does something feel like it's missing a little bit, but also, like, just in, like, going back to, like, this book I've been reading, I'm like, yeah, I think that I've been so focused on, like, the growth instead of the presence. And so then you kind of, like, miss the mark a little bit because you're, like, uber focused on where to go.

Oh, listen, you snapped in the spring because I asked you for something. What'd I ask you for?

In the spring?

Yeah, it set off a whole chain of events, became nuclear.

I don't remember.

I asked you for words of validation. I said, why don't you text me that I matter?

Oh, that was the beginning.

That was the beginning of 2023. I was in the spring of 2023, and you lost your shit. You yelled at me, called me a. How dare you. I said, I'm out of here. I'm driving home. And you're like, you. I've given you everything. You're never happy. Why would you ask me that? I'm like, what the is wrong with her? I'm asking for words of validation. I'm just asking her to tell me I matter. It's all at the same time. You're wanting all these things, but you're not being emotionally honest with me.

I didn't know.

I know, but I'm telling you, you weren't emotionally honest with me. You hot. You held me hostage.

Well, no, here's how it goes.

Let me get me a house. Get me car. Let me tell you how. Go. Take me on trips. Do these things. Take my date night. Take me here. I did everything. Weeks in Europe, weeks in Paris.

No, no, no.

Bora Box.

That was. That was your excuse to say you had done it all, like.

But I'm saying you gave me those checklists, though.

You said I didn't give you.

How many years? You tell me. I didn't buy you shit.

So it's interesting that I did you.

Gifts, and I did them out of duty and at this weird, twisted game, and then I didn't. For a year and a half. I was buying you amazing gifts. I was giving you gifts all the time, and I was doing it from a place that I thought was helping you feel what you told me you wanted.

Right? And I was doing the same thing. I was doing all these things that I.

Lingerie and sacks and sending beautiful cooking dinner. Yeah, we were doing them, and you weren't. You still weren't there, and I wasn't either.

What I realized Too for women is, like, they think they're. They don't want to burden their men. They especially, like, why don't you talk.

About from your perspective? Like, what do you not want to do? You don't want to burden.

No, it's me, and it's multiple women that I talk to. So it's almost like you're out hunting. You're the main producer. I'm with the kids. I don't want to bring too much stress to your life. So tuck away your feelings. Don't share too much. Also don't want to ruffle the feathers. Don't want to create an argument. Life's good. Be happy. Got the cars, got this. Shove your feelings down. Everything's fine. So that's what women go into. They go into, like, I've got all the things that I asked for, so shut your mouth. And then you're like, but I don't. I want more. But you almost feel for me. It was like, how can I ask for more? And I'm like, what more am I searching for, really? So then I was like, okay, well, I can say I like the trips and the jewelry and the cars and all that. That's great. But, like, almost felt, like, this sense of guilt for wanting more, but also trying to discover, what is it more that I'm looking for? What am I lacking? And I was like, okay. So I think it triggered me last year when you were like, hey, I need more words of validation. I was like, I feel like I've been doing everything. Just how you, like, get all fired up, and you're like, I got the diamonds and this and that. How dare you ask me for more connection?

I didn't say I.

No, I'm just saying, like, but that's. But that's kind of how, like, you're thinking I'm doing all this.

How.

How would. Like, how does she want more from me?

That place when you. When I came back from getting my hand tattoo and we were on the date night. I still have the painting. I still have the painting. Painting that night was the eruptive fight at the sushi bar in Newport. No. Boo. Remember this? The fucking war zone that broke out. Everyone around us knew, too. 55, 60 people watching this war break out between us at the sushi bar. And then we walk out of there. You storm out of there with your purse, and I'm walking in the suit, looking at everybody looking at me, and, like. And everyone's just, like, trying to. Like, they're awkward and they're uncomfortable but they know what's going on. But they kind of don't know what's going on. They're like, well, there's a fucking other beautiful couple that's fucking battling in Newport. Probably a divorce. Maybe that's a sugar mama. I don't. Sugar daddy. I don't know what's going on. We go out and then the war continues for like a month, by the way. It was like the one time in our relationship where I've never felt more insecure about, like, what the. Like, I thought, I thought I was doing everything. I legitimately, as a man, thought I was doing everything.

See, I think where I go as, as a woman is I'm like, babe, I'm not just your stay at home wife that's got like one kid and plays tennis on the weekend. I have four of your babies. I just competed in my third competition. There's not a stretch mark on me and I make millions. So I was like, are you serious? If you just put, if you just said, this is who my wife is, I'm like, I'm not like most women. And so for me, I can resonate to men in the sense where I'm like, do you not see me like, I'm not, I'm not your average woman.

I didn't say you are. And I'm not your average man by any stretch of imagination.

Right. But there's probably. I'm more of a unicorn.

I appreciate that you like to be that arrogant. You're just a normal pony.

I didn't say. I honestly think you're a woman.

You're a dime a dozen, hun. You're a dime a dozen. I'm a unicorn.

You're welcome. You got married to a unicorn.

Oh, well, listen, I like fucking unicorns, so that's good. That worked out nice. That's what I thought when I was a kid. I was like, if I don't grow, I'm a married unicorn. I can every day.

That'd be great.

And here she is. You're my unicorn. Thank you. You laugh, but listen, I'm not downplaying you at all. You are an amazing, exceptional woman. You're beyond beyond exceptional. You are extraordinary. You are beyond anything that anyone can consider ordinary. You are an enigma to a lot of other people.

But that's why it's like you can't compare me to a lot of your guys, wives, or these type of things.

I'm not, I've never compared you to anyone.

You, you always say like, all the guys and they're talking about this.

And I compare things that are patterns that you go through that are the same as other women. Social media patterns on your phone patterns. Yes. Not putting out patterns, making me feel bad for wanting sex patterns. I'm not saying you do.

That's like a long time ago.

It doesn't matter. You did for 15 years.

Yeah, but you can't compare nothing.

That's 15 years. And I did a lot of stupid shit.

I don't compare the old version of you like 15 years ago.

Now you listen. I don't want to start a fight on this topic. I'm just saying you. You have had a history this last year of going into the archives like typical women do. You're a unicorn, but you're also a woman, which means you're a woman unicorn, which means you as a woman unicorn like to catalog. And then you go back into the past. You pull that out of it.

I feel like this episode is you like feeling bad for yourself.

I'm not feeling bad.

You feel bad for yourself.

Not at all.

Oh, okay.

I feel the exact opposite. I feel like a bulletproof right now.

That's why you're acting how this way to your wife.

I'm not acting like any kind of way.

You just. I don't know. I feel like listeners might seem like you sound like a little bit of an. But we're. We're pulling for you. We're pulling for you. We think after you regulate your emotions, you're gonna be a great guy. We see it.

Wow.

You're making an impact in the world.

Good.

Good.

I like that. Does that make you feel better when you say that?

I don't know. Do you feel better when you say all the shit you have been this whole show?

I'm not feeling any different about myself now than I did an hour ago. Any different. I will an hour from now.

Perfect.

I'm completely sober. I am absolutely plugged into my power. I am not backing down on anything and.

But I don't want to. I'm not battling with you. I'm not going to battle with you.

We haven't. We weren't bad. We've been in great conversation last 15 minutes. You decided to take a jab at me.

No, I did.

What reason? Why did you jab me?

I just. You're just really coming off intense. I'm not going to. I'm not going to be at war with you. You're going to have to figure out how to communicate.

Do you not recognize you jabbed me?

I didn't Jab you. I said.

Just like.

Just a minute ago, I said I was a unicorn.

Yeah, and then what did you say?

I said, you're a great man who helps thousands of people. No, what did I say?

What did you say?

I don't know.

Oh, go back and watch the tape.

What did I say?

Go back and watch the tape.

What did I say?

You downplayed me.

What did I say exactly?

And said, well, you know, you have to admit, in, like, the land of women, I'm like a unicorn.

How did I downplay you?

And you now imply that somehow I'm not.

That's on you, babe.

Oh, wow. So now I just did your move on you, but you now said it's on me. But when I say it's on you, when you do that same thing where you interpret my tone.

You're so weird. Are you okay? I'm serious.

I'm absolutely okay.

Okay. Just given. It's fine. Would you like to talk about something else?

No. We can wrap this conversation. This conversation is really simple, though. What we're going through right now. This conversation is why guys sedate. I'm just telling you, if you want to know why. Guys get high, smoke weed, drink beer, drink liquor, sneak shots.

Women do, too.

I know. And do you know why? Because having real hard conversations like this, we're under the confines of a podcast which puts containers like, there's a referee called the camera's on right now. Without the cameras on, imagine how you.

Showed up without a camera.

Imagine how you would show up without the cameras on.

I would just walk away.

Okay, good. Well, if we replay a few moments from 2023, if cameras are on, it would have been pretty intense for both of us. So I'm just saying right now, cameras are here, so they create an environment just like I'm in a therapist, which gives us.

Except for they can't call you out. The cameras can't call you out.

Cameras can't call you out. That's us. It's us without bumpers on our bowling lane. Therapists. We have bumpers on our bowling lane. Our podcast is our opportunity to practice. Practice doing this without bumpers, without somebody policing it. I feel like we're doing a pretty good job. Have you hit me with a shoe? He throw anything at me? Have I thrown anything at you? Have I yelled at you? Have you yelled at me? No. We're having hard conversation, for sure. So how is a couple supposed to enter into hard conversations where tempers are going to flare and people are going to get triggered Every single person watching listening to this goes through this.

I know. See, for me, like, usually when I feel like a conversation is going to start and you're. You get. You get to this level where I can't talk, it's like, you're like, I'll say anything. Anything I say, you reframe. And it's like, literally, I'm like, he doesn't hear anything I say. He wants to be the last one to say the word. He doesn't care. So when I feel that intensity, like, very much in this energy you are in right now, I usually. I don't get mad anymore, and I just say, hey, I'm not going to talk to you about that right now. I'm not going to talk to you because I look about the effect it's going to have on my day, or maybe we get in an unnecessary, necessary fight before bed or whatever it is. So for me, when you come at me with this intense energy that I know it doesn't matter what I say, you're just in a mood to be the Garrett Show. I say, let's bring it up in therapy. And so for us, therapy's been really good this year because you can spend a lot of time with your significant other, but just, like, you work on your business and you set aside specific times for working on your business. Therapy, to me, is like a working hour where we really learn how to communicate to one another. And I just. I'm kind of at this place where this podcast is kind of wild, but really is how a lot of the dynamic of our relationship has gone down. And I usually kind of wall up and retreat because I'm like, I don't feel like being chased down the house and attacked for no reason. I don't want to be at war with my husband anymore. So do you really feel like I.

Chase you in the house?

No. I usually walk away because I'll hear you. Like, like, been like, you're always wanting to get this, like, the last word. So I'm like, I just had to, like, vacate the room or, like, I'm just gonna put my headphones back on and pretend like I didn't hear them because this conversation is not going to go anywhere.

Did I start a battle in 2023?

You're too high.

How many times I start a battle in 2023?

You were too high.

You didn't answer the question. How many times did I start?

I don't know. I don't track stuff. I don't have, like, a tally that I Write that down.

Big wars that happened were all started by you. They weren't starving at me. Good.

Woke you up.

I'm just saying. So in that, See, and that's. That's the hard part, right, is because I see the value in it, but you don't see the value of my collisions with you. So. But we only get to have the collisions come at me, right? And so the challenge is whoever the high energy person is in a relationship, miss it. You're the one that wants to lay on the beach. If we're sober, you'll still want to lay on the beach. Me, I'll lay there for five fucking minutes and I'll be like, I gotta do some shit. If we're both drinking, we'll both lay there. A lot of our dynamic has been you and I trying to figure out how do we deal with Garrett, who has all this energy, and how do we deal with Danielle, who wants to wall up? I want to attack. You want to wall up. We're the perfect match. It's the fucking craziest shit of all time. And the more you wall up, the more I want to attack. The more I attack, the more you want to wall up. Chicken and egg. Chicken and egg. Chicken and egg. Is it your walls up that I'm trying to get through, or is it the fire trying to protect yourself from? What is it because the deeper your walls go, the more fire I bleed?

I just think, like, what's made you really good in business doesn't necessarily help you in marriage.

I would agree. And that's why most marriages fail.

I know. So maybe that's why successful guys have so many divorces.

Why? Divorce rate is 80% for successful professionals.

So how could you change that?

This is what we're trying to figure out. That was what we're doing right now. Because otherwise, guess what happens? Power this. The statistics on this shit are fucking ridiculous. 80 plus percent.

So why don't you be the one to change it?

This is what we're doing. But I'm telling you, listen. 80% of successful men and women will divorce their primary partner by the time they're 50. Once they've hit the pinnacle of success, they will divide Amazon because they're tolerant. Bezos. Her and her husband shredded right at the peak of Amazon.

Everybody does this because the tolerance is gone.

The tolerance is gone. The money is now available and the truth all comes out.

So what about the. You're sharing? Before we started this podcast, there was the pastor you liked who said about the 90% chasing the 10%?

Yeah. You're chasing the 10, I'm chasing a 10. The pastor's idea was really simple. He said following. Most people look past their current partner who already delivers 90% of what they want in life and from a partner, but they're upset about the 10% they're not getting.

But what if the 10% is super painful?

Do you want me to listen, Finish it and then you can say that. Just let me finish it and then you can say that. And he says, so people look outside their marriage and go find the 10% only to find the 10% and lose the 90 because they can't appreciate the 90 they had. They just are upset about the 10 they're not getting. But when they go get the 10 that they thought they wanted, they lost the 90 that they had only to realize they swapped 90 cents for a dime or 90 million for a million. So like, and I get where he was coming from on it. And like, yet at the same time, like, where do you draw a line on it? Because what you and I are pursuing right now in relationship, each other is beyond money, it's beyond sex, it's beyond all of the things me, when I.

Hear that, I'm like, I totally get that. Because it's like there's always this fantasy, if he's a dick, I'm gonna go fantasize. Or have I have this perfect man that he has no flaws.

He's a fucking Italian as a set.

And that's not even truth. Like, everybody has flaws. So for my, my question is, which flaws are less painful for you, right? What do you want more? Do you want money? Do you want connection? Do you want sex? What can you not live without, right?

Well, you even told me, listen, if I was around all the time and we downsized our whole life into a townhouse and I was home at 4 o' clock every day, left at 11, worked for five hours and I was in a townhouse. You'd be pissed.

I probably would.

You would, no problem. You'd be pissed. So like, but now we live in a 20 million dollar house with $500,000 cars in the garage and I'm working and you're pissed. So like there's like this place where I don't. Is there ever a time that we're not pissed? Is there ever a time where you just are like, hey, my fucking life works really good?

Well, here's the thing, here's the 10%, right? So if we lived in a townhouse and I had, we had like connection and like, would, like, would that be enough with this 10% of not having the money? Would I care? Right? I don't know. I haven't really been in that situation.

Try it.

What should we.

Try it. You sell everything. Sell all the companies, Sell everything.

Well, we need this. Like.

Nope, just sell everything.

Take that sounds like bad timing and go buy it sounds like bad timing because we're working. Because we're working on more of like a soul connection piece that we both.

Feel like we would have plenty of time to do that.

So what I'm saying, sell dkw, I'll.

Sell Warrior, sell the house. We'll sell all the cars.

That's a formula for.

We'll get a Honda Odyssey mid event, we'll find a townhouse, whatever you want it in.

But here's the thing.

But imagine what town would you put the townhouse in?

You can't go back once you've reached a certain level of success.

Would you drive a Honda Odyssey minivan if it meant.

And when we lost it all. Do you remember that I was driving a Range Rover that got repossessed and I had my mom co sign on an old Audi, So fuck you.

Yeah, but you were in your twenties. You were too. You were too young. You couldn't do anything nowadays. I'm saying, like, if we got divorced, you'd find your way. I mean, it's not like you wouldn't find your way. You'd have a line out the fuck door. Like a million dudes ready to get excited. And with you not question you, another million behind them. All right, I'm not dumb to not know that. Guess what? Same would be true for me. Not dudes, though. Probably some gay guys. Be all about me. But I'm not about that. So.

So, but what I was saying is, like, you have to decide what the 10 is. That's important to you. Okay, so you're like saying like, well, what if we're in a townhouse? Well, we've already experienced this, so I can't really go. I feel like I can't really go backwards. But if we were in this place where we were in love and connected and had time, I might absolutely love my life. I don't know. But now I've experienced like, this level of abundance, right? If we were in a town home and I didn't have connection and you were working all the time, I would be pissed and. And I would expect more out of you. If I'm like, if. Hey, if I'm not. If I'm not Getting time for my husband. If he's not working all the time, at least he could do is make some money. Like that's even where my brain went when we were like first married. Even though we were young. I was like, I don't see see him all the time. Which I thought I'd be okay with as long as I had a big ass house and a nice car. I was like, that's fine, then I can, then I'd be okay. And then I got to that place and I was like, nope, that's not what I'm chasing. So that's kind of where I, my realization came to this year. That's why I was like, hey, it's really risky to share my feelings right now and attempt that. Like I might lose everything we've built. And I was like, but I guess that's, this matters to me.

Do you know if we sold both companies and I'm just gonna play a situation for you. We sold both companies, both brands, all associated companies linked up to them, which we could. We sell both companies, we hand all payroll off to the new buyers. We have no expenses on the businesses. We take straight cash earn outs for four years. No working earn outs. Which means instead of working seven years, we're gonna take a smaller payout. We're gonna work. If we're not working at all. No earn out. We're just going to pay out over four years. No earn out. You're going to lump sum up front and earn out over the next four, which we get paid not, or I keep saying not to earn out. We just get a payout. We sell the house, we take the 10 to 15 million in equity from this house. We take the.

I already told you, 70, $80 million.

From the business sales. We put the $90 million together, we get rid of all the cars, we pay cash for one or two vehicles and we move to a nice house in the middle of a place. And I had no commitments.

Is it a nice house?

Yeah. Million dollar house. Nice house. Maybe Texas. I don't know. Where you want to be. Nashville.

What?

O.C. we'll just leave. O.C.

Oh, I thought you said Boise.

Oh, we go to Boise. You get a nice house in Boise.

I'd go back, I'd go back to Arizona because I like the sun.

Okay, so imagine we do all that and I'm around every day. Yeah.

I mean you can't take me back to like a trailer park, but.

Okay, we go back to a nice million dollar home in Arizona.

Yeah. Buy anything for a million dollars anymore. I'd say let's a nice $5 million house.

Okay. I buy a $5 million house, cash. We sell all the businesses. We sell everything. We sell this house, we sell everything. We disappeared. Arizona. I buy a $5 million house, and I'm around all the time. Yeah, that's what you want?

I think that sounds great. Is that what you want?

I don't give a.

You don't?

Nope.

Really?

If that's what you want, let's do it.

Is that what you want?

Is that what you want?

I want it to be a. A team.

If that's what you're after, I'll do it right now. If what you want is all my time, I'll give you all my time.

You're. I don't want all your time. I just want. No, I don't want you numbing out, high on feel. Freeze all day, working all day, working weekends. I want. I. I want just, like, somewhere in between, like, a happy medium.

Like, we understand that when you have a $300,000 a month personal expense, life.

I get it. Honestly, I get the workload. I get the workload. But guess what? Me coming to you and going colliding with you, whether how I did it or not, you pivoted your business, and you couldn't have been working at the same. Burning both the ends of the candle and sedating you physically would have, like, not have made it past another five.

Part of the reason why I had to do that.

What?

Part of the reason I have to do that is our lifestyle.

I know, but this.

I'm just saying this is like, a catch here.

You had to pivot because even you recognize that you were like, I can't keep going at this level of stress.

I agree.

You like you. It's not healthy.

I agree.

So it's like, as much as you can be super mad for crowbarring you and coming to you with these needs that I wanted, it made you pivot your business. And I think that a lot of women are scared to share their truth because of what might happen, but in reality, if you share your truth, it might pivot in a good direction. I'm kind of at this place where I'm like, I'm in your hands.

I know. That's why I'm saying, fuck it. Why the fuck are we doing any of this? Why don't we just get rid of all of it?

You want to get rid of all of it?

I don't give a fuck. Our realtor would sell this house in two Months.

I don't think it's a good selling market.

Get rid of all our cars.

I mean, I already told you, I'm like, who knows where this year is going to go?

Sell both companies.

I think it's more of a matter.

Of we had grant code on the team on board looking at buying warrior. So we just sell everything?

They wouldn't buy war.

I'll find somebody, buy the app, sell the whole thing.

Is that what you want?

I want you.

Is that what you want?

At the end of the day, I want you.

I know, but do you really want to see?

I want you. If that's the answer, I'd torch everything.

Why can't you have it all?

That would be having it all. I'd have a five million dollar house in Arizona. I had a shitload of cash in the bank. I'd have no expenses, I'd have no employees, I'd have no team members, I'd have no customers. I'd have nothing. I'd wake up in the morning, write books and hang out with you and take our kids to school.

There you go.

Is that what you want?

To really consider the options before I commit to that on a plan.

I could make that happen in less than 90 days.

Days.

Burn everything.

Pretty open minded. But I don't think that based on your energy on a podcast, I get.

An amazing home right outside of Scottsdale. I know exactly where. Peoria, Samari's out there. Great places. I got clients there. They're amazing. They have great lives. They died like $100,000. Cars are great. They're great cars. Live in the desert, have great film, five minutes. Our house, they got great swimming pools. They got saunas. You get a red sauna and you'd have. We'd have no commitments to anyone. Fuck this podcast. Fuck all the podcasts. Fuck all. Fuck social media, shut it all down.

You don't love working.

At some level, I would love to just spend time with you, you know.

At the end of the day, that sounds great, but I also have to have purpose outside of you.

Okay, well, you're saying that the purpose you want is me, so.

No, you don't. You're so funny. You literally worked so much from Ohio last year. I'm just saying, hey, can I. Let's reconnect. Let's have some time together. It's not just about the trips and the money. Like, I need you to not be so stressed. That's not healthy for us in our relationship. But your brain automatically goes to the exact opposite. You can have all me. We're gonna sell everything. We're gonna go to the. We're gonna move to Arizona. It. It selling everything. So it's a good thing you're married.

Why? Does it mean you nervous?

It doesn't. It's a good thing you're married to me because I'm so grounded that I'm like, I like that.

You know?

I like that too. That's why you're married to me, because I'm like, like that. Okay, you put that out there, but I'm the grounded one. That's like, let's. Let's think this through.

I'm the hammer, you're the vision.

I don't even know if I'm the vision about me.

Your blueprint ever happens.

Stable lady.

You're only as stable. That's like calling you clean. None of your college roommates call you clean. You were the messiest one of all the roommates.

I'm grounded.

You were so much cleaner.

I would say I'm grounded. Okay, stable is not the best word. I would say I'm very grounded.

I agree. I'm more grounded now, but I'm also more loose. You're not as loose. You take tequila to get loose. I don't need tequila to get loose. I'll go shit up sober all day long. I'm already wild. I'm a person. Shows up a party, everybody's hammered, and I'll go crazy. Just as crazy as they are. And they have to drink all night to get there. I can go there in two seconds of my own energy with nothing.

I, I, I don't drink to go crazy. I drink to relax. But. Or for a while. I feel like, here's the difference between you and I drink drinking. I realized, I realized this last week as we were drinking together. I was like, I, I like us drinking a little bit together. But if it's too much, you go to angry. Garrett, I don't typically go to go to angry. I go to slutty. Danielle. So, like, if I drink too much, I go slutty. If you drink too much, you go angry. So that's why I was like, oh, like, we gotta. If we drink together, we have to balance out the, the slutty and the angry.

But maybe I just want to drink it. All right?

I, I'm, I.

You can drink and be a slut, and I'll just be happy and it's over.

No, here's what I decided. This was my. One of my resolutions this year is I was like, hey, I'm not gonna keep alcohol in the house. I. Because I get stressed or I get tired or I get bored with the kids, and then I'm like, oh, I should have a drink tonight. And it's a Tuesday, and I don't want to do that anymore. And so my goal is to, like, I don't have problems. I don't. I don't feel guilty for drinking at all. Like, I'm very fit, and I don't. I only drink at, like, night time. I don't unless I'm on vacation. Then I like to drink during the day. But what I realized, I'm like. I. Like, there's a piece of me that likes to have a few cocktails with you. Like, it does loosen me up. It does make me feel fun. It does. Like, I. Like, I don't have a problem with that. In fact, I feel like we were raised Mormon, and so we didn't drink, and we didn't. I almost felt like I didn't have a free card, if that makes sense. So when we kind of did start drinking it on date nights, it was like, oh, like, I'm so in my head and so logical and so grounded. It was like, a very, like, freeing, fun space for me. But. But then I took it over the. The edge this last year, and I was like, I think I might be, like, a tinge of an alcoholic, so.

At least we're getting on.

So. But I didn't feel bad about it. I just recognized it. It's. It's. It's not a problem, but it sometimes is, but could be. So I was like, I'm gonna put boundaries. It's like anything I do that can become an obsession. Like, I love working out. And like, anything that can become an obsession, I hate that it controls my mind. So I put boundaries and limitations on it so that I can still partake, but it's on, like, a healthy level.

Well, I forgot what it was like to be this fierce, so.

I know. And I. And I told you. I said I forgot what it was like. I understand. It's probably. You're like. You're getting back into yourself. I would just. And I told you. I said, hey.

Hey. My high self is the same as My drunk self is my same as myself.

I know. I told you this week. What did I tell you this week? Hey, I'm doing a lot of things for myself, too, and I would like your support. And so I understand that you're like, you're. You're like a. What? You're like a wild Bull. And you're just. Your legs are kicking. You're like, I'm free.

Free.

But I'm just saying I need you to be aware that I'm also going through a lot. So be consciously aware, which you have been till this podcast. But I know that's because I'm not. No, you have been.

Let me finish where we're landing. It's great.

Let me finish. You have been. I told you the beginning this week. Just, hey, I need you to just check in with me, and I need you to be a little more conscious to, like, how are you doing? Which you have. And I thought that was great. So thank you for doing that.

Welcome.

And this podcast you came in, I could tell you were amped, because before we even started the podcast, you pitched Amber with 72 marketing ideas.

We're gonna fucking slam that. Amber. Amber is gonna leave the podcast.

We actually have people watching this podcast as I'm crying. It's fine.

This podcast is gonna be done. We're selling it, everything moving to Scottsdale, and amber's gonna make 2 million this year. So this is a fucking great year. Everybody here is gonna benefit, everyone on the team. We're just gonna all prosper from this exit.

They're, like, thinking, you realize that now.

My mind's already tilted that idea. So my mind's crazy, because the minute I tilt an idea, I create a new frame, a new reality, a new vision, a new world around that place. It's why I'm good at marketing and sales, because I can tilt anything with no data. I can convince entire groups of people do crazy shit, including myself. And it actually doesn't sound too crazy. I'm not sure about Miami. Orange County's awesome. His house is amazing.

I thought about Miami, but honestly, if we were to sell, my goal is like, where do you get the most bang for your buck?

I want to live this bang for your buck. I want to about bang for.

I do. I want to live this lifestyle, not pay this much. Like, I moved to California because I love the ocean. But in the end, if it's hurting my marriage, I'm like, I just need sunshine and a Range Rover.

Sometimes I will talk to people. It's hilarious. Because I'm around guys. I have, like, three, four, 500 employees, and, like, they'll start doing math on our live. And they're like, bro, you realize, like. Like, you got like a 4 or 5 million dollar, your run rate. I was like, yeah, I do. Like, holy, dude. I'm like, yep. Like, the most people even Listening to the show, like I want you to compute that. That's after taxes, that's after business expenses, that's after, that's after business profits. So like at a certain level I finally come to terms with the fact that I'm a savage in business too. I might not be a billionaire yet. I'm 47. Give me time, I'll get there. I'll be a billionaire before I'm 55. 60 at the latest.

You gotta have a plan.

I've got tons of plans. One of the plans sounds like it's on the table is lots of free time to write some books in Scottsdale.

I think we got a connect place in the country. Let's start with connect between collaborating and scaling your software. Nice, because then it doesn't demand you.

Sell in the fall and go to Scottsdale.

When's the fall? We'll see where the year goes. I'm not against it, I'm just saying like you put an I, you put an idea out there, it doesn't mean I'm not gonna like figure out if it's a good idea.

And listen, listen. You put ideas in my head our whole life and I go get them. You walk past this house for two years when we lived in 3 Ocean Front and you were like, listen, I'm so glad.

They sell themselves short. They tell themselves they can't have it and I'm like, why don't you entertain the option that you can have it reverse engineer and make, see if it's possible. If it's not possible, at least then you know what it takes to make it possible. And that's how I've gotten everything I want.

Listen, one of my best friends sold his first hundred thousand dollar tuition yesterday and the wire came him in today and he sold it because I'm his coach, I'm his best friend and I'm his wingman. And then I was like helping guide him through it etc and how to pull it off because I know who it was and the guy who was needed his help in a big way. He's been one of my clients, a great guy. But it was so fun to watch him because I planted the seed and then he went and did it. That's how you've been with me. You planted the seeds all the way along. You know, I don't. I never would have pursued a life this big. I wanted to.

You're planting a seed too. Damn.

No, I want to make a difference in the world. World. I don't. I, I like, I like this I like it. Don't get me wrong. I love walking around this house. I love the cars, love all of it. But if you came to me and said, hey, bro, you can still feel a sense of purpose and thrive in life and take away 85 of the pressure and get to just live that and be all in with your wife and hang out for five hours a day, I'd do it tomorrow. Because in the life I've been driven. That's why you're so pissed forever. Because I was pursuing purpose and not getting paid the way I needed to do that.

I think that's the problem.

Then I finally lined them up to get paid, made tens of millions of dollars doing it, but then created this.

Other but higher thing is you would always ask me, like, if we. If, you know, if we downgraded, whatever. I think my worry is I've. I feel like you've always been a workaholic. It's like. And it's gotten. It keeps getting more and more intense as our lifestyle builds. But even when we lost everything and you were making no money, I never saw you. You were running ultra marathons and doing triathlons. And then when you weren't doing that, you were. You were working, but you weren't making money. So I'm like, what is he running from? Is it. Does he just scared to be with me? He doesn't know how to connect. Like, what is it? So there's this fear in me of, like, sure, it let's move to Arizona, but then it's also like, I've been fighting for this for so long and didn't really realize it possibly till this year, because I just thought, well, when we get X, Y, and Z, then I'll be happy. And then I was like, wow, we exhaust. And like, we don't have, like, billions and millions, but we live the lifestyle that you're like, where do you go, go from here?

Listen, billion, I'm around billionaires.

I know.

So.

But all I'm. All I'm saying is, like, that's what I worry about is like, you've always kind of been better.

They just have more.

You've been kind of like a workaholic. So I'm like, you say you want this, but do you know how to be in that space?

Yeah.

And I think part of you is scared. I think that's why you show up even how you did today on this podcast. We're like, this is me, this. And I'm like, scared about what? Like, I think you're like, almost like, scared to be present and all in and, like, not have something. You've always been driven based off, like, scarcity. Like, you're like, we built this, I gotta sell this. And so part of you understands that you need to, like, get your software going and things like that. But I. There's a piece of me that I think you're kind of scared, like, what are you gonna do with this time?

I love as. As my wife how you always know what's going on in my mind.

I'm the resident expert because none of.

What you said is true. But I appreciate that you believe that's what's true. Okay, I don't scared of anything. Like I told you, I am more weaponized in this moment and in the last hour and a half with you. Not. Not one point. You gotta remember, in my world, collision is connection.

But it's not for me. And I won't tolerate being.

I understand that. We've learned this in therapy, but you call it war. In my world, it's like a hard on. It's an ejaculating orgasm.

This is what guys say when they get off on fighting. You're an eight. You get off on this collision.

Okay, you. My nature is collision.

No, I know, but when you're married to me and I'm a five, you can't just because you get off on a fight in the temple to hurt your wife, you can't do that.

There was no attempt to hurt.

I know, but you do. So you have to have this conscious awareness that, like, hey, I get off on a fight, but it's hurting my wife, so maybe I should look for a different outcome.

So we're going to find.

That's actually, like, how I did a lot of things when I was, like, working on myself is. I was like, does this reacting to Garrett get me what I want? And I'm like, no, I just sound like a. And it doesn't get me what I want.

Is that camera overheating? It's too hot in here, bro. I'm turning the heat up. Well, listen, I will tell you what. I love you. And I'm going to read a post I did about you today. And I mean them. You think I do them just for marketing? I don't give a. I run track.

I know.

I know you love me to mean anything. I don't give a.

About you.

Just.

You have this piece of you.

I'm like, whoa, it's always been there. It was there when you met.

I know, but I. You just.

Like I said I fell in love with that.

I didn't fall in love with that. I felt.

I fell in love with the. That you were so quiet and held off and reserved and I didn't know who what the hell you were thinking all the time.

Mysterious.

Seriously scared half the time. Here we go. Check this out. I'm gonna read you two posts on the social media and then we're done. This one got a lot of.

So just to reframe.

Yeah. This is to show you I do care about you. I love you.

I know. But I'm just saying if you do, you're gonna have to make a conscious effort to how you fucking show up at home.

Well done. You're hot. Here we go. Am I her sugar daddy? That's a lot of shit talking in this post. This post. A lot of shit talking from women.

Oh, that's the one you wrote.

These women were talking shit about me saying that you were my sugar mama. I was like, wow, that's pretty sugary. 22 years, five children, journey of 10,000 miles to get to 2024. Married and on fire. This game of marriage is just another level of insanity. This podcast evidence to such. And I'm hardly her sugar daddy. I can honestly see why many, so many quit so quickly or just eventually give up and say fuck it. Because to be in a relationship with a fully awake partner demands that you both trigger the shit out of each other and wake each other up. More and more and more couples who never fight have told me all I need to know about their relationships. Lack of polarity, passion, purpose and power. You see, it's easy to hire an employee that is a yes man. You can tell them what to do. They never disagree, challenge, or call you out on your hypocrisy. You can do the same in marriage. Marry a yes man or a woman. Most marriages at work, quote, are filled with one sided relationships where the man or the woman runs the show and the other partners just along for the ride. The term power couple is used way too fucking often to describe way too many couples who don't deserve that title at all. A man has gotten divorced after 20 plus years and then gets married to a younger woman his daughter's age can hardly count as a power couple. It can be filled with a passion of fire. But power couple? It's more like you have a lopsided sugar daddy game happening and you know, good on both of them. They were both tired of fucking around. He wanted consistent pussy and someone that adored him and laughed at his dumb jokes and she wanted a wiser old man to heal her daddy issues and feel an unshakable amount of safety and security. Good on her. Listen, marriage and relationships are hard as there's a reason weed, alcohol, and pills are popped. To survive the stress of kids, money, sex, marriage, and life. I'm not judging any of it. The cheating, the lying, the hiding, the insanity. I've lived all of it. We smashed 2023 and have established the most insane individual couple, family and business Impossible Games for 2024 and invite you to join us on our journey to Scottsdale, Arizona, as we sell everything and buy a house in the hills.

That's not.

He said okay. I.

Yes. And that, my friends, is the end of the show. We loved having you here today. It got so hot in here. Our camera team's having to, like, wave their hats by the cameras because they're literally shutting down. I'm like, he's fanning the cameras. It was too hot in here. Listen, I'm not going to apologize for being me any more than I expect you to apologize for being you. You're amazing. I'm amazing. And when collision happens, happens with us. It's fucking spicy. Today we both cried.

You didn't cry. You cried over a song.

You were in the bathroom when I was crying.

Okay.

Cried over a song as if somehow it's not real crying. I just was singing a song and you cried to that one. They sang me a song on a poem. I cried. I sang a song. You cried.

You were just dealing with having life come back to you, and you didn't know how to control it, so it just came out on your wife.

You know, how much life to come out on you.

You.

Oh, geez. Sorry. That he ended it that way just pretty much taps into Garrett and the show. Thank you for joining us. We'll see you next week.