Become A Little Less Sh*tty | Date Your Wife | EP 114

Try and get pregnant or get pregnant. You know, the minute we don't. I know the minute I don't pull out, you're pregnant.

I think your guys are slow and they're dying off because you're getting old. So if you could just go ahead and that'd be great.

My friend, Zanja, patient. Why you starting this podcast?

Welcome to another episode of the date your wife. I'm the date your wife.

So you are the wife of dating your wife.

I am the wife. You are the wives of all the.

Wives to be spoken of. You are the first wife. You're the first lady wife here in the date your wife podcast. Now, why did we start this podcast? Way back in the day, we started this podcast. I think the first time we did this was 2018 January.

You were like, we should do podcasting. And I was like, I don't know, whatever. And then.

No, no, no. Go back to the very beginning when we first started the show.

You know, before we even started the show. I remember, like, when we first moved to California and we were kind of, like, repairing our relationship, and I remember thinking, like, I think you know what always kept. Like, even though we had hard times together, you and I always had fun together.

Yeah.

Like, even when I was, like, severely, like, I don't know if I want to be married. I don't know if I like him. Like, we always had this moment of chemistry where we were, like, best friends and always had fun, and we. We could, like, joke around and, like, be funny together. And I remember thinking, like, there was a few times we'd be, like, in the car drive. For some reason, whenever we were driving in a car, we were always, like, talking and communicating. And I remember thinking, like, if we had a camera, if we had this recorded, it'd be funny as hell. This is good shit. Not even is it funny, but it's deep. It's funny. We have such a connection on communication.

So this already foundation. Our relationship started there.

It totally did. I mean, now we have great sex. We have a lot of good things going for us. But in the beginning, we had really good communication, which is weird because I feel like I'm a little bit more introverted and more shy, but I don't know if there was just, like, something about you. From the very beginning, it was like, you. I just. It was easy. It was easy to communicate with you. It was easy to have fun with you. And. And although there's been very many other avenues that have been hard and we've had to work through like, that was like our, our key point that kind of kept us connected.

I mean, I was turned out by you big time, but also at the same time, I was turned on by, like, the conversations we had. Yeah, I think those conversations kind of ended for a period of time.

But I think too, I think honestly that's why we're still married is because it's like we had that infatuation in the beginning. And yes, I was super young when I met you, but I honestly, even though I was young, I felt like we connected at a deeper level. Like, it was. And that's the reason we were able to kind of like make that work is because it's not like we just got married based on, like, we were young and hot. Like, even though we were young and hot.

I had white, bleached out hair.

I thought, you know what?

How did you think that was hot?

I thought you had the hottest body. Like, I'm such a dude. Like. I know, I know. I just how you carried yourself and.

Like, Was it my body or was it how I carried myself?

No, I loved your shoulders and your arms and like, ah, tell them, babe. Well, that's a turn off. But. But I love when you don't know that you're hot. Ladies, don't you love when your man just, like, walks into a room when he's not like, flexing? He's not like, look at me. Like, although men, I think if you. If I'm in lingerie and I walk into a room and I'm like, flexing.

You'Re like, hell, yeah, holy shit, get.

After my wife's a stripper, they're like, please, please do this more often. Whereas I think, and I don't know if I can speak for all women, but I like it when you're just like casually shirtless and ripped, walking through the kitchen like.

And I'm like, hey, just heading in here to give me some more tilapia.

Don't flex. Like, just know, like, you look good and casual or like, you, you know, it's so hot.

Tell me I'm ready. Cause you're turned on by thinking about it. I love that you're turned on. This is the first time it's been on the show that you've been turned on. Let's go.

I love when you don't know that I'm in the kitchen and you come in from surfing and you have your surf suit down and you don't see me and I'm like, oh, really?

Yeah, that's a moment.

Now every Fucking time you come in, you're gonna be like, do, do, do, do do do. You're gonna be like, I've ruined my moment. I have ruined my mom. Look at my wife looking at me through the window. It's like your energy is different. Like you're like when you used to do like CrossFit stuff, you'd come in like raw. I'm rip your face off and surfing. You come in like light and happy and like there's something sexy about like the surf suit hanging off.

You're like you've fallen in love with a surfer. This means I've arrived, I've become a surfer. I need to grow out long hair just so I can be cool. Like the young kids. Grow it all out and then whip it back. It only looks cool when it's dry or when it's wet. It is looks fairly cool. There's a moment out there on the break where there's a moment every guy. Keith, Keith, one of my best friends has. Does not have long hair. But Keith continues to flip his hair like he's a short haired, a long haired surfer.

It's cause he's your man. He's like friend.

He's my. He's my man. Boyfriend.

He's your. I was gonna say he's not your work wife. He's your.

He's just my best friend.

He's your best friend. But tell him about Costa Rica.

Yeah, well, it was, it was a moment. We decided to go to Costa Rica together.

Tell you about my moment after you.

Tell me about your mom and. All right, so we go to Costa Rica and this, this is actually important because I would never go on trips with any guys.

I know you have ever.

Our whole marriage, you know, I never did. Funny is until the last couple years.

Part of me is like irritated. Like you're like, I'm going to have fun. I'm like, why are you going to have fun? But then I have this moment where I'm like, freedom fucking free. I'm like girls nights. I'm not talking about girls nights with my girls. I'm talking about girls nights with my kids. I'm like, we're gonna watch Frozen every day. We're gonna.

And you did.

We did. It was like the best. There was no judgment. I have like a margarita every single fucking night and I'm like passing out to frozen best nights of my life.

And you were giving me a lecture about passing out while on the couch, but you were doing it yourself while I was gone. That was an exaggeration okay, so I'm going to Costa Rica. You're having freedom with the girls. I'm going to Costa Rica. Keith and I have this idea. Keith likes to make jerseys. So we play billiards. He made us jerseys. We went to Waco to Surf Park. He made us jerseys. Like, not just me and him, Like a whole crew of six or seven of us. It's kind of cool. Well, he had a plan to make some jerseys to go to Costa Rica, which I thought was a cool idea too. Cause it was the same crew that we went to Waco Surf park with. He shows up to my house in the morning to go, and we've not even called each other. But we're dressed exactly the fucking same. We have the same gray short Hurley shorts on. We have the same Rico hat. We have the same peaky blinders hat.

It's like, yeah, it's like. Like, no guys wear.

They're not the exact same white tennis shoes, but they're basically the same white tennis shoes. We're both wearing ankle socks. We both have a black vest. I legit.

When I saw him, I'm like, cute. They, like, coordinated so much.

Like, they, like.

They were like, dude, what shoes and hat are you wearing? Wear your light gray shorts. You know, the ones that come up above the knee. I was like, that is.

Well, Jesse, Keith's. Keith's mom. Keith's wife is dropping him off and says and looks at us and goes, oh, you two couldn't look more stupid. Look at you guys. Oh, look at you. Cute. Look at you two. Oh, your boyfriend wore the matching. So she says stuff like this, and she's joking around.

I pull in, I'm like, these two cuties are heading out together.

So me and Keith think we are the coolest guys in the entire airport. We're like, we're fucking awesome. We're walking around, we got jerseys. We're. We're making up stories.

You were like.

You were like, we're global surf in a global surf community. We're on her head into a global surf tournament. So we get on the plane, we're sitting in first class, and we're still thinking, we're awesome. We're heading to Costa Rica, and our waitress comes up and. Or our stewardess comes up and asks a question.

Did you think she was hitting on you? I just.

No, I didn't think she was hitting on me at all. She just. She was.

Everybody talks to them think that when women talk to them, they might be hitting on him.

No, I don't think that. I don't think that. Well, legitimately, though, with Keith, most women are hitting on him, which I know sounds weird to you. It's just like, the guy constantly, like, women just like to talk to him. So anyways, we're sitting there, and the waitress comes up, a server, the stewardess, and she says, oh, my God, you have tattoos, and he has tattoos, and you guys have the same hats and you have the same jersey. And the whole time, I'm like, yeah, that's right. We're an international surf team. You know this. And then she looks down and she's like, well, tell me about your tattoo. And Keith goes, well, this right here is. Is for my daughter, and this right here is for my wife. And she stopped in her tracks, and she goes, your wife? Now, at this moment, Keith and I started to recognize that possibly we've looked like the gayest couple that's ever walked through the airport in our entire lives.

I mean, I thought you looked cute, but.

And listen, I don't have anything wrong. I have nothing wrong with gay couples outside of the fact that me and.

My wife are funny.

Me and my wife are obviously together. And you got. Keith and his wife are together, and we got a bunch of kids, like, individually in our relationships. But I. Here's a power of perception, though. I'm thinking we look like a badass Olympic surf team. And the rest of the market is looking like, oh, look at the cute gay couple going on their anniversary.

Well, you know, but if you look.

At Keith and I, that's a strange couple, period.

Not really. Like, I mean, you matched. So I'll tell you, though, like, it's when Ani and I work together, like, we're both very alpha women.

People think you're lesbians.

And we started doing, like, photo shoots together to promote our podcast. And I joke around, like, legit. I'm like, dude, this is like. This is like our lesbian. This is, like, our engagement photo shoot. And she's like, oh, my God. And, like, at one point in our photo shoot today, I even, like, leaned down and I was like, will you marry me? But you know what I mean?

Hey, listen, even you got the perception. And I have nothing against gay or lesbian. We have tons of gays and lesbians in our world, and we love them. They're amazing. Right? I have a problem with all the cues and the what's ever and what are the fuck down the road and the new, like, super straight thing that's coming out. Whatever. That's a whole topic for another Day. Here's a big point about going to Costa Rica, though. It's not about jerseys. Not being, you know, confused as, like, a power couple with my best friend. Oh, you guys are a cute power couple.

What?

It was the fact that I have no guilt and shame in taking time for me to go do things for you.

But that's good for you, because you.

But I never used to.

But you know what? It's so funny is I have to, like, force you to take family vacations. You have a hard time with family vacations. You like me and you vacations. Because you get lots of. You get laid a lot.

A lot.

But, like, kid vacations, even when the nanny's there, you get all, like, puckered in your butthole or something.

Well, notice I went on a surf trip to Costa Rica, and I was in and out in five days. So when we go to Mexico for, like, eight or nine days, I'm like, oh, my God.

It's never been more than five or six days. Come on.

No. Europe was. Europe was long. That was eight to 10 days. And then Mexico was seven nights and eight days. Seven nights and eight days.

Okay. Okay.

That's a lot. It is.

Okay. I'm sorry.

It's okay. So we don't even get on medication.

Six nights.

It was seven nights, but, you know.

It was six nights.

I'll let you slide. I'll let you slide. Here's the deal, though. Look at the piece.

Agree to disagree.

Look at the piece here, though. We both get excited about the other person leaving.

You know what?

Not because you're leaving tomorrow with the girls, and I'm excited that you're going to Mexico.

Yeah. But you know what?

It's just me and the baby.

The concept of the podcast, it's important to have family trips, and it's also important to have to just, like, have, like, space. Like, because I feel like we had so much family trips. We had, like, Christmas lot. Then we had eight days in Mexico. It was just like. Like, when you were leaving, I was just like, oh, that sounds nice. Like, I just. I think we both wanted a little space, and there's nothing wrong with that.

No, it was great because we came back, we had great sex. It was wonderful.

Yeah. And you know what? You. Here's. Here's the thing. Like, before you left, I loaded you up, so I knew you'd be.

You have to talk about this loading them up strategy because I approve of it. I'd like to leave. I'd like to leave more often just for the loading Strategy.

This is my strategy as a wife. Like, if. If you. If. Don't put yourself. First of all, don't put yourself in situations that you don't. That are bad situations, but also help your man out to not put himself into a thought situation later down the road. If he's traveling. Meaning, like, if he's traveling, like, yeah, I'm gonna make sure that he's like, I. My mind's a little bit blown and I. I'm only thinking about my wife, which means, like, consistent sex leading up to when they leave to where, like, you're. They're. Their buckets full. Like their.

Or their buckets empty.

Their buckets.

In my case, the buckets empty.

Buckets empty. But. But. You know what I mean?

You didn't used to do this, though. You didn't care. Like, I mean, I go to Costa Rica.

I didn't like you that much.

I was just like, so you wanted me to have thoughts while I was gone?

I didn't care. I was like, I'm gonna have my thoughts. You can have your thoughts.

Did you actually have thoughts while I was gone? Not. Not then. I mean, like, back in the day, like, would you, like, oh, man, I can't wait to have sex with you.

Really? I think I was, like, so annoyed by men in general that I just was like, I just want to work and sleep and eat.

All right, so. So you load. So let's look at this. We're getting a lot of principles here. One, take trips by yourself because it helps create your own Persona outside of the relationship. Number two, if you're gonna go on. One of you's gonna go on a trip. You gotta connect before you go.

Yeah.

So I was leaving, and it was surprising to me. I mean, I. We. I. The fact we had sex four times, and like, we have four nights in a row. And, like, I mean, I'm not gonna be straight with you. It sounds like I come once. Like, this was like multiple. Like, the factory was out of supplies. Like, COVID 19 had hit. There was no more manufacturing coming out of China out of AKA out of these nuts. Anyways, we go in place. Yeah. That was some of the flashback from high school. Yeah.

No, my.

I get down to Costa Rica, though.

I don't need that, though.

I have no sexual thoughts whatsoever.

Women don't.

Five days.

Women don't need that, though. Like, I'm going all.

Women don't.

I don't know.

I think you might need it.

I. I don't need it as much as men need it. But I need a little empty, for sure. Like. Like, I'm leaving town tomorrow with the older girls. And I was like, hey, like, I had an event all week. Like, I'm pretty exhausted. Plus, I did photos and some other stuff going on. Plus our teenager's been kind of a nutcase. And I was like, but I still. I can't leave on a vacation feeling, like, frustrated. I need time where, like, I relax and I connect with you.

Yeah.

So it can be sexual, it can be connection. But maybe it's that way for men, too. But I still believe that men are just, like, more sexual creatures. And. But. But I. I think that women still want that same thing, but it just comes with connecting and sex. You know what I mean?

It's a connection. So this. So look at the strategy, too. That strategy, too, is connect deeply with your spouse before you leave, so that your focus in your mind is on your spouse when you're gone. There. I can remember many, many trips where that was not the case. We'd been like a week. And, you know, what used to happen is I would. You would be angry at me that I was leaving, and then. So you would. We would have no sex for a week, and then I would leave for, like four or five days for business and then come back, and you'd be angry at me because I was gone. So it was like three weeks at a time.

So as a woman, I had a hard time letting go of having help. So men have no problem hiring help, like, whether they're broke as. Or whatever it is. Like, they are like, hey, I'm gonna surf. I'm gonna work. I'm gonna golf. I'm gonna whatever. Like, they will make their priorities find a babysitter to come watch them, even though they don't have the money to golf or to pay the babysitter. Like, they will figure it out. But women, we have this weird guilt where we're like, I can't go get a pedicure. I have kids. And so then we put that guilt and we projected on men. We're like, well, screw you. I can't go get a pedicure. I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And it's like, it's for me. I don't know if I. That's one of the reasons I work, because I'm like, I don't like feeling. I hate feeling that guilt. And so I'm like, well, if I work, then I know that I can use my own money. But even then, I talk to so many stylists. And artists that are like, they're like, working all the time, and then they're like, and then I come home on the weekends and I do laundry and I do this, and I'm like. And I'm like, okay, let me get this straight. If any man goes to work as much as you're going to work, you better believe he's either a really messy and doesn't fucking care about his laundry, or, baby, he's hiring it out. He has no guilt about it. He just factors in, like, his car payment. I'm like, so why do you think that you like. Your story is that you need to go to work and now you need to come home to do this, and I need to come to this, and I need to come to this. And then you're projecting all this anger and this guilt on whoever your significant other is because, like, maybe you just need to hire out help. But it's hard for women to let go.

Yeah. We used to get after me all the time about it. You'd be like. And my answer is always like, well, if you don't like it, I'll hire somebody to do it.

But even when we didn't have a lot of money, I was like, babe, I'm like, I'm cool to, like, clean. I'm like, but can we hire somebody like, once a month? And you're like, totally. Like, I. I definitely think you should do that. And I remember it was so funny. One day I'm like, organizing. I'm making beds. And you're like, what are you doing? Isn't like. Like, this is our one day a month. The cleaners come?

Yeah, you were cleaning before the cleaners.

Came, and I was cleaning before the cleaner. And I go, yeah, you got to pick up before. And he goes, I don't get it. You gotta clean before the cleaners come. I'm like, oh, yeah. And it's so funny.

I was like, that's the stupidest plan I've ever heard of.

In my dark, this is how women think. Like, even Ani, who she. I mean, she's only 31, but she was like, she's works. She works her ass off for me. And she's like. I could tell she was, like, drowning. And I was like, dude, I pay you well, and I need you to understand, like, your lack of hiring somebody to come do your laundry and clean your house cannot affect my business. Are we clear? And she was like, ah. So she finally hired somebody to help. And then she loves it. And now she loves it. But then One day she comes to me. She was like, oh, you know, I was. You know, I was picking up before the cleaners. I was making the bed, and I go, why are you cleaning before the cleaners clean? She's like, what? So I feel like.

And my legacy lives down.

So it's like these little things where I'm like, no. I feel like it's like you kind of gave me permission, then I'm giving her permission, then I'm like, and then I. I joke around with her. I'm like, guess what else you can ask the cleaner do? She's like, what? I'm like, your laundry. She's all, no. I was like, yeah. She's like, I don't know if I can do that. And if you can order groceries when they're there and tell them to put them away. She's like, no. I'm like, yeah, because you work your ass off. And then when you're home and you come into a nice, clean home and your groceries are stocked, how do you feel? She's like, amazing.

And where do you get to focus.

Your energy on whoever you want, on.

Your kids, on your relationships, on you.

Like, whatever it is.

Yeah, well, it used to kind of give me the little guilt trip. You had to come in and be like, well, I did this and this and this and this and this and this. And I was like, okay, I still do that, but.

Because sometimes I. I'm like, But I'm not, like, rude about it. Like, even, like, this last weekend, I was like, you're like, oh, I'm doing a pool tournament. And the reason I was bugged about that is because Rosie, our nanny, had asked me the week before. She's like, hey. Like, I told her, like, I'm going to Mexico. I have an event the first of the week. I'm like, plan on, like, a full week, Monday through Friday. Long hours. She's like, what about the weekend? And I was like, let me ask her. I asked you. You're like, no, I don't need her. So I told her that. So then you told me. You're like, you're so funny. Like, I planned a pool tournament. I'm like, I told Rosie you shouldn't have to work. And you go, why do you feel so guilty? I'm like, I don't. You were the one that told me. And you go, you don't want me to have fun? I was like, literally, you're shooting the messenger.

Do you sometimes have a hard time with me having fun?

No, I don't. Care. But I do. But I knew that I have an event coming back from being out of town, and I just was like, so.

You were looking to have her a team member?

Yeah, I was looking after a team member. And also, I was like. It was funny. Cause I almost asked Rosie to work over the weekend, and then I was like, no, just have her work all day Friday and then spend time with the kids. And Isla is so freaking cute. I can't even handle it. Like, when I have those two days straight with her, she.

I was irrelevant. When I came home.

Oh, my God.

She's like, hi, dad. And she went right back to you.

Oh, she just really?

Which means when you come back, you come back from Mexico, she won't even.

Think the kids are cute. But, like, Isla is another level of cuteness. Like, baby, baby, mom. Like, her personality matches how freaking cute she is. Like, I can't. I can't. I want to eat her.

But she was. You've been saying that about her kids from the time they.

I love her so much.

Pinch them and just.

Just get her.

Are we gonna have another baby?

I don't know. I kind of want one more.

Like, we talked about it and screwed around, but is this, like, a real legit thing? Are we going into Will of the Gods?

That was a Viking comment. I'm open to it because I'm like God. Like, I thought I would feel, like, so fulfilled, but I almost feel like God gave me the most beautiful child ever to make me have another one. Like, to be. I don't know. Like, she's so fulfilled.

Do you feel like you're gonna, like, Would you want to be pregnant again?

I don't love. I hate being pregnant. Women are like, I love being pregnant. I'm like, you're you. No, I'm just kidding. But I really. I hate being pregnant, like, so much.

Okay. But it seems like it goes fast.

I mean, not from you, I'm sure, so.

Well, it's crazy because I was, like, almost two years old. She's coming up in July. She'll be two. That means you're pregnant for nine months. She's almost two years old. It's like three years ago we were pregnant. Right.

I know. It's. I remind myself.

So crazy.

It feels like slow motion.

It does.

But now I'm like, I'm fit. I. Like, I have this cute baby. I'm like. It's such a small, small period of time in the perspective of, like, a child. So I have to remind myself of that. I'm like, And I'm always like, I'm not gonna snap back. I'm not gonna do it. But I'm like. I started young. Even with Isla, I had her. I mean, I'm. I'm be. I'm gonna be 38. I was gonna say seven. I'm 37.

Oh. Gonna be 38 here in a moment.

I'm 38. My goal is, if I have another one, to do it by 40, by. No. Like, at 39. So, like, try next year and have.

It before I'm Try and get pregnant or get pregnant. You know, the minute we don't. I know the minute I don't pull out, you're pregnant.

Well, I know, but I want.

I am loaded with Navy seals.

Okay?

These are warrior seals. They're intense. I got soldiers, these guys, and I don't. I don't get, like, one that makes it to the door. I get, like, 70 that make it to the door. They're that powerful. They get to the door. They don't. They don't ask for permission. They just go straight in.

Maybe I have a powerful.

Maybe you have an ability to just take the snipers off the roof and stop shooting my guys as they're coming in.

I think your guys are slow and they're dying off because you're getting old. So if you could just go ahead and that'd be great.

Oh. So, like, here's the deal. Like, last topic. Last topic is this. Well, this conversation has come up quite a bit with guys who are in the initial struggle phase of putting their marriage back together. Right. It would have been me and Danielle back in 2008, 2009, 2010. Rough. 2011. Rough. How long do you think it took for you and I to go from the pit of 2008-2011 to where we are right now? Like, at what point in the equation did you feel like.

I always. I always felt like there was, like, light at the end of the tunnel, so it was like. It wasn't like it was even in 2008.

9, 10, 11.

I told you, like, there was always, like, moments where you're like.

Oh.

Like, whether it was moments like, sitting on the trampoline with our kids and, like, holding hands and, like, just being like, okay, we can do this. You know what I mean? And I just think that those moments are what keep a marriage alive.

Were you looking for the moments, or do you feel like the moments were looking for you?

I don't.

Meaning, were you kind of, like, wanting to see moments?

No, I don't think that. No.

So they were looking for you. The moments found you and told you.

If you are present in the moment, you just. You appreciate the moment. And I think it wasn't always shitty and those. You could have one great moment and four shitty moments. And that great moment just kind of gave me hope, I guess. And so, I don't know, I just. I felt like. But it progressively kind of got better, like year after year after year after year. And we still have some of the same struggles we've always had, but now it's kind of like we've gone through so much that when I backpedal, I'm like, who? I'm like, come on.

Well, if we both backpedal, there's a backstop with each other.

If we backpedal, I'm kind of like, you're stronger than this. Like, are you really going to give away your power because of these thoughts you're having? Are you really going to give away your power because you're pissed off with Garrett? Are you really going to give away your power because he did this? Like, you know what I mean? So I'm like, I feel like I'm like, we've gone through so much that I'm like, I have these moments. I'm like, come on. And I quickly, like, course correct if I feel like we're weaving the wrong direction, you know what I mean? I think we both do that. And I think that's kind of like, I think we've. But I think most people just quit before they actually give it time. They almost wanted to fail. So they can be like, oh, thank God, I'm done. But then you just take those problems to the next marriage. Like, if you can't figure, I mean, yeah, there might be some toxic relationships that you probably should just not not be together. But I didn't feel like that was our situation. So even though we weren't on the same page, I was like, I'm. I'm willing to kind of, like, put in the work. And we had enough good, positive moments where I just. Just again, felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel.

So this was a topic that came up today in one of our trainings for Wake Up Warrior challenge, which, by the way, this is the backbone foundational experience that just over a thousand men and women are having every single month with us here at Wake Up Warrior. If you're not familiar with it, you can check it out. Wakeupwarriorchallenge.com It's a hundred dollars, 42 day challenge, daily interactive, I promise you, there's nothing you put a hundred dollars into that will come back with a higher return on investment than what you'll find inside the Wake Up Warrior Challenge. So go check that out. But there was a conversation we're having during one hour live. We do a live experience every single week with all about three challenges are going on at the any given time. So about 1500 people. And we bring up hot Season, we talk to people and we talk through things. We have this guy who's been talking the last couple weeks about him and his wife, and he kind of flip flops and goes back and forth. I want a divorce. I don't want a divorce. I love her. I don't love her. We were supposed to be together. We were never supposed to be together. And it's just very frustrating for him. Stressful place to be at and he's learning the power of the stack and living by the code. But one of the things that I looked at him today and I said, listen, man, you keep playing this game and he'll get into this place like, you know, I've been changing, I've been changing. I said, bro, you've been changing for three weeks.

Yeah.

I was like, but you've been an asshole for 20 years. So, like, three weeks of being aspirational does not offset 20 years of being an asshole.

You know what's so crazy? I genuinely think, I'm like, if you were an asshole for 5 years, guess what? It might take you 10 years to make up.

Wow. You think it tweaked double to overcome asshole? I don't think it takes time.

I tweak double, but it definitely doesn't. If you were an asshole for five, it might take five. And then there's light at the end of the tunnel. And like most people, you know what's so funny? What's interesting is even in my class, like, I just recently taught a hair class. I'm like, how many of you, how long have you guys been following? A lot of them were like five years, six years, seven years. And I was like, seven years, and you're finally taking a class. You finally joined my academy. You're finally here. And they, and they said, yeah, I think I got to this place where I'm still in the same place. And you keep going. And I, I thought that five years was a long time. And now five years has gone by and I'm like, wow, I'm still right here. And look at, look at how much you've accomplished. And I was like, but it's so crazy because in the, in the. When you. People always want short term gratification, I want instant gratification.

They want to fix in a weekend and they want to change their marriage in a month.

But the problem is that that snowballs. So they think they just have these short bursts of short gratification that are like short gratifications for 20 years. And you're like, congratulations.

Well, the worst part is like you, you step back from this and you see come couples that literally are in the same fucking place they were 10 years ago and they're not any happier now than they were then. And they wouldn't do what was required because they were unwilling to. There's a statement I was using today. I said, listen, if you invested, if you invested 10 months, if you invested two years and investing two years of really going all in on yourself and learning you, building you, and then you went all in on your marriage. If you invested four years to pull this off, but you got back 40 years, the last 40 years of your marriage were just pure fire. You would never tell me that that was a sacrifice.

And imagine what that would do to, if you had children. Imagine what that would do to your business and imagine what that would do to those that work with you or for you. Like, you don't understand the snowball effect of you playing small and settling. It's so, it's. It's just crazy. And I see, we see it a lot and I think because we are, We've gone through so much and we've gone through this path of growth. When we see that, we're like, how. But you don't know what. You don't know.

Yeah. So my kind of wrap up our show today. I, I mean, I was confronted. I was so proud of this guy for, for what he did and what the, the courage he has to be just super honest. One of the calls we were doing, he was live with us. His wife could hear through the door him just being honest. He was breaking down and crying. He's like, I don't know if I love her. I don't know if I want to be with her. And she's this and that. I mean, they're being. It was brutal. It was not brutal in a bad sense for me. I hear this every single day in what I do. But the comment, I came back to him and I said, listen, you keep looking at this as a short term fix. There is no short term fix. I said, here's the bigger problem. If you get divorced, which I'm not telling you. You should or shouldn't. If you want to get divorced, get divorced. But understand that the guy that's been an asshole that created this relationship is still going to be the asshole that you are, which means you're going to leave and still be an. And you think that you're going to go find some woman that's going to be drawn to you, but you're still an asshole, which means any woman that's drawn to you in that new place, you're not gonna magically become great. Hey, I'm not. I'm a shitty husband, and now I'm gonna be great. It's like, I look at, you know, a couple guys in our neighborhood and different people who. They get divorced and then lose 60 pounds. You're like, why the fuck didn't you lose 60 pounds when you're married, right? Why. Why don't you get focused on, like, this attitude and intensity, energy. Where the fuck was this guy during your marriage? Why did he just have to show up when you were chasing a new vagina?

A lot of people do that, though. Like, when they're like, on, like, the revenge, it's like, they're like, I'll show you.

I'll show you. I'll be my best self.

It's crazy.

Well, what would have fucking happened if you'd been your best self when you were married? So I look at him and said, listen, you're gonna go on. This is not gonna be easy. Not gonna be easy at all. And I love it because guys are funny because they'll be like, point the fingers at the wives. I'm like, well, my wife's this, and she's a little overweight. And I'm looking at him. I said, bro, you're carrying an extra 50 pounds. What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you looking at. Your wife is not in shape when you are not nearly.

Men think they don't have to to be in shape. They're like, well, I'm successful, so I have to have a skinny wife.

That's why we teach warriors way, which is body being balanced business. So here's the deal. Last message with this whole thing is this. Get clear about what areas you two want to be as a couple, right? Part of what we talk about here in Warrior and what we talk about in DKW and what Danielle and I are constantly speaking to is we got a vision for who we wanted to be as a couple and a family. And we had simply asked the question, what would have to be true and who would we have to become? Like, what would have to be true about our life for the reality that we saw in the future to become possible? We went to date With Destiny in 2016. That's really where I feel like we cement, cemented our marriage and our opportunity to grow. That year was a very rough year for us. If you read a tackle stack book, I share the exact text sequence conversations. Danielle and I went back and forth where I was encouraging her to date other men. Like we were done. Like we were at the final end. It was either going to shift and we were both going to submit and we're going to move into that final stage of salvation together as a couple or we were going to be divorced. I was going to shut down, wake up warrior, go on to financial services. Danielle would have gone on doing what she done. We both beat other people right now and we'd be doing different things. Not necessarily bad or good, but shit, it would be a whole lot not as powerful as what we're doing right now. So we're in that place and we make this decision as clear vision. And then we went to work. So people look at our house, they look at our cars, they look at things we're doing, look at our trips, our travel, our lifestyle, they look at who we are and they're like, oh man, that would be nice. And I said, yeah, that would be nice if you were willing to work your fucking ass off for a decade as individuals and as a couple.

And even staying consistent. Like you said, your one guy was like, well, I did it for three weeks. And you're like, cool, do it for a year. And then guess what, do it for another year even. Everything we've experienced, like, it's like a year will go by and you're like, you know, not. I don't know if a lot changed. But then two years goes by and you're like, okay, I can see three.

Goes by and you're like.

And then all of a sudden like, like 5 and 6 and you're like, okay. And you can start appreciating the work that you put in that in a month time, in six months time and in a year time you're like, eh, it's not really working. But if you have the power to stay consistent for a long period of time, you're gonna have success. But you have to have consistency with also this ability to like cross check yourself and be willing to grow and learn along the way. You can't just be consistent at being shitty. You have to Be consistent at working towards a change in yourself and your relationship.

Yeah, consistently shitty just gives you more shitty.

We always joke around with my students who are like, yay, you're a little less shitty today.

It's true.

But it's true, because a lot of times, even in business, I was, like, thinking, it's so funny when we had the. This class and the women coming to me like, okay, so, Danielle, I think I should expand my salon. I'm like, you should? You should. You want to what? You want to expand your slun. She's like, yeah. And I'm like, do you have a full book of mbr, which is the extension technique I created? And she's like, well, no. And I was like, okay, do you have an assistant? Well, no. And I was like, how about we don't get overwhelmed? Because this is what we do as human nature. We, like, look at the whole process. And we're like, I need to start here. And you're like, no, no, no, no. And then you immediately wonder why you're overwhelmed, but you're trying to start, like, way in middle the. The future. And you're like, kate, no wonder. You were like, fuck it, I'm out. Because you just wanted to buy a salon when you haven't even built up your clientele and you don't have a necessity.

You have three clients, and one of them is named Mary, and she gets a curler set on Thursday.

And so I said, so understand to live at the level that you are at and commit to growing. I'm like, and take it one task at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time. What do you need to work on right now? She's like, well, my end beads. Well, my stitching. Well, I'm like, exactly. Perfect your craft. And when you feel really fucking solid about the result that you give to clients, market your little ass off. Then when you can market your little ass off and you get clients in the door, then hire an assistant. I said, you're thinking too far in the future, and you're gonna fail because you're gonna get this pocket of overwhelming. Like, it's not for me. But if you start with the level of where you're at and stay consistent, committed to growth, you will get results.

So one of the consistent games inside of this show that we want to encourage you to do to be a little less shitty in your relationship every single week is date night. No friends.

I'm starving. Can we go on a date night?

We are no friends, no kids. You and Your spouse together, eating your sleeves together, having a good time, being starving, doing podcasts.

It's funny because if you saw this podcast, I have the biggest. My sleeves are like, literally as big.

They're huge and puffy.

Somebody actually messaged me on Instagram. My Instagram is Danielle K. White. They messaged me and they said, how do I watch your guys podcast? I love listening to, but I really love watching you guys. And so I told them, you can go to dateyourwifenow.com to see us or you can download it. I have on my podcast app and I like listening to podcasts in my car because you. You can listen to like three times speed. And I'm just used to consuming content when people sound like chickmunks. But I love it. I'm like, I consume so much in like 10 minutes. So you can also get a. You can download podcast app, go and listen to it weekly. We're trying to get back to doing it.

We're not trying. We did. We've done it every single week for three.

And I'm pretty sure my inside's here.

We're going. It's over. The show's over. You're amazing. Have a great rest of your week, guys. We look forward to seeing you next week again. Remember, how can you take one step forward to be just a little less shitty as a partner by going on date night this week. We'll talk to you next week after Danielle gets back from Mexico. Yase va a Mexico. Mi es bosa a Mexico. Y me quedo en mi cad? Casa con min. We'll talk to you guys.