Being Raised With & Without Money | Date Your Wife | Ep 003

Well, my friends, welcome back here. This is Gar J. White, your host here. Well, I should say co host here with my beautiful wife on the date your wife podcast, babe. This is episode number three. This is episode number three. How you feel about this?

I mean, we're getting stuff done.

We're getting stuff done. I mean, this is episode number three. Ike, you don't. You don't just like, you know, start a consistent. How you feel about this? Consistency. This is episode three.

Most people in January, by week three, that's when the workouts go. That's when, like, stuff starts slacking.

Not us.

We're. We're just getting warmed up.

We're just getting warmed up. Quickie. Quickie. Porn star. That was our. That was our topic last week.

Yeah. And you know what I was thinking about?

What were you thinking about?

That I was like. I'm like, maybe I should have rephrased it. Not porn star.

Porn star.

I think a little bit degrading, but.

I was trying to think of a.

Word for like, just like put on a show and have fun. And that's. That's.

That's what a porn star is.

I know, but I don't.

Like, they put on a show and.

They have fun, but I think that'll trigger a lot of people. So if you are triggered. Well, then get over it. Yeah, then get over it.

But we're not apologizing.

No, I was just. Don't take back mention. I was like, ooh. I was like, people are gonna be offended and triggered. I think that's good and bad.

Nah, that's fantastic. That's how we do it around here. We trigger people. That's what we do. This show is meant to trigger you. Because here's the deal. If you wanted to tune in for another series of principles with nice and soft talking, well, you could go to subscribe to pretty much anyone inside of this category in itunes, Google Play, or Stitcher, and you could listen to boring couples talk about boring shit and give us a bunch of principles, sounding like we're sitting at church now. You and I were talking about this on the plane. We were talking about this on the plane, about this bullshit that's kind of going on with couples. They're not really being real. There's some shows. We went to, some of the top shows. We tried to listen and after we got done vomiting, not because they're bad people, but because we experienced something same. What did you experience?

I just hate when I feel like there's a lack of authenticity and I like I'm a storyteller. I like to hear stories. I find it more relatable. I don't know. I just. I can sense to me, I'm like, no, I don't want to hear principles. I want to hear just more stories. I guess I should say.

I don't even think it's so much about, like, we don't want to hear principles.

Only for me, it just. I don't learn off that.

Okay.

I feel like I'm in Sunday school and I want to. Like, my mind's like, anyways. And then I'm like, oh, bring it back. No, you need to be a better person. You got to pay attention to the principles. You got to write it down. You got to take notes because that's in the checklist, and that's what you're supposed to do. And I find myself not feeling connected. And so that would. I don't know. I just would prefer to do it different way.

You do know, like, this isn't. Like, this is not. This isn't how we're gonna run this show. Like, we're gonna. We're going to come at you with real conversation. If your first time tuning in with us here at date your wife, listen, there's a lot of great shows out there on marriage, a lot of great shows out there on couples. We do not profess to have all the answers on being married. What we have done is we have fucked up a lot of things. And inside of that process of fucking up a lot of things, we have figured out some things that have worked. We figured out some things that do not work. This is also a show that is spinning off the wake of a movement of men around the world known as Wake up Warrior. So if you're unfamiliar with the Wake Up Warrior movement and the book called the Warrior Book, I would encourage you to check that out@warriorbook.com but today. Today we have a new topic. Babe, Today we have a new topic. What is our topic today? Because it's not sex. We're not going to talk about sex. I propose that we do the show Sex, Sex, Sex. But you were against that, so we went with a different topic today. What is it?

We're a different show.

Yeah, we are. What kind of show? What's our topic today? Do you know? I know what the topic is today. I'm checking to see if you read your notes. Money. Money, Money, Money, money. Oh, shit. That was. That was horrible.

Is that our topic?

That is.

Don't make the high notes, please.

It is money. All Right. So here's the deal. Some say that money doesn't really matter. What would you say about this?

I'd say I have expensive taste, and it very much does matter.

And when you say expensive taste, you have to go to, like, the deep, scary man voice from the alley. I live in a cardboard box. I'm scary. Okay, cool. So we got the man voice in place. We're going to set a frame on this around the topic of money, though, because money itself causes a ton of chaos inside of relationship, and we have gone the rounds just like we have sexually. We have gone the rounds economically with one another. I have built empires. I have lost empires. I have given us a taste of abundance, and I have given us the taste of, well, pretty much saltine crackers and top ramen. But we're gonna go back on this, so we're gonna start with you, Ben. You're much better looking.

I think that.

No, no, I know.

You make or break a relationship.

All right, continue with this. Go.

Is that where you're gonna go?

No, that's not where I was gonna go. But that's a good place to go.

Go for us in our relationship. I just remember, like, I felt like things were good. Like, I was just like, oh, we have a beautiful home. We have kids. Like, our lifestyle's great. Like, not. Not a lot to complain about. We hung out. We had a good time. I didn't, like, I wasn't, like, passionately crazy, like, all into you, but I was like, yeah, that's just married life. I felt like I was good. And then all of a sudden, when you strip away the money and the homes and the cars and all of a sudden chaos comes up, and you're like, wow, how do we deal with this? And maybe I don't like you as much as I thought I did. And so it really tests a relationship. And I don't know. I think that's how I feel about it.

So let's go back, because part of the process here was, is I started down the path of pursuing money, and inside of that pursuit of money, I created some money, and I created a bunch of money. And inside of that, we had a different lifestyle. But before we get to that, because I didn't come from this, let's go to our backgrounds. We did this with sex, too. We went to this background with sex. Let's go to the background with money. So you were raised. Talk to me. If you were describing the family you were raised in economically, and you did it in one minute or less off you go.

I would say I was raised in a very. I was raised in Utah, so a conservative state. However, I felt like we were middle upper class.

Middle upper class. Like, what is it? Describe middle upper class growing up. What does middle upper class look like to you?

A modest 11,000 square foot home.

Modest 11,000 square foot home. Now, for any of you that were raised like me, which you're going to hear my story in a moment. You're going, that's a goddamn mansion. All right, continue.

You get. You get more for your money in Utah. But I mean, I was. But I always even. I mean, I was. I was joking. There was at one point in high school, I did live in quite a big home. But even before that, I always felt like we lived in a nice but modest home. But my mom always, like, had nice things. You could tell she just. She liked nice things. Like, out of all the homes on the block where they all look similar from the outside, people would come into our home, and my mom, like, kept things. Things always updated and always looking nice. And like, that's just kind of the kind of woman she was. Like, everything always looked nice.

And your parents were entrepreneurs, though, also. Like, your mom and dad were doing their own thing. What industry were your parents in?

My dad owns his own company, builds custom homes, and my mom owned a bridal shop called Danielle's, actually.

Did she name this after you?

Yeah, totally, because I was the most favorite one.

You were the favorite child, and so they named the bridal shop after you.

I don't really know if I was the favorite.

This bridal shop didn't work out so well, though.

No. I think she realized, like, a lot of entrepreneurs, like, oh, my God, I'm putting, like, my blood, sweat, and tears out of this to make a nickel. Like, I was making more not being an entrepreneur. And so she sold her business because I think the amount of time that she was putting into it wasn't paying off like she wanted. And my mom was actually a really good seamstress, and that's why she got into that business. Anyway, she went into real estate because the. That's when the, like the market and everything was starting to pick up. And I think it was just.

She got. She got into real estate long.

Yeah, she actually did.

She's like, boom.

And so she was real estate, and my dad was in building, and they did well together.

So my parents were very different than this. My dad was a traveling salesman, and I did not go to the same school growing up every single year or know the kids from kindergarten. Remember the school and how you used to play basketball with Bobby over in the park and you went to Sarah's birthday party? Like, this shit didn't happen for me. I don't even remember the name of the schools we lived in or we went to. We moved that often? Like, every year and a half. My dad was from a military family, and we just didn't. We didn't have much. My dad, bless his heart, I mean, huge, huge kudos to my father for hustling his ass off. And my dad was gone all the time, and we moved all the time. And so we kind of had each other. And my mom had to figure out how to make life work on damn near no money because not only was my dad gone all the time, but my dad wasn't really successful, right. There wasn't any economics. I mean, the money wasn't there. We lived in manufactured homes. We lived in, like, we just lived in a different environment. Like, my mom and dad never. Never just gave us money, like, ever, ever, ever. Like, it was not an option. Like, you did not go to your mother and father and ask for money? I had no. This was foreign to me. But this was not foreign to you. You would go to your parents and ask for money?

Yeah, but my parents, I think, because they were workers. It was funny. And I've shared this story before, but, like, I'd say, dad, can I have $30? And he'd say, well, how are you gonna earn that $30?

Good for him.

Then my mom would, like, always slip me some 20s.

Probably your mom was cutting her legs out from underneath your dad with money?

I don't know. She just. I'd be like, I need this. And she'd be like, okay, here's $20. Don't tell your dad. I was like, ha, ha.

We're gonna talk about this in the parenting show next week, but this week we're talking about money. So overall, describe, like, bring a summary here to the psychology of how you felt like you were raised and what you felt was possible.

I was like, I. Middle to upper class. I mean, we weren't like, the wealthiest kids in school, but we weren't like. We were. We were well taken care of. And I remember you would, like, tell me stories, and my mind couldn't even wrap around it. But later I realized when we were married, why you thought through the way you did with things. Whereas it to me, because I was raised differently, right? Certain things with money and business. I was like, no. Why? Why would I do that? Do you Know what I mean? And I think you always, like, tell me the story of how you were raised. And you were like, we just ate cornbread because it was a nickel and my mom could make a lot and we were always really hungry, and that's what we did. And I'm like, oh, that was not my experience. Like, I just. My mom always came across to me if, like, she was. She. She always worked. Like, she kind of. So I think she had a little bit of maybe disposable income. I don't really know. But I never grew up feeling like, in want of things. But I wasn't, like, overly showered with whatever I wanted as well.

I was raised to feel that you could get whatever you wanted in life if you were willing to work, but no one was gonna save you. Which means. And I didn't have it on. My mother stayed home to take care of the kids. She did fantastic full time fucking job there and babysitting my dad, basically. And, you know, no, my dad wasn't there. I hardly remember my father being around. My mom raised us, man. She was like, the mom and the dad. She was both. And she had to learn how to deal with the fact we didn't have much money. So one of the things we got experience was powdered milk. Did you ever do the powdered milk?

I didn't even know what powdered milk.

You experienced powdered milk. You experienced powdered milk probably the night that we went to Walmart for Christmas shopping on the hay bales in the back of the goddamn pickup truck.

The next morning, I went to pour a bowl of cereal, and your mom was like, honey, there's milk in the fridge. I was like, there's some green shit in there. No smoke.

Yeah, we food colored it. Yeah, it was St. Patrick's Day.

Yeah, it was St. Patrick's day. And I was like, oh, that's gone bad. It's severely gre. She was like, oh, no, we food colored it. And I was like, fucking Irish.

Yes, we are Irish. That's what happens when you're Irish. You just.

No, I just had never heard of cornbread. I just had never heard of powdered milk. And I was like, what do you mean, like powdered? Like, tell me more.

Yeah, literally, like, powdered milk was what we were raised. My mom made bread, cornbread and powdered milk. Now, here's the deal. I never went for hunger. I never went for not having a roof over my head. So it's not like, I'm not saying, like, we lived in dire straits. I didn't live in a van down by the river. My mom hustled to take care of us. I never went for want. I just didn't know I could want anything more than I had. So when I married Danielle, shock to my amaze here, being a married man, I was like, what the hell is this shit? My wife wants to spend all the money on all the stuff that is worthless. And so the fights began. We began the war. The war began when we were young.

The war began in our first apartment. And I was like, I remember.

Our dog's literally sitting at the door whining at us. Keep talking. I'm gonna let our dog in. We're in our podcast suit. If you're not watching this, we're in a podcast suit in my office. My wife brought the dog from the salon.

She's our mascot. Her name is Chloe. She's 14. She is a sweetheart, and I take her to work with me because we used to have two dogs. We had a pit bull and a weenie dog. And the pit bull was hard for me to manage, so I actually gave my pit bull to my assistant, who loves. Oh, geez. True. Chloe.

If you're watching this on the. On the video, you can see the. You can see Chloe. She's crazy.

Anyway, so I take her to work, and then I sometimes bring her with me to the podcast studio.

Okay, so we have her in a podcast studio. Now let's move off the top of the dog because the whining has stopped. Okay, so money became an interesting game for us.

Yes.

Like, I didn't even know how to talk about it. I thought Danielle was literally a psychopath. I thought she was a greedy. I thought she was selfish. I thought she was entitled. I thought she was a spender. Yes. Because I was like, how is it possible that this woman wants to spend our money on all this shit?

I want to experience life.

Well, exactly. But see, my. I was raised in a world where you just. You save money here, but you make money. And very few people I knew ever made money. So if you made money, you were already a champion. And then inside of that, like, no one had ever taught me to invest. No one had ever taught me to save. The only thing I knew was make some money and spend my money. But I would only spend money on business. I would struggle to spend money on.

You still are a little bit like that.

I still have symptoms. It's like a recovering.

Cracker. All of us have selective cheapness.

Okay, talk about this select cheap bastard thing and how it caused Us. Because you're a cheap bastard.

No, I am a smart bastard.

That's a sewer way of reframing this whole idea of not being a cheap bastard. Where are you a cheap bastard? Be honest.

Sometimes with my business, like, I'll find myself cutting or I do hair, so I find myself cutting or doing stuff with, like, the shittiest tools. But I'm like, really into what I'm doing, and I'm kind of like, I don't need the expensive things. But then I experience, like, I'll buy nice blow dryers. Like, the Dyson dryer is our favorite things like that. And then I'm like, oh, my God, how did I go on without this dryer? And so sometimes I'm getting better at that. I used to not want to invest in my business at all. But I will say the reason I didn't invest in my business is because I always looked at it as more of a hobby. And then the minute my perspective changed, where I decided, like, no, this is a business, I looked at it as like, we need better stuff. We need better equipment. We need this. But I still try to be somewhat logical and maybe cheap about it. Cheap bastardish. Is that what I mean?

What are you, the biggest cheap bastard? Don't make this a business talk. This is not a business talk. We're talking about money in marriage, not money. And how do I grow my bottom line?

No, but I had to explain. Explain why, like, my perspective changed with money as far as that. But I would say I. Money is.

Chloe's breath smells like complete horse's ass. I mean, she's sitting in here panting. I can't tell if it's like a smell of, like, rotten rottenness, like, across the board. Put her on the floor. She needs to go on the floor. Come here.

She might whine.

Go on the floor.

Oh, you can't come to the podcast anymore.

You're banned from the podcast studio, you stinky mouth dog. All right, so let's come back on this, though, because we did not, like you, and I did not see the world at all the same financially. This caused the problem. Sex was our first issue. Our second issue was money. I had a very difficult time spending money on things that I thought were bullshit. You had a very difficult time spending money on things that you thought were bullshit. Let's give an example, shall we? You give one example. I will give one example where you're a cheap bastard. You give one example where I'm a cheap bastard. And how we went to war on this.

Nope.

I'm gonna say it about you.

You didn't say what you thought you meant.

Nope, I wanna say it about you and then you can pick one about me. Okay, fair enough. You got yours in your mind.

So many, so many. Where do we start?

All right, well, I'm gonna give an example. Okay, so here goes. Cheap bastard. So I have a new office in Laguna Beach, California. The sun comes in through these windows like crazy. It gets hot in the office. So I spend, I invest around $3,000 in blinds, special blinds to go inside of all the windows. Danielle breaks my balls over these blinds, like all for weeks. And then would walk into the office and break my balls about again spending money on the blinds, but at the same time would travel to Newport, to the mall. So there you go, there's your cheap bastard. You don't buy shit that is necessary for business. It's always on me to make those myths.

Now that you threw me under the bus. Oh, that's what I said, now throw.

Me under the bus.

I was going to say with that story. That was your first office and honestly you hadn't committed to any kind of space for more than like a half a second. And so I was, it was, it wasn't the cheapness, it was like a commitment thing. I'm like, geez, he's going to spend like five grand on these fucking blinds. And then in two months he's going to be like, the team's expanding and I'm gonna be like, good thing you just put in those five thousand dollar blinds. Like I never knew with you. Cuz like now you're a little more, I would say, like with business you're a little more calculated.

Okay.

You used to not be like that. So I think I would get nervous like when I was like, why are you spending that money? Do you even know if this is gonna work out? Is this pan, is this warrior thing gonna pan out?

Right?

Why buy blinds if you're good? You know, that's kind of what I.

Thought about it, but okay, so you didn't throw me under the bus yet. Oh, you just made a comment about my blinds. Okay, so I'm waiting for the story. I mean, this. Are you stretching right now? Are you stretching? Getting ready for this? I mean, you're warming this up. Like, what are you doing here? All right, she's stretching out in order to throw me under the bus. I do weigh 205 pounds. She is a tiny lady. And I have a challenge here in the fact that, okay, I'm ready. This, this okay. It's charging right now. Okay, good. I thought the laptop was not charging.

I don't like to spend money.

On what? Go for it.

Life.

All right, expand, because that was a really lame answer.

No, no, it was good. Vacations. You don't see the value. You won't spend money on anything. That's not work.

Okay, good. Go for it.

Keep going, Keep going. I have to. Literally, I almost feel, like, guilty. I'll be like, hey, do you want to go on a trip together and I'll plan it out? And it's like a week and we're going to go in Hawaii. And then you're like, yeah, use your card. And I'm like, oh, my God, be the man. No, I want you to want to go on trips with me. Goddammit.

I want you to want to spend money.

I want you to want to go out to Hawaii all the time. No, I. It's. I think, like, stuff like that. And I. I think you now. I don't know, I think you're getting better at it. But I still.

Sure.

I still think there's, like, times where I'm like, I can feel your energy change. But at least, like, in the past, you'd be like. You'd almost, like, make me kind of feel guilty about it.

For sure.

Why would I spend money on that?

For sure? I did.

And I think, like, for example, another thing would be, like, shoes. Like, okay, I remember the first time even I bought my first pair of Valentinos and I was like, I can't believe I'm spending this much money on a pair of shoes.

Like, I couldn't believe you're spending.

I was like, nauseous and high all in the same time.

It was more than my first car.

You know what is. When I spent the money on the shoes, all of a sudden I had a perspective change about how much I should be pairing for shoes.

And.

And all of a sudden my other shoes seemed less. Anyway, long story short, like, you didn't get it. And you'd be like, why would you spend that much for shoes? That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. And I was like, I don't know something about it. Like, I feel. I like wearing these shoes. Like, I feel. I feel good about myself. Like, I like the experience of going in the store. Like, back off. Like, I like it.

So can. Can we talk? I'm gonna. I'm gonna audible this show for a second. Okay. I don't think it's really going anywhere.

I know I'm in one of those Moods today.

It feels like the show's not fucking going anywhere.

Oh, okay. Wrap it up. You're a dj.

I'm not saying, like, it's ending. I'm just gonna call an audible.

Oh, okay, go.

We're gonna go to a different cul de sac here. Okay, you ready?

I was liking the cul de sac we were in. Did you not like that bus I was throwing you under?

It was good. It wasn't a very good bus, though. It was kind of a small bus. I was hoping for a really big fucking bus.

I said trips and things.

That sounded like a big bus, though. Let's come to the real issue here, okay? I wanted to get laid. You wanted to get paid.

Oh, that's where you're going.

How about we go to that place? Because here's what I wanted. I wanted to get laid. You wanted to get paid. I thought you were a total bitch, because I was like, my wife, all she wants is. All she wants is an atm. And I'm going to speak for the men out there. A lot of this, like, desire for safety and security comes down to a man getting paid. And so I kind of felt like the only way I had any value was if I made money, vice versa. I kind of threw you in a position to feel a few things about sex.

What were they like, my wife should want to put out?

Well, you were basically like. You were like my. I don't know. I don't know. I was your atm, and you were my. You were my porn star. I'm just spinning off your own words from last show.

Well, yeah, no. Women crave safety and security, and if they're not at some level, you know, and safety and security doesn't always mean money, but I would say, like, 8 out of 10.

A lot of times.

It does.

It does. 8 out of 10. It does.

And so if they don't feel safe or secure, they're less likely to be vulnerable, including, like, want to want to have sex with their man.

Is it hard if your husband cannot pay the bills to want to have sex with him? Yes or no?

Yeah. I think in my experience, it is, like. It's kind of like, I don't know, you're not attracted to him in the sense that you're like, come on, pull it together, buddy. Do you know what I mean?

Right.

Even as a wife, like, there was times I'm like, I want to want you. I want to want to have sex with you. I want this. But I'm not. I'm not attracted to, like, Some I'm like, I'm not. I'm not feeling it. You know what I mean? And then it's interesting, like, as you started to produce more, you became more confident, which then I was more attracted to you. And so it kind of.

Which then my story became that the only way that I was getting laid is if I got paid. So what's your rebuttal of this?

Safety and security. Women want safety and security.

Safety and security equals sex. Is this what I'm hearing?

I. As much as that might trigger people, I just think there's a lot of truth behind that.

I think there's a lot of truth behind it, too. Like, I think the one thing I had to. I had to come to grips with.

Say this really quick before people will judge that and say, oh, superficial, blah, blah, blah. But it goes both ways. Like, they don't judge the guy, but they'll judge the girl because she wants safety and security and wants to be taken care of. And so they automatically, like, you look at the young girl who marries the older guy, and you're like, oh, she's just in it for the sugar daddy. And you're like, you don't think he's in it for, like, this whole, oh.

He'S in it for the tight ass, right? Like, he's all about it.

What I'm saying is that doesn't mean they don't have a good relationship. They don't connect. Maybe they're way happier together because they're fulfilling each other's needs that they didn't have with their previous partner. But it all comes down to safety. Safety and security for the girl. And a lot of times, well, we've watched this.

We've watched this happen. We've watched this happen. A lot of relationships, we know friendships, they get divorced and both partners go one direction. Like, the guy tends to go find a younger girl who's, like, all up in it sexually, and then the woman tends to go find a guy who's all up in the money. Like, this happens constantly. And they look past this. Now, this was a really hard thing for me to grip as a man. That not only was my responsibility to produce, but the more that I produce, and I'm not talking about in a dollar amount, because that dollar amount of safety creates for you a whole bunch of things. Like, I have family members right now and friends, very close individuals around us whose husbands are not getting it done, they're not getting it done financially, and this is putting huge fucking stress on the marriage. And there's A lot of women now being forced into the workplace and into entrepreneurism to become primary producers. Now, we face this inside of our salon businesses all the time.

Do you know what I noticed, too? When women feel like they're not being taken care of or their safety and security is compromised, they tend to kind of be a little, like. I want to say. I don't know the best word to say, but I'm going to trigger people anyway. They, like, kind of cut their guy's balls off constantly when he's not.

When. When the guy's not getting it done. Gets the balls cut off.

Totally.

For sure.

Like, it's like this.

What does this mean? Balls cut off? Talk to him. Talk to me about this.

Like, you know when you're like, whoa, she wears the pants in the relationship. I think a relationship should kind of like, be like, he's masculine. She's feminine. He's. You know, there's like, a balance of energy between feminine and masculine energy. And I think that when the guy's kind of not getting it done and he's not in his masculine nature, and maybe he's naturally somebody who's very masculine, and then the wife is very feminine at least is, like, from our experience. Like, I feel like I'm. I'm pretty feminine. And so, like, when you're not in your masculinity, and all of a sudden I have to. I'm putting.

You have to be the king.

Yeah. When I'm in my more masculine role, I'm kind of like, I cut your balls off.

Well, you deserve to cut my balls off because I would throw you out in front like a shield. Like, I would use you as an excuse.

I'd be your bodyguard.

You were my bodyguard. It's a Wit Houston song.

But I just. I think that there's so many, like, you were explaining, like, friends and family and things like that. And I can always tell, like, the guy's not offering some kind of safety insecurity, even if it's not with money. Like, I've had friends that, like, they seem financially fine, but I'm like, she obviously doesn't feel safe. What is it that. Why is she not feeling safe? Does that make sense? And maybe her husband's crazy and always making her feel on edge. I don't know what it is, but she's not feeling safe. So she's constantly cutting his balls off, which then there's, like, zero connection with either of them.

Well, let's. I'm gonna throw myself under the bus. Can I throw myself under the bus.

It's bus day.

It's bus day. While I'm throwing myself under the bus, do you want to text our daughter because she's at her play practice and tell her. Did she text you? Text her back?

Nope, she didn't text me yet.

Just text her and tell her that she needs to go straight to daycare after the play. All right. So as my wife's doing that, here's a piece I'm going to tell you from my place. I have this really twisted story with money. And my story with money was demonstrated by my behaviors. My behaviors were this, which is I would be happy to invest money in the business, but I was. I would fight my wife to invest in her. Like, I just, I could not see the value in it. I was like, there is no roi. And buying my wife a purse, there is no roi. And going on a vacation to Hawaii, there is no ROI in putting money into these things. We need to invest, we need to save, we need to build business. This is what we need to do. Because I had come from nothing, so I was like, this is what we have to do. This is the equation. What I came to find was the message that I was sending to my wife was simply this, that you are not worth as much as the business and you in the end are not actually worth the investment. That there is no ROI in investing money in you. As a woman that I am married to, did you ever feel this. Did you ever feel this intensity for me from this way? Did you ever feel this way or you didn't even notice?

I just thought you had some self issues that you needed to work through. I didn't really know. I think that women. I like gifts. I think my love language is gifts. And like, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, that was really. That was intense. I didn't know you felt so.

Well, you would look. You look at just the demonstration of where my money was. Like, I remember having to literally force myself to not vomit buying you shit, but I'm talking like thousand dollar purse in the beginning and all these things.

I always felt guilty. But I like nice things. And so I kind of got to this point where I was like, then don't buy me stuff. Like, I work, I'll buy my own shit. Like, I don't want you to buy something and expect sex out of it. I don't want you to buy something.

That's what I did, though. Guilty. That's how I felt.

No. And I hated it. And I got to Point where, like, I was like, you'd want to, like, take me out and go shopping. And I was just like, no, because then the energy is going to be weird. He's going to expect something that a relationship shouldn't work like that. Like, right? And I think we were both feeling it on different ends of the spectrum, but I was just like, no, I can. And we even had this conversation. I remember I was like, I'll buy my own shit. And you're like, the problem is, like, what am I going to go do? Hire a prostitute? Like, you can buy your own shit. And I'm stuck in this place of like, I'm not going to hire a prostitute. And so that became another challenge in our marriage as well, because of, like, what we face. Like, you, I always felt guilty when you'd buy stuff, so I didn't want you to buy me stuff anymore because it was weird.

Well, and we were sitting in this battle. I wanted. I wanted to feel more wanted sexually. And you wanted to be taken care of more and treated like you mattered. And me to demonstrate it with my money. Well, let's tell them what we tried. That didn't work.

Oh, that didn't work.

Let's do it. Can we talk about the contract in Cancun?

I'm gonna pre frame this right now.

Are you gonna share the contract in Cancun, yes or no?

I'm gonna pre frame this right now.

Okay. Pre frame it and then we'll share the contract. Cancun.

I think in times, like, if you've. If you're a married couple and you've gone to sex therapy, marriage therapy, like, whatever it is, you go thinking like, well, just give me the magic formula. Come on already. Why are you holding out? Just tell me exactly what do you think I should do? Just give me the keys. And so Garrett and I were always looking for, like, solutions and formulas and things like that. And it's like, you'll hear tactics where even people are like, go on date night once a week. Well, yeah, you go on date night once a week because you have to, like, talk through shit. You know what I mean? But that. That's not.

Like that tactic was actually created by us.

I know it's called date your wife. Yeah, cool. But what I was. What I'm saying is, a lot of times in counseling, you hear, like, a lot of, like, tactics. Well, if you do this and this and this. But you have to kind of get to the underlying issue of why this is happening. Otherwise problems will continue to happen until you Figure them out. And then once you figure them out, it's like, on to the next phase. And so I find, like, in life, we get stuck in this circle, and we're like, why am I stuck here? And we rode this circle out for, like, four years.

Like 10 years.

Not 10, but we rode it out for a while. And it's like, long time. It's like God's way of being like, oh, my God, like, tactics are not working. You can't see past your own shit. Like, go ahead and keep repeating. And when you guys finally come on the same page, you might actually figure a few things out. So I got fired up, but I don't remember specifically.

Well, let me tell you what happened.

Oh, oh. So that's like the Cancun thing.

Are you ready to tell the Cancun experiment?

Yeah, I'm gonna tell. Cause I feel like you're gonna.

Oh, the Cancun experiment. All right. I set the pre frame for it. You talk about it. No, I better tell it. You don't tell the story very well. All right, well, we're laying in Cancun, and I look over, and she has an amazing, amazing left ass cheek that I've yet to be able to actually connect with much while we've been in Cancun and I create this proposal. We had just watched 50 Shades of Gray in Cancun. Yes, we were in Cancun. We're laying on a beach in Cancun right by the little hut. You're lying there, ash cheeks hanging out with the swimsuit. I'm thinking, shit, I want to get laid. And in comes the Garrett J. White, Danielle white, 50 shades of gray proposal that did not work out, but actually compelled us to make some big changes. You remember this contract? Don't pretend like you don't go, okay, what was the contract? You said you wanted to tell the story, so I'm letting you.

Well, basically.

No. Basically, they want to know the details of the contract.

The contract was.

It was simple. It wasn't complicated.

The contract was like, listen, if my love language is X or gifts, gifts, and yours is sex. Why don't, like, you buy me a gift? It was like. I can't remember specifics, but it was like, you buy me three gifts and I put out, or we have sex three times a week or I don't remember the specifics.

That was it. It was three for three, remember?

Oh, three for three.

That was the contract. We literally penciled the contract in our attempts. We tried hundreds of different things.

I had a list On Pinterest and I would send him links and I was like, just email me the confirmation when it's been purchased. And like, that sounds really shallow.

No, it sounds like prostitution as I'm telling the story.

Wait, it gets better. Hold on.

Oh, it was spicy. So I was, you know what? I was so desperate.

Turns out I did feel like a prostitute. And I was like, I actually feel gross that I'm having you buy these things.

And I felt like I was buying.

A prosthetic and it was bad all the way around. But we tried it.

The thing is, we tried it for about three weeks.

About you and I is we got to this place where we were like, hey, I mean, we'll give it a shot.

Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out.

Worst case scenario, you got sex and I got lots of gifts.

Well, we went for three weeks on this. We tested this 50 shades of gray, 50 shades of white. The white's contract, the sex and buy me shit contract. I thought, you know, it would probably work. I knew it actually probably wouldn't work, but I was like, you know what, I'm willing to give it a run for a few weeks. So we did for about three, four weeks. This lasted. Danielle would send me links, I would buy shit. And then I would come in with the needy 15 year old eyes and I would be like, okay, I just bought you shit, now it's time to get laid. And I remember sitting there one night after like two weeks or something into this contract, and you were not exactly excited about the sex. I mean it was like what I call vaginal masturbation. You've heard me say this before.

I was like, let's do it.

You're not even up on the microphone. We can't even hear you. Yes, you've heard me say this before. Vaginal masturbation.

Yeah, but I don't, I don't. Like I said with my theory last week, that's not a problem. You just have to make sure one out of three.

I got it. Okay, so it was like. But it wasn't even like quickie because you were kind of energetically resistant to the fact that you were having sex because you had bought. Because I had bought you shit.

Yeah, I just, it was hard to get into it. I was just like, eh, it was tough.

So we're dealing with this.

I think I was like on my phone, I was like, hold on babe, just keep going. I got this email.

Oh shit.

I'm almost done. How are you doing though?

How are you doing? Okay.

Are you done? How many more seconds?

It was a timeline. Oh, it was bad. So, like, this contract did not work out. Needless to say, we shredded the contract as yet another one of our failed attempts at trying to connect. And what we ended up finding at the end of the day was we had two problems. One problem Danielle learned to solve inside of a world. We discussed last week's show. We talked about how both of us had to shift in the topic of sex. I had to change my story and stop acting like a victim. Danielle had to change her story and start being willing to connect and let down and submit to the game. So those two things had to happen this week. Inside of Money, the same thing had to happen. I had to stop buying and investing in her and our family with the catch 22, that this is going to get me laid. Like, I had to actually invest because I wanted to invest in my wife, because I wanted my wife to be happy. I had to start looking at money as the tool, not as the asset, and that my marriage was the asset and my wife was the asset. And as I started to make that change, that story shift in my mind that everything I do from cleaning the house to making money is not about getting laid. That at the deeper level, like, I actually want my wife to know that she matters to me. And one of the ways I can show her that she matters is what I do with my money. What would you add to this? Is Bailey calling? You're calling Bailey?

Yes. Sorry.

Is she answering? She's not answering.

She's in the restroom.

She's in the restroom.

Okay.

Anyway, she's at school, though, still.

I know she.

Does she text back?

You keep it going for one second.

All right, I'm gonna keep it going. Okay. So we're gonna come back over here. So this was the big shift for me, was being able to see that money itself was like, we would. We would leverage money against. I would leverage money against Danielle the same way I felt like she was leveraging sex against me. I was like, this woman can hold all the cards with sex. Well, you know what? I'm gonna hold all the cards with money. And so I would use money manipulate the same way she was using sex to manipulate. And there we were, two manipulators manipulating the shit out of each, obviously culminating with arguably one of the worst marriage contracts of all time, the fifty Shades of Grey. Three for three strategy. Three times a week, I buy you shit. Three times a week, I have sex, which lasted about two, three weeks. And then we spun off into A bunch of other chaos, which led us to therapy, which led us to a whole bunch of great conversations, which led us to more work, which led us to bigger breakthroughs. But my change had to come in the way I looked at money. I had to actually see my family as more valuable of an investment than just my business. My business. It was easy for me to spend money. It was easy for me to invest. It was easy for me to double down. But when it came to investing in my wife, like truly from Joy, that I wanted to invest and buy my wife things. I wanted to invest in a new home. I wanted to invest in a new kitchen. I wanted to invest in a vehicle for the family that was better than the one we had, that I wanted to do this versus feeling like I had to do it. And if I did do it, then I wanted to get laid.

Do you think that in marriage, when couples are unhappy, in the back of their mind, they're like, well, why would I invest? Like, we're not in a good place. So they'd rather take that time and invest in what is working because it validates them more.

Oh, yeah. I mean, you and I both asking.

That was more of like a. Oh.

That was you stating. All right, well, there you go. You didn't even have to ask. She was just telling you. Okay, so we're going to culminate this show on this idea of money. Money matters. But one of the keys I'm going to bring to the show today. I don't know what you're going to bring to the show was your final point. So you spend some time and think about that for a second, princess, and I'll bring my final thought. Here's the deal, gentlemen. Your wife needs to feel secure, but not secure in the way you think. Yes, she needs economic security, but what she needs to feel the most secure in is that you are willing to invest in her financially and that with it, there's no strings attached. There's not a sense of, when I buy you this, then I get a blowjob. When I buy you this, then we get to have sex on the couch. Like, there's no strings attached. You're just like, listen, I love this woman, I love my family, and I'm going to let my money do the talking for me as a married man. And I'm going to start investing in experiences for my family. Hence why the vacation game finally is something that clicks for me. I will be lying if I didn't say there was a piece deep down inside of me. It's still dealing with a little bit of the residue from that. There is. We're going to Maui for, like, seven days. We just came back from Cabo. We went to Park City. We're doing all these different trips. It's different for me. It's new for me to put the money in and go to these kind of places and do these things. Because, again, my brain had been so trained for so long that that does not give you an ROI yet. The greatest ROI I've seen in my life hasn't come from my businesses. It's come from the investment in my marriage and my children.

Quick question. So say there's women out there that maybe, I don't know, maybe their love language is not gifts. Or they don't. Maybe they don't care as much about sex. No. Like, about. Maybe they say, oh, I don't need fancy trips and fancy shoes and fancy bags. But at some level, like, they crave some kind of form of security. And I don't know. My question for you is, do men. Are there men out there that they're like, hey, I provide a roof and I pay for a kid's school. Like, you should be like, you should be all over me. Like, the bar maybe. Like, maybe. Did I require you to set the bar higher? Because, I mean, I'm just asking, like, in a situation, like, men might be like, well, my wife's not really into that kind of stuff, Garrett. She doesn't care if she has a pair of Valentino shoes. She doesn't care. So, like, as a guy, what would they do to show more security?

I guess you figure out what your wife actually wants. Like, the flat out. And the crazier part is there's some of you. I've, like, there are guys I know who's like, we back away from this topic of, like, having to buy Valentinos and going on expensive vacations, and we just make this about the topic of money. Like, at the end of the day, married couples go through two topical conversations that happen all the time. Third one is kids. First one is sex. Second one is money. Or you flip them. You go, money, or you go sex. We're gonna have a lot of different topics around money, but at the end of the day, the man has to be able to show that he's willing to invest the money in the woman, but the woman has to be willing to receive that investment.

That was the other point I was getting to is like, if it's kind of.

Some women don't receive this. They'll reject It.

Because there's a lot of guilt. You don't understand. For women, even if it's not like, oh, I have to. In exchange, I have to do something else for him, or whatever, it could be, like, there's a lot of guilt of, like, oh, I can put this money into my kids. I don't need it. Or, we know I don't need this. Like, so they have to learn how to receive as well. And the thing is, is. Is a lot of. You know, in my experience, it's like, oh, I don't. I don't need nice things. I don't. It's fine. I don't need it. But then it. When you do say you have a nice car, for example, you're like, oh, wow, okay. I. I do kind of like this. I do feel taken care of. I. It turns out I like my BMW or whatever it is.

Whatever the car is.

Yeah. And so, like, for women, like, if the. I would feel like, if the husband came at it, like, babe, like, I bought you a new car. Like, the girl or the guy, the girl might feel, like, so much guilt. And so from a woman's perspective, it's like, we have to be open to receiving and kind of taking that gift and being like, thank you, and appreciative.

I think sometimes, like, women have got to even have the courage to ask for it because they don't value themselves enough. Like, the man may not even know that she's wanting anything because he thinks, well, I've been around guys who like their wives. Or they say, well, my wife's simple. She doesn't need stuff like that. And I'm like, well, is that because she's simple and she doesn't need stuff like that, or because she feels too terrified to actually ask you for it? There's a lot of guilt because there's so much guilt on her side. Do you agree with this?

Yes. We have people that work for us who, like, you know who I'm talking about, who weren't raised with a ton. And we keep converting. Like, hey, nope. Get a nice car. Nope. Move down to Orange County. Then slowly, I'm like, see you. Like the bougie life. Like, when. And they're not people that would even. I mean, they go to swap. Like, you know, talking about. Can I say who I'm talking about?

I do like, swap meets.

No, I'm thinking, like, people like, your mindset is totally different. And there's. They. Even the girls will be like, I don't need that. That's not Me, I don't like that. And then it's like you start to experience these things in life and you're like, oh, I like this. Oh, this is nice. You know? And I don't know if it's a sense of, like, safety and security, but it's. It's. Yeah, it's such a mind game.

Well, here's the flat out fact of the matter. Like, we would neither. Like, I was not raised with money, but at the end of the day, I don't want you to think as you're listening to the show that this is like, you have to go make a shitload of money and then you gotta go buy your wife a shitload of stuff, right? Each couple's gonna be. Each couple's really different, right? And each couple's money amount, like, what is a lot of money? What is not a lot of money? What is a little bit of money? What is. It's all different based upon each individual and each couple. But the principle, I'm gonna leave everybody with today on my side. I don't know what you're gonna leave them with on your side. Are you preparing yourself? Do you wanna leave yours right now, your principal right now? From the female perspective, when it comes.

To money, No, I think you should leave yours first.

Okay, here's what I'm gonna. I'm gonna plant a seed with you then, and I would like you to share your principle around this seed.

Okay?

How can a woman powerfully support and. Or invest emotionally in her husband to actually encourage him to become a bigger producer? Like, I wanted to hunt for you, and I wanted to bring home the bacon. I've never met a man that doesn't. But how can a woman go about supporting a man, even if she's a producer, to support a man, to be the king, to go produce bacon?

Well, the only thing I can leave you with, and the only example is, for me, I could hold my own and I could produce, but I didn't want to. I still wanted to be, like, taken care of. Like, I still wanted to be the woman, and I wanted you to be the man. Do you know what I mean? I just.

Right.

That's what I wanted. I knew I connected better with you. I knew that even though, like, I said, I could hold my own, that's kind of what I wanted with you. What was the question specifically? I had, like, an ADD moment.

You did have an ADD moment. This was, what can a woman do married to her husband to encourage him to tell Garrett?

I would always tell Garrett, like, You.

Kind of have to call on. Keep going.

You have to hold yourself to a higher standard. Like, we went through this phase where Garrett was not producing at all. And then I would feel guilty for, like, expecting more out of him. And he'd be like, why are you not happy with who I am and where I'm at? And I'm like, it's not that I'm not happy with who you are. I just, I. I know you're capable of more. And I felt like I would always kind of hold him to a higher standard, and a lot of times, it probably triggered the crap out of him. But now you kind of come back and you tell me, you're like, thanks for holding me to a higher standard. Like, I felt like I believed in you more than you believed in yourself. And so, like, on the financial aspect, like, I felt like I was always making moves. Like, for example, our house. Like, you. We just moved down to, like, our dream house on the beach. And even then, I felt like you were kind of like, nope, let's not do it. Let's not do it. And I was like, no, you got this. Like, you got this. And so I don't know if I push you over the ledge, but I do it. Like, I just kind of plant seeds. And I'm like, not. I don't know. Like, it just kind of. I don't know specifically what advice I could tell you other than. The only story that comes to my mind is like, what was your quote.

You had me post on Instagram? If you want.

Oh. If you want to be.

You want to be the queen.

If you're treated like the queen, you got to treat your man like the king. So that I felt like that just kind of goes back to, like, yeah, like, I can hold my own pretty well. Like, but I still want to be taken care of.

And, gentlemen, you're going to have to be okay with the idea that you, at some level, are an ATM machine.

Are you okay with it?

Yep. Yep. I was not okay with it. I think I would get triggered by this, and I'd be like, you've gotta be fucking kidding me right now. I am worth more. Like, I was, like, so emotionally offended. But one night, I had this realization. Here it goes. You ready for the realization?

I'm ready.

Okay, here it comes. Huge realization I have. I'm sitting there, and Danielle was telling me, I do not want sex as much as you want sex. And in my mind, I was like, how is this fucking possible? Like, I think about how much I think about sex. How is she not thinking about sex as much as me? And why is she not thinking what I'm thinking when I just walk in and I walk across. And she walks across the kitchen? Why, when I walk across the kitchen, does she not look at me in my jeans and go, oh, if I could just rip. I'm gonna. You're gonna get it right here on this kitchen counter. Like, why? What. What the hell's the problem here? And then here was a switch. Danielle would always think the same thing about me spending money on the family. Like, it's not like I was putting my family out on the street, and we always had a good life, but I was like, never. Like, if Danielle wanted to redo the kitchen, I was like, break. I would make it hell for her. If she want to go on a family vacation, I made a hell for her. Like, But I couldn't understand. Let me share my realization. Unless you're gonna lose this moment.

I just had this moment.

All right, go. Cause you're gonna lose this moment.

Because it's like, I could pay to redo my own kitchen, but I wanted him to be the man. And so I was like, gosh damn it. Like, I want you to pay for the kitchen and, like, enjoy it.

And then, like, you wanted me to want it.

Yeah.

And I wanted you to want to get naked a lot. And you weren't wanting it, and I wasn't wanting to spend lots of money on shit. I couldn't see any value.

When we accepted this, we actually figured out how to surrender on both levels and create balance, where we're like, hey. Hey, you.

Hey, you.

Hey. And there was moments. There became moments. It was always when you weren't noticing. It was when you weren't watching.

When you'd want to give it to me.

No. Like, you do this thing where you walk in the kitchen, you're like, hey, baby. Thinking what I'm thinking. I'm like, I'm not. No. And now that you phrase it like that, no. But there are times I will tell you this. I was trying to give you a compliment, and you messed it up.

Okay, go.

There's times where, like, you don't notice I'm watching. I'm like, oh, he's cute.

Cute, or, like, sexy?

Yeah, like, sexy cute.

Like, you want to rip my shirt off kind of.

But, like, that wasn't there before. Do you know what I mean?

Right.

Like, I didn't have those, like, sparks anymore. Like, I had lost that. And I was like, we have those.

Sparks a lot Now? Yeah.

And now I feel like it's kind of come back. I'm like, oh. And it's because we both surrendered and.

Invested and invested in each other.

In each other. I think that's it. Thanks for coming, and we'll see you guys next time.

So there we go. We finally got to a point here. It took us 49 minutes to get to a fucking point, but we got here. And again, I'm gonna leave my point, my final point. The realization I had that night when I was sitting thinking about this, I was like, my wife feels the same way about sex as I do about buying purses, going on vacations, and paying to redo the kitchen. Like, the same resistance I'm demonstrating as a man when it comes to investing money in my wife and my children is the same kind of resistance that she was demonstrating inside of sexuality with me. And I had this weird idea one night. I was like, what if I stopped trying to get her to want to have sex with me, want to want me? What if I just learned to want to want to go on vacations, to want to want to take my wife shopping, to want to want to invest in my wife in things that she thoughts were thought were nice, that I didn't give a shit about. Like, I was a guy that was absolutely okay. Now things have changed recently over the last year or so, and I definitely have leveled up my clothing game. But nonetheless, inside of that, like, it took years to get to that point for me, and that was not the case for me in the beginning. And I had a very difficult time, but the shift was in me. So I want you to see this. I got laid more and I got paid more by changing my story inside myself, which was this. If I want my wife to change or I want things to be different for us as a couple, this demands change with me. And the final thought, I'm going to leave with you today from my side. And then Danielle gets to leave. Her final thought is this, gentlemen, you must demonstrate with your money that your marriage matters. So when you tell me things like, I cannot afford a babysitter, what you are saying is, I cannot afford a marriage that works. We cannot go on a date night, Guerra, because I do not have the money to do this. Now, listen, if you were a man who knew that your marriage was on the line, I can fucking promise you that you will find a way to get a babysitter. You will find a way to get someone to watch those children. You will find a way to get things coordinated so that you and your wife can spend time together. This is not about how much money you spend. We first together, we would go to this place called Jacintos, and I would spend like five bucks on tacos and some tortilla shells and ice cream cones and a 25 cent movie. Like, you don't. This is not about how much money you're spending, but it is a willingness for you to view your wife and your family as an asset that you invest in, not just in your business and not just in your job. That's all I have.

I don't know. I'm gonna follow that up. I mean, that was pretty good.

Well, what do you got? You always add something amazing from your perspective for the ladies. Give it to the ladies.

From the ladies. Is own your part. Like, I think a lot of women, and probably men, too, like, I feel like you just kind of slammed into the men a little bit.

All right, so slam into the women. The men right now are waiting for you to slam into the women. Just like quickie, quickie sports.

Women need to kind of let go of the guilt a little bit, and they need to.

So if they're a woman that doesn't receive the investment from their husband, what would you recommend to that woman?

There was a place in our marriage when we didn't have a ton of money and we started investing in, like, doing babysitters and things like that. And you would buy me gifts, and I was just like, you felt guilty. I felt guilty. And I see a lot of women do that. Even, like, women will come get their hair done, and they're like, but don't tell my husband. I'm like, oh. I'm like, I don't even know what to say where I'm kind of like feeling like, no, he should invest in you, and that the guy should let go and do that. But at the same time, why are you feeling like you need to hide that? I got to this place where I had to look at myself, and I'm like, okay, if I'm feeling this way, if I have to hide this money that I'm spending for my husband or whatever it is, or I'm feeling guilty. How am I showing up? And what could I do? And I started to, like, literally just try and put myself in your shoes. And. And I was like, you know what? Both men and women, we kind of need to surrender what's maybe not our needs in order to actually meet our needs and change the story. And so many people, and myself included.

Talk about the women.

Okay.

Just the Ladies.

The ladies, we get stuck in our stories. Like, the guy's not fulfilling me. But you're like, well, obviously you're probably not. Maybe you're not meeting his needs. It can't just be like, my husband's an asshole. You have to look at it a little bit different, because I looked at you, and I was like, all he wants is sex. Like, what an asshole.

And I looked at you, and I thought, all this woman wants for me to make money.

So all I'm saying is, like. And then there's even women that are like, well, I'm, like, putting out every night, and he's still an asshole. And I'm like, well, what? There's. You can't just say you can't. You have to take some ownership in your relationship and in where it's at, and you have to, like, put yourself in their shoes. Well, why is. Why is this happening? So I guess my final point in this show would be if your guy's putting in effort and he's giving your. Giving you gifts, and specifically, you know, take the gifts, take the gift, see how it feels, and then find out what is it that you could do for him that would maybe help fill his needs. And if you can do that for a bit, it's weird, because you may not want to do the act of service or whatever it is your guy wants, but then because your needs are being met, it's different. All of a sudden, you're like, oh, I kind of want to do this because my needs are being fulfilled. And then at first, it's weird. And then you find harmony, I guess you find harmony in meeting each other's needs.

We had a fantastic vacation recently.

Yeah.

And it was not weird. No weirdness about sex. No weirdness about trip. No weirdness. It was like, we've gotten to this point where the top two topics.

There's a little calm.

Yeah. And if you can't. If you, as individuals and as a couple cannot get on the same page with yourself on the topic of sex, yourself on the topic of money, if you cannot get on the same page with yourself about this and you can't get on the same page with your spouse about it, I'm gonna have you consider. I'm gonna have you consider that you will never actually come to understand what relationship is all about, because sex and the money are simply the gateway to dealing with door number three, which is the children. And once you've dealt with the children, you've dealt with the money, you've dealt with the sex the life that you can create as a couple beyond this place is fucking incredible.

That's the thing I found is it's weird because, like, I'm so stubborn, and I wanted to be like, he's an asshole. I'm not gonna surrender. Like, I don't. Like, I. No. Like, I'm not gonna do it. And then it's funny when you get to. I feel like when we get to this place of, like, harmony, you can go ten times further with you than I could by myself. Do you know what I mean? And so when I see that, I'm like, oh. Like, huh? Like, I don't know. I see there's a lot of power in the couple in relationships moving forward. So that's what I got.

So our topic this week for your date night as you go out is not gonna be the topic of sex. It's gonna be the topic of money. And you're gonna have a conversation around where you both were raised and how you were raised with money, and you're gonna get honest with each other about where you currently stand today. When you guys look at your economic situation and what improvements do you feel like can be made in you two as individuals and as a couple to make that happen? These are going to be tough conversations. I was not taking on these conversations really well in the beginning, so don't be surprised if they're a little rough in the beginning. But we know you can do it, and we appreciate you being here on this show. And there's some supplemental tools to be able to support you, particularly the men, and being able to live this game at a higher level and be accountable to it as a man in marriage and running businesses or not running businesses, which is a book called Warrior Book, if you've not checked out yet, the manual to guiding a man to having it all, which is one of the access points that assisted our marriage in a big way, was me as a man learning to take deep accountability and responsibility for myself first. And from that place, being able to step into a relationship with Danielle in a deeper way. In order to pull that off, though, you can head over to warriorbook.com, learn about the arts and science we call the Warrior's Way. We also have a series of other podcasts just like this that'll support you on a daily basis. If you have not checked out Warrior on Fire, make sure you do that by looking in itunes, Google Play, or Stitcher. For the Warrior on Fire podcast, as well as this show coming here every single week, we'd love for your subscription if you're not subscribed to the show. And we'd love a review in itunes, Google play or Stitcher if you have not left us a review. We are the number two toe in podcast itunes right now in this category when it comes to marriage, relationships and family. And we're going to take down number one with your help. We're going to keep coming back. This is episode number three, which brings a wrap. And none of your dancing has been in the video. Would you like to throw the dancing in? Throw the dancing in. Throw the dancing. Cue the dancing moves. Cue the dancing moves.

I can't dance.

I got no. We've got no tequila today. We've got no champagne, but we do have an empty Gatorade bottle and a half empty Gatorade bottle. Cheers.

Cheers to number three.

Cheers to number two. Cheers to number two. Heading to number one. Oh, cheers to number three. Episode number three with the Gatorade bottles, we are out of here. Hope you guys have a great week. We'll be back next week and the topic is going to be parenting and raising crazy children. I'm certain that we're the only ones who have children who go crazy at times.

I hope I don't cry next week.

Next week's gonna be intense because raising children can be an intense game and very emotional triggering subject. Thank you so much. Have a great week. We'll see you guys next week.