Breathwork, Intimacy, and the Journey to Connection: Dr. Corey & Jess on the Date Your Wife Podcast

All right, you guys, we are here in our living room here in Miami. Welcome to the Date your Wife podcast. We actually. This is our first guest here in Miami on the Date youe Wife podcast. We have Dr. Corey and Jessica. Do you go by Jess or Jessica?

I go by either, but lately these days. Jess.

Jess.

Okay.

We're going with Corey and Jess and we're excited to have these guys on because they are the experts in breath work. I do not know a lot about this. We are going to talk about that.

But really, we want to hear more.

About your guys's story. Building a business together. What can of crazy people?

Are you absolutely insane?

Like, seriously, Garrett and I worked together for a minute and I mean, a couple years, and I'm like, that was like the hardest time in our marriage. So kudos to you guys for being able to figure it out. But also, we were like opposite companies. You guys kind of like have similar values and similar strengths that like, work together. So thank you for being on our show today.

Thank so much for having us.

So here comes the first spiritual question out of the gauntlet. Who saw who first? Like, who's. If you go back to what before you knew each other, before you were.

Hot, you thought, he's gonna ask a real serious question.

Sexual breath. Work together.

Yeah.

Who's.

Do you want the five beers in version? Okay, so. Okay, this is real. So I was actually in a 10 year relationship, not with her, engaged for two years. Long story short, she walked out and then took half my shit. And I had to figure out my life and my business partners. At the time, I had a medical practice that I was running. Business partners asked me to leave. And so my whole life kind of imploded on itself at that time. And so I was in a period of like six months of trying to figure it out, trying to grasp at straws. And one of the things I was doing, like everybody does, is you get on Tinder, right, And you start dating.

Yes.

And I was a serial dater, right. I was just like, trying to find the one. Trying to find the one. And the week that I met her, I was on a couple dates. And I'll never forget the last one because it was the worst. You know, the one where it's like, what am I doing here? So I was at a date at a Chinese restaurant and asking this girl some questions. Couldn't even tell you. We're talking about. She, like, was falling in love with me. And I was like, trying to fall out of my chair. Oh, no. And it got to the point where she was like, hey, I really want to date you, but my ex boyfriend's living in my apartment right now and he's £300. Could you help kick him out for me? I kid you not. This is going on. I was like, no, I can't do that.

Yeah.

And this is over. Walking in the parking lot, she's trying to kiss me and stuff. Get out of here.

Oh, geez.

So fast forward a couple days later. We had her cousin, her name's Rachel, and she was a good friend of mine. And so she knew everything about Jessica and she knew everything about me, but she decided to tell Jessica everything about me and not the other way around. So it ended up being like a one way date. And so fast forward. I was so done with dating at this restaurant, about to meet her, and five years in, couple sits next to us and they start making out. And I was like, my life, I'm not doing this. And that's when she walked in.

You walked in with. It was a couple making out. So when you walked in.

No, no, they had finished. Yeah, they had finished. I don't know where they were. By that point they were gone.

And you were five years down to meet her.

Yep.

The pre game was set.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like I don't give a where the state goes tonight. I'm here to have a good time. Yep.

Yeah.

Okay. So you had all the data on him?

Yes.

He had no data on you. Did you know what she looked like?

The only reason I knew what she looked like is because I think Rachel told me a little bit about you. Well, she's the most beautiful girl that walked in the room.

But she was not sending a picture of her before. No, this was a blind date plan date.

Right. And it was interesting because it was like a group dinner date. So I was the only one that he didn't know. Everyone else was like doctors and colleagues of yours and whatnot and friends. And so here I was. I didn't know anybody, but besides my cousins, she's like, I wanted to make this like not so obvious. So like we'll have other people there and whatnot. So you can kind of just get to know each other. So he just was. He didn't get what was was going on until like much later in the night was like, oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he knew you were coming.

Yes.

She walks in, you think, what?

Wow. But I'm too drunk.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

So thank God we had the dinner, sobered up a little bit. We went to a Bar. And then it was just me, you, Rachel, and, I think her friend. And then I'll never forget, it was one of those moments where she touched my leg. And I was like, oh, okay, maybe there's something here. And we talked a little bit more. And I was tired because I was, like, working six days a week, being a doctor, all that shit. And it was like 11 o' clock at night. So I yawned, like. And she had an inside joke with her friends at the time. Obviously, I didn't know about it. Hey, if you yawn, I'm sticking my hand in your mouth.

Yeah.

And so I'm yawning. She sticks her hand and I go, what else do you do? All right, we got something going on here.

Yeah, I got your attention. So now I tell my single friends, like, just, you know, just stick your hands, shove your hands and like. Yeah, they're like shots.

It works.

Yeah.

Okay. So you. You had data, though. Were you drawn by the doctor? Was this part of the draw? What was the thing that had you say yes to come hang out?

Because it's so funny, because a lot of my girlfriends at the time were just like, oh, he's a doctor. And, like, all this other stuff that comes with that. And I was like. Like, I don't really care about that because I dated doctors in the past. And I'm just like, I'm not here for the prestige and the, you know, the accolades and the research papers that you've published and all that. I'm like, I want to know who you are.

Right.

And what I knew was that he's from the Midwest. I'm from the Midwest, too. And I mean, Midwest people just kind of jive. And I'm like, okay, if he's a real Midwesterner at heart, like, I think I'm gonna like this guy. And the big thing with that Rachel said was like, you know, I'm not into health and wellness, but, you know, you're. You know, you're into yoga. You're a yoga teacher. And, like, he's like a naturopath.

You know, she calls, like, carrot eaters.

Or something healthy, you know? So, like, I feel like you guys have stuff in common. So I was like, okay, this sounds like a guy that's up my. Up my alley.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, I mean, the doctor thing, it was like, yeah. I mean, that's a bonus. I mean, not gonna lie. But, like. But it wasn't the thing that drew me to him.

Were you stalking him on social media before that?

I did a little Bit on Facebook. But yeah, but like, he didn't have.

I didn't have much game.

I was like, how many years ago.

Did you guys meet?

This was in 2016, over eight years ago.

Okay.

Yeah, like he. I mean, you were in medical school up until, you know, 2014, 2015. And so he just wasn't like, in the social media game. I was like, oh, man, I can't. I just got to meet this guy, apparently.

Yeah, no, no, cont. Did she have. Oh, you didn't know though, cuz. You didn't have any dates. You stalk her on social media at all? No, didn't. Couldn't find if she was an only fans girl or anything.

Oh, God.

Was there even Only fans girl?

Yeah, it's like, I don't think there was a thing.

Just a basic stripper.

Is that what social media has become that now? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so you two. You two meet. You're coming out of a relationship. We're out five years down. We're recovering. You're shoving your hand in his mouth. Things are going places. You two, you two decide to become like a thing. How long in, like, how long did you know each other? Okay, here's another five years down. Big yawn. And now we're saying, hey, yeah, I like you a lot more. Let's go.

So a little backstory. So, yeah, doctor, all that kind of stuff. And I was building up my practice. It was doing well. Got. Got connected with some business partners. Like I said that that dropped me eventually later down the road, but we were building up. We did a build out on like a 1600 square foot center. Had like 10 employees building it up. And we want to do a grand opening. And so this is like Jan one, right?

Or Jan. That was January 18th.

January 18th.

Y.

Yes, yes, January. I should remember that day.

Yes, yes.

And so it was one of those things where it was like an afterthought. It's like, oh, let's. Let's do a grand opening. And then 200 people show up and the mayor of fucking Scottsdale shows up. And then there's camera crews and I was like, this is where did all this shit come from? And then he gets the big golden scissors with the ribbon and he's cutting the ribbon and I. Shit. You know, and so I had this lack of, better term existential crisis where he's cutting the ribbon. Fucking. Time slows down. And I go, oh, shit, everyone's here. This hot girl that I just met, 200 people, all friends, family, everyone's here for me.

Me, me, me.

I'm fucking living someone else's life. It was. It was like the bottom dropped out, and so I put on a face, right. And, like, did. Did the kicks and dances and all that kind of shit. And. And yeah, so that. That's what happened. And you were there. And so how did we decide to become an item is. We went back to an Airbnb because you guys. Gilbert, you know, so it was Barrett Jackson was. Was going on the. What's called the PBD Scottsdale tournament, and that's right where my office was. So you could not get out of Scottsdale, so we had to rent the last apartment, the last hotel, or Airbnb, was it? Yeah, in Scottsdale. So we head back there after all these festivities, and then we get in a fight, and I just kind of met this girl, and I remember thinking, like, I'm a doctor. All this cool shit just happened to me. Like, I don't need this. And something about you. Something about how you ask questions and held space. Mid fight, I look at her and I go, you want to be my girlfriend? I never done anything like that my entire life. It was like, just kind of like the mentality of choosing the opposite. And like, my life had been going a certain direction the entire time, and I reached the pinnacle, and I was like, fuck, I'm in the Valley. This isn't it. So I got to start making opposite choices. And so, yeah, mid fight, I was like, you want to be my girlfriend? And she was like, what are you talking about?

That's funny.

We'll find out.

Do you remember?

Yes, I was. I remember I was upset because I had. I was working for Digital media agency at the time, and I had a lot of work to do. And so when we came back to Airbnb, I was. And I had told him like, hey, I have some. Some work to do. And he was like, hey, this is. This is my day, this celebration. I'm going out with my family. I'm going out with friends. Like, you can stay here. And I remember being really upset by that, where it's just like, hey, can we have like a both? And here, like, it just kind of felt like I was just being, like, thrown, you know, thrown to the side. I was like, is this dude even. I stick around, doesn't care about me.

Right?

Yeah.

So you confront him.

Yeah.

And then you tell him to take 10 deep breaths.

We hadn't even done that.

Work.

Yeah.

Okay, so the free is happening.

Yeah.

She shoves her hand in your mouth, gets your Attention. And you ask her to be your girlfriend in the middle of your first fight. Yep. And you said yes.

It was probably a long pause.

Was it like a yes question mark?

Yeah, probably to like think about that.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, is he really asking me to be girlfriend in this moment where like most dudes would just like run, you know, like, this is the time that you would leave. Like, you actually are like coming closer to me. Like, this is, this is really weird and. Because a lot of the relationships that, you know, a lot of guys I dated prior, like, it was just like, it was like two, three months in, I'm out, I'm out. If something got tough, I'm out. That's what I was used to. So I was just like waiting for him to run pattern interrupt, like, what is happening? Yeah, but he, I mean, he like looked me in the eye. I was like, oh no, he's, he's freaking serious right now. I was like, yeah. I mean, now looking back, I'm just like. I think I knew that, like, okay, if he, if he wants to be with me in like a not so great moment, like, we could probably go through pretty hard things together, you know?

So the start of this was not normal. No. At all.

Nothing's been normal in any of this.

You both had carnage in relationships prior to totally. And now you're coming into this relationship together. So what happens after? Say yes. You guys got after it. Was that the night?

No.

I mean, you guys, why not? Wait. I mean.

No, the truth was we actually got after it. In your uncle's house on your cousin's bed.

That's the truth. Yeah. When we met. Yeah.

So it already gone down. It already got down.

By the way, just this Christmas we were at his new house, he happened to share that with the entire family. And I turned 10 sheds.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, somebody hurts on this.

Okay.

Can't be any worse than what happened in the balcony over the week.

Oh, geez. We were, we were breaking in our.

Roof and the five year old runs in.

Escape from all the kids here at this house.

She's like, why are you guys cuddling naked? Well, well, please get out sooner.

It would have been a full show. They would have never forgotten. We decided to retreat to a blanket because you were cold.

There you go. You said here is that.

Yeah, but we have this little magic stairway at the back way. And so we're sitting there, there's like.

A really cool like rooftop deck, but nobody can see it.

You know, I'm looking at Daniel backside. Look, lights. It's just the moment for me. I don't know her moment. It is moment for me. I'm like, great. I'm in my new house and checking it out. She's like getting a little cold. I was like, that's okay. Come here. Let's just change. Come over and sit in the chair. Sat in the chair, covered up the blankets. And I hear we found you. And my final three year old come running around and she's trying to cover herself up. I'm. We're still going at it. I'm not going. Paused.

No, he paused.

I'm a focused individual. I'm not letting this distraction happen right now.

You guys don't have kids yet, but.

Just know, like, yeah, this happens.

Yeah.

Yeah. Biggest blockers of all time. You wait, you have some kids.

What would make you stop, like, once they're in the room?

Well, you can't go anywhere.

You're like, I can't move.

Yeah.

I didn't stop. We just left.

No, we're like, go inside, go inside.

They finally, like it was still happening and came in. She looks so. She goes, oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Girls, come on, come on.

The teenager saved us, so it was fine.

And then she looked at me and.

Said like, like, was like, you can't.

Can you even go? I was like, oh, my God, you're not turning me on anymore. I just dealt with the interference at the.

I was, I was ruined for me. I was like, I'm. I'm tapping out.

Sorry.

Like I can't get back in the game.

Yeah. Doors shut.

Doors are shut. So you two together for how long before you get engaged? Go ahead.

Coming up on eight years and then got engaged.

Oh, wow.

So are you newly married? Newly engaged. New engaged. Oh, congrats. Thank you. Okay. Thank you.

Yeah.

And plan was to get. To get married, but then his brother just got. Just got married and we want. It wanted to do a show from him.

Right.

Okay. Like you, you do your thing, you do your big wedding and then.

Yeah, yeah, we were planning to be married for the married date. Your wedding podcast.

Yeah, yeah, we were planning on that.

You didn't want to go real quick?

Yes, I'm a minister now, so if.

We wanted to do. Hey, I'm officially a minister. I do marry. I did a few weddings. I got booked five more weddings this year.

Do you guys have a date?

So my guys, when they get divorced, you get remarried. Yeah. Okay, cool. So we gotta engage. So talk to me about this eight year time Period. Because this is a game that a lot of second relationship couples are going through, we see happening a lot, which is, hey, we're gonna make sure this works. I mean, we watch. My son's been engaged for how long? Two years.

Well, there's like a sticky spot. I see. Even when we were married, like, right around, like, six years in, you're like, oh. And then when you get close to, like, 10, you're like, I did it, so I'm 10 years in. And then you go through another sticky spot. And then, like, we're 20 years in. I'm like, last year, I was like, I think you're my person. He's like, we've been together 21 years ago. I know. I think you're finally my person.

Two years before that, I said, all right, I'm all in. She's like, well, we've got five children. I appreciate your commitment.

Yeah.

Thank you for finding all. I was like, no, no. Like, soul level. Like, I'm all in. Finally, my bullshit. Yeah. Okay. So you're working through stuff for seven tons of stuff. You got all your. Your. You've all had trauma from the past.

Yep.

So talk to me about, like, that. That the pro. Like, what were some of the most significant things you two had to work through as a couple? Because in the reality, being together for eight years, you've been living together for how long?

I mean, seven.

Seven years. I mean, you made it longer than most marriages make it.

Right.

Right. And the truth, like, today, essentially, because how many married couple people talk about divorce rates, but after, I'm like, hey, how many couples are absolutely fucking miserable and they live together but were married? One of the first questions I asked my guys in programs, like, hey, listen, situation with your wife. Real hardline question. Is this a divorceable event? Meaning if these things don't change, then will you leave? And we get. Some guys are like, no, I will never get divorced. I'm like, I can't help you. Like, what do you mean? I was like, leverages and leaving. If you can't. If you can't choose to grow and you're just settling for what this is, there's not a lot you'll be able to do. So I'm going to come to both of you. Jasmine come to you first. What is. What is the thing? And I have Danielle thing because she put our marriages on, like, the Ed on the line two years ago and called greatness out of me and said, if you don't rise to these things, I change you to know like, we're not going to work anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what was one of the big things for you with him?

Yeah.

That you had to work through either with yourself or with him together. Who.

I think one of the biggest things I had to work through was prior to meeting him, I was like a serial dater. And I, you know, I date a lot of people, to be honest. Slept with a lot of people and didn't. I would say, like, myself back then would say, like, oh, I was just having a lot of fun, and I was this and that. But, like, at the end of the day, to be honest, I didn't really love myself and really didn't see myself as worthy. Understand my worth. And so when I met him and he really saw me for who I was, and I was like, oh, he's actually gonna stick around and give up that party life, that serial dating life. It was a real, real big shift for me. And I think the thing that I struggled with was he, you know, like, he said he'd been with somebody for 10 years and, you know, have engaged for two and didn't necessarily have a lot of partners before me, whereas I was on the, you know, other side of the spectrum. And so that was like a really. That was one of the lowest moments in our relationship, because I did. I also didn't feel comfortable sharing with him about, like, my past. And so that when there was a point where that was, like, revealed, he was like, what the fuck? Like. And we've actually never talked about this publicly, but it was really hard because we just had very, very different backgrounds coming into this relationship. And to be. I mean, for the most part, I feel like usually that's like the guy that's more like that. So then it was like. Then I felt a certain way, and I felt really embarrassed and shame, even though I was like, no, I'm in this. But I think it definitely caused a lot of mistrust because one, you know, I hadn't revealed all this stuff about my past. And then two was like, you know, he had, I mean, rightfully so, concerns of, like, well, are you going to want to go back to that? Are you going to. Are you really going to be committed? Because I had never been with somebody for this, this long, and that was probably a year and a half into our relationship.

Right?

And so for me, I had to really, you know, show him that, like, I'm here and I'm in it for the long haul and I'm not going anywhere. But that that was really confronting, especially for Me and that it took, I mean, a year, two years.

It was like counseling to really repair.

Yeah.

Spiritual experiences. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a piece that we see. We see it. I mean, as much exposure as I have the guys, we also have deep exposure to the female space and Danielle's brand with hairbrand. And this conversation right here comes up a lot, particularly for, like, second marriages or, like, individuals who just walk totally different paths and then come together. The soul see each other and like, oh, my God.

It's like, oh, yeah, you're.

Whoa, you're it. And then we get to deal with, like, physical life of, like, what that was all about before this game began. So coming from your perspective, you're hearing this from her.

Right.

And it spirals you. Which naturally would like this. If it's the opposite way, it spirals the other person, too. No matter who. It doesn't seem to matter. We've seen. It doesn't matter.

It's like you almost feel like I don't even know you. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

It's like you've been living this other person but you.

But it's wild because you even look what's happening, like, in the media today. People are being, like, completely persecuted because of they did 15 years ago. It's like there's no forgiveness principle available anywhere. And it's hard if you've held a standard like this or that with money or relationships or whatever the case is. And then the person that you say is your person, like, didn't have the same past, yet that past is like, what makes you who you are and drawn into it.

That's why you're here with me. Yeah.

Which is crazy. So what's. What's going on for you when she's sharing these things with you and you're. You're taking this on.

Yeah. I mean, the truth. The truth of it is. Gosh, this is weird going back through it. The truth of it is, it wasn't really necessarily her revealing. It was me digging and digging and digging and digging some more. And I think that's really where I went wrong in the process, is it got down to the point where I wanted to know every detail. And there was even kind of. We weren't official yet, but there was kind of a period where you were partying. I think you went to your friends. Birthday, birthday, Colorado. And so we were texting, and so she's sending me these pictures. She's in the club. And then it's like, who the fuck's that guy? You know? You know what I mean?

I do.

And then it's like, don't hear from you. Don't hear from me. Don't hear from you. Like, next day, what happened? We were texting. Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? You can read between the lines there. And it's like, oh, I see how this is. And then as a guy, you're like, do you even value me? Here I am texting you late at night, and you're having a great time. Time with another guy. And so it was just like. And I think what also played into it, too, Garrett is past relationship partner. Like, leaving me, quite honestly, out of the blue, like, after 10 years, taking half my shit, then me finding out, oh, yeah, your new boyfriend grabbed a bunch of my shit and, like, helped you move out. And so it's just, like, that violation that happened, and it felt like it was happening again when in all reality, we weren't an item yet, and she was just having a good time.

And this piece right here, this. This conversation. These are the conversations everybody avoids. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Right.

So, number one, I honor both of you for, like, talking about it here, truly, like, because I know how hard that is. In the world I'm in. It's so difficult to get individuals to be honest with a coach or to be honest with another brother or a woman to be honest with her sister next to her, but then to confront that just primal honesty with each other.

Oh.

I mean, she. I would say she emotionally lied to me for 20 years.

I feel like it's. It's interesting, though. It's like, you feel like you're harboring secrets, and you're like, I don't want to share my past with you because I don't want you to judge me.

Yes.

But at some level, you're like, I got it. I got to tell you. Like, I'm gonna explode if I don't get this out. And so then it's hard because the guy. Then you're like, I don't want you to react, and, like, it's okay, babe. But then at the same time, you're like, I kind of have to expect that you're gonna react like this.

Right.

But it's. In harboring these secrets even though they're not. It literally, like, your soul's, like, dying from it. You're like, I have to. Especially the person I love, I have to get this off my chest. And I've gone on back and forth with him so many times where I'm, like, withholding my Truth.

Yeah.

And what happens is then that's like one day, like, he spills some milk, and I'm like. And I, like, blow up. And he's like, what's this really about? And I'm like, because this and this and this. And I didn't share my truth, and I'm harboring these secrets, and women are very good at that. And then so eventually it kind of blows up on him. And so I've tried to be better, even married. 21 years of, like, this is bugging me, but I have to speak my truth, because otherwise I hold it and I hold it in like, poison in my own body.

And what's the. What's the energy about that? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, is it. Is it to protect him?

I think for me, it's like, okay, if I share this with him, is it going to spark a fight? How is he going to react? Is he going to judge me for it? And so, like, for me, I have to be, like, very careful with my words and my timing. Even this morning, like, I was like, I'm having issues with my teenage daughters because they're teenagers, right?

Yeah.

And I was like, I'm not feeling, like, fully supported. And I feel like he was traveling last week, and I was like, I just feel like everybody's, like, against me. So I said, I was like, I'm gonna send him this text message. And he might. He might take it offensively, but I'm like, I gotta share this. And I just said, hey, I don't feel supported as a parent. And I'm like, and the kids are crazy, and I would really love your support. I don't need you to fix anything. And I said, and I don't need you to tell me what I could do better. And that's all I said. Because I realized men are natural fixers. And then women are like, ah, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. And so I kind of framed it that way. And he just came up and he just, like, listened. And then I felt better. I was like, oh, thank you for listening. It didn't necessarily solve the problem, but at least I felt validated. I was like, okay, well, so when you start. Do. When women start doing that, we feel safer to share our secrets, if you will. Our feelings because of the guy is less reactive, and they're like, oh. Like, it's just kind of holding space.

So.

But that can happen with, like, I mean, with anything, you know, like, if you go a long period of time of not talking about something. Like, eventually, like, even the hard stuff, like, it's gonna come out. So it's like, we have to be better about it, you know, like sharing it when it comes up, instead of like, letting it harbor and then blowing up and being like, you're being a.

Shitty dad, you know?

And I just love. I mean, the guys. Guys, Guys receive this so different. Different. It's just like. It's just different. Right. And I think society's accepted that, oh, that guy, that guy had this lifestyle and the girl didn't. And so that's okay. And then the girl had this lifestyle but not the guy. But that's not okay. And that's just like somehow wired in men.

Yes.

I don't understand it. It's just like the same topic. Like. Like there's. If we came to you too and said, hey, you guys ever thought about having a threesome with another guy? The answer is likely no.

No.

Like this. She doesn't have rooms. Guys like, no, no, but guys, like, I thought about it. Threesome with another woman. Yes. And it's accepted. Like, there's the weird programing in. I don't. We don't know where it comes from. As a guy. I don't even know where it comes from. That's why if a guy is cheated on versus a woman's cheated on, the responses are totally different. Women. I'm not saying doesn't hurt women, but I'm saying you men who are cheated on, these guys fucking spiral like, real bad.

Yeah.

Because there's something a man code of like, wait, I don't know if it's that we claim you girls like it.

Probably, like, it's like your whole identity. You're like, how dare you kind of thing, you know, Like, I don't know.

I mean, we've been together this long and I still. I still have moments about just her boyfriends from high school. I met her when she was 18.

Oh, wow.

And I dug Duck. Duck. Yeah. I don't like, bro. We've been together for 23 years, have five children. I'm over here digging down a path to find out. Yeah, but. Yeah, but I think you really did sleep with that guy. No, no, no. It wasn't really. No, no, no. Tell me more. Yeah.

What is that?

Getting more angry the whole time I'm listening and. But I have to reality checks myself. I'm like, hey, dude, you're. You're almost 50. I've been this woman 23 years. Yeah, she was in high school.

Yeah.

This guy Might be a long time ago. This guy might be dead. It doesn't matter.

And we're going like, we're still here. Like, come on. Like, why are you bringing. Why are you digging right now?

Like, okay, so this was yours. What was. What was. Outside of that topic? What was the thing you had to work through for you. With you, too. So that getting engaged was a decision that your soul said, let's go.

Yeah.

Why'd it take so long?

I know. Do you see the ring? That's why it took so long Right there. Yeah. What did you say about the ring the other day?

Oh, yeah.

You're gonna start a mini course.

Yeah, do like a mini course. Like a free masterclass. Like, hey, single ladies. Like, if you really want a big rock, this is what you have to do. Wait eight years.

Yeah.

The number one secret to.

Yeah, secret to getting the big rock.

Right.

Put a ring on it. Okay, so you're. You're. This was one topic. I'm sure there were hundreds of topics you guys worked through, but what was a big one for you?

I think it really was around kind of what we're talking about and the trust thing, because it's like, if I'm going to go in, especially at the time when. When all this shit blew up, we were starting to kind of build whatever this ended up being. We were doing, like, some workshops, taking on some private clients outside of what I was doing with the medical practice. And so it was like, I am all in and I do not want to be 45. It was the fear. It was like, I do not want to be 45 years old and have this happen to me again, you know, or it's like I drive you away. I have a lot of energy. And so I. We were talking about this the other day. It's like I have like, nuclear reactor radiation energy where it's like. Or it's like. Or it's like nuclear energy where it's like, it could be a nuclear reactor that produces light and love. Like when you have our big events and like, I show up and. And give people so much beautiful energy, and then I can be a bomb. Like a nuclear bomb.

Yeah.

And when I blow up, it gets on and everything. And you can't wash that shit out. And I'll let you know about it and I'll.

You know what I mean?

It's just like, it eats away at the relationship. And so, yeah, for me, it was really just a trust thing on. It's like, are you going to be a floors and go up to Colorado or go out to Vegas again and like when we're not doing well and like have your squeeze and then not tell me about it. And then here I am, the bitch on, you know, on the back end. And that's really what it was for me. Cause it's like if I'm going to go a hundred percent in and give this level of effort personally and professionally in our business, I gotta know you're all in. And I gotta know whatever you do on that end, I'm aware of when.

Things are too good. Do you find like for both of us, it's like you almost self sabotage.

I think I do that more on like the financial side actually. Yeah. What do you feel?

Yeah, I mean I definitely feel that from, from him, I'll have to say. And then I kind of get like sucked into that and I'm just like, wait a minute, why are we doing this? Yeah, this, things are going really well. And I think that for a number of reasons, I mean like we've, we have somewhat similar like upbringing, but when we were growing up, both of us in different ways had to be caretakers for like our own parents and like our siblings. And so I think that there's a lot of moments where we kind of thrived in chaos.

Yes.

And so it's like you have to really unlearn that when you are. It's like this survival mechanism where you had to step in and take care of other people from such a young age. It's like, wait a minute. I can also thrive when things are good, not just when, you know, when, when shit goes down or people need me that, you know. So we've had to really like, I.

Think people need to know the level for you though. Like you grew up, you're the oldest in a deaf household. So both her parents are deaf. Yeah. And so she had to immediately go into the role of. If there's a 911 call, if something's happening with my parents, I have to negotiate like a car payment.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I was their full time interpreter, so I was like sitting in on so many conversations that you shouldn't as a, as a child and so many things I was involved with and, and so, and then at times like having to raise my younger siblings and you know, having something into a parent role. But all that to say is that, okay, yeah, we can thrive in chaos, which is like, I mean it's made us the people that we are. It's made us the leaders that we are. I think it's like contributed to a lot of great aspects like within our business and how we can really step up in certain moments and challenging moments. But then it's like, well, what happens when things are going well? Like, can you also like thrive in that environment? So that's what I think in the last couple years is something that we're really like focusing on is like, shit's good. And like, let's maintain that. Like, let's let it be good.

So the number one killer we watch with, with guys and that just stuff. And this is what this was part of what was going to end us two years ago and she confronted was reactivity. Right. So you take particularly. You got high producing men who are very driven. Driven, driven. The dark side of being a high producing man on the light side of the keyboard, the dark side is reactive as fuck. So triggered react. So same explosive energy that leads the room is the same explosive energy that burns the room down. And it's like this balancing act. When did you feel like you got to a place? Because this. If you peel back almost every marriage, every significant relationship, you will find that code. And it's 90 of the times, guys, guys react.

I think that's what keeps women from sharing though, for sure. Because it's like, how is it? But you have to be very, like I said, you have to be so careful with how you share it.

Right.

It's like how I approached here this morning. I'm like, I don't want you to fix the problem and I don't want you to tell me what I'm doing wrong. You know? And it's like, if you can get more comfortable doing that, then it's safe to talk to men. But men, yeah, very reactive men, women start to kind of close down.

Right.

Become very resentful.

Yeah.

I think if you did that topless.

It would be better if you did any. But that doesn't solve the problem.

All problems go away. Yeah, it's like, we can't do. I could take my shot.

I actually have tried that. When I can tell he's about to blow up, I'm like, there you go. And he's like, like, what was I saying? I'm like, exactly what?

There we go.

Yeah.

There's no man on the planet who can take his clothes off and get the attention.

Like, I'd be like, what are you doing?

Like, you flash me that, Let me pull my pants down. What do you think? You distracted? She's like, put away. I'm not interested.

Pull your pants back.

You Guys, us. And we like completely. It's. It scrubs the grid and reactivity disappears and we're just horny. We're like, whoa. Right? That's how distracted we can become by sex. It's like just as like. Hello. I don't know what I was talking about. I mean, occasionally I could be so angry that I'm like, no, I'll punish her.

Yeah. And I will tell him. I'm like, you're only punishing yourself.

And then she's right. And I'm like, come back around. Okay, so the reactivity side for you though, when, when did you start to feel more of a grasp for it? Because this is the number one thing, guys. We're struggling with it and once they get it, they actually move into a more immovable.

Yep. Maybe we need to work through this because I don't think I've ever thought about it this way. I mean, I'm 37. I think that was part of it. One of the greatest tools I've ever been gifted, I think is seeing my parents, my family, especially my cousins fuck up like crazy drugs. Like, I can't believe I'm saying this right now. I'll probably get in trouble. But I was doing a ride along because I thought I wanted to be a cop. And this was like probably better part of two decades ago. And I was doing a ride along and there was a report of a woman running out of a mental hospital on like 6th street in Hennepin in Minneapolis in the middle of winter. And we almost went to that fucking call. That was my aunt.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. So like mental health rampant throughout my family. And so I have always been able to. And we talk about this privately a lot of like seeing other people and how life plays out and be like, oh, that's interesting. So if you do that, that, that, that's how things play out for you. And so for me, with my anger, I definitely got that from my dad and it definitely showed up in a lot of ways. And I started to play the game of if I keep being this angry all the time, how is this going to play out? What is this actually going to look like? Because it can almost guarantee you I will be single. I will be the quintessential doctor with money running around single with some 20 year old floozy. And that's not what I wanted. But yeah, I. I'm not sure, I'm not really sure.

When did the, when did the breath work start for you guys? When did that become an active piece? I mean like Five years ago, six years ago.

I mean, really early on. I mean, like, right away I was getting really deep into breathwork. I got introduced to it in college at a time where I was really stressed and I mean, just running on adrenaline and just in overdrive and just chasing, like, wanting to be the top of my class and the accolades and all this stuff. And I thought, like, oh, you just have to like, sacrifice your. Your health and your well being for. For success. And it got so bad to the point where I started having grand mal seizures and I got diagnosed with epilepsy.

Oh, wow.

And I mean, so much so to the point where, I mean, if I. I mean, I was probably a few seizures away from losing my life.

Wow.

And that for me was like a very pivotal moment. Cause it's like I can't keep living the way that I'm living and not sleeping and taking care of myself and wrecking havoc on my body and insert breathwork. About a year or two after my first grand mal seizure and I started to feel so much better. My mind was calmer. I was able to focus. I wasn't so tired all the time. Like, my brain wasn't. I mean, quite literally. So like, overreactive, right? And so I was like, there's something to this. So I got really hooked into breathwork in. In college, and a lot of my friends started to do it and. And a lot of my friends inspired me because I was like, seeing how like, calm and happy they were, and I was like, wow, okay, there's something to this. And so what is breath work like?

Because I'm like, I know you guys all know, but I'm like, new to the game.

Yeah, that's a great question. We get that asset a lot. Breath work is essentially like an active meditation. So a lot of people will come to us and they're like, I've tried meditating. I can't sit still. I can't just. I can't shut my mind off. I mean, you know, I'm an overthinker. And so breath work is basically, you get the benefits of meditation. You get that calm, that relaxation, that. That focus, healing, transformation. But it's. But it's active. So you're breathing in a certain way the entire time. There's a ton of different forms of breath work.

Is it like a time thing where you're like, I'm gonna do breath work for 20 minutes or.

Yes, it absolutely can be. Yeah. So there's practices that are like three minutes, or you can do even in less than A minute. And then the. The type that we lead is conscious, connected breath work. And then we formulated with, even within that camp reset breath work. So our journeys are usually about 40 minutes long. People wait.

It's literally just like a pattern of breathing. Like breathing in.

Oh, it's. It's like getting hot.

I'm like, super naive about it.

It's like, if you were to do, you know, you wouldn't do any psychedelics with me anyways.

Oh, we should talk about that.

The breath work side of it is, like, I have plenty of friends and I've had the same experience. You can go 30 to 40 minute breath work exercise with the solitaire to know what they're doing. You will be in the pocket like you had just ketamine dropped or you have mushrooms. Like, I mean, you won't have some of the visual stuff that way, but it's not my experience. But you'll have as deep emotional experience with it. And it's crazy.

I don't think I've ever done like a yoga class. A little bit, you know, super crazy.

That you can do that with your own body. But I mean, everything the psychedelics are doing anyways are like triggering pieces that already exist inside of you. Well, some people. Some of the synthetics are different. They're still kind of activating it. But breath, I think you'd actually really love breath work. I actually. I know you would.

Well, it's funny how you're like, you know, I can't sit and meditate. When he started meditating, I was like, why are we laying here for so long? What are we doing? But it's funny because, like, I'll get in these moments where I'm like, in my head and I'm like, I just. What is going on?

Yeah.

Do you have trouble sleeping?

Oh, I don't sleep at all.

She sleeps.

Like, I. The problem is too, though, because we're in, like, toddler phase with my kids. They wake up almost every night. But then my brain turns on, right? And then I'm like, I should go on Amazon. I should order this. I need to go check on this. And then, like, I'll have a lot of, like, repeating thoughts. And I'm like, I just want to sleep.

Yeah.

But when my first. So I have my first two kids. I remember not sleeping very well when they were toddlers as well. And then when they got older and were sleeping through the night, I started to sleep better. But I'm just like a light sleeper. So if I get woken up, it's like, my brain's, like, ready to go. Like, he's like, you're in bed for nine hours. I'm like, I think I got three and a half hours sleep. But. Yeah, yeah, but it'll catch up to me. Like, I'll be like, five days where I've had, like, no sleep. And then I'm like, I feel like a train wreck. And then I'll get, like a couple good night's sleep. And it's this weird pattern. I'm like, oh, I gotta. I've tried. Like, listen, in the middle of the night, I literally put on, like, meditation music.

Yeah.

And. And it, like, wakes my brain up. I'm like, where am I going? Down a jungle trail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I know you guys like to work out.

Yeah, clearly.

Well, what I would suggest is trying some form of long form conscious, connected breathing. Because it's a little bit different than just listening to something calm at the end of the night. How our nervous system is meant to operate is primally. So we're supposed to have big spurts of stress, but during short periods of time followed by long periods of parasympathetic activity. And so if you are constantly in more of a sympathetic state, or you're listening my kids, this noise, what do I need to do? What do I need to order? You're probably in more of a sympathetic state. And so, contrary to popular belief, and this is where me and Jessica, in the breathwork world, it gets really edgy, is we believe, instead of doing that super controversial all the time, right. Actually lay down and breathe your ass off. Because what you'll do is you'll activate your sympathetic nervous system and allow it to reset. It's like a fucking thermostat. So if you're at 90 all the time, you're like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then you crash and you have to sleep. You just do it over again and do it over again and do it over again. And so in order to break that cycle, you have to mimic that. That primal stress response. And that's what we're doing partially with breath work. Ton of other we could talk about, but I think it'd be really, how.

Do you often do you do it? Like once a day or.

I. I'm opening. It just depends. Like, you've got a ton of trauma and stuff. I mean, yeah, you can come and do it like two, three times per week. Do like full sessions with us, but for someone like, you. Where you're, like, looking to modulate your stress and your sleep pattern like, once a week.

Oh, yeah. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny because I'm, like, super, like, calm and collective, I always say, on the surface, and then I'm like a duck. My. Like, everything's, like, internally underneath the surface. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I need to turn it off. But it's just. I don't know. It's like, how I'm wired. And then, like, obviously with toddlers and teenagers, I wouldn't recommend that at the same time, but I'm like, I got to be able to manage it without feeling like I need to go pop a pill.

Yeah.

You know, so I'm very much like, I'd rather figure out a more natural path to do it, you know, so.

And that's exactly what breath work is like. You're essentially just creating a new baseline. Right now your baseline is up here, and it's probably, most of the time, just always there. Like, there may be. Yeah. You maybe have some moments where you sleep well or you're, like, calm.

Right.

Or whatnot. But then it goes right back up here.

Right.

So we just get to bring the baseline towards something here that's out of survival mode.

And my body won't know what to do. I've lived in survival for so long. Yeah.

Right. And that's a fun place to play in as you get there.

And tequila just numbs it.

Oh, yeah.

Right, Right.

Yeah, Totally.

Or does it?

Tequila makes her clothes fall off, I've learned.

Yeah, Tequila makes Danielle's clothes fall off too. Yeah, it's a. It's a small print on the bottom of the bottle. Vodka makes her angry. Whiskey makes her violent, and tequila makes her just close.

Close fallout, you know?

Wow. Thank God to the Mexicans.

Have a margarita and you're good to go.

Thank God for the Mexicans.

I know where you vacation now.

The happiest drink of all time. Okay. So the reactivity was a process. It seems like it might have unfolded as you. When did you start introducing breathwork to him?

So this was when we were. When we first started dating, and. And he was living in Phoenix, I was living in San Diego, and we were doing long distance for about nine months. And like I said, I mean. So in about 2011 is when I first got introduced to breath work, and I had been practicing it. I. When I was working at Stanford University, I started teaching it to undergrads and grad students because I saw how stressed that they were, and it was helping them so much. And at the time, I was like, well, this is my passion. This is my calling, but you can't make money doing this. So I was like, just do something more practical. Be real with yourself. And so I just kind of kept shoving it off to the side, to the point where in 2017, I was like, I have to at least go for this. And there are ways that you can, because people in the spiritual space are like, oh, if it's spiritual, you can't make a living doing this. And we even had mentors say that people that we like were like, oh, wow. And they. They even said, you can't actually make a living doing this. You have to do other stuff on the side.

They also don't say that.

What's that?

The spiritual people, they don't like that. That.

Right?

We do.

We are big fans. Big fans. So welcome to the show. Thank you. Now qualify. We just talk.

I bet people listen to you more because you're more real and less like, healer fruity like that. You're like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, because I. That was like, I was very turned off when he would start talking about, like, all this hippie dippy. And I was like, that's weird. So to, like, talk to you guys, I'm like, oh, you're normal too. That's.

Yeah, it's like, we can go there with people, but then also, like, we're like, we've got two feet on the ground, and, like, we're here on. On planet Earth.

Yeah.

Right. So, yeah, I mean, we definitely. We said like, that, like, we can make a living doing this type of work. And so I got into yoga teacher training, which led me down a deeper rabbit hole of breath work. So here I was going deeper into conscious, connected breath, which is we've talked about a little bit. And I would have, you know, we Long distance. We'd talk late at night. We had a full day of patience and whatnot. We talk at night. And I was sharing with him my breath work experiences. And, like, I was like, I turned into an eagle, and I was, like, flying in the sky, and I could, like, see, like, my whole life. And I was having these huge visions. And, like, I felt so powerful. And he was like, were you. Did they slip you anything?

Was there Kool Aid involved? Like, what happened?

Yeah. Cause he's like, I've been meditating. I've done Wim Hof, like, but he's like, I've never had experiences like that. Like, what is going on. And when I told him I was gonna start training in this work, he was like, I'm in. Let's go. And I'm like, but you haven't even done any of that. He's like, no, I trust you. Like, I'm in. And so that's when we started training, really getting deep into this. This work, taking other trainings, and then formulated our own methodology. But, yeah, I mean, for me, it was like, I. I've got to go for this thing. And then I shared it with him. You can join me or not. Like, you can be in it, into it or not. But, like, this is. This is. This is my path. And I mean, luckily he was like, let's go. But his. His background was in plant medicine.

Yeah, I was in plant medicine.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like, so you're like, that's middle of the Amazon, Niue Rao. So, yeah, when I was in medical school, one of my. And ended up being friends, Joe for he's big in the. In the. The plant medicine space and whatnot. But at the time, he owned a retreat center in Niue Rao in Aquitos, Peru, which is like in the heartbeat. The heartbeat of the Amazon.

Yeah.

And so, yeah, I mean, I went from drinking alcohol, maybe smoked a few joints, and then I spent a month down there.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. And it. I mean, it ripped me into a thousand pieces and then spat me out the other side. And what was that?

Was that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Intense. Intense. Very intense. Very intense work.

Yeah.

No, I. Is the only thing I haven't done.

You should.

Yeah, I've tried. It's interesting. Like, for me, it was like, all of us been stuff I've been called to. So I was scared. I was terrified of playing this. I don't want anything to do with any of it.

Yeah.

I was like, no way. And then the switch flipped and then went three years real hard in the pain with it, and then it turned off again.

Yep.

And I just shut off. And I was like, oh, I'm done, period. I can do five meo. I was like, I want to, but no.

Right.

You go down to the jungles. I had a lot of different experience with it too. Like, I had a lot of friends who had done it with group experiences and group releasing experiences down in Costa Rica down in Peru. And then also people here in the US And a lot of different facilities that we push people to. And I just always liked the custom concierge, which is all my experience has been. I did one group experience, and sure enough, it was in with mushrooms. But. And a very. We had a shaman there was doing ikaros and doing the whole thing. And I brought a bunch of my guys and one of my dudes freaked out in the middle of it. I had to contain him. I was immediately out of the medicine, like into that's tough, violent tent. Anger got thrown into the medicine experience and it all up and it was great. And I was like this group. I'm never doing this again because usually I'm by myself. Two facilitators and then a guide. Right. Just by myself. Right. But I was going to high end places where it's like 10 to $20,000 per journey. And like you're staying on site for three days and you're prepping and then you're having your experience and then you're debriefing and integrating the day after. So I had a very different experience than people who go down with 75 people they don't know and lay down on mats.

Yep.

Like, it's just a very different experience. So I haven't had that experience. A lot of my guys have done that though. So you went down that you were down. Breath work. And we go down the plant medicine world. We go down.

Well, she's talking about these eagles and stuff and I'm like, what are you doing?

Yeah, we know you've been to that. You've seen the eagles. We just didn't see the eagles without drinking a bunch of stuff. You're shoving your hand in his mouth.

Correct.

He's, he's, he's coming back. He's asking me, his girlfriend in the middle of the fight.

Good luck tonight, Daniel.

Now I know the trick though. Yawn. Like.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, so how does breath work make sex better?

Oh my gosh.

So let's start.

Well, that happened today for us, I can tell you that. Yeah, Well, I think, I think when you're looking to create more connection and intimacy in your relationship, it's about novel experiences. Right. Outside of like sex and sex positions in the bedroom, but like novel experiences. And so we did, right before this, like a couple hours ago, we laid on an amazing bed overlooking Miami and we did a breathwork session together and then, you know, sealed the deal.

And it was amazing different. So you do the breath work and then you have sex. Is it more, is it more intimate? Yes.

Because it's not like noise your souls together a little bit. Totally.

Yeah. Because it's about the experience. I mean, you're laying down breathing. Maybe there's some emotions or some music and Then you roll over, you look at her, and you're like, oh, yeah, I love you. Let's do it from this place. Rather than out of convenience or not lack of convenience, out of desire and need. It's like we're actually just gonna co create right now.

Yeah.

And that's what's beautiful. Yeah.

And you release a lot of the bullshit, right? Because you can come in to, you know, into the bedroom, and it's like you're carrying all the stuff from the day. You know, you carry all the stuff in your mind or, you know, I'm. I'm upset about something that you did earlier or said earlier. And I'm bringing that into this. And I'm forgetting why I'm like, with you. I'm forgetting why, like, you know, I. I love you and why we're doing this thing together, you know, so the breath just brings you back to, like, what actually matters, and you just clear out all the other. Yeah.

So how long was the breathwork session?

I mean. I mean, you can do it as long as it.

Today?

About 15.

15 minutes.

15 minutes?

Yeah.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And did you match it for 15 more minutes? Do we eclipse it for 15 or did your last three minutes?

There was no. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know.

Is there like a correlation? If I breathe. If I breathe for 40 minutes, I last for 40 minutes. Now, you put that in a box, you sell that for $550,000.

I know. Can you do research?

I mean, there's no marathon. I mean, it was. It was like 5K.

Okay.

Was it a 5K?

You tell me. I think.

I think it was a 10k. Yeah.

Okay.

It was a 10k for you.

10K. Yeah.

Thank you. I got a marathon in me every.

Once in a while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every man has a marathon in him when provoked. Correctly.

That's right.

Or he's got three bullets in the chamber. Yeah. Okay, so. So let's talk about this. Like, even off the breathwork side, sex and intimacy is a big topic.

Yes.

It's probably outside of the reactivity, which is a up in communication, which up sex. And you get this weird sequence we found. Communication starts it on both sides. But you and I, as men, yes, through breathwork, can feel these things. But one of the ways we feel loved. At least I do. And 99 of the men I've ever led feel loved when we have sex. Sex. So, like, I'm more intimate with her and more caring and more open. If we're Having consistent, regular, quality sex. If we're not, there's a piece of me that can endure and survive. Yeah. But I don't feel it. Now. The flip reversal is she wants time and to be heard and feel intimate, which are all the things I want to do post orgasm. Right. These are all things she wants from me. Pre orgasm.

Right.

She's like, I need that. I need that pre com of sitting and listening. I need you to just sit and be.

Yeah. But I figured out over the years, I figured out how men work, and I was like. Like, what's three minutes of my time together?

Three minutes?

Yeah.

Used to be three.

Well, because I just realized that's how men's brains are wired.

Yeah.

And it almost like gets. Gets them out of the work mode and then they, like, see you. You're like. All of a sudden you're like, oh, you can see me. Thank you. Like, it just kind of diffuses any, like, work frustrations or whatever. So it's like.

I think there's nuance, but I get what you're saying.

So tell me about how, like, from your position, like, as a man.

Yeah.

In this relationship, like, what. What is. What is. What is the game of sex for you with her? Like, when you look at the significance of it in your relationship and how you view that, that specific physical and emotional and spiritual act for you in relationship, like, these are conversations, by the way, 99% of couples do not have. Right. Is this fight about it.

Yeah.

And they don't communicate well about it because they don't tell the truth.

Right.

So for you. Yeah. With her.

Yes.

What is that game for you? Like, what is the thing you need or you want or you desire in relationship? When it comes to sex and being.

Yeah. As far as, like, frequency, it's like once a week for me, Honestly, it wasn't like that in the beginning of the relationship. It was like, she's hot. Oh, my God. Bunny rabbit all the time. Can never get enough.

Right.

But that. Honestly, I think. I think what changed for me is we started doing so many other aspects in our life and around business or events. And I'm not trying to obfuscate your question, but, like, I really like intimate experiences with you that have some cushion on either side. I don't like the bunny rabbit sex anymore.

Yeah.

I don't enjoy that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because usually what happens is I do the bunny rabbit thing and then I just want a bunny rabbit more.

Yeah.

And so. Yeah. For me, like, what it really looks like and encapsulates It's. Yeah, it's about once a week is really good. And I like to have, like, an experience. So it's like Miami floor, room 1230. Not that anybody needs to know that. Her hands on the window. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's like. It's more about an experience for me. And so it's like, yeah, what are.

We have other. It sounds like you have. When you have other moments where you connect, it's like, less on your mind of what you're chasing, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Same question, Jess.

Yeah.

What about for you?

I mean, honestly, it's the same for. For me. And we've definitely have talked, like, through this as far as frequency and all of that and, like, what are. What are our needs? And, you know, because. Yeah, in the beginning of the relationship, it was the bunny rabbit. And I feel like that was like. That was like the high. Like, that was. That was like. Those were peaks moments. Right. But now, with what we've built and what we've created, we have so many other peak moments, you know, that we share that. It's not like I have to just chase this. This one thing to, like, feel connected to you, feel all this energy, and it's like there's. I get that in a lot of other ways with what we create.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it's not like we're broke, sleeping in our car, doing breathwork events like we did six years ago. It's like. And the peak moment was like, I'm going to get it in so that I can. It can be a distraction or. Or a way for me to feel good. There's a lot of other ways we get to feel good. Yeah, totally.

Well, it's like Garrett and I, we have some successful single friend guys, and they get to this place, they're like, I don't really care. It's not. I want more than just the sex, you know, it's like, yeah, that's great. And that's a perk of being married and being in a relationship. But I think men and women want more than. It's beyond just the sex. It's other significant moments, like you said. And, yeah, it's a need. We're human. Yeah. But it's like. Like, you don't. You're not, like, counting or you're not in, like, what do you call it? Bunny rabbit stage.

But the clock does start, though.

Yeah.

It's a week.

Yeah.

Like, it starts ticking.

Yes.

And then I hear it, and then it gets louder and louder. So. Yeah. But I Hear what you're saying.

Yeah.

For me, it's like a disc. It's almost.

How many times a week do you. I'm six.

Good.

Like, you're great.

I'm good. Like, two. Two is good. Like, but for me, it's almost like it's not about the sex. It's like I feel more connected in a way. Like, I'm like, oh, I feel like we're like drifting a little bit because kids and chaos and everything. And I'm like, I just need to connect with you that way.

Yeah.

Then it. It'll almost like, open something else where I'm like, oh, there you are. Like, I can't describe it. It's just like, oh, I can now. I can see you clearly. Like, a little bit of fog has gone away.

So I think you've. You've learned too, like, with the anger and aggression and all that kind of stuff that I have.

Yeah.

Like, you'll. She'll even notice. Like, oh, we need to have sex so that you can tone down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, the dog can go from like.

A 10 to a 2.

Yeah.

I'd say that's common in men. Like, he'll have a long work trip. And I used to be resentful and it would take me a few days to warm up to him. Now when he has a long work trip, I'm like, get your ass upstairs. Yeah, we gotta take care of this.

Yeah, right?

Yes.

Because I realized I'm like, he's been gone. He's so excited to see me. And I'm like, it's fine. Get that out of the way.

Yeah.

You know?

Oh, yeah. Like. Like when I went on my. I want an elk hunting trip for the first time. Fucking amazing. Like, went to Shoshone national park, like, 30 miles off the county road. Fucking grizzly bears forest. It was nuts. And I was out for 10, 12 days, something like that. Drove back 17 hours, like, on caffeine. And like, what happened? What happened?

I mean, he got like. He.

I mean, it was just like such intense sex.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he drove 70 hours straight. I thought he was like, stop somewhere for a night. Because he had been just hiking in the mountains, right?

Like, you got to go.

He's like, 17 hours straight. I mean, he comes. He's got like. I mean, you know, you don't shower, right? And so it's like, he's just all dirty. Lips are super chapped. And I'm like, what's up?

Why we don't need to kiss.

Yeah. I'm just like, you're so sexy right now.

Oh, my God.

I'm like, hey, go in the shower. Like, shower off. And then. Yeah, yeah.

But it's kind of like what you're talking where it's like, that clock was ticking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which Danielle. Danielle's gotten primal. The bigger I get.

I don't know about primal. I just. I'm like, okay, let's take care of this. And then everybody's happy. And you.

Fingernails in the back and biting. She tries to play it off. She's primal, savage.

Well, because I. I realized, like, if he hasn't seen me for a while. Well, one of our friends called this. But, like, pincushion sex or mercy sex. He doesn't want mercy sex. He wants me to, like, show up. He's like, I haven't seen my wife in 10 days.

Oh, you know.

So I'm like, give him a good show.

Might.

There we go.

In the past, you might have. I mean, this is one of our big. This was one of our big issues, like, for us as a couple.

And, like, almost saying, we got married so young. I met him when I was 18. We were raised in Utah, Mormon bubble culture. And, like, so, like, sex and intimacy and all. None of that was talked about in our culture or religion. And so for me, I was like, ah. I felt so broken for so long, and I'm like, how? Why? Life shouldn't be like this. Sex shouldn't be like this. Intimacy shouldn't be like this, this. You know? So I had to really work on myself to, like, be like, I could. I want this for me. Not necessarily just for him, but I want this for me as well. But it took me, like, years to kind of, like, literally, like, retrain my brain and patterns, so.

But that was okay.

Yeah. Well, she was. She was the one that came up with QQP years ago on the day to my podcast, which is Quickie Quickie Porn Star. With her statement. I did not come up with it. This woman came up with it on her own on the show. She's like, well, I just called qqp. I was like.

Because I realized you can't do, like, too many cookies in a row where they notice.

Right, right, right. It's like, you're not into it. Well, it was the trick. I told her, and she finally got it. I was like, listen, here's the deal. I don't care if the groaning and the moaning and the speaking into my ear is fake. I don't care. Because when I'm in the pocket. My mind doesn't care if it's fake. It's just like, that's fake. Fine. Don't care. Because if you fake it, I'm more into it. Not faking orgasm. Faking the. Just, if you're not into it, get into it. Get into it. Yes, get into it. Because I then feel like the man.

Right.

Which is gonna have me show up and be a better man for you because I'm walking around naked around my house afterwards just going, this. I cancel. Yeah, right. This woman just bit my ear till it bleed.

That was one time.

Okay. Can you not shower? Well, I did a shower, and now she was like, oh, my God, you're bleeding. I was like, oh, you wonder why Mike Tyson. And I was like, don't stop. Don't stop. This pain feels so good.

Oh, my God.

So we have been. We have been down a path, like, discovering that piece. Because, like, if you can't. And for a guy, at least in my experience, like, it's. We call it ttf, which is like, tell me. Tell me that. Tell me I matter. Tell me that what I do is helping us. Tell me. Tell me the work I put in matters. Right. Touch me frequently. Not sexually. Just physically. Touch my body when I'm in a room. Touch them on the net when I'm in a room. Touch my arm when I'm in the room. Touch my knee.

It's not, like, a normal thing for guys.

Yeah.

I have to make an effort to do that. Like, I'll just be like, oh, he wants me to put my hand on his leg.

Right?

Like, he's sitting next to me. I need to have a hand on him.

Yeah. I had to start doing this because she likes to sit like this.

Well, I hate being tickled like, this drives me nuts. So I know when he does that to me, I'm like, oh, he wants me to touch him.

Yeah. Now I do this.

I'm like, okay.

I'll literally be driving, and she'll be sitting in her own little bubble doing her little bubble thing. And I'll be like. And I won't put it on her. I'll just put it in the middle. I just hold it there. I don't say. I'm just like.

It's like, what Dory does.

I just start counting. Let's see how long it takes her to get the clue this time. One, two, three. Now she's down to, like, five, six seconds. We'll be sitting on the couch. I'll be like. I'll be like, you've got a lot better out of, though.

Yeah, I know. I have to. Like, it's a retraining pattern. Yeah. I used to be like, oh, that's not me. But that didn't serve my marriage. So I was like, it doesn't matter if it's not me. He does stuff. That's not him.

Exactly.

That's how you make relationship work, is you're both kind of crossing the line at some level.

Yeah.

Because it's not natural for. For me to do certain things. It's not natural for him to do certain things. So it's just making that. Changing your patterns all of a sudden. Like, for me, I didn't used to be, like, into holding hands, and now I'm like, where's your hand? Like, why are you not holding my hand? Like, it's weird for me now. Yeah. So I'm a firm believer. And like, when couples say, like, well, that's not me, and I'm like, well, you're only hurting yourself and your relationship. Relationship. Because you can change for each other.

But you don't know what the last one. Last one is. Tell me. Touch me. Me.

Yeah, you already said that one.

That last one. Like, that's why, like, marriages don't have this. Relationships that don't have sex as a part of it that don't work. Nobody can prove me otherwise. Somebody has decided it's okay to be dead. Right. They live long. It's just like, okay, we're dead. Like, one of our therapists is like, you know, the most successful couples in life. And I said, what's that? When he said lesbians, like, they stay together the longest. Like, they have actually a better statistical rate of staying together. He said, now, what you don't know is that there's almost no sexuality because they become best friends. Because there's a part of a part of a woman that needs to be penetrated. Part of a man needs to penetrate. And when that doesn't happen and the sexuality dies and they stop activity, they're very best friends.

Best friends.

But there's Their stick rate for marriages and relationships is much longer. Interesting statistic on the other side. The most violent relationships are not heterosexual relationships. They're gay relationships.

Because you get two penetrating, reactive snap.

In a prime one and each other up. Yep. Versus two girls. Probably won't do that. You're not gonna hit my wife. But, you know, you and I are together, and all of a sudden you get out of whack. I get out of whack, and all of A sudden we're each other up. Right, Right. So it affects everybody at some level. But heterosexual couples being together when this is off the table is a challenge. And what gets back on the table, we found is truth. So let's move to one last topic here. So you guys have decided to do business together? Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so from your angle, the challenges, some of the challenges you found and that you've had to overcome, because we had a lot of couples that are. Now this is happening more and more where you have not dual producers, you have people who've decided to. To co produce.

That's a good question.

And it's happening a lot. Like a lot a lot. And it comes with challenges because you're you and you. And you're you too. And money involved and business decisions. So from your perspective, what have you noticed has worked or not worked for you two as you've kind of navigated through launching the business and being together and keeping your connection and dealing with taxes and dealing with people who charge back and, and dealing with like, bullshit.

Yeah, I mean, it's not for the faint of heart. I mean, entrepreneurship, like owning your own business is not for the faint of heart and it's not for everyone. And then on top of that, to do it with your romantic partner is like, definitely not for the faint of heart. And there's been a number of our clients that like, see what we've built and they're like, oh, I want to do that and I'm gonna start an Instagram account like with my partner. And I'm like, if that's what you're doing it for, then like, just don't do it at all. You have to have. Yeah, you don't do it for the cute reasons or what, like the pictures and whatnot. Like, you have to do it because there's a bigger mission, there's a bigger why. Like, you have to get clear on what that purpose is. And people are like, yeah, like, how did that start? Like, how did you get into business? Like, that was not our intention. Like, we didn't set out to be like, let's start this business. Like, it, it happened being very organically and it just, it was like, we have to do this.

Yeah, like calling.

Yeah, it was a calling. Like, we can't not do this. We led our first breath work event and we were. It was just a one time event and people were coming up to us after. Like, this changed my life or like so much opened up for me. I healed, you know, shit that I've been working on in, like 10 years of therapy, right? And so they're like, well, when's your next one? I gotta bring my mom and my best friend, my sister, like, when's your next event? And we're like, weren't planning on it, but we're like, okay, I guess we're starting a mailing list now. Like, put your name and your email down. And, you know, and so that night of our first event, we drove back to our little beach bungalow in San Diego and I turned to Corey and I was like, we have to keep doing this. I didn't know what that meant when I said that, and I didn't know what it's going to look like. But all I knew is that we had to keep doing this. And we did, to the point where Corey ended up stepping away from private practice and we went full time with. With this work. But one of the biggest challenges, I would say it was early on, was realizing that we are different, but we were not leveraging our differences. We were, like, butting heads about that, you know, and it's like, no, no, no. Like, this is a good thing that we're different, that we don't think the same and that, like, you have, you know, expertise that I don't. But it was like, why? Why can't you be like this? Why can't you be good at writing emails? Right? Like, why you can't? I can't, you know, and it was just like, we had to put that aside and be like, no, this is. This is actually really good.

She's saying that about me, by the way. I'm not good at writing emails.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. That was my frustration.

How do you let go, like, in the relationship? Garrett and I are similar in sense. Like, he has strengths I don't have, but for us, it was like, hard to almost, like, let the ego go and be like, okay, this is what you're good at. I'm gonna stay in my lane. Like, how did you kind of come to terms with that? Were you just like, why are we fighting about this? Like, how did you get out of the butting heads phase? I guess.

I mean, yeah, there's that. But then, like, continuously reminds of, like, let it go, let it go. Like, if I'm not gonna be worried about this in five years and I can't spend five minutes.

Yeah.

Being worried about this right now, like, that's what I had to continuously remind myself of. And I had to really look at his strengths instead of just being so laser focused on the shit that, like, he's, like, not doing right in my mind, you know, I'm like, like, no, okay, what. What is he good at? And then when we come together on events or on projects, it's like, okay, properly assign who's doing what and to, like, our team so that we can, you know, so that we can be able to leverage it best. Because before, it was just like, oh, we're doing every single part of it together. And then we were driving ourselves. Absolutely.

Because then you're both do having the same role in competing.

Yeah.

Yeah, well.

And the person who's stronger, at least in our relationship, I mean, we. We had to stop doing business together because of it. It was going to end our marriage because we would. We would get into massive wars over concepts because she would come to me about something. I was strong, and I was like, it's not gonna fucking work.

Right?

So you can't talk to me like that. I'm your wife. I was like, oh, no, no, no. You don't get to flip the script on me. You were business partner mode with me. You don't get to pull the flip, Patty. Oh, my. You're my wife. You can't talk to that way. If you were in business me, I would talk to you this way. But then it would screw us up because then we couldn't figure out how.

To get offended from that.

And then I get home, and it's like, war at the office. I'm like, your plan's not gonna fucking work. I'm telling you, this is not making any money. That campaign sucks. This is not working. How I would handle any negotiation, meet with my teams, and then I would come home, and I'd be like, okay, wrong. So what's up? And she's like, oh, you can go fuck yourself. I'm not having anything to do with you tonight because you were an asshole day. I was like, we were working out business shit. What are you talking about? I'm good. Now switch. The hat was wrong with you. I could switch it. She couldn't switch.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

So then I started looking this. I'm like, oh, no, no, no. I'm not messing my marriage up to make some more money.

I think what was hard for us is, like, you guys are kind of. You're in, like, the similar field, like, breath work. It kind of like, for us, he's running a company called Wake Up Warrior. Very manly. And I'm dealing with women in the hair industry, right? So I would be like. He'd be like, you know, What I'm talking about, you know, you don't know the hair industry. You know, it was like conflicting. It was just conflicting. It wasn't like we were coming together to create wake up warrior women and wake up warrior men. It was like two totally separate things. And I was like, okay, I gotta, like, at some level, like, we can't, we can't. Like, I gotta just fly and do my own thing and have passion and purpose and let him do his thing and we can come back together and do date your podcast and things like that. That's why when couples were work here, they're like, how do you do it?

Yeah, I know.

We're legitimately asking you.

It's part of it is surrender, you know, part of it is surrender and realizing what the bigger vision is. But our favorite thing to do recently is say fuck it and forget it. Just fuck it and forget it. Because there's so many fights, conversations, arguments, things with business that we get in these loops. And I'm like, same loop, same loop. We're done, we're done, we're done. Five seconds. I did that two days ago. Five, four, three, two, one.

I'm like, okay.

And I walked away. Yeah. So we're done. I know what this is. I know. I know this, this route pattern. Yeah.

As wild as that sounds, that's exactly what she would do to me too. Like that and that piece, I mean, it's like that's. It's that simple. We're not talking about that.

Yeah.

Yep. And one of the persons probably gets a little more fired up about that going down. I used to. I was the one to get fired up because she's like, I'm not talking to you about this.

Or just like you said, it's a loop. I'm like, this is going nowhere.

Yeah.

And we keep on this loop, we're going to end up in a actual fight.

Right.

Then we're gonna feel guilty and then distance ourselves and like, this is just gonna snowball.

Yeah.

Okay, so we have the five second rule.

Five second rule.

You have the surrender rule.

Yeah.

And then the beautiful one he put in, which is honoring his strengths and he. Honoring your strengths.

Yeah.

And allowing the other person to lead in that strength. Correct.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay, so you two have done that, and now you're seven years down the road with these breath work.

Yes.

And breath work events. Yeah. Okay. How many did you run every year?

Oh, my God.

I'm like 50 or 60 of you so far. Right.

I mean, as far as events total, we've probably done about a thousand events just like on the whole. And then we have a certification program where we. Where we train other. A lot of times coaches, but also people in the health and wellness space to bring this to their clients. And so we have two cohorts a year in the spring and fall. And so that's like a 10 week intensive certification program.

Like, could Garrett become certified and use inside of Warrior if you wanted to?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go. We had. We had actually one of my. My best friend, Keith Yaki, started bringing. I don't know who it was, but they were bringing these women to the breathwork sessions with all his clients, all his guys. And he was like, the guys are laying down. And we. We watch emotion come out our guys in all kinds of different ways.

Sure.

He's like, bro, these guys are just laying on like the mats on the floor and we're like 20 minutes in and dudes are solid. He's like, she's doing her breath work thing. I think she had some chimes and she did some other things and like something else and like hit the chime, maybe broke the eagle feather or something. And the dudes are like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. Now for women, it's one thing I, you know, women are getting more expressive with the guys. It's a very interesting thing to watch. That's why, like I mentioned, even deeper go with these guys outside the show. Because we're constantly looking for ways to help men get to this place. Right. Because, like, in our place, like you do, you're responsible. Like your sex life, working your marriage and working your life somewhere, it's your fault.

Yeah.

And once you accept that, it's like, well, how do I deal with all this? Because what I found too, was me telling all my. To her don't work.

Right.

All it does make her feel unsafe, doesn't feel secure.

Right.

And then things are unstable again. So, like having tools and methodologies to get there.

Right.

And a lot of guys, A lot of guys won't go down the planet. It's a path like, I'm not doing it. I'm not touching it. I won't do it.

And that's how I am. I'm like, I don't know. It just doesn't call to me, you know?

Yeah.

So if we have couples listening to this, which we all have time, times listen this, like, what's the entry point to come play with you guys and have this experience or where would you. Where would somebody start?

Yeah.

Down the journey. Besides just breathing every day like they're already doing.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the greatest way, I would say, is to come to a live experience. If you can't make that. We do have monthly online classes that we do every single month. We got one coming up next Wednesday. But yeah, it depends on when this podcast gets released. That would probably be the best way to do it. Or they can just contact us@thehealing couple.com, everything, Instagram, YouTube, whatever, and just find us. Yeah, yeah. And come breathe with us. That's the easiest way to do it.

And I know sometimes people are, like, a little bit skeptical, which I was when I first started breath work. Or like, oh, is this really gonna work for me? Or some people are like, I'm really terrified of what shit's gonna come up. Like, I've been storing a lot of stuff inside. Like, what is gonna be released? Am I gonna be sobbing? Am I gonna. You know, whatever it might be. And so for those especially that are skeptical, but to everybody, I would. I would love to gift your listeners. There's a free workshop on us. Just use Breathe100 at an event, an online workshop on our. On our website. Just check out our events page. But just. Just try it. I say, like, what's the worst that could happen?

How long are the online events?

The Online events are 90 minutes. But we really, like. We take time to, like, really set the intention and explain what it is. Take us through a demo expectations and guide the journey. Have time for reflection at the end. So people feel like, okay, I'm prepared to, like, go. Go into this thing.

Do you recommend people do it alone? Or, like, could Garrett and I come do it as a date night?

Come by yourself.

Oh, come by yourself.

Come by yourself first.

Okay.

And then you can join.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, do it, do it, do it. Yeah, yeah. Do it separate first and then, of course, yeah, do it together.

I have all my. I'll have all my trainers come cool and experience it. Because a lot of these guys, I mean, we. We teach meditation. We go down the process. I meditate for the last 15 years, every day, 20 minutes of 40 minutes twice.

Yeah.

So we. That we see this in it. But I. I brought. Always add more tools to the tool belt because guys are just. Just every guy's crack differently.

Yeah.

Yes.

And some guys, you could put them in psychedelics all day long. You're still not gonna crack. You put some guys in meditation. I'm gonna crack. Put guys in breath. Work experience.

Yep.

So, all right, so website again. Is the healing healing couple.com where they can find everything and same thing on Instagram, all social media platforms. Yep. Okay. Beautiful. You guys have been absolutely amazing. Thank you.

It's fun. Thank you.

We're excited to have you back on the show. And a baby, huh? We're thinking about babies.

We are thinking about babies.

Oh, thinking about babies.

Having a lot of visions.

I was, like, pregnant. Yeah. I was gonna say you're hitting the pocket where for the next five, six years, you're going to be just. I know all your breath, work, meditation, Like, okay, it was gonna get in the way of the workshop, but let's go.

Yeah.

And you need to figure out then you have, like an entire new program for breathing for pregnant.

Oh, yeah.

That's what you get to experience. It just never ends.

Beautiful.

For everything.

Beautiful. All right, you want to wrap shot?

All right. Well, you guys, thank you so much for being in our home today. It was so fun to get to know you guys more. Gary and I started doing this podcast to really help inspire other couples and spotlight people like you guys that have a really cool technique that can share so much value with everybody out there. So thank you for being on here and sharing your story. I'd love to take you guys to dinner at some point if you. If you're in town for a little bit longer. But for those of you guys that are listening, if you resonated with this show and you found value in it, please share it because that's how more people find out about this show. So, again, thank you guys so much for being on the show. Welcome to a new, brand new episode in Miami of the day.

First couple Miami in Miami never can be replaced. Trophy's coming.

Trophy. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Trophy is coming. So along with this also, we constantly have a support here with our tools at Wake Up Warrior. You can find those@wakeupwarrior.com Predominantly, we train men, but tools do work for women. Also on. Although 95% of our clients are men because we figure this way, if we can get the men right, they'll get the marriage right, they'll get the family right, they'll get the life right. So we start with the guys. That's where it begins for us. You can check it out at wakeup4you.com and thank you so much for being here on this show. As Danielle said, share it up. You can check out our amazing couple friends here now@thehealing couple.com and follow my social media. Put all the tags here below the show. This is the first episode here in Miami with our first new favorite couple. And that brings this show to a close here on the Date podcast.