Building, Balancing & Rebuilding: The Truth About Marriage, Money, and Connection

If you've already gone through the core foundational build mode of building you as an entrepreneur, you've already created carnage and damage that you didn't know you were doing in the marriage.

It was all about, what are my needs? What are my needs? We were both very selfish.

Yep.

And that doesn't work in a marriage. Essentially, you have to cross the line. You have to do things that maybe aren't important to you because you love your spouse and in turn you get it back from them. We understand, we want to be together. We understand that there's connection. And to keep that alive, you have to do things for your partner no different than you would when you're dating Sam. Welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. We have had a lot of people, you know, we at airports and at events and people are like, hey, I love your guys podcast. What do you do? So I'm gonna formally introduce myself. I'm married to this guy over here. We've been married for 22 years. We have five children, two dogs. And I am the creator of an extension technique called natural beauta row hair extensions. Pretty much anything with hand tied hair. I started doing this system of extensions before anybody was doing it. I kind of like started, I always have the OG OG of hand tied hair extensions and then later created my own hairline and that's who I am. So in case you're listening to this podcast and you're like, what are these two crazy people do that. That's my business. And Garrett, I'll let you share.

I run Michael Boyer for the last 14 years, a men's training company. We guide men in four different levels. Men who are beginning building, men who are balancing the building, and men who are rebuilding later in life through a system called the warrior's way. Simple tool for getting free, having it all. Ultimately, we say helping men get paid and laid.

Is that still the messaging? Peyton?

It's kind of the two big things for guys having sex with their woman.

Is that just like the buzzword to get them in though?

Now it's the conversation where 90% of.

The conversation it's just how to get.

Paid, how to make more money. How do I, how do I, how do I not fall out of love with my wife? So listen, we, we're going to, we're going to actually talk about. This show is going to be a little bit different. We're going to line something out because we have been, we've been leading couples without trying to be couples with this podcast for the since 2018. We've had amazing guests on for the last year and a half, we have had thousands of people in our programs go through the. Listen to these podcasts. Inspired by these podcasts, we launched the couples program one time.

We did.

Yeah. And it went for three months. It was very successful. Had about 40 couples in it.

We did.

Yes, we did. I can't believe you don't remember this. Yes, we did. You used to come to the studio in Dana Point. You were pregnant at the time.

Oh, okay. That's. That's why I don't remember.

Yeah. You were in a delusional state with pregnancy number number six. So we are. We're going to talk about the baseline of this here. And this will kind of be an introduction to a group that we're putting together that we're calling Warrior Merry Game, not to be confused with Mary Game, with my best friend Keith Yacki, what he does and teaching men how to have better sex lives. But Warrior Mary Game is a combination of not just that topic, but also the entire Warrior system, but for couples, which is actually together. And it's been fun having couples on the podcast because we've realized a lot of things. One of the things is, is we're all the same.

I'm vaguely remembering now those calls we did.

We had couple. We had couples on every night or once a week. We had couples get together on Zoom. We would do breakouts with each other, share just using the same models we did in Warrior, but we did it with couples.

I think. I think we should do couples events.

Yeah, we're going to do some of those, too, getting couples together. But we're going to start at the baseline because I want to talk through the chapters of life that we have been through and the chapter we have not been through yet. So if you were to look at and frame up the entire experience of being married, you have two people who are single that get married and they choose the trifecta. First is the dose. The dose factor. The dose factor is you're getting married and you choose side to run a business. So you're an entrepreneur and you're married. Now, if you're single and you're an entrepreneur, you're in this builder phase, but you haven't entered the double deuce, which is the choice in being married. So we got together. Danielle was 18 when I met her. I was 25, divorced, with a child. And then we went into the first phase of building, which is I became an entrepreneur and launched into my own game and I was married. What do you remember about the first five to seven years of our marriage?

I remember you working a lot. And I think because we didn't have kids, it wasn't like even a thing. I remember, like I'd come home from. Because I did hair back then. I'd come home from the salon, I'd work till like seven and I'd come home and you a lot of times wouldn't get home till like 9, 10, like you were always working. But you know what's interesting? I remember when we were dating, you did that too. And I didn't expect you to get home at like 5 or 6. And we didn't live together. And so it was just. I kind of liked that you were very hard working. Like, I was like. That was like attractive to me. And back then when we were in college and we were dating, it wasn't uncommon to hang out at nine or ten. That's like pretty normal. You're like, oh, it's nine, I'm getting off work. You want to go to Arby's?

Yeah, exactly.

And for some reason when, when we got married, that didn't really change. But I found myself like, you were more stressed and there was more pressure and it was like we, we stopped. It wasn't like we'd go hang out at 10 o' clock at night now it was like you'd come home from work at 10 o' clock at night, you were tired and you'd just go to bed, you know?

Yeah.

So it was like we didn't have. It was like we didn't change our patterns of like working later, but we changed our pattern of not connecting at, after, after, after work. And so I just remembered also thinking like, well, you know, I signed up for this. He's the entrepreneur. He's the entrepreneur. So like, if I want success and I want my husband to be successful, I have to be okay that he's building and hunting and doing it. Like, I want the life, so I have to be okay with it, you know? And I just remember I felt like as a woman, I felt like there was something broken inside of me because I was like, started. Now I know why, but I felt like I was starting to slowly be less and less and less attracted to you and then annoyed and then resentful. And I just was like, well, this is what you signed up for. That's his role and responsibility. He's supposed to work. Like, you just need to be okay with it. But like, you can't be okay with that if you don't have any connection. And so even though I. I was attracted to you because you were so, so hardworking, it became attraction turned into resentment.

Yep. So the first phase of being a builder in marriage is like, there's so much that you can guide a young couple, regardless of how old they are, in getting married. Because once you get married, the game is different. As an entrepreneur, you now have a side hustle called your mistress business, and you have your wife or you're the woman in the situation, and you have this husband who has this girlfriend called the business that he thinks about 90% of the times. Obsessed with, constantly angry at, constantly fighting with, constantly battle with and trying to maintain it. And there were simple things we could have done then, simple ways of thinking that were never introduced to me. No one introduced it. You lived in the bucket of, like, I guess that's just how it is. And I lived in the bucket of this is what I'm supposed to do. And I thought coming back from that, that you were just gonna wanna fuck me all the time. I was like, I couldn't understand it. Literally, my brain did not have the capacity.

You were like, I'm married. I get sex every night.

I'm like, I should be working. I have provided this lifestyle for us. I'm dying out here on the vine, killing myself all day. I should come home to lingerie in the kitchen. I wasn't really interested in you cooking food, but I like just lingerie. And it was on. And I'd walk in the door and you'd just be all over me and it would be amazing. And it wasn't. No way.

I remember. I don't remember actually sitting down and, like, having a meal at our house.

I don't ever do either.

Ever. I remember going to Cheesecake Factory because that was, like, down the street from us. And we'd go on, we'd go out to eat. We didn't have kids. But, like, I guess that was a date night. But I don't actually remember, like, sitting down, having a meal. I remember a lot of nights, me making my own food, doing my own thing, watching. I loved, like, home makeover shows for some reason. And I'd sit and watch my home makeover shows and you'd come home. And I remembered, like, that one time specifically, like, you were like, hey, come on, let's go to bed. You didn't even, like, say hi to me. Like, I think you might have came in and ate some ice cream or something, because you used to do that a lot. And then, like, I don't remember you actually sitting down asking me about my day, taking any interest in me. And it was probably like 10:30 or 11, I think. And you, you're walking upstairs and you're like, come on, let's go to bed. And I'm like, I'm not tired. You're like, no, come on. And I was like, he just wants sex. And I remember just being like, no, that doesn't, that doesn't work for me. Like, you don't. Just because we're married doesn't mean you're like, hey, wifey, come on up.

Do you think. Do you think if you had leveraged sex the way you have now, like, the way it's become in the last five or six years, do you think if you had leveraged sex that way with me during that time, you might have shook me from that pattern, had no desire to be home?

I don't think so.

We won't know. Because it didn't happen.

Yeah, we won't know.

I mean, because I sit there and think about myself. Like, if my wife showed up to the office and, like, was doing sexy or texting me sexy pictures, I feel like. I think I would be more.

But I do feel like I. I remember coming to your office quite a bit during lunchtime and, like, showing up, bringing you food, trying to do a connection. And it was just like, after showing up so many times and not, like, being validated, why am I showing up to his office?

Yeah, I'm sure. I just wonder because the thing I've noticed that the builder phase for couples, when the guy gets that obsessed with being successful in the beginning, it takes a lot of work because you're trying to master these skills as an entrepreneur. You're trying to master marketing, advertising, sales, fulfillment. You're trying to understand how to build process and systems and manage your business with KPIs and optics. You're trying to figure out how to hire people. You're trying to figure out accounting and taxes.

But I have a serious question.

Figure out cash and insurance.

I have a serious question.

Yeah.

So I. You meet me. I'm cute, I'm young. My parents were both entrepreneurs. I drove a cute car. Yeah, my parents were successful. Yeah, you didn't come from anything much. You, I mean, you guys had the necessities, but you weren't. Your parents were like, very. What would you say? Middle, lower class?

Middle class, Low, low, upper tier, lower. Maybe we were.

And I was like more middle, upper class. But I just remember my question for you is when I met You, You. What's funny? And people still say this about you today. Like, you seem like really, really intense and then when you meet you, you're like actually surprised how chill you are. And I remember when I met you, you were really chill. And you are like, yeah, you know, I'm going to working at the Mayan and you know, I'm going to go, I'm in college, I'm almost done. I'm like, oh, what are you going into? You're like, pedagogy. And I'm like, what is that? And you're like, I'm going to be a PE teacher. And I was like, cool, like, whatever. And then I think when you started to really like me, all of a sudden you're like, oh, pedagogy is not going to get it done. You were like, she's got some, she's got some standards.

I picked up a girl from the Chanel store.

So this is what I'm saying. A lot of men, they're attracted to the Chanel, right? So then does it. So then are they all of a sudden they. They did this to themselves?

Of course, of course.

You could have just been a. You, you're. When we were dating, I was like, what are your goals? I remember you're like, I'm gonna buy a Dodge Durango and I'm gonna coach high school football. And I was like. And now, like, now I've been like, buddy, you shoot a little higher. But back then I was like, awesome. I was like, what's a Dr. Durango?

You're like, it's an awesome truck.

I didn't know what it was.

I wasn't a truck. It was like an suv.

Yeah.

For some reason I thought it was awesome. I.

But my question is like, did you. You picked me. Obviously I picked you. But did that put the pressure that you're like, that's not going to get it done?

Of course I felt pressure the minute I walked into your parents house. I'd never been in a world like that. I didn't know money like that. I didn't. I had no idea. I mean, your parents have got 12,000.

Square foot home, but did you want that for yourself or what? Or would you just been chilled being Mr.

Dodge? I never thought any of this was what I wanted.

Maybe you should have it. Maybe you were literally body, body, body, Buddy Bud light.

No. My whole passion in life, this is what literally wanted.

I remember you did this to.

No, I did this to myself. I'm very clear of this. And I continue to do it to myself for 25 years. I wanted to be a football coach in Texas. I wanted to date and marry a girl who was like from the cheerleading squad somewhere. I wanted to coach Friday night, hot cheerleader puts out. Yes. I wanted a hot girl with big tits to put out. And I was like, I didn't have a vision for my life. The idea of even making over 100,000 or even being an entrepreneur wasn't even a thought. I was an employee mindset. I just, I was either gonna be a professional athlete. That didn't happen. And then I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. I guess I'm just gonna have fun. I'm gonna coach, lift weights and coach young boys and do football. And Friday night, 10,000 people in Odessa, Texas, and I'm gonna coach up my top high school coach in the country.

Really?

Yeah. That's what I was doing. Then I read a book.

Oh, is this Rich dad, Poor dad.

Rich Dad, Poor dad. And got me all fucked up. And I was like, hold on, there are rich people. And they did what? I was raised by poor people. There are rich people. I need a new dad to show me how to be rich. So Robert Kiyosaki by Osmosis Raw's books became my mentor. Plus the trigger of like your family and what you came from. I felt totally unworthy. I remember feeling uncomfortable all the time. I was like, dude, you're not. I didn't even know how to show up. I didn't even know how to like do the forks. I didn't know anything. Like we would go. We went to the steakhouse with your parents and we were first dating.

That's funny.

And the high end steakhouse and they bring out like this $100 steak and I'm like asking them for a one sauce and they were offended. And then I sent the steak back cause it was too rare. Like four times.

You wanted a well done skirt steak with a one?

Yes, yes. That's what I knew. So like, I had no taste buds for any of this. Are you kidding me? I was like dry heaving and nauseous every time you would buy a bag. I was like, I couldn't do it. Years I was like, like I would hear you buy like thousand dollar shoes. I couldn't even, I couldn't even face it. I mean, listen, this is where we were at. We first got married. She wanted to us to move into a townhouse. It was $750 a month. I was making about 10, 12, 15 grand a month.

As a mortgage broker, that was pretty good back then.

Killing it.

Yeah.

But my scarcity mind was like, no, no, we're not getting the 750. What are you don't.

No, no, no.

So we got A$240 a month at the Allegra Apartments.

I think it was like, 350.

350 at the Allegra Apartments. Right out the back window was the state penitentiary.

Yeah. We lived next door, and I.

And she's like, can we get new furniture? I was like, no, we can't get a furniture. Your aunt has an old couch. She's gonna give us shitty flower couch.

We slept on a mattress. We didn't even have a. But you wouldn't let me buy a bed. Just had the mattress and we had like. Like, you can remember the floral couches.

Yes.

Were really uncomfortable to sit on that everybody's grandma had. Yeah, that was our. That was our couch.

That was our love layer. Yeah.

And then we had a target dresser and a target table and chairs, which I.

Which. Which is funny because I could have. For, like, three, $4,000, we could have had the most amazing little apartment in this townhouse. Oh, no, we're not doing that. But I kind of messed that up. So then, like, here's the thing. So guys and gals sit in this builder phase, and when you're younger, in the builder phase, this is where, like, all the carnage comes, because you think that the answer would be inside of this dysfunction we've created for ourselves. You know what we should do?

Should have a kid.

We should have a baby.

Well, we also were. We. We were married in, like, the Mormon culture. And it was like. Like the fact that we weren't pumping out babies right away. I remember friends were like, is everything okay? Like, trying to under undercover ask me, like, fertility questions. And I was like, yeah, no, I just not ready to have a kid because I didn't even have Bailey. I met you at 18, married you at 20, and we had Bailey at 24. So people were like, it should. There's a lot of cultural pressure to have babies, and it's not just in the Mormon culture. It's like, in cultural. In general. You're like, you get married, you don't. Like, you should want to have kids.

Seems to have changed quite a bit now. People have babies, like, way later in life.

But it was like. It was like, the pressure to have a baby was like, okay, yeah, even. And I'm. And I also, as a young woman, I think that I was like. Even though our relationship Wasn't great. I don't. I didn't want to admit that to myself because I didn't want to be like, maybe I'm just broken. Like, maybe this is just how marriage is. Maybe this is what, like, you lose that spark and you lose that chemistry and, like, you just settle in. Maybe you just. And then I was like, maybe. Well, if we have a baby, my friends that have babies, they look really happy. We should do that.

So we had a baby and I kept working just as much.

Although that baby, which was Bailey, I remember she, like, I just remember being so excited to wake up for the day. Like, she really did make me very happy.

Yeah.

Like, and she was such a good baby. Not such a hard teenager, but a baby. She would like, she was a very good baby. Like, she'd wake up and just like, talk to herself and then, like, she never cried. I'd just come in and she'd just be like, talking to herself. Like, and she'd sleep till like 9 in the morning. Like, what baby does that? So I remember being very, very happy and content after I did, which I think then helped with our relationship a little bit. We were with the baby more. You still were working, but I remember in that phase, at least when she was a baby, being happy with where our life was at. We had bought because we had moved to Vegas and then we had moved back. We. Well, you guys heard. We were in the prison. We were in the prison apartment. But then we moved to Vegas and that's when you started your mortgage industry. And then I wanted to have kids and I thought, well, I need to be back by closer to my mom. Let's move back to Utah. And you bought me like an even bigger house. It was like a 7,000 square foot home in Utah. And I was young, I was 23 years old. So I was like, oh my gosh, we've arrived. We've made it, you know, So I remember that period of our life feeling like very established for a 23 year old. I had a freaking Range Rover, a 7,000 square foot home, and I was getting ready to have my first baby.

And I kept working and we had the baby. And then financial ruin came soon after which you had Bailey. And then you have Bailey in December or in What, February of 06? 06. No, no, no.

7.

07. So you had her. You had her February of 07. And by summer of 08, we were destroyed.

That's when the market started turning.

Yep. Our market business was gone. So now we don't have money. And it's completely exposing. So now I'm having to go back to build mode again. But I'm trying to figure out what the fuck I'm gonna do. So we decide that the idea that would be the best that time when I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, that we should have another baby.

But you never have any. You didn't really care. I feel like anytime we've had a baby, I'm like, I think I want a baby. And you're, like, cool. Like, you have never been had, Like, a strong opinion. I feel like it's always been like, okay, I'm doing it. And you're like, all right, we're doing it. Like, you've never been like, is this a bad time? You're like, okay, she wants a baby. And I remember with. Even though things weren't good with us, that that pressure, that cultural pressure of, like, you pump kids out every two to three years. That's what you do. And it had been three years, and I was like. Like, it's already been three years. By the time I have this baby, they're going to be, like, four years apart. I don't want them that far apart, you know, so. And also thinking back to how happy I was when Bailey was a baby, I was like, oh, that'll make me. That'll make me happy and give me purpose again. And, like, it'll make it all go away. And again, the pressure of. You pump babies out every two to three years. So what did I do? Decided to get pregnant again. Again. And I get pregnant. Pretty much thinking about getting pregnant, like, tomorrow I think I should get pregnant. Guess what? Tomorrow, I am pregnant.

Yes. Not a hard time. Well, it's interesting, too, during that time, because you were. You were not taking birth control. So even our sex life is way different because I was wearing a condom or pull and roll because I was terrified of getting you pregnant again. And that went on till, like, 2017, when we started having. Going down the path to make more babies. But here's the thing I want to point out, though, as a couple, like, all of the guys that are in their 50s that I work with all went through this shit. All of them. Most of the couples either got so scarred from that season of building and got so disconnected that we're spending all of our time trying to repair the damage as they moved into the balance phase. So you have, like, the builder phase, where you're trying to build credibility, establish yourself. If you lose everything, you go back to builder phase again, and you're having to build again. So we have the two kids. I'm back in builder phase, and I'm trying to build our lives into something significant, but you and I just cannot seem to get on the same page at all. And now it's been, like, a decade, I think.

I think for me, though, I was just fucking pissed. I was like, you took away my safety and security. You're making no money, and you're still always working, and you're not making. You're not providing right now. So more resentment started to build up. I wasn't spending a ton of time with you. You were still working all the time. And it just seemed like it wasn't a lot. It took a couple years to rebuild back up. You know, more than that, I would say we spent, what, three years and.

Three, four years, probably from 2008, end of. End of eight, when it was completely obliterated until roughly 2012.

Yeah.

So about three to four years for me to figure my shit out. And I was going down a path I didn't know I was going down the path to uncover warrior. That was not my path. I was just trying to figure out how to put myself back in power. That's when I started realizing, man, when I work out, I feel more powerful. I'll do what's required in business. If I meditate and I'm grounded, I'll do what's required in business. And that's when I thought, when I first launched where, you know, I launched it, body being business, there was no balance. I didn't think we were gonna make it. I was pretty sure we were gonna.

End up body being imbalanced.

Yeah. We didn't even have balance. Body being business.

Body being oh. So it's like more like if you tap into your spiritual side and your physical side and your business side, you're good.

It was like the Wes Watson before Wes Watson exists. Wes Watson was in prison when I was talking about this. Like, this was. Because that's. If you look at his. Like, a lot of these guys, models, it's fitness.

Yeah.

Spiritual connection, personal development, and money.

Yeah. Yeah.

Those are the three I did. And balance. I didn't even. It wasn't even in the first 90 day challenge.

They all know they're all like, shit, I can get all these things in my life. Why can't I get a woman?

Exactly. So the second phase of balancing, that was crazy. And I look at this phase that we're in right now, we kind of relate to people, like, at two different levels. We have older kids, 26, 18, and 14. And we have two more toddlers. We went back to babies again.

So I always thought I wanted more than two kids. Like, I was like. I was like, okay, we had the two, but our relationship wasn't great. But then our relationship started to take a turn. We built back up our financials. We were able to, like, buy a house again. And you started to look more attractive to me. Like, I was like, oh, I'm safe. Insecure. We started, like, dating again. So it's like, okay, I guess I'm gonna. I guess I'm gonna be with this guy for another run. Because if we had gotten divorced, I was still in my 20s, I would have remarried and had more kids with.

Somebody else for sure.

I don't think I would have been done with two, because I had my first two in my 20s. Like, I for sure would want one more. And whether it was with you or somebody else, I didn't know. So we. Things started to, like, get better. And I knew. I, like, I said I wanted one more, and I was like, hey, let's. Let's try one more time. That's when I miscarried for the second time. And I. That's when I was like, you know, I think I really. Yeah, Like, I was really sad that I miscarried. So I was like, yeah, I definitely know I want a third kid. I just didn't know it would turn into two more. And that's a lot.

That's a lot.

It's a lot.

Well, if we come to this balance phase, which is like. It's like the phase that we're in, you have the build phase and the balance phase. And the balance phase is interesting because as a man, from a man's perspective, the beginning phase, you just suck at business. So you're just trying to do everything you can. Like, there's never enough time in the day to learn it all. And it's such a struggle as a guy when you're in build phase, particularly when you have young kids. Cause you're, like, trying to. You're trying. You don't have the adequate skills to get it done in business, so you have to commit to it with an obsession. But at the same time, you have to try to be there for your wife, and you're trying to be there for your young kids. And this three pack of pressure is fucking break students, and it breaks women. This is why you see such a tendency that men and women are together, they build the empire get divorced, divide the assets. He remarries a girl 20 years younger, she goes off and finds someone else. This pattern is predictable because this build phase is so fucked up.

Yeah, it's hard.

It's so hard. So then you get to the balance phase, which is you become aware of, holy shit. Okay, I've got money, I've got some things figured out in business. But I've scarred my relationship with my wife through the build phase. And now I'm trying to balance it because now I'm realizing that I do want this woman, I do want these kids. But I don't know how to balance all of this energy. How do I deal with this, how do I manage this? So I have guys in warrior that are in both places. We have guys that are in build mode with young kids. We got guys that are in balance mode with. We kind of have balance and build happening. We decided to go back to young kids, which.

They're so cute.

They're so cute. And this weekend, Danielle and I both admitted to ourselves that it's a lot.

I just feel like it is a lot, but I just feel like. Cause like friends our age, their kids.

Are all in high school, out of high school. Yeah, listen, we have people our age to text pictures of grandchildren and we just snap back pictures of our toddlers with our three year old chasing the six year old with a butcher knife and they kitchen like it is. It's a lot like I. This, this weekend was the first weekend where I was like bracing myself. I came because I had a long week, very heavy week. Yeah, we still went out on date nights like three times last week. We still like do all the things, but it was just a lot with the kids over the weekend, I think.

I think for us, because on Sundays we're both in full entertain mode. And I would imagine, I mean, I know we have Ruben in the house still and she's 14. I would imagine a typical Sunday, if we didn't have the two toddlers, would kind of be more like, hey, I'm gonna do my own thing. I'm gonna do like. We're not gonna be you and me together. We're gonna have our own space to kind of do our own thing and then come back together. And like. But I mean, I get a lot of that during the week because they're both in school, you know what I mean? So I feel like Sunday is the only day where it's our day where we're like, okay, we're all in kid mode, you know? And like, I I don't think it's a, I don't think it's a problem. I just think we're getting older to where we're like, we're still doing this. Okay, well, you got this.

So the second phase of this game of balance becomes the tricky one. This is where the marriage like, sits in the balance. This is where people decide whether they're gonna stay together.

How do older guys that marry, like, the younger girls that still want babies do it?

Some of them are cool with it and some are just flat out. I'm already snipped when I have babies. Like, I mean, you saw a couple at a restaurant yesterday. Yeah, yeah, that dude was at least in his late 60s. She was probably barely 25.

Yeah, that was bad.

Like with his granddaughter.

Yeah. But like, imagine like she wants babies.

I'm sure she does want babies. And the truth is, if he's not sent, he can make a baby. That's the difference. Like a woman over 50, she's not making babies. But a guy in his 70s and 80s can make a baby. Guys can make babies forever. Craziness, I don't know. But this, this phase right here, this is where we deal with a lot of our, our carnage. Like a lot of the stuff we deal with in Warrior is our guys who've gone through build and are now in trying to repair the rep, the reparation from the creation. Like, it's a very, it's a very difficult place to be.

How do you. But are you like always building? Like, as a man, are you like.

Always, you're always building, but you're, you're. For the first time, there's a, there's an intensity to shit. I really would like to have my woman who loves me.

But as an entrepreneurial man, if I was like thinking about this other day, I'm like, man, you're always going to be pushing like. And we know people that are like, yeah, I exited my company with like 200 million. And then they're like. And I was super depressed and lost all my purpose. So they go to rebuild something else. Yeah, you are. If that's your mindset, aren't you always in build phase? Because if you're not building, you're regressing.

It's not, it's totally true, but it's different. First time builders are trying to learn all the skills. When you're, when you're rebuilding life, that's more of rebuild, which is like you're, you're rebuilding something. You've already done it once. I'VE figured out how to build a house. I'm gonna make another house. The first house is way more complicated than the fifteenth house. Fifteenth house. You got process systems, teams. You got things figured out. You're like, cool. I have this idea, I'm going to focus on this. I'm going to hire these people. We're going to do this. I'm going to win. In the beginning, you don't have any of that. You're just a young dude trying to build a business and you have no clue what you're doing. But.

But my question though is like, if you're in build phase, do have to make a like, say you go through your first phase with your wife and you're in build phase and then you're building something else significant. You know how to do it. You're still stressed, you still have pressure. So then like, how do you make sure that you're still staying connected with me and the kids? You have to make it like more of a conscious effort, whereas before you didn't.

Well, it's different. If you look at our situation, we kind of double fucked ourselves in a good way. And I think it's so we can relate to more people, which is we get to experience what it's like to be in our 40s and have toddlers. This is a trend right now. So we had toddlers and we're in our 40s. I'm 49 and I have a three year old. By the time this child is 18 years old. Do the math. That's 15 years from now. That's 59, that's 64. I'll be 64 when Charlie is 18. 64. I will be 64 years old, grandpa by the time my youngest is 18 years old. So we were late to the, to the older groups getting married. Now where a lot of couples are getting married in their 30s, 40s, having babies for the first time, we get it. That's why they're like, dude, I'm tired, dude. I was like, you got one, bro. It gets worse. You have another one. It's his own defense. You have three. It's his own defense. It's all off. So their patterns are the same though. But my point being is like if you could get to the guys in build phase and get to the girls and build phase, because there's things that girls need to be asking for in those first few years.

They're not asking to get you to save your marriage. Yeah.

And the guys need to be doing things in those first three to five to seven years that they're not doing.

So you're saying we did this to ourselves so that we could really. We're like, don't do it the way we did it the first time. But we're in build phase again with two toddlers. So let us tell you how to do it the right way.

Look at what?

Not the right way, but the right way.

Look at what? Look at what we do. We do not miss day night. We go on two date nights a week every week.

Well, the thing, what I have to tell people too, though, is I'm like, when you have toddlers, you. It's like, when they're older, you can sit down and I can have a conversation with you and have dinner. When you have toddlers, you cannot sit at the kitchen table and have a conversation without them being like, mom, dad, or throwing something or like you. Well, like, that's why when we were at lunch yesterday, we laugh because we're trying to have, like, a family lunch after church. And we're sitting there and, like, the kids are literally throwing, like, knives at each other and napkins and, like, I have to go to the bathroom, and we're like, we can't even get a conversation in. So when people are like, oh, my gosh, you guys go on like, two or three date nights a week, I'm like, that's just like a regular Tuesday dinner for you. But, like, we have to actually get outside of our environment so that we can connect and have a conversation. But a lot of people, this is what. This is what's wild to me when they don't do date nights when they have toddlers, I'm literally like, I don't.

Know how they say.

Or like, they're like, oh, I don't have a babysitter. I'm like, like, even if you have one kid, I'm like, you don't have a babysitter. Like, you don't go on date nights. They're like, we'll take. We'll take her with us. I'm like, that's not a date night. Like, that's crazy to me.

There's a lot of couples too, where they just. Once the kids go to bed, then they have date night at the house.

What time do the kids go to bed? Seven.

No, some people get their kids in bed by 7:30. If we got our kids in bed by 7:30, they'd be up at 4.

Yeah, our kids go to bed at, like, 9 and they still wake up at 5:30. Yeah.

So, like, there's this pattern, though, the piece I want, I'm trying to express on the show, though, is that there you're listening to this and you get it as an entrepreneur, if you've already gone through the core foundational build mode of building you as an entrepreneur, you've already created carnage and damage that you didn't know you were doing in the marriage. Now you get to the balance phase where you're trying to figure out, how do I successfully build the business, but also, how do I get this? How do I get this fire? I. I want to be wanted. I want to feel like I want to come home.

It's a maturity on both sides, though. It's a willingness from both of us. I would say when we were younger, we were both way. I mean, not that we're not in our ego at times. We were. It was all about, what are my needs? What are my needs? We were both very selfish.

Yep.

And that doesn't work in a marriage. Like, that doesn't work in a marriage. It essentially, you have to cross the line. You have to do things that maybe aren't important to you because you love your spouse and intern. You get it back from them. You have to, like, put in the effort. I think it's a level of maturity that we're like, we understand we want to be together. We understand that there's connection. And you, to keep that alive, you have to. You have to do things for your partner no different than you would when you're dating.

But again, it's not common knowledge. I'm watching this happen to guys over and over and over. I have guys in all three categories of my programs. Guys that are in build mode with young kids, guys that are in balance mode with older kids, and guys that are in rebuild or recreate themselves mode. Now their kids are out of the house and their grand grandparents. Like, these are three totally different phases in life. We don't know the third one yet. We know the second one. But I have a ton of my guys that are in the third one too. And these guys problems are totally different than the guy in the front in the beginning, because the guy in the beginning doesn't even have the. He doesn't even have the full mastery of certainty in himself with his business. So he's got this circus going to the business. He doesn't know how to engage with this woman. He's not having the sex that he wants. Like, it's. 90% of dudes complain about the same.

Thing, but women the same thing too. They complain about the Same thing every couple's podcast we've had where we have a guest. And I'll start talking about, like, the last one we had last week. We were like, literally, I'm like, you know, we want to have open conversation, but also we don't want to trigger or offend you. So then we withhold. And it's like, communication is, like, one of those things inside of marriage that if you don't have good communication, that's when, like, all this kind of explodes on you. Yeah, but. But a lot of couples, they. They are going through the exact same shit.

Well, and you're not. The funnier part is, is you're not gonna. The. You're gonna go through some. The only way you wouldn't go through all of these things. The only way, like, the only way is you. You would go through all the new things with the person. Like, if you and I got divorced and you're with someone else, I was with someone else. We would have. We figured a bunch enough about ourselves and up enough in relationship that with a clean slate, you probably. We'd probably be way better off. Meaning we'd be a lot smarter with that new relationship. Yeah.

Yeah. You're not going to take in old patterns and behaviors. You're going to be like, that did not work in my marriage, so I'm not going to. I'm more conscious now, and I'm going to bring the new version. But the problem is, when you're with somebody, you get triggers that flashes you back to unconscious version of Garrett or Danielle. And then you're like, it nullifies the growth that you've actually had. And you're like, you're a crazy bitch. And I'm like, oh, I snapped back to old Danielle. And you have so much history of old Danielle that now it's like. It's. That one little instance seems like a giant tsunami versus if you're with somebody with a clean slate and I say something or do something stupid, they don't have a history of lots of stupid things said.

Yep. Well, you can understand then why divorce has become such a viable option, because in many ways, it gives you an option to restart. Like, instead of refixing this house, I'm just going to demolish it and I'm going to build a new house. I can see why the temptation's there. The downside to this is that if you and I restarted next year, we said, that's it. We're done. We're getting divorced on this podcast. This is a divorcee podcast.

We could just erase. Like, you could stay with the same person. We're like, we're just gonna erase in your brain all those past fights and traumas. Like, you know who you are, but you only see the good stuff. I'm like, hey, we got a restart. Did you get. Did you guys get a restart?

Well, this is what the healing process is, right? So the. The. The upside. Listen, I'm not. I'm not here to pretend. Let's, like, not pretend. I would say you there. There are probably a thousand dudes on the planet who genuinely. You would probably mesh with smoother than me.

No.

Yes. That you would. And these men would activate something in you. Not all thousand. I'm a single Bonnie Blue or whatever that girl is that slept with a thousand guys. I'm saying without the history and a unique new guy like this, it's a different combination, which means there's a piece of you that would unlock. The downside is, is you have no history with this person, so there's no foundation. There's nothing. You haven't worked through shit like there's 24 years of our life that gives us wisdom and connection that can't be traded for another person.

Yeah.

Like, you can get something new with another person, but you lose all of this.

Right.

All of this growth, all this history, all this wisdom, all of this, like, connection that's come through pain, come through process, come through the kids. I mean, just.

You just, like, know each other so well. Yeah, it's like. Like I feel like I literally can. I know your patterns, your behaviors, your tendencies, whether it's good, bad. It's like you almost. It's almost like I can see inside your brain as much as you can see inside your brain.

Yeah. And I see into you, too. Like, it's why I even called you this morning, just to check in on you, because I was like, what's up? How are you? You're like, I'm good. I'm like, let's talk. How are you doing? Really? And you started sharing with me. Like, these are pieces you just. You won't. You don't have. And I know because I see the guys, and I'm not. I'm happy for guys and gals who get divorced, who should have gotten divorced, and they found happiness because there's a lot of people. People found that too. I'm obviously, I'm divorced. I got married when I was young and had a first wife for a year and two months, and that was it. Got a son from it. We got a son and that's great. But there's this piece there which we've. I don't play from a place of like, oh, we're just too far down. We might as well stay together. I see us from a place of being able to really recreate something and rebuild something. Like even the move that we're having next week into our new condo. Like just a move that we're making. The choice of our life. Yeah, that's like the choice of our life and where we're going. Like, we want something different now. We're moving into that third phase. Even though we have toddlers, we're moving into the third phase, which is like this recreation of life. It's like almost like a midlife crisis, but not a midlife crisis. It's like there's just a shift. And it's been happening to you. It's been happening to me too. There's a lot of things that you want when you were in the build mode and a lot of things you think you want in the balance mode. When you get to the recreate the next 30, 40 years of your life.

Mode, you're like, what the do I want?

What the do I want now? Yeah.

Yeah. Because at some level, I feel like we, we built up to what, what was so far beyond our blueprint. And then we were like, Remember how you like made a comment? You're like, I think we got to the. I think we got to the finish line early. I'm like, we gotta redo then.

No, I'm. I think, like, I look at, with the life that we've created. I remember it was probably about a year ago where things that used to like, super excite me just weren't anymore.

I think it's because you have to like this point, the point of this world is not like the trips and stuff we go on are still fun and amazing, but I think we have a higher knowingness of like, why we're here and what we're supposed to do. And if, if you're like, well, now like, you're like, the trip's fun, but it almost becomes numb. Another five star hotel, another whatever. You're just like, like, I'm. I enjoy like the connection with you and like having like a week long time with just you. Yeah, it's almost like it's almost gotten to this place where. And I know a lot of successful entrepreneurs get like that. Buying watches, buying cars, buying all the shit. It just gets different numb. And you're like, okay. And so then you, you're Left with two choices, you're like, I can sabotage and rebuild or I can create from this place of abundance. And I think that's probably the most challenging thing for me, at least I can say is because it's easy to create when you don't have anything. You're like, I need money to pay for food, like bare minimum, you know. So when you hit rock bottom and you see the hero story, yeah, it's it. Where, where else are they gonna go? They're pretty far down the road of rock bottom. I guess it could have been worse on drugs and all sorts of. But like for us, we were rock bottom. So it's easy to build in that space. We're in a new place space now where we're trying to recreate in abundance and it's just way better. It's harder. It's harder. You don't, like, like when you don't have anything, you're like, yeah, fuck it, let's try this. You have, when you have built something, it's. And you have kids and you're like, I can't afford to. I can't make that risk right now. I've got, you know, I've got five children and I can't make that risk. That's a bigger risk. When you have no money and you're like, yeah, what's $10,000, whatever. But when you have a lot of abundance, you can't afford to make massive losses like that.

Well, there's, it's, I think there's difference. We get to a point where you're going to do one of two things. Like when you, when you get to a point where you have lost purpose, which I feel like at some level we did this year, it's that the purposes we had prior to there's a bigger. Were no longer serving. Serving or satisfying. Like, I, I got to a point with my cars too. I'm just sitting looking em in the garage. I'm like, I fucking hardly drive you. I've gone through this three times and I've sold them three times where I'm just like, I don't even care about. I don't care. Yeah, like, it's funny, like people like, see Bugatti's here in Miami, and I'm like, I just don't care. It's not that I, I don't have any problem with it, but I just, I don't care. It's like I don't get moved by it any different than like I'm talking to the gym, like, how Was your weekend. Oh, the Dolphins lost again. I was like, I could give a if the Dolphins won or lost. It doesn't matter to me.

Yeah.

I'm not putting a jersey with another man's name and number on my chest like, I'm Gary J. White. This is who I am. I'm gonna wear my shirt. My thing. But, like, I'm. I get it. Like. Like, it lost its savor. I think even when went to Italy, it was beautiful. And I was also with you, and I was just going. I was like, is there one fit person in this. That country? I didn't see one bicep vein the whole time we were there. I was like, I don't think these people lift weights at all. I didn't see any obese people either. So that was interesting. But it's just like, this place, and it's impossible. The only people who get this, because if you look at us, we figured out sex. We figured out communication. We figured out money. We figured out who are we called to lead. We're entering a spiritual phase of life where nothing will satisfy that is not deliverance with God for us to create and to do and to be. Where the feeling of purpose is so intense that it pulls you forward. Purpose pulls you forward, not pain of I need to pay my bills.

Yeah.

And that place I've called the chaos of abundance, which is. It's the place you're in right now. It's the base that I'm in. It's like, I could do a lot of things. Could do that, could do that, could do that, could do that, could do that, could do that.

That is how it works. So even when we forever ago had lost everything, I was like, there's a lot of things we could have done, but we're like, we literally like, what's in front of us right now that could possibly have the biggest impact? Or what tool do I have right now? Okay, I'm gonna pick that one. And then we would, like, figure out. I mean, you relaunched your business, like, 17 times trying to figure it out. It was like investor's paradigm. And then it was like all sorts of different sorts of versions of warrior. And it was like, in pursuing your calling, you are also, like, figuring out your calling. So we're in a space where we're like, we want our calling right now, but your calling doesn't get dropped in your lap. Your calling is in the pursuit of doing the work. In my experience, I never felt called to be a hairstylist. Like, I went into doing hair out of default. Because I was like, I don't want to go to college, so I'll go do hair school. I didn't find any purpose inside of hair for probably. I'd been doing hair for 12 years. That's when I launched my brand. And even then, it was five years into my brand that I felt a lot of purpose because why I was helping transform the lives of thousands of hairstylists through doing fucking hair. So I think we've in the pursuit of discovering our passion. We're in a season of kind of being impatient and God says.

And that impatience has been pushed right up the line of the fact that one of the things that we know, while we've said we've done this show to help people, we have. We did this show also to find ourselves. And we've gotten to a point too, where we look around in the marketplace at couples coaches who are guiding couples.

And I think we're a lot more qualified than we give ourselves.

I am. It's. It's. It's a bit laughable to me at times. Not because I don't think that they're amazing. It's that I'm just like, we've been through so much heavy shit and we have figured out so many heavy things. We left the religion we were raised in. We found God as a pure embodiment conversation. We left poverty and scarcity and finances and learned how to make money. We learned how to merge two families with my son coming into your world to be your son. We blended a family we figured out because we didn't have Parker until the girls were like, Bailey was.

We got a lot.

Bailey was like 10 or 11 years old and Ruby was like 8. We were blending Parker as a 17 year old with those three. Like the amount of shit we've gone through as a couple. And when we sit with couples and talk with couples, we see how much we have figured out through pain and suffering and trying and a willingness to go. And the fun part is like, no relationship will work if both people don't work. If a woman's not willing to die to who she is and be reborn in her sexuality, in her communication, in her spirituality, as her role as a mother, like, able to find herself as a woman. There's no chance if this woman clings to it. It's like we were just talking with some of the guys in the room before the podcast. They're going through the struggle. He's trying to hire cleaners for the house and the nanny, and she's resisting and she's like, no, I don't want to do it. And I'm like, you were the same way. You're like, you were cleaning up the house before the cleaners came. I'm like, what are you doing right now? We just hired cleaners. What are you doing? This. So there's a piece in this gonna open up. We're gonna be testing it inside of Warrior with our top groups, and we're gonna bring the couples thing back, and we're gonna bring couples together inside of Warrior and give couples a chance to rise together. Because a lot of times, too, the women feel like they're on the outside because the guys come into Warrior with so much growth. But then there's this piece of.

I also think it's important when I now I was pregnant, but I do remember what I think it does. And we've experienced this in therapy where is. You can kind of say things that are like, a little bit like, say, I want to give you feedback on something, but I'm kind of scared. I'm like, is he going to react this way? So when you're in a group environment and you're like, oh, his wife says the same thing. Oh, his wife does the same thing. Or you almost feel like, okay, I'm not that crazy. So then when the wife wants. Wants to, like, bring up a conversation, the guy's like, this isn't out of left field for her bringing this up. I just heard 10 other women on the call talk about the same thing with their men. So I almost think it would help the guy receive it a little bit better than just thinking, my wife's a crazy, ungrateful bitch. He's like, okay, if all these other women are kind of going through something different, let me hold up the accountability mirror. Right? Like, they might be able to have tough conversations because it's not so hush, hush. We're perfect this and that.

Agreed, Agreed.

It's funny, even though I feel like my Instagram's super pretty, I always just tell them, like, just go listen to our podcast. Like, we're pretty. We're pretty open and.

And vulnerable there on this type of dialogue. It's needed and we're excited to bring it together here as we head into the end of 2025 and start bringing couples together in group conversations and individual two on two conversations of working through it. Because there's so much of how Danielle has figured herself out as a woman. There's a lot. I mean, she found herself sexually, she found herself mentally, she found herself professionally she found herself as a mother. She found herself as an author. She's found herself as a leader. She leads a movement. She's built a physical product, brand. She's done all these things, speaks, communicates, articulates from a woman who was terrified to be on a microphone seven years ago.

Couldn't even get my words out.

Now put you on stage, front of 5,000, you torch it by yourself for an hour. So, like, there are so many women that need to find their voice that way.

Yeah. I see a lot of powerful entrepreneur men, and they want their wives to be that. And I'm like, you can, like, you're not gonna lose being the wife. You're not gonna. Your. Your man wants to see this version of you come out. He loves and appreciates that you are there for him and his support and the kids, but he wants to see you grow.

Yeah.

And so I think that I bring a very feminine side to where I can help women do that. Because I think a lot of times women that are feminine or stay at home moms or whatever, they're like, I don't want to. I don't see myself as a boss or this or I want to find my purpose or like, whatever it is. And I'm like, I want to remind you, I was a hairstylist. Okay. Like, I, like, I created what I did with the skills that I had and obviously pushed myself to become much more. But I think that me evolving as a human is also what has kept our relationship together. Right. Like, not just together, but connected. Because there's a lot of maybe successful entrepreneur men that. That they would never divorce their wife, and they, like, they love her, but that little bit of that connection is missing.

Well, I would say there's a vast majority of entrepreneurial men that I know want to have an amazing partner. They want to have a woman who has a purpose, and they want an amazing lover, a woman that's into sex, into them just as much as he's into them. And we're still going to unclog this whole thing about initiation, because it's a common conversation for all dudes. Why does my wife not initiate more? Why is she not initiate more? Why am I always the one initiating? I'm not saying it's how it is for every couple, because there are some other directions, because anytime I say this online, there's women will be like, it's complete opposite for me. I have to initiate all the time. Where my husband just go months without sex. I'm like, okay, I get it. He's probably looking at pornography. If that's the case, it could be something different. But a lot of times that's what it is. So this is exciting. It's exciting season for us and exciting season purpose. We want to roll out some couple stuff. Okay. And we're going to start with Inside. We already started talking about our Savage Syndicate and our council and all those guys are excited with their wives. So we're going to start rolling something out here in November, going into Christmas, and then, well, if you're lucky, maybe be part of it with us. So it's gonna be the end of this show because we got some other stuff we gotta work on.

All right. You gotta end it. Cause I started.

All right, well, listen, the favor you can give us all here with this show, we do it for free. Is to what? Well, it is to share this show up with somebody else. Right? We've got tons of people listening to this show every single week. We bring guests on some weeks, some weeks to just Danielle and I jamming. Either way, we'd love to have you share the show up. As Danielle checks her text from kids likely coming into the end of the show.

Every time I like put my phone down, I'm like, it was down for like an hour. I have 17 text messages, of course.

And half of them are from our kids. So share the show up. Also, we have at the time we're recording this, it will go live. We'll probably be right in the heat of man in the arena two, which is our second men's event conference happening here in Miami at the Panthers Arena. Excited for that to go down. You can learn more about that themanarinatour.com and as always, we've got a free copy of the Warrior book for you. Head over to worrybook.com and get on it today, friends. That's all we got for you today. This is another episode of the Date Wife podcast.