Buying Time For Your Family | Date Your Wife | Ep 011

For those of you who don't know.

Shh.

We do a live.

You're fucking it up already.

Okay, go.

All right, my friends, what's up? This is Garrett J. White, your host here. Well, co host here inside the date your wife podcast. Welcome here. And if you're watching on the live screen, you're actually just staring at my wife. She's adjusting her hair. Let me adjust her camera angle. Oh, shit. There we go. There we go. There I am. There I am. We are so far away because of camera angles.

Okay.

This is as far away as we are during the. In bed.

I like snuggling when we.

No, you don't. This is about where we are in bed. If you look on the camera, it's about where we are in bento when.

It'S time to sleep. It's time to sleep.

You've started this thing recently where we're holding hands and we're falling asleep, and then you do this rollover thing and abandon me in the wilderness. Why do you do this?

Some days I'm like, is anything happening? I think he's snoring. Okay, roll over. Go.

You literally wait till the snore happens.

No, I, like, I always.

It's this bonding moment. Our hands are there.

That moment in, like, married life where you're like, should we have sex or should we go to bed? What sounds better?

Are you asking yourself a question? We should have sex or should we go to bed? Were you asking us last night?

Every.

Every night you're asking us?

I usually, like, every night.

I'm like, the fuck is going on around here? I didn't know this was happening.

You fall asleep in literally 30 seconds. And I'm like, oh, well, I fall.

Asleep in 30 seconds. Cause I think I'm winning points for, like, not approaching it. I'm just, like, laying there holding hands. I'm doing the hand hold thing while we fall asleep, and I'm like, I'm such a fucking good husband.

I feel like I'm just always open either way. Well, there's some nights where I'm like, no, but I'm real clear about it.

So last night, I could have got some.

Yeah, but you literally started snoring. It could have happened last night.

It could have happened.

You literally started snoring in, like. I'm gonna give it 30 seconds. I was like, wow.

Are you telling me last night was my window?

I fell asleep quicker than we could have sex? Like.

Oh, shit.

All right, let's move on.

What's the topic today? Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. All right, so anyways, hey, listen to. Listen to the topic. As we fired up today, we're. We're starting on the topic of sex, even though today is not about sex.

No, that was last week's topic.

That was last week's topic. We had an amazing talk about the slip and slide factor in my skill sets and having two bullets in the chamber.

I was in one of those moods, and sometimes I just get a little silly.

Okay, so we've had a lot of sex talk. Today's not gonna be about sex talk, but, you know, we're gonna have the talk anyways. I'm sure it's already come up. I mean, it's impossible for it not to come up. Every topic.

Well, what are we really talking about today?

We're gonna talk about money.

But I want to sing that song.

Every time because they've done a good job marketing that song. Money, Money, money, money.

Is that a song? Is that like an old song? What is that?

I don't know. Okay, it's like a song. That's great. All right, so we are running this show Date Wife, the podcast, because it is an outlet for men and women trying to live the warriors way to having it all. And it's the very first time in six years that my wife has come to the table and been willing to just put it all out there for everybody to see. Also, unlike some of our divorced counterpart competitors inside of the warrior movement who like to publish bullshit and inside of that, aren't even married themselves while trying to lead married men, we here at Date your wife actually stand for being married. Isn't that a weird fucking thing? All right, so anyways, we're gonna have a conversation inside of this married game, which is different every single week. We start the first week on the topic of sex. We move from the topic of sex to next. The topic we move into is money and being married. And then we're gonna move into the third topic, which is the idea of parenting and being married. And then we're gonna move into the fourth topic, which is the idea of being married and also having sex and money, but also the power of communication. Are you leaving the studio? Where are you going right now?

I feel so good.

Like, this is our big intro moment. You can't. You're messing up the camera angles.

Oh, no. Just a little bit.

Not a little bit. Like, a lot of bit. You're messing them up. All right, anyways, so we're gonna stay on the live stream here for a couple More minutes. As we jump into today's topic, we're gonna talk about money. Now, we've done history of money. You like to spend money. You like to spend money on shoes and purses. Today we're gonna start our topic off with bullshit. No, I'm gonna judge them. And it's gonna set up our topic today, which is gonna start off with, your purses are bullshit. You don't need 12 to 15 with lights that shine on them.

Inside of our cars together don't equal what your car equals. So I rest my case, ladies, I rest my case.

I don't have enough room in the Aventador to fit all your purses. There's too many purses.

That doesn't have anything to do with what I just said. Like I said, my purses don't even equal up to what your car does. So let's go there. I'm ready. Let's see where this goes.

Oh, I love it. We had a livestream person. His name is Jerry Loewen, who said two sick people. Nice block, Jerry. Jerry, you're a dickhead. All right, anyways, we're gonna continue on here.

He doesn't even know me. I'm not even.

He doesn't know you. Doesn't know me either. All right, so we're gonna talk about this idea of purses, though. That's what we're gonna start off with. And for our livestream audience, we're gonna end our little wooah here with you. Is there already a fight brewing? Dude, there's always a fight brewing inside of this show. It's not a fight, though. It's a debate on the topics of being a man, a woman, and also being married.

We've been married 15 years. Not really a controversial.

It's not controversial. People are already thinking it's controversial.

It's kind of us sharing married life and having fun with it.

Do you know what I think is actually accurate? I think that most couples, one person inside of the relationship has become so sedated, they no longer have an and inside of that. They just become the doormat. One person is a doormat. One person is the bulldozer. And then the bulldozer is always rolling over top of the doormat. How do you feel about this?

Sure. I just was trying to say, like, I think our podcast, I haven't gotten any negative feedback from it. I've only gotten positive. Like, tons of girls will comment on my Instagram. Be like, I look forward to your podcast. I feel like we're just keeping it Real and sharing. I'm not trying to be like an expert on marriage coaching. We're just trying to share. I mean, I feel like we've come over some big issues in our marriage and in our lives and it's more of, like, us sharing our stories and kind of what's helped us. And I always feel like we wrap up the show, like giving out advice or tips or what have it. And obviously, if you don't like our advice, go ahead and stop listening. If you find it valuable or you find it relatable or you just get a good laugh, like, thanks for listening. So that's all I'm gonna say there.

That was super nice. That was really nice of my wife to say it the way that she did.

That's a nice one.

You are the nice one. We're going to go ahead and end up this on the live stream. We're going to head on over. If you'd like to join us over in itunes, Google play, stitcher or soundcloud, or you can head over to dateyourwifenow.com you can get the action guides as well as all the videos and tips and tricks going on for this show. This week's topic is the idea of money and we're going to end on the live stream. We're going to continue this. You'll have to pick this show up next week in iTunes, Google Play, SoundCloud or Stitcher under date your wife. Bye bye, livestream friends.

I'm going to end my livestream too, guys. If you want to see the latest, I share it on my blog. So if you want to go to DKWSigning.com, i share both my podcasts there and I've gotten lots of positive feedback. People on my live stream are saying, I love your guys podcasts. Hey, guys, like, yeah, lots of positive stuff.

I know, it's great. There's lots of positive stuff going on all around.

Okay, bye, guys. I'm going to end this live video, but if you want to see recap, click the link in my bio.

All right, so now that we're here and we can get some focus and the live streaming is over, we're going to talk about your purse for a second, right? Because I think it's a very important purse. I think the purse is a very important place for us to start with the topic of money. Now, I could see little to no value in you buying purses. And this used to actually be like a topic of debate. It wasn't just purses. It was Just clothes in general. I thought it was all bullshit. And obviously because you looked at my clothes at the time, I obviously didn't care about clothes.

Whatever you perceive to have value or whatever makes you feel good.

Okay, so how do we deal with this debate inside of the conversation of marriage when it comes to pract preferences on spending money? Like what you valued, what I valued. At the same time I was spending just as much money, I was just spending money on other things.

I think a lot of women feel guilty in this space and I'm not gonna lie, ladies. Like, I gotta keep myself in check with my buying of bags because it's kind of an outlet for me and I enjoy it. So there's times I'm like, I just put it in my shopping cart. And sometimes that's just as fulfilling as actually buying it. So I'm not gonna say like, I don't.

You actually put it in the shopping cart, but you don't buy it.

You know what, I've shared this before on some of the podcasts I get. I get emotionally triggered sometimes on social media and I just am trying to like unplug a little bit, you know. But I do like, like most girls, like, I like to have a little bit of like downtime and for me, like my downtime when the kids are in bed or whatever, it's like an hour of like watching tv and I'm usually like looking online shopping and stuff. And I'll put like a ton of stuff in my cart and I don't actually buy it. And then I'll go back to the site like a few days later, I'll be like, oh, I'm kind of over all these. Or I'm like, oh, I still like that. So I'm going to keep it in my cart in case I still want it. So, so I'm sure. And I've talked to other women and a lot of women do that. And I was joking around with a client of mine the other day and she was like, I actually find it just as satisfying. I'm like, same. So there's gotta, there's like some emotional fulfillment in like shopping for women. And I'm always. I feel like women also have like a lot of guilt. The only thing I was gonna share is like, I feel like women have a lot of guilt in buying things for themselves. A lot of times, especially if you have kids, it's like, oh, I can't buy this. Especially if it's like, really? If it's an expensive bag, it's like, it's not a necessity, obviously, it's a want. And so it's hard to. You're like, oh, can I should. Even if you're just saving the money, you're like, oh, I'll just save it. Like, what if we need it? I don't need this. And so I think there's a lot of guilt there. And I always encourage women, you know, whatever makes you happy, I think you should go for it. I think the same goes with hair extensions. I think hair extensions specifically mine are more pricey. And so many women will comment and be like, oh, I wish I could afford them. And I think it's just like what we're talking about on the show today is like what you choose, what you choose to spend your money on and what you value and that kind of things. And I think it's like it, I think the guilt is more is worse than the actual. And I'm not saying you don't have to keep yourself in check of purchasing of things, but that's the point that I was just kinda, I wanted to get at for women. And I'm sure there's a lot of women that can relate with me on this topic.

So do you feel like I support you in this habit these days?

I don't really care anymore if I'm being super direct.

Well, I would like you to be super direct. So continue.

I just, I think it would be harder for me if I didn't work.

Okay.

But I think part of me is.

Like, what if I could control your purchasing of purses? Because this is a situation for a lot of women. I think, yeah, they don't have the money they mean they're being kept wife.

I would probably buy less. Honestly, I probably would buy less. But I think that because I earn money as well, I'm like, might as well splurge a little bit. And I don't feel bad about it. And so I think.

So what counsel would you give to women who might who are in a different situation, Meaning they're in a situation where they have some things they'd like to buy for themselves, but they've got to request of the money from their husband or whoever their financial partner is.

I honestly can't.

Can you give any advice?

I can't give advice, ladies, because I've always worked think that I. Maybe I have issues with feeling controlled in that way. For sure you do because I've command.

You're like.

But I, I, I don't like. I think that I have that a little bit of independence in me. And that was something. Even when we got married, like, I always. And I've said this before, like, I always wanted to be a mom. But even if even in the beginning of my career, when I considered it more of, like, a hobby, it literally, I was like, oh, it gives me something to do, and it gives me, like, a lot of purpose, and I like having the extra spending money and not feeling that guilt of, like, if I want to go buy a cute shirt or shoes or whatever. So I didn't necessarily think it was a bad thing. So I don't know. I don't really. I can't give any advice. If I give any advice, I may sound like an asshole. Like, I literally don't know. I would have to speak with some of my friends and be like, hey, what's your situation? I have spoke with clients and friends, and I've asked them, and they. They're like, oh, my husband's great about it. Like, I just told them, like, listen, I'm not gonna work. I'm gonna take care of the kids, but I'm gonna shop or I'm gonna do this. And they kind of, like, made that their plan or whatever. They're like, I want nice things, you.

Know, so there's a lot of guys, I mean, inside the game of relationship. Money itself is. Money itself is a controlling tool for most men, like, in society has taught us that this is the case. And so men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. And, like, this has kind of become the societal thing. It's been that thing for a long time. It's like resource and. And sexuality and the seduction loop on side of both of these would has men feel like at times an atm. Now, I literally had this came up. I had this come up here recently with. With a couple guys inside of Warrior. Like, this has literally become the feeling that they have is they're married, they're in a relationship, but they feel like at the end of the day, the only validation they get is when they make the money outside of the making the money. They don't feel much validation about this. And I went through this experience, I went through this process with you where I didn't feel like I was being validated outside of how much money I made.

It goes both way. Okay. I would say, like, I mean, because maybe the man would be like, oh, you're not. Like, they're feeling like an atm, but at the same time, the wife. I mean, there's times even outside of, like, my work stuff, I Was like, oh, I'm like taking care of the home, I'm taking care of the kids, like. And you. I remember there was in the past you would say comments to me and I was like, buddy, if I was your personal maid and housekeeper and babysitter, you better believe I charge a lot more than you're giving me permission to spend. You know what I mean? And I remember like thinking that. And so I think that's what would be hard for. And I guess there was a few times where I wasn't working and was, you know, when I did first have my kids and things like that.

And so but even, even outside of that, there's a, there's a sense of men across the board feeling like the vast majority of their value is being nothing more than ATM for the family.

Thing I was saying is the wife could be the same. Be feeling the same way. She could be like, I'm just a piece of ass for you and I'm your high paid or not even paid. They're not, they're like, I'm your maid, you're low paid. I'm your low paid slave, your escort. I don't know, they're. I mean there's. I'm that same token. You gotta. I would imagine if the guy's feeling like that, that the girl would be feeling the same way. Call me crazy, but I could be both sides in our relationship there. I think there that has happened. There's been times where I'm like, I feel like neither of our needs are being met and we're literally like. You feel used and I feel used. I guess you could say, okay, cool.

So have you felt used?

Yeah.

You felt used on this topic?

Yeah.

Sexually.

Well, not.

I mean it's the only piece we.

Can talk about because you said women or. What did you say?

Men feel like ATMs and women feel.

Like escorts, but not really even escorts.

Prostitutes.

No, no. What I'm trying to say is like we take care of the home and we take care of the children. Yeah. And that's a full time job in itself. You know what I mean? I think women would feel more like they were a high. A high. Not. I can't say high paid. I gotta stop saying that. They're not paid. A non paid. No, not escorted. Oh my God. They're not being paid for taking care of the children. Not paid nanny and cleaner. There you go.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. And not pay very low wage, meaning zero dollar.

And this is like hiring a babysitter and be like, don't Worry, honey. We'll give you a roof to live under. Yes, Right.

We got you. We got you. Okay, so this is a. This is a challenge. This is a challenge because money itself creates this interesting dilemma. You have all these things that a woman's doing, maybe at home, maybe she's also a professional. I mean, how did this imply. How does this impact your situation with the fact that you also run a business, plus you're a mom and have all the mommy kind of guilt that comes along with that? How does this play into the even feeling more used factor? Like, you're like, you come. I'll give you an example. I come home from work and like, there's no break for the dad. Like, there's not really a break for the dad.

I'm just gonna go ahead and interrupt.

Don't interrupt me. Just let me finish so that I can share and then you can interrupt me and you can stab holes in my theory. Here's the thing though. Men feel like. Men feel like ATMs, okay? They just do. They feel like ATMs. And this happens to not just one, this happens to thousands and thousands of businessmen that I have talked to. There is a certain point where a man begins to feel like an atm. Now, I'm not saying the thought is accurate. I'm saying that they have it and that I've had it. And there's times that I've had it and I'm sure that I will have it in the future at some point. This is never gonna go away. My thought and masturbation, two things will probably continue my whole life. I just have them, much less as a desire. Now, these dumb thoughts that I was having, but I was having this thought for a very long time. And I would feel like an atm. I'd go to. I would go to get up in the morning, hustle and try to get myself on point and focus, go to the office, hustle, create, create, create, create. Come home. And the minute I would get home as a man, I would come in from the stress of war and then I would come back from the stress of war and immediately was supposed to turn it on and be go time dad. And this was a super stressful thing. I started also feel like, not just at atm, I started to feel like a full time babysitter at night. So that you had a break. Even though I was feeling like I never got a break anywhere. Okay, now you can continue.

So how did you.

I'd like you to punch holes in this, please. Go.

I'm ready.

Okay, Punch Away, Babe.

How did. Well, now I can just say, even when you come home, I'll be like, babe, turn off your phone, turn off your laptop. Like, you're always working. So I get it. And I do a lot for the kids at night. I usually get them in the bath and I usually. You'll physically tuck them in and put them to bed, but I usually make dinner and I do a lot of it.

If we're riding off the wake of what's happened in the last week, you have literally been, like, the number one stunner. You've been fantastic. This is a topic. We should have this topic about, like a month ago, because it would have been a different conversation. Because right now you literally. Literally, you're fucking killing it. As a wife and a mother and.

A businesswoman, I get what you're saying. Let me ask you this.

You're killing it.

Okay, but let me ask you this before I lose my thought.

All right, go.

Let me ask you this, because I'm sure in the past you did feel like this. And would you say you didn't feel like this as much now?

Not as much.

Okay, I'm sure. I'm sure there's days and that's how it goes. But in the past, when you would come home, when you would feel like that, how did you shift? Because I don't know. I always believe, like, in a relationship, you know, that there's always two sides of the story and everybody plays an equal role. So what. How did. What happened? Because you didn't. You still work. You still work a ton. And you come home and you still. You're great. You put the kids to bed and you do play with them.

Yeah.

And I think. I think.

And I've been sitting on the couch and putting your legs on me. Have you noticed this?

You know what?

But you don't like this.

No, I like this. But I got this. I was taking hints from our own show. I gotta take this. I gotta say this before I forget. Also, sometimes I feel like I like when you get done with work, because I've already played with the kids because I pick them up earlier than you. So I have like an hour where we kind of sit and goof around, do homework, do whatever. Then I start dinner. So we have, like this two hour lag before you get home.

Right.

So I feel like that's kind of my time with the kids. And then when you get home, they're so excited to see you.

Right.

And so. And I'll see you on your phone and work Never ends for you. And that's just how it goes for. For a lot of men, I'm sure. There's always something you can do in business. And so I think I'm like, garrett, come on. And I want you to unplug, because I want you to go, like, be with the kids. It's not like I can't. Couldn't do it. Do you know what I mean? I'm just like, I want a break, but I also, like. See, like, our little girls, they just. They want to be with you.

I agree.

And so, anyways, I was asking you, like, in the past, because, like I said, I'm sure, like, you felt like that in the past, and how do you. How did you. What changed?

I look at you. Starting to, like, ask questions, take us down a rabbit hole.

No, I was trying to validate your feelings. I was trying to validate your feelings. Like, I get that that's how you felt. I have my own story, and I'd like to hear how you overcame that and you changed in your story.

Sure, sure, sure. Well, I'll tell you what. It all comes back to Sex. No, I'm just kidding. Actually, here's the thing. I was sitting there one day, though, and I was thinking about this as a husband, and. And I was thinking. And I started putting myself in my wife's shoes, too, right? I was literally having this thought, even a couple nights ago. I was like, oh, my God, I never get a break. This is what I was thinking to myself, right? And I. And it was at nighttime, and I was like, man, I have just fucking dealt with so much shit today with work and the office and everything. Like, why can't. Why can't I sit down and watch me some Netflix? As if I would sit down and watch me some Netflix, because I just don't do that.

You could.

No, I cannot. You could.

You sat down for, like, at least 10 minutes yesterday with me, and I put. And you put. I put my legs on you. And I was like, see how fun this is?

I know. I did it, right. I was so proud of myself. And after 10 minutes, I want to rip my eyeballs.

Why? Is it because you have too much going on in your head?

No, I just, like, I'm learning.

The kids are fine.

They're great.

That they, like, literally, like, if you get. Here's the thing with our kids and maybe a lot of kids, you give them, like, 10 minutes of, like, we're going to play hardcore with these stupid whatever, LOL dolls for, like, a good 10 minutes. And then like, you're like, okay, that was so fun. I'm going to go over here. But if you give them, like, a good quality, like, yes. Greeting when you get home, they're fulfilled.

And then you're like, I totally get it.

Keep going with your LOL's. You got another 45 minutes before bath time.

Now we're heading down the parenting path.

I know.

Because you're like, making this a parenting path.

I'm not trying to.

This is supposed to be money.

I know.

All right, so we're gonna talk about the solution to this. So here's what the solution was. I needed a time to look forward to through the week where I didn't have to worry about the kids and I didn't have to worry about the business. There was only one possible place to find that. And I wanted to spend time with my wife. I want to spend time with my wife. I didn't want to spend time with my kids, and I didn't want to have to worry about the business. I didn't want to. I get to do those things on the weekends. All in. Like, I get to do those. So what I wanted was time. And this is when we birthed the date night. Now we're gonna move this to a real topic here of money. And we're obviously not bringing closure to this whole ATM feeling. You derailed us into the parenting game. You've done an efficient job of being a politician on that one. We're gonna come. I'm gonna loop it back in and make it relevant here in a minute. But let's talk about this idea about spending money on house cleaner, spending money on a lawn person, spending money on a babysitter. Just the idea of buying the time back inside of marriage to spend time with each other and. Or to spend time with your kids. This is not something we've always done. We spend a vast majority and maybe the last, like, last five years been really different with us this last four or five. But prior to that, we spend most of our time not being willing to do this. And you were very resistant to the idea of spending money to have someone come help in the house.

You know what happens in a relationship when you pay other people to do things? Even if you think, well, I have time to do these, you can't blame the other person. It's weird. I know this. Just go with me for a minute. Like, you know when you're like, you're just mad at each other for some weird reason, if you're the one that's doing the cleaning, or if you're the one that's doing the gardening, or if you're the one, you could be like, well, I'm doing the fucking gardening. I'm doing da, da, da, da. And you can almost, like, use that as an extra excuse or be like, put, like, blame on that person when you take that off the table and. Cause Garrett did that for a while. I'd be like, well, I have to do this, and I have to do this, and I have to do this. And he'd be like, okay, I'll hire you a cleaner. Okay, I'll hire somebody to do the laundry. Okay, I'll hire somebody this. And then I was like, oh, my God. I don't. I don't have anything to complain about. Yeah. I was like, I don't have any other excuses, but in that space, I was like, oh. Like, I was like, oh, it is kind of nice. And I am like. It is, like, room to breathe. And that alone is, like, worth it to me. I was like, were you.

Were you resistant to me spending the money on having someone come clean the house twice a week?

Yeah, for sure.

But why? Like, what was it about the money?

Wasn't about the money. No. Cause that's what's so funny.

Like, but you were using that as an excuse for.

I even thought, like. I mean, I was raised in Utah in a very conservative state, and we had a nice home, and my mom had a cleaner. But the thing is, to have a cleaner come once a week when I wasn't working as much, I felt that mommy guilt again. I was like, oh, we don't need it. I can do it. And you're like, who cares if we, like, we can do this. You know what I mean? It's fine. And I think a lot of people will say, well, I can't put it in the budget, or, I don't have the money to hire a cleaner once a week, and I can't do that. And I'm like, who says? Are you sure? How much free time does that equal up? And is that worth it to you? You know what I mean? I think it's so interesting when people tell me I can't afford it or I can't do it. There's always a way.

I feel like, well, there's always a way.

I remember talking to Val one time, and she was like, oh, I don't have a cleaner. And I was like, oh, my God, you don't have a cleaner. And then she finally got. She goes, yeah, they come Once a month. I'm like, what's a month? And I was. She was like, okay. And then I like, slowly got her. She's like, okay, now they come once a week. I'm like, the best is when they come twice a week. I'm like, cause they do your laundry on one day and they do the cleaning on another day. She's like, they can do that. And I was like, all you have to do is ask.

Now there's some. There's gonna be guys right now that are gonna be up in arms about this.

Really?

Oh, yeah. There's gonna be guys listening, are gonna be like, what? That's a woman's job to do that. That's why she's home. She's supposed to do that.

I think it's different to an Orange County. I will say that. Like, like I said, being raised in ut much more conservative state, it was, it was kind of a lot like if you had a cleaner come when, like once a week and twice a week. Like, oh my God. You're like, oh my God. Like, you should be Susie Homemaker. Like, even if you can afford it, like, you should be doing those toilets in between. Why would you have a cleaner do it twice a week? You know? So it's like, it's a different. Depending on where you live. I'm sure it's a different mindset. And I will say we live in Orange County, California, and it's. And it's taken me a while to kind of like adjust, but then as I've adjust to, to this lifestyle, I'm like, oh my God, this is nice. This makes life easier. Like, why was I resistant on it? Was I trying to be supermom?

Like, when we lived in Arizona, you were doing the same. Like, we have people come clean. I mean, it's a mental hurdle to overcome as a man and as a woman. Like, a woman has her deal, but a guy has his own deal. Like, as a man, you're sitting there saying, let me get this shit straight. I'm gonna go pay somebody to come in. And I've had guys say this to me. They're like, I'm going to go take money that I worked hard for. I'm going to go pay somebody to come in and do the laundry. But my wife. And this is, this goes. I'm not saying for the ones that have wives who are professionals or in running businesses, I'm talking about women who are at home full time with the kids, which by the way, is a shit show in and of itself. We'll talk about next session. And most men have no clue when it comes to what the stress and pressure is of a woman raising children at home by herself all the time with no fucking brace.

I'm sure you got a lot of insight from your mom this last.

Well, tons. And I got a lot of insight from just trying to do it myself, like spending more time with the kids and doing it. I was like, this is like a nightmare. It's like suicide mission at some point. So, like, if you come back as a guy, though, I want you to look at this from the following. What if you just question the story? And the story was, my wife's the one that's supposed to clean. My wife's the one that's supposed to make dinner. My wife's the one that's supposed to, you know, whatever. Like maybe, or even in the guy's position, that my job is to mow the lawn. Like, I was raised in a house where I mowed the lawn every single day. This is what I. Every single week. That was my job. A big push mower, one acre lawn, push that shit. My parents, like, get the fuck out of the house and go mow the lawn. So I would go mow, I would mow and I would mow and I'd mow. And Danielle was raised to clean the kitchen, clean the kitchen, clean the kitchen, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, do the laundry, do the laundry. Because that's her mother. And then we were sitting there, and I was sitting there one day, I was asking myself the question, like, who made these rules up? And I remember I would sit there in these places where Daniela would. Danielle and I wouldn't get to spend time together because she was stressed out about the kitchen being clean or. And then worse, she would get angry at me because I didn't want to clean the kitchen, or she would get angry at me because I didn't want to do the laundry. And then I was looking at these small things around her house and I was like, you realize that for X number of dollars, a couple hundred dollars a month in some cases, many of you live in places where a couple hundred dollars a month to solve this, you can not only help someone else have an income, which the people who work for us, we help a ton of people that work for us right now. A ton of people all around us who get opportunities. The woman that cleans our house, she's been with us for like four years. She cleans all of my offices, she cleans her house, she has her own Little crew. She's built her own little business with it. She is a single mom with three children. She has an amazing opportunity. We take very good care of her. But inside of it, what it really did was it created space for Danielle. Like one of the ways that you can use money as a man inside of your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family, that gives the family what actually matters. Nobody's counting how many times you clean the house. Nobody's giving. Nobody's counting over time. Nobody, when their kids are older, are saying, man, mom is just an amazing house cleaner. But what they will forget is all the times that mom was cleaning and dad was doing his shit and nobody and dad was out mowing the lawn. And people say, well, you're not teaching them work ethic. And I'm like, there's a lot of ways to learn work ethic. My 19 year old son is now living with us. He's upstairs grinding, working 14 hours a day from my company, learning technology and software and systems. And he dropped out of college to be here. And people are like, oh my God, you've ruined his entire future. I was like, really? So there's this transition that comes with being able to be willing to spend money to buy time. What are your thoughts on Tanya?

Time is money. I think that, yeah, it's just weird how emotionally bogged down you get over the stupidest shit. I know. Like, the girls on my team work so hard and they'll say this all the time. They're like, oh my God, like, I don't want to do laundry. I'm like, I get it. And like, even if you're not working and you're a mom, that's like, like you're really involved in your community or you're really involved in your kids, schools or sports or whatever. I know that that's a busy life too. And I know that that takes a lot of, like, organizing and management skills. I'm not the best at doing, at organizing all that, but I do work and I try to balance it all. And I think that there's all these little things that we don't realize could lift such a weight off our shoulders. And to me, that's so worth it. And I think that it gets, unfortunately, a lot of times and a lot of couples and a lot of people, it gets to the place where they're like, okay, like the laundry is piled up. We got four kids and we got like two weeks of Laundry. And there's just no time. And it's like, it creates maybe tension in the house, and it creates, like, guilt for the wife. And that's when maybe as a woman, you sit down and you have a conversation with your husband, you say, hey, I. You know, I'm stressed out. I can't do this. I need help. And there's nothing wrong. I think women have a hard time acknowledging that they need help. You know what I mean? I know that I did in the past. Like, when you would say, hey, I'm gonna have a cleaner come two weeks, I almost took it as, like, am I not being a good wife? Am I not being a good mom? Like, I don't know, I don't need this. And you kept pushing so hard. I continued to push, and I was finally. I was like, oh, this is so nice. And the days that I am busy and I come home, I'm like, oh, it's all clean. That's so great. And then the days that I do make dinner, like, if the cleaner's coming the next day, I'm like, I'm not even gonna do the dishes. And I'm not even gonna ask you to do the dishes. I'm gonna put them in the sink. Cause our cleaner's amazing. And I know that she'll do them for me. I know it. And so for me, I'm like, oh, that's so nice. Like, even the days I cook, like, we can sit down and relax on the couch. Even if it is 10, 15 minutes, that's 10, 15 minutes of time of, like I said, like, in one of our past shows, I'm like, I like just sitting on the couch and putting my legs on you and relaxing. And, like, if you're doing the dishes and working and other stuff, like, that time doesn't happen.

So there's an emotional game that has to be overcome with money. And men will tell me, well, Gary, you know, we don't have the money to do that. And I'm like, well, then figure out a way to make more money. You want more tips on that? You check out Warrior wealth, the podcast, right? Like, I want you to look at this as a man. Look what you could buy with money as a husband. Okay? A couple things. One, get somebody to help your wife around the house. And you obviously need to show up, too. But I'm saying get someone else to help the family. Invest in someone to help the family with stuff. That doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. This was a shift I had to go through I was also trained that my wife should want to do these things. It was part of being a woman. I may have felt like an atm, but I thought my wife was a full time cleaner. I was like, oh, I married you. You're a full time cleaner. That's your job. You're supposed to be a full time cleaner. Because this is what I've been trained, taught and educated to believe. Then I started questioning this. I was like, what if that's not my wife's job? But I don't really want to do it all the time either, and my wife doesn't want to do it all the time either. What if I just committed to making more money and. Or just looking at my money differently? You tell me where you're going to get the biggest rate of return. You ready? You ready for this? This is for all my big men out there that want to, like, talk about investing. Good. I got a whole show for you. It's called Warrior Wealth. We can talk about it over there. But I'm going to give you one key point here. You tell me we're going to get a higher rate of return. Money in your 401k plan or money in a babysitter to watch the children and take your wife on a date. Where are you going to get a higher ROI rate of return? Putting money into a cleaner to buy your wife more sanity so she doesn't become a fucking crazy person? Or putting money back into your 401k plan? Where are you going to get a higher rate of return? Taking money to invest in time and experiences with your children? Or putting money into your 401 plan?

Even if people start small, like, even, like I said, like, even if it's.

Something, it doesn't have to be big.

Yeah.

I was scootering with the kids to Taco Bell.

Yeah.

Like, I was like, I remember doing this, like, it was simple thing. I was spending like $4.

That's the thing is, like, when we didn't have a lot of money, like, literally, we were like, all right, do we. Because we didn't have, like a dependable income. It was just like, how well did Garrett do that month? Or how well did I do? Okay, like, like, let's hope we can pay the bills. And we always, we always had like these little things that we'd invest in. And even if it was like a cleaner once a month and that we started small, and then it was like, when we had a good month or whatever, we're like, okay, let's do it, like every Week because that does benefit us and we have more time and things like that. So there's always, I think there's an.

Idea inside of this with people thus that they, they see, they see us and they think, oh, those guys are assholes, dicks. But they, but the problem is they never got it. They never saw in the hole for years. They didn't see us as newlyweds. They didn't see us also in our second back in the pit from 2008, 9, 10 and 11. Back then we were even still creating it though.

If you don't know our story, you don't know us. And so that's what's interesting is when people give me excuses, I'll share stories with them all the time. Of. I had to sell my husband's Ironman championship bike to put food on the table at one point. I don't, like, trust me, like, if you, you can make it happen, you can come up with the money. You can, you have to commit time. Like, our little family was the only thing that we had for a bit, you know what I mean? Like, there was this weird period of time where I just felt like friends and family and everybody was just kind of abandoned us. And not only that, we literally like lost it all financially. And so all we had was our, like our little family. And that was the one area where we're like, well, we're not going to abandon each other. And we really had to like take that time and factor in the bill, factor in the money to that prioritize, you know what I mean? Like, we started prioritizing where our money went and there were certain things that were non negotiable. Even when we didn't have money and we started doing date night, it was like, okay, well, we don't need to have. I don't need to. We don't need. I don't need to shop more. We don't need to have the. Like, we just cut out things because we had our priorities of what we knew mattered. And so it doesn't matter where you're at. Like, like Garrett said, I think people look at us where we're at now and they're like, you guys are whatever, you live in Orange county and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, if you don't know our story, you don't know us.

The principles that we're teaching here were stuff that we started working and building our lives off of. Like when we were in the shittiest of situations. Like, I wanted to look at some basics here. As a man. Okay, I'm gonna talk to my men. Okay. And then you go to talk to our ladies. Men, gentlemen, you have money. And if you don't have very much, it doesn't matter whether you have $10 or you have $100. You have a thousand dollars, you have $100,000, you have a million dollars, you have $100 million. Here's what I around what is valuable to put your money into won't fucking change with getting more so your behavior. If you're an asshole with your money and a following, which is you actually don't put money into your family. You don't invest in your children's experiences. You don't put money into your wife. You don't put money into the situation that creates conditions for more time and connection inside your family. If you don't do this. I get it. You've been taught, trained, and educated. You think that the biggest rate of return is going to come by putting it into a 401k plan or some retirement plan that's going to get you there. I'm going to have you consider the greatest rate of return inside of your game when you have young children and a young married experience is to make sure that you stay together as a family. And one of the ways to pull that off is through date night. One of the ways to pull that off is to hire a babysitter. One of the ways to pull that off is to invest in small, little supportive tools around the house. For example, cleaners, for example, someone to do the laundry, for example, someone to come in and just help out and assist around the house so that you, as a family, have the time to focus on what. But the men will look at me, and I'm like, this is not an excuse for you just to sit around more. If you create these opportunities, then you've got to produce more. And I found for me that the more that I pushed myself to this place, the more I was willing to create conditions for my wife to actually have more opportunity. Like, I started looking at the stress she was in, and I was like, I'm hiring these people. And you're listening to me about this. And she's like, no, I'm not doing this. I'm like, no, woman, listen to me. I am bringing someone into the house to help clean. Not because I feel guilty. Not because I feel like you're feeling guilty. Nothing. I'm bringing them in because I can see. I want to spend time with you. I don't want to spend time with the Stressed out version of you that's worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I want to spend time with you when I come home. I don't want a checklist of stuff to go clean. I want to be with you. I want to be with the kids. What are your thoughts on this?

I like it.

Did it make a difference?

What?

Did it make a difference?

Yeah. But I think you had to convert my mindset.

I had to. Deeply.

I think, like I said, I always was like, I think women take on this Persona, at least where I'm from. It's like superwoman. I can do it all. I can work. I'd be a great mom. I can be a cleaner. I can be everything. And it's not realistic, so. And those who say it is are lying to themselves. And I'm sure they're either stressed out or they're at the point where they're like, yeah, they do hire help, you know, so regardless of. I think where you're at, there's always. You just have to prioritize. That's kind of like what I'm feeling that I should share with you guys is prioritize your values.

Your values are what are driving your money. I know we started this off with this idea of purses and spending purses, right now the connection to this for money across the board is that the same devaluation I had inside of the purse. The purse was not a purse. The purse for my wife, particularly the very first one that I bought for her, that was nice, that I invested in. I invested in. But I realized really quickly that it wasn't about purses and it wasn't about creating time for cleaners. It was about investing in my wife and her seeing that I saw the value. Like, seeing that I saw the value when I invest in our family trips or I invest in us. This was not stuff I was born to do. I didn't know how to do this. I literally actually felt nauseous about spending money on family vacations. I felt nauseous about buying stuff for my wife. I felt nauseous spending money. I was raised in scarcity. I did not know how to do this. And inside of it, I was naturally a cheap bastard. And so I had to learn to let go. I had to start looking at two things, one time and two experiences. Now I feel like I've gotten better. I feel like I've gotten way better when it comes to this game.

Just like how you push me to, like, hire cleaners or do this and that I think I was like, listen, and I want to buy nice things. And I think that you got to this place where you're like, well, I would like to buy something for you. And I was like, okay, well, I like nice things. And this is, like, how much I want to spend on a bag, or this is how much I'd want to spend on a pair of shoes. So if you'd like to give me a gift, I would love to accept that gift, but this is what I like. And I think you were like, oh, my God. Because. Cause you wouldn't buy that again.

And it wasn't even about the dollar amount. It was literally about me changing my story. No different than my wife changing her story about having someone come into the house to help.

Yeah. And I think even in the beginning, like, when I didn't. When I wasn't buying things that were as expensive and I look at it on the scale, and I'm like, yeah, I remember when, like, even spending, like, a couple hundred dollars on a purse, you were like, who spends a couple. I mean, in the beginning, you.

Yeah, it was. It was like $200 or $250 for that.

Yeah. And I was like, it's a nice bag, you know, so this goes with, like, all. All levels. I'm not saying, like, it's just with the Chanel, it could go with any. Anything. Like, it's all about, like. I don't know. I just feel like you. You've always been like, oh, my God, like, no matter what level we've been at, you're like, gosh, that's a lot. And so. I don't know. Was it just for you? Was it just, like, you. What shifted in you? You just. Oh, you were like, why? I don't know.

I think what shifted for me was, like, I really started to see, like, my shift in value in you as an investor.

I think I kept pushing, too. I kept being like, well, I like nice things. So. And then the same thing goes with you. You kept pushing with me. You're like, if you're stressed out, then have them do the laundry. And I'm like, no, I can't have them do the laundry and clean house. You're like, why don't you try it? And I was like, okay, so I think we both kind of pushing for. We kept pushing, like, for what we wanted. And I think when you push and you start doing it, it becomes your new norm. Like, I know living here in Orange county, like, our lifestyle and things like that, like, it is our new norm. And so I Have to keep that in check. Like, when I. And talking to other people and, like, they may not be able to relate. And I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, I'm officially welcome to Orange County. Like, I have officially, like, adjusted to the cost of living here. You know, it's not cheap. It's not cheap. And so it's a different place. It's a different place. But even at every level, the same stuff still happens is what I was trying to communicate.

So here's a message we're gonna wrap with for today's show, which is this. Each one of us as a couple. Okay? Each couple, all of you listening right now. There are men and women together. Here's what we know. You guys have a different story about the topic of money, and you also have a different story about the topic of money when it comes to investing in each other and investing in your marriage and investing in your family. One of the keys that I want you to take from today's show is this. Gentlemen. And then to the ladies. Gentlemen, it is time for you to start investing dollars into buying time for your family to be together and investing in things to produce experiences that your money is not just sitting well in a savings account. That it is time for you, regardless of the dollar amount, to start looking at the use of your dollars as a utility to buy time and experiences with your wife and with your children. Now, on the flip side, I'm going to talk to ladies for a second. Ladies, you got to let go. You got to let go of some of your stories. Do you find your identity in cleaning the house? Some of you find your identity in watching the children 24 7. Some of you find identity in even being married inside of this place. You've got to be okay with the idea that you can't do everything. I think for a man at a time, it's easier to pull this off, because as a businessman, we know we cannot do it alone. And so we hire team members, employees, and we bring member contractors on to do work because we know we can get more done by having more contractors. And that's ultimately what shifted for me. I started looking at our marriage as a business.

There you go.

And I started looking at the way we did things as a business. And you became an asset inside of my business. And I started being willing to hire people to be on the team in our home because I knew our family couldn't go to places I wanted it to go with all of us trying to do it all, all the time.

I like that. Maybe More people should look at their. That sounds weird, but it makes sense. Like if you look at your. Look at your little family as an investment in a business and like, like, where would you take it?

You know, stock value? We're wrapping up the show because we've got to go do some other things right now. Final thoughts you have on this idea of money. Suggestions you have for the ladies. I'm gonna give them an assignment though. What are your thoughts?

My final thought for you women out there is that guilt is worse. That is like the number one destructive thing. So if you find yourself feeling guilty about things, ask yourself, how could I let go of this guilt and how could I change the story? I know for me and myself, I'm. I'm in like a darker place when I'm feeling guilty. And I remember a couple years ago there was a situation where like, literally, it's like this clear voice comes to me every now and again. And it was like, guilt is the enemy. Guilt is the devil. Figure out how to let go. And I was like, oh my God, you're right. Guilt. Guilt is awful. Guilt is not serving me and I need to figure out how to change my story. And so I don't know everybody's situations. I don't know if you're a working mom or if you're not a working mom. Either way, it's a lot of work to work and be a full time mom. So find out, find your balance, find out how to let go and more importantly, let go of the guilt and figure out how to create that story for you that serves you best.

Gentlemen, you've got one simple strategy this week to talk about on date night, which is what are some of the investments you can make? Regardless, irregardless of the amount of money, do not get tied up in the amount of money. Do not get tied up in the back. And I'm wearing like a suit right now, like the inside of my world. There were plenty of times I was in shitty old sweats with a T shirt and I was trying to figure out how to do these two things too. And you can also. How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have the second piece, which is the actual experiences that matter at the end of the day. If your money doesn't serve you and your marriage, and if the money doesn't serve you and your marriage and your family, then what is the point in having it? Anyways, that's all we got for you. This week. We're going to wrap up this week with Danielle and I, this Episode, episode number 11. Episode number 11 of Date your wife. And we look forward to being back next week as we dive into the topic of parenting. Until then, Danielle's headphones are off. She is halfway out the studio. And we'll see you guys next week.