Caught In A Web of Lies | Date Your Wife | EP 115

There's no easy way to bring this up. I'm like. So I ran into this girl. It was the funniest thing. She said, you had a kid. And I said, and you're like, oh, yeah, I do. And then kept putting together the fucking chair. I was like.

All right, well, welcome to another episode here of the Date your wife podcast. I'm your host, Gear J. White, founder, wake up Warrior. And I'm here with a woman who also got her sign put up in the garage.

I never know where you're gonna go with this show.

This is why you married me. Tell them what? You tell them what you told them when they asked you why did you marry me when you were being interviewed for the New York Post. What did you tell them?

For the New York Post?

Yes. You were being interviewed and you told them this?

I did.

You told them this and they put this in the article?

No, they did.

They said, why did you marry your husband? And you said, he was like, this was like 2017 or 16.

I don't know if I liked you, though.

This was 20. You did like me in 17. You just really like me now. But you liked me then. But you really like me now. But you said something and she was a nice thing. You don't remember what she said. You have to remember what she said.

Did I say, he was like the train wreck? I couldn't stop watching?

Thank you very much. So continue. So she pauses.

No, and then you say, this is a funny story. So Garrett and I. I met Garrett when I was 18. It was literally I moved away to college with a bunch of girlfriends. And it was the first church fireside function. But we were raised. I was raised Mormon. We were raised in Utah. So, like, church functions are like in the thousands of people.

Probably 10,000 kids.

Remember that?

10,000 college kids.

That was nuts. But nobody goes to go to church. It's the first fireside of the year.

There's a handful that do go to go to church. Most are there just looking for a church.

Literally go just to check hook up. I was looking for a long term relationship.

Yeah, we were looking for a long term relationship, but everybody's just looking for.

Yeah, people, they're just looking for a hookup. So I go, me and my friends go, we're looking all cute. We're walking out to the car, a bunch of cute little 18 year olds. And Garrett and his buddies are walking out. Well, first off, I see this guy in front of us and he's got this bleached out, spiky Hair. And he's like, just loud. And I'm like, he's like kind of the guy that. I can't see his face. I just see this bleachy, spiky hair in the audience, and I'm like, who is this obnoxious guy? But I can't, like, I can't see your face or anything. I just see like, hair talking like a hedgehog. No, no. What's the chef?

Oh, who's the hedgehog?

Who's that guy?

The road. The road chef.

The guy. Yeah, the road chef. And he's like, yeah, I know who you're talking about.

In my mind.

Yeah, he sells the same bleached out, spiky hair. So I'm like, man, why is he here anyway? So I. I don't think anything of it. I'm like, that guy is so loud. And then as we're walking out to the car, he's like, what did you say? It was like the silliest.

I go, hey.

It was like the ladies. It was for sure.

I look over there, there's like eight girls. Hey, hey. It's not too often that you see a group of good looking ladies, like hot girls, all together at the same time.

I immediately am like, guys, get in the car fast. And you're. I don't know.

That was why you were forgettable in that moment.

Well, then I was fighting.

We didn't even know you were there.

You.

I was.

I was like, hurry, get in, get in. Shy away from these guys. So then my girlfriend's like, no, they look fun. And I'm like, get in the car. So he.

And of course they stayed out to talk to me because I was a beast.

I sat in the car by myself.

You did. You hid from me. So I'm sitting there talking to your friend Shelly and your friend Courtney, and then they give me the directions to your apartment. They say, well, we live right here. I said, that's crazy. You guys live in the same. Why? Because they like the spiky hair. They were dancers. They were excited.

Long story short, my friends were dancers. I worked at Great Harvest bread company. So she did. I did.

She got a job there because of her parents.

I eat pumpkin bread. My parents got me a job. They were like, you have nothing going on.

Yeah, I had a lot going on for you.

So big future. I would say.

You were great at pottery.

Pottery neurosm and math. Math aerobics and reading.

Those. And you failed all of them. Congratulations.

I know. And that's why I ended up.

Good job.

First year of college, it panned out well later in life. So let's not go there right now. So then, yeah, I remember I was like, home alone. Cause I was always home alone. They were always traveling and doing school and stuff. And I was taking ceramics and eating pumpkin bread.

And then you heard the knock that changed your life forever.

You and your cousin, because you lived with your cousin at the time. Knock on the door. And then I was like, hey. And I invited you guys in, and we were talking and hanging out. And I could tell you guys were, like, both trying to flirt with me.

My cousin had already called dibs on you.

I was like, there's two of you.

I hadn't known you were there. You were too short.

I know. I'm sure you.

You were hidden in the crowd of dancers.

It's good to know I stand out alone.

Well, you were. Cause you were hiding in the car. It's hard to stand out if you're hiding in the vehicle from your future king. You were intimidated. There was a piece in your soul that knew, this is my guy. My life as a single woman is coming to a close. I had a great three month run out of high school.

I know. I was like, he seems super douchey. Hurry, get in the car. Like, abort mission Gu. This is not the one.

Oh, but I show up and we're both flirting with you.

You guys are both flirting with me. Which I was like, this is funny. And then I can't remember. It was so funny. When we go to leave, you're like, you were the one that asked for my phone number.

Yeah.

And your cousin was so mad because you, like, beat him to the punch. And then you're like. He was like, I called dibs. And you're like, you can't call dibs, dude.

We weren't talking about in front of you. This was a conversation after we left.

Right. So I'm just saying, you were the first one to ask for my phone number.

And I was like, there's a lesson in this. And date your wife. There is. Which is you all were the ones who pulled the trigger, and you got the number, and now you're together and you're married. And here we're 21, almost years later. We've almost been married 19 years to.

Share this other part of the story. So we start dating. And, like, you weren't like, that crazy guy in fact, in person, because nobody knows, like, the real Garrett. They're like, oh, my God, is he that intense in person?

I'm so intense. All the time.

You're not. You're super chill. Like, you're actually. It's kind of funny. At home, you're very, very ch. We could talk and communicate, but you're like. You're super chill and cuddly. And I was like, oh, he's. He's cool. Like, when I hung out with you guys the first time, I was like, oh, he's like a normal cool guy. So then we kept going out, and then we kept going out, and then I remember. I'm just gonna share this part of the story. Then one of these girl. A girl comes over to our apartment. She goes, oh, my God, you're dating Garrett. He's such a nice guy. I'm like, yeah, he's great. And they're like. She goes, has. Has he told you about his son? And I was like, it's like, oh, no, no, that's. I'm dating Garrett White. He's all, yeah, Garrett White. He lives in the building. I'm like, no, I'm. No, he's like, blonde hair, like, Garrett, like, big guy. I'm like, yeah, yeah. And she's like, ask him about his son. And I was like, okay. And I'm 18. And I'm like, this is a bad idea. So then.

So then you asked me about his son. I'm sitting there putting together a chair. I don't know why I'm putting a chair.

That night in my apartment, I'm sitting here putting together a chair.

So I'm putting together a chair.

I immediately like, what are you doing? You want to hang out?

Go.

Because we live in the same apartment complex. I go over and I'm, like, sweating. I'm like, I don't even know how to ask him. Like, I'm 18. This guy I really like has a kid like my. So then all of a sudden, I'm like. All of a sudden I'm like, There's no easy way to bring this up. I'm like. So I ran into this girl. It was the funniest thing. She said, you had a kid? And I said, and you're like, oh, yeah, I do. And then kept putting together the fucking chair. I was like.

I didn't say anything else. No, that's all I did. Didn't say one other thing. Do you know why? Because I got counsel from some guys who were divorced that had kids, and they were like, do not bring this shit up in the beginning. I was like, it's not good news. I was like, you don't even know if you're gonna. You don't even know if you're with.

This girl told me that on the first date, I'd been like, how fast can I leave this date?

Yeah, well, I didn't know if we were gonna, we're gonna last. We'd only been together maybe like, you know, three, four weeks hanging out. And we weren't even exclusive at that time, so it was like, you know.

I thought we were exclusive.

Well, I wasn't hanging out or making out with anybody else, but you for sure did go hang out, make out with just about everybody every time. We broke up nine times the first two years.

Hey, at least I knew where the lines were. Like, if we were together, we were together. If we were broken up, we weren't. Like, Garrett kept breaking up with me, and he kept saying, like, you're too young. You should go date other people.

And I'm like, so then she wouldn't. And I would get angry about it.

Because I was like, well, I was like, I really like this guy, but okay, I've got lots of options. And so I don't.

She did have lots of options.

And then I'd like, even kiss the guys. And then he'd be like, why are you going out with other guys and kissing them? I'm like, I'm confused what's going on right now, so.

Well, at least you weren't sleeping with him.

Yeah, I was 18. I was.

Cause you were 18. He was raised in the Mormon frame.

I was a Mormon.

Yeah. So we didn't. That's not what we did. Mary's like, you know, randomly just have sex all the time. Not necessarily a bad thing. No, no, I didn't either.

I was like, I didn't.

Yeah. Well, here we are. Okay, so listen, all that sex talk has produced children in our Life. We have three together, maybe fourth in 2020. We got some shit to talk about.

On parenting because please don't let sounds.

We got some shit to talk about in parenting this week. So we have my son, who is 22, interestingly enough. You invite my, My ex wife and her husband are moving to Orange County.

I know, like, down the street. People are exactly.

Like, right down the street. They're living right by us. Almost.

No.

Yeah. And then you invited them over for Easter, Bunch.

I, I, that's not weird.

I think it's great.

I feel like they're family. I was like, they are family. Invite them over.

Okay, good. So we got Easter happening. We got my ex wife and her husband Larry. We. I'm stopped calling Her. My ex wife. What do I call her? Ex wife Seems kind of rude. Maybe. I don't know. It's. She's like my.

Just call her Christy that you used to be married to.

This is not my ex wife. This is Christy, who I used to be married to. This is the mother of my son. Yes.

This is the mother of my baby.

Mother of my baby.

One of my babies.

The baby mama is my baby mama, Parker. That sounds disrespectful. So. So Chrissy's coming over. Larry's coming over. We have this. We have the child together. So we kind of co raised, which is a frustrating situation for Larry because Larry got to deal with and raised Parker from the time he was like 8, 7 or 8 years old until the time he left high school. So he got kind of the monster years, which I'm for, as a step parent is like, very, very difficult because Parker went through his own shit show of a situation for a few years, and I didn't get to deal with any of it. Me and Danielle didn't deal with any of it. Right. So we missed the entire middle school, the entire high school experience. So our first genuine middle school experience is occurring now. Right now.

And it's a girl.

And it's a girl.

And it's. She is the perfect storm of both Garrett and I. Like, I didn't. I asked my mom all the time because I feel like I was a good kid, and she's like, you're.

Were you a good kid or do you feel like you were a good kid? Because I feel like you have a different story in your brain than what happens.

I asked my mom, like, mom, I was like, your easiest kid. She's like, you are my. You are one of my hardest. She has six kids. She was like, you and Nate were my hardest. And I was like, really? Like, that came off, like, so shocking to me.

I was like, it sounds about as shocking as Bailey is.

You mean favorite or hardest or both? I'm like, I'm not sure. But she said I was her hardest.

You probably were.

I. I'm. Here's what I. I know. I know. I'm, like, kind of mischievous and stubborn and like, I don't like.

Yes, yes, continue.

I don't like being told what to do. And if you do tell me what to do.

Yes.

I try to manipulate the situation to get what I want.

Yes.

I'm. I've really grown out of that.

Oh, you have?

Yes.

Oh, you have.

I'm working on it.

According to.

To me, I'm a good adult who is.

All that's happened is I've fallen in love with all those characteristics and I've learned how to play that game. It's like surfing in the ocean. I can't control these waves, but I can definitely change the board I'm riding.

I think I'm very sweet.

I didn't say you weren't sweet.

Okay. But that's how Bailey is. She's very sweet, but she's. But I'm more quiet. So Bailey has a lot of similarities that I have, but she's very. She's very much like you in the sense that she's very. She's a little more explosive.

A lot more explosive.

She's a lot more short fused.

Yes.

She's very chatty.

She's very chatty.

And so she's literally has, like, very emotional. Just very emotional. So I feel like she's just got both of like our. I don't know if you want to call them strengths or weaknesses or whatever it is, but she. She's a rough teenager now.

We.

She's actually a hard kid.

Like, she is. She's been a hard kid for a.

Long time, since she was 3 years old. And, like, I love her to pieces. And she's my daughter. That always is like, love you, mom. Love you, mom. And like, wants to hug and snuggle. Like, even to this day. Like, she'll be like, I hate you. And then she'll be like, love you, mom. Like, and I love that about her. Cause Ruby, my middle child's a little more like.

Ruby's more independent.

She's just more independent.

Ruby's not touchy feely.

Yeah.

So she'll hug me if she wants me to buy her something.

Yes. So it's like they. They're so different.

So Bailey, we had it. We had an episode. So I get a FaceTime situ. We're just gonna. We're just gonna say it. How is it right now? Because we. Bailey, already did this on a live training with me and we've talked about it. So here, here's the deal. We. We were. My wife went to Mexico. I went to Costa Rica a couple weeks ago. And then my wife decided to go to Mexico for five days and leave me with a baby, which was great. Me and baby Isla and Rosie, Auntie Rosie, Tiara Rosie, we hung out and we took care of it. So Rosie took care of it during the day. I handled it at night. And the weekend, I took the baby the whole time. So I get a FaceTime one night. And there's a war that has ensued in Mexico, right? So there is a hurricane, a war, a war to end all wars. A dominating game where I've never been more unable to do a goddamn thing than sit there and watch what was happening.

I think I blow up, like. But I'm going to say, like, every quarter, like, once a quarter.

I think you probably blow up more than that.

Really? Yeah, but not that.

More like. More like once every three, four weeks.

No.

Yes.

Oh, I don't.

Not with me, no.

But with Bailey, I don't believe to that extent because I think the last.

Time that was pretty well, we would run out of cell phones. That's a lot of cell phones.

The last time we had that happen, she was, like, in fifth grade. So that was, like, two years ago.

Well, she's in eighth grade. And I love your math. I see where Bailey gets it. So here's. Here's. Here's the. Here's the situation. So you are in Mexico with her, and you FaceTime me. I still can't understand why you chose to FaceTime me in the middle of the war.

I wanted you to hear what she was saying to me. I was like, are you. Are you seriously talking to me like this?

Okay, so I have a serious question for you as a mother. So I'm hearing the following phrase, you fucking bitch. I'm hearing this, and it is like listening to two sisters go to war with each other.

She was. She was.

It was a. It was a moment. Now I'm paralyzed, sitting there on my cell phone, and I'm just listening to this all go down. I'm helpless. I mean, I had one inclination that I should, like, try to get in there. I'm going to get in the middle of this thing, but what am I going to do? Yell louder on the FaceTime from a different country, like, so I'm sitting there, like, should I shut this off? I feel like I'm listening to something I shouldn't be listening to right now. And I'm sitting, listening, and think. Keeps escalating, escalating, escalating. So here's a question for you as a mother. When you have a daughter, I don't know, because I'm, you know, I'm a dad with the daughter. So when I get aggressive with her and it gets intense, I'll just pick her up and drag her in a room.

She's bigger than me.

I understand that. So as a mother, being smaller than your daughter, I think you're probably. I think BAE is probably stronger Than you. You.

I'm pretty strong.

You're pretty strong. If you and Bailey had a wrestling match, who would win? If she's at full tilt, You're a full tilt.

She would win because she doesn't understand. And she'd just get crazy, whereas I would never get crazy on my daughter.

Would you ever get crazy on her?

No. Like, I think, like, I think she has that.

Like, she has a kill switch.

She's got a kill switch where she blacks out. Like, I'm strong, but I don't. I'm. I'm coherent. I don't know how to. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I wouldn't.

You're 37.

No. Yeah. I think it's just age, but, like, she definitely has, like, that kill switch where sometimes, like. And I've noticed this from the time she was very little, all of a sudden, I'm like, the lights went out, and it's almost like she can't be held accountable for her actions.

Like, this is why I want her to fight.

She doesn't know what she's doing. And I'm like. I'm like, bailey, Bailey, come back to me. And it's. It's kind of scary, to be honest with you.

Well, she was good at Jiu Jitsu. I mean, when she did Jiu jitsu in like 9 and 10 years of age, they put her into these tournaments, and she was like.

She was an assassin. Murdering girls was like, first place, first place, first place.

And I was sitting there with her, with her professor, because her professor was like, dude, if she keeps going on this like this, there's like, there's no. There's no limitations for her in Jiu Jitsu, so she could take this. Incredible. Her favorite, her hero at the time was Ronda Rousey and would, like, watch everything she was doing. And I loved it too, because I was Sammy. I didn't know anything about it. This. This is how confident she was. Her first tournament, one of my. Jeremy came to video it and said, hey, so what's it like for you, you know, being here with your dad and having him kind of coach you along? And she goes, my dad doesn't know anything about Jiu Jitsu. He sucks at Jiu Jitsu. My professors who taught me.

My worry about Bailey is she has the kill switch because she doesn't worry about the consequences. Whereas for me, I'm like, I'm a. Break my arm. What's this bad idea? Abort mission. Abort mission. Where she's like, it's like, the lights go out. Like, I don't know how to describe it.

Well, she told me what happened to jitsu, because I would sit and watch her, and she would go into this quiet place right before the match, and I would. And she just. It's literally like a. It's like a transformer. She goes from, like, just as light, bouncy, happy, to literally murder, death, kill mode, but it's insane to watch. It's great as an athlete, but the.

Thing is, even though it seems scary, I honestly think this. If she learned to use it and control it, it could be a very powerful gift.

100% dominating, making tens of millions of dollars and running the game.

Yeah. But she's young, and I think she doesn't know how to, like, harness this energy, I guess you could say, at all.

So let me finish the story about Jiu Jitsu. So I asked her, I said, what do you think about on the match? How do you get so lit up? Because you'll be sitting there all quiet. You come out, you shake hands, and next thing you know, you go into complete insanity mode. And these girls have no idea how to handle. She was rolling with the boys that were 13, 14 years old, and she was manhandling. She was manhandling those guys, too. And I was like, well, what do you think? She said? I sat there quietly, and then before the match, I imagine that they slapped mom, and then I imagine that they punched my sister and that they kicked our dog. And then I let the anger build. And then right when the ref says, go, I want to kill them. I'm like, okay, sounds like you might be a natural at this fucking sport. So she ended up quitting that, and she quit volleyball, and she quit everything.

Started to like boys, and then she.

But she's quit everything. Why is this happening? She's quitting everything.

I was the exact same way. My mom would always be like. I'd be like, mom, I want to do gymnastics. I do gymnastics. And I'd be like, mom, I want to do dance. And I'd be really good at it. And then it was almost like I would get to this point where I was like, I'm good. I conquered it. All right? I'm bored. What's next? And I would just kind of move on. It's like. And it's like I never pushed myself to the point where I was, like, a professional gymnast or anything, but I got to this place, I was like, I'm pretty good. Like, you're pretty good.

You do backflip. You're good at it.

But I was like, I think I like Bailey in a lot of sense. I was, like, naturally good at certain things. And so I would get into it, and I would get good fast, but then I would get just kind of bored. Like, I literally was like, meh, I don't care anymore. And it wasn't until I was an adult that I felt like I, like, now. You know, going specifically with, like, sports. Like, even with, like, my competition, my bikini competition, stuff like that. Like, now it's like, I think my. I've changed my mindset as an adult. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm not bored, and now I want to compete, and, like. But who knows? Maybe I'll get bored again.

So here's the deal, though. Like, are you starting to come to terms, finally accepting that your daughter is almost a cookie cutter of you?

I think she's a lot like you as well, though.

You grinned right there, though, because you're recognizing there is a higher percentage of.

You in her than there is me. I've always heard every parent tells me, they're like, you think you are hard. You're gonna have somebody, like, twice already.

Well, she's like you, but with nos. Meaning she has no. She has no filter and tons of fire. Plus, she's you. It's like you and I blended together. Obviously, we did sperm and egg made Bailey. But, like, I'm serious. Do you have. Because, like, I'll sit there and I'm at moments where, like, you stole money from your parents growing up. She steals money from us.

Here's the thing with, like.

Do you feel, like, any kind of karmic weight for the fact that we're facing a lot of things from her? Are you really not blaming you for anything?

I didn't say you did. Here's what I did.

Just asking you.

Here's what I know about Bailey. I'm obviously a young mom, and she's my oldest. And here's what I. I have certain pivotal moments in my life where I feel like it's like another voice, like, speaks through me, which I kind of think is, like, my higher self, like, calming me down. Right.

For sure.

So. And she speaks to me a lot, just like a higher version of Danielle, I guess you could say. And I'm, like, sitting there one day, and I remember I go in your office. I'm like. She's like, probably. I mean, she's always been kind of tough, and she's been tough. I'm like, I think I'm Like, I give up. Our daughter needs to be medicated. And I'm always, like, kind of against medication because as an adult, like, I feel like I know my path to success, and I've never done any kind of prescription anything, and I just. I know how to manage my anxiety.

I know you've channeled your crazy.

Like, I know. I know how to what. What was maybe like a curse. I feel like I've channeled my energy, and it's. And I'm very successful now. So I'm sitting there one day just at my wits end, and I'm like, I don't know what to do with Bailey. I just fucking medicate her. I don't know. And I had talked to several people, like, yeah, it'll help him. But part of me was like, I don't know what to do. And I remember this voice came to me that was like, she's not yours to control. So you're here to just be an example and lead and guide her. You can. You have to stop trying to control her. And I was like, shit. And so I was like, okay. So with Bailey, like, when she's like, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm failing school or this or that. I'm like, okay, we're taking a right. We're taking a left. And I'm trying not to be like, you will study. You will get this. You will go to college. You will do this. I'm kind of like, okay, well, here's where we're at. Where, like, how do I keep her from just, like. Like, not survive? Yes. I'm like. Because I think she could be a powerful person.

I know she could be.

And so I'm kind of like, at this place where I'm like, if we can just get through until you're, like, 20, like, my goal is just to not have you fall off the cliff at a young age. Where there's no. The turning back is hard. Like, I mean, if you're a girl, you get pregnant in high school, like, you start doing drugs, any of that shit. Like. Like a kid in high school. Like, you can't tell me that won't change your projectory of your life.

It does.

So I'm kind of at this place where I'm like, I can't control her. I can't make her be, you know, the next jiu jitsu professional. I can't make her be a professional volleyball player. I can't make her go to Broadway Even though she's a phenomenal singer, like, I can't make her do any of these things. I can encourage her, and that's all I can do. And I just. My goal is literally just to not get her to fall off the cliff and make such a detrimental decision at this age. And I get frustrated, like, every day. Like, I'm always like, okay, like, we should just send her to a wilderness camp. And then I'm like, you know what? Have I done the best that I can do as a mom? I don't believe I have. Like, I could. I need to get her enrolled in a different school, in a different crowd, in a different environment. I need to get more involved with what she's doing instead of being like, oh, this will be the quick fix. Because that won't be the quick fix.

Wow.

I mean, I'm not saying I'm against, like, that option, but I was like, I don't want to go to that option when I don't feel like I've been a very proactive parent.

Yep. Well, there's been laziness on our side in some ways.

Well, there's not even laziness.

I think it's laziness. We've got a lot of. It's the decision busy. It's electional. It's selective lazy.

It's easier with Bailey to be like, take your phone. Because then she like, self medicates herself with her phone. And literally, like, there's time. Like, and this is what made me. And I know I'm talking a lot on this podcast, but this is what made me blow up in Cancun. Is she. I was trying to go to bed. It was like 10:30 or 11. I'm like. And part of me, I know Bailey likes to stay up till like midnight. 1.

She said until 3 in the morning and sleeps till 12.

I was like, bailey, you need to turn your phone off. You need to turn your phone off or turn the sound off. Turn off the light. Like, be quiet. Like, I finally just got to this place. I'm like, turn off your phone and come to bed. And she said something rude and super disrespectful. And I was like, I lost it. And the whole time. Well, I took her phone and I smashed it. So that's the end of that story. I was like, if you keep talking like that, I will break this fucking phone. And I did. So. Not my proudest moment, but it happened. So I break her phone.

I've broken a few.

I broke her phone. And then, like, the Whole trip, she is like, she's just a nightmare. She's like, mom, can I borrow your phone? Mom? Mom, can I borrow your phone? And that's when I'm like, this is a problem. I think that I have been allow to just have her, the freedom with no boundaries, to have her phone whenever she wanted and just trust that she would go to bed and, like, do it. And she's not. And obviously it's a problem because now she's literally so addicted to, like, mom, can I have your phone? Can I have your phone? And I was like, you gotta turn it off, Bailey. Like, at some point, you gotta turn it off. Like, why don't you. We're here with your cousins. Go have fun.

Yeah.

So I found myself, like, the pool days were rough. Like, if we just did a pool day, she was, like, losing her mind. Like, she couldn't just relax. But then, like, there was other days where we went quadding and, like, we did some fun stuff. And she was like, thanks, Mom. That was really fun. And I was like, see, I'm like, you just need. I just need to keep her busy and structured, and I need to structure when she can have her cell phone, and I can't give her that much. I realized I gave her too much freedom. I was like, and that's my fault. Like, that's my fault. And so now I'm trying to course correct just to kind of get back on path or get back on track.

Well, my daughter has. She's a powerful girl, and she got caught in a whole bunch of lies in the last couple days.

Ooh. Which I'm so irritated. Yeah.

Like, a whole bunch of lies. And what I uncovered inside of her room when we were transporting was 13 vapes.

13 vapes.

Bottles of tequila.

I thought there was only three.

13 cartridges.

13 vapes.

No, 10 were empty, 3 vapes full, ready to go. And what's ended up happening is, like, there's all this chaos that's gone on around it, and there's a group of girls that she hangs out with, and they all come in and, I mean, this happened in our house, right? So I gotta be responsible. I'm having conversation with fathers, and I'm saying, listen, at the end of the day, the buck stops with me. This happened inside my castle, right? We had tequila snuck out of liquor closet. We had vapes being purchased in a parking lot up above our home from. From adults selling to minors under some underground network they've figured out through social media, and they're paying, like, $40 they stole cash out of my drawer to pull it off. Like, this whole thing went down in front of me, but I didn't even know it was happening.

I feel like this just happened, though, since in the last, like, month and a half since we moved into our new home.

Like, I mean, listen, there's no blame on anyone outside of ourselves on this, because, like, so I was sitting there, and I'm like, okay, but this is what shifted for me. Because in the past, like, five days, there's been. Normally, I'll jump in and the yelling, too. And last four days, I've been calling calm, calm. And I've been solving a lot of. She was hanging out with her church counselor today. We got some focus with her. Her. And I got her coursework, and I.

Changed her whole school and, like, all of that.

But then when I watched you two going through your war, it was 40 minutes. I mean, you stepped on a glass and cut your foot and were crying, and Bailey's hugging. I'm like, oh, my God. This is as dramatic as it could possibly get. I'm laying there, really, in back of my mind, I'm like, I want to watch Vikings right now on Amazon, because.

I've gone make sure that you're watching.

I know, but I didn't, because there was nothing I could do. I'm just sitting and listening to, like, insanity in the Cyclone as you two are both having this war. And then I get this. Something shifts to me, and I don't know if it was that plus going to Costa Rica for five days, but there was a calm inside of me. If you notice, I haven't had any yelling.

Part of me thinks. Part of me thinks I was supposed to take her phone away because had I not done that, you wouldn't have gone in her room for sure. Because we ended up. She has, like, the most amazing second master suite in our house. And I was like, she doesn't get that room anymore. And you're like, you're right. And so we moved, like, offices and stuff around, and we wouldn't have found that had I wouldn't found any of it. We wouldn't have found any. So part of me, I just would.

Have just continued to.

I told you. I was like. I was feeling, like, super guilty and super bad that I said smashed her phone. But in the end, like, then all this other stuff came to surface, and I was like, okay, so she got.

Caught in a whole bunch of lies. And as a parent, it's always an interesting thing because, like, I. I have. I Told my kids, I only have one rule with you at the very, very top, which is don't lie to me. I was like, I have to know that what you're telling me is the truth. But even as of last night, she's still caught in lies. Her stories are not matching up, the things keep unfolding, et cetera. So like, we're sitting in this piece and I think a piece of really that I want to home down on for some of the men particularly, is if you are a guy, like, I have gone down a certain path with her, which has pretty much been for the last four or five years. I blow up, right? So I listen, I try listen. I do it, I do it. I'm patient for a period of time, then I blow up. But something snapped inside of me. So when she showed up and I had the vapes on the bed and alcohol laying out, what do you do at that point?

You can't blow up. You're like, where are we at?

Yeah, well, that was where I sat with her. I said, I'm with you where I was with mom in 2016. Which is, I'm not angry, I'm not yelling anymore. I'm not going to force you. I'm not going to fight with you. This is when I asked you and said, may, do you want to go date other men? I was like, I can't keep doing this. We got to change some shit. But I'm not going to argue with you anymore. I'm not going to yell because it's not working. I said, so I'm at that point, I have no desire to fight or yell with you anymore about any of this. I was like, but I'm going to look at the facts and you're going to look at the facts and there's no other option around it. And so here we are. And so we started down this path, woke her up at 6:30 in the morning. She's starting down the school path. We've taken away the cell phone, she's taken away all the social privilege. She get nobody at the house. And we've just. All I've continued to do is just show up. And when she's freaking out in front of me, I'll like sit there. I'm like, okay, well you're freaking out in front of me now. I'm not saying I've done this for a long time, but it's been a week of doing this now. Like almost a week. And as these conversations are happening, these things are unfolding for me. The last like four or five days particularly I'm noticing this deep sense of power that comes in as a parent, as I just let her observe herself inside the space. Now as a trainer and a coach and a consultant inside of Waco Bori, I've been able to do this for years. But with my daughter, it's just been very personal and I haven't had the power to do that until recently. And guess what? It was sparked, it was having to sit 40 minutes and listening to you two scream at each other. And because I was listening to you two screaming, which I'm not saying I haven't gone through the screaming match with.

Bailey too, you were like, this is probably what I sound like sometimes.

But I was listening, but I was listening to was something that was never going to work.

I feel like you're the one that typically has those types of collisions with Bailey for sure. And I'm always like, you guys, you need to stop. Like this is a lot. And I feel like I'm always the one that's like, Garrett, stop. Because you're a lot more.

Well, normally you'll get, you get a little intense and then I'll snap and I protect you because she'll start get aggressive with you and then I go into murder, death, kill mode, which she got for me.

And then you're calm down.

So needless day here we are talking about our imperfections inside the game of progress as parents. But we have a couple things going for us at this point that maybe you could take some lessons from.

I feel like this is my first, first teenager and she's like, I'm like, why couldn't Ruby been first?

Like, no, because we wouldn't have been prepared. Now anything from here is gonna be easy.

We're gonna be like, easy.

Oh, we're gonna be like, that's not a big deal. It's like my cousins, they had seven kids and their kids were playing up on top of this shed one time at the, at the park in my grandparents park. And they're up there and I'm watching my cousins and watching their kids and they're not, they're just sitting, talking to me. And I'm nervous for the kids that are up on top of this, like this, this building. And I was like, I look at them and I was like, are you nervous about your kids up on the building? They're like, oh no, no, no, no. Eventually one of them will fall off, break an arm. We'll take em to emergency room. It is what it is. We, I mean, we've already done this with four kids. We know how this goes. I was like, seriously? Yeah. There's no reason to stress about it. You're not gonna stop it anyways. These kids are gonna mess themselves up either way. And I was like, oh, shit. Yeah.

But you can, you can protect. I still think you can protect.

This was not a 12 foot roof. This was like a 5 foot roof on this little, just little shed. I mean, was it dangerous? Yeah. Could it fall off and hurt themselves? Sure, just like it fall off monkey bars. But I was like nervous the whole time.

I just raise kids till they're like eight.

That's what they say about puppy dogs.

And then can you have a puppy.

And then give it away to 18? Disappears? Was already happening. So, like, that's where I'm at.

It's not. I realize, like, I can't. Like, you're way better.

You're way. You're way better with the kids.

No, we both work with the babies. We both. I love babies you're good with.

I think you're great with them to ten. Eight and about eight or ten. You got to let go. You got to let me take over.

No, but you're too busy, so I can't completely unplug it. No, because this is how it was in the past. Like, like you would say, are you gonna let me take over? And so I'd be like, okay, fine. Because we always argue about parent. No, you would take over for like a period of time.

And then I'd be like, until you did what? And then until you would disagree with what I was doing, you would get.

Too busy and you weren't staying consistent.

So then I was.

No, you weren't consistent so I would step in.

Oh, you were consistent disagreeing with what I was doing.

No, you were not consistent so that you'd say, do you want me to take over? I'd say, yes. Then you wouldn't implement consequences. And you weren't consistent, so I was like, clearly, I can't let you take over. But I don't think I'm supposed to let you take over. So we are both going to have to figure this out.

I have. I figured it all out.

You are so full of.

If you would just get out of the way and let me take over. I got it all figured out.

That's what I. That's what I thought too. And that didn't work out.

Stop. It is how it's worked. You. You know? You know for sure. Hold on. We're gonna bring our daughter on this.

Call, it might be Bailey.

What's up, Ruby? You're on the podcast, so whatever you say, thousands of people are gonna hear. So what's up?

Oh, Bailey wanted to talk to you.

Oh, what does Bailey want to talk about on our podcast?

She's in Zoom, but she wants to talk to you.

Well, how is she gonna talk to us if she's in Zoom school right now? She's in School until 3. 20. Are you there?

Hello?

Hello?

All right, well.

All right. Well, there we go with them. All right, so. So here's the deal. We're gonna wrap up with a couple ideas, okay? A couple ideas. One, your kids are who they are. Do you understand what's really going on with your kids? Right. We were exposed this week as parents.

And you know what's crazy is I felt like I was super close to Bailey. Like, she would tell me about, like, if she kissed a boy, she would tell me, like, I had a sip of wine, like. But then I'm realizing. I'm like, you just told me, like, the tip of the iceberg.

She was. She was great. She told us just enough time.

I know.

We knew all the truth.

I know. I was like, man, Bailey's not too bad of a kid. And then.

Yeah, well, I don't think she's a bad kid. She just. She's great at manipulating.

You know why I think I thought I was a good kid is I never. I didn't have sex in high school, and I didn't have. I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs. I didn't party. Like, I don't know why my mom thinks I was such a hard kid.

Well, if you listen, you stole a lot of money.

I didn't steal a lot of money.

You listened to nothing your parents told you to the point that you would. Your parents would say, you can't have your car. Take your keys. You would find the keys, take the car. Your dad took the battery out of the car.

Because I'm like, that's not serious stuff.

Like, I feel like, yeah, well, it's still rough.

I know. I'm sure. I just felt like I wasn't, like, doing, like, shenanigans.

Well, you know, listen. You got it.

I think it was good that I was raised. I think, as part, it was probably really good that I was raised in organized religion.

So this was what Ani said.

The fear of, like.

The fear of God.

Yeah, the fear of God, like, just kept me on somewhat of.

Bailey has no fear of God.

That's what I'm telling You like? I'm like. I think it was probably a good. Even though I'm not into organized religion now, I still think, like, I needed the fear of God. I don't know.

I had it, too. My mom and dad had one thing on me that started, if you have sex with anybody, you will. You will get them pregnant, and you will fuck up your football career. And all I cared about was football. So I didn't really care about Jesus or God. I cared about football, and that was my storyline. So we're wrap this up because I got a massive train happening right now. We're just doing this podcast in the middle of it, and I gotta head back in the next couple minutes. So final. Final idea that I'm gonna leave with you is this. Sometimes doing the opposite is what's gonna work. In my case, it was yelling, yelling, yelling. I got to listen to my wife yell, and I realized that's not gonna work for either of us. And I went to just kind of silent, stoic, listen mode. And it's working really, really, really well. Second piece is, your kids are always hiding something from you. Go find out what it is. Right. How can you get close enough to your kids? Cause again, we would have if you had asked me even a week ago. Do you know the truth about what's going on? Yeah. My daughter's completely honest with us, and we had an entire world underneath the surface that was exposed to us that we did not know was going on. And it was happening right before.

Follow your gut feelings.

Like, everybody you knew, you had a gut feeling for a long time before me. Well.

And I'd be like, bailey, is there something else? And then there was specific friends where I was like, hey, that girl with the freaking crazy makeup, She's. She seems sketchy. Like, what's she like? She's like, oh, she's so sweet.

You've nailed every single girl.

Every girl that ends up being quicker.

Into our house, every girl that.

That's kind of like, the problem. I'm like, I knew it. And so anyway, and then we found.

Out our daughter's a problem girl.

And then I was like. And that's what I told you the other day. I'm like, oh, shit. I'm. I'm. I have that daughter that maybe other parents like, you can't go hang out with Bailey. I'm like, no, maybe.

No maybe. The maybe can be eliminated. It's happened. So last second piece, too, is like, you know, second piece inside of it for you is what exactly is your parenting strategy? Like, I'm not even pretending. Like we have a parenting strategy right now. We're trying to figure out the. Our parenting strategy is. And I'm finally feeling out that I might get a beat good cop in this, but, I mean, is like that silent, stoic guy who's like the attorney who doesn't yell. He just like states the facts and convicts people.

Am I bad cop? I don't.

Well, after the beatdown showdown in Mexico, I believe that you might be.

I'll remind you of the iPad. You broke like six months.

Yeah. Yeah. But that was only intimidating for a moment. That was your. What you. Yeah, okay. It was probably equal.

I was like, really?

All right. It was. I did smash an iPad over the funniest thing. I smashed an iPad. And Bailey says, well, I hope enjoyed yourself because that was your iPad. I was like, God damn, kill this kid. All right, so a couple things too. If you have not checked out Wake Up Warrior and you enjoyed this podcast and you'd like to get some access, some tools that really empowers where I'm heading right now to go back into a training with 300 of our students inside of it, check it out at wake up warriorchallenge.com where teach you the tips, tricks and skills into a science, a new operating system for living as a man and. Or a woman as a couple. On top of this. Also, if you're more into fashion, fame and dealing with hair and clothes, of which I'm not into any of those except for backing the backside of the businesses, you can check Danielle out at.

MBR Education.

Oh, my God. Not NBR Education. Just follow her on Instagram @DK to Danielle K. White. What's going on, Danielle? KWh.

You want amazing hair, you want education, you want the best life ever?

That was the. That was the lamest, lamest outro ever. All right, we're out of here. We'll see you guys next week. With a bunch other random conversation that we will make up on the spot. Have a great week. We're out of here. This is Gary G. White and Danielle signing off saying, yeah, we'll see you next week. Hey, bye.