Change your patterns change your life. Date your Wife

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Date youe Wife podcast. Fresh off the boat from Dubai.

Fob. Fob. Yeah, fob. Fresh off the boat.

Oh, yeah. Except where we flew. And that was a fun flight.

Yeah, it was 16 hour flight. It was amazing.

It was. It was wild that the whole, like, last two weeks has, like been a blur.

Complete blur.

Like, it was like we built up all this anticipation for this one moment and I knew it would just, like fly by, but it was just wild because we went in from, like our last date you Are podcast that I posted today. We were literally the week of comp.

Yeah.

And it was a good show. I listened to this morning on my. On my walk. And then I like, now we're done. It's like all over. I'm like, okay, done. It's done. Like, we did the show. We both did well. Then we literally. Like, next day was my birthday, we hopped on a plane to Dubai, came back, it was Mother's Day yesterday. So much happened.

So much in, like less than two weeks. Our dog is running around right now deciding to be in charge. Go outside, Dory. We open it up a little bit. I can't even get outside. Go outside, babe.

But yeah, let's do. I feel like, let's do a recap on the. Should the fitness competition and yeah, Dubai. What we liked, what we didn't like, what worked, what didn't work are we going to do.

Listen, are you ever going to do a fitness competition again?

Am I?

Yeah.

I. I don't know. Every time I do one, I'm like, this is a bad idea. But I do like having an end goal. I wrote a blog post the other day and I was saying, for me, the reason I like the competitions is oftentimes we set goals, but we get so close to the finish line and we say good enough. And for me, if I make that commitment to actually literally get my ass on stage, if I am, I mean, it's a show where you're judged how you look. So for me, I'm like, okay, I know that I'll push myself, but to the. To. To finish my goal and not just say good enough by having, like the competition.

Yeah. So listen, this fitness competition was. It was. It was awesome. And I'm excited to not do another one for a long time.

For a long time.

Long time.

This one was more stressful for you this time.

I didn't like it.

The first one seemed like you kind of just rolled right into it.

First one was amazing. Second one was I had I just think I had too much shit going on. Yeah, I had so much going on at the same time. The cut was right in the middle of running three straight weeks of workshops. The event was like, it was just a lot. There was a lot going on for me. Like, I couldn't do a normal cut because if I did, I was like exhausted and fatigued and I couldn't think straight while trying to run three day workshops at 10 hours a piece that's not working. And I also got to this weird place too, where I just really. The very first time when I did the competition on stage, I was like, that was awesome. Oh my God. And then I got to this other place, like, coming up for this, this one. I was like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I realized that the medals don't mean shit. Like, they don't you. They give out medals to just about everybody. And on top of that, I was like, I mean, it's not they give them to everybody, but it's like they.

Don'T give them to everybody.

Well, you win trophies, they don't give those to everybody. They give medals to everybody. That's why you see the same muscle muscle contest medal on about 10,000 people a year, because they rank down to fifth place. And I'm not devaluing the process so much as I'm like, well, it's just.

Like a lot of work to be like, once you've done it once, it's like really cool. You like my first one, I was same thing. I was like, I did it. And the only reason I went back and did another one is because I did mine during COVID there was like very little competition. We all had to wear masks. You guys couldn't even come in and see it. So for me, I was like, I want to do one more. Because that was like not the real deal. And then my second one, I found out I was pregnant on stage. So then I was like, okay, I'll do one more. And then I lost the baby weight. And then you decided to compete. So I was like, okay, I'll do one more.

I was seeing so much growth from this, the second phase of training, that I was having more fun in the training than I was in the pre contest. Like, like, I. The idea of doing the comp was like fun, but it wasn't the same as the first comp. First competition, like the whole competition was everything. I was nervous, I was scared, I was like, no, stressed out. I didn't know what was gonna happen, how it was gonna play out. And then the second one, I knew how it was gonna play out and I knew how the show was gonna go and I. All the original nervousness was no longer.

There and it just almost becomes like a stressor. Like, it's just like stressing.

I was, I mean, I was just more irritated than anything. I was excited, but. But I was just, it wasn't even hangry. I just was like, I don't fucking care about this show. And like, so it put me. But what I did have fun in was I had fun on the show with you and I had fun being there. It's not that I didn't have fun being in the show, it's just I, I didn't have the same. There wasn't the same driver for this show as there was for this the first show.

I, I was. My expectations for the show was just to have an experience with you.

Yeah, we did that and that was amazing.

And I was like. But I also am like, I'm the, I'm the type of person where I'm like, if I commit, like, I really want to get on stage and feel like, hey, I gave it everything, everything I had, like, to me, like towards the end, like, I. People think I'm like super disciplined, which I am in a time frame, if that makes sense. Like, I know when to be disciplined. I'm strategic with when I'm disciplined. I'm not disciplined year round. I'm disciplined when I know I need to be disciplined.

You were good. I mean, you were a champion. You won the whole thing. You won overall. I won 40 plus and you won everything. You just taking home trophies. I'm taking home medals and you're taking home trophies.

This is my second first overall. So it was fun. And I, every year I, I try to place in the overall with the 20 year olds and it's really hard to compete with the 20 year olds.

You're overall masters, you win. And then when it comes down to competing with the 22 year olds, it's tough.

Backstage when I was lined up with those 20 year olds, I'm like, you're not as lean as me. They didn't have as much muscle, they didn't have as much leanness. The only thing they had was more elasticity in their skin. I literally was like, you can bounce quarter off your ass. Like, I have to work really hard to get to where I'm at.

Did you just say bounce a quarter off their ass?

Like, they just have like this like perky skin.

It is huge.

So it's like hard to compete. But like backstage I'm thinking, like, I put in more work than you guys. Like, I look more lean, I have more muscle. I'm like, and I've had four babies, but just hard to compete with those 22 year olds.

Nina looks fantastic. So, like now I'll come back on that. As far as the competition, like, you look outside of just the prep and the work, which is the same thing it was for me with Ironman. When I did Ironman World Championships in 2007, I had way more memories of all the training sessions than I ever did the comp. And that comp was, you know, ten and a half hours. So like that was ten half hours of experience versus all of the training that I did. And I remember I have way more memories of bike rides and swimming sessions and running sessions and all than I ever did. The.

Well, because endurance sports is different. The training is longer.

Not really. I mean, not really. We. You're training just as much. I mean, yeah, I was on the road running more, but I'm saying that even the weightlifting though, I had way more memories even from just training, just moments of getting bigger feedback from guys.

About, dude, you looked. The experience.

It was way better than the competition. The competition was like, you're not very good, you're okay.

But you had to. The competition was the target.

Yeah, right. Well, they gave me the reason to go.

Yeah.

Without it, I wouldn't have been as focused.

Yeah. And it's, it's interesting too because, like, I love working out. Like, to me, working out is easy. I always tell people, I'm like, I. I never really worked out until after I had Bailey and I had to actually lose the baby weight. And the minute I started working out, I was like, I really like this. I realized it helped with my anxiety and my mental clarity and I just got hooked. I was like, I'm. I'm addicted. I really enjoy working out and making it a part of my day. Even on the days like this morning, I'm like, I don't want to work out. And I'm like, it doesn't matter because I value how I feel when it's done.

That's exactly how I felt this morning too. I slept really deep last night. I think it was melatonins.

I didn't take melatonins.

I took 3.5 of them.

That'll get you.

And I was out. And then I came to bed with us. And then I went to her bed and she swapped and I swapped beds with her. And then I was out again. I was so tired this morning. I was just like, oh, man, I couldn't even move. But, like, this entire process of, like, training and getting bigger and having the competition gave me a reason. So this morning, I wake up, I don't have a competition to think towards. And it was the very first day coming back from break, where I was kind of like, nah, I don't give a. Yeah, this workout. I don't really want to go to the gym. Literally, I'm thinking this to myself, and I'm like, dude, you're less than two weeks out from your competition after a year of training this hard, and I'm already losing weight.

Because you're not on all the stuff.

Not on all the gear. And at the same time, I'm not eating as much as I was eating before. And I notice I'm not as hungry when I'm not on gear. I'm not as hungry when I'm geared up. I'm hungry as fuck all the time.

I love when people like, well, I got a few comments. They're like, have fun starving yourself. I'm like, do you know to put on muscle, you can't starve yourself. I just want to be clear. You starve yourself in the end because it's kind of a science. You've got to cut calories right. In order to do your cut. But, like, to actually put on muscle, it's like. It's a. The eating kind of becomes a chore, especially when you're trying to gain muscle. You're like, I'm not hungry. Just get it down.

It's a hard thing for people to get. You cannot grow muscle without eating.

Yeah.

And eating a lot is as hard as not eating.

Yeah. The diet is the hardest part of this sport.

It's like people thinking about money. It is harder to have money than it is to be broke. And people who are broke who have never had money don't understand when you have money.

Yeah, you gotta manage it.

You have responsibilities and stewardships that you can't even imagine when you're broke and you can barely pay your Netflix bill.

The podcast I did today, I titled. I don't know if you saw it. I titled it. It's hard to be prosperous, and it's hard to be in poverty or something like that, because it was what you said in our last show. And the whole premise behind this was like, you're exactly right. It was hard when we were really, really broke. Right. Very hard, very stressful, but almost like there wasn't as much at stake. Now we have five kids, and we have all this abundance. It's like, it's hard and there's more pressure, right? But our capacity's gone up, so we're able to handle the stress and the pressure. So there's, like, you know, good moments, too, but there was good moments when we were broke. And so that's like. The whole premise is like, choose your pain, choose your hard. No matter what, what level you're at, who is the person you're meant to become, Right? And I wrote a post on my blog today how I was like, we were going over a before and after view, and we're, like, laughing at surfer Skinny Boy Garrett. And I said, if I held this photo up to you before and after and said, hey, this is in nine months, would you have believed it?

That'd been hard?

Like, you would have been like, now that's nine months. Been like, yeah. And I'm like, you would have immediately been like, oh, my God, am I working out like, three hours a day? And what am I eating? And you would immediately have been like, oh, that's too hard. I don't want to do that. And you're like, but wait, you didn't even entertain the possibility that this is possible. So what if I told you all you have to do is change your patterns? Instead of surfing, you're gonna lift weights instead of eating 19 Clif bars or starving yourself and then coming home and eating one shitty meal, you're gonna have food ready for you and prepped and ready to go. And all you just have to do, you don't even think about it. You're never gonna be, like, starving. You're gonna have more mental clarity because you're actually fueling your system. What if I just said we're gonna switch some of your patterns and behaviors to give you a different outcome? And so many people shut down this idea of, like, that's not possible because they, number one, they don't. They. They don't educate themselves. And they also immediately think it's going to be more work than what they're doing. And they already are telling themselves, I don't have time. And so it's wild. Like, for you. Yeah, it was mentally towards the end. Yeah, it's like, it's a mind fuck. I always say that's. This sport is a mind fuck. But the whole process, like you said, you really enjoyed. And if anything, like, you. You went from not eating, eating Clif bars and surfing, you didn't have to put in any More work than what you were already doing.

Well, there was a piece inside of what you're talking about with these small habits or small disciplines, for me, at least, I have to have a internal vision of where I'm going that is bigger than the obstacle in the way of the small little things required. If I do not have a big enough vision from the inside, not motivated from the outside, not to impress you, you're not even enough to get me to do right. Like, I'm like, I love you, but I can't. I won't do it even for my kids. Like, people. Like, I do it for my kids. I was like, no, I don't really do it for my kids either. Like, that's not the biggest motivator. I was like, there's an internal vision that has to open up. And God spoke with this in the Bible constantly with people, old and New Testament. Without a vision, men perish. Without a vision, women perish. Like, vision and lack of vision kills things. And that's what I'm. I've lost a bit coming out of this competition. I had this vision for a Coming into this comp, and then we killed the competition from this fall. And I'm thinking, man, do I need the other comp? But I don't have any fun in that. I'm not. I'm not feeling excitement about the comp. So I'm like, okay, what is the thing?

Isn't it?

Wow, that's going to drive the behavior to take me to this place that I say I want to go by the end of the year, which, I mean, I've shrunk down at 213 pounds from 220. I'm trying to get up to 250, right? So, yeah, I just. I mean, I don't want to be.

Every show I've done, there's this high and then there's this low. And anybody who competes will tell you the same thing that you're like, you work so hard and you get there and there's a little bit of, like, kind of depression that comes after of like, well, now what? And so it's like, you've got to find other areas. Like, this has been like a fun body challenge, but for me, I'm like, okay, what is another thing or what is another target or another goal that's gonna. To kind of like, that gives me excitement to move towards.

We have so much going on.

I know. For me. For me, I'm like, sound like some.

People, like, man, most people, I mean, don't have shit going on at all. They have like, one thing. There's like, one thing. Everything else is like, we have shit going on in every area of our life all the time at Mach 12 with gas floored and breaking mirrors.

More so than me. But I. I forget. Like, like our. Like this last week we let the nannies have a few days off. And so I was like, full time mom mode. And I just forget, like, like, if. If I didn't have help, I don't know if I could do it. Like, it's wild, like having toddlers and teenagers. Like, I took the kids to the dog. We got home and literally Charlie had an ear infection. I had had no sleep from flying home. Then was up. We were up all night with Charlie. Then I took her to the doctor the next day. But I had all the kids with me. And the doctor's like, are these, Are these all your girls?

Oh, and our kids were shitheads too. They were just all like, on it.

So I had. I wouldn't have baby with me, but I had three of our four girls with us. And they were. They were just autumn. They were in a mood that day. Like, the doctor was like, is this how your house is? I was like, yeah, except for I also have two more kids and. And my stepson's fiance. So, you know, add three more kids in the mix. She's like, oh, my God.

Well, it was a. It was a reminder of why we made the commitment we did when we had our two last children, which was, we're not going to do this one alone. We have too much going on. We're not in our 20s, we're not in our 30s. We're in our 40s. And like this, like. Like, we're not. We're not young babes anymore, too.

Like, that's why even I've been really excited to travel because I was like, remember I told you when I was pregnant with Charlie, I was like, I'm not waiting till I am retired to live life. Like, I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm still young. I'm not waiting till my kids are out of the house. I'm like, I have no problem having help come in so that you and I can experience life now and we can experience it when our kids are out of the house. But I was like, I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. And there's so many people that don't travel. I was actually, like, talking to Dr. Daniel and I was like, hey, so do you and your wife Travel. And he's like, you know, we were thinking about going to Mexico this year. I'm like, oh. Like, so, like, you don't travel. Like, you don't take vacations. Even my team members, I remember it was like, crystal or somebody was like, yeah, this is my first vacation in five years, and we're going to Hawaii. I'm so excited. I'm like, you haven't gone anywhere for five years.

Like, and I had two kids during that.

I know. So it's just, like, wild to me that.

That most people don't.

People don't travel.

Most people don't travel. Most couples don't go on date nights. Most people don't do a lot of shit.

Well, you made a really powerful post, and this is my going back to, like, me talking to Dr. Daniel, who goes, I was watching some of Garrett's lives in Dubai, and I just was like, okay, I'm being. I. I needed. He's like, they kicked it. I can't remember. He said, he's like, they kicked me in the face. Like, I was like, okay, I need to, like, invest. I need it. Because I think we were talking about this other yesterday on our walk. It was like, the idea of spending. I mean, some people don't have this kind of money, but we didn't at one point, you know, and it's like.

But we started doing stuff.

We started traveling when we didn't have a ton of money. You know, we started implementing, like, small trips to Cabo and things like that. And as we've had more success, obviously, our trips have gotten a lot more grand, so. But the thing is, like, even for us, we're like, yeah, this trip to Dubai was a lot of money, and a lot of. Even very successful people are like, oh, my God, you spent what? On what? But, like, the memories that we take home, I'm like, it's awesome.

Well, the message I'd shared on the story, which actually affected way more people than I imagined. We had at least four or five conversations. Dr. Daniel is one of them, with guys in Warrior 2 who were affected by it. I'd done this video on the deck in the 13th floor at the Royal Atlantis in Dubai of the city of Dubai, right by the Palm. And I just did a video. I said, the problem with most of you is the fact that you will play in your small little towns and your small little games in your small little boxes. You don't travel. You don't go anywhere. You don't experience anything. Your entire world is limited within a 10 mile radius of your house. And you know, your whole world is limited by this. You've never given yourself a chance to experience what big life would look like beyond the box that you're in. And then, like, this video hit a lot of people. Just a story I did, and it hit a lot of guys I know like, about it. And because it's how we were too. We never used to travel. We used to go to Bear Lake with your family for the summer. And that was it. Like, it wasn't even part of. It wasn't even a red straw. My brain. That we should go on a vacation outside the US or that we should go somewhere for a week together, even when we don't have kids.

Yeah. I think a trip for us was like. It was like my parents had a timeshare in Hawaii and it was like, if you guys can just get flights, then you can come stay in Hawaii for free. And we were like, sweet. But even back then, we weren't a good space in our marriage. And we were kind of like, do we want to go? We're just gonna fight. And we didn't have. We didn't have nannies to come with us. And so it was almost like we were like, fighting. Plus, we were trying to vacation with Bailey and Ruby were little, so it didn't end up even being that fun.

Yeah.

So I can. I. I feel like the first big trip we ever invested in was when our two older girls were 7 and 12. We went to Italy. That was probably like our. And they were old enough to where they were easy to manage on the flight. And that was a really fun, memorable, like, family trip.

Our first couple trip was before that, though. And that's what sparked our first couple trip was in 2015. Really. Where I remember feeling like, okay, we are doing some fun shit. No, it was Cancun and we went to Banyan Tree. Banyan Tree. Yeah.

I think we went to first.

Well, we did. We went to Pedro, which became Saint Regis.

I had never even been to Mexico.

Yeah.

And it was like for my birthday and you took me to Pedregal and.

I was like, awesome. Whoa.

This is so cool.

Yeah.

It just had different environment.

We went to Banyan Tree at Mayakoba in Cancun in the same year. And this completely altered. It was five star experiences. The only thing is funny is, remember they gave us classic bottles in the room at Pet de Gras. We couldn't even appreciate what they'd given us. We had no idea that those are classy.

So, like, cool. Tequila.

Cool. Tequila. Literally know that that was like a very expensive, small bottle of tequila, but.

That was a five star hotel.

But those were experiences I never would invest in. Like, I was always, like, down on the game of investing in trips and travel. And I think a lot of that, too had to do with the fact that we would fight on vacation all the time and sex didn't happen on vacation, which was hard. And so, like, kind of put me in this isolated box and you in this isolated box where you were like, dude, this asshole is just going to fight with me for the whole week. And I'm like, I'm gonna end up fighting with her because I can't touch her all week long. And like, we just. It was not. We were not good people to go on vacation together with.

We. We kept doing it. And that's the thing is, like, even when we. I always say, like, there's a lot of couples that are, like, hurting, and the idea of even, like, going on a date without having friends with them, they're like, oh, I don't want to go on a date with just my husband. And I'm like, okay, well, then you're always just gonna live in this false reality that things are okay. And when you can actually get to this place, place where you're willing to go on a date and get through these tough conversations, even if you're fighting on date night or whatever it is. And so for you, and I think that's one of the biggest things we've done inside of marriage is like, we're like, instead of, like, calling it quits, we stay in the fight even if it's like, okay, we're gonna do these vacations until we get it right. Okay, we're gonna continue to do date nights until we figure this out, you know, instead of just like putting kind of a veil or a mask over it and just like pretending like we're okay. A lot of couples, even they only vacation if, like, a bunch of friends are going. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, it's a group trip to Cabo. Like, the idea of just those two going with no kids, a lot of couples just don't do that. They don't do it. But that was honestly one of the key pieces that I felt, like, helped evolve and grow our marriage. Because, like, we started doing these little trips to Cabo and there was no kids and no distraction, and we just kind of like, were forced to kind of like, neither of us wanted to sit and fight the whole trip. So we were just kind of forced to almost like, meet each other's needs. You were meeting my needs by, like, investing in travel and time, and I was meeting your needs by being sexy and flirty and having sex on vacation and things like that. So it was like both of us trying to, like, reconnect. And a vacation was a great way to do it. And some people don't see the return on the investment of a vacation, and so they don't do it.

Well, look at the things that we do now that we didn't do before. We go on five to ten day vacations three to four times a week with each other or three to four times a year. A year together. We go on one to two family vacations for a week at a time. We started the. Yeah, Friday one overnight a month.

I don't think we had that this month, but it's because we have only May. It's starting midway through May.

I know, but we got time. We got two weeks. I got a hard plan. So we have. Yeah, Friday, which has been our overnights, which has done every single month and out in 2024. We have date nights twice a week. We go once for a short one just for like a movie. And the second one we go to do an activity and then go to dinner and then hang out later. So we look at the. Look at what we're doing. Two date nights a week, one overnight a month, four week long vacations. And that's just with each other. Therapy every Monday and a podcast we shoot every week. Walking talks on Sunday mornings. Every Sunday we're going to church together. Like, I'm not trying to brag. I'm just saying if I look at that list compared to the shit we weren't doing five years ago.

But here's the thing.

It's like, crazy.

You and I, we. We have a lot of polarity and we kind of push each other's buttons. There's a lot of couples that, like, they don't fight, they don't fight, but they're also not doing all these little things that keep them connected. So they, like, live in this. This land of like, we're good, we're good, we're good. We' like, everything's fine. And then they're like, one day they're like, I don't even know if I'm attracted to my spouse anymore. You know? And it's because it's like, I think because we collide a lot, we are forced to kind of have conversations and figure it out.

We collide and that passion brings a lot of passion. It's a lot. It's both. And you know what? This is like, the first time in the last, like, six months, six to nine months, where you have actively said a statement.

What have I said?

You know, what is.

I said I'm scared.

You've never really said it before. Now you're saying it. What is it?

I don't know.

Take a guess. You know what it is?

You have a. A great personality and a shining heart.

Wow. Yeah, that's exactly. We're gonna wait for that was it. I'm proud of you. Good job. It is my shining personality. My. My great heart. No, you've been saying my best friend.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Tell me about that. I don't know. It was like you never said it before.

Because I'm, like, having, like, so much fun with you. I'm like, oh, my God. And, like, when I think it's crazy, like, if I have something exciting that happens during the day, like, I'm not like, I need to call my girlfriends. I don't have any girlfriends. And I'm not, like, I need to call my mom or my sisters. I'm like, I need to share this with Garrett. Like. And so I'm like, oh. I'm like, not only like, do I love you? But I'm like, you're literally like, the person I think to go to when I have something sad, when I have something exciting, when I have, like. But you should be. Like, we spend so much time together, and I'm. I'm not. Like, I'm not. Yeah, I should have girlfriends, but I don't.

And I. I've learned how to be a sort of a girlfriend, which I think they call that a cuck. I don't know. Is that the kids call it.

I don't know.

Like, you're a cuck. If you're like. Like a. Like a woman pleaser. I don't know what it is. Like, you. But you're like. You're in the friend zone. I don't know what it is. Is that what it's called? Is it called a cuck? What do they call it? They can't call it cuck. They call it a what? That's right.

I'm like, what's that?

I don't know. I never. It's like, I was going down the list of stuff with Ruby. I was like, is this, like a side eye sneaky link, something? She's like, oh, my God, Dad. You have no idea what anything means. I was like, I literally don't know.

It's a new language.

I'm having, dad. I'm having old man moments like that where my kids also, like, we're doing it right here on the show. I'm like, is that a cuck? No, it's a simp. I'm like, what the fuck is. I don't know even what anything is.

You're a little more behind the times than me. I feel like I. I talk to the teenagers a little bit more. So I'm, like, in the loop with the. The slang and the words.

I do. I talk to teenagers, too. I say, get a job, boys. What's wrong with you? Why are you asking your date to pay for your prom ticket? The hell? What has happened to these kids? No, babe, seriously, all this divide and conquer. I found out it's not just going on with our kids and their dates and their boyfriends. It's happened with all of them, even the boys. And then I was like. One of the dads explained to me today, and he's like, well, dude, you gotta look at it this way. The girls are constantly breaking their balls about how equal rights, equal rights, equal rights, equal rights are just playing suit. And so the boys are like, here's the thing.

Like, I remember in high school, like, if I. If it was actually dating the guy, like, I would expect him to pay for my dinner and the ticket and all that. But I remember there was a few dances where it was just like, my friend, and I was like. It was really casual. Like, he'd be like, hey, are you going to the dance? I'm like, I'm. I'm not. And he's like, do you want to go to the dance together? And so it was more like a friend thing. I'm like, cool. Like, I'm going to buy my ticket, you're going to buy yours. Because we're not really dating. We just want to get dressed up and go out with the rest of our friends. So I can see at that level where there's like, even Bailey, she was, like, talking to Elise, and she's like, you should just come. Like, she ended up coming to photos and stuff like that, even though she didn't have a date. So you could still technically, like, go to prom and, like, find a buddy to go with. So I can see at that level. But if it's like, somebody you're dating, I would expect the guy to. To purchase the ticket for me. And I don't think that's how all guys are. I just think it Depends on the situation. Also, Bailey's funny because she has. She harbors all this guilt about, like, having. I think because of how she's raised with us, she always feels obligated to pay for everything for people. And I remember that growing up too, because I grew up in a big ass house. And my family was like the. We had the biggest house out of, like, all my friends. And so it was like, when we would go to the gas station, I would always, like, volunteer to buy everybody's food. And I just felt like I had to do that. Like, there was, like this self induced pressure on me.

And where do you think that comes from?

I don't know. And even people. I remember people even asking me, like, we'd go there. We'd always go to like 7 11, and people just expected me to pay. They knew I had my dad's credit card to pay for gas. And they probably all paid for their own gas. So they're like, sweet. They'd always be like, is Dave buying Slurpees? And I was like, you know, Dave is. And really, I was like, my dad's gonna kill me.

Well, that same thing happened with Bailey. I mean, we had a teenager steal one of our credit cards.

But that's what I'm saying.

People are friend circle, and they run up $3,000 in charges at Starbucks in like, three weeks.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, they just like, Bailey has this self induced pressure that because we have this nice house and cars and things that she's obligated to pay. And I'm like, that's not. I said. I told her, I said, you're taking away people's opportunity to, like, show they care or, like, by paying for you. You don't have to always assume because of where we live and how you're raised that you have to pay. Like, let other people, like, do that for you. It actually makes them feel good, too, to give, to buy and give and that kind of thing.

You know, What I'm coming to understand, too, is I believe that kids raised in wealth are actually some of the loneliest kids.

I think that kids are lonely no matter where.

No, I think. I think that being raised in wealth with parents who are very out there, it's a very lonely place because the kids are constantly having to defend themselves because they're immediately pigeonholed as tall, beautiful, rich girls.

Yeah, yeah.

Little rich daddy's money. Yeah.

It's like. And then there's this pressure to, like, prove yourself. I always joke around, though. I'm like, we're first generation money. So like you guys are good. We don't really have that much money. Don't expect anything yet.

We have. We. Well, according to. And compared to what. Dubai. Yeah. We're broke. As.

See that's, that's like the crazy thing is like when I.

She owns islands with his wives on them. City. He has an island for each wife. Yeah.

That's what's so nuts is like just when you think you've made it, then you, then you go like surround yourself or go somewhere where it's just like another level and you're like, I'm broke.

Well, that's what it was like for me in Dubai. Like, it's why I loved being there because I was like, there is so like people can scream poverty all day long. But the fact of the matter is there is a large population of the world that is rich as.

Yeah.

And they are making money. No matter what is happening. It doesn't matter who's president. It doesn't matter what happens to interest rates.

What do you think? The print.

It doesn't matter. Matter what's going on. I don't know. I mean the uber wealthy, like 200 foot yachts, super yachts. I mean, dude, that's a very small percentage of people. But people making people making a million dollars a year more. I don't know what the numbers are worldwide. There's a ton though. There's a ton of people.

What was your favorite thing in Dubai? I just thought the hotel room was awesome.

I had a, I had a moment like I had a moment at the, at the, the private fire show that we didn't know we were getting. That was quite awesome. We were sitting on these like these beanbags in the desert after riding camels and we're by ourselves and we didn't realize we had. I booked the VIP tour which is not cheap and that was just us and we had this whole crew of people that were there to take care of us. I just didn't know they'd put on a circus LA show for us. So funny.

We thought we were just going on. We didn't know what we bucked. We thought we were just like going on a camel ride and then like a dinner at the end and I'm thinking like a little picnic and it's like it literally like a five course meal and inside this little hut and then they start bringing out birds. There was like a hawk and an owl. And then all of a sudden this lady comes up and she's like drawing henna on me. And then we're like, literally, we're like. We're drinking. We're getting kind of tired, and we're like, well, I guess we'll just take dessert to go. And all of a sudden, like, this fire ring lights up across this little pond. I was like, what the hell?

Yeah. And the whole team was just like, no, no, no, you can't leave yet. It's just getting started. And we're like.

We're like, what?

No, we're good, dude. Just put. You're good. We'll tip you. Great. Just put it in the thing. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. You need to. And then all of a sudden, come the Russian dancers. The girls are dancing on the rings, and the guys dancing with fire. And I'm like, this is just for us.

Yeah, that's cool.

And I was sitting there watching, and I was like, wow, this is like. Like, there's. This is such a different experience. Like, there's. Some people never experience this at all. Then there's people that come experience it as a group.

Yeah.

Experience with, like, 50 other people.

Experience.

And then there's experience we were having. But that's the wildest part. Even on our flight.

Yeah.

There's like, first class, business class, economy, and we're riding in business class versus first. The difference in pricing was, like, $25,000 to upgrade to first class from our seats, which were already, like, $30,000 flights was like another $20,000. And. But I even look at that, I'm like, that's not. That's not cheap.

Yeah. Well, it's like, to fly.

And there's a such a different experience. We're sitting at a bar on the plane, hanging out with people in our jammies in our Emirates or Emmett's jammies, for God's sakes. It was amazing.

I think those little things, or to me, people are like, oh, you fly to Dubai. I'm like, but when you fly business class on Emirates, like, it's just a different experience. It's not the same as flying on a different airline in coach. Like, the. The flight is part of the experience. You're like, I sat at a bar with somebody who was also her 41st birthday. That was so funny. So they give you these jammies, and I'm like, oh, these are soft. Like, they're so nice. So I go put my jammies on, and Garrett's like, I'm gonna go put my jammies on. The bathrooms are right next to the bar, so I'm sitting at this table at the bar, and this lady walks by. I'm like, ooh, cozy. Cause I'd already had a couple cocktails. And she's like, yeah, it's my birthday. And I'm like, oh, mine too. Happy birthday. And turns out she's turning 41, too. And I was like, yeah, girl, you need to. We need to take shots. And, like, anyway, she walks by and you go in the bathroom, and she comes back, and her and her wife come and sit down right at our table. I was like, oh, she wants to have a shot.

Okay. Like, we hung out though that couple for, like.

But I thought it was funny, though, because she's like, yeah. I went. I can't remember her wife's name, but she's like, went and grabbed her and told her we had to have come have shots with you guys. There was part of me like, where am I? I'm on a bar in the air on the way to Dubai, having shots for my birthday with two random strangers. Like, yeah, to me, I'm like, that's. That's part of the experience is like, little moments like that, right? So then you take that and you multiply it by all these little experiences that we had in Dubai and Oman. And you're like, now that's. That's like, you. You can't put a price on that in a. In a way. You know what I mean? You can, obviously, but you can't. You're going to remember something like that for the. For the rest of your life. You're going to be like, remember that one time we sat with so and so on the plane on Emirates on the way to buy, and we took shots of Whiskey for your 41st birthday? And I'm like, yeah, babe, I do.

That was awesome because I had no tequila. No tequila on that flag.

He did not have tequila. That was. I hated myself. I don't drink whiskey. And the next day I was like, oh, the headache.

Yeah. Listen, this entire. This entire trip, the fitness competition was amazing. Yeah, that was a great and wonderful experience with you. Right? And couples that, like, choose to take on. We've had a lot of couples, like, saying, should I do it? A lot of individuals have now start down the bodybuilding path. Like, we have to go find themselves, and, like, we encourage the out of that. But the other piece with this, too, is the willingness to look at investing in memories. Like, I want to summarize everything about this show today. It's like, literally, this shift for me was so difficult to make And I didn't even know I need to make it until we made it a few years back. Five, six years ago. Back in 2017 was the year that it broke it. And from 2017 to now, you were the one that helped me see, hey, of all the things that we can invest in, of all the things that we could put money into, help me understand how investing in memories with ourselves as a couple and with our children does not sit at the top of the list.

Well, we work so hard. I think that, like, entrepreneurs, they work so hard and, like, at the end of the day, for what? To have more money in your bank? You know, I mean, that's great, but why don't you enjoy life and live life with the abundance that you've created for yourself? And honestly, that helps me have balance in family and business. It's like, okay, like, I'm gonna hustle down, and I'm gonna work really hard, because I know in six weeks, we have an amazing trip to Cancun. You know, so in a way, it actually makes me be more effective with my time because I'm like, cool, I'm looking forward to this relaxing time in the next five weeks with you and then come back and do it all over again.

Well, and it was. I mean, this was a bonding, deeply primal bonding moment in Oman, in Dubai. And I even had, like, Sergio and a handful of my closest people in my teams and some of my clients from last week that saw us when you came to the office during the event to sit and talk and share, and they'll say the same thing. They're like, there's an energy between you two that is noticeably different than before you went. And so something between the experience being in the fitness competition and going to Dubai, no. 1 for 10 days, and then coming back, you know, it just created this bond with you and I.

It, like. It went from, like, being, like. It just. All of a sudden, I just felt like a unit.

Like, we.

Like, we. Yeah, like, we was like, we're doing this. Like, we're. And. And it's like we have this, like, respect for one another. Doing the prep and doing the comp. Even if we were hangry and mad, it's like we were doing it together. And then to go to Dubai and Oman and kind of, like, celebrate and not have kids, it was really. It felt like it was. There's a level of respect and this unity between us that is. That's good to hear that it's noticeable.

Yeah. So I feel it. I feel it. It's Weird. It's like, it's almost like a level of scarcity has been eradicated.

Remember I was telling you too, I was like, it's weird. Even though like we're spending the money in this, I'm like, I'm like, we always, there's always another opportunity that comes up. So I'll be like, oh, we can't spend that, we can't spend that. And then like an opportunity comes up and I'm like, we just, we just find a way.

You know, we found a potential maybe, I don't know. We'll see about producer for Bailey on the flight. So she's already meeting with some producers this week, so we'll find out. So as we wrap up this, this particular episode, like the, the final message, I want you to catch this and, and I looked at it from this. If you, if you took, let's call it 25, 000, 50,000, a hundred thousand, 150, 000, whatever the number is. And you invested it into real estate or worse, you put it into a 401k. Society has taught you that you should feel great about this. You're like, you put your money into a 401k of which you'll probably lose most of your money anyways because stock market's completely full of. Or you put in real estate and everyone's like, okay, good. You put it into an asset class, it can't change. Etc, you know, values go up, up and down. But it's stable, it's sturdy, it's real estate. You can get a cash flow or per. On. If like we talked about that at all, people are like, yay. Or you said, I saved it inside of a high grade, premium grade insurance, life, life insurance policy and. Or I saved it my bank account. You say any of those things and people are like, oh, that's really smart. You, that's a great job, etc. Then you say, well, we took our $50,000 or 100 or 150 or 20,000 or whatever the number was and we went on a 10 day experience with my spouse on a vacation. And people are like, oh man, that's. I mean, I just, I just couldn't do that. That's just like so much I just don't understand. It's like, you know, it's just like such a waste of money. And I understand because I used to be the same way. Because we as human beings do not see ROI in memories and experience. We don't see the, the impact that a moment or a Series of moments can have on a marriage and on a the family and on legacy and on life. This. This Dubai trip changes forever. Shattered frames everywhere for us. Opened up possibilities for me. I had three messages I'm going to share. Last piece that God gave me when I was there. One was, is don't be political. So I don't get to be political anymore, number one. Number two, the message of warrior, and what warrior stands for is bigger than the United States. And number three, the warriors way was not built just for Christians. And all three of those came to me in Oman after spending amazing time with these Muslim families and the Muslim individuals that were working with us and just getting to spend time alone and off the grid in a totally different country, in a totally different environment where prayers are happening five times a day through the loudspeakers in different little towns by us. And I'm like, okay.

I really enjoyed the energy of the people.

People are amazing. I would say, as wild as this is, being in Oman with the Muslims.

We were with, it felt so safe too.

They. I felt more loved, received, accepted, and the presence of God in the presence of those people than I have in 99% of the people who call themselves Christians from the United States of America.

Yeah, it's different. It's just different. They're. They're raised like it's love.

Yeah.

There's respect, discipline, less. Guilt, less. Scarcity, less. It's just a different way.

It was weird because it was sent to them. They'd had nothing negative, say me about being Christian. Nothing. They. And they had nothing. Yeah. I have Christians line up out the back door talking about how all Muslims are going to hell. And I'm like, God, you guys are so negative.

Everyone's got an opinion.

Everyone's got an opinion for sure. That's the United States, America.

It was an amazing trip. And I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna share. I'm gonna. Because I have a lot of people like, where'd you stay? What'd you do? What'd you like? And I'm gonna create a YouTube video. If you go to my YouTube channel is Danielle Ky. That's actually where I share the day youyife podcast. But I also share, like, fashion and fitness and experiences and things like that. My last one, I did a what am I packing for Dubai?

Yes.

So I'm gonna do another video for all of you guys who have been asking like, where'd you stay? What did you like? What would you do different? And things like that. Because we had a. We had a blast and I was like, oh, I wish we did this and this and this and this. So I'm going to create a separate video that you guys can check out on the details of what we did in Dubai.

So for those who have not had a chance to jump into two opportunities are happening right now. We have one@warriorlaunch.com which is your free membership for 30 days 30 day trial through the Warrior app as well as the Warriors Way system, a new way of living that is now being taught to women and men with 200 plus of our warrior trainers that are now teaching and guiding and leading movements impacting tens of thousands of people every single month. If you'd like to learn more about that and to get a free trial, you can check that out@warrior launch.com we also launched at the time this show goes we will have launched our first or second. Maybe we're on second by the time this one hits. Men's Bible study virtual called warrior men's bible study.com this is call it warriors for Christ and we don't we'll know how it goes. The time we're recording the show it's less than 24 hours from the first roll out. We have almost a thousand and men coming to this first call and we'll see. It's a blend of warrior meets the Bible meets Bible study for dudes. So it's not going to be a happy clappy church conference that is for damn sure. And there will for sure be some hells and what the dropped inside these calls with each other and a real men's Men game. It's meant to reach the unreachable men who would normally not want to go to church, not want to step into the game, but do want to have a conversation with God. So there we are. There's our two paths and of course Danielle's vlog. Always. And thanks so much for being here. We look forward to seeing you guys next week.