Collide or Retreat? | Date Your Wife | Ep 022

Well, hello there, my friends. This is your boy, Garrett Jay White, the founder of Wake up Warrior, and I am here as your co host in the date your wife podcast. Now, we're excited to have you back today. Last week, we did a little promotion. A little promotion for Wake Up Warrior woman. And I have my co host here with me, the hostess with the mostest. My beautiful, gorgeous queen, my wife and producer by herself.

Awesome. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, do you always. Why do you always say it's your boy, Garrett J. White?

Do you say it's your boy Garrett J. White?

I think you need to retire that.

It is your man, Garrett J. White. It is your king, Garrett J. White.

Why don't you just say it's Garrett J. White here?

I could, but I like to say it's your boy, Garrett J. White. It's your boy, Garrett J. White. I don't know. I don't know why I say it that way. So, listen, we did a promotion for Wake Up, Warrior Woman. You actually did a little promotion for this on your own without me asking. Talk a little bit about this wake Up Warrior woman program.

Well, it's funny because Garrett's like, I'm gonna do wake up, Warrior women. Do you want to be part of it? And I was like, no. And then he launched it anyways, and he's like, you're one of the trainers. And I was like, all right, let's do this. I think that's just like, my mo. I kind of tend to, like, resist. And then it's like, hey, why don't you do this? And I'm like, yeah, I think I'll do that. And I think my thing is I don't give myself enough credit for, like, what I've gone through and how much I've grown. And so I always think, like, oh, like, people don't want to hear from me. Like, what? Like, what do I have to teach or what do I have to say only to realize, Like, I think just sharing my story. I find a lot of women are like, yeah, they relate to me. And so I'm like, all right, well, maybe. Maybe I needed. This is the next step. Maybe I need to be a part of this now.

Let's stop bullshitting ourselves here. You are far more talented than you like to give yourself credit for. Why do you not give yourself enough credit at times as a business woman? Why do you think you do this?

I think that a lot of women, it's like. I don't know, it's almost like giving yourself credit or, like, Taking it, receiving a compliment. It's just kind of like, eh, no. Like, I'm the type. It's like, no, it's great. Whatever. Like, I don't like a lot of attention on me, but at the same time, I find that I learn and grow by, like, contributing and sharing my experiences and not trying to, like, tuck them away or discredit them and, like, really sharing how I got to where I got and how much I kind of went through. Because I think people, you know, they see pretty pictures on Instagram or whatnot, and everyone has a story about who you might be, but nobody really knows the backstory of how you got there.

That's true. That's true. Like, listen, like, just to be married to me for 15 years, you've earned some. You've earned your Level 3 certification for being married to Garrett J. White. This is actually a thing. There's actually only one woman who's accomplished all three certifications.

Wow.

Congratulations. You did this. No, like, in all seriousness, though, like, why. Why do you think that women overall, in general, have a difficult time accepting the. The growth and the power that they have? Because this is kind of what. Wake up, warrior woman.

I don't know. I think if you're a powerful woman, you're. You're like. You're like, girl power. And you're kind of looked at as a. I guess, like, you're just looked at, like, really opinionated, and I don't know, just, like, there's a lot of, like, there's this. This strong energy. And I don't think of myself as that type of a trainer. I am probably more, like, passionate and emotional, and I think forever. I used to just, like, hide my feelings, and I'd be like, no. And, like, stifle and be like, no. Like, don't show your emotions. You got to be strong. You just got to be that. You gotta be that.

Warrior women.

But for me, like, vulnerability I found over training women through hair is actually a strength. And, like, there's times where I'm sharing my story in front of, you know, tons of students, and I'm talking about my journey of why I jumped into it. And I do. I start reliving it, and I kind of emotionally break down a little bit, but I realized, like, that's kind of what bonds us all together, and it makes me more real. So I try to just be. Just be me and be authentic, but also, like, letting that side, that emotional, passionate side come out, because that's part of me. And so I found a lot of a lot of strength in that. Just kind of. It's like a softer leading. I don't know. I don't know how to describe it, but I'm not, like, in your face. And I'm not saying that's not a bad way. Like, we have a trainer. Her name's Ani.

And some people think you're in your face.

Sometimes I get passionate.

If you listen to your BMS podcast, which is number 43 right now, big money stylist and podcast overall, an IL iTunes, you don't exactly sound like a sit on the back row and watch kind of girl.

That's where I'll share my story. And that's where, like, with hair, it's something I'm passionate about. And then my growth and my journey is also something that I'm like. When I see people stuck in their stories, I'm like, bah. And it, like, pisses me off. And so that's when I, like, kind of unleash a little bit.

So inside of your passion, you actually.

Because there's three of us in the podcast. There's me, Val, and Ani. And I always tell people, I'm like, I'm the passion, Ani's the fire, and Val is the logic. And all three of us carry all three of those traits. But, like, if you listen to the podcast, I'm always the one that's like, fuck everybody. I'm like, oh, sorry, guys. Like, I just get, like, really into it. And Ani's the one that's like, you're just a da da. And she just lays down on you. And Val's like, all right, you guys. And she's always. She's, like, passionate, too, but she's the more logical of all of us. So it's like a fun mix. And maybe that's why people, like, all listen to the podcast. And I'm like, that was a good podcast. Like, I don't know, is that cool to listen to your own podcast and, like, get a lot of value out of it?

Well, here's my point, though. Like, people listen to the show and they think that I'm the aggressive asshole, and they don't realize that you're an aggressive asshole also.

But it's true.

But, like, you release inside of the big money status podcast, but you don't release like that on this show.

Well, it's hard to. You are very, like. You kind of, like, talk over me.

Oh, that's a nice story. No, you don't seem to have a problem.

You're A little bit more personality wise, you're a little bit more vocal.

So do you feel like you have more of a say on the other show?

Yeah, I think, too, because both of those girls work for me. Like, I'm like the queen of the show. Like, if I want to talk, I talk. And they kind of stop and listen.

But.

But I.

Maybe you should pretend like you work for me.

Maybe I should pretend like. Well, it doesn't matter. Even when you were on the line.

Maybe I should pretend like I work for you. I mean.

No, it's not.

Then you would be more.

You just be you. It's not in your mo. You just be you. You're loud, you're Garrett. But that's ultimately, like, what I liked about you.

I work for you.

I'll work you, whatever.

You brought that to where we're going. Thank you for taking the corner back to home base on the topic of sexuality. All right. No, just kidding. Anyways, this literally has not much to do with our topic today, but it's kind of getting us started off on this whole idea of permission. We're going to take one more pit stop here on this permission idea, because Wake Up Warrior Woman, which, if you've not found out more about this, we for the very first time have launched programs for women. Two large events happening this year, one on power, one on production, end of August, end of October 2018. You can check that out by heading to wakeupwarriorwoman.com we also had over 2,000 men in the last 45 days. Join us inside of an experience inside a Wake Up Warrior known as the Kings Kid, which if you're a man listening to the show, you can check that out by heading to thekingskit.com or warriorbook.com and you can learn more about that. A thousand men literally started their pre training just yesterday. We have another almost 2000 men that will start on July 1st. Would love for you to be part of that experience with us. But we're gonna come back to this topic here of permission, because our topic today is parenting. We put this show on to guide couples who are living the warrior's way down a path of figuring out, at least through our experience, sharing ourselves, our pain, our struggle, our pursuit of this idea of having it all across body, being balance and business.

That's a lot of work.

Yes. We're gonna talk about having children. We're gonna talk about some specific things that have come up with our kids, particularly one of our daughters and. But we're gonna start this Off.

This is always a topic that's so hard for me because I love my kids to death almost at an unhealthy level where I'm like, is that true?

On unhealthy level?

In one of our shows, one of our shows, our big money status podcast, Val's a mom, too. And she was like, I'll cut a bitch. And I was like, we will. And I was like, oh.

Oh.

Like you. There's this inner.

That's the defensive mom thing.

Yeah, there's this, like, inner tiger that's like, I will murder you. If you look at my children wrong, I will murder you. And it's like a crazy bitch comes out. But it's like, so I have this, like, undying love for my children, and. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And so I just. It's. It's always a constant struggle. But then the more I talk to other women and, like, share my stories, even doing hair and that kind of thing, we all just sit and laugh. And I'm sure you get the same experience with talking to guys in your community and where they're like, don't worry. That's totally normal.

And you're like, sure. Oh, good. Okay.

All right. Now how do I. I always have to remind myself, daniel, you're the adult. You're the adult. Because I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm like, should I show share that with my kids? Half the time I'm like, I don't know. How should we dislike them? What should we do? How do we follow through? What do we do? I don't have follow through. I don't know what to do.

So let me ask you this.

So what's our topic?

No, our topic is parenting. But we're trying to close the first topic, which is this idea of permission.

Okay.

Okay. So part of that is going to be giving yourself permission as a parent to actually parent. Right? So consider the permission first, as granted to yourself, to stand in power as an individual. Then permission is granted to you and your spouse as a couple, meaning based upon two individuals standing in power individually, they now start to choose to stand powerfully, collectively as a couple. So I would say that our parenting strategy has been kind of a shit show for a long time for the simple fact that we were attempting to give individually, ourselves permission to be powerful, and then we were giving ourselves, as a couple, permission to be powerful. So talk about this whole idea as A woman, though, this idea and concept of permission to ultimately pursue the have it all game. Because you are a businesswoman, you are a mother, you are a wife, you are a lover, you are a marketer, you're a blogger, you're a fashion stylist.

So many hats I wear.

You're, you know, you're a dancer.

No, I'm not.

At night. With me, a dancer.

I'm not dancer.

All right. Performer. No, an adult film star. If we only had a camera. All right, so talk to me though, this idea of permission. How have you over the years? Because you have most certainly become more powerful at 35 than you were at, you know, 25. So this game of permission and giving yourself permission to experience life beyond your kids and your husband.

I think it's so funny because as I get older and I think about like, things that I worried too much about. Cause I was. I'm a young mom. I'm 35. I had an 11 year old, so I had my first kid at 24. And it's so funny. She's like almost as tall as me. And people will see us out and about and they're like, that's your daughter. How do you have a daughter that's 11? Cause she's so tall and I'm not very tall.

She looks like she's 13 or something.

Yeah, she looks older. Great hair, super cute. Anyways. And I just. I always like feel like in the beginning there was a lot of this, like, because I was raised Mormon and it's. There's like this role that you have to be like this perfect mom. And if you work, you better figure out how to like, balance it all. And there was just a lot of this kind of mommy guilt. And I'm sure it's not just in the Mormon culture. And we're currently not practice practicing being Mormon, but that's how both of us were raised. And so it was so hard because I felt like I needed to pursue something other than just being a mom. But there was a lot of guilt, right? You know, that statement built behind that.

That statement right there triggers shitloads of guilt for women. I know, just a mom, even women.

I'll have women sit in my chair and they'll say, well, you know, I don't have to work. And they say it like, you know, I don't. And I'm like. And I want to be like, fuck you. I choose to work. But it's almost like they haven't given their self permission to maybe pursue a passion or find Something outside of their children that. That pursues them. I don't know. Years I like, toggle behind, like, oh, my God. Like, I really, really love having this. And I always called even hair like a hobby, because I didn't want to say, like, I was a working mom, really. I was like, well, you know, I have hair, but it's just like, you know, a couple appointments a week. But I really genuinely love doing it. And it was very fulfilling for me. And even from the very beginning, before I had my brand, like, I loved when women left and they were just like. And they were, like, on cloud nine. That was very fulfilling for me. And at the time, I wasn't even making a ton of money, but I just liked that I would get a connect with other women. And then I also like that I help them feel more beautiful. And so I just. It was so hard for me to, like, when I got to this place where I was like, hey, I need to. I created a brand because, you know, with Garrett's and I's story, it was just like, we were struggling. I didn't know if I was gonna stay married. I didn't know where I was gonna go. I had already had two kids at that point. I didn't know if I was gonna have to provide for them. And I was like, I got expensive days. I gotta figure out how to, like, work hard and make ends meet for myself and my kids and not rely on G. And I think that was the first time where I was like, I can't rely on him. And so for years, I was building my brand. I'm working a ton and, like, driving home from work just, like, sobbing and, like, wipe the tears, run in hope. My kids hadn't gone to bed half the time. They did, like, go to bed crying again, wake up, start all over, and do it again. Because Harry stylists, like, we don't even work normal hours. We work, like, these crazy. We just. We work, like, 10 or a days usually. And so for me, it was like, I had a lot of guilt. And when I'd hit to that point where I felt like I was missing my kids, it was like a balance of, like, Lear. That guilt can be good and bad. I know that sounds kind of weird, but that guilt ultimately made me be like, I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm fucking tired. And had. I had not had kids, I think I could literally, I have a lot of energy, and I'm a busy body, and I think I could just work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

Work, work, work.

And it was the kids that really reeled it in that was like, this is not fun, you know, because I felt, like, sad, and I felt like I was missing out with them. And I remember, and I'll just share this. I kind of, like, would set boundaries for myself. Like, okay, so this is not working. What am I gonna do? And that's really what pushed me to even, like, increase my prices and really make my time more valuable. And then I would. That time that I had with my kids, I also valued that time a lot too. So it's kind of like creating balance between all these hats that I wore and figuring that out for myself. And I was like, gosh, I'm feeling very fulfilled. But I still, in the back of my mind was like, had a little bit of that mommy guilt. And I remember there was this one situation in my career after I had started my brand. I'm really, really pushing forward. And I was like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. And screw it, I'm fucking out. Like, I was just, like, pissed, and I. And this, like, literally, it was like a moment where, like, a higher voice, whatever you want to call it, came to me, and it was like, you would. Will impact way more people if you take this route of pursuing your passion. Not to say that I wouldn't impact my children, but I think by pursuing my passion will ultimately affect my children. And I had that confirmation, and I was like, ah. And I was like, all right. And so then I just kept pushing forward, and every time I'm in that situation where that mommy guilt kind of creeps up, I literally. I remember that voice. I remember that, and I'm like, balance your time, Danielle. Balance your time. And for me, that works really, really well, and I feel more fulfilled in doing so.

That was a great job. That was wonderful. So here's the thing I'm experiencing with this, is that this whole permission side that you're speaking of. I've watched Danielle go through this, but I know that there tends to be a bit of a war with women, at least what I've experienced. And I have relationships with women on one side of the line, and we have relationships with women on the other side of the line. One side of the line is women who produce and who work outside of the home, and then we have women who work only inside the home, and so we have women who do both, and then we have women who only work at home. And both of these sides tend to throw Stones at each other, which is the ones who are out producing in the marketplace, will tend to take this interesting stand against women who only want to stay home. And then we have women who want.

To stay home who take a stand.

Yeah, but I watch it happen. I watch the shit talking. I watch the experience of it and the challenge for women going back and forth. So at the end of the day, it's not even about whether or not you produce outside the home or you produce inside the home or whether you do both. The thing you're really saying is, at least what I'm hearing is that at some level as a woman, you have to give yourself permission beyond your choice to pursue a passion or some side of purpose that is beyond your kids. Yes or no?

You have to have what?

You have to have a purpose or some kind of a passion that you're pursuing beyond your children.

Yeah, but for me, like, yeah, I like making other women feel beautiful, but two, like, the money behind it gives me drive as well. I think at the end of the day, if it was just like women feeling pretty and it was exhausting and I wasn't making good money, it wouldn't be fulfilling. And I would quit and I would just be a mom and I would just surrender, like, nope, this is what I'm gonna do. And not that I wouldn't find joy and fulfillment in that.

Could you be a mom full time without your profession?

I could. I could be miserable. No, I would not be miserable. No, there's.

Listen what you're saying there. You're saying, just be a mom. This is the statement I'm hooking on. Not because you're saying it, but because this is a statement that comes.

Let me finish this, because here's what happens. There are wheat when I have a slow week, work or work week, and I spend more time with my kids, and it's like everything slows down and I'm like, oh, I could do this. This is fun. I love it. But I wouldn't be the same person I am today without the business for me, like, I wouldn't be able to have the same experiences. I just would not. And it's not to discredit anybody else, but that's just how it is for me and my experience.

And.

And also, too, not to say I wouldn't be super, super happy. I honestly think I could do the mom game and be super happy and very fulfilled. But I love, like, there's times. I don't know how to describe it, but there's times when things are like, go, go, go with work. And it's like we have this convention with like 350 stylists coming. And, like, it just. It's a little bit of a high.

We'll actually be deploying this exact show on the day one of your largest convention, BMS Con 2, 357 women. We're rolling out this show, this live on itunes the day we start that event. So just so you know.

Well, that's it's meant to be.

Then you'll be on stage right now while some people will be listening as you'll be standing on stage with me in front of three or four.

See, and for me, like, there's like, what I was saying is there's this high and this growth and like, I'm kind of an introverted person, but yet I believe that if you find something you're passionate about, you can outgrow, like, that person that you think you are. And so for me, it's like, I don't know if I could. I don't know if I would put myself on stage. Like, like, if I was just being like a stay at home mom and someone's like, you need to come speak in front of 350. I'd be like, oh, you know, like, there would be no reason to do it. And so for me, it's really getting outside of my comfort zone and being like. And then it's this new high. And that high really, like, fuels me to like, be like, oh, my God, I love. I love this. This box. I love. In our last podcast with Val and Ani, it was cute. Val was like, everybody had like, you have your car, your boxes of, like, your mom box. You have like, your work box. You have like. And I was like, oh, I like that. And she's like, we were talking about the whole show is based on energy and, like, protecting your boxes anyways, but.

So do you think that. Do you think that producing outside of the home in your business makes you a better mom?

Producing outside the home makes me a better mom. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like a shitty mom.

I'm sure you do.

Like, I'm trying to follow up and Ruby is so cute. Like, yesterday, I'm like, rube, let's go watch a movie. Like, she took a bath. And it was like, I like to sit and, like, watch a movie and, like, scroll through my phone and kind of have downtime. And I'm not usually working. Like, sometimes I'm just like, I'm not even on social media. I'm literally. I love shopping. And I don't always buy, but I love. Like, for me it's very therapeutic. Just skip around a different website. Like, that's cute. Ooh, that would be cute. This and that. But anyway, it was. Ruby was like, we sit down, we watch show, and she's like, mom, have you seen this? It's hedgehogs. And I was like, I have not. I'm so stoked. And she goes, mom. And she grabs my phone, she goes, no phones. And I was like, oh, that's right. And she put it away. And I was like, that's right. But it was so cute.

You realize you just said your 7 year old put your phone in timeout.

For mommy and I. So sometimes I'm like, oh, I feel like such a shitty mom. And like, in instances like that. But then I have to like take aside and be like, no, she just wants some. Like she wants some quality time. So I sat and I watched the movie with her. I did sneak my phone out a few times when she wasn't paying attention because I was like, oh, what is that on sale?

And then.

But she felt fulfilled, you could tell. Like, when I went to put her to bed, she was like, mom, I love you so much. Like, I'm gonna stay glued to you forever. And I was like, what if you get married? She's like, I'll never get married. I was like, oh yeah, let's stay glued together forever. And so like, I don't want to miss those moments, you know? Cause my kids are still somewhat little and I'm like, I don't want to miss those moments. So at some point.

So are you a better mom or no?

I know I always get lost in my studios.

You don't get lost. I'm just asking you a question. Are you a better mom or no?

I don't say I'm a better.

I wouldn't say, are you a better mom because you.

No, I'm a better me.

You're a better you. Which means are you a better mom because you're a better you?

I guess.

You guess? There's no guess, there's yes or no.

What would you say?

I'm asking you the question. It's not hard to say. Trying to be politically correct. You're not running for fucking Congress.

I feel like I could be a better mom. But then I'm like, there's moments too where like, I remember I'm a storyteller, but I remember there was. We were filming something for like a sales video and we were Just, like, telling our story. I wasn't planning on crying, but again, like I said, I can be passionate and emotional. And I started telling my story, and I literally had to pause and, like, collect myself. My mind. I had to bring my water. My water. My daughter, to work. She wasn't feeling good that day. And I was like, well, just come with me, but I have to go do a few things. And she sat there, and she was coloring. This is my older daughter. And she sat there and she was just, like, drawing or whatever. And as I started to tear up and I paused and the cameraman paused, she looked at me and was like, mom, you're, like an amazing mom. And there was like. Or she said something. I can't remember specifically what she said. But then I started, like, tearing up even more. And I remember her. I was like, there's things. There's moments like that as a kid that you're gonna remember, and you're gonna be like, God, my mom was doing some pretty cool shit, you know, because there's moments, I feel like, as a kid that mold us. I can think of moments I had as a kid where I'm like, oh, that was a bad moment. Or moments where I'm like, oh, I remember fishing with my dad and things like that. And you remember those moments, and I think those kind of, like, help mold you as an adult later on. And so as much as I feel like I'm fucking up, I'm like, hopefully I have enough of those moments where maybe it's, like, examples of me leading and guiding other women or just being me, that they're like, I want to be like my mom. And it's cute. Cause now she's, like, doing her Instagram and stuff. And she's like, she used to make fun of me. Like, why are you doing pictures of yourself? I'm like, I don't know. I'm still figuring out, honey. But everyone's doing pretty pictures, so I'm gonna do pretty pictures. And now she'll. Like, when the babysitter watches, she sneaks into my closet, and I'll be, like, looking at her Instagram. And I'm like, is Bailey in one of my Zimmerman dresses? And she's, like, posing, and it's all cute. So I'm like, well, I don't know if. If that's good or not, but obviously she's noticing what I'm doing, and hopefully it will lead her to be a stronger woman herself.

So does it make you a better mom? Yes or no?

I don't Know.

You do know. Yes or no?

I don't know.

You don't. What do you mean you don't know?

I don't know. I'm going for.

You just painted an entire story. Just own it. Does it make you a better mom?

I don't know. I think I would be a really good mom. Like.

Okay, well, we're not talking about being a really good mom. We're saying, does your focus on business and building and producing make you a better mother? Yes or no?

You can continue to ask me this question, but I'm gonna say I don't know because I've never not worked. I've always worked. So you can ask me this seven more times, but I will continue to give you the answer. I do not know.

You don't know.

I can only speak from experience of working, and I've never not worked and had children. So I'll answer that question again, Garrett. I do not know.

So does working make you a better person?

Yes, I believe that.

Okay, so if you're a better person, can you be. Are you a better mom?

I don't know. Oh, my God, you're cute. But let's move on topics.

Oh, I'm gonna go ahead and answer that for her. Here's what I can tell you. If my wife was actually at home all the time with the children, we'd be in problem. She'd have a heavy drinking problem at.

About 3 o' clock in the afternoon.

Oh, no, it's true. No, it's 100% true.

Don't put words in my mouth.

No, I'm not. I'm putting words in my own mouth about you. So here's the thing I'd tell you. My wife. There are some women who are driven to have a purpose beyond their children, and my wife was one of those. And without living that purpose, my wife would be a very shitty mother. Not because of what she did would be shitty, but because she would ultimately be only giving a quarter of who she is to her children. The example she would give, yes, is the one who remembered all of the things, including donuts with dad this morning at school. But on the downside, what they would also experience is never seeing a woman who was taking a stand for her life. They would never see a woman on stage. They would never see the woman in the podcast. They would never see the woman who was pushing and pursuing. They would never see the blogger. They would never see the one on tv. They would never see the example of what it was like to pursue life as a woman. Which I believe is just as important as a mom in teaching them disciplines of taking care of themselves as it is exampling and role modeling what it is to be a powerful woman. So I'm going to answer this question that she just does not want to fucking answer, which is, yes, she's a better mother because she's a producer, but this does not mean that every single woman listening to this show must begin and launch a business to be a better mom. At the end of the day, the key phrase here is, are you becoming better as a woman? Because if you're becoming better as a woman, then the relationship you have as a parent, in this case a mother, ultimately expands by default. It's an if then scenario. If you become better as a woman, as an individual, then you become better across the board in everything. Is this is making sense to you now, sweetheart? Nope, still not making sense. Don't worry. Every listener made sense to. Except for you. We'll go back and listen to this one again. All right, we're gonna shift. We're gonna shift gears to. To this game of parenting. We're gonna shift it into some interesting. Yes. Oh, you have a question for me?

I have a question for you. What? Okay, so say, for example, we've known some in our family, some not in our family. Like, they're raised with, like, a ridiculous amount of money, and I'm sure their parents work a ton. Why? What goes wrong there? Like, is it just. They don't balance the time and attention, and so even if they see their parents working really hard, it doesn't transfer.

You mean people who make money and produce, but then their kids turn out shitty? Yeah, kids are gonna turn out shitty regardless.

Is that just a genetic thing? Like, you get one shitty one good.

No, kids are gonna choose what they're gonna choose, but at the same time, it's one thing. There are plenty of mothers who are at home on Facebook and social media all day long and don't pay att. Children who overeat, are diabetic, eat too much, drink too much, and don't fucking pay attention. Literally, their kids are babysat by iPads. Right? So we can define that. That's being a better parent because you were around all the time. But being around all the time doesn't mean you're actually present with your children.

What I was saying is, like, people that are raised with a ton of money, and then they have a kid who seems really. Who seems like they're gonna, like, really produce in life, and then it doesn't happen like, how? I just wonder where. Like, what happened there? Like, where did the translation go wrong?

Where did the translation go wrong between parents who were super producers and a kid who became a sandwich shop owner or a kid who works at the sandwich shop in Orange County?

You would think, like, I don't know, like, being raised and not that you would want that for yourself.

And I'm sure it depends on what the parents were teaching the child. Like, they can role model and see what the kid's doing. But what's the translation and the requirement to our children? What are we expecting of our kids? Right? Like, here's an issue that you and I face, is that you and I, because we're still trying to get together on our same parenting page. You know, it's like we kind of both color a picture on a parenting page, and the other one pees on the other one's parenting page.

That's a really weird analogy.

Yeah, it is. Like, you draw a picture, here's our parenting plan, and I pee on it. You draw a parenting plan. You pee on it. Like, there's kind of this back and forth. We struggle at times with this idea.

Of parenting, but we're good. I'm sure this is really common for most people with kids to pee on.

Each other's parenting plans.

Yes. Yes. I guarantee you. I remember, like, even growing up where, like, I'd be like, I asked my dad, and he said, no, but I'm gonna go ask Mom. Cause she's for sure gonna say yes. And then be like, dave, why did you tell her? And he's like, I don't know. Why don't you? And then I was like. And I even remember, in front of, like, my parents, being like, no. My dad be like, oh, Gayle, she can too. Let her do it. Like, we call it cut the legs out from underneath you. So this is not like, a new concept. I'm sure that people that have kids are like, oh, yeah, that happens all the time. But then there's also times where, like, our daughter something. And I'm like, bailey, stop. And then you back me. You're like, stop it. Right? You know what I mean? And it's like you kind of back each other, and even if you don't agree, you're kind of like, you. You kind of, like, get mad at the kid. Like, don't do that. Like, respect your mom, respect your dad. And then later you're like, what the fuck was that all about? Like, you gotta feel, you know, like.

We'Re better on the parenting Plan. We piss less on each other's parenting plans.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, that's probably a normal thing to piss on your coloring. What did you say?

Piss on your colored or your parenting plan.

I'm calling out the legs from one another.

I'm calling it piss on your parenting plan.

It's almost like you don't understand their strategy. And you're like, that seems out of left field.

Well, you and I are very different people, so we deal with things differently. Right? So I collide and conflict with things. Like, if there's a problem, I collide with it with our kids. If there's a problem, you like to ignore and pretend like it's not cool.

And I think, too, because sometimes, like, you'll yell at our girls. And I want to be like, garrett, they're girls. And so that's where I feel like I can have. I'll be, like, bugged because I'm like, they're girls. Like, you can't. Like, don't yell at them like that. Or don't do that. Like. Or, like, girls just being, like, crazy emotional. I ignore them because, like, I'll give you example. Today, Ruby comes home with her diorama. The clay things were smushed. She got mad and pissed, and she was like, it's all your fault. You made this ruined. I was like, I didn't do anything, Ruby. And I was like, do you want me to help you fix it? We can buy a new play. D'oh. We'll get a new one. She's like, you're the worst mom ever. And I was like, oh, my God. And I.

So what are you thinking when that happens?

When that happens? Like. And I heard you go, ruby, knock it off, or I'm gonna put you up in your room right now. And I'm, like, thinking the same thing, but I'm. But I also know as a girl sometimes I was thinking this today, and I was laughing in my head. I'm like, sometimes when I'm pissed, like, you just get out of my way. Give me some space. Like, just let me be pissed. And, like, little kids will not hold back, and they'll be like. Whereas, like, an adult, I think you kind of, like, tend to, like, reel it in because you don't want to start a fight with your spouse or yell in front of your kids or whatever, so you kind of hold it in. But there's times, like, you actually have.

The screaming going on inside your head. Like, Ruby.

Yes.

At me sometimes.

Yes. And I'm like, Nice. And so oftentimes it's like, if you give a whim, a woman some space, she will logically collect herself and then be like, okay. And then come back from a place of, like, logic and be like, here's what we need to do. So sometimes with our kids, when I see the. Because girls just have more of that emotional side to them, I guess you could say. And so when I see that swing, I'm like, I literally, like, feel it. And I'm like. And I'm like, you're fine, Ruby. You're fine, you're fine, you're fine. And I. Then I'm like, I don't want to say you're fine. So then I'll like go in and be like, do you want me to buy you new play doh? And when she, like, goes off, like, I'm trying to validate her feelings, but when she continues goes off, I'm like, she's flipped her lid. I can't get back in right now, so I need to just give her space. But there's sometimes when she's getting really mad before she's flipped her lid. Or I can get in and say, ruby, do you want me to buy you some play doh? And look, we'll fix this. And da, da, da, da. And whatever. Or like, talk them down off the ledge. And then it's like, ah. And then she's like, okay. But she had already flipped her lid. And so that's something I noticed with our. I try to be conscious of with our girls is are they gonna flip their lid? And if they are, just get out of the way. Like, you might get a chair thrown at you. I'm not even kidding you. Like, that's.

So what is your strategy long term with this? If I'm getting this right, like, what do you do after the decompression?

What works for me and Bailey and I still do this. And she's 11 years old because she's even way more emotional than our little one, for sure. And I find. So that's. That I don't flip my lid. I'll be like, get up to your room right now. And I'm like, I literally will drag you if you don't go up there right now.

But what's the difference to when do you choose to do that versus what I do? Sweden move.

No, because when I'm about to flip my lid and I'm like, both of us need space right now. And then we can logically come back and talk about it. And so I'LL be like, bailey, get up to your room. And I'll literally. I'll be like, I'm taking away your phone. I'm taking away this. You need to get out of my space. And if she won't get out of my space, sometimes I will go up and shut my own room and wait for her to calm down. And then when she's calmed down a little bit, I'm like, you need to go up in your room for a little bit. Like, it's like, you just need breathing space, so just keep that in mind. Seriously, with.

I like to collide.

I know, but sometimes I'm like, today.

The only reason I walked away from.

The house room and then come back in.

The only reason I walked away with.

The Ruby is because you had work.

To do is cause I had shit. I get done. I was like, I don't have time to do this. Otherwise, I was gonna pack her over my shoulder, lock her in the bedroom.

I know you were. And I just was like, ruby. And she was like, bah. And then I'm like, what? So I went up to my room. You went up to your room? Right. Like, which I said, sometimes I have to do with Bailey is like, go in my own timeout. I guess you could say within five minutes. I kid you not. Ruby's like, doo, doo, doo, doo, mom, look. And she's playing with her little LOL dolls. And I'm laughing because I'm like, oh, my gosh. And then you know what she did? She comes in and she goes, mom, are you ready to go? And I'm like, where are we going? She's like, steve, yes. To get more Play doh. And I was like. Cause she had listened when I was like, do you want to go get some more? We can get Play doh.

She was listening during the chaos.

Yeah. And so then she came back after she had, like, collected herself and was like, mom, can we get more Play doh? And I was like, ruby, how you acted was unacceptable, and I'm not gonna take you to go get Play DOH right now. And she's like, you're the worst mom ever. But she collected herself enough that she didn't have a meltdown. She walked away five minutes later with her little toys. And I just was, like, laughing. I was like, okay, so let me.

Get your parenting strategy. Your parenting strategy, then is you say, I ignore it. Literally ignore and hold out for the calming storm to pass.

Yes. Because I can go in.

So you're like the person in a hurricane.

I can Go in, sits in the.

Hurricane and baths your window. Okay.

Because I even noticed.

Downplaying your strategy.

I'm just watching you because I think parents, like, when I flip my lid, I have to be like, Then I feel guilty. I have that mom guilt. In the morning, like, God damn it, I yelled at Bailey. And like, ah. And like, there's been times I've cursed at my kids. Let's just say it.

I'm like, I know.

Let's just say it. Like, every mom has. Let's not pretend like you haven't cursed at your kids. And then they're like, mommy, you're a shithead. And you're like, ha. So funny. Where does he learn that? You know? But every person curses at their kids at one point. And so it's like, when I feel like I'm gonna flip my lid or. And when I do, I have that mommy guilt, and I have to be like, God damn it, Danielle, you're the adult. And I have to remind myself that I'm the adult. And anytime that I'm in that situation where I wanna, like, be like, bah. I have to just tell myself, you're the adult.

Space.

Yes.

So your name is. Let me just get this straight. It is. The storm is coming. Get some space. Okay, so the tsunami is coming. You get to high ground. Is that what I'm hearing? You're like, the tsunami is coming. I get to hide.

It's a testing strategy so that I don't lose it. And then we can logically revisit the then.

What do you do once the tsunami passes? Do you go back down into the valley and talk to the child?

Yes. And, like, even with Bailey, like, this week, I was like, your phone's gone and your cute tennies are gone. Cause those are her two things that she values, right? And she'll fight me for it. And I'm like, no. But because she's not on that high of like, I wanna kill you. She's like, mom, you're a brat. And that's about all I get. And I wanna be like, did you just call me a brat? But then I'm like, like, whatever. I know she's not raging anymore. And then I can take her phone and her shoes. And I'm like, you'll get it in two weeks. And she'll say, can I earn it back? And then I know she's like, at least come to a logical space. So I suck at structure. And I'm not the best with follow through, But I also. I just want to Keep peace in the home.

So the strategy then is run to high ground.

That's my strategy.

Signing. Really? Website, but okay, so we're getting one. Parenting strategy here is when conflict comes up with your children, you run to high ground and you let the storm pass. You let them deal with themselves, process themselves, et cetera. I have a different strategy.

Yeah, you're.

I don't ignore it. When the tsunami comes, I run down like Spartan 300 to Hell's Gate against a million Persian men, and I wage war.

You're really good at communication, though.

I wage war against the ensuing army. Just like in Spartan 300 when they're like, we will blot out the sun with our arrows. And I say, then we shall fight in the shade.

With your seven year old?

Yeah, exactly. With a seven year old. The only difference is I pick her up, put her on my shoulders, and off we go. So I can see the same crazy spot where the storm cannot be negotiated with. The only difference is.

And you come in like a tsunami.

No, I come in like an assassin in the night. I come in like this and I just take the situation by. Controlled by the horns. I grabbed. Grab the horns, grab the situation. I'm like, dah. Now this situation works also. It's not your methodology.

It doesn't work when your daughter gets 11, you can't throw her on your shoulders anymore.

Oh, I've already thrown her on my shoulder. I'll throw her on my fucking shoulders at 20. Anyways, my point being is, like, I collide with a situation different than you do because we both deal with life differently than each other. You're uncomfortable with conflict. I'm uncomfortable sitting and allowing a storm to break.

Our conflicts are different. My conflict is addressing it quietly.

And mine is addressing it loudly. Mine's addressing it mine.

I'm not saying either one is right or wrong. We're just wanting to showcase so you guys can see our conflict and parenting strategies.

So this is why when Danielle says, I have a parenting plan for the situation, and she draws it out with her crayons, usually red and green. And there's a red and green parenting plan. It is a mountain with us running to high ground, and I pee on it. Then she looks at mine, and my parenting plan is, my wife's got war paint on her face, a shield and a sword. And I was like, woman, we are going to the front lines. And I start running. And next thing I look back, she's squatting and peeing on my parenting plan.

I love you so much.

Have you Ever peed outside in the woods?

Yeah.

You have?

Yeah, every girl has.

All right. In the woods. Have you ever peed in our yard?

Every girl.

Have you ever peed in our yard? Tell the truth.

There's chances I've peed in our yard.

I'm not gonna lie.

A girl will squat and pee anywhere.

When drinking in a parking lot.

Drinking in college.

All right. Or have you ever peed in a parking lot in college?

Driving and there's nowhere to pee. So you pull off, you run and.

You go pee, you pee wherever.

If you're driving and there's nowhere to stop.

Have you ever peed on the ground in a parking lot and peed on your own shoes?

No.

Nope. All right, I have.

I got skills.

You got skills. That's cause you run to the top of the mountain.

I don't even sit on a toilet. I have this, like hovering.

Well, there's no toilet in a parking lot when you got a toilet in a parking lot.

No, but I have some serious strong.

You got a toilet on the side of the freeway.

I could squat anywhere if I needed to.

But do those seriously squatting skills come in handy later if you know what I'm talking about? All right, so I'm going to teach a little lesson here about here in our last like seven, eight minutes about a situation that came up. So my daughter and Danielle have been at war. Daughter has war issues every morning. So yesterday I'm sitting there and I hear Danielle while screaming, peaceful warrior. Danielle was not to be found. She had run to the high ground only to retreat down into my strategy or the water level just rez so high that the water, the tsunami came clear up to her on the top of the peak. So I hear screaming and yelling, hair pulling, slapping. And Bailey comes running out of the house and she's screaming, yelling and crying about mom's the rudest mom ever. And mom's like freaking out and yelling and screaming and just hit Bailey and Bailey's running out. Now, Bailey deserved all of this. And she comes out to the car and I'm sitting looking at her. And I drive my girls to school about 80% of the time and I'm having this like this deja vu every single day. It's like I've decided I told her that morning, I said, you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to record a three minute lecture. And every morning when you get in the car, I'm just going to push play because I'm tired of the speech. It's obviously not working. I'm just going to start playing it in the morning about what happens for you in the morning. And as I'm leaving that day, I talk about it on my daily fuel inside of our warrior brotherhood. And I start sharing some of the ideas that I'm having with her in a middle. Middle school principal who had been a principal for 30 years in our program. And he reached out and he gave me some counsel and he said, you, daughter's reflecting back what you're doing, and if you think it's a problem at 11, it's gonna be a fucking horrible problem at 15. So my suggestion is that you start handling this now. So I come up with this idea. Last night, I asked my daughter to go for a walk.

I said, so if your strategy is yelling and your daughter's reflecting back to you, so probably fighting it as a war would maybe not be a good approach.

Are you trying to pee on my parenting plan? I'm trying to tell a story right now.

I was just noticing that if they're saying that this particular guy is saying your kids are mirroring what you're doing, perhaps going to war is not the best move because then it comes back and she's going to war with us.

It could be. It definitely could be. So we will continue with my story since your passive parenting plan has not exactly gotten you.

Well, I was just like, like stating the obvious that. You just were stating the obvious.

You were just trying to throw me under the bus.

I was. Because I was like, oh. I was like, now wait, this is.

Not a passive move. So your parenting plan doesn't apply to our couple plan.

I've always thought, like, yelling was not good and maybe like, Bailey's a lot like you, but he just said it. He said, your kids are mirroring back. And I'm like, so maybe we should work on the yelling.

Well, I appreciate that. While you sat looked at Instagram, I started to solve this last night. So. So I come home and I ask my. You were watching a movie while looking at Instagram.

You wanted to stay glued to me.

I'm listening to you. Let me finish my story. All right, so I continue. I take my daughter on a 30 minute walk and we walk and we talk. Last night, we hold hands and we walk and we talk. She's excited. I'm excited. We walk and talk. And throughout that walk and talk, we talk about how dad's crazy in the morning and how I noticed that she's also experiencing a lot of crazy in the morning too. And we talk more about it and we talk more about it and we talk more about it. It. And we set up a plan. And the plan was a 6am walk around while you're sleeping, mind you, you're asleep. I am out walking. So I take Bailey this morning at 6am with some tea. I woke her up at 5:50. She moved around, she got her hoodie on, she got her clothes on, I had her tea ready and her and I were out the door at 6am on a 30 minute walk and talk with dad tomorrow morning, right before we came on date night tonight, I told her when I walked out the door, I said, are we still on for 6am tomorrow? She said, yeah, Dad. I said, great, lay your sweats out, I'll have your tea ready. I'm gonna take you for a walk and talk. And so what I looked at is, I said, listen, if the challenge is my daughter is a lot like me. And here's the reality, if I had to get out of bed and 15 minutes later, be at school or be at work or be in a call, I'd be fucking crazy too. So I need hours, like hours to be by myself. Like I wake up at 5 o' clock in the morning and I go until about 10 o' clock in the morning before I'm a sane human being. Now throughout that, I'm gonna do business, I'm gonna do different things. I surf for an hour, I med my core for, I live the warriors way, I do my stack, I do all these things. I was, you know what? I'm going to plug and play my daughter for 30 minutes every single morning right before I go to surfing. So tomorrow morning we're going at six this morning we go at six o' clock in the morning, we walk, she drinks her tea, we have a conversation, we talk about our feelings, we talk about what's going on, we talk about what she's excited for for the day, we talk about what she's experienced yesterday. I learned more in our walk and talk last night and our walk and talk this morning. An hour of walking and talking in less than an hour with no cell phones, no distraction, just down on the beach, walking together by our house. And she had a better morning.

Yes, correct.

Talk to me about the results.

This morning she was really good. Like I came in and I'm like, she was watching her friends or whatever on her laptop and I was like, bailey, you need to get dressed. And I was like, bailey, you need to get dressed. Usually I have to tell her like 17 times and I'm like, bailey, come on.

Today you only had to tell her 12.

It was only three, actually. But I was like, bailey, I. Dad got up. He went with a walk for you. He's gonna be bugged if he comes back from surfing and you're not dressed. She's like, okay, okay, okay. You know, and so she got dressed, and she brushed her hair, and she was good to go. And it's so interesting. I think, that every kid is probably a little bit different. Like, she said, like, you need hours, and maybe that's what Bailey needs. And maybe it's like, we need to start setting her alarm and having more of a routine. Whereas Ruby, I can literally roll her out of bed 15 minutes before and be like, here's some lucky choice.

She go to school. And she'd get.

There's a brush. And she might fight me for a second, be like, oh, mom, that hurts my head. And then literally, she's like, bye, Mom. Like, she can just get up and go. I'm like, oh. And I don't think I'm a morning person.

However, you've learned to get up and go.

No, because I like to sleep in. It's really hard for me to get up before, like, 6:00am and so usually I get up about 6:30, I would say. And I know with kids, a lot of moms probably get up, like, 5, 5:30. That's really tough for me. So I've learned to just get up and go because I'm like, I'd rather be sleeping. And then I get up, take a little bit of caffeine in, and then I'm like, all right. And I can just get up and go and. And throw it all together.

Well, so here's what I'm getting to with the parenting side. With Bailey, we unified two strategies. I collided. You dealt with her this morning. Afterwards, like, we found a solution. But for the guys out there, here's what I'm going to speak to. I can't speak for what it is to be Danielle's strategy or what it is to be a woman. I do not have breasts and a vagina, but I will speak to what it is to be a man and ultimately to be a father. Here's what I recognized yesterday. If I am a leader in my home, then this means I must also take the lead as a man on the parenting side. And that means that I've also got to take a stand for my children in their greatness and in their weakness. So I looked at this, and I was like, I yell Every single morning we end up having this fight. What if I could interrupt the fight? What if I could literally assassinate the evil king, in this case the evil cyclo queen and my daughter? What if we could assassinate the queen before she knew, before she became Christian? And what I mean by that is just like with me, if I don't get up and go, if Danielle and I sleep in and I wake up at 7:30 and we go about our day, I'm a fucking horrible person for five to six hours. It's not good. Like it's not a good thing for me. I have to hit my morning routines, otherwise I need to be medicated. And Danya or Bailey, I hate routines. Well, I know, but that's you and Ruby. Me and Bailey, on the other hand. And so I looked at this and I was like, okay, I can handle this as a father. And when I shared this today, inside of our network, we had tons of men. I mean, hundreds of guys won our livestream inside of a private war workplace network. And guys were sharing it with kids the same age who are doing the same things, boys and girls. And so now we've implemented this walk and talk with dad strategy that I can't speak to how it would work with a mom, but I can speak to how it's working. So far, we've only got two under our belt. 6:00 clock tomorrow morning, I'll report back on next week's show after a week of walking, talking on how this is working out. But she was excited about it. Two things accomplished. One, you're walking and talking, holding your child's hand for 30 minutes. Minutes. Two, she. It's a space where I don't answer anything and I don't really. I ask some questions, but the whole focus of it is just to let my daughter get her feelings out in the morning to validate her feelings and throw myself under the bus so that she has a chance to feel okay with just being human. Now, I don't know how the strategy is going to work long term, but my question for you is you support this parenting plan of mine.

Yeah, I like it. I think too. I think we need to just implement like setting an early alarm. And even if, like there's days where you don't continue to do the walk and talk, what if there's something like she still gets up and we replace it with something else? You know what I mean?

We're find something because there'll be some days that I won't be here. I'll be out of Town or whatever the case is. Or maybe you can do a walk, a talk.

Well, not with. I don't. I wouldn't leave Ruby home. Maybe I could get them both up, but that probably won't happen. So you could probably set an alarm though, and just create a.

We'll figure some kind of routine out with. But nonetheless, here is the final piece with our message today. It's kind of been all over the place as usual with this show. It's been good, but it's been fantastic. One strategy, Danielle, is as a parent. To do what? Give us the tsunami strategy. We're gonna call it Project Tsunami.

My strategy is give a girl some space. And that's really. My strategy is like, if the lid's flipped, give them their space and then come back and have a conversation.

Okay, so we call it the tsunami strategy or run to high ground. Then inside of mine is the collide with the tsunami walk and talk strategy, which is ultimately the preempting, which kind of is the same thing as Danielle's strategy. Danielle, the storm comes. Danielle retreats and allows the storm to pass. I am actually trying to preempt the storm from happening. So it's not just colliding with the storm, it's actually going before the storm had begun and snipering the heart of the storm before it begins.

I think that's good. I think ultimately less storms would be better and. But I think inevitably, like, storms will happen. Storms will happen. Like, low blood sugar, tired from school. Like, I think that literally was. That was literally Ruby situation. Like, she got home, she's always like, there's this 30. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about? If you have kids in elementary school, there's like this 30 minute window after school where even if I have my kids in daycare for a minute and then I pick them up, there's literally this 30 minute window where I'm like, shove food in their mouth right now and put on a show. Like, it's because I'm like, they need that. A little bit of downtime. And I'll usually do that first before I'm like, hey, we need to start homework or we need to start like dinner routine or whatever it is. I'm like, let's. I need to give them 30 minutes. Because if I get home and I'm like, ruby, let's do homework or whatever. Or it's. They're both kind of grumpy and ornery and like they. It's almost literally, it's like overstimulation from, from school, as well as, like, low blood sugar. So I'm like, okay, 30 minutes, but then ice all. My problem is I'll go up on my computer and I'll work on stuff and then next thing I'm like, shit, it's been an hour and a half. I gotta start dinner. Where did homework go? We gotta do bath time. It's 10 o'.

Clock.

And so for me, it's like, if I'm gonna implement that strategy, I almost need to set myself on a timer. That's like, you have 40 minutes to special alarm, catch up on whatever it is you were doing and then go back and implement the schedule for the nighttime routine.

The mama alarm.

The mom alarm.

The mom alarm. All right, so there's our strategy for you. We're going to wrap this show up. Thank you so much, Bean. If you're listening to the show, that means we are live inside of BMS Con2.350 artists from around the country here with my wife and I and our teams training inside of the Hair games. If you are a hairstylist, listen to this game. Would encourage you to head over to bigmoneystylist.com we started today's show off at the very beginning with some notifications about the new Warrior programs, which you can find out more for women found@wakeupwarriorwoman.com and finally for the men out there who are looking for a brotherhood and a unified group of men like myself who are leading and guiding very different men from all over the globe, 27 countries and thousands of men who are inside of this experience we call the Kingskit. You can experience that by heading on over to warriorbook.com we would love to have you engaged inside of one of our next 30 day evolutions. My friends, thanks so much for being here. This is the date you wife podcast. My wife and I signing off until next week.