couples therapy is maintenance on your marriage

Are you serious? Do you not see that I. All these. You. You. You just want me to tell you your biceps are big. Like, it's like. And welcome to the date your wife podcast. I'm here with my husband of 20 years, who, when I met, I was working at a Sizzler, and he was working at a place called the Mayan.

The Mayan. And you were. You were very good. Singing a song. You had a birthday song from Sizzler. Go.

Happy birthday from Sizzler and the crew. We wish it was our birthday so we could party too. Hey, I don't even know if that was a song, but.

So you. I actually got a text from one of your clients. Oh, from the Sizzler.

Wait, what?

Yeah, I got a text from him just a few nights ago. One of your first clients. One of my good friends. Tell him a story.

I had never served tables before, and at Sizzler, there's no alcohol. If you don't know what a Sizzler is, you just haven't been to a small town, first off. So I was serving at the Sizzler, and I'd never been a server. And one of Garrett's buddies came in. His name was Matt Atkinson. He was like a professional server at Chili's, because that was the big restaurant there. I was at that high class. So I worked.

If you weren't the Chili's, you were top shelf.

Yeah. So I again, did not. I didn't make the cut. Cause I wasn't 21. So he comes in, he orders hot cocoa. The only thing you have to do at Sizzler is serve drinks. You don't even actually have to.

I'll try it. It's a buffet.

It's a buffet. You have one job. You serve the drinks.

Yeah.

And it's not alcohol. So I brought him his hot cocoa. I brought the mug, and I brought some water somewhere. And I brought water.

Did you actually put hot water in the mug?

I don't even know. I just know I brought him the packet of, like, Swiss mix or whatever it was. Just handed it to me, and he's like, you couldn't even make my hot chocolate. I was like, dude, you know how to do this. But needless to say, I got fired from that job.

Well, this is how I felt most of our marriage. Hot cocoa brought to me with this. Here's your cup, and here's your packet.

You'll figure it out.

Mix your own thing. Service yourself.

You said no, but you. You. No, I didn't say that. You. You worked at the Mayan, though. And you were quite the entertainer.

I did. We got a text. I got a message from Greg, I can't remember his last name, who is our manager at the Mayan. Just a couple weeks ago on Instagram, and he said he was talking about how you and I glowed up. We glue up.

Yeah, Glow, glow.

Glow it up. Glued up. Glow.

Like, you glowed up. You glowed up.

Yeah, that. We became. We became much better looking as adults than we were as young people.

That's rude. We just.

We.

We.

It's true. You know what?

No, no. Here's my theory on that. When people say, oh, you, you glowed up. My theory is, I don't think it's glowed up. Okay, it is. But a lot of people let themselves go. So we are. We're raising the standard for what you should look at at our age. It's not even that we, We. I mean, I think we're attractive human beings, but it's like we took care of ourselves. Right. A lot of people, they get married, they gain weight, they chop their hair off, they stop trying as much. Right?

Yeah.

And so it's just like they settle into marriage and that's like the standard. And I was like, we didn't do that. We, like, are constantly taking care of our bodies. And. And yeah, so I feel like that's.

I had a guy sign, guys I knew that, that were doing some construction. My friend named Theo. And Theo stopped me in the parking lot over by the office because he's doing some new construction for some new office space we just got. And he said, hey, me and my cousins were sitting around. We were talking about you last weekend. I was like, really? About what? He's like, just how jacked you got. And I was like, well, thank you. And then he said, but the thing you don't understand is this. He's like, we were talking about it because we continue to always tell ourselves a story and make excuses because all the young guys were jacked. And then all of a sudden, you come along 47, almost 48, and you do a total body transformation in like nine, 10 months from one body to another body. He's like, now we've given us no excuse whatsoever. We're all younger than you, and they're in their early to mid-40s. And I'm like, knock, knocking on that, knocking on that. 5, 0.

You're 48.

This I know. Isn't that crazy? Wild, you know, heading towards 50, but.

You know, is so crazy. Is. Is. It's like, do you actually want that. Right. And that people have. We were talking about this on our walk the other day, and I said to you, I'm like, hey, is your workout harder than what you used to do when you were like, you did CrossFit and surfing? And you're like, no. And I'm like, is your diet harder than what it used to be? And you're like, well, no. And I was like, so how many times do people tell themselves a story?

Yeah.

And. And even when they start to go down the right path, they, like, mess. They, like, fuck it up from themselves. Right?

Yeah.

I mean, it does take some, like, consistency. But I'm, like, convinced in life, it's like, choose your pain. Like, are you happy? Like, for me, like, I wouldn't be happy if I was overweight and didn't take care of myself. Would I have, like, would I be able to eat whatever I want and not have to maintain, like, the hair extensions, this? But I don't really want that. And it's not for me. I'm like, it's not. You're always gonna have to choose your path of pain. Right. And for me, it's more rewarding to eat good and take care of myself because of how I feel and how I operate. And in a lot of ways, it makes my life a lot easier not having to think about, like, food prep or whatever. And I actually really enjoy working out most days.

Well, listen, this harder. You brought up the comment about the food. You're all, is it harder to eat good than it was to eat not good? I don't think I honestly ate bad so much as I didn't eat good, which is weird because you're like, there's, like, eating bad, not eating good, and then eating good. And then there's eating elite, which I'm not eating elite. I'm eating, like, good. Probably could have been without the macadamia nut pancakes.

Oh, my God.

Well, we went to the birthday party. I wasn't expecting.

I order like. I'm like, what's the healthiest option on here? I order, like, a little piece of avocado toast. I look over and you're on here.

I'm like, I'm just like, give me two of your big macadamia nut pancakes, por favor.

Oh, my gosh.

And they did. They brought them right out to me.

But you're trying to bulk right now. You're trying to, like, this is the.

Advantage of being a guy and not a girl training for this stuff, I guess. Like, girl who's not. I mean, you're a girl who's not trying to become like a bodybuilder. You're like a bikini competitor. So it's like, different you. So you're after a different body than girls are trying to.

But it's. I think that, I think the hardest thing is, is, like, I feel like on the weekends is like my hard time. Like, I want to, like, I don't want to eat so clean. I want to go have a treat. I want to go have cocktails or 10. Like, like, I want to have a good time. And so for me, it's like, I can actually eat really clean during the week and then have fun on the weekends and maintain. But most people don't understand if, like, you're trying to lose, like, you just say goodbye to your weekends for a little bit. Like, for me, it's like, if I'm doing a show, I always joke around. I say I'm six weeks out because I know if I clean up my weekends and like, not. And do, like, don't cheat at all during the week, I. I'm going to see results. I think people want to judge their results based off of lack of consistency. And you're like, but, but are you being honest with your consistency? Are you just saying, oh, I've got a thyroid, or I've got this, or, I'm getting older? And you telling yourself, it's not even excuses, you're telling yourself a line of stories because you refuse to operate in a space of honesty with yourself.

Isn't that the wildest? So, I mean, in all honesty, with the not eating good, the eating bad, not eating good and eating good, eating great, it's actually easier for me. I don't know how it is for everybody else, but for me, being a routine guy and a pattern guy, it is so much easier to eat good, borderline great than it is to sit around and have to think about what the hell I'm eating.

I know exactly.

I used to just have breakfast covered and then I'd be stressed all day.

And you know what women do? Women are so funny because they're like, well, I'm going to save my calories. So they don't eat all day and then they come home and they ravage the kitchen and you're like, well, you could have broken that up into smaller portions throughout the day and had more energy and not actually now your body's, like, holding on to all this. So it's, like, interesting that women go into the pattern of. And you tell me, like, you're Like, I go into the pattern of just, like, eating random bars all day. You're like. Like, you just ate, like, 2, 000 calories and freaking bars. Bars are the worst.

That was my pattern before we started getting into to macros and food prep. Like, it was. It was just. I just eat bars. I would just. And those are not so great for either, particularly when you're eating, like, four of them.

Well, they have a lot of sugar, and they don't process as clean as, like, just chicken and rice. Like. No, it's just. It's crazy.

Well, the chicken and rice game has been amazing for me, and it's what I do. Like, literally. So I was sharing with, like, my brother, and my brother was like, we're talking because he's trained for the same competition. And he said. He said, I can't believe, like, how much bigger you're getting than me. And I said, well, a couple things. I said, number one, I'm probably eating more than you. And then we looked at what his calorie consumption was, and coach Carter has him on 2,000 calories a day. And I'm at 3,500 to 3,800 a day. So that's number one. And number two, he's having. He's using creatine, and I'm using hgh, testosterone, deca. I just started deca. I guess that's all I'm doing right now.

I'm going all natural.

You are. You had a little run there for a second for, like, a month that you didn't really like it.

I didn't really like it. But I also had to be realistic with what my goals are. I think that a lot of times people will lie to their trainers because they say what they think their trainer wants to hear. And I was like, I have to be honest. I want to do a bikini competition. I have no desire to go pro or look pro or even look at half of these girls. I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this to have my own composition of what I want my body to look like, how I feel good, and what in turn, I value how I look off stage more than I value how I look on stage. So if I'm realistic with my expectations and I tell my trainer, who could totally take me pro, and I say, I don't want to do that. And also, guess what? I'm going to have a few cocktails on the weekend. So if I'm, like, honest with what my goals are and not, like, feel like I'm, like, Feeling guilty. Like, okay, I had a couple cocktails and a piece of pizza. I'm like, hey, I. That's. How do you want to correct me? Like, where are you going? To adjust my food. You know, and then having, like, now that he knows, like, she doesn't have a desire to go pro, he's like, cool. And he. And it's. And I feel like every show I've done, I've. I've gone into it with this attitude, and I place well and I do well, and it's a fun experience for me. And it can be a little bit of a mind fuck. Complete mind, but it's. But I feel like I keep it in the. In the lane where it's like, when I say, choose your pain, I keep it in the lane where it's more positive than it is negative. Right. Every positive has a negative aspect or side to it, but this one particularly, there's more positive things that come out of it. Yeah, my. Like, afterwards, I'm like, oh, I don't have an eight pack and I don't. So dehydrated. Like, there's, like, a piece in that. That's, like, really cool to see your body do that. But it's also, like, understanding, like, you're not gonna look like that all the time. And the more, like I said, the more positive I got. Like, having a goal and stepping out of my comfort zone is a win for me. Like, just committing to do it is a win for me. And that's. I tell people all the time that are considering doing it. I was talking to Dr. Daniel. He's like, oh, I don't know if I can do it. And I was like, dude, why don't you stop putting such, like, high expectations that you're gonna, like, win? I was like, you win when you commit. Like, that's what you don't get, because the win is in the progress that you see.

That was good, Ben.

Yeah.

Win is in the commitment. You win when you commit. That's why I don't really. I told you I can. I'm. I trained for the photo shoot. You're like, what are you talking about? I was like, oh, yeah, I don't fucking train for the competition. That's just, like, the thing in the way of the photo shoot. We do that so I can go get the spray tan. They're like, why do you. Why do you do the competition? So I can get the awesome spray tan so I look tan as shit for my photo shoots. Like, what are you competing for photo shoots? Fly breath, seat man from Colorado.

Realistic with your expectations.

Yeah.

You're like, am I gonna be 275? I'm not.

So £275?

No. I was just throwing that number out there because I felt like your number kept climbing.

You're like, no, it's 240.

215. 240.

It has. It has climbed. But it settled in at 240.

Okay.

Walking around at 240 pounds. Right now. I'm walking around.

But I'm just saying, those guys that, like, win, what are they walking around at?

They walk around like 262, 80.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So when you're depends on the guy, but yeah, goals, you're like, it. I'm doing it for me. And I'm doing it because I love the photo shoot and the experience doesn't mean you're not going to, like, push yourself. Because it's like I said, the win is in watching what your body can do and the commitment and the progress along the way.

What I'm amazed at with it is like, you get. When you get used to. When you. When you commit to creating your life at a certain speed and a certain pentameter to it and a certain rhythm of constant progress, what was new and exciting becomes normal. And what becomes normal becomes numb. And what was new and exciting at one point now is nest numb. And you're like, that's normal. That's not like. It's not even. It's not even, like, exciting anymore. It's like, it is what it is. It's like the photo. We were doing photo shoot for Valentine's Day.

Yeah.

And he sent me the picture, and I was like. I was like, oh, man, my arms.

That's like the cutest photo ever. And that's. And I'm all excited to send it to you.

And you're all small.

I was like.

I was actually. And then you text me back. You're like. I was thinking the opposite. I thought you looked huge in that picture. And I was like, the body dysmorphia is real. It's really kicking in right now. But, like, this whole process of, like, growth, though, that is how life is. People look at you and go, you're fucking huge. And you in your mind are thinking, ah, not really, because there's this other thing I'm wanting to go to, which is 240. Yeah, of course you've got to live.

In the game, but this.

Okay, so we've now got our topic for the show 12 minutes in. Congratulations, Mrs. White. So you've got this idea. Idea of gap and gain. Talk about this for a second. Also, great book by Dan Sullivan. Fantastic book. It's one of the. Danielle, I'm very proud of you for listening to it. Not because I'm not, you know, don't think you're a capable human being. I just. You don't tend to download books like this and listen to them too often anymore.

That's so funny. I. I'm not saying you never do.

I'm just saying you rarely do.

It's rare that I finish them. I start lots of audiobooks, actually.

Okay. All right. So tell them about the Gap in Game by Dan Sullivan. Ben Sullivan was one of my mentors for 10 years.

Successful people. Sometimes you get so lost in the. The gap, which they're saying, like, the gap is like, you don't appreciate what you've built because you're always chasing, like, the next big thing. And ultimately, like, you have all this success and like, you're still miserable. And so it's like. But then what's the point to cha. To chase the next thing? Because are you always just going to be chasing and never actually realizing what you've built and the impact that you've made is pretty cool. So. And I think as humans, to say that we're, like, especially driven humans, there's an element where we need to live in the gap, but if we can't appreciate the gain, then we get lost in the gap.

So you better walk them through the gap and gain a little bit so people understand what you're talking about.

So. Well, like I said, so, like, the gain is like, if you just are really appreciating where you're at right now.

Compared to.

Compared to, like, you're always stressed about.

No, but when you're. You're in the gain because you're. You're comparing who you are now to what you're.

What?

Yeah, like, in the gain. In order to be in the gain, I have to compare where I'm at today with what.

Right.

What am I comparing it with?

You just have to have. It's almost like a. Compare it to how much you've done, how far you've come.

Okay, so compare it to what version of us. I'm not quizzing you right now. I'm just trying to help the listeners understand because you've explained it roughly, but not really. You're saying gap in game, but there's not really a frame or a container as a listener to understand you better.

Describe it better then, because I don't know what you want me to go.

Well, there's, like, where I'm at right now, right? So where I'm at right now, I'm like, oh, man, I look tiny in the Valentine shoot. Oh, Fuck. I'm not 240 pounds strong with me. Da, da. If we take now, Garrett J. White now, and we go back to GARRETT J. White, January 2023, one year ago, you'd.

Be like, whoa, who's that guy?

I'm 20 pounds heavier right now than I was a year ago. And at the same time, like, I have a back. I have glutes. You even said I look like an athlete from behind, which is exciting since I've been an athlete my whole life. But now I finally look like one, and that is the game, which is looking at where I am and looking back at the growth I've had and saying, wow.

Yeah. Giving yourself some credit.

Yeah. Well, take our marriage. Like, what's different about Our relationship now versus 12 months ago?

Open dialogue and communication.

At what level?

Just kind of, like, understanding each other's needs and, like, taking it to more of, like, a soul connected level.

Have we ever had it this way?

I think we've had moments of it, I would say, but it's like almost recognizing that this is a space and a vibration that I, like, won't tolerate anything else. You know what I mean? In fact, it's gotten for me. It's like, I can tell when we're off that because things have been so good, I'm, like, less tolerant. I'm like, I'm not. I'm not gonna even go back there. Right. So it makes even conversations or arguments be, like, irrelevant. You're like, why? Like, where it used to trigger me more, you know, because we've had better dialogue and conversations. So, like, things that I normally get triggered out. Mike, let's just work through this.

Yeah.

What are we both trying to say to one another right now?

Was that how things were January last year?

No, it was explosive freaking fights, like, every other night.

It was intense, right?

But I think we were both feeling unseen and unheard and looking to go to the next level and got to a space where we thought we had the checklist. Like, we had done it all right, but we weren't living in, like, the gain.

Well, there was. We were living in the gap for sure, because we weren't appreciating what we had actually done, because up to that point last year, we'd done a lot too I mean, if you look at the progress in our relationship like we did, we wouldn't go on trips the way we go on trips. I wasn't buying you gifts the way I buy you gifts. I wasn't, like, going out of my way to do things like I now do. That I wasn't doing. Like, I wasn't even conscious. If I go back, like, even five years ago, I was still. Yeah, go back to. Even the first times you're buying handbags and I, like, was having, like, convulsions and like. Like having seizures out in the hallway over the fact that we were buying this.

I remember there was this. There was, like, a period where. Yeah. I was like, he's, like, gonna throw up because I just bought a Chanel bag. Like, that's like. He just spent, like, 20 grand on, like, software for his office. But, like, something that makes me happy. He. He. I remember. But you've come a long way. There's moments where I. I can. You'll be like, nope, let it go.

But, hey, listen. So again, this is a perfect principle, which is like, the gain is saying, where am I at now? Although that's never going to be where I ideally aspire to be, because where you ideally aspire to be is always moving. And then there's looking back now, if you look back and you're shittier now than you were before, and your marriage is the opposite, which is like, your marriage is now in a shit show. And last year was awesome. Okay, well, now you know that the gain is. You can clearly see that there's some work to be done. Right? But this ability to look back is where gratitude and appreciation and respect and honor is where it comes into play. And if I look at our marriage and what we've done last 12 months, like, it's incredible. I would say we've done more work emotionally and mentally. I mean, you've cried more in the last year with me than you've cried in the previous 22 years.

That's not true.

That's 100% true.

Super sensitive, and I cry a lot.

You're like, 100 times more crying. Like, if. If we added up all the times of crying with me 22 years, you.

Know what it is? I. You know what I realized? And it was. I realized that one of the girl. The cute girl, was sharing in our couples event last week.

Shani.

It was like, I didn't. It wasn't that I. You thought I was unemotionally available. And what I realized is I didn't want to burden you with my emotions, like, for women. And I know I've like a lot of women, the more and more I talk to them, they are like, they want to be the support for the guy. They want to be here, they want to be strong. But in doing that, they're not emotionally opening up to their men. And the men actually need that piece too. They prefer that versus like, walling up or feeling resentful because you think you're trying to be like, you don't want to burden the guy. That's all I can.

Is that what you really felt? You felt like you're.

Yeah, I've always. I've always felt that way. Like, I think in my by nature it was like, okay, you're the strong one. Like, I would always tell myself, like, you're the mom, you've got the kids, you've got your business. Like, you hold it. You hold your together, you know, and in.

In.

I think that's why, like, a lot of times I take on so much. It's like almost like a. It's not a distraction, but it's like, you're the strong one. You. You can do it all. Give, leave, leave someone with you. No excuses. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and I'm like, that's not really a very good place to be. You know, I'm like, I want to be emotionally available for you and for my children, and I can't. There's this balancing of act of like, I need to be strong for the family, but I also need to be very good at communication and. And talking about what I want. Because if, like, I don't take care of me, then it's. It's not good for anybody.

Well, you were at the point of blow up last year, coming into March.

Oh, it's because I wasn't sharing. Yeah, it was because I was not communicating. It was just like. I mean, I had my fourth kid, I had like, just. There was so many mo pieces in my world. And in my mind, what I kept saying is, like, this will pass, this will pass, this will pass. And so I think I just. You were kind of stressed out with work. And I was like, why don't it. This, this is fine. Everything. This is fine, this is fine. Like, my team members always make fun of me because when I'm stressed, I'm always like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And they're like, your eyes are twitching weird. And I'm like, it's fine, it's fine. But it's because I'm like, I get to this place where it's like, I don't know if I'm scared to open up. I don't know if I feel exposed. And I. It probably is. Probably. I probably just feel like a fraud and, like, I'm exposed, you know, because I've always just, like, had this, like, you got to be perfect. You got to be strong. You got to hold the ship together.

What was it. What was the tipping point for you to tell the truth?

When I. I think with anything, it's like when you. You're in such a painful spot, you're like, I got nowhere else to go. Like, I'm having, like, really bad, like, thoughts. And, like, you can't get any. Like, when you feel like you can't get any lower. And I'm not talking just about having money or whatever, but when you hit this tipping point, you're like, I'm over this shit. I'm not going to tolerate this shit in myself anymore. And so then you. You. You choose to dig yourself out of that ditch, whatever it is.

What was the thing that you stopped tolerating in yourself?

I think it was just, like, telling myself, like, because you have all these things, you should be happy and don't burden anybody else with any of your feelings or emotional needs. Like, suck them up. Suck those tears back up. And I was like, no, I. I need to feel heard and seen and emotionally connected. And so I think because I was trying to be the support for you, I wasn't feeling seen and heard.

Got it.

So then it just like, I was like, well, this is not going to work.

Is that why you're getting so triggered about me asking for more words of validation at the time? Because you already felt like you were so emotionally locked in, and I.

And, like, I felt like you weren't guilty. So at that time, when you. Something as simple as like, hey, babe, I'd love if you. Because I felt like I was being so supportive for you. Like, I literally was like, are you kidding me? I was like, I just had your fourth baby. I also run companies. I literally make you dinner every night. I'm like, I. Like, my. I went on to do when I got my body back in shape, Like, I take care of myself. I'll come support you at events. Like, I. I'll. You want to go travel out to Florida and go to this? I'll go. I was like, are you. I'm like, are you serious? Like, so I felt very unseen in that moment when I felt Like, I was showing up as, like, your best support cheerleader, slash. Plus had a hot body, plus had four of your kids. And I was like, are you serious? Do you not see that I. All these. You, you, you just want me to. To tell you your biceps are big? Like, it's like, are you kidding me? Like, I was like, I can't. Like, because I. And like I said, I think it was more of, like, I was all of a sudden just not feeling seen at all. I was like, he doesn't see any of this other shit. He doesn't know how I'm showing up. That's really sad for me.

What was interesting is to get to a point in therapy where in the last year, we've realized that a lot of what you were feeling, I was feeling a lot of what I was feeling, you were feeling that we were both hurting. We were both feeling the pressure inside, and we both were having this story of, like, hold on, we've hit all of the checklists, and yet there's still this piece in both of us that is a bit hollow and not connected. And so last year, there's been, like, an incredible amount of work. One of the things we've done to be able to make that happen is we've done therapy. And we come off of therapy typically right before this podcast. I don't know how many sessions we've done. Well, we started doing active sessions.

Definitely as busy as we are, it's definitely been a game changer. It's definitely something that we need. And even in our last call, we had. I was saying, I'm like, because we introduced this thing called the day you are experience, where, like, all couples can come and we lead kind of a group discussion. Last week, we had our therapist actually come and be a part of it. Had some really cool experiences with other couples. But I, I, A lot of people or couples, I find, they're scared of therapy. They're like, I'm broken. I don't want to do this. Everything's fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And they just have this running narrative that if I go to therapy, it means I'm broken. And I was like, so why don't we not call it therapy? Why don't we just call it a working hour on your marriage? I'm like, because Garrett and I had been doing date nights on a weekly every week, sometimes twice a week, and yet still found that we weren't feeling seen and heard and had effective conversations. We had Fun. We had drinks, we had great sex. Like, whatever. But there's. There's a part in marriage where it's like, you work with your teams, right? You have team meetings every single work week to discuss tough conversations and solve problems, but yet it's a. It's a side conversation with kids screaming in the background as couples, right? And then you wonder why, like, you're so triggered by everything your husband's doing because you don't have this effective time. So I've been, like, recommending it to all couples. I'm like, you wanna. You wanna. A marriage that's on fire. You wanna have connect. You wanna have that connection and feel seen and heard, Then you have to have a working hour on your marriage. And that's what we've done is. I'm like, don't. Don't call it therapy. If that triggers you and you think you're broken or damaged or just say, I'm gonna schedule a working time with my partner, and you must do it with a therapist. Otherwise you can't have tough conversations without the fucking ego getting in the way and somebody getting triggered. And so it's important to have somebody else, like, listening in and then, like, pause the conversation and then reframe the words so that your partner can actually effectively hear what you're trying to communicate. And Garrett and I, our personalities are so deep different. I'm like, you're speaking Spanish, I'm speaking English, and they are not. It is not going. It's not working. So for us, it's been great. And I have been a lot, especially, like I said, busy couples, especially ones entrepreneurs that have kids. I'm like, this should. This is. You need to.

You don't have a choice.

You don't. You don't have a choice. You want to not get divorced and. And for the fourth time, maybe, like, seriously, like, this is something that you should probably look into, is having a working hour in your marriage.

Does it. Is therapy something you look forward to now?

I don't. It's not like, I'm like, I'm so excited to have. Because sometimes there are some crappy conversations. You know, it's. I wouldn't say I'm excited. It's. It's work. It's like a team meeting. Are you excited to go to your team meetings? No. But, you know, at the end of the day, you're going to get shit done.

Yeah.

And you know, your teams are going to progress forward based on the work that you did. So funny how.

Like, is it funny how as an entrepreneur, though, you can look at your company and you would never imagine not having a hard conversation. Sit down with your cfo, with your coo, with your teams, your managers, your sales teams, and having data conversations. And you would never. You would never run a company like this. You would go bankrupt if you did.

Right?

And yet we run our marriages with no metrics. There's no KPIs, there's no measurements for success. We typically don't have a unified vision. And where we're moving towards, there's not some big thing that we've individually and collectively grown towards. And on top of this, we don't have regular weekly meetings. It's all text and via volleyball and between office and work and girl texting the office. Like, it's just. There's nothing organized about it. And then we wonder. We don't take parenting courses. We don't take sex courses. We don't take communication courses. We go to church, and we think somehow the church is gonna teach us how to have better sex, how to have better communication, how to be better parents, how to be more fit, how to be more. And you're like, bro, that's too much for the church. Like, there's you and pursuing it as a couple, which requires a commitment, and you've made that commitment. What's made it easier for you to make that commitment? Because you're not just, like, kind of committed. Like, at least my experience of you is you're all in committed, not like halfway. It's not like I'm having to put a gun to your head and say, let's go to therapy. Let's go on date nights. Let's work on our marriage. Let's on ourselves. And I mean, I even asked you about going to date with Destiny, and you were like, let's go to Joe Dispenza.

Here's the thing. Like, you. It's like, I would never tolerate a failing business. Why would I tolerate a failing marriage? And I think there's a really low standard for what marriage looks like. And so people are unwilling to put the work into their marriage that they would into their businesses because they don't look at the return on investment. And I'm like, you have no idea that if you actually. I'm not saying you got to go full time into your marriage, but like, little things, like, like, we're doing date nights, therapy, things like that. If you can invest, just little things, that will actually save your marriage. And it's. It's a story that couples tell themselves. They don't have time. And I'm like, this is going to cost you more in the long run. So I, I don't know. I, I think it's like, I'm all in. Because I'm like, I've, I already told you, I'm like, you're my person and I expect to have a great marriage. I don't want a B plus marriage. I don't want a C minus marriage. I want, I want to be happy and fulfilled and keep pushing and growing just like I would in my companies. I want to do the same thing with my family, my kids, my marriage. Because like I said, success is not defined by your bank account. And if we got paid on how well our marriage was, that would really change the game for entrepreneurs.

There you have it. So, hey, listen, we've got to wrap up today's show. We've got it's amazing program that happens every single week. It's a weekly call. It goes for about 90 minutes. It's called the date your wife experience. And you can get it for free by going to WakeUpWarrior.com and gaining access to our Warrior launch program. You can also go to warriorlaunch.com where you'll be able to gain access that call for free every single week for four weeks. You also get access to our Warrior launch call as well as all the wake up Warrior tools found inside of the Warrior app. All of that available on a trial for you for 30 days. And so if you're getting value from this show and you like the conversation, dialogue and you'd like to continue that conversation with your spouse in a deeper and more powerful way with a bunch of couples like ourselves, well, you know what to do. Head to warriorlaunch.com and if you'd like to see some amazing photography of my wife, really smashing it this Valentine season, well, head to our Instagram account, Daniellek White.

I actually just launched my new blog today.

Oh, you did?

It's called Danielle K. White.

Okay.

Talks about all my brands, hair brands, kids brand, fashion, fitness, family.

So, you know, that's fashion, fitness, family and finance.

Yeah.

How about you just use body being bounce in business.

Hey, one day you'll don't be a sellout. So one day you're now starting to.

Be like those that copy me. Here we go. My own wife. All right, we're out of here. Have a great rest of your week. We look forward to seeing you guys next week.