Date Night |Date Your Wife | EP 055

Well, hello, my friends. It's your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior and CEO of DKW Styling. And I'm here with my beautiful co host, my wife, who is preganento.

We already announced that, Garrett.

I know, but you need to talk on the mic.

Cause I listen to. Here we go again. Yep, get the mic right there.

Yep, yep, I'll hold you. Why do you always have a hard time with the mic? I don't understand.

I don't like talking like this. Hello.

You need to get comfortable with your mouth on the mic.

I don't like having large dogs by my mouth.

Well, you wouldn't have to worry about that with me. You know that. Come on, now, listen, if your. Your mouth is right here, you got to be, like, up on the microphone. Otherwise I sound super loud. You sound like little mouse.

Hello.

It's your boy. It's not. All right. So welcome to the Date UI podcast. If you are new to the show, we'd like to welcome you here for your very first inaugural experience. And we have been playing a lot of replays over the past, like, three months.

Yeah, I blame you.

Well, I will take responsibility for that because I got you pregnant, so you've been tired anyways.

No, I think it's like, over the holidays, we kind of got out of the routine, and then all of a sudden, it's funny. In life and in business and everything, if you lose momentum, all of a sudden, you're like, whoa, what happened? So it's like, one of those things that you just have to consistently stay committed. And it's so funny because people often overlook the small things and the consistency it takes to build large things or even inside of a good marriage, the small, consistent things that keep a relationship stable and going and progressing.

So would you say this podcast has made our marriage better?

Yeah, I think it has. I feel like. I feel like it's almost. And I think I've shared this on some of the other podcasts, but Garrett and I did couples therapy for, like, a minute, and I felt like we had a sounding board where he wouldn't, like, flip his lid and go crazy. And now I feel like we have an audience a little bit, that you guys are a sandy sounding board. So at some level, like, we. Things get heated. Like, we try to keep it pretty real, but, like, I think it keeps. It. Keeps it a little more, like, subdued, which helps us communicate better without, like, flipping our lids and being like, well, fuck you. Well, screw you, you know, so.

So you had. We Had a reveal last night. A little reveal. Tell them how our reveal.

Tell them the reveal.

Why. Why wouldn't I tell them the reveal?

Cause I haven't. I haven't shown. I haven't told.

This will post on Tuesday. So why don't you. When do you post some photos?

No, I know I won't have photos ready. You guys are gonna have to wait a couple more podcasts.

You don't get to know.

Yeah, no, you can't spoil the video.

It's a pig.

It's not.

It's a horse.

It's something.

It's a baby.

I actually found out last week when you're grandma trying to have a baby, like we shared on a couple of our podcasts ago. It's called advanced maternal.

Maternal. Advanced maternal age.

Advanced maternal age. You get to do that. Comes with perks. You get to have extra spa dates, and they give you a special room in the hospital with an ocean view. They bring you mimosas.

They bring you mimosas instead of epidurals.

In between that, you have more appointments and more checks and lots of stuff.

How funny would that be if you actually got mimosa instead of an epidural?

I'm like, are you sure you're not. I thought. I think you're not supposed to drink. They're like, oh, honey, you're advanced maternal age. You shut that down. Like, oh, yeah, thank you for my.

Orange juice and champagne.

But yeah, no, they do blood testing. So, like, with my other two girls, I found out at 14 weeks we actually cheated. And they. And used to.

You didn't do blood last time.

No, they didn't. They don't. You can do blood work, but they don't really offer it until you're advanced maternal age. So.

Really?

No, no.

When you're younger, you don't get to.

You can, but they don't offer it. Like, once you.

I don't remember ever doing it.

Once you hit this. Once you hit the ripe age of 35, things are different. And so they just offer. And they're like. And you can. It's like just to check and make sure everything's good with your baby and healthy and all that. And. But then they also can check the gender, so.

But how do you feel at 35 when it comes to having a baby in you, like, versus when you were. You were what, 25? No, you were 24 when you were 23 with Bailey.

Yeah. No.

And then. Yeah, Bailey's almost 12.

I know. I was.

So you'd have been 23?

Yeah, I think 23.

24.

I was 24. Yeah.

So you were pregnant at 23 then with Ruby. Let's see. You had Ruby in 2011, so you would have been. Yo. So what is that, 2007, 28? No, let's see. For. I don't know. You'd have been like, 20. It had been like, 27, 26. Anyways, somewhere around there. Like, younger than 30. So how does it feel being pregnant at 35 versus being pregnant in your 20s?

Feels fine.

What does fine feel like? Fine is not a feeling. It feels fine. What does that mean? Talking to the mic. Stop pretending.

I think that, like, your first go around when you have a kid, you're like, oh, this is new. It's exciting. You're like, this isn't too bad. And then, like, then the second one, you're like, oh, God, this. Okay, now I remember all this, you know, and so I think I, like, waited a while because I was like, oh. Like.

But then you were tortured a little bit.

Well, I just was like. I mean, it. It is a little bit of a sacrifice. I mean, it's like you can't. There's a lot. You just don't feel like you for nine months, and then it takes, like, another. I bounce back pretty quick with my baby, so I'm hoping to do the same. But, I mean, I don't. I don't have hard pregnancies. I don't get sick. I get tired. But I like my hair and skin's good. I would say my only.

I would say you're glowing.

Yeah, I think you are glowing. I think I look good when I'm pregnant. Except for, like, the home run stretch. And then it. I'm a gremlin. Remember? That's what you said on you're a gremlin.

Oh, you do you become.

I just. I don't think any girl looks cute her last, like, three weeks of pregnancy.

You know what, though? It's gradual, so I don't actually notice.

No, no. Towards the end, even, you were like, oh, yeah. Like, I'm not. Like, the last month, did we have.

Sex in the last month that you were pregnant with our kid?

I had sex the day I went into labor.

No, we did not.

Yes, we did. With both girls. I was like, honey, really? Because it actually helps.

And you wanted to have sex.

No, I didn't want to have sex.

I was asking you for sex. No. The day you had pregnant. No, you said, we should have sex.

It puts you into labor, and I don't know if it's.

Is this an old wives.

No, I swear to God, both times within an. Because I've gone like two days over with both my babies. And at that point, like one hour over, you're like, oh, my God. So like two days over. I was like, what? I mean, what are we gonna do? And I'm like, hon, you're gonna have to put one in for the team. Because I have heard that it helps induce labor. And I am. I think it does. Because literally an hour after having sex with both of our daughters, I'm like, yep, here comes on the contractions like clockwork. Let's do this. And then within two hours, we're at the hospital.

I think it's because I have very aggressive sperm.

That's exciting. You're an aggressive guy with aggressive sperm.

Aggressive man with aggressive sperm.

All right, what's our topic?

Our topic.

Anyways, we did. We didn't finish the story, so we did my. I found out a week ago with the blood test what it was, and then I didn't tell my daughters because I wanted to. They just. When you do a blood test, it's like, it's just over the phone. So it's not as exciting like with my other daughters, like you found on their ultrasound. And the room's full, and we're like, woohoo, it's a girl. This is just like, they call you on the phone, they're like, here's your results, and do you want to know the gender? So it's not like that exciting. So I decided it'd be fun if we did the gender reveal, like, in person. So I bought. I was looking online, I found these cute little pink smoke bombs and blue smoke bombs. And I was like, okay. So I ordered one of each of them to, like, throw them off. And then I was like, all right. So what we did is we went down to the beach, and it was so funny because I'm like, well, how are we going to do this? So we plant the. The smoke bomb in the sand. The tide is really high. And I'm like, hey, light it. And the goal was light it, let it, like, start fusing behind us, then have them turn around and get their reactions. So we light it, and literally, like, this wave takes out the smoke bomb. And I'm like, shit. And luckily I had another one. But it was funny.

No, no, no. We didn't even need another one because amazingly enough, even amidst the incoming, which I told you and Vanessa, I was like, you realize we're burying this, like, torch in wet sand that has just been covered by tide.

I just imagined us holding it and waving it around and them seeing it. So our plan. Plus, it was windy, so. So anyway, they turn around and they saw it, but we were so distracted with the wind and everything and it blowing out. But they saw the smoke and they were like, ah, so it was crazy.

They were like. But you don't think it's crazy? I talked to both girls today, and both of them already said we already knew it was going.

I know. I think every.

It wasn't because you said anything.

You just blew it. Oh, my God, he's so the worst. You're fired.

Wait a second. You. I didn't say that. What are you talking about? You did the same shit with our girls, right when we're walking down to the beach. I know.

You're fired.

Oh, I did just announce it. I apologize for that.

We're having twin boys.

Twin boys, right. No, listen, you're walking.

If you didn't hear that, screw you. You don't get to know for a couple weeks.

You had to rewind the show, but you screwed up on the way out to the beach. I'm not gonna say what you said, but you screwed up in the girls.

I was like, my. I was like, trying to get the girls ready, and my oldest daughter was like, mom, Mom. I can't remember what she was whining about. Her hair or something. I don't remember.

And I was just always whining about something.

And I was like, listen, when you see the smoke, you'll know what it is. But I said, the color. I'm like, when you see this smoke, you're gonna. You know.

You'll know it's a. And then she. Or you will see this, and you'll.

Know it's a. I was just saying that to throw you off. But she's like. She knows. She's like, no, you didn't. You just blew it. And I was like, I did. Oh, that sucks so bad.

And so Ruby knew what it was right away. She's told me. I've known what it is since we've been married for seven.

My hairline after it. Because I knew what it was.

Exactly. Exactly. And your hair Hairline's name is Bob by mbr.

It's a great seller.

Welcome to Bob by mbr.

It's a luxury brand of hair extensions called bob.

Listen, I'm sure for all the Bobs out there, you got some good shit going on, but there's nothing luxurious about Bob. All right? Okay. So no, listen, our show itself actually has a focus for today.

Does it?

It does. Cause we went and got some nachos as a pre runner to this podcast for date night, which. The nachos were fantastic. If you're ever in Laguna Beach, California, you go to surf and sand hotel, chip and some.

Get some nachos and some stuff on it. It was good.

But they did this different. You notice how they baked it?

They baked it so they're not soggy.

Exactly.

You asked me layers of cheese like baked. Layers of cheese baked. Layers of cheese baked. Like there was no. I literally was at the bottom of the barrel. And I was like, this chip is so crisp. Crunchy.

Still crisp, man.

You nailed it.

Not like maker white bullshit.

That was great.

Seriously. I actually didn't realize. I didn't realize that we were so impressed by those nachos right now, but I was. I was impressed because they were really good.

You could have been starving.

Now we were sitting at nachos. Sunset coming down Laguna Beach, California. It's been raining five straight days. We're sitting at the surface sand hotel.

I had four vacations this last week. That's how sad I was.

Yeah, exactly. Well, there was a lot of shit. A lot of boxes showed up at the house because of how dep. Because how depressed Daniel was sitting on the couch buying chips.

Four chips and. Or four chips. Thinking about those damn chips.

Four trips and had some stiff chips.

Yep.

All right. So anyway, we're sitting there and we're talking to our server, and he's a good guy. He surfs, too. And we're having this talk and this discussion, and the topic of date your wife comes up.

Well, he just kept saying, are you guys on date night? What are you doing? I was like, I don't know. We're going wherever the wind takes us.

But we were on date night. We told him that. Yeah. And then that led us to having a conversation about him and his wife, and he shared something interesting that had you fly up the handle on the way down. We're driving down pch, coming here to the podcast studio. Not flying up the handle. Like you're angry. You just like, hey. Said, hey. Here's our topic for tonight. Off you go. What is it?

We're talking about surfing. And I checked out, and I was just looking at the sunset, and then he started talking about podcasts. And he's like, I need to check out your guys podcasts. And I think I'd seen one of them. And I was like, he was. He kept saying, Something. He had a little boy or girl.

I can't remember, two year old little boy.

And then he was like saying he's married. And anyways, and I was like, oh, you're married and you have kids? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, well, we have a podcast called date your wife, you should check it out. And he's like, oh, okay, cool. And then he's. And then Garrett said, you were just saying like, oh, yeah, that's like the number one thing that I said.

The number one. If you were to look at what the number one solution is to a marriage that is not working is date night once a week without children and no friends.

Well, and then it was no friends. But then it was funny because he said something that I hear a ton of people say and he was just like, oh, yeah, you know, totally. Like, we need to totally do that more often. It's been forever. We did date night a couple weeks ago and it was so great. Her mom came down and was watching the kids.

It was Christmas party.

And then. Yeah. And then he said something like, but, you know, it's tough because we don't have a lot of family here and this and that. And I hear so many people say that. And so I was just thinking to myself, I'm like, oh my God. Like when Garrett and I, I mean, we've been married 15 years and literally for the first, we've lived in California now for five years. But up until then we had moved every two years. And it wasn't like we just moved like 10 minutes down the road like we did. We moved states and I, we moved to the point where I had no friends and no family. And I grew up in the same house until I was 16. And then I moved into another house and graduated high school from there and. And I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah and lived in two houses. So I'm very used to just like staying in my little comfort zone in my little bubble and like being surrounded by family. I was raised Mormon. Like, we went and had family dinner at my mom's house every Sunday. And like, family is a big deal. And so anyways, when we moved, at first it didn't bother me. I didn't think about it. Cause we didn't have kids. And it was fun. But I miss my family. And we actually moved back to Utah. That's where I had both of my children. And then it was. I moved back to you. I both my children. Then we moved away again. And then like having kids and moving outside of the state. And, like, I had all of a sudden, this, like, so much anxiety. Like, I was like, I have no help, and my mom, like, would fly down and, like, help me. And I was so appreciative, But I was like, I can't just, like, be dependent on having, like, family fly in and help me. You know what I mean? And it was interesting because I just. I had so much anxiety over it. But I. I just kind of got to this place where Garrett was, like, to do date night.

Like, no, I was, like, ruthless of it.

But not in the beginning, I think. I think.

No, I was committed to it.

But it was when we moved to Arizona, and I think you were kind of like, you know what? We needed to start doing date night once a week. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, I don't have a babysitter. And he's like, I'll go on care.com. i'm like, to hell you'll go on care.com. what kind of psychos are on care.com? like, I was like, no, thank you.

Every girl we've had over the last.

But it. But anyways, just.

No seven years has come from care.com.

As a woman. Like, we just think, oh, my God, we can't trust anybody else but, like, immediate friends and family or, like, a referral or whatever. And I didn't really have any of those. I didn't even have. I didn't have an option for that. And so I just was like, oh, my God. Like, we kind of get friends with people, and then I kind of ask around and I'd get people and. And whatnot. But it was so scary for me. But I just, like, got to this place where I would, like, be like, I refuse to let my life kind of be run by this anxiety of not being able to have time off for my children. And. And part of that doesn't just include, like, juggling the kids. It includes time away together and so forth. For me, being a young mom, not having a ton of money, moving to a whole different state, it was really, really hard for me. And I just got to this place. I'm like, no, I will not let this. I will not let this little thing control me. Like, I felt like it was just, like, playing. Not controlled me, but just, like, I'm like, get. Like, you need to get out of your own fears, you know? And so anyways, we had some shitty babysitters along the way where I'm like, pretty bad. Oh, my God. Like, just. Young girl like, remember when we first moved to Arizona, and I really wanted to take this trip to Hawaii, and. And my parents have a timeshare there, and I was like, all we have to do is pay for flights, babe. And we had, like, no money. And so I was like, if we can just pay for flights and get a babysitter. Like, oh, I just need to. I need to get out. And so he.

I had a friend. We knew this girl from Utah. We flew her in. She was.

She was.

She was in her 20s.

She was 19.

Oh, she was 19.

I think she might even been 18. I don't know. And I never even met her. But I was trying to, like, just trust Garrett and just be like, okay. Like, handle it. Because the more I would just get anxiety over the whole situation. And he's like, no, I have a girl. She's 19. Like, I'm like, okay. Because it was for a whole week. And I was like, all right. And our kids were little, and so anyways, I. We get this phone call one day from, like, somebody in our church, and we didn't even go to church, but they knew us because they had our records or whatnot or knew of a neighbor of a neighbor, and they're like, hi. I just wanted to let you know, like, we have your kids and your babysitters in the hospital. I'm like, oh, my God. And I. That was, like, the first time. Like, I realized. I was like, I had this really high meltdown. And then I went to the Zen place, and I was like, there's nothing you can do. And then I was like, okay, well, what are the facts? Well, the facts were this. This family went to school with our kids. They knew us, kind of, and we. We had met them before, and, you know, anyways. And our babysitter had fallen down the stairs or fallen off a toilet or something and sprained her ankle. But she got all weird and panicky and, like, didn't know what to do. And I. I don't know.

Her mom ended up flying to Arizona.

No, I don't think your mom did.

Yes, her mom flew to Arizona to be with her, her and the kids until we got home.

No, she didn't. She passed. I know she didn't. She passed them on to some neighbors. Remember the cute neighbor couple that was, like, our age? No, no, no. She did not fly. Our neighbors, like, watch where her mom came down. No, they didn't.

They watched our kids the rest of the time.

No, she did. She came back. And I was like, are you okay? And she was like, yeah, I just have a little sprain. And I'm like thinking, oh, my God, like, she went to the emergency room for a little sprain. And. And I was like, really? Like, she was, she was fine. But what was funny like, about that whole story, I remember Bailey like telling me, like, yeah, she lost her phone. And like, we. There was no GPS then in cars or phones. And she's like, so she left us in the car and she went and asked the gas attendant and like, we got a map and we made it home. And like, the whole time I'm like thinking, what the fuck? You don't leave kids in cars. But, like, how would a 19 year old know that? And like, I don't know, like, little things like that. I'm like, really? Like, we left our. I. We left her with a 19 year old that I knew little about. So it's funny because I'm probably not like, helping all of you mommies. I'm like, you need to get over your anxiety and hide. Hire a babysitter.

But we did not hire care.com.

No. But what I was not care. What I found is to, to alleviate your own anxiety is you have to you how you have to delegate and give your babysitter or nanny good instructions. Like, I can't tell you how many people, like, even that I worked with in the past that were like, they finally hire a babysitter and then they'd be like, come into work and they'd be talking shit about their, their babysitter and they're like, I mean, she won't even put the dishes in the dishwasher or this and that. And I'm like, why not? Here's. This is a weird, this is a weird idea. Why don't you just ask her? Why don't you tell her one of the things that she has to do when she babysits is that the dishwasher must be empty. Give her like the top five things. Kids have to be in bed. This has to be done. Check the laundry, do this. I'm like, they won't think to do it. Like, they just won't. If you expect this to be done because you're paying them $12 an hour, like, forget about it. You need to be more clear with and delegate when hiring help. And so that was like, my biggest mistake when trying to reach out and hire help is it was like, I didn't really give very good direction and I just kind of was like, oh, yeah, you'll do. I need to get over my own fear. So you'll do, you know, and you don't. You have to go into it thinking, like, no, I can find somebody that I trust and I like. And anyways, so that's my story.

So this babysitter did not come from care.com. and listen, we don't get paid by care.com. i'm not even sponsored by care.com. nothing. But I'm just telling you right now, like, our current babysitter, our current nanny, she's been with us for a year and a half. Two years.

A year?

A year. Oh, just over a year. She's amazing. And I'm gonna give you a little strategy for the babysitting game when it comes to care.com. you ready? Go to care.com, you put up your profile, you put up your picture. You do your thing on care.com, right? You set up your account, then you allow people to come in. But you do not be the cheapest bastard on the block. Mm. Not the cheapest bastard on the block. Check out and consider this the following, right? I watch this. There's, like, two things that people go cheap on that I don't understand. They go cheap on tattoos, and they go cheap on babysitters. You're like, let me get this straight. You're gonna have somebody take a needle with some ink, put it on your body permanent, forever. Forever. Not gonna get off there, not gonna replace it. It is gonna be on there forever, but you're trying to get a discount. There's three things. One, tattoos. Two, babysitters. Three, Lasik eye surgery. Somebody cutting your eyeballs with, you know, lasers. You do not want to fucking Groupon.

I'm gonna go with just pretty. Any kind of needle or surgery on that, too.

Plastic surgery, you know, you don't want a Groupon. Yeah. You're getting a Groupon deal on your boob job. Next thing you know, you got one size of a cantaloupe and the other one the size of a pumpkin. All right, so, like, here's the deal. Like care.com, though, you go there, you set up your account. But here's the trick. You require the applicants to email you a video anytime.

We didn't do that. It didn't work out.

It did not work out. We emailed a video. We ended up on care.com with a very old lady we called Grandma. What do we call her?

Grandma Donna.

Grandma Donna.

She just.

Grandma Donna was not. Grandma Donna was not a good move.

No, she just.

Grandma Donna was literally a grandma. She was super old. We would come home to Grandma Donna, and I would look at her, and I was like, she's. This is like. You remember that show, Don't Tell Mama the babysitter's dead?

That was Grandma.

I literally, when we would go out, had a thought of, I'll bet you she dies tonight.

Our kids. Here's the thing, though. Like, our kids were getting older. I was literally just, like, thinking, like, listen, we need our date night. Just make sure the kids do not die.

Yeah, that's like.

It was like when they're littler and they're two and they're into things and they're running around and you're worried about them injuring selves. Like, our kids are 7 and 11. I was literally like, kids, don't fuck this up. Watch a movie and go to bed, okay? Like, that's kind of how it went down. And I knew she wasn't a permanent solution. It was just, like, cool, we get to go on date night.

She was temporary.

But then it got to the point where, like, the kids were just like, we don't like her. She's mean. And I was like, all right, this has gone on way too long. Like, we had her for, like, six months. I was like, she doesn't want to be there, and they don't want her there. And so it is what it is.

Well, she was miserable because, I mean, her husband had passed away, she needed money, and she was babysitting, and she.

Wanted to do it. But here's. Here's the point that I want to get back to is, like, a lot of times people or they want the. They think, like, I can only trust my family. But my. In my experience, sometimes fam. Like, if you actually research and find somebody that's good with your children, they're going to be way better than family. A lot of times family is just, like. They may try to multitask you and, like, free help. You're usually not going to be like, hey, can you make sure the kitchen's clean? Is this picked up? And whatever. And family. Like, I don't know, like, for example, like, my mom, she'll always be like, oh, I raised you five kids. Because I'd be like, mom, I want it done this way and this way and this way. And she's like, I think I know how to do this. I've had a few kids. And I'm like, this. That's great. I want it done my way. So it's. For me, I'd rather, like, hire help because I'm like, hey, this is, this is the routine. This is the structure that I like. And if you're. If that's not something you want to follow, like, that's fine. I'm cool to hire help. And even, like, little things where, like, I'd come home and my kids would be like, riding in the street. And we live on Pacific Coast Highway. And I was like, mom, I don't let my kids go out there. Like Bailey maybe, but Ruby, this was like a couple of years ago. I was like, ruby's five. I don't, I don't usually. I like, if she's riding her bike, I'm with her. And she's like, oh, but, you know, grow. Raising five kids in a different era. Yeah, you were like, hey, kids come home when it gets dark.

And you like, how about the time when you came home in Ruby's walking dog?

Oh, that was with a babysitter. I. When my dog was with Marissa. Yeah, when my dog. You know how if you have a two year old, you can appreciate this? Like, they're little secret assassins. Like, literally you turn your eye and then like two minutes later you're like, gone. Where is Houdini? And I remember like, Ruby Bailey was like a bowl in a china closet. And funny story about that too. When she was older, she didn't know. She thought like, bowl in a china closet. Literally. She like, she's like, how am I a bull? Like, I'm not like a quiet little bull in a china closet. I'm like, no, you're a bull with horns smashing all the china Fernando on the Disney movie. And she's like, why is he tiptoeing around? I'm like, that's a bull in a china closet. She's all, that's what a bull in a china clothes. I mean, so I was like, yeah. She's like, you guys always call me that. I'm like, yes, you are a bull in a china closet. Like, she's like, a lot. My oldest daughter's a lot like, excuse me, like Garrett. So she's just like, you know what she's doing and where she's at. And she literally leaves a trail where Ruby is like a secret assassin. Like, you don't even see that shit coming. Like, you're just like, whoa. And so she's so funny. She. And she's very. She's a lot like me. She's quiet and very independent. And we have this little wiener dog named Chloe. And one day I come. I come driving home from work and Ruby's not, she's two at the time. She has my weenie dog and she's not like, kind of down the street. Like, she's heading out of the neighborhood. And I'm like, ruby, what are you doing? And I put her in the car and I come home and I have like, Ruby in one hand and my dog in one hand. And my eyes are like huge. And I look at my nanny and she's just cooking dinner, as happy as can be. And I'm like, hi. She was like, exiting the neighborhood.

She's like, what?

I literally just saw her. So I was like, got two year olds. Yeah, you gotta like, they have to be right by you at all times.

So what you're hearing is a series of tales that have actually discouraged you from going on dates.

I think the older you get and.

Having anyone watch your children.

But I understand, like, when parents have like five kids and their kids get older, when they laugh at like the young moms, like, doing the little things because, like, you kind of get dumb to it. You're like, oh, yeah, they survived cool. Like little situations where you're like, oh, that was sketchy. But I mean, I guess kids are more resilient than we think. And sometimes you have to just kind of like trust that whoever is caring for your children is like, gonna be responsible. Like, they can follow the guidelines that you put for them, but in the end, like, you have to trust that them being with your kids is exactly.

Here's the thing though. We've done a lot of things to fuck up the babysitter game. One of the things we did was we underpaid. The other thing we've done is overpaid.

Yeah, you can't, you gotta just go, sweet.

Like, we've had overpayment. Why? I had an Annie where she was making salary with us, plus we got her apartment. And because, like, I was that committed to date night. Like, I was convinced that our marriage was never going to work unless we went on date night. So I, I looked at it as an employee on the team and I was like, listen, I don't give a shit if she works full time or not. I'm gonna hire her full time. I'm gonna get her an apartment to live close by us. And like, because I want to be able to have on demand babysitter when we need it, how we need it. I want no negotiation with us. I want to go out on Thursday night with you. I want no debate. I want to go on Saturday night with you on no debate. And that Worked. Except for the fact that she got. She became entitled to shit. And it didn't work out.

She just got too comfortable. And, like, I felt like I got to the place point where instead of, like, she was kind of supposed to be, like, on call. And it got to the point where I'm like, hey, can you do this and this? And then she's like, oh, I have a yoga class. But right after that, and I was like, yeah, no, no, you don't. You're kind of like, on call. Like, this shit needs to be done. Like, you can't tell me, like, oh, I have a yoga class right now. And it just kind of started to get weird and weird and weird. And I think even my energy started to, like, pint up. And I was just, like, irritated because I felt like I was always having to, like, ask her, like, nicely and, like, dance around it, you know? And I don't know.

But we got a great solution right now.

Yeah.

We have a girl and her name is Torina.

Yeah.

And she is fantastic.

The moral of the story is, like, it's you just. Whether it's family, whether it's someone you pay, like, there really is no excuses to not creating date night and space for yourself. And it's something that you just have to make a priority. I mean, when we're given situations where we have to say, for example, move, or whatever, like, you say, oh, I'm not gonna move. I'm not gonna do this. And all of a sudden you're like, oh, we have to do this. Like, you make it work. And so that kind of goes. Like, you can't have, like, excuses. You just have to make it a priority. And when you make it a priority, you find a solution to go on date night.

And long term, listen, if you care about your marriage, you go on date nights. If you don't care about your marriage and you don't care about your sex life, you don't care about your communication, you don't go on date night, Right. But if you want things to work out, you go on date night. And you go on date night every single week, at least one time without kids and without friends. So, like, to pull that off, you're gonna have to go through some trial and error. You don't build a business overnight. That works. You don't build a marriage overnight. That works. And you don't find a babysitter overnight that works. So you're gonna have to test your things out. Our encouragement, though, as you're listening to this show is to do it a little bit different than we did, which the best thing we've ever done was we went to care.com and we required the video, video application, bio. And that was where we have found the best results ever. So if you take all of our shit show, which was somebody's 19 year old kid, we had, oh my God, I hired a 13 year old who wouldn't change a poopy diaper. I mean, we have gone through the worst ever because we didn't go to care.com I swear, like, I feel like I should get paid by care.com for saying all this shit, but it's like legit.

I liked how you said it's like finding a babysitter can almost be like building a business. And like you learn as you go. Do you know what I mean? And when you're building a business, you assume people are going to know what to do, but you should never assume so. Same. Same goes with like hiring a babysitter. Like, you want to look for somebody that you like and then be clear with the outcome that you expect while they are there. And then keep them always like, kind of keep them in check. Just be like, okay, I need X, Y and Z done. Or like, even though like our current person, like, she knows, like I like it picked up when she gets home, I'll still text her sometimes, like, hey, can you make sure it's straightened up for me? And she's like, yeah, no worries.

But that was even a situation where we had to sit down and give her clear outcomes. And she didn't have no problem with it as long as she knew how to win.

Yeah, people, people want to know how to win. Whether it's nanny, whether it's an employee, like, they're gonna like start to retreat when they feel like they don't know how to please you. And that's probably even something like the nanny that we said was entitled and whatnot. Like, she probably felt like she was doing all she could do, you know what I mean? And we weren't clear enough maybe to be like, hey, you are on call these hours. Hey, no, you, you don't get to sign up for a yoga class. Like, you know what I mean? It was way too, like, flexible. And I think we set it up kind of flexible. But then when she would do it, I would get kind of irritated. And so that's like partly bad on me. And so it's like again, going into anybody you hire is like, okay, this isn't a short term goal. Let's like Set up realistically. Maybe you sit down with your husband or wife and you're like, what do we realistically want in a babysitter? Great. And maybe you even put that inside of like what you're looking for and then tell them to submit an application through video so you can kind of get their general vibe and see how, how old they are and whatnot, and then do an in person interview and kind of go from there.

So your principle is simple. I'm gonna give you this tactical strategy. Care.com I know other companies are getting all those podcast shows, are getting sponsored by care.com we are not. We don't need you to sponsor us care.com because your shit was legit. We found our people there in a magical way. Go to care.com set up your account once you're there, and set up your account request on the, on the. Don't be a cheap bastard pay hype. Listen, you're investing in the guardianship of your children, right? And like, I wished I'd known care.com/cetera was always available from the beginning. I would have done this so differently. So differently.

It's so funny. In California, like, I would say, like, the average going rate to hire a babysitter is like 20 bucks an hour. And we had some friends that moved here and if she hears this podcast, she might know who she is. But I remember when she moved here, she's like, oh my God, like she, they live somewhere else where I'm sure, like the going rates like $12 an hour. And she was like, oh my God, $20 an hour. And I was like, who cares? I was like, they're with your children. Like, I'm like, if you actually averaged out how much you use them per month, so let's say it was $2,500 a month. That is so worth it, knowing that, like, they're taken care of. And I said, and you know what? If you feel like you're paying a little bit extra than what you're used to, just, again, just be like, hey, here's what I expect to be done. I have no problems paying you that, but this is what I want. I want kids have bath, kids have bedtime, or, excuse me, kids has bath dinner stories, nighttime. I want them in bed when I get home. Like, I want the kitchen picked up. You know, and if you have like your five goals that you want set up. Because that way when you're paying that money that you feel like is a lot, at least you're like, hey, I know my Kids are taken care of and everything's done off the checklist. And having the experience, like, of date night, like, you're like, okay, this was worth it. So you can't necessarily, like, put a price on it. Like, if you look at the overall investment on a monthly basis, you're like.

Oh, well, if you look at, you're doing two things. One, you're investing in your marriage. What's your marriage worth? Right? You want to sit here and talk about how much money you want to put into things. Like, well, how much is your marriage worth? Second piece is how much are your children worth? I think it's so again, Lasik, eye surgery, boob jobs, and tattoos, as well as babysitters. Why in the hell would you be.

A cheap basket to women out there, too? I think a lot of women need to let go of that mommy guilt and allow themselves space for themselves. And I think that that's, like, really hard. I mean, yeah, they'll go to the gym for an hour and they're like, okay, that's my me time. But it's more than just like, workout time. You know what I mean? Maybe you wanted to go to the spa. Maybe you just wanted to go wander around Target for an hour without kids climbing out of your cart. Like, I remember when my kids were little, I was like, I just wanted to get out of the house so bad. And then we'd be at Target and I'd be like, why did I think this is a good idea? Like, literally, Bailey, it was always Bailey would be like, head diving out of the cart. I was like, what is she doing? I mean, Ruby was actually pretty good. She would just sit there and eat goldfish. It was cool. But yeah, I just think that, like, there's a lot of, like, I think mom, my advice to women is, like, get over that mommy guilt. And even if it's like hiring a sitter, because sitters usually want more hours and want full time work. And that's why it's hard to maintain a consistent babysitter. And I think that women, like, don't. They're like, oh, I'm superwoman. I can do it all. And it's. It's funny, what, maybe even like four or five extra hours a week of you time would actually give you. And I understand, like, when they're in school, it changes a little bit because that can become your you time. And you can get a lot of stuff done in there. But if you have young children, like, don't underestimate, like an hour or two by yourself. Like, no matter what it is. Like, even if they come to their your house and you literally just go to Target for an hour, I can promise you it'll make you a better human being, a better mom and a better wife.

That was a good strategy that our server had tonight. His wife got a membership, but they got her a membership at lifetime fitness. You get three hours a day at the babysitters with the kids.

Yeah.

So listen, we're gonna wrap this show up. We gotta finish up the rest of our date nights. Couple of reminders here. Number one, care.com. all right, go to care.com, get your account set up. And also when you're there, remember, request your babysitters driven by a dollar value that makes sense as well as a video bio, meaning when they turn in their application to work for you, make them send you a video. The other piece with this too is you are have not been following Danielle on her blog. You can follow that@dkwsaving.com she's got all of the shows. She's got all the stuff here with date your wife.

She's got everything over there on my blog. I have a blog.

All right, go for it.

It's like my landing page for pretty much like everything I do in business. So I own a salon on Laguna Beach, California called DKW Styling where we specialize in natural beauty rose. I have another podcast called big money science, which is the education for natural beauty rose. Anyways, Monday is all by hair. Tuesday, Wednesday are my podcasts. And Thursday, if you love fashion, tune into these videos live. I actually have a really cute dress on tonight for date nights by self portrait. And then I actually started my brand in on YouTube. Not in YouTube, but on YouTube. And so I'm now getting back into YouTube this year too. So I have content Monday through Friday.

Beautiful. You can check that out@dkwstyling.com and if you're a man and you want to learn more about the warriors way and the game that operates here with just one small piece here on date your wife. But it'll be the entire game to having it all as a man, you can get a free book pack. We call it the warrior book bundle. Be the man. The book as well as Warrior book. I'd like to send them to you for free. You just pay for shipping and handling. You do that by heading over to warriorbook.com. we've already had roughly around 2 to 3,000 of those a week that are going out the door. I'd love to give you a copy of those for free. Also, again, head over to warriorbook.com and if you'd like to follow Danielle, head to dkwstylev.com as for this show, we are complete and we are going to be back next week.

And we're having a baby.

We're having a baby.

And you may or may not know what it is.

You may or may not know unless you rewind back to about 10 minutes into the show, of which time you will find out what the baby was. If not, you can hear next episode, which will be our official release because the people on Instagram will have already found out. All right. We are done. This is Gary Jawiaitz, your co host, here with Danielle K. White. We signing off, and this show is complete. We will talk to you guys next week.