Don't Use Your Wife As a Shield | Date Your Wife | Ep 033

Hey, everybody. This is boy Garrett Jay White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior and CEO of DKW Styling. Welcome to Warrior on Fire, Daily Fuel edition. Today's topic is this anniversary edition. My forehead's greasy. This is my beautiful wife. We are here shooting a podcast. So today's been an insane day. We've had a shitload of training today and I've had a shitload of meetings. So here's the thing.

We thought we'd top it off with another episode of Date youe White because that's how committed we are.

That's what we.

I said date your white.

Date your white.

You can date your white or you can date your wife. Cuz we're the whites.

We are the whites.

Trying to be racist.

We're trying to be racist. All right, here we go. We're going to put this up right here and we're going to let you. We're going to let you guys hang out with us here during this podcast. And this will be our daily fuel for today. This is our daily fuel for today. Good evening. All right, here we go. You ready to get started? Cuz I'm going to start recording. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Hey, everybody, this is your boy, Garrett Jay White, the founder, Wake Up Warrior, and CEO of DKW Styling. And welcome to the Date your Wife podcast. I am currently sitting here with my queen, the hostess with the mostest. My wife. Did you just do the introductory? I need to change. Whoa. You literally just knocked your own headphones off. Is that. Is there like a message in this? This you knocking your headphones off while doing. You did it again.

I know.

That is twice. That is twice.

Lighten up.

It is. All right. Anyway, so we are here having a conversation here on Date yout Wife podcast. We also, for our recorded viewers who are watching this on YouTube, it's for whatever the fuck has happened. They fixed our lighting in our studio and I'm not gonna lie, it looks fantastic. Have you noticed this? Look at you. You look creamy.

I look kind of red.

No, I think you look sexy as hell.

Nice.

I think I look amazing too. Like I look better. I don't normally. I don't look like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer over my entire face, which is normally what happens. My daughter's texting. Do you want to pay for it with my money or do you want to. Now, this is always interesting when we get text messages from our 7 year old.

She has my Amazon. Somehow they have my password. Yes, but they know they'll get in Trouble if they order off Amazon and they don't get permission because obviously it shows up and I unwrap it.

It's a racket, though.

But it's funny. So now I feel like I can't ever say no because she has my password.

Yes.

And then somehow she has cash, and I'm like, how does my 7 year old have cash?

I'll tell you how she has cash. She steals it from.

It's like the cash that gets left in the laundry, and she, like, she knows the laundry days, and she goes in and, like, swipes it all up.

Yeah. So this is gonna be. This is gonna be.

That used to be jackpot for me. Like, laundry day. I was like, I just scored an extra hundred bucks. Could be mine, could be Garrett's. Who cares?

Let's talk about the karma of your thieving ways back in the day with money.

Because that's led to. Let's talk about what today's topic is. And if you guys listen to our show, every week we cover four topics.

Four topics. Not every week.

Communication. We also have sex, which is Garrett's favorite.

Yes.

Then we have the topic of money.

Money.

And what's our last topic, Garrett? Bring it in.

It is parenting.

Parenting. But today we're gonna be talking specifically about money and the role it plays in a relationship.

Money, money, money, money, money.

Every time we. Every time we do the money show, there's like, that song that was like, money, money, money.

I can't even do it because my voice is jacked.

I know.

All right, so let's talk about this. Let's talk about this whole money topic. Because our anniversary is today. No, it's not.

Because they're gonna be listening tomorrow. So it's.

Oh, they're listening to it tomorrow.

It comes out tomorrow. So if you're listening to this right now. Yes, our anniversary is today.

Yeah. But let's talk about the shenanigans of what went down to figure out that our anniversary was tomorrow because both of us thought our anniversary was a different day. The real story begins with Danielle and her lack of focus and remembering when we got married.

Listen, here's the real story. Here's the real story. So we used to celebrate our anniversary on the 22nd, like, for years. And it wasn't until we were like. We lived in Arizona, which was like six, five. Five years ago.

Six years.

It was about six years ago that I found, like, our old wedding book. And I was like, oh, cute. I haven't found. Seen this forever. And I open it up and it says August 21st. And I was like, shit, babe, did you know we've been celebrating our. I don't know.

I didn't know you knew this. I didn't know this. So how did you forget the last six years if you got validation in the wedding?

That I was like, wait, the previous years that we were married? Because we've been married for 15 years. Tomorrow, today, whenever you're listening.

Fifteen years.

Fifteen years. Which, by the way, I feel like that's a monumental, like, marker. And I. I'm expecting a trophy.

You are going, I'm gonna give you a trophy. All right? No, but you are gonna get a trophy.

So, you know what I'm wondering is the previous years, were we celebrating it on the 21st or were we celebrating it on the 22nd?

I think we might even have celebrated on the 23rd.

Anyway, we don't know when it was. And then finally, I was convinced. I said, garrett, it's definitely because he kept saying the 23rd. And I said, it's definitely the 22nd. And so we. I text his mom, because somehow I know that her anniversary is next to our anniversary, and I knew that she would know. So I text her and she said, I'm pretty sure it's the 21st. Then I text my mom, and she reconfirmed it's the 21st. Then your mom text back and said, Yep, it's the 21st.

Shit. You realize every year we text our mothers. We're grown ass adults.

I'm gonna remember.

And we text our mothers about when we got married.

I got it. It's in here.

It's in your brain. All right, let's test you. When did we get married?

We got married on the 21st. Because here's the shenanigans that happened, okay? On the 20th, we had a wedding dinner.

Yes.

On the 21st, we got married.

Yes.

On the 22nd, we had our big reception.

Yes.

We. I mean, that was like. It was like a three day party.

It was. It was a shenanigan, I think. Okay, I have a. I have a trivia question for you.

Okay.

Where was the first location after we were married that we had sex? Do you remember this?

I think it was just in our hotel.

Yeah, of course it was in our hotel, but where? In our hotel.

But, no, we didn't have sex in our shower.

We didn't have sex in the shower.

We had.

Are you serious?

I know we didn't.

We didn't have sex in the shower.

No.

You're positive there was no sex?

100% certain.

There was no sex in the shower.

No sex in the shower.

Was there almost sex in the shower?

I don't.

Was there oral sex in the shower?

Probably. I don't remember, but I just.

You don't remember that, but you do. Obviously it wasn't very good if there was. So we had sex in the bed. But we began in the shower.

We began in the shower.

We began in the shower.

Alright, let's move on. Today's topic, which is not sex. It is.

It is our anniversary and the idea of.

Okay, so I was.

Okay. You have something you want to say?

Okay. Because I actually. I'm in the process of. I want to write a book. And it's even like, scary for me to put that out there.

Yes. We're gonna read a chapter from your book tonight.

We are only like, two chapters.

All right. We're gonna read chapter numero uno. So continue. Tell us about this. I'm pulling it up.

Well, so tell us about this.

Continue.

The book is gonna be called the Dumb Hairdresser.

The Dumb Hairdresser.

And if you're triggered by that, I don't really care because I'm a hairdresser and it's not really my intent.

But there's chapter two. One. Where's chapter one at? Chapter one?

Don't erase my notes.

I'm not. I'd have them. I'm gonna read chapter one in a moment. Continue.

So anyway, I just feel like I wanna, like, share my story. It's kinda like how you have the Be the Man book, which is like turning points for you and your story. This is like, kinda my version of the story and how I kind of develop my brand and all that good stuff. But in developing the brand, I talk about my story and our financial struggles and how that was actually the beginning.

It was a catalyst.

That was. Yeah. And there's certain moments that like. Like in life that I think you're like. You remember, like certain nights even that, like, are like a turning point in your story or a mind shift. And you're like, holy shit. And as you. As I'm like sitting here trying to, like, break everything down into chapters right now, I'm like, oh, my God, I had no idea. Like, this played a huge role. This played a huge role. This played a huge role. You know what I mean? I think we, like, discredit everything we've gone through and it becomes this, like, big blur. And when people are like, how'd you do it? You're like, you just fucking be awesome and Then when you think about all these moments you had in life, you're like, shit. And so anyways, I'm writing a story and I'm actually on the chapter of, like, where I just start to share why I started my brand and, like, the financial struggles that we had.

Well, there we go.

So there you go.

Okay. Would you like to read a chapter from this book?

I don't know if I'm ready.

Would you? I think you're ready. I'm gonna read a chapter.

I did, like, one.

How long is it?

It's long.

It's an entire chapter. I'm gonna read a little bit here from chapter number one. That's not your story. If you have studied any self help books, it's probably because you're trying to figure out life. We are constantly told. Create your story. We emerge ourselves into the self help world looking for a checklist to get us in the direction we need to go. We immediately realize we are trapped in our own stories. Oftentimes there are multiple stories running in our lives. What piece of the story are we not currently happy with? You could be a millionaire but have a sucky marriage. You can have an incredible marriage and yet can't pay the bills. Makes sense. Certain parts of her story work and others do not. And ultimately, if one side of the story is not currently working, it will bleed into the other. All right, talk to me about this. We're going to use your chapter as our guiding conversation today. Yes. Because I am the king of transitions. So let's talk about this, like this story game when it comes to spending money on each other. Like the entire game of being married and being willing to spend money and invest money in one another, because that's what you're talking about here is stories, stories, stories. So I'll give you an example. When I first launched one of my own offices here with Wake Up Warrior in. In Laguna beach, my wife broke my bowl about. About the following, which was. She was breaking my balls about putting in blinds. Putting in blinds. Do you remember this, Adam?

This is not gonna segue in.

It's a great segue. You were had. You had a story about me spending money on blinds in my office.

I think that.

And you were upset about it. It was like 3, 500 in blinds. And you thought it was the dumbest move in history to invest in these blinds in my office.

I don't know where you're going with this.

I'm the king of transitions. Just follow me, Follow me. Okay. Do you remember this?

Yeah.

Okay, now what Danielle didn't know was that we needed blinds inside of our office because we needed it to be blacked out so we could meditate and also not have people on Main street, Laguna Beach, NPCH constantly knocking on our windows and looking inside at 15 men sitting around in black shirts having conversations, which happened all the time. So I got these blackout blinds, put them in the windows, and drop them down so that we could black out the environment. Also have the guys not be distracted by what was going on the outside. To me, I knew exactly why I was using these blinds. But you, on the other hand, did not understand it. I don't.

It's so funny. You bring up the story a lot about the blinds, and I'm like, I don't.

It's because it was one of the crucial moments in my decision of the rise of Wake Up Warrior.

Was it? Yes, because for me, I remember just being like, why don't you just do your events at the hotel? Why do you need to spend this much money on blinds? Like, for me, you had not been consistent with having an office space. And so the idea of spending more money on an office, and I'm like, are you just gonna get bored in a couple months and you're gonna outgrow it or not use it or whatever? I'm like, why put that money into it? And I just. I didn't really understand it. I was like, I don't get it.

Okay, So I have.

But I do remember, like, breaking your balls and being, like, super rude about it. More just kind of like I didn't understand it. But I'm interested to hear this crucial turn for you of Wake Up Warrior with blinds.

Yep. The entire empire driven by the blinds.

That's really one of your moments.

That was one of my moments. It was because it was one of the first times I had to go to collision with you over doing. Not first. There was many, but it was one. For whatever reason, my mind decided to remember going to collision with you about investing and doubling down on the future vision. I could see, but you couldn't see it. Now, you and I have both done this, which is we invest money into things that the other one doesn't can't see the vision. So how do we deal with this as a couple? When you have two people who have two different visions with where they're going, two different visions with how money should be spent to go there. And, like, for example, I couldn't see the purpose in the purses. I know we talked about this before, but I couldn't see the purpose in the purses. I see the purpose in the purses now.

Do you?

I do. I do. I do see the purpose. I see the purpose in them. Do you see the purpose in them?

Not really.

You don't. There's no purpose in buying the purses.

There is. I mean. I mean, I like them.

You like the purses. That's the only reason you buy the purses.

Like, it's creative expression. It's a feeling which transfers over to confidence and business and life and everything else. I guess that's a purpose.

Okay, so there was a purpose behind buying them, which is a feeling.

Sure.

Okay. There was a purpose behind my blinds. They were a feeling. Also a feeling of being in darkness. Okay, so we could black it out. I guess we could have taken all your purses and duct taped them to the windows.

This is a weird segue, but keep going.

No, listen, you're trying to judge the end of the book, and I'm only a little bit into your chapter here.

At the end of the book.

No, we're going to continue to read your chapter, and I'm going to continue to tie all this together. No, I tie everything together. This is what I do. I take whatever and I tie it to whatever. All right, here we go. You. I see we all learn and grow in different ways. And oftentimes our points of pain, like the blinds that get us to have our biggest breakthroughs. Like the blinds. This is usually when people dive into any kind of self help. They slowly see this new version of themself emerging. Let's call her your higher self. As your higher self emerges, you feel stronger, more powerful. You start to operate a different way. But this may be different from what people currently know you as. So we begin to surround ourselves with people who have the same ideas and thought processes. You ultimately are living a double life. Okay, so we're going to stop here. So there was this conflict in story. Your story. You had two stories about me when it came to money. One was I was unpredictable. I was unpredictable.

You've proven to be unpredictable.

Exactly. Okay, so you had a story.

I had lost a lot of. A lot of trust. And so, like, because there was this time in our relationship where literally, like, I didn't look at myself as the one to produce for the family. And I was just like, fucking pay the bills. And so when I got to this place where I felt like, for a woman, I think we crave that safety and that security. And part of that has to do with our men making money. So when that's stripped away and we feel this, like, lack of trust, of course I'm going to question every little move you make, because I was building back up that trust. And you had shown patterns of not consistently staying with anything, and the money was all over the place. And so for me, I'm, like, looking at it at a logical standpoint, like, what the fuck are you gonna spend this much money on blinds for? Like, that's like, half of our rent this month, and you want to put it on fucking blinds? And so that's kind of like where I was at in that moment, thinking, like, it's more. It was more of, like, a trust thing. Like, okay. And then I kind of had to be like, if I want to trust him, I have to almost, like, reel it in and not say anything too. So it's like this, like, fine balance.

Okay, so now we get to the. There's no reeling it in. You're starting to feel the segue, aren't you? You're starting to feel it. You're feeling the transition. You know what you're feeling? You're feeling a double life, which is what you were living. There was a desire for things to be one way with money, with us. And yet there was this complete past story about how I'd been with money. And now you were dealing with the collection of these two stories between who I had been and who we had been. Then the loss and then the rebuild. How many years did it take for you to start trusting me about things like the blinds? Now you draw me like, million. Multiple million dollar moves.

But you were producing.

Okay, how long does consistent production after.

A man goes into different for everybody?

Well, don't talk about anybody. Talk about yourself. How long did it take you to go from. Okay, my man was a PE teacher. Now he's this, and now he is nothing. He can't fucking pay the bills. He's a hippie. Walks around wandering the streets, talking about purpose. Now he's this. When did you Honestly.

Okay, so if I think back. So our daughter was like, right as I got pregnant with our second daughter.

Okay.

And then how old was she when we moved here? She was about to.

California? Arizona?

No, she was about three when we moved here.

She was 2013, which had been five years ago. She would have been. She'd have been two.

I'm doing the math. So she would have been. She. No, she was almost three when we moved here.

Okay.

I think it took me another year after we lived here. So I think it was like everything kind of got ripped away from us in like probably maybe a two year period of time. And then it took probably about four years to rebuild that trust. But in that four years, everything felt really unsafe and inconsistent to me. And I think that was when I was just like, screw you. You do your thing and I'll do mine. And then as I started to produce more, I think that was enough to like light a fire under your ass where all of a sudden you were, you, you were like, all right, you were more consistent and you were like more focused than I'd ever seen you.

And we went through some phases with.

It, and then it built back more like attraction with us because all of a sudden, like, you were more focused, which I wanted you to be. And like all these things. And so then I was like, okay, that's kind of hot. And so then I think I slowly was like, when you're like, hey, I'm gonna buy three thousand dollar blinds. I was like, okay, well, you, you're consistently making money, so if you feel like you need to put $3,000 into blinds, go for it.

Like, you, you put up more of a. You put up more of like a battle with the blinds than my Aventador. Because there was no battle with the Aventador. There was celebration with the event. But I knew I wanted blinds also.

But you know what? You kind of. I know. With a Aventador too. Remember in our last home in feet four via course.

I thought you were gonna say Fiji.

Remember our last home in Fiji?

Yeah. Remember our other home in Fiji?

No, no, no. Remember, like, I remember you being like, fuck it, I'm just gonna go, I'm just gonna go buy it. I'm just gonna. And I was like, so pissed because I'm like, here we are. Like, like my end goal was like, let's. Let's get a house first. Let's not go buy an Aventador. Like, I was like, why? That doesn't logically make sense. But I knew, like, but it did.

It did. In my mind for a moment I was like, we do not need a new house. We need a new Aventador.

You know what I decided? I know. And I was like, have fun living out of your fucking aventador there. But then you came to me and I didn't say anything. I remember. Cause like, the trust is getting built back up. And I remember thinking like, danielle, just hold your tongue. Just hold your tongue. Because, you know, if I bitch at you and be like, what the fuck is wrong with.

I probably would have got The Aventador.

You would have made an emotional decision to get the Avenge Adora. Not a logical decision to do it. So I just, like, kept my cool, and I was like, that's. I literally had to, like, bite my tongue. I had to be like. Because I'm like, I have to trust that his logical self is gonna come down and kick himself in the face and realize that's not a good idea. And you came to me and you were like, hey, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna get the Avengers. Oh, babe. You sure?

Yeah. And I. What did I do? I put, like, four major goals in front.

One was to get our house and.

A few other things.

I realized, like, I had to kind of, like, in releasing some of that trust, I had to, like, be like, okay, like, bite my tongue. Like, this is a fucking bad idea. But it made you get less emotionally triggered and make decisions more on a logical basis, which is true.

So would you say that a lot of your trust came down where. I started operating from a place where, like, you could tell that I was.

But I had to check out a little bit. I will say with, like, the whole money side. Like, I used to be like, you had me pay the bills, organize them, do everything. So I knew what was in our accounts. I knew. When I'm giving you shit about $3,000 blinds, I'm like, I don't know how much we have in. Well, I knew. I knew how much we had in our account. I'm like, going, okay. So I think for me, I had to. And I didn't really want to pay the bills. But you just. That was like. You were like, you're the wife. You pay the bills.

No, but I paid the bills in the beginning, and then I gave you the bills because I was so stressed out with the fact that we couldn't pay the bills.

So then you put all the stress on me. So then you're like, I'm gonna go buy blinds.

I'm like, oh, you weren't. Listen, at the time I bought blinds.

We were not stressed. I know we weren't that bad, but.

We weren't bad at all. We were just building. But there was a. There was a good four year.

Yeah. I didn't. I still didn't feel safe. Like, even though we had a good amount of plush in our accounts, I still was like. Because like, just literally two years before that, it was like, hey, babe, we have. We have 7,000 in our account, and I know the bills are 12,000.

Yeah, that was like, 2010 you're like, listen, do we have enough for the bills? And then I would freak out and be like, what's wrong with you? Why are you asking me for money for the bills?

Yeah.

Why are you stressing me out like this?

He started to build up that slush fund. Now you know why.

I was like, yes, yes, yes. Well, and inside, like, listen, it. The trust itself started being displayed because I started playing from a different place. And I started recognizing that one of the gifts I needed to give my wife was I had to give her the gift of stability in me as a producer. I was changing paths constantly with businesses, constantly changing my strategies, constantly changing product services and offerings, constantly changing. There was not a lot of consistency. I was consistently inconsistent in the way I did things. And that didn't help at all with the fact that we would lost everything and we were starting over. And then I hand the bills over to Danielle. So one of the greatest tips I took from this for myself. I was sitting there one day, and Danielle was having stress about the insurance, like, health insurance. And. And I was, like, irritated because I'm like, I'm trying to produce right now. Like, I'm trying to handle, like, I can't deal with this insurance. Just you deal with the insurance. So then she would get in and deal with the insurance, and she would take on the stress of the bills, and she would take on the stress of all these things. And I was like, yeah, and I'm gonna go to produce. Then I would come home to wife who was a hair slide or like, working as a hairstylist, all in it with our kids, dealing with the insurance company, dealing with the bills. No. Not only did you have anxiety, like, I was never getting laid, like, there was like, there was no one face.

I was like, I can barely keep my eyes open right now.

Yeah. And I'm like, listen, do you want to get naked with me right now, Yesterday?

Thank you for asking.

Yeah. And then I would, like, send it back over with a piece of paper with check. Are you sure? Yes or no? And you're like, yes. Fuck you. And I'm like, okay. And I never got it. And what I realized was, in many ways, I was using my wife as a shield. And I'd use my wife as a shield for so many years to shield me from having to deal with shit, particularly because I was fucking up as a producer. So I use my wife as a shield. Like, I would like. Like, I would fucking put her out and shield her from my own stress. And I used the story, which Was like a sneaky little story, which was, well, I need to focus on production, so you handle all this shit. Not recognizing that what I was really doing was holding my wife up like a shield and putting her on my forearm and letting the insurance company and the taxes and the bills and the utilities and fucking everybody else under the sun and the credit repair people and our attorneys all deal with my wife. And then I wondered why my wife started becoming a dude. Because in order to survive as a shield, you have to have, like, masculine energy. So my wife starts channeling heavy levels of masculine energy, which has us fighting at home a ton. And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm coming home to a dude. And then I'm not recognizing. Listen, you dumbass. You created this dude. You decided to turn the queen into a shield. She was supposed to sit back and you go to fucking war. She can do her shit and go to war, but at the end of the day, it's your responsibility to protect the fucking door. Why have you handed this shit off to her? And so I had an awakening. I had an awakening. And in that moment, I said, you know what I've got to do? I've got to take back all this. I cannot use her as a shield anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me? And so I took back responsibility. One of the moves I made, I took all the bills off and I took on. And I took on credit repair on. I took on everything we were doing.

You took on a lot of stuff. And I'm realizing, too, we in our mastermind today that we have with hairstylists, I realized that women, naturally, we, like, can persevere. Like, we're like. We can handle a lot of shit. Not to say that we handle it well, but, like, a guy might get stressed, and a girl's version of stress is just anxiety. You know what I mean? You feel like you're suffocating and you're panicking and you can't swim and you don't know how to. You don't know how to correct it. And you're like, I just want to be this, like, free loving, like, feminine woman, like, whatever it is. And I can't be that way. And so it goes into this level of, like, just survival mode. And so you have to channel a little bit more of that masculine role just to kind of, like, just to survive. Just to survive. And then it kind of creates, like, a. Neither of us are really attracted to one another. And so it was like this weird, like, phase in our relationship that had to happen. But in the end it was like, okay for me to gain back even like my own femininity, which I'm very feminine. I'm way more feminine than I am masculine. But I can, I can channel both. And I still think, I still know that, like, what we experienced in those few years is a piece of me that I needed to be able to tap into 100%. And I believe that all men and women have both female and male characteristics. And it's learning how to use those where it benefits you and what you're creating in life.

So one of our lessons I'm gonna give to all the gentlemen. You ready, gentlemen? Here we go. Gentlemen, here comes your lesson of the day. Your lesson of the day with this podcast is quite simple. Don't use your wife as a shield. And when you've used your wife as a shield, when it comes to money for your own inability to get shit done, I was the guy you. It's your job to pay the bills. It's my job to go make the money. If you're gonna go fucking make the money, you manage the money. Well, I don't have enough time. Bullshit. I promise you, I am far more fucking busy than 99% of you listening to this show. And I get it because my old version would have looked at me too and said, no, I'm too fucking busy. I can't do that. I can't. That's her job. She needs to pull her weight around here. Let me add another 2 cents on this rant while I'm there. Are you fucking men out there that are expecting your wife to split the bills with you? Fuck you. Like, seriously, drop your pants and make sure that you've not required your wife to have a bigger penis than you do. Like, if you have created an environment where your wife has to produce, that's a fucking problem. And I did that and I lived that place. And that was the same fucking guy that decided to use my wife as a shield. And then I expected my wife to go halfsies with me. Will you pay these bills and I'll pay that? Now listen, I understand everybody gets into tough situations, but if your long term strategy is driven by, I'm going to produce under the conditions that my wife's going to have to equally produce, or in some cases, my wife's going to out produce. Brother, you need to go have a hard look in the fucking mirror and you need to take a cross check at yourself and decide, am I actually committed to leading? I am not saying that women should not produce. I'm not saying that women cannot make huge production, but I'm telling you right now, as a man, if you are using your woman as a shield when it comes to your money, and you are also creating conditions that do not force you to rise as a man because you are allowing the story to be in place. And there are men, hundreds and thousands I meet, who are okay with the idea that they have settled into a level of production that demands and requires that your wife go to fucking work and produce because she has to. And I'm telling you right now, I'm not politically correct with you. Fuck you. I'm saying you got to pull your head out of your ass. You find a way to produce. You get shit done in a way that allows your wife to choose to produce, and you lead from the front.

I think even in our relationship, too, though, like, I felt like I was in a place where I did have to produce.

You did, ultimately, because I did the thing to you.

But ultimately, like, well, I didn't know if we were gonna stay married, and I.

And I couldn't get it done. Let's not bullshit. I couldn't get it done.

I just got to this place where even, like, as a hairdresser, I was like, you know what? Maybe I need to figure myself out, and maybe I need to find a way to produce for myself in case I don't stay married and I don't want to rely on a guy. Like, I was at this place where I was just so tired, and I wanted to be able to produce for myself, and I just didn't want. I wanted to be in the relationship with you and I. Because I wanted to.

Exactly. Say it one more time.

I wanted to be in the relationship with you. And I. Because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. Because you were paying the bills.

Yeah.

So it was an interesting place. Like, in our journey, as I started to discover myself and I started. I started making great money. I mean, I was. I was doing well for myself and still felt like I was kind of managing the mom card, and we were still kind of going out on dates. But I just felt like I was overwhelmed a lot and just kind of had high anxiety. And I got to this place where I'm like, I can continue this path, and I'm making great money. I think at that point, I was probably making about 30k a month.

You were. You were doing about 30k a month.

I was doing good between my own education and everything. And this was before Garrett came in and like, we worked together and I got to this place, even in our business, where I'm like, I don't. I'm tapped out. I'm tapped out on stress levels and energy, and I'm not willing to do anymore. Like, 30k a month is great. However, I'm not willing to sacrifice more of my life to make more. Like, it's not worth it for me. And I looked at even what Garrett had done in his business, and for the first time, I was like, even though I had kind of worn the masculine role, the man shoes, whatever you want to call, and I was like. I felt like, really? I'm like, I did it, you know, I was like, I don't want to operate at this level anymore. And I wanted to be able to kind of do the wife thing. And I wanted to be able to not be as stressed and have as much anxiety. And it was really hard for me. But I started to hand over a lot of my business to Garrett. I was like, hey, you're gonna help me do this. And now we've built an education program together. And I feel like that's been kind of a turning point in our relationship too, because I feel like I'm not, like, I'm still producing, but like, now you're kind of my right hand man. Like, you're the one that's, like, running the show. And we've seen such amazing results and even, like, going way above and beyond what. I knew what would happen, but I knew I just couldn't do it alone.

Yes.

And I think to me, being like, hey, here's my baby that I built. Please don't fuck it up. Like, I think that was for me, like, a place where I was like, in our relationship where I felt like, this is where trust is at. And I don't know if you knew that, but it was a big deal for me to be like, yeah, come into my world. Like, it's not like I was like, hey, you have to do this. I was like, hey, here's the keys. Drive safely. You know, And I think you were like, okay. And you've really, like, you've gone with it and you've run with it and. But I had. I even gave you ownership of my business. You know what I mean? I said, you own this portion of my business. And so it's not to say that, like, I feel like we're producing together now for sure. Like, I don't think of it as, like, just Garrett is paying the bills. I don't even know at this Point, like, I'm not the detailed person. I don't pay the bills, but I feel like we're contributing together. But it's like you're managing it all and doing it all. It's like, it's like I don't have to stress. I don't know if that's even.

And yet your credit score is still higher than mine.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is what I. My only point I wanted to say with this is like when I decided to let go, even though I felt like if you're a working mom or if you're a working woman, like, good for you. But for me and my journey, when I kind of just was like, I don't want to do it all, I felt like you kind of leveled up and, and even more so in your business and my business. And it just now we're like co producing together.

Listen, here's the deal. Like I, we train women also inside of the hair world. And we have Boy we for woman coming up, you know, here in the next couple days a week from the time the show broadcast will be in day number two. And we've got 300 women coming to train in warrior week for women. And we've got thousand plus women who've trained with us in the hair world. With 300 active in our mastermind, that will be over 500 by the end of the year. We have waiting lists and sold out events for the rest of 2018 heading into selling out 2019, likely before even Christmas of 2018. And it is 99% women. And there is a pattern that we are constantly seeing in this, which is this women want a purpose to produce, but they don't want to feel the pressure of having to be the provider. And there are far too many men who are okay with the idea that they can sit back and lean on the production power of the Queen and build, only build themselves far enough to meet halfway. And yet at the end of the day, I've yet to meet a powerful producing woman at any level who at the end of the day doesn't want to be be in a relationship where she can trust that the man she is with can raise the fucking sword and go to war. And she can rest at times, but nothing worse than raising your wife up as a shield. And then what you don't know happens is she ends up putting on the crown of the king. And inside of that place has to weaponize herself as a man. And inside of that, masculine energy is demanded to use that power to produce. And Then you're going to spend years like I did, years restoring trust, years going to war for the crown that your wife had to take because you wouldn't show up. And so I did. And I went to war for it. Over and over and over and over and over again. Danielle collided with me over and over again to the point I'm laying in bed one night and she comes into my bedroom. She get. I don't still to this day I don't know how a little 110 pound woman was able to do this. A 205 pound man asleep. I'm laying in bed, I've been a little bitch about some stuff. And she comes into bed, grabs onto something, I don't know how she does it. And she kicks me in the back and she says, stop being a fucking bitch and kicks me. And I fall out of the bed. And there's this moment, I'm lying there on the floor and A, I'm like, what the fuck just happened? B, I'm like, how the hell did that little woman just kick me out of the bed? Literally? And then this other moment rises where I got fucking pissed. I was like. Like this rage came up in me and then there was this moment where I was sitting there where it was almost funny and I was like, are you shitting me? All my wife is saying, stop using me as a shield. Stop using me as a punching bag. Stop pretending like you're the fucking man because you can turn me into a shield. Pick up your own fucking shield. Pick up your goddamn sword. Go to war for our family. Go to war for us. Go to war for yourself. Treat me like a woman. Don't treat me like a man, just be the man. And I was like, whoa. Like, this was. This was massive. And it was so hard for me to hear and it was difficult for me to swallow and difficult for me to agree to and assume that this was what had happened, that I had created this fucking problem and inside of it made a different decision. And the decision was a very simple, tactical one. One, my wife was no longer going to pay the bills in two ways. One, not financially and two, not in dealing with them. Now, gentlemen, if you're listening to this and you are not in an economic place to pull this off, then you need to ask yourself a better question. The question is, who would I have to become such that my wife could choose to work, choose to produce if she wanted to, but never have to feel the pressure of having to do it? Because I'm telling you, as a woman, the Mommy guilt, the shame, the blame, all of the guilt they go through, men do not experience. And the worst part is that most men who go into that split type of relationship, that use their wife as a shield because of the conversation of money, because of their own weakness and their own unwillingness to rise as fucking men, as producers, because of this, what they find themselves in, in a situation is a marriage that becomes completely dysfunctional. The answer is simple, A who'd you have to become? Because there's not one man listening to this entire show, not one man listening to this show, that does not have the capacity to rise. You don't rise because you don't want to rise. You don't rise because you are surrounded by men who don't support you to rise. If you're a man who finds yourself alone listening to the show, maybe your wife sent you this show, she'd been listening to it, she sent you this show and you're like, fuck you, Garrett. I'm like, I get it. Fuck me. But here's the deal. If you want to change, join us. Quit screwing around. Get yourself around a bunch of other men that aren't going to support you, holding your wife up like a shield, that are going to tell you tales of their own dysfunction and their own insanity, just like me. We don't need you to be perfect. We need you to progress. That's you. Head to worrybook.com would love to invite you into a 30 day journey with us inside of a unique experience known as the King's Kit. And if you are a woman, if.

You are a woman, if you are a woman. Right now, the only thing I offer is big money stylist, which is geared toward hairdressers. But you can tune into the podcast and you might also like the big money stylist or he might like the big money size podcast, even if you don't do hair.

So, and we have, we have some interesting announcements coming up in the month of September after this Warrior week for Women, Warrior wealth edition Business edition, happening in October. Warrior Warrior is, let's just put it this way, Warrior has seen some things on the backside of guiding women and being able to manage and guide both men and women. Because when you get a couple together on the same page, shit, it goes vertical very quickly. So dark very quickly.

Way to end it on a light note, Garrett.

Way to end on a light note while my voice is jacked. All right, that's all we got for you today. We are done with this podcast. It is our anniversary. 15 years married where's my trophy? I am your trophy. I am literally your trophy husband. I'm your trophy husband.

Why did you just give me a five?

Because I'm your trophy.

I'm in dude mode. Huh?

I'm in dude mode. I'm your shield. I got you had that. All right, we're done. Gentlemen, ladies, have a great rest of your week. We'll see you next week here on the Date your wife podcast.

That was a warrior show.

All right, well, you guys got to hear that. That's the Daily Fuel. We're done for now. Bye. See you guys later. It's been a long day.

That's a long day.

Long day. 15 years married tomorrow, gentlemen. 15 years. 15 years.

Are you paddleboarding in the morning?

Do I want to? There's what I want to do. And then There's Warrior Week 50, which is where I'll be.

You just gotta prioritize, baby.

I did. Where are we, 50? Because up until today, neither one of us knew our anniversary was tomorrow. I was planning a big, huge thing for Wednesday. All right. Anyways, gentlemen, have a great rest of your day. This is Gary Joy signing off, saying love and night, Good morning, good afternoon, and good night.