Don't Wanna Kiss, Just Wanna Cum | Date Your Wife | EP 137

My friends, welcome here to the date your wife podcast. My wife is absolute assassin, a savage. And she has banned us from the home studio because it's not as aesthetically pleasing to her eyeballs.

Not only that is like, our little three year old knows that. It's like, you've been trying to shoot these podcasts at 5pm and our 3 year old knows it's like dark, it's nighttime, dad should be done with work. She knows we're in there. So it's like we try to do a couple podcasts with her and she's knocking on the door. We're like juggling her. And then like, the lighting is shitty. And I was like, this is not gonna work. And I was like, I love that you were like, this year you're like, I'm gonna get off work at 5. And then you were like, I'm doing a podcast every night after work at 5.

But who was I doing a podcast with? Some guy named Bobby that works at the gas station.

I don't wanna do my podcast at 7 o'.

Clock. All right, well, it was a bonding last time.

I do.

It was a bonding time for you and I. Me and Bailey did a podcast at 7:00am Me and Parker just ripped the podcast in 20 minutes.

That's. That's great.

Yeah, we were doing all that while.

We were all fancy.

Today I had a studio shoot for sales videos with one of my clients. I was being the Ryan, the modern Ryan Seacrest.

You were?

Yeah, I was doing the interviewing of the sales video. So it was like interview style. It's like a docu series, like sales video for cyber security. It was awesome. Yeah, I killed it. I absolutely killed it. So, you know, do you like doing podcasts or you don't like doing podcasts? It seems like you start heavy, but then you don't get. You. You like, drift after two.

I. It a podcast is. I like doing it, but it is work. We used to try to do it as part of our date nights. And then we like. It wasn't fun. It was like. It was like fun in the beginning. We're like, okay, we're going on our date nights, do a podcast and go to dinner. And then when I get stopped getting fun, we stopped doing it. And then we started doing it like at a regular time during the day. And it was just part of like, it was just like part of my day or whatever. And then you're like, we're gonna do them at five. And I'm like, I don't really like doing it at five. Because that's kind of like my unwind to feed the kids. Like at five o'. Clock.

Yeah, you start feeding kids at five o'.

Clock. Charlie's eats dinner about five.

The kids are eating right now.

They are.

They are. All right, so the kids are eating. You don't want to do a podcast at 5. You won't do a podcast before 10. So you got to say, when I do a podcast before 10, 8am you'll do a podcast.

Depends on the day.

Yeah, exactly my point.

No, it depends on the day I have. Where I work out. I have a trainer.

Okay, I appreciate that.

I'll do a podcast with you. What time works.

Here's the thing. You act like I'm not that committed to the podcast. You're not that committed to the podcast.

No, no, I am committed.

I had built a studio ready to commit at 5pm every single week for two nights with you. And you said no.

I know. I told you I don't like the 5pm time.

I know what I'm saying. But I've also offered up before 10am.

And then you said, let's get this podcast going then.

We are. We're getting this podcast going with the foundation of the pit before we go to the peak.

Okay, what are you going to talk about?

The pit to the peak? I want to talk about why you change your shorts and put sweats on.

It was freezing.

Oh, boy.

You like this outfit?

Why do you turn heaters on all the time in the house? Just stop doing this. It's too hot.

I got this cute little Valentine's outfit, but it's. It's like the sun is out, and all of a sudden it's like. It has the illusion of being warm, but it's not. It's really cold.

Yeah, it's pretty cold.

So what are we talking about?

What we're talking right now? You act like we're waiting for somehow to start the show. The show started. The show started exactly, like four minutes ago.

I'm ready for your topics.

The topics are here. The topics are always here. All right, let's talk about distance. Distance. Distance. You were super fired up and angry at me about a week and a half ago. We didn't get a podcast about that.

Yeah, we didn't. I was like.

You were super angry. You were super angry.

Do you want me to be real? Do you want me. Okay, we can start now.

I want you to lie. Of course I want you to be real. That's what this fucking show's about.

Well, Let me tell you how this went down.

All right? Put your sunglasses on and be cool and tell me about it.

We were at dinner.

Oh, God. Hollywood. Off you go.

We were at dinner. It started at dinner. It was a late Friday night, and Garrett's asking me all these questions, and I was feeling kind of, like, just bugged at you, but I didn't really.

Know why you were feeling irritated.

Yeah. And I was just like. But actually, then when you said this one thing, I realized why I was irritated. So we were at dinner, and you're like, what's your favorite body part of mine? What's this? And you're asking all this question, and then you go, you know what I'd really like? I'd really like more words of affirmation from you. And, like, I'd really. And I was like. Which is fine. Like, I. Normally I'd be in a space where I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry, am I not giving you words of affirmation? Like, obviously, you're not feeling connected either. But then I was, like, thinking about the week and how I set up. Like, I set up more night coverage so that we could, like, hang out. I was excited that you said, you're gonna be off at 5. I was like, okay, even though it was like, you said you're gonna be off at 5. But then it was like a podcast, and, like, it was kind of shenanigans, and it wasn't. Didn't really feel like you were off at 5. And then the other thing is, like, I would make dinner just hoping, like, we could sit down and eat. There's just, like, little situations where, like, you went in your office and you were, like, fucking around and drinking your Feel Freeze. And then. And that's fine. But then I, like, had dinner by myself. And then you came in 20 minutes later after your feel free kicked in. I was like, okay. It was just, like, one of those. And then even in bed, there was one night in bed where I was like, hey, babe. Okay, the kids are in bed. Like, let's go watch a movie or something. So we go up in our room, and you sat by the fire pit, and you pulled up your laptop, and you're like. And then I was like, well, I'm going to bed. And it was just like. There was no. Like, I tried to create all these windows and all this space, and I.

Didn'T do much with the windows, and.

I felt like you didn't. I was like, man. There was even, like, one night where I fully came on to you. And you were like, no. And I was like, what in the hell is going on? And then at the end of the week, you had the audacity to tell me that you needed more words of affirmation. I was like, you want a word of affirmation? Fuck off. That's how I'm feeling this week.

Fair enough. I mean, when I thought back about the week, I was like, I probably didn't go well.

And then I even realized. I was like, why am I bugged at him? I was like. And then I brought up a couple situations, and you're like, oh, I could see that. Oh, I could see that. And then our lunch date. I mean, it was a working lunch date, but I was like, it's kind of fight. No, it wasn't. You just yelled at me. And I was like, that was a bad idea to ask him to even go to lunch if he didn't have time. He should have just said no. Like, you were almost, like, irritated that you were lunch with me.

I'm like, no, it was an interesting week. Like, it just was an interesting week. You created space. You did. You did create space.

Let me ask you this, okay, really fast, before I forget. So I. We work together.

Yes.

I mean, I don't really work in Warrior. I help support Warrior and whatnot. But I have you kind of coming back into my business. Not, like in a major role unless you want to be. But I feel like. I feel like you're like, I'm gonna treat you like my business partner, but I don't really like that. I'm like, I can. You're not even treating me like your business partner. Like, you're treating me well. Like, you're not treating me like your wife. And not only that, it's like, the people you love and the people you're most comfortable with, you're almost, like, more harsh and more negative with. Okay, so I am like. I'm like, I. If this is what it looks like, you coming back into my business, I'm like, I don't know if I really want that, but I think you kind of, like, let go. Cause I was like, a little bit. I mean, I don't know, you can talk to me about it, but I was like. You were like, I'm taking over. And I'm like, I don't really need you to take over. And then you were like. Then you sacked it. And you seem better about it now.

Well, I mean, there's a lot of topics at once. So, like, we've got the topic of what was going on with me as a man not showing up in the pockets. I. Let's talk about the 8 o' clock being in bed thing because, like, it is an interesting thing to be in there. Like, my brain is like recalibrating. You remember, I got like a decade of being home at 7 o' clock at night and here I am.

Always put the kids to bed too, a lot. So I've tried. That's why I was like, that was not great for our marriage with the first two.

We.

We have the. And I feel like we have the chance to re. Do things differently. And I'm not fighting you to do things differently.

Well, it's not even fighting. It's like we're. We're both fighting. It's like I. I'm fighting to get the game wrapped up and to be home. And so, like, I was fighting for commitments. The time with podcasts was like a time for me to do time with you. Like, I feel like our podcasts have been really productive for our marriage. So I was like, okay, we could do two of these podcasts. That counts as family time. Cause it's her and I together. But you looked at it as work and I wasn't at home, which was super odd for me. I think it's like being in. I can lay by you in the bed, for example, at 8:00'.

Clock.

And if I'm watching a wor movie, I could care nothing about.

But I didn't realize you were going to do three other podcasts too.

So, like, there wasn't three other podcasts. There was two other podcasts with my kids. And I was like, it wasn't like.

You know, two with me and then two with him. Then it's like every. It's like you're not really home.

Well, I'm. We. You started the podcast out Monday, The Monday that this all happened. The podcast will start at 5:00'.

Clock.

Your people that you wanted on the show didn't show up till 5. 45. We didn't start the show till 6.

We didn't get done till 7 or 5. I would have done it earlier in the day.

The show would have been done at five. We started five. That's why I told you all the time. But I'm saying, like, that whole week, if you look at that week, that whole week started off on a bad foot. And you are the one that classifies podcasts as business work, not me. To me, I wasn't looking at podcasts as business work. Podcast time to talk with you.

It wasn't necessarily just that way.

Who the fuck knows if these shows make us any money? Like, all I'm saying is, like, doing the podcast is great for us. We're better as a couple when we do the podcast. So I was like, fuck it, let's do the podcast twice a week. We'll talk about business on one. That'll give us a chance to go. But your mind decided that doing podcasts at five o', clock. Fuck the lighting for a second. But if we look at just the podcast, you decide in your brain, this is work.

Why are you making this all about the podcast right now?

Because that's how it all started. Okay, that was part of it. Because the podcast is where you said, 5 o' clock is be home at 5 o' clock is have space and have time.

I didn't make that rule up. Just so we're all aware. I.

You said I made that rule.

I know. And I was like, are you doing it for me or is it something you want to do?

And I do.

I want to do it. And I was like, okay. So I was just kind of confused that you're like, we're going to do podcast. And I was like, well, then you're not really getting off. And you're like, and now you're telling me your reasoning for the podcast with five and like, your justification for it.

There's no justification. You can go look at all my fact maps.

Sure you're reasoning for that. I didn't know.

Balance. Impossible games are not business. Impossible games. The law of 52 at 5pm Remember I told you about this?

Okay?

Four podcasts a week. Two of my wife, two of my kids at 5pm At 5pm I think.

5Pm'S like, really early to be off. Like, I don't care if you're off at 5.

But that's why. So then why do you care about doing a podcast at 5?

I personally have more energy. Like earlier in the day. Like, by 5, I'm kind of like in mom mode and cook dinner mode and like unwind mode. It's not that I'm don't enjoy doing these podcasts with you, and I don't care if you're done with work at 5.

I know, but I'm committed.

This is a good time.

I know, but I'm committed.

Last year it was like, you were like, hey, I'll be home at 6:30. Or he'd be like, I'll be home at 6:30. And you'd roll in at quarter to eight. And I was like, I don't care. But if you're gonna, just don't tell me what time you're gonna be home. If you're not gonna honor what you just told me, like, that way I'm not like, gotta keep the kids up. Cuz I know he's gonna wanna see him and the kids want to see him. And I've been saying like, I don't care, like I just need to know. So when you say, that's why I said if you're going to be home at 5, that's great, do it for you, don't do it for me. Honor your own commitments. And that, that, that it is what it is. So I didn't like, I don't care.

Like, well, here my brain was looking at it from the. See, here's a perfect example. What happens when you're married. Like, two people have totally different intentions. They both don't understand the other person's intentions. And so they look at the action and they make assumptions based upon what they're seeing from their own intentions. Like you always telling me, well, that's not how I would do it. And I was like, of course you don't have a penis. You do. You'd never do it that way. You have vagina. You do it with the way a vagina would do it, not the way a penis would do it, just how.

I would do it.

No, how a vagina would do it.

Just how I would do it.

Do you have a vagina? Do you have a. I do not have a vagina. You were about to ask me, I was like, no, I have a baby.

You're making a reference then, that it's how a female versus a male.

No, I'm saying you have a vagina. This is a fact. And that is how you with a vagina would do it.

But by saying that instead of this is how you would do. You're referencing this is how males are.

No, you're making an assumption that I'm referring to all vaginas. I'm just referring to your vagina.

Why can't you just refer to me as me? I'd prefer not to.

Why can't I just identify as a raccoon?

Oh my God, this is going nowhere.

So listen, but look at it, look at how this works. Because the whole conversation we're talking about is how we got to the end of the week and you were upset and we got in battles and I wasn't showing up in a certain way. And it all Started on Monday with this chaotic podcast that drifted until 7:15.

You're really pinning the whole week on me on the Monday.

Stop pinning on yourself. I said this was an event I was involved in with you on Monday. Then it continues to go. And then watch the second piece. I'm sitting in the room.

I like this reframing you're trying to like.

I'm not trying to reframe anything. I like it.

No.

Yeah, you do like it. Listen up, missy.

So excited.

I'm sitting in the room. This is what I need to know. Eight o'.

Clock.

I'm in the room. I'm in our bedroom.

Okay.

Where in the room should I be at 8 o'?

Clock? I told you.

Where? Where? You know, right next to you.

Yes.

Cuddling you.

Exactly.

Do you want me to sit against the bed and put you between my.

Legs and put like, one hand between my thigh?

Yes, please.

No, I'm serious. Kind of. I'm serious. I was like, I couldn't put one.

Hand between your thighs.

No, that's.

And one hand on the keyboard.

Just joking. Because I wanted. I wanted to distract you. But what I'm saying is you didn't even notice me. Like, I was sitting there. I'm like, on the bed. I'm like, maybe he's gonna come over and he's gonna want to watch this stupid Netflix series with me. And then I look over and I'm like, he doesn't even know I'm. You were like, head down into your laptop, like, typing like a crazy person in your room. I was like, wait, so he's off at 5, but then. And he helps with the kids, but then I still don't get any time, even though he's off at 5. And it was funny because that night you came to bed and literally you were typing till 9:30 at night. And I go to bed, like 9:30 or 10. Probably 9:30, 8:55. I don't care. You're typing and you come in and you're like, hey, babe. And you start, like, rubbing my shoulders. And I was like, that's when I do the fake.

No, you didn't do the fake. You're not a cheat. You just told me directly.

I was like, this snowsuit is zipped up. Yep, I'm going to bed.

Leave me alone. I'm going to bed.

Yeah, that's.

I'm gonna.

Demons come out.

Okay, so listen, let's find one.

But that's probably typical for a male and female. The guy doesn't even know the woman exists. Sometime. And she's like, what do I gotta do to get some action out of her?

Well, I knew you were there, but you're making love to your cell phone every night.

I don't care. I'm not working. This is what drives me nuts.

But how is it any different?

I told you this.

So if I was sitting, scrolling TikTok videos, it's okay.

No, actually, and I already told you this, I go, if you wanted to be on your laptop, that's fine, but you were, like, audioing people. You're like, we need to change the software. And if we can do this under her. I don't even care if you're working. I just need you to sit by me. Know that I can.

So that night. So that night is.

Know that I'm there. Acknowledge that I'm there. Don't fucking voxer or voice anybody. If you're just typing. And then you just. I need you to, like, casually look up and smile and pretend like you're not working then.

So if I was. Let me give a straight.

I need you to, like, be with me and acknowledge that I'm in the room and that I'm like. I don't necessarily even want to talk. I just. There's. You can connect other than just having a conversation, Garrett. Like, you can connect just being by.

Each other, but what does that look like for you?

I just told you, tonight at 8.

O', clock, we're in the bedroom. What do we do?

We can do lots of things, but.

I'm just saying before that. But what happens.

I'm just saying there's multiple ways you can connect. What if we.

What if we tried something?

Talking is one of them. Just being next to me and acknowledging that I'm there is. Is one of the things.

What if you didn't have your cell phone?

What if you didn't have your laptop?

That's fine. I'll get rid of my laptop, you get rid of your cell phone. 8pm, no phones in the bedroom.

What if we're. What if we want to both have our laptop?

What if we try something different? What if we try. No. No technology.

But sometimes that's my downtime too, so I can't commit to that. If you want to commit to five and do your thing.

So you're casting stones from a glass house.

No, I didn't. You said, what did it look like for me to connect? And I said, even if you weren't on over by the fire pit, voxring people and talking and not even noticing their.

So it was the audio notes that were the problem.

No, you didn't. You literally didn't even acknowledge I could have been naked jumping on the bed.

If you were naked jumping on the bed, I would have noticed.

Okay, well, I guess that's what you gotta do, ladies. If your man's working and he's in the same room and you're like, what does a girl gotta do? You gotta get naked.

Naked and dance. Let those titties dance.

Oh, my God.

Okay, so listen, if so, I'm just trying to get clear. So if I'm laying on the bed next to you and I have a hand between your thighs, this has got.

To be the stupidest podcast. It's not.

No. Because this is what men and women go through is that you say a thing, then we as a man interpret. For example, you said, I just want you in the same space as me. So I'm in the same.

I can be more direct.

Okay. But I'm in the same space with you.

I'm a fairly direct person.

You're saying I can be on my laptop, I can do whatever I want on my iPad. I can do whatever I want on my iPad as long as I'm not sending audio notes. And then that still counts as time. Sitting next to you, you have to.

Have at least one hand on me somewhere.

So if I have one hand on you, I'm typing one handed and I'm working on whatever I want to work on.

Yeah. And you're in the bed next to.

Me and I'm in the bed next to you. It counts.

Yes. And if I want to, like, look at you and be like, hey. And spark a conversation, you just stop typing for a minute. There's contingencies to this. I want one hand on the body. I want one hand on the keyboard.

You want me to actually touch you? Do you like it when I touch you?

Yeah.

You didn't say you were a physical touch person. This is not what you're assumed that.

I wasn't a physical touch person.

It's not what your five languages. You are acts of service and time.

I like all the things. Who doesn't want to be cuddled?

Sometimes you do not.

Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes you don't want to be kissed.

Sometimes I don't.

I think intimate. I think kissing is more intimate for you than sex.

Sometimes you're all about kissing. Sometimes I am too. Sometimes I'm just not into it. I'm like, let's just like when I'm tired. I'm usually not into Kissing. I'm like, let's just do the thing and then go to bed. Doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it. I just am like too tired to get that. I'm too tired to go that intimate. Garrett, there's levels to sex.

I am only. I only have enough energy to fuck. I do not have enough energy to kiss.

It is true.

It's a lot of energy to move my lips and tongue.

I'm serious. There's times where you're like really into it and it's like passionate. And then there's times I'm like, I'm looking for one thing. I'm gonna focus. I don't wanna kiss and I wanna come.

Don't wanna kiss. I wanna come. That's what it's gonna be called. Don't wanna kiss. Just wanna come.

Titling that.

That's gonna be the title of the show. Caitlin, you know what to do. Don't wanna kiss. Just wanna come. Oh, that's a good one. That's right down the line with ttf. That's right down the line with Quickie. Quickie. Porn star. It's right down with pornchar. Porn star. Porn star.

I want you to want to do the dishes.

Exactly. Okay. So I'm very clear about how to win now. So that night where I fucked up is at 8:00pm I should have been in the bed next to you, hand between your legs and one hand on the keyboard. No audio notes.

No audio notes.

I basically hate every show you watch on the tv, so I hate watching tv.

Well, we can find something. We both know we watch comedies together all the time.

I like watching. Okay. Stand up. Comedy is.

We do that all the time.

Yeah, that's fun.

In fact, on date nights, that's usually when we don't have. That's like when we're like, we'll go to dinner and then we're like, yeah, let's just go home, watch it. Watch something. That's when we don't have our phones on us. That's usually when we like watch a comedy.

And what if we made a rule that by 8:30 there were no I.

Would like to do? Okay, so there. There's so many rules going thrown out here and I don't want to.

They're not that. They're not that. They're not that hard. I mean, it's like.

But. But I would like to open up more date night home is what. Is what I would like to do. Because there's like, there's times you're like, hey, do you want to go to dinner tonight? And I was like, not really. I kind of. I prefer eating clean. I mean on the weekends maybe I'll have a nice dinner or whatnot. But like for me time.

So while we go to date night to the bedroom at like 6.

No. Yeah, but what I'm saying is to me, date night doesn't mean need to be spent going to dinner or something. Like, we have such a phenomenal house. Like, remember when we got our house and we were so excited, we got the keys and we did a date night in our house. We literally went down to Nick's and we didn't go to dinner there. We picked up Nicks and brought it back to our house. And then I think we had sex in every room in the house.

That's. That's not every room. But we did have sex in the house.

But it was a fun. I mean obviously we were.

It's a lot of rooms to have sex.

But. But even like I was like, I remember that night thinking like this house is like a hotel. You could have, you could literally go anywhere. And your kids, you can hide from your kids.

Yeah. I work at the house.

I know.

I mean I have an office, but I have a clients come to the house. We do huge stuff at the house. We used to do a podcast at the house with you. But you don't like it. It, it's mostly because of video. It's not because the audio. Audio is good.

I mean, look how good my hair and this lighting looks.

Yeah, I know you like the side by side videos that are look amazing. And so. Okay, so we've gotten to the bottom line of this and inside of this podcast, which is winning. Hey, listen, you have to progress the fact that we've gotten into the bedroom at 8pm without the kids many more times in the first two, three weeks of January of 2023 than we did in the whole year of 2022.

Isn't it nice? Because it is.

I really like being home early. Like I'm feeling anxious now about, about 4 o' clock. I start getting excited and then I start feeling anxious past five or six o' clock because then I know I'm cutting into kids time.

Yeah. And it was funny because I even had this conversation, had to have this conversation with you and I. I never really realized that there's like a dad guilt or like an entrepreneur guilt. Like I never really realized that until I was like. For you, like you'd work until like 6:37 and then you'd come home and you'd be like, I'm like, I've really got to wind these kids down. I got to keep them on their schedule. And I finally had to have a talk with you that I was like, hey, if you're home past a certain time, like you miss dad time, you don't get to hype them up till 9:30. Because then it, it spills over into like, Isla's tired, Charlie's tired, everybody's tired. They don't go. They actually, if kids stay up later, it's harder to put them to bed. And you talk to any woman and they're like, I know, but I never really considered it from a guy's perspective. I was like, they, they, they feel guilty, like in a way, and they want to spend time with their kids and not guilty, but I get it, you know, I mean, I'm like, I'm a mom. The days I work, I'm like, where's my babies? And it's like, I want to, but I also, there's an element of guilt there. Like, I gotta go get them, you know, So I get that perspective. And that's why I was like, hey, I love that you want to do that with our kids. And I just need it to not be at 7:45 at night. And I. So I think that was part of the reason that you were like, hey, I'm committed to coming home early. And that's great. Like five, I would say like five to seven. That's. That could be like very productive kid time during the week. And then there are. And then our little ones go to bed at 7:30 and 8:00', clock, and then by 8:00 clock, till at least 8:30, I'll be awake.

Yeah. Well, there you go. I mean, you, you've been, you've been. I mean, last night you had knackered in about 8:45.

Whatever. I was still watching a show at.

9 and you were like, you fell asleep at 8:45?

No, no, no, I turned off your show. You came in, I was still watching it. It was almost 9:30. And you were like, I'm turning this off. I go, I'm still watching it. And you go, no, you're not. I was like, okay, we were not.

Up till 9:30 because I only have.

One eye open and the other ey.

Doesn'T mean I'm not awake when both your eyes are shut and you're drooling on your pillow. So listen, like, we've got this established then the win is simply this home, I've been doing much better. I haven't got home exactly at 5 o', clock, but I'm very close, which is a huge improvement. And you're saying no podcast at night because you don't like it. So we gotta find some adjustments for our podcast for you and I. Me and the kids, like Parker and Bailey, both like sitting on the chairs. They're better than they like being here, because here we're staring at a camera and we're not looking at each other, whereas in my office, we get to just sit.

Yeah, but you're doing this for marketing material, and it doesn't look good on marketing material material. In.

In your office, I got so much video assets. You know how many I got a terabyte. I got 2 terabytes of video assets for marketing assets. I'm not trying to get podcast video assets. I don't need these for marketing. No, the show's better digital audio. I think the video is fine.

The video's crazy though, is your teams, they put a ton of podcasts, so they do that.

We went through a season of those, meaning we go for like a week or two, and then we. We scroll to another event series and we just go. So they're just using Fast five, which. Yeah, it's great.

They definitely use a lot of the podcast stuff for marketing materials.

Yeah, we use some of this. Yeah, it's great. We're gonna use it from the other one too. I'll get the light to figure it out. You're not a big fan, but it's okay.

That's right.

So 8pm we're tying the new thing. And the new thing is really simple. We're home.

Okay.

Once we're home or once we in the room, we lock the doors. We're naked, just purely naked. 8:00pm we're just laying there naked, no covers. I got my hand between your legs, my hand on the keyboard.

I'm gonna need.

And both your hands are to yourself. All right, so outside of the shenanigans of that, really, we're in the bed at 8pm and we're by each other and we're physically touching, and technology's gone at 8:30. Can you agree to this?

Yeah, actually, I'm way better at that than you. I just need like. I just need like 30 minute of like, scroll time.

Okay, so 8:30. Phones are off. We're just cuddling. I'll sit behind you like a lazy boy chair, and you can lazy Garrett chair and you whammy 8.

I don't like creating rules.

Gary, it's not a rule. They're suggestions. Okay, I look at how you drive, there are no driving rules. They're just suggestions for you.

I suggest.

Suggest you use your blinker or not. Suggest you leave room for that person. Or not.

You know why it's hard?

Suggest you don't cut them off.

Or not to little things. Because once I commit, like I'm really, really consistent. Yeah, like very consistent.

Very Amy loner going to bed.

See another thing I'm very consistent at.

You're a good sleeper. You're a good sleeper.

Not lately. Isla's been waking up. We finally got our one year old sleeping through the night.

And now our toddlers, our 4 year olds have a nightmares every night.

And I feel bad cause like she only wants you. But then I don't feel bad because I'm like the person that like at like 3:30 if I wake up it's like I've had enough sleep. My brain turns on and I'm like I should do this, I should do this, I should do this. And then I'm like go back to bed. It's like in the middle of the night it's still 3:30. And then finally at like 5 I pass back out till like 6:30 and then I just feel like a train wreck. I'm like, takes me.

I mean sometimes, I mean I got woke up this week already this week to clean up dog shit in Ruby's room. She came and got me at like 2 in the morning because Dory jumped off the cab the bed and then she had on the floor and she's like what am I gonna do with this? And she's half asleep being a weirdo. So I'm in there cleaning dog.

Ruby's like me, she doesn't do well with lack of sleep.

She's like, I don't, I don't know what to do. She gets into this I don't know thing. It's such bullshit. It's hilarious because she's super smart and she's not dumb. She just like loves. I don't know then Isla's been up every night with nightmares.

I know, but Charlie sleeping like a champ.

And last night I walked in on her daughter on top of her boyfriend making it.

Oh no. I was gonna ask you about that. Yeah, she's so aggressive.

Well, that's why I looked at him and they were like. And it was funny. My friend was. I saw my friend today and he's like one of my clients. He's like, well you know, Were you angry? I was like, no, no, no. I checked to make sure the guy was okay.

That's awful.

I said, my daughter's aggressive. Are you all right, bro? He's like, good. I was like, she's gonna have her way with you. You need to be careful. My daughter's the savage.

That's not nice.

She's great, though. I was happy, you know? I mean, so you know what? They were making out. I told him you'd listen. You can't be in the theater with the door shut. If the doors are open, you can.

Make out all you like, dry spells where she's like, I hate all guys. I think I'm gonna go date girls. I'm like, you can date whoever you want. I don't care. And then it's funny. She'll hang out with girls.

Like, girls are dumb.

I'll be like, I know you don't. Stop pretending like you go both ways. You don't. You only like guys. I don't really care, and I'm open to whatever you say you want to try. But I'm like, but I know you, Bailey. And so I'll be like, look. And I'll be like, listen, the important thing is that you get out there and date. And so she's fired. I was just, like, proud that she's.

Actually like, oh, this young man's nice.

Yeah, she's going out.

He's a nice kid. Good looking kid. Plays football. San Clemente. He's a good looking kid. I don't even have a problem with this. So they came upstairs and they both looked at me because I came in and they didn't hear me coming in. And I was like. And they both were like, oh. And they, like, did the stirred old teenage makeout thing. And Brie had sent me a text and said, hey, you should go check on Bailey and her boyfriend. I was like, or her boyfriend.

We got four of those girls.

Oh, tell me this is why I'm just prepping myself. So it's just like, I'm looking them.

In the eyes are just gonna be like, super.

We're just talking. Well, like, listen, what are we gonna do? It's like the crazy part. Like, I'm finding that parent where I'm like, you think that somehow because you're, like, pulling vulture coverage that these kids aren't gonna go make out somewhere. They're gonna go make out, if not have sex somewhere. It's like, they're gonna do whatever the they want to do. Like, at least in this Environment. I said no door shut.

Yeah.

If you're gonna make out, make out in the public.

Yeah.

Here on the couches in the. But if I come by, I'm a surprise attack. You.

I do feel like you still need. Like, you gotta set some rules and boundaries for your kids, though. You can't just.

Of course, yeah. Like, I did have boundaries and rules. You kidding me? I came home, and you allowed them to be in the theater with the door shut.

I didn't know the door was shut, to be honest with you.

I was just, like, you were abdicating, waiting for me to come home and take over.

I mean, you're the dad. I feel, like.

Exactly. Sexist.

Oh, my gosh.

Yep. People ask. Sarah's car battery died today. Do you know what she did?

What?

She didn't come ask you for help to charge it. She came and asked me. No, she didn't. She didn't ask you.

She did. She said, you have jumper cables.

And I. Oh, she did.

And I said, I do. I said, I do not know. I said, but Garrett's here. Go ask him again.

The man saves the day.

I have no problem utilizing you where I need you. Garrett, come fill in the sales video.

Exactly.

Garrett, come change the garbage. Garrett, go get up with your daughter. Garrett.

Garrett, bring your erection over here. I'm like, fine.

What in the world? You have been saying so many weird, inappropriate things on this podcast.

How is Garrett bringing erection over here inappropriate?

It's complete facts. You just say stuff. I'm like, that's like.

It's pure facts. I'm not being weird about it. It's, like, true. I have an erection. You're saying, bring it over. We have sex. Like, I can't come over with a flaccid penis.

Okay.

I mean, I could. It's not gonna do any good, though.

I hope everyone's at least getting some value and a good laugh out of this podcast. I'm gonna go home, make some tacos.

Oh, let's go. Did you say tacos?

Please don't turn this into something weird and inappropriate. Are you three? Are you three?

Are we in fish tacos tonight?

It just keeps going so dark. So dark. I don't know if you're being serious at this point. I actually do make fish tacos a lot, but based on the context, no, we're not having fish tacos this week.

We should have fish tacos. We should have fish tacos for an appetizer, and then we eat dinner.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. If you're still listening to this podcast.

Oh, listen, here's the deal. We have absolutely no value to give you.

We have no values. Please go back and listen to some of our previous podcasts. If we've currently offended you, please go.

Back to our previous podcast where we actually had values we don't have anymore.

We have a great story and they're great. We're great people. We want to coach you and bring you up to your best selves.

Yep. And here's what our best self is. Be all of you all the time. Otherwise go yourself. That's our motto in life right now. And that's it. This is what we're going to be. We're going to be us all the time. And sometimes we're complete idiots. And this is how we are. And here's what we know. You're an idiot sometimes. Your husband's an idiot. Your wife's an idiot.

I still want to do five o' clock practice.

Super funny. You guys are all idiots, and we're idiots and we're all idiots and we're all brilliant. But the crazy thing is we're all insane because we decided to get married, have children, run companies. The hell were we thinking? Thinking that's how you fucking do life.

All right, well, thanks for so much for listening, you guys. Catch a new episode.

Catch a new episode on Channel 4. It's 5pm on Tuesday.

Catch a new episode of the date your wife podcast every week where we deliver lots of value and we have five kids together. Have a great night. I'm so hungry, I'm leaving.

We deliver lots of value when you got five kids. Good night. All right, guys, we'll see you next week. Check out more@wakeupwarrior.com or warriorlonchi.com as insane as it sounds, there's this absolute liberated freedom. And it's one of the funnest reasons why I like doing it with my wife in this podcast. I like doing a lot of things with my wife and one of them is this podcast because it's just fun and hope you guys get some value from at least, worst case scenario, you get to hear the variety and the diversity of realizing you're not nearly as crazy as you think you are. You're actually quite normal to be an entrepreneur, be married, have kids, and be running this insane life called the game out.