Dual Producers Making $$$ | Date Your Wife | Ep 007

And that's how we start the date your wife podcast with little whistling whites coming at you here with Danielle K. White, your lead whistler here inside of the show and your star when it comes to experiencing the power of dating your wife. Welcome back here, my friends. If you're here for the very first time, My name is Garrett J. White. I'm your co host here in the date your wife podcast. We are now on episode number seven. Episode number seven is our discussion today. And this show, well, we're doing this show for a bunch of different reasons. Danielle, I'm gonna come to you. Why are we doing this show? In your mind, why are we doing this? Because literally, like, we got a lot of shit to do, but we're sitting here doing this show right now. Why are we doing this show? I should say, why are you doing this show? You're confused about why you're doing this show?

Some weeks. Some weeks I'm a little confused.

Some weeks you're like, what the fuck? Am I doing this show?

Kind of.

All right. Why do you think you're doing this show in your world, why show up and do the show have to come today?

Just part of. Part of the. Part of the journey. I don't know where you want me to go.

I'm not trying to get you to go anywhere. I'm trying to get you to share. Like, why share why? Why are you here on this show? All right. You want my why?

Sure.

All right. Are you going to come back with a why once I give you my why?

Maybe. Maybe it'll spark something.

Maybe. No maybes. Maybe is a land for losers. Are you, yes or no, you're going to come back with something for me, yes or no Maybe. Did you just say maybe? Again, you're not going to get the gift. Do you know I have a gift for you today.

Oh, no.

It's Valentine's Day. It's Valentine's Day. I have a gift for you today during the show. But if you are in the land of maybe, I maybe have a gift for you. But if you're in the land of yes or no, I have a gift for you. Yes. So are you in the land of maybe or yes or no?

Is that like a threat? Is that like a threat?

No, it's not a threat. It's not a threat. I'm just, like, asking if you're committed. Are you committed to yes or no?

I don't like to commit to things based on if it projects, if I get something or not maybe.

Wait, are you Telling me that you don't commit to business, like, you know, getting pregnant. Getting pregnant. When you get pregnant, you get a gift. There's a gift that's called a child. It comes on the other side.

I know it's a gift.

Sometimes it feels like a curse. Was it feeling like a curse last night?

No. What?

Last night? Oh, no. Two nights ago. Two nights ago was a shit show. Last night was not bad. The kids were good.

They were great.

Yeah, they were great last night. Two nights ago.

You know. No, it was fine.

I feel like it was fine. You didn't have a problem with it?

Sometimes Bailey drives me bonkers, and I just have to, like, scream for a second. And then I'm good.

And then you're good to go?

Yeah.

Little screaming and then. Did you actually scream? You yell at your children?

I think I screamed at you, not them.

You did scream at me. You screamed me all the time. But were you screaming at your children?

I don't usually scream at my children if it's. If they're trying to get out of the door. That's usually what it's more of, like, a yell. I'm like, let's. Why. Why are you in the car with no shoes? Why.

Why is. Why do you think it is that kids literally cannot get to the car without shoes?

I don't know. Because moms do it for them. Like, I'm used to, like, grabbing the bags and lunch and the shoes and everything, and I'm like, just, like, trying to get out of. And then the one day that I want them to do it, they're like, why do I have them?

And I'm like, you're like, what happened to your shoes? I lost my shoes.

But it's my fault because I usually do it all for you, so maybe I have to train them. Like, you're in charge of your shoes? Like, it is what it is.

I don't even. I don't know why this happens, but there's a constant. There's a constant loss of shoes around our house, which is not actually our topic at all for today. Our topic is not about shoes, although it could be about shoes. Gucci shoes. Maybe I'll bring those up here in a little bit. So anyways, listen. This show itself was built to support men and women who are married and who are in the dating game. I'm trying to get the right fucking camera angle. Here we are. If you're not watching these shows, you can always check them out@dateyourwifenow.com, where we have all the videos we have, the show notes we have, the tips and tricks, action guides, et cetera. For each one of these episodes, you can always listen to the show here inside of whatever tool you're using. Whether I'd say itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, SoundCloud, and soon to come to Spotify here over the next couple weeks. But this entire show was built there, number seven, with one purpose, and that purpose was to talk about what it was like inside of our marriage. To be in a complete pit of chaos. And in that pit of chaos, how to climb and build ourselves out and stay married. Now, we were about. We were all knocking on the door of divorce. How close do you think you were to divorce, Danielle? Like, scale of 1 to 10, 10 being divorced, 1 being like, you know, I wouldn't even consider it.

No, there was a lot of times.

Where were you at? Give me a number. Eight.

I'm gonna go with a ten.

Ten. Okay. So there were moments of ten for you. All right. And then those drifted. In moments of 10, you started actually building a business because your desire was to do what?

Well, I've told this story quite a few times, but you told on bmso.

We haven't talked about it here. No, no, no. That was another podcast. We haven't talked about it here.

Well, honestly, one of the times I didn't know if Garrett and I were gonna stay married, I was, like, nine months pregnant with my second daughter, and I was like, well, shit. Like, I'm gonna have to figure out how to turn my business into a little bit more than just a hobby, right? And you weren't. You were in a tricky place where the market crashed, and you were, like, in between trying to figure out what you wanted, and we were just, like, struggling trying to make ends meet. And I am a hairdresser. I created a hair extension method called Natural Beaded Rose, and I own a salon now in Laguna Beach, California. But at the time, I was just kinda casually doing hair, and we weren't really dependent on my money paying the bills. It was just like a little bit extra here and there. So when I got to that place where I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay married, I was like, okay, well, I wanna be taken care of, and I don't wanna count on somebody else to take care of me. And now I have two children. So that's really what I put me in a position to try to take what I had and figure out how to grow it.

So you started producing. You started making your own money. I mean, you were kind of making your money the whole time since we were together, you were always making some kind of money with doing hair extensions. Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. So you were. You building. And the reason why I'm bringing this topic up today is because our focus for conversation today, every week, we focus on something different. Our first week of the month, we focus on the idea of sex, and we've done that. We've done two shows on that. This last one we had a really. Was a great one. And the one before that, that one on sex was a great one too. If you haven't figured out or listen either one of those, we learned. We talked about, you know, teasing last episode, which was fantastic, which was a great conversation. We also talked about masturbation. So if you missed that one, go back and check it out. The one before that, on sex, we talked about quickie. Quickie porn star, which is a strange.

Always cap on just the sex one.

Because I know my guys want to hear it. Yeah, my guys want to hear it. If you want to know what we.

Talk about every week, we talk about sex and more sex and lots of.

Sex and lots of sex.

We talk about parenting.

You're welcome.

That's the topic for today, Gary.

We go from sex and then we go to money, which we've had a money conversation. We talked about our money history. Last money show. Today's money show, we're gonna have a different conversation, and then we move from money to parenting and move from parenting to communication. So today we're on the topic of money, and we're specifically gonna enter the conversation not based upon money and where you're from, but, like, this idea of being dual producers. Dual producers. Now, you took yourself as a. You were a hobbyist in hair.

Mm.

But you were still making some good money.

Yeah, I.

But you weren't taking yourself seriously.

No.

Okay.

But I just. I always kind of. Like, I remember growing up, my mom, like, she would kind of pay for nice stuff in the homes or if she wanted, like, basically, like, trips or stuff in the home or clothes or whatever. I always felt like my mom was the one that contributed there, and it's because she always wanted nice things. And my dad was like, listen, I put a roof over her head. I pay our car payments. I pay our. All our bills. Like, you need to not want more than that. And so my mom was always this personality that was like, no, I do want more. And so she always worked because she wanted, like, I think that freedom and that control to be like, no, I want nice Things and this and that. And so I remember I kind of went in with that same mindset, like, I want to be taken care of, but I also want the freedom to not feel the guilt. Like, hey, I want a nice pair of shoes or I want a nice bag or whatever. So I was making enough. Just so I literally, like, I wouldn't. There was times I was making decent money, but I didn't really. I seriously, I never considered myself the provider, you know what I mean? And so that's why when I tell people I was a hobbyist, it wasn't that I wasn't making money. I've always done hair and hair extensions and I would say I was making decent money. I remember a few times when we first got married, living in Las Vegas, you were like, babe, I need. And we were like newly, newly married. And you'd be like, babe, I need like five grand this month. And I was like, oh, yeah. Because I had just been like stockpiling cash and there was only so many pairs of shoes you could buy.

And you weren't, but you weren't buying the big high end shoes.

No, I wasn't then, but you weren't.

Quite in that place.

But my point was just saying, like, that's like I always thought of as a hobby. I wasn't in a situation where I felt like I was the provider.

Okay, so you have the production game and again, there's this role game that goes on with money, which is an interesting one, which affected my parents too. My mom never looked at herself as a producer inside of the game, yet she was a hardcore producer with the kids and she was raising five children under very little amount of money. And my mom was committed. She was committed to making the work. She was committed to building a life for us kids. She was committed to taking whatever money and resource my dad could bring provide and then spreading that across the family. Now you and I inside the production game, we had. You had actually started that on the hair path because you also didn't want to be controlled with your spending. Is this true?

Yeah, for sure.

Okay, Talk about this desire to not be controlled.

I think that I, like, would see so many women being, or still to this day, like, I hated the idea of, like, I have to ask my husband. And even though there's a lot of men that are like, yeah, no problem here, here's some spending money. I didn't want somebody to put a number on, like what I couldn't buy. And then even then, like women, I don't know if men Experience this, but women face a lot of, like, guilt. Like, they face a lot of mommy guilt. They face a lot of just guilt and spending money. And for me, I just always felt like, oh, I don't feel guilty spending my own. I feel like it's like, hey, I earned this, and I feel good about buying this, and this is an experience for me and whatever.

Did you. Was there ever a point where you felt, like, controlled a little bit by the money? With me?

No. Honestly, our whole marriage, I never did, but. But then when we, like, lost it all, I was like, oh. I was like, well, I can help. I was like, maybe. Like, maybe, like, I know I make okay money. I didn't. I wasn't, like, a numbers person, and I wasn't, like, tracking it, but I was like. I mean, I. I was like, I feel like I know what my clients are paying each time. I know I'm, like, going to work. I know I'm making money. So I'm like, maybe, you know, but. But it. But it put me in a role of, like, wearing different shoes because it wasn't like, all of a sudden, I wasn't. I think a lot of hairstylists out there will, like, do hair is just kind of like, oh, I make good money. But they don't ever think of themselves as business people. They just think of, like. I mean, even though they are in business, they don't really consider themselves that way. And for me, when the roles flipped and I felt like I was gonna have to provide for even if we stayed married, at that point, I thought, well, maybe I'm supposed to be the provider. And there's a lot of relationships like that where the girl is a provider and the guy is not, and the guy is at home with the kids. And for a minute, I was like, maybe Garrett's supposed to be with the kids, or even if he's not, I literally was faced with a situation where I'm like, I'm gonna have to figure out how to be a producer, because I'm either gonna take care of our family or I'm gonna take care of myself.

I. I remember being in that position with you. I remember having all kinds of questions for myself as a producer, like, wondering, can I pull this off? Should I pull this off? I had moments where I was like, shit, maybe Danielle's just gonna become big at hair and I'm gonna become a stay at home dad. Like, I literally didn't know how to play the roles. And during that transition time, it really depolarized us As a couple, we've talked about it inside other topics when we're talking about sex, but it really depolarized us energetically. Like, there was an interesting game that plays out inside of money. When I'm not producing, Talk a little bit about what it's like to be a woman married to a man who's not producing. Every woman's gone through this at some level, and how money has. How money and production actually impact. No, I want you to fucking lie. Yes, of course. Be real. Go.

I think that every woman desires to be taken care of. I just think that's, like, kind of how we're genetically built. And so speaking from my experience, I just. Yeah, it did. Like, I kind of didn't. I wasn't, like, the attractive level was not there as much as much.

But, like, give me a ranking. One to ten. Ten being totally, totally attracted. One being not attracted. When I'm not producing, where am I?

Here's the thing. Before we kind of like, before I took on my brand and went serious with that, I should tell you the backstory that previous to, like, three to four years before that, we were in what I call numb phase. We talked about that.

Yeah, we talked about numb phase.

Yeah. So we were in numb phase. So it's not like I was like. We weren't, like, really super into each other. We were just in numb phase, where you're like, we're not good. We're not bad. We're just kind of here. And so then when. When you're not great, and then you kind of take away everything, all of a sudden, it's like you kind of look at your reality and your situation, like, where you're at. And so it went from being like, numb phase, like, things aren't looking so good, to phase of, like, things are looking not good at all. Because you even changed, like, what little mojo you had? Is that what I could say?

Sure.

What little mojo you had of, like, swag of businessman and, like, running your own mortgage businesses and things like, that was gone. And I was like, oh, dear Lord. Like, I. Like, I. There was, like, zero. Not zero. There's like, a 1%. I'm gonna go with a 1.

1% attraction.

I don't know. So it really shook me. I was like, holy shit. Women really want to be taken care of, and they want to feel safe. And, like. Like, that's just how it is.

Let's be straight. If I had not ever turned around production, let's imagine there's guys like this, guys who have not turned around production. If I had never turned around production. Do you think we're still married? Yes or no?

I don't know. Because I know in those years that I was.

Tell the truth.

I know. I really don't know. Cause I don't wanna. I don't know that for some couples, in some situations, maybe it doesn't work out, but I think from a guy's perspective, is there a little bit of resent on the girl or what? I don't know what goes on.

Sure, for sure. No, there's a sense of inadequacy.

You know what I find, too, is I was in. Called cut your balls mode off.

Cause I was in Cut yout Balls mode off. I can fix this. I mean, turn that microphone.

It doesn't turn.

I know. You gotta keep it right up.

Cut your balls off mode is like. Like, I felt like I was the man in the relationship in the sense where if you were trying to control me, I was like, you don't have a fucking leg to stand on right now. So it's like I would just. Which actually made our relationship get worse because I was in cut your balls off mode and just, like, kind of genuinely annoyed by you and constantly, like, pulling out the rug, I guess you could say. I don't know, it, like, actually made our relationship worse. And then it was like, all of a sudden, you were like, okay, I gotta take back my.

It led to a lot of wars.

Yeah.

I mean, we were sitting there as a couple. Like, I mean, the frank fact of the matter, like, we were sitting there as individuals. Danielle. Danielle's making the money. I'm not making the money. I'm not producing. And people say the money doesn't matter. Right? Like, they're like, oh, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. I will tell you right now, for a woman to be the lead producer creates masculine energy. It doesn't matter. Every primary producing woman I've ever met ends up channeling a level of masculine energy to produce. Because masculine energy is business production and getting paid. Okay? And so when a man is in a relationship with a woman who's out producing him, I'm not saying the women shouldn't outproduce men. If you can outproduce your man, you should do it. But what I'm saying is there's this impact that happens. And it started happening to me because I had confusion and chaos about where I was trying to go. I was not putting the dollars. I was not getting the dots to line up. When it came to making money. And so there I sat, trying to figure out shit, and at the same time, have this deep longing to be connected with my wife, yet my wife's completely turned off by me. And at the same time, my wife doesn't trust me. And at the same time, my wife's actually becoming disgusted with me because I'm not figuring out the production game. And there was this huge shift of power that came about because of money, where I went from, like, the king of the castle to. I went to the servant of the queen, who was now wearing the king's castle, king's crown and the queen's crown. And you. You kind of took over. Like, you took over as the producer for a bit.

I don't. You know, you always provided, though. I will say that. Like, I don't. I think you always, like, paid the core bills, but I kind of helped out. I think we're.

There's about four months where I couldn't make anything and you paid for it.

And then I think there was a couple months where, like, I produced quite a bit more. And you, like, that's when you were so angry at me, and I was like. And then it was weird, and there was a lot of tension, and.

Because you would talk shit. You would talk shit. You were cutting my balls off, and then you would talk shit.

I was in dude mode, which I'm not.

Like, be like, I smashed you this month. Just so you know. Just so you know, look at my money. You see this? I smashed you this month.

I did not.

And I'd be like, holy shit. Like, I didn't know how to take it because I was kind of turned on that you were producing. But at the same time, I was like, what a bitch. I can't even understand this. Like, she's pouring salt directly into the wound that she just caused with the knife on my balls.

I was just.

It's like, salt on the balls. It was, like, not exciting at all. Yeah, salt on the balls.

I just. Yeah, I think you were kind of competing with me, too. Like, it was just me. And so when we were competing, I was like, dude, like, quit trying to. Like, I, like, let me show you, like, what's going on here. And I think. Because I think you didn't believe me when I was like, I'm making good money. I'm doing this and this and this. And I think because you were kind of still paying the core bills, I think.

Did we have separate accounts then? I think we had separate accounts.

We did. Yeah. We did not. You didn't know what was in my accounts. Because I was. You didn't.

I know I didn't.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, no, I didn't. I had no idea.

When we went through the phase of, like, I didn't know if we were going to stay married or not, I.

Was like, separated the accounts.

I separated the accounts.

Got the Wells Fargo account.

Yeah. And I was like, peace out.

I have the Chase account.

You didn't even know for a while, like, how well I was doing until I would. And I think you would say stuff. And I wanted. I'd get so pissed, I'd be like, let me show you. I wanted to be. Let me show you my fucking bank statement. But I didn't.

You basically did it.

I think those were the months that it got weird. But you were always like. Like, providing. But I definitely had to put on the dude shoes.

The dude shoes were on.

I had to put on the dude shoes.

You were kicking me in the dick with the dude shoes. Even though you weren't a dude. Like this. This was happening like this. This is the reality of production. So if you're a man listening to this, or you're a man woman listening to this, and you're sitting in a game, I'm telling you right now, it's not just about the topic of money. It's about the power play of production, which is who is the actual king and who is the queen in the castle. And in some instances, in many instances, when a man loses his power, a married man loses power to produce or lacks the ability to be able to not just provide economically, but to create a game of trust inside of that relationship. The woman is forced to go into masculine mode in order to produce, which creates this whole different dynamic and challenge. Because I started coming back into the game, I started figuring some stuff out again. I started finding my confidence. Danielle and I, we talked about the sexual dysfunction, the problems we're having with connection, and how dating started us and going on dates started us down the path of reconnecting. But one of the big struggles wasn't just sex. It was money. And it wasn't just money. It was, who is the fucking king in this castle? Because Danielle had actually taken over, I had kind of, like, just said, here you go. Like, I literally don't know what the fuck I'm doing right now. Take this. Go with it. Like, there was probably a year or a year and a half where I was like, man, I was selling stuff and I was making money and I was hustling for other people, and I was making this cash, but I didn't have any clear trajectory for our future. How did this feel as a woman, though? Like, you're sitting there and you're kind of disgusted a little bit by it, but, like, honestly, as a primary producer, knowing you were for a period of time where the primary producer in our relationship and I was not getting it done, and I didn't have any signs of a clear path to the future that I was delivering. Like, what was this like, being married and being a woman inside a situation? You feel trapped knowing that you didn't feel trapped or you didn't feel trapped knowing.

Wait, what was the.

Knowing that I didn't have a clear path or trajectory? There was not a clear direction where I was going. I didn't know what I was going to do. Like, what was.

I so much wanted that safety net, and I wanted you to, like, be the man, but I wanted you to, like, show me that there was a safety net and there was no. I mean, because you were basically, like, starting a business from scratch. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, over and over and over again.

Yeah. Over and over and over. But then it was like, I kept seeing consistency, and it wasn't like you were changing the name of your company or trying this or going to a new seminar. You. All sudden you're going to go, this. It was like, build this. Get this going now. Build this. Get this going. Instead of like, hey, burn.

Burn.

Shit, Keep running. Burn, shit, keep running. Burn, shit. Keep running. And so you were building then releasing control. Building releasing control. Building, releasing control. And so I started to kind of, like, see this? And I was like, okay, he's staying consistent. And now I feel like that safety net is back. Now I can kind of let off, like, all this masculine energy and all this, like, grind and hustle. I can still. I can still use that and be productive. But I was like. But I don't. Not at the same level. Like, I kind of. I actually kind of took my foot off of the. It was this. Life is so crazy with timing, because there was this year where Garrett. I literally took my foot off the gas, and I was like, fuck it. I don't care anymore. Like, something inside of me is like, just put your business on hold. And that, I feel like, was your. Like, yeah, I was like, a big year for you. And, like, I kind of took my foot off the grass. Gas. And you put it on the gas, and it was just like, there was so much of a separation between, like, we're no longer competing between who's the man.

This is exactly what was happening.

Yes.

And.

But I.

We were having a battle for who's the man?

Who's the man? And so I was like, I don't even care. This is causing so much contention that, like, I don't care anymore. So I kind of, like, took my foot off the gas, and you kind of went. And then it was like you just kept going and kept going. And then finally, it almost, like, feels like it. It shifted our relationship to being, like, back to where it once was, where, like, he's the king, I'm the queen, or she's. I'm feminine, you're masculine. You know what I mean? And it was interesting going through everything that we went through. It was like, we still. We still could put. I can still put on that hat. I can still be, like, business mode. Danielle. So I definitely learned a lot about myself because I would say up until that point, I was kind of quiet, and I didn't like confrontation and whatever. And now I've learned, like, I've learned a lot. Like, I'm 34 years old, and people are like, oh, your business is so great. You're only 34. I'm like, yeah, I went through a lot of shit, though, and I think I learned a lot of, like, valuable skill sets. And one was, like, learning kind of, like, figuring out how to be the man and, like, figuring out how to delegate and figuring out how to wear the business shoes, I guess you could say. And then you have a side of you that. Two that is more, like, sensitive. And, like, it's like. It's weird. Like, we're both very much, like, masculine and feminine, and I feel like we've kind of found, like, our mesh with one another. And so I don't know.

Well, this was. This was the big struggle. Like. Like, I was. I was fighting to figure out how I was going to get back in position of power inside of my own home, and my wife was fighting me for the power. Like, it was not like. It was not like a couple years, like, our couple months. It was a couple of years, like, four years, five years of battle. Like, there was the silent phases, and then we went to war. Like, when Danielle took her foot off the gas a little bit, there was a piece of me that was starting to come back and now punch her the way that she was punching me for a few years, I was like, oh, yeah. Just so you know, you did this? Well, Yeah, I did 10 times that this month. Just so you Know you're welcome.

Such a dick.

And I would come back and I was throwing it in her face. Like I was throwing it her. I was like, oh, yeah, you like that? Well, guess What? I said 30 times what you did this month. You see that right there? You see that tax return? Oh, yeah. And so that we actually went to war a different direction. And it actually killed a lot of our ability to actually communicate as a couple. Because our communication is why our fights would happen at dinner on date nights all the time. Because we were battling. We had a little battle at date night just last week.

I know it's being little battle.

That was the first battle in a long time. And it was about business.

I'm at another place in my business where I know I need to let go a little bit. And it's so hard for me. And so I think I self sabotage in order to jump to the next level.

You do. You start to pull the nunchucks and whack me in the balls again.

And then I'm like whacking you in the balls. I think I'm whacking myself in my own balls. That I have.

Oh, you heard it here first. My wife, literally, her strategy when she self sabotaged is whack herself in her female balls.

That's when I know I'm usually onto something good though. So then I just am like, eh, let it go, move on.

But we battled. I mean, we went through a little heated battle.

You like it though? Let's be honest.

Let's not be honest about this. Let's lie about this. Of course we're gonna be honest about it. Stop saying that.

No, that's just a phrase I use a lot.

Stop saying that phrase. We went to battle last date night about business. Yeah, because how did you feel in that battle? We went to 50 Shades of Gray. Climax. Not a very good movie.

Yeah, that was lame.

Bunch of nipples. But I was like, I wasn't really feeling it.

That's good.

They were trying to make it all dramatic. I was like, I'm really not really feeling this. But anyway, so we go to this like a little wine bar afterwards on date night. That was fun. That was fun. And then it turned into a fight.

I know.

Turned into a fight.

I know. Because I. I don't even know why.

It turned into a fight. I tried to give you a compliment. I tried to give you a compliment and turned into a fight.

Do you want me to be honest?

No, I want you. I want you to lie because that's what I like. The Most when you're lying to me.

We just had done, like, two day intensive classes for my big Money Stylus event, which Garrett pretty much runs. And I very much. Even though I have to, like, let go of control, I love being in the mix. Like, I always want to be in the creation and the teaching process, and I always want, like, it was like my baby. I put my name on it, and I always want to be in the mix. And he. You're always, like, taking over, which is great. And I allow him to, like, take over because I know I want my business to flourish, but I still want to be a part of it. And he made a comment, like. Cause I. At the end of it, I was.

Like, you were on fire.

I was on fire. And I gave up. And, like, I came up and did a great speech, and everyone was, like, pumped, and I was like, nailed it. And we were at a wine bar, and he just was like, hey, you did so great speaking. And instead of saying thank you, I went into, like. I went into this mode of, like, yeah, I was like, I don't know why. Maybe drink too much wine. But I was, like, feeling bugged. Like, I was like, let me be a part of this. Don't take it away from me. Like, that's how I was feeling in that moment.

Yeah.

And I think I was also feeling like, oh, my God, like, Garrett, I am a good trainer. I am a good speaker. Like, in front of my people. Like, I fucking know my people. And I felt like you saw that side of me that you didn't. You hadn't seen. And so I think you were like, wow, like, good job. And I was kind of. I think part of me was, like, bugged that you hadn't seen that more. You know what I mean? Because last year, you weren't as involved, and I was like, yeah, don't take me out of this. You know what I mean? I'm like. And so I think that's kind of where that frustration came. And even though you meant to say it as a compliment, I was kind of, like, bugged. Like, I almost came across, like, give me credit for who I am and who I've become and where I'm willing to go, and it just came out all wrong.

And then it turned into a battle. And inside the battle, I went to the place I always go to, which is like, all right, fuck it, I'm out. I don't need your shit. I don't need your business. I don't need to be part of this now.

I just Told you.

Fuck your business. Burn it all. And then Danielle will do this thing where she's like. She's like, fine. I don't care. Shut it all down. And then I pisses me off even more. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I will. I will literally burn this into the ground right now. And we're sitting there in the wine bar, and the lady walks up to us. Are you sure, you know, you guys don't want any more wine? And we both look at her with these eyes of fire. I was like, do you think I look like I need more wine right now? I'm doing plenty fine yelling without any more wine. So we're yelling in the wine bar. We're getting louder than the music guy. Danielle then goes to this phase where she's like, shh. And then more she tries to shush me, the more I get pissed. I'm like, no, I'm not fucking shushing. Not shushing. I'm not shushing. I'm not shushing. We're fighting during date night. But let's talk about this for a second. Like, people. People think that this is, like the battling we were battling last night. We went back and forth. You were doing the same thing from date night last night.

I've been so pissed at you this week.

You've been a little bit of a crazy bitch this week. Are you on your period?

No. I think you've been working a ton, so I like to take it out on you.

You do? Yeah. I hope you take it out on me tonight. It's Valentine's. I'd like you to take all that aggression out on me tonight. Are you open to this?

We'll see how you show up.

I've been showing up all week. I'm getting my balls hit with numchucks, nunchuck ball, hitters. All right, listen, so we're gonna come. I'm gonna. I'm shift this topic. And we're gonna look at this. Here's the final thought I'm gonna give you on this piece, and we're gonna go with a different topic. So with money in production, right, there's going to be a power struggle. And there was a major power struggle with me in dealing with Danielle and dealing with the fact that I had lost the power and trust and Danielle had risen to take the crown. And so here's this woman who is both the king and the queen in the castle. And here I am as a king, coming back in and saying, I am the man. But she's like, doesn't look like you're the man. I'm like, I am the man. She's like, you are not the man. I was like, I am the man. She's like, you're not the man. I was like. I was like, get out of my fucking chair and give me my crown back. And I was so angry, and I was so pissed, but I was pissed at myself, and I was pissed that I had even put us in a situation. But here was the thing. I never understood Danielle. My story was, danielle's a bitch and crazy and mean and critical and all these things. Like, those were the stories I was telling myself back then. And that would lead me to another story, which is like, we shouldn't be married. We probably don't need to be together because Danielle's so critical, and she doesn't care. And da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And what I didn't recognize was that Danielle was. I was earning my trust with my wife again. And Danielle was actually preparing me to actually be ready to take over the throne again. Because there was no one, no one I would have stayed in the fight with. Like, I was staying in a fight with Danielle. Like, Danielle was just like, a dah, a dah, a dah. And a boom punch to the balls and a bat to the balls and a boot to the balls. And then I'd be sleeping, and there'd be, like, a whack to the balls, and, like, there was just, like, sandpaper on the balls. I was under assault, but I was fighting for the throne, and Danielle was sitting in the throne. She's like, you're not getting this throne until you prove that you're actually the man. Is any of this true for you, or am I being crazy?

I mean, you sound a little crazy. I'm not, like, quite that aggressive, but.

There was not even close to that much ball touching actually going on. But there was definitely the.

You didn't text me, Garrett.

I'm not going there with it. I didn't say, why are you putting your mind there? I wasn't talking about that. I was just referencing balls. All right, so coming back to. Coming back to this, though, like, literally, were you feeling this? Were you feeling like. I was like. You were like, no, you proved that I can trust you because I don't really trust you.

Yeah, for sure. I think at the time, I didn't realize it, and I was like, why am I so resentful? Or why am I so resistant? Like, I love him. I know I love him, and I know I Want to make this work. And, like, I love our little family, and I want this so bad, but why is it not working right? Why is it not clicking? And so I was like, God, we're obviously doing something that's, like, creating this. Now. How do we reverse this? And I think the longer you stay in, like, sucky patterns and. And that kind of thing, the bigger monster you create and what's. What took you maybe, like, a couple years to create this. This crazy person. Now it has to, like, take a couple years to reverse and get that back to where you want to be.

It took us a while. It took us a while, and we had to, like. There were two things that have happened. One, I had to stay ruthlessly committed to myself and to the vision that I had for myself. And inside of that, I had to stay committed to dating my wife and committed to staying in the fight with my wife and in the fight with my relationship to continue to push for what we wanted as a couple, but at the same time, begin to push for myself. I was spending so much time trying to make sure that Danielle was okay inside of my own mind that I was not spending enough time worrying about what I needed to get done. And this weird thing started to happen. I stopped looking at Danielle as, like, the problem. I stopped looking at her as the one in the way. And I just started saying, I'm going to this place. And every time Danielle would show up, like, there's another place. I'm taking the businesses right now. The business that we run, I'm taking them there. It doesn't even matter what Danielle thinks. Danielle thinks. She knows. She doesn't know. I'm taking these businesses into exact place. This morning. I've already proved results that she said was impossible.

I didn't say they were impossible.

Just so you know, they've been proven this morning already. This morning as of this morning from last night. This is me being right right now. Just so you know.

Do you want me to be a part of this business?

I do want you to be a part of this business.

Do you?

I do. I do.

Careful. Tread lightly, sir. And with those, like, another swift kick to the ball. Well, I got my man shoe back.

You're gonna hit me. You're gonna. It's okay, though, because what I've got is steel balls. Now you're gonna hurt your toes still.

Shoes.

Well, you pick. You kick your steel foot shoe against my steel ball, which you really do have steel shoes on right now against my steel balls. All we're gonna hear is King.

Story of my life.

All right, so this game, though, of turning around our relationship and me taking a stand as a producer had me be committed to the vision that I knew could exist for myself, for our marriage, for my family, and for our businesses. And I stopped looking at when Danielle would have an opinion. I used to have it derail me all the time. Like, as if somehow she knew all the time what was right. She doesn't. She doesn't know what's right all the time. She knows what's right a lot of times, but she doesn't know what's right all the time. She doesn't know what's best all the time. For our family, the truth. It's a balance. And let's talk a little bit about this power struggle when it comes to production and money, though, because you're not gonna be on the same page.

There's being right, Garrett. There's being right.

Right. Which I am right now. No, no, no. I'm right. And standing here right now, holding the space open for you.

You what?

Holding the space for you to be amazing.

You're right. That you need to do what you need to do to take it to where it needs to go.

I have a present for you.

You're gonna bring out a present right now?

That's right.

You can tell I'm, like, pissed.

No. I'm literally controlling the frame. All right. Fuck you. I have a little present for you for Valentine's Day. It's right here. I'm handing it to you here inside of this studio right now. Little Valentine's Day.

I cannot be bought.

I'm not buying anything for you. I'm giving you a gift. Are you gonna open this gift right here on the show, live?

Do you want me to.

I want you to open this. I want you to open this gift from Nordstrom's. It's from Nordstrom's.

I know, because we can't see it.

Because, like, there's, like. If you're on the camera, you're getting. Okay.

Has a silver bow.

Silver bow.

The box says Nordstrom's. It's small, so I'm assuming it's jewelry.

It's a small box.

See if I can get this open.

Has a little. Little paper wrapper in there. It's got some tape on there. It's got a little. What else? Keep describing what you see.

It's got a sticker. It says Norsham Still. I'm having a hard time.

Okay. This is Happy Valentine. This is Happy Valentine's.

I got you some Ray Bans.

You did? I love them. I wore them today. I've lost the same pair twice.

Oh, there's only one in there. Is that a problem?

No, that's not true. Don't say that shit. Literally, I was like, are you shitting me right now?

There's really one.

No, there's not.

Let's see. Oh, there's two.

Whoo.

Ooh, little diamond earrings. Thanks, babe.

You like those? Yeah, those are. We think those were the size. I think those are the size that will fit your ears.

I have tiny ears?

Because you have tiny ears.

Elf like ears. I'm guessing this is probably a quarter carat or a half carat.

It's a half carat.

Oh, that's a half carat.

That's a half carat.

That's a good guess.

We figured that that was gonna be the right size for yours.

Yeah, carrot's too big for my elf ears.

Are you gonna put them in right now? Do you have earrings in right now?

No, but I have headphones on.

That's all right. You got small ears. Small earrings will fit right under them. Let's see how they look. See how they look. I'm going to zoom in.

That's a weird time to bring out a gift.

No, it was called the Pattern Interrupt.

I like it.

Let's see what you got here. Oh, I think they're going to be the right size. We were debating, are these real diamonds? Mm.

Just check it and see how much I want to.

Those are real. Oh, they look perfect on your ears.

Oh, good.

Because your ears are tiny. Literally, you have tiny ears, which means. No, if they were any bigger than that, they would look. You would look like a hip hop star.

I have some really cute big David Yerman's ones that you gave me for Christmas, but I don't wear them that much because they do look like green earrings. Yeah, but these I'd wear a lot.

These are. These are beautiful.

This necklace. You bought me this necklace for Christmas.

No, I didn't. You bought yourself that necklace.

Okay. You bought me.

I mean, I bought it and then you took it back because it was too big.

I had a really gangster one and I think.

Yeah, you were looking. You were looking like you were ready to break out a new album.

Yeah, I was like, no.

Which wouldn't have been a problem. Like, man, cool. All right, so we got the second one in. So we got the right size. The right size is happening here. So pull your headphones off and show those on the camera. There's. Oh, those look Nice. Those look nice. Don't you like those?

Yeah, I love them.

You love them? Yes.

I feel like if you would have brought them up at a better time, I would have been like, I'm just trying to, like, calm my emotions right now from you being like, I'm right. I. Mr.

Right. Yeah. Did you like how he interrupted the pattern there? I got you fired up, and then I gave you a gift.

So that's what I do with you.

Because that's exactly what you do with me.

I fire you up, and then I give you a gift.

You fire me up, and then I find the gift. Do you know what gift I find this morning?

What?

This morning I was super pissed.

Okay.

Because last night's fight. Do you know what the gift was? Do you want me to read the gift to you?

Oh, your stack.

Yeah, my stack, which is a tool, technology I use to deal with. Hold on. To deal with some shit. Oh, no, that's not it. All right, so that's the wrong one. Okay, so, like, I'm sitting here and I send Danielle a image. I do a tool part of being able to deal with myself. I had to learn how to use a tool called the stack, which is found inside of a book called Warrior Book. And if you're not familiar with this book, I encourage you to go check it out. Found a warriorbook.com, it is built and driven for men, but also can serve women. So where are you at here in my text message? Because I sent you my final assessment, which actually has everything to do with what's going on here. Here was my revelation from my stack today. Danielle is my greatest ally when it comes to conversion to my ideas and concepts, because she is the one person who will challenge me to the core. With no filter, I couldn't tell if.

It was, like, a jab or.

No, that wasn't a jab. That was revelation. That was excitement.

Oh, okay.

I was like, that was not a punch in the boobs.

Does that just validate, like, if I say something that you're like, nope, I know what I need to do because Danielle said otherwise or no.

Sometimes you say things like, this is all around this topic of reclaiming the throne, because I'm fighting back to find a position of power in our relationship, which I'd been out of power for years.

But don't kick me completely off the throne with you.

No, there's a throne right next to us. I'm just kicking you out of my seat.

Okay. Do I get my.

There's two thrones. There's two thrones, and you were putting your feet on both of them, and you're like, they're both mine. I was like, woman, share the thrones. You're like, no, you don't get to have the thrones. So I'm fighting back the throne. Do I let you. Yeah, you have your own seat right there.

I have my own seat with my own business.

Of course you do. And you have a seat. And when you don't want to. When you. When you don't want to be on the. In the throne, you go out shopping with your girlfriends. Like, don't worry. The king's got the thrones covered.

Yeah, but if you don't want my input on something, then why do you ask?

I did. I do want input on things all the time. You just don't. You're just not okay with me not accepting your input. Meaning saying, oh, okay, well, I hear you, but I don't agree with you.

But then you don't agree. Then why would you ask?

Well, because I want your feedback on what you're going. But just because I get your feedback doesn't mean I have to agree with you.

All right?

You don't agree with me. There's all kinds of shit. You disagree with me, and you just do your own thing anyways. Yes or no. And you do this with money. You do this with money, too.

Speaking in the salon, sometimes I ask Stacy's opinion, because I was like, no, that's lame. But then sometimes I'll be like, stacey, what do you think? And she'll tell me, and I'll be like, good try. But no, I'm gonna go with my original thoughts.

Okay, good. Same situation goes with me. I have a thought about what I'm gonna do. I ask your opinion, you give me an opinion. You give me feedback, and I don't accept it. Sometimes. And sometimes I accept it. I'm like, that's a great idea. And some days I'm just like, eh, you know, she doesn't have a clue. But I still appreciate it. But you'll attack as if you have a clue, and I attack as if I have a clue, but I feel like I have a clue. And so part of that. But you have a clue inside of your own frame. But you don't have a clue inside of my frame. Same thing for me. I don't have a clue inside of your frame. So there's this collision game that happens with money in production. That's where I'm getting to. This is firing you up even Though you have the gift in your ears. Maybe I should have waited till later to give you the gift. Anyways, this game of collision exists with money. Why is it important in your mind, Danielle, that couples be okay with colliding on the topic of money? Because we do.

Why do I think it's okay?

Why is it. Why is it necessary to collide when it comes to the topic of money and production? When you're married, some people just submit completely and they give up the throne and they say, here you go. And a man hands off all the keys to a woman, or a woman hands off all the keys to a man.

I think for women that are not working, they might be able to relate to this conversation of, like, they want the freedom with money, but they feel all this guilt and they're like, I gotta ask my husband. And then they, like, they want to be taken care of, but they don't want to be controlled. So that's kind of my assessment.

Okay, so there's an assessment of control, but that a woman wants to be free financially at some level, to be able to create a control.

I forgot how you said the specific question was. Sorry.

That's all right. We're going to move on. You ready? We're going to move on to a new topic. So this game, then, of production and this power struggle with money is real. It happens all the time. It happens in every couple. It happens in every relationship. It happens with every person. And the only reason the conflict won't happen is if one person shuts their mouth and doesn't say anything. And this becomes simply a doormat conversation with a couple, which means nobody gets to. People don't get to have an opinion together. But there's a time and a place in which you begin to trust each other as a couple. We moved our accounts back together. Why did you move your accounts back together with me?

That was like a big moment for me of, like, it was. I was just like, hey, I have to trust the process. Like. Like, I've seen what he can do. I'm feeling safer. Like, fuck it. Like, here you go. Like, we can. We can do whatever you want to do. But you know what? I had to, literally. And even still today, like, I'm like, on a need to know basis. Like, I get emotionally, like, worked up when I see, like, numbers leaving the account and this and that, because I'm like, oh. And I just. I'm not, like, a control freak, but I like. But when I get in that, in the know, I want to micromanage Everything. But I don't really like that side of me. Like, I'm very much like, I just want to be, like, happy Danielle. I want to, like, let somebody else. I want somebody else to control for me. But when I'm in the trenches and I see it, I'm like, ah. And so for me, it was hard to let go. But then it was like, no, I don't want to. I don't want to be this control freak. I don't want to know this. Like, I have to trust him enough to know. Like, you got this. And for a while, I couldn't because it was like, you kept restarting a company and kept redoing something and kept. And so I was like, oh, I can't do it. And finally, I was like, okay. Like, I can't freak out over the numbers if this X amount of dollars is out of the account or this and that. Like, I have to trust what he knows, what he's doing at this point.

So there was.

Which actually made me a happier person because I felt like I had two sides of Danielle. I had, like, chill, like, fun, like, happy, go, lucky me, whatever you want to call it. And then I had, like, crazy, crazy bitch me. But I don't even want to say crazy bitch me. It's just, like, I get obsessive, and I'm, like, very detailed, and I don't really like being. I don't like that. It stresses me out, to be honest.

It is definitely a controlling thing. Is that what happened last night?

But I don't necessarily like the control.

But you jump into the control.

I don't like it.

Is it, like, a reaction? Like, you can't control it?

I don't like having the control, but I have a hard time letting it go at the same time.

Right.

So I have to, like, decide what I want my outcome to be and, like, choose my battles.

So you started deciding what battles to choose and what not to choose with me.

I think last night specifically, I was.

Just like, we had another battle last night. It was dealing with money. It was dealing with money. Last night was our battle.

I just feel like. Because I'm like, nope, he's gonna take. He's. He knows what he's doing. I feel like, like I said, I still want to be very much a part of things and the creation of things, and I want to say in things. And so I feel like I'm like, don't. It's almost like I'm like, I'm not, like, don't replace me. Like, what do you. Do you know what I mean?

So was that a story inside your own mind that causes this, like, for you? Because it's not like what I'm saying.

No, but that's.

But you keep bringing that up. That you. That you.

That's where my mind goes to.

Your mind goes to your getting excluded.

I'm totally have FOMO. I have, like, such FOMO. I'm like, I'm fear of missing out. FOMO's fear of missing out. And I hate. I hate when I'm out of the loop. Like, even when I.

But you don't want to be all the way in the loop.

I know. That's why I'm so.

But you don't want to be left out of the loop.

Yes, it's a fine.

It's like a goddamn nightmare around here. I don't. I want to be in the loop, but. I don't want to be in the loop, but I would need to be in the know. But I don't want to be in the know.

I just know, like I said on a need to know basis. Like, I want to, like, be invited. And I might come or I might not.

I might show up to my own podcast. I might not show up to my own podcast. Like, this was. This was an interesting thing. I had to learn Danielle's patterns of money. Danielle is selectively a cheap bastard, and I'm selectively a cheap bastard. We are both selectively cheap bastard.

Everybody is a selective.

Right? But we had to learn how to balance this. So, for example, like, I love to, like, get. I was at the gas station two nights ago. There was a guy there. I pulled into the parking lot. It was raining outside. He was sitting outside. He's a homeless guy here in Dana Point, Laguna beach area. And I see him all the time. And I was pulling in in the rain, and I see him, and I go up to him and ask him, what do you need? And he's like, you know, I could really use some smokes. And I was like, fair. Fair enough. I like that. You know, he wants some food. Ready to get some food. He wants some drink. Get some drink, whatever. I'll get you some smoke. So I go inside, I get him two packages of Pall Malls, and I bring the Pall Mall packages out. I give him two bags of cigarettes. I go, here you go. We have a talk for a little bit, shake it up a little bit, and go. And I tend to just give, like, I tend to be, like, with money when it comes to that. Like, I want to tip everyone. I want to tip the valet. If I don't, You've seen this. If I don't have cash for the valet, guess what happens to me?

I don't know.

I get a little paranoid. Oh. I start to find that.

I start to feel that's not normal.

I started to feel like, shit. I got to tip these guys. Well, it's not normal for a lot of people. Like, I have my own selective weirdness when it comes to putting money into the circulation. But Danielle has none of that. If Danielle doesn't have money for tips, she's like, eh. If Danielle, there's a homeless person, she's like. Like, there's a difference for you when it comes to giving money at certain places, but then you get crazy about it in other places.

Yeah.

Why is that?

I. I don't mind putting money into people that I know and value, but I have a hard time putting money into people. Like, the bum on the road. Like, I'm like, dude, you're on the same corner every morning. Like, I don't feel bad for you. Like, in fact, you look at me with, like, scary, evil eyes, which makes me, like, not want to give you money even more. But it's. It's. I mean, everybody's story's different. I hate to, like, say that, but I just. I. I don't feel bad, like, not giving the bum money. Like, I'm like, no. Like, I'd rather give money to somebody who. In family or work or whatever. Somebody who needs it. Like, I'm selectively giving.

So we used to battle. We used to battle about this. With selective giving. I would ask you for cash. Cause they didn't have any cash to give to some people, and you would, like, freak out.

You know what, though?

It's my money you don't get to have.

There was this phase, though, for you and I where literally we'd be out of town with the girls. We could be in New York City. And you're like, trying to find an ATM to give a bum some money. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, you're taking away time from the family. And this guy is like, super creepy. Like, Garrett, like, let it go. So you have your weird quirks of where you're like, you have this, like, this karma debt that you owe to the universe. To the universe. I don't know. And I can't even resonate. I'm like, I don't have to give.

You do have a karmic debt to the universe.

I don't have to give every bum some money and just Louis Vuitton and.

Louis Vuitton and Chanel.

Yeah, that just makes me sound shallow. Like, it's not about that. It's like, you literally feel like you have a karmic debt and you like to add value to people. So, like, going up to the guy and saying, hey, what do you need? You want to add value in his life, and if value for him is some smokes and that, like, makes him a little bit happier, that's what you're really looking to. Because whenever you go to give money to a bum, you're literally. You're stopping and you're like, how are you, man? Like, what's your story? And when you feel complete with, like, you've put in your karma, karmic debt or whatever you want to call it to this guy, you're good. Like the same guy that stands at the Chevron every freaking morning.

Yeah. I don't give back all that money.

And I'm like, why don't you give that.

I waved to him, though.

And you're like. Because you're like, I stopped and gave him money, like, every day for, like, a week. And I asked him his story, and he's not. Obviously, what he's getting from me is not really helping his situation, so I'm good. And I was like, so you have this thing.

I have a thing with money?

Yes. It's not money. You want to. You see people like that and you want to add value to their life. It's not necessarily about the dollar amount. You didn't give that guy cash. You gave him some smokes. You bought him some smokes because you wanted to see where he was at in life and you wanted to add value. So.

Right.

You. That's like, so we can talk about.

So we have some selective cheap bastardness on my side.

Sure.

Okay. So, like. But our story's different.

It used to be, like, with gifts. So you'd give. This is when I would get irritated when we were married for a while because, like, you'd go up to a bum and we didn't have a ton of money, and you'd be like, dude, let me add some value in your life and give him 40 bucks. I'm like, you can fucking add some value in my life. I'll take that $40 and put it towards this. Because I just felt like you weren't. I was like, why we don't have a touch. Why are you. What is going on? Like, I just couldn't. I couldn't fathom I couldn't relate to it. And I just know I couldn't do it. And then, and then for like, you're not big on birthdays. You're. I'm not.

Hey, birthday.

You're not big on Valentine's Day.

Not big on Valentine's Day. But I show up.

Usually I'll tell. I. Well, I figured out your tricks. It's because you're so busy and you just, you're not big on them. So whereas most people, even if they're busy, they like, they look forward to holidays or whatever.

Yeah, I do not look forward.

You don't because you're busy. And I get that. And your words of affection, or whatever you want to call it is not.

Tell me, touch me, fuck me, but if not, so.

But I'm just saying you're like that with, with even people you work with, family members. Your mom could be, say, it's my birthday. And you're like, cool, Mom. Happy birthday. How old are you? You don't care. And I don't know why, but I'm very much like, I love gifts and I love to be like, if it's a birthday or Valentine's or St. Patrick's Day or half a birthday day, I'm like, I'll take a gift, whatever. That's what I like. And so I noticed for you that you would be like, well, because you didn't like gifts and things like that, you'd be giving this bum 40 bucks and then I'd be like, oh, it's my birthday. Oh, like there's been so many birthdays you've actually forgotten. And then like, even for Valentine's Day, you usually. I figured out the trick where I tell my little 10 year old daughter now I'm like, please remind dad it's Valentine's Day tomorrow and I love diamonds.

Oh, well, at least we've learned our games. At least you've learned your games.

But I know you have a messenger. What I'm saying is like, select, cheap, like, what, what I value and what I think is important. You would be like, well, you don't need more Louis Vuitton's or you don't need that. So now I was like, okay.

You know, my mind actually goes to my mind you hate.

It's like pulling teeth.

You're like, God damn it, we're buying more shit.

Why are we buying this? She doesn't need it. And I'm like, yes. I don't even know what to say.

But on the flip side, I do spend A shitload of money in business, which means you'll like. So, for example, our fight last night was about $900 in ad spend, and Danielle felt like I was, like, wasting the world away with finances.

No, I wasn't worried because I was.

Testing $900 in ads.

I wasn't worried about testing. I was.

You said, stop spending all the money.

I literally felt like you weren't validating my concerns. And that was last night specifically.

It had nothing to do with the money.

No, I pushed my ads. Every single one. I've been promoting them. Like, two, three hundred dollars, just testing.

But you were breaking my balls over nine hundred dollars.

I was just pissed because I felt like you weren't validating my. You off. You asked, and then you didn't take my feedback, and I was like, fuck you.

Don't ask for my feedback. All right, so we have money. We have money as a topic that.

Is like, I love my earrings, by the way.

They look beautiful. Let me see them again. Pull your muffs off. Your muffs off. Oh, nice. They look fantastic. I can't see them from the side as well, so I see them on the camera angle. Nice. By the way, on camera angle, if you are not watched the videos here of the show, you can check those out@dateyourwifenow.com as well as YouTube or Facebook. If you just search it up, you're gonna be able to find it, but those will be your definite location. You're gonna find all of the resources there. Action guides, tips here for each one of these shows. We've got 10 minutes more on this show to wrap it up. And I'm going to. I'm gonna turn this around. Like, what people are definitely getting an example of is how we battle. Do you know that I've actually been getting people. We've been getting tons of emails in saying, I love how on the show, literally, it sounds like you guys.

Are they getting something out of it? You know, when, before we started this show, I literally was like, I feel like we should do this. And then part of it was like, that's good. That's actually gonna force us to, like.

Deal with even more shit.

Deal with even more shit. But I. But I still. I was like, well, look, we're in a pretty solid space, so game on.

We are. And we're in a very solid space. So there's, like, conflict with money is inevitable. Like, inevitable. Like, there's gonna be things that my wife wants to do financially, and I'm like, I don't fucking get it, like, in my mind, I'm like, this is ridiculous. Like, there's no way. But on the flip side, so, for example, Rebu building a salon. I'm the first one to pull the trigger. And Danielle goes, cheap bastard. Like, she's like, no, no, we don't need to. It's too much. And I'm like, woman, it is an investment. So my justification with money is, if it's an investment, I put the money. In Danielle's case, maybe I thought I.

Was the investment, and you were investing in me.

What, because I was putting in the salon?

Because you were putting it into the bums.

Oh, you were. You were like, listen, the bums are not the investment. Oh, the homeless people. Okay, so battle inside of this now. Any tips you have for dealing with. With the conflicting rise of. You know what?

Okay.

A king when you're a queen.

Just thought of something. Okay, so so many times, and I've even talked to some friends recently, and we just bought, like, an amazing beach home in Orange County. It's like, literally, waves crashing. We can hear them every single night. Like, literally, Like, I surf there every morning. Dream house. Kay. But I had to fight for that.

Yes.

I had to fight for that. And that was not our business. Our home was not our business. And I remember, I didn't want to do it. You didn't want to do it, and I had to fight for it. And it's funny, because I've had even friends that are like, oh, yeah, we've lived in the same house forever, and we want to redo it, but my husband's, like, giving me crap, or I want to just go look at a new house, but my husband won't let me. So now I'm redoing the kitchen because that seems safer to him. Like, how come, like, I think guys are scared to kind of take that leap as far as, like, getting a new home. Because that's such a huge investment.

Yeah. And it's like, the upgrade side. Right. So I think you're dealing with two things. Number one, like, because I didn't see the home as an investment, like, to me, I was like, the home is not an investment.

Yeah.

You're like, that was my shortage. We don't. We got a plenty good home right now. Our home is fantastic. And if you're in Orange County, California, the house is just getting more and more and more and more and more expensive all the way to the beach, and we're moving straight down to the beach. So I'm like, all right, this is like, top tier expensive shit now. And that was my story, was, it's expensive. Like, I looked at it as a cost. That was my challenge. Now I'm so grateful we did it because making the move, like, changed me. It changed Danielle. It was fantastic. But Danielle was fighting for what she wanted. On the flip side, I was fighting for a lot of things inside the business. I was the one that was pushing us to continue to go, pushing us to grow.

Don't you think? Like, in a lot of aspects, just leveling up our overall experience of life down to where we live has helped you level up your.

For sure.

And I think when I was able to communicate that to you, I could.

See it as a.

As a. As an.

As an investment.

Yes. An investment in yourself and your family and your business all the way around. It was an investment.

But you know where the big. What my mind clicked with was, is it was. It was like a production movement. Me. So, like, I loved you and I loved the kids. It was emotional shift.

Yeah, it was the emotional shift for me. I was like, you are at that level, Garrett.

Sure. It was like. It was an interesting thing because, like, the point. I want you. I want you guys to get. As we have, like, the last five minutes of the show is like, there's two things that are going to happen with money, as a couple. One, you're going to collide. You're going to have to have courage to collide. Daniel and I have had two fights in the last four days, which, interestingly enough, is like, the first time we fought about shit in probably, like, eight months. Like, we haven't had a battle. Like, it was weird. We had, like, the wine bar thing happening. I was getting, like, deja vu. When we're in Beverly Hills and we're in this, like, little cool, little quaint restaurant. I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm gonna throw the table across the room. Danielle's, like, losing her mind. I'm like, this a shit show. Fuck this. I'm outta here. And then I'm having this fight happen. I'm like, whoa, this is really weird. We haven't done this in a while. And then last night, it's repeating itself. And I'm like, oh, hell no, we're not going here again. And Danielle's battling, I'm battling. We hang up on each other. We're sending text messages back and forth. She's saying that. And it's the same shit we have been saying to each other for 15 years. Like, the fighting terminology has not changed. It's like the same thing every time. And both times, it's because people want to feel validated in their desires with money. Yeah.

I like how you just wrap that up.

It's because we want to feel validated. I want to feel validated inside of my world that my opinion matters when it comes to what I want financially. And you want to feel validated that your opinion matters when it comes to what you want financially. Is this accurate for you?

Sure.

Sure. Yes. Well, you're coming with all this. Like, you're coming at sure and maybes are the land of losers.

Yes.

Yes. Okay. You feel this for real? Yes. What you feel this for? This is a yes for you?

Yes. But sure to me means yes.

Sure means yes, and yes means sure, and maybe means yes sometimes and sometimes no. No. Sure is a yes.

Sure means yes for me.

Okay, so inside of tips, what tips would you give to a woman who is married to a man who's a cheap bastard when it comes to investing in the family, with a home, a new car, taking care of shit, and he's just a cheap bastard. Listen, I got hundreds and hundreds of these guys. I get that.

Yeah. You know what? You plant seeds. Like, you can't see.

Okay. Talk about planting seeds.

You can't be, like, naggy. You can't be, like, oh, well, if we had a better house, or if I had this, or I'd really. You just. You just casually.

You tried that with me, it would trigger the fuck out of me.

You just casually plant seeds. You know what I did? You know what I've done every time, actually? What is. I get a little voice in my head that's like, okay, it's time to go. And I'm like, okay, it's time to go. And I get into, like, crazy research Danielle mode, and I just. I, like, get obsessed with an idea, and I start, like. It's like I almost don't even care what you want to do. And I just start, like. I, like, start researching places to live and homes and cars, and then I, like. I just kind of get obsessed. And then the next thing you know, like, happens. And it's not like I ask you permission. I just like, hey, I went and found a realtor and looked at these super awesome homes, and I'm not even like, we should buy one. I'm like, they're so amazing. You should come look. Just like. Just for fun. Cause that's literally kind of what I'm thinking.

That's what it started out.

That's what it starts. Cause I'm like, oh, I wonder. I wonder. Because I think a lot of people don't ask what if? You know what I mean. They say, oh, this is my current reality. This is what I'm making. This is where I'm at financially, and I can't possibly go there. You know what I mean? And maybe that's true and maybe it's not, but. But we're both entrepreneurs. And I knew that moving forward was always an option, regardless of where we were currently at. And so I wasn't even thinking, like, this is where we're gonna go or this is what we're gonna do. I just was like, I know. We had, like, talked about it. We were like, oh, we wanna move to this area. We love these homes. It's like, right on the beach. Like, from the time we moved to California four years ago, like, that this area was kind of our goal.

It was like our place.

Yeah, it was like our goal area. And we actually saw it when we first moved here. And we're like. Like, someday we're gonna be there. And it was funny. Cause voice when it was like, go check it out, it was kinda like, I have a feeling this isn't that far off. And we need to give ourselves a little more credit for where we're actually at. And so I didn't. I just plant seeds. My final note would be just to kinda plant seeds. Cause all I did was I went and I started, like, looking at things. Same with cars. I'll, like, just go look at cars and I'll find out the numbers and I'll find out the details. Cause oftentimes when I show Garrett, like, the numbers, I'm like, look, look. I think people think, like, things are so far out of their reach, and then you actually lay out the numbers and you're like, oh. I mean, it's scary and it's a stretch, but it's not actually that scary. And so if you're gonna. If you want to. If you're a girl or a woman out there and you're trying to, like, push your husband to that next level, you're trying to push your relationship or whatever it is financially, like, maybe just look and see what. What is possible. And don't say, oh, I wish we had this, and I wish we had that, and don't be naggy. But just maybe for me, I was just like, I'm just gonna go see what is possible. And I literally. I think I just planted the seeds in your head. And I was like, I remember. I'm like, come look at this house. And you showed up in like baggy. We're looking at these like 10 million dollar homes. And Garrett shows up, literally. His hair wasn't done.

He had these hat on backwards.

He had a hat on backwards, a warrior tee that was pretty too small, some sweats on his ass hanging out. And I was like, oh dear lord. And I'm dressed all cute. Cause I'm thinking like, I want this realtor to think I'm serious. Like we're looking at these freaking 10 million dollar home. And so Garrett rolls in and I'm like, he's not serious at all. But I'm like, oh well, at least he showed up. Let's go check it out. And I remember when we walked in.

You were like, holy shit.

And your mind went like.

I was like, I probably shouldn't have wore the sweats.

You were like, who? You even said to me, you're like, who would I have to become? And you started to look at your business differently. And like, like all I did was.

Like, just come look.

This is amazing. Do you know what I mean?

Well, the interesting thing was that shift actually led to.

But I had to fight for it.

True, you did have to fight for it. And that shifted my belief. My shift and my belief in me actually shifted almost a five million dollar swing in less than three months.

And that's crazy that you always there.

I just, I needed a bigger purpose. So here's my final thoughts. We wrap up the show from the man's perspective, which is this. Gentleman, gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm gonna have you look at two things. One, one of the most fucked up stories I was telling myself my entire life that did not start shifting until the last year and a half, half to two years, passionately, which has taken our marriage and our lives to a whole other level beyond the date night strategy is this. I had to start looking at my investment in my wife as. And my investment on family as a return on investment. Like a return on investment. The earrings that I just gave to my wife here on this show, like these things, I had to start looking at them as investments. My story around the money I was putting into my family had to change. I was not experiencing an expense, which is how I'd live for almost 40 years. I had to change my story that the money being put into vacations, the money being put into homes, the money being put into the kids experiences, the money being put into gifts for my wife and for the children. And it doesn't matter the dollar amount, it doesn't matter the dollar amount you could be dealing with stuff that's like a couple dollars to things that are millions of dollars to hundreds of millions, it doesn't matter. The principle is simply this, that when you are looking at your family, your family is, is outside of investing in yourself, your number one investment investment, which is investing in your wife, investing in your children, investing in the experiences that will matter, and investing in the relationships that will matter. I've done a lot of business deals over the years. I don't remember most of them. They didn't matter much to me. They weren't that significant. A lot of real estate deals, a lot of business I've built and acquired and sold, done different things inside of the game. A lot of shit I've sold, a lot of things I've done, they don't really matter anymore. But the one thing that continues with me this entire time is my wife and my children, my 19 year old, my 11 year old and my 6 year old, soon to be 7 year old. Like all three of these kids and my wife, we are together regardless of what happens. And the moment I started to see that my family was an investment, the interesting thing is I started to see my value in myself even more. And there was a direct connection that I couldn't see, which was investing in my family financially was also an investment into myself and inside of the family experience. The return on that investment has been significant, both economically for me, but also has been significant in just coming home to a home that my wife feels comfortable in, a home that our family feels a home at. And honestly, in the first time we've been, since we've been together, we've been together for 17 years, married for 15 years. This year, it is the first time that we truly have a home. Would you agree with us?

Yeah.

It feels like I've never felt like we had a home.

No. I knew it when we walked in and I was like, this is it.

And it changed us. Do you believe that being in the home has settled our family, like brought a foundation to all of us?

Totally. So I think that that's important. It's part of learning and growing is like kind of leveling up your game all across the board.

The end, my friends, that's all we got for you this week in today's show. Next week we're gonna be back with another episode here, episode number eight. We're gonna be discussing the topic of parenting and we're gonna talk about whether or not your children should get Gucci shoes. Because this is what? My daughter sends me screenshots of 700 Shoes and why she thinks she get them. I know some of you were listening to the show and you're like, 700 shoes? Are you fucking kidding me? Don't worry. That is a world that I came from too of thinking what the fuck. So we're gonna have this conversation about kids. We're going to talk about parenting, we're going to talk about spanking, we're going to talk about yelling and we're going to talk about all of each other conversations. And I thanks so much for being here this week. Again, a couple reminders here. If you're not currently subscribed in itunes, Google Play, Stitcher or soundcloud to this show, date your wife. I would encourage you get yourself subscribed today. Also, leave us a review on one of these shows. We'd love to hear all your thoughts and opinions on this. If you'd like to watch the show, get action guides or show notes and tips and tricks here. For each one of these episodes, head on over to dateyourwifenow.com and your date stretch of the week is during your date night. You're going to have a conversation. The conversation is going to be this. What is going to be the next stretch for you two as a couple? Financially, that will pull you two forward. We shared one of ours which was getting our newest home and inside of the place. What is going to be your next stretch? Thanks so much for being here. This is Garrett White, your co host with my beautiful wife, my queen Danielle, saying sayonara and we will see you guys next week.