Embracing the Chaos

Somebody had gotten hold of her Starbucks, her login. And they weren't just like spending a couple dollars a day. We found out it was hundreds every day. Thousand dollars in Starbucks charges. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Well, hello and welcome back to the date your wife podcast. We took a hiatus. Is that a word? So, yeah, we took a hiatus and Garrett got more muscles and then he went and got his whole neck tattooed. So we're back and more tattoos. I went and got a back tattoo myself and a leg sleeve. So, you know, why not just a.

Giant penis on her back?

I'm one of the few people that does not actually have a tattoo. And that makes me not want to get one. Cause it's almost like you're different if you don't have a tattoo.

Yeah, you're actually. Well, I don't know. I'm around a lot of people who are tattooed, so just. Cause I'm. I don't know, maybe it's cause I'm tattooed.

I literally don't know.

A lot of people are tattooed. Most people around are tattooed.

I don't know anybody who doesn't have a tattoo. Like, I swear, even every person that works for me has a tattoo. I don't.

None of the guys work for me will have a tattoo.

Except for. None of the guys that work for.

You except for Parker.

Huh.

And Parker doesn't work for me anymore. So no one that works for me has any tattoos at Warrior. Isn't that wild?

Really?

Not any full time employee, not full time team members having tattoos. None.

Huh.

They're all non tattooed people.

How are you feeling about your neck tattoo?

I'm feeling really good about it. Like it's. It was a. I mean, it was a process. It was as like my neck tattoo was as fierce as an experience as my armpit was. Like, it was really intense.

I mean it. It just seems like it was real fierce. What's the most painful spot to get tattooed?

Armpit. And my neck would have been the most painful.

What about your nipples?

Ribs and nipples are like hurt, but they're not. Like the neck nipples are weird. Like you get your nipples tattooed and like they're tattooing it and like it doesn't feel good. What it feels like is. It feels like like a knife is being like just draw the cross. Your nipples. And the weird thing too when you're getting tattooed in your chest is like you can't tell where. Cause it'll hit the nerves. Weird. So you'll think he's tattooing your nipples. But he's like three inches away from your nipple, and you're like, are you fucking tattooing?

Do you know how my half of one of my boobs is numb?

From your. From your boob job?

My very first boob job.

Like, the whole boob is numb?

No, like, just underneath. Like, they say that they're like, you could lose sensation. And I had a shitty doctor because I was 18, and he said he would finance boobs. And I was like, that sounds like a great idea.

I've done no research on you.

And literally, like, that. That was the first thing I did when I turned 18. Like, what did you do when you first became an adult? I bought my sub boobs.

Me and your dad bought you a boob? I bought one. Your dad bought one. Well, and your dad. The thing that's funny is your dad didn't even know he was financing your left boob.

I was committed. And when I decide I want something, I find a way. And I just. My parents were paying for my school, and I went to my mom and said, hey, I need a check for school this month. Then I went to my dad and said, I need a check for school this month. So I took two school checks, but one of them was actually for a boob. So, you know, I told them later, and they were.

Did you ever tell them?

I did. I think you ratted me out, like, when we were getting married. You're like, dave, just so you know, your daughter stole from you. And he was like, what? And I was like, I. I'd moved.

Up the higher I moved up the rankings in the family. The minute I threw you under the bus, I was like, I. This is my window right now to move myself up the power rankings in the Waffen house.

You know what's so funny? So back then, I think I paid $3,500 for a boob job.

No.

Yes. I swear. Because I remember. I. I remember I had to 1500. So that's where I had, like, 500 bucks in the bank, and I got.

Like, a 3, 000. Was, like, 30 grand for your last one?

My last one was, like, 25, 000. But, I mean, I had had four kids, and I had. He was great. And I researched him, and he was like, the best of the best. And I was like, that's my guy. I don't care what it costs.

Your breasts look better than they've ever looked.

Well, that's good.

I mean, they look amazing, which is.

Weird, because I had to get a lift and all the things and he.

Said to me, wire mesh thing.

Yeah, I got the underwire thing. It's funny. He goes, I was like, I don't want to get a lift. I don't want to get a lift. And he goes, would you rather have scars or shape? And I was like, shape. And he's like, okay, then the scars aren't that bad. And I was like, okay. I think of it as like my battle wounds. Like, I actually don't mind my scars at all. Like, to me, like I escaped four babies without a stretch mark. I'm like, this is my. These are my. This is from having kids, you know, I'm like, this is my stretch mark. Is my scars from my boobs. Like, I look at it as more of like a metal. I'm like, I wonder.

I mean, the only way that anyone would ever see it is if you started your Only Fans page.

You know, you should join. Somebody's got to pay the bills around here.

Can you believe it?

I think you have an Only Fans page. Like, I've been looking at your Instagram lately how much my Instagram is on OnlyFans. It's a free OnlyFans posting that.

There's a lot of people fired up about me posting my semi nude photos on the Internet about my muscles.

You know what, though? I was very. I was actually really proud of you because you were having your moment. And I remember like, like, I remember like walking in. It was during like the right. The rain portion of the shoot. And I remember like walking in. I was like, good for you. Like, I was just like happy that you were having this like, experience.

I was having a moment.

Yeah. And you. But you could, you can see when somebody's like, into it, like, they, they're like owning it. It's like when you're a speaker on stage and you know, you're a good speaker, you just, you own it. And that, that certainty kind of exudes.

I had. I've never felt like a male model ever until that photo shoot.

Well, he kept calling me Calvin Klein. He's like, hey, Calvin Klein. I was like, dude.

I mean, they were hyping it.

They were hyping it.

The crew was good. I got nude. I decided to take it all off and start getting photos naked.

I know.

I mean, that, that's. It was interesting because when you get that fit and that lean for the comp, you feel untouchable in every angle. So I'm like, I don't care which angle you take a picture.

Yeah, you're like, there's no Fat on my body. There is no fat on my body.

No water weight, no fat. I am plumped up from my food. I ate this. Let's go take some pictures.

I wasn't there yet because I wasn't competition ready, but I did commit to do one in April. And I feel like you're gonna really do it. I think I will. I wasn't in a space to do.

One with you going to.

I'm like 90% confident, you know, that's.

All our podcast for like a month and a half. Was you debating about whether you're the competition?

Yeah, but when I commit, I want to win. So I just gotta be knowing that about myself. I'm like, do you know what you're committing to? You're not just committing to do it, you're committing to win. So that's, that's why, like, if I commit to something, I'm like, I'm gonna do real well. So it takes me a minute.

So you're gonna do it in April?

I'm thinking about it.

April 20, Trevor and Danielle, my brother in law, or my brother and my sister in law are doing their first comp. Parker says he's gonna. I think Parker now is some of the. I'm not gonna talk about the recent moves, but with some of the recent moves, I think he may actually do it. I think he'll fucking do it.

He needs it. He needs the he. I remember talking to my first nutritionist and he's like, so why do you wanna do this? I'm like, I'm an introverted hairstylist and I hate getting on stage. He's all, yeah, you need to do this. I was like, perf.

My dude. My first guys told me not to do it.

Well, cause you're like, super confident. They're like, what are you trying to get out of it?

And I understand what they're talking about. I saw this meme on. I pretty much follow all male bodybuilders right now. So my whole Instagram page just really jacked dudes.

Just muscles that make me feel so small staring at meat slabs.

There was a meme that meme this morning was super funny. And he's like. And it was like the up and down trauma. Being a bodybuilder, you wake up today and you feel like you've lost everything. You've shrunk and you're tiny. You wake up the next morning and you feel like you're goddamn Superman. And I was like, I know, I don't understand it. One day you wake up, and I'm just like, I am a shredded monster.

You know what?

I wake up, I'm like, what the is wrong with me?

It is a science.

It's a water drunk by nine. Nine pounds.

There's so many variables in that, so you can't be too judgmental of yourself. It depends if you are like, are you inflamed from a workout you did. Did you get in your water? Did you not? Did you add sugar? It is such a science. It's nuts. And in fact, every weekend, I do a little mini cut, and every Saturday, I'm like, I look great. But now I kind of know enough of the science behind it that I'm like, okay. Or like, if we're going on a vacation, Val always makes fun of me. She's like, oh, she's going into her cut. I gotta get into a bikini all week. I gotta get ready.

My coaches have been actually proud of me for staying as lean as I have almost two months out of the comp.

Yeah, you know what, though? You know what?

You're right, dude. You're still staying lean. We're getting gained.

You're eating good. It's because you're eating good food. This is how I am too. Like, if I'm. I suck at, like, just eating the food, it's hard for me to eat that much. Like, I don't like feeling full, and I'm not really a foodie. So you. Even if you cheat on your meals, you're getting really clean calories in because you're still eating your other meals. And so I am convinced, like, that's why you're. It's not like you're going off eating pizza, and don't. You are. But you're also still getting all of your good macros in.

That was a big piece for me. I. I. Because, like, you know, I'd always said, like, I don't feel like I eat bad, but I don't feel like I eat good. And I didn't realize how much adding good would make such a difference. And, like, I do get all my meals in right now, and I have a chef that makes them now, so that's. That's makes it much nicer. So nice.

So what's your goal for. What are your goals for next year? Are you gonna do. Are you gonna.

Two.

Two cups, two comps?

Yeah, I'm gonna do one in April, and then I'm gonna do another. I'm gonna do the same warrior one again, the same comp I did, but I'm Gonna try. I want to. I want to place higher than I did. I don't want to just be. I joke around with people. I'm like. They're like, dude, you got so many medals. I was like, bro says what. These are called participation medals is what these. No, I got five participation medals for paying my fee for the category. Yes, I was top three, but in one of the categories, there was only three. So the other ones, there was like nine. So that were 10 people. So that was cool. And I missed top three there, but it was. It was fun. I just feel like now going into the next one, I know what's going on. I mean, you look at your third show compared to your first show. My third show, I'm gonna be a fucking mon monster.

My goal, this is why I chose not to do it this year, is because I actually put on. I. I tell Val. I told Val my last year's resolution as I was like, I want an ass. Because I got so lean. I was like, I want an ass. So this year, I. I've been doing, like, a slow, slow build. So now I feel like going on stage next year. It's not like last year I won because I was so freaking. Just skin and bones. So this year, I want to actually. I just slowly been putting on muscle all year. I never. I hate feeling fluffy, so I just kind of did it slow then. This is what people don't get about this sport is it's like, yeah, you can be ready in like, two, three months, but the people that actually do well, it's like years of training, of course.

I mean, it's like everything. Jiu jitsu, surfing, money, business, marriage. It's like years stack.

So what is your. Okay, so that's your body goal. You're going to do two shows?

I'm going to do two shows, but my goal is to roll in by my second show in 2024. I want to compete at 210 pounds, which means I want my cut weight, which means I'm going to be building up to 225 and cutting down to 210. So right now I'm walking around at, like, 210.

Really? Right now?

Yeah. And then I cut down to, like.

How do you know? Our scale broke a long time ago.

I can just tell. I can feel. I can feel. I'm about 210 right now. If I saw a scale right Now, I'm about 210.

I don't know what I weigh. I. I used to be that person, like, every other day. I'd get on the scale and then I was like, do I really care about the number or do I just care how my pants fit and how I look? So then I kind of started going off of that because the scale was actually inhibiting me to get the look that I wanted because I was going off of a number, but I'm going after. After a look. So I was like, that's stupid. I have to. I have to get. Get away from the scale. So. And since I've been doing that, my. I'm like, okay. Like, I just go off literally how I look and how my clothes feel.

Well, I am. So that's. Those are the. Those are my fitness goals. And I've been cycled off Anavar and HGH for six weeks. Almost two months, I don't think, though. And then I'll be back. I don't think that had as much. Yeah, well, thing is, people give me so much shift for it. And I've been off it for two months and my body.

You don't. You still look great. And that's what's so cool.

All the size. I'm still like, growing.

That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't. I think people think of Anavar as like the magic drug. And I'm like. I mean, I've taken stuff and it's. It didn't. I thought it was gonna be a magic pill. I didn't change anything I was doing. And then I was like, nothing's happening. So it just goes to show it can assist. But, like, you haven't. I think people literally, like, have a story about steroids, but even steroids, it would take years upon years of cycling to get the kind of, like, growth that like, these huge bodybuilders have.

Well, here's the thing I started having a thought about, right? I was like. Like, we're buying as human beings, performance enhancing. Something for everything. Eyelash extensions, performance enhancing. Hair extensions, performance enhancing. Botox, performance enhancing. Lip injections, performance enhancing.

How is it?

Performance enhanc, boob jobs, performance enhancing, Liposuction, performance enhancing. Hiring a personal trainer, performance enhancing. Having a chef make your food, performance enhancing. All of these things are about increasing performance. But we've said whatever reason, and I was really had never understood why, because I had fallen trapped. The same thing. Oh, you cheated because you used steroids?

Yeah.

And I was like, so the more and more I think about this. Cause it's really a thing. Like, the minute I post any picture of myself, people are like, oh, fucking steroids. I'm like, for sure a fat fuck who has no idea what he's talking about. And I've also realized that a lot of people wanna lie about it. So there's like. A lot of people get triggered by it, but a lot of people are embarrassed by the fact they do it. I've just been open. I'm like, I don't give a shit. I've been using steroids. Yeah, for sure. And I'm cycled off right now because my doctor cycle me off. Like we had planned. Two months off, two and a half months off, then I'll cycle back on. And I use Anavar, HGH and testosterone. But I've been taking T for almost two years. And I was taking that before I was trying to build muscles because my T count was so low. So people immediately consider that to be performance. Answer. Because it is. It gives me testosterone. My body doesn't produce it anymore. Not at the levels I need it. It was producing a 250 milligrams. I was at 250. That was my life. Ridiculous.

Hey, I. I've said this multiple times. Like, you take off my eyelashes, you take out my hair extensions, you take away my Botox. I'm like, it's. We take away my spray tan, you're still fucking not. It's just. It's gonna. It's gonna look a little different.

It's gonna look different.

It's gonna look different.

Yeah. I mean, like, veneers. We got veneers. Mm.

Oh, man.

That's a performance that changes radically.

I look back before we had veneers. I'm like, whoa, we look homeless a little bit.

2018 was the year we got veneers. And that, like, that. That single thing changed my look more than anything.

And me too. Like, it completely, like, it pushed my whole, like, lips forward and, like, I look completely different.

You could see my teeth then because, like, with my cancer and, like, losing all my teeth in my lower mandible, my upper teeth start getting really fucked up.

They literally were, like, changing shapes. And I remember I'd be like, why don't you just get veneers? Would be so offended. I was like. And so, like, the more I wanted, like, to you to get veneers, and the more I started to, like, go down the rabbit hole of finding, like, the best. And I was like, okay. I think the more I started, like, looking at his work, I was like, I think I want veneers. I will tell you, there's so many bad veneers, though. Like, so many bad veneers.

Like our doctor, our dentist, Dr. Todd Schneider.

He's amazing. If you're trying, if you want veneers, like, I feel like he took my teeth and he didn't make them look like somebody else's teeth. He just enhanced what my shape is. Most people veneers, I'm like, what in the horse teeth is going on? Like, you can't, you can't. Like not like I see there's some.

People that we're close to who came to us after we got our veneers and said, who should we go to? I said, we need to go to Dr. Todd.

And they're like, oh, he charges.

Orange County.

He charges too much.

Expensive. I was like, these are permanent, dude. You're sawing your teeth down. You don't want to have Lego builders.

If you can't see the difference, then you don't deserve the best. That's my theory on it. Like, cuz I'm like, I see girls with like bad extensions that can afford like whatever they wanted and I'm like, if you can't see the difference, then that's on you. Like, but that's what I'm like, why don't you just hire a stylist or something? Like obviously, clearly it's not your jam. Like have a higher stylist. They're going to pick out your clothes, find your good doctors, get your the best in the hair extension. Like let somebody else like take over. That's not, it's not your jam, you don't care about it, that's fine. But you are in the public so let's just polish you up a little bit.

Do you realize that this year I would get a physique competition? That was new. Totally changed my body that way. And also this year got hand tattooed, chest tattoo, back tattoo, neck tattoo, all in one year. I went with put on like £15. I think you tatted up like doubled the number of tattoos.

This is the best you've ever looked like at 47. I remember it was when I was pregnant with Charlie. I literally was like, he just really let himself go.

I was not letting go.

You were, you were out of shape. You had a huge beard, big white beard. It just you, you weren't getting Botox.

I sold the Lambo and the G wagon for a Rolls Royce. That's what it was. Lincoln Navigator.

You sold those and got yourself a Lincoln and a. What else did you have? And a Rolls Royce and you just lost all fun in your life.

I became an old F ck you.

I think, but you.

I wasn't taking testosterone yet.

You know what, though? You've always had this story in order to be, like, successful that you've got to be old. Like, I swear, that's, like, always been your story. Like, you got to be extinguished to. To have this kind of success. And I think for the first time, doing this fitness competition and, like, getting fit and, like, doing the photo shoot, all of a sudden you're like, oh, wait, that's pretty powerful. Because, like, you had a beard all year, and I'd be like, shave the beard. And then I shaved it for the first. You shaved it and you liked it. Now you like how you look?

Yeah, I've been keeping it nice and.

Trimmed down, and you're like, I think I'm gonna not have a beard.

I'm gonna grow my hair out too. So I'm growing my hair out. I'm not cutting it for a while. I'm gonna grow out. The sides get longer. Yeah, I like it longer on the side. It's gonna take. Take about six months, but get some longer on the hair side action going on longer in the back. And we're not carried away. Let's just gonna pull it straight. Jesus style.

I was gonna say. I know you, though. If you get your hair too long, you're gonna, like, go straight.

Jesus, I love it. I've never had that. I should do that. No, I've never done it. I've never actually grown my hair long enough to just do the Jesus backward haircut style.

Please don't just remind me. I'll think of your dad. I'll be there. I can't.

Falling off.

No.

Why is everything about you think about. You think about my dad a lot.

No. Like, if you had long hair, you would look like your dad. I don't think about your dad a lot.

I wouldn't look like you would. Long hair.

You would.

You think about my dad? My dad has nice gray hair.

Yeah.

Like, his top, his head, and his beard.

You have. You have naturally really nice hair. So.

Yeah, well, that's why I should grow it out Jesus style now. So that's a lot of change, though.

Yeah.

Like, it is. Like, I think about, like, it's just a lot of change. Like, a lot of change. That's a significant amount of physical change in one year.

We were talking about this on our walk on Sunday is like, we don't. We don't even see ourselves for who we are. And then we run into people and they're like, they're almost, like, intimidated. And I don't think we realize how much you and I do in a year. Like, most people, like, just kind of find their stopping point and they're like, this is my ceiling. I'm good. And they just maintain their ceiling. They're like, this is. This is the expectations I had in life. This is where I wanted to live. This is the community. These are the friends. I hit it, so I'm there. And they just maintain what they think is their ceiling. And you and I have both have this flaw where we don't have a ceiling. And so every year we're more tired and more exhausted.

Picked up a new addiction. I. I think that, like, I think it's like bodybuilding. Like, the only thing I can compare to is right now I am bigger and more fit than I've been. Maybe. Maybe ever. Maybe ever.

You've never had a six pack since.

I got chunky, blocky, dicey abs.

You got really six pack. But you've never.

Not like the dicey abs I got.

You know what's weird, though, is, like, you naturally have, like, great arms and, like, shoulders. So you just assume that you're going to be shredded.

Yeah, and I wasn't until now.

And I'm the opposite. Nobody assumes I'm gonna be shredded. And then you're like, wow, your wife's.

Really assumes you're gonna be shredded. Way to dig for a compliment on that one.

I know.

You look fantastic. You got it. So this whole piece, though, I. Because I'm looking at myself and I have these moments where I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like, man, I don't. I'm just not that big. I just don't feel like that big. And. And yet I look at photos of me last summer and I'm like.

And you're like, I tolerated that in myself.

The hell I looked so I almost looked skinny fat. But I didn't feel skinny fat. I felt just lean.

And it's almost like that with anything once you know you can't go back, right?

No going back.

It's rough because you, like, wonder. You're like, why wouldn't somebody want to, like, be more fitter? Why wouldn't somebody want, like, why wouldn't they want hair extensions? Or why wouldn't they want to, like, better themselves? But it's like they don't know. So once they were to experience that, and then, like, even with hair, and then they look back at their old hair and they're like, I have clients all the time they're like, I can't believe I was walking around, look, looking like that with that is my hair. And I'm like, I know. And. But it's not even about, like, the physical appearance, but it's. Honestly, if you feel good about yourself, you actually, I believe, will have a more direct impact on other people. Yeah, you people are inspired by you. People love your story. People love the. The transformation. As humans, we're addicted to a transformation. It's like the hero story, right? And so it's kind of fun to. To watch people transform. And so, you know, you can listen to this show and think we're all about, like, the physical stuff and, you know, being in shape and all this, but it really does affect every other area in your life and it does impact others. People come up all the time to us when we're, like, walking around at the park or whatever it is, and they're like, hey, incredible transformation. I follow you guys. I follow your podcast. I love the story. You know what I mean? So I think it's. We're just willing to kind of, like, share. Share the story and share the experiences that most people are not.

Well, in that piece. That piece of, like, not only the transparency and vulnerability of sharing it is unique, but it's also the fact that, like, our new becomes normal so quickly that there's constant. This game of pushing for more into the new new because the new has become normal, and the normal is now starting to borderline numb. And so it's like, okay, let's go. And at some point, there's like, there's gotta be like, I've been like, man, you can't. This isn't this. There's not this perpetual. It's like. It's like building a software, a piece of software or a company. You can't perpetually build a company to where the whole world is your customer. Like, it just like even of largest companies, at some point, there's breakage and the thing starts fall apart. So the same thing goes with, like, this new normal game, which is like, okay, well, what's a new normal stop? But at some point, like, there's only so much like, even like with cars and houses, like, I fuck. The only thing I want is my G Wagon bag. That's it. It's fucking wrong with you.

It's like getting that for Christmas.

You're like, no, just want my G Wagon back. If I had that car back, I'm set. I really don't. I don't care. Like, my aventador and my G wagon. I'm done.

Yeah.

Like, I like them. I don't have a design in my.

Garage full of cars or something sentimental like. You just felt awesome.

It's just an awesome car. I lifted it. I put fat wheels on it. Hse like, they were just amazing. Wheel sold the car.

Buy one. You've been complaining about this for a year.

Yeah. I just can't justify paying the 400,000.

Oh yeah, but you looked like a super G wagon. You didn't look at like the. You didn't have a super one. You had a normal one that you put nice wheels and tires on. You went and looked at the.

I spent like a 200,000 on the last G wagon.

Yeah, you. You went and looked at like a $500,000 custom G Wagon.

Was a Barabbas. Yes, Done. It was intense. 700 horsepower in that G wagon. I mean, it was cool car, but the whole time it is like aspirated. So like an exhaust. Like it was cool. But I was like, I'm not.

Well, you're in a season where you're like, you're not. It's. We're not at that point where we're just like buying cars on the weekend because it's fun.

I'm not at a point where I just buy 400, 000 cars just because I want.

Yeah. And it's like you, you're like. Then you start to say, okay, where else can I put my money into? It's not that you couldn't have it. You're literally thinking finally, like a smart, you know, 47 year old man that shouldn't make impulse decisions that don't really benefit you or the family. So good job. Congratulations. You're so mature.

In the G wagon. I went and got a neck tattoo. That was mature.

That was.

What do you think about the neck tattoo?

I'm sure I'll get used to it.

What's it like for you now, for real? What was like, first time you saw me walk in with it?

I prefer to stand on the other.

Side of you away from the tattoo.

I don't know, I just, I'm like indifferent. I'm like, I mean your whole half your body's tattooed, so I'm going like, eh. I think I'm just glad you didn't go in the front of your neck because I don't really like that. To me, that's like distracting to the face. And I actually think you have a really like nice jawline and like clean cut face. And so I'M like, I prefer to just leave that alone. Don't, don't. Don't let the tattoo, like, crawl up and around.

Right?

Just have, like, a hand.

Yeah. Just holding my neck. I don't know if I'll. I can't say I'll not ever get a tattoo, but I won't get a tattoo for a while. Like, a long time.

I don't see the addiction in it.

Is it because you never got a tattoo? That's.

Why is it, like, once you have one, I don't get it. Sorry.

Why do you have to get a new handbag every couple months?

Well, that's a responsible choice. It's important to do that.

But, like, seriously think about that. Like, why do you have to get. You already got a handbag. Why get more handbags?

I don't know. Everybody's got things, right? Everybody's got their thing. I always say that. Mike. I'm at the point now where, like, I'm collecting handbags. There's, like, certain ones that I look for, and it's like, I don't even look for, like, the trendy ones anymore.

I'm like, ooh, yeah, that's tattooing. Tattooing. Once you get tattoos, like, you understand. You're like, oh, man. There's like, a thing. It's like a vibe. It's like a spiritual journey.

Everybody's got their thing, though.

I feel like everybody has their drug, and everybody has their outlet hobby, that is people like, I don't do drugs. I was like, yep, everybody. Everyone has a drug.

Everybody has to have some form of sedation.

It's part of being human. I grew up in. You know, we grew up in Mormonism, where they're like, I don't drink coffee. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke tobacco. I just drink 64 ounces of Diet Coke from the Maverick gas station four times a day.

You know what, though?

And bear claws, here's what I will tell you between taking my diabetes shots.

Here's. Here's my thing.

But I'm healthy, by the way.

But listen, everybody's got their thing, right? So let me tell you what does not serve a person, okay? Guilt. So if you have somebody who is diabetic, whatever, drinks a gazillion Diet Cokes, but they're like, I can't touch alcohol. Well, if they did drink alcohol, they might feel guilty. And nothing I'm convinced in this lifetime will ruin a person faster than living in a guilty space.

So how do you, like, manage, like. Cause I agree with you, I believe in guilt and shame, but how do you deal with, like, isn't there, like, a healthy form of guilt and shame?

I always say, like, guilty. Guilt is like, a friendly reminder to be like, ah, you crossed the line. You went too far. Like. Like, reel it back in. Everybody's guilt's gonna be different. Like, so then even I've made this comparison before. It's like, people will say, well, you know, I work out two hours a day, but that's healthy. And you're like, you are not in. You're. That's, like, too much. Your body's inflamed. Like, that's just an addiction at that point. Right. So it's like, everybody has something that is, like, fun, that they love, and then it can quickly turn into an addiction, whether it's alcohol, tobacco, vaping. Like, so for me, it's like, okay, you can feel. Really, really. Most people don't feel guilty for working out. Right. And there is a such thing as overworking out.

Yeah.

You look at, like, the bodybuilders that walk around huge. That is not healthy. Right. It is an addiction. At that point, they are. They're showcasing their addiction. It's impressive. It's an impressive addiction. But what I'm saying is that's not any different. It's just, like, you don't feel guilty, but they could be as unhealthy as somebody who's maybe, like, overweight, is what I'm saying. So I'm convinced. It's like, managing, like, guilt. Yeah. We have all these emotions as human to, like, to exist. And so guilt is just like, a friendly reminder of, like, hey, like, you got to tighten it up a little bit. Like, reel it in. But then it's interesting because then you, like, like I said, I compare it to fitness, and people very rarely will feel bad about working out too much or pushing their body to that limit, even though it's less healthy.

Well, there's like, I. It's a weird game with the guilt and shame, because I agree with you, it is like a curse. Yet at a certain point, I mean, it's like, you know, if, like. Like, you cheat on me and there's no guilt and there's no shame in it. And you're like, well, I don't want.

To feel guilty because you're justifying. Yeah.

You're like, I. You know, I don't. I don't play the game of guilt and shame. You're like, you fuck somebody else. Like, we're done. Like, there's, like, but there's some. So there's some kind of a game where I'm still trying to figure out, like, there's certain things, like, I feel like I should feel guilty for.

Yeah, here's where. Here. Here's where I've gotten to say. Well, I'll just give you an example.

Okay.

I like to drink. If I get too drunk and I say something stupid, I don't feel guilty for drinking. I feel bad for my behaviors under the influence and the impact it made on others. And so that's when I'm like, you were an last night. Like, you need to reel it in. To me, it wasn't even about, like, necessarily the drinking. It was about the. I was just really rude to somebody that I love, and that's unacceptable. So for me, I'm like, okay, all right. Like, that's not okay to do. So, like, obviously, if I cheat on you, there's no way to justify that I hurt you, right? I'm an asshole in doing that if I go out, have a good time with my girlfriends. But I wasn't an asshole to anyone. And I hung over the next morning. I don't feel guilty. Cause I had so much fun with my friends, right? But then the same time, if you and I get in a big fight, I wake up hungover and feel guilty, right? Both drank too much. But one, I wake up feeling like, that's so fun with my friends. And one, I wake up feeling like I'm a piece of shit. So I believe that if your actions impact somebody else, then that's kind of where you, like, you're like, oh, I feel bad.

Do you think that, like, people's behaviors can be justified based upon intoxication or drug use? Like, hey, I know something. Under the influence. This came up recently in, like, one of our warrior huddle conversations. Because one of the guys. There were two different situations in the last, like, month. We had a wife who was out with her girlfriends, and up. She didn't a guy, but she, like, blew a guy. Made out with a guy at the bar at the club in Vegas with her girlfriends. It came out, and he's like, what the do I do? And then there was another situation where a guy had done something similar, but it was a guy doing it. So the guy was a different couple, different situation. And this came up in, like, truth circle with warrior.

I don't think it's okay.

But, like, I hear those situations. And then there's like. Like, when somebody's not in their right mind, like that at the Same time, you have to be held accountable for your actions. Even if you were stupid enough to go get drunk like that.

Here's, here's, here's how I look at it. Is like, if it's a we thing. Sure. If it's something that you did without your husband, then it's technically, it's like cheating. Right. And so for me, it's like, don't put yourself in a stupid situation. If, you know, you have a few girlfriends that you just love getting. Like, I have a few girlfriends. I'm like, can't go out with you. Like, like, I really like Keith and Jesse. I would never go out with just Jesse because she's wild and I can be wild and I would put myself in a stupid situation. But do I love hanging out with them as a couple? Absolutely. So my theory on that is, like, don't put yourself in a stupid situation. Does that justify the behavior? Absolutely not. But can you avoid it by being a smart person? Yes, you can.

Got it. So the shit. The safeguarding is you have to know who your people are.

Yes.

To go do your thing. Otherwise you're going to get in trouble.

Yes. Like, so say, for example, I took all my girls to Vegas, but they were like, my girls at my salon. I know that I'm only going to get in so much trouble with them. Does that make sense? I'm like, I felt completely safe with them. In fact, I'm like. I'm like the mom of the group. I'm like, oh, guys, you reel it in. I'm like telling Mary. They're usually the ones that are, like, taking it off the cliff. And I'm. I go into more of that, like, responsible. Okay, somebody's got to be responsible here. So I know that in that role, I'm the. I'm the adult. I'm the mom of the group. So then I would feel safe. But if I'm going out again, if I have, like, my. My friends that are bigger drinkers and kind of wild, I would never go out with them without you. I'd be like, nope, I need my. My safeguard. I need my. I need my. Because I want to have fun, but I'm not going to put myself in a stupid situation. So when that happens, I'm like, you know yourself, you know those friends you knew that might be a possibility. There's no excuse for that behavior.

I think, Claire, on that one. In both situations, I think the marriages are going to end.

Oh, see, so that's. Then, Then I look at. I'm like, so what's the underlying story? It's like, oh, whoopsie. And you're like, oh, shoot. You were already in a shitty place and wanted to do that and then allowed yourself to be in that situation so that you didn't feel guilty or get judged, but really your marriage isn't doing great, and you were just looking for something to call it quits maybe, or. Or just do something that you wanted to do.

Yeah, well, I mean, listen, random things are happening. Like, weird random things are happening all the time. You had a weird, random thing happen. And we had a young lady from our daughter's school. Well, daughter doesn't go to school there. Steal our. Still like 3,000.

I handled that well, though.

Our. Our money at Starbucks.

You want to talk?

Why don't you tell them what happened?

Oh, no. So, well, Bailey had your card linked to her Starbucks account, but I've been pretty hard on Bailey. I'm like, hey, we're not like. We're like, you need to get a job. Like, you don't just get to spend our money freely anymore. So. And if you do, just ask. Like, if you want to get Starbucks on the way to work, just ask. So she's been doing really good about that. And she. She's like, yeah, I went to log on to my Starbucks app, and I realized I had, like, a ton of points. And she's like, I would have had to spend in the thousands of dollars. And she's like, and, Mom, I. Like, I wasn't going to Starbucks that often, right? So she. She starts looking at her transactions. It was like somebody had gotten hold of her Starbucks account, and they weren't just, like, spending a couple dollars a day. We found out it was hundreds every day. Thousand dollars in Starbucks charges. I was like, are you kidding me? And I was like, so. So then we found out who had the. The. I was really proud of my. I did good. I was like, okay. I go, give me her number and her mom's number. And she goes, she's not gonna give me her mom's number. I go, you tell her if she doesn't give me her mom's number, I'm gonna call and get the school involved, and I'll get her mom's number in one way or another. So I got her mom's number, and I reached out to the mom, told her the situation. I said, I wanna. I. I said, hey, this isn't a couple hundred dollars, a couple thousand dollars. I said, I'd love involved in this. I'm like, but so But I do expect some resolution. So can you jump on a call? And she was like, I'm so embarrassed. She's like, I'm, I, yeah, I'm like, your daughter admitted to doing this. Like she got caught red handed. So anyways, I jumped on a call and I, I wasn't rude. I find that you can get people to bury or dig their own grave. If, like, I was just like, so tell me. I just kind of was like, hey. So she goes, it was shared in a group chat. And I go, but it was on your phone. Anyways, I just was like asking her a series of questions. And then I was like, hey, I don't want to get anyone else involved and are you interested in paying it back? She said, yes. And she's like, but I only want to pay my portion back. I said, okay, that's fine, no problem. I'm going to need names. And she's like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'm going to need names. I go, I want to show how many people are on that snap. She goes, 10 people. She goes, it's a snap. I can't get that. I go, bullshit. You can get a group snap. You can tell. You can give me every single phone number on that snap. So I go, who? Which one of your friends you want to throw under the bus? And she was like, you could tell. She's like, I'm not throwing any money. She was so stressed. I was like, I need names. And she's like, no, like, because she wouldn't admit to spending the full 2,000. So I said, fine, you pay your portion if you don't want to pay your portion. I need names. Anyways. I was like, well, so we got off the phone and I'm like, I. I'll expect you to give me names or numbers by the end of tomorrow. And then she just flat out admitted. She goes, it was me. I'll pay for everything. Can I set up payment plans? I was like, you want to pay $2,000? So we. I was like, okay. I was like, you'd rather. I don't know if she spent it all or maybe she did do it all, or maybe she didn't want to rat her friends out. But either way, I was like, I. If she would have given me the names, I would have at least reached out to every single parent because as a parent, I would want to know. I'm like, that's shady. Like, I stole money from my parents growing up, but I didn't ever steal money from other people. Like, I'm like, that's just, like, that's just not. That's not cool.

Stealing money from your parents is just standard for being a kid.

It is.

It really isol money from my parents.

I mean, if my dad had. My dad. My dad was always a cash guy. And I.

So you guys did steal from his giant. He had a giant ass, like, quarter thing that probably had, like, my brother taught me.

Literally, he would. He had these glass tiles that he would, like, cut a hole in. And my dad was such a cash guy, and anytime he had extra cash, he would put it in this tile thing. What's funny? This is so funny that me and my brother would steal out of this, because at the end of the year, every year, he would break it open and split, give it all to us. But we wanted, you know, like, I'd be like, I want to go 711 or whatever. Back then, there was no Starbucks.

So you were just taking your gift early.

Yeah. So we were just like, it wasn't stealing. That's how I justified it. But no, like, my dad had like a. Every day, every week that he'd go and get cash. He was. It was so funny. He'd get like $1,000 in 20s. So every Monday, he left his wallet sitting in the same spot. But to be fair, my parents didn't even give me enough money to pay for lunches. So I was like, I'm like, I think they gave me $10 a week to pay for lunches. And my dad was like, yes, $2 a day, you're fine. I was like, I think I can get something off the dollar menu, dad. And he's like, you're fine. So part of me was like, you cheap ass.

I think. Cause your dad knew you were stealing from him probably. He was like, this girl is not getting.

Yeah. He's like, I'll give you 10 bucks.

Crazy. Well, I was proud of Bailey on it because I came to Bailey when it happened, and I said, listen, bae, here's a deal. Like, this is your fault. Clean it up. I was like, I don't have time to with this. I'm running an event. I don't care. I care, but I don't care.

We didn't come to you. We.

I know. And that's why you guys did it together. I didn't have to get involved. And I, I, like, I was like, I not getting involved with this. Over $2,000. Just swap the card out and let's be done.

I see. And I, I, I thought of it that Way too. I was like. I was literally, like. I had so much going on last week with the kids were switching schools and all that stuff, and I was like, I really don't have time for this. And something in me was like, no, it's not fair. It's this. If, like, something needs to be done, like, morally. I was like, if my daughter did this, I would want to know. And I wasn't even. I told Bailey. I was like, I don't care. Really. I don't really. I feel bad. She's. That she is paying me back. She goes, mom, do not feel bad. She's like. She was like, she did this. She has to. She has to face the consequences. I was, like, really proud of Bailey. Like, Bailey was like, almost, like, parenting me through this. I was like, okay, because I'm kind of like, I don't care about the money. But I did really want her mom to know. She goes. And she won't learn. She goes. This particular person is like, the ringleader of. She's always doing stupid. She steals, like, alcohol from the gas station. She steals stuff from people all the time. She literally is like, the ringleader of the. She's like, it's not okay. And I think that's why Bailey was like, no. Like, I'm sorry. Like, that was the one time Bailey's like, justice for all. I was like, okay.

I know she wouldn't normally show up.

That way, but this girl's mean to Bailey. She says really mean, mean, mean things behind her back. Like, she's just, like, a insecure, mean person. And Bailey's. Bailey is very. Bailey's nice to everybody, and she's. I mean, I don't know that, but everybody that I talked to her says that Bailey's very mature. She's very respectful. Like, I always encourage Bailey not to get involved in drama because the impact that it'll weigh on her, you know, I'm like, be above the drama. Just be above the drama. Is this worth your time? And she is a teen, so she gets sucked into it. But I'm actually really proud of how Bailey typically handles herself in social environments. I think she is very mature.

She did great. I mean, I was. I was proud of her for, like, framing it up and getting it handled the way she got it handled and being able to get it locked down the way she got it locked down. Because, like, I wasn't going to do it, and I knew you were going to kind of get started, but I said, you need to make this happen, baby.

She did it's yeah, our, our dynamics kind of change changed. We were, we were homeschooling all of our kids and then our homeschool teacher quit. And I had a wild week last week. It was just like full force into mom mode. And I was like, but you know what's so funny? I always do better under pressure. Like, I hate it. Like, at some point I always have some kind of meltdown. I'm like, well, the pressure. But I, I, when the pressure is on me, I literally like show up. Like, whether it's in work or business or whatever, it's like I dominate. I'm the, I'm the leader. When the pressure's on, I'm the leader. I'm like, I've got this fucking ship. Let's go.

Yeah, you did great. I mean, you got them all, you got them to school, you went to school, tour out tours, got them signed up for a new school. They're going to do a fun.

And you know what? We got to end this podcast because guess what else I have going on today? I have a photo shoot and a two year old cake smash.

All right, well, let's wrap this thing up. So we have, we have an amazing game going on here. Wakeupwarrior.com you can gain access to all the free tools of the warriors way system. A test trial for 30 days, plus keep all the content. If you like, check that out, go to wakeupwarrior.com on top of this. Also, we are in 2024, rolling back out the date your wife experience curriculum has been shot, teams are in play, and this coming back and fresh in January will be the date your wife experience. You can learn more by going to dateyourwife.com this is a weekly two hour therapy session for a large group of couples. So if you're a power couple or wanting to be a power couple and wanting to learn how to navigate the game of conversation in marriage together, well, you can take this podcast a step further by going to dateyourwife.com well, great work, babe.

That's it. And we are still doing the real White House, but we're doing it more like podcast style with the family. We're going to be alternating the date your wife podcast and the White House podcast because Garrett and I, everybody has a podcast, but very few people I feel like that put themselves out there, have built what we have individually and as a family. So we're excited to have our family a part of that and let you guys into our world a little bit more. So again look forward to alternating podcasts. Date your wife and the real White House with the family every single week.

All right, we're out of here. Thank you so much. And, yes, our crew is back. The original ones, the ones we betrayed, the ones we left. They're listening right now. We have been.

Everyone's like, what happened to the real White House? I'm like, it died.

Like, we. We abandoned. We got busy, came back, and they're like, we'll take you on you. And I was like, true. All right, we'll see you guys next week.