Finding Your Inner Stripper | Date Your Wife | Ep 019

What?

Do you want to go to dinner?

Well, hello, my friends. This is your boy, Garrett J. White, the co host here on the Date to White podcast. I am here in studio with my lovely, beautiful princess.

Princess.

All right, Queen, which of those do you prefer? You prefer queen or princess?

Princess is like what you call your daughters.

Yeah, that's no good. I shouldn't call you a princess at all. You're a princess to your father.

Sure.

To Dave.

You're not my papa.

Big Dave. No, Dave is your papa. I am not your papa.

You're my big papa.

And I. I am your. In other ways. Okay. All right. Welcome to the podcast. If you haven't come to the Date you Wipe podcast before, we welcome you here for the very, very, very first time. This podcast itself is brought to you by the Warriors Way in the Wake Up Warrior movement and is sponsored by DKW Styling.

And it's up. I'm now sponsoring our show.

You're sponsoring. You're sponsoring the show?

Officially want to sponsor our show?

Well, it's too late. I control the bank accounts. We pulled the money to sponsor the show.

I'm out. Peace.

Peace. I out. I retire. All right, so anyways, we're here, this show, regardless of who sponsors it, talking about what it is to have it inside of that, have it all conversation, bringing together two individuals, myself and my wife, dual producers inside of the game of business, money, and life. And, well, we're here to have a conversation. Every single week, we have a different conversation. We start off with the topic of sex, which happens to be today's conversation. We then go to the conversation of money, and then we go to the next week's conversation, which is on parenting. And then we ended up with communication. We end up right back here. This is actually show number 19. 19. 19 times we've done this show. Actually, one time we sent a replay, which is an interview we did before, but 19. How you feel about that? 19 times.

Go us. Is it too much? Do we like it?

I don't know. Do you like it?

I get emails. I get emails. People are like. They just say, like, thanks for being real. Like, I got an email this week and a girl was like, you know what? You guys are like, both producing entrepreneurs at a high level. And, like, good for you for being real. I love your podcast. And I'm like, yeah, no matter at what level I'm at, I'm still gonna be me. But I think that that's maybe what people like about us.

I think it is, too. I've got I've actually got a little.

Cause I felt like last. It's funny that she said that, because I felt like last week's episode, I felt like we were arguing. Kind of like we were kind of arguing and, like, kind of jabbing at each other is what I call it. And so I was. I. I told Garrett. I was like, that show was lame. I was like, let's not even air it. I'm kind of bugged. Cause I like to have, like, this professional, like, professional slash, real side. And then I was like, I don't care, Just air it. And then I get, like, comments and emails, and people are like, love the podcast this week. And I'm like, really? And they're like, it was extra real. So, you know, just keeping it real.

I think people recognize really quickly. I was trying to find this image of a screenshot we took of somebody.

Where are you going?

I couldn't find it. So, you know, like, I think people appreciate that inside the show because too many shows that you get to see too often, particularly in the topic of marriage, tend to be really airy, fairy, theoretical.

I think that people are scared to air their dirty laundry. And so, like, even if they're going through something at the moment, they'll be like, when we did this and this and this, and they don't want to be here and now. And, like, we're very much in the here and now. And like, some shows you're gonna listen to and we're gonna. There's. It's gonna, like, flow, and you're gonna get lots of value, and then you're gonna get the ones that's kind of a shit show. And you'll probably get value from those as well.

So I think the value comes in the fact that we don't try to hide it and we don't try to cover it up. I mean, last. Last week's show was a little rougher. We were having some good communication. But you felt like I was attacking you.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like that. Sometimes I feel like.

I'm sure a lot of ladies feel like I'm attacking you sometimes, too.

Yeah, well, I just feel like sometimes because you. I feel like you're just a better speaker. And so sometimes I'm always, like, trying to collect my thoughts. And then it's like, you're like. And I'm like, hold on, let me, like, let me. I'm still thinking.

And so this was actually a challenge for us inside a relationship. Like, being married together. Was this over talking and you not being able to get your opinions out.

I always felt like we could communicate. You're just a hard person to argue with, because before I can get another word in, it's like, you're like, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, what? I can't even, like, say anything. Then I get at this point where I'm like, are we done? Are we done? Where are we going with this? Are we done? So, but let's move on to this week's topic before we go back to. Let's not visit the past and focus on the present.

Okay? Oh, and the present that we get to talk about today is sex.

Did you get this for me?

That water is for you.

Thank you.

You should drink it.

Well, great.

All right. So one of the tougher topics to get real about is the conversation of sex. Now, we have talked about this many times so far on the show. I think we've done four episodes on the topic of sex. We had an intro show which would have taken us off. Like, I think we've talked about it.

I think there are a couple of nuggets that come out of this show.

I think you're the one that actually delivers.

I do. I deliver golden nuggets on this topic because.

Is it because deeply inside, you actually really love sex? Is this why the golden nuggets come out?

To understand women at a certain level?

How have you come to understand women at a certain level?

I think because, like, when it came to the topic of sex, like, you would always tell me that I was weird, and I was like, babe, I own a salon, and I know how, like, women think. And women. I know you think I'm, like, an enigma, or I'm just, like, weird for thinking the way I am or acting the way I am. But I'm not. I'm like. And he's like, whatever. You don't know. I'm like, no, I do know. And so, you know, the thing is.

Crazy is you used to have the same. You have the same thing about me. You thought I was a weirdo.

No, I never thought you were a weirdo.

You always thought I thought about sex too much. And that was an abnormal thing that guys did not think about sex. You even didn't even realize a guy has had sexual thoughts about you walking down the beach in a lovely bikini.

No, I think I could feel the energy. I think that it's. Whether you entertain those thoughts. I think that men are more likely to just have those thoughts, But I think that some entertain them more than others.

Do you think women don't have these thoughts. Like, you don't ever have a thought of, like, no, you don't. It never happens. You're not just sitting there one day.

And it's like, it's different for a girl. Like, it's different because, like, I'm gonna give you a scenario. Like, say you're on the beach and, like, some, like, nice ripped dude is coming walking by.

Like, might be.

Literally, it's all about the energy. If he walks by and he's like, I'm super hot. Do, do, do, do. You're immediately like, douchebag.

And then is that what you feel really Immediate? Immediate. What if it's like, a hairy guy with golden chains who's not.

You're literally like, you're way too into yourself. Get a job. But if he's, like, cute and lean and he's like, I know I'm lean. I don't fucking care, and he's just, like, running on the beach, then you.

Have a sexual thought.

No, not a sexual thought, but you're.

Just, like, not sexual. Then what kind of thought are you having?

Are you serious? Like, I want to know what exact thought you have. Like, is it literally like, you're bending a girl over? Is that, like, the thought? I want to know, like, specifically what the thought is. Because, like, for a girl, you. If you see an attractive guy, it's more about the energy they carry.

So what do you think about it? Like, to hold hands.

They could be, like, suited up. They could be speaking. They could be on the beach. They could be. Anyway, so it's about all about how they carry themselves. And you notice there, at least for me and other women I've spoke to, it's like you kind of, like, notice their energy and how, like, their swag. And you're just like, oh, he's cute. And you don't really.

So you're not sexually turned on at all?

You might be a little bit, but I don't know if you're.

Well, what does a little bit of sexually turned on look like?

Like, I don't necessarily like, when you.

Look at this guy, like, M. Rogers, like, oh, man, you're so well put together. I just am inspired by your greatness.

I don't think I entertain the idea of, like, having sex with another man. Does that. Is that where a guy's mind goes when you see a hot girl, not.

Some guys want to have sex with another man. I'm not one of those guys. Want with another man. You say, you just said, like, do guys entertain the Thought of having sex with another man. I said some guys do. I don't have. I do not entertain the thoughts of having sex with another man. Not that. Like, if that's you, great, I'd welcome all that.

So how does it work for a guy?

Well, so we're still not clear on this question that I have, which is you still have not answered the question. So there's no sexual thought for you about another man.

I'm wondering, cause you're my husband. How much can I tell you?

This is the show, but listen, there's the truth and then there's the lie. The lie is I've never had a sexual thought about another man. That would be a lie. Usually you have to have had many sexual thoughts about many other men.

It's usually like a headless man. It's just more.

There's no headless man. While you like, cut his head off in your mind. You photoshop it out in your brain while he's walking by or what? I don't see you. Don't look at me.

Just comes by and it's like his face is blurred out and you just envision you like. He just like, why is the hot.

Guy always some Spanish dude? He's like a Latin guy, right? He's like Enrique or Eduardo. I don't know. It's like the chiseled Latin man. I don't know. Is it because we live in California?

I think it's cause you always say it.

I think it is. I always do it.

I was like, how's Eduardo?

Eduardo. Eduardo's ready.

And I'm like, who's that?

I don't know. You know, we just, we came up with the name Eduardo. Okay, so we still haven't got to this. So you do have sexual thoughts. You just don't have a head on that, man.

But it's not. What I was trying to say is like, if a good looking guy walks by, I don't have that. I don't usually have like that sexual thought. You're just like, oh, he's good looking, nice.

And there's nothing that tingles on the inside. Like for you, that's like, oh, I'd like to get naked with that guy.

Not very often.

Okay, so now we're finally getting to some truth. Because, like, I know that you're bullshitting. I know it has to happen for girls. Even if it's once every two years when the unicorn jumps over the moon.

It only happens for you, babe.

That's a lie. I know this happens for other Guys, like, what I'm really trying to look at here is, does a woman get triggered sexually by other men? Yes or no?

Yes, but. Okay, but not maybe as often as men do. Because I will tell you, if I, like, feel good and I'm dressed good and I'm, like, walking around, I can feel eyes. Balls on me. Not.

Did you say balls on you?

I can feel eyeballs on me, not balls.

Okay, good. No balls.

And. And I. Yes. Or, like, if I'm at the beach and I'm. I. Whatever. If I'm in a bikini, I can feel eyeballs.

You can feel eyeballs looking at you.

And I don't make eyeballs.

Do these eyeballs feel sexually eyeballs to you?

They're like. It's almost like you can feel when it gets creepy. And you can also feel when they're like, oh, she's cute. But they. You can tell, like, they're respectful, and they don't, like, entertain the thought, too.

So you can tell the difference when a guy is looking at you on the beach and he's having sexual thoughts.

You can tell in a conversation with.

A man when they're having sex with you.

Every girl can tell that. You're literally every guy.

Every girl can tell this.

You can tell when a guy's, like, kind of pushing it away and, like, being respectful. You. Not every time, but, like, sometimes you can. Ladies, back me up on this one.

All right, so, like, you're having sexual thoughts then, but you're mostly like. Are you being like. Is there a desire inside of your mind by physical or by visual stimulus to want to have sex?

Yeah.

Okay, so you do get turned on, like, in your own mind by seeing a body that is amazing.

Or it could be on a good movie with a hot guy because they.

Got a soundtrack and there's fucking rain and, like. And he's, like, played out. He's like the farmer who, like, was the country singer who then, like, found his way back to the hometown, which happened to be the movie you were watching a few days ago. Did that guy turn you on in the movie? No. Do you have a Hollywood. Do you have a Hollywood man that turns you on?

Yeah.

Who is he? Brad Pitt? No, it's not Brad Pitt. The Hulk from Avengers. Who. Who is this? Who's your Hollywood.

You know what my Hollywood celebrity crushes, actually.

Oh, crush. Now, are you sexually turned on by your Hollywood crush? You are?

Yeah.

Okay, good. Well, who is it? Who's number one?

I don't even know their names.

How do you not know Their names if you're turned on by them.

Okay. What movie are you? One's Thor.

Thor.

What's his name?

Yeah, I don't know what his name is. That's pretty good looking. That's a good looking man.

Sons of Anarchy.

Oh, yeah. He's a good looking dude too. Totally different guy, though.

Yeah. Don't even know their name.

So Sons of Anarchy guy is like quite aggressive.

Oh, but what was that movie he was in? I actually didn't find him that attractive in Sons of Anarchy. But then he did this movie and the role he played and his hair was cut, I was like, that's really doing it for me.

Now. When you say doing it for you, what does that mean, doing it for you?

Like, I'm like, I like, let's see where this goes.

Like in your mind, you let it go. No, you're watching the movie, you let your mind wander and you think about having sex with him.

I only think about having sex with you.

You are so full of shit. Listen, it is okay. Like, I'm giving you permission to be honest right now. I feel like we're in therapy and you're getting it, to be very honest about the lies you've been telling me for 17 years.

It's not usually like in the movie, it's after. It's after. And it just like pops up and I'm like, oh, yeah. But then. But then I.

Have you ever fantasized about Thor while having sex with me? I'm okay if you have. I mean, that guy's fucking. He's quite.

I think I have.

The dude's quite the man. So I'm not. I wouldn't be opposed to it.

I don't think I have, really, to be honest. No.

Or Sons of Anarchy guy either.

When I'm having sex, I really like to focus on us.

Do you focus on us or you?

No, us.

Like, what does us focus on?

Well, and, you know, sometimes. What does that look like in your mind sometimes too? And I'm gonna. I'm sure women out there can agree with me. Like, if you're having like a quickie.

Like you're personally having a quickie orgasm.

If you're having. No. Like, say you don't have a lot of time. We have kids. Sometimes you don't have a lot of time.

Right.

And you just wanna enjoy yourself too, for a girl. And I don't know if it's like this for a guy, but I gotta, like, focus in. I gotta, like, hone in.

Like you're focusing, but Are you focusing just on your own stimulation or you're focusing on us?

No, sorry, just me.

Just you. Okay, good. That was my point. So on a quickie, you're focused on you.

Right.

And on a long year, I'm focused on us.

Focus on us. I'm kinda like entertaining you coming back to me. I'm definitely.

It's like a little volleyball.

It's a qq.

Qqp. A little quickie. Quickie porn star.

That's another episode we did.

Okay.

Cause I was explaining my strategies of.

Life and I shared my slip n slide strategy, which actually wasn't a strategy. You just talked about the slip slide.

I think that was my strategy also. So this week's strategy is gonna be who is your hero and where? No.

All right, so here's the fun thing. There are just not too many couples that can talk this openly about this topic.

Who are you? How does it work for guys? Okay, now you have to answer the same questions back.

All right, I'm ready.

Ask her how does it work for guys? If you see. Cause there's. So we live in California. It's like thong back city.

Yes.

And you're like literally walking down pch. Girls are going to get in their car and they don't even bother putting on pants. Walking on pch, you see cheeks and a T shirt.

Asses everywhere.

Just asses. And then like at the pools, you.

See all thongs everywhere.

Thongs. And like half these girls have to be like 17. And even I can't not look. I'm like, I remember when my ass looked like that too.

Okay, so you see what you just said, Kayla, look at this. Even I couldn't.

But I'm not entertain. Yeah, but I don't entertain it or get a sexual feeling.

I know. Well, let me introduce you to being a man for a second.

You can't not look. Oh, but wait. Do you remember? Okay, this was really annoying, ladies. One time we were in Cancun.

Yes.

And we had been having lots of sex that trip we had. Yes. We were in Cancun. We always have lots of sex in Cancun. Or maybe it was Cabo, but it was just like no kids, Cabo, lots of drinking, lots of sex that week.

Okay.

So there's this girl that walks by. Mind you, she is not that cute. She's medium. Okay. Just putting it out there.

Okay.

But she has a little tiny bum and she's in a thong back. And she and her boy. Or her guy. I shouldn't say boy. They were pretty young. They walked by. And it's not like he didn't notice. Cause even I looked up and noticed. But it's when the head follows and keeps following it.

I was actually following a wave that was in the ocean. I was watching it close out. It was a huge. Right. No, that was right behind her.

Like, usually you're like, super respectful. And I was like, you dick. You totally just like, Yeah, I got caught on that one. It's like you saw it and that's the entertain. That's just like prolonging that ass as it was.

That's why guys wear mirrored sunglasses, because then their eyeballs just turned.

I thought rude.

I agree. I don't think it's the best behavior on my part. Here's what I can tell you, though. You've got to have a little empathy for what it is to be a man.

Okay, so, okay.

You don't wake up. Do you wake up with, like. Do you wake up with, like, hard nipples in the morning? Are your nipples hard in the morning when you wake up? Never.

Yeah, they are.

If it's cold, you've woke up with hard nipples?

If it's cold, yeah.

When was the last time you woke up with hard nipples?

I don't know. I don't do a nipple check.

Okay. Did you ever. Have you ever woken up with hard nipples and been aroused in your clitoral area when you woke up?

Sometimes you're not there.

Yeah, but that's very rare. Like three times in 15 years, probably.

Okay, so, but I'm.

I'm giving the analogy because what happens for a guy is you randomly. You randomly just wake up one morning, you're like, oh, it's fucking Wednesday.

Like, if a. If a. If a bunch of ass cheeks are hanging out, like you can't control it, you're just automatically.

You can control it, but at a certain level, you have no control. And what I mean by that, you have control decisions of what you do. You do have control about how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if. If nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you and you're sitting there and you're with your wife and you're trying to be focused and you like your wife's ass cheeks. You're like, I love my wife's ass cheeks. But you're at the beach and you walk by, and there is not one, not two, not three, multiple. And they just keep coming walking by. There's not. But it's not just 17 year olds. It's like, anybody, everybody and you're in that environment as a guy, it is a work of art to try to not do two things. One, look. And two, try to not be weird about it when you're with your wife, because you know that you're gonna turn around, there's gonna be another ass cheek, and there's gonna be another ass cheek. And maybe you're in a place where girls wear Eskimo suits to the beach, but we do not live in that place.

I know you notice, and I don't really care. There was only that one time where you entertained it. And I was like, you asshole.

I know.

That was literally the only one time. Like, I, like, caught you. I was like, your head just trailed.

I know. And I didn't even try to deny it.

No, I was like. And then you laughed. And then I realized you were kind of drunk. And that's probably why.

Yeah, that's probably why. Too much tequila. But this is the reality for being a guy. Like, you wake up and you have no idea why. It's a Wednesday. Your alarm goes off, you have a full erection, and you are sexually ready to go. And you're like, I don't understand this. It's not like I'm standing here just like, I went to bed last night hoping I'd wake up with an erection. Like, the worst part is being a guy in the morning having an erection and then trying to pee.

Wouldn't it be. Have you ever considered the challenge to get an erection?

For sure, I'd rather wake up on Wednesday and have to pee with an erection. No. Have you ever considered how difficult it is for a man to pee when he has an erection?

Just, like, do a handstand and, like.

No, it's not even a handstand. It's literally an art form. You're shooting a giant rainbow across the bathroom.

Sit down.

How are you gonna sit down? You're gonna piss in your face. Obviously, you don't have a penis.

I just sit down. It's really easy, guys.

Oh, well, if you have erection, why don't you just sit down and piss on your chin?

Yeah, okay. It's not gonna work.

So anyways, we have a very different challenge, guys, because we're constantly being stimulated. Like, guys can get. Guys can be at church, and a woman walks by and she has a shirt on and her nipples are protruding a bit through the T shirt. And you can be a super committed, loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered. And this is. So what I'm trying to get to is this does not happen for you. Like, you do not have this trigger where, like, hotness walks by and you're like, bam, I want to have sex.

Not very often. Like, you might get a little, like, butterfly and be like, oh, he's cute. But usually you never entertain it. It's like you entertain it later when, like, all of a sudden, the feeling just comes up, like how you described on a Wednesday morning. All of a sudden, you're like, God, why am I so horny?

And you're thinking about Thor.

No, I'm not. Oh, Thor. God damn it, Garrett.

So listen, I would. I'm gonna share a strateg. I've dealt with this. So here's what I did forever and ever. I wanted you to send me some pictures, but you were not about this. You were not about the Bourdois. What were they called? The Bourdois Photos.

Bourdois.

Yeah. But you then went and took some Bourdoir photos.

That was a while ago.

That was, like, years ago. You did that for the first time. I think you've only done it one time.

I know. I should probably update them.

You should. But you went and did this. Why did you go do this for me? You went and took some pictures to let me be stimulated. Oh, you did them for YouTube.

I did it to get out of my comfort zone.

Okay, talk about this.

I don't know. I think, like, when you're learning and growing in life, like, I'll do things to get me out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off. Like, I'm. I'm operating on a certain way. Like, for example. And this is kind of a dumb example. I suck at dancing. My sisters were dancers. I was not. I make myself go do, like, hip hop and Zumba classes, and I'm not good, and I don't like being in groups, and I'd rather just work out on my own. And I'll, like, go to these classes, and I look like a total, total dork, and it gets me out of my comfort zone. But by doing this, I'm like, somewhere along the lines, I'm like, oh, I could dance. And I'm like, oh, this is fun. So then I, like, try to, like, really channel in more of, like, a sexual being. And I was like, I need to get out of my comfort zone a little bit more because I think I'm an attractive person. And I was like, I need to, like. I need to, like, radiate more, like, sexiness maybe. So I.

So that's why you did the picture?

Well, I just was like. It kind of makes me nervous, but I think I'm gonna do it. So.

So how was your experience? Cause, I mean, you had. You didn't. I mean, you weren't taking full nude shots.

No, I was like. I was like, I've had two kids. I have a cute body. Like, I gotta, like. I don't wanna be, like, 60 and be like, why didn't I walk around naked more? You know?

Ooh, I like where you're going with that. Why didn't you do. Why don't you.

And even now, like, I'm like, actually.

You do walk around a lot more naked than you ever used to.

I'm, like, super classy, and I like to be covered. And I like. But I also like to. I keep thinking I'm like, it's okay to show off a little bit, as long as it still looks tasteful and classy.

Well, can you be not tasteful, class?

I'm trying to bring out my inner stripper, Garrett.

That's what I've been trying to get out this whole time. Your inner stripper.

So we're gonna end the show with saying, ladies, bring out your inner stripper.

Show's over. We're only 21 minutes into the show.

No, I think that that gives you permission, though, honestly, like, to kind of, like, role play a little bit. Like, to spice it up a little bit.

So do you think that affected your roleplay?

Yeah, probably a little bit. Like, just, like, getting into it, like, feeling, like, literally sometimes it's like, a little bit of role playing, but it makes it fun.

Well done. So we're gonna finalize here, not the show. We're just gonna finalize this topic and move to another topic. So here's the final thought. As a guy, very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts sexually in check if he is not getting laid. I talked to this. I talked with this about. I've spoken to a couple different groups of women about this, and I've also spoken to a lot of groups of men, and I've shared this quite a bit. It's a tough situation because it's a guy. You're naturally sexually charged, right? So the challenge is this. If you're naturally sexually charged, but you're not getting having sex at home, right? You and your wife are not having sex, and for whatever reason, sexual intimacy is not happening. And if it is happening, it's like this quick, quickie thing with no emotional connection. There's nothing to it. And it happens, like, very Sporadically. And there's far more couples. And that does not come down to how you look physically across the board. Where we've seen inside of having tens of thousands of male clients inside of Wicked Warrior, you know, we watch this and we've seen the patterns, we've seen the trends, and there is a ton of sexless marriages that are occurring. So a man, when he's in that position and he's not getting laid, his sexual energy even goes higher, which is what leads a man to go to porn and leads a man to masturbate, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem, though, that porn and porn and masturbation at one level, like, satiates the man so that he doesn't start doing crazier shit. And some cultures, and some people think this is a complete insane thing. I'm gonna ask you, what are your thoughts about this? Like men looking at porn and masturbating if they're not getting laid?

What do I think about it? Yeah, I think it's a turn off for the girl.

For sure. Would be a turn off for the.

Girl, I would say. If you want to have sex with your wife and she knows you're looking at porn, that's not gonna help your situation.

But if he's in a situation where there's not sex happening, like, there's not. Because this happens a lot. Like, way more where women tend to be a little more prudish.

So what's your question?

Like, if a guy. If a guy's trying to find his way back into the bedroom with a woman that he's married to and they're trying to get re back kindled, but he's got all this sexual trigger desire I'm talking to you about, which is like triggered all the time, triggered all the time, triggered all. Whether you're having sex, you're not having sex, you still get triggered all the time. When I'm having sex with you and we're doing it frequently, I feel when I get triggered, my mind actually thinks of your ass. Like, I think about your breasts, I think about your body. When you're not getting laid, guys will tend to go to porn. Okay, okay, so what is the suggestion? How does a guy. What. What is the dilemma here? How does a guy work his way through this from a female perspective looking.

At porn or just dealing sex?

If he doesn't look at porn, but he's still not getting any acceptance in the bedroom, but then he gets shame for going to porn, trying to deal.

With this trigger situation, it's crazy. Because, like, you can have couples who are not in a good space, but they're having sex. But like you said, it's, like, super hollow. And so I still don't know what you're trying to ask me. Like, what it has to be. Both parties have to, like, come back together. Like, you have to, like. I don't know what you're specifically asking me on the girl side. Like, what can she do? Or how does that. How do they. What do you think? I don't know.

Let's just go to this. I mean, I was in the Valley for a while with you. Like, we. Multiple times. Like, where we went through times where we were not really sexually compatible.

So I think. Well, no, I think, like, if you're in this funk in your relationship, it's hard because it's like, the girl. If neither needs are being met, then the girl is like, I'll have sex, but I'm not really attracted to you. Do you know what I mean?

Right.

And there was a period in our marriage where I was just like, that's fine. I know you need to have sex. But I was almost like, ugh. I really don't. It's just a wife duty. You know what I mean?

Well, you were almost, like, disgusted by it.

I was disgusted, but I was just like, sleep or sex? I was like. And. But it just. I don't know. I think so. It just, like, if my needs aren't being met, like, I don't want to have sex, but at the same time, I have to kind of cross. We talk about this all the time on our podcast. But, like. But if I want my needs met, I kind of have to cross the line, too. And then it's like this balancing game of, he has to cross my line, I have to cross his line. And when we get out of whack and it's like somebody keeps trying to push and cross the line, and the other person is not, like, receiving that, and they're just. Or they're not crossing the line and, like, meeting their husband's needs or vice versa, then that's when, like, shit doesn't work. You know what I mean? So I feel like for us, when I feel, like, a little bit of a drift, I feel like it's either because I'm not meeting your needs, or I'm not feeling like my needs are met. And that's when you get. And it's. Honestly, I can't give you, like, a specific formula. It's just like, I feel like if you're in A funk. Both of you. Not just, like, the girl, but both of you have to kind of cross lines and be like. Like, for me, mine's probably like, I like having acts of service. I like gifts. I like time. And Garrett likes words of affirmation and touch and feel and sex. And so at the same time, if I'm not feeling my needs are met. I know, like, I can just go take him up to his office and quickly meet his needs, and then he'll come back down and quickly meet my needs in some other form. Like, he'll. Like, the other day, he was like, hey, babe. Like, he's always like, hire someone to clean the kitchen. And we do hire someone to clean the kitchen. And then the other day, like, I came home, I went for a little jog outside, and I came home, I'm like, oh, thanks, babe. You, like, wiped off the counters and cleaned the kitchen. And to me, even though I can pay for a cleaner, like, little things like that, that's what I like.

We had great sex that night.

I know. So that's what I'm saying. You start to kind of notice, even if you're running late to work, you know, I can hire a cleaner every single day, but I don't want somebody in my house every single day. We already have somebody coming twice a week. And it's just my routine to get up, wipe off the counter, throw some dishes in the dryer or in the dryer, in the washer.

It's why our dish.

I suck at cleaning. But, you know, it's just, like, my routine I go through and I do my little sweep of the house because I like a clean house, and I'm not, like, overly OCD with, like, my cleanliness. I just like it, like, kind of wiped off. And so he. I think Garrett knows that. And it's like, it reminds me of that funny movie with Jennifer Aniston and what's his name? And she's like, I want you to want to do the dishes. And so I'd always joke around with Garrett, and he's like, what do you want me to do? I'm paying for this. I'm doing this. I'm supplying this. And he was providing for me, but I'm like, I want you to want to do the dishes. Like, it's because it's that act of service. I could pay for it myself, you know, but it's like, I. I like that he went out of his way and thought to do that. And so, like, for me, like, if he's stressed out. Or if it's been a few days or whatnot. Like, I go out of my way to sneak into his. He has his man cave. Sneak into his man cave. I'm like, hey, you wanna have sex right now? And he's like, yeah, like the middle of the day. Like, you know? And I. Like, it's quick, but I still make it fun. And so it's like crossing the line. Or, like, he likes words of affirmation. And we talked about this in our last show. Like, that's hard for me. Like, I don't really think to do that. It's like. It's just. It's hard for me. Like, I'd rather be like, let's go have sex and not talk about it. But I try to, like, go out of my way to be like, okay, like, send him a text like, I love you. Hey, great work today. Good job. Hey, you know what I mean? Like, little things. But I don't send, like, a paragraph like you do. But I do work on it. So I think it's a balance of, like, crossing each other's lines in order to feel like your love is reciprocated. And then when you're at that place, then you can go and have really good sex and both of you guys have fun because you actually love and enjoy wanting to be around and with one another.

So here's what I can say on the porn side.

Oh, we're still going back to that.

No, I didn't. We didn't close the loop. So you did. Beautiful. You shared some amazing value. Now I'm going to close the loop on the porn thing. Here's what I can tell you to the guys. Here's the first message to the ladies, right? If you shame and guilt your husband because he looks at porn, I'd encourage you to take a look in the mirror. Take a look in the mirror at how you're showing up right now. I'm not saying in every case like this, there are some guys who are absolutely addicted to porn and they got major fucking issues with it. No different than a cocaine addiction or a meth addiction. Like, they're addicted and they're twisted in their brain and they've got some problems. But that is a very small minority of the men who look at porn. The majority of men that look at porn are looking at porn because they are not getting sexual needs met and emotional needs met at home. Like, the relationship sex game is horseshit and it's not working out. So first, the first thing I'm going To have you do if you're a woman listening is look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, how am I showing up sexually for my husband? Like, am I showing up? Or have I gotten to a point where I'm okay with just not giving a shit anymore? And I'm just going to keep dumping all of the responsibility of money, time and energy on my husband without putting out. So I'm going to put that on out there first. So consider that the porn addiction or the porn direction the man goes to is because you're not showing up now. Now I'm going to talk to the guys. Here's the problem with porn, though. Porn, it satiates in a moment. And if you look at porn occasionally in masturbate. Listen, I'm not here to tell. You should or you should not. Like, here's what I know. I've looked at porn and masturbated in the past. And I am so confident that at some point in the future I will do it again. Like, it is something that there are times that happen inside of a couple months cycle where shit just goes sideways and it happens, right? But here's what I will tell you with consistent porn consumption and masturbation is this. You will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. What I mean by that is that you will actually deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer or into your cell phone and through masturbation, literally pushing your away into the nothing, right? Because the computer's not gonna give you a handjob. And you're sitting here pushing, you're jerking off, and your sperm's going into wherever you're putting it. And it's not like there's no exchange of energy. So what I started to notice for myself is when I would go through these strings of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, I would feel alone, I would feel isolated, and I would go to porn. It would make it worse. It would make it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment to Danielle because I was. It's a hollow experience, porn. And looking at porn by yourself and masturbating is a hollow experience. Like, you get satiated, you're done, you feel. You feel like. It's not even that you feel good, it's just that you feel. Don't feel the overwhelm of the sexual energy anymore and the frustration of nowhere to take it and nowhere you feel.

The connection that you would, I'm sure, if you had Good sex with your wife?

No, not at all. You're not even close. Not even close. It's like, you know, it's like the difference between like, you know, masturbating with sandpaper versus like making love to your wife. Sounds horrible. And yet that's really what it is in comparison to true sexual connection with your wife.

What would you suggest? Like, so say. Cause I've known friends, couples in the past and like, we always joke around at work and we're like, if you just put out for your husband, like, everybody's gonna be happy. But then I've talked to girls who are like putting out a lot and then their husbands are still kind of.

A holes, I think. I think a man.

What do you think? Like, is. What do you think's going on there? Like, what advice? Like, I don't know what. From a guy's standpoint, I can tell.

You there are far few situations with a woman that's putting out all the time in marriage where there is problems.

I know a couple.

And what I mean by that? Well, you know a couple.

I know a few.

You know, one.

No, I've.

You have more than one that I'm thinking of. Yeah, you have two. How many women do you know?

How many women do you know?

I don't know. I'm probably sure, like a couple hundred.

But I'm just saying, like, what happens in that scenario, that's the exclusion.

We're gonna call that the unicorn factor. Most of the time, what ends up happening is the woman is not putting out. That is a fact. It is not the other way around where a woman's putting out all the time. I'm not saying that there is not a situation. It's just like the porn conversation where there is likely men out there who have real big fucking porn problems and you need to get help. But that's not the rule of thumb for most guys are not looking at porn every single day, but they are going to porn every couple weeks or maybe even once a week because they're trying to find a way to dance around this marital sex game. It's difficult, particularly for guys with wives who are pregnant. That's hard too. For a married guy, it's hard because you're like, yeah, you're kind of in sexual time out for a bit.

Not really.

Yeah, after the baby comes.

And I can speak from. Well, yeah, you have to wait six weeks after you have a baby. But I. From a girl's perspective, like when I'm pregnant, like, I feel like hormones are kind of raging. And I know, like, you always, like, cut, like, kind of want to, like, dance around it and like, yeah, the first trimester, you're just fucking tired. But then, like, after that, you're kind of, like, ready to go. And the guy, like, in my experience, like, I'd be. You'd be like, feel like you need to be kind of like, is this okay? So I don't know if it's, like, awkward for a guy or you're, like, less turned on, but I kind of felt like you were, like, not as attracted. Or maybe you were you just, like, kind of worried you were gonna, like, poke the baby in the face Pretty much.

I don't know. I think it's hard to say back then because, I mean, Ruby's seven years old.

No, but I was recently pregnant and I miscarried. And you were even, like. I don't know if I can approach you.

Yeah, but you were in the hard zone.

I was in the tired phase.

You were in the tired phase.

Your energy towards me was, like, really, like you were pushing away, which I didn't like.

I know. I was kind of shutting down.

I know. So I don't think you should do that.

Well, I don't know how not to shut down. When you're falling asleep at 7 o' clock at night.

I cannot help it. You should sleep in and have sex with me in the morning then.

So you're saying that when you get pregnant again, which we're gonna try again.

In the future, don't act weird. Cause I always felt like, am I already ugly? I mean, I feel fat already.

No, I wasn't feeling that. It's like a. Kind of a weird thing as a guy, because you don't want to push a line as a girl.

You already feel really super fat. So don't fucking act weird.

So I should fuck you more?

No, but just, like, be like. Just be normal.

What is normal?

Just be normal.

Just normal? Just hit on you, like normal? Yeah.

Grab your breasts or tell me I'm sexy.

Grab you by the back of your hair, shake you a little bit.

That's what you like. I have a weave in.

I can't do that. All right, so we're gonna end the porn conversation with this, which is, guys, at the end of the day, it's not actually gonna help you out a lot. So my suggestion is keep all that sexual energy in, because what it actually does is it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I've noticed with myself. If I keep all the Sexual energy inside of me and I don't masturbate and I don't look at porn. Then it forces me to focus all that energy at Danielle and then I just walk into the bedroom naked.

Naked.

Have you noticed this new strategy?

You walk into the room naked?

Yeah. Have you noticed I just come to vet naked? It's one of my new strategies.

You just come to bed naked?

Yep. That and a thousand on this one.

I don't notice.

You don't notice that I come to bed naked? You don't notice. Cause those are the nights that I'm taking you.

I don't know if you noticed, but I come to bed naked also, so it turns out we're in a mutual agreement.

You came to bed naked. When you've come to. I was like, what the hell did I miss that night? No, seriously, were you with Thor?

Sometimes if I go to bed with like, underwear and a bra, like, you know, it's go time.

Have you? Oh, yeah, that's true. That doesn't happen too often. But if you come with a thong to bed, it is go time.

Yeah. If I come in with just a.

Cute pair of underwear, it's two panties on it. Go time.

Obviously it's time.

Yeah. Well, it's like totally different than like sweats. Lululemon hoodie and cuddled up in nine blankets and 15 pillows.

I like to put the air at like 66. And then I like put on a hoodie and like a scuba suit and then I have like three comforters and I'm like, don't touch me.

And then I slowly investigate with my hands, like I'm trying to find you underneath there. Next thing you know, I find our do. I'm like, the dog's buried in here, for God's sakes. All right, so we're going to come back on this and kind of wrap our topics for tonight's show. Today's show, we're actually going on a date night.

Tonight we're going on a date night.

And our game here has been around. We started on this topic of triggers, sexual triggers. And we came to the final realization that you're rarely as a woman, you're triggered sexually, but rarely. And as for a guy, you're triggered all the time, like 75 times a day. And the pass up on this entire thing really comes down to an interesting strategy, which is I have to pretend that I don't want her.

I think that it's important for guys to like, entertain that, though, because sometimes for you, like, if you come across like two, like, I can't hold back anymore. I'm like, dude, like, simmer down. I always think, like back when you're like dating and like when you first are dating somebody, like, you think they're super hot. And I'm sure as a guy you kind of have to resist, but girls can feel that sexual tension. And we like it like. Like, we like you to play it cool a little bit and then like just, you know, subtle gestures. But if you're too like, ah, it's like, it's a lot. And then it almost for me has like a backfire, like, response where I'm like, it's too much. Like, give me some space, like play a little hard to get kind of thing. And so I think it's good if even if you are married to kind of like, play it cool a little bit or like, hold back a little bit. Not too stands offish where she's like, do I not look cute? I like, feel super confident.

But that's a tough line for guys, I'm not gonna lie. But that's a tough line. That's a tough.

You can read. Like, usually you can read. I can read people's energy pretty good.

So can I. But when you get to a point where you're so sexually turned on by your wife, right? And you're trying to hold it back and you're trying to play it cool, at some point you have to literally build a fortress of concrete and just lock it all back.

Yeah, but all I was saying is.

And when that happens, then you feel.

Like just to hold back a little bit. No, there's a balance. You know the balance.

You do it, I do it. Every time you touch my arm, I feel blood to my penis. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie to you.

It's cause we're talking about sex and sex.

This is the problem about being. Yeah, exactly. Right now, all this rubbing that you're doing, like, literally right now, my mind immediately goes to your naked ass. Like, I can't not go there. Like, you don't even have to say anything. If I touch you like this, like, what does it mean?

And I can look at you and just kinda like smile.

And then I'm horny and I'm ready to go. I already start to get blood leaving my brain. I become dumber and I become chubby.

We are so powerful. Look, ladies, just.

All right, that's a good topic to end on. So let's end with the final message from you about the power as A married woman and the topic of sex.

Use it to your advantage.

Okay, we'll give them some serious counsel here. How can they use the topic of sex if they're in a frustrating situation or marriage? How can they use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship? You've done that. You've come across the line. I know at times when we were first establishing this, this was not a comfortable thing for you. So give them some counsel. I gave the guy some counsel. The porn and the masturbation thing is not helping.

My counsel is just always, like I said before, like, look on. Trying to cross the line. And it's hard. Like, I get it sometimes. Like, I'll be, like, super pissed. And I'm like, this isn't getting. Making it any better. And if I do try to cross the line, like, he will always be. You will always. What's the word I'm looking for?

Responsive.

Yeah, you always respond to it. And in fact, there's been very few times where I think I pushed it too far of, like, not wanting to cross the line and not just didn't give a shit about him. And it gets so far where he goes to this angry mode.

And then when you try to touch me, I'm so pissed. Okay, so.

And then, like, I'll come in and I'm like. And I get this, like, scary feeling of like, oh, my God. I. I didn't mean. I didn't mean to do that. Like, I. I took it too far. Like, he. He's. Now he's like. Like he's just mad. And then I'll be like, hey, no, come on, let's go have sex. And it's not fun anymore. And he's, like, pissed, and he's irritated and he's hurt, and then I'm hurt. And so it's just, like, you can't. Like, for me, I'm like, why? I'm like, it shouldn't get to that point. And so even for us, like. And if I could give ladies, I guess, you any advice, if you. You have to take that time to connect with one another. So even if you don't see each other a lot, like, if you're working a lot, you have to. Your relationship can only be as good as you're willing to work on it.

It.

And if you are willing to work on it, and if you're willing to kind of cross the line and not let it get, like, too far, disconnected, then you can always stay. You can always stay in a good space. But it's when you let it go too far that it gets like, oh, and then it takes like that much longer to kind of repair it and get back up. So it's just like, it's just. I don't know. So it's just like always a work in progress.

I like that.

It's always a work in progress.

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Com real quick. Garrett.

Yes.

Who are your two Hollywood.

Who are my two Hollywood things? My two Hollywood flings?

You used to tell me like the same person when we were first married, but I'm pretty sure she's not one of yours.

Who are my two Hollywood ones now? You know, Angelina Jolie used to be, but she's not kind of my thing anymore.

Just getting older. We're getting older.

Do you know what? I don't, I don't. I can't really think of somebody right now in particular. I'm not even sure if I had two people. You are. You're my celebrity. I like to watch your YouTube videos and just get all turned on. I'm like, oh my God, look at her doing here. And I'm not trying to bullshit right now on this. Like I legitimately am not. I can't think of one person where I'm like, oh my gosh.

Well, now I feel like an asshole because you asked me who mine were and now you're not.

I used to have a ton. Who was my one girl from all the Underworld movies? Kate Beckins.

I think she just like any girl in leather.

I do. But Kate Beckinson, I know what I'll.

Be wearing on my next boudoir. I guess that's right.

Black leather with some big guns that you Shoot. Fucking werewolves with. I was in. I was totally down with her for years. Daniel would ask me anytime, and I'm. What's her name again?

Kate Beckinsale.

Kate Beckinsale. But only in the Underworld movies, the vampire movies.

Like, awesome. She looks nothing like me. Has short brown hair. At the time I was blonde. I was like, what?

Yeah. And then it was Angelina Jolie for a time.

Yep.

And then Salma Hyatt for a time.

Yeah. Oh, you like the dark haired ladies.

Yep. That's interesting. And then was there any, like. I can't really think of anyone particular right now. Who. I'm like, oh, I want to see that movie. Cause you know, you know, there's somebody who was a girl that's in the Russian spy movie that came out where she. She was. What's that called?

Sparrow.

Sparrow. The Red Sparrow. What is her name?

I don't know. She's curvy.

Yeah, she's awesome.

Oh, and you used to like the blonde chick who's been on all the Avenger movies for a bit.

Yeah. She is the same girl, isn't she?

No.

Oh, that's a different girl. That's a different girl. Oh, yeah, yeah, they're different girls. Yes, she's curvy. Well, I. Obviously, I'm not looking at faces.

I was like, they both have great.

Butts, but they both have a face, but I can't remember what it looks like. All right, anyways, we're wrapping this up. I don't have a clear Hollywood girlfriend. I will be committed four weeks from now to come me with you. Scarlett Johansson. Yes. Okay. I would say she's probably top of the list.

Okay. She's got a great ass.

I appreciate you saying that because she does.

We believe I'm a little bit turned on by her.

Really? Are you more turned on by. Nevermind. We're gonna say that.

Let's not go there.

This show is over. Thank you so much for being here. We look forward to having you here next week with us on the Date youe Wife podcast again. You can get the video, show notes, actions and caution guides, et cetera, by heading on over to dateyourwifenow.com subscribe on iTunes. Leave us a review and or for Google Play, Stitcher, SoundCloud, Spotify, pretty much anywhere else where you can find podcasts. Thanks so much for being here. We love your support in this and we hope that this show helps. This is all we got for you. We are headed out to date night, going to dinner, and then to a graduation event. With my wife's company. Have a great night, and we'll see you next week.