From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Doug & Sonia's Unfiltered Journey Through Marriage, Faith, and Redemption

My friends, welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. We are here live in Miami with my beautiful queen. And we're ready.

We're ready.

We're ready.

This is take two.

Take two.

We had a little fumble, but we're back. We're back.

We had a fumble. We picked it up. We ran across the end zone. We still scored. Here's the deal. On this podcast we have for the last couple years, we have changed things up. We bring couples on now. That was a change of a year ago. We brought a bunch of different couples on the podcast here. We brought people who are high professionals, inside the business, inside of sports, inside of sexuality. We had a sex thing, therapist on that was interesting. She brought her sex toys. That was exciting. I was very stimulating, that show. And then that night, nothing happened. But that was my fault. So lent to bed, very frustrated. So, anyways, back to topic. But sometimes we get people, friends, clients of mind, et cetera, and strategic partners. Today I've got a strategic partner from leadify. Great system that we use, but also an amazing man because I've had great conversations with him offline that were deep, emotional, powerful. Spent some time with her here at a mass mind in our backyard, and I reached out with an interest request. I said, would you be willing to bring you and your beautiful wife onto our podcast? And they traveled all the way from California for a 50th birthday party. And squ in a podcast was up. We have Douglas and Sonia. James, welcome to the show.

Thanks for being here.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. So thank you for your business and technology. It's helping us a ton. And maybe we'll talk a little bit about that later, but, Sony, I'm gonna start with you. You ready?

Ready.

Who saw who first? If you play back before you knew each other, who actually scoped out who? Who? Did Douglas see you or did you see him?

Technically, I saw him first.

Okay, tell us about. Where did you see him at?

I was managing an Ulta Beauty store.

Okay.

And he floated in. And when he walked in, all the girls and the guys in the building were. You have walkies. So they're just like, oh, my goodness muscles just walked in. So honestly, I initially was thinking he came in with a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

Yeah, I didn't know. It's Ulta Beauty. He's rolling in solo. He's rolling in solo with his, like, Louis Vuitton bag.

And it was my. It was my first or second day on the job, so I was very focused on, like, training. So that. Yeah, I I technically saw him first.

So did you actually see Muscles or did you just hear it through the.

He was wearing, like, a teeny, tiny, little, like, muscle shirt. So the muscles were out, the gun show was out? Yes.

Do you, Douglas, you always roll into the Ultra Beauty with muscle shirts on?

I mean, there's. There's context there.

Okay.

I'd like. I'd like to have some context. Everybody's wondering right now, like, who is it? I mean, it might be a good way to pick up girls. Obviously, it worked. Yeah.

I mean, so there was a Gold's Gym right across the street. Okay. And I had just moved to San Diego from Italy. I lived in Naples, Italy, for two years. I was in the Navy prior for 10 years. So when I was over there. And I'm gonna build this up. So I was. I was trying to prep for a contest. Like, I wanted to get on stage. I was training really hard.

Awesome.

So there was like, this special cream that they sold on base at the beauty store at the exchange. It was made of lobsters, and it's supposed to tighten your skin super hardcore. I was like, cool, let me go find that cream. Now I'm here in San Diego. So I went to Ulta and right after the gym, Yeah, I just got out the gym. I was wearing a stringer and I literally just got the sauna. So I went in there and I. And I. I was looking for the cream, and I just remember I saw Sonia. I was in a section and she just came up to me asking me for help. And. But as soon as I saw her, I was like, dang.

Okay, so you did. You saw Muscles walking across looking for the lobster.

Were you with a girlfriend or.

I was by myself.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I was by myself.

So you him first?

Yes.

You heard him on the radio. What did you think when you saw him?

I. I thought he was very handsome, but I really thought he was there with someone. I just. It was not normal to have a guy walk in by himself. They usually were with a girlfriend.

Yeah.

Yeah. So I. I just thought he was cute and that's it.

Okay. So you see her, she walks up and asks if you need help. You could have sent one of the other two.

Turn that Ulta a lot after.

After that, I started to.

After meeting her.

So I'm out of lobster cream.

I need some more.

You got any more of that lobster sauce? Okay, so what did you think when you saw her?

I thought she was gorgeous. Yeah, she was definitely beautiful. We started chit chatting and talking, and I don't know what we. What were we even talking about?

I just. I remember thinking he might be not into women. So I thought he was gay, honestly, for a second. And I was not nervous coming up. But immediately after I started talking to him, I felt the chemistry and I, like, freaked out. I was just like, oh, my God.

You're like, not gay. Not gay, not gay.

I'm really nervous. I had to walk away, actually, because I was getting really weird and I didn't want to be weird around the team, so.

Yeah, because the theme's all in the walkie talkies peeking over the shelves.

Yes, exactly.

She's moving in.

Yeah.

Okay. So did you leave with her number?

So this is what happened. She ended up helping me find what I was looking for, right? I got the cream, bought it, went to the car, I didn't ask for her number. And I was driving home. I was halfway home. I'm like, dang, I really want her number now. So I call the store and she answers. I was like, hey, this is the guy in the tank top. Can I have your number? So I was like, I don't even think I gave you my name or introduced myself. But she immediately, like, put me on hold. She's like, okay, give me one minute. Put me on hold. Then I was on hold for like 10 minutes listening to the music at Ulta. What is going on? So then she comes back and she's like, all right, here's my number. So I get her number, right? And I'm like, cool, I got her number. So I'm driving home, I go home. I probably, like, I'm watching Netflix, I'm cooking dinner, whatever. It's eight or nine o' clock at night, right? I'm winding down before I go to bed. I start to apply the cream. All right, cool. Got the cream on, go to bed. And then I wake up around 2:33am like, wrong cream, Shortness of breath. Oh, like, barely could breathe. I was starting to have a panic attack. I go in the bathroom, I flip the light on, look in the mirror, and had lumps all over my body. I'm like, what the heck is going on? And I'm starting to panic, and so I pick up. I was like, what? What's the last thing I did? I put on the damn cream that Sonia sold me at Ulta. So I look at it and it doesn't say body cream or body lotion. Says body wash. Oh, shit. I just put body wash all over my body. It clogged my pores. Obviously my body Couldn't breathe, so I had to rush to the hospital. And I'm really frantic, and I'm like, Like, that legit?

And.

And, yeah, they give me an IV Benadryl, kind of all the things. EpiPen, and I pass out. And then I wake up in the hospital, 9:30, 10:00am the next morning, and they're like, okay, you're good to go. And I feel fine. So I call her up, and I'm like, hey, this is Douglas. The kind of tank top you sold me. Body wash instead of body cream. You almost killed me. You owe me a date.

There you go.

And that's how we got our first date.

I mean, that is so much better context than anyone would have assumed, listening to what Sonya was saying. Okay, so he calls you the next morning, and you're thinking, what? When he's asking for the date after you almost murdered him?

Well, in all fairness, I don't know anyone that sells lobster cream. And he made me really nervous, so I. I felt really bad. But I also thought that was, like, I. I didn't know if he was being serious or he's just, like, trying to get me on a date night. I, I. Yeah, I agreed to seeing him again.

Yeah.

Then later, were you like, no. Did you almost die? Like, what's the story? You heard the story later?

Yeah, I did. Later on, he. He. He. He talked about it at our wedding, and I was mortified because I hadn't heard the details. I was like, oh, my God. I didn't realize. But then I was like, well, if you don't kill him, marry him. I guess like, he passed the test.

Yeah. Right off the first case. Like, listen, we're gonna find out this guy's legit or not. How long did it take for it to recover?

To recover?

Yeah.

Like, from the cream?

Yeah, like the swelling or like, the pores of clean up. A couple days.

Yeah, a couple days it went down, and I was okay to, you know. And I was still active duty, so I had to go to work. Actually went to work the next Monday, and I went to sick hall because I still felt like.

Yeah.

And they let me go home for the day.

Okay, so first date. Sonia, take us through it.

First date. We were kind of friendly for a while, and I had gone on a horrible date that I had already had before I met him, and this person basically tried to force themselves on me, and I was, like, freaked out. And we had been talking for some time, so I actually, we talked that night, and I told him what happened, and I Just felt really safe with him because he hadn't come on to me like that or any of the things. So he asked me to go on a coffee date and I agreed.

Strategic.

But before that, he did ask me to watch a movie. Actually, I should say this. He did say, hey, want to watch? Want to watch a movie? And I was like, it's one o'.

Clock.

What theaters are open? He's like, well, actually, I was thinking. I was like, no. So we ended up at a coffee date downtown.

Got it. So we went for an afternoon movie at the house.

No, I was trying to next. Netflix and chill.

Okay.

It was one out of the gate.

It was 1:00am I mean, I. I.

Just want to watch. I watch movies lately.

Yeah, it's true, he does.

You know, it was pure intent, but it was not the lobster cream. He was ready. He's going to actually smear it on your chest. And then you would get this. Exactly. Okay, good. So we go on the coffee date. And outcome of the coffee date was obviously a success, but. Douglas take you through the coffee date?

Yeah, I mean, I was. I was on. I was in Mission beach with some friends, like drinking and like shooting pool. And then she calls me up text me. She actually, you text me a photo of yourself in bed.

We did have. We. Okay, he makes it sound worse. We had text selfies to each other and I text him a selfie. Yes. It was very pg. You make it sound like I was naked or something.

Well, I'm a single guy and I'm like, this girl just sent me a photo of herself in bed and I.

Was on the couch.

I was 25 years old.

Okay, you're. You're thinking, he's remembering different.

You're thinking, another one's coming.

Goes to show how guys can really misinterpret things.

Like, this is a beautiful.

I can see her cleavage and she's on bed. She wants me right now.

She wants everything.

Listen, she assumed he was a gay guy walking into Ulta to get makeup. So we got. Without context, we don't know. Right.

Okay.

Okay. So these dates continue. When do you. When do you guys decide? Okay. I think this might be my person.

That was a very strong line in the sand for me. We. So we were dating for a little bit back in, what, 20? It was that 14.

2014.

2014. And then. Yeah, I mean, I was kind of in between a couple other, you know, things going on relationship wise. Right. Other girls I was talking to, I had just met her and. And I was actually in a Relationship kind of when we first started, but not, like, it was not nothing serious at all. Anyway, I had continued kind of that, you know, exploring of these other women after I met Sonia. And I just remember I was dating this girl, I think, in November, and we had this falling out during Thanksgiving, and she was smoking weed, and I was in the military, and I was like, I can't be around weed. That kind of blew up. And I just remember thinking, you know, like, man, these girls that I'm hanging around with, they're just not quality, you know? And. And ever since I met Sonia, she was, like, super sweet, humbled. She always treated me with respect, even though I was, like, distant. And I went to work on a Monday morning right after Thanksgiving, and they're like, hey, you're going to the Pacific Islands in Vietnam for nine months on a boat to build school for kids. And I'm like, that's fucking amazing. Oh, shit. I'm not gonna see Sonia for nine months. That's like, the first thing that I saw. I have, like, goosebumps thinking about this. So it was in that moment where I was like, I need to get my together, and I think I need to go get Sonia and. And, like, tie this down, because I think there's something special there, and I don't want to lose her. So I immediately went to Ulta Beauty, and I remember she was working. Yeah, I remember she was working. And I. I called her. I was like, hey, come outside. And I. She got my car, and I just apologized to her, and I told her that I was really sorry, and I was sorry for being shady and not getting back to her and all the things, you know, and. And she was really upset with me because at that time, there was some things that had transpired where, you know, she left her contacts in my house, and I was not. I was, like, basically holding them hostage, not trying to give them back to her, and she had a key to my house, and I broke in.

Yes, those things.

So she went in the house and got. Got the contacts, and I was like, hey, you trespassed, blah, blah. You know, I was just. And, yeah. And, you know, I was just like, I'm gonna humble myself. I'm gonna be vulnerable. I'm gonna tell her how I feel, and I'm sorry. And I'm, you know, ready to figure out what this looks like next. You know, that's kind of the moment that I came to.

Did you know that, like, he was kind of dating other girls while I was dating you?

I. I can't say I knew, but I. I suspected.

Right.

But it, this is the only reason. One of the reasons why I continued to see him was because we hadn't had that conversation of this is exclusive. This is a relationship. Like, we were really just getting to know each other. So I couldn't hold him to that.

Right, because you hadn't had the talk.

And when he came in and he. He said this, I honestly was like, you're BSing me. Like, you just, you just want to have something to come back to. So I, I was very cautious. I was like, I don't know about this, but we'll see.

Yeah. You're like, why, why, why should I wait around?

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

So do you. Did you ask her to be exclusive while you're leaving?

I don't think. Essentially, yeah, I think, I think, I think the conversation we had was like, hey, I'm gonna go on this boat for nine months. I'm gonna wait for you. Will you wait for me? And if we come back and we're, you know, for. If we waited for each other and if that feeling and emotions are still there, then it's meant to be. It's kind of what we left with.

So did you. So you. You need. One of. You hung out with him by. For nine months during that time.

I'm a very loyal. I'm like, so, like, so for me, it was if the feel that if the connection breaks and if someone comes into my life and I feel like that's where I need to go, then I will 100% let him know, hey, this is just not gonna work out. And so that was a big test for me and that I took that to prayer. I actually had a conversation with God, Lord, father, if this is the man for me, then we will get through the season of separation. And it turned out to be the best season because it forces to have conversations.

I was gonna say the community. I've talked to people that have long distance relationships and they build like the foundation because you learn how to have that communication.

Absolutely.

You know, like, you actually have to take time out of your day to talk on the phone or whatever. It is very, like intentional conversations.

Yeah, that's actually. I feel like that's when the relationship actually started.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the minute you started inserting sex frequently and you started having. Living together, you start doing other things.

That you forget to have convers sex.

Kind of twists it for guys. And you don't know. I mean, Tony, you guys get stuck in relationships because of sex and plenty of Women even keep men because of sex and, like, when it's dating. So we've had a lot of couples on here, too, where they've actually taken breaks while they were together for, like, two. What's it, two years?

Wow.

Yeah. And then they were together. They're like, no more sex for, like a year. We want to see if this is actually, like, a real thing, which was, like, super good for them. So during this time, you're talking and you're connecting. By the time the end nine months happens and you're coming back from the boat, what are you feeling about her?

I was, like, in love. I waited for her. There was definitely temptation and opportunity to be transparent, as there always is. But I waited for her, you know, and I missed her. I emailed her, I called her a text her every minute that I had a chance to. And whenever we were coming back on the boat, the day we were going to dock and she was going to be on the dock waiting for me, part of the ceremony on the boat is they have. They bring a florist on board that. That's waiting on the dock, and they. They bring the florist on so you can buy, you know, roses and flowers and everything. And I just remember finding the largest bouquet that I could find, which wasn't that massive right there, you know, But I found the biggest one. I think I bought two. And I'm like, I'm gonna go get my woman now, you know? And I just remember walking down off the. Off the boat and I see her there, and I'm like, oh, my God, what an angel. You know, this is what I've been waiting for, you know?

How long did you guys date before you got married?

20 teen.

We got married May 2018. So we dated for four years. About four years.

Amazing. So when did you get to a point where you were like, let's get married? There's a lot of people not getting married anymore. There's a lot of people getting married, right? A lot of people get married and divorced and then trying to get remarried. I was with a guy yesterday. He's on the fourth marriage. I was like, what's gonna be different this time? He's like, I don't fucking know. I could be totally stupid doing this, but I was like, well, I get it.

Yeah.

So when did you decide this is it?

That was the decision I think I made. I was. So it was her birthday. What year was that? 2017. September 11, 2017. And I had coordinated her family to come into town for her birthday and I. At the time, I was. I was making a lot of money and I started to buy clothes. I made friends with the people that ran Armani, and I said, hey, I want to have a party here. It's going to be my wife's birthday. And so they shut it down for four hours. In the evening, they brought in hors d' oeuvre, champagne. And so I had this massive party. I told all of our friends, we probably had 30 or 40 people there at this Armani store. And I remember I woke up that morning of her birthday, right? And we got this massive party. Her brothers are in town. She has two brothers and one sister who I've become the. My brothers and sister as well, become very close. I just remember waking up and I'm like. It's like I was praying to God and I'm like. And he told me. He's like, this is the day. Like, it's time to man up, you know? And I remember I didn't even get out of bed yet. So immediately when I knew that I had to propose to her, that she was my wife, I called her brother Sergio, who's her oldest brother, and I said, hey, man, I'm gonna go buy a ring. I don't know what the ring looks like yet. I don't know where I'm gonna get it, but I want you to come with me, you know, just because I felt like I needed support. And what's interesting about Sergio is he actually went off to try to. He was going to become a priest. So he said, super strong in his faith, him and George, her other brother. Actually, George is going down the path of becoming a priest now.

Wow.

So, yeah, you know, so we went to the store, went to Kay's Jeweler. You know, I saw a ring, and I'm like, that's the one. Bought it. And then I didn't know how it was going to go down that night, but we went, had the party. It was beautiful. It was amazing. And then.

Do you propose on her birthday?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

So it was. I just remember I told him, hey, put me in a black suit, put her in a black dress. Beautiful jewelry, kind of like all the things. And around two or three hours into the party, we're gonna go outside the store and the foray there, and we're gonna have all our friends outside. And I just, you know, had a short speech with everyone, and I got to my knee and I asked her to marry me.

Did you have any idea this was coming to the party?

I was clueless. Up until a friend of mine was like, oh, my God, I think he's gonna propose. And then my other friends were, like, throwing her out. When I saw how nervous he was when he walked up with the suit, I was like, oh, my God. But I didn't want to, like, get in my head, so I was like, no, it's not happening when we get out. And I just. I just started getting really nervous. I was like, I think it's. I think he's gonna do it. But I was. I was in. I was genuinely surprised. I didn't think he was ready, and I never wanted to push that on him. And so I was. I was pretty taken back. Yeah.

Okay, so we get engaged, we get married a year later, and then you.

Decided to be one of those crazy people and have kids.

Oh, that's actually.

Here come the kid game.

This is. This is, I think, a really important part of our story. We went into marriage. You know, we met when he was in the Navy. I was working retail, and he started the business, and we didn't know where that was going to go. And so once we were married, the business was really taking off and we had both decided, we're going to wait for kiddos, we're gonna give it four or five years, we're going to travel, we're going to do all the things. And six months later.

Oh, geez.

Pregnant.

So you were only married for six months?

Yes, girl. Yeah. And. And we were both, like, freaking out. We were like, oh, my gosh. I. I was. I was like. I mean, I want. I wanted children with all my heart, but it was just so. Oh, my gosh. We were. I was on the floor freaking out. He was like this the whole time. Then he, like, lay on the bed like this. And I was just like, what just happened? It was. It was not expected. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's. It's like sometimes expecting, sometimes it's not. Our last one was a surprise, and I thought I was for sure done. And it was like one of those moments. I'm like, I'm pregnant. Same thing. He's like, shit. I'm like, that's not the response I need right now.

Well, we had. She had. After our. After Isla, which is our six year old, she got into fitness competitions and bikini comps and was like, crushing and like, just crushing. It was so hot all the time. And we went to Mexico. I know right where she got pregnant.

So it was her fault.

Yes. I know exactly where you got pregnant. I know. I know exactly where we were. I Know what position? I know exactly what it was.

Me too.

We know when we shoot the game winner, we know it's an intuitive thing in a man. He's like, that was not it. That one was straight.

And he took advantage of me because I was tipsy and yeah, it was.

It was a moment. So then she goes on stage for her.

I was prepping for a show and I literally was like, I think I feel pregnant. Oh my goodness. I've been pregnant. I've actually been pregnant six, six times. And I'm like, I feel pregnant but I'm like really lean. I'm like, there's no way I could be pregnant right now.

Well, it's because you were cutting any rocking. Like you're 80 years old. You were so tired all the time.

Like you've understood this in like the fitness game when you have to cut, you literally feel a little foggy. You're like, I haven't had carbs in days. Like my brain's not working. But it was like more than that. I was like, I kind of feel like that plus like pregnant fog brain. And so it was like a double whammy. And then like literally I went, I didn't want to know if I was pregnant. So I didn't take a test till after the show. And then a week, I waited a week after the show and then took like five tests and I was like, yep.

Which that was when he walked down, cuz she was seven weeks pregnant on stage and took the trophy again. One overall seven weeks pregnant.

I was pregnant cuz then I wouldn't have given it my all. And I was like, I'm already there. I've already, I'm like a week out from my show. I don't want to know.

Yeah.

So that was a week later. She walked in with the. The winner stick. And I was really shocked. I was like, Cause I was gonna go get a vasectomy After Ayla, our.

Six year old, he was about to.

I was scheduled driving to LA to get my vasectomy, just rolling down the street, just down the freeway, just. And I was getting about probably 20 minutes from Orange County, Dana Point. And this feeling came over me like I was a murderer.

Wow.

And I was like, bro, shake it off. You're a pussy. You can do this. And so I drove like another 10 minutes. I'm like, I can't get this feeling out of me. I was like, I pull off the freeway, I get off this exit, like.

Saying like, hey, don't do this. I'm not there.

Yet when I was like sitting there for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes to sit on this, off this off ramp, on this side road, just sitting there going, I'm thinking about this week, dude, because like, dudes are getting nervous about getting a vasectomy. Like, no, that's not it. Like, what is? I can't fucking do this. Turn around now. After our birth of our fifth child, I got a vasectomy in three days.

Yeah.

So she had the baby. She's looking like, we're done. And I was like, I know.

Well, because my third one was really high risk. I developed a DVT and was like, like on shots every day and got pre clampsy and all this crazy stuff. And that's actually why I got in a fitness competition because I gained like 70 pounds with that pregnancy. But so I was like, I can't do that again. I'm like, I've got kids, I'm getting older. Like, it's too risky. So I don't think I would have tried for another kid. That's why I think that God has other plans for us and keep you safe and on the path, you know? So it's like, even if you guys have kids early, obviously it was, it was meant to be in kind of. So you had the one that was a surprise. Yes, but then. But you have two.

Another surprise.

Another surprise.

So did you plan?

We have a lot of surprises.

No plan. Okay. We're waiting another five to seven years.

Bam.

Winner again. Okay, so this is, this is the. We call the trifect of insanity at Warrior Entrepreneurs.

Yeah.

Married business.

Do you guys do business together?

No.

No.

Not even.

Okay, so you could do your own thing with the kids and you do the business. But in the beginning you died.

We started and it just wasn't. Well, we got pregnant so quickly and I think it was just not a good fit. And one thing I was very clear on was that if we had children, I wanted to be full on mom and support partner. That's my role.

Right.

Yeah. Well, we are now in a season where we can do business together. But doing business together almost ended our marriage.

Yeah.

Because we were constant battles over it. Like constant. We couldn't figure out our roles, we couldn't figure out who was in charge. And both of us that. We had it all figured out.

Yeah.

So yeah, it was, it was a bit of a struggle. So you come in, the kids start coming, the first child comes. Talk about the dynamic shift in the relationship when the first baby comes. Because this is typically where chaos breaks free. Younger husbands are like, what the fuck is happening right now? I've lost my wife. She's now possessed by this little demon that's taken her breasts and her everything away from me.

Well, and then, like, just to get, I was telling him just to get like a five minute conversation. Like, we were in the kitchen the other night and I was like, how was work? And just trying to talk to him. And like, literally kids are screaming and throwing chicken nuggets at each other, and I'm like, I don't, like, it's impossible. Like, you literally have to be like, here's like, I can see where you're like, here's an iPad for five minutes. I just need to go, like, talk to him for like, two seconds.

These are all the things that we wish we would have known, but there's no, you know, there's no way. So I think that you're spot on. It was, it was just like the minute the baby was at the house, everything changed. It got really, really.

You have to make intentional time to have, like, conversations and like, date nights and things like that. Do you guys schedule? Do you guys have help? Like a nanny? That helps?

Now we do. Okay, now we do.

But in the beginning, baby one hits. What changes for you as a woman?

Everything. Everything I was so excited to have and I, and I loved every minute of it. But I didn't realize how my entire life, mind, body and soul, I wasn't the new. I wasn't the same person. And I had a really traumatic delivery, and it took me a year to recover. So I was back in the hospital, like, right after I had the baby for almost two weeks. And then I was like, getting in home nursing care for it as well. And so there was a lot of, a lot of emotions because I had struggled to breastfeed. You know, I was away from her for so long during the surgeries and the recovery, and that was really hard. I, I, I went, I went 42 weeks with her, and it was like the last day that I could push it. My first baby.

So I, how much did she weigh?

She wasn't a big baby. She was long. She was 7 pounds 8 ounces. 7 pounds, 8 ounces. But I think you're tiny.

Yeah, that tiny human.

My mom warned me about this. I don't have kids.

And you married a big dog. Yeah. Yeah.

So essentially I wanted natural birth. And then they started intervening, and it just like, everything that I, you read now, like, it just like, was slippery slope to a cesarean. I didn't have A cesarean. But I pushed with all my. My heart, body, and soul because I knew I could have this baby on my own. And I just ripped.

Yeah.

And then I. They weren't ready for that, so I got stitched up really fast. I ended up getting, like, this bad infection.

Yeah.

I didn't. I was. The day I brought the baby home, I was sweating. I'm like, this is normal. I was hurting. This is normal. And then he's like. Like, something smells weird. And I was like, I know you did not just say, I smell it. But then he's working the hospital so he could tell. I.

You know, I was a corpsman in the Navy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it was. It was. It was bad. And I. I just remember when they finally. They. They didn't want to see me. They're like, your vitals are fine. Everything's good. I. I, like, pushed. And when they saw me, they're like, you need to go into a surgery, like, immediately. And then that's when I knew it was bad. So they allowed me to bring the baby to the hospital. Thank God. And I. This was a really hard moment. I. I thought I said goodbye to my daughter because I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know how bad.

It was scary.

It was horrible. Thank God we got through that. And then, you know, just coming home, there was so much trauma from all of that. There was nightmares. There was night terrors. There was just, like, anxiety and stress. And then just, like, it was so emotional and everything.

It's.

Yeah. And there was just this, like, sense of I'd failed her because I. I. I wasn't with her for so long, you know? And then we weren't latching, and she was rejecting me, and I just, like, broke.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that was hard. That was really hard.

I feel like there's so much, like, mom guilt, too, when it doesn't go as planned.

Yeah.

And it's, like, out of your control. There's, like, not much you can do. And so have you been able to kind of overcome a little bit of those feelings that you.

You know, it took a long time because right after we had her, there was Covid. So everything was shut down. And I was just, like. I was just dealing with, like, the postpartum and the depression, the trauma. I didn't know. And actually, it took about a year and a half or almost two years for me to realize some things. I'm not. Okay. But, you know, during that time, he didn't know. I wasn't Okay. I didn't know I wasn't okay.

Because it's like, women always are. Like, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Until you're not.

Until you're not.

Yeah.

Yeah. And so I remember the day I came to him and said, hey, Doug, I think I have some trauma. I think I'm not okay. I know you didn't mean to be so, like, dismissive, but his answer was, but you're fine. You got the surgery.

Did.

You look great. Yeah.

You recovered. Like. Like, but you're fine. Like, you know, we should put that past us. Let's be positive. I don't. I don't like negativity. And I remember my world shut down. I was like, I can't. I can't talk about this. This is. I. I felt really, really weak. Like, mad at myself. Like, he's right. I should be over this and that. Just.

I thought something was off.

I. I just thought I was a wuss. I thought I was. I was weak. And I fought myself for the feelings I wouldn't allow myself to feel and. And be weak. Right. And I think that had a. It definitely impacted our marriage a lot because I stopped feeling safe.

Yeah. I think for women, it's hard, too, because we don't want to, like, burden the husband, and we want to be strong. And so, like, I'm sure the same goes for guys. If we say how we're feeling, then we're weak.

Yeah.

And I think that kind of goes both ways. And so that's why it's so important in relationships. Like, we still struggle with it and working on it. Like, he'll be like, Because I'll not talk to him. And then I, like, blow up.

Yeah, Danielle, Then I'm just straight with you. So exactly what I just went through is when I went there, we weren't prepared. I wasn't fucking prepared. I had no idea. My son was born in first relationship. I was there. She got pregnant. A month after we're married, I got cancer. I'm in surgery, wired shut for six months. It's fucking chaos. We had no money. We're excited. So my first experience with a child was just chaos. So then when we have our first baby, same thing. I don't. I'm fucking running a mortgage banking firm. I'm doing. I am trying to manage a business while I'm trying to manage her and I. Without knowing, just like Douglas, like 99 of men who have not been prepared. We don't understand what's happening. And so.

And we also don't understand what's happening.

So then also, like, I didn't know how to receive her pain because I was so focused on running the business and, like, trying to protect her, but I didn't know. So even when I wasn't trying to, I was dismissing her feelings to the point that it took until.

Well, we got so disconnected. Like, so three.

Three years ago, four years ago, was the first time she started emotionally telling me the truth after being together for almost 17 years. Wow. Because every time she would try to share with me, I didn't know how to listen. And without knowing I was doing what you just said, it wasn't sex.

He would react, react. So then it doesn't matter how he reacted. He would react. And then I'm like, well, then I can't share him my truth.

Like, absolutely.

I don't.

Like, hard enough to go there.

Yeah.

You're like. I'm like, I already nervous to, like, tell you I'm. How I'm feeling. Like, what are you gonna say? And even though you're thinking, like, oh, be positive. Like, she obviously didn't like how you react and is like, well, I can't share if he doesn't validate what I'm saying. But that, I mean, like, that is do.

That is men and women. Like, it's just. And the crazy part is this is where we watch and wake up warrior. This is where all of this. The chaos starts.

Yeah.

When the first couple of babies come and couples don't even know how to communicate about it. Women aren't sure how to share their feelings. Guys don't even understand what the you're going through. We're like, dude, your. Your body looks great. You're. You're done. We did it. Let's go. Let's go back to normal.

Yeah.

What are you talking about? There's no normal. I mean, I was talking about a couple guys just like three or four. Three or four weeks ago, who've all had their first children and all were like, dude, I don't even know what's wrong with the woman, dude. I was like, what are you talking about, dude? She's not even the same woman. Yeah. She's never going to be the same woman.

Yeah.

So the girl that you dated before she had the baby. She did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you got fall in love with this version because you made her pregnant.

Yeah.

So, like, you're part of that equation. Which was hard for me to check. I can say that now because I was much better with our Last two kids. Our first two kids, I was non existent. I don't remember from our. I remember getting up with them.

It was.

I don't remember doing anything. I just was like working. And I would say that's your job, do over.

Because our first two that like, we literally went. We were married for. Well, long story short, like, after I started feeling disconnected, I was like, I know it will help another baby. So our second baby, we actually tried, even though we were like super disconnected, because I remember how happy I was with the first baby. You know, like, you're going through all this stuff with your body, but you're like my baby, so forgive you. You know, like, that gets you up in the morning.

Absolutely.

And so then I like decide, I know it'll fix our marriage, we'll get pregnant again. Well, then I end up getting pregnant. And I can share this because we've shared it so many times. He had an emotional affair when I was eight months pregnant with my second second daughter. I found it was like, kind of like dating somebody he was working with essentially. So then I'm like, oh, my God. And that's why we had like this eight year gap. Because then I was like at this place where I'm like, okay, I have two kids. Like, I owe it to my family to try to make this work again. Like, I'm not just gonna be like, sorry, I'm done.

Yeah.

So that. Then we took the next eight years to redate.

Wow, that was hard. I mean, it was hard. I know. Like, nobody really. Nobody really prepared us. And this is why I'm so passionate about helping guys because, like, nobody prepared me. My dad's sex advice before we got married. Here's the deal. It's messy. You should bring a handrack. Like, what the fuck kind of coaching is this? This is the worst coaching I ever heard in my life. Like, you're the worst motivational trainer I've ever heard of, but nobody. I never saw my parents fight in front of us. They always fought behind closed doors. They weren't on us in front of us. So I never had a role model to show me, hey, this is how, like, fighting happens, arguments happens. People change. You have to choose to create with each other and die and be reborn as people. So I don't have anyone to look to. So I'm like, isolated in this. And we were raised in Mormonism, so it was like this very, very. Don't talk about God. Is everything very isolated? She was so alone for so long.

You know what, though? The reason the other reason, like, I knew that our marriage could, could rekindle is because. Because we dated when we were Mormon, we didn't have sex before we were married. So our communication was very strong. Like, we'd go out and, like, we would, like, just, just. We'd go on dates and just talk for like hours and hours and hours. Like, our communication was, like, very on point. Like, our connection was great. And I was like, I refuse to believe that we can't get that connection piece back.

So there was a solid foundation.

Yeah. So that's how I felt. I'm like, I know it's there. Like, and I think a lot of people will quit too soon. And maybe if you're in a toxic relationship or whatever, maybe there was never that foundation.

Sure.

But if you built your relationship on a great foundation, I believe that you can essentially, like, restore that.

So this is hard. Talk to me from the perspective of your side. Like, this is hard. Just like, it's hard to watch your woman go through this. I mean, I. Danielle and our first baby, like, it was, it was. Bailey was big. How big was Bailey?

I was gonna say I had the same thing happen. Like, I tore so bad and she was almost eight pounds. And I remember like sitting on a donut in the hospital. I'm like, I do not think this is normal. Like, I'm my. I'm burning. Like, I didn't get an infection, but it took me like. Like they're like, oh, you should be fine in six weeks. Oh, no. It took me like a lot longer to recover.

Five, six months.

Yeah, like, it was bad. Like, I couldn't sit for like weeks.

That was me.

But I. And I was same way. Like, I was like, they were like, we're gonna do a C section that you have one more push. And I was like, oh, I'm pushing this baby out. Get ready to catch, bro.

They had the suction cup on the head of the baby. They had two nurses pushing on her belly. I'm holding a foot.

Oh my gosh.

She's like, I got nothing to do here. But just.

They ended up using a suction cup. And she came out. But I'm telling you right now, I think that did trauma. She came out like, wait, baby's cry. She came out like this, just like looking wide eyed. Like, whenever I was like, oh, her.

Head was kind of coned.

I refused the suction or the clamp. I was like, it's going to be this or Cesarian. But I'm fighting to the end. I'm not going down. Like, I know I can have this baby.

They were on. They were on the timeline with her, though.

Like, I remember as well.

So you got one more try. If we don't do this, we got to kick this baby out. And I was like. I looked at her, and she went to, like, murder, death, kill mode.

Yeah.

And just did the thing.

Yeah.

And I didn't. I didn't understand that. The whole split, you. I didn't understand how, like, it makes sense. The only visual I can have is we had to push a pumpkin out of our penis.

Oh, Mike.

Like, we had to do that. Not a big pumpkin. That's impossible. But it's like, you know, like a little pumpkin.

I don't think guys are meant to do that.

No.

I mean, talk about damage. Oh, like a microwave. Looks like a hot dog in the microwave at 3. More than once, just bad news. Okay, so from your perspective, she's going through this. This is a hard thing as a guy to, like, hold space.

Yeah.

Because you got business, plus you have your woman who's like, you can't do anything. You kind of help us. It's like the same thing you find. I'm sure with your kids when they're sick, you're just like, I can't even do anything for you. Like. And I know we're going to call our concierge doctor and gonna say, you're just gonna have to sleep it off and get better from your side. Looking at this and watching this. What was. What was going on for you? Oh, look who's joined the show.

Oh, you so pretty.

Her haircut's done. Now she wants attention.

Hi, baby.

What I'll tell you is I now know that success without presence is failure.

Yeah.

You know, going. When she was going through all of that, I was very much, you know, for lack of a better term, kind of checked out. You know, I was. I was there, you know, hey, babe, give me a glass of water. Hey, babe, can you make food? Hey, babe, can you. Like, I was there supporting her as much as I could, but I was also scaling my business, and I've never scaled the business either. I never been in the business world at that level, you know, and the longer I spent in that, in the business world, more traveling, more networking, more connections, meeting more people, and of course, more money, more opportunity. Right. So there's. I just remember there's this quote in the Bible from Matthew that says, you know, what if, you know, for a man to gain everything in the world and loot to lose a Soul. What? You know, what's the point? Yeah, right? And I just remember reading that quote, reading that Bible verse, and I'm like, damn, man. That's like. That's kind of where I'm at, you know? Like, I have this amazing business, but my wife's at home, abandoned, you know, And I'm traveling, doing all the things, and I'm really taking the time to understand where she's at in this process or what's going on with her, you know, And I still have, you know, today, you know, there's still things that I. You know, I wish I could have been there for her in those times and been more understanding, but, you know, not that excuse, but to, you know, to my defense, I've just never been a father before. I've never been a husband, you know, and it's. But. But at the same time, when shit hits the fan in business and when we have problems in business, I seem to be very resourceful, you know, I know how to solve problems, hire the right help, help, you know, spend money to fix problems. Right. And for whatever reason, with my marriage.

I just don't fix it.

I. I wasn't as resourceful, you know, I'd be like, you're good now. We're good now. Like, go forward. You know, like, let's. Let's get beyond this. Let's rise above it. And it's just not the same thing, you know? So I just realized that if the foundation's cracked, you know, nothing could really.

Prosper, you know, for women, at least for me, it's hard to admit that I am, like, hurting you or something's wrong. Do you know what I mean? It's not even about, like, oh, I shouldn't. It's like, you feel like you. You're weak in a way, and. But the problem is then that, like, almost, like, holds you hostage.

Yeah.

I am like, I've got to share this. Like, otherwise he's gonna wonder why I'm reacting a certain way or whatever. Has that been something that you guys have had to work on with communication since having kids? Just, like, being more open with how you're feeling? I think it's just so hard when you said, like, you're building a business, and you're like, I want to be the support role. And for women, like, we want to be the support role. So we're like, how much is too much that we share, you know?

Yeah.

You know, I think that this is where I would say your. Your. Your childhood traumas and the way you were Brought up really come out. And you don't understand that when you're dating and when it's. When things get hard. So I think that for both of us, a lot of that stuff was getting in the way of connection, where we would activate each other's wounds. And so I think that's something that we're far from healing from in a lot of ways. But I think that we should have certainly had help along the way in the form of therapist. But I think even more importantly, when we got married, we. I'm Catholic, and we did get married to the Catholic Church. And outside of the religious piece, one of the regrets I have is not sticking to we need to have faith as our foundation. So we did have that when we were dating, engaged, married. But when the babies came, the business came, and then Covid happened, everything shut down, and we got away from that. And when I tried to come back to, like, hey, let's pray together, Bible study, like, you know, go to church, all the things, he was just like, I don't have time for that. And I was fighting him, like, forcing him almost to, like, do the thing. And finally I let it go. I said, I can't force him to do this. This is. I just have to do me. But with time, I started to adapt to kind of the rhythm of his life, of Sundays are the only days I have off. Let's go do things with the baby. And I found myself disconnected from my faith and in all transition, transparency that, to me, in our season of hardship was a revelation that we were both so unaligned spiritually. And that's when the enemy attacks, and they attack viciously, especially when they know there's cracks that they can get into. Because I firmly believe that a marriage is a holy trinity between. Between you, your spouse, and God. And then we form. We create, right? We create life. Now we have our trinity, us and our children. And that is a threat to the enemy. And so when I. I mean, believe me, my flesh felt a lot of things going through it. A lot of anger, resentment, a lot of frustration. But when I started to get in back to faith, I started to really see clearly the spiritual warfare that was the attack on our marriage. And that is truly what saved our marriage in that time. Because had I seen. Had I not seen it for what it was, had a night seen it from the spiritual standpoint, I think we would have absolutely, without a doubt, gone our separate ways. Because on paper, I think it got to a place where I had every right to walk away.

Danielle's probably had that right about ten times with me. Like, there was. It was no joke. There was. After she had the second baby, 2009, I was so lost because I had built the first empire and then lost everything. Wow. And that exposed us as a couple.

Yeah.

How much I had been disconnected. I was working six days a week. What the Am I working six days.

A week for maybe seven.

For what? I mean, I was working all the time. Justifying traveling, justifying. Working all the whole time, not realizing I put. I couldn't see it. I would go and put so much energy into all these motherfuckers that don't matter.

Yeah.

Then I would come home exhausted, fatigued, and give her leftovers. Meanwhile, she's suffering at home in silence because she doesn't want to burden me because she knows how much pressure I'm at work. So then she's trying to put the happy face on and every single year dying in her soul more and more and more.

I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

I was like, we think it's us.

Yeah.

Am I not doing enough?

Yeah. Well, I'm like, wait, I'm taking care of myself. I'm taking care of the kids. He's. He's doing the traditional role. I want to be supportive. And then you're like, what is wrong? And you realize, like you said, like, that foundation and.

Yeah, there was weeks. I remember sitting there. I was calculating a number of years back. I'm gonna sit there thinking back over the last, like, three weeks with Danielle. And I'm like, I think I'm actually spending less than five hours a week with my wife. I leave early in the morning, go to the gym, go to the office, work all day, come home at 7:30. She's there. Put the kid. We focus on the kids, put the kids to bed.

I feel like you were like, scared to come home to me.

There was a piece. I'm not gonna lie to you. Because, like, things had changed so much.

Like, he'd rather be working because that fulfilled kills him. Then come home with me and feel this awkward tension. And I'm like, I know you don't need to be at the office till 8pm you're choosing that. I know you can get the same outcome if you prioritize our family and our kids and these things. And so I just got to this, like, snapping point where I was just like, I'm not going to tolerate this.

But that didn't come. That snapping point didn't come for a while. Like, it was like 15 years.

Wow.

Until the snapping point happened.

Well, I've always fought for time because I realized I'm like. I approach. Appreciate how hard he works. And I know as an entrepreneur, it's hard to turn your brain off.

Yeah.

But you have to set boundaries. Like, you have to make time for your family and your loved ones. Or don't be surprised that you become resentful and you can't feel that connection. I can always tell. Like, when it's like, now I notice it, like, weekly. I'm like, oh, hey, babe. Like, can you skip your haircut? Because, like, we haven't talked in, like, two days because the kids have been crazy.

Yeah.

You know, and I'll notice it, like, two days in versus, like, I used to go, like, months.

That's a real deal for today because, like, we have. We went to Mexico for a week. But, like, when we're not in quality.

Present connection trip, it's different than a couple's trip.

So we just noticed the difference. So normally in the past, I would, like, always put her after the schedule. No, no, I can't, because I got this meeting. I remember one day, she looks at me, she's like, you are the entrepreneur. You create the fucking schedule. You don't work for someone. What are you talking about? You could fuck the whole schedule and do whatever you want. Yeah, I was like, that's right.

You were the one that. You were the one that taught me that. Because I. When we lost everything, I started to build my hair business, and I was working, like, these crazy long hours, and I had two kids and have all this mom guilt and everything. And he's like, don't you make your own schedule? And I was like, yeah, but I can't, because I have all these clients. He's like, why don't you raise your prices? And I was like, wait, okay. So I. In a way, like, you were the one that encouraged me to do that. And so I literally, like, took back my. I was working, like, so much. I condensed my schedule, triple my income, and I was like, wow. Like, so I knew it was a possibility. You know, it's like, we run on these stories. And I was like, that's not. How do I. How do I fix this? You know?

I was like, I really do feel there's seasons where, you know, you have to do what's required.

Right.

You know, in business. And there's a lot of sacrifice that has to be made. And so when I was building my business, even. Even actually now I've gone through up and downs, just like in the crypto and stock markets is green and red candles. Right. Things don't go up forever, you know, and I've gone down and I have times where, oh, everything's automated, the team's great, I can step away. And then me and Sony are really great. And then hits the fan, I have to step back in. And sometimes you don't know if that's going to be for a day.

Right.

Or for a month or six months or a year. Right. So I do feel like at this point we've, I've gotten a lot better. At least me and to at least put in my calendar, hey, I'm blocking out this time to go see the kids, blocking out this time to spend time with her. What we're working on now is having, you know, more meetings, more communication and, you know, therapy is an ongoing thing for us as well. But if you don't schedule it, if it's not on the calendar, it's not going to happen.

I think too, it can be like small, intentional actions, like for Garrett, because he's so busy, he'll take the kids to school a lot for me and I'm like, hey, I can do that. And he's like, no, I want to. Because there's some days he works till like they're ready to go to bed, but he's like, hey, at least I got to spend 20 minutes with them driving them to, you know. So I agree with you. Like, there's always going to be like seasons, but you can always find like little, little tiny moments, you know, where you can carve out, even if it's like a 20 minute drive or a quick lunch or something.

Danielle, you said something really key that I'd love to touch on. You mentioned we lost everything. Everything. And that's a scary thing. Nobody wants to lose everything. We got to that place.

Oh, wow.

We were, we, we were losing everything. And before it happened, I knew it was going to happen because I was really connected to my faith.

She knew it was going to happen a year before it happened.

And I, and I warned him about it and I didn't. It wasn't like threat. It was like, Doug, you're going to lose everything to gain everything, everything. Because I knew that there needed to be a stripping because we were so lost. You know, there was so much misalignment and that was that. I think that that period where we're just getting out of as hard as it was, was the biggest blessing because it needed to happen. And I braced myself like, what is this gonna mean for me and the kids? What is it gonna mean for our marriage? But I knew it had to happen because without that, I don't think he would have been able to see things for what they were. And I. I just feel like that's where. That's where you really. When you're suffering and you're hitting rock bottom and you are struggling, there's a fork in the road. You could keep going down that direction, or you can, like, say, hey, God, you know, help me out here. And you really start to turn things around. And I'm grateful that he had that moment. Bad as much as it was, you know, it was not ideal. But did you guys go through a.

Process of losing everything and rebuilding then?

Essentially, yeah.

Yeah.

You know, in a sense. I mean, not completely.

Not fully. Yeah.

But I mean, I think faith in God has been, like, the biggest thing that, between us, that has turned it, everything around. You know, it was about a year and a half ago. We were really going through it. I actually had to step away from the home. I had to move out for a short period of time because we just weren't in alignment. Business was pretty tough. I had mixed up with my previous coaching consulting company, had some bad partners, and, you know, deals went south. Businesses go bad sometimes. Fortunately did make a lot of money. But, you know, through that time, I had to really, you know, humble myself and suffer, you know, and fight, you know, for my marriage. And when I realized and I dove deep in my faith and I just remember, you know, if you. If you can't lead your family, you know, how are you supposed to lead God's church? Right? Like, that's the ultimate thing. And I really had to dig deep and figure out is what's important to me, you know, what's my relationship with God, what kind of. What kind of family or what do I want my kids to think of me when I'm gone, You know, what do they think of me now? I had, like, a diminished relationship with them, you know, because of all the travel and the business and everything. So we worked on things. We got back together. It was a really difficult time. She didn't really. I don't know if you really understood, like, what I was going through, like, in business and, you know, during that time. Time as well. And I know you were going through a lot and, you know, but I'm really glad that we were able to come back together. And, you know, I really do feel like God's like, the third strand, you know, in our Relationship. And it's just. It's just been freaking tough. Marriage is the hardest thing that I've ever had to experience. I've worked with some very difficult people in business and overcame it, but this is, like, the toughest thing. And it's still something that we're going through right now.

Well, here's something on that I'd like to share. I know that. That there are people out there might say, oh, my gosh, why should I get married? It's the hardest thing. Like you, it's gonna break me, right? But one of the conversations we had along the way, and I'll share this, he looked at me one day and said, sonia, I just don't think you can make me happy. And I think that if I would have heard that the younger me, I would have been, like, so upset, so angry, so hurt. But I remember the Holy Spirit must have taken over. And I said, douglas, I'm not here to make you happy. I'm here to make you holy. I'm here to find purpose, joy, so good salvation. I said, you could go find happiness in any corner, right out in the streets. But I'm telling you, it's not going to last. That I'm not here to offer you, that if that's not what you want, I'm not the one. So you do need to go, because I'm here to find salvation for my children, for myself. And I expect to see you at the gates of heaven with my daughters, and they expect to see you. But if you can't do that, then I understand. And so I think that people really need to understand. Yes, it's hard, but it is. All good things are hard. Most good things are hard.

Yeah. Business is hard.

And it makes you. It sanctifies you if you let it, right? Because you're going to fall, you're going to. Things are going to be exposed, you're going to. It's going to strip you down to your bones. But what else do you want out of this life? You want to live an easy life? You want to live a fluffy life? You want to live a. You know. Or do you really want to get in and feel the feels and make something, build something that's worth, you know, something, and then find salvation at the end of it for those of us who believe in that. Right? And so that's what I. I think that's what kept me in the marriage when. When I could walk away. And then the other thing that I had a conversation with one of my brothers again, and they're very faithful people before we got married. This is why I got married. He said, you know, things are getting hard, and you're gonna be maybe moments where you can walk away and rightfully so. Right where you might even say, I want a new man. And we had this conversation, was so beautiful. He said, sonia, when you get to that place, don't pray for a new man. Pray for your man to be made new. Because if you believe that Jesus rise from the dead, that he walk on water, that he can raise people from the dead, he'll heal the sick, then you've got to believe that he can make your man new again. And so when I was like, I don't know about this, that was. That was my. That was. I had to hang on to that because I knew that if Doug found himself back at faith, that God can make him new again, that I could love again in. In a way, you know, that was healing. That was real, and that was so powerful. And I really want couples out there to hear that and that we're brought together and broken families, broken homes, broken. You know, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it certainly isn't great. But. But I will say, though, if you choose to stay, you choose to go. I also learned in that season that it wasn't about the marriages. It wasn't about Doug, it wasn't about the kids, because it was. If I stayed in the condition of my heart wasn't good, then I wasn't going to find salvation there. But if I left and the condition of my heart wasn't good, I was going to find salvation there. So I had to really get right with myself and with my God before anything else, because it didn't matter. The marriage was secondary. And I've had to work really hard on, like, Sonia, My heart, my faith, the forgiveness, you know, the letting go, the healing from the traumas, all the things. And I'm still working on that. But that's my cross. And instead of, like, wishing I could throw my cross, I'm holding it, I'm loving it. And I'm saying, this is what's going to sanctify me, because I'm suffering, but I'm suffering with a little glimpse of what Jesus suffered. And that's a gift.

Yeah.

And that's, I think, what's kept us together.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

So I'll say this. Of all the shows we've ever done.

I know I was like, I've.

I've never sat. Never had a show where we sat in where so much spirit was here. So I want to acknowledge both of you as a man who sits deep in this with God. And I sit in deep pain with men every day. Couples, you're in a place of work that is going to create Eden on Earth. The ultimate purpose of God wasn't salvation. Salvation was a bridge to the thing you're hunting for. It was a thing we were hunting for, we didn't even know we were hunting for for 20 years, which is an ability to strip away so much and to return, you and me to the original man. Adam, consider something. In this, Eve was pushing for something different, like all women do. She reached for something new, to expand and also to test the frame of Adam, who had the ultimate original masculine frame, which was never to control the woman. I fucked that up for 15 years, 17 years to control her, to try to control what she was instead of what Adam was actually commissioned by God to do, which was to contain the feminine so the feminine could be free. They look at Eve as the problem. But if you back this up to the actual issue, Eve made a decision. This was not the sin. Adam followed that pattern. But where he fucked it up is when she made the decision. Instead of containing what the situation was, instead of leading, he collapsed into fear, guilt, shame, and hid from God. And then came the worst fucking part of all. And every man has done this that I have ever met in their shame and their guilt and their pain. Hiding from God with a finger pointed. It's her fault. So all of this in you and I's world, bro. And we've talked and. Dude, we've had conversation. I'm telling you and I, this is where we fuck up when we win. As we restore ourselves to original Adam, the power of Eden, God's truth. I couldn't do it forever, bro. I didn't know how. I had no clue. I had no map, no one's telling me. I had no guidance to establish a container where she could let out her pain, her frustration, her sorrow, her desires, her passion, her eroticism, everything. And that I could contain it and not control it. That I had enough flame for her to feel anything she needed to feel. And you're doing it. You're moving that way. And your patience as a woman, and your patience as a woman. For us as men, it's the only chance we have. Because we are going to this up so many ways till Sunday. And we will hold the container like a champion for three days. And then the pressure business will hit and things will hit, and the kids Will hit and you'll hit, and everything hits, and we forget. We find ourselves hiding in the bush, cursing God, ashamed and guilty, and then blaming you. All that's changed over time for us is I've just gotten more certain about what it was. But we've been together for 24 years, not seven. Right. It's tough. And when our kids were first young, if you had known us with Bailey and with Ruby, nightmare.

Well, just very unconscious.

We were so disconnected trying to figure this out. And I was floundering in darkness for four years. Now, with our two youngs, our repeats, these are God's gift to us. To repeat and try it again. Who are basically twins of the teenagers. Literally twins.

Like, I'm like, we had. We did this again. Either we did it wrong, or we did it right and got two more.

Yeah.

So maybe you get lucky and you get that. You get the repeat. The repeat is like, okay, now we're like, 10 years under our belt. We figured some out. But seriously. And I'll show you, like, the. The process you two are going through right now, I can feel it. It's intense. We've had people on this show that are just plastic as shit.

Yeah.

But also they're good people.

I felt plastic. Like, what you were sharing was like, the spirit pouring through you.

It was 100.

Like, it was very, very good. And I loved how the point. You even said, like, I'm not here to make you happy. Because I think a lot of women, they think their whole responsibility is, like, I have to serve and make my husband happy. And they get lost in that role. And I believe our. Our actual role is to help our husband. Right. Right. Because he's the leader of the family, in a sense. But it's. I just loved what you share. I know you've never been on a podcast. I'm like, you are.

This is your first pie. It's like somebody comes in. I've never played baseball before. Grand slam. I've never played golf before. Hole in one. You're like, how did you do that? Well, you set the standard high. Like, I seriously. Just so much respect for just the vulnerable energy. Like, people gonna hear this show, and you're gonna. You're gonna hear this. You that are listening to the show right now, you're gonna feel. Feel this. Listening to it in your car. Listen to on your iPad. You're going to feel this, and you're going to feel it different than any show we've ever had. This is the most holy spirit we've ever had. In any show we've ever done.

I think it'll give a lot of people hope in, like the sense that you were just very honest. Like, you know, marriage is hard, but it's also beautiful. And it's essentially part of why we're here.

Parenting is hard.

Yeah, beautiful.

Business is hard, but it's beautiful and hard.

But it's an interesting marriage that we think, like, if your business is going hard, you're not like, I'm going to divorce my business.

Right.

We kind of went into the. If your kids sometimes.

Sometimes you want to divorce.

I'm not going to divorce my kids. I mean, you kind of want to some days, but it's not an option. So then we kind of go into marriage. Well, it's an option.

Yeah.

You know, and yeah, I want to share that. It's. I. I'm not new to speaking or podcasts at all.

Yeah.

But this conversation is definitely the most uncomfortable. And then I have. Because we are going through it still, you know, and I think we're probably always going to go through it. We. You told me I'm going to go through it for the rest of my life, actually. But I think conversations like this are really important because I do feel closer to her. And now I understand way more understanding of what happened and my mind frame back then and what she went through. Right. And holding that container, like you said, is so important. So if it wasn't for me completely surrendering my life to God and. And giving up the life of success, that what I thought was success and the version I was for what God actually has planned for me, we wouldn't be here right now.

Yeah.

We would probably be divorced.

Right.

Right. So I owe everything to him. And I do thank you, babe, you know, for your patience because I know it has been easy, but I think that we are meant and destined to build and do incredible things, you know, and this is great. I think the story is going to go out on you guys platform. It's going to touch someone and I. And I really hope it touch.

It's going to. You know, I promise you this will be. This will touch more people than almost any show I've ever done.

And thank you for being like uncomfortable and vulnerable. Like, I think that's like what you want out of a podcast because that's when you can like help other people and they can listen to it and they're like, wow, they're feeling that way and they're sharing it and it doesn't. That gives them hope.

Thank you for that. You know, I think this is very vulnerable. Right. And I think when I was going through it, I couldn't even talk about it. I would just fall to pieces. But as I grow stronger, my faith and the conversations I've had with some of my friends, they're like, oh, my gosh, I didn't know that this could happen. Like, the things that I've been through. And then I realized when he said, we're coming on a podcast, I was like, oh, podcast. I've never done one. But I remember thinking it is a responsibility when you have those experiences to share because we're called to be disciples. And that. That gave me so much courage to come on. And also just. And just really I prayed before he got here, because I don't. I don't want to just, like, hide in the shame and hide in the pain and the brokenness. If I can help someone, like, that is a responsibility, and it is an honor, and it is a blessing. So I'm happy to share, you know, if it can. If it can help someone, because if I would have heard this stuff when I was going through, man, would that have made a difference? And what you guys are doing is such a blessing. Thank you for having us on and all the couples you have here, because we need more of this. We need more of these conversations.

I do believe there's something that, you know, that can save someone else's life or help. Help them in their life. You're morally obligated to share it. And I've been doing that for the last 10 years in business, and I've seen the transformations people have made at my events and through my business and all the things and charities. So now it's like, oh, shit. I built this incredible thing. I hit rock bottom, almost lost my marriage, and now God has given me another chance, and here we are again. Yeah. So now I have an opportunity to share that, to help men and couples in their marriage to go through those times that they might be going through.

Biggest mistake I made, I built without her as a priority and instead had to reverse it in the last couple years in a big way and in the last eight months in a soul way.

Well, there's always another level.

It just keeps going.

I miss how it is in marriage. Like, you have moments where you're, like, on fire and in the pocket, and then all of a sudden, you're like, what's going on? And you're like, we got to grow again. You know, you're always kind of rebirthing and, like, pushing each other to kind of almost have this rebirth experience.

Yeah, I love that word.

You're beautiful.

Thanks for having me here.

Thanks. Thanks for coming on the show. You know, sometimes some weeks you're like, no, I'm not coming on the show. You can run this one solo. You guys are amazing. Doug, Sonia, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

My friends, I'm telling you, I have done a lot of podcasts. I've been on podcasts, like lead podcasts. We've been doing them for like eight, nine years. And I will tell you, I am not joking. This is not exaggeration. There was a season of my life I hyped the. Out of everything, and half the I hyped wasn't that cool. But living at the truth, I live in now, this show right here, for many of you listening, hundreds of you that will listen to the show out of the tens of thousands will download it in the first 48 hours. So I'm telling you right now, some of you, this was God's call to you. It's one thing to hear people come on the show and talk about the pain and problems they went through like eight, nine, ten years ago, or for Danielle and I, talk about the chaos we went through 15 years ago. But when you have people come in that are fresh in the energy of that, God moves in a new way and let that hit. If you're sitting in problems, sitting in chaos, the answer's not divorce. So many of us look at that answer so quickly. We're like, this would be fucking done. It'd be easier somewhere else. But remember all the trauma, all the pain that you're currently feeling, it's going to go with you. And Danielle and I came to that truth with each other. Could we leave and be with someone else and be happier or be. Be in a. In a more simple and easy relationship? Yes, both of us were very clear about that. But then both of us came to recognize that there's no guarantee that we would be more holy or happy by doing it. And once we saw that, it was a decision to say, we're going to work this out. So if you're there, we hope to show the helps. And on top of that, we here at Wake Up Warrior for the past 13 years have been guiding men to re establish this frame of Eden and this power inside. The tools and weapons of Wake Up Warrior and the word tools. These have been worked, improved by over 70,000 men. So if you're sitting there alone or you're isolated or you have a man that's isolated needs some guidance. We're a tribe of brotherhood, a global group of men who know how to make this game work. That's irrefutable at this point. Startwithwarriorbook.com, go check out the free book, warrior book. We'll send that out to you for free. Check it out. We'd love to have that. And also on top of this, when you get value from this show, share it. Won't charge you for the show. We do it all over every single week. Put the crew is together for it, Share it. If you got value from it, share it with somebody else. Have more people find out about it. And you don't know the couple that you're going to share this show with that's on the brink of blowing everything up. And all they needed to hear was Doug and Sonia today. So, you two, thank you so much for being here. You're amazing. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. And my friends, that brings us to a close to another episode of the date your wife podcast.