From Divorce to Divine Partnership: Rebuilding Love, Faith, and Family with Alex & Valeria | Date Your Wife

Well, my friends, welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. We are here in studio. Studio, not the house.

Which camera are we looking at?

This camera right there. Yeah.

All of us.

No, just us. We're looking here. You can look there. They can look there. Wherever you look, we got you. So listen, we have. As you know, here at the Dangeroy podcast, we have been bringing guests on for the past year and a half. Prior to that, the only guest ever was this one. She was a great guest, and she had an idea to start bringing other couples on. And you've seen this now over the past year and a half, all of you that watch the show have gotten to see and experience the inner workings of different perspectives and angles on the idea of being married, having kids, running businesses, and the traffic of insanity. Well, that continues today. It continues today with somebody I'm very excited to have on the show. His name is Alex. I met him here just about six months ago. Six months ago.

April.

April. So in April, I met him at an event here in. In Miami called Elevator Night. And then I was sitting in Elevator night again. And I go to the restroom to go relieve myself before I'm gonna go speak. And there's a long hallway, and in that hallway, this man intercepts me. We start having a conversation for about 30 seconds, but it was so good, I said, pause, wait. Don't say anything else. I want you to say all of that from stage. He was speaking about our man in the arena tour event. And this. The fun part about my world, this show also, is the fact that so many people get impacted by what we've been doing that we don't realize are being impacted. And once I realize it and I can see it, I want to elevate them, show them, and help you see, because everything we're doing here is not just about Danielle and I and what we're doing. Our hope is here in the show that you're able to take from Alex and Valeria, our guests today, and learn from their perspective. Because when you blend all of us together, it creates something new. And every single one of these shows only work if you share them. So we're going to start that right out of the gate instead of waiting to the end. If this show gets value for you, share the show up with somebody else. We don't. We paid to put this show on. This show does not directly make us any money. And all of you still ask the same question. What do you guys do? We may answer that here at the end. I used to be A male stripper.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's a good way to open it, by the way.

We met.

We actually met at Melissa's event.

Was it Melissa's? It was epic. It was. It wasn't elevator nights then.

Elevator nights was the next one.

That's right. That's right. It was epic.

Talks.

Okay, cool. So listen, you have a beautiful wife.

Yeah. You two have been a fiance.

We're gonna be honest. Okay. We have been together for six years. So we're going to start this thing off with the question of all questions. Who saw who first and how? Like, who was the one who was like, did you see him first? Did he see you first? How did this happen?

Well, she's gonna tell you how she created me and, like, manifested me. And then I was on Facebook and I was scrolling Facebook, desperate, getting divorced, not knowing what's gonna happen next. And I see her beautiful face, and I knew her sister, and I'm like, maybe I should. Friend request. Don't really do this that often. But, yeah, friend request. And later that night, I see that she accepted my friend request. And I'd been on dating sites where it's like, I would tell people, girls, hey, I have two kids. And then they would ghost me and take off. So I'm like, I'm just going to be totally honest. So I Facebook messenger out of the blue. And I said, hey, you're beautiful. I'm attracted to you. I have two kids. I'm getting divorced. I still live with my ex. We're going to move out soon, and I'd love to grab coffee and see where it goes.

That was your pitch?

That was my pitch.

That was the pitch, yes.

Like, straight up.

Hey, it's like, the honest value.

It was the honest truth.

You're like, here's what it is.

No games. You're like, this is where.

Did you have that in your bio? Getting a divorced. I have two kids. No, I mean, we've had people put that. Who was our guest? One more guest did that in his match.com profile. He, like, literally just listed out all the shit that he was going through. And then she was like, I just liked him because he was honest.

So honest.

Okay, so he friend requests you.

Yeah.

You obviously see the friend request. Did you know about him before the friend request?

Not really, no. My sister knew him.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did you date her sister?

No.

Okay. How did you know her sister?

We went to, like, Landmark together.

Forum?

Yeah, forum.

Okay, Got it. That's intense. Have you been to Landmark?

Yeah.

Yep. Did you go through all of it. Forum and beyond. I did just the first part for the forum. Okay.

I did the forum self expression advance. I was a coach. Head coach, communication course.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow. Okay. So you went down the path.

I went down there, yeah.

One of my first mentors was a 36 year landmark form leader. What's that?

Still exists?

Yeah.

Yeah, still exists.

Landmarks all over the world. It's big. It's big for. So when I was going to landmark the first time, she thought I was crazy. And it was 2006. She's like, why are you more crazy? Well, I was crazy, but, like, it was really helpful for me.

Super helpful.

Enjoyed it. Okay, so we knew. We knew her sister through landmark, but did you know of her?

I didn't. I just saw her on Facebook and I'm like, something said click.

Okay. So his approach comes in. He's like. And then you decide to. You accept request.

I'll tell a little bit backstory. I was also going through divorce, and we've been separated for a few months already. I started dating already, and I'm like, let me see how it is out out there. Because I've been married for 10 years. I already forgot how it is. Like, how to go on a date, how to be single woman. It's all new to me. And I started going on all these dates and I felt so frustrated. And I'm like, I literally remember, like, I was having conversation with God saying, like, oh, my God, what happened with men? Where. Where did they all go? Like, it was so frustrating. Every, like, date was frustrating. I'm like, I think I'm gonna be by myself. Like, I don't need anyone. I have a job. I have beautiful daughter. I'll be okay.

What was. For what was frustrating? Because this is the same topics come up. We've had half our couples in the last six months were in previous marriages and then went on the dating thing for a bit and then found each other. For you, what was so frustrating about the type of men that you were meeting? Was there, like, a common thing?

Like, simply, like, they cannot be present for the first day. Like, I went on a date, I drove all the way to Orlando, for example, and he's sitting watching his soccer game or something. I'm like, hi, hello. I've been driving for three hours. Are we gonna do something or what? Like, so it was. Or like, the other man was like, literally, like, interviewing me, like, how much I'm earning, Do I have a house? Like, situations like that. I'm like, really? I think I should Ask this question. Those questions, like many things. Like, I even called my sister one time and I asked her, julia, is this how it is right now? Like, I don't think I'm comfortable with those type of relationship. I'm like, I thought, maybe it's in America. It's different culture. Am I not different here? She's like, no, this is not okay. Just get out of there. You don't need this man. Just go to the next one. I'm like, okay. But I was kind of also, like, vulnerable and falling for all that. I thought maybe it's me. Maybe I should be, like, stronger and being more man. I don't know.

Right?

Yeah.

And then she posted our pictures together. And I don't like when people tagging me. I'm like, very private person. And I even call her like, yulia, can you remove my tag, please? She's like, oh, okay. But before she removed.

You caught the one photo.

You caught the one with the tag.

And I received that message. Yeah. What truly touched me, the message was truly honest. Like, not from other men. Like, oh, you look pretty. Let's hang out. It's like, it was totally different vibe. And like, let me check it out. His profile pictures, how it is. Like, how is he living a little bit. Do it evaluations. And I see every picture. Every picture he posted is with his ex wife. And I'm like, well, maybe it's temporary. Like, they divorce and I mean, they have two kids. Maybe it's a temporary thing.

Are you still in marriage at that time?

We were separated. But not papers yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought, yeah, maybe it's a temporary. I think I'm gonna tell him no because it looks like good, beautiful family. Like, why would I get involved with this? And I'm like. And since sister was friends with him on Facebook, I called her and I asked her a little bit questions about him. Like, who is Alex Montalenti? He friend requested me and he sent me a message and he wants to invite me on cup of tea or cup of tea?

Cup of tea or coffee.

She's like, oh, really? But it's like, I thought he's married. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, but he's going through a divorce. Apparently he's trying to move on. And she started telling me about him, how they met on Landmark, how he did beautiful things for people there. Like, she told me, like, he bought Landmark for someone else just to. Because he has good heart. I'm like, oh, I like that. But I was still kind of like, hesitating I'm like, yeah, I don't know. And she's like, and by the way, he's Italian. And back then, I had such a crush on Italian. I don't know.

He had the Italian thing going for you. That was the one that sealed the deal. She's like, Landmark Forum Leader, you know? I don't know. Pictures of the ex. I don't know. Wait, he's Italian. Okay, okay, tell me more. Tell me more.

What do you mean? And she's like, yeah, his last name is Italian. I'm like, okay, I think I like him.

I love it.

Yeah.

So you message back, how long? Like, how long until you guys went on the first coffee date to go.

To New York or something? Or California, actually. So, like, within two weeks. No.

And then he disappeared.

Yeah, Disappeared for two weeks.

I'm like, here it is.

You went on coffee and then you didn't talk again for two weeks?

Not before. Like, I reached out to her on Facebook. I set up the date, and then kind of ghosted her for a little bit while I took care of business in California.

Got it. And then it finally happened.

Yeah.

Okay, so I'm gonna back up two things.

So you both were here when you met them?

Yeah. Yeah, in Miami.

Okay.

You both went through. I mean, I went through a divorce. I've been married for a year and, like, four months with my son's mother. This was. We've been together for 22 years, together for 24, married for 22 this summer. Divorce always has, like, a back. Like, it leads you to the decision you're going to now. Like, she. I met her when she was 18.

It's funny, too, because when I met him, he had a kid and he didn't tell me anything. I found out from, like, a friend that he had a kid and I was 18 at the time. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? And he's like, I didn't want to scare you away. Because, like, he was trying your approach with any girl he'd meet. He'd be like, hey, I'm divorced. I have a kid. And they'd be like, see you later.

Yeah.

And I was like, well, I'm glad you didn't. Because if on our first date, if you would have said, I have a kid, I'm divorced, I'd have been like, see you later.

I think it was age, too. I mean, you were 18. You weren't exactly looking for that.

No.

You guys both came out of relationships that didn't work.

Yeah.

For whatever reason, what was it? What was the thing that you each learned about yourself in that relationship? Like, with you and your ex husband and you and your ex wife? Like, what was the thing you learned in you? Because it obviously bounced you two together. And there's something in her. I would assume it's different than what you were experiencing the first round. And there's something in him that's very different than what you experienced in the first round. What was it? What was the thing that you learned about you going through the first marriage now in this relationship? What changed for you?

I think for me, what changed is being present that I'm still working on. But being present was like, oh, yeah, it really wasn't present. And also intimacy. Like, I remember leaving that relationship and going, all right, there's got to be a next level of intimacy.

Was sex a struggle for you guys in the first marriage? Was it just not something very active or wasn't rewarding for you or what?

I think we both weren't fully expanding possibilities. Like, it was, like, limited.

Got it.

Yeah.

Were you able to have open dialogue in your first relationship?

Yes and no. I was holding back from some stuff.

What do you think the peace was in you as a man that shifted coming to this relationship? The presence. Yes. But what were. What was a pattern or way of showing up in the first relationship that you've learned from that's led you now to Valeria?

I think, like, showing up as a man and, like, doing all the gentleman stuff, you know, like, opening the door and, like, pulling out the chair and bringing the flowers. Like, that's something that. Like, our first date, I was like, I'm getting flowers. I'm gonna, like, do all the gentleman stuff. I'm gonna be, like, a true gentleman. And I don't know if that's age or just realization or what, but, like, when I met her, that's where I stepped up my game.

That's what I liked about you. When he actually came, brought me flowers, opened the door for me. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna like this date. Like, from the moment I saw him and the way he was acting towards me, I liked it.

Do you think it was. You just do. Were you ever doing that before? And again, the reason why I'm asking is because, like, you guys are who you are right now because of who you were.

Yeah.

It's like you and your relationship. Same with us. Like, we. We play around with the idea that we've been married and divorced like, six times because, like, she's a totally different woman than I first married. And I've had, like, five different versions of her up until version 6.0. And then, like, same thing with me. I'm a totally different person, too. And we have to constantly recreate the last three years. We recreated new versions of ourselves and then had to come and figure out how to put those versions together again. And we're totally different than we were, like, four years ago. And before we had our last two kids, it was totally different. Our marriage, too.

I think what I want to ask you guys is, like, you know, when you're older, you have kids, you're established. I feel like you're kind of, like, set in your ways. You know, you're like, okay, now I have to actually, like, date and do the flowers and do the things and, like, go out of your way because you're kind of like you're older and you're kind of. I always joke around with Garrett. I'm like, do you think we'd even like each other if we met now, or would we just be, like, so in our path and so in our lane that we would forget to date? Essentially, yeah. But it sounds like you were, like, almost at the realization of, like, oh, shit, maybe I wasn't still dating my ex wife, and maybe I need to bring that back to my relationship.

Yeah, like, that got lost, and I think I wasn't being all who I could be. I remember, like, one of the last things with my ex was going on a trip, and she was like, oh, there you were. Like, you were present and you did all these things. But before that, I wasn't right. And with her, that's how I bring it every time. I'm, like, regenerating, and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna bring the spontaneity, the spontaneity. I'm gonna bring the seduction. I'm gonna bring the flowers. I'm gonna bring the, you know, pulling out the chair, like, treating her like a queen. Just bringing all of that. Cause that's how. I don't know. Now that's how I want to show up for her and for me.

Yeah. Do you know? Do you know, like, do you verbally acknowledge that when he does that?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

All the time when she does that. What does that do for you when she verbally acknowledges that you're.

Well, that was what I, like, loved about her is like, I really felt like a man when, you know, like, after you go through divorce, you kind of like, I don't know. For me, I felt like, beat down. Like, crying in the closet, on the floor, like, picking myself up off the ground. Like, I really just destroyed my relationship, my family, my kids, the whole thing. I burnt down the house. And with her, she built me up again. She was, like, making me feel like a man and acknowledging me and just. I like Rose again with her, you know?

Yeah. I literally was telling him, do you know how great you are, how amazing you are? Like, I don't think he even knew about it. Like, I had to tell him this because he was. He was actually also. Maybe you were thinking, oh, maybe I'm not enough for her, and things like that. So I had to tell him, wow, like, you brought me these flowers. Like, I've never had flowers like that in my life or things like that. And it lift him up, I think. As a man.

What was it? What was the thing you learned coming out of your first marriage? Just about what you wanted, what had to be different for you?

Well, the first thing I learned, how I want my man to be. I already knew, like, before I met him, I kind of knew. I want men with these qualities. These qualities, this quality. I already knew what I want. And all these qualities showed up in Alex. And I also learned, like, how not to be. How not to live in one house as a neighbors. Like, if. If you, like, live together, you actually have to talk together. You actually have to have quality time together. You have to support each other, and if there is a problem, don't walk away. We have to resolve it. We have to. If we fight, we have to fight.

Yeah.

So in my marriage, I didn't have that kind of. Everybody was, like, coexisting. Yeah. And I didn't like that. Like, he was, like, sometimes, like, sitting on the couch watching his game. I was, like, going for a walk with my daughter, like, by myself. Everything by myself. And I thought that this is not okay, but at the same time, I was raised in this culture and mentality that if you married, you kind of have to stick. Stick to this and this is what you've chosen and just be there. And I was just either. But I was, like, miserable. I'm like, I don't think I'm happy.

How did you. Did you. Were you the one that decided it was over?

Actually, both of us, because we actually realized, like, something is not clicking and working. And he is also, like, different culture and I'm. Different culture. Yeah. We had daughter together, but didn't really help, even though we lived together for, like, 10 years. I mean, at the beginning was everything beautiful and then. Then we forget that we wife and husband, mostly we parents to our daughter. We forgot how to date. We forgot how to surprise each other and things like that. Yeah, you felt you fell out of love. Yeah, Yeah, I felt like along. And I. I knew like, if I have relationship in the future, it's not going to be like that at all. I have to do completely opposite of this.

So the spicy game, I mean, this is like what we came up with.

We went through the. We went through. I was thinking, like, they call it like the seven year itch or whatever, but I remember we went through. We were so disconnected for a while. That's literally why we started this podcast. We had two of our kids and we lost everything back into 14, 14 years ago when the market crashed, we lost everything, and it really exposed us in our relationship. And we had nice cars, nice house, and kind of were just coexisting together, like living together, but not really paying attention to one another. And he was always working. And then when we lost everything, I was like, I don't know you or if I want to be married to you. And I was like, huh? But I had. I was pregnant with my second daughter. And interestingly enough, I was lacking so much purpose that I was like, I'll just have another kid. That will make me happy. I love all my kids. But I had my second daughter and we lost everything. And I realized how disconnected we were. And the only reason we stayed, or at least I stayed to work it out, is because I was literally like nine months pregnant. Like, holy shit, I have my second kid on the way. Like, we're so, like, we're so disconnected, but I feel like I should at least give it a shot and that we had no money at the time. And we were like, well, what if we just started going on a date every week? And I'm like, how are we going to pay the babysitter? And he's like, I don't know. We'll figure it out. And sometimes, actually a lot of times, we paid our babysitter more than our date. Like, because we had no money. We're like, well, we can go to a movie. And that's pretty much it. We'll go for a walk and grab a Taco Bell or something, like, call it a day. But that was one of the things for us. We're like, if we maybe if we start dating, because that gets lost in marriage. And then all of a sudden, like three, four years goes down the road and you're like, I don't really dislike you or like, you. And that's kind of a scary space to be in too, because then you're just kind of numb. You're not in the fight anymore and you're like both kind of at a place where like. Yeah, it'd be easier to go build this with somebody else. We're so. We're too far off the path. So I don't know. For us, like I said, the only reason people are like, how'd you guys do it? And I. I think it's because that simple principle of like continuing to date when you're married, putting in the effort important, you know?

Yeah.

Well, just like the effort that you're like. You got clued into too, Alex. I'm gonna same thing. I got clued into it. We're just one of the few who figured out had two people who both were willing to try. Because like, if you have a relationship where one's willing to try and the other one's not willing to try, it always ends. Yeah. One person's like, I'm willing to try, but my husband's willing to try. Okay, we're done. I'm. I'm willing to try. My wife's not willing to try. Okay, I'm done. So now you come together with this new trying energy. And you two crazies decided to blend teenage girls.

Yeah.

So if you're like us, 90% of our battles.

Oh my gosh, they're kids.

Come over children. Shit. Like, we just get in arguments over kids.

I'm not even mad at you.

Like, what? You can't, you can't do that to them. Why are you. I'm like, I'm going to throw her cell phone in the intercoastal right now. Through our cell phone.

We'd be amazing.

Exactly. We say if the same we'll go on vacation couple.

Do you realize most of our fights are like something stressful about the kids? I'm like, what? What do people have to fight about that have no kids?

They don't even know we like our friends like that. They're fun to listen to. And we're like asterisks kind of listening. Okay, so your daughter's how old?

16.

16. And your daughters are how old?

12 and 14.

12 and 14. Okay. So we brought them teenage fucking. When did you guys merge them? Was this like, like four or five years ago? Three years ago.

We lived in the different houses and when we met, we started hang out with kids together. And did the girls all get along? This is. No, no, this Is when.

This.

Sometimes. Yeah, this is when I saw, like, oh, my God. That's gonna be a challenge to put this family together. And my daughter is very quiet. Very, like, likes her privacy.

My kids are super loud.

They're very loud. They're very active. They never stop moving. And for me, coming from quiet daughter to this, I'm like, oh, my God, I need to find the balance or something. And when. I think it was like, a birthday. Your birthday or something, and kids started running around him with iPads and his phone around the pool and screaming and yelling. And my sister was there and looking at all this, I'm like, oh, my God, that's.

She's like, I don't think I can do it.

That's got to be. No, I thought, that's got to be change. I don't think he wants that. I have to.

You're chasing the girls around the pool with their iPads.

I was just. I mean, I just let them do whatever, because at that time, it was Covid. We're working from home. I'm like, I gotta do this webinar stuff. Like, you want to go play, run? Use my. They're, like, grabbing my phones, my iPads. I'm like, all right, whatever.

Or it's like, hey, daddy, bring me water. I'm like, what? Why did I hear.

Yeah, but her. In her culture, Russian culture, it's, like, very disciplined. It's very ordered. You know, it's like when my kids went to gymnastics, they hated it because it was like the gymnastics trainers were rushing. They're like, you gotta do it this way, you know? So she comes in and sees my loose freedom house, and it's like, no, this isn't working.

Yeah.

I think I'm this type of woman. I told him at the beginning, listen, I don't think you can handle me, because I'm pretty straightforward. I declare my needs like this, this, this. We have to work on this together. If you not there, I'm not there either. And, like, seeing all that, I mean, in my family, I don't know if we were disciplined, but we. We had this respect for our parents. Like, my dad didn't even yell at me, but the way he looked at me, I already know, knew. Like, I'm crossing the line. I have to stop. Like, they didn't even have to yell at us. Or, like, there was, like, sense of respect for parents, which I didn't see in this family.

Yeah.

And for me, it was hard, but I knew I like this man. I want to be with this man, maybe we can change this together. And this is when I started talking to him. Hey, I don't think it's okay when kids talking to you this way. Like, I think they should respect you. But I was trying to kind of, like, not to be pushy, but kind of let him know. But when we. He was so defensive at the beginning. He was like, oh, my God. You don't like my kids. Like, what are you trying to do here? And most of the time, I felt I'm the bad guy here. I'm like, listen, I'm kind of getting tired here. I don't want to be the bad guy in the family. I also want to be a fun mom that kids having this time together, like, you kind of have to put your foot down. And this is where we struggled a little bit. Like I said, we need boundaries. We need a little bit order. We need organization with food. Like his kids, they eat. They very picky. We eat everything. Like, vegetables, meat, everything. Whatever you put on the table, you're gonna eat it with them. No. Oh, I don't like this. I don't like this. Oh, my God. How am I gonna cook for this family? How am I gonna cook? Yeah, I have to learn more recipes or something. I don't know.

She's coming in with this. This structure, which, by the way, listen, we send our two youngest to a Russian school. We love it. We walked in, our daughters, like, we needed, and like, the teacher the first day was like, we're not going to do that. And Bailey, my daughter's just, like, she's.

Not used to that.

She. We loved it. And like, we're normal people. Like, oh, they're so intense. We're like, give it.

But you know what?

Give them more.

What I will say about my little. She's my little six year old. Like, she's like, she loves school. Like, it took her a couple months, and now she's, like, so excited to go to school. I'm like, she needed the discipline. And we're both kind of working and, like, visionary artists. And so we just let our kids get away with whatever. So I was like, okay, we're gonna try this school out. And there she's actually, like, really thriving in it. I'm like, turns out the kids do need. Even if they're visionary and crazy and off the walls, bouncing around, they need structure.

They do.

We brought some. So, like, I mean, I have a huge empathy for it, too. I was working so much all the time that when I would get around the kids, I was Kind of Disneyland.

Oh my gosh. I'd be like, bedtime and he's like.

Pillow fighting and throwing them around the room and stuff. So like, it's taken time for me because again, most of our biggest conflict would come up over this because I would, I would see things that, how our two, our daughters when they were younger would act to her and they were smaller. But I knew my daughters were going to be big. My daughters are like 5, 9, they're like taller than her by like 3, 4 inches. And my 18 year old at the time, like 14, 15, started physically using her body because she was bigger than Danielle to like position her in closets. This is not good. And I kept telling her like, if we don't put like some serious cross checking on this right now, this is not going to be good. This will get like physical.

My, our oldest, she's very like strong headed and she would like, we'd get in an argument and I'd be like. And she would literally follow me around the house. I'd be like holding my, my door shut to my bathroom. I'm like, go away. When you calm down, we can talk about it. That's just like her personality that my, my 14 year old is the exact opposite. It's like I can't get her to talk, you know, so it's like every kid is going to be like a little bit, a little bit different.

So tell us about the merger. How's the merger gone now? Where are we at today with the merger?

I think like the resistance for me was all the order, like in the discipline. Because I was like, no, I want to raise kids that are like free spirited and like, they can do whatever and. Because that's like what I liked when I was a kid. But then I realized my own journey is like, the more order I have, the more efficient I am, the more disciplined I am. It gets better. So then I started listening to her. I remember she would, she would say, baby, we gotta talk. You know, you know the famous baby, we gotta talk. So at first I'd go in like clenched fist, like, okay, we're gonna, you mean we're gonna fight, we're not gonna talk. And then after time I more and more softened up. I'm like, no, I have to listen. I gotta listen, I gotta listen. And then I would try and then I would react and we would fight. And it was always the kids. We'd, boom, fight. She would take off. So like the whole beginning of the relationship it was like her taking off, me getting upset. And then me chasing her and, like, bringing her flowers and, like, come back, baby. And then we talk about some other kid issue, and then she would take off. Same thing. It just kept repeating.

Was it. Is it hard, like, for Garrett, like, when I want to have the conversation, like, baby, we need to talk. He immediately almost, like, feels attacked. And I'm like, how do I. Yeah, how do I give you feedback? Or how do I tell you? What I feel like is not without you being defensive or reactive about it. You're like, because I see it as a problem and you want me to communicate, but then I try to communicate, and now you're mad that I'm trying to communicate.

So this is so bad for us that we created, like, a form that we would submit to each other called a Communication Opportunity. Kind of, like, based out of landmark. Like, what we wanted to say, but, like, kind of nervous. Like, if I say it to your face, it's not going to go good. So we'd send the form, we'd put a little, like, gratitude, like, here's what I'm grateful for you. Here's, like, a song that I love for us. And then here's this thing that we got to talk about. But I'm just going to pop it over here, let you digest it. And then mostly she was popping them over to me. So I'm like, sitting here like, you're.

All so many forms.

I'm like, it's not all gratitude at all, is it? This and this and like, oh, shit, it's gonna be a long night.

A feedback form.

How many feedback forms were you getting? A lot of? Feedback forms.

We were doing it a lot.

Yeah, it helped a lot. But that's good, though, because then you.

Can read it without.

I would text her. I'd be like, I did the love thing. It was like an airtable form.

Right.

And she'd fill it in, and I'd fill it in. But I did the love thing, too. So she'd pop it back in a form so we didn't have to confront and then it was softened.

Did you make the form or did you?

Yeah, we made it in airtime.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

So do you still do this?

Yeah, Yeah. I like it because it's not always, like, attacking.

Yeah, it's true.

But kind of, like, appreciating first, doing nice things for each other.

Yeah. Like, sometimes we'd stand and there'd be no kicking.

It's not like, attacking. But, baby, I've had this quite a while on my chest I need to talk to you about this, this, this. And then he's this type of person. He needs to have his routine to process this. Like, sometimes when we fight, he just.

He has that, too.

He doesn't say anything. He just walks away. I'm like, what are you. He does his. Some kind of meditation, some kind of form again. And then he comes back and talk to him. I'm like, oh, that's how you do it.

Yes. Yeah.

Process it.

Yeah.

Well, most of. Most of our heated stuff always came up. Like, I couldn't. I couldn't hold. I couldn't hold space because everything I thought she was saying was always received on my side as, like, a personal criticism or attack.

Yeah.

And then that would trigger me into defensiveness, and then my defensive. Defensiveness. With my communication skills, I would reframe reality, and it always blew up. So it never. It never. We couldn't. We couldn't really talk. That's why, like, we would talk, but it was always like, argument, argument, argument. So she got to a point where she stopped sharing and I stopped. I thought things were good. I think, though, too, I was like, see, we're good.

There also was this period where he'd be like, I'm doing so much for the family. Like, why aren't you sharing more words of appreciation and this and that? And I'm like, I feel like I am, but maybe you're not hearing them because all you're hearing is the critique or all this. And so you think you're failing as a husband. And that's not my intentions, but how do I share when I'm not okay with something? Because I find for a woman, if I don't share it, like, it's within me, like, I just get more resentful and angry. And then one day he comes home and he took out the garbage the wrong way. And I'm like, you're an asshole.

We were doing the same shit.

Like, I can't hold it. I need to let it out.

Like, where's the gratitude for everything I do? Can I get a thank you over here?

Like, where's the balance for guys? Because I feel like this is a common theme where men want to feel, like, appreciated and validated, but then we're like, we want to do that, but you can't focus on, like, the. Like, the feedback or the criticism or however you're seeing it. Then does it nullify anything that we say, I am proud of you.

You're doing good.

Doing the cheerleading. It's then, like, do you not hear it anymore.

I think for women, it's important to like, to be hurt. Like, first I think he has to say, okay, we're gonna resolve this. I'm standing by your side. I'm with you, baby, on this. Oh, my God. I'm ready to give the whole world to him after this conversation. But when he's, like, pulling back, attacking me, I'm like, there is no space for expressing my love. That's how I feel. I feel like in a fight, I can't relax and I can't quietly speak to you. We have to fight. Why do we have to fight? Can we just talk and resolve. Why is it so difficult?

We got with. With our.

He'll be talking, like, really loud. I'm like, why are you yelling me? Like, I'm not yelling at you.

I'm not. We're talking.

We're talking about. It sounds like you're yelling at me.

It's just passion. Yeah, it's just passion. It was. It was.

It's the flip. She's the yeller over here.

You know, it's all the interpretation of tone. Like, but we. Here's why. And maybe this is the case for you too. Like, from. From a guy's perspective. What's hard, Because I work with guys every single day, and this. This theme comes up all the time. By the way, all dudes are reactive. All dudes are reactive or they're. They stonewall, which means they won't react. They just won't say. They'll just, like, sit or they'll react. Both are the same effect on women in my experience. So I would get to a point where we couldn't. I could not open up, because in my mind, all I would hear is, I would never. I wouldn't. And I'm not saying you weren't saying it. I'm saying either you were saying it. I couldn't hear it, which was possible. But at the same time, I also know it wasn't coming across as much, which is like, if I walked in the room and I was, like, dressed the nines, Danielle would see the one zit on my neck, and she'd be like, oh, my God, have you seen this? I'm, like, trying to make sure I've seen it. But what about this? What about the rest of all this? Like, you don't like this. You just gotta point the thing from across the room, the one zit that happens to be on my neck. Or I'm like, hey, babe, clip her my back. And she'll be like, how do you even. How do you not deal with that? I'm like, I can't see it. It's on my back, babe. How am I going to deal with it on my back? So I got used to just put. I would get defensive in a place, but then add to it. If we weren't having sex a lot, if that wasn't happening, and then we weren't spending enough time together. And then the only thing I would hear then, even if she was giving me compliments, I would hear criticism. But that was on top of all the pressure I was facing all day. Because, like, it was hard. Like, I would. I don't know if this is for you. I would wake up early in the morning, do my thing, help with the kids, go work all day, crush and be at war with dudes all day. And I know the companies I'm running, and then I'm coming through the door and I'm trying to transition into be here mode, but I'm still in war solve problem mode. Yeah. So all day long, people are like, we got an issue. And I'm like, do this. We got an issue. Do this. Fuck those guys. Do this. And it was go. So to come home to her, to shoot, to try to even hold space, I couldn't do it. Now she'll say stuff. And I kind of get. Because I realize half the time she's saying stuff if I just don't say anything. And I just smile and acknowledge and agree. She doesn't even care. Like, she just wants to get it out. But I always thought I needed to solve the problem.

Yeah.

And I also couldn't deal with, like. I didn't know how to deal with, like, tone. So, like, she would say something. Your tone is not always awesome. You know that? So she would give me the tone with the right message. And then her tone to me would cause me to reverse tone back at her with intensity, which would turn into this, like, war zone with us. And our only tool that we ever found that got us clean with us, that we drank. So alcohol seemed for a period of time to keep this. This thing going. We're like, okay. Then the problem was, is then we try to have serious conversations at like 10:30 at night after being out drinking and going to dinner and those worked out 0% of the time.

Yeah, it doesn't work out.

That was when all that was. One of our biggest fights happened was when we were drinking and we were trying to have a conversation.

I'm like, we're not. If we're gonna Go out and have some drinks. We're not allowed to have any serious conversations.

So how did you get over the reactivity? Like, when did it start switching? Was it this forms in this process? What do you call it again?

The love thing.

The love thing, yeah. Who. Who came up with the love thing? Valeria came up with. You did.

I did. And then we worked on it together. Okay, so it started as like. Well, just to add one thing that you said. It's like she wants me to be this perfect man, right? But then she's always pointing out that one imperfection. And listening to you, it just hit me that, like, she's not saying the rest of me is not perfect. She's just pointing out this one thing. But for me, it's like, I'm not a good enough man. I'm not that perfect man for you. And I would tell her, I'm like, baby, I can't be that perfect man for you. Like, I just can't. Because that means 100% now, like, 99. 90 is good, right? Isn't that good enough? So that was always, like, the frustration, that conversation, just listening to you say that. It was nice to hear it from somebody else.

There's not a. There's not a man I've ever met who doesn't feel that. And the crazy part is, now that I've come to understand it, I don't think it's that your intention as women is not trying to tell us we suck. You just can see a thing for improvement. You're like, well, if you just tweak this, it'll be better. The problem is, in our world as guys, when we hear that without a line lit, like an appreciation in the beginning, which is funny because say the same thing to me, babe, you look amazing. Your training's going well. You fill that suit so well. God, the things I'm going to do to you later. Side note, did you notice I zip right here on your neck? So just the pre frame, it's like, I just want to eat you alive. And also was. Did you notice that Zen on your.

But also, I will say in. In a small defense, the other day, I. I wasn't thinking bad or good. I made a comment because we did this, like, purif thing where we, like, were in a sauna and he looked. He looked like he lost some weight. Like, he looked leaner. And I made a comment, and I didn't think of it as positive or negative. I was just like, noticing, like, you look like you, like, lost dropped a little Bit of weight, not bad or good. And he was like, what do you, like, took it offensively? I'm like, oh, my God. Like, what? I was just making an observation.

No, no, this is what it was. We're sitting in the sauna, and she looks me like this.

No, it was on the beach.

Was on the beach.

It was on the beach.

Okay. On the beach. And she goes like, you've been losing some weight.

I wasn't saying it was bad.

No, no, I don't want to lose weight. I'm trying to get bigger. So this is like asking somebody who's bigger, you know, like, did you get bigger? I'm like, it's the opposite. Did you get smaller? And I'm like, she. And then she's saying that because it didn't mean. She wasn't trying to mean something.

But you were kind of mean. No, I was just.

You could have said, babe, you look so much leaner right now. Your six pack looks amazing. Do you feel like you're getting leaner? See context. Context. Instead of from your beach chair, are you getting smaller? Oh, my God, woman. To a guy who's, like, trying to get bigger. I don't know. Maybe you're a lot better at this with him.

Just making an observation.

You got to start with this. Like, you got to start with something good, right? Like, I feel like you gotta start something good. So when you made this form, we start with, like, gratitude. We'll be like, this is what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful. We got to go on.

You have a form on your phone.

Yeah.

Pull it out. Show us this form. This. This is the thing. This is good.

This is really good. This saved our relationship.

This is really good.

You first enter something of gratitude, and then, like, you're.

You're. So we don't just do, like, one thing. We'll do, like, a bunch of things that I'm grateful for. Like, we went on this date night, that we got to dance, that we kissed, that we did this, that, you know, like. Yeah, you listen to me. That date, that night when I said such and such, right? So gratitude is the first step.

I love that you have a process for this. We should. We should do this.

He's always telling me, can you send me, like, can you sit like a. Basically, like a gratitude paragraph text in the morning and do this? And I'm like, I usually get up, go to the gym. I'm not, like. I'm not, like, thinking about how much I love you in that moment. So I don't write you a paragraph. But if you take intentional time and put a process behind it, why can't, like, I think that people think that marriage is just all fairy tale in la la land. And I'm like, this is interesting. If it's a tool that can help you in your marriage.

No, this tool is the love thing. We'll put the date, then the gratitude. Then we'll put a photo of us, like, from the weekend or we went out. So we'll upload a photo. Then a quote, like a love quote or something that we found that we want to send to each other. Then a song from YouTube. So, like, usually it's a love song.

I'll find the ready one.

Yeah, I'll show a good one. I mean, a full one. And then, like, where do we stand in the relationship? This I got from Tony Robbins at an FHL event. He's like, where are you? Like, one through ten? Cause sometimes I gotta be the ten, she's gonna be the one. Sometimes she's the ten, I'm the one. So what, one through ten, where am I? And then what am I gonna do to get to a 20? So, like, how am I gonna change that? And then loving acts from, like, the five love languages. Like, am I gonna give her physical touch? Am I gonna do an act of service for her? And then what am I actually gonna do? Some kind of. And then the communication opportunity at the end.

We go through all of that. We got YouTube videos, we got photos, we got appreciation, and then we got the grievance.

Like a love stack.

So check this out, though. What's crazy is, after years and years of doing this, this is where you're at.

Con Art.

After years and years of doing this, we got all of these different photos.

Your history, all the hard shit you went through.

Like, we have over, like, a thousand of these.

Oh, wow.

What platform did you put those on?

Air table. So now when we get married, like, now we got a nice photo collage. We got a nice song playlist.

Memories.

Memories. Graphite.

Pull up one of them. Like, just pull up one and, like, read us what it would sound like. I like this. It's a good taxpayer.

I'm grateful we had this beautiful weekend. I'm grateful we had a nice mix of relaxation and fun. I'm grateful you looked so sexy last night. I'm grateful we had a nice night out with our friends. I'm grateful you made me breakfast. I'm grateful we watched movies. I'm grateful we made love yesterday. I'm grateful you Love me so much. I'm grateful. I'm so attracted to you. I'm grateful you turn me on all the time. I'm grateful we go, we're going on a trip together. I'm grateful for your love. And then we'll do a song and then like to dance. Then a quote. To dance with you, to kiss you, to be close to you. That is life. I was at a 10 at that point. And then like, you know what. What were we gonna do that day or that weekend or whatever?

Does it ever.

What was it? What was the topic of conversation? Was there a topic. Conversation came up on that one?

That one?

Not all of them have a topical conversation, right?

Not all of them.

Yeah, some do.

With communication opportunity.

Yeah. Like, here's. Pick a rough one. Well, here was a good communication opportunity. You know, thank you for being with me and supporting me with this meeting, because I guess we had a meeting probably about the kids, and I was supporting her versus fighting with her. So then she's like, thanks for saying beautiful words about my daughter. It means a lot to me. I love you. So that was a positive communication opportunity. You know, sometimes we don't get the negative ones, but sometimes the negative ones are. Can I share this one?

Why is that?

She's like, baby, I'm such an ungrateful bitch sometimes. I'm sorry for this. You give me everything, and I'm not appreciative. You help me so much to make my life easier. You helped me with my daughter, and I love you for this. I'm sorry I don't appreciate you sometimes. This is how. But I do want to be with you. You're such a good man, and I love you. I thank you for everything you do. Without you, I wouldn't be happy.

So when you receive that from her, what does that do for you?

That's like, huge.

Tell us more. Why is it huge for you?

It's huge. Cause I feel like I'm getting acknowledged for all the stuff I'm putting into it and all the work I'm doing to be in the relationship and be with her. When you're getting all the things that are pointed out that are not good, like the stain on the rug, it's like, well, isn't the rug still good over here? Like, I'm a good rug.

How often do you guys fill those forms out?

In the first couple years, it was, like, almost every day, and now it's less, probably, like every week.

When you receive. When you receive those words from her, of it's Two things. Number one, that's like, radical accountability.

Yeah.

Which for. In my experience with our guys, I don't know why, but it seems to be a struggling thing for some women to just be accountable for how they're showing up in the conversation or in the marriage. It's a common theme for guys, which is like, I don't understand why my wife can't be accountable for what she says or.

Accountable. Yeah. I mean, I kind of made it light, but when I get that kind of message, it makes my week or, like, my month.

Yeah.

Right.

I was trying. I've been trying to tell. I told. Try to tell any of this for years. I was like, you understand? Having sex with you is amazing. I love it, and I want it. I like you. Drop a love bomb on me with words of appreciation and ownership. Where you up? I. I'll go to war for another month. Like, the fuel on it. You show me the building. You want me to burn to the ground? I'll burn it to ground tonight. Guys are interesting like this because, like, it doesn't take much. Just this one thing. For whatever reason, the way that women are wired and men are wired for guys, when we get it.

Yeah.

It's like, this much. It's like meditation. I can meditate for 20 minutes. I don't need to meditate for 24 hours, but that 20 minutes gives me a whole bang. Another 12 hours of life for the day. Give me 20 minutes. 12 hours. It's like, get one thing from her that's, like, in words. You want to try this love form?

Do what?

Do you want to try the love form?

The love form?

Yeah.

Are you guys sharing your love form?

Yeah, of course. Hey, we want the whole world to know about it.

They're sharing the love form. Are you committed to the love form?

Here's what Garrett, he's like, all or nothing. So, like, you're gonna share this with him, and I'm gonna have 10 love forms a day, and I'm gonna be like, babe, it's smothering. I just like, let's start with one a week. Slow down.

Okay, well, no, let's talk about your side. Are you going to do the love form?

Yeah, but I don't know if I can.

Why was there a delay there?

Because I was like, can I think about daily?

I don't know. Oh, well, we didn't talk about daily. Let's just do one love form. Are you down one?

I just get nervous because when he goes all in, it's like he goes at his Pace. And I go at my pace. So it's kind of like this.

She knows this.

And I'm like, listen, you go at your pace, but don't judge me for my pace. Like, I'm going to do my it on my time.

So what's it. What. What does your pace look like? And when.

And then when he, like, tries to get me to come with him even more, then I retract and I'm like, I don't want to do it at all now.

Like, do you want to do the.

Love form if I'm forced to do 10 a week? No, no, no.

Why you have to the extreme. I'm just saying. Do you want do a love form?

Yeah, sure.

You'll do a love horn.

I'll do a love form when I want to do a love form.

You do a love form this week.

When I want to do a love form.

Well, the best part about it is a surprise. Like, out of the blue, I'll be driving inside. Suddenly, boom, there's, you know, it'll be like getting on the plane, and then I get that. And, dude, that's the best. Like, you get that before you get on the plane.

Do you have competition? Like, you're like, I've done two and she's kidding.

No. Sometimes I do two and she doesn't do one. Sometimes she does two or three and then I don't do one.

See, you can't keep tabs.

But in the beginning, it was like that a little bit. Like, I did the little thing. Where's yours?

Where's mine?

Yeah.

Can I get my little thing over here?

That's how you would be. I'd be like, I'm on. I'm giving you three this week.

I'm like, okay, are you just. Can you commit to one loved one?

Yeah, like, with the picture and the whole thing. Make me feel bad if I didn't.

I'm not gonna make you feel bad. I only make you feel bad if you do zero love form. If you one love form is good. That'll be one more than you've ever done. Okay, so you committed to a love form.

See, I can't. I'm.

I'll do one for you. Dude.

Alex is gonna send me a love form. Listen, if I get a love form of Larry and Alex and you still have a send a love for him, Troubling. So you committed to love form. You hate it when I commit you to love.

The thing called the love publicly.

No, I. I don't like when you're like, Are you ready to do this?

You were the one that did the 30 day sex challenge. That wasn't even my idea. We failed at that one. After four days, you think you guys get right now 30. Do you guys think you could do 30 days of sex every day for 30 days now @ this point in your relationship? Like, I mean, could you think with all the kids and everything you could do that you would be committed to it?

Toddlers.

You don't have toddlers. You could probably do it.

He can.

Yeah. I mean, I'm capable.

I'm capable, right?

Yes.

I'm just saying, like, no, it's a mission. There's a lot of. You got a lot of move things around.

Well, it's interesting too. Like, day four, I remember we were like, it's day five. And I was like, I was forced. And I was just feeling really forced right now. Okay, so you're doing the love form.

Let's do the love form.

Okay. Let's go.

Nice.

We have two witnesses here, and listeners heard you commit to love form.

Do I sign something?

Will you share the love form on the show next week?

Week maybe?

Can we bring them back as guests? And we'll do the love form. Repeat.

Do.

Do a love form. We'll have you guys back in like three or four months.

The only thing is, if you use it, you got to call it the love thing.

The love thing or the love thing. Not the love form. The love thing. Do you guys have a website for this? The love thing.

You do? We got lovething. AI.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, it's already working right now.

Together now. Yeah.

Love thing. AI.

Yeah.

Okay, so it's becoming a thing.

Yeah.

We want to share with other people.

Originally, we want to share just with blended families because we were like, this is really rough over here.

Yeah.

But now we're like, anybody can use this. Like, we brought people over for dinners.

Yeah.

And we're like, use it. Try it. And they would share it to each other and tears of gratitude. Like, literally crying at the table.

Wow.

You never said such nice things to me before. I never felt it before. You know, it's a pause. Like, you take a pause and, like, acknowledge the other person.

What's the thing that you two are most excited about right now? Blair, I'll start with you with each other as a couple. Like, what. What is the thing that's knocking on your door as a couple where you're like, we're excited about this new chapter, new season that we're creating into.

Together.

Yeah.

I think I'm excited that I finally quit my job, and I'm helping him because he needs help. And I'm becoming this woman for him who is, like, being his assistant, his wife, I'm there for him. That's what's exciting. Because before I was, like, competitive, like, oh, he's doing this. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna get better than him. And I was like. But now I kind of, like, let go.

Yeah.

Because I feel like he has a lot of potential and ability to be there, and he's very talented, and I just have to be there to support him, and it's actually exciting for me.

What are you doing inside the business for him?

Well, the first thing I'm doing with him because he's extremely. I'm sorry, baby.

Yeah, go ahead.

Disorganized. Like, he's literally sitting on a meeting, and he's doing screenshots and something else, and it goes this. The whole desktop filled with pictures with open windows. And I'm like, okay, he needs help. So. So I'm trying to organize every project for him to put everything together so he can run his project smoothly. Yeah.

Was it hard to. Because you were in nursing, was it hard to kind of let go that chapter? I mean, it's probably been. How long have you been a nurse for?

Yeah, it's been a long time. And I'm still kind of, like, thinking, oh, this is what I want. I'm like, yeah, this is what I want, because it makes me happy. Makes me happy. And it's not only I'm helping him. I'm also grow with him. I'm also learning from him because he knows a lot about business and. Yeah, I don't know things about this. I know about nursing, how to help patients and save lives, but I don't know. I want to learn. And sometimes I'm, like, fighting with him on things, but then I tell myself, okay, you shut up. You don't know this. You need to listen. I tell myself, you know, because I'm also learning.

You're used to, like, doing your own thing inside of your own business and everything. So now you're, like, coming over and you're like, okay, I want to help him, but I also have to, like, listen to.

No, I'm trying to put my things in his business and trying. No, no, no. This is not the right.

It doesn't work.

He knows better. So I tell myself, he knows better. Just listen to him.

It could be a lot. What's it like for you having her come over into the business now, it's.

Huge because she's, like, really, like, part of it now and, like, backing me up and pushing me and go do this. And she's gonna help organize. I mean, she is helping to organize me. It feels really good to have that partnership. Cause before that, I was like the lone soldier, like, going out, going out, getting the money and then coming home. And it's like. And she was doing her thing, but she's talking to herself. She's not. She wants to do, like a beauty line and a product line down the road. And she's getting her doing her degree right now also.

Oh, yeah, I'm in school. Yeah.

What are you going to school for?

For my master degrees in nursing.

Oh, okay. And do like a skincare launch or beauty.

More like aesthetic beauty. But the thing is, I don't know, I want to do a lot of things. I know I have to prioritize. I like fashion, I like beauty, I like skin care, things like that. So I just have to choose what I really want. But right now I'm just learning, observing, graduating my school, getting my degrees, so taking my time with this.

Love it.

Taking care of kids, being a woman.

Yeah, it's a lot.

I was gonna say that piece of, like, letting that identity, the nursing side of you. Do you feel more like in your feminine and more like you're, you know, you're coming home. Not. It'd be hard to work in hospital and carry that weight and feel kind of heavy and then come home and be the wife. Do you feel like. Not really like, letting that go, but that identity shift, coming home and you're like, you don't have all the heaviness. Has that been nice?

Yeah, I think we should ask him because.

Does she seem lighter?

Like, way lighter? Totally.

Because when I was working in the hospital, also in school, also like taking care of kids, also like cooking, cleaning, keeping house organized. I'm like, at the end of the day, I just.

You don't have anything else to give.

I just want to hide and left and be along. I didn't want to deal with anything else. And he's coming to me with his business ideas. I'm like, oh, my God, not a game. I was so, like, drunk, rain and tired. And then we shifted me to part time. That helped because I didn't really. I wasn't really there to be quitting completely. And then he started getting busy and busy, busy with work. And he's like, listen how much you're earning there. And they actually don't really Pay. Pay good for nurses in Florida. Unfortunately, I'm like, okay, let's talk, like, how we're gonna deal with money. How am I gonna get financial support? Because I'm gonna stop working and I have my bills, I have my daughter. I have other things to do. And we sat down, we discussed, and we decided that I'm going to quit. Quit completely. I'm going to do my school, and I'm going to be supporting him. Yeah. And I just had to let go because sometimes I feel like I'm losing sense of control of my life because I'm always. I need to be independent woman. I need to be independent woman. I'm like, no, okay. I have this beautiful man who is loving me and giving his life to me. I just have to trust him and be with him. That's it. Just let it go.

It's hard when you are, like, an independent woman to, like, you said, like, let it go and just trust. Like, okay, like, I'm going to take a deep breath and it's scary, but at some level, it's. You feel like for me, like, when I kind of let go because I was in a space where I. We had, like, separate secret accounts and I was doing my own thing, and then I'm like, I don't want this pressure anymore. And when I kind of, like, let that piece go, I was like, ah, it's kind of nice. And I felt like, you know, I could come home when I wasn't so stressed. And it was like, it's kind of scary because you're like, well, now what am I going to do? But it's kind of exciting because now you can go create whatever it is you want. You could probably end up even making more money than you did in the nursing field and have a kind of something creative for you that you're passionate about.

Yeah. I actually feel more freedom to create. Create something for me and do my thing and learn also. And it's actually, that's what I like, because I don't feel overwhelmed anymore. I feel the support. I feel like, okay. Because for women, I think the most important thing is security. Like, when you lose this sense of security, the whole world is collapsing. I don't know. That's how it is for me. That's why I told him, hey, we need to discuss this.

Yeah. You want to feel safe?

Like, if I have no money in my banking account, like, I don't want to go to you and ask you, oh, baby, give me some money. Like, I don't want to do this anymore?

Yeah.

Like, we have to find out how we're going to do. What type of job am I doing for you, how it's going to be with financial part.

Well, a big part of that was going to that event. Like, that's when I think I stepped up also. Like, I just was like, I'm gonna be the king in the kingdom. You know, like the man in the arena event. I went in and I just realized, all right, you know, there's boys, there's men, and there's kings. I think you said that right. And I was like, yeah, I think I'm a man. I see where I could also be a boy here. And I was like, no, I want to be a king, and I want to be a king for her. So what does that look like? Let's build a kingdom. So, like, I'm like, stop going to the hospital. Let me get her out of that. Let's work together and build something together. And then I started just committing to stuff, like getting engaged. Like, I went to that event in May. We got engaged in July.

Oh. And we got engaged.

And that creates security too, right?

Because I didn't know.

Oh, cool. So recently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't know what's happening. Like, we've been dating for five years already. I'm like, okay, where are we going here? Living here, taking care of kids and all that and what's next? And he kind of like, don't worry. Yeah, I'm gonna marry you. I'm like, okay. But we never, like. You never talk about it. Like, what's gonna happen? Like, I need to know.

So this explosion that you experienced, that was what we had. You shared Elevator night, which I'm gonna have you share on stage at the event, too.

Yeah.

When did you know he was going to man in Arena?

Oh, did you go to Monosol Lake?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

Yeah. I was extremely happy about it.

Yeah.

Because before that, I. I felt like the whole situation, the whole fight about having blended family, raising kids together, being the man of the house, being having women in the house, I felt like, oh, my God. He needs, like, help. Not from me, but also from outside, from some kind of school or courses or parenting courses. I don't know, Something, something. And this. This event came out. I'm like, oh, my God. I like it. I like the name of it. The man of Arena. Okay, let's see.

Let's see.

We just need to get all the girls promoting.

We actually started what. We started seeing that. I mean, it was, like, encouraging, too. Because you had shared that, you'd have been traveling to lots of events.

Yeah.

This was the first event that you were like, go. And he's coming again here to the one here in Miami.

Dude, I go to 50 events a year, and most of the time, like, I just went to an event last night. I just flew in this morning. And she's like, do you really have to go? Can't you send your sales team? Like, why do you have to go? And, like, can't you be home? Can't you be present? And this event, she's like, get out. Go. Go and get your boys and tell them they need to go too. Cause they're just boys, right? But, yeah, I go to this event, and I don't know, dude, what called me to just go. Like, I saw you at epic talks with Melissa, and you got on stage, and I'll just say it. Like, at the time, I didn't like you. Like, there was something that said, like, you're just, like, contrasting, right? And I'm like. And I didn't know what it was. But then we spoke. I was like, dude, you're, like, human and, like, regular. But, like, somehow online, it felt rough, right? Cause you come across a little, like, rough, right?

Yeah.

For some people with all tattoos and.

Everything'S like, oh, what's going on?

Right.

Yeah.

But then you were so cool and chill, and I was like, all right. I kind of like you. And actually Instagram message you. I'm like, there's something that says, I want to just hang out with you. Like, I literally. You can look back at the messages, like, And. And so I'm like, fuck it. I'm going. I don't know what it was. I'm like, I'm going. I literally went for one day because I had other shit going on. I flew in, went and flew out. And 2,000 people in an arena, all dressed. 2,000 men all dressed in black. That was like. I felt it, like, going in. It was almost like I walked into the Roman Colosseum. Like, gladiators were going in.

Right? You were scared.

I wasn't scared. I was excited. But, like, I knew I could also sense that some of the men were like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, but I'm here. I don't know what this is about. I'm like, do you know what this is about? He's like, I don't know what this is about. From here, somehow, something said, be here. I'm like, we're all here. We didn't know what was gonna happen. And then all of these men start sharing stories that were really vulnerable. And then we started connecting as men and, like, putting our hands on each other's shoulders and, like, looking eye to eye, which is like, I've done this at meditation and stuff like that, but not man to man. It's like man to man combat, but man to man vulnerability.

Yeah.

And I heard some shit. Like, people shared some shit. Like, some deep shit. And I did, too. And what really kicked off for me, that was a big one, is Juan got up on stage and did some sort of meditation. And he was like, all right, imagine your father, and imagine God and forgiving your dad. And I just start bawling. I don't know what kicked in, but something just started crying for, like, 10, 15 minutes. And I just couldn't stop. I was like, I don't know what's going on right now, but I felt like some sort of godly feeling. And I started talking to a couple people, like Adam Lam and some other people. And I started sharing how I always in my life felt this need for, like, attention. Like, if she caressed me, I feel really good. Like, right? Like, when you caress me, I feel amazing. And then if you don't caress me, I'm like, where's the caress? You know? Or like, if she's like, I'm not gonna have sex with you tonight. It's like. Like, now I'm frustrated, right? And I was always searching for that. And then I realized at the event that I'm loved the whole time. Like, somebody turned to me. He's like, dude, but God loves you the whole time. And I haven't been gone. I haven't gone to church since I was a kid. I did baptism, communion, all this stuff. But I kind of disappeared for a while. My parents weren't practicing. And this gentleman turns to me and he's like, dude, you've been loved the whole time. And I was like, shit, you're right. And that's when I started believing in God and, like, exploring. I wasn't even believing. I was kind of, like, still contemplating. And then that was a big moment for me right there, where I was like, okay, I'm not gonna use the teachings of my parents. Like, they did what they did. They believed what they believed. But I can choose to believe what I wanna believe. And then I started talking to her, and she's like, yeah, baby. Like, I haven't been praying at the table because I don't think you would believe in that. So I'm not gonna bring that to the table. I'm gonna go hide in my car. It's like, you hide in your car and pray. And I was like, shit, that's not good. Like, I don't wanna hold you back from your beliefs. So then I started exploring more, and, like, three weeks ago, we went to church with the whole family. And then we've been back every Sunday. This Sunday. I didn't go, but I listened. Right. And I have the business Bible that you recommended, and I have the Holy Bible from Vood church. So that was, like, a big shift for me is just believing in God. Holy crap. Like, go to an event. And now. And since then, my life has drastically changed.

Like, you let God back into your life?

Yeah, like, I'm, like, whole and complete in a way that I never felt before. And the gratitude and the abundance is just, like, coming in at a very high level. It was a big one. I mean, it's still a big one. Like, I'm still processing it, really. But the other one that was really big is that I wasn't showing up as a man in the house. Like, for her. She's like. She's literally telling me all the signs. Like, baby, when are you gonna be a man? When are we gonna get this respect? When are we gonna get the order in the house? When are we gonna team up? And I realized, like, shit, I'm not. So I came home and I was like, things are gonna change around here. And we have had family meetings, and we put the phones away, and we're like, we're gonna be present. And whenever she brings something up, baby, we gotta talk. I'm like, all right, let's talk. Let's build this together. So, like, now we're. I'm excited about building with her, you know, now we're engaged, and now it's like, we want to build an empire together. We want to build a kingdom together. We want to expand. Right? So that's, like, what I'm excited about.

What did you notice in the last. Like, it's been four months or what? May, June, July, August, September. I mean, obviously got engaged. It was four or five months since the event. Did you notice? Did you notice pretty quickly or what? Did you notice change?

And Alex, I thought, I got men back in the house with boundaries, borders respecting for parents saying no to kids taking devices away. It's been improving and improving, and I'm so happy about it. And I actually wanted to point him out because he was like, he didn't want to Take the phones away. When we have a family time, I'm like, listen, they're so distracted on the phones. We have to do something. Like, nobody's talking to each other. Everybody is on the phone. Like, I don't want to spend time. I'm not going to be there. That's it. You can have your time with your family. I'm just not going to be there. And for him, it was like, such a deal to take the phones away. I'm like, why is it so difficult? Just take it away. You pay for this phone. You bought this phone. And when we started doing that, the kids, actually, they're completely different kids. They talk to each other, they having relationship with each other, they playing with each other, they laughing.

They.

They talking to me, they talking to Alex. It's. It's just beautiful. I'm like, you see, baby, it's working without phones.

And we all got the highest scores.

We ever got because everybody's just.

Because everybody's distracted with the phone, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This kind of. This kind of order and structure. I mean, this is. This is what happens, like, when men choose to do Men shit with each other. And, like, there's a standard that's just different.

Well, like you said, I like that you're like, you know, I realized I was operating in a man and as a boy at some level, and I want to operate like a king. And I think when women see that in their men, we feel safer, and we're like, show more gratitude. And we're like, there's the man I've always seen.

I think that's what gave the space for her to say, yeah, I will leave my job, because I know there was doubt there. Like, you really got my back here. And I'm like, no, I got your back, like, big time.

What the results you guys have had in a short period of time where you're like, he's showing up. And when you show up and you're consistently showing up, all of a sudden she's like, I can let my guard down. Okay, Yeah, I would like to be on your team. But she can't do that if she doesn't feel like you're showing up as the king.

Yeah, well, congratulations. And you got the ring. And you got the ring. Do we have a wedding day?

Picked summer to fall, but not a date. But, yeah, got it.

So the range is in play. The ring's in play. We've quit our job. We're working together. I would say things are moving. And we got the love thing. The Love thing, which we'll link that up too. Well, this has been a. This has been a great show. I appreciate you guys being here and excited. I mean, literally super stoked to have. You would love to have. I mean, you're here local too. So we may do a couple's panel at the Man Arena Tour. So if you're open for that.

I know we'll have a series of.

Probably six couples on stage where man arena one.

Yeah.

And just the impact that's happened on the men and on the families. It's a big reason. I mean, listen, people look at the stuff we do, even this show, they're like, what's your ROI on this? I was like, I don't even know, dude. You can't even measure the roi. Like, there's so many people impacted by this show every single week that we never meet. They'll never buy anything from us. They never. But their marriages get better, which I just live in a world where I just feel like God is like, we work in these places where. Where people are dropping bombs into our world and then impacting us. And it may be a one time thing and it may be a multiple time thing, but even being here on the show, you guys brought a weapon, a tool that can be used that Danielle's committed to one time. We'll see if she does more than once. And I'm more than committed to that. We use a form called Stacking Inside Warrior, which is similar to this. That's a very cool document you guys have created.

Cool.

But I'm happy for you too.

Thank you.

When Alex came, when Alex and I were talking at the event, I was at last. So I was like, come on a show. Let's have you both on the show. And I appreciate being here because, like, it's fun when you bring people in who like rip, and they're always podcasters and they just speak and train all the time. But half our people come in too. Is like, the wife is like, she. She does other things. It's like the podcasting is her thing or like being in events, I think. And it's fun because our audience, everybody connects with all kinds of different people. Today was special. It was perfect.

Well, it feels very real, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

So great boss. Her first podcast ever.

First podcast ever.

Yeah.

And it's cool to hear.

Killed it.

It's cool to hear the impact that you had on the event. And I think it probably for both of us, it's like, okay, we gotta keep doing this. More people need to have this happen in their lives.

It's a huge. There's nothing like it. Right?

Yeah.

And, I mean, I'm reading this book called the Science of Getting Rich. Have you ever read that? And there's a chapter called Impression of Increase. So that impression of increase, it's like that event and like me sharing is having an impression of increase on all the other men out there, which is then having an impression of increase on all the women.

Yes.

And then on the children.

Yes.

So it's like, help building family so, like, we can make family stronger and, like, make relationships stronger. Yeah.

Look at. Look at the impact, too. You look at this just from the small decisions. You two choosing to get together, you choosing to leave the business or leave your position as a registered nurse and do work together. Together. You coming to Van arena, us putting the show on, there's all these little decisions we make, and we can't quantify the impact that's happening on people, but it. It doesn't stop. It just keeps going and ripples and ripples. I look at just the impact on our children and the legacy we've changed with our kids from what we were raised in. And what you two are doing right now, that will impact how all three of these girls, the men they choose to be with.

Yeah.

You're changing it right now. Like, you're rewriting the code on what they can expect and what the standard is, which hits them now, which changes who they date, which changes who they're married to, which changes your grandchildren. It changes everything.

Yeah, I already seen changes of them.

Beautiful. You want to wrap the show up?

You can wrap it up.

Oh, wow. Okay. I can. All right, I got it. All right, listen. Another episode.

You're better.

You're great. Go for it. You do it.

All right. Which camera do they got?

That one.

Are we doing this together?

I'll hold you.

You can do it. Okay, I'll close it.

All right.

Thank you so much for listening to the Date youe Write podcast. Like I said, if you are listening to the show, you're impacted. We just ask that you share it. We started this podcast not knowing where it was going to go, but I'm one of those people that I do believe if you put good intentions out there, that you're going to get it back. So if you found value with this, share it. If you want to go to man on the arena, hopefully this video comes up. It'll come out next week.

So get it out today.

We'll get it out. And then where can they follow you? Guys, do you have socials or anything?

Instagram, Instagram, Instagram.

Alex Montelenti.

Okay. And what was yours?

Valerim.

Because. You got it. You're gonna launch your product line soon.

So we'll put all the tags for their social as well as their thelovething.

I know. I was like, wow.

And we're gonna post Daniel's first love thing document public.

Okay? No pressure, no pressure.

So make it awesome.

Okay.

All right.

All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you on another episode of the Date youe Write podcast.