From Heartbreak to Healing: How a Sexy Encounter at a Healing Table Led to Soul-Level Love

Hello and welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. Garrett and I were solo the last two episodes, but we've got a couple on that's pretty interesting. They've already said some super controversial things.

I'm just kidding.

We have Eli and Bryn. I'm gonna try and say with an accent like placenta. Placenta.

No.

Yeah, there you go.

Did you say placenta?

No, I was trying to do, like, an Italian accent.

You said placenta.

No.

You said placenta. I said.

No fenda. But when you say placenta like that, it sounds like a fine Italian dish, so it's like, it's totally good.

Okay, well, you two both are very attractive. You look like you match. So let's go back to the. The beginning how we start all our shows here, which is who saw who first and who pursued who first. We'll start with a male person.

I got this.

Eli's really excited.

Okay. How do I start this? So we'd both been in Austin for a couple years, and Austin is kind of this community where there's a lot of people that are, like, going there after. There's a big, like, life shake up. Like, they just, like, left a marriage or they're doing something like that. So we were seeing this. It's called Network Spinal.

Pause. Why? Why is it. Why do people go to Austin when they're having a shakeup?

That's a great question.

Is this really. Is this really what happens to us?

A lot of people, it's like a vortex of change. It feels like college energy. But with adults. Yes.

Yeah.

Where if you go to a coffee shop on a Monday, everyone's like, who the hell works here? There's nobody at a desk. Everybody's outside, shirtless, walking around. I mean, it's similar to Miami, but you'll never see people just, like, sitting down at home working, because everyone's always out and about. So there's a lot of young, fresh, starting over energy. So we had both come to start over.

Yeah. And so inadvertently, we both found this. Basically, she's like an energy worker, but it's called Network Spinal. It's almost like chiropractic meets energy work.

Yeah.

Dr. Jeanne, she's like the goat. And so we'd both been seeing her for probably, like, nine months. And the way this place works is when you walk in, there's like, six different massage tables, and she's kind of working on each person at the same time.

Okay.

And it's not chiropractic, where it's like you're cracking and popping. It's very much like they're moving energy. And you're gonna have, like, very emotional experiences sometimes, like something you might have in, like, a psychedelic experience or something like that. So I walk in, everyone's face down. And I walk in, I look over and I see just like. Actually was these cheetah print leggings and this just, like, really nice ass. And I'm like, I know this is.

Like, who saw Boo? You met her ass first.

So.

So says every guy I walked in.

I was like, I know it's like a spiritual place and all, like, holy. But, like, that is nice. I gotta earmark that one.

Just got that much more spiritual.

Like, they don't feel the energy pick up in here.

The app is holy. So.

So. So I go, we're like, doing session. I see her get up and I see, like, half of her face. And I'm like, I like this chick. So I asked the facilitator. I'm like, hey, just like, asking for a friend. Who. Who's that girl? Because I'm like, ready. I'm like, basically ready to get on the prowl here. And she's like, I can't tell you right now because she kind of knows everyone's, like, relationship status. But then probably three weeks later or so, we came in again, and I didn't know.

So you didn't talk to her?

No, because, like, it's quiet. Yeah, exactly.

I was in a situation. So I. I was loosely dating this guy, and I knew that it was time to break up with him, but I was kind of holding on for dear life. It was one of those, like, toxic, super intense. I knew it wasn't the right thing, but it just happened. And I was still in that. And she knew that. So I think she was saying, hold off. She's close, but she's not quite ready.

Yeah.

Did you notice him yet? Did you see him or.

I had seen him previously. Yeah. I sensed an Italian Stallion.

Stallion. Stallion. Checking out your ass on the cheetah print.

Well, I actually. I remember him once on the table, because you hear everything, right? Because everybody's out in the open. And he was like, yeah, I just got back from a bender where I was in Japan and Australia, and he, like, named, like, six places, and I'm like, this guy gets around. But I never spoke to him after that moment, so.

But you saw him or you just heard him?

No, I saw him too, and there was definitely an attraction for. For sure.

Did you notice his ass?

He thinks I thick one too.

I Think this is, like, the. The ass connection I did.

This is definitely how it started. So we're both Italian Jews, which we find out later. But so I come back in, like, three weeks later, I see her again. I'm like, that's the girl. So I hop on the table next to her, and this time she was, like, going through this, like, really intense thing where she's, like, laughing and crying and laughing, crying.

I just broken up with the guy.

Okay.

So I was having one of those moments that women, you know, experience experience, where you're like, I'm so sad, but also so relieved. And I was riding this roller coaster of emotion from the deepest, darkest sadness of, like, what the am I doing with my life? And, like, I can't believe I just went through another breakup into this hysterical fit of laughter. And I was like, this is ridiculous. Like, I'm 33. What the hell is happening in my life? And that's when.

Yeah. So basically, I, like. I'm laying on the table, and I'm, like, next to her, and I hear this just, like, emotional rollercoaster. I'm like, this is wild. Like, what? Like, I'm trying to get an intro here. It's a weird way to enter in.

Yes.

But the facilitator, she's like, oh, it's okay. Like, you know, you're having this experience. Eli does that too. And she, like, looks over, and I'm.

Like, so you guys were slowly trying to, like, connect?

Yeah, she felt it. So she was like, okay, there's an intro. So what happens is, like, during these sessions, you know, like, some person, one of you will, like, finish earlier. Which pun intended is. That's for later. I know it's usually.

This is the most sexual chiropractic time. I love it.

So she gets up, my buddy's there, and she's like, oh, you guys should all connect. Because, like, these guys throw parties. So my roommate actually, like, grabbed her number, and I get off the table later, I'm like, dude, give me that number. Like, that one's mine. Because I'd get, like. We had met girls together before. I'm like, dude, this one's free. Like, take this one. But then I was like, she's mine. And so he didn't give me her number. So I slid into the DMs. And that basically sparked the. The initial kind of, like, start to our connection.

Okay, so when you. When he. When he's engaged, you're having your emotional moment.

Yeah.

And he's starting to move in. In the Middle of the emotional moment, Are you sparked by him at that point? Can you feel that inside of all the other emotions going on?

1,000%. I joke that our souls met before our bodies did. Because it was just so kismet the way that it all went down. I'm like, literally in the middle of a breakup. The person who I love and trust the most, One of them, Dr. Jeannie, who's seen me at my absolute worst, is making this connection. And I swear she's sees shit that none of us can see. And so she throws this softball, and there was just sort of a sense of familiarity, like, oh, this person feels safe and warm and inviting. And I'm intrigued. I'll put it that way. Like, I was definitely excited enough to know more. But what he hasn't shared yet is we go into this, like, really fun, playful, sexy banter for the next couple of weeks, and we're teasing each other and poking at each other and sending pics, and it's fun and hot. And he finally invites me out on a date. I'm like, okay, great. And the night before our date, he essentially dumps me. Like, how does this happen? I see the voice note come in, and I'm like, okay. He's either telling me some story or he's ending this before it begins. And sure enough, it was like a minute a half of him saying, when I met you, I was actually in the middle of a celibate period where I told myself, I need to clean shit up, I need to pull. I have all these leaky connections I need to go within. And I had actually just ended a period like that where I did a 90 day. Like, no male energy. I was having a lot of fun and I needed to rein it back in. And when he said that, I was like, you know, it sucks, actually. I'm really bummed because I feel like this would have been really great. And I respect it because I just did it. So go do your thing when you're done cleaning up. If I'm around, great. And if not, that's okay too. And just sort of took it in stride. And then a couple weeks go by and I'm sitting in my car. I just gone grocery shopping, and the car is my. I still do this to this day. He's like, you're so strange. I sit in my car in total silence, and I don't know why. It's like my one quiet place. Like, catch me meditating in my car in a hot garage. I will be there all day. But I just like, was having a moment to myself, and I get a text from Eli. He's like, are you free? I go, I can be. He goes, great, I'll pick you up in 30. I was like, oh, shit. Okay. And no explanation. He's like, I just. I have something I want to tell you. I was like, all right. So I give him a second chance, and he picks me up, we grab smoothies, we go on a hike. And he basically tells me in that moment, he's like, I had some things I needed to clean up, and I'm ready to pursue you.

And I was like, how much time in between was there?

It's a couple weeks.

A few weeks?

Two to three weeks. He made moves fast. He didn't want my ass being on the market for that.

Exactly. He's like, this listing is being taken off the MLS quickly. We've left it available to other investors.

Right, right. Exactly.

Theodore Roosevelt once said, the credit belongs to the man. Who is actually in the arena.

Whose.

Face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.

Who knows the great enthusiasms.

The great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause.

The man in the arena. Seven thousand men, one city, one day, one mission. May 17, 2025, at the Maverick center arena in Salt Lake City, Utah. You are the man in the Aren. You wake up every day to the weight of the trifecta. Your wife, your kids, and your business. You fight battles most men don't understand. The war for your body, staying strong, energized and unbreakable while stress and time works against you. The war for your being, finding the certainty in God, your purpose, and the reason for you to keep pushing forward. The war for balance. Navigating marriage and sex and intimacy and fatherhood while trying not to lose yourself in the process. The war for business. Making money, keeping money, growing money, and leading your empire while everything else tries to pull you under. This isn't a game. This is war. Okay, so every relationship has, like, a very different start, right? Some. We got married when we were super young. She was 18 when I met her. We got married when she was 20, and I was 20. I was seven years older. So I'd been married before, had my son from a previous relationship, even young, like at 22. And then you have, like, this evolving game that's happening in relationships now, which is becoming the predominant reality. Right. Which is why we love bringing on so many different people who have had different walks to finding each other. Because a lot of the standard is not get married at 20 and 22, 25, this is not happening. Like, it's almost not happening at all anywhere. So you're having this dynamic of these lives that were lived prior to finding each other. And some of those come from past marriages that are now ended. Relationships that you've gone through that ended. So I'm gonna start here. Talk to me about, like, what did you learn from the relationship you had before because you were married before? Yeah. What, What, What. What has shifted in how you see the world and yourself from what that relationship is now that actually prepared you to be with Eli? Because even at the gym, I train out in the morning, there's three couples that are together in those three couples and partnerships went together, like, all three of them. One of them went through a longer eight to 10 year marriage and divorce, and now they're getting together. Two of them are engaged. So I'm fascinated by this because this is becoming more and more like the reality of relationships. So talk about what you learned from that relationship that brought you, made you different, or improve who you are as a person, how you see yourself now.

I love that you asked that, because he'll say to me all the time. It's really sweet. He said, he'll say, you know, I'm so glad that you left your marriage and did the work to get ready for me. And it felt like that, you know, I got into my last relationship at 20. So I was with him from 20 to 30. So an entire decade of the most formative years of my life up until that point. And when I met this person, I was not in a place where I had any sort of sense of self. And so when I met him, he was an entrepreneur. He was creating things. I'd never really been in that world before of entrepreneurship. And it was intoxicating. And I was so excited to just be in his energy and to build with him and in that process. And I always take responsibility for this, you know, because it was just as much my decision to stay as it was his decision to live his life in that way. But I just lost myself completely. Anything he wanted, I was game for. So he was a triathlete. I became a triathlete. He opened a gym. I was now a gym owner. He wanted to travel the world in an rv. So we sold our home and we traveled. And it wasn't until it was actually with Burning man, where, you know, it's a little stereotypical, but I had this just massive moment where I was like, what the fuck am I doing with my life where I don't even know who I am. And I've just completely, completely lost myself to this man. And not in the way that I can soften now with him, where I know what it feels like to be led in a way where I also have sovereignty and a sense of myself. But prior to that, I had no sense of self. And so when I left that relationship, I literally said to him, I have to know who I am without you. I need to know the weight of responsibility. I need to know what it's like to just be in touch with my own desires sexually, not sexually. I need to have a path of a career that's actually mine, and not just one that was handed to me because you need another person in the business. And it sent me down this spiral of really needing to know who I was in moments of crisis, in moments of celebration, to know that I had my own back financially. Because we had this really sort of twisted, almost like father daughter dynamic in my marriage where he needed to. To feel like he was taking care of me. That was like his M.O. and mine was. I needed to be taken care of. And we just fed off of each other. And he was in this more martyr role, and I was in this, like, I need to be saved and. Or he was in a savior role, and I needed to be saved. And it created a really toxic relationship where our sex life was terrible, where we didn't fight at all. And now I see conflict as, like, one of the healthiest parts of a relationship. And so, honestly, the best thing I ever did was leaving my marriage, because I just had no clue who I would become in those next three to five years. And so by the time I met him, I had built a career for myself. I had gone down an entire rabbit hole of sexual exploration because in my marriage, I'd only really been with him my whole life. I needed to know my hobbies, like, what my heart really wanted. And all of those buckets were empty. Like, when I left my marriage, I was so down bad. I was living in an rv. I had no money. I had less than no money. I basically took on a whole pile of debt that I didn't even know existed. And what's crazy is we ended up moving into a place just a mile down the road from where my van used to be parked. And talk about meeting life again in the exact same moment of, holy shit, so much can change when you really just go after it. And, yeah, I just. I wanted to taste life and, like, grab it by the balls and go, what do you have in store for me? So Then when I met him, it was like, I know what I like, I know what I want. I know what I bring to the table. And if you don't like that, that's okay. Cause I know somebody else will. And that was just an immediate fuck yes for you.

I love that you're like, even sharing that. Because I think a lot of times women lose their identity in their relationships and then they wonder, they're like, why am I drinking at 10am? Why don't like you and Garrett? It's one of the things that Garrett says. I'm like, do you like that I work? And he's like, I don't care if you necessarily work, but you have to have a pursuit and a passion beyond just me and the kids. You have to have your self of identity. You have to do something that gets you excited in the morning or whatever it is. And so I think it's. I love that you just shared that piece of the story and that not only that, that you are powerful enough to recognize it and be like, what the hell am I doing? Because so many women sedate and they're just like, I'm taken care of. It's fine. I don't like it. You know, I like being the support role. And I am not against the support role, but I genuinely believe that women need something again outside their husbands and outside of children. They have to be able to find themselves. And essentially, when you know who you are, now he sees you. If you didn't know who you were, you would have been another girl in cheetah pants.

And I don't know, that ass was pretty nice.

I don't know.

You would have noticed the ass.

I would have just had to figure out for sure.

Right.

And I think that men want substance, so you can notice the hot ass. But you wouldn't be with her if there wasn't a soul behind the hot ass.

100%.

Totally.

So different path. Talk about the path led. Like, what was the learning you had in discovery? And then I'm interested to talk about that after we do this, we'll come back to another thing on this. But from your side, talk about what was the evolution for you? Cause one of the disadvantages that we had was this situation you were in. I mean, I met her when she was 20 or 18 years old. Like, she's been with me. Like I'm it. And so we've had the dynamic of staying together. We've become more and more over the years like a unicorn because we've had to die all the things you're talking about, we've had to. She's had to experience them. I've had to experience them while still being married, which is why we almost got divorced six times because of this challenge of trying to find yourself. Even with our kids now I'm like, they're like young. One of my son got engaged and we're just like, can we not do this yet? Can we just wait for a bit?

Can we hold off?

Can we just explain clearance ourselves for a while?

Yeah, like, I'm like, you guys are too young. You don't even know who you are. Yeah, but then I'm like, I can't say because I was in the same situation.

We were just talking about how like we were just thinking about like this weekend we got, you know, had our engagement party and we're like, wow, there's so many weird ways that we have this like innate desire to repeat our parents story.

Yeah.

And it's like this thing that just like pulls you in and it's sometimes really hard to just go a different direction. But if you do, then it's like you can just shift the whole, you know, the trajectory of really like lineage. Essentially. I just make a different choice. But yeah, I totally feel that.

Oh, go ahead.

I was gonna say it's crazy. The last few couples we've had on the podcast, I feel like there's this new dynamic of couples and relationships where we're like, hey, we can have traditional values that our parents had, but we've got to make it modern for like who we are now. Because women, they don't need us to date and just show up and hand their husbands, you know, plate their food and do this and that. Like other essentially like women are dying by doing that. So it's like this new modern game of like, well, I'm not feminist. I want to be myself. I want to support my man. And so it's like relationships like what we're trying to demonstrate, what you guys are trying to demonstrate. I genuinely believe it's like the modern day marriage.

And I would have never been able to surrender to him in the way that I do now had I not known that at the end of the day, I knew how to do it for myself first because in my past relationship it was codependency just over and over. And now it's surrender by choice. It's like I can let go because I want to, not because I have to. And that feels very different.

She still fights it sometimes.

Of course, that's where this main Kink comes in. Exactly. It's just we have. The odds are tilted in our favor now with it, with the groundedness and who you are. So come back to your walk up to get to this point. Because for you, to be. For you with the work that you've done, to be able to see him as an option now you're not blinded. Now you've seen. You experienced 10 years of this. Then you went through and experienced your awakening process. You found yourself. Now you're seeing him not for what he was, but for what he is. Talk about the evolution of yourself to be prepared so that she could actually see you and not just say, oh, another dude checking me out in the cheetah pan.

So, I mean, my. I guess story around this probably starts when I was in college. So went to college, had a great. Actually had a really good, healthy high school relationship, which is, like, kind of an anomaly. But what happened is I went to school, she was still in high school. We broke up. And, like, day two of me leaving, she basically banged the high school quarterback who was like, my friend. And I was like, wait, I was supposed to be the man who leaves? Like, it's okay for me to get pussy? Yeah, like, you're supposed to be like, the high school, like, you know, so immediately it was just, like, heart closed off. Like, this sucks. I'm just gonna be a pussy machine for now. Like, I was on a college baseball team. I feel like I need to prove myself. So I started to, like, basically train myself on how to get really good at getting laid. Yeah. And it was fun and it was exhilarating for a while. But then after several years of doing that, it became pretty fucking empty. But I didn't know that there was another option. Like, this idea of, like, intimacy and actually having, like, real loving connection. It just didn't even. I don't know, it didn't really seem like I never even thought about it. I was just like, oh, maybe the next chick will, like, make me feel better.

Yeah. Yeah.

And then after a while, I'm like, wow, this is really concerning. Because the more women I date, more I go out with, or even, like, the more sex I have, actually, the emptier I'm feeling. So that was part of what led me to the process where I'm like, I need to clear some shit up. Because at every point I'd say the biggest thing I learned in that was I was always playing it safe, too. I was always hedging. So I'd be like, I would never go for the Girl I actually really wanted, I would go for the one that was safe enough, she was hot enough. I knew she probably wouldn't reject me. I could probably, you know, have sex with her and, like, or connect with her, maybe even date for a while and have a good connection, but not one where I could actually put myself out there and be like, oh, she might just, like. It might be the girl I actually want. She might just fucking hard, like, reject me.

Yeah.

So those were a couple of things that really became powerful for me. And then towards right before when we met, I basically realized I was like, dude, if I want to meet my girl, it's a 10 out of 10. Which was a byproduct of having a conversation with one of my close friends. He was like, what do you want? And I was like, well, I kind of just want a girl I can, like, travel with and have a great connection with. And we can go deep, we can talk about life, and we can have just like, this really beautiful relationship and connection. But I don't want, like, a girlfriend. He's like, dude, you want a girlfriend? I was like, oh, shit, I think I do want a girlfriend. So I had started to realize that, and I'm like, I need to clean some shit up. Because I'd always had, like, a couple women that I was, like, kind of talking to just to get enough validation of, like, I'm the man.

Yeah.

And so to close those loops off and have no women validating me was like, I'd never been in that spot ever. So I was like, I need to fucking know who I am if I'm not getting validation for women. And so that was about a month before we met, and I had just taken, like, a 30 day. I'm not dating. I'm not talking to women. I'm just, like, doing me. And then I meet her, like, a week into that. So that was why I had to close some loops before we, like, got to really begin the relationship.

So come back to this, because, again, this. The unique thing about us moving to Miami has been I'm around so many men who are in their late 20s to mid to late 30s who have all arrived at this place, all of them, like, 100% of them, and they lean heavy into Wake up Warrior and into myself now almost as, like, father figures, because we've done something they know, they don't understand how. And the other thing that's interesting in Miami is half of them have crazy stories about almost being killed by Colombian women. Crazy shit. I'm like, what the Fuck is going on with you guys? These Colombian women of Miami almost stabbing you neck, throw your out the building, burn your car. I'm like, yeah, so, but come back to this point because this is a. This right here. I don't. I don't think if a guy doesn't hit this spot, like, he's just going to be perpetually going into darker, darker. So what did it feel like to get to that point where you have this thing? And this happens for people in money too, right? I was just on a couple pockets last week talking about this with a bunch of very powerful dudes, make a lot of money, and how they are so dissatisfied once they can buy anything. And it's the same conversation with sex. Was this a gradual process where you felt this over time? Was it a moment or a night where you were just like, what the fuck am I? What is the problem? How did you get to the decision point of this? Doesn't work. I feel hollow. I need to be reborn.

Yeah, it was a combination. It was a slow start to that because I did have a relationship in between, like, the college period and that after that ended, I was like, okay, I'm just going to be a free man. Like, I'm building my business, I'm traveling, I'm going to meet women. Like, it's going to be really cool. So I kind of had two versions of this same loop. The second time through, after I had kind of checked a lot of the boxes I thought I wanted to have, I was like, okay, officially, this is not it. Because the first time I did it, I was like, oh, maybe I just didn't meet the, like, the quality of the woman that I want.

Right?

And so I need to, like, go try out 2.0 version of me and see what happens. And so I did that. And I was like, okay, this is scary, like, because, like, I felt. I felt so hollow and empty. And I remember for the first time just thinking, like, I don't know what else there is because I didn't realize, like, oh, maybe you just have some, like, internal emotional blocks where you can't actually receive love and you don't know what that's like. And so it took probably months of just like slow drip feeding of a little bit of emotional pain for me to kind of have like a catalyst moment, which was conversation with a friend. And then Jeannie, the person we have worked with, kind of cracked me open a little bit in some of the. More like, you could say somatic ways, like actually feeling the feelings. And that was Kind of when the breakthrough started to shift where I was like, oh, there's actually something underneath this, which is what I really want, which is just a really awesome relationship and, like, being able to build a family. So I just hadn't been able to admit that to myself, because that was kind of lame, to be honest.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah. I was like, that's not cool. Like, exactly.

So what do you want to do? I want to settle down, find the one, and build a family. Lame. You're out of the team.

Well, it's kind of. It's kind of coming back as a cool thing again, like, you know, like Carnivore, Aurelius on Instagram. Like, that's the whole meme is like, you know, take her to the farm or whatever, like, that whole thing. But, yeah, that vibe.

So, okay, so background work. I mean, talk about this from the female perspective inside of marriage, because we have. Because no matter what it is, like, whether it's a divorce, whether you were single for a long period of time, because we have tons of friends who. Girls that are just getting married now that are in their early 40s and have been single for their whole lives, and so they've kind of gone through the whole thing, and then they're getting married and having babies. Talk about it from the married perspective of this idea of having to recreate yourself as a woman inside of relationship with me the whole time. That was a deep breath. Did you see that?

Where is he going with this?

Oh, God, here we go.

It's not about, like, recreating. It's like, me growing individually, because otherwise, like, we've had conversations where I'm like, if we're not at least simultaneously growing, this relationship will end. It's not cause I'm like, I'm threatening divorce. It's because you'll surpass me. There's too big of a gap. I'll surpass you, and there's too big of a gap. And that doesn't necessarily mean, like, financially. It could be emotionally, spiritually, like, so many different levels. So for me, like, with Garrett, I felt like we do this pretty good job of, like, push and pull, where, like, there could be a spot in our relationship where we're, like, not feeling connected. And it's like he pushes me or I push him and that kind of thing. And I honestly think that's kind of how, at least in our relationship, although at times it has felt kind of competitive. It's because I think we look at each other and we see the greater good, the person can become. And so I always think with both male and female, like, because you see that person and you have these standards, it's kind of like this delicate balance of, like, showing them who they're meant to be or who you see them as kind of thing. I forgot the question you asked.

This is a great. No, you answered the question perfectly. You did great.

It reminds me, actually, of something one of our good friends Ani said to us, that we now borrow inside of our own relationship, which is whoever holds the highest standard is the person that we look to in that category. So, for example, if I hold the higher standard for luxury, then when we're booking a place, it's my roles and responsibility to take ownership of. Okay, I'm gonna bring you up with me to the level that I want us to rise to. And if you hold the standard for, I don't know, consideration, then I'm gonna look to you for that. How do we show up as really considerate inside of our relationship? And it's kept these. Cause I loved how you talked about, like, this, the gap and the gain, you know, constantly within the relationship. And this way of just constantly raising standards, it's allowed it to feel like, oh, you're just calling me into my greatness over and over. And our relationship coach, Annie Lala, who is like the most incredible woman on the planet, she talks about in love, your seeing the Michelangelo before, it's been chiseled at. So you're seeing the block of marble, and as the partner, you've got the hammer and chisel, and you're just helping to chip away at everything that's not their greatness. And it helps to make this feel like, oh, it's not actually you I'm upset with. It's your pattern. It's an old story. It's bullshit that you inherited. It's not you. And that's helped us to not attack each other as much. It still happens, but it's just like, oh, I'm helping you achieve greatness. And we do that together.

I like that you just said, whoever has the highest standard. Because I think if couples like listening, that if you. Because a lot of times I'll get triggered if he's calling me out because my standards lower on something, or vice versa, but go, screw you.

Yeah, yeah.

But I like. If you say, well, you know, obviously, if I have a higher standard for luxury, if I have a higher standard of this, you know, I'm going to show up by example and invite him to join. So it's like, Whoever has the higher standard. Like, I even think of, like forever. We've always been really into like, fitness, but for years I got into like, like bodybuilding and that kind of thing. And I never, like, was like, you have to do this. But by holding that standard, eventually he was like, wow, I've liked the person you've become, and I think I want to do this. And I was like, finally. It's about time.

Three years just waiting. You're like, all right, plan is, he.

Was like a surfer. And I was just like, yeah, that's cool. I'd like, give him a little bit like, you know you surfers with no muscles. Like, kind of flirty but friendly. And then finally it was like, but.

Now, like the person lean, weaponized, 12 foot surfing wave machine.

So funny. Now I ask him all the time because he's put on like 30, 40.

Pounds and I'm 41.8 pounds.

Okay.

But I'm like, aren't you glad that, like, I. I held that standard for you? I'm like, because you walk around like the man who I always knew you were.

Amen.

But it's so hard. I, like, I just wanted to point out that point in people, for people listening to this, like, if you get triggered, understand that your, your partner is just really calling out your standard.

So how, when, when she's. I mean, this is a spicy, powerful woman. She's a sovereign woman who knows her truth. And you are in a communicative communication chain with her. And you see her reach into her Louis Vuitton bag and pull out the chisel and the hammer and you're like, bro, I'm a fucking and solid blood and I am good to go. And she starts the talk about from your perspective, like, what has. What's evolved as you two have been together that led you to get engaged? Cause if the chisel and hamp this, by the way, your analogies with standards and chisel. Michael, Angela's fucking great. I want to meet your coach.

She's wonderful.

How have you as a man been able to receive and when there have been moments where it's been very difficult, if not impossible to receive when she's got the chisel. Because I have those moments where she'll start chiseling. I'm like, bitch, stop. Totally. I don't want to chisel and shit right now. And then other times I'm like, I am an immovable man.

It is. Well, start with the harder times. I mean, I can think of one. One time. So this is probably a year And a half into our relationship, and, like, business had started to grow, relationships had started to grow. There's a book we had actually read called the Big Leap. You guys ever heard of that?

Yeah.

Yeah. So, like, talks about upper limits, right? Where it's like your emotional thermostat of life gets too high and you have to, like, basically bring it back down. So in retrospect, that's what was happening, But I was essentially having panic attacks. It was like massive brain fog. I pretty much. It felt like I gave all my power away to, like, everything and anyone else but myself. And she was basically seeing that and was like, what the fuck? Like, this is not the version of you that I'm signed up with to be. I collapsed. I just basically went inside. I was like. I was like. Went into, like, a little boy. Basically was like, why does want someone to just love me for who I am? And all these. Like, it was not a fun place to be. And I kind of stayed in that for a couple months and pause real quick. Yeah.

When he got cause, bro, I was like the poster child for this shit.

And by the way, we call it the pouty phase.

99.9% of men, when they're being chiseled by the Michelangelo chisel, go to this. Until they learn how to not go to this.

Yeah, 100%.

Like, 100. Not even 99.9. 100% of dudes. I have 70,000 clients who come to my programs. Not one of these fuckers has not gone to the pouty guy. I just want you to love me for who I am.

Right.

It's very unattractive to the women, too. And so we don't know how to get them out of the fun. How do I act like a pouty bitch?

It's so repulsive. She couldn't help but touch up.

So what from your perspective, like, when he would go to the pouty bitch mode that dudes do, they just do. I mean, Matt's laughing. This is good. Because he is our producer. He's like. He knows. He knows what I'm talking about when he goes there. Share from the female perspective. If you ask the Danielle share too. You can share some more in a second. What happens in your mind when you watch your partner, who you've seen greatness in, is shrinking under the pressure and collapses into potty boy. Because I've done this a thousand times in 23 years with Danielle.

I mean, the version of me now is different. The version of us when we first got into dynamic it was interesting. It really actually solidified all the wounding we had, which was so fascinating, which was I would get really hard and bitchy and come at him. So he went right into my emotions are not safe. I'm not safe here. I can't be vulnerable with you. And I was doing the same thing. You can't hold me. I can never find a man that can hold all of me. And we were just wound fucking back and forth. And I remember one day he was having a particularly hard moment, and I just went in for the jugular. Cause that was. Again, it's the hardening. Like, I go into ice queen cactus mode. That's my mo. Yeah, I get it. Cause that's the thing that kept me safe. And especially going through divorce. It was like I had to armor up for a bit so that I could protect myself. And a lot of our deeper work has been me letting go of the armor. And we have stories for days around that. But I remember he was opening up, being vulnerable, and. And I just was like, well, love is not unconditional. And if you don't get this together, I don't have to stay. And it just sliced him right open. And I'm not even sure that was, you know, in hindsight, how I would have approached the situation, but it was. I was trying to be honest. Like, hey, listen, we're not in til death do us part. There's no way that I'm leaving. Like, we're both opting in to be here. And if something doesn't shift, like, I. I can't do this. And it allowed us to eventually get to the place of. I actually really did need to soften a bit more and see that he's a human. And just because he's a man doesn't mean that he's not gonna have emotions and have vulnerable moments and not go for the jugular when he gets that way. And he also had to learn how to. Well, I won't speak to your experience, but.

No, I mean, what you're probably gonna say is correct. Basically have a spine in those moments and be able to just, like, stand for myself and hold myself more. And what was really interesting about that is I've had a couple rounds of that in my life, and they get less and less each time. Like, I catch it faster. But the thing that I noticed. I'm curious to know what you're taking this is that I would have, like, almost like a whiplash, where I would go from, like, weak boy to, like, ultra tough macho. But then I would just be fucking hard on myself to the point where it's like I'd be my own worst enemy. And she'd be like, well, I don't even want to be around you like this. You're being so mean to yourself. And so I've found a little bit of a middle point. But I'm curious if that's something you guys have experienced a lot of too. By the look, I'm guessing yes.

I called her Barbie in a box.

Ice Queen.

Ice Queen.

I haven't heard the prickly one yet.

Yeah, there's a flower on the cactus.

It's a Texas.

Well, it's wild, right? So, like, you have. There's like. I don't know. I don't know if it's just. I don't even. I don't know if it's just a show or what because, like the common thing theme for all of. For all of the women who have been sitting in that exact chair for about two months, common theme has been, I had to learn how to take the armor down and be soft. Literally for two straight months. That's been the message. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Race, it doesn't matter. Sexual preference. It's been the same exact conversation coming out of the chair for two months.

Because you don't get what you want. You, like, realize it at some level. You're like, this might be making it worse. And as triggered as I am, like, I gotta, like, reel it in a bit.

And then your worst fears come true, which is that I'm unlovable. No one will ever be able to see me because how could they? You're just completely frozen. And it's been such a mind fuck to go, oh, the literal opposite of what I thought was gonna work doesn't happen. And so I have to literally train myself to be vulnerable. And he has this. I hope I can share this. He has this weird thing where when I cry, he gets like a heart boner. He's like super turned on by it. Wait, you too?

Yeah, I don't.

It's weird.

I actually have a hard time not smiling. I'm like, oh, my God, she has emotion. I'm sad for you, but I'm happy you show emotion. Ice Princess.

Sweet.

I'm like, you jump on me, literally.

I'm like, what is wrong with you, boy? You've got so many one line zingers that are amazing. They're like heart boners. Exactly.

Couldn't figure it out.

I'd be insane. Situation where I would actually keep fighting her.

I know you're alive.

She would cry, and I'm like, do that. I'm like, oh, my God. She has emotion.

Feel you again. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Exhausting.

But if you look at the. What the dynamic shift that happened for us that I'm watching happen, it's like. It's like it happened for you too, is that when she softens, I don't harden. I weaponize. So, like, when she comes hard in the pain at me and she gets aggressive, I went through my phase of get pouty. Then I went the other swing of the direction, which was like, yeah, you want to come at me like this? Fine. Like. And then I would go to war with her. And then all that did was activate her even more to go with her swords. And they'd be like, you know who the fuck I am. You want to go to war right now? Let's go. Let's go to fucking war. Then she's like, you. I'm out of here. I'm like, you bitch. You suck. And by the way, our kids are hearing all this. Yeah. Like, because we just, like, fight. And like, people like that, you should fight behind closed doors. I came from a family where I watched my parents fight one time my whole life. Only found out my parents probably should have gotten divorced about 27 times. They shouldn't have stayed together. But I didn't know. I didn't see it. So we had no role models for, like, conversation and collision. And I didn't realize even on our trip last week, I won't go into details, but even our trip last week, in this beautiful beach, this beautiful island, she has her moment, which was divinely appointed. And for the first time, I can now see. And I'm ground enough as a man when she loses her shit. It is her way of trying to get my attention so that I can hear something she's trying to say. So in the past, when she would start pulling the swords out, I was like. And now I just played judo on her, and she breaks shit and does her thing, and I'm just, like, sitting there. This too shall pass. I am an immovable man. I am a sovereign man of power. I do not move. Literally. This happened in goulie.

What's so funny is I wake up the next day and I process myself, and I'm like, you know what? I'm trying to get your attention on X, Y, and Z. And I have not been able to do it. So although I might have had, like, my woman explosion, Whatever you want to call it. I'm like, thank you for holding space.

Yeah.

And he was like, wow. And then it opened up this, like, both of us are calmed down by then. It's morning, and then we have this conversation. And by like, the end of the day, I'm like, oh.

I'm like, yeah.

I'm literally like, you're my hero. Like, but I couldn't, like, get as sometimes I'm like, I can't get his attention. Like, how am I gonna do it?

I think that in five hours of sex.

Yeah.

Yeah. That was like. This is what I've come to learn too, is like, if you can hold the space as a sovereign man inside of the circus that's occurring and greatness and let the swords go and just dodge all this shit. Feel heard and seen and peace comes and then attraction happens. And then, yeah, like, super deep passion sex, which is amazing. Which is like the weird cycle. So if you avoid the collision or like me, shrink to Patty boy or go to warlord.

Yeah.

Neither of those accomplished anything.

Then you just wake up and you both were like, we're too. We're. I always say, like, whenever we have a stupid fight in the past, I'm like, we're better than this. Yeah. Like, why did we let that. Why did we let that escalate like that? We're better than that.

Totally.

And so it's for us being as married as long as we have. Have when we have those moments in the past, we'd both withdraw and then it could be two weeks or whatever.

And divorce come up all the time.

But now we kind of get to this place where we, like, we might have a blow up or fight or whatever, and we wake up the next day and we're like, well, that happened. How do we. How do we fix that so it doesn't happen? How did that escalate? And we move on quicker. Which has really, liked, helped in our relationship, because couples you're gonna fight like, couples that don't fight.

I'm like, those are the ones I worry about.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

Like big time.

Yeah. That was me in my past relationship. And I love that. I love the coming back to wholeness and love faster. And then it becomes almost like a game of like, how can we alchemize this? And one thing that I will say he's exceptional at is using humor at the right time to melt the ice. And we have so many examples. But in my past relationship, we did a lot of that. Like, my dick's out Your dick's out. And now we're just in a sword fight. And.

God.

The number.

I have not had a woman.

For the record, she does not have a penis. Just so we're clear here.

That was an analogy. There are not two dicks in this.

I know it's 2025, and, like, brain is close to Brian, but she's brain.

And I promise, dude, the number that'll.

End up being the clip, too. That goes like crazy.

Exactly. He takes out his dick. I take out my dick. We have on this show now.

He will. He'll use humor to help melt me. And. Because, like I said in the past, it just. I would go harder, and then I don't know what happened or how or. I think it's just who he is. And I think that's a really beautiful thing for couples to figure out is, like, what is your unique superpower, both individually and as a unit? And we're constantly talking about, like, what is our combined superpower as a conscious couple? But for sure, one of his is humor. And there was one day. I'll definitely let you chime in on this. There was one day I was being total cunt, and I knew it. Like, I couldn't undo the cuntiness. It's just like you're on a train ride, and you're like, I can't get off. And I'm just. I know that I'm not kind right now. Queen cunty. And he went to pick me up for a date, and it was actually right after he, like, he brought us to Europe. It was, like, this incredible time, and I don't know what had gotten on my ass. So we get to our date.

Not me.

And we were going for a hike, and I just was being awful. And we get back to the car, and I think as women, we. We don't want to feel like that. Like, we want someone to come in and support us and to help us if we don't have the space to take care of ourselves. And that way. And we. I go to open the front seat. We were going to dinner after. And he goes, what are you doing? I said, excuse me? He goes, I didn't tell you you could get in the front seat. I go, what? He goes, get in the back. I said, excuse me. Get. Get in the backseat. Did I stutter? I go, oh, okay. So I get in the backseat. And then what proceeds is 20 minutes of him playing music that had to do with me being a bitch. So, like, he first puts on, like, 99 problems, and he blasts by JB and he's like, sorry, can't hear you. And then he puts on Crazy Bitch by like, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

And he's just bl. And I think he's just typing bitch into Spotify to see, like, what comes.

I almost crashed like, five times. We're going down with the ship on this one for sure.

And I think, you know, to the point that we've been talking about earlier of like, you know, the swords versus, like, the. The iciness. It's like, I think we both have had to learn what it means, like, to soften in different moments and to let him lead me in this experience because he's not going to feel safe to be vulnerable if I can't hold it. And I'm not going to feel safe to be vulnerable if he can't hold it. So we've had to learn, like, how to do the dance. And by the time we got to the restaurant, I was like, that was fucking brilliant. And I'm giggling and we're kissing again and he's like, wiping sweat off.

I'm like, texting my guys. I'm like, dude, new unlock. Turns out if you put them in the backseat and play songs, like, they actually love it. I don't know what's going on, but something's happening.

And it was just in those moments, I'm like, okay, I really do trust that you sometimes do know better than I do. And can I open to whatever crazy up idea you have that's actually just going to snap me out of it? And we've come back to versions like that so, so many times, and it's been one of our saving graces.

Well, I'll say. Also, I think from my perspective on that, like, there's risks that you have to take in the relationship as a man for something like that to be like, oh, this could flop. And sometimes it does. Sometimes I put her in the, you know, metaphorical backseat and put the song on and she's like, what the.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, you know, but, you know, but that's like the attunement of, like, learning. Like, okay, when does she need humor? When does she need something else? And trying to. To balance that? So that's part of. Part of my evolution here too.

So, girls, I'm gonna ask you both ladies a question. It's for both of you, because one of the challenges that we have as men is that there is a narrative of I want to know your emotional, vulnerable truth. Yet our experience as Men speaks to the opposite. Meaning if I'm stressed the fuck out and the business is having problems and shit's going sideways and I'm feeling scared and I'm feeling stressed out, fucking panicked as fuck to hit payroll, and I come to tell you my emotional truth, the result for tens of thousands of men is not positive. So both of you share what. When women say they want us to. Italian Stallion over here and the Viking, you want us to be open and vulnerable with you. At what level does open and vulnerable begin to affect your safety and security?

That's a good question.

It's a really good question, because this is why. Wake up, Warrior exists because you and Meek, we can sit down, talk our shit for three hours, and then talk each other through it and be like, all right, bro, you good? You good? Okay, good. Yeah, fuck her, dude. And they'll be like, all right, but are you good now? Yeah, I'm good. And then we come back. So I would like to hear from both your perspectives. Newly engaged, married.

For a while, I feel like you have to pay attention to the signs. So I think in the past, maybe I'd be like, he's being pouty, or he's being shut down, or, what are this now? I, like, try to be like, okay, maybe I just need to be inquisitive. Like, hey, what's going on? Are you okay? Like, that's at least what I feel like I'm trying to do now. I feel like you.

How much of the truth, when you say, are you doing okay? Can you actually handle.

Well, I feel like. Well, I can speak from experience where there's been times where when we back in 200, we lose everything. 2008. 2008, you know, I was in charge of paying the bills. He was like the breadwinner. But there was, like, months where I was like, hey, babe, I need money for the bills. And then it was like, racking up credit card debt. And it was like, okay, do I say anything? Because he's providing and he's doing. It got so bad to where I was like, you can't. We can't keep pretending like things are good, you know? And I didn't say anything. Like, I could see this ship going down hard. And I just was like, I just have to be here and not say anything. And I think a lot of women withhold because they're like, I don't want to. I don't want to question his masculinity. I know he's always going to take care, but secretly, inside I'm like, we're.

Yeah.

And it took us kind of crashing to me realizing, like, I don't want that to ever happen again. So even like three. Three years ago, I'm sensing his level of stress. I'm sensing him, like, shutting down again. And I'm like, I refuse to not say anything. I refuse to not confront what I'm seeing.

And so there's confronting what you're seeing, and then there's wanting to know my emotional truth, which are two different things. Confronting me. Wake up. Is different than. Babe, are you good? Like, talk to me for real. Like, how much of my emotional truth. I'm coming to you in a second. How much of my emotional truth with what I carry as a man? Because what men carry is radically different than what women carry. And men have been trained by society and life to shut the fuck up. Your women don't really give a fuck about what you're saying and what you're feeling or what you're experiencing. Like, for example, you're pregnant six times and you had a baby four times. And I'm so grateful there's not one fucking book written. What to Expect when expecting Penis Addition. How to emotionally deal with a sexual desert as a married man with a woman who's pregnant.

Yeah.

And if I say something like, dude, I've been in the sexual desert for, like, 18 months. This is rough. Guess how many fucks anybody gives? No one. Not one person gives a fuck about my emotions during that pregnancy. And if I act a certain kind of way now, I'm the asshole. On the flip side, everything is coddling the creator of life, which is great. So this is what we're going to jump over here. You're going to get to think about this a little bit more.

So the only thing I was thinking is, I was like, if I sense that you're tensed and I try to open up space for you to talk about it, if it doesn't work, I just play the sex card. I'm like, he obviously needs to get laid. And, like, maybe that'll relieve some of the tension.

Yeah, that'll work.

Some.

Sometimes I can't get him to open up, but I can sense something's wrong. But I'm not. I'm not gonna sit and poke him. Like, if he doesn't want to talk about it, I'm not gonna be like, what's wrong? Well, keep telling me.

Like, obviously, here's the strategy. What I think you should do is.

If strategy is great, I'm like, come here. We're gonna go have sex.

Yeah. But what I think it should be is like an option list. It's like, okay, what level of stress?

I'm like, would you prefer to share your feelings or go upstairs?

No, no, no. What level of stress are you experiencing? Is this blowjob stress? Is this doggy style sex? Is this in the shower? Is this clandestine in the park? How much stress are we dealing with here? And I'll eradicate it all.

That's actually.

And I just pull out a chart and I'm like, the problem is, no matter what the stress, I be 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a 10.

I don't think guys are very good at sharing their feelings, to be honest with you. I just think that for a woman, I can sense it. And I'm like, I don't want to add to this stress. So, like, if more sex helps, that's fine too. As long as I feel like I'm getting, you know, what I need out of a relationship.

But we just hit the ball to your court.

I think this is so important. And I love what you shared, and I wish sometimes I was better at this, but the truth is, I definitely still struggle with this. I think I've gained a ton of wisdom since our relationship of what it's like to really support you. I think a couple things that I come back to. I know what it's like to be with a man who doesn't share anything. And that shit didn't work. So I have to remind myself all the time of like, you lived that life, you know, that path. It doesn't end well because I essentially was married to a stranger. Like when we. We did this thing after we separated that a mentor recommended, she called it holding the bucket. And we sat across from each other and it sounds exactly what it it, you know, what you see, like, you emotionally hold the bucket for them to vomit all the shit out and the stuff that came out of that man. Like, I still have chills thinking about it. Cause I'm like, I did not know you and I'm so sorry. It makes me want to cry thinking about it because I'm like, oh, my God. We had no clue who each other were, but we're married and like doing life together, it's like, wow. That level of vulnerability is now like how we began our relate. I mean, he literally met me crying on a table. So our baseline is very different. And I think what we come back to a lot, which is, you know, when you don't share with me, you rob Me of the ability to actually be your fucking ride or die, like, to be your partner. And I want that ability. Like, it actually makes me frustrated and angry when I don't get to show up for you in that way. And it's not perfect. And we both have to constantly give each other permission to fuck up. Cause, like, sometimes he has shared with me, and I have gone for the jugular, like I said, where I was like, well, I'm not gonna love you forever if you don't get your shit together. He was like, jesus. And then there's been moments where I'm like, oh, you're down bad. Let's combine a little sex magic and a little bit of tenderness. And I'm gonna pop my shirt off and come lay on my chest, and we'll see what happens after that. And literally help you come back to life from there.

It's crazy what a boob will do.

Yeah.

I mean, just one. Not even two. Just one. Just one of them.

Just one with the potential of the second y. That's it. That's it. Even if the second one doesn't come out, I'm feeling a lot better.

Yeah.

I think it really comes down to, like, I want to be that person for you. And when you don't share, I feel like, what am I doing here? Like, what. What is my role as your wife, as your partner, as your. Your person if I can't know what's happening inside of you?

So why is it so hard for the guys to share?

Half the time I don't know what the fuck's going on. I'm just like, man, I feel all sorts of, like. I don't know if it's work stress, us, like, whatever. It's just a big mix. And I think generally, like, at least for me, I don't have, like, an upbringing where I'm, like, taught to be in tune with my emotions and really know what I'm feeling and be able to express them. That was, like, never a thing. It's the exact opposite. I played sports, played baseball in college. Like, it's like, shut down the emotions, focus, get the job done. And so it's pretty easy to just be like, well, I'll just shut that off and do whatever. So I don't usually know. And so half the times now when, like, if something comes up for me, I'm like, I don't know what I need right now, but I need something. And I'm not sure what it is, but I got some shit going on, and I need you to help me unpack it. So I almost like, need someone to ask me questions, tell me, do some digging. And sometimes it's more clear. But for an intense period, like we're doing a lot of travel, I ran a mastermind in Japan with 53 entrepreneurs. We put all of our stuff into storage a few days before that. We then went to Hawaii right after. It was a shit. And like, I had business. We hired four people. It was a cluster. I had no idea what side was up after that. So when she was like, well, what's going on? I'm like, I don't know. I have no clue. So at least that's for me. I don't know what your deal is.

With that, but it's the same thing we started with. Right where it was, this was. How do you get. Because myself included, I only knew how to share one range of feelings, which was just rage.

Yeah, yeah.

And I would keep my irritations, and then my irritations would be suppressed and become anger. And then my anger would become rage, and then rage would hunt me, and then rage would always blow up on her. Unfortunately, that's just what it was. And it would blow up on the kids. So, like, the same questioning of having her question out we had to get. So we created tools in wake of Warrior called the stack, which was a tool that tens of thousands of guys use every single day, every morning for hour, hour and a half every morning to just deal with whatever the I'm feeling. How do I take my feelings and put them into focus and fire? So it's like right there at that table. I'll sit right there. Every morning from like 3:00 clock to 4:30 before I go to the gym, it's just me by myself some more. As I wake up, I'm a mess. Some mornings I wake up, I'm fired up. Some mornings I wake up and I'm like, scared. Some mornings I wake up, I'm like, I'm everything up or something's going on. So how do I get all those feelings into a place of focus? Because that was a challenge that I had too. And it was a challenge all the guys like I was leading were having. Nobody knew how to actually express their feelings except for rage or shutdown. It was like, blow the fuck up or shut the fuck down. And like, once we figured out how to bridge the gap of those, it actually had me understand her more too, because I could. I could see her feelings go and she started sharing more of her feelings. I had more empathy for her and it Wasn't even until about four or five years ago that she really became emotional with me. It was probably actually two and a half years ago is when she had a huge collision with me and said, hey, similar to knife and the jugular. She did the same thing to me. Her words were very direct, which was, hey, I can't feel you. I haven't been able to feel you for about a year. I am rising in power and my mind is wandering and I'm thinking about fucking other men. I'm thinking about meeting with a powerful man that can see me. I can't be in this place anymore. And I am too high value to cheat on you. I'm too high value to continue to stay in this environment. And I'm not saying I'm divorcing you, but if this continues, there's no way we can be together. And then I got the text every day, if the king doesn't rise, which is statement. It was a lot of days in my mind, every fucking day. So it was like, I have a statement of worry, which is, if the king doesn't rise, the kingdom dies. And we've been saying this for 10 years, which is all this relevance of like, you need to rise as a man or the game die. And then she would add the. And don't worry, the queen leaves with the children before the kingdom burns. And this was the text I was getting. I mean, it was fucking harsh, dude. I was just like. But even. And then I couldn't really talk about what I was going through. And I don't know if it was because she couldn't hear it or if it was because I didn't know how to express it. So if I didn't have a tribe of guys around me and the tools, there's no fucking way. So it was like the power of the brotherhood, of being able to just lean into guys and go, dude, I am fucked right now. Like, I have no fucking idea. I don't know what's up. Down side was left or right. I may have just lost everything. I thought for my whole life. My wife may be leaving me. I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm the leader of goddamn Wake Up Warrior. Like, I got tens of thousands of dudes following me and I'm very open with my guys about where I'm at. But I was like, I didn't have even answers with all the tools I had without the support of other men.

I think it's natural for women to have relationships with women and be able to Share in that, that kind of thing. So we can. We. We may share with our husbands, but we may go share with our mom and our sister and our girlfriend or whatever. And men don't have that safe place to do that. They're not going to go to their buddy Sam. Like, Sam, I'm really sad and I want to cry for no reason. His Sam's gonna be like, dude, shut the up and go to work. Like, that's just. That's the generation that you guys were kind of like, taught and raised. It's like, don't share your feelings. That's not okay. And then you end up blowing up at your wife for no reason. Because men don't know how to go through their feelings. So I think it's important, especially now days for the men, have things like wake up, warrior and have a community to where it's like, you're going through this, I'm going through this. Or even having this podcast where, like, you hear both perspectives of, like, okay, I'm not alone in this game.

Yeah, that. I think what you just said nailed it for me. Like, having other strong men around you and strong men is kind of the key because other guys will just reinforce like, she's a bitch. And it's like, that's not helpful either.

Yeah.

And so do you know Dr. Robert Glover, author of Nowhere Mr. Nice Guy?

Oh, no, I know that. I know the book. I didn't realize I was who wrote it.

Awesome, dude. So he came to the Japan trip and it's like, mostly dudes on this trip. But I knew for us to get the most power out of this, like, business mastermind, we need to actually have guys connecting in a real way. So he did a really good job of getting guys to just relate in a way where it's not so vulnerable, where you feel like this weak little, like, navel gazing, pouty, you know, circle. But to be real about, like, hey, what's working, what's not? And then as soon as guys had that opportunity, especially there's a range of guys, mostly 25 to like, like 35, 40 in business, they're like, dude, I haven't talked to anyone about any of this, like, ever. I didn't even realize I was like, bottling this up and all that stuff. So I think having that strong group of guys around you is probably like, the number one thing to get this right too.

Well, and what it does too, at least for us ladies, like, when a guy has other men to be that are strong men around him, we unpack all of our. Without burdening you with it. Meaning we don't put our shit on you, which then causes you, in many ways, our experience. My experience has been too, is the more I put that weight of burden on her, the more masculine she becomes.

Yeah, totally.

Which then creates the fucking circus again. Because then I like the attacks start happening versus us being in a place where we can have a conversation with other men in honesty and in truth. I mean, man, arena tour. We have in like less than 13 days, we have thousands of guys together all in black in Salt Lake City, our conference center. And that's what happens is that thing. So the thing you just did. Yeah, like, that thing happens and it has to happen. It's happening more now for guys ever and more for dudes in relationships with the women they're married to, they're engaged to, et cetera. If you're in a serious relationship and you do not have. I'm not talking about your fuck off frat boyfriends or your fuck boyfriends that are fucking 19 different women every week. And bragging about that shit's not helpful because all those dudes are gonna tell you the same thing, which is fuck her. Fuck her. Come with us.

Yeah.

And you're like, dude, you're not helping me, bro. That's not giving me any help. You're actually discouraging the thing I actually want.

Yeah.

Versus dudes who are in committed relationships who are saying, listen, hey, you did the Patty boy thing too. Me too. She fucking cut you when you shared. Me too, dude, she's acting cunty.

Me too.

It's like that she's chiseling away when you're sleeping. Yeah, right. I'm my face just chiseling.

But then you all know, because I ever guarantee every guy is like, I'm married to a crazy. I'm like, well, at some level, we're all kind of crazy. And so are you.

Said 100% of like, you guys love it.

You'll dig this. And we have. I have one of my good friends, we have something called P minus. It's tracker of how close we are to the period. So he'll be like. He'll be like, text me like, dude, she's doing this crazy thing. And like, I'm like, well, what's your P minus? He's like six. I'm like, well, there's your answer. Like, just wait six days. It'll all be good.

Ovulation has been begun. The vortex.

Sometimes I'll get mad at him for no reason. Like, I'm sorry.

I don't know why I'm crying.

And I'm like, three days out.

You haven't responded my text in. In three days. Yeah, we're. We're. An ovulation window.

Yeah.

You know it's bad when your husband has, like, the. My cycle period tracker. You don't track it, but he does. He's like, babe, in about three days, you're gonna need some chocolate ice cream and some cookies and a nap.

100%.

Yeah.

So what have been. What have been some of the governing principles you guys use to go come into hard conversations? Like, is there some. Some ways of approaching that? Because again, the fun part about what the fact you've done is you guys have done a lot of personal work on yourself.

Yeah.

Which is unfortunately not happening in a lot of couples. Particular couples who've been together for 10 plus years, they get stuck in the same place. And we were. We were that. Right. So that was us for, like, your first marriage. That was Danielle and I for, like, the first 13 years we were together. Wow. Like, it was a. It was a lockbox. We didn't really communicate. Sex was horrible. There wasn't a lot of intimacy, and we kept having babies. So it's like, probably.

Yeah. Like, right after we had Ruby, and she's 14. So.

Yeah.

Like, the first, like, 13 years, we were just like, coexisting.

Wow.

But we were.

We were raised in, like, that's. We were raised Mormon in Utah and young, and it was just like, you get married, you live happily ever after, and there's like, no real rule book. And any kind of counseling bullshit you read back then was really fluffy and not real.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think. I mean, one of the things is definitely being resourced energy wise. Like, if you're exhausted, which is obviously the time where it's most tempting to just say that rule and just blow it out anyways. But that is definitely, like, baseline. When we're at our best, we get in that place. We're like, let's table this for when we feel better and then see what we see from that perspective. So I don't know. What else do you do?

You see something we talk about a lot, and you do a really great job of this. I tend to be more, like, zoomed in. He's really good at zooming out. And I think the relationship always needs one person holding one pole. Like, what's happening now? And what's happening further is the holding the torch for team us. And whenever we're in some sort of conflict. He's really good at popping us out and going, whoa, whoa, whoa. Same team. Like, what are we? What's actually the thing that we're looking at together versus, like, we're not pitted against each other. This is team us. And what does the us need? Need? And looking at our relationship as a unit outside of our individual selves. Because sometimes what the US Needs is to. Or sometimes what the US needs is to take a trip. Sometimes what the US Needs is to, like, press pause on everything and for us individually to go resource. And then there was something else I was going to say about team us, and I'm blanking on the other one, but, yeah, I think team us is.

Showing up for others is another.

Oh, another thing.

Yeah.

I mean, sometimes it's less when we're in conflict, but one of the ways that we try to take the focus off of us is if we're like, let's just go. It doesn't have to be like, money or even charity, which is like, let's just find a way to go give to someone else. Because it just gives you so much more energy back that it's like, whatever was an issue before starts to become small, smaller.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then also, like, sometimes we. We've started actually scheduling intimacy now, so we leave room for all sorts of fun things to happen throughout the. The week. But we also always know that at least one night per week, we have intimacy block on the calendar. And in those. I mean, sometimes, yeah, a lot of it is physical, but we know a lot of our things are going to be worked out through keeping constant physical contact at the front of our relationship. And I think that's also been really helpful to know that no matter how sideways things go, that we still have a moment to come back to us. And like, 10 times out of 10, 10, a conversation that was emotionally charged, after we have some level of physical connection feels like it's a 2 or a 3 out of 10.

I had such an issue with scheduling sex. I. It was such a hit to the ego for me for a while. But it does work.

We schedule our date nights. Like. Like, there's certain things in you. Like, you just schedule.

It's like, yeah.

Being like a lot of couples, especially once you have kids, will talk to them. They're like, when's the last time you went on a date? And they're like, oh, like, what do you mean? I'm like, put the kids to bed and we watch a movie. I'm like, no, like, you got dressed up. You look cute. You acted like you were dating, and you went out, you know, because you're setting yourself up for, like, yeah, sex might come, but it's that. That's connection, that intimacy. So it's like, that's how we actually started this podcast. And the date nights actually saved our marriage when we were in, like, the darkest of darks. And I was like, who are you? And he's like, who are you? And we're like, well, we got two kids in the game, and I think we should give it a shot to see if we can figure this out together. And it was like the. We literally knew nothing of what we were doing. And the first thing he said, we were broke, had no money, selling furniture out of the house to make ends meet. He said, we're gonna go on a date, we're gonna pay babysitter, and we're gonna go out once a week. And that's literally. It sparked conversation and connection that we were lacking. And because we didn't make that a priority in our relationship, that's why we lost everything, because we weren't having important conversations. Totally. So, like, that's why we, like. Like I said, that's why we started this. This show. And so scheduling sex, scheduling intimacy, scheduling a date night, you can't afford not to do it inside of a healthy relationship.

Yeah, you name something powerful, too, which is changing the environment. And that's something that I think we do really often because of our travel schedules. Like, we were talking in the car on the way here. We're like, travel sex is always better than, like, normal sex because you're just. You're in a new environment, everything's exciting. And a lot of times, even if it's just like, hey, let's not have this conversation at the diner room table, where it always goes down. It's almost like there's, like, a stored muscle memory of, like, this is where we go to have hard conversations. So the body wants to chisel and armor up versus, like, let's go to literally, like, a different environment in the home or to get out of the house to go for a walk. And it does help to see each other, I think, in a more human way. And I mentioned this earlier too, but the seeing him as a pattern instead of the person. Like, when something. Something comes up, it's like, this is not who he is. This is just a pattern. And we've both done so much work around patterns that I know that change is possible. So then it becomes empowering versus, like, oh, here we go. Again, it's like, oh, actually, I can hold the standard of this changing because we've both done it so many times individually.

I think when you see a pattern, too, and this is something I've had to work on with myself is I'm like, this is. This is a pattern. This is a trigger. This doesn't represent Garrett for who he is today. This is a trigger that came up for him. And he's not Garrett five years ago. So I can't hold him hostage because he said something that Garrett five years ago said. I can literally be like, okay, he's hurting right now. I'm not going to escalate, because that's.

Not who he is going to. The future is also really powerful. We. That's one of the things Dr. Jeannie has helped us with a lot, which some people could look at that and think, like, oh, it's a bypass of just, like, being with where you're at in this moment. But, like, for example, we're in the middle of planning a wedding for a lot of people, that can be a stressful thing. I've said, absolutely. We both have said, there's no way we're letting this be stressful. Like, how could something where two people are coming together to love and celebrate each other become the source of stress? So we've said, like, absolutely not. So when we get into the bickery, like, well, but, like, we have to invite this person, like, oh, no, no. Go out to the vision of, like, what is the wedding here to do? Like, what are we actually setting out when we said we're gonna have this type of wedding? It's to bring people together to show our families a side of the world they've never been to before. To bring people deeper into connection and love and intimacy. That's the fucking vision. Not this little bickering shit about, like, whether or not Aunt Susie is invited to the wedding. And zooming out and having the big vision, which you do a great job of painting, is also a game changer. Changer.

I think that's something. I love that you touched on that, though, because I think it's. That will help when you're in scary times to be like, hey, what are. What is our vision?

Yeah. Where do.

What do we talk about? Where are we going?

Yeah.

And when you do, when you look into the future like that, you're like, this is stupid.

Yeah.

And your higher self can, like, show up and be like, let it go.

This is one micro moment out of, like, a legacy we're creating. So like we can let this little.

Even like the impact you can make as a couple. Like when you have these little bits moments, you're like, this is stupid. We both see who we're going to be in the future.

So you ready for the final question?

Hit us.

What is your favorite part of the person you were with? You can't go back to cheat ass.

That's a good one. It's a cop out.

Like, what's the thing about her that has you say, okay, I'm ready to. I'm ready to commit to this woman.

It's the, it's honestly the first thing that really stood out to me about her and it's her courage. Like she's so fucking bold in terms of like a lot of people are bold, they do bold things. But she is bold with how she puts her heart into the world. She puts it out there. She's willing to get hurt. Willing, playful out. And that was one of the things that when I first met her, I was like, damn. It was. I was attracted to it and I was intimidated by it too. So I was like, this is an opportunity for me to grow more in that area too. So your courage is definitely the thing that to me is like the thing I have the highest regard for you about and the thing that is just a core piece of also like we don't have kids yet. I think will be make her an amazing mother too. So.

Wow. Okay, ready?

Next question. We can end there.

Yeah.

That was fantastic.

Mine's clearly my balls.

Clearly, clearly. What is, what is the thing, what's the thing about him for you?

You know, when I, when we met and for most of my life I had identified as like more avoidant in relation to other. Definitely tend to be a bit more introverted, a bit more lone wolf. Y did not have like a thriving community of girlfriends. And so when we met, it shifted. Shattered my idea of what it was like to really be a person who pours into relationships. I had no clue what was possible. Like, talk about raising the standard. This man has the highest standard of pouring into others I've ever seen. And it was so confronting and so beautiful. And I've seen the way he puts relationships at the top of everything. I mean the way he just, it gives him boundless energy and he pours into other men, people, family. It's like he never runs out of time to pour into his people. And it's changed fundamentally the way that I look at like what's important in our lives. I also see the way that it's given us access to some of the most amazing things in the world because of who he's attracted, because he just. It's not a strategy. It is not manipulation. He just. Just loves people. And it allowed me to soften and to let more people into my heart and to go, oh, my gosh, like, this is what's good. Like, if all of this burned down and we lost everything and nothing was left over, the. The people there, what's left? And I lost sight of that. And he's world class extraordinary at that.

So those were really good. Yeah, I was gonna hear yours now, you two. The thing that she had, she had. She has. She cast vision, like, commits vision, like constantly speaks vision of like a bigger place we can go, a bigger possibility we can have. She's raised a standard for me in luxury and experiencing life and five star life. I came from trailer parks, cornbread and powdered milk. I had no concept of it. So she's just constantly pulled my standard for living, for experiencing life because she always saw all of this. I didn't. I, like, wanted to help people and just be a coach. And she called up the greater version of me with just continually perpetually saying, no, this is my standard up here. No, I was raised like this and we're going bigger than my family, which without it I would have settled. I would have settled a long time ago and just been a guy who helped a lot of people and been super cool with just a life that would have been super cool for me. So now the cars, the yachts, everything, none of this. Now I see the value in it where before I couldn't see the value in it.

When I was 18 years old, he was 25 years old, divorced, and had a kid and he had a tattoo and he was super wild. And I remember my mom was like, everybody in my hometown was like, what are you thinking? And he drove like a piece of shit car. And they're like, what are you thinking? And we came from like middle, like middle upper class. And I remember telling my mom, I'm like, mom, it doesn't matter what he does. He will be successful. If he wants to be a PE coach, he will go coach the top football. Whatever he will do, he will rise to the top at whatever he does. And I still see that in him. I'm like, babe, I told him the other night, like, if you wanted to be the president of the United States, I actually believe you could get there. And it's my job to hold you to that standard. Who I know you can become. So for me, it's like I might cast vision, but I've always seen who he can, who he's like, meant to become.

She had the chisel from day one.

Mr. President of the United States.

It's more like she has. She cracks the whip and I do the work. Beautiful. You want me to wrap it up?

You do.

All right, listen. We have had another amazing couple here with us on the show. You can check out all their links, all social media profiles and everything to do with them down below. Also maybe follow them on social media. They're a nomadic lifestyle that's open, opening up as they pursue the game of change and moving around. I think it's super cool. You did Mastermind in Japan. I was like, I don't do a mastermind in Japan. So as with this show, always one of the best ways you can help us with this show and yourself is share the show up with somebody else. There are couples out there dying on the vine, individuals who are going to end their relationships, they're going to end their marriages, they're going to end games that shouldn't have ever ended simply because they didn't have a place to go. This show is meant to create a container, an opportunity for you to have conversations with your partner, with your spouse or the person that you're dating that give you an opportunity to be as deep and rich as both of us all. Both couples here on this show and all the couples that we bring here. So share the show up, share it up with what you see on YouTube, share the podcast, give it to other couples and individuals and then also use it for yourself. There's so many topics that came out today that open up multitude opportunities for you to have conversations with your partner based on the principles we talk about here at the date podcast. Now also this show itself brought to you by Wake Up Warrior. So if you are a man sitting in the game and you're trying to find more tools and more weapons that are practical in nature to not only make more money but also have it all in life, importantly with your marriage and your and your partner, your spouse. Check it out. Wakeup warrior.com or you can pick up a free copy of warrior book, the second edition. We got about 100 of those going out the door every single day. You can check that out@warriorbook.com but for now, you two have been amazing.

Did you guys show us share your social media platforms?

Oh, go ahead, Babelor not I haven't changed my name yet. So still at Bryn Daler and then I also. I'm a writer, so on Substack is a lot of places where people can find my work.

Okay, we'll get both those links on the show.

And Eli Travel Guy.

Instagram's amazing Eli Travel Guy, AKA Cheetah Print. All right, my friends, thank you so much for being here. That brings us to a close of another episode of the Day 2 Wife podcast.