Go In With Love | Date Your Wife | EP 084

Hello, my friends, your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of wake up Warrior and the CEO of DKW Stylink. Finally, and welcome. Welcome to the date your wife podcast. I'm here with my co host, the hostess with the mostest, Danielle Garrett.

Danielle, can you hear me? Is my mic on?

You're not talking. Inch your ear.

My lip gloss is literally rubbing up.

Okay, you are on the microphone. It may just be in our headset. I think you're good to go, though.

Okay.

Okay. So don't just start turning dials. You don't even know. You just reached and started turning dials.

You don't even know. That's how I figure things out. I just turn dials and magic happens.

I'd like you to turn my dials later tonight. Is that a yes?

I've been waiting.

You've been waiting? It's been days, for God's sakes. All right, so here's the deal. We are in the Date YouTube podcast. It's not even date night tonight.

I know. It's a Monday, and it's a Monday. It's been the Monday est Monday ever.

It's the Mondayest Monday. Explain what the Mondayest Mondayest ever actually.

Means about a Monday.

Yes.

And you're like, oh, a Monday. Like, that's kind of today. Was like the Monday est of Mondays. And you know what's so weird? Everybody must have had a really good, hard weekend, because everywhere I went today, I had, like, doctor's appointment, dentist appointment, like a podcast. Like, I didn't even work at the salon, but I, like, touched base with people in the salon and had appointments, and everywhere I went, it was almost like the universe was a weird. It was a weird Monday. Like, my facial place, like, the. The. Their systems were down. My dentist, like, actually nothing was down there, but everybody just looked like they were like, oh, God, it's a Monday.

It seems like. It seems like there was no weekend is what it feels like. Well, I worked all weekend, which was not desirable, and that was. I was no fun. But I had to clean up some shit. And we cleaned it up.

There's no time, though. Like, when you. When you run businesses. Like, you have your regular Monday through Friday, and then, like, Saturday comes, and then all of a sudden you're like, well, shit, let's call it a work weekend, you know? And that's just how.

And then we call it good. And then we call it good, and it's over. It's over as we know it. It's over. It. It's the End of the world as we know it.

Like, sometimes when you just roll into another week and you roll into another week, and then you're like, I haven't had a weekend in, like, four weeks. That's when you're like, shit. Like, you need to, like, just chill.

Yeah, we have. We're gonna go on a New York trip.

I know. That'll be fun.

That's gonna be fun. To go on a New York trip with you.

I, for some reason, just was feeling it.

So you're feeling a New York trip. And so it is done.

Little weekend New York trip.

Little weekend New York trip. So here's the deal. We are. Today's topic is parenting. We talked about money last time, and then before that we talked about sex. And today we're gonna talk about babies, and we're gonna talk about kids. But I have some specific topics for today. Not just pull it out of her ass.

I feel like you always just have pull it out of your ass.

Well, the topics always natur. Sitting there. Right. Readily available to pull out of my ass.

You really have content.

I do have content today. The content today.

So much for not being prepared.

And I'm always prepared.

Podcast we do. You're like, I'm ready. I'm like, listen, you're a great speaker and a trainer, so you can pull it out of your ass, but are you actually prepared?

If you ask Jon Jon, the world's greatest surfer, right now, if he is ready to go, and he's sitting on the beach looking chilled out, and you're like, you don't look like you're ready to go. He's like, I'm ready to go. He's like, no, you're ready to go. He's like, Dude, I've spent 27 years being ready to go. I'm the John John of speaking.

Okay, then let's.

I'm ready to go.

Let's hear your.

At any time. All right, so here's the deal. We're going to talk about a situation. So my daughter is. My daughter is a morning psychopath. And my wife's a morning psychopath, too. But she's, like, gotten better over time. I, on the other hand, am not a morning psychopath. I actually love the morning. My daughter sets nine alarms at times. Sometimes five, sometimes four, but a minimum of three or four alarms every single day to get up. For some reason, she likes to torture herself. 5, 40, alarm goes off. 5, 50, alarm goes off. 6 o', clock, alarm goes off. 6, 10, alarm goes off. 6, 20, alarm goes off and she's still not moving. Then I come in and the yelling begins. And she begins to yell at me for waking her up at 6:20. Then the panic hits. If she didn't finish her homework she was supposed to do yesterday. And then it gets even worse and then she starts storming into your bedroom. Are you aware of this? You've seen this happen?

You know what? Okay, so let's. It's so great that you've taken over. So we have two daughters and our one daughter just started junior high and she decided to do. Which is the craziest thing because she's always like been my hardest kid to get up and moving in the morning. And they wear uniforms for God's sake. Like she doesn't even have to pick out her outfit. Like you throw on the same jumper every day. And she's always been our hard one. And then this year she elected for zero, period. Zero, period. And I was like, what Bailey, what were you thinking? Like you can't even get out. And so then Garrett, I was like, well, how are we gonna do this? Because I don't want to do two drop offs in the morning. And he's like, all right, I'll take the older one. I get up at like three in the morning. Actually, you know, you get up at like 4:30 though.

Usually it's 5, but sometimes 4:30. Yes, between 4:30 and 5.

Alright. If you get her up and now she's old enough, like if you just wake her up and tell her to get dressed and you take her, then you're good.

That happens only half the time.

I know you would think that a junior high kid would be able to just get themselves dressed, put a toothbrush in their mouth. And then I take the younger one because she goes to school an hour.

Later and choose the easy one. Although recently she's becoming a bit more cycle.

Ruby is very routine.

Spicy, spicy, very routine.

Like down to the point where like if I don't put the exact fruit punch Capri sun in her water bottle, it can set her off. Like. But I think kids in general like routine. But there was, there's been a few mornings where I couldn't find the water bottle and I couldn't find the Capri sun and it was like, you're the worst mom ever. So Ruby is so easy. If everything happens like clockwork, it's almost like she just goes into autopilot. I'm like, do you. Here's your Capri sun, here's your this, here's your this, here's your this. Da, da, da, da, check, check, check.

And she's like, kay, and she's good to go. Now, our other daughter is not that way, though. She's a little bit crazier. And it's an interesting war for me every single morning because I go and I do my walk and talk. I start waking her up. I walk and talk with myself. I do my core four work, I do my stack work, all this stuff, warrior's way style. And as I'm doing all of this, I'm like, I'm in this place where I'm doing all this. And then I'm saying, okay, please, this morning, let's just have it be normal. This morning she was actually like, she was sort of ready, which was very surprising to me. And she was actually telling me to calm down, which was like the first time ever. But nonetheless, here's where this is going to come into play, because I'm going to ask you a question. Danielle, you ready?

I'm ready.

So amidst all this chaos, though, I get people asking me all the time about parenting. I'm like, I'm not the best parent in the world, but what I am is I'm very committed as a parent, but I'm committed to the right things. Things. The right things for me. And this is going to be the conversation that we're going to start into with today is how do you know that what you're teaching your children is, quote unquote, the right thing? And this is like, this is the question. And so we're running these routines. People have opinions about our parenting. They think that we're not disciplining our children.

Everyone has an opinion about parenting based on their own guilt of what they feel like they're not doing correct in parenting. So everybody's like, super judgy about it, but really they're just judging themselves because at some level, every parent feels like they fucked up their kid.

And really, they all need a judgy shower.

So everybody knows. So everybody, like, has, like, such an opinion about parenting. It's just. It's wild to me.

Well, we're all parents and. Or we've been parented, so we're both right. At some level, we were parented, and then we parent. So I hear people give me opinions about what things should, you know, here's the. What you need to do. And there's like, some guys have reached out to me even who are parenting coaches or psychologists, and they're like, listen, I could really change your life if we talked about this. And I'm like, listen, hey, I didn't reach out to you and ask for help, but I appreciate you reaching out. No, I'm not interested right now. And it's not that. It's. Other people couldn't give it. And my mom sends like, you know, the Love and Logic, the Love and Logic book, which I've asked her about. I've asked her, fair enough to her. I've asked her about this and I have other people. And again, all these people have these opinions about it. Particularly parents who are in their 60s have an opinion about how children are being raised today. Yet I can promise you, if we had had access to cell phones like our children do, nothing would be different. We would be doing the same shit. The difference was we didn't have cell phones, we didn't have pagers, we didn't even hardly have tv. I grew up in school, like, growing up, I didn't even have a TV most of the time. My parents got rid of a TV for like four years. We didn't have a tv. We went outside. That's it. So how do you know what you're doing and teaching? And the only thing I've come to is being able to get clear about what are the morals and the values that you want to instill in your children. What are the values and belief systems? Because the values and belief systems are ultimately what are going to guide them. And those are driven by both what you say you're teaching them, but also what you do. So I'm going to ask you a question. If you could only have Bailey and Ruby know one thing. True, as a parent, you can only teach them one thing, one thing, one thing you could teach them. Of all the things you could teach them. This is like a. Would you rather have Lucky Charms the rest of your life or twinkie that my 7 year old does. What does with us? What would the one thing be that you would want your children to. To know? Let's say you're dying tomorrow. That's like, I'm not excited about that. I do don't die tomorrow. But let's say you're dying tomorrow. And tonight is your chance, when we get done with this podcast, to teach them the one thing you want them to remember, this would be. Yes, this would be the one thing they would retain. This is embedded.

Okay, accountability. If you could embed accountability into a kid, I think that would solve.

Okay, so what is the. Okay, so what is the belief system? Accountable accountability.

If when you.

So that's it. That's A value in them.

What is this for me? If I take accountability and something that happened in my life, I can actually go in and sort of fix the problem and move on. If I don't take accountability, then I feel like I'm constantly. Like, nothing gets solved.

So what would be the principle you would teach him? You're laying there, you're like, oh, it's like your last breath. You don't have to.

You said I could just, like, DNA embed it.

Yeah, I know you DNA. Oh, good point. I like it. You went straight to the logical dark and black and white on that one. That's true. Okay, all right, so back it up a little bit from the DNA injection.

I would say that. So you're saying.

Yes. How would you say? Like, what would the children. Yes.

That they would retain forever?

Yes. Something. A belief.

Something that I love them.

Okay, continue more on this.

I think that love can fix a lot of problems as well.

Okay, so, like. Like what?

I don't really know. Like, what would you teach him? Like, give me an example of what would you teach him, and maybe I'll get split of some kind of idea where you're trying to get me to go with this.

Okay, so here's the piece we're gonna come to. Like, it's gonna be. This gonna be like, I love you no matter what. Okay, like, hold on. Hold on a second. I have one of my guys in my office right now, and he's talking super loud. Hold on.

Great. I have a feeling you're telling him to get out of your office.

Kevin, your voice is showing up in the background of our podcast. All right, so we've got a. We've got a lot of teams on our things right now, and everybody's kind of. I'm in our podcast studio, but our companies are all expanding so fast, we literally have people on top of each other all over the place. So the walls are not exactly.

They should be down in the foam room.

That's bullshit.

This is like. This is just for looks.

It's complete looks. It's obviously complete looks because I shouldn't be able to hear and, you know, I have to be quiet on the other side of the wall when other people are in here, which kind of defeats the fucking purpose. But.

But it looks cool. It's black and white. Okay, so what are you doing?

All right, so I came back and I said, if I could only teach my kids one thing, what would it be? And really, I'd be instilling in them, like, an understanding for Me as a parent. And so what I started years ago with my daughters was simply this. I love you no matter what. And I actually started that with Bailey when she was super little. I love you no matter what. I love you no matter what. And that was actually born out of. We'd read this story where a little boy and his dad or a little girl and his dad were reading back and forth or competing back and forth about who loved who the most. And he's like, I love you more. I love you the most. And she's like, I love you more than the stars, and I love you more than infinity, and I love you more, infinity plus one, et cetera. And then me and Bailey got to this point years ago where I started saying. And she started saying, I love you no matter what.

So yours is the same as mine. You would instill love.

Yes.

Okay.

I love you no matter what, no matter. And, like, literally, that's a phrase. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you operate. And what's interesting is when I'm getting. When we get angry in the morning chaos, I'm reminded constantly. And she's reminded, and I always tell her, and I text her afterwards, even if we've battled, which is, yes, it's hard, but I know you. I love you no matter what.

You guys both have very high, low energy. And what I have to even, like, sometimes with both of you, I have to kind of, like, be like, you're the adult. You're the adult. With you, I don't really say I'm the adult to myself, but because I know, like, both of you typically, like, swing back around, and then you're always like, I love you, and I'm like, okay, I know. But, like, I think that's probably something you've instilled in Bailey. Like, she. She kind of, like, will come down off of her chaotic morning, and then she'll always say, love you, Mom, And I'm like, whoa, are you over? Are you mad still? Are you? You know what I mean? I'm always like, did I just, like, lodge? I'm, like, wondering, like, where are you at when you get to that place.

Where I'm super, super, super, when your.

Emotions have, like, climb down and then you're like, I love you. Like, what makes.

No, it's. It's not even that. Like, I think it's more than just, like, coming back, because you can come back and say I love you out of guil, which I did with you forever. Like, I would get angry we would have a battle.

You don't say I love you anymore.

I say I love you.

No, I mean, like, after, like an argument.

Oh, never. I will not. Like, I don't apologize. No. What you're experiencing is I don't say I'm sorry.

Yeah, you don't.

I don't. I used to say I'm sorry all the time.

Did you?

Yeah, I did. And then. But you would never say I'm sorry.

I logically play out the things. Whenever I get in a fight or in a situation, whether it be my kid or my husband or whatever, I go. I literally, like, after it goes down, I logically look at. It's like I step outside of my body and I'm like, oh, I can see why. That triggered that, and that triggered that, and that triggered that. And I don't come to this place of, oh, I'm sorry. I just come to this place of understanding why it happened. And I just am like, okay, well, I can see why that. It's like an understanding. I don't even know how to describe it.

I'm just like, okay, it is an understanding. That's exactly.

And I'm like. And a lot of times I'm like, I don't want to say sorry if I don't feel sorry. I just have an understanding of why the explosion happened.

Yes. So that's it. That's another piece, too. I mean, that changed my world when I, Like, I always thought you were crazy. You were rude, you were. You know, you were not. You're not. You were unwilling to say you're sorry. And then I recognized and learned really quickly what you actually meant by it, which is like, listen, I'm accountable and you're accountable. So I'm not a Paul. I'm not. I'm not sorry for what happened. I'm not sorry for it all. And I used to get so pissed. But I also realized they use sorry is a way to kind of cop out. And my daughter Bailey will use that too. She's like, I'm sorry. And I'm like, I don't want you to be sorry. I don't need you to be sorry.

I get mad when she says sorry. Like, she's like, sorry, sorry. And I'm like, stop telling me sorry.

Cause she doesn't mean it.

Yeah.

And most people don't mean sorry. But see, that's another thing too, if you come back, like, on the kids side, like, what I'm really looking at here, as far as the show topic, is you can teach your Kids, all kinds of tactics. Like, we just recognized recently that we may not even taught our daughter how to wash pants.

I was so pissed. Cause, like, I come home, and she's. I wasn't that pissed, but I was just like, oh, my God, this is gonna be so messy. She was having cupcake wars with her girlfriend, and literally, there's, like, flour everywhere and marshmallow puff. And I was just like, oh, my God. And I just wanted. Kitchen was a mess, and I wanted to come home and start cooking dinner, and I can't cook in a messy kitchen. So I was like. And Garrett's like, they told me they promised I'd clean up. And I was like. And then it dawned on me, because we kept telling her to clean up. And I'm like, I don't think she knows how to clean up. Like, there were so many spoons and dishes everywhere that you have to rinse and pile. And I was like, literally, I don't think she knows. I'd have to show her how to do it because, like, she'll just swirl the brush around and then stick it on the side. And I'll be like, bailey, there's still chocolate smeared. Like, come on. You saw that? And she's like, no, I got it. Like, I realized. Like, she.

You realize she's 11 years old, and for the first time, we're recognizing we may not have taught her how to.

Clean the dishes, as silly as that sounds. Like, I think that's one of those little things that you. You probably should be like, listen, scrub the sides, do this. Take out the silverware. You put it in the dishwasher so at least then. And then you could have them do it with you. So at least when they were like, I did. You could be like, I showed you, you know, how to do it. You could even do a little video of it. I don't know.

Well, here's the thing. But here, again, this comes back to the whole parenting thing. Like, what are the important things, mindset wise and skillset wise, that you teach your children right? Because there are plenty of people who learned how to clean the dishes who were completely unable to actually produce in life. They were very good at cleaning the dishes. They were very good at doing what mom and dad said. And mom and dad told me, you're going to go to church on Sunday at this time, or you're grounded. You're going to be home by this time, and you're grounded. You're going to do the dishes. You're going to clean up after your Mother, you're going to make your bed, you're going to fluff your pillow, you're going to wash your clothes. All of these things, which I'm not saying are bad at all. That's how I was raised. But inside of it, I have plenty of brothers and sisters of mine that were raised with that, too, that are not exactly the most productive people, right? They're wanting to be productive, but they were raised under the same regime, they were raised under the same discipline, and yet somehow that didn't instill. So I'm convinced as a child that what people actually learn and what kids take into their adult life is driven by the values or the beliefs that their parents instill, both through what they say, but also what they watch their parents do.

Why do you think like some. And I always wonder, because we both have pretty big families. There's five kids in both of our families, and we have brothers and sisters on both ends of the spectrum. I always wonder, I'm like, did our parents raise us this way with this set of kids and this way with another set of kids I think they may have, or is it like a personality thing? I always wonder that. I'm like, is what you're actually instilling and teaching and showing up for your kids, is that something. Is there this genetic DNA that says no? Or what happens? You know what I mean?

It's an interesting thing because I don't think that we. There's a box that we're trying to put. Just like in education, there's a box of people try to put the kids into. You know, here's what a successful kid looks like. It's like trying to say, here's what a successful marriage looks like, or here's what a successful, you know, man of God looks like, or here's what a divinely spiritual woman looks like. And we have these checklists and these boxes and we say, this is what it looks like. And then anything that doesn't fit in there we consider to be inaccurate or not. Right? And most parents, I think the greatest suffering they experience is two things. One, they're always trying to get it right so they feel guilty. And the flip side of that, because they're never getting it, quote, unquote, right? Based on the checklist, it always grows and never ends. They flip back into another game, which is they don't focus on the actual belief systems, take out the garbage, do this, etc.

Focus on them being like a good example or a better person or like that. I think that maybe we don't realize, like, how much we work on ourselves bleeds into our kids lives, their life. So even if they're doing the checklist, if mom's not happy, if mom's in chaos, if mom's not living on her purpose or whatever it is, then I think ultimately kids, like, maybe they learn less from that or there's. You know what I mean? Like they're doing the checklist. But I don't know.

I'm just trying to take a simple example. Growing up in my house, my dad always told us that we had to clean up the dishes after mom cooked. So that was the deal. Like in my house, that's just what we did. The boys would clean up, we did the dishes, we put stuff away. And I remember every Sunday my mom would make dinner and we did the dishes. This was just what we did. This is why I'm so good at doing the dishes. I'm pretty good at it. And when we first got married, I was like, hanging out with your mom in the kitchen. We were doing a dish.

I thought it was sexy.

That's right. That's right. It was. That's beautiful. But you know what's crazy? What I didn't see is I never saw my dad take my mom out. My mom, my mom and dad never went on trips, and my dad never took my mom on dates.

I think that was a generation.

You think it was. Well, I mean, my parents never went on dates. My mom and dad. Rarely did I see my parents kissing.

My parents went on dates and my.

Parents, well, they would go out on. But I remember one or two times. I don't remember being a consistent thing. And I don't remember my parents saying they loved each other in front of us a ton. My parents were not kissing and making out in front of us. You know, I never saw my dad lift my mom up on the counter and like, be sensual towards her. Like, be like, I want this woman. So, like, I was. And I never saw my parents fight, even though my parents, I came to find out, were fighting all the time behind closed doors.

I saw all these.

See, I didn't see any of this, so. But what I did see was clean up after your mom when she cooks dinner. So that's. I've gotten very good at that. But I was blown away when I got married and horrifically unprepared to be a married man because I never.

Think my parents had the sex talk with me.

Nobody had a sex. Nobody even says the word sex in your family.

You don't have Sex. I was like, okay, no, they don't.

Even say the word sex. I would say the word sex, and your whole family's faces would go red. So my dad's like, listen, it's a little messy. You're gonna probably need a towel.

No, he did not tell you that.

Oh, yes, he did. I was like, that is my entire coaching session. I appreciate it.

I probably went down something like this. If you have sex, you will get pregnant. You're 16. Don't get pregnant.

This was my story growing up as a kid, too. I was terrified of sex growing up, because my story was, if you have sex, you will get a girl pregnant for sure. First time. And you will fuck up your football career.

You will.

That was exactly my thing. You will go to hell, and you will lose all connection to football.

I think mine was just like, well, I don't want a baby right now, and I don't want to go to hell. So these are too logical. And I honestly believe it's a generation thing. And my family's not like, do you.

Think it's because our parents could hide shit from us?

I don't know, because I know your family is very, like, talky. Like, I've gone to dinner with them, and I was like, oh, who gets a word in here? Like, it. Like, you guys had a talking stick when you were little. You had to hold up the stick if somebody wanted to said something. Whereas my family, like, it was like.

Literally, like, you had to hand the talking stick to get people to say something.

Danielle, how's your day? I'm like, don't give me the sick. You're like, like, yeah, so. But I. Yeah, I feel like even. Even in our families that are raised totally different and your families were still, like, talky talkie. There was still. There wasn't that that same communication? Like, talking and communicating is different?

Oh, no, that. Well, there was talking, but there wasn't. My mom was real with us. Like, very real. I mean, I had the sex talk with you.

What did your mom call private part.

Were little penis and vagina.

That's good.

It wasn't like, you know, the junk. The junk and the John John the Gucci Jun.

I don't know what my mom called it. I don't even think. We didn't even, like, we didn't even have nicknames.

There are friends of mine whose parents called the penis the junk and the vagina the ugly.

I think people still say junk and ugly.

I'm like, listen to it. Yeah, but it's junk and Uglies like, here's your junk. Here's my ugly. That's horrible. Why not call it a penis and vagina? And then people get offended when your kids call it a penis and vagina. Bailey was referencing it in class in school. Penis and vagina. She was speaking to it anatomically correctly and it made a bunch of kids uncomfortable in the class and they talked to her about it. And then Bailey came to me and was like, what should I do? I said, they hear everything from us. We don't like, we'll have full on battle conversations right in front of our kids.

I don't think I felt like super comfortable growing up going and sharing certain friend situations and stuff with me were with my parents. And so with my daughter as she's getting older, I try to like, I'm like, I'm always kind of like prying but not like, like in a. Not that I'm getting mad at her. Like, I'm literally like, what's going on in your life? Like, who's it? What are the cute boys? What is this that you know? And I'm trying to like, she's pretty. I feel like she'll, she'll tell me, but I'm sure she does. I'm sure all parents say that. They're like, yeah, you think you're really close to your kids. So something happens. And then you're like, I thought I knew you. So I feel like I'm still learning in the parenting game. But again I at least am trying to put in my like I put. I'm just trying to.

Bailey's very open with us. Ruby's the one that's not going to tell us. I know.

I keep. I literally look at.

Ruby's going to look at us and.

Be like, but that's how I.

Core messages and beliefs that you're instilling, like brainwashing your children to believe that are empowering them as people. There was a phrase I think I've shared on this show before, but there was a phrase by a guy named Joel Portman who's actually brought a Wake up warrior. And he spoke about this with kids and he said the following. He said, the way you look at your role as a parent defines the behavior of you as a parent. And he said most parents, most adults look at their children as it is their job to take care of their children. That my job is to take care of this child until they're 18 and they go off in the world even when they're older.

That happens well.

And it Continues. Right. But here was what Joel came about and he was in a situation, horrible divorce. And then he was in an engaged relationship and his fiance passed away. And it's been rough. He went through huge court battles for his kids. All therapy we'd gone to with our kids and my ex wife and all this, he's like, I finally got to this point where I recognized one thing. And I was like, what was that? And he said, my role as a father is not to take care of my children. My role as a father and I'll know I've been successful is when I've been able to teach my children to take care of themselves. When my children are self reliant and have the courage and capacity to be able to operate daily in their own power. At that point I will have known I've done my job as a father. He's like, but if I have dependent children who I've taken care of their whole lives and then they're 30 years old and they're still in my goddamn house, I have failed as a parent because my children can't take care of themselves.

So let me ask you a question.

Now this excludes a situation in some cases where you have a situation with a child who might be mentally retarded or kids who are just in situ. Six kids.

Yeah. So I was second to last.

But your brother was. Your brother died before you were born.

Right.

So he was my age.

He was. I had a brother that was guaranteed.

He was guaranteed the coolest brother.

You know, I think that's. Maybe you guys are friends, your two brothers?

Your two brothers weren't. No, for sure. He's like my best friend. I guarantee it.

I don't know, but I'm feeling it. I.

No, I'm seriously feeling it. His name was Trenton.

I felt that before too.

I was like, no, I'm. Listen, feel it right now.

I gotcha.

You're not feeling it?

No, I've always felt that.

I'm serious. I feel like there's. I'm bonded to this guy. Don't even know him, but I know him beyond this light.

Well, I might as well just share this portion of the story. So my, my mom had a son that actually got shot when he was 7 years old in a kid's basement because he was playing with a gun. And way back then, like they just didn't have the same. I think instantly. So I cannot, after I had kids, like I could not even imagine. Like I can't even imagine. But I was not born. My mom actually Thought she was done having children. And then, interestingly enough, she. After I don't know how long it had been, but she decided to try again. And she got pregnant with me and my brother. Actually, he would be Garret's agent. And he was born. He had a cyst on his eye and they had to remove it. And he had a little scar. When I was born, I had this exact same cyst. And so for her, she was always like, oh, I knew you were supposed to come down.

But anyway, here's what I know. Like, that. That situation for your mother changed her forever. And at the same time, it changed you because it may have created you to be here.

I don't even know where I was gonna go. Cause I got a little emotional.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, you were talking about, like, how we were, like, different ends of the spectrum. And I was just thinking, like, I feel like I've always been the more independent child. And yet being raised, I was always super quiet. Like, even with business and life, like family members will say all the time. I wouldn't have thought Danielle was gonna be the one that was like a big success. The success and doing just, like, move. Cause like, my whole family stayed, like, living where they were. And I just. I felt like I was the one that just kind of like, was like, screw it. And I branched out and I just, like, lived life for me and whatever it is. But I. I always felt like I was at the end of. The end of all the kids. And I honestly felt like. I remember my parents being around, but this sounds bad. Mom and dad, if you're listening. I remember baby kids who were a ton. I lost her quite often because I was 11. I wanted to hang out with friends and I'd bring her and I'd lose her.

She'd be two and wander off.

And she'd be two and wander off. I remember, like, my older brothers and sisters, they'd be like, kay, stay home. You're watching Caitlin. But I was the only one that would watch her. I remember, like, changing your diaper. And I'm sure all my brothers and sisters have the same story. But my point is, like, I didn't feel like I was parented a ton. I felt like at the end of five kids, and maybe this happens with the end of five, six kids, the parents are just like, you're different than you are with your first, and then you are with your sixth. By your sixth kid, you're kind of like, hey, fend for yourself. Like, you know what I mean?

But, you know what's crazy, though, is that your parents didn't parent Damon the same way they parented you.

And that's what I said.

Damon's your older brother.

My. My oldest brother. His name is Damon. I always felt like similar personalities. Like, I'm a little more feisty, but I look at the radical difference of, like, what we've done in life, and I'm like, holy shit. Like, I don't remember doing sports or anything. My mom's story was always, you know, I'd sign you up for dance or gymnastics, but your friends weren't doing them, so you just quit. And I was like, oh, I just remember, like, trying stuff and quitting, but I never felt, like a push to be consistent with anything. And I remember fighting my parents, and they were like, screw it. You don't want to do dance. We're not going to force you to do it. Whereas I bet, like, if it's your first kid, you're like, you will be the all star ball player. You will be the best ballerina there is. And I think just towards the end, they're like, we had five kids. Like, you don't want to dance. I am not gonna fight you anymore. And so I felt like this happened to me, though.

This happened. Like, the thing was crazy, though, was that my parents didn't push me. My parents pushed me to be responsible. Like, I had to take care of the kids. I was babysitting our brothers and sisters all the time. Like, I would watch the kids. Not that my mom wasn't around. My dad was gone a lot. My mom was here, but I would watch the kids all the time. Like.

Sweet.

I was cashing in on that money.

You know, it's interesting, too. Like, I remember feeling like my parents, they said when you got into high school, they're like, danielle, you can either work or you can do sports. And I was like, wait, do I get paid if I do sports? And they're like. They're like, no. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna work.

Get a job.

Yeah, I'll just work. But I'm just saying, like, how so.

Sometimes it's not what the parents are doing, it's what they don't do that instills in them.

That's what I was wondering. Because I was like, kate, honestly, I felt like my parents were just like, hey, like, what? Like, way chill with me. Like, way chill. I can literally remember one time my dad got mad at me, like, one and I was a shit. I like, look back and I'm like, oh, God. I was a shit. But. But for the most part, I was a good kid. I didn't do drugs. I didn't drink. I didn't have sex. I didn't. Like. I was a good kid. I didn't get the best grades. Like, I.

But your grades were shit.

My grades were so shit, I barely graduated high school.

You had to.

Last trimester. I talked every single one of my teachers into giving me good grade.

And it's a good thing you did.

Anyways, I.

You passed cosmetology school.

When I was young, though, I just didn't see the purpose of getting, like, good grades. I just didn't. So I didn't care. But anyway, I don't know why.

All right, so we're gonna wrap this show up, but here's the two principles we're gonna end on. Question number one for you is this. What are the actual belief systems that matter that you are instilling in your children? There's a lot of stuff you could instill in them, a lot of behaviors and skill sets, but what are the actual beliefs about themselves and beliefs about the world that you are consciously depositing in them? And then the second piece is, what is the lesson that your children are learning by what you're not doing, right? Not doing for them or not doing to them? Or maybe they're just observing you, and this is a topic you can have.

She'll stress out about stuff, and I feel like I'm not putting any pressure on her. So I would say, as a parent, like, I would hate to have my child be older and be like, well, I just did this because I felt so much pressure from you. Like, if they put pressure on themselves, I think that's actually healthier. So I don't. I don't know. Like, I just. I notice, like, kids will put. I don't know. I notice Bailey's more responsible when I actually kind of take off the pressure.

And you let her do it for herself.

Yeah, totally. And she'll be like, mom, I'm failing this class. I'm like, what happens if you fail that class? Well, then I. And she'll lay out the consequences. And I'm like, okay. And like, well, then do what you need to do. But I never, like, put that pressure on her. She'll put the pressure on herself. And I don't know if that's good or bad, but I feel like.

And it's our strategy.

It's my strategy. And like I said, my kids are still somewhat young, and I feel like I Just always approach things, I try to approach things. That is for a mom to like give birth to her child, they're not really, they're not really yours to keep forever. And I remember I had a certain situation where I was. Bailey was only like four and I was trying to manipulate the situation. I was like, you will do this. And like monster mom came out and I was just like. And I was like, what's wrong with her? What's wrong with her? What's wrong with her? And then I was like. This clear voice came to me. I was like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, oh shit. I was like, okay. And in that moment I was like, she's not mine to manipulate and control. I'm there to guide and lead and show up and do the best I can. And I think that every parent goes in with that intent, not that they're gonna fuck up their kids. They go in with the intent that they want the best for them. And that's why we end up kind of feeling like we try control the path in the situation, but ultimately she's not yours. And I was like, she is too mine. And then I was like, no, she's just, she's not my little person. Like I'm. I'm here to just be like the best leader and guider that I can for my children. So that's how I try to approach parenting. And people might be have different tactics and this and love and logic and da da, da, da. And I'm like, ultimately I'm learning and growing and figuring it out as I go. And I try to just be. Go in with love. Go in with love.

The end. Okay, great. End of the show. So here's the thing. We're wrap up today's show. We'll be back next week with the topic of communication. But a few things. Here we have Be the Man, the book which thousands and thousands of these copies. There was over 10,000 we'd already had into our student bases across the globe. And then we just took it to the public here on Amazon here a few weeks ago. Almost 600 full on multi paragraph man, beginning of 2019. But for those who are interested in that, I would encourage you head over to Amazon, check that out. Look up Be the Man by Garrett J. White. You can find the book there. And for the rest of you, well have a fantastic week and we look forward to seeing you guys next week.

Oh, I have an announcement.

Oh, you have an announcement.

If you are not listening to the big money stylist, podcast. That is my business hairstylist podcast. And I'm bringing back on one of my favorite, favorite guests. His name is Garrett White.

Garrett White. Don't know who this guy is. Must be your old boyfriend. But Garrett J. White would like to be on your show.

So stay tuned to more of this.

Big money stylist, a little more business talk out to the marketplace.

I like it.

All right, we're out of here, guys. Have a great week. We'll talk to you next week on the topic of communication.