Healing Through Sobriety: Matt and Heather's Journey of Love, Redemption, and Lasting Connection

You both give each other 100%, and that's when even sex is magical. You're like, holy shit. That wasn't even about the orgasm. We are so connected there.

I walked into the church, and I literally started crying right when I walked in. The energy, the Holy Spirit, whatever, hit me. I don't know how long it's been since I've cried. I literally built a bolt around my heart, and I was emotionless for so long.

Yeah. Well, my friends, welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. And, you know, we changed some things up on the show this year. We started bringing other power couples in who have done life imperfectly, yet continue to progress and build big. Today we have another amazing couple with us. He's a member of our Savage Syndicate, a member also of a whole bunch of other programs before this, Men you may know, guys you've had on the show, Sean Whalen and some of the others. And we got to have a relationship that started here. Just around the beginning of the year. He came into one of our programs, and we smoked cigars together, spend time together. His beautiful wife, also on the show with us today, has participated in some of our warrior programs. And they have the interesting dynamic of running evolution, mechanical. Together. Together. You hear this? Two people building a business. Not like kind of one supporting the other. No, no. At war together in the business for years and years and years. He's also the author of the Blue Collar Kings. This book right here, services and launched a coaching program guiding men to build success in the same industry he was in. So today I. Welcome to our stage, our living room, really, our living room stage. Matt and Heather Murray, welcome to the show, guys. Thank you.

Thanks for having us.

Okay, so we're going to play this back. Matt, talk to us about the scar on the forehead. Is this where she hit you?

This is where Heather hit me over the head with a hammer one night when I came home from the bar. No, I'm just kidding.

Oh, wow.

Okay, let's.

Let's go right into it. The scar on the forehead, two and a half years old. It was 1978, northbound on the 5 freeway headed towards Oregon in the Winnebango, my family's RV, and we got hit by a drunk driver that was traveling southbound. Flipped the motorhome. I was thrown out of the motorhome, and top of my forehead was ripped off and my hands were ripped off.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

But I made it out alive.

So those. Do you remember an event?

I don't.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's all Suppressed. And I wonder as I go through my. Some of my healing journeys, and there's some darkness there that I'm still kind of hanging on to that's buried way, way down deep. Deep. Deep, deep.

Yeah.

Because I don't remember anything about it.

Which, weird is some of the work we've done in the last couple of years on ourselves. There's a lot of stuff from repressed, like pain as a kid that you just black out. I can imagine two and a half year getting thrown out of an rv.

Yeah, well, it's a defense mechanism to like, not remember it, you know, but it's healing later when you bring it up in life and it almost like explains certain ways you're triggered and why you do things of a car crash you don't even remember.

Right?

Yeah.

And that was Danielle's situation too. I mean, she got a car accident. What, 16?

Yeah. We've been doing a lot of work. We've been like, re bringing up these memories and there's like, things that I like. Oh, wait, like you're piecing together the puzzle. I was 16 and I was driving down the freeway going 110 with my two girlfriends going to Vegas, and all of a sudden we get a flat tire. And I remember thinking, oh shit, we're going to roll. And I just. We literally bounced across the freeway several times and landed upside down. I woke up my. My two or I like, kind of came to. Both my girlfriends are knocked out. None of us had a scratch on us.

Wow.

Like, we walked out of there and it. I mean, it was just crazy. I felt like I was very protected in a little bubble somehow.

But.

But yeah, I mean, did any of.

The rest of your family get hurt?

Yeah, my mom broke some ribs, knees damage, but nothing, nothing real. Nothing real bad, luckily. What does happen today in terms of memory? There's like the visceral memory, like when there's an earthquake or any like sometimes like a real loud boom. Like I'll. I'll like, I'll get super like stunned or shocked like from a super loud like, boom. And I can remember we're about 9 or 10 years old. I was about 9 or 10 years old and we were in a motorhome again and we were going camping. And my dad's motorcycle on the back of the RV was like on the bumper and the strap came loose and it like shattered out the back window as we were kind of going down the dirt road. And it like, it scared the absolute bejesus out of me. And I can remember And I didn't know what was going on. And my dad, you know, he was kind of a hardcore, crazy blue collar drinker, rough and tough kind of a dude. He's screaming at me, like, what's your problem? It's fine, it's just a motorcycle. Blah, blah. My mom's like, he's probably remembering the accident.

Shut up.

And then those two started going at it. So there's a little bit of memory there, like, with loud noises and glass break and stuff like that, but I don't remember anything to do with the actual event at all. It's all, like, blacked out and gone.

Heather, do you have the ability to yell a certain way that will activate this?

No, no.

Okay.

No, no.

I, I, there's, there's some other deeper levels of activation. I do not go there because. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She keep him in a calm state as much as possible.

He's one of those reactive men that.

You have to keep in a very.

You don't want to. What do you want to say about the bear?

No, you don't poke the bear.

Very nice. Calm, cool, collective, passive.

I think all men are reactive. Like, the more you go down this rabbit hole like women, one of the struggles we have is we're like, don't poke the bear. Because we're like, I don't want this to end up in some kind of argument. Right? But then the kicker is then we become resentful because we won't communicate our feelings. And then one day we blow up.

I'm like, you bought it. I.

And he's like, what happened? You're like, there's like all this point that we have regression and they have reactivity, but.

Okay, so you two have been in business together. I'm not so much interested in talking about the business as I am about how you decided this was a good idea. So, Heather, I'm gonna start with you. Talk to us about what? I mean, what has been the ups and downs of you two running? Not just a business. You're running a blue collar business. You're dealing with rough dudes all day. You're dealing with, like, hardcore guys. You're dealing with the drinking and the smoking and the chewing.

It's not glamorous.

Oh, right. Cool. By any means, how did, how did this even begin? Like, how did you even start down this path to decide to be part of the business?

So my background was sales, and I worked for a Fortune 500 company, and I was doing that whole gig, B2B Fortune 500. Very successful in My career. And he kept hiring these people as sales reps. And jokingly I would say, I'm like, I can run circles around those guys. Like they're not working that hard. Like I know what to do. And you're spending all this money. We have young kids. I'm working 6am to 6pm I'm on my phone, I come home, I'm a royal b.

Just say it.

You can say bitch on the show.

I'm a royal bitch. I don't like who I am and I'm doing all this work to. I was on a capped commission plan. Like, I'm like, I'm maxing out my comp plan every year. I'm, I'm doing all this work for corporate America. Like yes, I get the trophies and the trips and we had some great vacations and things like that, but I'm like, I'm just, I just, I don't like it. And, and so I wanted to, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. And so we had this vision of a five year plan that I'd come work in the business and help grow the sales team and produce and then I'd work part time or be a stay at home mom. And we're 10 years into that plan now.

Yeah, I mean we had a good plan. We just had the timing of the plan. Not so we weren't so good on the estimating the actual timing of the plan. So yeah, it was a two year.

Plan that turned into a ten year plan.

Ten years into the five year plan.

Ten years into the five year plan and all the roller coasters that have gone along with it. Obviously we didn't see a lot of that coming. We just thought it was going to be great. I'd go into business, we'd do sales and the business would explode and we'd live happily ever after.

Right.

It looked amazing on the whiteboard. Like all run operations, she'll like, she'll do sales, she'll get clients and I'll service the clients. We have the perfect little. We could have this totally like build the whole kingdom in five years and live happily ever after, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And then life happened. So along with this, you're, you've got the kids plus you're working in the business.

Yep.

How are you managing being a mom, a wife and in sales full time, running the front end of the business?

I outsourced being a mom so I had a full time nanny pretty much our whole up until about two years ago. And we had a great nanny that unfortunately, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was younger than me and passed away. And so from that, there was just this transition of people in the house and, you know, dealing with young kids and that loss. And it was very challenging on the home front, and that put a lot of strain on us in the business.

Did you have to go.

For.

How long did you have your nanny for?

She was with us from the time I went back to work when my daughter was six weeks old, up until first grade.

Okay.

The kids were in first. First grade. She was their teacher, too. She actually took on a job at the school and.

Oh, wow.

Moved into that position and was. I mean, very, very close. Yeah.

So she was there from the beginning, like our kind of nannies are right now. So nanny. Nanny's interesting thing because we talk about this with entrepreneurs a lot, and a lot of women have a hard time with this. Danielle had a hard time with it in the beginning. Now it's like such amazing women in our life. It's beautiful. Was that. Was that an issue in the beginning for you, or was it a necessity?

It was a necessity, and we got along, and the kids were so young. I think, some of, you know, the parenting at older age might differ.

Right.

And so you're dealing with almost like three parental roles in the household, but for us, it was. She was very loving, nurturing, and really my resource and backbone in our. In our family unit.

And, Matt, what about you? Like, with the whole nanny project, like, what was your thoughts on it? Going into it.

Going into it, it seemed. It seemed like the right thing to do. I have some regrets with that now today, because she's lost a lot of time. I've lost time with the K, too, because we did outsource that mommy role, that mommy component. I think the hardest thing with Megan Maymay was our nanny that we had first. And losing her, that in itself was just. Was absolutely horrific. And it's left some scars in all of us that I don't think we've all. I don't think we've recovered from yet. But, yeah, I don't know. There's. There's pros and cons to the. To. To go on that route with the nanny like Heather. I think it's harder for Heather because she still feels today like she's lost a lot of time in that mommy role that she'll never get back. So I think it's a little bit harder for her. You know, what would we do if I would go back in time and rewind, would I do it all over again. I would, but I think we would obviously change some things. But, you know, hindsight's always 20 20. What do you do?

Yeah, talk about that for a second because, I mean, you found a good rhythm now, but in the beginning, go back to when we first started bringing Amazon.

Well, it's interest interesting because, like, I knew I always wanted to be a mom, but I always loved my career and what I did and actually being a mom made me make different choices in my business so that I could kind of balance it all. So even in the, the very beginning, I think I had a hard time working in general that it was like I had to either pick the mom role or the work role. And that actually held me back in a lot of ways and in having success inside of my business because of course I'm like, no, I'm always picking the mom role first. Right. And so now when I talk to other women, I'm like, you don't have to choose. Like, you can literally, you can create whatever you want in this world. Like, you truthfully can. And so I hit so many, like, mommy pockets of guilt and things like that. We're just on the floor sobbing. Didn't see my kids all day, multiple days in a row. And I was like, this is stupid, you know, And I'm like. And I almost like quit my passion and my pursuit of my business. And then I was like, no, it's all about renegotiating your boundaries and work when you want to work and make time for your kids. I will tell you, the more that I am involved with my kids because I've gone through that. Like, I miss so much time because I have two sets of girls. I will tell you the times that I'm like, with my kids all, I'm like, I can't be a full time mom. You guys deserve trophies. Like, like.

We need another nanny right now.

So part of me, we had three at one point.

There's this. But there's this unrealistic vision that moms are just going to be with their kids all the time, right? And it's going to be so glamorous. And the reality is, is, like, we need a few hours for ourselves even now. I. I told Garrett we had two, our two kids, and then we had our other two kids. And I said, we're not the same people. And I was like, and we can afford help. And I was like, so I need, I have a full time nanny now. But it's nice because I can like, choose when I take him to lunch and choose when I want that time. And it's like I realized, like I said, I like this idea that women have that they have to be these full time moms. To be a mom is inaccurate, correct? Like, to. You always be the mom.

Right?

So for me, that helped me let go of like a lot of. A lot of guilt. And I would say, even with you guys, your kids are going into teenage years. Those are fun years. They're very challenging. But I think I firmly believe that teenagers need you more present in that time than they do in toddler time.

Right?

So don't, like, I would say, let go of any of that, you know, passive. Would we do it different? Because you still have time. This is like this. These years are the most pivotal, important time that you're your boy and girl. This is the. If you could give them any time and attention. This is like when they mold their little selves, you know, I think this is more. Even more important.

So one of the things that hit home for us was one of our coaches. He said, we think of time with our children as linear time, right? But it's not about that. It's more about creating those precious moments. Like, the kids are not gonna remember that you sat with them for eight hours. They're gonna remember the one time you played cards or you had this moment. And Matt shared that on another podcast he was at. But 4th of July, he bought this little gym car. I forget. Skyla and I, we were doing a mother daughter thing with Bethany Hamilton. So we were doing our girls weekend. And he sends me a picture. I'm like, did you just buy that? Like it's not just a golf cart. Like, it's a little gym car.

Like a little electric fun.

I'm like, what? Why did you get that? Like you could have gotten a golf cart. He's like, cuz I just wanted it. He's like, I wanted it for fourth of July. There's a parade, it's street legal, we can decorate it, we can take the kids. He's like, I just wanted to create these memories. Memories with the kids. And I'm like, okay, all right, I'm with you. Yeah, but so that was a big shift in, like, mindset is not so much linear. Time is just creating those precious moments. And it can be a 20 minute, 30 minute, you know, thing that they weren't expecting as opposed to being with them for eight hours the whole day.

It's interesting too, because I find like, people think of like, guilt as like a negative thing or a bad Thing for me. Like, I think that guilt was designed to be like, oh, why am I having that feeling? Okay, I need to go reconnect with my kids. You know, it's nothing to like, sit in a space of guilt rather than like, hey, I. Yeah, I haven't really shown up this week, and I probably need to dial that in a little bit and create these, like, you said, moments. And not necessarily, like, I'm gonna go sit there for four hours. Because we know we're always trying to multitask, right. They're just gonna remember mom on their phone for four hours, so it doesn't count. Doesn't count mom time if you're multitasking. Okay, ladies, if you're listening to this and you're like, I put in my time. If you're multitasking, it doesn't count. The kids won't remember. And if anything, they'll just remember mommy's on her phone all the time. Because I've gotten that too. And I'm like, son of a. Why, why don't I just put my phone down and, like, actually sit with my kids room? And even if you're just watching a freaking movie. Right.

You know, what's it been like for you with the kids? I guess you guys were building during those 10 years, and you're obviously working hard. Talk about what. That process with you. What worked, what didn't work with you as the kids that were younger.

Yeah, for me, what didn't work is not spending enough of that time. I think some of the guilt. I think the guilt narrative exaggerates too, because I see the pictures in my phone and in the scrapbooks from the vacation. So I'm like, I don't think we were as bad as parents as we really think. Think we are. Like, in the moment when you're having that guilt.

Yeah.

You know, trip, if you will. But for me, again, I would. I would go back and I would allocate more to precious moments, not the lineal linear time together, but I would have spend more time paying attention, being more present in the moment. Drinking less, partying less. Spending more time with them. With her being more present too. Like at home, like, sitting on the couch. Get off the laptop, put the phone down. They just want some attention.

They want.

They want.

They want you to be seen.

Yeah, they want to be seen. They want you to, like, spend some time and interaction with them and hear them and ask them questions and be silly and giggle and just. They want to be kids. They want to play with their parents and I. I didn't do enough of that the first decade for sure. So I'm working on getting better with that.

Yeah.

So I know one of the. The massive hurdles that you overcame was addiction. Alcohol.

Yep.

And just the entire path there. Walk us back to some of the beginning changes. You've told me the story, like, 10 times, and I love the story every time. That's why you ask it. But like. Like the change where you actually came to Christ, you had a bunch of shifts that occurred for you in a very short period of time. Walk us back on that. And then I want. I've heard his side, like, 10 times. I. And we're all going to get a hero. But I'm very excited for Heather's side, so whatever he's saying, just get ready to fill in any of the gaps that we're missing. Danielle does this me all the time. I'll be telling the story. And she's like, just biting her tongue to wait to fill in the gaps.

That was your version of it.

But so. So go back, Go back. The business is building. A lot of guys have. I did. I went through this for, like five years. Heavy alcohol every night, vodka every night.

Just.

I was an angry, angry guy. Just very upset. I thought I was. I was proud of himself because I didn't hit my kids, because I got hit all the time and whipped and hit with paddles. And so I was like, oh, I'm better, Dad. I don't. I can hit my kids. And then I just yelled. Which now, looking back with girls, I probably been better to spank them and not yell. So go back for a. So on the path view, because 90% of the men that I've engaged over the last 12 years, 65,000 guys have had some type of addiction phase either to alcohol, marijuana, drugs, or doing something to try to just survive. Building, being married and having kids. So it's not abnormal at all. People hear it and they're like, oh, my God, I can't believe it. And you're like, oh, every end.

Yeah.

You got room 100 guys, and you get 90 guys, and dude, raise your hand. They all gone through it.

Y.

So walk us back on it.

Yeah. So growing. Growing up, alcohol was the event. It was the thing, right. It was my. My parents, blue collar, both sides, blue collar. Family lineage. You know, there was always a party. There was always a barbecue. There was always a camping trip, the river, the glamis, sand dunes. And there was always alcohol. So from the time I was a little, tiny baby boy, I just Started getting that social conditioning, that social programming that, you know, like cigarettes and a little bit with drugs, too. My mom had some crazy aunts and uncles. They were partied out, and there was, you know, there was weed and joints and drinking. And I just saw that from a very young age. So I grew up thinking, oh, that's normal. You're supposed to grow up, you know, become a teenager or turn 21, and. And you earn your right to. To start drinking and partying and having fun. So that's how the journey started for me. Probably starts the same way for most people. Starts off as just fun, something to do, and then it gets to be where it's like, you need booze because you had a rough day, right? Like, oh, I deserve to have a drink. Because today was tough, work was tough, My boss was mean to me. This job didn't go the way I wanted to, whatever. And I. For me, it just got progressively more. Where there was more justifications and validations to have a drink. If something went well, if something went horrible, well, then now we need to drink to wash away our sorrows and all this horrific bullshit we're having to go through. Right. So it eventually got to a point where over the course of many, many years, and I can remember the first time I drank or got drunk, I think I was 17 years old, and I didn't stop until. Until 46. I'm kind of disappointed. I was trying to make it 30 years as an alcoholic, and I missed the mark by, like, a year. But I got. Got close.

When he does things, he goes all in.

All right, so. But it just got worse and worse and worse. And then being an entrepreneur, there's a lot of stress. Yeah, right. There's a lot of problems, issues, challenges. So that gives you more. More reasons to go drink. And then as an entrepreneur, there's also flexibility. Yeah, right. It's probably. It's got to be. And. And you're making some money, so you have a lot of re. You have. You have wins, so you have plenty of reasons to go get drunk, and then you have plenty of losses and stress. So you have more reason, get drunk. Then you have a little bit of money, which helps, and you have the flexibility to leave the office whenever the hell you want. It's like the perfect recipe for becoming an extreme, like, drinker.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Professional.

Yeah, a professional.

The cocktail you just described is perfect. That is the perfect cocktail for all entrepreneurs.

It is. You know, and happy hour would start at 7, you know, and then the next year it was 6. And then the following year it was 5pm Happy hour. Eventually happy hours happening at like 11am before lunch hour. And you're like. And she's like, you're drinking a lot and too much. And I'm like, I'm fine. Yeah, this is fine. I got this totally under control. So the truth of the matter is though, when you're drinking that much, you don't have anything under control. You're completely out of control.

Right.

And you don't see anything clearly. You're fogged over. As you know, there's probably that, that phase you went through where you think you're seeing the world correctly or clearly and you're not.

Yeah, yeah.

You're so fogged over from the booze. And it's not just when you're, you know, drunk. It's even days after your brain is just. It's literally pickled and you're just not, you're not processing correctly.

So as he's, as he's stepping, as it's accelerating and you're seeing this and you're starting to call it out. I mean, I had it. I had a two year addiction with feel Freeze. I thought it was. I was proud of myself. With what feel free tonic, Sir Kratom and kava. But they said that at a certain dose, which the dose I was taking, it was basically, I was taking morphine every day.

Wow.

So I thought I was like, good. I was like, I'm not drinking, I'm doing great. And Danielle lost her and called me out in a big way.

Well, I just, I was like. I mean, we, we still drink, but it was different when I'm like, you're waking up at 4am and you're drinking one of these Kavas. And I've had one before. And it's different because it's, it's like being drunk without the brain fog. So you can like navigate and drive and do all these things, but you're like, pills? Yeah, it's like, I mean, so anyways, I drink on one and I was like, oh, that's not for me. But he would get up from the time at like 4am and drink those all day long. So I never got to experience present Garrett, like. And at some level I was like, this guy's great. He's so chill. He never wants to fight and he's great. I was. Prior to this, it was like, I gotta be careful what I say to him because he's a poke the bear and he will blow up, you know.

All the time. That sounds good. You're great. Yeah.

I was like, oh, I could. I can say nothing wrong.

This is great.

So wasn't Shella wasn't great?

Well, I just. I couldn't feel him anymore. I literally, like, I had. This is. We talk about this all the time on the podcast, but a couple years ago, I, like, snapped. And I was like, I'm literally. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have to leave. I'm gonna have to leave you. I cannot grow with a man who needs to be this unconscious every single day, all day long, because this is your story that you need to deal with life. And I was like. And I don't. I don't believe it. And he says that, like, he's like, oh, In a lot of ways, any addiction starts out fun until it becomes an addiction, right? Same with alcohol. So it was just this thing where it was probably good for a period of time or a season. I'm not saying it wasn't. Like, when he first started drinking, like, a couple of night, I was like, good job, babe. You're not drinking a fifth of vodka. And we're like, you're just chilled out. But then when it was every day, all day long, I couldn't get in, I couldn't communicate, I couldn't see him. It was like. It was. There was a wall there. And so that's when I was like, either we got to figure this out or I'm out. I'm like, I'll lose the cars, the house, like, everything. I'm like, because I have to be able to connect with my husband.

So where were you as it. As it started accelerating?

So we started our relationship on fun and drinking and trips and vacation. And so it started out in the fun phase, right? And then we had the kids. And I'm like, okay, it's going to slow down. And then the kids started getting older. I'm like, well, certainly it'll slow down. And it just kept accelerating. And when I say he does everything to the full extent, I mean he does everything to the full extent. And the last three or four years, like, it was. What was. What was interesting too, is I think we were both in denial of the fact that he had a problem with it because he was such a high functioning alcoholic. He never missed a day at work. He was always there. He was always Johnny on the spot. Still, even in the business, he could be three streets to the wind and still handle and get things done when it came to work. And we would go through These stents. We did 75 hard, where you don't drink for 75 days. He would. There was. It was kind of consistently for two or three years where he did Dry January. And so he kept, like, proving to me, I'm like, well, he can go 30 days, he can go 75 days, so maybe it's not a problem. And it became this convincing story, like, to me, even to where I was, like, in denial with him. I'm like, no, he doesn't have a problem. And others would see it, and they're like, no, that's. That's not normal. Like, it's not normal for your husband to be at the bar at three o' clock in the afternoon, lining up shots of vodka with a double tall drink sitting right next to it.

Like, that's just not normal in the moment.

He was super conditioned. Like, literally three or four shots, sit down, start, and then a double tall, whatever he was, you know, that would be a sip and drink. And then he lined three more shots up. And that. That was just, you know, the normal. And anyone that's lived in an environment like that, you don't know what's walking through the door at the end of the night. It can be somebody very happy, or it can be somebody that's very angry or somebody that wants to pass blame off on you. And so it's very difficult to be in that kind of environment, for sure, as the spouse and then, you know, even our children, too, there was definitely uncertainty in the home environment, not knowing, you know, who's gonna show up, when's dad coming home? How is he coming home? And they were still young, so they wouldn't, you know, probably relate to a lot of these words that I'm putting out into their mouth. But the energy that walked through the door wasn't consistent, it wasn't stable, and therefore, it wasn't a safe environment.

Would you, during those phases, would you withdraw? Like, how did you. How did you handle what was happening?

There were times, yes, where I just would separate myself. Thankfully, that was a learned coping mechanism, because if you've dealt with alcoholism, you don't want to confront in the moment. You really don't want to have a conversation in the moment, because, again, you don't know which way it's going to go. But, yeah, I withdrew and there was a lot of resentment. And then that became a fight in its own, you know, way, and that escalated things. So.

So you made a pivot. You made a series of pivots.

Yep.

How many years ago did you Go sober.

I quit drinking March of 2022.

Okay.

Yeah. So we had. I mean, she had been telling me for. For many years the drinking had to stop or slow way down or she couldn't do it anymore. Like, she was going to be done. Kind of like you, you're like, I'm done. I'm fed up. I'm going to leave. And I didn't believe her. She told me that story over and over and over again. I'm like, whatever. She's just mad. She's upset, right? She's not going to leave. Well, she did. The end of 2021, turning the corner into 2022.

She did.

She left. And that's when reality, like, hit home. And I'm like, whoa, okay, maybe. Maybe I do have a problem. Maybe I do need to get some help. Maybe I. Maybe I am drinking too much. So that was that ultimate kind of rock bottom moment for me was like reality was setting in for me and I had to really, like, dig deep. And it was a big. It was a big pit for me. It was the deepest pit, really, I've ever been in, in my entire life. And, you know, I had some heavy thinking to do about what was next. Did I want to. Did I want to clean things up with the marriage, with the family, or did I want to get a divorce or separate? And ultimately we made the decision to fight for ourselves and fight for the family and fight for the kids and. And put things back together. Originally, when I first started drinking or stopped drinking, I felt pretty confident that I could get to a place of moderation, especially now that I knew, like, how serious she was about it. I'm like, all right, there's leverage. And I did moderation for, like, a couple of months, like, in January of 2022. I'm like, okay, I'll cut it way, way, way back, right? And that's when we started made this decision to get some help and go to counseling and work on me and work on us. And really what was the driving factor for me when making the decision to go 100% clean and not drink at all was I thought about the kids and they won't. What resonated for me in thinking through whether to take the moderation route or just to quit drinking completely was that I believe that they won't be able to know the difference between moderation and not drinking at all. And when I thought about that with my kids and what really made me make the decision to quit completely was that I would never forgive myself if they. If they Turned into an alcoholic or because of alcohol, they got in an accident, hurt somebody or hurt themselves or whatever because some alcohol event. So when I had that epiphany or revelation, if you will, it was an easy decision for me that no more alcohol in the house, and I'm not drinking. I'm done. I have to role model for them that alcohol is bad and it's the enemy, even in moderation. So that's the choice that I made, and that's the route that we decided to take. And then a couple of months behind me making that commitment, I think she saw me for 60 days, not touch anything at all. Like, I was done. Like, I got. I hit rock bottom so hard. Like, I was done, done, done. Like, no cravings, nothing. And then, you know, shortly behind me, in May of. Of 2022, Heather said the same thing. She had her last sip of wine. We were in Cabo, and it was like, an event with the kids, too.

It was. Yeah, we were down in Cabo for my birthday, and we had. We were in another part of Mexico, like, the month before with the kids on vacation, and he wasn't drinking, but he. He had stopped, but he didn't really, like, commit to it. And so I was like, well, I don't. You know, he's like, no, you can get whatever. Grab some white claws. Grab. And I'm like, no, you know, it's fine. I'm just gonna see if I can do this vacation without alcohol myself. So it was kind of like a challenge. And then we were in Cabo the next month again with the kids, and my best friend was with us and her husband, and she's a wine drinker, and she ordered a bottle of wine at this Italian restaurant. Like, she's already a little intoxicated. If I let her drink that whole bottle of wine, like, in front of my kids, she's going to be a mess. I'm like, I'll have a glass of wine. And the second I said that, because him and I hadn't really discussed, you know, whether I was not going to drink. He had made the choice. As soon as they poured that glass of wine, my kids both noticed, and they're like, mommy, I thought you weren't gonna drink. And so that was like, I took, like, two sips, and it was like, ooh, okay. I don't. I don't want this either, and I don't want that judgment from the kids, and I want to be a role model for them. And for him. I mean, he's breaking just Generational lineage.

Of alcohol in the family, of it.

Just being acceptable in what you do. I mean, I have pictures of my son at 2 years old with a giant model of early times, and the whole family's, like, cheering because that's what his grandpa drank.

That's how we roll.

Like, yeah.

You know, the two year olds making.

Us cocktails and looking back at that.

Photo, like, it's funny now, but I'm.

Like, thinking, you know, and my side.

Of the family, like, I mean, they drank, but it was never, like, celebrated to that extent. Even my mom's like, why'd you put a bottle of whiskey in front? I'm like, oh, because that's what the grandpa drank and that's what his dad drank. And, you know, fourth generation, it's like, no, there's better things to celebrate and pass down than alcoholism.

When Tyler, like, you just saying that right now. When T. Tyler said something to Heather when he saw her pour the wine, like, I literally just got goof spots right now just recalling that moment.

Yeah.

Like, when I saw that, that was like, I was. That for sure. That was like the. Yeah, that sealed the deal right there.

Right.

That I was done. Like, in that moment, I realized. And in a nanosecond, I realized and process so quickly, like, how much damage the drinking had done and shown the kids how bad it was because they were that scared. They had no. They've seen dad, like, had kind of stopped and mom had stopped. But when mom, like, took a sip of the wine or had a glass of wine and, like, the facial expression, the way Tyler said it, they were watching concern. And the way he said it to Heather, it was like I was like, oh, my gosh.

Yeah.

There's so much negativity and so much negative energy and past pain that this alcohol and this booze has created in this family. I'm done.

Even now, too, you can tell they, like, they check us.

Yeah.

So we'll have a drink or, you know, we do a lot of sparkling water with, like, fruit in it. They will come over and they'll be like, mom, can I have a sip?

I'm like, sure.

And it's so empowering because before I would be like, no, that's a mommy drink. Yeah, this is mommy's.

They probably like how you guys are showing up so now.

Yeah, they've. They've for sure seen the change. I mean, there's been a lot of positivity aside from just not drinking.

But it's crazy because, like, I grew up in, like, a very Mormon upbringing, alcohol was like of the devil.

Yeah.

Like you can sedate with food all day long, but if you have a drink, yes, you're Satan.

You can be 300.

Yeah, you can be £300. You can £12 cookies. But how dare you have a glass of wine. So that's kind of the atmosphere I grew up in. And my two older kids, we didn't drink at all. Like we were, we were very much kind of like in the Mormon culture until they were like little but we like slow. We didn't really start drinking until like our. I was like in my 30s and even like high school. Never partied, never drank, never grew up in that. So it's interesting because I'll get comments from my kids, especially like Ruby, she's in teenage mode. And I'll be like, having a cocktail on a Saturday. And she's like, well, you're just a drunk alcoholic. And I'm like, I don't think you even. There's like one shot in here. I don't even think you know what you're saying. You know what I mean? So for me, I have to like, when my kids say that, I'm like, I have to take it with like a grain of salt. Like, I'm like, I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about this. But you guys, the situation was totally different. Right?

You know, so when I was trying to get off the field freezer, these little blue bottles. So I'd try to quit like four times and I quit for like a month and then I would like come back harder and then I just. Same like all addictions. That's it. I'm a white knuckle this for a month and then I come back. So I told my five year old, I said, listen, here's the deal. I'm pouring, I'm pouring out this box I have. I said, if you see daddy holding these blue bottles, I want you to punch me right in the nuts. She's like, I can punch you right in the nuts. I was like, yeah. So like two weeks later I go back on them again. And I'm sitting in my office and I stand up and she walks in and I don't think about it. I just have this blue bottle in my hand. And she walk and just goes. I'm like, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? You told me to punch you in the nuts when I saw a blue bottle. Dad, why do you have a blue bottle? I remember feeling what you guys likely felt with your kids, but I was so Justified in my mind at that time that I could just cross check it out. It took Danielle putting our whole lives on the line, like, in the most serious way she'd ever come at me to the point, put me on my heels for 60 days. Like, I. Bro, I was having a hard time stacking it out. I was shaking. I'm like, think I just lost everything over the. Here's the irony. The bottle's called feel free, yet I wasn't even free.

I've seen those. The blue things, like it's a gas station right up the little pushed into entrepreneurs.

They got marketed entrepreneurs. And real hard, I was pushing them to our guys because I was like one or two a night. I didn't have any cravings for alcohol. I was good. And so we had hundreds of dudes. I go to different events. Half the guys in the room be drinking feel free. Then I realized how big of a problem to become for tons of entrepreneurs. So when I quit and I was a very public about it, and I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done, I'm done. It's been five months. I have no cravings. I can see my gastric. I don't care. And I have guys reach out to me like, dude, I'm drinking like 10 of those a day. I was like, no, dude, I was drinking like, 12 recommended doses. One. Yeah, my doctor's lineup told me, like, you were. You were essentially taking morphine all day. Like, the combination with that quantity of what you were taking. And I was like.

I could see it in his face, though. Like, his eyes were, like, glazed over. And I was like, you're not here, right?

Not even here.

Yeah.

Yep.

So as this is going down, what did you notice? How they'll start with you and then come to you? Matt, what did you notice change or opened up? Because, like, what we experienced, too, both with alcohol phases as well as other drug phases, like, there's a P. The relationship morphs into something that's not real. And then when you come out of it, it's like we see each other again.

We're like, oh, I like you. Like, the fog is gone.

What was it like as you make that in Cabo? What did you start to see with you two as a couple? Obviously, all the problems don't go away for anybody, but.

Right.

What started. What did you start to notice in yourself and in him as a couple? As sobriety starting to come into your world, as the fog starting to drop, as particularly as he's going to Zero.

Right.

What started showing up for you with.

The sobriety came 100 truth. And so I know you guys share that.

Yes.

You know, huge in the warrior. And until there was 100% truth, there wasn't trust.

Right.

So even though he would say, I'm going to stop drinking or I'm going to change or I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that different, I didn't trust him.

Yeah.

So when the alcohol and that's why I didn't stop drinking too, like, he's like, oh yeah, I'm going to quit. I'm like, cool, Good for you. Here we go. Let's see how long this. It was almost like I had a watch and I was just waiting for it, you know, the shit to explode again. And so there wasn't a level of trust. And then when he got so clear and truthful in all aspects of life, that was when I was like, okay, he's for real this time. And the change was. I mean, it's gradual, like all things because there's still self doubt for both of us. And we had to work through a lot of things together too, to get to that level of trust. But man, I mean, everything is a hundred times better because we are so authentically real and honest. And, you know, you guys talk very openly about sexual relations and that skyrocketed and the business skyrocketed and our relationship with each other went, you know, skyrocket. And there's just a whole different level of our life that I didn't even know was possible in terms of up leveling. And we're still on that upward trajectory right now, but I would say just getting completely raw and honest with each other and our feelings and what we want. We would go on vacations and it's funny because other people could see it. We would, we'd be in the business working so hard and times were tough. And you know, there's a roller coaster of business that most entrepreneurs go through at some point where it's like, oh my gosh, are we even gonna make payroll this week? Versus like, oh, we're riding the high hog right now. And so we'd go through those cycles in the business and we'd go on vacation and we've been together for over 18 years and people would be like, oh, are you on your honeymoon?

But I'm like, man, we get asked.

That every time we go on vacation. And it almost became this funny thing. Like, we'd giggle because, oh, here comes a couple. And they'd be like, oh, are you on your honeymoon? Never seen people so in love. And we're like, no, we've been married for, you know, 12 years, 13, whatever it was at the time, right? And it was an aha moment for me because I'm like, what is different? Well, we're authentic, right? When we're on vacation, there's no distraction. It's just our true, authentic selves connecting with each other. And when we removed the alcohol too, it just exponentially brought us to a true, authentic state. And that's. We're. No, we both know we're meant for each other. We both have nothing but true love for each other. And when we can connect to that soul level from a authentic state, it's unbelievable what we have.

Yeah. Yeah.

I. I had a moment, Danielle, just like last month, it was last month and we were just downstairs and she was like guiding me. Like we were, I was number one. I was trying to make love to her after playing pool, but it turned.

Into a. I think I saw that video.

Started there with an intention to have all clothes off downstairs and camera people got time, so. But we're sitting there and we started having this moment, like connecting because I was processing with sexual abuse. And then like just so many years of like this up and down game that we go through as entrepreneurs. There's so much scarring that goes on. So much I did to her, so many stupid decisions.

We emotionally abuse each other. Yeah, I'll show you. And then you're like, have all these scars that you just kind of created with each other. All right you guys, quick interrupt. First off, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I hope that you're getting a ton of value. Garrett and I started doing this probably about five years ago and we love sharing more of our story. If you are interested in fashion, fitness, hair, I would definitely encourage you to check out my blog@DanielleKWhite.com I'm the creator of Natural Beautiful Hair Extensions, but I have five beautiful daughters and a crazy story. So to follow along again, check out.

Daniellekwhite.Com I felt like it was about. It was probably about four weeks ago, maybe this is four weeks ago downstairs. And I was like, I, I was like, just waves of. It was guilt and it was shame, but then it was like replaced with like just pain of like recognizing what I as a man have been doing to this woman for 23 years. And the fact that she stayed through all of my this long was like insane to me. And I'd never actually felt that amount of pain, even on my psychedelic journeys, like my message. And my soul kept telling me, and God kept telling me, listen, her soul is dying. But I didn't know what the to do with that. I didn't even know what that meant. And the more I've talked about this, the more I see. And the same has gone down everywhere. Because, dudes, when we get into war mode, then you add narcotics or you add alcohol to try to survive. We're not actually here.

Right.

With you.

Yep.

We're at war. And then we're recovering. Right. To go to war again. Yeah, that's it. So as you start making this shift, I mean, it's amazing because you guys have so much energy coming out of your eyes, both of you. Like, your countenance is just like.

You can see people's countenance are like, you know, so.

It's so hot. It's beautiful.

You guys are great.

As you shift. And she's starting to shift, what did you start seeing different in her? Because I know in my addiction phases, I. I mean, I love to have sex with her, but even sex was like, not even close to the same as his.

Well, now he, like, looks at me different. Like, it's almost like I like, walk into the kitchen, he's like, oh, yeah, you're my wife. You know, I'm like, oh, hello. I've been your wife for 21 years. Thank you for now noticing. Thank you for showing up to the party.

You have a very patient wife.

I'm like, I'm gonna invest. I got it. I'll wait as long as I need to wait.

You girls are good. You guys are good. Long term penny stock investors. You're gonna hit the jackpot. Both of us. So what starts shifting what you see in Heather.

Yep.

As you start getting more and more clear, you and God are getting closer together. Like, what happened for you?

Yeah. Great, great question. So it's funny, we were just talking about this over the weekend, like the time, right. Like, we were talking about her. Her patience with me and this long journey since 2006. But. But looking at this, like, when you finally decide to stop with the bullshit, it's a two part equation, right. Both people have to start to get clean. Both people have to come to truth. The husband and the wife in the relationship. And me looking at what happens, it's such a beautiful place. And you can never get to this magical place of having unconditional love if you don't stop bullshitting. You have to tell the truth. Everything, all the armor has to come off the mask, everything has to drop. And what I noticed is that created some super, super, super like amazing highs of even more spiritual soul connection, sex, love. Like, you know, like just all of that magic. But it also had like an opposite effect. Like it put us into some deeper like trenches too.

Self check.

So I'm like, where a lot of the stuff, a lot of the demons that have been buried for, for all those years, we would have these amazing like love fests and then there would be like a, like, like war. But I'm looking at it now almost like a graph and it's like peak high and then low. But we're like, if you can just stay in the fight, the highs and the lows, you're working through the healing, working through removing all the. And getting things more calibrated to where those, those, those ups and downs. You're more a, like a balanced state. That's what I can remember. Like, like starting the journey. Like when we decided to reboot, restart and refresh. There was the highs and then there was a super lows. But like, I can't even remember now, like, when's the last time we had like a horrific major fight? I can't even remember now, but it used to be like, it was like warfare.

Every month, every other week, warfare.

When's the explosion going to happen?

Yeah, yeah, it was to the point too where he's, he's, he's like, he's so used to the chaos. I call it Matt 1.0. But he grew up in this environment that was chaos and, you know, unstable. And so as soon as things would start to get good, it's like he'd freaking throw a bomb just to blow up. And I'm like, yeah, you're not even mad at me. Like, why are you creating? Why are you acting like this? Like, I'm not the enemy here. I'm your wife. And he would just literally drop the bomb and then freaking take off. Because he was a runner too, so he would be gone. And then I'm like, well, that doesn't solve anything. You leave for a weekend, what do you think's going to go through my head? Like, you wonder why I'm crazy when you get back.

I don't want to come back because you're crazy.

Well, dumb. You left for the weekend. Like, what do you think?

Crazy, dude.

It's a defense mechanism I think for guys is like, things are too good. And they're like, could that be too good? She might leave. I Don't deserve this.

It was like, I don't deserve this.

That's exactly what happened.

And then I like, why are you always trying to run? You wanted me to trust you. And you're always creating conditions where you can be like her and be out.

I'm like, but you created the.

The crazy conditions. You know, Y.

It was.

I mean, you knew this for.

To me for like 20 years, literally.

I did.

Like, I'd be like, why are. Like, things are good. Why sabotage it Right now?

The line you use right there is the one Danielle used with me, which is, I am not the enemy. Stop attacking me. And I was like, see, that's what I'm talking about.

I'm out of here 100%.

Oh, my God.

I have a feeling this is like, this happens in a lot of reactivity.

And no, I don't know a dude who's producing at a high level that's not reactive or was. Is a recovering reactivity guy who occasionally reacts. Yeah, like, that's like. We were sitting at breakfast at the what a Dish, and this. This older couple's sitting there and I got my two girls in a stroller on Sunday. We're waiting for them because they're coming to brunch with all the kids. It was yesterday. So anyways, waiting there and I'm sitting on a bench and we're kind of outside the restaurant and this order is in his wife. And they're debating about something. He's kind of irritated, you can tell. And then the woman comes up about coffee. And I guess there was some drips of coffee from one of the new servers that actually put some drips of coffee on the outside of his cup. And this dude loses his fucking mind. He goes full tilt. And I'm sitting there listening. The server sitting there and she just. Cute little girl is just like, what is happening right now? I don't know what's going on. This guy, his wife does what Danielle would do, which is intervenes and tries to protect the person I'm blowing up on.

Right?

And then cross checks me, which of course doesn't work out because then he's just going to blow up more and I'm going to blow up more. So she cross checks him. I'm like, my guy, it's coffee. It's Sunday morning. This is not a five star resort. If you wanted that, you should have gone to montage.

This is what it is.

Yeah. And he won't look over me. I'm like. And everybody around him is hearing. And I'm like, my guy, relax. I used to do the same stupid. Relax. It's Sunday. It's coffee. Let it go. So he still won't look at me and his wife's kind of sitting there like, I kind of want this guy to keep blasting my husband, but at the same time. But I knew what he was doing because I used to do that over nothing. I gotta fight with teenagers in a grocery store because they knocked marshmallow back on the floor. She walked out of the grocery store because I'm like, choking kids against the wall. I'm like, knock marshmallows. Like, what kind of. What the wrong with you, Garrett? So you start to shift. Intimacy comes back for us in a deep way. Now we're going to the fun topic. So sex. First off, before we get there, congratulations.

Thank you.

Because I truly believe we're a generation of people who grew up at a certain time. We had some great examples and horrific examples in our parents. We had great examples in some ways with our fathers and horrible examples from our fathers.

Yeah.

We're like this bridge generation. And most of our generation is falling apart. They don't know how to lead their kids because it's confusing. We didn't deal with trying to figure out if we're a man or a woman. Like, my daughters wouldn't stand in a Trump photo with us yesterday because it's politically incorrect for their generation. Like, this is like, the weird I have to do with my teenager is crazy. So congratulations on making the jump because you're setting the standard. This show's gonna be great. People love it now. Another reason why people get divorced.

Yep. Sex, intimacy.

So talk about sex. Before that, when alcohol was happening with you too, and what it's evolved into. And we'll kind of share from our side what's happening for us.

Yep. So there would be. There would be ups and there would be ups and downs. Obviously, when there's a lot of alcohol involved, good old whiskey dick would be showing up.

So there wasn't.

There wasn't a whole lot of anything going on right at night. But then the next morning, I will.

Say it was still pretty damn impressive. Like I said, high functioning. He was like in arteries.

In arteries.

You were like.

Like an athlete drinker. So time, though.

And I could. I was. I could have really used like a blue pill. A little more and less whiskey in the moment. I'm like, right now, really? But yeah, so it was. It was good. But then there were the times when it was. It was non existent. We were disconnected. We Would like have these little temporary fall in love moments or fall back in love when we would sneak away from our real life, right? You would put the. You would put a different mask on. It's like, okay, let's sneak away for the weekend. Let's pretend all this darkness and all this bullshit and chaos doesn't exist. We would put that on hold temporarily. We would kind of fall back in love, have a magical sexual weekend or whatever. But then you're right, you go back home and you're right back in the friggin in the. In the hamster wheel of all the bullshit. So the intimacy was. It was, it was there.

It was always there. It just.

But a lot of times it was just short lived. And it was fake too. It was a lot of fake intimacy. Surface level.

Yeah.

But getting to a place where things are at now. Holy moly. Like I don't even know. Like, how do you.

I notice. I saw that look on your face. Yeah. You just ran the tape.

Yes. Yeah, that's. That's the answer that. Yeah.

On fire.

When you can get all the bullshit and you guys know like you're leading the charge on this, right?

Yes.

When you can like get structure in your life, you can stop lying. You can start living clean, start telling the truth. Start showing up as a king, as a. For the queen. Showing the up doing the work. She builds the trust. Like you said earlier, you didn't trust me, so you didn't give me her whole love, right? And then when she gives that, then I give it back. But the other problem in relationships is it's like each, each person is waiting, still holding that. I'm not gonna move in until you move in. And then the other person's like, no, I'm not moving into that center line until you move in. But everybody wants. Wants to meet and everyone wants that connection, but there's that they want to.

Give your full self to your significant partner. But then you hold that tiny piece.

Yeah.

You hold on that little. That last little bit.

Right?

And when you, you can't let go of that last bit of where the magic is of everything, right. And until you. Thus you have to. If it's full truth, you got to take all. All the. Has to stop all of it.

I love that too, because there's sometimes like where I do feel like really connected with Garrett. Where you're exactly. You both give each other 100 and that's when even sex is magical. You're like, holy. That wasn't even orgasm. We are so connected. There but then when you're in a space, you're like, I'm kind of irritated. I'm. You're like, I can have an orgasm, but it wasn't as good.

Why?

Because you're withholding that, like 10% or 2% or whatever it is you're not fully giving yourself to your partner.

What did you notice? Saints Heather.

What did I notice?

Yeah. Besides no more whiskey dicks.

Oh, gosh. Hey, you have feel free dick, so.

I have feel free dick.

I was like scorned from that.

That year.

I was like, am I not good?

Lucky.

What's going on?

I can't believe this is happening right now.

Yeah.

I was like, I think my dick is broken.

This is.

I can't believe this is h. What she's doing right now. This should not be my response 100%. I was like, yeah, this is not good. And she's looking at me like, really? That's.

I was like, I'm offended. I'll see you tomorrow.

It's always at the most inopportune times, too. I'm like, come on, Jack. Come on, Jack. Daniel. We gotta get this thing up right now. Got lingerie on, makeup, perfume, the whole thing.

And yeah, I had a really bad day at work. Yeah, well, man, I was trying to make it better. Now I feel rejected.

Exactly. Neither.

I feel good now. I remember Danielle walking. We were. I remember one time we were down in the grotto, and I was like, this is not happening. I. I'm not going to be able. And there was a moment. She's just trying real hard. And I'm like, I. I thought. I'm just like, I. I appreciate your efforts.

I was like, are you serious? I just gave you a show.

I was like, you win the prize for effort. Today we're handing out trophies for effort. You won my. I'm not even getting a participation ribbon for this one.

I get nothing.

You can sit on the bench, loser. You're done. Go sit. So how does. How does sex change for you with Matt? But even just for yourself, like, as. As he's. Now you've got this more authentic. Which obviously comes when I. When I kind of got everything it was. Was. I had a ton of that reactivity. Still a lot of anger that was now available. She's like, what the.

I didn't say. Well, that was the one thing he went from being on feel freeze to being super numb to. All of a sudden he was like. Like even more reactive. It even happened in the beginning of this year. And I sat him down at the beginning of this year, and I said, there's one thing that I cannot still be married to. If you. This. You need to work on your activity. I'm. I'm dying inside. I'm like, this will break our marriage. So if this is something that you're not willing to work on, like, I can't. I feel like I'm being abused because of your reactivity. I don't want to feel abused by my man. And I had to. It was even scary for me to share that, because I was like, but at some level, women are scared, and then they're just. They're literally, like, dying. And you're like, I don't communicate this to you. But then we have to be careful with how we frame it because we're like, I don't want you to think you're an. But you're kind of being an. You know?

Yep.

So what was the shift?

So pre. Cleanliness. We'll call it. It.

There wasn't sobriety.

Yeah, sobriety. There wasn't. There wasn't a level of trust. Right. So I'm protecting myself. I'm holding my heart. I'm. I'm giving and, you know, receiving. But it wasn't at the level. And once we had full transparency.

The smiles are out.

Beautiful.

Start having way more fun.

Explosive.

Way more fun.

Yeah.

Explosive.

Yes.

Colorful auras.

I mean, just. Just nothing that I thought was humanly possible of freedom and confidence. Really?

Yeah.

That. That comes around that deep, you know, ultimate connection.

Yeah.

Well, and it's like, it sounds like you guys lived, like, the first, you know, era of your marriage. Like, lots of drinking. Like, it was probably common to drinking. Most of the time you're having sex, so then all of a sudden, to see what's possible, not under influence. Like, holy. Right? This is so much different, you know?

Right. Yeah. We. I mean, Danielle, if she's drinking, it's probably 30, 40 minutes of work.

It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work. If she's sober, she has to, like, actually fight to not.

It's like. It's like.

I'm like, so my superpower is like, no alcohol for you. So that piece for us, open up. And that same thing you're saying is not earthly, I swear to you. Like, my. Our experience has been like, we have moments now. We never used to do this. Like, she'll come, I'll come, and then we'll just. She'll just lay on me, and I'm just, like, holding her, and it's like I can't hold her enough. It's like I can't hold her to. It's like I'm trying to hold her into my body. And we'll just lay there, and then we'll lay next to each other naked and just talk for like 15, 20 minutes. And I'm like, this is the. I, like, in my heart, my soul wanted this. I was confused under, like, influence or rage and stress stuff. I just.

Just.

If we just more. I'll be. I'll be happier, right? Only to realize that we've actually had the conversation this year a couple times. We're like. It's almost like we're like, let's come real quick so that we can just be in the place. It's like, beyond the world.

I'm like, we're human, but we're also like a spirit, you know? So it's like we want to connect as a. As a human and connect as a spirit and have those two things align in one moment. You're like, it. Like, that's part of the game here, here, you know?

So this starts to go as you guys start to connect like this. What. What's our transitioning with the kids? So, Heather, I'll start with you on this. What. What did you start noticing is the change for both your children as you two are coming? Because kids. Kids see everything. Their energy's plugged in like dogs. They're like, they know if you're good, they know if you're not good. Etc. Like, as you two start to make this shift sexually and authenticity and your soul start coming together, what do you start seeing as mom happening?

Let me chime in before that. I'm worried about what the kids are hearing in the middle of the night sometime after we put them to bed. Because sometimes this one here, like, she. We try to be quiet.

It's always the quiet ones.

Oh.

I'm like, oh, my gosh.

For sure.

They're hearing this right now.

Like, concrete walls. And my teenager every morning. Well, mom was having a great time last night. We sitting down here, like, yeah, and that's how you all exist. So be grateful.

You know, I think it's healthy for kids.

Like, we found a house that we were gonna move to, and I'm like, no, that is not the one. He's like, why? I'm like, that. That wall. But it's right up next to one of the bedrooms. Like, that is not. Yeah, yeah.

That was our house at that three ocean front. Our last one, it was a beach House feel so like all the doors were like this thin kind of wood. I don't know what kind of wood that was. Like grated. So you could hear right through the doors. So it didn't matter. The whole house heard what was going on. Guests downstairs, everyone. It was a horrible house for great sex.

I mean, you could have imagine your friends. Kids are like, they're like, all my friends heard too. I'm like, oh my God. Leave the house at 9 o' clock at night. We go to bed.

So what happens with the kids? Just like as YouTube you get more connected and you've made these changes. What are you noticing with your children?

I think there's a level of trust for them that's definitely increased too. Both of our kids are very much into routine and consistency now. So they're almost like expecting that and wanting that. Like even we were putting together a new office and there were a few nights where he ran to the office late just to drop stuff off or check in on progress. And they're like, where's dad? When's he coming home? I'm like, oh, he just ran to the office. Like he'll be home at like 10. Okay, make sure he tucks me in. We have a very big routine at. Well, not big, but just consistency at routine. And then we tuck the kids in every night and say we love them and give them a kiss and that. That has been consistent for them and now they come to expect it.

Right.

So I just think there's a level of even trust for them where I.

Think there's too a lot of times, like, because dad, like when I was still drinking and we were fighting a lot, like they. If I left, they knew that was bad. So now when they ask like, where's dad? Or she tells, she'll tell me, like, sky wanted to talk to you. Like she wanted to know where you're at. And I'm like, oh, I'm like ouchy. Because I know where that's coming from. Like they're scared. Like, oh, did that leave? Because that's a reminder for them of how things were in past. Like when we were fighting. And that's obviously like abject terror for them if her and I are. Are at it. So. Yeah, but that, yeah, so you, you.

Had a path, kind of a walk in with God. You've shared with me a couple times. I think it's incredibly powerful. Sure, sure was one of your hang out with ST and those guys and you have kind of your moment. Every kind of has their moment. I'VE been sitting like all the prophets and their callings, like just, it's been like my thing in Bible stacking for the past like three weeks. Just pick a prophet. I'm like, I'm using chat gbt. I'm like, like, where do I read about the story of the calling of Jeremiah? Where do I read the story of the calling of Isaiah? And then I go back in and every single one from the beginning has their moment. Saul had his moment, King David had his moment. Everybody has their moment where God says, hey, all right you around, time to wake up, time to do thing called you to do. So go to your time to I. Time to off and time to do the thing you're supposed to do.

Yep. So about a year before I decided to stop drinking and, and start to show up as a real man for myself and for my family and for Heather, I was down in, in Dallas with, with Stuman and his group and there's a church down in Dallas called Elevate Life Church, ran by Pastor Keith Kraft. And I was on my way, the event had ended and I was on my way to go to the bar to do some drinking and a couple of the boys, they said, no, you're not going to the bar. We're gonna to, we're going to go to church. And I laughed my, I literally laughed my, my ass off. I'm like, huh? I'm not going to church. I'm atheist. I don't believe in God. My parents put me in Catholic school as a little boy. I went to Catholic school grade one through five under the physical and verbal abuse of a heavy handed alcoholic father and just absolute chaos. So I couldn't, as a little kid, looking back now, I couldn't figure out like how could there be a God when there was all this chaos in my life which had me to run away when I was 17 and drop out of high school. And all the, all the chaos ensued and that was kind of the beginning of the, of all that darkness for me for many years. So I couldn't, I couldn't process that there was a real God. But anyways, so I end up, I end up at church on a Friday night, on a Friday night, not at the bar. And I went to the event and I walked in, I walked into the church and there was Pastor Keith on, on stage, six foot six, huge, wearing leather, stomping, there's worship music on, the energy. And I literally started crying like uncontrollable right when I walked in. The energy, the Holy Spirit, whatever Hit me. And I was embarrassed because I'm with all these dudes, these business guys, and I walk in and I hadn't cried. I don't know how long it's been since I've cried. I literally built a bolt around my heart, and I was emotionless for so long. And I walked in and I got a little touch, and I was like, oh, my goodness. And I was embarrassed because I was just crying. Yeah, that was like, the first little thing. And it took me about another year to realize. And through. Through really talking to Steve Weatherford, he explained to me. He's like, dude, you got a God hole, man. He's like, you can keep building businesses, you can quit drinking, you can do all this, and that's all going to help. But until you surrender and accept God, you're gonna have a dark hole in your heart for the rest of your life. And that was the beginning of 2022. And, you know, we started hanging out with. With Keith Kraft and Sheila, and we went on a. You know, we went on a retreat with them, and I met Steve Weatherford, and he poured into me, and. And Pastor Keith poured into me, and it was. It was. It was actually March of 2022. And I accepted God. I accepted Christ. Pastor Keith, you know, prayed over Heather and I. And it was. I was bawling again. Like, just uncontrollable. Just uncontrollable bawling when PK is. I don't even remember what he was doing or what he was saying. I was sweating. I'm starting to sweat right now just thinking about it. Like, it was crazy wild.

Yeah.

And it's just been a. It's just been a crazy journey, but now I can have to start to feel and have, like, a sense of a. There's a God, obviously. Clearly, it was stupid for me to not believe in anything for so long. And now that I'm doing the work, I'm on my spiritual path. I'm on my spiritual journey. And it's. I don't have it all figured out, but I feel like I have a sense of purpose and I have a sense of meaning. And me following, you know, Christ's template for life and for how to be as a man and a husband and lead my children and lead her. It's been absolutely unbelievable. And I can't even. It's almost like I have a hard time putting words to it because it's. So.

Do you feel like God helps lead and guide and.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep. It's been amazing.

It's A wild thing, my guy, to, like, feel it.

I get it.

Yep. It's hard, too, because those guys were just like, don't feel shit forever.

Yep.

Don't allow it. No tears, no crying, no feelings.

That's what my dad told me. You crack a tear, and that's how I was raised. You know what I mean? You crack a tear and it was, oh, let me get my belt out and I'll show you something to cry about. I'll give you something to cry about. And I think that's what, you know, that's what a lot of men in our age group have faced is like, that type of harshness.

Right.

From our industrialized baby boomer parents that just were just. Just like, so rigid. There was no. There wasn't that. That love that. That. That caring that we. That men and. And women, boys and girls rather really wanted and needed. Not just from their mom, from their dad.

And that was just not. I mean, my grandfather was in military. Y hardcore. No feelings. Never saw my grandpa cry. Y never. He never got excited. He never got angry. He just was like. And so my dad was raised in that same environment. So my dad didn't have a clue y how to deal with me or deal with feelings. I remember, like, getting emotional and having breakdowns with Danielle and the. And like, we come home from date night and I just lose it. Like, sitting in the garage, just balling.

Yeah.

And feeling like, such. A. And feeling so weak and like, what kind of woman was going to want this? Who's being so emotional? And it was the opposite.

Yeah. I liked it. I was like, finally you broke the balls down. And I think for women, it's almost like I would, like, hold him. And I'm like, hey, you're safe. I'm not gonna be like, you. Why are you crying? If anything, I was like, thank God. Like, right. Because you were holding this. And even men need to, like, really release.

So as he.

We don't want to do that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, dude is one of the reasons, like, wake up, Warrior was born.

Yeah.

And what you're doing, blue collar kings, is we back you and doing this like this. This is the mission. Because the. The thing that I really. People are like, why? Why don't you glad we're like, we ran Warrior one. When you got the experience, we'll talk about in a second. But we've really predominantly just trained men forever. And people like, why. What about the women? What are the women? I said, listen, in my experience, the greatest gift. Gift that we can offer women is to wake up their men, reconnect these men to God. Because when these men are reconnected to God and in honesty, these men do. Right. Like, there was a. I did for the very first time, I interviewed for Savage Syndicate with a guy named Nick and his wife. And she sat in the whole interview, and I asked him like this. When me and Matt had this conversation, first time, we're like, there's nobody in. And so a woman. A wife doesn't really sit in, because most guys are having a hard time being honest in front of their wife about everything. So. And it's not. It's just not part of the protocol. It's not like, hey, can you get your wife come the interview, too? It's like that. We've just never done it. So she decided to sit in, and then he went and told the tale. And I'm like, you got to be open and honest in front of her, because I'm gonna ask you hard questions. And he starts sharing his truth. And after getting done, like, I'm 45 minutes in with it, and I look and I go. I just turn and I look at her, and I go, can I ask you a question? She's like, yeah. How in the. Are you still here?

Yep.

Like, I mean, I've asked the same question about my wife.

Right.

For all the I've done for 20 years. Like, right. How are you still here? She said something so crazy. She said, because the Jesus in this man would have never done that to me. And now that he's awake, I feel safe. The guy, he was. That's not my husband. Right. He.

Yeah, wake him up.

And the same patterns. Building big businesses, drugs, alcohol, fairs, problems. Same thing I had all the same things. It's like a repeatable pattern as he starts having this experience with God. For him, what is this doing to you as his wife? Like, what are you starting to see? What are you starting to feel as he's choosing this for himself? What's happening for you?

Well, I got to share his first. First phone call, because I think that's hilarious. So he calls me, and this is that Friday night, and he went to church with the boys, and he had. He was going to Dallas once a month, and they would end up at the bars. And so he calls me Friday night. I'm like, hey. He goes, hey, guess where I'm at? And I'm like, where? He goes, I'm at church. I'm like, oh, is that, like, a strip joint there?

I was so proud of her. All right, so Proud of myself.

If I called her, I'm at church.

I'm like, oh, cool.

There's a titty bar called Church.

There's one here. There's one here called the Library.

There's another bar called, like, the Office.

So I'm like, oh, that's funny. I'm like, texas has one called Church.

Like, that's horrible.

But.

Oh. And I'm like, and why are you telling me this? Like, you know, I hate that. Like, why are you even telling me that? And he's like, no, like, real church. Like, church. And I'm like, it's Friday night, Matt. Like, no one goes to church on Friday night. Like, where are you really?

She's totally not believing me.

I'm like, why are you pulling my chain? Like, what. What is with this story that you're at church on Friday night? He's like, no, babe. Like, I'm really. I'm at church. Like, you know, like, the Holy Spirit and cathedrals and Jesus and the Cross. And then he's like. He said, while we're on the phone, he sends me a thing. I'm like, holy. You're at church on a Friday night. I'm like, why are you here?

Like, why are you there?

And he's like, yeah. And I tithed. And I'm like, what? Like, what is going on?

Like, who are you?

He's like, I just felt cold. I'm like, okay, well, this is interesting. Like, you're, like, interesting.

So.

Yeah, I mean, it was. It was a journey, though. So that was probably a year before. And then so I started following the pastor. He's like, this pastor's rad. He's on, you know, church. He's got big muscles because he pictured churches like that. This, you know, song. Like, Catholic school.

Catholic school. I went to Catholic church. Like, and, you know. And I'm sorry, Catholic folks, but that's what we. That's the image that I had to be spiritual to believe in God. You had to look like that, act like that, do that. I'm like, that's just. I can't. No.

And then you need a complete.

So he was in this environment that looked nothing like what he thought, you know, it was. And we later come to. To, you know, understand the difference between having a relationship with God and religions. And the two are definitely not the same. And giving our life to Christ. And in that environment, we actually renewed our vows with Pastor Keith and Sheila on the top of a beautiful mountain out in Colorado. And. But it went back to that believing story. Too. I was like, is this for real? And how long is this gonna last? But when we got clean with everything, like. Like the religion, the spiritual side of our relationship, and our individual relationships with God, like, it was just the next logical thing, too, right? So we cut out, you know, the lies, we cut out the alcohol we've embraced and the things that have been put in place, and whether it's just from being awake and seeing or if it's truly God's hand and putting pieces together, like, there's multiple things that have happened where I'm like. Like, no, no, no, no. Like, and we both just go, thank you.

Like, yes.

There's no way that, you know, we had control over that. That was. That was God's hand on that.

Isn't that wild? I. I find it interesting that you could only accept just human existence for being a person. Like, we evolved from monkeys and that's it, and we die. I'm like, are you serious? You cannot deny, right? Whatever you call it, source, spirit, holy spirit, Jesus, whatever, you cannot deny it. There's certain things that happen in everybody's life where you're like. Like, that did not come from me. That natural, intuitive knowing did not come from this physical body, right? And when you accept that, so many more doors and opportunities open and you realize you're like, oh, my God, I can let God lead and guide me and show me this. This direct path. And that's when life gets fun. Y.

Well, that's why we were talking about outside, even just about the houses and the desire to level up and the experience, and it's silly. People look at, like, cars and houses, they don't matter, but, like, our physical environment, everything around us, it's what, like, even us, even. Even the muscle, like bodybuilding I've been doing the last two years. This has not been about trying to impress anyone. This has been about me seeing a version of me that I know I need to build so I can continue to feel deeper in who I am. But this connection had been missing for so long in our marriage that we had gotten to a place of just feeling and believing that it's. It was not possible. Like, we had heard of people like this, and that's why people even look at our pursuits, why we. We've jumped so many times in business and in life has been. We were after this thing you guys are talking about that we're talking about. This is what couples are after, right? But so many are hitting this rough patch. Rough patch over and over and over.

Yeah, it's a loop.

And they quit.

Right? Right.

And most of the time, I swear to God, they're quitting. Just like the book, three feet from gold. It's like you are one or two big battles in the pit.

Yep.

And you're.

You're in the promised land.

You're so close, but you're wandering in the desert and you want to quit. So what is it, Heather, that let. Like knowing where you're at now. What is the thing that you were leaning on when. When there wasn't a trap? Trust. I mean, Danielle and I have gone through. I don't trust you for nothing. Five straight years because of very bad decisions. I mean, and it took eight, nine years to restore some trust for me in ways with her. And then there's some other things where it took like a month, but she was resting on something. I'm sure both your opinions on this. What was it for you, though, as a woman being married to a unconscious warlord? Because that's who we are when we're conscious, we defend the kingdom and we bring God through us. When we're not not, we shut God off. And you and everyone else is an enemy.

Right.

We don't know foe from kids. Enemies, wife, enemy. Everyone's an enemy.

Employees, everybody, everything.

And everybody's out to get you.

And everyone's out to get us.

Our war and.

Well, everybody. I'll just fight by myself and kill everyone.

Yeah.

What, what, what. What was the thing you found as a woman that had you sick? Because we're. We're gonna have women listening to the show. We had, like, 60 of a listener went. And then they bring their husbands to come listen to the show with them. And many of them are sitting in the situation of Matt and. Matt and Garrett 1.0.

Right.

And they're hearing these stories of 2.0 every single week. How did you continue to have, like, the courage to keep going?

I think it was knowing that that was not authentically who he was. Like, I knew deep down that he was capable of so much more. I use the example for myself. Even just when we first started dating, his dad was diagnosed with cancer, lung cancer, stage four. And he quit smoking on the spot. And that was like, the first 30 days of our relationship. So I'm like, if he can quit smoking, he can quit drinking, he can quit, you know, bad choices. But it had to be his decision. I knew I wasn't going to be the one to say, hey, you know, you need to quit smoking or you need to quit drinking. Like, it had to come from him. And if the choice was his, that was going to be a very powerful decision and he would be able to overcome. And so I replayed that, you know, for many years. But even in therapy, we did a lot of counseling together. And she would ask, she's like, why are you with him? What's keeping you? Because even working through everything, there was, you know, moments and challenges. Like, man, do we want to go through this battle? Like, it's work. It's important.

We have one therapist in Yorba Linda. She said, just sleep, leave. You get a chance to just get a divorce.

I'm like, oh, my gosh, that's not very good.

I'm paying you to keep us together. Why the hell? She said no? I think she must have thought we were just too far gone.

Yeah.

I mean, she literally advised us to get a divorce. A therapist, a family therapist.

I'm like, I haven't shared with you, but one of your coaches told me the same thing. He goes, it doesn't get better. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Like, I don't know why you're still hanging on. He's like, I thought I could save him. I gave him. I gave him a year. But, you know, you're still on the path two, three years later. Like, it's not going to get any better.

Better.

And so just knowing, like, deep down inside that there, he had it in him. I watched. Yeah, there was just a little bit of hope that I had watched, you know, him quit smoking. I had watched him, you know, overcome that. And, like, if it's his choice, he'll make it. But the therapist, she goes, what's, you know, what's one reason that you. You stay with them? And of course, the first thing that comes to, probably every woman said, well, I love him. I love him. And she immediately said. She goes, we can't use the word love. And I went, he wasn't sitting next to me. I look like, you know, he is, but I go, he's capable of more. And I know he is. And I know if he just makes that choice that our life will be grand. And I said, because I do love him. I know I can't use that word, but it's at a deeper level than surface, right? And it's that level of, you know, knowing what your husband's truly capable of and wanting to see them live into that and fulfill that.

That.

And I think that's most women, right? We don't. We don't sign on the paper because we fall in love. We fall in love with who we know you can become at least when you get in a relationship. Young.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's a. That. That piece is hard. Kendra Jennison. Mark and Kendra Jennison from I'm a comeback super amazing people. She has a phrase, she calls it that she's like, yeah, I'm a gold digger. My job as the queen is to dig the gold out of my husband. So while all these are chasing guys with money, my job is to mine the gold. Money, prosperity, happiness, spirituality. Out of my husband.

But a powerful woman knows that would get it.

And I'm. And there's most. I would say not all, but most women are fairly powerful. They're much more connected than. Guys, Guys. We just shut the off. We can do. We can literally just be. We're as dumb as Dorio dog. We can just shut up.

You're literally meant to be like warlords.

You just. Right?

And even your past generations, it was like, you work battle hunt. That's it. You come home, you provide. Done. And now men are realizing like, wait, I want. I want more. But they don't even know how to communicate it. And the woman's like, wait, I want more too. And so there's this whole new generation of like, hey, the standard role that our parents played, that they maybe stayed together and stayed married for 30, 40, 50 years, but are they happy? Are they connected? Or they're like, you're my person. We're already in our 60s and we'll just ride this out and persevere till we die, right? And now we're like, no, we are not accepting that after as reality because we know there's so much more and we've experienced the light. And so why would you tolerate something any less than when you've already experienced the light? But it's interesting too. I do believe it's women's responsibility to extract this greatness. Because when we see our men for the very first time, even though we're dating, we immediately, like. It's almost like an outer body experience. We're like, holy. We see the person they are going to become. And so it's like for me, I'm like, even with you and your muscles and everything, I'm like, wow. Like, it's just like, I'm like, I always knew you were in there. And so it's. It's funny fun for me when it's like, I see him becoming this man who I always knew he would be. And my job is to sometimes poke him a little bit to wake him up a Little bit. Because this man cannot transform into the warlord without his queen waking him up.

And it's hard to be in because when you're in reactive mode, you're not connected to God, right? Then every ounce of what you women are doing is received by attack. And because we are grace connected, and we're in war mode, we're like, you should be grateful.

Right?

Are you telling me I got to go to war all day and then I get to come home and go to war with you? All right, I got enough in the tank. Let's go. And she would build the walls up with Joker. She would build the walls up, and then I would just blow fire harder, right to the point I would, like, follow her around the house. That's how I ended up with a stiletto to the face a few times.

That was one time.

One time she came aggressive. Like, I was kind of dra.

In my closet and was, like, yelling over me. And I was like, I swear to God, I'll throw a shoe at you. And I.

No, you didn't even warn. Don't say you weren't. You were a smart fighter.

I was like, Warned me.

I'd have been prepared. You didn't say anything. She reaches slowly over to one of her 400 pairs of shoes, grabs a red bottom that she hasn't worn probably in two years. Got one time use. Thank you very much. And then just out of nowhere.

What?

Right on the forehead.

He literally had me quarter in my closet.

I was like, that's why your forehead looks like mine.

You get a shoe to the forehead, too. And I feel like it was a hammer. I was like, oh, it was a hammer. I got shoes. That's intense. You're more fierce than I am. So this whole piece, as. As. As you kind of come to conclusion, the show today. Here's. Here's a piece of my last piece from you guys. Like, if we could rewind back, knowing what you feel right now, because. Because we see the timeline. I mean, I. And I. I promise, like, as you guys are listening to the show, we're not sharing this. So that the message becomes, hey, why don't you take 15 years to figure this out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, you're getting insight into people's lives that are giving you a map, and you're hearing patterns over and over and over here again, of the same. It's not different. It's just different people, different cities, different businesses, different environments. But the core issue of what's going on is the exact same. So if you could go Back to yourselves, go back 10 years, give yourself early advice. You two could have a sit down with yourself. What would you tell yourself knowing that you could get through to yourself at that point? Because I truly believe that's what ends up happening, is God connects us to the higher truth of what we are. And then we pull that piece in and eradicate everything that's in the way of what we've always been. It's not that you became something new. People say born again in Christ, which is true, but that born again is a different experience for me now. It's like you were always this amazing. You were always this amazing. You just forgot.

Right?

Right.

So you revealed yourself to you. If you went back and told Matt six, seven years ago and you had the sit down and Pastor Craft wasn't in house, it was you, you were the pastor to yourself. What are some of the things you would have told yourself?

I would have go, I would go back right now, I would rewind and I would go Back to Matt 10 years ago and I say, you know, you're not going to believe. You're not going to believe. Leave this. And I would have a Bible in my hand and I'm going to tell you, you need to read this Bible and you need to get your ass sober right away and you need to start listening to your wife. Like if I could like three things it would be seek God, stop lying, stop drinking, stop bullshitting and, and, and do the fucking work. I mean, I don't know how else to put it like the God is the bridge and I don't want it to like, you know, be so, so churchy about the whole deal or whatever, but that's the fucking answer. Yeah, yeah, it is the answer. And I know people listening to this are probably not going to want to believe it, especially alcoholic blue collar so called tough guys like, like I used to be. But I don't know how you find your soul. I don't know how you find yourself without God's hand. I don't know how you do that. And I don't know how you find the magic of the relationship with your queen and the kingdom with that. It's like, it's like this triangle, right? It's like this trifecta of connection between kings, king, queen and God. To get to promised land, to get to the magic, the have it all lifestyle of what we're all trying to accomplish and doing something good in the universe for humanity, for people. So you feel right inside. So you're God whole. You don't have a God whole, you have God light, you have God power. And you make a difference and you make an impact. That's where it goes.

Else the wild part is as simple as that. Look at the sequence of it.

Yep.

Study the word every day. Translate it into wisdom and connection with God. And the natural byproduct is we listen to our wives.

Yeah.

So, ladies, it's about as simple as it gets. Just I tried a whole lot of to try to get to that. And we found just in the last. In the particular last year as we made it mandatory at Warrior, the business Bible is what we do. You're going to Bible stack. You're going to prayer stack. Well, I'm not Christian. Don't care. I even have our Muslim and Jewish guys are like, well, you know, I'm Muslim, that's fine. If I told you to go get, you know, rich and book on Amazon and we were going to read that, you wouldn't care. So you going to read this?

Y.

Besides, it's. It's fine. Just read it because I'm going to show you to do it different. And the byproduct of listening is because we actually wake up and we actually see these women for who they are and we're like, oh, so you're not just pretty ass, nice tits and vagina. That's incredible. I mean, those are incredible too, but very incredible. Wow. You are. Wow. Wow. And the more a guy sees himself, the more he sees her.

Right?

And the more she feels seen, the more she feels safe.

Right.

And secure. Then sex comes and intimacy comes and submission comes and the game comes. But it's because I could never understand. That whole submission conversation. Always felt a little off for me until I realized that the only way that true submission and unification can happen between a man and woman is a man that is deeply rooted in God. Because that man's immovable, which means surrender is not surrender and defeat. It's submission to oneness.

Right.

So let's go back. You're sitting there, Matt's in his. His. In his crazy pocket, and you're talking to yourself. What are you saying?

Well, you already picked them, so you better figure it out.

But.

I would just say be authentic and stop putting on the masks. And I'm still working on that. There's still, you know, there. There's. There's layers to that as you.

We.

We call it progress and you start to see more clearly. And we've done some heavy work and some plant medicine stuff too, that's helped kind of speed up that process. But you're conditioned over time and it's really survival and it's other people's opinions that have been put on you and the way they, they have, you know, their views. So if I could go back in time, it would be, you know, just who was Heather? And I picture Heather as this cute little four year old that's spinning around with pigtails and fringe cowboy boots and doesn't care if she gets dirty or whatever and just free and, you know, getting grass stains and being out in nature. And there's a picture that I carried with me on one of the journeys that we did. And my grandma had a place in Emerald Cove and there's this beautiful green beltway right there by the tennis courts that opens up to the COVID And there were many, many years just spinning around on that grass. And so in one of the journeys that was Heather spinning around in the grass. And if I just stay in that moment of purity, all the other stuff fades away. Like, you can, you can work hard, you can, you know, want and have these desires for success, but what matters most is just that level of freedom. And you don't get there. When you take on other people's opinions and when you put, put, you know, what other people value on you, and if you can just get to a place authentically of what matters most for yourself and stay in that authentic space, everything else around you gets better too.

Yeah, I love that because I do believe, like everybody has their path and their natural knowing for what's right for them. And it's when you try somebody else's path or you listen to somebody else's word and you're like, that might be true for you, but that's not true for me. And you really like, hone into like what is true for you. And that's literally really, like you guys said, it's God pouring through you as of a natural knowing. And so then that's when you're like unmovable, you're unstoppable. And it's, it's important to, for people, women to understand like that we can.

Tap into this last piece with this. You, you've both mentioned this. We mention this every week. Just the power of truth, right? And if we all went back to ourselves, back to when we first met, like when we first got together with each other, if we could have just owned 100% of the truth, all the feelings, all the thoughts, all of the desires just out of the gate, we might, we'll probably be sitting here, both be billionaires, by this point, think about how much for decades we were off on something. It's like making our lives real hard. And that at the same time, this connection we're all experiencing now now could have been experienced decades ago. And look at the acceleration that's happening for both of you now. It's happening for us too. Doors just opening. God's just opening. Opening to the point that it's actually almost. Some days we just look at each other like, thank you and let's go. I don't know how that happened, but that's great. Yep. We'll take that door. Sure. Nine more open. We're gonna just go. Green lights. Awesome. So following you guys, for those that are listening to Shell Go. And you are, is there a specific industry only or is this all guys in blue collar?

No. Anything blue. Anything blue collar? Yeah, I love working with and helping. You know, anything blue. Any. Any trades. H vac, plumbing, electrical, roofing. Yeah.

Where can I get this book? At you?

On Amazon.

Okay.

Yeah. And you can get access to me atblue collar king.com or on Instagram. The real blue Collar King.

Hmm.

Anywhere you'd like them to see you on social media. Are you doing anything fun?

Not really.

Okay.

I share our kids and our life and the mom thing. And here and there I share an air conditioning or two from Evolution Mechanics.

We just know you're the back behind him.

Okay, perfect. Well, listen, we have. I've had a chance to work directly with Matt this year in 2024 and Pure Heart. The funnest part about getting to be with men like this and then get to meet their wives and watch them go through the process is this. They're just waking up. It's why we do what we do here. It's why we do the show. That's why the show's for free. We could do a whole bunch of things and just make this internal for the thousands of our students here at Wake Up Warrior and not share with the world. But that's not what God wanted. So we're asking if you get value from this show, not only that you do something about it, but number two, that you shared up, share the show with other couples. You have no idea the impact that you can make. A podcast can literally transform a person's life, lives. Someone could listen to this hour plus show that we just did, and we'll save their marriage, reconnect them to God and put them on the path. And it seems so silly that a 90 minute podcast could do that, but it does. And it's doing it for thousands of people every single month. Please share the show up with other people. We don't put any ads on this outside of us talking about some of our brands. We don't put any sponsorships on the show. So we're just funding the show ourselves every single month to do that. So do us favor. Do you a favor, do someone else a favor. Go ahead and share their to show up. And, Danielle, you want to close us up?

All right, you guys, welcome to another episode of the date your wife podcast. It's. It's been really fun for me to connect with other people. And Garrett and I had, like I said, we'd been doing it just alone, and then what's been so powerful is bringing in other couples who are all going through the same. And so I think ultimately it gives others permission to say, okay, I don't like this and what I'm seeing in my marriage or my life or whatever, but there's possibilities, abilities to change. So I'm just going to follow it up with share this. Share this with your friends, because that's where we can make the most impact. And I do believe podcasts like this, it will save marriages, it will break addictions, and it will bring people back to God.

Love it.

So do it. All right, Done. Yes. We're doing it.

Thank you for being here, both of you. You are amazing. We loved having you. We're gonna have some great outtakes on this one for marketing, which would be fantastic. And that brings us to a wrap for another episode of the date your wife podcast.