His & Her Pregnancy Sacrifices| Date Your Wife | EP 073

We had a really good topic. What was it?

Hey, everybody. This your boy? Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake up Warrior and the impregnator of Danielle K. White, the founder of DKW styling and my co host here in the date your wife podcast. Now we are, after several failed attempts and a negative attitude on my side. Deeply negative attitude on my side. I'm not gonna lie. I was pissed. I was like, we're not doing this show. This show. We're not doing it because why? Because my computer and technology equipment is not working again. But we're here and we're gonna get after it. We have the first live show we've done in like three weeks or something. We've, like, we've been. We've been shirking our responsibility, recording it on your phone.

But I went live on my Instagram because we're now sitting on our balcony. You're gonna have to switch me phones. We're now sitting on my balcony trying to record an episode of day your. Why for you guys? Because we have been playing repeats. Because I'm just too pregnant to commit. I'm just kidding. We've had some shifts with our podcast studio and I. I thought, you know what? That's. This. These are all excuses. We have not, you know, we have not been committed. But the problem is, is, like, when I do my big money stylist podcast, like, Ani and I, we have a day and a time every week with this one. It's always like, well, when we do date night or whenever we have free time. But then.

But you've been not under the pregnancy game.

No. If we had a specific day and time, I would show up like, I'm a committed person, and if I say I'm going to be there, I'm going to be there. But if you leave me a window of like, hey, it might not happen. It might. It will 100% not happen every time. So you will get 100% commitment from me. Or if you're like, maybe. Maybe is a hundred percent no for me. So that's why I was like, hey, why don't we. Why don't we try to set up a day and time instead of just leaving it for the weekend?

Am I holding this too close? You need to. You need to cup the phone with your hand. I'm a. I'm a phone here.

What's our topic?

I'm going to show you how to hold the phone. You have to hold like this. I've literally done 2,000 plus podcasts from a Cell phone in this manner. You have to cup it with your hand. You don't. You don't talk to it like this. You don't talk to it like this. You hold it like this.

Act like I'm a rookie with social media.

I didn't say you're a rookie of social media. You are a rookie with podcasting.

No, I've been doing it for you can.

You have been doing it for a hot minute. You've done about 120 episodes, and I've done over 2,000 episodes. So at this point in the game, particularly from the cell phone, I'm going to cup.

Let's. Let's.

I'd like you to. I'd like you to cup something.

I know been.

We're in the desert. We're in the pregnancy desert.

It's an awkward phase where I'm like.

Just get it in and go, oh, my gosh. That's why we don't. We don't even get it in.

Everyone's taking one for the team right now.

No, we're not taking one for the team. That means we're not literally not taking one for the isla is like, sucking up all of the joy. Look at this little. I'm like, looking at it right now. This little one right down here is literally hog.

I'm like, at the point. I'm at the point in pregnancy when people are like, when you do. And I'm like, God, I still have eight more weeks. Shut up. I can't help it. Like, the last eight weeks, I just, like, I literally transform into some kind of cartoon character. Like, my body starts to retain water. It's just. It gets ugly, kids. It gets super ugly. Like, people are like, you look great. I'm like, no, no, no. Look at it. Look at it. Go back and look at a photo. What I normally look like. I'm 110 pounds and I'm not 110 pounds right now. It's rough. You know what? Let's talk about the sacrifice on a human body for a baby.

I like it. We're gonna talk about the sacrifice from two ways, two angles. I just had this conversation with, with some of my friends who are. Have wives that are pregnant. And we're gonna talk about this from two ways. We're gonna talk about the sacrifice on the physical body of a woman, and we're gonna talk about this on the physical sacrifice on a man.

I.

So let's start with the woman's side, because, like, here's the thing. I tell you, I Tell you why those heaters are working and the sun's working.

Let's go sit on this side now.

All right, we're switching sides of the couch because now Danielle's too hot. She turned the heaters on. Outside only. It's 74 degrees outside. So talk to us about literally what goes down here with the physical body. You're pregnant. And, like, how. How this, like, plays into the mind game. And, like, what. What changes about the world in your eyes when you're pregnant.

There's good days and bad days. Like, there's days where you're like, oh, I barely noticed I was pregnant. Like, until you go to get out of bed, and then you. And then you're like, oh, I felt like a potato bug. I, like, went to sit up and nothing happened. And you literally are like, what? You're, like, stuck on your back, and you're like, oh, my God, somebody just pushed me out of bed. I gotta pee. Like, that's how it goes down.

Like, you're like, what happens when you start to think about, like, merit, like, sex? Or you think about kids, you know, what about business? Like, what changes? Because in the pregnancy filter. Let's start the topic of, like, work. What changes about, like, the salon?

You know, what is so weird is. And. And I always tell everyone I work with, they're like, how you doing? And I'm like, I'm doing pretty good. But I feel like when you're pregnant, it just takes a lot of energy. And it's just. It is a sacrifice on the body. Even if you don't gain that much weight or you do or whatever it is, like, it's. It. It's a lot more than just gaining weight. Like, the. It just. It's so much harder on your body. And so I just tell people, I'm like, it's weird because you're pregnant, and it's. For some reason, you find this, like, you find another purpose to life. You feel like every ounce of energy you give has to be more focused more. Like, it just has to have, like, a purpose to everything you do. Like, your energy is so sacred. And I always tell people, I'm like, I feel like I'm operating at 50%, but I still feel like my 50% is pretty damn good, because if I'm going to put energy out, it's going to be worth my time. Does that make sense? And so, I don't know. It gives me more purpose and more focus. And it's so funny because I was telling Garrett, I'm like, God, this year, like, Garrett was kind of like, CEO manager of my company, and he was stressed out and he was kind of like, I don't care. This is not my passion. I'm ready to burn it to the ground. I'm like, tell you are. So I stepped in and I'm like, cool, I'm the new CEO, which is actually been better. And I think in the past I was worried to be the CEO. Like, I was like, oh, it's gonna give me stress and anxiety and I can't do it. And I don't know how to do it. Only to realize, like, I'm eight months, nine months pregnant almost. And like, I'm managing my businesses. I. I have a salon, I have an education company. Like, I feel like I picked like, a really weird time to take on a lot of, but it's still been.

Why do you think that is? Why did you decide to take it on? I started surfing when great white sharks were all up and down the coastline.

I don't know everywhere.

And there were shark signs everywhere.

Why do we do.

Why did you decide that, like, you weren't. You were. You were not pregnant and you weren't taking it on?

Like, having a child put literally puts perspective and focus on life. You're like, like, all of a sudden my time got a little more valuable every day.

So that's why you decided to take on more? Because your time got more valuable?

I just didn't want it to burn to the ground. I was just like, no, like, you.

Feel like it has, like, it's giving you like a more sense of, like, I've noticed you've had like, way more sense of like, conversation around, you know, savings and about long play and about legacy and like, you're even. You're even harping on me about all kinds of things. Drinking and harping on, like, you just have this attitude of like, what is. Talk to me about what this attitude is, because this is a good attitude, but I'm not sure, like, tell me where I think. Think it's a. I think it's a pregnant attitude.

No, like, I think you get a little self righteous when you're pregnant.

Like, okay, give it to us, let's go.

Not self righteous, but you just get like, like life has more meaning and you're just like, what the. You wasting your time. Don't drink. What are you doing? I. If I can't drink, you can't drink. Like, you. It's just. It just. Life has a little more meaning and you, you are sucked dry. Of energy, but yet you're so much more focused. It's so weird. Like whenever I try and speak or I'm talking at work, I'm like, I like mix words and people are like, oh, pregnant brain. And it's so funny because I feel like my mind's pretty sharp. But then when I go to say things or communicate things, I'm like, huh? And I'm like, you, you should have alarm. You know, like I'm making up weird words at work and people are like, that's cute. And I don't know, it's weird because you, in your mind, you feel like all of a sudden again, life has another purpose and another meaning, but your body is just like, just survive. You can do it.

So I, as a, as a man, it's, it's very impressive. It's also very. It's a, it's a weird place. Like, it's like, like you watch your wife go through this, this super intense experience. It's not my first time watching this happen. Look at that nice bird chirping behind us outside. See, you're not gonna get birds in the studio. Why? We needed to be out here on our cell phone on the back deck. But I watch her going through the process she's going through and it leaves me in a weird place of man. Because you're, you, you, you feel super protective and you feel super supportive and yet you also kind of want to like back her up and like give her what she needs, literally. We got like a full on bird chorus happening.

Welcome to the real life of the whites. That was me, actually.

Yeah. You know that. So now the bird decided to be quiet as I be quiet. So anyways, like. But what starts to get interesting though is as a guy, like there's a, there's a piece where you almost. I can't describe it. It's almost like I feel like we are in a holding pattern, but yet we're not in a holding pattern. Our businesses are growing, our lives are expanding, our family's expanding. I feel like maybe at some level you, as I, as a couple lose connection through the pregnancy phase. Not in a bad way. It's like there's not enough energy, sexual connection there. That is the connection.

We all lose a connection. Like if anything, we're just like. We look at each other and we're like, we fucking got this. But like, there's this other side where we're like, sex has gotten real weird.

It has. I mean, I don't know what happened. I mean, except for like the fact.

That a baby got big, I'm down to, like, seven weeks. You guys. Like, the last seven weeks, you're like, roll me over and put it in. I don't know.

But, like, you know what? Even then, it was like. It was a. It just kind of left us in this interesting place.

Well. Oh, that's what we were gonna talk about. We were. Okay, so this is funny. I had so super bad insomnia and, like, restless leg. And I kept telling my doctor, I'm like, I think I'm anemic. Like, I don't know. I've been studying. I've been. When I say studying, I mean, I've been googling. And I. Something is weird. And he's like, drink more water. And I was like, no, no, no. And I finally. I find with doctors, you have to be, like, extra dramatic before they, like, take you serious. And I'm not naturally a dramatic person. I'm just like, it's fine. I'm good. But I finally went and got some blood work done. Wow. He's, like, right next to me, to us. Birds chirping, helicopters. Anyway, I finally went and got tested. I am a little bit anemic, so I started taking iron. I'm sleeping better. But, like, there was this phase where I was waking up in the middle of the night, and I was, like, pounding my legs. And Garrett's like, what are you doing? I was like, my legs. I've never had any kind of restless legs, so it was so weird. I was like, I don't know. They're, like, tingly and twitchy, and I want to go run a marathon. And, like, it's so weird, and I can't sleep, and I was, want to eat a donut? And it's so many things going on, and I. I just couldn't sleep. And I was like. I felt really bad. And I was like, ooh. And he was like, I think I'm gonna sleep in the guest bedroom. And I was like, oh, thank God. And I was like, yeah, you should. I feel. I, like, I hate waking up. Plus, I feel bad that I'm waking.

You up, but I woke up. I actually went to Bailey's bed.

Yeah. So my daughter's like, they sleep together. I don't know. They just started doing that. Since we moved into this house. My daughter's like, I don't like my room. It's dark and scary. So anyway, he went and slept in my daughter's bedroom, and my other girls slept together. And then I had this king sized bed and it was so great. Like, anyways, I found out I was anemic. I started taking iron. I started sleeping better, but then I was like, oh, should I tell him I'm sleeping better? I kind of like having the bed by myself. And then I was like joking around because he was like waking up and he's like on fire. And he's like, my sleep app told me I'm like doing that. I was like, oh, cool. And I'm thinking, like, I was literally.

Sleeping better than I'd slept in the previous two months by sleeping in my dog.

I know, but there was like this, there was like this weird guilt. Like, we were like, oh, that's. We don't want to get disconnected. Is that weird? And then we were like joking around. I was like, how do you feel about like two king sized beds in our master when, when the baby's here? Like, we just roll. Like, you want to come to my bed? I come to your bed.

Like, it's almost like, it's almost like we're like in a, in a, in a season of war. So like, there's war rules and then there's peace rules. And like during war time, there's like, there's like just a different, different set of like principles. So like, right now the principles are, okay, how do we, how do we help Danielle not like, want to like shoot herself in the face and let her get. Endure through the next two months of pregnancy to have this baby? And then at the same time, like, as a husband, like, I'm trying to stay like active in the game. So I've been like covering morning routine with the girls. I've been covering the nighttime routine with the girls. I've been working all day long and I've been like doing it all and like feel guilty.

Like, we feel guilty, but our bodies are physically like, I. Our bodies are like, thank you. And then our minds are like, I feel so bad. It's. It's hard. It's hard physically, it's hard mentally, but then you're like, it's nine months. I have a freaking child. So whatever. Like, suck it up.

I feel like that's the phase that we're in. We're in the suck it up phase. Yeah, we're riding the home stretch of the suck it up phase, which is like, listen, get over yourself on both fronts.

It's almost like, I feel like towards the end and maybe you ladies don't feel like this if you gain like three pounds and you're pregnant.

So.

But like, I do Not. I put on a good, like, 55 pounds. I, like, go big or go home. And, like, towards the end, I'm like, holy shit. It's almost embarrassing to go out. Like, I'm so damn big, but I put on my happy pants, and I. And I endure to the end. But you know what's weird is, like, I love the. I love the newborn and recovery phase. And I know a lot of women, like, struggle with postpartum and all that stuff. Like, I have a hard time, like, the last month of pregnancy, and then, like, after the baby's born, like, give me two weeks, and then, like, I freaking love it. I don't care if I'm deprived of sleep. Like, I'm just happy that I'm holding my baby and I'm in recovery mode. And to me, that's not. Like, my mindset changes to where I'm not. Like, just endure. Like, I'm literally like, oh, it's only going. It's only going uphill from here. And I think that's why I love it. And I love. No, like, at the end, it's only going uphill when you're recovering, it's only going uphill.

It's only getting better.

It's only going to get better. And so I love having this purpose, not knowing that, like, I'm going to continue to, like, get back in shape as well as, like, I have this cute little baby, and there's all these, like, new phases they go through. So I personally don't have a hard time with the whole postpartum after I'm fairly. I, like. It's like, puts this whole another focus on me, like, I turned into a whole another animal. I don't know how to describe it. And Garrett's always said he's like, after our other two babies, like, you're so focused. I literally. I don't know. I'm, like, hibernating like a bear. And then all of a sudden, I come out of my cave.

You go bananas like this.

Bananas.

Not bananas in a bad way. I'm just saying you get, like, very, very, very focused as a guy. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you right now, like, it's a very interesting place to be in the home stretch as a guy, too. Because in the home stretch as a guy, you're sitting here and you're like, okay, how do I.

No.

How do I not be a dick? How do I not be. How do I not be a guy who. Who shows up, like, in a selfish way at the same Time. How do I maintain and manage my. Just who I am? How do I maintain to manage what I'm up to? How do I maintain and manage what. What I'm about? And so, like, there's. There's a couple things that goes on for me. One, surfing has been an outlet. Two is work and building and production. But, like, there's. There's. There. It's just the routines at home change, and it's a very. I was just talking about this with Sam, one of my business partners at Wake Up Warrior, and we're like, dude, nobody talks about. Like, it's almost. It's weird because as a guy, if you even try to talk about what it's like to be a guy when your wife's pregnant, it's like everyone, including yourself, has kind of been. You've almost like you have no leg to stand on yet inside of that, there's like. There's like some serious. That goes on for a guy.

I say that it's hard on both sides, but it's. What I want you to understand is that it's physically and mentally hard for the wife. So it's just mentally hard for the guy. The only thing physically hard about it is they might not be. Be getting as good of sex. That's the only thing. And that doesn't compare to the physical pain that you go through creating a baby.

So exactly my point. Like, that's where it comes into play so we.

I can have sympathy. I can. I can acknowledge it. That's why there's, like, that wifey guilt that comes in where I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, yeah, it's weird and whatever, but at the same time, I know, like, my body's like. It is what it is. So. So I only feel. I more feel like that trumps any guilt that I have. I'm like, yeah, I'm making your child, so suck it up. I'm gonna validate you for a hot minute. And then I need you to suck it up and be a man.

Well done. So I keep. I keep putting. Putting in my mind a vision of two things. One, which is my little monkey running around my daughter, which is super weird to think about.

I know.

It's, like, very weird because I have, you know, my son, my two daughters, and then it's like, here we are.

But I keep feeling like she's every kid I've had. I'm like, God, it's. They've brought such life to our family in, like, a totally different way, in a different chapter. And I just. I just know that she's gonna bring that same life. Like, I keep thinking, like, this is a whole nother chapter. We needed it. Not just as a family. And it sounds weird, like, but I think it, like, benefits, like, everything. Relationship, business, like, in a lot of ways, children, like, the whole experience, like, makes you stronger as a unit.

Every child we've had has come at a different season in our life, big time. And we gotta. For my first son, Parker. My son Parker, who came 20, which, you know, if you go back, Danielle was 16 years old at the time that Parker was born from my first marriage. And then we have Bailey, and Bailey was 12, and that was me and Danielle's first child together. And Bailey, like, came at a time when things were about to fall apart in the businesses.

No, not Bailey. Ruby.

No, Bailey did. Bailey came in 2007.

That we were doing fine there.

I know. And then right into 2008, everything disappeared. Then Ruby's born in 2000. When's Ruby born? 2011. Right. So four years later. Yeah.

No wonder we had such a hard time. We had kids in the crash of the market, and then we had another kid.

I mean, it was like, it was a very interesting time for us both. I. I swear, the birth of Ruby, without the birth of Ruby, I don't think we make it as a couple. I think that Ruby being born, like, brought some kind of unity.

Another date your wife podcast. But I feel like, like, there's a lot of times where women stay in relationships because of the children, or they use that as their excuse, but really is they just crave security, and that's why they stay in the relationship. But if I'm being honest, that's kind of how it was with Ruby. Like, we had Ruby, and she kept us together because I was scared. I was like, I don't know if I can provide. Garrett's not providing. Like, I need safety and security. And you'll hear me touch base on that a lot on our podcast, that women want safety and security no matter what form that comes in. And so for me, like, with Ruby, like, she kept us together. Like, she was kind of like, oh. But there was part of me that was just, like, part of that was out of. I was just scared. I was scared to do it on my. Do it by myself. And it wasn't like, oh, God, I got to keep it together for the kids. No, I was scared. I was scared that I couldn't provide for myself and my two young kids. And so I. I thought, well. Well, even Though, Garrett, like, you were not providing, but it's. I still relied on you at some level that you'd figure it out, but. And then there was this point where when Ruby was like, you know, like a month old, that I'm like, I don't know if he's gonna figure out it. Figure it out. And maybe I am supposed to figure it out for myself or for our family. So I have nothing to lose by starting my business, by putting myself out there, because it's either gonna, A, help me provide for my two kids, whether I stay with Garrett or not, or B, maybe I'm supposed to help provide for our family. And that was hard for me because I had to realize, like, I felt like I, like, married Garrett because I'm like, oh, he's gon take care of me for the rest of my life. So it was hard for me to, like, take a real good look at myself and be like, maybe that's supposed to be my role. I don't know. But in doing so, it actually made both of us rise. Because as I started to pursue my passion, to pursue my career, to really step outside of my comfort, it also helped Garrett level up in his business and everything else and become the provider, become the protector, become that safety and security that I was looking for and longing for. And even though I could take care of myself, I still wanted him to be the man and take care of me. And so it brought us back in the most beautiful way in the sense of, like, I was confident that I could take care of myself when we were both choosing to be in our relationship together.

So I made a post here recently about with the picture that we had the photography or photo shoot. You got the pregnancy photo shoot with what's her name? From Melee or from Sacramento?

Bella. I can't remember her Instagram name. It's like, Bella. Beautiful.

Bella, Beautiful. We'll find out what that is here in just a second. But anyways, we went and they had this. It's like a luxurious pregnancy food shoot.

Beautiful portraits, belly.

Beautiful portraits. Like, massive. She's a client of Natural BE to Rose.

She came to my salon and I'm like, I just randomly was there the day she was there, and I don't know what. I just, like, I was in my gym clothes, but I'm like, hi, how are you? I always am friendly and walk around and. And then she was like, oh, I do photography. And I'm like, cool, what's your Instagram? And she told me, and I was like, your. Your work's really good. And I was like, I want to shoot with you. And she's like, yeah. And then it's funny. I'm. She reached out to me, and she's like, I'd love to shoot you. I'm not going to charge you. I'm like, no, no, I don't feel good about that. Like, I would book with you no matter what. And she's like, no, I want you to know this is off topic, but I'm. I like hearing this. She's like, I want you to know I had such an amazing experience at your salon, and that's how I operate with my clients in my business. And so it was so cool to see that in return. So anyway, she was amazing. Belly Portrait Studio. What did I say? God damn it. I'm trying to promote Studio Somebody, and I can't even. I suck at names. Belly Beautiful Portraits.

Yes, Belly Beautiful Portrait. So any. We're taking a picture, and then she sends back one of the photos. You're wearing all red, and it's like this beautiful red, like, gown, and you're out in front of Victoria beach and Laguna, and there's, like, waves crashing. And the statement I put on there was. Is, if the king doesn't rise, the queen and kingdom dies. And it was an actual post I made with the image which spoke about, like, the triggering nature between each other as a couple, where one is triggering the other to grow and the other one is triggering the other one to grow. And it's like this back and forth and back and forth, and this volleyball match between. Every person has their season. Like, as a couple, like, Danielle was driving me. I drive Danielle. Like, between the two of us, if. If both of us don't rise, it's impossible for a kingdom to actually exist, for a family to work and for a game to actually experience itself and as powerful. And that means that both people have to be participants in the relationship. You cannot sit back and have one person be a doormat. The guy or the girl. A guy that doesn't say anything and just lets his wife on rampant is one thing. And a woman that. A woman that just sits back and there's a doormat and doesn't, you know, doesn't say anything, lets her husband do whatever.

I think that, like, from a woman's perspective, like, you have to fight. And at the time, I didn't. I. I think I was fighting for myself. I wasn't fighting. I was fighting for myself, for my kids. I kind of got at this point with Garrett, I was like, yeah, screw you. But in fighting for myself, and I think it's hard for women because we are selfless and we always tend to do stuff for other people, or at least that's our story based out of, like, we're just scared. And so I think I got to this place where I'm like, I have nothing to lose. Like, I'm already scared shitless. So I got to win for myself. And in winning for myself, I will win for everybody else.

And that win pushed her, which pushed me, which launched us, which launched our family, which brought us to where we are today. And the entire. The entire thing message I'm going to put out today for. For this show, like, kind of summarizing everything we've discussed comes down to this, which is marriage itself is a game of seasons, like in dynasties and. And if you look at this in the football game with company or teams like the companies, but teams like the Patriots, and inside of the National Football League, you have individuals who have built dynasties, teams that were built with coaches and players that build dynasties. And what's a common thread amidst any dynasty in the game of sports? They win in and out. But there are new seasons, and each season demands a different set of skill sets. But the one thing that has to always be there is two people who are showing up, like, just showing up and give an offering as much as they can. Pregnant Danielle showing up. Garrett with pregnant Danielle showing up. Like, it's changed us. We're still consistent in who we are, but it changed it. Date night's different. You know, family life's different. Sex life is different. Business life is different. Sleeping routines are different. Sometimes I'm sleeping in a different room, sometimes she's sleeping in hers. And you know what? This too shall pass. Which means no matter how shitty things are and no matter how great things are, understand, it's all going to pass. And there's going to be a new chapter will open up. And inside that new chapter, you're going to begin to make new decisions. And the only question is, what kind of decisions are you going to make from there? So did we made a decision to get pregnant? Wasn't an accident.

My. My only advice and as we close this show is when you're making a decision, don't come up with excuses like, literally look at where you're at and decide to make a decision that's going to best. That's going to best support you. Because like I'm telling you, in supporting yourself, you support others. And not supporting yourself is actually really selfish. So I know that seems weird, but anytime I feel like somebody is playing small, I'm like you. You. I don't want to hear a running line of excuses. I want you to play big for you. And in doing so, you will affect so many other people in your life. You have no idea. So when you look at it like that, it just. You have. You're just a stronger human being.

That's all we got for you, my friends. We are off to go have a little appetizer, then go to a massage, and then come home and have a wild night of Netflix. And my wife will fall asleep on herself, probably. And little baby Isla will, like, you know, make mom drool. All right, that's all we got for you.

And I'm gonna hit the bed, gonna.

Have a bottle of Tums and hit the sack. That's all we got for you today. Hope you guys are having a great rest of your week, and we look forward to being back here with you next week.