Hold Your Shield, Get Your Balls Back, and Have More Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 020

Hey, everybody. This is your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake up Warrior, and welcome to date your wife, the podcast. I'm here with my beautiful wife and the founder of DKW Styling, and together we make babies.

Together, together, we make babies and burritos.

Babies and burritos. Burritos tend to come before the babies, but that's only because there's tequila involved. And then the baby making begins.

It's true.

So this, this podcast we put together to support individuals inside of living the warriors way, but as a couple. If you're unfamiliar with this, you can head to warriorbook.com where you will find all the key doctrine inside of what we call the warriors way to having it all across the core four, the code, the keys, the game, the stack. If you're a man or woman, head on over there. There are amazing opportunities there. If you're also a woman listening to this show and you are enthralled by these topics and ideas, we have recently launched the first versions of Wake Up Warrior for women, and you can check those out@wakeupwarriorwoman.com come how you feel about this? You're going to be one of our trainers at the Wake Up Warrior.

People are like, women always want. Women always want more business advice. They want life advice, they want mom advice. Like, I like it. It's we and it's. I think it's a different training dynamic when you're training men and you're training women. Like, the energy is different and you operate different. So I think at some levels, it's kind of good to separate it because it makes it more of a unit and it makes it better to relate to. Like, you've had huge success with Wake Up Warrior and being all mentally. Because I think in your program, men are going to share things if women are not in the room, and same thing if women are in the room. So if you kind of like step back and you separate it like that, I think that this is something that just kind of felt like the next natural step with Wake Up Warrior was warrior women, because so many people were interested. And I always told Garrett, I was like, I'm not going to do. I won't do it. I won't do it because, like, wake Up Warrior wasn't my thing, but to come in and train based on, like, what I've gone through with my life and business and DKW styling and doing what I've done and built what I built and being married to you and us working like crazy. Wake Up Warrior Is not mine. But I can come in and share, like, my journey and train based on where I'm at.

It's true. Are you excited to be a trainer from Sage at wake up warrior warrior week?

I am always excited to be a trainer.

You're gonna be doing this? Are you ending your livestream?

I am.

All right, livestream is over. All right, so we have a topic today, and our topic today is money. Every single week, we're talking about different topics. Last week, we talked about sex. I know some of you are like, oh, we're not gonna do sex again. Nope. We're gonna have to wait a couple more weeks for that. But I'll see if I can sl topics on that. Just for all the guys out there, we're gonna talk about money today. Next week, we're on to parenting. And the week after that, we're gonna be on to the topic of communication. But today, we're gonna talk about money. We just came out of a business meeting talking about money and details. How are you feeling? How are you feeling coming out of this business meeting? We had all of our team there feeling a little brain. You started drawing flowers on the table while we were trying to talk about numbers.

I think I'm not focused when I'm drawing flowers.

Are you not focused, or are you focused on your drawing flowers?

When I feel my mind leaving, if I have something to focus on, like doodling, that actually helps me. Even though you're like. You're not paying attention, I'm like, I'm thinking about what you said, and I'm trying to.

Trying to draw it into a flower form.

Yeah, I just. For some reason, it's just, like, methodical. Like, maybe that's why I'm good at working with my hands. Cause I can do stuff with my hands. But then I'm actually really focused. I know I look like I'm not focused, but I swear, you kind of.

Look like you're not focused when you're drawing flowers.

But, I mean, try and tell that to people I'm doing their hair to. They would disagree at the end result that I am actually very focused.

I agree with you, Mike. You're an artist. That's a game. So here's the deal. We're gonna talk about. We're talking about a topic of numbers.

And I don't like details.

Okay.

It's weird. I'm very detail oriented. Like, if I look at something, I notice, like, every detail.

I don't know if you're detail oriented. I think you have a very I.

Guess that's not detail oriented.

Refined eye for seeing flaws, which is not detail oriented.

Yeah, that's not detail oriented. What is that?

That is, like, integrity oriented. Integrity, which means, like, you see something, it's out of integrity, and you notice.

Oh. Even with people's energy, I'm like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Just kidding.

When my integrity is out of alignment. Am I less attractive.

If your integrity is out of alignment?

If my energy is out of integrity.

I can tell when anybody. Especially if you're close to me. Like, if anybody, like, if we're sitting.

Close to you, if we're actually standing.

Next to you feel it. Like, Garrett will be in the other room, and you can feel it, and he'll be, like, happy. And it was so funny. We were out of town one time. This was, like, not that long ago. And we, like, had had an amazing morning with our bike ride. We came back and I'm in there getting ready, and he's being quiet, and I'm like, what happened? And he's like, what do you mean? I'm like, what happened? He's like, how did you know? You didn't. I mean, I'm like, I could tell. Whatever you were looking at on your phone, whatever you were doing, something just triggered you. What's. What's wrong? So it's like, I pick up on that, but maybe that's a woman thing.

That could be a woman thing. Some people say you're a witch. Some people have said this. Not a bitch, a witch.

That was a funny thing. Actually. Recently, I went out to dinner with some of my team members, and some of them are new, and I always try to make sure the new ones are always. I just like a big, happy family, But I just want to make sure we're all on the same page, and I like to connect with people. Anyway, I have these two guys that are in a partnership together, and. And they both work for me. And we're sitting there, we'd had a drink or two, and I was just like, you know, you guys, I just feel it, and I see things and I know the direction I want to go. And he looks at his partner and he goes, yeah, you're a little witchy. And I was like, I want to say thank you, but that sounds dark and scary, and I just started laughing. And then the next morning, I woke up and I text him some witch hats. I'm like, ha, ha. I don't know what that means other than I take it as a compliment as, like, maybe I'M a powerful creator of.

Of putting ideas in other people's heads. Yeah, I feel like you put ideas in my head sometimes.

Actually, a lot of times I just like to fuck.

Did I hear you say fuck with me? Yes, you do. Yes, you do. I told you I'd slide one in there. Well done. Well done. All I can say is movie night at the Whites House has been amazing. The last movie we watched.

I'm not witchy.

You're not?

I'm not witchy. I'm intuitive.

Intuitive. Intuitive. Intuitive and witchy are the same thing. And you're connected to the topic of numbers. So now listen, you dropped out of math 10 in college.

I hate numbers.

You dropped out of math. So how do you reconcile the idea of making money with not being okay with numbers? Does this help you shopping because you don't know how to read the number or you don't want to read the number on the price tag. You just buy.

But that actually helps. I don't like it. I look.

You don't like that? Like, I'm not adding. I'm just gonna get this.

I think there's been situations in my life where I had to kind of like look at the numbers a little bit. And honestly, even with hair, I knew, like I didn't know down to the detail of the number, but I kind of would look at the big picture and be like, well, duh, obviously hair extensions and doing this and cutting into this timeframe and you'd make way more money. So I'll look at numbers in that way of like, how can I make the most out of my time? But I don't even know if that's number relevant. It's just like looking at the big picture. What would be most effective with my time? But when somebody shows me spreadsheets, I don't wanna add the spreadsheets. I wanna see spreadsheets with just positive numbers.

Do you wanna see pictures versus see numbers?

I don't mind numbers if it's like, here's what we made here, here, here, here, here. But even then, you tend not to.

Pay attention long though. Like if we shared a bunch of numbers with you and you and I sat down to look, to start drawing flowers, 22 seconds.

I think with numbers where I get to is, I'm like, why are you showing me these numbers? What is our end result? What is our goal? Why do. Okay, so if we're here, then how do we get here? So my mind starts to shut down. Because if I see numbers and they're not the way I want them to be. I'm like. I get pissed. And then I'm like, okay, well how do we get the numbers to look like this over here? Stop telling me what my numbers are. Let's problem solve. Let's. Let's create a solution. Let's, let's. And that's kind of what our team meeting was just recently about. It's like, it's good to be where you're at. Cause then you need to figure out where you're going, I guess. So it's like a love hate relationship.

So you actually don't like looking at numbers at all?

I mean, I get a little overwhelmed, but it's like on a need to know basis for me.

When would you need to know numbers and when it comes to money, what numbers would you want me to tell.

You if I was working really hard and I was making money?

Which you do, you work very hard.

I would want to know these things. We told you that so that I could autocorrect.

You were working really hard and making no money. We found this out. We found out there were some problems inside of one of the companies and inside of one of the ways you were working and that there were some problems with the profitability.

And you know what? I always get to this place when it's numbers like that where I'm like, fuck it, I'm out. Screw it. And then I'm like, no, okay, so this is working and this is not working. So how do we autocorrect? Because I think a lot of times in life, probably people operate in like this fantasy of what's happening, what's really happening. And the difference between a productive company and a not productive company is that people are willing to take a harsh look at those numbers and figure out how to actually make it profitable or make it work.

I like it.

Whatever.

I like it. Okay, so here's the deal. We're going to back this up into this topic of math and numbers. And math is money, and money is math. But inside of this, dealing with the fact that you and I tend to.

Neither one, it's because we're both quick starts and visionaries.

Okay, so how do we reconcile this? Because you realize that most people don't go, we don't have a budget. You know, I'd like to be really impressive and tell people we have a budget. You don't have a budget. I don't like being, why don't you have a budget?

You know what I've noticed for us, I will just say this? Nope.

Well, just for you.

No, no.

No budget for you.

No. I gotta say this right now, before I forget. So I know that with Garrett and I, we've never really had a budget. And so it's interesting in our married life is I always felt like I was pushing us to, like.

Make more.

Make more. Have a better life. Like, I just always wanted to, like, reach for the sky. Wanted more. And Garrett would. Would kind of be like, well, we can't do that. But I'm like, but you were both entrepreneurs, and so who's to say we can and cannot? And I noticed, for Garrett, literally, this happens. This has happened tenfold every situation we've been in. And it's not just me pushing you. Sometimes you push me, and it's. We push back and forth. But, like, we've gone through situations, like, say, in our own marriage, where, like, we. We're like, okay, we, like, lost everything and we had to rebuild everything. And Garrett's like, we're going to go rent a home here in Arizona for X amount of dollars. And I was like, holy shit. We're not even making X amount of dollars. How are you going to do that? And he's like, I just know if I put myself in that situation, I will figure out how to make ends meet. So we go to Arizona, and he does it. Then we go to California, and I'm like, holy shit. We're going to pay this much for a house here, okay? And then he does it. Then he does it again. And then this last move is. He says to me, like, no, I don't think we should reach there. I don't think we're ready to go there. I'm like, fuck you. Like, you proved that every single step we've done that, if we said, here's where we're going. You'll level up every area in your life to make that work. And for us, it was always in homes. You know what I mean? And so this last year, we bought, like, we didn't just make a small leap of, like, hey, here we're gonna do it. Felt like. It kind of felt like when we moved from, like, Utah to Arizona. Like, when we moved from Utah to Arizona, like, we literally had, like, nothing. And I was like, how are we going to do this? And so it was another, like, monumental leap where you're just like, I'm not just leaping a little bit. We were like, bam. And then if you look at our businesses and both of our businesses in the last year from taking such that leap, we figured out how to make it work. And not only that, but like 10x what we thought we would be at. Do you know what I mean?

I do.

So it's interesting because we haven't had a budget. We don't budget. But maybe we just have a lot of faith in ourselves. I don't really know. I just have a lot of faith in you. Good job, babe.

You can have a large. You're gonna have a budget, or you can have a lot of faith.

Yeah.

Which really translates into what? What do you say when you say a lot of faith? What do you mean by that?

Like, I think you play bigger. You play bigger. You play bigger.

Okay, so you've been. You played a. You played a piece inside of this. So you're saying inside of relationships, there's individual who actually pushes the other individual to grow more.

Yeah.

Based upon a desire to get to a certain number.

Right.

So I had a job.

Okay.

I had a job. I had two jobs. Are these hurting your ears?

No, I just got my ear pierced today.

Oh. Yup. How much did that cost you? I don't know exactly. You don't have a budget.

I was worried about the end result. Nothing.

I know. Well, I was just wondering. This is my point being is you don't even know how much it costs.

Was it probably 50 bucks? Well, Bailey, $100. It was. It was a hundred dollars.

$100 to do the needle thing because you got a different part of your cartilage pierced.

I don't know what it's called, but it looks cute.

Would you ever pierce your nipple? No, I would never. Did you know that I pierced my nipple? Did you know this?

Why does your brain go.

It was the worst time ever. Like, it was the worst idea ever. I pierced both my nipples. I was in college. I was at Boise State University. We had a great idea. We got tattooed one weekend that was fun. And then the next weekend we had this idea to go get pierced. I don't know why we thought this was a good idea. So we go get pierced. Gotta get nose pierced, lip pierced. I decide to get my nipples pierced.

That's so gross.

I was dating, like, was all about the nipple pierce. And I was like, okay, so I'll go get the nipples pierced. So I get the nipples pierced. Both of them. And then I show up to football practice. This is where it goes south, my friends. It's always two bars sitting in my nipples, right? And it's like this weird feeling to have your nipples pierced. And I'm sitting. I don't Even know how much I spent for that. So I'm giving you shit about that. I don't know how much I spent to get my nipples pierced. So I get my nipples pierced. I'm sitting at football practice.

Did you get a Groupon? Was it two for one?

There was no such thing as Groupon back then. There weren't even cell phones. Come on now. You know I'm og.

You didn't get that one. It was two for one.

Oh, two for one nipple piercing.

Got a twofer.

I got a two for one on that one. So I'm sitting there, football practice, and hands on. You got a two for. You got a two for one. What? You got two for one nipple piercing. What are you talking about?

I was just kidding.

Keep going. Okay, I love that you're fucking with my story right now. So I'm sitting in football practice, I come out and I'm a defensive back, and I get down the line, man on man coverage with the wide receiver, and he comes off the line and he jams me. I jam him and then he fights back and hits me in the chest. But we don't have our football pads on. We just have jerseys because it's day before game. And it was the worst idea ever. I literally fall down to my knees and I'm like vomiting because of how painful it is to have these things in my nipples. I immediately go inside the locker room and I take the nipple piercings out, never to be pierced again.

That's a great story. How does it have to do with our topic today?

Has to do. Absolutely nothing to do with our topic. But you said that you got yourself pierced, and so I talked about my nipple piercing. Back in college.

We just got a little tiny stud.

Okay. When you what? So back in college I got a credit card. When was the first time you got a credit card?

I don't remember.

You don't remember when you got your first credit card? Wasn't in college. You didn't get somebody to, like, apply at the university?

I honestly don't think I got a credit card till I was married.

You were using your parents credit card, though?

No, I had a debit card. Like a bank card.

Was it. Were you using your parents debit card? You used to always buy stuff with your parents card and they didn't even know it.

That's. I say, I don't like numbers. I just would memorize their numbers and then I would convince the salesperson to let me use their credit card number and just. I would always go to the Same salesperson. So they.

Was that a boy?

So he bel. No, it was always a lady boy.

It was a lady.

I just.

I did the giggly game.

No, I didn't do the giggly game. I just was a hell of a sales woman, and I just told her I just had the number memorized, and I was like, you know, Gail, she wanted me to come buy some more school. School clothes. So here I am. I do now.

You're like, school clothes, like, four months in a row every other.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's get back to our topic here of math. People think the show's going nowhere.

It's going nowhere. You're the narrator. I'm waiting for this to go somewhere. I'm so excited. Maybe we should just tell him more stories.

We did nipple piercing. Okay, so you brought up the piercing. Let's continue. So here's the deal. We'll come back to this idea of budgets. We do not really budget, but we do argue about money, and we've argued about money a lot over the years, and we argue less about money than we've ever argued before. But I have noticed this about you. I have noticed that you resist change. When it comes to me changing things, when it comes to the numbers, like when I'm implementing new policies, new games, new businesses, new this, you get a little pissed off. You kind of become a little witchy. A little witchy for a bit.

It's because.

And you resist like a crazy person.

No, because you'll be like, we're gonna try this. And I'm more. It's scary for me to just, like, rolled the dice and be like, let's test this.

But I rolled the dice and married me.

Exactly. And that's where I was, for God's sakes.

How would you not know this was the game?

The reason you've been able to be so successful is probably because out of. Well, I guess I've only been married.

I thought you were about to take credit. No, the reason you've been so successful is because you married me. I thought that's where you were going. I would have let you do that. I would have let you do that.

I was successful because we both push each other.

We married each other.

No, we didn't. We married very opposite people. But we both.

I didn't say I married myself.

We compliment each other very well in strengths and weaknesses and. And pushing one another. So, anyways, now, listen.

Are you clean? Like, do you clean? Are you very clean around the house?

You're going right now.

It'll all come back. It'll all come back. Are you clean when it comes to, like, cleaning things up and not being messy?

I am orderly.

You're more clean when it comes to picking things up than me. Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. Got it. But in the end of things, you actually are not a very clean lady when it comes to cleaning up.

I hate shit and clutter. I'm not organized. I am very clean. I like my house to smell like fresh bleach. You could open any drawer in my house and it's a shit show.

It's a shit show.

It's scary, okay? I even go to cook something, I'm like, what pan should I use? That's not clean at all.

Not good. Okay, so we have this amazing kitchen. You are not. Your roommates in college even told me that. Because you always tell everyone how I'm so messy.

Oh, my God. Because you.

Yeah, but you were messy in college too.

Your drawers and your surface is a mess. Like, it's like. You see, there's, like.

There's a bomb outside and inside.

Yes.

You just hide the bomb on the inside.

Exactly.

Okay, so now we're gonna get to my point. Okay, so here's the deal. Danielle. Danielle looks like. Danielle looks like she is a clean person.

I'm the wild one, but only because.

She is, like, next to me. It's like when Danielle looks really tan. We did a photo on Instagram and my shirt was off. And I'm a very white Pacey Irish guy. And Danielle is not Irish and not pasty. Looks Persian. Looks Latin. People think she looks Latin. When we're in Mexico, people think she's Persian. When we're here in Newport, I'm Eng. You are English. No, you're not. I don't even know what you are.

I don't know what I am. I'm a mutt.

You're a mutt. Well, congratulations, mutt. So anyways, she's Danielle. Danielle, like, has this, like, contrasting game of looking like a very orderly person when she's with me. Because I'm a hurricane now. Vice versa. I look like I'm actually elite with the numbers and tracking numbers and spreadsheets, et cetera. Because Danielle's so bad. Like, I'm so bad at wanting to pick up. You look so amazing. And yet next to me.

See, we balance our strengths and our weaknesses.

We. L, this is the point I'm getting to is that the inside of our strengths, like, you don't like to pay the bills. You don't even like to know what's going on with the bills.

I can.

You can pay the bills. You did pay the bills for a little while.

I paid the bills for, like, the first 10 years of our life, and.

Half our bills were late.

They were paid. You didn't say, were they late. You said, was the job done again? The job was done. The job was done officially, Maybe not.

Okay, so we offset each other in the game of money then, right? Now, listen, you lean on me for a few things and money. What do you lean on me with?

Let's go for money?

Yep. Just with the money conversation. As a couple, what are some things you have to count on me for?

I like everything.

You like everything.

What do you mean? Like, I don't know specifically.

I'm not talking about, like, what you like me to go buy for you.

No, I know.

I'm saying, like, when it comes to the money topic as a couple, you lean on my strengths. In what areas? Areas that you will not hiring people.

People to do taxes.

Okay. Well done. I like how you like. You almost dabbed out of that one. I thought you were gonna pull a Bailey dab. Like, dab it or get out?

I don't know specifically what you're asking. I don't like the details of, like. I just get overwhelmed and. But I think you're better than I am. But both of us, realistically, it's not, like, our strength, so we have to, like, have one. We have to have a. We have to know what's going on, but we're not doing all of the things.

So I'll give you an example. You don't collide with people. Well, no, I collide with people well. So one of the things we rely on inside of our relationship when it comes to money is I'm the guy in the front with the shield and the sword, and I, like, go to war with insurance company. I go to war with, like, whoever. I'll collide with the tax.

I feel like you're my bodyguard.

I'm the guy that collides. So in our relationship, I'm the guy that collides with everyone. Inside of the topic of money. I used to put Danielle out front and made her do that because I said I was too busy.

Oh, that was wrong.

You remember this? Okay, so there was. Was there a direct.

And then you were like, why do I feel like I'm married to a man? I'm like, you put me in the man's sho. You're gonna get the man. It's true.

I believe this. Continue on this Topic.

Well, like, I was even thinking, like, half the time, I felt like I was, like, doing all this shit that I didn't want to do, and then Garrett would come home from work, and he'd want to connect. But I think I was so pissed that I was fucking doing ay, and I just couldn't.

I mean, you were so frustrated there. You couldn't even say a B and C. You said ay and.

Letters and numbers. I just had a business meeting. Okay. I don't know if It's a Z, 2, 4, or 7.

A Y and 14.

It was my locker code this morning. It's my apple password.

Oh, I love it. Okay. So.

Such a dick.

Here's the thing, though. I remember this being the case. Like, I would put Danielle out front to be the shield, but, like, I was like, listen, I don't have time to deal with this insurance. She would call me, like, I don't know how to deal with it. And I was like, then get on the fucking phone and fix it. And, like, I would be like, pay the bills. That's your job. La, la, la, la, la, la, la. My job's to get the money. Your job's to do this. And that was how I, at least in my mind, worked it out. But it had a downside, which was exactly what Danielle shared. Like, it had a huge impact on. Oh, wait for it, our sex life.

It did. I think it was bugged. There wasn't.

It was.

It was, like, no time for me to feel like, I genuinely think that women want to be sort of, like, taken care of. And when I had so much on my plate and then you would come home and there was no time to. There was just no time to connect. And I was, like, bugged. Like, I was just stressed. You know what I mean?

I do.

And you can't have two people in a relationship that are both stressed.

It happens a lot, though. I mean, they can be both stress. They just have to be the right kind of stress for sure. Now. I was super pissed to take these on. Like, I remember by taking the bills back on and, like, handling all this stuff, plus doing it, there was a big irritation inside of my mind because in my mind, I had been raised by a mother, and my mother dealt with all the bills in your house. Your mom dealt with all the bills, and the job was just, like, kind of rolled out. That was the role.

Why was that the role?

I don't know.

Why did women have to, like, do the books?

My mom did the books. Our whole lives, like, I remember the whole checkbook every day.

I know why that's, like, so. And even I have a lot of friends that, like, they still do, like, the bills and the books and this. And is it just. Women are more likely to be more organized with that. And maybe I think it's the way.

The women feel like they're contributing. Maybe.

And I think because I've always worked, even before we had kids, like, I've done hair forever. And so for me, I was like, I gotta work and be a mom and do all this other stuff. I'm like, I don't want to do all that.

I agree. So I took it on and I stopped using you as a shield. That's the way I call it. Gentlemen. I was using Danielle as a shield because it was a lot of shit I didn't want to deal with. And I just expected her to do it. And one day I made this deep connection. I was like, wait a second. I'm requiring her to do all of this stuff and saying, you should do this, and even though you don't want to do this. And then I'm expecting her also to have sex and make love to me. And somehow all of that was getting lumped into the same chore task list.

And I think you like that. I work too.

I do. It was one of my requirements for being married.

Was it for me to work?

No, it wasn't that. You being worked, is it? You had something else inside of your life beyond me and the kids.

Well, that's important. That creates a happier woman. If you have something a little bit of purpose.

Yeah. And that was beautiful. So here was the deal. So we had a different collision in the way we dealt with money. I would take on the hard shit. I would take on, like, a lot of the complicated stuff. Now here's where Danielle would play it back to me. And this is how it goes in most relationships. So one of you is going to be the shield. We're going to encourage that to be the man, get your ass out front and take care of it. Some of you ladies are going to be like, no, my husband's an idiot.

Well, well, quit cutting his balls off.

Quit cutting his balls off. Talk more about this. Cutting balls off.

I need like, that go there. I think it's interesting because women, they want that control, but they don't want that control. And so it just becomes this thing of, like, they want that control, but then they. But you just gotta, like, let go. It's so nice when you just kinda like, let go and You. It's nice. Like, I don't know what's going on with bills, but then it helps our relationship. I'm like, I trust that you got it.

And then this was not the case for us for a long time. Like, we were constantly stressing, finding a difference.

Women tend to wanna micromanage things. Like, oh, got. But I got to be honest, though. Like, I never, ever wanted to micromanage that shit. I didn't want control of it. I didn't. The only reason that I would say I want to control Visit. I only wanted control of what I was making. Because when our relationship wasn't good, I was like, this is my escape plan.

We didn't even have the same account for.

No. For a long time, because it was like, when shit went sideways, and when I started working and pushing my brand more, and I was like, I'm gonna go get my own account. And I would micromanage that. And I was like, no, you cannot have control of what I'm creating over here. And so when our relationship started to get better, I remember the year I was like, you're like, we need to move all the accounts together. And I was, like, sweating because I was like, ooh, that's like. For me, being like, I trust you. And in a relationship, there's always these points where you have to kind of give in to one another in order to build that trust. And so now, like. Like, we'll joke around at business meetings and whatnot. You're not as productive as you want to be. But I'm like, I don't care. I'm fucking getting taken care of. But then it's like, not really. Like, dial that back in. See what we need to do. But I'm not stressed about my little. My slush fund. I guess you could say you have.

A big slush fund. We're talking about the slush fund here in a second. But look at this piece that Danielle's bringing up here. And this point of just being able to give your man a position to be able to lead. I sit with a lot of powerful women, too, inside of events that we run. And one of the common complaints and conversations they get is they feel like their husband is not leading. And one of the responses I get back to him, I said, well, quit cutting his balls off. If you want him to act like a king when it comes to the castle and the vault and the money, then you're going to have to actually show up in a way that gives him space to do that.

When I went and created my own account. It's because you were not producing at the time. And I was scared.

Oh, for sure.

So I was like, I got to again, like, I don't know what's gonna go, but if things go sideways, I've got to have my own, like, little safety net here.

And I was super pissed. Like, when you did this, I was like, you bitch. Are you kidding me right now? I was angry.

You told me to.

Oh, actually, no, I didn't.

I did do that to create my own account. And I think in the back of your mind, you were always like. You were in this weird phase where you're like, she doesn't deserve. You were in a weird phase for a bit, as we both were. But you were even, like, when it was in, you were not producing. And I even think you were like, she can. She needs to go branch out, and she needs to not be with me, and she needs to go do this. And I think you were almost, like, setting yourself up, like, to try, like, push me to take care of myself as well. So it didn't, like. So. So you didn't maybe feel. I don't know. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but maybe you didn't feel the guilt or you wanted me to just set up on my own for myself. I don't really know. But I know that you could have been. You were the one in that time that you were like, hey, I think you should go set up your own account. And I was just like, okay.

We'd gotten behind on taxes for a few years. Like, 2008, 2009, 2010.

I think we were, like, just trying to. I was like, cover our asses.

Yeah. I don't know what we were trying to do. We were. We were definitely deploying some strategies, though.

I don't know what we're doing. I think we're in an emotional shit show.

We were an emotional shit show.

But either way, I just knew, like, in the beginning, regardless of why I did it, when I started producing for myself and making money and, like, seeing that account, like, start to rise, I even remember you'd be like, well, what's in your account? And I would lie. I'd be like, oh, you know, hair. It's just a hobby. And then I was like, we would both try and build our businesses, and she would talk shit, and I would talk shit, because I got. But at the same time, you would.

Know my number, and then I wouldn't know your number. So you were winning on that.

So finally no, no. I remember there was this time where you finally, like, I would get so pissed. Cause I wanted to share with you, like, what I was making and, like, the number in my account and whatnot. But then I'd be, like, really pissed. And. And then you'd be like, well, I made. Like, I made this. And I'm like, oh, my fucking God. Like, I made that last month. Like, you asked me.

But you wouldn't say that. No, you would never tell me. So I had no idea. So I'm thinking I'm doing good, only realizing you're kicking my ass.

But that was just for like, a little bit. And so then it was like, I think, but me telling you, I don't know.

Anyways, here's a piece I'm gonna tie in with you. And I though on this piece was you were constant while I was, like, kind of using you as a shield. You were also part of the key game of triggering me to want more. I think I would have settled for way less than what we currently have right now and experiencing the purpose inside of it. I had no idea. You exposed me to a place of just the possibility in life. Being married to you, that was different than what I had been raised to.

I think that you get a lot of validation from being significant. And I don't know if that necessarily had to have a dollar amount on it. Does that make sense?

Yeah. It didn't have to have a dollar.

Because you've always been a hard worker. You've always. I remember, like, you'd go speak at these events and you'd like so many people, and you were. And I'd be like, well, how much did you make off? Speaking of. And you're like, well, it doesn't really matter. But I think you emotionally, like, got fed by, like, by all of that. And I was like, God, he's so fucking good at speaking and what he does. But we've got to make it like you have the potential. You can't just be doing it for free.

99.

For free. 99. Yeah. I was like, oh, my God. And I think it's. I saw that greatness in you, and I was like, no. Whereas I feel like you could have settled into just having that. That praise and that. What's the word I'm looking for? Significance. Yes, you could have settled. And I think a lot of people do that. A lot of people settle on significance. And they play small based on that just feeds them enough. And I. I play into that role as well. Like. But in the end of the day, like, significance only gets me so far, where I'm like, I fucking hate everything. Even with, like, social media and everything, like, I'll joke around. We're like, hearts and emojis. Don't pay your mortgage, you know? And there's a lot of people even in the social media game with. On Garrett's side of business and mine, where their number's huge, and so they small because they're just like. They're being emotionally fed by that, and they're like, oh, well, might. I could do something with it. I'm just not. I have a million followers, or I have this, this, and this, or I have, you know, and they. They play small. And I think, like, at some level, that doesn't really serve you. And so it's like this balance of having that significance and also kind of knowing your numbers, because in my experience, for me, pushing us to that next level, for me, pushing Garrett, like, fuck you. Like, you can make more. We have become better people. You've tapped into a different network of people. We've been able to impact more people's life directly by putting a dollar figure behind it and not just that significance number.

Okay, so let me ask you this. So you're gonna. There's gonna be a lot of couples that are listening to this where one of the two is more driven than the other, right? You and I both happen to be both driven, but there was also. I was. I was probably. I was like, more driven in the beginning. You kind of built that up as time kind of went on. What do you suggest to a couple who. Where the wife is in a situation where the husband is not as driven, or vice versa, where the husband is.

I think that's hard.

And the wife's not as driven. What do you think?

We see it all the time. Like, we see people that, like. We'll see couples come into both of our businesses, and they're like, well, I'm trying to get him on board. I'm trying to get her on board. And they're just not. They're not into it. And it's like, there's always going to be one that seems more driven than the other. But I will say I always thought of Gary as being the more driven one of us. Only to find out once I, like, gave myself permission. I'm actually, like, pretty driven and super passionate. And so it's funny because when you say, oh, you can take somebody who's more driven, but I disagree with that. At some level, you have to find what your passion is that gives you purpose and you will find that drive. I remember I was listening to, I think it was Gary Vaynerchuk, one of his books or something, and he said that he's like, you can take somebody who's super, like, introverted and shy, but they're really good at bass fishing, and they will share their passion and their love for that, and they can make a successful income just based on their passion. Does he have a book called Finding youg Passion or something?

Crushing it, Crushing it, Cashing it on Passion.

There we go. But anyways, and I was, like, thinking that with myself, because I think of myself as somewhat quiet, and I used to be introverted, and as I get older, I get more out of my shell. But it all started with becoming really, really good at doing hair. And in doing hair, teaching and becoming passionate. And now, like, we're getting ready to do a hair class, and I have 350 stylists in my audience teaching hair. And I would have never thought of myself as a businesswoman or I never would have thought of myself as a speaker or a trainer or somebody who's passionate or driven, like you said. But I have become that because I found something I'm good at and passionate about.

So here's the two things that happened with us. You drove me to care more about money, in a sense of getting economically compensated for what I do and to keep pushing that. And then I eventually took that addiction on myself, and in a sense, not like addiction to the money, but an addiction to creating profitable businesses and a lifestyle that was financially prosperous and a legacy that would matter economically. So I got that gift from Danielle, and she continued to rally me for a decade on this and on vice versa. I was telling Danielle for a decade she was going to be a trainer and a coach, and she would be a speaker with me on stage. And that life was about growth and about expansion. And now you speak that tune, too. Now we both speak the tune that the other one was preaching.

I was probably the one in that relationship in the beginning when you probably felt like you were dragging me. And we always tell people, now we're like, don't necessarily worry about them. Lead by example. And if they're not, like, if they don't see that shift and if they don't want to find their better version of them, then you might cross paths. You just might. But for us, I don't know. I can only speak from our story. And our experience is, like, when Garrett was like, kind of like, I need you to, like, he wanted me to, like, be involved in what he was involved with. And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. I just do hair. Like, you're doing, like, self help and this and that. And he introduced, like, why don't you create a brand for yourself? And in. So in doing that, I was like, I don't know what a brand is. I don't know where I'm going. I'm just. I'm just. I just like, doing hair. It's kind of fun. And I didn't realize, like, I was like, 2008.

Isn't that crazy? I was, like, a decade ago.

I know, but I guess I didn't realize, like, even with hair, like, how much I loved it. And I didn't even care that I wasn't making a ton because I was so validated by just clients and seeing them leave and, like, the transformation that they had and just feeling like, oh, I feel beautiful. And that, to me, gave me enough significance where I was like, oh, I'm doing my part in this world. And then it was this place where we needed more money and we needed to grow together, that, like, I had to look at things a little bit differently. And it pushed me to grow, to push myself out there and say, like, no, I've got to make more. I've got to produce more numbers. And doing that became a better artist. I became a better person. I became a better wife. We were more connected. So it's just like, our journey's been so interesting, but we've been able to grow together because Garrett is really, really good at giving people permission and helping them see opportunity. And I think that even though we didn't know where we were going or what we were doing, he kind of just gave me permission, why don't you do this? And I'm like, I don't know if I can. And I'm the type of person, when I start a task, I'll finish a task. So then I get so far in that I'm like, well, I can't turn back now. And I just keep plowing forward.

So economically, we've really pushed each other.

Right? Right.

We found kind of our roles and kind of our vision inside of this with what I always wanted was the opportunity to grow and expand and feel like I was contributing. Like, there was this huge, huge insight to me. Would you, Danielle, slowly adopt? And inside of my world, I slowly adopted the idea that being able to pay for cool trips and live in cool houses and go on amazing things with our family and creating a legacy economically that these things truly mattered, even though I'd said they mattered. For the first decade as an entrepreneur, the thing that I really cared the most about was contribution and growth. That was it. Feeling significant in those ways, I was not feeling as significant in other ways. And Danielle was feeling it different, too. She never wanted to really commit down a double down to the growth side and always thought I was a crazy person because I was in a place like that we're getting right now on video, reading text messages.

No. Oh, you were not even paying attention from the babysitter. I'm sorry.

You were not even paying attention.

I wasn't. Keep going, though. Sorry.

All right, so, yes, I thought I.

It's like one of those mom things. Like, you're like, I can really focus in. But if it regards the kids, you're like everything else, you just, like, just disappear. It's like you're in, like, this warp tunnel.

I give you permission that if I had looked over you on Instagram, I was gonna throw your phone against the padded walls of the studio, which wouldn't have done anything.

You're getting really boring in here. No.

All right, so we're wrap this show up. We're going to wrap this show up with a couple ideas.

Couple ideas. I like this. A couple ideas are, if you haven't learned something from our story, then I.

Just think, like, now look at a couple of these. The first thing we have is we have the role of don't cut your husband's balls off and vice versa. Don't use your wife as a shield.

There you go.

All right, so you reiterate the don't cut your husband's balls off. I'll reiterate. Don't use your wife as a shield.

You know what? It's hard for me to not want to cut your balls off when I felt like you weren't showing up as the husband. And probably.

What did that mean, not showing up as a husband?

Like, you. We were financially struggling, and I just felt like we weren't. Not even financially struggling, even when we were doing good. I think I was bugged because I'm like, you're so much cape. You're capable of so much more. And then I had to flip and be like, I'm capable of so much more. And when I saw that realization of myself, I was like, it was this weird place in our marriage where I'm like, maybe I'm supposed to contribute in this. And then when we both got on the same team, it's like, we were going way further together than we would on our own. But it took me being like. I think I was, like, not attracted to you for a minute because I felt like you weren't at the level.

What, I mean, like, three years.

Like, you weren't at the level that I wanted you to be at. But again, like, I had to flip the mirror and be like, danielle, you're her playing small, and you're not at the level that you want to be at. And in doing that, I think I just stopped cutting your balls off. And I just went into this, like, focus on me phase. And I don't know if that was any better or worse. We had, like, a shitty phase, then we had, like, a medium phase, and, like, a good phase. Now we're in, like, a great phase. So it's like before seasons. Yeah, it literally is. And people were like, well, how did you turn it around? But we, like, it's we. Marriage is, like, a constant journey. And I don't think we had, like. We didn't realize, like, how many bad patterns and behaviors we created for ourselves in the first, like, five years. Anything. Being married is hard, and, like, you can get to this peaceful place later in life. But, like, we kind of grew up together. Like, I got married at 20, and Garrett was he seven years older than me, so he was 27. I had never been married before. Garrett was on his second marriage. And so it just. We went through a lot together. But what's cool is we were able to, like, learn and grow together. But I think it's because we were both willing to look at ourselves.

Dun, dun, dun. And the piece I'm going to add to this is the shield factor. So here are two things. My wife started realizing the ball cutting off process was happening because she was dealing with herself.

And I realized I wasn't gonna get what I wanted in life by cutting off your ball. So I was like, that actually makes it worse and nobody's happy. So then I was like, all right.

Why do you think girls do this? Why do women cut off ball?

It's a control thing. It is a control thing because, like, they. Maybe they feel. I don't really know. I think I literally think it's just.

Like, a lot of women, like, many, many, many, many women do this. They cut the balls off.

Do many. I don't really.

Yes, many do. They cut off the balls, and then they don't put out.

Do you hear about that in a Warrior?

I hear about it in a Warrior all the time.

When you say Cut. And I talk, like, naggy, or what is it?

Like? Yeah, like naggy. Like. Like, just, like, constantly disempowering your husband.

The only thing I can say when I felt like that is because I felt, like, scared. Scared. Or I felt like I wasn't being taken care of, or I felt like my needs weren't being met. I'm sure it was, like, a combination of so many things. And then I just was like, we. We've talked about this on so many of our shows, but, like, if you're at that place, you kind of both have to cross the table and, like, work at your marriage, and then all of a sudden, things get. Get less shitty, and then they get less shitty, and then they get kind of good, and then they get really good. And then you just have to constantly. If you want a successful business, you work on your business. If you want a successful marriage, you work on your marriage. And so that's just. It's something that has to be a constant work. So work on not cutting balls off. Work on not shielding.

Now I'm gonna finish this show up with a great analogy.

Okay, I like this.

Okay, here it goes.

That was aggressive.

That's aggressive.

What's your analogy?

All right, so here's the analogy after that scary growl. So imagine, gentlemen, that you have this shield. The shield is connected to the crown. The crown is connected to the shield, and the shield is also connected to steel balls.

Is this real?

This is real. This is fucking happening. So crown on head equals king. Married to shield on arm equals shield on arm equals attach steel balls. So if you want steel balls, you must have the shield. You gain the crown. You want the crown, you need the shield. You grab the balls. All three of these are connected inside of one place. Are you on your phone again? Going to the goddamn Instagram, not listening to my story? Give me your phone.

I was on a text message.

You are not on a text message. You're not even listening to your story. I sat and listened to your story. Were you legitimately. I'm looking to verify. That's a lie. You were not. You literally interrupted. You are a liar right now. You are a liar now. No one trusts you now they know that everything you've been saying is bullshit.

It was an old babysitter.

It was not an old babysitter. Who says two?

Read it.

Who?

It says, this is Randall. See?

All right, well, so why would you look at the old babysitter's text?

I was actually gonna text the new babysitter and be, like, wrapping up seeing a baby.

But you were texting the new babysitter. Old babysitter.

Yeah. So keep going. Keep going.

Shit. Damn it.

She was kind of back, guys. You're back.

Steel balls. All right, so anyway, steel balls attached to the giant shield attached to the crown. Stop fucking around. I gotta finish my story here. So here's the deal. When I made Danielle the shield, she also held my bulls, but she didn't hold them in, like, a nice, gentle way. Like a tickly way? Nope. It was holding them in like, I got your balls. They're my balls now. You don't get to have balls. And on top of that came the crown. So when I used Danielle as a shield when it came to money, and I used her as an excuse. And I would make her deal with all the bills, and I would make her deal with all the pressure, and I would first all the son, and then I would not produce and make money, which means then I would try to put her in the. Put her in the shield position too. And I would use her as a reason or excuse, or you're not having sex with me, or you're cutting my balls off and not touching them nice and tingly style. And inside of that, that's why I can't produce. And I would use her as a shield. When Danielle holds the shield, she has the crown and my balls. But when I took the shield back, AKA I started paying all the bills. I took all the bills, I started producing. I started doubling down, focusing on myself and making sure that I got shit on point as a producer. When I did this. This magical thing came back. I took the shield, she fought me for the crown and fought to give back my balls. But what she didn't know, she had no choice. When I took the shield back and I said, listen, motherfuckers, I run this castle. I'm the king in this place. I'm gonna build us out of this problem. She went to war with me for two years. It was not a slow or fast game.

But then I was more attracted to you.

Finally, you would fight for my balls back. You'd be like, oh, do you really want your balls? Then get them out of my Gucci bag that I bought for myself. And I'd buy. Give me the goddamn pulse.

You were kind of a dick. Yeah.

All right. So do you like my analogy?

Yeah, I like it.

Steel balls attached to shields attached to the crown.

But I realized what I realized, too. You becoming more powerful and taking that character was way more attractive.

Which we had more sex.

Yeah.

See? Hold the shield, get your balls back, have more sex. That is the subject line of this.

Show in for everybody.

Yes. Yes.

You wanna be more attracted to your man, Let him be the man.

But you're also gonna fight him. Cause he needs to show respect to the balls. Yes.

He's gonna show respect to the queen, to the shield.

And the only way the queen feels respected is if you give up your balls and the crown ladies.

You gotta fight for it.

You gotta fight for it.

Your guy's gonna have more respect for you if you fight for it a little. Come on.

Fight for my balls.

Fight for what?

Do you have?

Not your balls. Fight for what you want in life. I couldn't just, like, be, like, if I were to be. If I didn't fight for it. You gotta be honest. Like, what?

Fight for what?

If I.

You're just giving me my balls back?

Yes. We would always joke around like this in the beginning of our marriage. And I'm like, did you want, like. Cause I can be quiet, but I'm super. I'm a little feisty. And so I'd be like, if you married somebody like yourselves, a, it wouldn't work. You did that, and you guys went to war all the time. And if you married somebody who was just a doormat, you'd be bored in two seconds. So it's like. It's been this interesting battle of balls and steel, I guess, But I just genuinely know, like, because I kind of, like, was holding my own in my space. Like, you were a little bit attracted.

What does a girl have steel Ovaries?

No. I don't know. So weird. You can't have balls. I just know, like, me fighting you on it. You're now, so. I think it worked out well for us.

I like it.

I don't know how to, like, sum it up, but.

All right, we're gonna sum it up this with one question. If, when having passionate sex, it's not sex, you had the option for me to, A, grab the back of your hair hard, or B, for you to grab the back of my hair hard, which do you prefer? Go.

It's been nice, guys. We'll see you on the next show. Too far. Don't give up.

Literally, don't say that. We're gonna share that on the next section. Who grabs whose hair the hardest?

You can't pull on my hair.

I know. I've been restricted by the mbr. My hair, on the other hand, does not have mbr.

Why do you like that?

Why do you do it? I like it.

I just know you like that.

I'm like, grab it. Let's go.

He likes me to go to work at every level.

I kind of think I like the. It's like Viking sex night.

Remember that one time we were a little bit buzzed and we just started wrestling, like, physically? It was fun.

Oh, it was aggressive.

It was fun, though.

It was fun. It was really fun.

Let's keep it classy.

Yeah. I don't think that night even ended naked.

No. We were just, like, goofing off.

But it was. We were wrestling. It was, like, hardcore. You were aggressively coming at me full speed, and I was, like, shielding all your moves.

It was fun, though.

It was fun. And you were getting super aggressive.

I knew you liked it.

I was. It was turning me on. I was like. She would come at me hard, and then she would try to knee me in the bowl.

How did this show go there?

I don't even know. We're ending this show. Thank you so much for being on this show. This is Bring It Wrapped to the Date youe Wife podcast again. If you are not currently active inside of the Warrior Network, we'd invite you to take a stab at that by jumping over as a man over to warriorbook.com or if you're a woman, head over to wakeupwarriorwoman.com today. We'd love to have you involved on either sides, man or woman inside of this equation, or both of you together as a couple. We'll be back next week here inside of the Date you podcast with the topic of parenting. We're going to talk about kids. We don't know what the fuck we're going to talk about at all yet, but next week, we'll figure out what that is and we'll have a conversation with you either way. This is my beautiful wife, Danielle. Last words before I shut it down. That's it? That's it. Just silence. You're done. All right, guys, we'll see you next week.