How John and Najlah Turned Adversity Into Strength: Building Resilient Relationships and Thriving Together

Anything that you've done prior, any of your mistakes, any of your battles that you've gone through, just you. You can change the outcome of your future.

I got a woman that I'm excited to get home to every single day. I got peace in my house. Like, you know, you can talk all the smack you want, but. But we're living a damn good life.

All right, my friends, welcome to another episode of the Date youe Wife podcast. This is Gary G. White with my beautiful wife Danielle. We have a guest. This is our first time doing this show on Zoom. Well, what's Extra Stream?

Yeah, we've never done it virtual.

No.

But now we've gotten so many opportunities to connect with other people. I was like, yeah, let's do it.

So here we are. Very first one coming at you with a couple interesting enough. I saw this couple on Instagram in Vegas. I still to this day do not know how I saw them. I was looking around Instagram and my for you likable section. Next y. I see this beautiful woman with this amazing looking man and they're just rocking Vegas back and forth together. And I'm like, okay, that's a spicy couple. She's young, she's sassy. This guy's blasted. He looks like he's either a high rolling, like drug dealer or he's a gambler. He's something in the next. She's definitely into him. He's definitely into her. And literally that was the only thought I had. I couldn't even remember their names.

I think it's because Amber, all of a sudden, literally the next week was like, hey, do you guys want these on your. On your podcast? Like, yeah.

So we the founders of Snap Supplements, we're going to talk a little bit about that today. Here we've got John and Naj. Naj. Is that always it?

Yeah, you got. You got it right the first time. Naj, love. It's not that complex, but it's just different. So some I. I called her Naj for the first year. It just made it. Made it easy. And by the way, it's Naj. Is. Is kind of John spelled backwards. Said that stupid. When I say that. She says, but I. Anyways, it is.

It is going backwards. It is.

Yeah. We just got to throw H in there somewhere. Anyways, yeah, she. She's the spicy one. She's the one that now they just say they refer to me as Najless husband. I'm like, yeah, my name is John, but they just know me by. By Najless husband. Now, so that's. That's who I am.

So let's go back those away. You two have been married for five years. And who saw who first? Like, where were you at? And who saw who first?

All right, so. So we have two stories. We have the story, we tell our. We have the story, we tell our Christian friends, which is a lie, and then we have the real story.

Can we hear both, please?

Friends?

Imagine that.

By the way, he's the spicy one.

Oh, normal. What do you mean?

Nor.

No, so I'm not. Hey, well, so yeah, she. She's more of an introvert. She says. I say she's an introvert out of convenience because she knows I'll just do it, you know, I'll just talk and whatever we got to do. So she's an introvert out of convenience. And I just. Sometimes I don't shut up. So if you guys need me to shut up, just say, show's over, John. Turn off the lights and I'll be fine. So I. I met her. It was August 30, the day before my birthday, 2016. I was going to. Here's the true story. This is not the one I tell about Christian friend. I was going my table at a nightclub for my birthday, and as I was walking in with the host, her and her friends were walking out. And I didn't see anybody else at that point, but I saw her and I was like. I jumped in front of her, said, no, wait, wait, you can't leave. You can't go anywhere. She says, no, we've been here, we're ready to go home, whatever, me and my friends. And if you get to know me, I can be fairly persuasive. So I convinced her that the best move for her and her friends would be to come to my table. And. And they did. And. And that's how it all began. And then of course, you fell in love instantly.

So now there's a. What were. What game did he. What game was he spitting that actually got you to turn around and come back into the club?

Like, what did he say to you?

What was it actually. Okay, let's free drinks. Let's talk about my perspective. So we had just walked out of this nightclub because, I don't know, it just wasn't our vibe. We just. It was literally like an in and out circle. So we walked out. We're trying to see what the next place we want to, you know, check out. And John just comes up to me immediately, trying to talk to me, telling me I should come Inside with him.

Give me try. I was talking.

Sorry, I don't know. I can't leave my friends. I have to stay with them. He's like, just bring them.

Just.

Just come. Just come.

I was like, I'll take care of everybody tonight. So tell them it's. Everything's something about young girls at nightclubs. Everything's free. That was my. That was the best pitch I had that night.

So the whole crew rolled back to the table with you?

I think there was about five of us, by the way.

It made me look really good too. It was me and all beautiful women. So either way, I was gonna win. Either way, it was a winning night.

So. So you roll back to the table and then this night transpires that, like, Was it like, right. It was on in the table and you guys, okay, this. Is this a match? You're feeling him, or was this. That John had to really put the work in for a few months of texting and having to work the system? Or were you, like, head over heels right of the gate?

She was fight. I'm just gonna tell you straight. She was kind of fighting the feeling. I. She didn't realize that I was. She just wasn't catching it properly. I didn't know what was wrong with her. But I. But I. I was persistent. I kept going.

I actually, he hates this part that I don't remember much of him outside of the club until we get in there. He's in a full suit at this time. Like, full suit. Nightclub 2016. That's kind of wild. Dress, shoes, everything, like, every.

That was just like, I wore that suit to impress you.

Did you?

Yeah. My favorite suit.

It was a hip hop and R B club as well. And he started dancing. He was dancing in his suit. So that's what I was like. What do you mean?

What.

What's going on here?

You mean what? Like, dang, that guy's got moves. Or are you saying what? Like, what the f.

It was just, you know, interesting to see.

Interesting. Like, where is this podcast actually going?

Because first of all, you're in a suit. That's number one.

Okay, we got that part.

Number two, you're dancing. You're older gentleman.

That was my dancing older gentleman. All right, we get. My wife is an agist. Well, let's talk about that sometime in this podcast.

Like, he kind of, you know, got some moves that. That little suit he got going on. I was like, some flavors coming out of this.

All right, now she's moving in the right direction. We continue with the podcast.

What is your age difference?

23 years?

24.

Yeah, it depends on. Yeah, 23. 24. So yeah, I'm 54 and she's 30. She hates when I tell people 24.

Danielle was 30 years old for a decade.

Yeah.

And then finally at 41, she's like, side. I'm like super hot in my 40s. I was like, oh, we're by my acknowledging that we're down 41. Yeah.

He's like, okay, I can't keep saying 30. It's fine.

Okay.

So I love that, I love that though, that you hit a certain point and you're like, dang, I look pretty good. Especially when you look around other people in your, in your age group, you're like, what? You're like the, the queen of your age group, right?

Then you start bragging about your age. You're like, actually, for my age, I look great.

It was a tater tottenham.

What was that? We were going through TSA yesterday and, and the TSA was that she was a very tall lady look. And she looked like Megan thee stallion. But I, but I let her know, like I'm. I'm the tallest of the short people, so I'm tall for people.

Okay, so let's go back to the club. So John's dancing. John's in a hip hop club. John, how many white guys they're your age are in a suit dancing the hip hop club? Zero. I know because I'm not. When we're there, I'm only.

Fist bump thing for like an hour. I don't know.

And survive weekly. God moved, John. I tell you, we go in and she'll be fine. It's killing it. Then there might. What? I'm proud to be here. Let's go. What's wrong with you guys? Okay, so you're dancing, the club ends, you guys are gone. When does this become like a thing for you? When do you become like an actual. Okay, we're going to be serious and date each other. How much longer Abs in the club?

Well, we basically. I saw him the next day on his birthday and every single day, basically.

She, she was kind of, she was playing games a little bit though, to.

Yeah, I said I wasn't going to be ready for a relationship for six to 12 months.

Yeah, that's what she said to me. I'm like six to 12 months. I'm like, lady, I. I ain't gonna. You think I'm waiting around for your ass? I mean, you're sexy, but like, I might not be here in, in a Couple in a month. Like, I'm. I'm a hot commodity. I try. I was trying to convince her, like, listen, if you don't get your stuff together. Now I have her captive, though. Now she's. We're hanging out, we're at dinner. We're getting a chance to talk. So I was.

I was a gentleman.

I was a gentleman. I was very. I was. I really. I. I was really digging her. I was like, okay, this is different. And we started. We're having great conversations. You know, I talk a lot about business, being an entrepreneur. So we started having these conversations. And, you know, she has a degree in speech pathology. Anyway, we just started talking that she was talking about her entrepreneurial, you know, dreams and goals and things that she wants to do. And I'm like, oh, I said, be careful what you say to me, because if we'll start a business together tomorrow and you're going to hate your life for a person at least the first year.

Now you. And were you an entrepreneur before you met John?

I did have a few online programs that I was running because I just became obsessed with health and wellness fitness when I went to college. So that was kind of like my main thing that I like to focus on. And when we talked about creating something for osnap, I just thought it was literally perfect. It was perfect. It was what I love and breathe every single day already. And he's been into health since way before he put me on probiotics, like, a couple of other supplements that I just never knew to take in general. Like, I was so concerned with, like, the outer. Like, the gym and all that stuff, maybe, like, certain foods in particular. But he put me on to, like, certain supplements.

Well, I had to. I had to offset all the damage I did in all the nightclubs that I had been going to for so many decades. So, yeah, so health and wellness was a big common denominator for us that. That linked us incredibly well. And then it. It led to us eventually, you know, starting now, we started several companies together, but that one in particular kind of blew up.

So, John, you've been. You've been married a couple times for this. What didn't you learn?

Third time's charm. Third time's a charm.

What did you. What did you. Up in the First American?

You know, I used to.

We have a whole bunch of guys listening to the show, by the way. Marriage number two, marriage number three, marriage number four. Tons of entrepreneurs wake up warrior guys that are like, they get stuck in a loop and then they come into Our programs, because they're trying to figure out how to knock him. Looks like you found your way out. When you go back, like, what was prior to, you know, not just coming into the picture, what did you learn about yourself as a man that shifted to allow yourself to bring this amazing.

Moment you like, you know, looking back, it was always them, you know, it was always her, it was never me. And I always had this kind of thing from my dad. My dad was a steel worker, man's man, and, and he ran the house with an iron fist. And it was always like, you know, he's. He's. He's the head of the house, and he didn't get that, you know, we all should have a say. We saw contributing. We just kind of ran the house. Great. I got my work ethic from my dad. He's completely softened up over the years. It's interesting to see, but I was like that. I, you know, I was like, okay, I'm making the money. I'm out here grinding every day. I'm going at this thing. I just, I wasn't considerate. I. I didn't think about anybody else. It was, it was always. And that's what destroyed it. It was always my. My needs. It was what I wanted, what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do it. And, you know, it took its toll. And then, you know, infidelity obviously is not a good thing when you're married, when you have an agreement not to, you know, see other. Other people. And I, I kind of broke that. That contract. So I learned a lot. Like, I used to say I'm not a great person to give relationship advice, but now I realize I'm probably the right person because I can tell you exactly what you should never do in a relationship, because I. I've done it multiple times. And I paid. I paid a massive price. So, you know, when you. When you get slapped around and, And. And it's an emotional and financial beat down, you know, I was like, okay, I, I'm slow, but I'm catching on that, that I just got to look in the mirror. These things are. These things that are things that I could prevent and I can do better going forward. So I, I guess that means these were things, bro.

We were not even. I mean, our generation. I'm 48. I'm Brau. You and I were up the same pocket. Same pocket, same world. Like, we just weren't taught this. Like, we've all grew up with fathers who either, like, weren't there, were disconnected, or were just Hard asses with everything. It was like they were two extremes. Either just soft. My dad was soft and didn't exist. Like he just was around. My mom was just lethal. And then my dad or my, my. The other side of the family was like totally different. Like her dad was like silent too. He was like hardcore like man's man and like super intimidating construction guy. And like there was nothing. So we didn't even know. We watched it happen over and over. Like Naja and Danielle Wolf, like the guy, the guy world was so different because everything was just make some money and. And that was it. And we should just get to do whatever the we want.

Yeah.

But you know what is interesting too? Even if you're a successful guy and you've gone through that so many times, you're like, oh, like you just said, like I kind of look in the mirror moment. You know, it's like, even if you're so successful, like the idea of like the man just gets to work and do whatever he wants and then come back, like there's a reason that doesn't work. You know, the woman doesn't feel seen or heard or safe or anything. And then ultimately that's not what the man wants. And so it's like, I feel like it kind of takes people both. Like taking. Like you said, you're like, I'm gonna do it right this time because like, that model just doesn't work anymore. Like, Gary and I've had this conversation so many times. I'm like, no, you're not just gonna pay the bills and take care of me. Like, I need you. I need this time and this attention and this connection. And ultimately that's what he wants too. Right?

So, gosh, you, you knew, you knew of the previous relationships coming into this. What were there concerns for you with the fact that you're with a guy who'd been down the path with two marriages, didn't work out. Like, where was your head at in this process because you guys started getting more serious about being married.

I don't know. I wasn't intimidated by the fact that he had already been married. I think of it as a long term relationship. Just legally. I don't know. I didn't have any, like, bad ideas about it. I obviously met John's children. I love their children. And that's what he got out of those relationships. I just thought that I don't know him and I could grow something together that he didn't have with them.

So yeah, she really was like, it didn't, it didn't phase her.

Like when you.

Even when you guys asked me about my. I still am, like, apprehensive to say it in, like, in front of her, but it didn't, it never, you know, I mean, it's weird. It never really phased her. Just like, you know, we, we both got a tattoo together at the same time, and it says, your past does not equal your future. Well, you can't hardly see mine, but not on hers you can't, because, yeah, that's supposed to look like that, but your past does not equal your future. And we both, when we came together, we both had our, our own path. Just like everybody. We all got some stuff we don't want to talk about. We all did some things we're not proud of. And we had those conversations pretty early on and it's like, all right, whatever. I got a short term memory anyways. You know, let's, let's roll. You know, let's, let's go. Let's start from here and let's not make those same mistakes again and, you know, forget what we did in the past. And that was kind of. I, I believe for us it was a, it was a, A thing that held us together because we started running into issues like the black white thing, the, the age gap thing. I didn't realize how brutal people could be and nasty and, and like, I don't know how our relationship is controversial because it just seems so. It flows so naturally in our house and when we're together, but yet you see a picture of us and all of a sudden they're coming at you hard, you know, talking crazy on social media. It's like, oh, that's really, really interesting.

That was, that was literally so number one. I'm like, nausea. You're beautiful, John. I can tell you are a fiery like, Like, I didn't know anything about you guys. And just seeing a video of you in Vegas together, I was like, oh, they're getting some, those two are getting some from every direction. White people, black people again, from all kinds of people. I guarantee it. That was the first. Right after I thought, amazing couple, spicy. Good for them. The second thing I thought is, they're getting heat for this for sure. Because we take heat and we're a little closer in age. We don't have the interracial thing going on. How's that been for you? Like, being with him? And that's it. That's like a topic. It even has to be discussed. I mean, in the house, you guys are very comfortable together. Very Clear. Even in photos and videos, you two were like, yeah, but what's that been like for you? And then John, same question for you.

Yeah. Do you just tune out the noise because you know your connection.

At first I used to get so sad and like nine stars stuff because I wasn't afraid to show my partner like online. So I was like, this is my man, I love him. So I would like post him all the time. And like people would just talk that m mainly about the age gap at first. It was mainly the age gap at first. And then, I don't know, race started being an issue more recently.

Well, probably, yeah. With all the election stuff, it just, it's just weird.

Yes. Probably in the last five years has started to be more the race thing. Wow.

Bigger as those topics come up. John, like, what's, what's kind of the. I mean, every couple's got something like I run my mouth real loud online. Danielle and I have a very different way of seeing the world. We take a ton of shit from a Christian community. We take a ton of shit from a lot of people because how we do life, how we parents, the things we permit with our kids, things we don't, things the way we play. So we've had to kind of come to ourselves in a way to try to figure out, hey, we're getting all this eat out here. People run their mouths talking. We got people threatening us, showing up at the house, doing so We've had it pushed us together for YouTube specifically. John, like, what, what have you guys found as a couple that's allowing you to take that heat? Because every power couple, by the way, takes it. It doesn't matter. Everybody's dynamical why they take it as different, but society just is determined to take out powerful couples. So John, on your side, like, what do you guys do as a couple when this stuff comes up? She's crying, she's feeling sad, you're feeling pissed. Want to people up for sure. I could guarantee it. How do you, how do you guys like handle this conversationally for each other?

Well, you, you said it like, you know, my, my mandate is real simple. It's to protect and provide. That's what I, that's what I feel like. That's what I do. That's what I'm supposed to do. So when some clown is on social media and calls her a bedwinch, you know, and I immediately go into to fight mode, you know, so. And then now it started pointing out to me, she said, you're probably arguing with some 13 year old punk. And like I'm, you know, talking with my thumbs because that's how I type. And we're going back and forth and I would do this, I'd be up till 2 or 3 in the morning arguing with these clowns on social.

Yeah.

And I was, I was prepared to do battle with everybody, but it was mainly when they would say like for.

Me, I'm like, what?

Call me old, whatever. But I would see these people that call me old and I go to their page. It'd be like a 25 year old dude with a beer belly, you know, looks like he left his house in, in forever. You know, got a picture of him and his, you know, cat and that was. And this dude's talking, calling me old. Like, bro, you can't even go up a flight of stairs without being winded. And anyways, I'm, I challenge you to a duel. Any that he'll be like, I'll play.

You in Call of Duty.

That's the only way he's beaten me at anything in life. And so I used to get in there, I don't do it so much anymore. Now I, the only reason I'll do it now is because it gets the algorithm working in our favor. And since social media, I'm like, all right, let me rile them up. It's funny. I had a lady hit me up, she said, man, this video from like it's still trending on my for you page after six weeks. I said, you know why? Because I get them started and then they start going at each other in the comments. I'm watching the, the alerts this. Yesterday there was an MMA fighter who was talking on our behalf. He was like going to meet somebody in Ohio to go have a fist fight. I was like this, this is social media. It's a cesspool of anger and hate. Because if, if I just post like all my, all of our posts are really positive. Like we don't post anything crazy. Like it's, it's all love and light. I show a lot of love for my wife and respect. And it's crazy how people show up when you're showing love for someone and trying to be a good example. They come out of the woodwork to be. I guess the saying misery loves company. There's no true place to find that than on social media. And that's what we deal with. But you said it and you said it would happen with you and Danielle. It's, it fueled the fire to the point where I believe it brought us Closer.

Yeah. Bother us anymore.

She's.

Yeah. I used to meet how. I'm like, I got over what people thought about me a long time ago. I'm like, you know, talk about me good, talk about me bad. Just talk about me. I was, I. I don't care. Say whatever you want. You're not paying my bills. And so I was over it. I. I had a mentor by the name of Jeff Olsen. He wrote the book Slight Edge. And. And Jeff used to say, bro, why, when I was a kid, I was really young when I first met him, he's like, why do you care what these people think about you? He said, if you die, they're not showing up to your funeral. And if it rained, half the people that were going to come, they wouldn't come. It's like, stop worrying about this. And you know, we all have it to an extent, but I've, I've shed a lot of that. Like, I don't get what you think. I'm, I gotta, I gotta keep moving. I got bills to pay. I got a woman that I'm excited to get home to every single day. I got peace in my house. Like, you know, you can talk all the smack you want, but. But we're living a damn good life and I want to keep it that way. And if you don't mess with her, then everything's good. You know, life is good. And all we want to do is we want to make money, we want to travel. I want to have sex three, four times a day. Oh, man, you need something. I'm like, well, I don't need my wife.

Oh, we're gonna get to that topic in a second.

Five other conditions too. I'm jumping everywhere.

So Naza, like, you, when. When did you find for you that you could turn it off? Meaning you could just say, hey, we're gonna do us. I'm not worried about as much not getting up. Like, it's one thing to like white knuckle it. I'm not going to worry about it. But then it's another thing, like internally, you kind of get rid with yourself because I used to do the same thing. People talk to me, I'm like, whatever. They come up. Life, they come up.

I'm like, babe, I think you just.

Made words like at the highest level, that's on a. Calm down for me a lot because how she was gotten and sounds like same thing with you too. When did, when was the switch for you? As you're getting all this attention and you're getting a lot of heat, too. When did it come in, Char, for you?

Well, with a lot of his help, a lot of him talking to me and telling me like, these people don't matter. They don't pay our bills. They're just haters. They're online keyboard warriors.

Yeah, boys.

Yeah. They're just, you know, they're. They're. They're not in our life, so they shouldn't matter about what they say. So it did take me some time, but he was the one that jolted into my brain. And then I started to become, like, more not caring. I stopped caring as much. Every now and then, I'll see a comment. I'm like, this stupid person, and I want to talk some, but I'm like, you know what?

She could be more brutal than me sometimes. I was like, hey, you didn't even say that much. And you just, like, lit him on fire.

Just a one body, baby. No, but it doesn't. A lot of it doesn't bother me as much anymore because of John. Like, he. We had a lot of talks about who these people are and how they don't matter in our actual lives. So he's what calmed me down about the whole thing.

And all you really had to do. I started showing her, like, some of these people that would say stuff, and I said, just go look at. At their. Their profiles. You don't have to go very far. I'm not, you know, not trying to judge a book by a cover, but that's what they're doing for us. So let me show you who is upsetting you and who's ruining your night. And again, it's. You go in there and you can't. Then it's like, you can't help but feel sorry for these people because they're. You can tell that they got the. The. I don't know that it's. At least the perception is. Looking at their page, I. I certainly wouldn't want that life. And. And they clearly don't want it either. That's why they're on my page and have. And a man that's on my page talking crazy about another man's wife, to me, is not a man. That's a. That's a little boy in a man's body, I guess, but that's not a man. But I don't have time. Like, I. I don't have time. Like, I knew we were doing this podcast. I didn't. I wouldn't look because I was. I always do it to check out, but I ain't got time to go through all your posts, go in there and make all kinds of com. And if I did it, we pause it. But like, bro, now I would have thought the age gap was a lot bigger with you two. And. But she told. Told on herself and told the age. But when I grow the gray beard.

I immediately go to 55. When I sh. Down back down to like 48, my wife will be like, see?

I'm like.

That'S okay.

The damn hair color messed everything up. I said if. But I went. I went white so fast. I'm like, it was different. I used to bleach my hair when I was a kid. Now, but my. I try to do. We try to do different hair color.

Dyes and I just make it blonde when it.

Yeah, when I make it, it's still white. And then, you know, this blonde right.

Now, but when I make it blonde, it just looks natural.

Yeah.

Yeah. They're gonna talk soon.

How's your John? Do you have kids? Right?

You said I do.

How's your family? How is your family dynamic with. Also with your kids?

It's incredible. My. My daughters, they love. They love Nasla and they contact her more than they contact me. So kids, if you're listening, call your daddy like you. No, they call. Well, they contact her. And for clothes advice. Naza really is a has. She's an old soul. I say she's a homebody. Her and I are really the opposite.

She.

She likes to be home, chill. She likes to cook, you know, do this stuff.

She looks like the wild one. But you're the wild one. She's just like, you're. She's your calm.

Yeah, she makes me go home at a, At a. Like if I'm Miami, because Miami don't shut down. I'm like, well, it's. The party's not over. She's like, bro, it's three in the morning. Can we please go? I'm like trying to the other club that starts at six. But yeah, I'm rage. I'm always ready to rage. But she's been such a great mentor and guide for my kids. Even though my kids, they're her age, except for, you know, one of them. But my. I have a 15 year old and I. I have. Well, well, Jess, Jessica's 25. That's. That's closer to your age. But anyway, so they, yeah, they just. They click. It just. It works great. And here's what's even crazier. I have two ex wives that don't like me, but they sure do like her ass. And so it's like, wow, they are really nice ladies when. When you're around, it's. It's really interesting.

Magic power.

Well, it's like Garrett has a son from a previous marriage that's 25, and I feel like he will, like, text or call me more than he will call him. I'm like, because I'm the nice one, babe. I'm like, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just here to like, support you and give you ideas. I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. You know, not trying to solve any of your problems. I'm here to just like, be your friend and support you.

So, yeah, and I think as guys, we're like, right? We're like solving problems or telling you, hey, kid, get your shit together. This is what you need to do. And they don't always need that, I guess.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying the show. This quite interrupt here from whatever it was we were talking about. Probably my wife's ass on the Internet or some other thing, like my balls on the Internet. Something in that genre. Listen, inappropriate as it is, what I can tell you is that living the Warriors Way is the backbone to everything we've built. It is the foundational operating system for a man and or a woman to learn how to have it all every single day. It is the pursuit of freedom. And in a very systematic and gamified approach. We've been doing it now for 12 years, and we've guided tens of thousands of men and women to figure it out themselves too. For free trial today, go check it out@warriorlaunch.com. yeah, we've had. It's been fun to watch my son, age 25, he's engaged. And through all his engagement and like, any problems he's got going on, he like, goes to her. Yeah, they'll go into lunch and they're hanging out and they're spending time and it's great. I love it. It's like he finally. He started calling her mom his mother too. And then I, in Orange county, had moved down here from Canada. My son, I wasn't with him for 10 years of his life and then came back into my world because she was fighting for me back in my world. We'd had our daughters, two of our daughters, and I was not. I just got unplugged. His mom lived in Canada. And when I. When we separated, like he was 9 months, 10 months old, and I was like, goodbye. Wasn't the greatest move ever by man and then she fought for him the whole time we were together. She's like, why are you not going?

Why?

She would push for. Push for it. And there was like, a soul connection between him and Danielle, and that still exists, like, right now. My son are very connected now, but, like, at the. At the beginning, he was just leaning and cursed. So I can see how it could happen with him out the same way, because it's like a different, like, almost mentorship relationship that you can open up. That's different than parents. Yeah, right. Like, massive influence on the kids.

I was gonna say. That does show the. The security of a woman that's able to say, look, you know, make this connection. Because sometimes, you know, women can be very insecure about, like, another person entering the. The scene, whether it's a child or whatever. And that's. That was part of some of the challenges in. In previous relationships. And it's like, you know, this is our. This is my child. This is someone that should be in the world. And. And women tend to have better discernment, I think, too, than men. Or at least in my. My world, that's the case.

Yeah. I think. I mean, I wanted to, like, fight for connection. You know, I'm like, as a mom, as a woman, I just think that's important to have with your kids. So whether he's biologically mine or not, he should be in our world, you know, and at least creating that space for kids to feel safe and, like, they have a friend or someone that they could talk to and. And I'm sure nausea. You've been that safe space for his kids to kind of come and connect. That's why they like you.

They do. Yeah. She'd always tell me, call your daughters. Call your daughters. Because I'm, you know, I'm running. Like, I. I can go days without eating when I'm in. In my zone. So I'm not thinking. I'm just all straight business. We gotta get this done. Let's go, let's go. And. And she's always like, you have to. You have to, you know, call your kids.

You gotta slow them down, I guess.

About. Powerful role of a woman. It plays in that position, but plays like a queen. Like, plays from, like, a totally different frame. Okay, listen, this is part of our kingdom, so, like, I need you. I love that you're at war, but we've got to bring you back in and realize that there's a thing inside of this that we're actually fighting for. And as fun as you are at war, we need to have this. I mean, that was a pursuit we were in. Danielle comes to me multiple times, and that's why there's such a big gap between our children, because eight years between our two oldest daughters, our teenagers, and our two toddlers, which was like, that. Can we. Can we still make this work? Years, like, can we still do this? I made some really poor decisions. We've lost everything in banking. Our first empire was gone, and now we're, like, struggling to try to figure out life, and then we're struggling to try to figure out each other. Plus struggling with two toddlers at the same time. It was just a really intense moment. But along with that came these decisions. These decisions led us to truth, which was the only thing that we had was to tell the truth to each other.

Yeah.

As hard as that was, when you hear that and I start from your side, like, knowing that you guys came into this. You came into a relationship, your past with his past. You guys had this tattooed on your arm. Tell me more about the tattoo and what that actually means to you.

Well, first, I got to say, you guys should do a podcast on dating and relationships. That's. That was good. You just did a whole seminar there, brother. All right, go ahead.

It just represented things that I've done in my past, things that happened in my past that I wasn't proud of or just didn't really like or like to speak on. It represents how it. Exactly what it says. Your past does not equal your future. So whatever you've done in your past, your future does not dictate anything that you've done prior any of your mistakes. Mistakes. Any of your battles that you've gone through. Just you. You can change the outcome of your future. And John put me on a lot of personal development as well. Just so many things I've grown since meeting him.

So this tattoo means my number one student, she. You know, and because she. What she was holding on to some things that were definitely keeping her from growing. And it was this. This stuff already happened. Like, are we talking about, like, this was years ago? Who cares? And who cares what people? Again? Like, I saw it. I saw it holding her back from becoming the powerful person that she was. Because when she was around me, I. I saw. I saw power. I saw purpose. I saw passion.

I saw these things.

I'm like, this. This woman, if she gets a few of these little things down, she's gonna be dangerous. Matter of fact, I didn't want her to get too dangerous. Like, if she really discovers who she is, might not date me any longer. So I had to be careful in the early stages how much I fend.

That is so true. Because there's. That goes both ways. I'm like, I want you to good, but don't do too good. Where you think you're better than me.

We've gone back after our third daughter. My wife got bikini competitions and got super fit. I was £190 and just surfing every day, just lean and surfing. Didn't really care about lifting weights. Didn't. I hadn't been big since college. My football and that was. I just didn't care. She's off in the fitness world. I'm not even seeing it happen outside of watching her power rise. I remember as a man, like, feeling like. I mean, she's out of shits. How we got her pregnant. Fourth time. Yeah, she was actually pregnant.

That was a surprise baby.

I was like, yeah. On stage competing, still wonder. I was like, holy.

I literally came home from my third competition. I was like, get. Are you pregnant? I'm like, no. I took a test nine times. Took nine tests. And I was like, okay, I'm pregnant. We're done. You're getting sniffed after this. Like, we're done. But so that push.

We watch it. And then when I took on. When she got, like, encouraged me to take on fitness again in a different way. I put on 37 pounds in two years, and my world changed. There's a certainty to change in both of us, which creates this weird shift. We call it push. Both of us, a couple, which one of us, like, kind of skyrocket, and the other one's, like, doing their thing, and they kind of skyrocket fast.

Right?

And that creates kind of this weird anxiety in a good way, if handled correctly, which is like, okay, I need to get my together. I'm up here with you. And they're gonna pass. And back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Nigel, as you've, like, taken this on with, like, kind of almost being able to receive that a lot of people can't. A lot of couples cannot receive coaching and support and in that way from their spouse, like, be blown away at the number of couples we know that that cannot happen. They just fight or, like, you don't talk to me. I need to go talk to somebody else. What was it, in your experience that allowed you to be so open to hearing what John was saying and sharing and being able to apply it? Because it took us a very long time.

Well, mainly, like, John, how did you say it to her because a lot of times, like, when you're growing, you don't want to be like, you're broken, you're doing things wrong. It's. You have to be encouraging to get them to, like, show their light. What. I mean, like, she's super powerful. So it's like, almost like, how did you present this with her with, like, for her to, like, find herself, to find her.

Her.

Her inner voice and to show up as this, this powerful person like you talked about. Do you like.

Yeah. Well, let. I. I'll. I'll tell you how I, How I brought it. She is so hungry for growth. She was so hungry to learn. So it was easy. It was. And. And when we first met, I was doing a lot of speaking gigs, so there's a lot of. I'm hopping on a plane to go here, to go be on the stage. And, and so it's kind of my. I was. I was kind of in this. Always in this sort of training mode. And so she would see me in preparation because there's that. That part and then the stage, and then she see me after. People want to hang out and, you know, be your friend after that kind of stuff. So she got to see that. So there was, There was points. You, you know, sometimes the arguments would be, well, I see you teaching everybody else, but you ain't taught me. All right, sit down. Let me grab the whiteboard. Let me go grab the white. Let's get into some training.

But say that a lot.

Yeah, she. She was just.

She.

No matter. She was just so hungry for information. She's such a fast learner. So when she would pick something up, it was. And then I realized I was. Because she was so hungry, she was taking the information. She was surpassing me in. In so many different areas. And in business, it was very helpful because now the thing. Some of the things that I hated doing, she liked doing. She's super organized. She's really good with tech, all those type of pieces. I. I'm. That's not me. So when we got in business together, it was really nice to have her handling some of this other stuff. I didn't even think about it.

You were in your growth mind. Talk about that for a bit because, again, that this is a big challenge. Usually in a couple, you'll have one person.

Yeah.

Who's seeking, and the other one just kind of wants to maintain life as is. But you were pushing talk from your perspective what it was like to. To be involved in this. And then beginning when you first Married, first dating. And you're seeing this, like, what was it that was going on in you that had you wanted?

Well, first of all, I was a huge introvert. I still am now, regardless of what he says.

But when this camera goes off, she is not an introvert.

Back then, I wouldn't have come on to this podcast boy.

There's no way.

There have been several in the past, like, years ago that I said no.

As well, because, yeah, we've turned down, I mean, good opportunities for like, television shows, interviews, things like that in the past because she just refused, flat out said, I'm. I'm not doing it. I'm like, all right, don't.

Like, she doesn't want.

Give me the camera all day long. But she's like, I don't. How do you not want it?

It's not money from this online. Whenever I take photos. But, like, when it comes to public speaking or just like doing all this with people, I don't know, I just freak out. But I'm a lot better than I was before. So that was the main thing. I just wanted to be comfortable and confident in myself. When I, like, just spoke in general that and.

But you did. She did those competitions too. So you put her in a bikini on stage in front of.

She's.

She owns it. She was winning these shows. And then because our lifestyle was so different, she knew the only way for her to do that competition thing was to. To bamboozle me into doing the thing. So we train together. Otherwise I'm like, let's go to Vegas. Let's go, you know, to Miami. Let's go party. Let's go to the south of France. Let's go party somewhere. And that's not good if you're trying to. If you know you're going to be on a stage in a bikini, hanging out with a lot, eating and drinking too much was not conduit. So they got me to do it and was crazy. Was two weeks before the show, I'm supposed to be in board show shorts flexing like an idiot up there. I was in Vegas, it hit me. She calls me, she's like, I can't believe you're up at like 5 in the morning in Vegas and you have a show to do in two weeks.

Oh, wow.

And I was like, oh, you're right. Anyways, that was the scariest ever. Did like, you put me in a suit, jeans, I'm good. Put me in board shorts with my shirt off, flexing in front of people. I was like, I'll never do this again as long as I live.

So she pushes you in a different way. But you know, though, I think that's so great nausea that you're showing up and doing these podcasts and speaking. Because honestly, 10 years ago, I was the same way. I was like, you are not putting me on a stage. I am not doing podcasts. And the person I become and the ability to speak and communicate to people has gone through the roof. And so. And also it's brought us closer together. So now, like, we'll get invited to for business opportunities, and they're not just asking for their Garrett. They're like, bring your wife. And I'm like, see, babe? Like, I love that they're asking for both of us. So keep doing it, because you'll grow as an individual and you'll grow together as a couple, and you'll get to do life together in business. And that's. That's what's fun. And you're. You're both going to always have your strengths and push and pull each other, but ultimately, like, what's uncomfortable for him, he got on stage and did it. And so now you're like, okay, I'm going to take these opportunities. Like, I would just encourage you guys, like, keep doing that because it's. It's done a ton for us together in our relationship and just continuing to. To grow together.

People hear bigger now speak. Like, we'll be on, say, five, six thousand people, and she'll just crush. Or we're doing podcasts and she crushes. Or she. Now she ran her. Runs her own show. Danielle K. White has, like, a lineup of guests that are on the show. And guys, I'm telling you right now.

And I'm nervous every time.

She was just. She was just like, you beautiful woman. Wants to be my partner, wants to be in the mix. But. And I would say, hey, I want you to come be on the show.

No.

That's your dream. No.

Okay.

Come speak in the same. Absolutely.

I don't speak.

It can be on this podcast. That's a no. I'm not doing that. No way. People see him now and they're like, how? I'm like, go back and look at. Go back. When we get on the show. Go back and look at some shows from the DI podcast from five years ago. You'll see this, like, cute fashion. What I was saying.

I just say nothing. I just sit there and smile.

That's me sometimes.

Yeah, that. Yeah.

I hate it.

We would. We would do. We would do a zoom every Tuesday night. For our affiliates that were all over the world. And we did this for years. And that's basically what Niles would do. She would sit next to me.

I hate it, and say nothing.

And then later she says she hate it. But then I said, well, then it. Then I'll get mad. I'm like, well, then don't be on the next one. Yes, I'll get all set up. And I like, come on. And it's. Yeah. But then she started saying stuff.

Yeah.

And then we got her doing some trainings that she was comfortable with, and as long as she was prepared, like, me, I'll do stuff off the cuff. Give me a topic. I'll think, exactly. She hated the fact. She's like, I. The way you do stuff is what's messing me up.

Oh, my gosh. Yes. I'm like, you got to come in prepared. Like, it makes me nervous. You don't have a frame. Like, you got to show up.

Exactly. So he'll go and, like, talk to our affiliates or, like, do. Zoom doesn't even know what he's going to talk about it until he, like, starts. And so I'm like, I don't even know your topic. I don't know next to you. While you just talk about all the things that you love and know about this. And I'm like, so that's why I stopped talking.

I'll tell you what you have to do is you just have to start interrupting him. Like, G was the same way. And even when we do podcast, I was like, I try to get a word in. I'm like, yeah. And I finally had to, like, b, hey, you need to let me talk. I have something to say. Like, I had to interrupt him for, like, years before he finally, like, shut his mouth and would, like, listen. Like, you do have some good things to say.

I'm like, we get used to you.

Guys not saying anything. So I'm always filling the dead air. I'm like, oh, she ain't gonna say anyway. I'll just let me talk some more.

On our show at the beginning, people would be like, oh, my God, Garrett's such an. He talks over his wife. I was like, bro, if we just sat here on the show, it'd be silent for 40 minutes.

I had to start interrupting for sure.

But okay, so that's good, because we don't. Like I was telling us, I. I know you're growing. I just never know if today is going to be the day you're going to really open up or not, because there's been times she was on a roll and I went to, to say something and I could feel her pinch my leg. Like, you better not open your mouth right now. So you could. That growth is. It's been, it's been incredible to watch the growth. So now I'm like, baby, you go start, you go start the talk.

And, and.

But she'll come on. Like, when she does it, the team loves it because she'll have like a PowerPoint. She'll have the stuff. She'll send them a PDF at the end. Some chat TPT note taking system that like my is like, you're lucky you showed up because I forgot to press the record button. So.

That'S like the perfect, that's like the perfect pair though. Like her, her strength is your weakness and vice versa. And so I used to always try to be like Garrett, I'd be like, I need to show up with this intensity and like be all warrior esque. And I'm like, I saw. I'm. I'm. That's not me at all. So I just started showing up for who I am. Oh, it's so different and we like it. So I would just say like, keep showing up what's what. You in your power, who you are, you know, and then you guys like will compliment each other. Like I can see right now.

I love that advice because that's really, that's really what we're about. I was like, you, you, you don't want to be me. Matter of fact, if you seen what's going on in my head right now, you definitely do. You do not want to be me.

I used to say that I wanted to be him all the time.

Yeah. I'm like, no, you don't trust me on this. But I said, there's more. There is more power in us being different. You know, we. We're going to appeal to a different audience. You know, there's all these pieces to it. And, and now I, now I see her catching on and becoming more comfortable in herself. But they were saying the same thing to me, Garrett. They were like, you don't ever let her talk.

You.

I can tell you control her. I'm like, listen, Sparky, if anyone's controlling anybody. Not now, anyways. She does whatever she wants. Trust me on this one.

She already started designing that new range for Christmas. She got permission. We were like, permission granted. Like already created. Okay, so we're gonna talk about another topic.

Really?

Doubtful entrepreneurs.

Nice.

You have two, you have two topics that are like, they kind of go in an interesting plate, which you're doing business together. And then the game of sex and intimacy. Right. So Danielle and I played this, like.

And it.

We've kind of been in and out. It's been a rough game. We were actually business. Business partners. Now we have two different companies with two different teams. We get to just be together. We decided that we can't work. We can't really work together. Like, there's just too much war zone. She goes in her masculine, I'm in her masculine. We come home and like, there's no.

But we can work it in like this.

Now we work as strategic alliances. We're like, hey, oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, that sounds good. But working in business together, I'm going to start with you. Like, you've got a guy who's been in business for a while. He's got lots of opinions about how things should work. You see the world totally different. You offset his weaknesses, he offsets your weaknesses. Talk about what your experience has been like in being able to make the transition between, hey, we're in business, and then the transition to, hey, we're lovers and partners. And these are like, these two things that we do. How have you been able to navigate that terrain as well?

We talk about everything, first of all. So I have a lot of ideas, or I give him my input about how I feel about things, my opinion, how we should do this and that and blah, blah. But ultimately I can make the final decision. But I do press on my points or the things that I like or want. Heavy. He knows this is.

I know basically I better do this or there'll be no sex tonight.

So I feel like we work great together, mainly because I don't like to be in the front. I like doing all the other stuff, which, to me, I feel like it's a lot more work, but it's a lot more work doing the. The vacuum.

I love that you like all that stuff.

Yeah.

But I don't know, I just prefer you to be this. And I be like, I'm here right next to you. I don't know, how do you.

How do you unplug from, like, you've got business mode where you're working the backside, John's working the front side, and there's business and there's social media heat and then there's like, push all that away.

Yeah.

And hey, we're. We're just us. Like. Yeah.

Do you guys go on date nights and, like, you're talking about work or how do you unplug Because I think it's when we work together, we go on a date night, and I'm like, all we're talking about is work. And. And sometimes it can be, like, stressful, and you're like, I want to have fun. I don't want to be stressed about this topic right now. So how do you guys differentiate or separate, you know, working together and just playing and having fun together?

We definitely have date night.

Yeah, we definitely have date nights. We tr. The only reason business would ever come up is if, like, there's a. A big challenge that might be happening, like, right now. So we might bring it up, but otherwise, we don't really talk about it on our date night or.

Well, because she's.

She.

She got me to the point where, like, okay, we're not talking about that. Like, before we walk into the restaurant, if we're running up to dinner, like, that's. We're not talking about this. This is off limits tonight. You know, let's talk about us. Before we did this, she sat me down at the kitchen table and she had. She had me.

She.

She's got us writing in these journal things and.

Which I don't mind shadow work.

Anyway, she's got me, like, yeah. And I'm. And I. And I know even though I got other to do. It's Monday. Good time in the.

On Monday.

It's our busiest day of the week. She's got me doing some gratitude stuff and some stuff about our relationship right before this. This thing. And I was like, babe, it's Monday. But it doesn't matter. So what. What. Here's what I got really good at. I got really good at, like, okay, this is important to her, and the business is not going to stop if I stop right now and. And do this, because I used to be. There's just no freaking way. My kids will tell you when they were growing up, there weren't really family dinners because as soon as the phone rang, I got up from the table. Even if we're at a restaurant, I left them at the table. I walk out and handle business. It also did put them in different zip codes and got them cars at 16, things like that. So I point that side out of it. Out of it. But what they really want, what everybody really wanted was a connection. Even though for my haters on social media, what she really wants is for me to be around everyone, say, she wants your money. I'm like, well, I don't. I would be embarrassed, like, to have a woman that I went 50, 50 with. I, I don't know, it just seems weird to me. Like I don't. A lot of these guys today, there's this new crop that's come up. They, they are proud of their ostentatious in their lack of ostentatiousness. They're, they're, they're proud of, of nothing. They're proud of like I wouldn't do, I don't do nothing for women. And I'm like, I, I struggle with that. So part I say all the time, the only reason why I ever wanted to get rich was for women. I mean, to be honest, when I was a kid, I recalled on pretty quickly the guys in my neighborhood that had the nicest cars, the biggest rims, they got the beats, women. As I mature I realized like I want to one day have a family. I want to, I want to have a good looking wife. And you know what I mean, all this stuff to me required money. So I, I really focus. I thought for sure the only way I was gonna have a good life was to have money because I didn't come from money. And later on when I got money, I, I neglected a lot of the people that I cared about along the way that. Which part of the two divorce thing prior. So now what I've learned in my third marriage is we do take this time and I'm not as high. I know you want to say so I'm not as high strong as I used to be. I used to be so freaking high strong. And I had this like worry anxious thing going on in my life because I was worried about it not getting done, worried about this not happening, worried about what it's going to cost me if this deal doesn't happen. I don't, I don't worry so much. We'll go to like you see us in Vegas or Miami. We'll go hard for a weekend. And we ain't talk one time about business or we're snap. We have these snap packs that we do with like tequila sometimes. And, and that's our, that's our promotion for our business. All right, go ahead, babe. See now she's not an introvert. She's ready.

Like I'm ready.

We warmed her up. She's ready.

On the topic before go on another.

Like bring it back to the question.

Answer. I'm like, couple comes. I was going to say it political, but never mind.

Let me.

Yeah, the hate mail will start. Go.

We still do talk about business at dinner. Just like if we have specific date night, like I'm dressing Up getting cute. No, not doing that here because I don't want that stress while we're trying to be all lovey doy and, you know, happy. We do have, like, we still talk about business. I allow him phone calls and text and stuff at dinner at home. Unless we are not in the hunt, then it's a no go.

Yeah, the phone, the phone at the restaurant I found out is, anyway, I just don't do it.

That's it.

I love that you guys separated because we'll do the same thing. It's like, I'm getting cute. It's like we put a frame on. We're not talking about work, but if it's a Wednesday and I'm like, yeah, I'm just in my whatever outfit. I'm. We're just going to dinner somewhere quick. I know. Like, hey, we're going because we need time to talk about these specific things. So I think it's important for people to understand, like if you have a date night, that's a business date night, that's fine. And then you have the fun date night where it's like, you just put a frame on it. You're like, hey, we're not going to talk about these topics right now. And we're going to come back to it because then you can really, like, I don't know about for you guys, but when we do that, we don't even have to talk that much. We just like hang out and stare at each other and drink tequila. We're just like in the pocket, like having fun and relaxing and connecting. And I think that's oftentimes what couples forget to do, especially producing men is like, you've got to have those moments of staying connected. If you don't, what are you working for? You know? And it's, it's just kind of remembering that because we all kind of get lost in the hustle and even him and I, I'll be like, ah, I feel kind of like disconnected. And I'm like, hey, we need to, like, we need to go have an overnighter somewhere. We need to go, like, just have fun. Like, I'm feeling this piece of disconnect. So I think it's important as a couple just to recognize, like, you have to stay in connection if you want to stay married. And even though, John, it's your third marriage, you figured that out. And she's that perfect person that can be like, hey, no, I want to be with you. I want time. I always say women's responsibility, especially married to successful men. Never apologize for wanting more time. That is our role. Because the men will only feel connected if they're having that time with us, even if they are workaholics. So I think it's our responsibility to always bring men back to earth and be like, hey baby, like, I need you to be here with me right now because ultimately that's how you're going to lose your marriage if you don't stay connected like that.

You know, this is such an interesting topic because I'm sure it's a different. The communication is way different. If you, if you have a nine to five, you go to work, you get off at five and it's over. But when we, when we own a business, it's 24 7. Like we could. Some seems to happen at the weirdest times, or there's, you know, when you're running a company, like I say, we're constantly putting out fires. That's kind of what we do. And we're good at it. Sometimes we have a team that helps so we don't have to do it as much as we did. But I can just imagine, like my first wife, she, she really wanted a 9 to 5 life. She did not understand my ambition. My ambition just was mind boggling to her and she did not want to participate. She's like, why can't you just be, you know, basically like everybody else? And I just, I didn't see that for me. And that's where a lot of our classes started happening. And then I was starting to get, you know, some traction in business and it just led to this. Like, we, we started talking about it. The separation started to become. It got, they got bigger and bigger and bigger and there wasn't like, oh, let me do something, let me. It was like, no, I refuse. I'm not going to. We, we have these conversations now. So this is not off limits by any means. It was like looking back, she now realizes what I was trying to do. I'm like, well, we're gonna have kids first. We can't have kids in this neighborhood. We cannot raise kids in the neighborhood we grew up in. That was, for me, that was first and foremost. I wouldn't. And then we end up having daughters. Like, we have to get the hell out of here. And it was very difficult for her to understand that anyway.

So I think the women, they start to get this like resentment. So then you said, like, you're doing everything you can and this comes here and she's not willing to meet you there because she's resentful that you don't have the nine to five. But what she doesn't remember is she didn't sign up for the guy that was 9 to 5. She signed up for the guy that was going to be this ultra entrepreneur. That's what women are attracted to. I did this with Garrett for years and they babe, at 6 o'.

Clock.

I wasn't 5, but I was like, it's 6 o' clock at 6 o'.

Clock.

But what I realized is it wasn't about the 9 to 5. I didn't care when it was. I just needed this connection. So the 9 to 5, especially when you're an entrepreneur, anybody listening this, you just let that shit go. That's not, that's not how entrepreneurs work. But it's important to understand entrepreneurs. That connection is. It's part of the game. So it doesn't matter when it is with your children, your significant other. It just has to be moments where it's not always business all the time. And it's like, hey, I need to set my phone down or put this away. And that's, that's really the biggest thing Garrett and I have realized for being married for so long as we're both entrepreneurs, I'm like, our life and schedule is going to be a shit show. So as long as we're not always like stuck in work and we have these moments together, then it works. I love that you just like pointed out like, my wife wanted nine to five because I think it's important to understand that women that think they want their husbands to be that 9 to 5, they have to understand what they signed up for.

Yeah, yeah.

Life. At the same time, you know, one of the, one of the key tenets we, we showed us in our first 10 to 12 years of marriage was the topic of sex. I guess you said it was a withholding. There was like a struggle back and forth with us and trying to figure it out to the point. 2016, I was like, this marriage is over if this doesn't shift. And Danielle shifted now to her own credit. She came to me last year, a year and a half, almost two years ago, and couldn't feel me. I was like, on it. I was addicted to these feel free tonics and Kratom tonics. I'd gotten about the alcohol, was drinking, but I was kind of numbed out, still producing, doing. I was super functional in my. Still building and creating and doing what we were doing. But she couldn't feel me for almost a year and came to me and like ultimately me almost two years ago and said, if, if I can't feel you, like, well, I was like, like.

In the house are not enough.

I don't care about the house. You buy another $24 million house, I don't care. You get $500,000 car. I don't care. I'll lose all this if I can't feel you. And so there's been this push and part of what's reignited in us over the last six years has been just a rebirth. Sexually trust, a couple that turned into something that was like more than just orgasms. And it was like soul level connection and something that mattered. And we're watching. We do events with men and women who do pre surveys before they come in. 80% of entrepreneurial couples struggle with real sexual connection. Like one of them. It both sides. Women are frustrated about it, men are frustrated about it. How have you two. And just like dealing with this topic as a couple, like, what is your frame sexually for you to like, how, how does this navigate and work with you two as a couple? Because again, most of the people listening to the show are struggling in this category and they're beautiful people and you would never know. But behind those doors, when they're with me or with Danielle, they're like, it's a mess. We don't even know how to put this together right now.

You know, it's interesting because I, I'm only gonna speak on my end. Like, the sex life is incredible. The, the challenge was when we first got together, we were having, literally having sex three times a day, which meant not a lot else was getting done. Eventually, like, I had to mature and realize, like, we gotta do other things like eat and.

All day.

Yeah, we were like having sex all, all the time because, yeah, it was, it was great. So now and then, then there's a couple times where we like, we went a day without sex. And NASA was like looking at me funny like, you don't like me? Well, yeah, because we had sex three times a day. Now I gotta catch up on all the work I didn't do. So I might need to have a day off of sex. But here's the other. I think the other thing that keeps us, us spicy, it keeps our, our sex life alive is we, we go like when we go to Vegas, we're most likely gonna end up at a pool party. And now it's gonna be in a bikini. The DJ is going to be playing. I'm gonna have a shot or two. And I'm like, baby, it is Time to hit the room. It just seems right.

That's weird. A couple shots of tequila and your wife in a bikini. Seems like.

I was talking to God about it.

Now is the moment.

Because the thread count is so tiny on her bikini.

It's like B, you can't focus on anything else.

And then you see everybody staring at her. And I'm like, yeah, we gotta go get.

It's like the trick is the. Right. When you check in, you gotta drain them and then go down to the pool.

Literal strata.

Peacefully drinking your margarita.

Then you have peace.

Peacefully drink my margarita.

She's like, well, now. Yeah. Sometimes she's like, just leave me alone. Gee, we're in the gym and it doesn't matter where we are. Like, this is my time. Like, I'm in the second half. And I feel like no matter how I look at, I feel like I'm in the second half of my life. The. The next half is the best half. And that for me, that's a. That's a big part of it.

Well, now I. I bought these, they're called sex checks from Amazon. Because I saw my girlfriend.

This is great.

This is great. Her husband. She's an age gap interracial too couple. Anyway, I. I thought it was funny because she posted one of them and so I ordered them and I came next day and I sent it. I gave it to John and he was so excited.

Yeah.

As a real.

She had me his check. And first I'm like, what are you. What. What checking account? You have another account? Yeah, it'll say like IOU or like a.

And there's different ones you could choose. So you could choose which ones you want. And there's like multiple choice also. Or you can fill in the blank. And so, yeah, you can just go through a couple of them. And then you put pay to the order of this person and then signed by this check.

And he gives you a check.

Yeah. So I.

She has a checkbook. So I'm the. I'm lucky. I've been on the receiving end. I'm getting all the checks lately.

I control it because they say, I owe you. Like I owe him something. Or it says, you owe me.

Yeah, owe me.

So I control it.

Yeah. I think one of them she gave me the other night was like dinner. Dinner and a movie or something, which is boring, but we'll do that.

John, come on, we talked about this.

Yeah. No, so I'm telling you that, like.

First one was a lap dance, though. So he was so excited. He even. He posted that on Instagram, he put this song, I'm in love with a stripper. I'm like, God.

We gotta do this. I'm cashing this check. Like when they say I'm taking out of your ass, literally, I'm cashing this.

Check on your ass.

I like that you not get control of the checkbook though, because Garrett be like handing me checks.

I don't know where it is. She's got it hidden somewhere in this house. Don't worry about it, cuz she knows. Because I'll be like, hey, I think it's time you. You write me another check.

I gotta check up my pillow. She's like, that's a Thor's check in right there.

There's two of them. He has to cash in. He hasn't.

They're right there.

It was.

See him right there on stand over here. Yeah, don't worry, baby. We were. We were traveling. We were in.

Yeah.

Fun of like you.

No, it's a lot of fun.

We'll.

We do that. Like, we find little, Little games like that. We also sometimes go to wild parties where. Where people are scantily clad and it's kind of the vibe is like that, not that, you know, and then we had. Then, you know, we have this energy and we go and take it out on each other and it's a. It's.

It keeps it fun.

In marriage, I'm telling you, we talk about doing like role play. Like, I'll meet you at the club again. Pretend like, you know, like we just met and, you know, you. Or you sit across the bar and you know, so we, we keep it fun and. And I think that's a big part of it. And I. And again, because I. I will now let off the accelerator with other stuff to make sure that this is solid, because that was a big part. If I don't do that, then. Then we don't have a relationship.

And.

But she's all. But what people don't realize is she's also like number one. She's funny.

She's.

I always say she's like my little Kevin Hart, but she's also a gangster, so she's like Tupac. But. Well, yeah, because she's like, tell them this. Like, you tell them. This is our interview. Yeah, it's a weird deal because she's a boss. She's a boss, but she wants to be, baby, all the time. Like, so sometimes I don't know which. Where. Where are you at today, today? Are you running or am I gonna cuddle you? On the couch and, and you know, hold your head, you know, you don't know sometimes, but it's been fun. And we have different. Such different perspectives on. On things. But she's. She's creative, so she comes up with stuff like those checks, and I just go along for the ride.

Part of this we see too is that, like, women and, you know, you talk. It's like, guys have been. We'll coach all. We've coached 65, 000 guys in the last 12 years. And the guys will get all excited about this. And guys like Danielle, like, same thing. Like, women aren't necessarily game. They're not down, so they're not going to get into sex checks. They're not doing these things. And Danielle, the big shift in our marriage came from Danielle, like, really embracing this.

Like, so we got married like, super young. And then we had this period of, like, where he was hustling and grindy and I didn't feel seen or heard or there was no date nights and any of this. So I just became resentful. I was like, funny. Like, you don't get sex. Like, I withheld for sure because that was the space. I was like, I'm getting no time and attention, so, like, whatever. And then I got to this place where I was just like, well, that doesn't really help me out. Like, withholding is not really helping me out. And if anything, it's like making more of a divide inside of our relationship. And so I kind of just got to this place because I. We. We had all these bad behaviors that we had built together. Being married, you guys have not done that. You're still freshly married and you haven't adopted these bad habits and patterns. And we did. And I was like, oh, well, I had to take ownership that this is partially my fault. And so I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to become a stripper in the bedroom. And I literally, just for myself, I was like, I want to have good sex. I want to have fun. And he would get lost in work and days would go by. So now I was like more of the pursuer. I was like more of the engager. And what's crazy is when I flip the narrative and I flip that switch, all of a sudden he wanted to go on date nights. All of a sudden he asked how my day was because he was being emotionally seen and heard and fed through. Sex was a form of communication for men. Men need sex. And so when I finally stopped, like, flip the narrative and it was just all of a Sudden my needs were being met and we kind of slowly like figured out this rhythm and now like, sex is really fun for us now. And people are like, how did you do it? Because very few couples that we've met can get to that place and almost get to this place where we're like, we almost feel like we're kind of like dating and spicy again. Right? But it took both of us being able to be like, okay, this is a need. This is a need. But it's actually a need for both of us and it's very important in marriage. So even today, like, if it's like been a couple days, I'm like, do you not see me?

Come on.

Like, I'm really hot. Like, it's been a couple days. What's wrong with you? Like, I'm almost like, like offended. Like that's where women get. We're like, hello, like, flash him or something. Like, okay, come on.

I have a question for you. So I have a question for you guys. So I saw this beautiful place that you guys are, are going to be moving into in Miami. Looks incredible. So my question is, is there a stripper pole in the new place mansion? Did you, did you budget for the stripper pole?

We have talked about the shipper pole. Like she, she took this photo.

I was like, how do you explain that to your daughters? Like, I could see my little two year old coming around like, this is fun, Mommy. I'm like, you have no idea.

Oh, I forgot to break it down. Hurry.

We're down with a continent. So like you got to imagine we've got a three year old who will come running out of our bedroom holding sex toys, running down the hallway. What are these guys? What are these them? And like Jesus. So yes, we talked about the Super Bowl. We're just trying to figure out how to intercept the Todors. The more to come and be part after.

You might have to get one like, like a button, the hidden thing where it comes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That, that part. And that, that's the piece you guys have right now is so beautiful. I was like one of my, one of my close clients is like, like their life is on fire. I was with him when he was married to another woman and it was horrendous experience. So I was with him like six years and then he got divorced and then he met this other woman and they're just on fire. So giving me a chance to start over and getting to see a new version. So Naj, I'll tell you right now, I guarantee you, John That I'm talking to right now is not the. Jon Jones was like five, six, seven years ago. This dude you have carved out. One of our friends, Mark Jennison and Kendra Jennison. Run. I'm a comeback. And she used this phrase all the time. My job as a woman is to be a gold digger. My job is to mine the gold out of my man and get him to a place where he's not just willing. He is leaned in with an obsession of being in my world. My job is to push him to grow, push him to create. Yeah, there you go. Obsessed, are you, boss? You're not blasting your chest. I was like, now you're running out of territory, John. Yeah, no, I'm 10.

My whole back is covered. My chest. Naj would let me do my stomach yet until I'm. Until I'm completely ripped there. She said so. So I have to. I have to get. My six pack has got to be like, really ripped before I can do that, but that's it. My. My leg. Yeah, I'm pretty dumb covered. Yeah.

So last question. Last time, like, God for us was like a thing. We raised Mormonism. We left Mormonism in 2009. And then we just kind of went on our own path for like 15 years. And then we've kind of both found our own path right now. Like, we're both investigating Scientology right now. Really enjoying that process. Amazing. Like, super powerful people. A lot of stories about it. It's like, whatever, it's us. We don't really care what anyone thinks. I've gone down psychedelic path for three or four years. She didn't want to participate in any of that. Meditation retreats, shamans. Like, I've just tried everything to try to find connection inside myself. And we've gotten to a really, really powerful place as a couple. You've kind of both seen the world very different, but also seeing it in the same place. Where does the conversation of God or spirituality fit into your relationship?

Let me start on this and then have you finish because. Because I was. I've always been on this weird spiritual. It always felt like something missing.

I didn't.

I didn't grow up in a. In a. My. In my parents. My mom left when we were really young. My dad was either at work or at the bar, so there wasn't a whole lot of talk about, you know, religion. But my grandmother. My grandmother was convinced that I was going to be a priest. She used to call me Father John, and she got me a gig at the local Catholic church as an altar boy. Now that seems really great and very wholesome. Except for I was young and I didn't do so good because I. I didn't. I wasn't good at paying attention to the steps, like when you come out and like when do I hand the water or the. I mean, it was all these steps and I would screw it up. Anyways, the point of the story is the. The Catholics would light the candles with these long sticks and they would put money in this slot. I discovered as a young person that you could take that same stick and you could jam it in that slot and the money will come out. The bottom of the. And open pantry was right down the street. And. And I used to love Reese's Peanut Butter cups and Kit Kats. So my. Needless to say, my, My path to priesthood didn't quite work out because I stole from the church and I got fired from one of the early gigs, which, Grandma, I. I apologize. But I've always been on this. Like I'm. I've been like, you name it, from Jehovah Witness, I've been to the kingdom halls, to the Quran, the Torah, all, you know, Pentecostals. I used to love the Pentecostal church when I had little kids because.

They'Re.

Playing the drums, catching spirit. My kids are out of control. I'm probably on the phone in the back. Everything was that, that was. It was different, but. But I did all this stuff n. Has a completely different relationship with religion that she grew up with, but that was. That was where I was at. And then there was a point where I said, f this, everyone tells me I'm going to hell anyways. And I kind of, you know, I end up with two felonies. You know, I had a major drug problem, but. But finally I think the, the lack of me trying to find a religion and more of me kind of like saying, okay, like I have, I have the. I have the Bible over here. I've been. I've been reading proverbs because someone told me this dude was the richest man in the world. I'm like, well, he might have some. He might have some. Good to say. So I go in there, I start reading these proverbs and this stuff is pretty good. It's good, useful information for other things. For all kinds of things.

Anyways.

Tell your side of it.

Yeah.

Because hers is a lot different.

So I grew up in. And my mom was very strict growing up. And there's. She had six daughters also. Wow. Yeah, it was just very strict. Everything was. And she's also from the Islands, which made it worse. And as I got older, I just thought, I don't know, it just didn't really make much sense. Mainly because the parts were kind of like racist. So I was like, I live in Scottsdale. I don't know, it was weird to me. And I knew or I felt I needed something. And John was involved in a church that was non denominational, a Christian church. And I would go there and I thought it was nice. I like the message and it make me feel good.

I moved to Scottdale. I said, if I'm going to go to a church is the pastor's got to be someone that I would have a beer with. Like, I would go watch a UFC fight and drink a beer with. And the very first church we go into is a church called Impact Church. And this Pastor Travis. And it wasn't long after that because he didn't know he was. He had a test. Wasn't long after that he was at my house watching a UFC fight with me. I don't know if he. I know I drank a beer. He might, I don't probably did. But anyway, so Pastor Travis and Andre Wadsworth, who played for Arizona Cardinals for 14 years, him and I became really close friends. And that, that really helped because it was, it was never like a pushy thing. We go, we go there on Sunday. We love the, the band is playing and, and the message is always good. And you don't feel like you're being taught like I was when I was going to church a lot. I would feel like they're talking down to you. Like, you know, it was always, you know, again, it was always like, you're going to hell. And then someone said, you know, John, you're going to heaven. I'm like, well, what do you know that these other clowns don't know? I want to hang out with you. I'm sick of these people. And it was, it was that shift for us. So we, we, you know, and it's.

Relatable to like, everyday stuff.

Yeah, Travis just does a, he just does a great job.

This just happened to me yesterday. Oh, my sister needed to hear this today. We're like.

Because he deals with real stuff, you know, and he acknowledges like, that people are going through some real stuff. Sometimes you walk in these environments and it just, it's like, okay, that's great for you, but that, that sure ain't working in my house.

But you.

So those words.

Yeah, getting the right pastor, like, makes a big difference. We have Two pastors here in California who really like promotions church. Mark Francy. Pastor Mark Francy, and then pastor Dr. Matt Hubard from Awaken Church. Both have been, like, massive in our world. But the same characteristics that you guys kept finding there. We're finding this with, like, inside of our groups, and we're at a huge Bible study every week. It was like, it's filled with John, just you and me. It's like all dudes like us that we're like fringe guys who want a relationship with God. I want to feel powerful. I want to feel connected, but I want it to be practical. I want it to matter. I don't want to. I don't want to be told I'm a piece of.

Yeah, yeah.

I wanna. I'm a creator in this. God. God loves me in this. How do I create from this place in a powerful way? And it's been help. I mean, she has very different path. Like, I came to Christ, like, three years ago. For me, that was very powerful. Real. For me in a real way. And she has a different perspective on it. Like I said, we're investigating Scientology right now, which freaks a whole bunch of people out. But when I was in psychedelics, was freaking a bunch of people out. So this piece, so for us as a couple, just a spiritual compound of being able to feel soul connected to this higher power. It like, just.

I think it's like, like whatever works for you. Whatever feels light if you go. You know, for me being raised Mormon, it never. I never felt like the spirit. I never felt connection. I never felt connected. And so it, you know, we've gone to so many other churches. I'm like, oh, okay, this feels the direction I should go. So I don't think it necessarily matters. I think that everybody has their design path, and ultimately it's like what feels right for you and feels light, because ultimately that's what you radiate, is when you get in your lane and you feel that light, people see it like, John, you look different. Nausea, you look different. You're like, yeah, because I'm filled with light. And now I'm going to push that forward to other people. So it's just. We always like to bring this up in the podcast because I just. And so many people kind of land on this, the same topic of, like, you know, it's. It's more of like a spirituality within yourself.

Well, listen, we. We have loved having you guys on the show today. Talk to them a little bit about what you guys have going on with O Snap and where they can follow you guys on social media. We're going to post like a down below, but give us, give us a, give us the, the, the frame on, on this company that you guys are running together and what it's about and, and then we'll wrap the show up for today.

Well, part of the reason we are having sex so much lately is because we've been in a transition with old snap. We, we. We finally bought out our part. We had a partner manufacturing partner business partner that we bought out. That's been a long process. So a lot got put on hold because he, he owns the manufacturing facility. So manufacturing stops. We end up on back orders we couldn't keep up with. Anyways, all that doesn't matter anymore because last week we finally signed a deal that, that brought it completely to us. So. And we are in California this, this weekend and, and we're. We're working on cutting some pretty, pretty big deals. You know, we just have faith that all this stuff is going to, you know, work out. We got a, we have a great community. We have a, we have an incredible company. We got products that, that do what they say they're supposed to do. We also in that process, we're, we.

We.

We started another company, another supplement company called Live Great, which we got a hydration price. More than just hydration. It's. It's a pretty extreme product that we're proud of that we, we built together based on. Every morning we would wake up and do certain things for hydration to start the day off. Salt, minerals, things like that. So we said why don't we just create that instead of piecing it all together in the house. So we created that probably in two or three weeks that should be done. We got a meeting right after this as a matter of fact about that to finish all that up. We just keep launching stuff. We've got, we've got a few offers on the table for a bunch of different cool projects that we're considering. And I got two books that are. That have been started. I, I wrote two other books. They're terrible books. Nobody. You don't want to buy them.

Use them.

If you buy them, use them. Fire kindling. But these, these next few I think are going to be a little better. So we're excited about that.

Yeah. So if you want more information about.

Any of that was the part, the call to action. Call to action.

He's like, that'd be realistic for you, babe.

So we're like, if you watch these.

Point it down.

Yeah. So if you want more information on any of those things, it would probably be best to find us on social media. More importantly, Instagram, we have Facebook as well, but at N a J M A L o T T n or.

At john.malat M A L O T T. Yeah, those are the best places. And then, then, you know, link in the bio and then once you're at. Once you're in the tractor beam, you'll see it. We're going to tell you something.

We have. We have loved having you two here. We'll make sure all the links are out there for all the products you guys have going on, as well as when your books come out. We'll have it on the promo for you to book to. And that's a book coming out that she's working on next year, to God is your ghostwriter. So we're excited for her to have her first book. You two have been. You have been amazing. And Najla, as the time went on, I knew it would happen. The firecracker came out, took us about 30 minutes, and there you were. We loved having you. Love that you're here together, being on the show together and being here with us. We're happy for both of you. From the first photos I saw you doing videos, I was like, that's a spicy couple. Good for both of them. And you've confirmed everything. I originally anticipated when I saw pictures and videos you guys before, we've been doing the show with you here just like four or five months ago. So, my friends, thank you so much for being here and for all of our guests listening to the show. This is another episode of DY podcast. Again, remember, we have a backbone inside of this process of education that we've been used for 12 years, guiding men and women to personal power and production in a massive way. If you haven't learned much about Wake Up Warrior, where you're getting example of what that looks like, these kind of dialogues and conversations, they're real, they're raw, they're focused on results you check out by going to WakeUpWarrior.com today.

All right, guys, that is it. Thank you so much for tuning into the day you write podcast. And as always, if you found value in this podcast, which I absolutely know you, you did share it with your friends. So thank you guys so much for being on the show today. If you're in Miami, hit us up. We'll go to dinner. You guys are fun to get to know and I'm sure even funner in person. So thank you guys so much again for being on the show. And that's it for another episode of the DUI podcast.

Thank you.

Thank you, guys.