Igniting the Flames of Growth: Unveiling the Power Within | Date Your Wife | EP 139

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the day you rife podcast. I figured I'd introduce us because this guy has sunglasses on.

Well, it's only been six months since we did our last episode. I didn't know.

Maybe if you were too cool for this podcast.

Too cool for it? That's why we stopped doing it.

Okay.

We're about to speak in front of 3,000 people here in about 10 days.

I know. That's exciting. I'm pumped. You know how much I love public speaking.

You know how good you are at it.

I. It takes me a minute. I get really nervous and then I get in the flow and then I'm like, I did it. Woo.

What do you get nervous about it?

I just. I don't know. Isn't that normal to get a little bit jitteries before you go in front of a big crowd?

Sure. But what do you get nervous about?

Actually, you know what, though? I don't. If I'm talking about hair. Like, if I'm. If you. If you just, like, threw me on stage and you're like, hey, talk to us about. Teach us on how to do this on natural Rose or teach us how to do, like, salon stuff, I'd be like, cool. Like, I could go off on it.

Okay.

But if you're like, be motivating, get up there and do a speech. I'm like, oh, no. But I'm good at storytelling.

You are good at storytelling. So what do you want to talk about? Not. Not right now, but what do you want to talk about next week?

What? What. What would be valuable for the group?

Well, what do you want to talk about?

What is the group? Isn't it a real estate group?

It's a bunch of fund managers, financial advisors, bankers. Okay, what's big money, guys?

All right, well, let's talk about how to have it all while making big money.

Not a girl. Do you know I have a book called have it all that has come out right now. Hardbound book. I did see that with my man Russell Brunson together.

Where do you buy it? Where do you get it?

You can't buy it yet. Nope. And it's not one of those buy in the bookstore books. It's one of those buy online free plus shipping book offers. That Russell is a master app.

That's cool. I'm excited.

He took seven years of my presentation, seven out of the nine, and did a, like a collaboration where they took all the content for seven years, put it all together, and then added his spin with how he does things. With clickfunnels and put it all together into a book. And so he's got dotcom secrets, he has traffic secrets, he has expert secrets, he has unlocked the secrets, and now he has. Have it all with me.

Lots of secrets.

Yeah. Unlock the secrets is really just a. It's more of kind of a manual and then have it all. So this is like one of the big. This is one of his bigger books.

It is a copy of it. I was like, that's a big book.

Big. I'll turn that right there for you.

Well, then you can't see my face, so.

Oh, like that. Well, hey, listen, we all. We went to Bora Bora, and we haven't done. We haven't done a podcast in about four months.

I was surprised you wanted to do a podcast. You're like, let's go to lunch podcast. I was like, Well, I got 30 minutes, sir.

Well, it was either that or therapy. So here we are in a podcast instead. Now, listen, there's a lot of people doing great podcasts, and we were jealous of some of them because they're more committed and more consistent than we are are. So we watch their shows.

They like our podcast. They tell me they like it. They're like, I listen to the date your wife podcast all the time. And then I like, yeah, we haven't done that in a minute.

Why don't you. Why don't you stay committed to the podcast? What's the problem?

I. My schedule is actually more flexible than yours. And so for me, like, I know you tried to set up the podcast studio at our house, but the camera and lighting and everything was shitty. And I'm like somebody who, like, if I'm going to work, it's going to be during working hours because, like, from 5 o' clock on is. Is time for me to be with my kids. And I just. I'm not, like, in a space where I feel like I can deliver a lot of value. I've kind of, like, checked out and I moved on to, like, mom mode.

So when you're at the house.

Yeah. So it was hard to do the podcast at the house. And then we were trying to do it at 5, and then I felt like the times we did Isla was coming in, she's like, your cute little face is like knocking at the door. So it's funny too, because sometimes I'll be working at home and I literally have to go walk myself in the bedroom. And I'm like, I tell our nanny, I'm like, don't tell the Kids, I'm in the room because I need to get stuff done so they don't know where I'm at, so they can't distract me. And then they just tell like, she'll be like, where's your mom? She'll be like, she'll be back, but I'm home. But it's just like. And then it's funny because yesterday I was trying to do work when the nanny left with the kids there and I was like, this is a shit show.

Impossible.

Can't do any of this.

Impossible. That's why I sent them to you. So we went to Bora Bora and I mean, this is 40 years of age you have. You are now officially 40.

I keep getting like, congratulations, you're officially 40. Congratulations to the 40 Club.

Welcome to the 40 Club.

I feel like it's gonna be a good club.

How are you feeling about it? I mean, you were in it like a week now in the 40 Club.

Honestly, like, I think, I don't think I look 40, but I feel mentally like I've been 40 for a long time. Like, I feel like I've experienced a lot of life. I always joke around. I'm like, I'm at where like most 50 year old men are and, and their businesses, but at the same time I'm where most 35 year old women are with their family and their kids. And I'm like living this dual life of like, ah, I can relate to you guys and I can relate to you guys, but I also take time for me and I take care of myself. So I'm like, all right, like in a lot of ways, like, I don't think I look, I think I look good for 40.

Do you feel like you are more attractive at 40 than you were at 20?

Yes, I have more certainty. I take better care of myself. But I think it's an energy. Like, it's not just like taking care of myself. It's an energy, it's a confidence. It's an experienced woman that's probably a little bit more sexy.

Experienced woman that's probably a little more sexy. It's a good way to put it. You are, you're an experienced woman that definitely is.

I've lived some life.

You have lived some life. So we've had a, I mean, from the last time we did a podcast, we've gone felt a lot of shakeups in the last eight weeks. Felt a lot of shit go down.

I don't know if we've had a podcast since we have.

Not since like January. Yeah. You could call it the Awakening. So I went and got my hand tattoo, and then I came back and we did a date night, and we painted together. Cause that's what my tattoo artist did, is he did painting therapy together with me. It was like how we created some of the pieces. And I had gone out to Andy Faux out at an upside tattoo in Austin, Texas. It's actually a place called Hudo, Texas. And I go out there to get prepped, et cetera, and I come back with my hand tattoo and the art from my chest and back, which I ended up getting, like, a month after that. But I come back and we have a date night, and this date night becomes a rebirth, and we decided to paint together, just like I'd done with Dandy and out in Hudo, Texas, with my tattoo. And so we paint together, and there's this picture of what looks like a giant semen.

I don't think the giant picture had anything to do with it, 100% did painting together. And I felt like I was creating. I was like. I was, like, trying to draw, like, a sunset and some ocean waves, and then, like, Garrett looks like. It looks like there's, like, a shooting sperm coming through my sunset. And I was like, it is.

It was rebirth happening. There was a sperm literally rebirthing itself through the surface of the earth or the sun or whatever.

It's gonna be worth millions.

It's gonna be. I'm saving that painting. I'm telling you. It's incredible. It is literally the documented rebirth. Because after that painting, over the next nine weeks, shit has been fucking accelerated, like, in a massive way. It had to, like, in a massive fucking way.

I almost felt like I was on. I've had this repetitive dream, and I know when my anxiety's creeping up, because I have this dream where, like, I'm in the ocean, I'm on a boat, and I'm, like, paddling so hard, and I'm like. I'm, like the rudder of this ship, and I can see this opening of, like, a sunny sky, and I'm paddling. I'm paddling, but I'm not moving. But I can see it, and it's so close, and it's so beautiful, and I'm, like, trying to get there so bad. And so I. I have. I. When my anxiety kicks in, I'm, like, back in the water, pedaling, and nothing's happened. And I was like, okay. I can't pretend like, I don't see this storm coming anymore. And I don't know how to get through to this guy that we got to make some moves both in our relationship, in our professional life. We've got to make some moves now. And I felt like I had let this go on for far too long because I was. I was in the excuse of I'm in mom mode, But I was like, I can't. I can't live in that excuse of I'm in mom mode. I mean, yeah, I did have two kids in two years, and I had a year of, like, where I was just training for bikini competitions and having fun, recovering and doing all that. But it's almost like I could. I could sense. I was like, we're on a slippery slope. And I don't. Not, not together, you and I, but, like, just the way business and everything.

Was changing us together, you and I.

Feel like you and I were on a slippery slope.

We were not on a slippery slope, but you were. You were definitely not feeling fulfill.

Well, it got to this point. It was right before Warrior Con back in November, where you. I call it, you went into the grind or you went into the hustle. And I was like, okay, I've got to be the supportive wife. And I just gotta, like, I know he's traveling, like, for the next, like, nine months. Just kidding. He's traveling a ton. And I was like, hey, I'm the mom. I'm gonna take care of the kids. I'm gonna support him when he gets home. I'm gonna have sex with him. Like, I'm gonna be the best. I'm gonna be the best support wife in the role that I can be. And then I kind of got to this place where it was like in January, and you kept traveling and you kept coming home late to work. And I was like, I felt like this connection leave you and I. And I was like, I am not going to be the support if I feel like we are disconnected. That's disconnected. I will not fucking tolerate that. And I think that that goes in a lot into, like, the male and the female role, where it's like, the guy's gonna go hunt, so the woman has to be okay with just being the support. You just gotta suck it up and be the support. And it's like, guess what? Even though the guy's the hunter, he still wants to stay connected to his wife. And that's not sex. And so the women just say, like, oh, I'm gonna just be okay with him traveling and working and being the hunter, but really they have to fight for that time in those moments or maybe they need to travel with their hunter and go support him while being with him to stay connected. And so I felt like all of a sudden, I felt like there was just a little bit of a lost chemistry and connection. And I was like, I'm not going to be the support, if that's what that looks like.

So we made a shift, and you demanded a shift, and you gave me a collision, and you actually said, hey, listen, you either start seeing me or I'm out of here.

I didn't necessarily say, I'm out of here.

I just said, like, it was, I'm out of here. It wasn't like, I'm out of here this day, and I'm not out of here this week. But it had to change like this. Either you either see me or I'm out of here. Which was, like, super hard for me to hear.

What I want to get across is, it's not like I was, like, threatening you, like, I'm out of here. It was like, this won't work. Neither of us will be happy. This won't work. I'm not, like, threatening you. I'm predicting the future of what's gonna happen if we don't shift. And so I was like. I was like, this has to change. Like, it has to for both of us, not just for me.

Was that hard for you?

It was hard for me. I didn't know how to say it, and how I said it, really, we don't need to go into that. But how I said it was like, oh, shit. And so I was like, wow, that was like. I guess it was hard for me to share my feelings. And I kept shoving them down, and I kept feeling guilty, and I kept feeling like, you should be grateful. You should be the support. And then I was like, I am also a producer. I will not tolerate this disconnection. I will not tolerate it. And so that's when I felt like I was. Could share my truth. And I don't know if a lot of women feel in that place, because maybe if. If you're not a producer, you kind of live in that land of, like, I just have to be the support. And I hate using the word tolerate, but I just have to be the support, and I can't voice what I want, right? And I think that's oftentimes why successful men, their women cheat because they don't feel seen and heard. And all of a sudden, somebody else comes along, and it looks flirty and it looks fun. And next thing you know, they're like, fuck, I'm not that happy with this guy. And I've got this exciting little thing pulling at me. Fuck it. I'd rather have this exciting thing than the money. Or maybe I found this exciting thing, and it's got a little bit of money. Maybe it's got less money, I don't know. But he sees me, and I was like, okay, so this isn't gonna work. And it was hard for me to express my feelings, but it was almost like I could see where it was going. And there's no reason to wait for things to get shifty and weird and ugly. And I think that it was hard to communicate, but it happened.

Well, the reality is you had a conversation with me that inevitably changed the future because the trajectory that we were on, who knows how long, it would have been six months, a year, two years, three years, whatever it was, we were on a trajectory of disconnection. At a certain level. You were not feeling seen. You were not feeling heard. Desires were rising to be seen, to be heard. You're 40, almost 40 at the time. You're now 40. You're beautiful. You're physically stunning. You're a producer. You make children. You're amazing human being. You're feeling like you're not being seen by me. And there's a natural desire for all human beings to be seen. And so the natural desire to be seen starts to go to other places. The mind starts to go other places. The heart starts to go other places. The energy starts to go other places. And I had those same feelings back in, like, 2008 and 9, but I didn't have the courage to talk to you about it. And so you did. You had the courage to talk about it. And it was hard. It was hard to have that conversation. It was hard to be in that reality with you of like, hey, even though I've been doing all these things I think were enough, they're not. And the thing that you needed the most, I still wasn't delivering, even though it was there. There was the gifts and the money and the time and the trips and the travel and all these other things. The thing that you were really wanting was what connection.

But I ultimately think that's what people desire. Inside relationships is feeling seen, heard, and connected. And like I said, it kind of stems back to, like, if the guy is the hunter, the woman has to support. Well, what does that really look like? And why don't women fight for more than just support? And why don't men fight for more than just being the hunter? When you both want to be connected and do it all together.

I mean, how many? How many? I mean, we know a lot of individuals, and I know a lot in Warrior 2 of producers who are building, building, building, building, building, building, building. And more than, you know, many of, you know, listening to this. Like, there are a lot of women who are cheating nowadays, and there's this. This weird game for guys because guys are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on. Pause. What the fuck? And it's interesting because you and I were talking about this one of the. One of the beautiful. You actually made this comment on. On the podcast that we were on with Keith and Jesse on the Mary Game podcast, and you were talking about, why don't you fuck your husband like you would fuck some guy at the bar? But there's this initial. There's this initial draw and lure to men and women, particularly when you've been married for a long time. To look at this thing over here that is real. It seems easier, but it's also a bit bullshit.

Well, I would say it's real, but.

It'S also a little bullshitty.

I would say, too, though, like, the reason I made that comment is it's tough, right? So if you're disconnected from your husband and you're like, I can go to the bar and feel seen and heard and fuck him with like. Like, I'm not really worried about having a relationship. It's just kind of fun. And then it's like, you're basically gonna.

Be single, and you get to be single and sane, and you can be sexy with no attachments and no agendas. So you're like, no future and no history. There's just this moment.

But there's this moment that women will do that and they'll unleash, probably sexually, in ways that they don't do with their husband, or maybe do it once, once a year on his birthday. You're like, baby, you get it. But like, any other time, no. But then they go to the bar and they feel seen and heard for a top 10 minutes, and they're like, let's. Let's fucking roll. Like, that's bullshit. So I don't really agree with that either. And it. It takes a strong woman to just come and be like, all right, like, I know we're in a sticky spot. I know we're not connected. But to have these tough conversations, but then also be like, I'm gonna fucking rock your world. Like, sit down and shut the up.

Well, this. This car. I'm gonna see if I can Find this here. Where is it? Okay, here it is. I'm gonna play the. Nope, that's not it. Hold on. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here's. Here's exact, exact clip. We're gonna play it for you, but.

You'Re gonna go sleep with a guy at a bar. Like you unleash to him, but you won't unleash this guy you have history with. Give it a shot. Go him in the bedroom. Go him like the guy that you just. In the bar, Right?

Yeah.

Like, see what happens? Yeah. Like, do it like, who cares?

You only get better.

Treat him. Treat him like a piece of meat. If you don't think of him as anything but a piece of meat, then treat him like a piece of meat.

Wow, look at you. Look at you. Go. Okay, on this topic, it's interesting. We watch this with guys, which is guys will be in relationship in Warrior, and then they'll get divorced. And then after they get divorced, they do all the following. They hire a trainer, they get jacked, they lose weight, they dress like a champion, they buy a new car, they hire a. They hire, like, a game coach. And I'm listening to my mind saying, what would happen? Like, why didn't you just do that way you were married. Well, there you go. There was your. There was your fuck him in the bar statement.

Yeah.

I mean, that's infamous. You realize that post blew up. That shit has like a thousand shares.

I told Keith later, I said, listen, I won't cheat because I'm too fucking good to cheat. I was like, I would just have a tough conversation. And I believe that you can unleash with the person that you have history with if you kind of just like, let go of your ego a little bit. And I've experienced that. And so I'm like, okay, so when things get rocky, as much as it's hard to have a tough conversation of, like, I don't feel seen right now, it's necessary in order to keep the relationship strong.

Well, and this requires massive strength from both sides. Like, you had to. You have to have the courage to say it, and you have to have the courage to hear it. And then you've both got to have the courage to create something new. And this is the death, rebirth process of marriage that is so difficult because we get down this path is why. You see, the pattern is very simple, particularly with high producers. If you have dual producers who are, in our situation, co producers, very few people, very few couples make it. Very few couples make it down. This pathway typically what happens, they get past this pathway. There's too much history, there's too much scars, there's too much drama and trauma and it's just easier to get done and be divorced. And that's a whole bunch of couples. We know where guys are in their 50s and they're married to women in their early 30s, they're 15 to 20 years older than them.

I ask you that all the time when we're like in an argument like would it just be easier to go with a cute little 28 year old?

Probably would be easier. I mean long term I'm probably not. I mean they're saying like if you're asking when the short term would it be easier? Of course because like as a, As a late 40 year old guy, I'm 47. You're like it serving nice. Just have a girl who just laughed at my jokes, told me I was the man, thought everything I said was.

Awesome, didn't ever cross check me. I feel like I do all those things. Plus I cross check you.

Well yeah, well that's the part. That's where it sort ends. Like that's why the guys that are in their 50s go for the 28 year old girl but eventually she won't cross check.

Feisty and she's.

Of course guys are living in the delusion. No different than the woman that goes to Vegas with their girlfriends and some random 26 year old with a 12 pack. Like the game is all in illusion.

Let's flip it too. So you have those women who want to be taken care of and whatnot. Like in the end like the money is not going to be enough. Right? The sex isn't going to be enough. It's still, you still have to have that, that connection and respect for one another in order to make your relationship work. Or you just settle into like the uncomfortable. I don't want anything else. Because we know a lot of couples like that.

Boy do we.

Where the woman's taken care of and the guy's twice his age. I don't know if it's sad.

I just, I think it's sad.

It's just, I don't know if it's sad. Who knows if they're happy or not happy or whatever. They're just, they're comfortable and content and that's fine. I can't speak for them.

It's wild though. Like, I mean there's series of couples of individuals we know directly where I'm like under. Well here's what I know for certain In a couple of these relationships that we know here local. Couple of these relationships we know here local. You know, for sure. Like, I'm like, hey babe, well, you could just trade me in for that older guy. So. And so from the couple. And you could have him. He's super nice. He'll never argue with you, he'll never debate with you, he'll never battle with you. He doesn't have a six pack. But.

But then I. That's gross. It's like there's no connection there. You're just taking care of. I'd rather take care of myself.

But that's the fun part. I think a lot of women don't know how to do that. Right. So if you're a woman, you don't have that ability to say, I can take care of myself under the sense of money.

But even.

And you've always been a stay at home mom and you've been raising the kids. That's a, that's a really interesting predicament to be in as a woman. I can imagine. Because you don't have, like, there's not the certainty to be able to say, go fuck yourself. I'm going to go do my own thing and go produce. Like, you'll produce your way out because you've been putting all your production power into raising the kids. So I can see how a woman could be very terrified by that and not say anything and go cheat and end up on Ashley Madison website being a desperate housewife. I didn't even get it, didn't get it until we were older. And then I'm like, I can see why women do this. Literally, I can completely understand it now. Maybe, I mean, if you were a desperate housewife, which you for a season were, I guess, and I was like running around the country and working all the time, even as stunning and physically attractive and absolutely on fucking fire. I am as a man. Which we can both acknowledge. This is true. Even amidst all of that. If I'm not showing up, there's a piece that would look for that attention. No different than guys sleeping with their secretaries or fucking their assistant because they're wanting to feel that attention.

We know other couples that that's happened.

And this is happening. This is happening with them right now.

Yeah.

But here's the interesting piece that you and I are stumbling into, which is in order to not go down that path because that path ultimately leads to destruction. Like there's no, there's no liberation inside of that. Inevitably you're going to cause pain. Inevitably. It's never going to be what you think it is. It's like looking at Vegas at nighttime. Vegas, Vegas, drunk out of your mind at midnight on a Friday is so amazing. Vegas, 12 noon the next day with a hangover. Not the same fucking place. So, like, there's this fantasy that we get into in relationship where we think that we can go have this, have it all experience without the downside of being in relationship with people where scarring and issues and kids and life occurs.

Damn.

So I can see why I do it. So why didn't we do it?

Do it.

Yeah. Just be done, man. Co producer. We just raise our kids. We just put our kids in the middle. You and I'll take our turns. We'll co produce and lead our children. And then you go on and do what you're gonna do, and I'll do what I'm gonna do.

I'm like, let me roll this out and see how that would go.

I'm like, where's your mind go?

I always. I'm like, is it better? Is it easier? And I'm like, I don't know if it is. And I'm like, I love my family and my kids and. Too much to be like, no, sorry, like, we had an argument. I'm out. Like, it's like, okay, there's too many good moments, and there are bad moments for me. And I think that any relationship you put yourself in, you're always going to have moments where you're like, God, I don't know, like. And it could even just be, like, based on where you're at as an individual.

Right?

So sometimes I have to be like, danielle, you're just stressed with all this other shit going on. Like, what do you need to do to set yourself up to where you can be a better mom, a better wife, a better communicator and things like that. You have to kind of look inward. And so whenever I kind of flip it on me, I'm like, okay, take a deep breath. Calm down. You're not at the point where you're like, I mean, sometimes I am. Everybody's like that. I don't care if you've been married five years, two years, one year, six months. You're gonna have moments inside your relationship where you're like, we're fucking done. And then, like, 48 hours later, you're like, you're. You're my best friend.

I love you. So to make the corner and make the turn, this foundational piece is honesty. Can you be honest about where you are with your Spouse. This is hard. This is hard from both directions. We're still juggling this out right now, like you're here. We're 20 years married almost, and we're still dealing with this dilemma of how much truth can your partner handle? Yeah, like, of your truth. How much can your partner handle of the truth from you? And then from that level, how do you recreate now with this new level of truth on the surface? So what are you finding is giving you the courage to be able to speak truth at a level you've never spoken to me before?

For me, like, I've been feeling like this. This next chapter for us is like, we're so powerful as individuals that I really want to create something together. Like, we've created our own individual brands, and I think that we can come together and train and speak, and we have this chemistry that we can. We can do it, we can do it well. And so I feel like this is like the next chapter of developing, you know, more in business, but more in our relationship is learning how to work together, because we've tried to work together in the past. And it was like, this is my business now. This is my business. This is my business. And it's. And it was hard. And I'd love to create something together. And I feel like there's gonna have to be a level of submission on both of us. And for. For years, even inside of my business, I felt like, I submitted, I submitted, I submitted, I submitted when you were involved, and then I got more involved, and I recently had you come back inside my business, and I'm like, I refuse to submit, but we can co create this together. And so that's kind of where I'm like, I want to get more reps with you. You know, speaking, training, teaching, because I think that we do naturally have great chemistry, and we're both phenomenal trainers. You're definitely a better speaker than I am, but I think I'm a really good trainer. And so I love to just create this new piece, whether it impacts couples, whether it impacts families, whether it impacts people in both of our businesses. So that's kind of where I'm at right now is like, I felt like I was in this rocky, disconnected path where it's like, you two have no idea how fucking powerful you are. And if you don't get. If you don't course correct right now, you're going to jeopardize the families and the impact that you could truly have. And to me, I'm always like, what's the bigger vision. And whenever I take myself there, I'm like, bah. And I kind of let go of the ego for a minute and I do the work to continue to do what I know my path is, what the vision is, what I'm called to do. It's like I'm put here and I'm here to listen, and sometimes we forget get to listen. And so I try to always put myself, set myself up to is like, how can I better serve? Whether you believe in God or whatever you believe in, I believe the. The reason that we are on this earth and the reason that we have purpose and passion is to serve others. And so I'm like, okay, I want to grow as an individual, but ultimately I want to serve. And if I want to serve, I have to be a better mom, husband, not husband, wife, communicator. Like, I have to be a better human being. And I feel like this next chapter is going to be with you and I. So I'm like, okay, it's a little bit bumpy and it's a little bit rocky because growth takes work, but that's okay. I feel like I'm a powerful enough person that I can have these conversations and these communications in order to get to this next level. And more than that, I'm committed.

Five years ago, we compelled you to launch the first podcast, and you were not so happy about this. In 2018, here we are five years later, you're not happy about it, you are not happy. And now we come back and look at you. You're amazing. You crush it. You've had two more children. You turn 40.

That's how I was. Like, I feel like I've been 40 for a while.

You've done, like, I don't know, you've probably done like 400 podcasts, not probably more. Yeah, probably around 400 podcasts. You trained and spoke on all kinds of stages, and now you got an opportunity. Like, I'm. And here we are sitting on the doors of this opportunity. I told you last night, I actually told you this morning, I was like, this is uncomfortable as fuck for me. I don't really like it. Like, if I were preferencing, like, do I prefer to feel this kind of discomfort? Because that's what we've been in the last two months is a lot of fuck and discomfort individually and collectively as a couple, trying to navigate the transition to this next level. For us as people, individually and as a couple, and with our family and with our brands and with our businesses, it's a lot of that. We're shuffling. And it's tough as a guy, I. I mean, flat out, for me, it's tough at times when I'm sitting back because, like, there's so much ego involved. And like, the natural default is that women don't have an ego. It's just guys have an ego and the temptation too, for me. And maybe you can speak this. Danielle is. I feel oftentimes guys make the same comment that most of marriage is a project on how, how, how me as a man, I need to change. But you as a wife, you've kind of figured your shit out. Like in most guys, if you actually re. Interview most guys, they feel like most therapy is about why the man's fucked up and why we need to fix the man and how, how the woman is not fucked up. She's got her shit straight. But it's my. It's the guy.

But you know what? Here's how I would say it goes with guys. So guys are like, yeah, babe, go, go, go. So them wanting to change or be more is. It comes across differently. They're more like, yeah, I'm your supporter, I'm your supporter, I'm your supporter. But ultimately they're like, grow, woman, grow. Right? And so, like, women are a little bit more like, why aren't you doing this? Well, I expect more or whatever it is. So I think that ultimately it's. I wouldn't say change, but both the male and the female want, Want growth, right? They want their husband to grow, they want their wife to grow. How it's communicated or how it's references, it's just between masculine and feminine. Does that make sense what I'm saying?

So they want the same thing, they're just asking it a different way.

Yes. And that's what I always come back to is I was like, men and women and relationships, they ultimately want the same thing. One just speaks English and the other one speaks Spanish. And we're just trying to figure out this language together to speak English, Spanglish.

So the foundation of all this change, though, comes back to truth. And I will tell you right now, as an individual, if you can't speak truth to yourself without anybody else around, One of the tools that I use that Danielle doesn't believe in called the stack.

Why do you say I don't believe in it?

You don't believe in it?

I don't frequently stack now.

You don't believe in it?

I do believe in it. You wanna know why? Because I love when we get in kind of like a little Bit of an argument. And you are one to speak out your feelings, and I'm one that kind of retreats. And I think about things, and I would say that's typical male and female, and you're quick to fire off. And I sometimes say stuff back, and sometime I don't. But the next day, you always send me a stack where it's almost like you evaluated your feelings, and I'm like, oh, thank you. Like, so I'm not saying I don't believe in the stack. I think it does wonders for you. And although you don't think I appreciate your stacks, I love when you send them to me, especially after we've had a heated conversation, because I'm like, thank you. He came back down to earth. And he logically is not offended with what I said. I was not trying to trigger him. And my word, you're saying I said this, but I didn't say that. That's what you heard, and it triggered you. And so you stack, and all of a sudden you, like, you see me. And so I'm not saying I don't appreciate the stack. I said I didn't frequently stack. It doesn't mean I don't believe in it. I never once said I didn't believe in it. Okay, so let's be clear with that.

Well, there you go. Stacking is one of the places you can be honest. It was actually the first place I was able to be radically honest about my feelings about Danielle years ago. And ultimately, stacking saved our marriage. Without stacking, there's no way I could have held on to the friction and the change that was happening. There's no way. I had at least 300 stacks that started off like this. Danielle's a fucking psychopath. I fucking hate her. I can't fucking believe I'm married to her. This is bullshit. And then it was me working through my feelings around it, trying to get the right stories that would allow me to change my mindset. And I can't imagine a guy trying to pull this off a marriage without it. Like, I don't understand. That's why, like, our guys are going to therapy. I have guys who go into marriage therapy. They'll come in and drop a hundred pages of their stack work to the therapist and say, we can focus on her today. I handled my shit this week. If you'd like to read it all here, I'll pay for. I'll pay you for five hours, and you can read my stacks. I've already dealt with this shit, so let's Talk about how she needs to change, and then the therapist will be like, what are you talking about? Blah, blah, blah. And then the therapist will start reading, and then the therapists want to use a stack tool because of the. Exactly. It's 100% true. This has happened more than 10 times inside a couples therapy in the last year, where I've told my guys to take their stacks in, pay their therapist for hours to read their stacks so they can see the kind of work they're putting in for an and a half every morning on themselves every week between therapy sessions. And that way, the call actually does become a focus on wife. Because they're like, okay, well, here's my. Let's deal with it.

Because I feel like every time we've had a therapy session, it's like, you're always like, no, focus on her. The. The guy is always focusing on you.

Well, that's just because who we've been with recently, and that's because we were uncovering the. What was it? Was it the Enneagram report? Yeah, the wizard likes to focus on that Enneagram report.

Yeah. I actually have to go teach class.

So we don't have to go teach class. We're gonna wrap this up. Okay. So being honest with yourself is step number one. Step number two is being honest with your spouse. And step number three is being able to sit in the arena and battle out the truth down to one core game, which is, what do you want next?

Yeah, and I would just say encourage women. I feel like we are. We tend to be, well, male and female. They tend to be kind of passive aggressive with your feelings. And so one of the things that Garrett and I have been working on is I was like, hey, if you're feeling a certain way, don't be passive aggressive about it, because then it just comes across as, like, a dick move. So, number one, don't be passive aggressive. Number two, don't wear your sunglasses in a podcast studio.

This is how I became number three.

No, don't ruin this, ladies. Like, if you want something, if you want connection and you feel like you're that support, don't fight for that connection. Or fight. Do fight for that connection. Whether it's scheduling date nights, whether it's scheduling trips, whether it's going with your man when he travels and having a nanny take care of the kids, because you just need time with your husband. There's no sense in being bitter and being like, well, I have to stay home with the kids. No, you don't figure out a way to get a nanny and go with your man and support him so that you can have those moments of connection. So whatever that looks like. I feel called to tell the women that you are the. You are responsible for fighting for that time. Because ultimately, that's what both the husband and the wife wants and they need in order to have a very fruitful relationship. So I gotta go teach class, kids. I'm gonna let this guy close because he's got cool sunglasses in peace.

All right. Literally, she's exiting the studio, so we're gonna wrap up this show. And now that she's gone, I'll get to say my piece. The stack game is like a real game. So as a man, I'm telling you, like, I'm just telling you, every man inside a warrior, which are thousands and thousands of them in the stack every day. This has become the tool of salvation and liberation for men. I'm not saying that it couldn't help women. I'm just saying for guys, that's who we train. And I got tons of women to stack to. You know, one place you can learn about that is going to wakeupwarrior.com and just being able to have a tool where you can get your outlet. Because I'm telling you right now, Daniel's not in the studio anymore. She left and went down the hall to the training room to train some people, some students from our academy that are here in person. And I'm just telling you right now, like, there's no fucking possible way we would be married if I didn't have the stack. No possible way we would be divorced 100% for certain. And here's the crazier shit. Without the stack, not only would we be divorced, we would have gotten divorced before the birth of my two youngest daughters, which is wild because I have this beautiful almost four year old and this beautiful just over one year old. I cannot imagine my life without these two children. And the idea that my marriage sat in the balance based on the keystrokes of my work with the stack on a daily basis is insanity. And that God would guide my fingerstrokes to help me get my mind in a place where I could submit and drop my ego, have conversations with Danielle, be in a place of submission, know when to take a stand, know when to fight, know when to go, know when to release, and know how to shift who I am so that we could not only stay married, but we could thrive in abundance and prosperity together is amazing experience for me. Mind fucking bending how close we were to being done with everything here. In the last two months, Danielle shell shocked the fuck out of me with her demands and desires in her life. And again, it was the power of the stack that allowed me to get into terms of myself, get us both on the same page and continue to move forward. We've never been happier. At the same time, marriage itself is a process. It's a game of progress. It's a game of production. It's a game of being willing to surrender and to let go. So that leaves us up for today. Again, you can check both Danielle and I out on Instagram do lives all the time. You can give me @garrettjwhite. Same thing on Facebook. Ericj White. You can also check out Danielle on Instagram, Daniellek White. You can head to wakeupwarrior.com to get access to the stack as well as the powerful tools here at Wake Up Warrior. Or you can head to DKW styling.com to learn more about natural beaded rose, the hair extension method, as well as the games that Danielle is up to. Until next week. Hope you have a great week. This is Garret G. White. Sign off saying love and like we want a good afternoon and good night.