It's not a journey, but a DECISION | Date Your Wife | EP 135

All right, well, welcome to the date your wife podcast. Officially, my wife is a cheerleader for the University of Texas Longhorn.

Why do you say because I'm wearing brown?

You're not wearing brown. You're wearing orange. You're wearing. This is orange.

This is brown. This is camel bronze. This is a camel color.

It's a bronge.

It's an Amazon sponsor.

I'm your third. I'm your third podcast.

I know. And they asked me. They're like, do you also. Because we have. I have a class going on, and we have trainers applying to teach my classes. So then I bring them in, and I do a podcast when they're here. And I just did two podcasts.

You have a class happening right now?

Yeah. And then they were. Yeah. Hi. Yep.

I have a question for you. How does it feel to know that your husband has more followers than you on the Instagram? More followers than you on the Instagram?

What is that filter doing? It's because.

I don't know what that filter is.

It's because half. You know why? It's because half of your videos now have me in them.

Wow. Well, we wouldn't be fucking wrong there, would we? Put my wife on my page. Next thing I know, I get more followers.

I put you on my page, and it kind of drops.

Well, it's because you're. You got a bunch of bitches on that page.

You know, forget them.

All right, so listen, we had. We've had. I. I've. I've been sitting in some joyful pockets recently. But the time we're doing this show, though, you've got. You got a big thing coming up this week. You got a big thing coming up. Time to get damn near naked on stage.

Yeah. I forget when you start cutting carbs. Like, I woke up this morning, and I was like, I feel like I got hit by a bus.

Does it feel real bad? Does it get really intense without the carbs?

And I was gonna go do a spin class, and Val's like, you're not doing a spin class. You're doing 20 minutes, light cardio and light shoulders. I was like, I'm gonna listen to you, dude.

Like, you're, like, depleting the. The bottom of the bucket of energy.

Literally. Like, you feel a little loopy. You're like, are you.

Is your brain feeling a little high right now?

I don't feel too bad because I've already had, like, almost 2 liters of water and some caffeine and. But, like, I woke up this morning, and I Literally was like, my whole body hurts. It's like, yeah, you need the carbs to recover and all the things, but it's okay. That's why you take it super, super easy this week, and you deplete yourself, and then you fill back up, and then you look, I'll shred it on stage. And every time I get to this point, I'm like, why am I fucking doing this? And then I'm like, it's fine. I'm almost there. I'm like, five days out, so it's fine. I'm already there.

Let's back it up here to the. To the fitness thing, because I have a team come in to document this. We're making a documentary of it, documenting that. Talking. Wednesday, you get a little shot with a trainer, with. With Val.

Yeah.

But let's back this up, like, because, like, this week, legitimately, you will get on stage for the third time in a bikini competition with almost no clothing on. It's a thing. It's a very vulnerable place to be. You have to get a Brazilian wax just to be able to do this.

You don't have to.

Yeah, but you probably should.

I am, actually. Today.

Yeah. Okay, good.

Appointment after this.

Okay, good. You got three podcasts and then a. Then a waxing ripoff. Okay, so, like, back this up, though, because when we were first together, first before all the kids shed. Parker, but you hadn't had Parker. Parker was with his mom, and I was being a disconnected father who never paid attention to him. And fast forward to the time that we're first in Vegas. We bought our first house. We're married. About a year, year and a half, you started talking about fitness. You actually brought up fitness competitor to the point that I, for one, Christmas, bought you fitness magazines and workout gear. And you were offended.

I was like, you jerk.

You were offended by the fact that I bought this. Why were you offended by this?

I don't know why I was. I was really interested. No, I.

You were interested and you were offended.

I was interested. I just. I. I don't know. I. You show. You gave me a bunch of workout magazines for Christmas. I don't. I just think I was like, I.

Did you interpret that? I was, like, saying you weren't very fit?

I don't know. I think I was like, oh, I wanted, like, clothes and shoes, and you gave me workout magazines. Yeah, and, like, some dumbbells or something. I don't know. I was like, that's such a guy move.

Well, I was just trying to follow the clues. They Say, pay attention to the clues when your wife's talking and see if you can read between the lines. Obviously, I wasn't reading between the lines. We were 20 years too early.

You know what? I.

You're literally 20 years too early.

Every time I've had a baby, I've had a fitness goal. I've ran marathons. I've done little triathlons. I did. I was like a. I didn't say a Taebo teacher. I was a kickbox teacher.

That's right. You did, like, body combat. What was that? The. Less meals, less meals, less meals.

Body combat. And I always. Yeah, I get a little bit, like, I just like to have a fitness goal. And it was with Isla, which was my third out of my four kids, my third baby girl. I gained so much weight with her. I started out heavy, like, heavier for me, and I gained, like, £60 Bailey or Ruby with Isla. I remember going into the hospital and I. I stepped on the scale, like, almost 170. I'm a tiny human like you are. I was. I was just, like, retaining water, and I had developed a DVT in my leg. My. My whole leg. When I'm pregnant. Looks like somebody took. Like, people are like, did you fall down? I have get all these crazy veins. It looks like somebody takes a baseball bat to my leg. It's like the craziest shit ever. And they all clear up after pregnancy, which is amazing. But it's. It's. My pregnancy with Isla was rough and with Charlie, and it was when I gained all this weight that I kind of got to this place where I was like. Well, I remember thinking, like, at one point, I thought I was gonna die. I was like, I have a dbt. What am I doing? This is so scary. Like, it. And then they induced me, and because I was on blood thinners, I couldn't take any pain meds. So I got induced. And I literally went through the most incredible pain I've ever been through in my entire life. And it put a different perspective on my body for me, just, like, on, like, pain and what I could endure. And I remember they finally gave me an epidural dural, and it didn't kick in until I pushed her out. So I basically got induced and did natural childbirth. And that was like an outer body experience. So after I had her, I kind of remember thinking, like, I can just kind of like, I. I was. I was heavy. I was like, oh, man, this is just how it's gonna be. I'm a little bit older. Like, I could have just settled into this mom body, and. And something in me just, like, snapped. I was like, no, I'm gonna do this. And I had always kind of thought about doing a fitness show, but I don't think the pain was as similar as it was to with Isla, where I was just like, I refuse to accept that this is the reality of what my body is going to look like. And I also coached hundreds of. Of women in my program, and I'm always telling them stuff. They need to put themselves out there. So I was like, what is the scariest thing that I could do to put myself out there? And I was like, I'm gonna do a bikini show. So I lost all the weight, obviously got back in shape, and then was seven weeks pregnant and found out.

I. Well, that was the second show.

That was the second show.

The first show was after Isla. And you went. I mean, we were so excited for you. We were so excited, and we were so nervous. And it was during COVID I couldn't even.

There was no weights. I trained with, like, bands.

You almost got arrested for working out illegally in the COVID gym of our clubhouse. Remember this?

Oh, yeah.

That caused the big stuff.

That was funny.

They were getting upset. We had a few people in our neighborhood who were absolutely. Had nothing to fucking do with their lives.

Illegally lifting weights. And I got. And there was no.

They were trying to press charges.

Nobody ever in that gym. So I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna go to the clubhouse. There's some weights down there.

Yes.

Anyway, I did that show. I won. Then I was like, I'm gonna do one more show and try to put on more muscle. And because now the gyms were open, I put in a gym in our house. And then I. I guess I looked too sexy because I was seven weeks pregnant on my second show and didn't know.

Let's back up, though. The first show, like, the very first show that you're doing, like, talk us through this, because it was different because there wasn't an audience. We had to watch this on a live stream on an iPad out in the hallway at the hotel, because you guys would go in by yourself with just the judges because they were worried that everyone was going to get the COVID So weird.

We had to wear sparkly masks on her face.

Yeah. Oh, that's right. You were wearing sparkly masks to come out and pose, and then they'll let you take it off to get your picture right at the very end.

At the very end. Well, at least I was judged on My body, not my face.

Okay? So you come out, you do fitness competition number one, and you feel what. You get done with it, and you're feeling what you remember that. Go back there. Go back for me. The COVID one. We're cheering for you. We're nervous for you.

It's funny because I look. I think I look better now. My body looks better now than it did then. But I was so proud of myself that I. I took my body to a place it had never been, that I didn't even think was possible. Plus, I had had three babies at that time, and I won. And I trained when everything was closed down and there was no gyms, and I was just like, wow. And it was a really positive experience for me. And then the second one, that was fun, too. And now this third one, I feel like I just. I couldn't commit. I was like, I don't know if I want to do it. I don't know if I'm going to do it, because I. I felt like I need to surpass the body that I did. But I think I do look pretty good right now.

You already passed it.

I feel like I look a little tinier and a little more shredded. I don't have a desire to get super big, but I feel like I think this might be my best show.

I know it's going to be.

I don't know what the competition's gonna be like.

It doesn't matter. You. As far as competition with you. You're on fire. You're on fire. Your confidence is high. Your certainty's high.

This is really into it. Just like, I'm just having. I'm doing it for me. I haven't really talked about it. I. I haven't talked about this one on social media a lot. I mean, I'll flex my abs a little bit.

Yeah. What's the deal with that? You. At the last show, you were, like, promoting like crazy. This time, you're not doing it.

I don't know.

I don't think anybody knows you're doing a conference.

They don't. I just kind of was like. It was more so me. Like, I had four babies come out of my body, and I was like, you know what? I want to push my body to that level again and, like, like, show that it's possible and do it for me. And I wasn't going to do it. I wasn't going to do it. And then I was like, no, I'm gonna do it. And so here we are.

You're trying to Downplay this.

It's hard.

I think it's because you've been already two podcasts and your carb depleted.

Yes.

Like, oh my gosh, she'll look carb depleted. Like, listen here, I will tell you, as a husband, watching my wife go through this has been absolutely phenomenal. Like, the most empowering thing to ever as a man is to watch your wife rise in power and to watch her take this on. And I've watched her like, look at the idea of weights and etc over years and weights make you look like a man. It's too aggressive. It's that da, da, da, da. And what I've experienced watching my wife in a fitness world as a fitness competitor in, in the bikini comp is like, I've just watched your confidence rise and. And how could it not? You have to stand as a mother of four children on a stage in a thong back bikini with nearly no clothes on while walking in high heels, while playing music, while having to do your moves, while being critiqued by a group of people sitting on the front row with judges, with 500 people in the audience all looking at your body, being judged by every single ounce of your body, I can't think of a more intense environment as a woman to be in, knowing how critical everyone is already.

But, yeah, but like I said, for me, I got to this place where I'm like, I can accept this. Like, again, it was after Isla, I was like, I can accept this as my body. And I was like, no, screw that. Like, I felt like that was such a scary pregnancy. And now I, like, I went through it, I had a beautiful daughter. And I was like, I'm not accepting this as my reality. And I think that a lot of times we live in this space of like, we're gonna accept this so we can have an excuse, right? And it's not like I looked bad, but I wanted to just see what my body could do. And in doing that, I'm like, how many other areas in my life maybe, am I playing small? Right?

Yep.

And I'm like, okay. So for me, that's what really boosted my confidence is I was like, wow. It's not just doing the workout. It's the workout and the diet. There's a lot of people that are very athletic, but when you incorporate the diet and you find out the science behind it, it's just a whole nother ordeal. Like, it really is. Like, I'm like, I've learned so much about the body and food and I really enjoy that aspect in through all of this too, because in the past, I would have a fitness goal with no nutrition behind it.

Yeah, I was always, like, working out.

Doing something special, and my body would be inflamed, and I didn't understand it. So now I'm, like, really taking the time to educate myself during this process. I'm educating myself on, like, recovery. I'm educating myself on building certain muscles and, like, refeed, and I just. I. I enjoy it. I enjoy. I feel like I'm becoming a smarter person, and at the same time, it's a very scary, like, vulnerable place. So, yeah, get in a bikini and be confident and just rock it. But I'm good.

You're a thousand percent more confident heading into this show than you were the first one. First one, you were hiring a coach. It was all it was. I was nervous for you on the first one. The second one, I was super pumped. And this one, I'm just like, you're a fucking savage.

Posing coach on this one. Because I don't want to overthink it. I'm an overthinker by nature, but. But when I don't overthink it, sometimes that's my best results. And so I'm like, I'm just gonna go into this, like, confident and not overthink it.

So why do you think that? Why do you think there's so many? I mean. Cause you could look at this. The power of decision. Tony Robbins says that transformation in our lives is not a journey. It's a decision that there's a moment that we make a decision of. I'm no longer gonna go this way, but I'm now gonna go that way. And here you were at the crossroads of a decision. You just had your second daughter. I heard my third child. You're my second child. You are 60 pounds heavier than what your normal walkaround weight is. You just went through a massive, intense game with blood thinners and blood clots, like a fucking every excuse in the world you could have thrown at just not doing anything. And you chose to become the most fit you've ever been, coming from the fattest that you've ever been. I know it's not like people want to hear that, but it was the fattest you'd ever been to the fittest you'd ever been. Was the decision. What was the decision maker here? Because I watch a ton of women and men who get to that same gauntlet of decision, and they choose the fatness, and they choose this game. We become an entire society of people encouraging obesity.

I Could have, like, ran around with a story. I could. I could be easily an extra 30 to 40 pounds overweight, which on my frame is a lot. And I could have ran around with the story of, like, oh, my third pregnancy. It was just so hard. And I had a dvt and it was just really hard for me to recover. And I should just be, you know, excited that I have three beautiful children, which I am. But I also am like, I'm not going to use that. That. That story. I'm. I'm not going to create that story. That. That's why I look this way. Right. And I don't feel good being heavier, so I'm gonna just make a decision to do something else. And it's when I. When I commit. Here's the thing is, like, I will commit to something, and it's, like, scary to commit because I have, like. We have, like, unrealistic expectations, so we don't want to commit. So for me, I'm looking at all these competitors on Instagram and stuff, and I'm like, I can't. I don't know if I don't think I can ever look like that. So I didn't commit because I thought that I needed to look like them in six months. Right. But these women are, like, five years, and they haven't had babies.

Ten years.

Yeah.

No babies.

Like, no babies. They're still in their, like, early 20s. Right. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna commit for me, and I don't necessarily need to look like that, but if I just commit, for me, what is possible?

Wow.

And most people, they don't want to commit for them. They're trying to commit somebody who's 10 years ahead of them, and you're like, that's unrealistic. And you can't commit to that. Right. So why don't you just commit to moving, to changing, to doing something different? And in. In this progression of seeing yourself grow? That's. That's really cool to see.

That's powerful. That was really good.

All right. The carbs have. I don't have any carbs.

You don't have any carbs, but the brain turned back on. Engine is engaged. So this power of decision, I've watched you make it. You're a very disciplined woman. You make decisions that a lot of people will not make. You've made decisions in our marriage, decisions with yourself, decisions with our children, decisions with our lives. This decision factor is an interesting piece because so many of us in society today want to be victims to our situation, victims, to our story victims, to our consequences. And we say, well, I'm this way because my spouse or I'm this way because my spouse won't do this, or I'm this way because my husband or wife won't do this. And. And then you continue to operate a certain way. There's a tension that comes with making decisions. I mean, you affected me. You chose to take on fitness, which affected me. I found myself in a place being called dad bod guy. I was like, I'm not a dad bod guy. And all of a sudden my wife and my son are both mocking me. A year ago, as dad bod Guy. You know, you're doing this shit. Yeah, but you were dad bodding me.

Well, I mean, I was not feeling very empathetic because I was pregnant with our fourth child. And I was like, I was like 204. And I was like, why does he look. And you had a really big gray beard at the time.

And I was like, oh, I did.

I'm like, I mean, I feel like I have a valid excuse for looking tired, but why does he look so tired?

Well, no testosterone shots, gray beard. And I was about 204. Drinking three IPAs every night was not exactly helping. Amazing what happens when you drop it down to 188 pounds. Take the testosterone. 188, 190 pounds right now, walking around, I'm 107. Well, that's because you're a champion. If I was 107, I'd be dead. If you were my way to be trouble. So you made a decision though, that affected my life. And because you made that decision, I started eating better, I started eating cleaner. I started looking at fitness in my life differently, even though I've been an athlete my whole life. No, you weren't trying to. You just called me a dad bod.

I did not call you a dad bod.

You're like, hey, Fatty McGee. Welcome to the bed Fatty McGee. Aww, did I smack you in a wave roll across your back?

I just pinched your sides a little bit.

Now go ahead, pinch away. You got nothing there. You got nothing. That's right, babe. Nothing. So this has led to huge inspiration. Our son's inspired. Our daughter started working out a ton, going to Soul Cycle in the morning, getting more fit. She looks great. I dropped down to get the leanest I've ever been with a walk around six pack.

But it's crazy too.

Like, this has not happened in our whole relationship until now.

There's probably a lot of other women who are maybe inspired by my story. Maybe I should share more of it. I find that when I start talking about fitness or I show my abs or something on Instagram, all of a sudden I get these DMs. It's like, can you please tell us everything you're eating in a day? And I'm like, no, because what I'm training for is not what you're going through. And your body is not my goal, and your goal is not my. Like, I'm like, no. And then they're like, well, can. Can you send me your nutritionist? And I'm like, sure. And I'm always, like, baffled. I'm like, if I send you my nutritionist, are you actually going to follow what your coach is telling you to do?

No. No, most people will not. Yeah, but look at the power. Look at the power of decision. You made a decision. It collided into me. It collided into our daughters. And it's had a ripple effect across hundreds, at least hundreds of men and women who have been inspired by watching your journey could be even into the thousands, maybe even in the tens of thousands of people watching you. Here you are as a mother, four children, no excuses. Two horrifically intense, very difficult pass out upstairs, have to emergency take the baby on. Baby number four. You were in a seriously going to bed at night thinking you might die for the last six weeks of the pregnancy, and people are like, oh, this is dramatic. I'm like, go fuck yourself. It's not dramatic at all. This was reality. And here we are walking into comp week. You assassin. You're a. You're a savage.

I knew I'd pull through, though. Like, I. Even with Charlie, and, yeah, I had, like. I literally had super high blood pressure with her, and my leg looked super scary, and I was waddling around. I didn't gain as much weight with her, though. I think it's because I was so fit going into that.

You were in comp number two.

Yeah. So I didn't gain as much weight, and I. I dropped that weight so fast, but I knew what to do. I was like, oh, okay. Like, I knew what to do. It was a super hard postpartum with her because I think I. Because I knew so much about how to cut weight so fast, it made postpartum so much harder. But I also was, like, a stronger individual, and I was like, I can get through this season. Right? So sometimes when you can take on more pain, when you've experienced pain in the past, and, you know, it's just a Season in order to grow.

That was really good.

I'm full of them today.

I need the thing like Bradley dropping bombs and he'd be like, drop some kind of a bomb or like, you.

Know what's so funny? Even though I joke around with, like, the carb depletion, you even. You are carb depleted, but you also. You feel euphoria. Euphoria. Yeah, you're so light. And it's like things kind of like, you kind of feel high. Like. Yeah, like. Like things like just channel in because there's no food or anything in the way to block it is literally no.

Shit in your gut.

And you can, like, look at people when they're, like, cutting and their eyes almost look glossy like they're high. You're like, you're high as well. And you're like, no, I should have had carbs.

Oh, you're high. Did you eat or what? Did you smoke? Nothing. Just didn't eat any carbs for three days.

Yeah, my brain is real clean.

Well, listen, your decision impacted me. And I watch. I watch this getting a chance. I do a wake up warrior with all the guys we train. Like, we watch when men make decisions and they want to rise. For example, there's guys who will try to lose weight, and I say try because they go to make. They make a run at losing weight, but their spouse is overweight too, and so they go to make a run at losing weight, and their spouse gets actually threatened by this change. I mean, I want.

Misery loves company.

If you listen, if I continued on a downward slope and you continue on an upward slope, it puts us in a relationship, in a problem, splits. Yeah, you're getting fitter and more hot and more amazing, more powerful, more sexy, more confident in your body. But if I went the other direction and I put on 40, 50 pounds as a guy, and by the way, to my guys who continue to put fucking weight on after your wife had the babies and she's lean and mean pretty much 80% of the state of Utah. I don't understand that shit at all.

Why'd you call out Utah?

Yeah, I'm calling out Utah. It's what it is. It's like, you go there, it's the land. If I don't drink coffee and wine, I just get fat as fucking diabetic. And I'm like, what? Help me understand how your wife can make all the babies and you are.

Fat because he has the excuse that he's the provider.

Yeah, but go fuck yourself. I'm like, how is that possible?

As a man, I'm paying the bills, so I get my skinny hot wife and I can eat whatever I want.

I'm gonna follow the word of wisdom and Mormonism, which is I'm gonna get fat and diabetic. That's absolutely lined up with the word of wisdom. I'm not gonna drink coffee at the Maverick gas station, but I'm get fat as F15 donuts.

Because. Let me ask you a question then. So I like to push myself to grow and to evolve. And you were having a conversation with me yesterday, and you have, you know, clients and guys in Warrior. How does. And you were saying, I don't think a man can continue to grow if his wife doesn't grow. Right. Like, you just kind of stay.

No, you. It'll go to divorce.

But what if.

I mean, if it's the other way, it'll go to divorce.

So how does. So if a guy wants his. If a. If a guy wants his wife to grow but she seems content, it just leads to a divorce?

No, it ends up leading attention. There's only one or two ways. So if I take, for example, we're a happy, clappy, fatty capital from Utah. Okay, we're just gonna go there.

Sorry, Utah.

We're a diabetic Utah couple. We're. We're deep into Mormon word of wisdom, which is we can eat whatever we want. We can get fat as we want, as long as we don't drink coffee or alcohol or smoke weed or if.

They have a thyroid.

It's not a thyroid issue. It's called you eat too much food, you don't work out enough. So here's a piece. I. I'm. I'm sitting in that pocket. You and I are the fetty couple. I am trying to not be fat. I want to be fit, so I pursue fitness. But then you feel threatened by my fitness, and you actually sabotage my drive to be fit because you're worried I'm going to leave you if I become fit. This happens all the time, by the way. This doesn't just happen. We see this reversal in the hair game when women start making more money than their husband. Then be. Our artists come in, they start to make twice as much as their roughneck husband who works down at the garbage dump, and he does whatever. And she's now making 200,000 a year. And he's threatened as. And he's like, ah. And so he will sabotage her success because he feels threatened by her rise.

So why doesn't he just rise?

This is the challenge that we Sit in.

But then. But what I'm saying is, like, reverse it. Like, reverse it. Like, how to. Like, I think it's different. When the man is working, how does he get his woman to rise with what? Like, just as an individual.

Like, how do seduce her? Well, this is the challenge. The first thing is you have to get yourself to go. So, like, if I'm the fat guy, I want to be the fit guy. I got to start choosing to be fit, even amidst the constraints, persecution, and attack at times by my spouse who wants to stay fat. On the flip side, I'm sitting in a situation. We watch women, and I watch men who want to rise in abundance and prosperity, but their spouse is committed to being in scarcity, lack, doubt, and fear. So they want to spend the money on a trip, they want to go on a vacation. They want to buy a new car. And the person who they're married to is in scarcity and doesn't want anything to do with it. You were an abundance of money. I was in scarcity. I was fat in my mindset.

Yeah.

When it came to money, I was a. I remember big, fatty mindset.

Yeah. I was like, everybody has their issues. People that overeat, you can actually see what their issues are.

They wear actually an easier issue.

Yeah. But, yeah, there was. There was a lot of times, like, I. I, like, I wanted the trips and the houses and the cars, and I was like, why do I. I don't want to feel bad about this. Like, this is just, like, what I want in life. And I think that kind of, like, pushed you too.

Well, you pulled me. It forced me into a decision. Same situation. I was fat in my mindset about investing in the family.

Yeah.

Like, I had no problem putting money into business, but I had a big problem putting money into the family.

Yeah.

Like, just like, vacations or the kitchen or like, whatever. I was like, for whatever reason, I could not see the ROI in it. As a businessman, I was like, there's no ROI in the kitchen. Fuck. What are we doing? Why are we really.

Yeah. 50,000 in the kitchen, though, I think that's probably typical. Men have no problem. They're like, oh, drop 100 grand in your business. And then if the wife's like, I want to redo the kitchen, they're like.

Oh, what are you talking about, woman?

Like.

Or the worst you get, guys would be like this, for example, you're like, oh, hire two new people. Payroll, 65,000 to 100,000 each in salary for the year. No problem. You're cool. I just committed $160,000 in outgoing expenses with the business to hire two people, right? Then we come home and that same guy will be like, oh, we can't go on date night. I don't have a babysitter. I'm like, bro, like, at what point did this shit not add up correctly? I realized I'm a PE teacher, so I'm not quick off the draw. But you're fucking stupid. Like, if you can afford 160,000.

But then he's wondering why his marriage sucks. He's like.

He's like, why am I not getting laid? You're like, well, because you take all nine of your kids on date night.

And then he never takes her on vacations or family trips or anything ever. But he. But he works his ass off, and that should be enough for the women.

That is a story guys have been told.

I know.

And again. So I was like, fatty in the head. I might not ever been fatty, fatty, fatty. Two by four, couldn't quite open door.

Has worked if I just said, like, oh, I'm just grateful and he's going to work and whatever. But I kind of got to this place where I'm like, I'm fucking working, too.

Yeah.

I'm like, I'm also providing for the family. So guess what else? If we're going to make this work, I want time, I want trips, I want cars, I want homes, and I want a new kitchen.

Boom.

And so that's. That's what I fought for. And I think a lot of women don't necessarily fight for that. They just say, I'm gonna sit in this place and be grateful that my husband's providing, but I also resent him and I'm gonna go fucking cheat on him. Well, you didn't fight for what you wanted. Like, you didn't. You didn't. You see, you could say he wasn't there for you emotionally, but you didn't fight with him to get that emotional time. And that's what I've had to do with you.

Yep.

And I think that women fall into this space from, you know, I'm. I can't speak in generalities, but stories I've heard. And just speaking generalities, it's just for me, I did fight for that. I was like, I'm not gonna feel bad for asking you to take a trip with our family. And I never stopped fighting. Even, like, you were like, do we really need to go there? And I'm like, yes, true. Even up to this holiday, and we're going Skiing.

Well, that I didn't have a problem.

I kind of got to this place where I was like, I'm gonna go if you don't want to go. I remember there was like, one year I was like, hey, I'm gonna take that. You didn't want to go for ski week. And I go, I'm gonna take the girls to Hawaii. And you go, you can't go without me. I go, oh, I can't. I'm like, no, I'm going to Hawaii. You did, And I'm going first class. And you were like, no, you can't go without me. I'm like, I'm a grown ass woman. Of course I can go without you. Do you want to come? You go, no. And I was like, okay.

And you went.

And I went.

And it was great.

And it was great. And so I started doing more of those where I'm like, I actually don't need him to come with me. But then also I was like, no, we're doing at least three family trips a year. You're gonna spend 100 grand. Suck it up, champ. Like, it is what it is. And 100 grand. It wasn't always that way. But, like, even in the beginning when we had no money, I still fought for date night.

Two grand. I still fought a grand.

Yeah, but, like, I've always fought for time. And I. And I think that's part of why our relationship has worked.

Listen, I've realized I've been going off on fat people. So, like, I hear you. I get you. No, I don't, actually. I've never been fat. Like, I've never really been fat. Fat. What I can tell you is I've been fat in my psychology and fat in my mindset. Like, I've been obese, morbidly obese. In my psych psychology. When it came to being a man as a husband and a father, you couldn't see it physically, but it was in there. It was one giant fat brain of psychology, like.

And scarcity.

Ready? And scarcity. Which is all. Like, the game of obesity is. It's scarcity. I'm not gonna have enough. I need to eat all this food. No, you don't. Back off. Same situation inside of my mindset. When it came to being a husband, though, it was really, really difficult for my brain to wrap around the reality of some simple principles. The first one is the king eats first. And you're like, what does that mean? You're like, I have to come first. And you're like, no, your wife and Kids should come first. No, that's not how it works. My wife doesn't put me first. She puts herself first. Queen eats first, King eats first. Why? If you can't pour into you, then you have nothing to give. My life is better because my wife trains and takes care of herself. She trains and does fitness for herself. She doesn't do it for me. She trains for herself. She wants to feel that. She wants to rise. If she's trying to do it for me, it'll never last.

Right?

I told you I'm gonna make a big challenge for 2023. I'll be home at 5pm you said something to me besides laughing. You said something else. What'd you say?

I said, but are you doing it because you want to or because you think I want that?

And the answer was, I don't remember. Yeah, you weren't listening.

I said, I still am curious. You said you wanted it for you.

For me? For me.

But you are a workaholic and that's fine.

This is a challenge. That's why it's an impossible challenge. Yes. Yes, it's an impossible challenge. So I'd be like, what do you.

Mean you're gonna wake? Cause you wake up at 4:30. So you're gonna wake up at like 2:00am.

What time? You wake up? 2:00am what time,? Go to sleep? 7:15. No, I'm just gonna. I'm not. I'm waking up. Same time, 4 o'. Clock. 4:30. Like, but this is the challenge, right? So 5:00pm is home. And I'm like, why would I do that? Because there's a piece of me that wants to create a new pattern inside of my world.

Heading like five.

Five o' clock gives me plenty of time with the kids and then plenty of time with you. And then bedtime by 9:15.

I know. And I think you're just gonna have to be more productive with your afternoons, babe.

100.

We talked about this the other day. I was like, there. There's this as a. As a. I don't know if I know. Men go through this. I think women go through this. But it's like you mess around your whole afternoon and then when it's like four o', clock, all of a sudden you're like, ah. Like the panic that the day's almost over. So then you, your creative mind turns on and that's when you get shit done. And you're like, what was I doing from like 11 to 2? I. I think I was on Instagram. I might have like, you're like, what was I productive? There's always a couple hours that I'm like, I could have got so much more done. What was I doing?

I like the Async today. I started my first calls at 6am I will not be done until 6pm No, 7pm we have a meeting tonight. We have a meeting from 6 to 7. I have literally this to another podcast. I had four calls to another call, three calls to call. I'm going to bed at 8, like 12 straight hours, 13 straight hours. And people are like, what the hell is that all about? I'm like, it's the most efficient and effective way to use my time.

Yeah.

I get so much done when I'm back to back to back to back to back.

There's no time to fuck around.

No, there's no fuck around time.

Yeah. It's funny. Even like today, everyone's like, you're doing three podcasts in a row. And like, it's like, once you're in momentum, it's not that big of a deal. You're like, you're like, I might as well just get it done. Like, there's no reason to stretch this out in like a week's worth of time. Like, back them, get them all backed in there and get it all done in one day.

Keith wanted you to come over for the podcast today, and I was like, I don't think she can do for bro. That's a lot of podcasts.

I could do it. Let me go home and get some chicken in me.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

I'm on a roll.

On a roll.

Time so foggy that I just. Whatever comes out is meant to come out.

Yeah. So, okay, so this, this shifting game, I'm coming back to this one simple point here with the show today. There's a point where you're going to have to make a decision as a man to rise as a man. And that means you're going to have to put yourself first. And that means you're going to have to invest in yourself and you're going to have to make sure you are at full power. Can be at full power with your spouse. You are the number one asset. Your wife is the number two asset. Your children are the number three asset. Your business is the number four asset. If you want to grow number four asset, you must grow number one asset. If you want to gain access to the asset of number two, you better grow the asset of number one.

That's true. You have to. You have to put yourself first so that you can show up as the most powerful version of you.

Yep.

Otherwise, expect other people around you to do that for you. Like, if you're the leader of the family, the pack, the business, whatever it is, like, ultimately, like, you have to look inward and work on you.

This is what you've been doing. This is what the fitness is. But the fitness gave me an opportunity rise too.

Yeah.

All of the decisions that we make as partners, like, drive the other person to base the decision, oh, I'm gonna keep doing this or I'm not. And it doesn't mean in every situation you have to continue to do the thing that they're doing. But there is a back and forth game that exists in relationships that if you can get it balanced, if you can get it figured out, if you can get it dialed in, there is an exponential quotient of expansion as a couple from each person pulling the other back higher and higher and wider and wider to bigger and better things in life.

That's what's cool too, is you and I have. We'll work on our relationship together, but we both really individually work on ourselves. So we've been able to keep pace with one another. Right?

Yeah.

Like, you're right. Like, if you would have, like, not. I mean, I. I felt like at the beginning of this year, like recovering from the baby and everything else, like, I was kind of like, come on, babe, come on. Like, come on, please don't go the other direction. Like, I was like, I just fucking pushed out my fourth human and this is not fun for me, but I need you to keep up with me. And then all of a sudden, which.

Is fucking ridiculous that I would have even fallen into a bit of a slumber. I did a little jolly old St.

Nicholas slumber, but I don't feel like I was ever. I said or did anything. Like, I was, I. I was like, babe, it's time for you to get some Botox. I think that's, like all I said.

But I did shave your beard, shave your chest and get some Botox. And I agreed.

But I was just kind of like, I got to this, this point where. Because I would always give you a hard time about the beard. I was like, babe, like, you kind of big. I was like, and it's great. And I was like, we'd go to dinner and I'd be like, how old do you think he is? And people thought you were 57. At least 15 years older than me. And we're only seven years apart. And I just kind of got to this place where I was like, you Know what? I'm tired of telling him to shave his beard. I'm just gonna again, get myself in the best shape I've ever been in and do all.

And then we ended up at the mall with all of our kids together. And my wife's standing there with the other girls and my son. And they ask me how old all my daughters are. Danielle gets looped into the daughter game as I sit there with my gray beard. Then my son goes to the mall with my wife and the baby and my son and my wife are together with the newborn Charlie. And people think that my wife and my son are together because my wife looks so young. So needless to say, I had to do some. I was only seven years older. But my commitment to my gray beard and my wrinkly forehead and my lack of leanness, there's something about that. When you put the beard on, you put a few pounds on. I put like that £15 on. I started looking.

You look 10 years younger.

I was looking 58 years old.

Energy is different. You're even carrying, hearing yourself like, I'm like, there he is.

There I am there.

Like, your energy's hotter. Like, I'm like, you'll walk in the room. I'm like, he looks good.

That's right.

But like, there was a minute I was like, you look tired.

Yeah, it was.

So that's. But that's what I'm saying. Like, I was like, whatever, I'm gonna just do my own thing. But now you're proud of how you look.

I am proud of how I look.

Six pack looks good.

I, I'm, I appreciate it.

You tell them what you were gonna do.

You've even complimented me about my six pack during sex.

I. I was like, there's no fat on.

I mean, I, I was, I was very, very happy about what happened. I wasn't trying to actually make it happen. A year ago, I said, I'm going to create a sandal. I'm a walk around six pack. Which I had never done before because it always required diet. And I was, I didn't like the diet and I like, drink IPA beers. So I end up like, no. I go almost nearly no alcohol for the past, like seven months. Wasn't even that hard. I just replaced it with some other.

Yeah, you. And you switched. You started eating like I was eating. So it was. And I would like, literally, like make. I'm like eating dinner and I'm like, well, oh, here I'm having tilapia, asparagus and rice. You want this Actually made it pretty good.

It's actually really good. I actually feel like I really like it.

Everyone's like, how do you eat? I'm like, I get bored. But I actually.

You make great food. I make good food, but it's really. It's interesting. It's boring. It's tilapia, it's chicken, it's taco meat, and it's taco meat, and then it's a tortilla. It's. It's rice.

Simple.

This is what. This is literally what we eat every day.

Eggs so good.

Tilapia, chicken, taco meat, which is typically turkey. It's ground turkey, ground turkey. We have tortillas or rice. We have broccoli and asparagus. That is what we eat all the time. You know what? We don't anything else.

But you know what?

Except for Captain Crunch, when I got a binge on a few nights ago.

I was telling somebody the other day, they're like, don't you ever get bored of that? I'm like, let me ask you this, because I see you guys at lunchtime order from the same three restaurants every day. Does that not get bored of boring for you?

You don't get bored of your shitty 1500 calorie Starbucks.

Exactly. I'm like, you. You literally. You're like, what sounds good for lunch? And you guys pull out the same five menus. I'm like, I do the same thing. I just do it. I'm just. I like my healthy food. It's not that hard.

You got me addicted to the healthy food too. I feel really good with it. I know you feel really good with it.

Feel squeaky clean, don't you?

Listen, I feel so good with it. We're doing something extremely out of the box this weekend.

I know.

I'm very excited about it. It was my idea. I pushed for it, and here we're gonna do it. Last fitness shop fitness competition. You got naked and they painted you gold. Yeah.

I was like, wow, I'm gonna.

I'd never heard of that. I mean, I'd heard of it, but I was like, are you gonna do it?

Because it was like, I wanted to push myself once again, and it was kind of artistic. So I was like, all right, paint myself gold.

Let's try it literally in a studio. So as a husband, you're standing there and this team is painting your wife gold, and she's naked, and then she's covered up in gold. Like, she looks like she's wearing clothes, and then they're taking all these Pictures. You should've felt like superhero. And then they asked me if I want to be in the picture. And I will tell you, I was not confident.

You look cute.

I look cute. But I was not confident to take my shirt off and be like, it's fucking right. Turn the cameras on. Let's go. Now. I got there, and I set up a proposition for you. I said, why don't we get a couple?

I was not gonna do photos.

Full boot. I was already done.

The fitness shoot.

Bourdois photo shoot.

It's not full nude. It's, like, shadowy.

It's full nude, but it's not, like, full nude like, out in the middle of the streets. It's, like, shadowy in studio.

I don't know how it works. I just know.

I know how it works.

It's shadowy.

It's shadowy and naked.

I told them I want to keep it classy and artistic.

Classy. And it's for us. And the thing is crazy. I heard about guys doing this in challenges. So, like, one of the things in Warrior is guys create these challenges every year. And I have fitness guys in the fitness industry who have gotten fully nude bourdois photos with their spouse.

Yeah.

Before. And I was thinking to myself, dude, that's kind of intense. My wife will look hot. But I'm like, geez, I don't know about me. Not kind of hairy. I don't. I'm not really fucking tan. I'm kind of white. Like, how does that work out? Et cetera.

So I'm sprayed a Tanya baby.

Well, I want to spray tan. Shave this body down is what I'm gonna do. Get myself ready for this naked photo shoot.

I'm so proud of you.

I started taking a picture of myself naked in the bathroom just to get ready. Oh, my gosh. There he is.

I actually have to go. I have. I have an appointment.

Oh, you're gorgeous. Well, listen, we'll wrap up this show, and here's what I would tell you. I love you. I'm excited to go take naked photos with you, and I'm excited to watch you on stage and do your thing. And we have. We have had a. A great. A great run in 2022. Like, it's probably our most successful year in history.

We smashed it this year.

Smashed.

And you know what? Because we smashed, I'm like, next year's gonna be bigger, but I'm done having kids, so that's great.

That's amazing. Got snipped this year. You're done having kids? I'm shooting blanks everywhere around the room. I want to shoot them.

Yeah, yeah.

Your mind went right to one place.

I got dark. I gotta go.

You're like, I'm not even carb depleted, but I'm not protein depleted.

That goes too far.

All right, so we're gonna wrap this show up. Don't ditch you.

I'm just gonna leave this side door. Sally.

This is a side door. Sally is out of the building. That brings a wrap up to this. Listen, if you want to follow more with Danielle, you can check her out at DKW Styling. You can follow on Instagram at Danielle K. White or myself. My wife's literally left the show. She's like out the door. She disappeared. That's what happens when you're carb depleted. You can't even think straight. You just disappear from the studio. You also Follow more Wakeup Warrior.com if you're a man looking for training and specific around the game we play here called having it all and being free as a man today. Well, guess what? We're not going to teach you how to get fat there, but you can learn how to get fit there and learn how to weaponize your body and the rest of your life. Head on over to wakeupwarrior. Com. My friends, thank you for being here. This is the date your wife podcast and our episode is coming to a completion in three. In two, in one a Sayonara.