Life Transitions | Date Your Wife | EP 074

Hey, everybody, it's your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake up Warrior. And I'm here on the date your wife podcast with my lovely co host, my pregnant hostess with the mostess. And we got some update. We had some go down this week with the whole pregnancy. I'm gonna hand it over to the queen, give her a little update on the pregnancy thing. We're sitting out on our deck because our new podcast studio is still not ready to go. So we're sitting right here looking at the sunset, looking at the surfers surfing, and we're looking at my wife and her compression pants. Her nice pregnant compression pants. Talk to us about. Give us a little update on the pregnancy. We had a little interesting episode this week.

Do you want to talk about it?

Yeah.

All right. So I am about 33 weeks almost about now, so. So seven weeks left, and my. I've been working at my salon. I own a salon in California in Laguna beach called DKW Styling. And I've been working. I was planning on working literally, to, like, three weeks before I'm due. Because if you've been pregnant ladies, you know, like, the whole nesting. The whole nesting phase is bullshit. Just kidding. It's not really. I mean, it's good, but honestly, like, you're kind of uncomfortable, and it's just. It's best to do something that kind of takes your mind off it. So I had still been working behind the chair at my salon only two days a week. Like, shorter hours and that kind of thing, but not because I had to, but because I love what I do. Anyway, I. My legs were bugging me. Like, I started to get these veins, but they weren't just veins. Like, it looked like my legs were, like, bruising. And I'm like, what the hell? So I told my doctor, like, probably four or five weeks ago, and he's like, oh, it's just, you know, varicose veins. It's totally normal when you're pregnant. And I'm like, okay. But I. I mean, they're kind of painful, but I'm like the type of personality that's just like, I don't want to complain. I don't want to be a worse. It's fine. I just suck it up. So then I woke up this week one morning, and I'm like, God, I can not walk. I still went into work, and they're like, why are you limping? And I'm like, it's fine. I just have some veins on the back of my leg. And I pull my dress up and they were like, oh my God. And I was like, don't freak me out. And everyone's like, you need to, you need to go get that checked out. And I'm like, it's just veins. They're like, no, because it looked like a massive bruise on the back of knee. And they're like that, no, that's not normal. And they were like, you need to leave right now. And I was like, no, I got a whole day, I'm fine. So I finished out the day and then I called my doctor and it's not funny. I just was, I. It wasn't hurting enough to where I was like, oh, I need to get it checked out. But I go, I call my doctor and he's like, well, you know, if you're worried about it, why don't you go get it? They can do an X ray on your leg, make sure there's no, no blood clotting and that kind of thing. So I went in to have the X rays done. Turns out I do have a blood clot. It's called a dvt. So what causes that is sitting or standing for in one place for long periods of time. So I was like, okay, so maybe I shouldn't be doing hair anymore. So anyways, I stopped working a little bit earlier than anticipated and just trying to take it easy, but mentally it's a little bit torturing.

Is that a little rough?

I don't know. I just am so used to being busy and I enjoy what I do and it just passes the time better. So I've got these awesome compression socks on. I was joking around yesterday. I'm like, literally I have to take 2 shots a day for DVT just to thin my blood and make sure I, you know, I don't. It doesn't pass to the lungs and that kind of thing, so it's serious. But I'm, I mean, I googled it for a good solid afternoon and and was like, I gotta not. I gotta get off Google. So then anyway, my highlight of my, my day is just getting to Target or something. Yesterday I went to CVS and I'm literally standing there in line with a bunch of 80 year olds just chatting away, waiting for my prescription while looking for compression socks. I was like, oh, fuck, this advanced maternal age is a real thing. And then I said bye to Judy and we hugged and I got my meds and went on my way. So that's where I'm at in life, just trying to be positive and not freak myself out.

But yeah, So I was. I was part of this entire process, and we're not going to spend our whole time on this. I want to give you an update. And it was. It was fun to watch her be a trooper. And what's also been fun is to watch me turn into a doctor. Who would have known? Who would have known? I'm giving my first shot ever in my life, and I'm giving it to my wife right in her Botox. And we did great, the first couple. The first one I did awesome. The second one I didn't do so great. I wasn't ready. I think we went into the muscle instead of the fat tissue. And then the. The last, like, four or five have been fantastic. So I've got. I've gotten my. I got my rhythm down. So, you know, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. So I am qualified as a doctor to. To do some of the amazing stuff that I'm getting to do when it comes to giving my wife shots.

Needles. But I told. I. I hate. I honestly don't love needles. But funny story, if you. You can hear in one of our podcasts, like, way back. Not way back, but, like, probably like three or four months ago, our second child, Garrett, literally passed out when they were giving me the epidural. Like, needle went in, he fell to the floor. Trays went flying. Like, it was. It. We. I was like, come on, babe. And then I've had, like, a couple surgeries in my life, and literally, Garrett's almost, like, puked when he saw, like, the IV after surgery. I'm like. And he's like, I'll do your shots. I'm like, I have little faith for good reason. And I can. I don't love needles, but I was like, I can do it. It's fine. I'd almost prefer to give a needle to somebody else than myself. It's almost weird on yourself. You're like, oh. But anyway, so that's the update on the baby, and Garrett's giving me the shots, even though I'm like, I can do it. He's being a trooper with me and helping me out.

So our topic. Our topic is going to be a couple. A couple things. What we're going to look at is. Is a topic called transition time. Time is on my side. Yes, it is. So we're going to talk about transition time. Right now. I feel like we're in a giant transition. A giant transition. The transition could be known as a holding pattern, as you just declared it. The holding pattern is interesting. We Have a baby coming. There's no big summer trips because we're having a baby. The trip is to the Mission Hospital here in Orange county to have a baby. So that was our big summer trip this summer.

Europe last year.

Europe was awesome. Last year we went for like 10 days with the kids. No Europe happening. But we do have incredible amounts of baby things around the house. But here's the thing we're going to speak of is transition. So we're going to come to Danielle with. With her thoughts on how do you. How do you maintain when you're in a marital situation? Right? So you've got. We're married, we got the kids, we have another kid coming. We got the companies, we got the businesses, we got still shit still going. Things are still moving forward, things are still happening. How do you settle in mentally during the transition? Here it comes.

Well, I got to be honest, it's so funny. Like, literally as I'm. We went to the emergency room to. Once they found out I had a blood clot, my doctor was like, I need you to go to the emergency room. They're going to give you a shot right now. Like, we need to get this taken care of. So we're sitting in the emergency room and I'm, like, sitting there, like, talking to my team members, and I'm like, are arguing about. We have this convention coming up, and I'm arguing about, like, how much product and this and that. And then they're like, where are you? I'm like, I'm in the er. And they're like, what the fuck are you. Let go. And I was like, God, no, no. And it's so funny because my lead trainer, Ani, she's like a control freak a little bit. And I laugh at her because I'm like, I'm a lot like you. You need to. You need to reel it in. You need to let it go. And so I think there's like, there's this point, especially when your health is involved, where you're like, shit. It, like, puts perspective on things of, like, what am I missing? Like, I. I need to slow down. And in doing so, like, my it. Well, speaking for me and my teams, they were all like, don't stress about this. We got this. Because I hold everybody, I hold myself and others that work for me to such a high standard that I. They almost think I'm crazy, but that's okay. So they were like, I kind of just had to, like, let go for a moment and had a. Had a little emotional moment. And then I was like, all right, you guys are going to take care of it for me. And thus far that I feel like they're kind of stepping up. So I'm super proud of my teams, and I think sometimes in life we have to understand that people may not always do it like you, but we have to give them the opportunity to rise. And in doing so, you. You learn a lot.

So that's kind of a transition. Which means what I'm hearing is in a transition, you still do what you can do, right? Like, I, like, let's be straight about this. Like, I'm in a transition. I'm in a transition. You're in a transition. Your body's going through changes because you have a giant baby in you. That's five pounds. Could be nine pounds baby, according to the projections. Could be a nine pounds baby coming out of a five foot three woman. That's a big baby coming out of a small lady. Let's have my daughter give her opinion on this. Come here, Bailey. Come here. You walked in on the date your wife podcast. Give us your thoughts on mom having a 9lb baby.

She's a small lady to be having a big baby, but this baby's gonna be a really cute, chubby, fat baby.

But she's.

If she's tall, taller than me, that's gonna be really annoying.

It's gonna be great.

If she's gonna be a short, chubby baby, I wish her luck.

Okay, so what's the observation? What's the observation from the outside as our daughter watching me and mom go through the transition? This is our topic of our show today. The transition is going from. Hey, me and mom are going out. We're having a great time to. Okay, it's baby time. Date nights change. Life changes a little bit. What's it like for you in the transition with mom being pregnant?

I'm really good with babies, but I already know that, like, it's kind of.

Just going to be.

Main focus is on the baby and Ruby's going to have a tantrum about that, and it already is.

So do you already see Ruby having a hard time with the transition in the new baby?

Yeah. And you can also tell she's the favorite.

So she's the favorite.

Ruby.

Ruby's the favorite.

I love the favorite.

Okay, listen. No, here's a speech because Bailey can. Bailey's gonna give the speech and then mom's gonna reprimand her for it. Give us a speech about what you think's gonna happen with Isla.

Are you ready?

Here?

I'll tell you why she's the favorite. She's a hair brand named after her. She got her own room made for her with cool, like, new wallpaper, new everything, new cart, like, new bedding or obviously a bedding, but, like, new chandeliers, paint, wallpaper. She got Christian Louis Vuittons from someone and then. And got all these new, expensive stuff for her.

Do you think that. Do you think Isla will be raised differently than you?

Oh, hell yeah.

Whatever. Look at you. You spoiled. Oh, you're kidding me.

Telling me. No, listen, When Bailey was born, she was my first, and she, you know, you were so spoiled. Literally, I had. When you were born, we were financially doing pretty good, and I literally bought top of the line everything for you. And I don't know if you ladies remember Juicy Couture. My little newborn was, like, rocking Juicy bum sweats every day. Like, she had a new pair. She had three outfits a day. Remember the bedazzled binkies? Like, you don't remember any of this, but, like, yeah, like, no, that's the fun part of, like, especially with a girl. And having a baby is just like. I don't know. I think you go more out when they're newborns. You're like, oh, my God. And to be honest with you, I feel like I've gone out every house we've lived in for you with your room decorations and all that. And so I don't. I mean, I can be sensitive to your fact that your Gucci shoes don't fit you anymore, but.

All right, so we're gonna continue with the show. Here's the topic, though. The topic is transitions. We're doing transitions. And my dog's breath smells like, so transition. Okay, so we're in a transition, and one of the. One of the tough transitions. Again, I know I bring this up, like, every week is just reality. So I have a couple. A couple young guys work on my team, and one of them is married. Two of them have women who are pregnant and their girl. One's a fiance, another one's a wife. And we were having to talk about this, like, the transition. And again, I know I've come back to this over and over again, but I swear to God, there's no manual for how to deal with the transition as a man when your wife is pregnant now, because the minute you start talking about this, it's like, immediately you're thrown into the blender of. You're a. So, no, I'm not. I'm just. I'm addressing the transition. So here's. Here's what I shared with one of the young guys whose sex drive is extremely high, and he's in his 20s and they've been married for a little bit. And I'm like, bro, listen, here's it. And he's like, why am I not getting laid? I was like, dude, you are. You are not getting laid because your wife is pregnant. Like, deeply pregnant. Like, having a baby short time asap. Like, you need to do the following. You got to do the opposite. What I did in the first three babies. No, he just was like, man, you know, it's just, like, really hard. Like, the sex game is, like, completely, like, gone away. And I'm like, I don't know how to do all this.

And on the flip side, like, I know a lot of men, like, especially when you get to the point of pregnancy where I'm at, they're like, oh, no. Like, even my friend Katie, she texted me today and she's like, my husband turned me down for sex. And she's like, do any day. And I was like, oh, my God, this may be team. I know it's not really, but with both of our girls, like, I was overdue about three or four days. And I'm like, I'm sorry, hon, you have to put one in for the team. And we had sex. And within, like, two hours, I went into labor. So I think there's a lot of truth in that. But it's so funny, I think towards the end, like, even the guys are like, they're so sympathetic, but they're, like, horny probably. Like, they just. They don't really, like, they're kind of like, I feel so bad having sex with you, but I don't know. And the girls are even, like, looking at you like, I don't want to have sex with you if you feel bad having sex with me, like, for the first time. I think the roles are reversed in the fact that I'm sure that women in some cases are like, I like, when you're not pregnant, women are like, I don't want to have sex with you. And then that's probably how guys feel about pity sex. They're probably like, actually, I don't know. I think guys are still like, I don't care. I'll take one.

Well, we'll come to the reality. The reality is you just get to a point where you're like, okay, cool. Well, sex is definitely going to be. And I listen the. The seven, eight month window. The seven, eight month window, nine month window. Like, the last like, cup. Two months. Like, we're in the last seven weeks. It's kind of crazy because, you know, there's a giant baby in there. So it's like, it's a little different. It's a little. It's a little. I mean, you're not getting a little mobile, agile. Like any moves that were available are now gone. And it's just different. Like there's a big five pound baby in there. So it's like, you know, I was talking to my friends like they had their baby like two years ago. That's what I said. I was like, bro, what's going on, man? Was the last time you had sex? He's like, like a month ago. I was like, wait a second, like a month ago? He's like, oh, yeah. He's like, how many more months until your wife is doing. He said like two and a half months. He's like, what's the deal? I was like, oh, no, no, dude. I don't go in during the three month window. It's completely against the code. He's like, what I'm gonna do? I'm cause damage to my child. I'm gonna like, hit her face. And with like my. My penis. I was like, no, I can't do it, dude. It's like it. Mind me. I just. I'm just let her be. I cuddle her, I give her some massages, but I'm done.

There's not a guy on the planet that is long enough to poke his baby in the head. So if you.

I beg to differ. There is. No, I'll bet there is. All right. It's not me. We know. That's not a problem. But anyways. All right. So the other part of the transition, though. The other part, I did put myself under the bus. The other part of the transition, though, is just transitioning phases of life, right? So when Bailey came in here and we talked about she was born when we had money and we had our business are going well. And then Ruby was born when we. And we didn't have a ton of money. Okay, hold on. Let me finish. I know, but let me finish. I'm not saying that you didn't paint a room and you didn't make things nice. I know, I know. Your mommy's. I know, I know. Just chill though. Let me just. To give it. So you've got these transitionary moments, though, of up and down and up and down. You have seasons of one thing and seasons of another, and things are constantly evolving and changing as a couple. And you've got to be okay with the fact that they're changing. And I was not okay with the fact that they were changing for the first, like, 10 years. 10, 12 years. Been married 17 years. Like, I was like, it was very difficult for me. Things had changed. I'm like, what the. This was going so well for like two months now. It's going where it's going right now. I don't understand.

With this transition, I actually think will be a lot different parents. I mean, I had kids young. I was in my 20s, and I. I literally think when you're younger, you're kind of like, with. You're used to having your space and time with your partner, and then all of a sudden you have kids and they're toddlers and you're like, oh, my God. And I think that we'll be different now. I think we're a little more relaxed now. And it's. You can handle the. And we, we have. We can afford help more. And we're just in a different place in life. And I've heard this from, like, a ton of different people. They're like, you know, because I have an eight year gap, and they're like, you guys are gonna be different because you're in a different place in life and it won't seem as chaotic, you know, I mean, Garrett's sister, we were just talking to his mom today, and she has three little kids and she's losing her mind. And I get it. Like, when you're in your 20s and you have three kids under the age of five, like, that's gonna do a number on your relationship. And so. And I think it. There comes a lot of guilt for young moms, like, they don't want to hire help and all this weird stuff regardless if they have money or not. And then something happens as you get a little older where you're like, okay, I'm gonna be smarter this time. I'd like to enjoy my kids and keep my sanity, so I'm gonna be with them, but I'm also gonna allow help to come in and help me transition through this period of my life. And that doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It means you're a human and you need your space as well.

So one of the conversations has come up recently based on the Kim Kardashian game, was this idea of surrogacy. Surrogate mothers and do surrogacy. But this. This was a topic that came up, like, Danielle was like, talking about this, and she would be down with surrogacy. And I was talking with another gentleman that I know, a client of ours here recently, and he and his wife have had two surrogate children and they had their first original. It took them like seven years with all kinds of fertilization clinics and everything. They gone to and 200 plus shots with these giant gauge needles he had to give her every day right in the belly and like all these things. And then they went to surrogacy. So you actually, you actually support this idea of surrogacy, which is having somebody else carry my sperm, your egg, and actually bring the baby to term. And I, I didn't know this was a legit thing. You'd actually seen this on Keeping up with the Kardashians with Bailey.

Well, I just, honestly, I kind of this. So up until about 25 weeks, I was literally like, man, this pregnancy thing is easy. Like, I'm 36. And so like when you're 35, you're advanced maternal age. And I was like, I was in better shape now than I am in my 20s. Like, whatever. This is great, you know, and then just like, even this last week, just like I hit like 30 weeks and I'm like, oh my God, this hurts. Everything hurts. And it's just, it's like not cute or fun anymore. And then I had a little bit of a scare with the DVT and I was like, God, I don't know. Like, all these thoughts are going through my head and I'm like, I don't know if I would do this again. Like, I just like, I get it. Like, literally, I remember like seeing the Kardashians thinking, like, oh, God, she just wants to like, protect your body and this and that. And then I was like, if you have a high risk pregnancy and you already have kids, like, you get to this point where you're like, it's not worth it. So I think I could do another kid. I just, I don't know if I'd want to do another pregnancy, if I'm being honest.

So I talked with. Talk with my friend about this. Literally two days ago, we were sitting at lunch and they've had two last two children were surrogates. And I, and I asked him about it. I was like, how do you feel about this? Like, what it was like. And he walked me down the path and he got very emotional and he was talking about the emotional moment and, and one of would like just talking about the experience of what it was like being in delivery with the husband of the Surrogate and him and his wife. And then the baby comes straight out and the baby goes straight to the, the mom and dad who, Whose baby it is. And the surrogate, like, that's it. Like, it's like, it's, it's. And why the surrogates do it. Like, it was a very intense, it was a very spiritually intense topic. Listening to him in that situation was like, you know, we wanted to have more children. We'd like, we spent seven years and damn near killed my wife trying to have a baby, like, and it was the roughest, hardest six, seven years ever. So we just figured we were done with one. And then surrogacy has came up as an opportunity, as an option. And in that. And so I was talking because you had mentioned it like a couple weeks ago, like, oh, yeah, I would do a surrogate. And I was like, I never even considered even once.

There's this like, holier than thou. Like, you're like, oh, God, why would you do a surrogate until you're like, in a situation where you're like, yeah, like when you. I'm. And you had. I don't know who this client or whoever it is, but you'd communicated to me that the wife, you know, they're doing shots in the belly for like five, six years for the hormones and all that. And I'm like, people have no idea what women go through just to have a child. And so even the idea of having a surrogate, I think there's a lot of emotional guilt. Like, you feel bad, but at the same time you're like, my body, it's not, it's not working.

So transitions.

Transitions.

Okay, transitions. The message we're going to finalize on this podcast with today is just like, you're going to go through transitions. Right now we're in a big ass transition. And I just, I look at the fruit of what this time gives us. It's giving us an opportunity to slow down. It's also giving us an opportunity to look at things from a different angle. It's giving me an opportunity to stabilize who I am as a person again at another level. It's giving us as a couple an opportunity to connect in ways that we maybe wouldn't normally connect. And it's giving our family a chance to just have a different focus. Even last night, Bailey cleaned the whole kitchen, put a little love note down and said it was all. She did it because of you. She was feeling sad because of you, because your shots and you're tired and I was Just giving her a shot downstairs and. And Bailey went to town. So the transition is a blessing. The transition can also be a curse depending upon where your focus is. Do you have a focus on a vision beyond the transition? That's all. Do you have a focus on a vision beyond the transition? And inside of this, you're going to open up to all kinds of conversations. We would have never talked about surrogacy like, a year ago. Here we are, like, eight months pregnant, and we're talking about the possibilities of surrogate for another parent, another child. Like, who knows what opens up for you except for the fact that there's a couple. If you don't stay open in the transition, you're never going to see the window to the next play. And it's very easy to close it down and very easy to want to go back to the way things were. Well, man, I can't wait to go back to the way things are. Well, in our case, there's no going back to the way things are. Because once this thing's over here in the next six, seven weeks, there's a baby in our arms. And for the rest of my life, I'm going to have this child. The rest of my life, my wife's going to have this child. We're going to have a third daughter together, and we're going to be in this new game, which is called a parent, me fourth time, her third time. Like, it's like we're going to have another child in the game, and that's a permanent game, and the transition's permanent. So as you sit back and you kind of consider on your date night this week, consider what transition you guys are in. Last summer, we were in a different transition. We are this summer. Last summer, my wife was, like, getting all of her party bug out and running and streaking naked down the streets with her girlfriends. And now this year, she's pregnant. And we're going from streaking parties and trips to Europe to pregnant with shots in the ass and little stockings to keep your compression on. Waiting in line with Judy.

A good time to compression size.

All right, my friends, that's all I got for you this week. We're out. We're heading out on our official date night for tonight. We'll see how long my wife can last. We'll get to some dinner and then go see a movie. Hope you guys have a great one. We'll see you guys next week.