Love, Faith, and Intimacy: Dr. Matt and Mikala Hubbard on Strengthening Marriages

When we first were married, he would get mad at me because I was late for church. When I met him, though, he was partying. So let's talk about the double standard.

This was in contradiction to my own narrative. I'm speaking prophetically over my wife telling her she doesn't want these things while at the same time dying in myself over not getting them. And I'm the fucking problem the whole.

Time, and my marriage sucks. I wanted to spice it up. And guess what? For the first 30 days, she was still ice cold.

Our sex life is like the fruit of the intentionality in our marriage. And so it's not just like, oh, we feel like having sex. It's like all the. All the right things are there to create that environment for us.

Well, my friends, welcome to another episode here of the date your wife podcast, where we bring ourselves and other powerful couples to have conversations that you want to have, but you are scared to have and encourage you to move forward in a powerful way in unifying you and your spouse in a powerful way with your kids and your family. The only way we're going to take back this country and take back the lives that we really want is for families to become tight again. And that requires couples to actually communicate, have sex, and be on the same page. So we have a special guest couple today, and I can say the following. There are two people who I would claim are my pastors. He met. You may not even know I claim this, and it's kind of a weird claim because it's like kind of on the outside skirts. It's like, bro, you kind of have to, like, go to his church to actually be. Probably have him be your pastor. But I had such an amazing experience getting to spend time with hundreds of his men at an event he had at his house. It was unlike anything I had experienced before. I get invited down, I show up, and there are just the manliest, coolest dudes ever. We're rolling cigars, we're drinking whiskey. There is all kinds of fun talk happening. And I was introduced to speaking in tongues. That was new for me, and that catapulted just a soul connection with Dr. Hubbard and his beautiful wife, who we got to spend time with, and of which I told my children they could come to the water slides. We have not gone to the water slides. I've heard about this day since I've gotten back.

Well, water slides.

I know it. Tell us about the water slides first.

Oh.

So how did these water slides happen?

How many feet?

Sign a sign. A waiver for all kids now that come because we've had too many. Not concussions, but it's mostly older dudes that want to show that they're the man. And I just had a pastor come over. He goes, watch this. And all us guys are down by the pool. And he Superman's this 60 foot concrete slide. And he's not a lightweight. And he just didn't realize there was.

A corner which was newly slicked new.

Yeah. And so he literally all we heard, we were down by the pool going, oh, let's see this. And we're cheering because it's way up in the air. Sends it full send. And then we heard his head. He went up like this. His head sounded like a watermelon. Knocked himself out cold. And what woke him up is when he hit the water. And we're thinking, oh, my God.

And you're thinking, do you pray for him or adjust him?

Is there slide in your backyard?

Yes.

Oh, well, it's massive. Did you guys build it?

No. So we miracle house for us. And we love the house until we walked in the backyard and this guy designed a pool. It's 120,000 gallons. If you know anything about mass. I wouldn't have known before, but now I know because it costs a lot of money if you accidentally drain it.

Which we also know.

When there's 17 pumps and motors and you turn one valve experiment. I wasn't experimenting. I was trying to get more efficient. Has a lazy river.

River with j mass.

Throws you around this.

And we. We're g. We. When we bought the house, we weren't given instructions on anything really. And so he's over here trying to figure. Figure it all out like this.

And that's how you learn.

Drain the whole pool.

No, thank God. I didn't drain the whole pool, but drained it to the tune of $5,000. And then I thought I hit the right valve and filled it up. And the next day it drained again. Another 5,000. So that was a $10,000 pool draining experience that I learned real quick. And I actually got on yout. I'm pretty much a master. I know more about pools now than most pool guys.

He does. He teaches our pool guy how to do.

I literally at this point should own. If I had time, I would own my mask.

Could be a pastor, a chiropractor, and pool guy.

Yeah, I'd be a pool guy.

You're just really.

You could be my pool boy.

Oh, you are. That leads us right into our top.

If I looked as rip as Garrett, I Would be your pool guy. Oh, you would? I would wear that outfit.

What is the outfit?

The outfit is no outfit.

If my real pool guy wore any kind of outfit, I'd be like, okay.

So talk to me. You two are pastors. Okay, so how. How did. We're going to back in from this direction. How. How did this become. Think like you actually decide because it's not like that's the only thing you're doing. So I have pastors who. That's all they do. They're pastoring. That's what they do. But you also run a chiropractic clinic. You guys are investors. You do all kinds of things in entrepreneurism. Plus, you took this on. So coming from the beautiful female perspective, how did, how did you back into the pastoral game?

Almost every day I wake up and ask how this happened.

Yeah.

But it's amazing because it was obviously God's plan. So when we first started going to our church, I wasn't even saved. And he.

I met her on the way to Vegas on a Southwest flight, and I literally just made a commitment. You know what? I lived a checkered past. I met an incredible pastor that kind of, you know, redeemed. Church hurt, if you will, redeemed. Growing up in it, going, there's no way. And I just said, I said, man, I probably shouldn't date a while. I got to work some stuff out and sure enough, I'm on a flight to Vegas and I see her. She said, next time, no, but she saved a seat. I said, we were in that in the airport and this is a whole story.

Do you want to hear the whole story?

No, no, we'll do the quick. I don't.

Give us a story.

It's an amazing story, but it is a full story. So how we met, obviously was also God ordained because this doesn't happen like, I'm 22, San Diego State, living my best life, partying. I'm dating a few people. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship, four years, all during college. And I thought this was my moment of freedom. And so I met this guy and yeah, she was.

I was really interested and I wasn't.

Interested at the time.

But did you even notice him when he got on the plane?

Well, we met in the airport and I noticed him because he would not stop walking around. He would not sit still, and he would not stop flipping his hair back. And I was like, why won't that guy sit still? I was sitting there minding my own business, and he will not sit still.

He's trying to get your attention.

He literally. I was like. I was bothered by him before I even talked to him.

Like a lion.

No, here's what happened is the last flight, it was delayed. There were so many people in the San Diego airport. It's. It's small, it's tight. So I was, like, more annoying. And then I heard these group of guys, and they're all chatting about this girl and who was going to go over Me. I'm looking at them going, these guys are such tools. And I was watching them, and I look over to see who they were all talking about. I was like, oh, my gosh. 20. She. No, you weren't even 22. You were 21.

Was I still 21?

You were still 21. Yeah. So I'm nine years older.

Yeah.

I knew what I wanted. And there was. You know, the whole airport was packed. The only seat that was open. The reason why it was open is because, you know, there's always that one seat in the airport that everyone throws their.

They used to read newspapers.

Yeah.

Yeah. So there's a stack of newspapers. I walked over, kicked them off. I sat down next door. I had a GQ magazine. And back in the day. It's weird that I know this, but the cologne back in the day was Issey Miyake. Everyone, every, like, guy was wearing the same cologne. Drove me crazy. So I'm sitting there sniffing all the samples, and I looked at her, and I just finished reading that book, good to great.

Yeah.

And I leaned over to her and I said, hey, can you help me find the next Issey Miyaki?

And I'm sitting there like, oh, my gosh. The guy that was annoying me is now sitting next to me. And then, of course, he tries to talk to me.

And it's successful.

She looks so ticked because the flight was delayed. She was. I'd never seen a flight.

I had a bunch of girlfriends in Vegas waiting for me. A guy that I had been seeing was there waiting for me. So I was, like, ready to get on with this. And then this guy walks in.

Yeah. Yeah. So she's sniffing cologne. She goes, oh, that's okay. That's okay. And she goes, oh, this one's good. And I said, tagline, I should send this guy some money.

This is good games.

This is good. If you settle for good, you'll never be great. You got to find me a great one. And I.

And I'm like, okay, this is interesting.

And I said, here's what's going to happen.

I'm Fascinated.

They're calling our. Our thing up and back in the day it was. Now it's numbers. Yeah, back in the day it was abc.

It was just abc, like the whole group.

She was an A. Yeah. And I said, I said, here's the deal. See those guys over there? They all want your number. So here's what's going to happen. You're an A, I'm a C. You should probably save me a seat and I'll buy you a drink on the way to Vegas and we'll have great conversation. Otherwise, one of those. I did say tool, which was probably inappropriate, but appropriate at the time. So those tools over there going to sit next to you or that real large sweaty person over there, either way, it's not a win for you. Win for you.

He sold me on saving him a seat.

So guess what? I got on.

So I did.

She saved me a seat. I got on and I'm looking at her back on the left and I go, oh, my gosh. She saved me a seat. It's my lucky day. Sat down next to her and then I walked up to the flight attendant. And back then, they didn't take credit cards. It was only cash. I had no cash on me. I walked right up and I said, hey, listen, bro, I just promised this girl a drink. Who knows? It could be the girl I marry. Don't you want to be a part of that story? I said, and we have credit cards. Is there any way you could hook me up around?

Yeah.

And so I want to be a man of my work. So he goes, bro, I got you. This has never happened before. We sat down. The minute we sat down, we hadn't taken off. We hadn't even got our seatbelt on. Two drinks.

Oh, so at this point you are like, well, could we pause real quick in the game? Because we run a program called Paid and Lead Protocol and another program called Mary Game with my best friend Keith Yacki teaching guys. What you're demonstrating like, you are like, this is like elite level game. You have a very hot 21 year old who has no interest in you whatsoever, is being hunted by 19 other lions.

Marry him.

Exactly. The seduction started in the first all of the game of Five. Like, I'm just putting that out there. Gentlemen, if you had even 1/10 of the game of Pastor Albert right now, you'd probably be pastoring a church too. Yeah, the.

The funniest part was, is so then he brought another and another and I was in the middle. I was in business mode. So I was Everything was about building my business time. I didn't drink barely at all. If I did, definitely not on school nights. So now I'm a couple drinks in, feeling even more bold. And by the time we land, this is how dumb it was. This is my only mistake. This is how I knew God had to get in there. I was so overconfident. I never asked for a number.

He gave me his number.

I gave her my number. And she had told me she was there for only her girlfriends.

Yeah, I didn't include the guy part.

Didn't include the guy part. So I had been taking care of them loose at the time for a long time, chiropractically. And from Sacramento, huge Kings fan. So they'd fly me to Vegas. Anyway, so I flew this first time ever. I've never asked anybody. I'm not into star power. I don't like to take advantage of people. But I called, you know, one of them aloofs, and I said, hey, I may have just met my wife. She's in Vegas. Is there any way you could hook me up at Ghost or Rain? They were the hot stuff at Palms at the time. And he goes, I got you. He got me tickets to the boxing fight. I called my other buddy as a chiropractor for all the Cirque shows. He's like, oh, you know what? I got to take care of Celine tonight, and why don't I just get you vip? Let's you get the girl. I'll introduce you guys to Celine Dion. We'll go over the top for you. I'm like, sweet. So I had it all lined up. So that night, she never called me.

I'm living my best life with my girlfriend and my. Whatever the boy was called. I don't even know what he was.

Oh, I know. He was the pilot. Yeah, he was a marine.

He was a fighter pilot, and he was in Vegas training, and he lived in San Diego.

Yeah. So anyway, so the. I was going against Top Gun pretty much, and she never called.

He had no idea.

So I showed up to Celine because my buddy's waiting for me.

Oh, no.

We go back afterwards. I'm in the. The green room. Celine Dion walks in, and my buddy introduced me, and she goes, you came to my show tonight? I said, yeah. By yourself? I said, well, I was supposed to have a girl. She goes, okay. You know, no judgment, but she was looking at me like, why does a straight single dude come to my show? She was pretty much clowny me is what she was doing. And I was like, oh, So I went home on Sunday very humbled. She never called me. And if it wasn't.

And I've been humbling you ever since that day.

Okay, so let's. Okay, so we're on the female side. Talk to us about what? Okay, so he's. He's putting on full court press, gives you his number. Begin your side of the story.

So I have his card in my purse, but I don't honestly think twice after that. And I'm like, just go out three days, Vegas, get home. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I met that chiropractor. I need to tell my mom. Like, so random, because we've always been under chiropractic care as kids. My mom loves chiropractic. It's like one of her best friends was chiropractor. Like, it's. Our whole lifestyle revolved around chiropractic growing up. And she's like. So I call her, tell her. I'm like, oh, yeah, I met this chiropractor. And I didn't. I would. I don't even know why I was telling her. She goes, kayla, you need to call him. I'm like, for what? And she's like, just call him.

Just say hello.

And I'm like, oh, my gosh, Mom. I'm calling him, but I'm doing it only for you.

That's funny.

So fast forward. We met on a Thursday or Friday, and then this is the following Wednesday. So I'm getting ready to go out in Pacific beach, which is college night down on a Wednesday night in Pacific Beach. And I'm going out with my girlfriends. And I find his card, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I told my mom I'd call him. So I pick up the phone and I'm like, he answers. It's Wednesday night, like 7, 8 o', clock, something he's wrapping up at his office. And he answers and he's like, hello. And I'm like, hi, this is that girl you met on the plane to Vegas. And he's like, oh, my gosh, you never called me. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I'm just calling to say hi. Like it was the most strange conversation. And he's like, well, where are you? And I'm like, I'm going out with my girlfriends in Pacific beach right now. And he goes, oh, my gosh, where are you going? Because I'll come down and buy you a drink with all your girlfriends. And I'm like, oh, free drinks. Okay.

Yeah.

Did you guys not live in the same city at the time.

Well, he was like 20 minutes away, so pretty close. Like San Diego. And I was at San Diego. I lived near San Diego State at the time. Time, too. So he just showed up. So he shows up down in Pacific beach, buys us all drinks, we hang out. And I'm like, all right, well.

But I did say this. I got my bearings back, even though she awestruck me on Friday after she wounded me. That first, you know, first set of rejection in a while. So it was good. But I said, hey, for all I know, you could be the devil. So if you want to go on.

A date, this is the night he invited me to church.

Yeah. I said, you could be the devil for all I know. But if you want to go on a date, let's do it Sunday at church. Because I was like, you know what? I'm not going to go back. I'm looking forward. I'm trying to. Like, I'm in. I'm not dating to date. I'm dating to marry. And I don't.

And I'm dating for fun.

She dated for fun. And she goes, okay, I'll come. So she comes to church with me on Sunday. She literally gets saved on the first Sunday she comes. Like, radical encounter.

Yeah. And that. So my mom had just gotten saved as well, probably like a year before that, and my brother right before that. And so they were always in my ear trying to get me to go to church with them. So the seed had already been planted. And then when he invited. Guided me, I was like, okay, sure, I'll go. Because I was already kind of like, that was already starting in me. And I said yes, and I went and gave my life to the Lord that day.

How does it. I don't. This might be a dumb question, but how does. What does it mean when you get saved?

That's a great question. We're so Christians at this point. I'm so glad you brought that up.

Yeah. Because, I mean, I assume everybody knows, but I'm like, you went one time and you got saved. How's that even happen?

Yeah, that's a great question. So really, what the Bible says is there's Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and there's no other way. And so when you give your life to Jesus, it's pretty much just saying, hey, God, come into my heart, Jesus, come into my heart, redeem me. And when you give your heart to him, you're pretty much saved from, you know, damnation, if you will, or you're saved from, you know, if there's an eternal life, there's heaven and hell. There's two choices biblically. And so when you say, oh, I'm saved, it means I invited Jesus in my heart, and he saved me. And they say, when you invite Jesus in your heart, your name is written in the Lamb's book of life. Life, eternal life. And so that word saved becomes such a Christian thing. I'm glad you brought it up. I always say, yeah, well, I hear.

A lot of people, like, I've been saved. I'm like, what does that mean?

You know?

You know?

Or you could say, I became a Jesus follower, or as long as I don't become a Jesus freak, I'm fine.

But is it something that you do? Like, you go to church and you just invite Jesus?

No. You can do it right here. It could be.

It could be anywhere. But for me, that day I went and. Because the seed was already planted, and I was raised with Christian values, just without church. So good morals and, like, be a good person and all that. So I already.

You just forgot them while you're at San Diego?

I had all that you go through.

It's foggy.

Yes. It was foggy for a minute, but I had all that foundation in me. And so at the end of the service, when our pastor gave the altar call, basically presented. Presented. Invited people to respond to inviting Jesus into their heart. It was an instant yes, because the foundation was already there.

What did you feel? Did you feel it? What?

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, absolutely. So. And it. It is amazing because at that time, our church was probably only like, three or four weeks old. We were in a Marriott hotel room. There's probably, like, 30 people. So there wasn't, like, all the bells and whistles.

Yeah, this thing started with you two getting saved. No. One week, one.

Oh, wow.

And this is four weeks later. And I just knew. I. I kind of made this commitment, and I knew what my life looked like before, and I was raised, you know, in a great Christian family, but I never saw fruit. I never saw power. Then I meet this radical pastor from Australia. I literally. Yeah, so I actually was still going to church four weeks later. I know my mom was praying for me like crazy. She was like, please get back to church. So, I mean, she was all in, but she was praying for me because she knew I was so radical over here, and I literally was still. I think of that thing going to church to prove Pastor Jurgen was a fraud. I was literally going because I needed to make sure that this couldn't be Legit. But I was feeling something so radical. But I'd never seen radical. I'd just seen religion. I've just seen. I. At the time, I did not like Christians, and I definitely didn't like pastors. But here I was going. And so when she got saved, pastor was walking towards me, and in my mind, I went to default due to church hurt or due to just upbringing. I go, all crap, crap, here he comes. He's about to tell me, you know, she just got saved. You probably shouldn't date her. I was waiting for the speech because I heard that speech so much. Oh, she's not a Christian. Whatever. And I went to Westmont College, which was a Christian college. And those girls were more wild than probably San Diego State girls. So I was like, you know, my mom, when I graduated, she cried that I didn't meet my wife at, you know, Christian school. And my dad was like, I'm glad you got a degree, son.

Son.

I'm just glad you made it through. You know what I mean? And I'm like, mom, you don't want me to marry one of these girls.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? And so when she got saved, I was waiting for. Here's the speech. He walked up to me and he goes, bro, did you see that? I go, yeah, you about to give me a speech. And he goes, what speech? The speech where you're going to tell me I don't need to date her because she's like, new, and I've been, you know, raised my whole life, and she doesn't know anything about the Bible. She didn't even know, you know, David and Clyde, Noah's heart. She probably doesn't know. I know what you're going to say. We probably need to. And he goes, are you an idiot? I'm like, what? Pastor calls me an idiot. And he goes, if you don't date her, some of these other guys are going to date her, and you're. We're going to have to deal with other issues. And I go, oh, my gosh. Oh, I can date her. And he goes, you better date her. I'm like, what is wrong with me? Yes. So that's where it started.

So I would say I didn't have any, like, preconceived religion or anything in me. So it was really easy when, you know, the gospel was presented. I'm like, yeah, I want that. And I felt total peace.

Peace.

And that's all I can. That's the only way I can explain.

How were you Total peace.

I was Raised, like, Catholic, but not.

Okay. Like, not like Orthodox, but you're recovering.

Easter.

Yeah.

You know, going to church and good values, you know, really good. Good parents with good morals and values.

Right.

Not, like, consistent church.

Right.

But he was raised really, like, really deep Orthodox.

No, not deep or thick. But my. My. On my dad's side, they were very Presbyterian.

Okay.

Which, you know, I always joke around, you know, saying they're the frozen chosen, you know? And then my grandpa on my mom's side was a Baptist preacher, pretty much from the south that went Lutheran, which is like. And. But it was amazing. So my dad's side, you know, it's like, you don't even play cards in his house because that could be darkness, you know? And then my. Over here, we're playing every game there was. So. I was, like, so conflicted. But here's. Here's what I saw. My. My parents genuinely love Jesus, but they grew up with no power, so. Meaning they. They knew. Okay, it's like they knew salvation, but they didn't live the promises of what the word of God says. And so I saw no power. So, yeah, I was actually turned off by Christianity because I saw a lot of judgmental people. I saw a lot of hypocrisy. So I said, nah, it's not for me. I'm just gonna live my life, because, you know what? This is weak sauce Christianity, and I'm not into it. And then after 32 years of marriage, my parents. I saw the pastor didn't get involved, So I was like, oh, that's weird. Say, go to your pastor if you're having some issues. The pastor didn't want to go there. And then. And then they went to a Christian counselor, which was the worst advice I'd ever seen. And so they ended up getting a divorce. And after 32 years, I mean, what are you going to do? And they both. Now, looking back, we're like, what were we doing?

Yeah.

But here's what happened, is they got to see our life. Life, and now they know what power looks like when it comes to authority. Living out the Christian walk, authentically real, you know, you don't get more religious. And so I really. That's why Pastor Jurgen was such a unicorn for me. He wasn't religious. He just walked with this authority. He was living what the word says, but it wasn't judgment. He had lots of grace, and he was walking me through every mess I was in, which was super empowering, which is what the foundation we built our family on.

Right.

You would have to drag, like me to church. And I went out of two things. One, I don't mess with my dad, he was a marine. And my mom, and they don't make them like they used to. She's tough as nails, you know. I come from a lineage of strong women. So it's like, don't mess with my grandma. My great grandma. My great grandma went back to Arkansas, stood over my bed at 6:00am and she goes, no man sleeps in past six. Like, well, I'm not a man. She goes, you are today. I was like, I'm nine. You know, that's the type of, you.

Know, 11 years old. Leave me alone.

So that's how it started.

That's how it started.

But our kids, my whole point with telling you that you'd have to. If we don't take our kids to church, like, we. My kids are tick.

They're mad at us.

They're mad at us.

They love it.

So it's like, it's such an oxymoron in my thinking still. So she only knows this. Yeah, I don't. I had a. You know, I had to get healed up. It probably took six years to heal.

Well. And you know how you heard about speaking in tongues?

You.

You mentioned that. Well, for me that was easy because I didn't have any preconceived religious mindsets or anything. And. But for him, it took him a while because he had these ideas like, this, I shouldn't be doing this.

Yeah.

And you can just like tap in and like listen to what your soul was feeling. And you're like, that makes sense. You know, it just.

Everything just makes.

And like I watched her. Her life change overnight. I'm like, there's no way. We weren't married at the time. I'm going to let my girlfriend get supercharged. So now I'm just trying to get rid of all religion out of my brain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like I've been programmed, right. I'm trying to get this junk out of me. Like, I don't want to be that guy. And every once in a while when I. When I hear my brain, because, you know, you can go faults under stress or whatever, I have to look to her and I go, she's. I call her. Her a pure blood. You know, you're the.

You're the pure untainted.

She's not tainted. So I'll be like, babe, what's my filter? She goes, yep, that's a filter. Or she'll goes, no, that's right. Thinking.

Yeah.

So I lean into her because she has zero religion in her. And for me, I still deep down in there, every once in a while, that little religiosity pops up and you just got to delete it.

I was going to say, like, that goes in every. Like, you could be Mormon, Christian, Buddhist. Like, there's like, the tactical way of doing things, and it. If it's. It might serve some people, and then there's like, the authentic people that are living a certain way. So that happens in, like, every religion. I feel like it's not just Christianity. It's.

It's.

We raised in Mormonism, and I was like. My mom was, like, very hardcore Catholic, and then she met my dad, and then she became very hardcore Mormon.

Wow.

My dad was like a sophomore, and my dad. My mom was just hardcore everything. So she was. She had the double checklist, which was, yeah, I'm Catholic forever, but now I want to be this guy, so I'm going to be Mormon, but I really like Catholics, so we're just going to be Catholic Mormons. So there was this double checklist of, like, this is how you live your life. She grew up in a totally different environment. Can you tell us where your parents even decided to get to be church people at all?

Yeah, my parents actually didn't even join the Mormon religion until I had a brother who passed away. And so this really brought him into being Mormon, brought him closer to God that way. And so I really.

It wasn't just passed away. He had been through all these heart conditions and surgeries for years. Finally, like, seven years of age, he's over at a neighbor's house. He's finally recovered from all these surgeries, like, five years. He's finally healthy. And like, within six months of it getting healthy, he goes to a neighbor's house and gets shot in the chest with a gun and dies. Like, him and another kid were playing with a gun in the neighbor's house. So his. Her parents are just. He's a construction guy. She's a really.

Can't even tell the story without crying.

Like, it's just so heavy and like, so they're clinging to any idea. And the idea that guy sold in Mormonism was, you can be with your family forever. So they're like. Like, whatever that is, we're going to do that.

Yeah.

Because we don't want to ever not be with us.

What's interesting, my mom had had three sons and a daughter, and she thought she was done having kids. And after he passed away, she decided she wanted another baby, which was Me. And she always tells me the story. Like, when I was born, we both had the same sty over our eye. Him, my, me and my brother that died.

Oh.

And so she just, like, always, like, connects us together. And so I understand, like, my mom, how she, like, how she was raised, and even me leaving the Mormon culture, she's like, oh, but I don't know. I don't know if they 100 believe that.

I mean, I was raised like, this is how it is. I mean, it's the weirdest thing to be raised in because you're raised in a superiority complex. You're better than everyone. You're the only one with the truth.

Yeah.

And the wildest part was I could be in this path for so long and never actually have a relationship with Christ, never have a communal relationship with God. But I had a relationship with, like, like, you're up, and here's the checklist, and here's why God hates you. And this is why you're banned forever. And this is why you're not going to get there. And they would do these circle chairs. Like, it was this big thing in the modern culture was like, no empty chairs, which was this whole concept of if you it up, you just up everybody behind you, up everybody in front of you. So everything's like this eternal pressure. If you masturbate, everyone's going to hell. So, like, as a kid, you're just.

Like, whoa, I just did it again.

Everyone's going to hell. We're in trouble.

And she was raised like. I felt like when I would go to church, I never really felt like, you know, the spirit or anything. I didn't really get anything out of it. I remember thinking, like, I'm just going because my parents are making me go. And I don't really feel like I connected to God until I actually left the culture. That it might work for some people, not to say they can't feel the spirit and it does good for them. But for me, I knew from a young age that it wasn't my path path. So for me, it was easy to walk away. When people are like, oh, my God, you left the church. Was that so hard? And I'm like, I never connected to that church.

Yeah.

But I can see how it could be hard to My mom.

Has it caused, like, issues in your family?

In the beginning, when we first did, it was just like, oh, my God, what's wrong with you guys? And all this guilt and shame. And then we were like, peace.

She was way more peace than me. I mean, with Me?

You went on a Mormon mission. And like he, like when we first were married, he would get mad at me because I was late for church.

Church.

And I was like.

But that was that righteous guy.

When I met him though, he was partying.

Time for church. You don't believe in God.

Yeah.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah.

Coming to church. Hi, brother, how are you? My wife for the last 10 minutes, I mean, I just, I didn't know any other way. Like my I. My role models for men were either aggressive drinking athletes or they were buttoned up, drink too much Diet Coke. Like the Mormon guy was taught to like you. The good piece about it is they're all taught like, you better get your figured out now. There's no. For decades. Like you're 19, what are you doing with your life? You're 21, you don't have a career. What's wrong with you?

Yeah.

So like there's a sense of like, you have to go. So I see a ton of dudes that come from Mormon culture that are great as sales entrepreneurs. They're great at door to door solar because they've just learned how to deal with rejection.

But also, yes, the standard is like so high for that culture.

Culture.

Just like I remember seeing like the rock church when I was in Marmot and they were like, it said the quote was like, no religion, all Jesus. And I was like, that can't be.

Oh, wow.

Like I had no, like no concept. Remember walking into a non denominational church the first time and I was like, it's like a rock concert.

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't even know. We're like sitting there in Arizona going, what is this about?

Song be Reverend.

You'd feel like that.

Yeah, but we'll go to an NBA game and lose our mind. And then I'm watching these same dudes that are meant to be. They're emasculated in church. Drove me crazy.

Yeah, well, and that's as we've kind of gone down the path because we really distanced oil for 15 years and our whole, all of our families banned us for like five. We didn't talk to our families and everybody banned us. And our whole network was Mormonism. So everybody we knew in business, everybody that we did life with, all of our friends, everyone, when we left, it was like leprosy. We don't even care if you go bath yourself in the River Jordan seven times. Get out of here. So we just thought like clung to each other. Ended up here in Orange county in this pursuit. But it Wasn't until like three years ago that we really started even. I, if, if, if anyone quoted me a scripture, I was like, got something for you. Go yourself. I want nothing to do with what you're saying. People would quote in my comments on social media. Quote qu. Like, hey, good copy and paste scripture guy. How about you tell me about your man tits. What's wrong with you? Don't talk to me about what you know about God. Your life is a wreck. And then I was seeing thousands of guys come into our programs.

Yeah.

Who were just as like, screwed up as I was from all kinds of different Christian faiths, but they all had this common thing which is like, how do I connect to God through all these scars that I've now been given my whole life? And so most guys just abandoned it. And most women will just follow whatever the guy's. That's why, like a woman's active, goes to church, maybe dude's gonna come, family problem. Go. It'll probably die for whatever reason. When a guy gets into it and goes or choose a path. I get it's influence our whole family.

Yeah. And. And I will tell you that I'm not everybody's cup of tea at our church. You know, it's cuz I come from that and I'm never going back to that. And the truth is I also have this. This crazy bent. I know what it produced in me, like why I rebelled, like why I kind of went. Went. Took a left turn. And the enemy's always trying to. He's looking for everyone's Achilles. Where can I trip up Hubbard? Where can I trip up White? Where can I trip up? He's always. He's. He's been playing this game for thousands of years when we're just this are. You know, we get one and done. You know what I mean? So here I am, you know, watching this, and I look back and said, thank God my mom was praying for me because I was making some dumb decisions. But now I got three kids that I'm. I'm training up. Just train them up in the way they should go. And you know, they're not going to bark from the Lord if I do it the right way. So I take full responsibility now because I know how I was raised. I know where my church hurt. But I'm not going to sit here and be a victim and blame the church or blame my pastor. I'm just going to suck it up and learn from it. But now that I get to shepherd a lot of people, I take it as Serious as a heart attack. Yeah, Like, I don't tolerate fake Christians. I tell people all the time, if you're looking for Christianese, you're going to hear a sermon today and check the box and say you went to church and check in on Facebook that you went to church and you're going to look all holy, but you're living a different life. Don't come to my church.

Well, Pastor Jurgen's three words for our churches. Fresh, real, and powerful. So we take the real part very seriously. And yeah, like he said, not everyone can handle it.

Why do you. Why do you think is in your experience being pastors, like, as you're getting? I mean, we know what it is from our side in our world with the training and coaching and consulting, which in funny, I just literally became a minister. Minister two days ago.

Oh, was your thing expired so you had to review?

I'm official.

Come on, you can marry people.

I'm a minister.

Come on.

You can call me Pastor Garrett J. White if you'd like. I'll wear my tag.

I'm just gonna say it sounds good. But then once you get that pastor thing, it means you're responsible.

Yeah.

And that shepherding, you know, like, we're all going to stand before the Lord one day and if I'm gonna. I don't go around. Matter of fact, I don't even. Funny. Still, I'm very careful who I introduce it because I'm responsible on some level and I take it pretty serious. And so when I marry people, I straight up tell them my signature is going on your thing. Yeah. If you guys are going through it, who. Who's your go to? Do you have accountability? Do you have real couples that you could talk about, real issues? They say no. I said, I'm not signing this until you give me some couples. And the truth is, my name's on this, so you can call me anytime. Yeah.

There's a couple of this couple we're working with. I've worked with them for seven years. Was with him through the divorce course. It was massively painful.

Yeah.

With the rise of his company going public to a billion dollars. Like, I was there vision boarding with him to manifest his queen.

This will be the third couple you married.

Yeah, but this is like, we. We're deep rooted. They were here at our house for like four or five days with their newest baby. Like, so there's for us. I am that guy for him. So that's why they asked me.

I mean, that's awesome.

I miss everybody. Like, hey, we Want you. They actually sat me down and they gave me a box with, like, these black socks that I'm supposed to wear that are like. Like married socks that they. It was a joke, but they're like, hey, they gave me a box. Sucks. What is this?

Like, we.

You have been the most important person in our lives, like, for the past three or four years, and we would love you to marry us.

And I was like, and wear these socks.

And wear the socks.

Come on. Socks.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So this piece, part of what I know you guys are into, you would, like, run a couple workshops and we deal with. We don't run a couple workshops. We just get to deal with a lot of people.

Yeah.

And. But it's never specifically led to a couple workshop. We went to a couple workshop with Ocean Church and we're like, we should.

Do a couple's workshop because we both know how to run events. We just haven't put it put.

But you two are like. And pastor. Like Mark. Pastor Mark and. And Relle are like, amazing. And that was our very first one. Putting on their church is incredible. We love oceans and knowing you and now getting to know you better. These marriage conferences have to be real.

They're so fun.

I mean, real.

You have 450 couples at the conference. You just did.

That's fun. Yeah. Yeah. We have our next one coming up in June. We were just dreaming about it yesterday, actually had some meetings. So it's going to be super epic. But, yeah, I think that's why people.

We push the boundaries.

That's why people are a couple people.

You know, that have some religion that are religious, that come and they're tweaked because they can't believe.

Because our philosophy is fun and holy. Rule number one, love Jesus. Rule number two, have fun. And so we just make it so fun. Like, some people. People can't even believe that they're going to a church marriage retreat and it's that fun. Like, yes, you are allowed to have fun. Like, you're allowed to enjoy your marriage, enjoy your life. And we teach people how to do that. And they're like, oh, okay.

I mean, literally, hotels beg us to come back. And their entire staff, the Esmeralda, literally, they were all started coming to church after that because they could not wrap their head around what just happened. They were in the back. I looked at the back back one time when we had some of our speakers going, and it was like half the hotel staff was just in there watching, watching, like gleaning. We've had tears and then we just did it. La Quinta. And they were like, please come back here next year. I'm like, well, you're gonna have to level up some stuff. But yeah, we want to.

So one of the topics that is a. A topic that no one wants to talk about. We talk about all the time, like, all the time on the show. We talk about it on our events. I talk about all my guys, we talk about all the girls. We now have tons of powerful female trainers now openly speaking about sex. And they're not even recovery. It's just a rebirth as women finding their sexuality, their sensuality.

I think it's such a. It's a, such a big topic when you were lazy, raised in like a really orthodox religion or whatever it is. And it's hush, hush, shame, shame, guilt, guilt. And so then people get married and they're like, oh, this is wrong. I don't know what I'm doing, You know, and there's a lot of, like, hot, hot topics around it.

So how, before we talk about how you address it at the event, what is like the premise on sexuality for you two as a couple? Like, did you start off with something? Was it great when you started and then it got bad, or was it good the whole time? Is it amazing the whole time? Like, everybody goes up and down as we literally asked the guy at the gym, like two days ago, Keith, and this guy came up and started rolling out by us. And we go, hey, question for you. You married?

Yes.

How many times you had sex in the last week?

Just met him and asked him that.

Yeah, just dude stuff. And he's like. And he started telling the story, well, my wife just got pregnant. Well, there's at least one. So you got her pregnant.

Okay.

He's like, yeah, he's like, I got an 18 month old too. And I go, oh, you're in the married with my young baby pocket, dude. How are you doing? He's like, not good. Like, which is what we see in our older guys. The babies come, sex drifts, affairs happen, marriages fall apart. They can't seem to reconnect. And we got guys. 15 years we had guys that's on a worship Christ called yesterday are having sex once every two to three months. Mercy sex. These are dudes that love God. They have no idea how to change it. They don't know what to do. They don't know how to talk about. The women don't know how to talk about it. So how have you two, as a couple been able to address this topic of Sex.

You know, honestly, it's not a. It's not an issue, because we don't make it an issue issue. And I'm. I'm the type of person that looks for people that I respect in different areas. A lot of people look for one person. Like, you could be my business guy. You could be my. I don't. I have my wheel of life, so I have my pastor, who helps me grow spiritually, and he's also in my marriage realm, so I have him set up in two areas. On my wheel of life, I have someone in business. I have someone in every chiropractic. I have all these coaches, if you will.

Yeah.

It's my board of directors. And we have always, since day one, aspired to have two couples that. Man, we want our marriage to look like that. They might suck in business, but their marriage. I. I want that. I got my business coaching. And so we have been so intentional. We went through, you probably heard, a lifebook. I mean, Gary's big. So the butchers were great friends. John and Missy, inspired.

We were painting a vision for our sex life. Way back way.

I mean, those two, like, set the stair. You remember what's a life book in Chicag, Chicago.

Yeah.

Back in 2000.

No, we stayed at their house. I mean, we went into their sex room. Yeah. And he had a Roman through the house.

We started off on the right foot. Like, we got engaged at the sex pad of the century, apparently. So, like, little did I know.

Yeah. John and Missy gave us their downtown. We didn't even know they gave us her downtown.

You guys went on your honeymoon to the sex pattern?

No, didn't go to our honeymoon. We. We.

We got engaged.

We got engaged.

Their sex pad in Chicago. Downtown Chicago.

They didn't call it their sex pad.

No, we did.

I did. I was like, this must be their sex. Enamored, like, with everything.

They were so intentional about all their. All their senses. So when we walked in, we're like, smells so good. And I'm looking at my wife, and.

They had a picture printed of a photo and framed. Printed in the bedroom, like, on the bed or on the nightstand of us. Just to bring, like, a personal. Make it feel personal touch, you know? So everything was, like, over the top.

So they inspired us, and they inspired us.

But also, like, I was the girl chasing him down the road because he wouldn't have sex with me, because I didn't understand, again, no religious background. So I didn't understand the problem with having sex before marriage. And so this was this Was something he had to deal with. And he's like, get me out of here.

And I'm like, she was straight corn dog 22, and I'm trying to be this leader. And. And so this is how funny it is. I mean, just to give context, you're.

Like running away and she's ripping your T shirt. No, no.

We're so literally, I was like, why won't you have sex me? This is how I get everything I want from anything, anybody that I want.

So you already understood the power way.

She knew the power.

You knew the superpower.

Oh, you didn't even tell the story. So my sister in law, she's a hair stylist. And the funny thing is she was graduating beauty school and she wouldn't go out on a second date after church with me until I cut my hair. And back then I was, remember I.

Told you he flipped his hair? He had the hair like down here.

Point break, man.

He thought he was Kean Reeves. He was like doing this all the time.

Put it behind.

My sister needs to cut your hair if we're going to go on another date.

And so I went like this right now. So her sister just graduated cosmetology school, cut my hair in their kitchen. I said, now you're stuck with me. And that, that was a good foundation. But she was so I was trying to be this new version of Matt Hubbard, you know, like, you know what? I want to lead right way. I want to start these principles right? So as hard as this is, I'm going to have to say no to this. And so we were sitting there watching movie, just starting to kiss or whatever, and I'm like, oh, we, I mean, we teach couples the horny scale. Young, You should see how sweaty they are. People start going like this, scale from 1 to 10.

If you're, if you're not married and you're in the same room together and.

You'Re trying to do it. Yeah. If.

If you're wanting to stay faithful till you get married, then if you're on a scale from 1 to 10, horny, after an 8, we said, you can go for it.

No, no. She would tell me.

You're like, so we're trying to stay.

Here until that wedding night. So we're trying to teach these young married couples, like, bro, you're gonna have to learn self control. And some days you're not gonna have it. And some days she's not gonna have it. So, like, if, you know aunt Flo's in town, I know she's A zero, you know? So I don't have to worry about any of that. So. But we were on the couch one day, and all of a sudden, I go, nine. And she goes. She goes, I'll never forget this. She goes, 10. I immediately jumped up. I started running towards the door because I know it's going down.

I took my shoes off and started throwing.

So she goes, get back here. She chased me out. And I had a Range Rover at the time that had really loud exhaust. She had lived in an apartment complex, and I jumped in it. And people would always say, can you drive slow out of here? Because you're waking up, the alarms are going off. I started that thing, and I knew I was about. I could hear my brain. You're. What are you doing? You're running from a woman that wants to have sex with you right now. And I said, oh, my gosh. Get out of here. Get out of here. That's a devil on one ear, little angel on the other. Run. Call your pastor. I literally called Pastor Jurgen. I'm in the car. She's chasing me down her apartment. Literally shoes me, because the shoes. Could you imagine apartment complex screaming, first thing back here, and have sex with me?

The first thing I could grab was shoes.

Yes.

And so I'm in the car. I go, pastor, you're gonna say, how dare you? I said, I never thought I'd call you. You with this as a problem, but my. My girlfriend is chasing me, trying to have sex with me. What do I do? He goes, drive as fast as you can. Get to your house, turn off your phone, and lock your door. Whether she shows up at your house, do not answer. I'm trying to help you get through this. No man can survive this. And he was so real. And so literally the next day, it's like she had calmed down. Yeah, but it was so funny.

Like, so we had already. We had already had sex before this, and then I got saved. And then I was trying to grasp these principles of following Jesus. And so they're still kind of working themselves out, obviously. And then our pastor sat us down, and. Because we were four months away from our wedding day, and they just said, can you guys be faithful for four months? And then God will, on the other side of your faithfulness, totally bless your marriage in this area. And so we decided to do that. So this happened in the middle of those four months. I was trying to be good, but the amazing thing is we were. We fulfilled that commitment. And then on the other side of it, our marriage has been really blessed in that area. And it hasn't been a struggle, but I would say there's been seasons where we've had to be more intentional because kids, you know, and life and stress and all the things that we carry.

But we don't miss date night. We don't miss our coffee break, marriage agenda. These are the things. We have lots of tools.

Our sex life is like the fruit of the intentionality in our marriage. And so it's not just like, oh, we feel like having sex. It's like all the. All the right things are there to create that environment for us between date nights and the things that we do.

All right, you guys, a little bit of an interrupt really quickly. If you are loving this podcast and you're sharing it with your friends, I would encourage you also to check out my education page. I'm Danielle K. White, the creator of natural beaded row hair extensions. So if you're a hair stylist or you're looking to find an artist that offers MBR hair extensions, go ahead and visit. Visit NBR Education.

So we have date night became a thing for us. I mean, it's the name of the show. Date your wife. Right. And we were blown away at the number of couples that don't.

Yeah, they just don't go on a date.

Like, they don't. You're like, when's the last time you went out with your spouse?

The ABCs.

Yeah, do the thing. That's what I always tell guys. Hey, you know the things you did to get the girl, you gotta keep. Just keep doing those things.

Like, actually, Lifebook and doing that program is what taught us that. And we, before we got married, we started that date night every single week. And it's non negotiable. Like, literally our entire church knows that Thursday night is magic. No one even calls us that night.

Everybody knows they don't mess around with Thursday nights.

It's crazy because, like, we got married. I mean, I was 20 or 27, and then we stopped dating. We literally stopped dating, had two kids. And that's when we, like, almost got divorced. I was like, what? What happened? Like, we were so disconnected. And it was back in the. When the market crashed and it was a real, like, eye opener. It was like, I don't even know if I'm connected to you anymore.

We weren't connected.

We weren't. We had babies together and we had a life together, but we literally were like, okay. At the time time we had two kids. And I'm like, okay, well, I have two kids. Now like, we've gotta like, I, I, I say this lightly when women are like, oh, I stayed in the marriage for the kids. But I'm like, yeah, I want him to stay in the marriage for the kids. So I was willing to put in the work, Right. And so for me, I'm like, well, what do we gotta do? And we had no money, we were broke as. And he's like, we're gonna go on date nights. I don't care if we go to Taco Bell and pay the babysitter more than our tacos.

You know, it's not about the money. It's about connection.

Yeah.

And I, I would tell you that the reality of, you know, this line is hurt me, but it is the truth. But our wives are a product of our husbandry.

Of course.

So if you're not happy with your relationship, bro, then you're called to lead better.

Yeah.

And that's a wake up call. And to a lot of guys and to me, I have to lead better. And then so I want to do who inspires me. And everybody goes through season inspiring. Like our buddy Gunderson, man, he went 365 days days. He hired a personal assistant just to help him come up with ideas because he ran out of ideas after day 10 of could he do something sweet for his bride every single day for 365 days. He could be that committed in business. He could be that committed in his, you know, right now, his physical physique. He knew how to be disciplined. But is he realized, man, my marriage sucks. I wanted to spice it up. And guess what? For the first 30 days, she was still ice cold. Yep. It wasn't until the consistency and the consistency to break off some of the guarding that we can do with our heart. Subconsciously and consciously, we guard our heart. And what happens is he finally broke it down and he created all these new habits, came up with all these new ideas. And I was so inspired by that. I'm like, bro, I don't have time to hire a PA just for this or the resources.

Except one tip of advice is don't have your PA by your birthday. Your wife's birthday cards or anniversary cards.

Yeah, I took it to extreme my.

Ish when he did that. I'm like, you better never do that. You're gonna walk your little butt into the stor and you're going to buy it 17 cards and you're going to pick one that says the most cool things about me.

Babe, you didn't know I had to go buy 100 different cards. And then I would pick the ones. I just had inventory.

Now you know why you can't send me flowers.

Well, I. She loves the flowers. And I went into business model with them, same process. And I was like, okay, I'm going to do this flowers a couple times a week. I was going to the flower shop.

Actually pick them up, like, sitting.

After months of this, I looked at the guy that owns it. I. I go, hold up. I got a question for you. It's like, could I just leave my card on file and could you just make up some cool ones for like 200 and just do 2? 2. Could you just deliver them for me to the house? And I don't even come here. You. I trust you guys.

But then I got mad at me. He's like, why are you mad? I'm like, the effort is what I wanted. Like, you had to think about it now. Now you're not thinking about me because they just show up now.

I just messed up one more piece in there. I need the flowers delivered over to the side of the house. House. And a text message sent to me. Flowers are here. And they need to do it on opposite days every through the week.

Okay?

The funny thing is, I still get my flowers. I still get my flowers. But now you just don't get credit for them. I'm like, I'm not gonna turn those flowers down.

Yeah, there you go.

But if you want to go grab extra, extra intentions. But you know, they're always changing their game. The mystery of a woman is just that. They're a mystery.

Our 18 year wedding anniversary just passed last week. Monday.

Monday. Yeah.

On Thursday. And they were pink roses. And then his. One of his employees said, oh, I heard you love pink roses. And I'm like, actually, I like white. I don't know who told you that.

Did you say pink roses?

No, no. I know what she likes. I had all these systems set up. No, I'm not making it up.

I'm not making it up.

I have flowers sent to our. To our dinner place that never showed up.

I know.

So. Because I came back, I was like, okay, someone dropped a ball. Because while we were just in. Where were we?

West Palm Beach.

West Palm Beach. And we had this. Just checking out that town, and we got to go to Mar a Lago for a beautiful wedding. And. And what was crazy is I had it all lined up. Nothing I had lined up, panned out. So I was like, that. That's just.

So you had the first date night all dialed in. She didn't show up. And then you have your 18th anniversary all dialed in, and no one showed up and you two did.

Yeah, we showed up. At least we had a good day.

Still connecting.

But I would say that being intentional these days, you know, it just becomes. It's a new season now we're more intentional about how we're going to set up a legacy for our kids. And you said something. Yeah, of course we're going to stay in it for the kids. What people don't know biblically, it says when there's a fracture in a marriage, it affects three generations of kids. Yeah. And, like, if we really knew what that would look like, people would figure out, like, all right. But we. We set up marriage counseling since our first year of marriage. Every course, quarter.

Yeah.

So once a quarter, just in case, pre booked. And it's amazing. I'll think everything's great. We'll go. And she. It's like she pulls out her phone.

Making a list for three months.

Yeah.

And she goes, yeah, I'd like to discuss it. Mike. You actually take notes. She goes, yeah, I just figured we had this on the books. I get so fired up. And then he goes, this one's probably going to take three sessions. I'm like, fine, next week. I'd like to do it tomorrow. And he goes, no, you need to process. But you know.

You know what else?

Counselor is hilarious. He says when every time we're arguing, he goes, well, your marriage is working, so that's amazing. The standard line in our whole church, someone goes, oh, yeah, we're. You know, we just had this fight. And I go, oh. And they go, I know what you're gonna say. Our marriage is working. I said, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, because you're still in the fight. It's when people stop fighting. This is when, like, affairs happen and they just disconnect.

You gotta.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Well, we started going to. We actually had a pattern for about a year where we go to therapy with our therapist in zoom in the other room in the house, and we would work out for, like, two hours. And then we would come down here and do the podcast right after therapy. Hot off the topic.

Sometimes they were good. Sometimes I didn't feel complete. In the therapy session.

Podcast turned into a giant war zone. Some of our best shows were people just listening to us pretty much.

Well. And, like, fights that were, like, finishing up. And I was like, should we post this? And I was like. And then people. People love it, though. People, like, that was, like, so inspirational.

People want to see Therapy sessions.

People want to see the real stuff.

Yeah.

So how do you get. How do you get real out of your congregation? You're in a. In a marriage retreat. Most people in our experience are very uncomfortable.

Get away.

Excuse me. We go. Get away. A little vacation marriage. Advance marriage. Marriage experience.

Yeah.

Transformative event. All. All of that. Like getting people to be honest in a group about sex and intimacy. Very uncommon. We've even had guests here on the show where no matter what I tried to do, they weren't gonna. They weren't gonna unleash the d. The. The beasts of the truth. So then the mics are all off and cameras are off. And now the truth's being spilled on our front porch around these topics because people are so sensitive about it. We have our way inside a warrior with how we do it in line events. But we typically are all guys and all girls. And so they'll open up differently, but with couples on the room, plus all these other couples in the room.

Room.

Like, what's the science to be able to get them to get real.

Yeah. We do breakout sessions. So what we do, we have main sessions where we're teaching principles and biblical principles about how to get your marriage to flourish. And then we do breakouts both days. And you could pick your topics because. And it's all the hot buttons. We have one on finances. We have one on sexual intimacy. And that's where they do deep dives and then they flop the next day. So we always encourage. Encourage you guys get on the same page. Go to the one you want to. And usually people that are more. We built a culture. Yeah. So there's a lot.

People are going there with a level of trust, already prepared that they're going to need to share and expect breakthrough. So it's. It's a really great environment.

Big. And I always tell people if they've never been to one of our marriage getaways. Let me get you the media card from last year, because I need you to get your heart right. Because either you're going to go and it's going to be a Jacuzzi experience, and you're going to feel good while you're in and you'll come back, nothing changes. Or you can get prepped, you can do the work, and then when you show up, you can have a transformational experience which can shift your dynamic of your whole life and your family's life. That's what you got to have. So we try to set it up in a way real, intentional. Then when we get there People will warm up and go to the finance one, or they'll go to the communication one, or they. But the hot one that everyone loves is sexual intimacy 1. Because here's the truth is they think just because you're. A lot of couples too, that were raised Christian that are trying not to have sex, they're trying to shut down their body for so long and mentally, they get mentally strong, but then the guy can't go mentally turn it back on. So, yeah, you know how to get it up at the end of the day.

Yeah.

So now we're having to tell people, like, don't get so religious about this that you're trying to ruin yourself. And. And so there's so much doctrine, mind control that their sexual life. They feel dirty.

Yeah.

Yes. It's this religion that made them feel dirty. You know, God created secular read, you know, Songs of Solomon. It is sexy. You can't even read it without blushing. So it's like, you got to understand, God designed this to be amazing, but there is a world that perverts it. You know, it's like, even right now, only fans, you know, it's destroying men's lives. And. And they could say, no, I need that. No, here's what you're doing. It's pimping, and it's a digital pimp. And so no one's going to be like, if you were a pimp, you wouldn't have much people respecting you. You know what I mean? Only fans is just digital, you know, pimping. People are getting so messed up, they have an image of what their wife should be. Could be. It's all this, you know, sexualization of it. And in their mind, it's getting twisted and the enemy loves it and he'll try to put fuel on the fire. And then they're like, oh, we. We gotta watch porn together. Well, actually, there's other things you can do. You can. You can do other things and still be creative without trying to defile anybody. There's so much defilement in sexual relationship. That's why shame comes. Comes in guilt. I don't use that word anymore. The same way. Guilt, I would say, should be a conviction of the Holy Spirit. So if you have the Holy Spirit that's supposed to guide you, lead you, and you feel like a little conviction, or if the word is guilt, it's like, hey, warning, warning. But shame. That's when guys, when they come to talk to me, they look down. I'm like, what are you looking down at? Because actually, if you Knew you were made in the image of God. You were meant to be a king and a priest in this world over your family. You wouldn't look down down. You, you'd be looking me in the eye going, don't let shame. Because shame is where the devil now speaking to you that you're not worthy.

Yeah.

That your life sucks, that you weren't meant to do great things. And like the minute they look down, I got to stop them right there. Because that physiology is what destroys their marriage, what destroys their leadership, what destroys their vision for the dream they had. I don't ever let a man look down. I said, you can look me in the eye and then we're going to pray that you find you get your mojo back.

How does that, how does that work from the female?

I would say a lot of women that have issues in this area have undealt with trauma that they haven't dug deep into getting resolve. And so anytime there's any block there, I would. We recommend getting counseling, getting pastoral care, getting deliverance. And a lot of this happens at our marriage getaway too. We open the, the sessions with worship so we have you know, music and that is automatically going to bring an atmosphere of faith in the room. And then whoever's speaking is always holy spirit led. And at the very end we open up the altar for people to come and get prayer. And it gets, people are getting delivered. People are opening up about things that happen to them, things that they did. And a lot of it just comes from not dealing with stuff that, that they did or got themselves into or that was done to them. And that takes a lot of deeper work. And so, you know, know, fortunately we can recommend people back at home to go back and get more pastoral care counseling or things like that. So a lot of things are opened up there and then there's a lot of follow up after that. But for, for the women, they, they have to be, they have to admit reality like what really happened and how they have are operating in that still.

I would say women too, like they do have those blocks. But also if you're not, if you're uncomfortable, it takes reps. So if you're that person that's like no, no, no, no, no. And then all of a sudden you're like woo. Like it just takes a reps, right?

How many, how did you make the shift? I mean, because this was like a, this was a thing that was like a problem for us for a long time.

I, I feel like I was just raised in that shame and Guilt and bad. And bad. And so it was just like, lights off. Like, let's be like. It just felt weird for so long. And then I was like, I don't think it's supposed to feel like this, Right?

Yeah.

And I was like, I don't think this is how it's supposed to go. And so it was just me, like, kind of making that decision.

That's a religious spirit.

Yeah, yeah.

It's. It's more than that. It's. You literally were programmed, Right. A certain way to feel a certain way about how it look. And then it's meant to be freedom. And starts back in the book of Genesis. You look at Adam and Eve, they're walking around naked, living their best life. And then all of a sudden, the minute sin came in and that perversion came in, all of a sudden they got. They got to cover themselves.

Embarrassed.

They were embarrassed. They're like, God didn't create us to be shamed. Like. Yeah, but it's amazing how religion can do that to you. That's how you know when there's a religious spirit about it is because they. There's so much shame around that. That bedroom.

Yeah.

Or it's a trauma. And so in that, you know, churches that don't teach on deliverance or they don't teach on soul ties.

Yeah.

What is deliverance?

And I would say. Oh, yeah, yeah. So.

So deliverance.

You go ahead and explain that.

Mike Connell, I sent you some of the links. He's the number one authority. He's actually in town right now. We brought him to our marriage getaway, and he had us face each other, hold our spouse's hand. And then he led us through just some visualization.

Repentance. So anything that you did that you shouldn't have done, repenting for that. And then what. What was after?

Oh, he was just saying things that you've been holding on to, like secrets that you feel like you can. So he created this moment of trust with one another. And then he broke it down. He said, stuff is going to come up and we're going to deal with it. And I mean, when I say deliverance. So all different ways that we can open up spiritual things. So we are spirits having a physical experience. Okay. And so with that, if you are. Are studying anything about spiritual warfare, there is the devil that hates God. The only way that he can get back and really hurt God is through God's greatest creation. And actually the greatest creation is us humans, male and female. And where it gets tweaky is this he once realized that man wasn't good for man to be alone. So God said, man, I need. I need to help me. I need. Oh, yeah, two are better. Better than one. A three crane sword. If they put me in the middle of it, it's not easily broken. Broken. So he's teaching all these principles of. Of how we do things. And even in Genesis, he's teaching a very important principle that before he gave Eve to Adam, he says, I'm going to watch what you call every animal because what you call them, they become. So it's right in there, in between. So it shows the power of the spoken word. What do we. What we call our wives is what they become. If. If you're calling her a witch or a. Or whatever, that's what she become. You created that. You got to be careful what comes out of her mouth. So he's just saying this is. There's so much power. Power and sanctity there. But traumas and the enemy knows that. All right, that man looks pretty tough spiritually. How do I wound his heart? Well, there's no armor on the side. The only person that has his heart is his spouse. I'm going to go after her. So then she'll afflict pain on him. So he knows all these Canadian ways. So then he knows, oh, how I can really mess up. God's plan is ruined marriage. So he is, full tilt, the enemy. Full tilt. I will destroy marriages. And so he'll play every dirty trick in the world. World. And if he could start with money, if he could start with sex, if he could start with whatever, he'll try to pervert every area to make sure that you don't thrive and your kids don't see something healthy. They need to see brokenness. So then they already know that their life is going to be broken. That's why it repeats. And it's a cycle. And so that's why if we took this more serious than we do our business as men, because we just think we got to be protectors and providers. If we took this one thing. Thing, this unit, the most important sacred trust that God could give us, that is the most dear to his heart and perfect this, it will affect three generations. And our kids will thrive. And they'll. They'll feel that protection and that providership in that. What that marriage looks like. But it's amazing. So it's the number one thing the devil goes after. And so to you guys, to become honed in on helping as many couples as possible is what it takes. Deliverance is just a key. And when you pray for people, people, since we're spirits, you can open a door. The Bible talks about you got to be careful what spiritual doors you open. So people that are getting into, well, let's go. Let's go to a palm reader to see how our marriage is going to turn around. It's not sane. You've now going to let a demonic force come in your life. But it's just an open door right now. Letting it open door. Ouija board, open door, Tarot cards, open door. There's so many different religious things that just can open doors. The minute you open the door door, something can have access. And when you allow the enemy to have traumas, this is why she was saying so many women have sexual traumas. If they don't deal with that trauma, that's a door left open. And the enemy can come in, create a soul tie with you, and then starts. You start having dark thoughts, and that's not you. We weren't programmed for dark thoughts. Dark thoughts is a demonic spirit of oppression. You can go to certain areas, and I'm very sensitive to this. So you can go to certain parts of town and you. Or you can go to someone's home and you can feel like a darkness or a presence because you're like, oh, you could sense it. I just start praying in tongues. I've had people manifest. You know, Pastor Jurgen used to say, hey, you want to. You want to build your inner spiritual man? Start praying in tongues. You need to do it every day for 10 minutes. And then if you want to test you're getting any power, go downtown. And we go downtown. I'm like, what's going to go downtown? He goes, you just start praying. And you'll see homeless people start man manifesting because they've. They've kind of had some trauma. That's why they're homeless. Whatever reason, don't judge it. But start praying. You'll see which ones are demonically oppressed or, you know, have it demonic, even full embodiment of what that is. And so we'd start praying in tongues. And I had this one guy across the way. I'd be whispering, he'd be a block and a half away, and he'd stare at me and start screaming at me, running towards me. I'm like, okay, found one.

Oh, no.

And. And it scares you. But they used. Pastor, you're going to. Used to call us Ghostbusters and have us go pray for couples. You know, we'd go into house, start praying for couples that were having a manifestation of demonic activity in their house. And we, I mean we have so many crazy stories.

Well, something we've had to come against is a generational curse of divorce too. So there's all these different facets and then there's just the fact that both of our families are divorced. So we both come from divorced families. So we know that we always have to fight against that and break the curse and make a stand that that's not going to happen.

And that we had to took it. And literally when we got prayed for, I had pastor, you're going to. I said, hey, I saw on my, my mom's side because on my dad's side, no divorce anywhere down the line. My mom's side, three generations of divorce. Even though my grandpa was a pastor, but he gave his life to ministry that his family became second fiddle and so got divorced. Divorced. My uncle's divorce. My mom, who's the most purest of them all, divorced.

Wow.

And so I knew there's a generational curse on my side. When I had pastor pray for me, I said I'm breaking it. And I was doing a confession like I stand against. I felt something tangible break off me and I'm like, okay, was that in my head? Was that bull crap? I went through all the stuff and I just go, no, something just.

Did you feel lighter?

Oh, I felt like. I felt like literally the weight of the world break off me. And I said, everything's done from this moment on. And I just said, I'm not going to let chiropractic. I'm not going to let ministry. I'm not going to let other things become more important. We're going to figure this out one step at a time. Just made a recommitment. We're not going to be a statistic.

So it seemed like a lot of where guys are rising in power to try to recreate this connection to marriage. They've gone 10 years. They weren't going to therapy in the beginning. They didn't run away when it was horny. 10 and they said, yeah, it's a 10. And well good because I'm a 10. We're taking it now. Like let's go.

I was a nine.

You nine?

If I was a ten, it was over.

There was no vehicle. Were gone.

Yeah.

So. And they're in this pocket. And like, I mean you talk about word speaking. We were seeing therapy like probably four or five years ago. And I had said so many times to her, you just don't want to have sex. You just don't want to have sex. That's the problem is you don't even like sex. You don't want to be. So I said this for, like, 10 years, and then we're sitting in therapy, and she comes out of nowhere in therapy, and sex has.

Oh, no. I was like, no, I want to have good sex. I just don't know if I want to have good sex with you. Well, we were, like, in such a dark space. Like, we were so disconnected that I was like, I don't feel connected to you. Therefore, if I don't feel safe and connected, I don't have that desire. I was like, I know I could probably go meet a guy at a bar and probably have better sex with him, because that's how disconnected I felt with my husband. And it almost. There were scars too. There was, like, scars that I had to be like, I need to, like, let this go.

Yeah.

You know, when it shattered me.

My.

So when you're talking about how the man has a responsibility, like, this is the same thing. You come back to. It's like, you. I don't know one woman that we've met yet in any relationship with our guys who, when the guy consistently shows up connected to God, leading an authority and has to realize he's been an for 10 years, they'll try to do it for two weeks. And like, coach, you're not working. I'm like, bro, two weeks. Can we stack the teeter totter here? Bro, you. 10 to 15 years, you ignored this woman. Like, plus you cheated on her. Like, can you just stay consistent to the game? I've not met one woman who doesn't melt into the authority. And it was weird because I had a moment, like, in this. When she's speaking this, I'm like, this was in contradiction to my own narrative. So you're talking about speaking prophetically over my wife. I'm speaking prophetically over my wife telling her she doesn't want these things while at the same time dying in myself over not getting them.

Yeah.

And I'm the problem the whole time. Yeah. But like, this. How dumb we get. The guys are dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb with this. And I think women intuitively, spiritually, are much more connected and they see it. But here's the big question, because it's the same question. I'm come back to YouTube. So, guys, consistent. This is a woman answer from both of you guys committed. He's. He's doing the work. He's got. He's six months in he's nine months in. He's pushing the. He's doing the date nights, and he's flowers and he's coming home, and he's being present. He's not talking about himself. He's just asking about her, and he's helping with the kids, and he's trying to be supportive, etc. And she's still in rejection mode. Because a lot of our guys get so rejected for so long in marriage, they cannot even fathom being rejected one more time. They'd rather go to porn and jerk off.

Yeah.

Because at least there they know they can feel some sense of connection they don't know how to approach. What is the responsibility on the woman side to when a man's making this effort to say, hey, at some point, you're gonna have to, like, put some lingerie on and get out after it. Yeah. Like, because this is a part. I can only talk from the guy's side where we're talking. But Danielle's learned that. I want to hear from both of you about what you think of this, because women, at some point have also got to flip a switch.

They do.

I would agree.

Let's go both. I want to hear from the females on this one. Matt and I already know what we think.

I. I always say I'm like, women, like, we hold the sex card.

Yes.

Like, we do. And forever. I was like, oh, I don't want the sex card now. I'm like, oh, it's like a superpower. I can do whatever I want, you know, like, exactly in that way. But it's. It is. It is. It's a powerful tool. And it's like, I just had to. When you, like, came to me and you're like, so in desperation about it, I wasn't feeling like. I felt like I couldn't trust you at that point. And so I was like, why would I want to have sex with you? I can't trust you. But I also was like, you know what? I'm going to show up and make an effort to be sexy for you to show up flirty to do this side instead of, like, wall up and close off and be like, screw him and hold this resentment. I was like, you know what? I'm going to let go of the resentment card because I'm tired of feeling this. This way.

Yeah.

So even though I wasn't getting everything I wanted, I. You weren't going in six months giving me messages and this and this and.

That, like, where you just didn't like them. They were too long.

No, but But I remember just thinking, like, I'm 50 of the equation.

That's too much love and gratitude in one message. I can't even read that sometimes.

It's like a novel. And I'm like, I just woke up.

Hold on. She's like, jesus, did you send me, like, the book of Garrett, Chapter five and six?

I think I cracked because I could see the hurt I was causing you. And so I was like, you know what? I'm 50 of this. What's going on? So I'm going to let down my shield and my walls, and I'm going to make an effort to. To be sexy for you. And in turn, I actually felt safer, which is weird, because I'm, like, withholding and feeling resentful, and then I open up more, and I'm like, wow, this is a superpower. And I feel safe.

Yes.

And so it took me a couple years of, like, testing the waters. I'll say. And then I got to this place where I was like, our sex life is on fire. I can't believe I was withholding from myself.

Wow.

And so that's kind of where I got to. Whereas I understand a lot of your guys that are in the program, like, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm like, you need to give yourself some grace, because at some point, she's going to have to let down her walls.

Yes.

If she's choosing not to. And he keeps coming, he might be like, I have to go find another woman. Because you won't let your walls down.

Yes.

So I don't know. I just think. I think it's important for men to be consistent so that the wife feels safe, because maybe he abandoned her for five years, and then he shows up for three weeks. Three weeks isn't going to recover the five years that he didn't show up.

Yeah. If he's. Yeah. If he's willing to do the work to show you his love and his care, then it's the wife's responsibility to get the healing that she needs to get to be able to move forward. And you did the right thing. Because it's true. We have a responsibility. At the end of the day, it's our responsibility to provide that to our husband. And so then it's also a responsibility to deal with our ish so that we can be free, so that we can live how God intended us to live. So he's got a job. We've got a job. We have to hold our part of the bargain. Our part of the commitment, our part of the vow in the marriage to. To. To bring that to the man.

It's funny. I don't know if you guys experience this, but there's even times where Garrett and I will be really busy and busy and busy, and there's almost like, a little bit of, like, a separation or disconnect. And I'm like, okay, come on, we gotta have a date night, or, we should go have a quickie or whatever it is, because I feel like it is like a tool, like, helps us keep this heat.

The other day, you're like, oh, get over here now. I feel so disconnected from, like, we've been. We. Not with our kids. We're across the country. We're only together. I feel disconnected to you. It doesn't make sense. We had lunch together.

Yeah.

Yeah. She's like, get your clothes off.

And he's like, you were on your phone.

Yeah. She goes, you were on your phone. You respond. I'm like, but we're together. She goes, no. And she was ticked. I could tell it was next level. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, how do I reconnect? Like, I had to just get out of my head and. But. All right, babe, I'm going to listen to you. If you're going to verbally just tell me. We're feeling disconnected. I've already missed the warning signs. I've already missed the flirtation. I've already missed some stuff, you know, And I was just in some driver mode stuff. Right. But she had to tell me. I'm feeling disconnected. And even though I didn't agree with her, the minute we reconnected, I felt our whole world change.

Yeah.

Why did I wait so long?

That's so funny how marriages, you can put in the time, but you're not actually, like, connecting because your brain is, like, in business mode. And so that's when you're like, we just had lunch together, but you're already thinking about 10 other things inside of your business. And so it's like something about that. It just, like, all of a sudden, you're like, oh, okay, we're good. We're like. It's. We're connected again.

Well, that's. That sexual intimacy, it's more powerful than we could ever think.

So powerful.

You know, I thought maybe just holding her hands across the street from the hotel over to. If I took her to Restoration Hardware, man, that's the money game. No. Did nothing. It's. She needed that intimacy. And, you know, we, as men, we just Can't. I was just so busy driver mode that I thought we were connecting all.

Day, you know, zero. You know what's so powerful about it? And this is what I noticed with him. It's like, when you get that out of the way, it's like he melts. I'm like, oh, you see me again.

Thank you.

Welcome back.

I'm sorry I watched you for a few days.

Well, we'll go on vacation. Vacation. So I used to hate vacation. I was like, vacations. I'm not doing it because we would go because I was in with, like, five, six days, and she's in a bikini, hot as hell. I can't focus on business. And I'm looking at her and I'm like. I'm, like, looking at her ass. I'm like, jesus. Like, I'm like. And like, what are we doing? We're just laying here on the beach all day, and I'm like, I can't work. I'm just sitting here and I just keep looking at you, and I'm like, are we gonna have sex already? Like, we should do this. And, like, we would go days and, like, not have sex on vacation. So vacation became this place. I was like, this is a fucking torture box. I would rather stay home and work and never go on vacation. She's like, why do you want to go on vacation? I was like, because it is complete torture. Yeah, you're hot. I got nothing to focus on but you. And you don't want to have sex five times a day. So I'm like, not sure what to do with myself. So we started this thing. She picked it up. Here's what we're going to do. The minute we get to anywhere we go on vacation, even if it's a staycation, the minute we walk in, in, we have sex. She'll jump on me and take me.

It's like giving your cocktail.

Tricks.

She's like, I am going to take you and drain you so that you can be peaceful and we can go have fun.

Yeah, that's ninja tricks right there.

Yes.

Super ninja woman tricks.

That's all. Hey, if it's just a one book, one chapter, that's all you need. That's it.

That right Helps so many. It's just one paragraph. The whole book, it's just have sex right when you go on vacation.

Yes.

Start.

That's called wisdom.

Yeah, exactly.

That's how we get what we want out of the vacation. We're like, oh, you're so relaxed, and it's gonna be fun.

We.

We went through some. We went through some rough times.

Well, I just think because we were raised in this, just such a. A different box. Being raised Mormon, it just was so much that we got married young, did all the checklists, and then realized we're like, wait. None of that worked for us. And then it was like we had to start our marriage over.

Wow.

But it was. It was painful, but we just kept fighting together. And now. Now I. I feel like we can relate to so many couples.

Yeah.

And it's great. So we just keep sharing our story, thinking, like, hey, we're not perfect, but we stayed in the fight. And, yeah, we. We're still here. And now we're in a really good spot. Like, every year I feel like, oh.

Got a little better.

Oh, got a little better. You know, so it's worth it.

It is worth it.

So this marriage retreat, tell us. Tell us a little bit more. You guys are gonna do one in June? Yeah. Dom, retreat. Sorry.

Where are we at?

Look how trained I am. I'm slipping back into my nothing. Going to a tree. Tweet the marriage getaway. What is the name of this? Marriage getaway.

Marriage getaway.

That's what it's called. Marriage getaway. Oh, that's easy.

Easy marketing.

Marriage getaway.

We go to La Quinta in Palm Springs on. Let's see. I think it's June 3rd. It's the first weekend of June. Oh, no, it's not. It's Father's Day weekend this year. We just moved it to Father's Day weekend, so that's fun. Not Sunday, though, so you can be back. The dads can be back to their kids. But Thursday until Saturday, and we have cocktail party Thursday night. Tonight, welcome party. Hang out, have fun, Have DJ and lawn games and all the things out there in Palm Springs where it's sunny.

All the time for Friday. The video that went viral was Friday. We do sessions all morning, and then we do breakouts. And then after breakouts, you're by the pool. We throw the most insane pool party. We hire DJs. So fun. So fun.

I'm down with you.

We bring a host.

This is like the church.

We throw a pool party.

This is it.

A couple years ago. Two years ago, at the Elsa the Esmeralda. The pool is pretty big. We started this world, a massive world. Massive.

It was so fun.

Literally, it got so big that it sucked down to the bottom of the pool in the middle, and people were getting caught up. We had a rescue. Women, bathing suits. We're like, oh, My gosh. This just went deliver.

It just went a little too far.

Just went too far.

We're like, we ran, we rained it back.

We had to rain it back. It was so. I mean. And in the video, someone's video video in it, it went viral. And they're like, that's funny. You just saw the church hate. What church would.

The right church.

Yeah, the right church.

You know what they were letting go. They had a little trauma earlier. Yeah.

This is reconnection.

I know we're going to do a lot of healing this morning. Right. But don't get too excited and start pounding too many margaritas. 10 out this year. We just want to.

You know there's always somebody who has to bend the rules and then you got to have rules.

You're not into that. But we just had to set some better boundaries cuz it got so crazy. But every year has been something wild.

And then we do really cool Friday.

Night we have date boxes that we have our team put together. And they're little some people, these are military couples, they don't have any money. And we try to bless as many couples as we can on date nights. We give them ideas, we teach them all these ideas.

We put question starters in there, conversation starters. Cuz some couples will go out and.

They'Re like, they don't even know what to talk about.

We make a reservation at a restaurant for them. So they don't even have to reach.

From high to low. The highest in one in. In Palm Springs, all the way to some lower budget ones that are still have atmosphere. Trying to teach atmosphere. And then we say date your wife. Don't do couple stuff. And then what we throw, we throw an after party where everyone come hang out. Because some of these couples, we go to all different campuses, they all just want to spend time. So they date their wife, have these conversations. Some of them haven't had these deep conversations. They're going straight to the room.

Yeah.

You can tell on Saturday morning, morning. Those guys that haven't had sex in six months, they're like.

This is the greatest getaway ever.

Yeah, no, it's true. And you can just see Saturday is a different vibe. So we set all the heavy work on Friday, healing intimacy and then on Saturday how to package it and set them up to send them out and thrive. And it's been a formula. I feel like God put his hand on it and it's been this formula that it's. I mean the couples, it's been amazing. And then literally we have all these Marriage and family therapists that we have vetted that are.

That are on site.

Yeah, well, that. We have some on site. We have. We have some pastors just to do deliverance, just to do therapy. And then when they come back, we can get them booked in with them. And we've already vetted them. So they're not just these wansy pansy. Yeah, you know, therapists that are given.

So can people register like right now? Listen to the show for, for the event. Is there a registration?

Oh, yeah, already just on the Awaken church website. Yeah, just go to Marriage Getaway and you can register now. Okay, so we already have. We're already halfway sold out.

Oh, w, w w. Oh, I love it. Let's see if we can.

And it's not June.

It's in June.

Oh, wow.

We'd love to come with you guys. We'll come back from Miami. Listen, we come back for an event like this because like, this is like, I'm telling you, when I came to your men's group, I couldn't. I couldn't understand because that's the world I live in. And we created that environment at work, but it wasn't understand under. It wasn't under a very focused Christian frame. It's a more. It's a different frame and warrior. We have way more of that now with the integration of the business Bible and so much of our commitment to it. That direction was inspired by you and many others who showed me a path of like, hey, you can have fun, you can be human and you can be connected to God in a community. Like that's possible. So when I went out to your guys property the golden night, I was like, I was like, I'm at it. I'm at a church thing. But my brain has no box to put what this is because it feels like I'm hanging out with the boys. And I am, but like real hangout with the boys. Like, not like we're at a church event, hang out with the boys. It's like we're hanging out with the boys. Plus all the other stuff that was happening the whole time, the conversations I was in, the conversation I was in with you, you guys were praying over me. It was first time I had anyone pray over me over tongues, which. And then you had me try it and I was like, I don't know if I can do it. Had like five people encouraging me and I'm like, okay, let's get a run for it. Let's make a run. And I'm like feeling weird. I don't know what I'm doing, but all this is happening while rolling cigars, drinking whiskey, hanging out. People were playing pool. Like, it was amazing. So, like, the environment. Pastor Jurgen, you saw Pastor when he came to Ocean Church, he came and spoke, like, twice. And, like, everybody loved him. He's like pure fire.

Amazing.

So waking Church, you guys pastor this too. So, like, tell us a little bit about, like, the services and, like, what happens, like, how. How people could get plugged into Awaken Church. We actually refer your church Church Awakened Church, in all of our. All of our words for Christ calls. We were like, hey, if you don't got a place to go to, you got two here. I got two pastors. Awaken Church in South. South South Florida, California, as well as Orange County. We got Orange Ocean Church with Pastor Mark, Pastor Hubbard.

Check. People reach out to me. Like, there's a big, you know, like, you know, I take care of a lot of. A lot of dudes that are trying to level up their life. And, yeah, they'll always tell me, like, oh, man, did you hear Garrett say he was fire? Give a shout out, you know, there. And so I go, oh, man, that's. It's pretty amazing because a lot of guys that, you know, they're a little bit nervous to come into church due to that, and you help them, you find a bridge back to get over it. And I can relate to that. So I love meeting those guys because I know if they're listening to you, they. They're all about business. They're all about leveling up their life. They're just a little bit nervous about that God thing.

Well, they. It's trying to come into a container where there's. Most people are so used to hearing the conversation of guys. Like, I was. I was even sharing this with Pastor Mark. I was like. I was like, bro, we got to do something different with the way this men's group is working. Because, like, the dudes that are in here, I'm with these guys outside and, like, at my house and in different places. And they're not like the guys that are sitting in this room right now, meaning these are two different guys, just so you know. And it wasn't. It's nothing he was doing wrong at all. It was just the. The environment. Guys get so used to hardcore dudes who are savages for the kingdom will walk across this threshold and all of a sudden become wet puppies. Yeah, you're like, what happened to you, dude? God needs you to fight on the front line of this thing, like, right now, like, you have no problem with darkness. I need you to run into the darkness and turn a light on.

Come on.

So coming into church is, like, hard because the story for guys has always been. And our guys is like, ah, I gotta, like. I gotta, like, talk a certain way. And I have to, like, filter myself. I have to say the right words. And I don't know. I can't even find the Bible. There's no tabs. I don't know where the Old Testament, New Testament is. I'm feeling confused now. They're making me read holy. I can't be here. I'm just going to watch it online.

Yeah.

Or.

And that's what they end up doing because they're nervous. So guys are in Southern California.

Those guys need to bring them to Men's Prayer.

Men's Prayer. I was going to say, that's his engine room.

That's my engine room. Literally. It started out of craziness. You know, when we got married, there was this one couple and the one wife text us and said, hey, my husband's in the hospital. He was a good friend of mine, didn't go to our church. And he goes. And she said, my husband says, you go to that church that believes in healing, can you have the pastor come pray fast forward this whole thing? I called up Pastor Jurgen. I said, hey, they act like, I'm going to come pray for this guy. I don't know what I'm doing. Just because I go to your church doesn't mean I know what I'm doing. You got to come pray. And he goes, dude, I'm at lax, about to go back to speaking of men's calls, conference in Australia. You got to call this other guy, Pastor Mark. I said, I don't know. Our church was small. And I said, I don't know Pastor Mark. He goes, yeah, he just flew in from Australia. He's now going to our church. He just moved here Sunday. I said, did the guy just met on. I'm going to randomly call this guy, and he's going to come pray for my friend who he doesn't know. Just way outside my realm. Yeah. And he goes, yeah. I said, all right. So I called this guy and I said, hey, Pastor, said you would come pray for my friend in the hospital even though you don't know him. He goes, yeah. What day? I said, well, this Monday. Can we do it tomorrow? He goes, yep, meet you at your office. He shows up into my office. We're driving to the hospital. I'm Thinking to myself, this is crazy. This dude's a random. Don't even know this guy. He's going to say yes to praying. He goes, yeah, I got a word for your friend. He's going to get healed. And now I'm like, okay, okay, that's a little weird for me. So I'm panicking, going, who am I bringing to this? We walk in the hospital room. It was never my. My buddy John's in the bed. Used to play for the Florida Marlins. Total stud. Kidney failure. They said, get your. Get your life in order. Really? Do you have your trust? Do you have your life insurance policies? Get your. This is not looking good. Everyone in his family and then two other couples I knew, and I'll never forget this dude rolls up in the hospital, looks at everybody in the room and goes, does everyone believe he can get healed there? And he said it with such authority, they're all like, yeah, because if you don't, I need you to leave. Hmm. And he goes, john, you're getting healed today. This is the word that the Lord gave me, right out of Isaiah. Read the scripture over him. And I'm thinking to myself, I could tell his wife was looking at me like, who the h. Did you.

You know?

I'm like. And I'm in my. I'm just sweating. He's like, just stretch out your hands. I'm like, I'm stretching out my hand. I'm closing my eyes. Next, you know, he starts praying. I've never felt it in my life. This first time ever. I felt it a lot, a lot since Boom. I just felt this weight hit me. I started weeping. I opened my eyes going, oh, my gosh, I have too much testosterone. Did I eat chicken today? What's going on? Why am I crying? I look up, everyone in the room is bawling.

Power guys filled the room.

And then he said, all right, wow. Request a blood lab. It's going to come back normal. And the wife goes, well, we're. They're doing a biopsy in the morning. This is night. Like 8 o' clock at night now. And he goes, they're doing a biopsy in the morning. Morning. And he goes, no, they're not. I said, do a blood lab. It's going to come back normal. She goes, well, it's already. Do you want to see a miracle? And so she checked herself. Guess what? The next morning, they did a blood work. Doctors came in, said, hey, something was wrong. Did another blood work. Something was wrong. Third time. Yeah, we. Everything's coming back normal. It's the third test we've run. We. We don't know. 2. We're going to monitor you one more day. This is not right. It was in kidney failure, and it was like, they're trying to figure out, could they get a kidney donor. This is how serious it was. Well, on the way home. So he got released. By the way, they did switch churches. They came. Now they're campus pastors over three of our campus pastor, he walks. An anointing of healing. Matter of fact, he'll go lay hands on anybody and they get radically healed. I mean, he walks. You don't mess with Pastor John now. He's. He's a force to reckon with.

Awesome.

And he's like a wrecking ball for the enemy, man. He is so. So he. He's like. He'll go pray at hospitals for anybody, anytime. So it's pretty epic to see. But long story short, I got in the car and I said, where did you learn how to pray like that? And he goes, oh, three books. Told me those three books. Prayer, evangelism, prayer revival, and God's Generals. I literally ordered them that day. I devoured them by the end of the week. And I realized I don't even know how to pray.

Yeah.

And I was like, I called my mom and dad, give him a hard time. It's like, mom, I just witnessed the most insane thing in my life. Life. My buddy just got healed, and my wife. My mom. My wife. My mom goes, well, yeah, you don't know how to pray. I'm like, mom, when did you. You prayed? Over dinner. Did you ever teach me? I didn't go to school. They didn't teach you how to pray? I don't. None of this. I'm reading these three books that are melting my mind right now. And I just realized I did not know how to pray. And if anyone ever called me on a day, you know, like, can you pray for me? Or what if I'm out and about and something crazy happens and all I got is a prayer? Like, would I even know what to say? Yeah. And I realized it's like anything. You got to put your reps in. And so.

So you started 5am and we were newly married. He started in our house. And I was so ticked. Every single Tuesday.

Every Tuesday, 5am but here's the first Tuesday. The first Tuesday, we all stared at each other. We didn't know what to say. You could read all the books if you want, but if you don't know how to apply it. So we all Stare at each other. I'm like, well, this is like the worst prayer meeting ever. So I called that mark guy and I said, you need to come. He goes, I don't get up at 5, I'll be there at 7. So he came and ran. Our first official one at seven.

Your wife's like, yes.

It was so radical. He had words of knowledge, prayed over us. I. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Then the next week, we knew the model. God spoke to me about something. We started just going after some stuff. It grew to like, so now what happens there, 20, 30, 40 people in my house. My wife is getting so pissed because I'd come up going, going, babe, you wouldn't believe what chopping. She goes, I'm gonna kill you. Yeah, she needs her sleep. That's the one thing I've learned.

Keep those guys here because you need to pray.

You.

And she needs sleep. You take away sleep.

Yeah, we need sleep.

I put away guns, I put away knives. Enough to do it. Yeah, I know. She would cut me. She totally would. I, like, there's a couple things. Fear the Lord.

I did throat punch you one time.

She throat punched me one time in front of my brother, Pastor.

He totally deserved it.

We were out of the river and we had a little vapor. Don't tell the story in front of my brother. Did you just throw punch me? She goes, you deserve everyone to get hit. My brother. And everybody got in between us. And in my brain, I'm like, my wife, just throw. Emma. I couldn't even talk. She hit me so hard because I was getting intense with her. And she goes, don't talk to me that way. Bam. I was like, where did she learn that?

I also had a 4 month old baby. It was 115 degrees outside.

Do not mess with me.

I needed food and a lot of sleep.

Oh, dude. I learned I will never talk to.

Her that way anyways.

I've never. She's got the most. I probably still have a throat challenge because of it. All right, fast forward.

Tell them what happens at 5:00am Men's prayer now.

5:00Am Prayer now. Now just start. It's at every campus. We'll have over 300 guys now.

It's every.

It's at every campus.

Every campus has hundreds.

It tells me, wow. I can hear. I could hear the name.

But it's not just like the guys getting together to pray. I mean, you can obviously, obviously speaking of this better than I could, but from what I hear, it's the most authentic group of men that are willing to share anything to get their breakthrough.

That's awesome.

And then they pray and they learn.

How to fight for their families because God showed me. You're going to start off with building the room of faith. So I. We talk about God's stories and what I do is I'll just call on people. They'll share a God story with something radical that happened in their life. That it could only be a test as a God. Now, are they all God stories? Probably 80, 20 rule, you know what I mean? But I wait till a certain faith level in the room.

Room, yeah.

And when I feel the faith is rise, then I get in groups and I teach him. And God showed me a vision all the time. You're going to start this. It's going to be like the Last Samurai. So in the movie the Last Samurai, you know, Tom Cruise would go to the different circles and learn how to use nunchucks, learn how to use swords, usually learn all these different techniques of weaponry. God showed me that. They're going to get in groups and you're going to show them different times to weaponry. They're going to learn how to prophesy. They're going to learn how to lay hands on people. They're going to learn how to do deliverance. They're going to learn everything. I didn't know anything, and I was really insecure about everything. Everything being around that power, that authority. And my job is to equip them with the weapons of their warfare. These hands were trained for battle. And so I teach them. You could be the biggest man you want to be. I don't care how yoked you are, how many tats you got, what you look like. I need your spirit man to be so big. When you walk in a room, every spirit that isn't of the kingdom of God is intimidated by you and it will flee. Because when you walk in, no matter your physical size, your spiritual size will dictate every authority that you. So I've just trained these men. That's why you can come to event. And like, they know their identity in Christ and they know, like a whiskey isn't defining them. They don't have a drink. I don't drink in front of people with drinking problems, but I have no problem. Like, you know, we love our wine. You know, I should be a sommelier for good wine, but you know what I mean? But there's a time and a place and we're not going to, you know, get crazy, but I want to be the best sommelier for whiskey. It's a thing now. Now I, I'm probably better tequila taster than anyone I know. You know what I mean? No shimmy in the game. But you also got to know that God has given us authority to rule and reign in this life. And you can't be afraid of the world. You just can't get sucked into the world. Yeah, I'm not afraid to get dirty. I'll pray that dirt right off me. And so teaching men how to pray with authority, this is I why women find it so sexy, is because they get their man back, comes in their home.

So many marriages, just because the authority.

They pray over their home, they go, baby, we're taking communion. Communion. There's a devil in this house we gotta pray for.

Every woman wants that. It's like that's how we were made. Like we, we want to follow that. We want to submit to that. That's something we can submit to.

Right?

So it started out of an insecurity, basically. And now every man get equipped with that same power. They have it.

So coming to your campus, you guys can. Your campus is where.

So we have San Marcos campus off the 78 down in, in close to San Diego. And we have services Wednesday nights. We have live stream also. But if you're out of town, go to the live stream. If you're in town, come live. Like they gotta come live. And then Sundays 9 and 11.

Awesome. We know we've had a ton watch online, like hundreds of our guys and their spouses. The same thing with Ocean Church, like both they'll kind of bounce back and forth, but then they'll kind of find their attraction factor into yours or they'll like into marks and back and forth. It's like the support and it's beautiful. Again, coming from our world, like the pastoral world, I mean, I just, I thought pastors were pussies. I was like, I just want nothing to do with them. And then I started meeting like real pastors like you, like Mark, like, and I've met like 20, 30, 40 others that are just like you guys. So it's really shedding away my narrative too, because like I'd only known this cookie cutter, Omaha, Nebraska, khaki pant, plaid shirt, tassels on their shoes. Just like very Arizona life. You just kind of disgust me. I don't want to even listen to you because there was nothing real to it. There was no expression of the full keyboard of life. And watching people like you guys who live the full keyboard of life but still stand powerful, you can be Savages. You can be saints and your souls that are leading the game. This is what people need. This is what the guys that follow me, this is what the women that.

Follow us, the couples that follow follow.

Us like they're looking and they're hungry for this. We have tools in Warrior, but there's a piece in this with the church and a piece with this with pastors who actually know how to lead them this way.

Yeah.

And, like, I look at Warrior as a place. We're going to weaponize these guys with the tools to live their lives in power. But that piece will get them to a place, and then to get their families and to get their wives and to get their kids and to get the unit going, they have to have a community. They've got to have something local that they can step into and connect to. And you two are doing amazing work. This was you, you guys. This was, this was one of the funnest shows. I, I, I don't think I feel.

Like I learned a lot. I was like, yeah. Oh, like, okay.

I love it. I just realized I got to make sure I'm not getting the Christiany language. I always say.

I know. Well, that's what anything that I didn't understand, I was like, tell me about that.

Well, most people are asking that same question.

More than half our listeners would be like, what? What?

I just barely heard of Deliverance, because when I had a podcast with a girl and she's like, you need to come, I was like, oh, sounds fun. What is it? Like, I didn't know anything about it. Even though we've gone to oceans, like, on and off, there's. I wasn't raised in this culture and community, so it's still very new to me.

And it's not like you're doing Deliverance every Sunday. There's a time in the place.

Right?

Exactly. And it's you. You want to teach people. But I always tell it, I want to get every man equipped to learn those principles of authority and deliverance. So you can go, you know, you got your kid off the rails. You got, baby, let me me pray for you. Yeah, give me your hands. That's what I do. When, When I have people. Like, right now, there's a big thing that all, all these witches, I don't know if you've seen online, they're all going to salem for the 31st to pray against Trump, to curse Trump. And they said, we don't know why our curses aren't working. There's something protecting him. So we all need to come together. And then that's the type in me going, I think I need to go to that witch thing. And I'm gonna say, lay out your hands. Give me your hand. Hands. You put your little curse on me and watch what I'm gonna. I'm gonna pray for you every single time. God's power trumps them all.

Yeah. And, you know, literally trumps them all. 20, 24.

Come on.

20, 25.

But it's so important, like, if you know that authority, these other things, they will flee. And so when you understand that and you're praying for someone and you just see it, I mean, once you do deliverance, that's why I'm saying it's very interesting thing. It was juice for me because when I had my first demon talk to me, it changed me forever because it made. It made this whole spiritual. Oh, we're spirits having a physical experience. You could say that all you want, but until you have another spirit take over somebody and start talking to you. Yeah, I mean, I, I, that happened. I didn't pee my pants, but I was this close. I was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I had someone, like, next to me. Yeah. That took authority, and boom. And then I'm like, okay, I'm never going to get caught with my pants down again. I'm going to go learn my authority. I studied every book I could on Deliverance for about six months, and I realized I'm getting into something that's way above my pay grade. But it was the most fascinating thing I could ever do. So it's. It's one of those ones that people that are called to it, they're called to it. And some Christians, they don't want to hear anything about it. Don't tell me. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to know about demons.

Most Christians don't want to hear anything about it. Most. That's why you draw. That's why you draw the people that you draw. And that's why, like, that's why the church is growing, and it's why, I mean, you guys are expanding out to Palm Beach. I mean, it's exciting moves for the church. Exciting moves for you right now. Let's go.

Did you hear that? Sounds cool, man. Felt prophetic to me. Let's go.

That would be close to you guys, right?

It'd be down the road for most, definitely.

Drive.

Come on. Yeah. So you two have crushed the show today. We loved having.

Thank you. Thanks for having us.

He did so great. Well, we can. We can tell she's your ride rudder. She's your friend.

I would be not where I am without this runner.

On the last story, she's like, and now let's come back to how it is now. Another story. Come back to how it is now.

Listen, I love this is my life.

Swoop it back. Swoop it back.

When we were at this wedding the other day, she goes, if you go talk to one more person, I'm leaving without you. I'm like, no problem. No problem. Give me your hand. I'll just hold her hand.

Four hours of that.

I had to finally put.

She had to come Ray me. I'm like, just lead me the right way.

Buffer.

I'm like, he's got to go.

She'll walk right up in a conversation. And she's like, you guys are amazing. And he's got to go now.

See, it's fine. It's our job.

All right, babe. You want to close this up, Joe?

Sure.

All right, you guys, we've had an amazing conversation. I was just, like, enamored with everything you guys are saying. I was like, oh, I love this. So if you guys do us one favor when you're watching this show, if you felt impactful from it, share it. Because really, that's truthfully how anybody can hear all about you guys, your church, you're doing amazing things. So again, tune in a daily wife every single week, but make sure if anything, you share it. So that's pretty much it for this week. And I don't know if Gary, if you have any other plugs you want to.

I always have a plug. All right, check it out. Awaken Church. Awaken Church. Awaken Church. Awaken Church. All over Southern California. Also in Utah, there's a vacation Seattle and Seattle shuttle and Palm beach coming soon.

Come on, Palm Beach.

Who knows Church after my tutelage under Dr. Hubard. Anyways, awaken Church. You check it out there. Also the marriage retreat. They were the marriage getaway. The marriage getaway. I caught that time. The marriage getaway. You can find that at the awaken church.com. is it awaken.com or awaken church.awaken church.com also the backside tools of everything that we work on here is the worst way. If you are a man and or woman, you're looking to find tools to operate on a daily basis to help you put yourself in a production predictable power. Well, we've been teaching here for the last 12 years. Over 65, 000 men, 10, 000 women. We'd love to help you out too. You can check out a free trial of the tools and have an experience with it by going to wakeupware.com thank you so much to the Hubbards and to their amazing energy and message here. I'm constantly going to have a whole bunch of couples heading to the Marriage Getaway come on and attend the Awaken Church, either online or in person. Thanks so much for being here. This is another episode of the Day Wife podcast.