Magic in the Moments | Date Your Wife | Ep 041

Consider that the purpose of your life is expansion. The money and marriage and children are the trifecta of expansion.

So name it where you're from. So everybody else knows.

My name is Amanda Blackwell. I'm from South Carolina. And the feelings that come up for me to say that money matters to me. I've ran a salon for seven years now. And the thing that I told myself, my clients, and my family for six, six solid years was, I don't do this for the money. I do it because I love to do hair.

Pause. How many of you have said something close to this at one point in your world? Raise your hand. April. Both hands straight in the air. Armpits. Okay, continue.

So for me, that was the truth. For a long time, until after six years, I had sacrificed everything. To my business. And what I found that does. Money does matter. Because it takes money to run a fucking business. It takes money to buy color. It takes money to have a house. It takes money to have kids. Oh, my God, it takes money to do all of those things. And you can only sacrifice so much before there's nothing left. So when I came to BMS in December, I was empty, broken, and run down and running from anybody else asked anything from me. I thought that money didn't matter and that enough heart and love and care would pay the bills, that in some way, everyone else would compensate me financially, even though I was not valuing or compensating myself. I also grew up in the south, where if you have a love for money or you think money matters, it makes you prude or greedy or a bitch.

Pause. How many of you have been raised in an environment where if you wanted and. Or pursued and. Or obtained any amount of financial significance, that you were at some level made to feel bad, wrong, broken, wicked, or for some reason you were a weirdo, raise your hand. Continue.

At the time, even the friends that I surrounded myself with, the clients that I had built up, were all needy. They were all wanting things for free. They were all complaining to me the whole time I was doing their hair about what they didn't have, which made me feel guilty for even asking them for a dollar to do their hair, Even though it's three hours and it took, you know, probably at least $100 in the power bill, water bill, rent, color, and time just to break even on it. So.

Pause. How many of you in this room feel like at some level, you are a doormat when it comes to money? Raise your hand. Continue, Amanda. You're crushing it. Go running. The entire event this morning. I like it.

So I found value in myself and started to make a transition to offering services to a niche clientele that I wanted. I raised my prices. I literally gave like a two month warning of a price raise and prepared myself mentally for the backlash. I lost 80% of my clientele. 80%. The ones that you think will value you.

Don't pause. Oh, we.

We know.

We're gonna come talk to you. Just. Moments. There's a voice ticking inside of you, and it's not mine. I'll guide you to some places, but once you get to that place, you will find a voice that is not mine, but a voice that has known you from the time you were conceived. And inside of that place. This voice will guide you through the war. Not at war with Todd. You're at war with yourself. Todd happens to be the closest spectator to spar with to make you strong enough to go to war. Moments. You look for magic pills while you're here. For the next two days, you're going to go right back to where you were and nothing will change. If you will look into the moments. Part of the power of being in this room is being in a space where the moments occur because we've all gotten together. The moments that shift things forever. This voice says, consider this. So consider as you sit and listen, there's a reason why there are people around you taking notes. And some of you are wondering what they're taking notes on. This has happens to me in every room I go into. People like, what the hell are you taking notes on? Did they say something? I didn't see anything on the slides. What are you taking notes on? What are you drawing? So I'm just drawing a new piece of my empire. That's what I'm drawing. Well, how would. How did that happen? Because I'm not here listening to what's being said. I'm here listening for the moments. And inside those moments, truth is laid out for me being exactly how I need to hear it. Amanda. I keep stopping you. You ready to go again? Yeah. So where are you at now?

I value the out of myself.

Literally valued the right out of.

I value. I literally value myself so much. And I have found probably the clearest message even since Warrior, because I went NBR exclusive. The clearest thing that I found is that when I value myself, the people around me start to think that that's a judgment. And it's not. We were just talking about. I don't think that me valuing myself. I have a calling and a vision. And a fucking purpose. I'm 33. I know I'm not going to live past 100, most likely. Some people are weird like that. But I have this much time to reach a goal that's been put inside of me, and I'm almost restless to the point of not being able to sleep unless I reach this goal. And I'm putting a value on that now.

But I find I'm going to interrupt you.

Hold on.

I'm over here.

I want. I don't want us to miss this because he said it for a second, but I value the out of myself. That's what you said, right?

Yeah.

Say it again.

I value the out of myself.

What percentage of your clientele did you lose?

I lost 80%. Now I've lost.

Okay, hold on. I lost 80%, which is what I value. The what out of myself.

Shit.

Yeah. I got rid of the shit, man.

You valued the shit out of yourself, which was those 80%. And there's this part of us that wants to cry about that. And I get it because, like, there are these personal connections that we kind of mourn the loss of. But guess what? That 80% was shit. It was the shit that you valued out of yourself. And we don't. We think this is just some funny thing to say. Like, we do. Like, don't laugh. Like, we think this is just some funny bullshit to say I value the shit. It's true, though, because you don't get that shit out. There's no space for the people who pay you. I used to run in circles where everything was free and call me and. And now I run in circles where guys are like, man, I need your help. I'm going to pay you or I'm not going to talk to you, because I understand how valuable that is. The first time this happened to me with, like, a friend, I was like, what? I didn't even know what to do. But you know why? Because I started to value the shit out of myself. And when those 80% of the people left, it hurts. You're like, oh, my God, I'm alone. But, no, you're not. You just cleared space for all of the people who make that target possible. And I don't want you to miss the value of valuing the shit out of yourself. Because in that moment, it feels like trauma. Some of the biggest moments of my life, when they happened this awesome thing, just like Amanda felt like trauma. Felt like, oh, shit, what did I do? Everybody's gone. Because everyone knew. Gets to come in now. And if you don't value the shit out of yourself, then you can never value the diamond and gold in yourself.

Now you'll just be full of shit and you'll never see the diamond of gold.

So you made some decisions.

Yes.

And you experience what everyone does when they make a commitment to getting paid.

And that money matters. All the people who are not committed.

To that new place with you go away.

Yeah, we know.

Danielle, come up here.

Stop hiding in the shadows, gorgeous.

So you made a decision. You plunged 80% of the shit away. Wonderful people. Got you here, won't get you there. Got you here, won't get you there. You added value to them, they added value to you. There's no harm, no foul.

It's not good, not bad.

You guys got to where you are together in a relationship. You wanted to go to a new place. They. They were unwilling to go to the new place, so you went to the new place. And sitting at the peak of the next blue place is a whole bunch of people that have been waiting for you. It's true, they've been waiting for you, but they don't want to actually hang out with you. Cause you're queen of the shitheads. They're like, oh, my God, she's still hanging out with those shitheads. Like, she's literally the queen of the shithead. So full of shit. She doesn't value herself. So she gets shit on her face and she's eating cupcake shit cakes. She's like, what, does my breath stink? Yes, it smells like shit.

Why are you eating?

You're like, I don't know. That's what queen of the shitheads does. Then you make a decision and you change and you shift and you say, no, no, no, I'm gonna go up here. And you don't have to tell people to go away. You just have to start climbing. Like, people think you have to have hard conversations. You kinda do. But it's the people who now feel the tension of you rising. And they're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, you're leaving us. What are you doing? You're not yourself anymore. Well, I hope I'm not myself anymore. My wife's mother said the funniest thing I ever, ever, ever. Back in my days of learning to meditate, she's like, I think you've lost your mind. I was like, oh, my God. I've been meditating for three years. I've been telling me this shit would happen. I just never thought you would notice. I lost my mind, Danielle. And I had to make Some serious decisions we're gonna give. Amanda clap. Amanda, I'm gonna come back to here in a little bit. Two, clap. Boom. Danielle, come right up here to the middle too.

If, like, if you learn to respect yourself, others will respect you too.

Yep. Talk to me about.

And you can always toe the line in business if there's clients or whatever it is. And even as my rise, you'll get comments and things, and you'll find yourself snapping back into the situation where, like, maybe I'm not worthy of charging that much. And instead you're like, this is how it is. I'd love to have you as a client. If not, here's another place you can go. And it doesn't even have to be emotional, because what's cool in, like, finding respect for yourself is there's always, like, a new level in the game.

So we had to say goodbye to.

A lot of people, walk down the.

Middle of the catwalk, talk about this.

In the salon world, like, when we're letting go of clients, it's not that, like, if we're raising prices or anything like that, I'm always looking, how can I add more value? How can I become a better stylist? How can I be a better businesswoman? It's not like, I just woke up and I'm like, guess what?

I'm gonna.

You're fired as a client, and I didn't increase value. I feel like you really have to, like, dig deep and be like, okay, if I'm going to raise the bar for myself, then am I? Can I truly say I'm giving the best possible experience that I know how to do right now? And still, I think that's part of the reason that makes me successful is, yeah, I probably have a little bit of an ego, and I'm good at what I do, but at the same time, I always dial it back in, and I'm like, okay, it is about the clients. And I know in the hair world, we're always like, yeah, bms.

Yeah.

Like, go nbr. And, like, sometimes I feel like it has, like, a bad rap.

And.

But I always try to educate the clients, too. Like, no, no, no. You're upping your education. You're upping the experience. Like, everything about you. You're upping yourself as a human being. And so in doing so, the universe is like, cool. New level of clientele. You're a better person. New level of clientele is now going to come sit in your chair. And that's just how business works and how this game works. And money is like a crazy cool tool because it actually makes us learn and grow and become a better person if we choose to respect ourselves first and then others who will also respect us.

So we have moments.

Moments.

Amanda One of my moments happened at my parents house in Utah. And we had almost no money.

And I had helped my brother in.

Law leave an industry and a dead end job to work for one of my companies.

And then when my company started to sink, I got him off the ship.

And I got him a job with one of our other friends that had got us into mortgages.

And when I had a lot, I give a lot, I wasn't too concerned.

With keeping back then.

So I just would make a bunch and I would give a bunch away and I didn't consider like she'd probably.

Keep something for me.

So I would make a bunch want to have a bunch. I always took care of everybody. I just, that's how I operated.

I was a big problem in many ways because I was not worried about.

A lot of things that I'm now.

Worried about that, that keep me in place so that we don't go back to that place.

But I was sitting there, I was giving away, giving away, giving away. And one of the things I had given my brother and I had given my brother in law was a bike.

Like a road bike.

I got into an Ironman's, I had this old bike, I gave him a bike, but I had only ridden the bike for a little bit. I also had this thing called a Cyclops trainer, which is like you sit on your bike in your garage or in your house and you can do what you just pedal in place. It's like the cool new, what's the place called that you go ride on the bikes and you guys pretend like you're at a nightclub.

Soul Cycle or Grit Cycle?

Soul Cycle only there's no music and you're just on this thing and you're riding on the bike, riding on the bike. So I didn't need any more because I got some new ones and I gave one to my brother in law and my sister and I had done this and we needed some money. Like I needed some money desperately. And so I went to my sister and I said, hey listen, I gave you guys all this other shit, a ton of shit.

Not to mention the fact that I.

Got your husband out of a fucking.

Dead end job and gave him a shot to work for me and then.

Got him off my burning ship and onto a ship to make money. Not to mention the fact that you guys ignored the fuck out of me for the past two years like I was a goddamn virus. But, hey, you know what? Remember that Cyclops thing I gave you? I need it back. Either you need, can you buy it for me? Or I'm going to take it back.

I'm going to go sell it to.

Get paid, because I need some money. And she came back to me at a family dinner we had.

It was wintertime. And she walked out on the sidewalk she shared with me. And I said, hey, so what's the deal? You know, you guys want to buy that or you want to give it to me to sell? And she said, well, you know what? We were doing research online, and a brand new one of these is like $300, and this one's used, and so, you know, we'll just give it back to you. And I looked at my sister and.

I said, your whole fucking economic life.

Is because of me.

You're not going to pay me for this $250 while your husband rakes in fucking cash from an opportunity that I created for that motherfucker, and you're going to tell me you're not going to pay me $250 for this goddamn Cyclops? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Fuck you. My sister started crying on the sidewalk.

Three months later, me and Danielle packed.

Up and moved to Arizona.

Guess what I said to my family? Fuck you. Guess what we said to our religion?

Fuck you.

Guess what we said to our friends?

Fuck you.

Guess who said to anyone and everyone who told us anything about how we should live our lives?

Fuck you.

Because we found out real quick, Amanda, everybody wants to play when you're handing out free paydays. Everybody's happy to fucking take from me when I'm offering bottles. Hey, Garrett's paying, no fucking problem. But the minute Garrett's not paying anymore, well, we now forget about you. Forget about you. And that's when I recognized, at the end of the day, there was only.

One person who was going to give.

A fuck about me. Guess who was me. And then eventually, after a bunch of work, there was a second person who gave a fuck about me, guess who was my wife. And then we made a decision to go back to back. And there was a declaration of war by a friend of ours who went online and started talking shit about me. And I had never seen this before from my wife. And was the first sign of many signs that we were starting to become part of being on the same team again after fucking years of drifting. And we had nobody we had no friends. We had no family.

Everyone.

Our religion turned on us. Our families turned on us. My dad tried to have a fucking fist fight with me in his goddamn living room. I'd have whooped his ass. Everyone fucking turned on us. And then. And then this couple that we've been friends with forever, this bitch starts talking shit about me online. Talking shit about me.

Made her husband millions. You'll be fucking kidding me.

And, Danielle, you decided something that day. What did you decide and what did you do? I'm talking about Hailey.

Kendall, by the way.

I was done. I mean, she was. It was. She. I'm good now with her. I mean, I don't care. I don't know.

You're not good with her. You don't give a fuck about her.

I don't give a fuck about her. But I. In that moment, I was just like. I felt like I was in such a dark place with you, and I just. Like my one friend that I thought, like, maybe had my back, like, she didn't directly say something to you, but she said something directly to you, which was basically an attack on me, and our marriage wasn't great and everything else. And I'm like, God, like, way to kick a girl when she's down. And so I was just like, I'm fucking done. And that was like, a moment for me. I'm like, anybody who gets in my fucking way, I will run you over. Because you. I have to worry about myself, my children, my relationship, and what I'm doing. And so that was kind of a real scary moment for me. And it was a scary moment for me, because even in that moment, I'm like. Even if our families don't believe in us, even if they're like, oh, what are you guys doing? Oh, my God. Like, it just got weird. And I just had to make a choice. I had to make a choice. Like, even, like, everything. Like, I just was like, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. And I had to just. It's not like I just woke up and didn't give a shit. I just had to consistently choose in for myself. And in doing so, all of a sudden, six months, 12 months down the road, all of a sudden I'm like, wow, we're moving forward. We're turning a corner. And then I'd find myself snapping back into the bullshit, and I'm like, fuck, no. I know this doesn't serve me. And then I would keep pushing forward and tunnel through, and I had a hard time even like even wanting to get new friendships because I felt like we were on such a rate of this high and this growth and anybody that I would kind of become friends with, I'm like, but maybe we're not going to be friends with them in six months because we're going to be in different places. I don't know. So it was just a scary place. And for like probably three to four years, Garrett and I just really focused on ourselves, our family, rebuilding what we had.

And.

And literally I felt like it was kind of like we started over. Not just like started over financially, but literally started over with a lot of different areas of our life.

Decision.

See, getting paid was not just the decision. Making money wasn't the decision. I was hunting down the man who I could become. I was disgusted by the man that I was. I'm proud as fuck of the man I am today. And I know this. There's a 61 year old billionaire version of me with a painting sitting on my wall that my wife thinks looks.

Creepy.

That a woman painted for me.

Did you already tell the story of the painting?

Yeah.

Okay. So cute.

But a woman painted for me. Oh, you're saying nice things about it now.

I'll be like, Garen, like, oh, the painting. Hey, like it's so.

I have a feeling you actually walk into my side man cave when I'm not there and you look at the painting.

I don't. It throws me off every time.

This version of me I'm hunting down.

I'm going to get an old lady version of me.

Yeah, I'm all about it. Somewhere I'm all about it. There is a version of me I'm hunting down constantly. Money is a symbol.

The value has been created.

So why does money have to exist? Because it symbolizes and demonstrates my commitment.

To producing value in the lives of other people.

There's legitimately only three ways to increase.

Your wealth and money.

Produce more value for more people more often. The end.

Produce more value for more people more often.

That's it. Like the entire cycle of money is done. Produce more value for more people more often. So when I say I have a target that I'm chasing down, which you all are going to be creating by tonight. When we hunted down a target as a couple, we hunted it down because of who it would force us to become. Our home now is normal to us. Where we live is normal. Five years ago was not normal. And we stood up on a rail with our daughters and we looked down at the lots where we live and.

What happened we decided that's where we're going.

And we literally were standing there. I remember feeling kind of weird, because it was. Danielle and I were here, and our two little girls and I were dining here at the time. And it was just lots, lots down right on this coastal community right here, close by the hotel. Like, right down on the beach. Like, big lots. I'm like, what the fuck? I didn't really understand anything about it. I didn't even know how much they were. And our two little girls are like, oh, my God. I'm picking that mansion right there. We're gonna put a swimming pool, huge diving boards, slip and slip. And this older couple comes walking by, and they. And. And I felt so. I felt this weird mix of emotion. I felt this sense of like, oh, my God. And at the same time, like, yeah, but kind of more like, say that.

Quiet, just for us to hear.

Because there was a look, which probably wasn't a look. It was me interpreting a look. Could have been some huge producer lived in the neighborhood who were like, oh, babe, you remember when we were little and we were dreaming? Instead, what I interpreted was, you assholes are judging me. Which really was, who judging who? Me, judging myself. I had a problem with it, but I didn't. We started talking about it, and we started talking about it, and we started talking about it, and we started talking about it, and there was one simple question that drove all of it, which was, who must I become? Who must I become? From the first time you saw Me Teach Core 4 on a flip chart in 2013, Fabiola, to now, all there was was a question. Who must I fucking become? That's all. Just who must I become? And every day, I was willing to do what, April? Kill myself and rebirth the new version of me tomorrow. And every night I go to bed, I'm like. And the next morning I wake up, I'm like, not good enough. Let's go. One step today. One step today. One step today. Recently, I posted a picture on Instagram of a building. 432 Park Avenue, 60th floor or higher. This building's so damn high, half the building's in the clouds half the time. They put holes in every 10 floors. Two floors, because there's so much wind. They don't. The whole fucking building will blow over. Kind of crazy. I sat in a hotel room last fall and had a vision inside of my mind. A rebirthing experience, just like we had five years ago. And there was a new purpose born inside of my heart. But is it a pursuit of Money, yes, because money is the pursuit of value exchange. But what was it really? I'm interested in the motherfucker that rolls out on 432 Park Avenue in Manhattan. Like, the guy I saw rolling out, walking in jeans and his earbuds in. And he comes walking out, and the guy says, are you gonna drive yourself today, sir, or are you gonna walk? He's like, I'll walk. And I watched him walk by, and I was like, oh, yes, I'm a fucking know you. And then an hour later, who am I hanging out with in the shoe section? 50 cent. And I'm like, that's fucking cool. That's cool. It wasn't like a weird, like, oh.

My God, it's 50 cents.

Can I get a picture?

I was like, nice. So I hunt the money to find.

The next version of me.

People will speak about prosperity and they'll speak about making money, but if you're not actually doing it, you can't really learn and become the next version of yourself. Like, literally, it's used as a tool. Like, we'll see this all the time. You have to be able to talk the game and you have to be able to walk the walk. You have to actually be able to produce in order to find the next version of yourself.

There was a version of me that couldn't be quiet for that long, ever. Christy, you knew that version. Then this weird thing happened. I became very, very, very comfortable with me. I became my best friend. And this weird thing happened. I started caring more about what the voice inside of me said about me than would any voice on the outside had an opinion about me. Consider that the purpose of your life is expansion, that money and marriage and children are the trifecta of expansion.

You decide to get hooked up with.

Somebody you have just signed up for. Chaos of Heaven and Hell expansion.

You decide to have some babies.

Chaos, Heaven and Hell. I love you. And now I want to throw you off the building. And now I feel bad about thinking that who should have actually said that to you? Heaven and Hell.

Then you add money to the mix.

And making money, and you now have the trifecta of expansion, creation and procreation.

The willingness to be in partnership and.

The willingness to make life occur. And inside of that, the commitment to create the result, at least in this world, that does matter.

The symbol in this game is financial possibility. People say, I don't need the money.

That's because you don't even know what's possible beyond what you currently have. You say that because you're either scared or you're comfortable. You're comfortable as becoming the new Queen of the Shitheads. And guess what? That never ends. Because your current queendom.

In two years.

Will be your new Queen of the Shitheads. So it never ends, Wendy Lou, because after Manhattan, we'll just be in London. So you better prep yourself. The game doesn't end until you.

What? Die?

And then guess what? I don't know.

But I'm confident that something cool happens next. I have my theories.

I think I come out as a baby myself again.