Making an Impact by Saying Yes

Hello, and welcome to another date your wife podcast. We're really, really excited. Garrett and I have actually been bringing on powerful couples this whole year, and it's been really fun and really exciting. And about a month ago, you guys may have seen I did a podcast on my other show with Lori Harder, and I was like, hey, do you think your husband Chris would want to come back and be on date your wife? So I. I talked him into it. We're here in our home here in Orange County, California, and we're so excited to hear more about their story. But honestly, you guys being married is tough. You guys have been married as long as we have, so we are not going to waste any time. We're just going to dive right in. The good, bad, the ugly, all the things. So.

All right, so we're going to jump in first. So what. Who. Who saw who first?

Oh, I got this. Okay, so Green Bay, Wisconsin, smaller town. How do I say this politely? Let's just say there's not a ton of people that, like, stand out and turn heads, right?

Yeah.

And there was this new girl, first day at the gym that walked in, that turned everybody's head. And of course, it was Laura. And so, you know, being a young, single guy, I'm like, I have to have that woman right there.

Jim Crush.

So, you know, did I go up right away? No, I wasn't that confident. I kind of watched her from across the gym, and what I didn't realize was there was a series of people hitting on her that I can let her share from her perspective. That kind of put her on the defense during her workout. So at the end of her workout, we're both walking out to the parking lot at the same time.

How long into seeing her is this? How many months?

Oh, this is first day.

He aggressively goes after what he wants.

Yes.

Okay.

So we're walking out to the cars, and I look over at her. We're walking the same direction, and I say, hey, you new here? And she looks at me and she goes, yep, and gets in the car and closes the door, and yes, you did. And I thought to myself, in that moment, I'm like, oh, this chick sucks. And I thought that was going to kind of be the end of it.

Right.

But then I kept seeing her around the gym, and here's how I know that you did do it that way. Because about a month later of seeing each other at the gym, I was at the water fountain, and you came up to me and you're like, hey, I didn't get Your name that day and you had started the.

I just knew I was short. I knew I was short with him, but I didn't think I was bitchy. But I didn't use that word.

I didn't use that word.

No. Here's what. Okay, so I'm already like in a bad situation. Cause I'm coming out of a relationship. I just moved back home with my parents. And that meant like I was in a. Had moved out when I was 18. Cause I was, you know, leaving my family home and my religion growing up and that was like a really big deal. Leaving that religion.

What religion were you raised in?

I was Jehovah's Witness.

Oh, wow. As intense as the Mormonism we came.

From, it was, it was intense. So when I left, it was a really. It was a big deal in my family. So when I was like 20 years old, I. Well, when I was 18, I moved in with a bunch of friends. It didn't go well. Like they were doing drugs and doing all the things. Like we had that crazy couple years and I was kind of coming to at that point at about 20, I was like, I don't want to live this way anymore. Like I just want to get back to working out and saving money. And it was just a really bad situation. And so I had called my dad and said, can I move home? He was like, yes, but knew I was going to have to like kind of abide by those rules for a little bit again while I dug myself out of this hole. And so I had just gotten to this small town which I didn't wanna be at. Cause my parents had moved from my childhood home to Green Bay. So it was like everything was new.

Everything was brand new.

So I moved back in. I'm in my 4 year old brother's bedroom with like glow in the dark stars and dinosaurs on the headboard. And I'm like, I'll just. You know, the one thing that makes me feel normal is joining the gym. So this was my first day at the gym and I got hit on by the front desk guy who proceeded to grab the Shopko flyer, which is like a Walmart or Kmart. And he's like, hey, you have copies? This was the first thing he says to me when I joined. I go, what are copies? He goes, you can see everything bad I've been doing. I go, okay. And so he grabs the Shopko flyer and he tells me he's a model. He's like, I'm an underwear model. And proceeds to show me. He certainly is A Shopko underwear model.

Like the six pack of tighty whities.

Then I start working out, and this guy comes up and he goes, hey, my name's Jake, and shows me his arm tattoo that says Jake very large on it. In case he forgets. I'm guessing.

I don't know.

So Jake proceeds to ask me while I'm in the middle of curls, Like, I'm literally curling weights and, you know, the old school headphones. Like, I had to, like, take them off, put the weights down, stop the disc. And he was like, do you smoke? I go, no. He goes, no, no. Do you smoke weed? I go, no. He goes, well, do you want to go smoke weed with me and my girlfriend after this? I go, no. So insert poor Chris.

Yeah, see, I didn't know this stuff went down.

So you came. You came as triple threat after now the shoot. My shot.

Thinking maybe I was the first one.

I literally was like, close my car door and I was like, I am in the, like, Twilight zone right now. So, yes, I knew. Afterward I was like, oh. Because I'm not that per. Like, I'm usually very friendly, but by number three, I was like, I. This was going to be my saving grace away from my family home. And now it doesn't feel safe. So I literally. The poor guy got the brunt of it.

So. So did Jake ever come back and ask to smoke weed again?

No, he didn't, but he's, like, very well known for. Chris knew who Jake was. And he's like, that's right, everybody.

Yeah, Jake. And Jake's hitting on everybody. We got front. We got front desk underwear model trying to find us.

Always hits on everyone, by the way, the. In fact, my sister worked across town at a US Cellular, and he used the same lines on her, not knowing we were sisters. I was like, this is so great. Small town. Small town.

Chris, were you from that small town?

Yeah. So I was born and raised mostly in that town. Kind of up and down the eastern part of Wisconsin, but mostly there.

Okay, how far apart in age are you guys?

Four years.

Four years.

Okay, who's older?

Come on. Come on now.

I don't know. I'm just asking. I didn't say who's just always default. Yeah, that's what Danielle tells me. Okay, so. So you guys meet and then you meet and you come up to the water fountain and now you're feel you're back in the game. She asked for the name. And then what happens?

All right, so this is pretty good. I wanted to.

I can't stop thinking about you up.

Make sure I stay in front of her. But I prouder, right? So if she's on cardio, maybe I'd go do a little bit cardio. Which I was not a cardio person at the time.

I never did cardio before this ever.

You know, if she was over here, maybe I'd be over here. Just in proximity that's just kind of hung around enough to be nice, but didn't take any shots after that. And when I could finally tell that we had great chemistry and had chatted up, you know, over what, maybe four weeks worth of seeing each other or.

Something, he did the stepper for me. You guys, like, he would stand into the stepper just to talk to me. And I. I kind of knew it.

Actually.

I think it's on the stepper where this happened. So I said to her, I said, hey, I've got tickets for the Packer game coming up this Sunday if you want to go. Now, I got to give you guys some context now. You could go on Stubhub. Back then, there was no Stubhub, no ticket. None of that existed. And Green bay had a 66 year waiting list for tickets. And so it's a big deal. You had to know someone to get tickets. And I did not have tickets. I just needed an excuse to ask her out. So I said to her, I go, hey, I've got tickets to the game this Sunday. If you're not doing anything, you know, if you'd want to go, it might be fun. And she said yes. And I don't know if I didn't expect her to say yes or what, but she said yes. And so then it was like bittersweet because I was panicking inside saying, how am I going to get tickets? And outside I was ecstatic.

Did you not think she's going to say yes?

I don't know. I don't know what my plan was. I don't know what my plan was. So I scramble, I ask all my friends that would have tickets and luckily found a pair. Now here's where it gets interesting. The day of the game, she texts me and says, hey, really sorry. I might not make it for the game because somebody broke into my car in Milwaukee two hours away where she's staying over, and broke her window.

I still had my apartment, even though I moved back in with my parents because my roommates were still there. I was just getting out, so I would go back there on the weekends just to get away from my family.

So I thought, oh, I Knew it. She's standing me up. I should have known this was going to happen. And just kind of stayed home and flipped on the game. Pissed off. Sure enough, right before halftime, this silver Ford Taurus with a broken ass driver's window and black garbage. Black garbage bag over it because it's a two hour drive down the highway. Pulls up in front of the house and she's like, do we have time to make it to the game?

Oh.

And so we went to the second half of the game and hit it off and it's been awesome ever since.

So did you guys make out the first night?

No. We were friends for like six, six months. Four months.

So I tried everything. I would try foot rubs, I would try. We would work.

You didn't get to make out after a foot rub?

No, he was shutting it down.

We were on our first date where you just like his friends.

He said it was friends.

I was like, great, let's hang out.

There was this very fine line between being able to hang out with somebody and not being friend zoned. Right. And. And she at the time, she just wanted friendship. And I, I wanted the polar opposite of friendship.

I told him I was clear. I was like, I'm coming out of a broken heart. Like, I'm still in love with. I was super clear.

She was very clear on it.

Yeah.

There's no straight guy on the planet that wants to be any girl's friend.

No, I knew that.

I was like, we just feel safe.

Yeah.

We're just friends for now. Like, I didn't have any friends there, so I was like, great.

This guy's great.

He rubs my feet, we drink wine. So fun.

Okay, hold on. It's interesting because you are committed. We got foot rubs happening. We got wine. Being drunk and you're still playing hard to get, but you still think this is friend zone.

I was very open. I kept saying she was very upfront.

About where she thought it was and I was very upfront that persistent as hell. And I always end up getting my way.

Were you telling her that you wanted her at this time?

Yeah, absolutely.

So why are you rubbing her feet and she's sipping on wine and she's like, we're just friends. And you're like, make little advances and.

She would kind of.

We start. I can't remember when we started making out, but like maybe month four, I.

Don'T know, we were like friends that made out. It was the first step, probably.

Yeah, I think so.

So then we were just friends that make out. That's it.

We're just like, she's going to kill me. That bring this up is so good. Until I finally get her to come home the first time. And even that's a story.

So back to your house.

Yeah.

So you took her back to your mom's house?

No, no, no.

Your house.

Okay.

You're not living with your mom.

No, no.

Okay.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

Let's be very clear. Did not live with my parents.

Was Jake there?

His mom's on there.

Jake was there.

Al was there.

Jake was there, and Al was there. Al was modeling in his underwear. Jake was high as balls on the front yard. Happy for you guys. Yes. Okay. All right. So you get her back.

So I finally get her back. It's Wisconsin. We're known for drinking. And we would go. And now, I'm not proud to say this, but we would go out in any given night and have 10 to 15 shots plus drinks.

Yeah.

In a night. Which is insane. It's a lot of drinks, and it's a ton. And so I loaded her up with shots, and finally she's like, yeah, I'll come back with you. I know. It sounds so predatory. There was not a plan behind this.

I promise. The wine, it's not working. You're getting no foot rubs. 12 shots. We're going to the bar. So she's.

She's, you know, she's full of shots. I'm full of shots. We come home and I'm like, yes, it's finally going to happen. And we crawl into bed, and she passes out and pisses the bed right away. Now, here's what's cool. I liked this chick so much that I was afraid she'd wake up, be embarrassed, never come back again. So I went and cleaned it all up. Remember? Now, I didn't clean up. This is. Shows how drunk I was. I went and I got a glass of water. And why I filled it up, I don't know, but I filled up the glass of water, and then I came and I poured it over the same area where the glass was.

It was already wet.

Right.

Like, I don't know what my thinking was. And I put the glass there and I rolled over, like, trying not to lay in it, and fell asleep. So that in the morning when she.

Woke up, she spilled water.

Oh, don't you remember? You want some water? And you must have spilled it. And I thought that was the only way that I could get her to save face.

And listen, there's nothing.

When you went, you come clean with.

This story Oh, I had a track record for bedwetting.

And I was so drunk.

So I knew. It was so sweet. I was like, oh, she let me bleed.

Yeah. Yep.

Lori has game. She is game.

And you went to. We went to a buffet.

An Indian casino buffet.

An Indian casino buffet. And I'm not even kidding. This is literally the moment for me, I think it was just like that on top of, you know, what he had done on top of just like when you. It's like a Sunday when you were hungover and you're like, man, on Sundays, you really just want to be with that person that you like, love. And we had spent so much time together that literally sitting across at an Indian casino buffet, I fell in love with him. Like, it was a moment of just like, I don't ever want to live without this person.

This was seven months, though, from the first time you met him.

Probably six. Seven months of hanging in the game.

Good.

Yeah.

Well done. Endurance iron man.

So how long did you date before you guys got married?

So this was interesting. We dated for almost two years, I guess, if you include that time. Almost two years. And we always said, oh, we don't need to get married. Why put a label on it? And I'm sure there's something for us to unpack if we went back and took a deep look at that. But we were aligned that we didn't want to get married. And then one random day running errands on a Saturday together, I looked at her and I'm like, but why aren't we getting married? Like, why not? And she's like, I don't know, why not? And so it was the most informal, like, okay, cool, how about we start looking at rings and I'll get an idea of what you like. And it was like we made a decision in a very non decision making kind of way.

I remember it as like, we had said those things, but also we had said, if this is what it takes for the world to know how we feel about each other, like this external symbol, then let's do it. Because I think that we had just at that point known that we were like the ultimate, ultimate best friends and partners. Like, it was just.

Yeah.

So you're.

What, would you go to a courthouse or something?

Oh, no.

We had a real wedding.

I tried to surprise her with an engagement, even though we knew that we were getting engaged. Now, this is funny. I'm not handy. And when I say not handy, it's an understatement. And so instead of flipping, like, you can fix so when she came home from. From work, flipping the. The fuse so there'd be no lights, I went, I took all the light bulbs out of the kitchen, like, one by one by one. Like that's that level.

Because he had lit candles and wanted just the candle light. So I'm like, I walk in and I look to the left and there's like 12 light bulbs sitting in a pile. And I'm like, babe, why are. Why don't the light work? Lights work?

You're like, damn, I should have thought I'm the handy one.

I was like, you could have just. Okay, never mind. It's okay.

So did you course correct in that night and say you could have done that with the newsbox? Okay, good.

No.

So then you asked her to marry you. This is it. And then you do have a. You do have a big wedding.

Full blown wedding. I always tell, you know, we had a big wedding and I'm grateful for it, but I always tell, like, young people now don't have the great big expensive wedding because you get pulled apart. To try and see everybody, please, everybody. And you're in entertainment mode. Just take your closest people or go with. Elope with them. Just go on a little island somewhere and hang out together.

Yeah.

How long have you guys been married? Because it's about 19 years.

This August. So 21 years together.

Yeah. I saw your 21. That's amazing.

Yeah. I feel like once you get past, like, 10, you're like. And then once you get close to 20, you're like, it's me and you. Sorry.

Yeah, this is it. We're doing it way too deep at this point. Like, I'm too tired and this is like, we're too deep. So literally there's a lot.

There's a lot of people starting over and they're like mid-40s.

We see that we have a lot of friends right now.

Yeah.

We're watching all kinds of couples fall apart right in front of us too, right now.

Literally right now. Like, some of our. Even some of our closest friends, it's like, it's crazy.

What keeps you two together?

What keeps. That's such a loaded question. I mean, there's a million different practices that we have done every day that I think work really well. And then we've also come up with some, like, core things that, that we do and don't do and also learn to argue. So I think there's so many things to unpack there. But a big one is we do something called the power nine every day, which is three things you are grateful for, three things you're excited about, and three things you're manifesting. And it sounds super basic, but what it does is it always keeps us knowing exactly where each other are.

So you share that directly with Chris out loud.

We do that every day.

And there's never a single day that goes down where I don't know what Lori's excited about or what she's working on or what she has coming up that day. So we stay really, really connected from the start of the day.

Every single day we walk every single day. Three miles at least, if not in the morning, three mil miles and three miles at night.

Another thing I think that's really worked well for us. Recently, one of my Mastermind members had asked me, hey, I'm about to get married. What's your take on going to bed at the same time or not? Is it okay for one person to stay up really late? And I know everyone's got opinions on this, but the thing that I think has really served us well from a intimacy standpoint and being close to each other standpoint and just staying out of trouble standpoint is for 20 years we have gone to bed at the same time together, unless one of us is traveling every single night. And I really credit Lori for this because I'm naturally born to stay up late and she's a natural go to bed early kind of individual. And so for years she'd say, okay, let's go to bed. And she'd kind of drag me to bed kicking a screaming and say, I'm not tired yet. And of course, as soon as I got up there, zonk right out. But I really think that is a great best practice to have for couples that want to make it in the long run.

Yeah. What time you guys go to bed?

9:30.

9.

9:30.

Yeah, make it till 10. We're like, yes.

Oh, yeah, we're wild if we're best.

Yeah. 10 years.

I'm like, 11. Ooh.

Yeah. Oh, 11. 11. That's crazy. Usually if we're out at like 10:30, I'm like, I start to get so tired.

I'm like, okay, we're done with the people in Vegas.

Yeah, exactly.

They're like, actually, we've been, we've been a few times going to clubs and it's like 8:30pm and we're the only ones in the club. And everyone's like catering to our needs for sure. Dancing by ourselves. And then everybody starts showing up. We're like, oh, yeah, we're out of here.

Now you're like, this is terrible now.

Okay, so you've been going to bed the same time. You wake up the same time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You do wake up at night.

We do. And that way, you know, that way we're lined up in the morning. Right. We can do the same routine. We can do the. Do the stuff together.

He wakes up at 3:30. I'm just not gonna wake up.

No, I will now. That would be the difference. I do think in the morning if someone wants to get up earlier, great. Because they're doing their thing, they need their time.

But like nighttime's different.

Yeah. I feel like nighttime is different.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you cuddle?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We are skin to skin every single night.

So you sleep naked?

Yep.

But it wasn't always like that.

That actually started sleeping naked first.

I think we've slept naked our whole.

Always been naked.

Like our whole marriage career.

We'Ve been nudist colony.

We don't have kids. So like it never. You know what I mean? Yeah.

The wear clothes or anything, you know. I mean.

Yeah.

But yeah, every night we will be skin to skin in bed. No devices, no anything. I think that's really important from a lasting standpoint.

It's awesome. We love that. I sleep naked all the time. Only challenges is that my five year old emerges in a dream, running in. And then I'm laying there naked, going, well, now I'm gonna have to make some adjustments.

That changes.

Exactly.

I know.

Danielle likes to play hard to get with her sweats.

No.

And then she'll decide not to wear sweats.

I like it really cold and I like to like really bundle in.

So you know, Lori makes the bedroom so cold, it's crazy.

Yeah, we like it cold. We sleep better.

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

Keeps you. Keeps you under the covers. Yeah. Okay, so what run us back here? So people have to ask like, was this a choice not to have children? You didn't want to have kids. You didn't want to have kids. You couldn't have kids.

Remember when we met you guys in the Montage like forever ago.

Yeah.

And it. I was right after I had had Isla.

Yeah.

And I like came and saw you guys and we had like a brief conversation.

I think you told us about this.

You told me you were thinking about adopting or maybe not or. I don't know. I never really circled back around with the story, but.

So do you want to take it or.

Sure.

When? Just because I remember dates and like how. How old I was. So when I was 37. I'm 43 now. We decided to start trying to have kids. So we like really tried naturally for probably like a year, maybe two. Actually more like two, two or three years.

Try to the point where almost be immature.

Yeah.

Like scheduled. Like had to learn about. At first we didn't. And it's funny because so many people are like, oh, just relax and it'll happen. And I'm like, I was very relaxed. Like, I couldn't get much more relaxed around it. Like, I just didn't feel any of those things that people were telling me, like, maybe you're stressed or you're trying too hard. I'm like, no. And then we started trying to learn about it because it wasn't working. And him and I both didn't have huge stress around it, though I can say the whole time because we're so happy either way. But we did really want a child at the same time. So I would say probably three years down the road. Then we started ivf. So I did two rounds of ivf. Like, hated it. Just thought it was pretty. Absolutely terrible.

Yeah.

Like, especially when you are. I'm really. I'm really in my career and in my. And we traveling a lot and like traveling with all of those shots and doing. You don't. Your life really stops for a while. Yeah.

Give her credit though. She was a trooper. You hear the nightmare stories of. Of ibf.

Yeah.

You almost couldn't tell she was going through it. And not that that should be the standard, but you gotta pay her a compliment that you're a trooper. Whole thing.

I mean, I think the whole process that really gave me a lot of grace for people. Like, it really helped me just understand where people were at. If anything that I got out of that. It was such a beautiful lesson for what, like, what we do and what we talk about and talking to people. Like, I really got to understand deeply that mindset and what it takes to even go through that. So that didn't work for two rounds, Embry.

And every time we'd make embryos, they'd come back non viable, like, hey, these probably aren't healthy enough for you guys to proceed. So it wasn't that we weren't able to make a handful of embryos every single time. It's just they kept saying, hey, these probably aren't going to be healthy enough for you guys to proceed. So that kind of put us at the crossroads of, okay, maybe this isn't meant to be naturally. Maybe we start checking out adoption. And because we were at that crossroads, it became a. Do we even want to pursue this at this age or not? And that's literally where we are right now.

We're still there. Went on a walk this morning. So our three mile walk consisted of, I think it was you know, at like the 15 minute mark. I was like, it's so weird to me because I still feel like we're going to have a family. But I also, at this point in my life, if I'm being totally transparent, like I do not want to do the baby thing right now.

Yeah, it's hard.

Neither do I.

You're my age, aren't you?

Yeah, I'm 43. How old are you? 42.

I don't even know.

You're 41.

I'm 41.

41. Yeah. We're a couple.

You're 42.

No, I'm 41. I was 40 last year. Yeah.

It just becomes irrelevant at some point.

That's great.

That's how it should just forget about it.

I'm 47.

I'm 41. He's 47.

Eight.

He's 48.

Okay.

I'm not good at numbers.

Yeah. Who cares?

Am I the oldest one here?

I'm 46.

I think so.

Yes I am.

But yeah, but yeah, I get it. Like you feel like there's like this window. Like it's not. Well, you're in great shape and it's not like you couldn't be a mom and run around and do all the things you know.

It's just, it's a weird, it's a mindset and it's like where we're, it's, it's our relationship. It's like so many things that would change.

Yeah. I, I, so we had the IAB on, we tried. She was my third daughter.

Yeah.

And then my fourth one was a surprise and it was a good, she was a surprise. Cuz like I get it like where we're at in life right now, I'm like I love her so much but I'm like whoa. Like it's a lot of work because we went from having two to like doubling our family.

Yeah, totally.

So like I totally empathize with that. Like every night I'm like you did this to me. We have a five year old. There's some nice and cuz it's like you're at this age where it's like you, you got to wait you know, 10, 15 years where they're self reliant and doing their own thing. Like our older daughters are there. I'm like if we just had them, we're always like, we just had them be so easy.

But.

But I love my babies, you know?

Totally.

We always joke. We're like, if we just start like 12 year olds where they're in a really cool phase.

Yeah.

I don't want a part time parent.

Yeah, exactly. But here's what I'll tell you.

You're also the weekend.

You're also in a different space in life where you're older, you've, you're established, you have help you're not gonna have if you decide this. You're not gonna have like the mom guilt. Like when I had had kids in my 20s, there's so much mom guilt. I couldn't even go on a date night without feeling guilty about hiring help.

Yeah.

You know, there was just. I was raised in a Mormon atmosphere and that's kind of how it was. And so now I told him our last kid, I was like, like with Charlie, she's so sweet. I go, I'm not waiting to live life when I'm retired. I'm like, I'm gonna live life now. So we travel and we do all the things and we have full time staff and nannies because I'm like, I had two kids, I got blessed with two more. But that doesn't mean I can't create, still create my life to what I want it to be. So if you are considering it, just remember like you guys are established and you can create it to be whatever you want. But for me, it was just like I had to let go that I needed to be with my kids all the time because I work too and I will not. My kids are very much of part of my purpose, but so is my other purpose. Yeah, I think a lot of women fall into this space that their kids are their only purpose and think that they can't have multiple purposes. So that's my only advice that I would give you guys as a mama for is if you feel. Still feel it in your, in your heart and your souls and you entertain options and God gives it to you, then it's meant to be.

Hey, I hope you're enjoying the show. This quit interrupt here from whatever it was we were talking about, probably my wife's ass on the Internet or, or some other thing like my balls on the Internet, something in that genre. Listen, inappropriate as it is, what I can tell you is that living the warriors way is the backbone to everything we've built. It is the foundational operating system for a man and. Or a Woman to learn how to have it all every single day. It is the pursuit of freedom in a very systematic and gamified approach. We've been doing it now for 12 years. We've guided tens of thousands of men and women to figure it out themselves, too. For free trial today, go check it out@warriorlaunch.com I'll expand this.

I'll take it one more step. We don't, like, want for anything right now, and I think that's what makes it tough is because we're super happy, super fulfilled. And I think there's even a part of. I'm just gonna speak for myself, a part of me that is afraid, like, hey, everything's really good. Yeah, don't F it up. You know, I mean, and obviously, like you said, this would completely change the dynamic. And everything's not kind of good. Everything's like super fucking good. And so I think I'm afraid of changing that up, that dynamic up a little bit. And at the same time, I think I'm afraid I'm going to wake up in 15 years and be like, there's nothing cool to pursue anymore. I wish I would have had little humans to raise. So it's a real catch 22 when you don't necessarily. You're not missing anything right now, and you're trying to predict how you're going to feel in 15 years and if you should do it for that.

That's what we're trying to. It's such an interesting place to be because we're trying to forecast our future of how we're going to feel. And it's like, that's coming from a place of, like he said, being really fulfilled right now, but also being able to go, you know, because we have moments. We've had so many different businesses and we love them. And it's. We're such builders together. We're such creators. We love it. We actually love building a dream. We love creating things. We love, like, dreaming of. We go look at, you know, homes on the weekends because we love, like, manifesting, thinking, creating, building. But there is a little piece of it that every time we've gotten something that we've wanted, we're like, is this what it was all for? Like, there's a little piece that's like, is there something that's more, you know? Cause all of those things, we know they don't fulfill you. But we love the build. Like, we love the process. But what is it all for? And is it so today, if we're gonna go down the spiral. Cause this is where we go today. I was like, you know, it's just one big kind of cruel, fucked up joke. Just follow me. That's what I said to him. I'm like, just follow me. Because truly, it's like at the end of the day, it's just if you decide that it means something at all, like, was it that him and I were just supposed to be a couple with no children and that's what it was supposed to mean, and we were supposed to maybe inspire people who couldn't have kids or do whatever? Or was it that, you know, we came up with all of these ulterior meanings that you just have to, at the end of the day, decide, like commit to a decision, and that's the decision that you're going with. But there's still an asterisk there. So we're kind of in the place of how do we decide what that looks like and build a life without kids, but other kids in it? Because we want children in our life, but it doesn't have to be ours.

So come back for part two.

Yeah.

How do you guys make decisions? Mike, when you're talking about manifesting, you're talking about the connection that you two have and the desire and your builders. So how do you make a decision on what you're going to build?

This is interesting. We're dreamers and we dream out loud to each other all the time and we always have been. That's one of the earlier you said, hey, what keeps you together? We've always been dreamers together. We've always had the same core values together. We've always been super driven together. And so to make a decision is typically like, we get each other all amped up and all excited and we're very decisive people. Matter of fact, one of the things that makes my life so easy is I have the most decisive wife on the planet. There's no gray. There's either she wants it or she doesn't. And so we'll decide in a moment to like. Like the lake house that we bought in Wisconsin was on a walk in Arizona with no talk about it ever before. And we're looking online and it's like, oh my God, look at this place. We know this place. It just came up for sale. And by the end of the walk, we said, let's make an offer on it and went home and made an offer site unseen. So our decisions are very spur of the moment. Sometimes they bite us in the ass, sometimes they don't. But we're very decis. And we get each other amped up on decisions.

So where does this decisiveness come from, Laurie? Where does. Is this. Is this a feeling, like, at a soul level for you? And then.

Oh, yeah, it's like a guttural thing.

I think that women have that, like, intuitive, like. And then it's like you manifest it to your husband in a way. You're like, I saw this. And then you'd, like, he sees the vision. You're like, hey, let's go.

Yes, totally. I think for me, it's. And I don't think it's. I don't think I've always been this decisive. I think it's gotten really good in, like, the past 10 years. And I think it takes enough making bad decisions and that aren't yours to then know and get really clear on what decisions are. For me, I think it took a lot of, like, living another life, meaning, like, thinking I wanted something else or, you know, having other certain type of friends around me or whatever to be like, this is not feeling good. And so my whole goal is, like, just really, like, what feels good, what feels aligned? Because it sucks when you make those decisions, and it doesn't feel good. Especially once you start getting the right people in your life. Your marriage starts really, really working. It's like those little things that don't align anymore become so blaring that it makes it super easy now to make those decisions. But it starts with making enough bad decisions.

I would add one more layer to this, too. We're very verbal about what we want and don't want. We're very verbal about what we agree on or what we don't agree on. So when we're going down one of these rabbit holes saying, oh, should we do this? Laura will say, nope, absolutely not. I will not consider that color. Or I'll say, nope, absolutely not. I will not consider that neighborhood for this reason. So we're not afraid to bluntly express our feelings instead of letting it get so far down the road that now you're afraid to express your feelings.

Yeah, I think one of the big things for us is we decided that whoever feels, like, most passionately on the topic wins. So if it's something like, let's just say we're looking at a house in a certain neighborhood, and I'm like, oh, I really love it. Like, I love this house. And he's like, I absolutely cannot do it. And here's why. Like, I can't do it. I have to have access. Access to the Water within like a 15 minute walk for. Because this is how I really de stress. Like, this means everything to me. This is going to be really important for my mental health every day. I'm like, God damn it. Okay, like, you win this one. Yeah, yeah, so. And vice versa for him. Like, we build it. We have to make our case, obviously. And then once you say the case, it's like, okay, if that one.

Then it sounds like you guys have like pretty good communication with one another. A good level of respect. Would you say, like, I know you guys have gone through a lot too, because you guys kind of lost. They lost everything when we kind of went through back in. What was it?

0809.

Yeah. Like, how did that happen? And where did you guys go from There was a hard on your relationship or did it bring you guys closer?

This is interesting. 0809, recession happens. I was in banking, lost my job after spending a year flying around telling everybody else they lost their job. And when I came home to tell Lori, I said, babe got some bad news. You know, she knew things were bad but didn't, like, know things were bad. I said, hey, got some bad news. Today was my day. They asked me if I wanted a demotion of a demotion of a demotion of a demotion to run this branch in Jersey and ride this thing out, or if I wanted a severance package. And I said, I'm. I took the severance package. I said, but there's more to that. I said, we've been living way beyond our means. You know, I used to pay all the bills back then and didn't really involve her as much. I said, we've been living way beyond our means and we're gonna have to sell this house that we're in. We, you know, kind of looked around, beautiful home that we just finished building and get rid of the cars and literally like start from zero. Like, even the whole severance package, which was massive.

Yeah.

Had to go towards getting us out of this hole. And I remember she sat there. I mean, that's a hell of a thing to break to your wife. And she sat there and any reaction would have been fair there, but she was quiet, she looked at me and she said, I will never let this happen again. And that was the day that Lori started to become Lori. Because prior to that, she didn't really have a career, she didn't have a purpose. She didn't have these things that really drove her. So it was that back against the wall moment that finally made her say, all right, It.

I'm.

I'm gonna go become who I am.

Yeah. Like, I relate to that story so much because, like, something similar happened to us. He was in banking, mortgage. Is like, I knew. The thing is, is, like, I knew the ship was sinking. I'm like, I was actually physically paying the bills. And I'm like, baby, I need money. And he's like, put on the Amex. And I'm watching the debt rise and rise and rise and.

Oh, man.

And similar situation where I was like, I'm at fault, too, because I saw it happening and I didn't ask. I was like, oh, he'll take care of us. And then I remember having the same exact feeling when we lost everything and selling, literally selling furniture out of our house just to buy food on Craigslist.

We did, Totally.

Yeah.

You're like, well, I gotta eat this much. And I just remember thinking, like, I will never be in this situation again. And that's when I launched my brand as well. So I was like, but it. You. It. That's how you became who you are today. And so everything happens, like, for. For, like, a reason. Were you resentful at him at all or what was your feelings like during this?

No, I. It was a moment of. I think it was a moment of, like, taking responsibility as well, because I kind of. It's kind of like I. I didn't know what was going on. I knew it from him having to travel around and fire everyone. He literally was living Geor Clooney up in the air, like, real time. And, you know, like, guy put on. You put on 30 pounds just from the stress and just, like, traveling and having to go tell grown men, like, they're fired, you know, and cry in front of him.

Let me expand on that real quick. This is, you know, worst year of our life that year. And then the year afterwards, because, you know, one, I was doing something miserable every single day. And so to counteract that miserable thing, my coping mechanism is I'd go back to a hotel and I'd just drink as much as I could and get the cheeseburgers and the pizzas and all that stuff. So I gained 30 pounds like that. So then when you're fat and you don't like yourself, then you become a miserable spouse. And so, you know, I'd come home and I'd be miserable to her. And. And that was.

I mean, he just wasn't his happy, normal self.

Yeah. There was a point where I think you said, I don't want to put words in your mouth. But you're like, maybe this isn't the guy I'm supposed to be married to or something like that. Isn't that right?

I just had thought, wow, this is not what I signed up for, because I didn't actually know what was fully going on either. So I just thought, like, he was changing and he put on this weight, and I'm into. I'm starting to get really into fitness. I was like, oh, man. I think we're, like, going apart. And so it didn't enter my brain to be like, oh, you're going to leave. It was like, oh, oh, no. Like, that's. It was just kind of like a little exclamation point, like, ooh, we got to watch this.

So then add to that, you know, tear off the band aid. Hey, babe, we're losing everything. Got to start over. She was so cool about it. But now, even though the bad part was out of the way, I still didn't have an identity anymore, because at the time, my identity was, I'm the provider. And I've got this big title, you know, senior vice president at the world's biggest bank. And I've got, you know, know, 1100 people underneath me, and I've got all these things that I thought were important, that I thought made me important. And all that was stripped away from me. So now I'm overweight, I don't have a career, I've got no identity, and I have to figure out who am I? And that doesn't happen overnight. That was more than a year of me feeling like I didn't want to pursue anything at the same time as her out there saying, I've got to be someone, and watching her hustle and me feeling just like a lump of nothing.

Yeah.

And I didn't know when I would ever get any kind of driver's ESP back.

That was a crazy time because if you remember, like, there was nowhere for you guys to go. Like, the industry was, like, collapsed at the moment. So it wasn't like he could go. I couldn't be like, babe, go do something else. Because that's. That's kind of all he knew at the time. Like, we didn't. We didn't know about, like, this online world, and it didn't really even exist yet back then. And so for me, I had always had big dreams of being a quote unquote fitness person. I don't know what that was at the time. For me, it was like, the only thing that I saw was like a Jillian Michaels or, like, the you know, Biggest loser or. Or magazine covers. So I was like, okay. I think, like, just get on magazine covers was the goal. And that had been my goal since I was a little girl. I just never thought it was possible. Living in a small town and being raised the way that I was.

By the way, we thought that would change our life. Oh, if you just get on a magazine cover, everything will be. That's all you got to do.

Nothing changes. In fact, at the time to be on magazine covers, you paid your own way. You paid for all your clothes. You literally paid for everything.

Wow.

Like, and maybe they'll put you on. So yeah, you. I did not get paid for one cover. Yeah, I was on 11 big covers and was not paid for one.

That's crazy. Yeah.

All fitness, but it's not a career. Yeah.

We learned, though, how to leverage that. We learned and you know, when, you know, before everyone had audiences, before everyone was like making social media thing, we realized real quickly, wait, we can leverage this.

Thankfully, we started online memberships and things.

Like that to really. When I first heard of you, somebody's like, oh, she's big into fitness. She's on all these covers. But I only knew you for like all your other programs. I was like, oh, I know that.

But yeah.

So while she's getting on the covers, you get fit again.

Yep, yep. I got fit because she, you know, she was competing. Matter of fact, you guys just competed, what, a month ago or something like that? I never competed, but because there would be nothing in the house except chicken and greens and because we were doing two a day workouts and because, you know, we weren't going out or having any cocktails or doing anything by default, I got really, really fit. And that became my. My new identity was up till 2020 money. It was even though I didn't compete, it was how fit could I be and how fit could we be as a couple? And I think that really served us for. For a lot of years.

Yeah, it did. It's a connection piece.

It becomes a foundation for so much. It's so. It's learning so much discipline, like, and. And letting go of instant gratification. Like the amount of gratification you have to let go of to compete and then live that lifestyle, like, consistently. And then to like, try to stay in magazine shape all the time was like, next. That was next level for me.

Were you bikini competitor?

I did bikini and figure, actually always both at the same show.

It was different. It wasn't like muscle comp. It was a different company.

It's called Fitness America. So it was the one that was also on TV for a while. But, yeah, it's. It was really big for a while. And then when WBFF came, it kind of like, that's what that can meal the night.

You'd always see the fitness company.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got it.

Yeah. Did the routines, like, did some of the routines. Never had done it, ever.

Wow.

Like, no dance, no gym during all this.

What were you doing for business? How did you, like, rediscover yourself there?

A friend of mine that used to work with me at the bank, he was always my boss. Every time I'd move up, he'd move up, or vice versa. His name was Todd, and he had started right before the. The hit the fan. He had started a little tiny mortgage brokerage, left the bank and started a little mortgage brokerage. And he came to me the day that I got laid off and said, hey, heard you got laid off. News travel Sacks. Why don't you come over here, be my partner? I think that we could really turn this into something special because you're good at the things that I'm not, and I'm good at the things that you're not. And I didn't want to do it. I was a shell of a person at that point. I was uninterested in staying in that industry, especially during that time when everyone's closing their doors. But I did it out of fear. I had. I was afraid that I didn't have any other options. You know, I was kicked out of college. All I knew was sales in the banking industry. And so I said, all right, let's do it now. Here's where he was right, and here's where he was wrong. Our skill sets were very complimentary. We turned that thing when everybody else was closing their doors. We figured out kind of a pay plan that would be, you know, pay them if they did something. Pay them nothing if they didn't reduce all our overhead. And we ended up just crushing it. We were 36 months after that point. We were doing about $400 million worth of loans out of our own warehouse lines. We went from being a mortgage brokerage to a mortgage bank. And when we got big, the same thing that made us get big, the complementary or opposite skill sets made us opposite leaders, opposite leadership styles. And it became so incredibly toxic, and I became so incredibly miserable that I sold out my shares of the mortgage bank to Todd and our partners. And for pennies on the dollar, that.

Then opened you up. Then I came home for the adventure that you two.

You're going to get kick out of this. So I came home and I said the same thing that Todd said to me three years earlier. I go, babe, how about I come home and I'll do all the things that you're good at and. And you do all things that I'm not good at and together? It's going to be awesome. Oh, my God. It was bad for six months.

So bad.

Bad, so bad.

You agreed to this Lord story. You're like, okay, well, I was like.

Great, because there were so many things I'm terrible at. Like, so I'm. I'm a creator. I want to be out, like, speaking and talking and doing that type and leading, and I don't want to do the back end stuff. Like, I didn't want to do any.

Of, like, the web stuff because you guys are, like, so similar to us. I'm like, we pair so well together.

But I'm linear and organized.

I'm like, no problem. I got this.

And so we. He comes home and, you know, I'm. I'm also in, like, a place of, like, really starting to learn about, like, spirituality and manifesting and, like, just trying to, like, learn that whole law of attraction everything. So I'm doing, like. And I'm doing okay. Like, we're doing okay.

Let me add. So she's in this very spiritual I want to attract everything phase. And I just left 11 or 12 years of pure masculinity. Fastest way.

Like boiler room.

Yeah, like boiler room. Right. So I came home and thought that would coexist somehow.

So.

No, you thought, you're gonna bring the boiler room home.

Yeah, we're gonna get efficient.

It was so bad. I would be, like, working on something, or I'd be trying to meditate, and you'd be like, we need these sales. We need this many more women, and we need this. And I'm like, it was so bad, and he was so annoying. I'm like, he'd be over my shoulder, and I'm like, I have to, like, picture them. I have to, like, see them. I have to figure out how I'm supposed to talk to them. Like, oh, he did not like any of that. And so I hated him. Like, literally hated him. I was like, this is the worst thing ever. We had to. When we realized, because we were just screaming at each other. Like, screaming. And so that's when we. I think that was the first time we literally said out loud, like, we have to learn how to fight. Like, we have to learn what's off limits? What we can't say to each other because, you know, when you get mad at each other, that really you. I can go to a really nasty place really quickly and that would be. He wouldn't let. That was, like, where he. He's got really, really good boundaries and quite a few things that has, like. And when I hit a boundary, it's like, I know that there's no coming back from it. So I had hit it a couple times. A few times in life that really actually, like, served me well. And it was. I think that was one of the things is, like, I would just say something maybe super nasty to you, or I would say. And I'll tell her.

I'll say.

And it was like, never again. Never again. And we have to figure this out. So then we would learn, like, how to fight. What's off limits? What names can't I call you? What can I call you?

I love how you're saying. Saying we learned how to fight.

Yeah.

Because for sure, it's part of marriage, but there are things where you're like, I took it too far, and I can't undo that.

Yeah, totally.

100.

So during this time of being business partners and the wars breaking out.

Yeah.

What's happening to your sex life?

Oh, interesting.

Yeah. I don't. I don't think there was any. During that time.

Well, I'll tell you, we did the most unsexy thing ever. We'd go to bed each night reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind out loud and then doing the actions of us. Like, I have a millionaire mind.

Like, yeah, you're just, like, business partners.

I think that was, like, priority for a while. Like, we just needed to get our lives, and I think we were both on board for that.

Yeah.

We just needed to get, like, our together. Like, there was no. It was like, we were go. Like, go mode. We are partners. Like, let's go.

Were you guys laying in bed naked while reading?

Absolutely.

So see naked.

Shout out to T. Harv er.

The Harv Er. And his. His nighttime threesome, which I couldn't go to bed naked. He just. Little did he know. Right?

Little did he know.

I just be like, let me hold it while you read. Just read the next chapter. Stay focused.

Oh, my gosh. Why am I thinking this is. Please make me tell you a pun. After that, I thought of with T. Harver.

I'll tell the pun now.

T. Hard pecker.

We're never coming back from that one.

T Har has now sparked the T Har pecker. The Hard pecker.

Edit that.

But my brain isn't any of that greatness. Okay, so we're laying in bed naked, reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, while Chris is trying to control you from the backside, giving you all the detailed structure and you as an artist or, like, go fuck yourself.

Yeah.

And so sex did kind of slow down.

Oh, yeah, it definitely slowed down.

The reason why I asked because, like, we. We want. We know a lot of couples that work together, but people see couples working together, beautiful people like you two working together, and they don't understand the carnage of the business. Partner, lover, transition, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

Oh, yeah, listen, it's always ebbed and flowed while we've worked together in, like, phases, if you will. Right? And the reason why is half the time you go to bed so tired or so stressed out or so pissed. Yeah, pissed that that's the last thing on your mind. But when it's ebbed and flowed for us, the one thing that we have always done is we've still gone to bed at the same time, naked, and embraced and held each other. And so even though we might not have been in the mood for a struggle week, we still were not, like, rolling over backs to each other every single night for two decades now. What do you say first thing? You're like, army. Army. Yep, army. And that means I gotta put my arm out, and she comes and she rolls in like. Like, legs over me, and I just kind of roll her in. And we've never stopped doing that. So we've always had intimacy. Haven't always had sex streaks.

Got it. Got it. So it. Who. Who breaks the streak? Lori. Does Lori just actually say more of a streak needs to be. This guy needs to come right now. And you're like, is it like. Or is it you finally, like, pull the massage 12 shot?

Like, foot massage.

Massage. Keep drinking that tequila I got you.

No, I think. I think four out of five times, you're the. The streak breaker.

Uhhuh.

Y. I think most women are the streak breaker.

Are they? I didn't know that.

Frustrating. Yes. Danielle's the same way. Wait, why is it unpacking attack that I think is. Well, my only experience is. Okay, go.

Well, I was just gonna say, like, they're like, I feel like women don't need it as much, and, like, we can feel this tension, and we're like, let's just break the tension. Like, it's. It's like there's. This is so stupid now. Even if it's like you're busy or you're tired or whatever, it. This resentment and this tension builds to, like, we're with him. I'm like, why am I bugged that he just put a spoon right there? Like, little things like that. I'm like, oh, we need to. We need to go take care of something.

Yeah.

My problem is within. If it. If it goes past seven days. Days, I start shutting down. If it goes past 10 days, I'm like, you're a lampshade. It's like, literally, you just become another thing. You're another person in my world. You're not my lover anymore. You're just like a woman that's in my world. And you're like a team member.

Yeah, we're just like. We're like roommates. We're just like, high five on the way out. And I'm like, oh, that's not good.

It'll be so. So when you get into those. Those streaks like that of not doing it, you'll go to bed and you'll be conscious of. Of it, and you'll be like, oh, I know that we should do this right now, but I'm tired. Or, oh, I know it's been a while, but, oh, I know it's been. But I'm angry. Right. And you have this guilt or this. It's not that. It's not top of mind. It's very much top of mind because, like, oh, my God, it's been a lot of days. I should do something about it, and I don't feel like it.

Is it top of mind for you, Lori, or is it just top of mind for you, Chris?

Maybe I'm the only one that feels.

It's always top of mind for guys. And guys start counting. They start counting the days. They start counting the number of orgasms they haven't had, or they'll think I.

Start to feel the guilty time that.

I had an orgasm. And then you're like, is it gonna be another week? You're like, if I add all the math up, that's like one time in, like, 20 days. What the fuck is happening right now? Every guy. The interesting part is you spent your world with women. I've spent the last 12 years with men.

That's interesting.

Training 65,000 men. So, like, these questions are questions that come up all the time. Then you get couples that are powerful together, and almost every time, it's the woman who gets in the game. Because guys are actually limited. You two control the jewelry box. Meaning if I want to end the streak. And I come to you, I say, hey, we need to end the streak, babe. It looks like you really need to come hard. You need to release some tension. I learned this move, Mike. I'm actually really close to that Tequila, a bottle of wine, and I'm gonna massage your feet. I have a new friend. His name's Chris. He taught me the strategy. Turning leaf Behringer, how to turn your wife around and 12 shots or less. But it doesn't work that way, and particularly with women like you two, because you both are opinionated, powerful, connected, driven. And you have also an ability to say, hey, I have a purpose. I do. These other things. I don't. I'm not sitting around thinking about having orgasms all day long. The more powerful a guy gets, the more he thinks about sex. The more success he has, the more he thinks about sex. So this is why there's so many couples that are getting into the position we were talking before the show, that they're rising. The guys are continued to rise in power. The women control the sex tool, control the sex game. These guys are committed to one vagina. They're rising in power and getting attention from everywhere, and they get tired of the war. That's why couples who run companies together. I can't name for you more than maybe 10 right now who have stayed together or couples. If you see celebrity couples, rising power athlete with single or. Because you start having your own opinions about life and how you're going to operate and being able to come back together now, throw five kids in the mix, and it's a fucking circus. So now you're like, how in the world do we generate this? And we had to go through a ton to get to a place to figure that out. But it's still even now, if we get to a place where it's been like a week, which doesn't hardly go past a week anymore because, like, I'm just. I'm too aware of it now. I'm like. I'm like, it's been five days. I've been grinding, training 5,000 guys this week, week. Like, I'm in such alpha mode, and in alpha mode, I want to. And I want to build.

That's it.

So, like, we've had to come. Like, I've had to be very honest with her, and she's had to be very honest with me about what we need. It's not like our power 9 what you guys have. It's like our.

Well, I think, too, with kids, I manifest getting Laid. That's one of the.

Exactly. That's like, write down my manifestation is laid tonight.

I think, though, for me, like, I used to, like, withhold a little bit because he'd be out working and grinding and I would just be like, well, my needs didn't get met. So that's when the, like, I realized I wasn't doing myself any favors. Because now, like, I was like, pushing him away. But then it would, like, almost go from pushing him away, then he would just get numb and work even more. And I was like, well, that didn't help me. So that's why for me, like, I recognized that, like, years ago where I was like, I gotta break the streak or whatever it is, you know, and now we're way more aware. But I'm like, it's just like. It's not even like the sex, it's like the connection, you know? Like, I can tell when we're really connected and I can tell when I'm. I'm like high fiving them on the way out, you know? So it's like staying in that place where you don't get too far, disconnected, you guys know, you're so busy, it's hard to say 100%, like, just connected all the time. But recognizing when you feel drifted.

This is interesting. So you said something, you said, you know, when people are working together, it gets that much more difficult. I think people think that Lori and I work together on businesses, and we haven't done that for years. And that's intentional. We learned along the way way that working together on the same business, while it could be fun and could be cool in some ways, creates a lot of damn problems.

We do events together, but we do some events in a podcast, but that.

Doesn't that feel like second nature to us now?

When did you. How long ago did you know that you needed to do this so that you two could not only survive, but you could thrive together?

I can't think of the year, but maybe it's been like seven years now.

Yeah, seven, eight years.

What had the decision come up? Was it just War Zone?

I think it wasn't fun. Like, I just think we weren't having fun. And I also, like, he wants to do his own thing. That feels very different than what I want to do. And it was. We just kind of created separate paths. Now we do come together for events, which feels. That feels fun though. We have a team. We just get to speak on stage together. Like, we kind of only have to spend a couple hours together prepping for that.

That.

Which. Even that can feel difficult sometimes.

Start bickering.

Yeah.

Which is a reminder why we don't necessarily build business. The same businesses together. But where I was going to go with this is we're not two entrepreneurs working on the same business. We're two entrepreneurs that happen to be under the same roof, if that makes sense. And that's helped because we have separate lives now. We find each other more interesting, which means we find each other more attractive. I don't know what went on with her day at the end of the day, as opposed to being there for everything that went on run, you know, during the day.

It's very different. Very different vibe.

Yeah.

I see her in a different, sexier light that she's off running this business autonomously, and I get to go off and run mine autonomously. So I'm guessing that maybe you see me in a different.

Our conversations are way better because. Yeah, yeah.

So people are struggling with this. Maybe take a look at building separate businesses and being two entrepreneurs under the same roof instead of being two people working on the same business together. Together.

Yeah.

We've gone through that.

We've gone through. Yeah. I mean, but my problem is, like, I always. Because I have so many damn kids, I'm always like, I feel like I want to put my time and attention into my kids for a season. And so then I'm like, hey, can you come. Can you come over here and, like, help me out? You know?

Yeah.

So it's like, as much as we have separate, I'm always like, I always have to kind of pull him in a little bit.

But do you have that down, though, now? Like, do you guys kind of have a groove with that?

We. I mean, we're better now than we have been. There was, like, a few years where we were, like, running events together, like my hair events. Yeah. And I was like the artist and he was like the manager, but I was always, like, we were always fighting. And so we were just like, we've got to separate Warrior and nbr and they can't be like, you guys said, like, two businesses under. But. But again, I still have to pull him in a little bit because I feel like I can't give it all my attention and time that I want to, but I'm. But I do love being a mom, so I'm always, like, trying to, like, balance doing both things.

It's a lot. Juggling a son who's engaged, who's now pregnant. You're going to be a grandma.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

I can't imagine mixing all of them.

Announcing that yet. But I was telling his friends, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be a grandma. Sound too excited. I'm like, sorry, I'm gonna be a grandma.

She's gonna be a guilt. That's right, guilt. She went from MILF to guilt. Congratulations. But that and then about four other girls, two teenage daughters, I mean, the first one just permanently is committed to making sure the world knows she has her nipples pierced and she's singing. And then the 13 year old is now committed to also freeing the nipple. That started here these last two weeks.

And then we got taught to navigate.

So, like, it's been interesting with Danielle because with couples where they're doing business together, plus they got kids or they're doing business because they don't, or couples that have been married before divorced and then came together, all these dynamics are so different because everybody's kind of got their thing figured out. Like one of guys, one of the guys I'm good friends with, him and his wife are on fire. They're running companies together. And he's like, the only reason it works is because she's got second wife vibes. Yeah, she's got second wife, second wife vibes. She's already established herself. She's a producer. She already is very clear about herself and committed to her manifestation routines and meditation. And she's like in her own lap lane. I'm in my lane. Second wife power. He's like, first wife was like, we were running up together and it was rough.

Yeah. I still think though, like, whether you have kids or you don't, like, the fact that you guys have been married is like, yeah, they're that long. There's something to be said about that. You know what I mean? And so I always like to have people on. I'm like, well, what are some of your secrets that you could share with people? But it seems like you guys just have like a really, like, honest conversations with each other. You have your routines, you do together, and it's like at some point you're just like, you're my person.

It's very much you're my person. And like making that commitment out loud. Hey, I'm not going anywhere. You going anywhere? No, you're not going. So why keep fighting? Matter of fact, a lot of times when we're fighting, I'll literally be like, listen, if you're not going anywhere, and if I'm not going anywhere, all we're doing is just making this time that we're going to spend together much more miserable. So why don't we just cut to the chase and get over it? And I think there's that realization that happens when you know you're committed and there's not one foot out the door. There's not an escape route. Then you might as well get it over with. Steph dragging it, because you're only making your own life miserable.

Yeah.

If you're both in it, then you're just ruining your day. Like, you're literally just taking hours away from what could be great.

Yeah. You're like, this is stupid. We're too. I always tell them. I'm like, we're too powerful to be in this dumb argument. Like, why are we spending so much time here? Totally. It's hard. I mean, there's still, like, triggers and everything else, and so it's like, okay. Like, sometimes we just have to have, like, space to, like, process, and that's space to process.

I think. Advice I'd give people, have your own life and have your own set of friends as well. I know there's differentiating opinions on this, but I've got my own set of friends in my own life and my own business to pursue. She has her own set of friends, her own life, her own business to pursue. And then we have our common threads in there as well. And if you can balance that, I think that's the best way to go, because you. I can't expect her to be all things for me and be there to have all conversations that I need to have some. I just need to have them with my guy friends and vice versa. She can't expect me. Me to be all things that she needs and vice versa.

That's.

That's an unrealistic expectation.

It's like, too needy. Yeah.

Way too needy.

Yeah. You know, I like that you're sharing that. I. After this last baby, I told Garrett. I was like, I think I sent Lori, too. I'm like, I think I need to get it back out there. I'm like, I need friends. I'm like, I love you. And like, conversations and. But I'm like, I need, like, more than just date nights, you know, girls to talk to. Yeah. I was like.

To spill the tea to try to solve the problem.

Spill the tea to him. He's like, solving my problems. I'm like, I don't need you to do that. We just.

We're here to analyze for hours and not it anywhere.

Yes.

I love it. So she'll come back from these. These. These girls masterminds. That she'll go on, right? And she'll just be gone two, three nights, and she'll come back. And I love the version of Lori she has because she comes back, she's refreshing. She's like, I've got this idea, and I've got this and I've got that, and I didn't have to do any of the process.

Her needs were met. Like, she's so good.

Right? Right.

There'll be times where he's really struggling in his business, too. And I'm like, you need to call. And there's this group of guys that I'm like, you need to go. And you just need to go be around them, because whenever they, like, you know, pour life, they tell him to get over it or they, like, help him out or whatever it looks like. But I can't imagine not having that group of guys, like, because I can't fix sometimes what he needs. You know, he needs a different version of, like, sometimes he needs a kick in the ass. And coming from me, that's just going to sound who knows what way, but it's not. It's not going to get through to.

It goes back to what you said. So I don't want my wife to have to be my coach and an hour later have to be my sexual partner. Like, that's not sexy.

You know, I mean, y.

We've learned that the hard way. I'll try to ask him for advice, and then he's like, you want to go have sex? I'm like, no, no.

You're my coach right now.

Oh, I've learned.

You just told me about my limiting beliefs.

Now he'll. I can tell. He'll be like, how's your day? And I was like, oh, okay.

I know. I'm like, anything this woman says sounds good to me. I'm like, tell me more about that.

Yeah. I'll be like, good job, babe.

Oh, God. How do you stand her? What else happened?

What else? Tell me more.

Let's analyze running mantras in my mind to stay. Stay present and focused. And, like, keep your eye on the prize. Keep your eye on the prize. Don't solve it. I really. Yep. That's an easy one to fix. Don't talk about it. Don't bring it up.

Don't tell her.

I learned a great line that I. That I use now, and that is. She'll be like, where are you right now? Like, I'm just holding space.

It's so annoying, but it works. I'm like, got it.

Okay.

He's telling me. He's telling me all he wants to do is solve this right now, but he's keeping his mouth shut.

Yeah, that's the best thing a guy can do, honestly. But I have to pre frame Garrett. Not that was rude, but, like, I have to pre frame Garrett. I'm like, I need to tell you something, and it could be about our daughter. And I'm like, but don't try to solve the problem. And he's so funny. Ten minutes later, he's like, bailey, I need to talk to you. I'm like, what did I tell you?

We can't stop it, though. It's how we're built. It's literally how we're built.

I got a bomb text from my daughter yesterday, and she's super angry about this guy that was. We were doing stuff with. And he's interrupting. It's this long thread. By the time I'm halfway through it, I've already messaged the producer. I messaged this manager. I'm like, we're meeting in 10 minutes. And then I'm like, hey, do you want me to take these people out or what? She's like, no, I'm just sharing tea with you. I was like, well, must have been laced with tequila, because I was ready to go handle things right now. I don't. It's a. This is why, like, if I am not around guys, but it's.

Then women don't feel safe to share. So, like, it's like, I want to share so much with him, and I'm like, maybe I'll go talk to Bailey or one of my friends. Totally. Like, is he going to try to go fix this? And, like, what is going to happen?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's crucial. You have to have these other sets of people so you're not expecting your partner to be the. The. You know, but don't you want to.

Like, sometimes, like, there's, like, things. I'm like, I want to share this with you, though. Like, you're my best friend, so it's, like, hard because you're like, I might get a little bit of kickback or backlash or you solving it, but I still want to share this with you. You know, I'll.

I'll get that sometimes. But he knows that my. I'll. I'll say, okay, so he knows that it's getting solved. I'll be like, my. Like, you know, my process is like, I will get the answer. I just have to say it out loud. Loud 20 times from different angles. But I need to Be the one to get the answer. So if he knows, like, oh, she's doing this for a purpose, sometimes I feel like that'll be really good. But other times it's like, yeah, I think just having. Creating that language together is. Is super vital.

So you're, like, talking in circles until you. Until you're like, I answered everything. Thanks for being a sounding door.

I'm like, oh, my God, I've got.

He's like, you're welcome.

And that's what my girlfriends will do. When I was really struggling, when the original company that we had interviewed on Light Pink was turning into Glo, talk to him, and he would just want to, like, solve it in that moment. And I'm like, I don't know what the next thing is yet. Like, I have to be passionate about it. And so with my girlfriends, we would go on these really long walks where we would, like, talk about the same exact thing or come from every angle. I'm not even kidding. Sometimes it'd be, like, two hours of the same thing, and at the end, maybe I'd have an answer or not, or I'd feel closer to something, but that would destroy his soul, like, the way that we're doing it.

Although the irony is I'm there now, right? So I'm making a big pivot with my company, and it's a forced pivot, and I need hours and hours and hours of, you know, sounding out all these ideas and all this stuff. And now I know I can't go rely on her.

I mean, I'm down for analyzing.

So. Yeah. Yeah, I actually can't. I can't do that with Danielle.

Right.

I actually. I'm not. I'm on a new project, which is demasculinize my wife.

I'm not masculine.

No. I turned you into a dude, and dudes do it all the time.

Well, when I was in my, like, very, like, in the thick of things, like, we were. We were in competition with each other. We weren't even married anymore. I was like, no, I'm gonna produce. And it was like, I was.

Yeah, we would compete on financials. We compete on everything. It was not fun.

But I didn't serve you at all, though. I mean, like, was that a good thing or no?

No, because, I mean, I didn't really realize I was doing that. And then I got to this place where it was, like, we were almost gonna get divorced, and I was like, I actually want. I want to be feminine. I don't want to be, like, so angry and resentful. And I want to be sexy and flirty and all these things. I. I'm like. It just went away because I was just in, like, grinding mode. And honestly, honestly, like, right after my first two kids, we, like. I didn't know if we're gonna stay together. So I started my business, honestly as, like, an escape route. Like, I was like, I'm gonna start stockpiling cash, and I don't know if this is gonna work out. And so I wasn't. I was rebuilding, like, trust with him after losing everything and having kids. So it didn't serve me at all. But I got to this place where I was like, okay, either I fix it with this guy, or I get divorced and figure it out with another guy. And I was like, I've got two kids. At this point, I probably should try to figure it out with this guy. And so I had to really go back to. That's when we started the date right Podcast. It was, like, forever ago. Cause I was like, we've gotta learn how to date again. Again? Yeah, Because I'm like, I know there's chemistry there. I just. We kind of lost it and got into this weird competitive, like, nature with one another.

So I was like, coming home to a dude.

No, I was very closed off.

No, you were very hot dude. You were like, you know, very sexy. But I wasn't turned on by at all. I just want to punch you in the throat, like, because I would come home from business and I would come. You gotta remember, I'm coming home from events where we're throwing guys out of helicopters. It's aggressive. They're sparring, fighting, beating the shit out of each other. Each other. I'm coming from the highest alpha level. Experiences with men for days on end. And then I come walking through the house, not to a feminine woman. I become walking into, like, a boss, and I'm like, okay, boss, you want to battle? Because I've been at war for four days. So you want to battle right now? Great. Keep your shield up, because I'm gonna punch you hard right now.

It wasn't always like that, but it was.

It was like that for years.

There were days where I'd, like, I would, like, drop my kids off at school. I'd. This is like, when I was heavy in the salon. I'd go work at the salon for like, 10, 10, 12 hours a day. I come back, my kids are already in bed. So the last thing I want to do is, like, hang out with this guy. I'm like, I. I Get it? You had a long day, too. Me too. Like, good night.

You know, it's. It's so. It's so interesting, though, because I do feel like. And I think when I say, did it serve you? I don't think it serves in the marriage, but I feel like. Like to go to that extreme, to have to figure out, because it's almost like you're trying to clean up what you were. You're like, okay, well, that didn't work. Like, not feeling in control did not work.

Right.

So, you know, my whole life, in order to learn something, unfortunately. But it's just how I' learned is the pendulum has swung so far to the other direction every single time. And it's like, that's how I end up kind of going, oh, well, actually, both extremes don't necessarily work, because even when you're in the place that you're like, nothing is working, there's still some things working. Like that, you know, maybe being in that, like, more feminine, flowy place. Like, there was probably things in your marriage that were working more. And so it's kind of like when people ask me, you know, how do you.

You.

How do you do this or how do you do that? It's like, well, sometimes you got to, like, really work your ass off in the beginning or you turn into a totally different person, or you need to embrace a totally different energy or. Or. So that's a tough one for me to answer because, like, even looking at that, I feel like it. You probably gained so much insight, though, from, like.

I guess I shouldn't say it didn't serve me because it built me, you know, for who I am. It taught me. Now I have a lot of respect for him. I'm like, wow, had I not experienced that?

And that's what he's in all the time.

Yeah. I'm like, wow, that, like, thank you. You know, so there's definitely of, like, more of, like, respect, even for his guys in his program, where maybe some of the women don't understand it. I have a lot of empathy for it. I'm like, I get it. Like, when men come home and they're supposed to turn it on and be Disneyland dad, I'm like, I get it. So I guess it's like it built me to who I am today, and I'm glad. Like, I kind of circled around and realized, like, that was a piece that built me, but I still want to be in this feminine space.

Totally. I feel that. I mean, I feel that that's a struggle for me. All the time. Yeah. Yeah.

You gotta be able to double into the pendulum, like, the number of powerful women over 40 that I'm connecting that are either single or are divorced and sitting in this relationship with somebody that's just a softer dude. And so these women, at the end of the day, at least my experience, even with Danielle, yes, you can be aggressive. Yes, you can be tense. And there's times I need you to do that, and you need to be that for yourself. And she learned it during that season. But there's this other side of this softness on the other end of the spectrum of the keyboard. It's like, play the whole fucking keyboard. And if you don't play the whole keyboard, just play one. One side. All feminine, all the time, with no intensity. All intensity, but no feminine energy. There's no polarity. Then it just becomes war zone. Because then you got the women that are doormats and their husbands wanted to rise. Their husbands will cheat on them because they're just, like. They're not appealing anymore because they're just little softies that listen to everything they say. Or you get the opposite side. They're so intense that the single women. This is a big challenge for the single women that I know in my programs and connect with me. And they're like, all powerful, all make money, and Dave cannot find men.

Yeah. I have so many girlfriends like that right now, and I don't even know what to tell them.

Yeah, it's legitimate. Because the kind of guy that can stand in that power with a woman like that, like Chris, you figured out you have a very powerful wife. You figured out how to play not alpha her. You figured out how to create enough masculine intensity that she can rest.

That's very true.

She can let go of the masculine and rest. This is what I couldn't figure out with Danielle. Once I figured out what I needed to do, there was a code to it, do, doing it, then she could.

Rest because he was so intense all the time.

But most of it's, like, tough. I mean, programs too. You have to be around a ton of women over 40 with this. Like, it's like a ton. It's like. It's an epidemic. It's like a. It's a serious problem. A ton of beautiful, powerful women over.

40 come out of it. It's like, you have to be able to switch roles. And, like, for me, like, I'm very conscious of it now, so even little things I do, I'm like, okay. Like, I'm trying to really be in that feminine Space. So here he feels safe and so. But then there's times where I start talking to him and I'm like more in business mode. And he's like, he's almost like repelled a little bit. So it's just like knowing like there's certain times I can have business conversations with him. It might be like a meeting that we're in, but at nighttime when we're hanging out or whatever. And it's not in business mode. I know I don't want to flip that on and if I do, I'm asking for a fight sometimes. So I have to be very conscious about like conversations that I have with him because, like, like I said, I will pull him in my business sometimes, but I'm not going to pull him at 6pm at night when we're relaxing.

Totally.

I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have this conversation with him. I'm gonna schedule a walk to this morning at 9 and talk to him about it.

I think what, you know, life's greatest emotional intelligence is, is knowing that there's always a time and a place and being able to wisely choose that time and that place. And I think if you can be conscious of that, your relationship's gonna go really, really well. But people that don't have awareness around, hey, there's a time and a place and being able to execute that right. I think they're, they're set up for failure, you know.

So what is the thing that you two are most excited about as a coach? Couple.

As a couple is interesting. Trying to figure out the kids or no kids thing. Here's why people might think like, oh, that sounds daunting. It's kind of exciting. Like even our walk this morning, we're.

Just kind of like in this. What's next for us right now? Because we're normally really clear and we're not right now.

Yeah.

And that's the exciting part about it, is like we could end up with a full blown family. We could end up just the two of us and traveling around the world and building business. We don't know. And that's kind of exciting. And it's also intimidating to be honest. Like for me, the intimidation is what if we make the wrong choice? But I think that is where the thrill comes.

I can say you're at choice. Yeah, yeah, but, yeah, yeah, but it's ultimately whatever choice it is, it's going to be the right choice.

Yeah, totally. And that's, thankfully, that's a belief we both hold is like, okay, well Whatever we choose, we're going to make it the choice that we're going to make it great, whatever it is. So that's. I think working on two separate startups is so wildly interesting and fun and hard and horrible at once to what.

You guys were just talking about.

I love how your power manifesting words are being placed perfectly and succinctly in domino order. Such a beautiful way. That was such a beautiful way for me to translate. Yeah, shit's on fire and we're having a great time. Exactly. We can't use those words. Those are not manifesting powers.

Dull day in our house right now.

We are so stretched right now and that's taking our relationship for sure to a new level. Like, we're having conversations like, what does next level support look like for you? From me? What does it look like from yourself? Yeah, that's been huge. Like, you've started even the past, like three days meditating for like long periods of time, which I never thought this man would do. But it's like some things are happening health wise wise that are like requiring him to do it.

I wouldn't recommend two true startups in the house.

I wouldn't recommend it.

You're doing a physical product too.

Yeah. That's not like launching fintech product that we've got millions and millions and millions of dollars dumped into and now we have to pivot. Like, it's crazy.

The pivot is. We are. We're kind of at a pivot. Here's what we're gonna tell you. Like, at least our experience with as many companies built and burned at the same time. The pivot, it's very stressful. The pivot is. The pivot is the hardest.

Yeah.

But you have to hit it. And when you hit it, there cannot be any hesitation and you have to just let shit burn behind you as.

You feel so scary.

People are like, how do you guys keep growing and building the wealth? How do you keep. Cause we've pivoted so many times to the point we've been sitting with each other, cautious.

I'm pretty sure we feel that.

Pretty sure. We could lose everything if this pivot does.

Like, let's go. Yeah.

Well, it. Hold on. Here we go.

We are so signed up for that. We talk about all the time. We're like, listen, what's worst case scenario? We start from zero again.

We've already done that at the bar, having shots and giving you a foot massage.

We'd still be going for our walks.

Every day, you know, and it would.

Be the best story on earth, and you come back stronger. Like, you just.

Just.

You just do. But I feel that so hard. Like, it's so nice to hear that from other couples. And that is why we hang around a lot of entrepreneurial couples, is because you can feel so alone in that and be like, are we crazy? Does this happen to successful people? I thought if we hit success, that this should never happen. Are we.

Are we.

Is there something wrong with us? Were we dumb with our money? Were we. No, you just keep putting money into companies to go bigger, and then sometimes things, like, literally disappear overnight or things change or the Internet changes something or ads change something or laws change something. And I think that's what people perceive, like, looking at a couple like you or like us, they're like, oh, they've got it. Like, it's set.

No.

Yeah. No, we're still working.

I would say in the last 10 years, we've had three to four moments of.

Going all in.

We're like, there's only one way through this. And it's not pause, and it's not think the Put all the kids on the truck. I'm going to punch this across this gap, and I'm gonna make it. If we don't make. I had one time. It was actually. I was about 18 to 24 months ago. I had. I will roll my dice on things. And I'm like, there's no way we're losing all four of these. It's like my friends that I watched lose $150,000 in 12 minutes on the crap table in Vegas this week, they're just. We always. We'll get back on top. That's how I was. I was like, I'm gonna roll the dice on four things. 1, 2, 3, 4 at the same time. And none of them worked. And it took her colliding with me because I just get more determined.

I could, like, I could see it.

Roll the dice again.

I was like, I can't do nothing.

So she's coming to me. We're sitting on a flight coming back from. I don't know if I were Grant and Elena. I don't remember where. We're in, like, Danielle's like, I don't know if you're gonna be able to pull it off. I'm.

And I was like, well, I was like. I could see, like, all the red flags. And, like, when we lost everything before, I was like, oh, no. Like this, like, right, right. I was like, we're not gonna do.

We're not going to. But at least you can see it coming now.

Yeah. So now I'm like, how bad could things get? We're never gonna be that rock bottom again because you've gone through it. So you're like, okay, it's gonna get a little dicey for a minute.

But I sat there in that moment in our pivot, and I fired. I got up the next morning, had made critical decisions. I let go of 80% of our employees overnight, including my son. And I let. I mean, key people, like, just go, go, go, go. And then we went on a straight tear with my CFO and teams, and we just would sit with all that financials and go, gone. Call them, we're done. Call them, we're done. Canceled. Cancel. Just till we got to a place where we could stabilize and then go, okay, the team is now. Now seven over here, and the team is nine of us here. And we were 70. Okay, sorry. Now what are we gonna do?

Right?

Okay, now we can breathe. Okay, what do you see now? What is true now? What are we gonna do now? Okay, we're not fucking hiring anybody, that's for sure. And we forced ourselves to grow. Like, we had our ad account shut down, and we got them hacked from, like, these hackers that literally stole all my shit. Plus, it was so much at once. And I'm trying to be connected with her on vacation. We're in Bora Bora, and I'm losing my fucking mind. And she's, like, having fun with tequila and doesn' she's like, it's my birthday, and I'm like, love this beautiful place. And.

And I feel like I'm gonna.

Fuck are we going to do?

Yeah.

So those jumps, you're right. They make you. And even if you ran the truck and you tried to jump the gap and you fucking burned up the process, you're not gonna die.

No.

You're gonna come out stronger. You're gonna come out with new experience. And we're built. So it's not gonna be your last shot, not gonna be your last at bat. So.

So fuck it.

I think you have to. I don't know anybody who. When you really ask them about somebody who has a life that you want. I don't know anybody who hasn't had these moments multiple times and things.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, people look even at our house like, well, this house will likely sell this week, and then we're going to Miami. And they're like, how in the world did you get into a $28 million house? I was like, because we are willing to jump the gap while you guys sit in the cul de sac. And we've passed people, even our mentors and coaches who where, like, they get to a place where they're just like, you know what? I think it's good enough. Yeah. But we're like, you know what, what if.

What if we put the kids in the truck?

What if we put the kids in the back with seat belts and we just fly the gap here?

What if I made a ramp?

What if we pushed real hard?

Growing, though, and you're in this lifestyle, you can't, you can't stay stagnant.

No.

Like, you're literally. It's like the little callings, like, it's time to go. And you're like, really? Shit. Are you sure? Because I really like this house. I don't know if it's time to. You have to like, listen to that. And then when you get across the gap or whatever it is, you're like, wow, thank you for allowing me to hear that and having the courage to jump, you know? And I think that God really leans into people like that because it's like, the more you can say yes, the more you're going to help an impact. So for me, it's like, it's scary. And I'm sure you guys are in the same boat where you're like, scary. But when I'm in this place, I'm like, who? I always just tell myself, who am I meant to impact and who am I going to become in the process? And then. And I'm like, fuck it, let's go.

Because you can't stay here. No, you can't stay here because you will. It's like, well, if you know that you're meant to grow, and I think we all are, like, you will self destruct. And I know that first I'll start self destructing our relationship. Because it's the most important thing to me. And it's what I will always do. I see it in myself. When I start to be stagnant or avoidant or fearful, like, I will start stuff with us and then, then it's. I start sabotaging myself. It's just like a cycle. And I did it long enough to recognize it. And if anybody listening, like, knows they do it, it's truly, there's. There's things you can do to stop it. And it's like, you have to grow more.

I'm glad that you're sharing that because I think people see successful people and they just are like, oh, they're so happy. And there is, like, we are happy, but there's also this level where you, like, you self sabotage and you're like, why am I doing this? Oh, because I'm supposed to keep going. Or why am I sedating with this? Oh, because I know I need to go to the next level. And it's. It's so important to. Like you said, I recognize that in myself now. So when it's. You're like. When you're, like, sabotaging, you're like, oh, okay, what do we need to do? Where do we need to go? Instead of staying in this place of, like, where you said your soul's almost like, dying, you're just like, okay, like, why am I physically, like, dying?

To me, staying in the same place, is my soul dying?

Yeah.

I need to be on an adventure. I need to be building something. I need to be, you know, kind of evolving or what's the point? Like, the prize is not. Not getting somewhere and staying there. Even if it's a beautiful place. I just don't think that's the price.

Yeah.

I think that's a big. That's the biggest illusion that everyone else. Yeah.

Money and all that will come, but ultimately you're like, that's not all we're here for.

Right. And when you get there, it all gets boring.

I wish people knew that.

And I understand you have to have.

A carrot to chase.

Right.

But I wish people knew that that stuff gets boring. Law of diminishing returns kicks in. Right. Like, the first exciting car you buy. Yay. Second one. Yay. Third party, everyone like, well, that wasn't very exciting anymore. Fourth and fifth. And now you're like, wait, what else is there? What else could I do? What else is going to motivate me? And every. Everything just becomes a thing, and you can't be attached to things. You have to be totally cool with. Like, yeah, I'm going to sell the house because I know I'll buy another one down the road. I'll sell the car so I know I'll get different ones down the road. You have to make sure that you are very agile and not attached to things or you're not going to be able to build anything.

Yeah.

Half the time, that's what I believe. Leave. I think it's why we're. We're selling and moving.

Yeah.

It's not even an economic situation for us. Like, we wanted to be in Miami. We were sitting at Coastal Kitchen, this little restaurant over here, like, six weeks ago, and Danielle was like, forehead to Forehead doing the mind thing that she likes to do to me, which is beautiful. She's just my brain right in front of everybody. It's so beautiful. And then she's like, we gotta sell and go.

Well, so I, like, love this house. Like, I literally told G, like, manifest it. We live two doors down, and I would walk by this house. It wasn't for sale. It wasn't for sale. Finally, they put it up for sale. They're like, how we got this house was like litter. Like, so smooth. Like, I didn't think, like, how it happened. I'm like, wow.

Nine things had to line up and they all lined up.

Yeah.

I was like, this was like. I was like, this is my dream house. Like, I walk by this, like, for two years as I'd go down to the beach and be like, they're building my house, so we get it. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, crap, we gotta go. And I'm like, this is my. But this is my dream house. But I realized, like, even here, here, I'm like, I can't be attached to the house. Like, the house was a gift, but I can't be attached to the house.

And I was like, okay, God's calling us to Miami.

It'll hold you back from what's better, right? If you get attached to the house or to the car, to the thing or to the identity, it'll hold you back from where you were meant to go.

Well, you two have been.

Yeah, it's fun.

Amazing.

This was so fun. I'm like, wait, are we done?

Are we? I know some of our podcasts, we just keep talking that. I'm like, we should end this. Is it dinner time.

Like, this is a three part podcast.

Yeah, it is a three part. We should. We should do a. We should do a warrior podcast. Have you come back, Chris. And we'll just do man talk.

There you go.

Then we'll knock out the trifecta.

I can't come for the man talk. I'm just kidding. We'll analyze.

You guys can listen to it and analyze the show afterwards. You'll be like, what were they doing? We just solved 94 problems in one podcast together.

They'll do a one hour show. We'll do a four hour show on their one hour show.

So listen, if people wanted to connect with you, now, what is the best way for them to do that? We have a lot of amazing, powerful couples that listen to this show.

We are. I mean, the place for us is online. For me, it's my podcast, Earn your happy or Lori Harder. Anything online?

Yep. I'm Hris W Harter on Instagram and go check out Frello F R E L L O. That's the app that we're building right now.

I love it. Software. Like giving birth to a pumpkin out of your penis. I've been in software for nine years. Oh, man, it's rough. That's exactly what Kajabi, Travis Rosser, and Kenny from Kajabi told me when we launched the app in 2015. They said, do you know what you're doing? I was like, yeah, it's gonna be easy. They're like, it's gonna be like giving birth to a pumpkin out of your penis. I was like, oh, that's a weird visual.

Thank you.

I think my pumpkin's stuck somewhere in the middle right now.

I'm so at the piss right now. All right, beautiful. Thank you so much for being here. We love having amazing guests and couples here on the show every single week. And you can check out more with this podcast around the Wake Up Warrior process. Right? Everything we do here, all the backbone of the way that our men and our women are leading and living, is an operating system that has transformed over 65,000 men and women's lives. We'd love to help you out with that, too. You can check out a free tile by going to warriorlaunch.com. thanks so much for being here. We'll see you guys next week.

All right, bye.