Money Matters | Date Your Wife | Ep015

Well, hello there, my friends. This is Garry J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior, and I'm here with my beautiful wife, the founder of dkw. Stopping. There she is. Say something to everyone.

Hello. Happy Saturday.

Happy Saturday. But it's not their Saturday. I need you to pick that microphone and put it right by your mouth.

It's not their Saturday, but it is date night for us. And we don't normally do this podcast on an actual date night.

No, we do not.

But tonight we are. So it's gonna feel very authentic.

It's gonna feel like we're actually going on a date night.

Welcome to our date night.

Welcome to date night with the wife's here at date your podcast. Now, if you are here, let me give you a little rundown. As I said, I am the founder of Wake Up Warrior and also the author of this book that you see right here in the video warrior book, which 10,000 now, almost over 11,000 men in 27 countries have invested in this book as a resource. You can check it out@warriorbook.com. if the information inside here, inside of this podcast is inspiring to you as a man, we'd invite you to join us in our brotherhood globally by heading to warriorbook.com now, on top of this, on top of this, this conversation here as a couple here inside the Date Wife podcast is really about having a conversation about being a producer. And inside of being a producer, how that topic works out in the conversation of marriage. Are you trying to run live stream?

I was trying to do a live video, but.

All right, let me see it. You just put it right here. You just put it right here. I'm going to put a live right there.

I was like, how do you get that to stay?

There you go. You're the focus of the show. Weld up. I'm going to turn this right here. We're going to actually do it on a water bottle. There you go. It is time for date night, the star of the show. Okay, so anyways, we're here. We're here on date your wife, the podcast. It is date night for us both officially, but my wife is gonna give us a little rundown on why we are doing this show.

You always ask me that every time.

Well, every week you come up with a lame answer. I'm hoping that episode number 14, which I believe we are.

It's always the same answer.

Well, I think we have new listeners. Give them the answer.

We are doing this show because we are awesome.

Holy shit. That's the worst answer of all. Time. Are you serious right now?

Okay.

No. That's all you got? We are awesome. You should listen to our show. Try again.

Okay, so the reason we're doing this show is we are both entrepreneurs and we are both parents. We have two little girls and.

And a boy.

And I have a stepson and a.

Boy, and he lives with us. Put that microphone right up on your mouth. This mic is kind of like half mic' ing it. Do you want the other mic?

I feel like I'm so loud.

I feel like I'm loud. Okay. All right. I'm just making sure. I'm just making sure because I feel like you're being nervous.

So anyways, you interrupted me.

Okay, continue to go. So you're giving us a purpose about this show. We're entrepreneurs. We have children. Go.

The purpose of this show is just like, we are not marriage counselors. We don't claim to be marriage counselors.

Nope.

We are just kind of sharing life as it is as a married couple with kids, running businesses and life in general. And so we've gotten a ton of positive feedback. People are like, I love that you keep it so real. I get something out of it every show. So if you're new to this show, go into it with the mindset of, like, hey, this is a fun time, and I may learn something, or I might just get a good laugh. But either way, hopefully you find some value or entertainment out of this every week.

So, yes, we are not therapists.

No, we're not.

Nope. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. If you're watching the show and you're thinking, I'll bet this guy is a marriage therapist.

He is not.

You would be inaccurate, my friend. I actually have a degree in P.E. they say Jack Black said that, you know, if you can't do, you teach. And if you can't teach, then you teach P.E. hence, where I am now, over the last 15 years, what we do have is 15 years of being married. We have 15 years of up and downs. We have three years we call the dark years, where divorce was knocking. And this would have been divorce number two for me, divorce number one for Danielle. Are you. Are you taking.

Yeah, I just wanted to give him a sneak peek.

Sneak peek. All right, see you guys later.

An episode on my blog. Bye.

All right. Bye. Bye. Okay, so live streams are over. All right, so anyways, inside of this, we were hunting down and searching for the possibility of connection, and we found it. And so our goal here is to really start to share with you concepts and ideas around the following topics Week number one and every single month, we're gonna talk about sex. We did that last week. We also then after that, gonna follow with the topic of money, which we're gonna talk about today. And then we move to the conversation of parenting, which we'll do next week. And then we move to the conversation of communication, which is the last week. And then we start all over again with sex. Inevitably, we bring up sex every time because Danielle cannot not talk about sex. That's it. Bambi. Bambi blinking. That's all we get. Some Bambi blinking, I would think. Okay, so we're going to start our show off. You have a blog post you're going to read for us.

You want me to read that right now?

I want you to read. Okay. The topic today is money. While my wife pulls up her blog post@dkwstyling.com you guys want to sing that? Money, Money, money, money, money. All right, anyways, I'm going to set the frame. You hurry up and find your blog post. So here's the deal. Our conversation today is money matters. Like, as a married couple, money matters. And when it comes to dating your wife, money matters. And when it comes to that, you could ultimately love in the have it all lifestyle again, brought to you inside of this beautiful book known as Warrior book, found@warriorbook.com inside of all of that, here's what I can tell you. Money is a difference maker, and also.

It has a huge impact on your relationship. Garrett and I have gone through ups and downs. We've gone through periods of like, nearly bankrupt, losing it all, selling shit to just, like, put food on the table. And, like, money is a big deal. When that is a stress in your relationship and in your life, you can't say like, well, we just love each other and that's all that matters. That's fucking bullshit.

Well, here's the deal. I think this is our very first point. Our very first point inside of this is that men have to come to grips with the following when you don't produce, and by the way, I'm not talking about a specific amount of money, because everybody's in a different place. What I can tell you is, as a man, if you do not prod, you bring chaos on your relationship. Why? Why is this?

I think that women genuinely want to be kind of taken care of. Like, they want their man to be the man. And even if they can produce, they want to be taken care of. In my experience, you have a lot.

Of experience in this. You've experienced me when I'M producing. You've experienced me when I'm not producing. What's the difference?

I just know that, like, in our relationship, we had ups and downs. And when we were trying to figure stuff out, that's actually when I launched my brand and started taking my career as a stylist serious and. And stop thinking it as a hobby. And when I did that, it was like I figured out how to produce on my own. But I still. There was something missing in our relationship. And I always, like, I would look at Garrett and I was like, oh, my God, like, fucking wake up. And I realized what I wanted is I. Even though I could produce for myself, I just wanted to be taken care of. I wanted my man to be the man.

This is a tough. Be the man. Well, I don't have that book here. That's Warrior book. Be the man is a copy they get when they come purchase. Warrior book found@warriorbook.com. yep. There is a shameless promotion again. So here's the thing. Like, I had a really hard time as a man with this situation because I felt like an atm. We've talked about this in other episodes. And the funny part was when I was producing, and by the way, I've had all kinds of different levels of production. I've had levels of production that were big to me that now are the amount I may spend in a day. And you just turned down my headphones. What are you doing?

You sound so loud. I'm trying to turn down mine, so I.

Here's yours. Is this one yours?

Yeah. Which one's mine?

No. Hello. I know that one's mine. All right, this one's yours. This is one. Yours.

Yours? Yeah. There we go.

Are you.

Oh, I feel better.

They're there.

Mine was so loud.

Is that good now?

I broke your flow.

But you're good, though. You completely broke my flow.

Sorry. I was literally, like, literally going deaf. Yeah, I was like, oh, my God, I can't hear. Okay, keep going.

You could hear. It was just very loud. It was so much hearing.

Yes.

Okay. So anyways, now she's broken my frame. I'm gonna come back to remember where I was. All right, so anyways, inside of this game of being up and down, though, it doesn't matter how much money it is, but here's what I found. A man feels different about himself when he produces than when he is not getting it done.

It's more like a man.

He does feel more like a man.

I would guarantee you men that are maybe even born into money. There's this sense of like, no, I want to get it done on my own. Why? Because you want to be the fucking man and that's more attractive to women.

You're passionate about this.

I am, because.

So talk to me about how unattractive I became when I was unable to get it done. Not for a short period.

It's not even about. My point I was trying to make is like, say you marry a guy that has a lot of money. Like, it's more sexy to a woman if you actually are the man that's producing behind the money. And I think that even guys get that.

Why is this. Why is this a sexy thing for you?

Just because it's like, why do you probably get.

Say it like, it's like, hey, this matters.

It's like this sense of, you're taking care of me. Like, you are taking care of me. Not your mom or your dad taking care of me. You are taking care of me. You know what I mean?

Is this like a Want to. Want to wish the dishes?

Want to. Want to wish to dishes?

Want to. Want to wash the dishes?

No, it's not.

What I mean by that is like.

It'S just explaining, expressing, like an energy. And I think that it's. Men work for their success in life. That is what is sexy.

Okay, so. And included with this is the topic of money, right? And making money actually matters because to a man, when you make enough money to pay your bills, when you make enough money to take care of your family, when you make enough money to take your wife on a date night, which, by the way, it doesn't matter how much money you make, you can afford a date night when you make enough money to put your family in abundance. There is a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man. And this shift in how you see yourself as a man when ultimately has an impact on the way that you see your relationship and also affects the way that your wife sees you now.

You know, you know, it's interesting. I remember when you first started the Wake Up Warrior brand and we didn't. We didn't. We had practically nothing. But date night was still priority to us. And I remember what you would, like, hashtag or title, you'd be like, don't be a cheap bastard. Date your wife. And I was like, that's so weird. Why would you say that? But for us at the time, it was a big deal to, like, find it, pay for a babysitter to actually go out and have dinner. Like, we didn't have a Ton of money. So for you, I think the fact that you were, like, saying, like, don't be a cheap bastard, because it was a big deal. So when Garrett says, like, it doesn't matter what your income is or whatever, like, it genuinely. It doesn't. Like, that's important.

I was making investments in our relationship, and those investments have always been at different levels. All that ends up changing is brand names, trips that you take, and things like this. Like maybe the zip codes that you live in.

I should share my blog post.

You want to share your blog post? You ready? You just took a big drink of water. This means you're actually ready to read. You ready to do this?

Because I think that the more success you have, what I find in people that have a lot of success, and even. Even people I work with, they start buying bougie things. And if you don't know bougie, as I'll explain in my blog post, but they'll start buying nicer things, and they feel this guilt for being showy or buying nice things. So I was like, I'm gonna write a big. I'm gonna write. Not a big. But I'm gonna write a little blog post on this.

Are you ready to read this blog post?

I'm ready.

Okay, here we go. This is the blog post. This is what this was. This week's blog post?

Yes. Tjkf, ladies, what date was this published? It was Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13th.

Friday the thirteenth. Which means it was a lucky or scary post. Either way.

All right, give it to us.

Okay. So much good content on the blog this week. Okay, you don't need to read that. Let me just jump over to this. I currently only work two days behind the chair at my salon, and I only cater to 66 to 8 MBR hair extension clients per week. I genuinely. I genuinely. Sorry, I cannot see or read tonight. I generally only work on people I enjoy being around. If you read Monday's post, I talk about creating your own stories specifically for stylists. You choose who you want to work on and who you want to work with. Anyways, I had to laugh yesterday as a client asked me, what is bougie? On my latest YouTube video on how to blow dry hair extensions, which I referenced my favorite blow dryer as being bougie. I said, you know, high maintenance. Then I had to correct myself because I always think of high maintenance as a bad thing. But I take bougie as a compliment. To me, it just means I like nice things. Enjoying experiencing more in life doesn't define me. Or does it? In my experience, I always strive for improvement and growth. In fact, I crave it. Once you catch the bug, it's hard to settle. We fall back into our old stories of who we once were or what we once had. We care too much about what people think about us at our current level, and this makes us uncomfortable. With growth, this is because we outgrow those around us. With growth comes the opportunity to experience life at a new level. So, yes, I like nice hair, I like nice clothes, I like nice shoes, I like nice homes, and I like fun trips. So maybe experiencing more in life does define us. I try to keep it real on my blog posts and videos. I enjoy working hard and creating success in my life while I genuinely still caring for others. For me, this is more fulfilling. In the end, don't get me wrong, I will buy nice blow dryers, the best of cars, the best of hair. Because I'm always striving to be more. And with that comes experiencing more. Be you at every level.

That was beautiful.

Yeah, I liked it.

Any thoughts you want to add to that?

Well, what I was saying is it's so funny because the more you experience in life, you're like, oh, my God, maybe I should hide this. And I get it, there's some tact in what you should overly share and whatever. But for me, I'm like, no, I want to be me at every level. I want to experience more, I want to share more. And I don't know, I think if you go into things and money and success with that attitude, it's not necessarily a bad thing. And it's not something that you should. You need to, like, feel ashamed of or feel guilty of. I think that guilt is always the enemy. Now, I'm not saying, like, you have to go out and be like, look at me, look at me, look at me. But at the same time, it's okay to share the success that you're having, because in a way, like I said, does it define you? It kind of does. Because for me, it's like I experience more in life, right? So that was.

This is a hard principle people get to, is that, like, they'll look and they'll say, well, you know, money doesn't really matter. And I said, well, that's like saying oxygen doesn't really matter. Like, the reality is, as a married man, money matters. Like, it does. And money matters. It matters to pay for braces, it matters to pay for trips, it matters to pay for mortgages, it matters to pay for insurance. It matters to pay for health insurance. It matters to pay for cars. It matters to pay for school. It matters to pay for the future weddings of your daughters. It matters to pay for your retirement. It matters across the board, like money fucking matters. Here's the crazy piece, though. There are so many couples in which the man and the woman have not gotten together on the same page to actually agree to the following, which is, money actually matters. And it doesn't matter what your level of abundance is versus scarcity. Scarcity is there's not enough. Listen, there's people that we know, they make millions of dollars a year. They live in scarcity. They still don't make enough because they spend so damn much. And then you've got individuals that make a couple thousand a month who live in abundance. And they live in an environment, a situation in which they're able to experience beauty around them. But here's the crazy part that keeps people stuck. Money doesn't actually define you as an individual or couple. Being okay with making money and being okay with the idea that money actually matters is a significant shift in you two as a couple, in seeing the future of your family. Because your economic growth and your spiritual growth and your financial growth and your emotional growth and your physical growth with each other, your sexual growth with each other, the connection, leadership you have with your children, all of this has a place it needs to go. And so in the end, money actually matters. But at each level, we get stuck in this new devil, which is this idea of being okay with where we are exactly. And this becomes a stagnant piece to grow.

Be you at every level.

Okay? Expand this.

Be.

Expand this idea.

Be okay with, like, letting go. I think that there's this. This place and that we need to justify with those around us. Like, oh, it's, you know, it's whatever. And it's like, it's the energy you put off. Like, just accept, like, you don't have to be braggy, you don't have to be showy, but just accept where you're at and be you.

You can be an asshole. Five bucks. You can be an asshole with five million.

Yes. And that's what's so funny.

Doesn't really matter. You can be an asshole either way.

People are like, well, you're an asshole. And you're like, everybody's an asshole. I was an asshole when I had nothing, so fuck you. I'm an asshole at every level. And I'm also a decent person at every level. So it's not like we are. We become Assholes at each new level. It's just.

It's like a new version, a new version comes out. It's just like in marriage, it's human.

Nature to have an asshole in you. It's what you do with that asshole.

I want to quote the greatest quote of all time on this show. It's human nature to have an asshole. It's in you. This is what you do with your.

Asshole, or do you eliminate this?

Oh, it's what you do with the asshole.

Sometimes they say stuff and I'm like, did I say that?

You did say that.

Good for me.

Well done.

You guys got it, right? You guys, they got it.

All right, so let's come back here on this idea then. So here, here's a piece we're gonna connect to. It's not that cold. Chill out, okay? Oh, literally chill out. You hear that? That was about as brilliant as your asshole comment. Okay, so here's the thing. Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. Like, it allows you to do so much shit or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple, right? And so I hear people tell me, as we have built and lost, and then we rebuilt our empires again. And one of the things inside of it that people say is they will make comments. And there are two kinds of people. There are people who will make stabbing remarks to us as we've grown as a couple, financially and at the same time, interestingly enough, these were the same people who were actually didn't say shit to us when we had nothing.

Fucking dicks.

So they've kind of been assholes to us at the bottom, and they've been assholes to us as we've climbed up the mountain a little bit further. So here's a question for you, Danielle. How do you manage this growth factor, knowing that economically this changes friendships, it changes organizations, it changes society, neighborhoods, it changes everything.

It's hard for me to connect with people. I think there was like a five year span that we were growing so rapidly that I disconnected from people. And I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but I literally. It's like I saw kind of where we were going. Not only that and saw it, but I like saw the increase each year that both of our companies were having. And I just. I kind of guarded myself and I didn't come as connected. And I would just become kind of like surface social. And I was just very guarded, I think. And now I'm finally at a place where I'm like, ah, okay, I can't really. I can just. I can be friends with everybody, no matter what level they're at. It doesn't really matter. I just have to be comfortable with me.

Well done. This comfortable with me thing is a lot easier than it sounds, though.

I know.

And most individuals are not actually comfortable with themselves. We have a lot of friends who create a lot of success inside of business. And the crazy part about it is to watch. We have two groups of friends. We have friends of ours who celebrate their success and use it as a tool to inspire their people that they can create more. And then we have others who simply hide it all. They pretend like the worst part is when you're with people who've created financial success and then they pretend like they're broken and this has magnified.

Maybe they are in their mind.

They are broke in their mind. And this is what I want to tell you is that the money itself, when money matters. The problem why I believe most people don't actually pursue money, particularly individuals in marriage, don't get on the same page and say we are, as a couple, are going to go after this economic target is because the money itself doesn't make you. The money magnifies you. At the same time, the money becomes the result or the evidence that value was created, which means you as an individual and as a couple have gotten better at producing economics and producing value when the fruit shows up. But it doesn't actually make you anything. Money is a result and mirrors back to you who you actually have become. And so as you look at this, a lot of individuals stay stuck in this and a lot of couples stay stuck in this. And they battle about it sometimes because one person wants to grow economically and the other person is okay with being where they are.

You've seen this all the time.

Talk to me about this dilemma. This is quite the dilemma. You have a man who doesn't want to grow, but you have a woman who wants more. You have a man who wants more, but a woman doesn't want to grow. I've seen both equations. You talked to this from the female side. I'm going to talk about this from the man's side because there was a part you remember. Let's give him a speech. You remember sitting in the living room or in the kitchen?

No.

In 2009, I had my first W2 job at after being an entrepreneur, my first run, and I was making $10,000 a month. I was taking home $7,300 or something W2. But when the CEO of the company that I was working for handed me the check. He looked at me and he said, I need you to sit down. It was a two week check. It was like $3,200. Now, it may be a lot of money for you, but I had come from a place where we were making. Are you freezing?

I'm so.

You're such a dumb.

I don't even know if I can get through this show. I'm so cold.

All right, I'm gonna go turn off the ac and you're gonna talk.

I'll turn off the ac. You talk.

You're gonna fly. Nope, you talk.

I already have my headphones.

You don't even know how to turn off the ac. Do you know how to do this? You know how to do this. You're literally freezing.

Oh, I can't even focus.

Oh, my God. She can't even focus. All right, so anyway, so we're sitting there in the kitchen, okay, I work for my friend. I had been an entrepreneur and run my own companies, and then I failed at running those companies. And then I lost all my companies and I lost all my money and I lost all my employees. I lost everything. So there I am, 2009. 8. And actually, 2009, I'm working for a friend of mine. His name is Kris Kron. Will be forever grateful for him. He actually built a company. I believe it was called Strongbrook. I don't know what it's called called now. You know, I haven't talked to Chris in probably like eight years. But nonetheless, like, back back then, Chris. Chris gave me a job. He said I was his. His. His business partner, but the truth was I was his employee, which I'm okay with. He came in at a time that was super crucial for me. I didn't have enough belief in myself. I was. I had lost everything. And he came to me and he said, hey, listen, I'm gonna give you this job, and I'll pay you $10,000 a month. I said, okay. So then I sit down with a guy named Steve Earl. You were pissed I took the job.

I was so pissed.

Really? You were?

Yeah.

I didn't know you were pissed I took the job.

So many walks. You did? Yes. We'd go walking, and I was like. I think. Because I looked at Chris and I was like, you're so much. You. You don't. You like, you're such a better trainer and you're not giving yourself credit for who you are. And it was, like, hard for me to see that. That you Were at this place where I was at.

I was at a very vulnerable place. I was terrified as a husband and a person.

I was like, oh. I was like, no. I was like, you think you're helping us? But I was bugged. I was bugged.

You were bugged by it? Were you bugged by Chris, or were you just bugged by me?

I probably was, the fact that I sold out, But I was just.

I don't think it was Chris. I think it was more like, you were bugged that I sold out.

I was bugged at Chris because I.

Was bugged at Chris, too.

I think he knew that you were better, but he liked that he was above in the rankings.

And so at that point in the game, guess what? He was up in the rankings. I know.

And that's what bugged me.

So I was like. I was. I deserved to be his.

So anyways.

All right, well, I'm gonna come back to story. I was actually grateful for Chris. Obviously, Danielle has different feelings about this, but nonetheless, I was grateful. But here was the catch 22 that came in. So he gave me the check, and it was $3,200 or something like that after tax for two weeks. And I was like, holy shit. We used to spend $3,200 in a weekend on Ironman bike. Shit. I had lived in money for about five to six years as a businessman, and we'd gotten accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and people would give a shit at it as we lost everything. Or, like, you should have lived in your means. I was like, fuck you. We were not only living in our means, but when your means disappear, it doesn't matter. Your means. Like, you can't live within means if you have no means. Like, if you have no means and your means end, then it doesn't matter. You could be 5,000amonth in bills, or you could be 500,000amonth in bills. It doesn't matter if you lose your capacity in that case to make money, your world starts to fall apart. So I was grateful. I was grateful that Chris gave me the opportunity. Like, literally. It was a very spiritual moment for me. It was a very opening time for me. It was a very crucial time for me. And he gave me opportunity to do things in his organization that I needed to be able to do. And honestly, I needed a time to be able to just focus on someone else. I could sell Chris, and I could sell what he was doing, but I was so out of my mind in lacking confidence in myself because we had gotten so fucking beat down. Over 18 months to two years. And when my businesses fell apart. So I'm sitting there and I come back to Danielle, and Danielle and I are getting a fight in the kitchen. You remember this fight in the kitchen?

I don't. There's so many fights in the kitchen.

Oh, my God. You remember the fight in the kitchen? I was over the check, and you were sitting there with me, and I was getting irritated because I felt like I was like, fuck, at least we got some money to pay. Our bills were like 25,000amonth, so obviously we weren't paying our bills. And I was making, like 7200 take home every month.

So obviously that was not enough because I was like, what you're doing for him, you could, like, package and relaunch as your own and make six times as much.

But I didn't have the confidence to do it. Like, I literally. I literally.

That was such a turmoil.

I literally didn't have the confidence to do it because I was trying to rebuild our lives. I was paranoid to just put groceries on the table. Well.

And I was like, oh, I'm just gonna sit tight. It was. It was just.

It was a rough place to be.

And it was a wife. When, like, you look at your man and you're like, you're capable of so much more. But then you can't be like, that nagging, nagging wife. That's like, what the fuck?

We were really nagging. We just started drifting.

Yeah.

We just stopped talking.

Well, no, because I.

And you started building your own business.

I just was like, I need to be patient. And then amongst being patient, I was like, I need to stop worrying about him. And why? Like, I can't put all this pressure on him. What could. What could I do? And that's. I kind of flipped it, and I decided to take a good look at myself, which in turn, I think, definitely is actually what made our relationship what it is today and why we are still together. Because instead of waiting for Garrett, I decided to look at myself. And through doing that, we both rose.

So we're coming back to the kitchen.

All right, kitchen.

All right. So we're in the kitchen. Danielle has remembered because there were a lot of fights in the kitchen.

Lots of kitchens.

So we're sitting in the kitchen. Danielle's standing in the kitchen. I'm standing in the kitchen. I'm very frustrated about the situation. I'm very grateful to Chris. I'm very grateful for the job. I'm very grateful. At the same time, I'm super fucking frustrated because I feel like I'm this, like, uber producer. Like, when I had begun my businesses, Chris was in college, and, like, I'm. I just. I felt frustrated about the situation I was in, not because of the company I was working for. I just felt frustrated because of the situation I was in.

On with the fight. What was the kitchen? Waiting. Waiting.

What are you waiting for?

What was the kitchen.

You don't even remember what the fight.

I know.

I. So then you get to sit back. Exactly, because that's how I tell stories. Here's how you tell stories. Point A to point B. There was a fight in the kitchen. It was not fun by the end.

All right, bad storyteller.

All right, back to the story. So anyways, and by the way, you've given us, like, nine interruptions in today's show. You've broken my frame, like, three times. But you're so beautiful. You know, I break my frame just looking. You are part of the show.

Okay, keep going.

You read your whole blog post.

Keep going.

All right. So anyways, we're in the kitchen, and I look at Danielle, and I'm super irritated. And she says. She makes a comment about me not making enough money, and I freak out, and I'm, like, yelling at her, and I'm like, are you kidding me? Do you know how many families would die to have the kind of money that I'm able to bring home right now in today's marketplace? And you're sitting there, you ungrateful bitch. What's wrong with you? Da, da, da, da. And I go off. Now Danielle responds to me, do you remember what you said?

I don't even remember this fight.

Okay, well, I do remember this fight.

It was a pivotal moment.

It was a pivotal moment to me.

What happened?

Danielle then looks at me and says the following. And I quote, I actually paraphrase. I don't know if I quote. I actually paraphrase. I paraphrase quote. She says, listen, I don't know what world you come from, but $10,000 a month is my floor, not my ceiling. You can do more. And it's bullshit.

I do remember saying something.

You remember this?

Lines of like, this should be. This is. This is not like. I remember saying, you remember this. Like, this is the. This isn't your.

This is my.

This isn't what you should be reaching for. This is just where we're at. This is like we're at the bottom of the bucket right now. So stop giving me. Telling me how I should feel grateful for feeling at the bottom of the Bucket. It was a rough moment.

It was a rough moment, and obviously it had a big effect on me because I'm sitting there and I freaked out. I think you settled in. Selfish bitch.

I think you settled into, like, which I think, honestly, there has to be this balance in producing where you have to sit back and feel kind of grateful for where you're at. You have to feel this gratitude of like, I'm so excited, or I'm grateful that I have this. And I think you are in this place of, like, I'd moved past gratitude. Well, I know. I think you had settled because it wasn't like, I'm just grateful. And here's what I. The point I'm trying to make. It wasn't like you were like, I'm grateful and this is what it is, or, I'm grateful for this, but we're moving past this. It was almost like your energy was like, I'm. This is. This is. This could be life forever, and you need to be grateful for it. And I think that's why I got so pissed, because I was like, fuck you. You're capable of more, and so am I.

Well, would you like the rest of the story?

And so even though when I said that, I'm sure at some level I was looking at myself like, okay, if this is.

You were thinking about yourself too.

Well, I think at this point, if I'm like, okay, if he's settling into this, I'm not okay with that. And it probably was a moment where I was like, okay, well, if this is where. If this is the top of the bucket for you, this is not for me, and I'm gonna go find some way to produce for myself.

So the reality was what Danielle was saying was not even about money. It was settling. Like, you gotta remember, I had given her a lifestyle before that for five to six years. It wasn't like that was like, the highest we'd ever been. Like, we had gone from top of the mountain to bottom of the mountain. And although $10,000 a month in salary or, you know, W2 income may seem like a lot to you, which it could be. I don't know what your situation is to where we were. That was not enough to pay our bills. Our bills were 25,000amonth at the time. And again, you're like, oh, my God, I can't imagine 25,000amonth. Well, when you're making. When you're making hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars and you're bringing home millions of dollars, in your businesses and all, like, it's all relative. It's all relative. So here's the thing that happens, though. Less than two weeks later, I'm driving around the point of the mountain. We lived in Utah at the time. I'm driving around the point of the mountain, and I accepted another check for $3200. And I'm driving around, and Danielle's voice comes into my mind, and I recognize that I have literally sold out. Like, my heart was starting to shut down. My vision was starting to shut down. Who I was. It was. I was supposed to be with Chris for six months.

You were, like, driving, thinking, like, am I going to do this for the rest of my life? Kind of.

I was like, I'm going to be. I'm going to become like Bob. I'm like. I go to, you know what? Go to work. You know, come home, hate my fucking life.

Do you know what's so funny?

What?

At every level, there are there. I think this is why, like, I'm kind of addicted to, like, growth and figuring out more in life. Because I. There's always a point, no matter what level we're at, where I'll be driving to work that same level. And I'm like, this is it. Is this. This. This is the road I'm gonna drive on for the rest of my life. And it freaks me out.

It's a little stressful, huh?

And I. And it happens every level. Even, like, a couple weeks ago, I was driving to the salon, and I was like, oh, my God, am I gonna be right? Driving on PCH? This is it.

When you're 65, this is it.

This is. And I freaked out. And we're having so much abundance in our life, and I literally was like, oh, my God, no. And I was like, okay, what can I do? What do I need to, like, revamp my business? What do I need to do? I, like, freaked out.

But you weren't freaking out because of money. You were freaking out because of the idea of not growing, right?

Yes. And I felt like I was like, I can't do. I can't. I can't drive PCH for the rest of my life. I cannot.

I could drive PCH for somebody.

I could, but I'm using it as a parable.

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying. I am following with a parable. Like, so, okay, so the PCH. Or I knew I could not drive the i5. Or is it i5 i15 in Utah, right? I cannot drive the i15 around the point of the mountain to Utah Valley, the rest of my life. And I remember sitting there and I'm driving. I pull off to the side of the road. As a man, I realized that my life is, like, in the balance right now. There's a decision that has to be made. Everything in my soul says, you must fucking leap. You've got to let go of this. You are starting to become addicted to the paycheck. You're starting to get used to and settling in. I'm starting to sell out. And in my sellout, I'm starting to die. I was an uncaged lion that was now pretending in the circus that I was okay doing tricks at 3 o', clock, 5 o', clock, and 7 o' clock shows. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. I turn back around in my car, I drive back to the office. I tell Chris and his partner Steve, thank you. I hug both of them. I hand the checks back for the last paper.

I remember when you told me, you hand them back.

I'm like, what are you just saying? And I said, I cannot accept these checks. I have to go on. I am so grateful for the opportunity that you created for me. Thank you for believing in me. They both looked at me and said, listen, we knew you were only gonna be here for a short period of time. We're so grateful to have had you here. Thank you for what you've done. Thank you for who you've been. Thank you for your contribution to this organization. I gave them both a hug and I pulled away. You remember when I did this?

Yeah. And I think I was bugged. I was like, well, you work for the money. Why don't you just keep the money?

And I was like, but I think for you. No, I had to go. I couldn't keep the money. I couldn't keep it. It was an energetic thing.

Yeah. You were like, it's done. Like, I'm done.

Then the next 2009 to 2010 to 2011, I tried, like, 12 things, and I was part of, like, a whole bunch of organizations. I was strategic partners with a bunch of people. I tried so much shit.

I remember you always had partners.

And I was like, always, always had partners.

Why does he think he needs a partner?

Because I didn't believe.

I know.

I didn't believe.

I know. And I really. I remember the year you finally were like, you came to me and you're like, I had partners because I wasn't confident in my skillset or I didn't believe in myself enough. And So I thought if I had a partner, it was like 5050 risk. And I. And I felt like I always believed. And I think I was like, irritated that you didn't see that. But that was just from another.

You could see it for years before I could.

I fucking married you because of that. I remember. I remember, like, literally, people were. You were going to college to be a high school teacher and a football coach. And I mean, I was a hairstylist and I think I would. People. You were like, to be Honest, I was 18 when I met Garrett. Not to be honest, I don't know I said that, but I was 18 when I met Garrett.

She was gonna lie and tell you.

She was like, actually, if you listen to our podcast, for some reason I'm always like, if I'm being hon. I don't know why I say that. It's like when I'm about to share something that I don't really normally share. But anyways, I was 18 when I met Garrett and he was 25. And I was like, new, going to college, like, the cute girl, date whoever I wanted. And I saw Garrett and he was 25. And then I find out he's married, been divorced, has a kid. And I remember people, like, just back home thinking, like, why are you going for this guy? Like, what do you see in this guy? Like, what. You could, you could go date whoever you wanted and what.

Which is true. You could date a lot of guys who are good looking guys.

I did and I did. But I kept, like, being like, very attracted to you. And I saw, I think I saw. And I'm sure this goes for a lot of women. It's like you see your guy for who he is and. But not only that, but who he could become. And so, like, I told, I remember telling my parents, like sitting down, they're like, well, why are you dating? I mean, if you want to date him and you want to marry him, like, we will support that. But like, Danielle. And I'm like, it doesn't matter if Garrett is going to be a high school coach. I have no doubt that he will go on to, like, coach collegiate level and be like the top in his career. Like, he's just that man. And I think I saw that from the beginning. And so when you were selling out or when you were selling short, I was just so pissed because I was like, fucking A. Like, I was like, come on, I saw this in you. But I also believe, like, that's. I. When I first meet people, I see, like, they're Greatness, in a way. And so I get irritated when they settle for less.

And that's what I was doing. Like, it actually was terrifying to me. I had never. I don't think it's wrong. I don't think it's wrong collect a paycheck just for who I was. I was terrified. Like, I was terrified that I had actually gotten comfortable with this. I'd gotten very comfortable. If you're listening to the show and you're a man or you're a woman that's married to a man who has sold out like this, and there are so many men who have sold out, like, they literally just stopped growing. And you know why they do it? They do it for the same reason my father did. Because they're terrified. They're terrified to try something new. They're terrified to take a leap. They're terrified to bank on themselves, particularly when they've got children and bills to pay and groceries. It's terrified. Yeah. My dad told me that, like, my dad had so many skills as a salesman. My dad, like, commission wise, would have made 150, 200,000 a year, many years, throughout our whole lives growing up. But he was so scared. He stayed on salary and inside of his salary, made, like 35,000, $38,000 a year. Yet his sales would have easily produced this. And it took years. He eventually launched his own company and, like, quadrupled the amount of income that he made while we were growing up and made it as an adult after the kids had basically moved out of the house.

I think people play it safe in life in fear of failure. And so they just say, well, if I leap and I fall on my face, then there's consequences, but if I just stay in the safe zone, then I can just, like, ride this out forever.

So here's what the greatest gift, one of the greatest gifts you've given me, okay, Besides being beautiful and giving me children, here's one of the greatest gifts. The greatest gift that my wife has given me to, when it comes to the conversation of money, is she rode my ass about it. No question about it. I was a driven human being, but my wife helped me see the drift. Being driven for the money is not about being driven for the money. What I came to find over the years after that 2000 experience, almost 10 years ago, 2009 experience, is the following. Is that the reason why money matters and the reason why business matters and the reason why continuing to expand and grow matters is because money itself, as you get better and better at making it As a man inside a marriage inside of that place, it forces you to become a new man, like you cannot. I am not the same human being I was a year ago. I'm not the same human being I was 10 years ago, for fucking guaranteed sake. And my money is a result of my ability to create and produce value in the marketplace. And so I produce more, and I create more not for the target of having money. We're well beyond that place of we need more money in order to take care of the family that we're not even in that place. We've not been in that place for years. But where we are at, though, is, for me and my wife, is this desire to become more. And inside of that desire to become more, we use business as a way and money production as a way to accelerate that. You have any thoughts on that? I came to you.

No, I think that's good. I think that's. I'm agreeing with you.

Okay, we're gonna wrap up this show.

I think that people. When you experience abundance, I think that sometimes people look at you. I don't know really how to express this. Like, I think people have a hard time accepting their abundance. And at the same time, I think people make excuses for those experiencing abundance because they don't have the courage to actually leap themselves. And I think it's a reflection of them, like, being bugged that they don't take that leap for themselves. So I would say, like, if you're listening to this and you're, like, being triggered or you're feeling like kind of. I call it like, a stab in the heart, like, something you need to take action in in your life. Do it.

There's a lot of you here who need to rise. All right? You're a man. You're listening to this at every level. And you're a woman. You're listening to this. And you know as a couple that you need to rise. And Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. She pushes me, I push her. There's times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon, and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon. I rip the cocoon open, and I throw her out of the cliff.

I think that.

And she does the same thing to me.

I think in my business, people will often say, like, oh, it's cause you have Garrett. And I'm like, screw you. First off, because I worked pretty hard to create what I did.

You did.

But I also, like, acknowledge, like, yeah, he's helped me a lot, but I Also think I've helped you.

This book doesn't exist if you don't exist.

Well, and that's what's crazy. Like, you helped me produce more, but I helped you produce content.

No, you and I help each other produce more because we both push each other to become more. It's not a conversation. And making more money, at a certain level, you're going to make enough money to pay your bills. But at each level comes another question. Will we settle at this level? Right.

I think that, like, what I would say to close this show in is that you can produce way more as a couple if you can get on that same page of experiencing more and growth, and you'll. You'll go way. I realized, like, I think it was like two, three years ago that I realized, like, okay, like, when we were having struggles in our marriage and our relationship, and I literally, it was like, I had this voice come to me that was like, you can move on and you can be married to somebody, but you two together will go way farther than you could alone. And so if you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and you can make them work, two is better than one. At least in my experience. For us, we push each other in that way.

So here is the challenge I have for you in this week's Date your wife podcast, which is this is to have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. You may be in a collision conversation, which is one of you has got to collide with your partner. You're either a man who is in a relationship with a woman who is okay with the status quo and doesn't want to grow, freaks out about any idea of you making a run for more, or vice versa. You're a woman in a relationship with a man who is settled down and sold out, and you're pissed off and you need to collide, or you're both. The situation as a couple where you've gotten a very good situation economically, but you know that things are becoming stagnant. And inside of that, one of the keys to growth as a couple is to sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer, individually or collectively? And what would it require you to become to pull that off? Danielle and I sat and had this conversation. We literally, where we live, we had a vision of this five years ago. Our life that we have right now, we have envisioned for this five years ago, and we started Asking ourselves a question. The question was simple. Who would we individually have to become? And who would we as a couple have to become? Because it wasn't too many years ago we couldn't have done this podcast.

Right.

This podcast would not have worked.

I think there was a lot of things in our relationship that we still had to work out. Whereas now I feel like when we get on this podcast and if you listen to some of our other shows, like, we'll get in, like, this tension spot where we're, like, literally, like, kind of bantering back and forth.

It's real time.

Yeah. But it's also like, we're good with who we are as individuals and as a couple. And so we can kind of be, like, irritated and piss and laugh and have fun and let it go. Whereas, like, if we would have tried to done this show a couple years.

Ago, we would have been spicy.

I don't think it would have had the same effect.

So give yourself some credit for where you are and also challenge yourself this week on your date night to have a conversation about possibility. There's gonna be one of collision or it's going to be one of possibility. Either one of these paths is gonna lead you to a new position and a new possibility inside of your life. So we're gonna wrap up this podcast. I thought you turned off the air conditioning. Cause you're cold again. You obviously didn't turn it off.

Be you at every level.

That's our message.

That's my message.

That's your message. Be you at every level. Anything else you wanna add to that as we wrap up the show? You done?

Yeah, I'm good.

Anything else you wanna smile to the camera?

Hi, guys.

Hey. There you go. All right. We're gonna bring conclusion to this show. I believe it's number 14.

I don't know.

Could be wrong. I think it's 13. Maybe it's 15. I don't even know what it is. We're gonna go out for the rest of our real date night. Thank you so much for being here this week with us. Also, if you are not getting access to the show notes, the tips, tricks, questions, and action guides to this show, you can always head to war. What the hell is this? Oh, dateyourwifenow.com and one last one. And dkwstyling.com okay. And dkwstyling.Com if you want to check out some of Danielle's stuff. Also right here, this book, Warrior book, available@warriorbook.com there's also a secondary book that comes with it. It's a prequel book called Be the Man, inspired by Danielle's preaching to me to be exactly that. She just kissed me on the neck. That is a sign to be done with this show. We are out of here. I am literally being pulled out of studio. This show is coming to conclusion. I hope you guys have a great week. We will talk to you next week as we move into the topic of parenting and the shit show that has become in raising our children as they are becoming preteens. See you guys next week.