Needy SEX in marriage

Welcome. Why are you stealing it? Why are you stealing it?

Because you always introduce. So I was like, hey, you. You snooze, you lose. Welcome to the date your wife podcast. I'm your wife, and we're here to talk to you about dating while you're married.

Dating while you're married. You said the topic of the topic.

Today show vacation sex. I feel like this would be. I was just like, what should we talk about? And I was like, well, we just got back from Cancun with our whole family and vacations. We've been married for 21 years this year. And I feel like a. Or being early married. Vacation sex was kind of weird, especially with the kids. And then we.

Why was it weird?

Why was it weird?

Yeah, why was it weird?

You know what? I think just in general, sex was weird for us. And then when we would go on vacation, they're not even weird. Like, we went through, like a drift where we were like, disconnected. So then it was like we'd go on vacation and there's no hiding. So, like, you have the kids and the chaos and everything else, so you have the stress of the kids. But then also, I think in. In marriage, like, if you're not connected, you can kind of hide in like day to day to day routines. And when you're on vacation, you're like, I'm with him, him all day long. And then you mix in, like the chaos of like toddlers.

That's why a lot of people got divorced during COVID because it was like.

Them actually having to be together.

People couldn't escape to work. They couldn't escape their business. They couldn't go hang out with friends. They couldn't do any of it.

Yeah, you're just like, I'm with this guy for the next 12 hours and I can't even go to the grocery store.

Yeah, like, stuck. And you can just like walk all the way around. Mark too. Anywhere you want to go, dude, just walk all the way around. Don't worry about getting on the shot. Well, one of our teams, like, moving around too, doing some extra video for us. All right, so anyways, hiding on vacation was. Vacation was a bit of a nightmare for me.

I think it was like, it was.

A total nightmare for me.

Yeah, I just remember.

And biggest reason was sex.

Yeah, I just remember you'd be like, you're in a bikini all day, every day, and then I don't even get to, like, touch or hang out with you.

But again, what were you thinking during that time, though? Because, I mean, we're on vacation. You're in a bikini all day, and I am with you all day. But sex was still a weird thing that you would push out. We go four days and no sex on vacation.

It's because with that point, well, let's be honest, we didn't travel a lot when we were first married. We didn't have the money, and then we didn't travel a lot till even after we had two kids. Like traveling, we didn't travel a ton. And I would say we have four girls together. And there's an eight year gap. And there's an eight year gap where we were honestly working on marriage and life and trying to decide if we were going to make it. So we were already kind of in this, like, awkward space in marriage and sex and intimacy and everything else. And so, like, you just said, like, we'd go there and it was just. It exposed where we were almost like at in our marriage. And I remember thinking, like, you're like, hey, we're on this trip. You should want to have sex with me. I'm like, yeah, at home. I feel like we're at home. You should want to, like, hang out with your wife. Like, so for me, I was like, I didn't.

You never said that.

No, what I'm saying is, like, I.

Don'T think you were thinking that back then.

I don't think my needs were being met and obviously yours weren't either. So then we go on vacation and you add like the chaos of kids and stuff. And I'm like, just because we're on vacation, like, I'm not. Like, you were almost kind of like, your energy was like, kind of like you didn't want to go on vacation. You're kind of angry and like.

Yeah, I mean, no dude wants to.

Go on vacation, but that's not a way to like, seduce. Seduce your wife either. So it's like, you should want to have sex with me. And I was like, I don't. And your energy is very like. And I'm like, okay, like how I. I want. I want to have sex with you. But we're already kind of.

Did you want to have sex then?

No, not then. I did want to have sex, just not with you at that time.

Which time was that? The whole first 12 years we were together?

No, it progressively. Okay, it kind of was bad.

Even on her honeymoon.

You know what, let's rewind. Let's rewind a little bit. So I feel like we had really good chemistry. We were dating and married, and then we got married. I got married at 20 years old. I'm from Utah, so that's pretty normal there. Garrett's 20. He was 27. We're seven years apart. And I don't. I think I was just like. I didn't know what to expect when she got married. And it was almost like. And I tell people this all the time. I'm like, it's like we got married and we're like, hey, we did it. We don't have to keep trying. We don't have to keep dating. We don't have these long talks at night. It's like, you. We. Especially the culture that we were raised in, being raised Mormon, it was very much like, get your life focused. You're married. You did that. You don't have to, like, truthfully, like, you don't date anymore. So I think that we got married. And you. I just remember, like, you went into hardcore, like, mortgage days, so you were traveling a ton, speaking, and it was just like, tons of late nights, and I would come and, like, try to support you at your events and things like that. So it got to the point where I was just like, I'm done. Like. Like, I don't. I'm going to go home and sit on the couch and watch. I'd always watch, like, homemaking stories or, like, reality shows or whatever, but I was like, I'm done going to support him when I don't feel like I'm supportive. But at some level, I felt like how we were raised, like, that's just how it is. The guy goes and works, and you just need to be grateful for that. And I didn't know any different being married young. And so I slowly started, like, shutting down sexually, emotionally, like, everything. But I was just like, oh, oh, well, this is like a period of time, right? But then if you take a period of time and you run that narrative for 10 years, all of a sudden you're like, you come before a woman. Speaking from my perspective, it was just like, I became resentful. I was like, I don't. And then we lost everything financially when the market crashed, and then it exposed everything else. I'm like, I don't even. Like, now that I don't feel taken care of, I also don't feel connected to you. So then we have two kids at that point, we had our second baby. I. I remember thinking, I mean, I love all my babies, but I remember when I got pregnant with Ruby, I knew we were in trouble, but I was so happy with my first baby. I Thought that would fix my problem, and then it would give me purpose in life again, just being with the kids. So, I mean, if you paint it out, you're like, I tell you all the time, like, how the hell are you guys still married? I'm like, we, We. We were willing to rebuild it.

Well, so this is where the challenge comes for all couples. Because it's a challenge you and I deal with, which we were just talking about this on vacation, which is. My reactivity is in direct correlation to your activity. And so there's a sense of chicken and egg. What caused the activity? The reactivity. Did the reactivity cause the new activity, which is really reactivity on your side, or was it your activity that caused my reactivity? Like, what was the trigger? Right. So you look at you and I with sex, you not feeling seen or desired yet. I was not feeling seen or desired. And if you look at this, too, it's like, if I come home and there's no to a guy, particularly in his 20s, this dude wants to fuck. Particularly a Christian guy who has not been. Who's been told not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is all we are imagining before we get married. And then we get married. And if we're like 90% of men with Christian women, there is. Women have been taught to be prudes. So they get beautiful, but they're shut down. So the guys are not taught how to seduce. We're just taught, hey, we know how we get married. They get married, and we're supposed to provide and create this lifestyle for you, but we don't know how to seduce you. We don't know how to date you. None of our parents were dating. None of the adults we saw were dating. None of the men were seducing. None of this shit was happening. There was just this, in a sense of, we get married now we're gonna have sex. You should wanna have sex with me, and I will provide for you.

I don't think I ever really. When you say, like, prude, I'm like, I can promise you, when we were dating, I was anything but a prude. Like, I was. You were the one that, like, were, like, turning me down. I was like, really? So I feel like it shifted when, like, for me, again, I didn't wanna have sex because there was no kek. There was no connection anymore. We weren't talking. We were very, very rarely hanging out. You were working all the time. I started, like, pouring my energy into doing hair and working on my own business. And then when we would Have a date night. It was fun. I remember when we were first married in, like, in Vegas. We had fun, but it was when we lost everything that it wasn't even fun anymore. It's like we lost connection, we lost fun. We lost, like. It was just. I. I almost became like. And I can. I know. I see this pattern in so many women, and they're like, I don't want to have sex because they're. They're. They're literally turned off by their husband. And they. I used to think I was like, I know I'm a sexual person. Like, I know I am. Like, it's not that. It was just, like, I was very turned off by you and didn't feel connected or safe. And so then it was like. And I didn't. I didn't know how to communicate that. Right. I was young. I didn't know how to communicate that. I just. When you're like, I want you to want me, I'm like, I want to want you too. And I don't. But now I know why. Because I. We weren't connecting. We weren't talking. We weren't, like, creating, crossing the line for one another to meet each other's needs. Like, we weren't dating. We weren't trying. We were just persevering together and wondering why it didn't work.

So again, chicken and egg, right? So it's like this. It's like if I'm sitting. I'm sitting in an environment. If I had been. Let's just play a scenario. Let's say that three, four nights a week when we first were married, you were sexually devouring me like boys you were dating in high school. That. That was happening, that you were free and going. If that had happened in the first two years we were married, even if that had happened on our honeymoon, if that happened because it didn't even happen on our honeymoon.

I'm not super honest.

Sure. But wait. But if. Even if that was not even happening, it didn't even happen on our honeymoon. So none of that happened. Right. So then you're okay. What does a guy do? I remember sitting in Vegas after buying our house down there, reading a book called the Laws of Success by Napoleon Hill. And he talks about a principle in there called sexual transmutation. I remember where I was sitting was sitting by the pool out back, looking through the fence. Sex is still an issue. It feels weird. It feels awkward. You're like, close all the blinds, cover myself with the 15 comforters, and make sure nobody's within 10 miles is awake before we can have sex. This was the world that I was in. And so I'm like, how do I deal with this? And he talks about sexual transmutation. He says you can take sex energy and transmute it into the principle of gaining wealth. He's the actual principal. He teaches. And I was like, hold on a second. So he's like, instead of wasting your sexual energy, take your sexual energy and pour it into wealth. And I remember making a decision. I was like, okay, well, I'm super horny. I'm in my 20s. I want to have sex a lot, but we're not. And when we do, shit's weird. And so I guess I'll get rich. And making a decision to literally channel my energy, the sexual frustration. I mean, my sex energy was like, 10 times higher than it is in my 40s.

So then let me ask you this, then, if that's a true. If you're like, that's your story. So when we were dating, it. I mean, we were raised Mormon, so we didn't have sex, but we pretty much did everything but sex, because that was legal. And I never felt like it was awkward. You know what I mean? It felt very natural. I knew there'd be chemistry. And so. But even then, I remember when we were dating, I'd be like, hey, you'd be working, doing mortgages and stuff till like, 10pm so you've always been a worker. Like, even if you. We were making out every single night. Like, you've always. You have a lot of energy. And that was one of the things that was very attracted to me was like. I was like, it doesn't matter what this guy decides to do. He will be successful. So there's this element where women are attracted to this driven man, but then at the same point, they're like, well, I want you to be driven. I want you to bring him on all the money. But I also want you to pay attention to me. Tell you. Tell me you love me. Stay connected. Stay here, stay present. And I think that's. That's probably really hard for very, like, driven, successful men because it's like two different energies that you have to tap into. And. And I will say, too, like, keep going.

I'm moving. AC.

Okay. I will say, too. When I was, you know, being married so young, there was a lot of newness to having sex. Like, I was just. I. It's like if you. If you've never had sex, and then you. The first time you have sex, you're like, oh, well, that was not as mind blowing as they make it look in the movies. I had no idea. So I thought I was broken. There was something wrong with me. I was like, maybe I lost all my sex drive. I was blaming my birth control. But the reality is, as, I didn't have reps having sex, so I just had, I was saying how, like, I felt like sex was gonna be like the movies.

Yeah.

So when it wasn't, I thought there I was broken. I was wrong. It was my birth control, all these things. And then I was just saying it's like it comes down to being comfortable with yourself and getting the reps in. You talk about, like, a playboy who's had sex with, like, a hundred girls. You're like, you're gonna be pretty damn good at it at that time. If you talk to a woman who's only had sex missionary style to the same man for 20 years, she's gonna feel uncomfortable. Even if she's had hundreds of reps having sex, she's only had missionary. And so it's like really developing your sexual character to where you can be free. And I didn't really, I honestly didn't figure that out until. It wasn't, it was right before I got pregnant with Isla, our second baby. And it, you came to me and you literally were like, I need this for our marriage to survive. Like, I can't be. I feel like I'm in the desert and this and that. And it was the first time, like, I, we were in such a scary, like, spot. We're talking about dating other people and getting divorced and all this. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna have to make like, I have how I was brought up. I have all this resentment. I have all of these stories that are saying everything inside is me saying, like, we shouldn't be together and, like, we should just get divorced. And then I'm like, we had two kids at that point. I'm like, you know what, though? I, I, I'm going to cross the line. I'm going to see if I can get comfortable with myself, with my body, with my sexuality. I'm going to make an effort. I'm not going to turn him down. And so it took me years to start getting more comfortable. Even though, like, I said, we had been having sex, it wasn't great sex, and it was not very frequent, but it was like, there was just no, like, chemistry. And I knew there was chemistry from when we were dating. I was like, take your fucking pants off. So I just, it was something That I had to work on within myself. And then when I started doing the bikini competitions, I started getting more secure with my body. And then I was just like, I was like, this is fine. Like, I felt like I recreate. I could have gotten divorced and had crazy sex with somebody else, but I decided to work on myself and try to recreate it in my own marriage. And so when I see. I hate the word prude, but when I, I see women that are so locked down sexually, I'm like, you have no idea how powerful the sex card is. And if you're just willing to let yourself be free with your man, you can create this crazy dynamic. And it's not just about the sex. Because when you can unlock that piece in the sex, there's something where you're just laying there, that the intimacy is there. And it's not just like, roll over, go to bed. I did my wifey duties.

I totally agree. So you have the challenge over and over of these two different realities, which is if you have. This is why I was talking with one of my guys and he's like, yeah, he was talking to me about how his sex life was, his marriage was, they just got married, etc. And he's like, yeah, but it's like second wife vibes. I was talking about this like a couple of shows ago and I was like, what is it? That, well, there's not the money stress, there's not that this is our first time having sex stress.

Yeah.

Like, I mean, you got to think about this, right? Like surfing. If surfing is like sexual. Just because you have a surfboard doesn't mean you know how to surf, right? And just because you go out in the water doesn't mean you even know how to have fun there. Because most of the funnest stuff that happens in the ocean is when the waves get bigger. And it's. You have to have skills to get there, right? Well, sex is no different. Sex is like surfing. You, if you're only riding a foam, a foam board on flat water and you're catching nipple size waves that are half a foot size little ripples, you don't even know what to do. Yeah, right. But the flip side of this is the only way to get good is to get good. So what are people choosing to do? And this is like, this ends with.

A lot of marriages.

This ends 100% of marriages. This is why our marriages are ending. Because it is easier in that environment to leave the beach you were born on and go to another beach with fierce waves. With somebody who already knows how to surf those waves. Because this thing I was so frustrated for me as a man is I was like, I know if my wife and I got divorced within months, she would be having wild ass sex with some other guy, but she won't do it with me. And guys inherently know this. As a man, they're like, that's why women are like, I want to be felt, I want to be heard. And we're like, the fuck you do. Because the minute we break up, you're going to be at some club fucking some guy and you're going to maybe even be in a threesome. And you're going to be happy about it and having a joyful place of, well, somehow you were able to turn your brain off and not think about the kids because you're with fucking Eduardo from Vegas who happened to be in town from Miami. And next thing you know you're just a fucking slave who loves to have sex. But now you're married to me and I'm like, I'm tired, I got a headache, I'm sick. My kids, I can't stop thinking. My brain's not working too much. It's like all the excuses you would never give to a guy at the club. Guys get his husband.

Are they getting married to those guys at the club?

No. So this is the thing though, that means it's available. Like, I've watched guys, like heartbroken over this shit get divorced and watch their wives go, there's one particular guy in the last month, this guy's heart was so broken. He's a good looking dude, he's married to a good looking woman. Sex was garbage in their marriage. They get divorced. They're not even divorced, they're just separated. This woman sleeps with the shit out of three different guys he knows within five miles of their house that she picks up at the bar that they knew locally and goes and fucks the shit out of these three guys. Meanwhile, it's the same woman that couldn't put out more than once in two years.

She didn't, she didn't like him, but I understand that.

But does she really like these other guys? She couldn't even say their last names.

I mean, it's. There's this piece though, like, for a woman who you have to find your own, like, sexual freedom, like you really do. And there's so many stories where you can't have this sexual freedom with this guy. You've been. Because of, I don't know, all the triggers. All the triggers and whatever so you can't be free. So it's easier to be free with somebody else. And I. I'm telling you, I. I feel like I've cracked a code for ladies that have maybe are experiencing this now. Both partners have to work at it, right? Like, the guy has to make it like, I'm not gonna just cross the line and keep wanting to have sex with you. But I noticed when I started to cross the line, then in turn, I got more time from you, which, in the beginning, that's what I really wanted. Now I want more than just time. I want my one all. I want it all. But in the beginning, I was just fighting for your time. I wanted you to see me. I wanted you. I'm like, I'm a beautiful woman. Like, I just wanted to feel noticed and feel safe. And so for me, I noticed when I crossed the line, I was like, fuck it. I'll initiate. I'll study up. I'll be like, if I'm gonna have sex, I'm gonna be real good. I'm gonna be like the best porn star, stripper your wife you've ever seen.

Well, I remember sitting there, having thought and going like this. My wife doesn't look at porn. Guys look at porn, right? So you have this situation where you can't run a play you don't have a script on. So, like, we God, created from nothing. This was book of Genesis. We have all created from something, which means our sexual desires are actually sparked by sexual imagery that we've seen. It's come from things that have inspired our brains to think that's how it should be. So guys are like blowjobs. This is what I've seen. Guys should have blow jobs or reverse cowgirl or doggy style or missionary, or two women scissoring each other. Like, these are all things that if you don't see them, you don't know what the fuck this means. But then you see them, you're like, oh, that's possible. You can do that. I mean, there's some shit you definitely don't want to see on the Internet with, like, porn for sure. I mean, it's. There's a line.

But why is it important to have good sex? Because we'll have this argument.

But let me finish this, though. You didn't have any content, right? So then one of the strat. Here's the challenge we get to is every. I know so many couples like this right now. Even in Warrior, they are on the fringe of either having a breakthrough or getting divorced. And because it gets to a point where the men, the women, I'm not saying don't tolerate it, but I'm saying the women are in their place. But the men get to a place as they rise in power. They're like, I'm not going to take this shit anymore. I would rather have a 28 year old sit on my my face and fuck me all day long then hang out with this prudish bitch who won't let me touch her and doesn't touch me. Now, I'm not saying he didn't show up like an asshole. He did, but he didn't have any coaching. And she's been prudish with an icebox down there for the past two decades and so she's not been open for business. And he's like, I don't know what to do. And there's this point we have to get people to make the jump on and it's painful as fuck. And the fact that we keep making it is a testament to something like it is like we are called to.

Figure this shit out maybe, but also too like, it's interesting you say that because it's like as I rise in certainty, my tolerance goes down for certain behaviors that you have. As you rise in power, uncertainty. Your tolerance goes down for certain behaviors that I'm doing. So then we're like, I'm a good catch. Like, fuck you. Like, you don't see that. So we still kind of battle that, but we have so much history that we're constantly working on it and we're committed to improving that. But if you look back to even win, we had lost everything financially. You weren't rising in power. I had just had a baby. So it was like both of us were in this like very vulnerable space. And I'm looking at you like, is this guy gonna fucking rise? Like, what is going on? So then I start having success and that's when I'm like, I demanded like more out of you. Then you started to have success. You built Warrior and started wanting more out of me. And that's truthfully like kind of how we almost like resparked or rebuilt a little bit of everything that we lost. I mean, I would say the first like, yeah, how old was, how old was. It was probably the first 8 years of our marriage were crappy because I was 28 years old when I had Ruby. And then like the next like, you know, I can't do the math, but like the next some odd years we were really working on it. And then I would Say, since I love. I feel like we've been in a pretty smooth spot. We've had some, like, bumpy five years. Yeah, like, we've had some definite touch.

And go moments over five years.

But, like, I definitely. But we've had really good chemistry and connection and communication, even amongst, like, instead of just like numbness, persevering, you know.

The game is like this, right? So, like, there are things that we have been taught as men and women. When you're kids and as teenagers, you were taught this by your parents, you were taught this by the church, you were taught this by society about what things were supposed to look like, right? So movies even make sex be out something. That's ridiculous, right? I mean, yeah, you can have some soundtracks and moments like that, but it's not always going to be like that, right? So everything around us has taught us sex should be this. This certain way. So then you get in a relationship where like, okay, well, I'm stuck in my own box. Like, I was stuck in box. Like, I was nervous and intimidated and I didn't know how to deal with it either. I was like, I don't even know how to seduce this woman. I haven't fucked 200 women. If I'd been with 200 women and then I was with you, I'd have some fucking reps. I'm like a surfer. That means I've gone through 200 surfboards and I've surfed like a thousand different breaks over the last 10, 15 years. I mean, hanging out with you, you're just another wave and I got another surfboard. Let's go. But seducing yourself sexually, I understand that, but the discomfort that guys face in coming into this, of rejection. So, like, the rejection for a married man who has been rejected by his wife sexually puts him into the weirdest fucking predicament of all time. And you will take men like me who in business and money will not tolerate shit. We will make tens of millions of dollars, and then we cross over to the one vagina that we're signed up for who's got 10,000 reps of rejecting us. And we're like, how am I gonna do this? And so you don't know how to show up.

So would you say you don't know?

You're like.

You're like a super religious guy. You're just like, you're is what you are because you're like, I committed to this.

You've committed to masturbation the rest of your life.

And so that sucks.

Number one and Missionary style. Sex once a year on your birthday.

Such a family man. You're so religious and you're like, you tolerate that.

This is it. Well, you know the first question we ask these guys? It's the first question we ask you guys. Keith and I asked this question with paid and laid. We asked us this one question. If sex does not improve. And we're not saying that the guy is like not culpable. He is. And I realized I was culpable because it challenges as a man. Same thing with a woman. I'm not saying with a woman. A woman could play the same principle. The only reason a man would stay in a marriage that is sexless or not sexually satisfying is because he devalues himself. Because a high value man will not stay in a relationship like that unless he, he is guilted into it through religious teachings.

Yeah, I believe that.

Otherwise he is the fuck out of there. Now, I've asked guys this question, is this a divorceable situation? Yes or no? And I have. 99% of guys will say yes. And then you got your occasional Catholics that will say no. For some reason, it's always Catholic dudes. I don't know why. No, it's not even Mormon dudes. It's Catholic dudes. And they're like, nope, divorce is not an option.

I'm like, but do they cheat then?

No, not all of them. And that's the challenge too, is that a lot of these couples are cheating on each other. And they're not talking about the cheating while still continuing to operate. So they're getting satisfied outside the world. That's why open marriages are becoming such a thing. It's why it's even a thing, I.

Think, is because they can't figure out how to connect with their one marriage.

Well, they care about the person, but they don't know how to solve this sex situation. So listen, if you and I, if you and I were together and we were buddies and we were partners and we were running crime in life like we are, but you could go get sexually satisfied by anybody you wanted, that means you wouldn't have to worry about me. If I was there and you weren't feeling it, great. If I wasn't there and you weren't feeling it, that's great. You go find it somewhere else. If you and I were on a good page, partner wise, and you saw some dude you wanted to fuck and you got a great relationship with him, you're like, hey, he's a nice guy, I'm gonna fuck him. He's Got nice pecs or whatever. If you take sex out of relationship, what is in relationship for a couple?

I don't think that we would survive.

We wouldn't.

I was like. Because I was like thinking about just being a business partner with you. And I'm like, that would be a nightmare. We don't agree on like half the shit in business. So I'm like, I don't think we could do it. I think the sex card actually holds us together.

I agree.

We'll have like a crazy fight and then we'll have like wild, wild sex. And I'm like, I, I don't remember what we're fighting about, but that should be a problem.

But here's the. If you eliminate sex from the equation, if it wasn't even an issue, here's the crazier part. And I'm not asking for, I'm just going to say I'm asking a question from the guy side, then you can ask from the girls.

Okay?

If you eliminate sex as a issue in marriage, meaning a guy can get sex wherever he wants, whenever he wants from his wife or from anybody else. Like, if it's just like, it's not an issue in marriage, what incentive is there for a man to be married?

Is that a real question?

Real question. This is a question that's come up quite a bit. What is the incentive for a high value man to be married if he can get sex anytime he wants, anywhere he's at?

I would say intimacy. And I would say for you, you're always saying like, hey, I want to feel appreciated. I want words of affirmation. I want a cheerleader.

You can get that easy from women all the time. Just like you could get seen and appreciated by guys who just met you probably ten times more than you get it from me. Because this guy's new. He's got no history with you, no baggage, no scars, no nothing. He just sees you for who you are right now. He doesn't see you for all the crazy, crazy bitch moments you are in the past. He doesn't see you for all the withholding. He doesn't see you or anything. And vice versa. A woman doesn't see me for all my reactivity, my workaholism. They don't see me for my anger. They don't seem for anything. They just see me as this guy today. It's like, oh my God, look at him successfully fucking gorgeous. That's what they're thinking.

They're thinking you're gorgeous.

Me and you, okay, hey, you heard the Stewardess on the flight.

Here's the thing, though. Here's the thing. I think that it has to be a conscious effort. And it was funny because I was talking about this on a walk a few weeks ago, and you're like, I feel like there's this piece missing. And I was like, I agree that there's always gonna. You're like, you could do better. There's a piece missing or whatnot. I said, but I need you to, like, think about, like, say we're all like, in Paris on vacation and things are smooth and sex is good and communication is good. And I'm like, you can't. Is. You can't live in Paris year round. Like, you're not drinking Champagne, like at 10am and croissants and staying in a 5,000, you know, 5,000 a room night. Like, it's not realistic.

But you can't have sex three to four times a week.

No, What I'm saying is, like, no, but what I'm. My point.

And you can't hang out every day.

My point is just saying it's. It has to be a little bit more of a conscious effort when you get home because you have kids and you have business, and it's not. So it's almost harder when you get home because you're not waking up, like, rolling over, like, hey, come have sex. There's no kids, there's no business, there's no this. And I'll order room service. And like, it's more frequent because it's just that that's available. So that's why, I think finally, when we figured out how to vacation, and we'll loop it back around to vacation sex. Finally, when we figured out how to connect and have vacation, we realized as. As busy entrepreneurs that have five kids, this actually was a piece that kind of would, like, almost like, fill the gas tank. And we're like, oh, okay, now we can go back and we can be busy and this and that. And then like, we'll kind of like, try to make sure we're not too distant and that kind of thing. But vacations has been really good for us. Once we both kind of figured out how to, like, let go and be in each other's space. Oh, is there a lot these guys who. They don't. They're like, oh, well, screw you. I don't get sex with them. I'm like, okay, do you take your wife's on vacation? Do you like, I mean, it goes. It really goes both ways.

Sure.

And I, I would say, like, Like I, I feel like I genuinely can relate to a lot of men in the sense that like, I get it, you rise in power and you're like, I don't need this shit. I don't want to argue every day. I can pay my own fucking bills, I can drive nice cars, I can live a great life. And so you're like from, for women, like you said, like if men are having sex, they're like, peace out. I'm like, hey, if I don't have a guy that tells me I'm beautiful, that it tells me I loves me, like, tells me like, like wants to actually hang out with me and spend time with me and do. And buy me, I like, I like presents.

There's lots of guys.

But that's what I'm saying. So like, so at the same time.

For one reason, you know, Let me finish.

Okay, So I was just gonna say at the same time, like what Men wanting this sex like women want like this intimacy and this connection and words of validation, which I believe men want to might not be as high on the radar and women want sex might not be as high on the radar as men. But ultimately you're, you're both after the same things.

This is why affairs happen. Because people are sharing their vulnerable pain in a way with somebody who's hearing their vulnerable pain who doesn't have any dog in the fight, meaning they have no history with that person. So you can listen to somebody who's like in pain. Like you and I could be in a place of pain. You could go out with your girlfriends, end up someplace and you're talking to some amazing looking guy and you're sharing about me and about how I'm an asshole and I'm so reactive. And he is sitting there listening the whole time, thinking, I am going to fuck the shit out of this woman tonight. Please tell me more about this pain that you're feeling. And they're doing all the right shit because they only care about one thing. Fucking you. And on the flip side, a guy's out me out with my guys and I meet some girls up and she's laughing at all my shit, touching me, telling me I'm so hot, telling me all my. Everything I say is so funny. All the intention to get fucked and make me buy her shit. So like this game of that's why this whole affair thing is such a fucking joke because it's not even real. At some point, Vegas lights turn on and life gets seen. Women take their makeup and their eyelashes and their hair extensions and all the rest of their shit out and they're left with what you really have. And hopefully she doesn't have a dick and it's a dude and you're in Thailand. But if you come back and sit in the situation today, then you're like, how do you deal with it? Because even going out, most men don't even have the skills to go get laid if they did get divorced.

Yeah.

So there's this inherent problem brewing and it's getting worse.

Right. So how do we fix it?

And this is what we're trying to tell people right now. So we're going to get to some tacticals. Okay. Can we do some vacation sex tacticals?

Okay. Yes.

Let's go back because our vacation sex was a nightmare.

Now you have heard a little bit of our story and you're like, how'd you do it? Well, we are still working on it, but one of the things that I made an effort to. When, like realizing like, our marriage is going to end and how sad that like my husband feels like so abused that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him now. I knew you were always like, what do you need? And I was like, I don't know. I know now that I need time, attention, love, words of valley. All the things you didn't tell me. All that I know, but I didn't know. I was, I was like, you did tell me.

You said, buy me a house, buy me a car.

Security is very important for a woman. And when we had lost everything, I was like, well, if he just buys me a house, then I'll shut my mouth.

That's literally.

It sounds dark, ladies, but that's kind of where it's at.

You're like, I just shut your mouth on my penis. Where are we shutting our mouth?

Meaning, like, shut my mouth. Don't, don't like rock the boat. Don't voice your concerns. Don't support him working. Don't say you're sad. Like, you just gotta. You endure. So women get in this closed off box of endurance and I'm like, makes sense. And so they're like, well, I'm just here taking care of the kids. And then they're feeling like you don't appreciate that they're taking care of the kids. So this crazy resentment happens on both sides. So for me, I was just like, okay, if this, this is. I just, I remember we had like a few conversations and a lot of times you're yelling me. There was one specific conversation where I was like, God, I've really hurt this man, and I have two kids with him. So instead of just say, like, fuck it and move on, because there's no guarantees that that's going to be easier. Why don't I just give this a shot? And I didn't know what that really looked like. It just, I just decided I was, like, gonna be proactive. So, like, anytime we'd go on vacation. Vacation, which you we had again, we didn't have a ton of money, so we weren't vacationing a lot. But you started, like, saying.

Started happening at Via Corsica.

You started, like, you took me to Cabo for the first time, and I just was like, so important. You got, like, you booked everything. You planned it. You booked the flight. You. Which was, like, hard for you because you were like, we don't need to travel. And if anything had a bad taste in your mouth for vacationing because you're just like, I'd have to look at my sexy wife and not get laid all week. So when you made an effort to kind of like, you know, book the trip and do this, I was like, okay. So one of the things is a tactical thing. One of the things I always do as soon as we get on vacation is I, I. We don't even unpack. I'm like, sit your ass down and enjoy the ride. So I think that guys need that. Like, I think, I think you've been.

I think you've been a little. A little behind on that one last couple of vacations. Yeah, I mean, right when I put the bags down, you're saying, let me ride you. I don't know if that's happened, if.

You have kids or not. If we don't have kids. Yeah. It's like, literally, like, instantly, Dubai, instantly.

Like when we went to, when we went to Cancun, Viceroy. Did that happen right away?

Yeah. Yes, it did. Yes. It's one of the things I make answer. I don't know. But what I'm just saying is the minute we check in, whether we unpack or we don't unpack, the minute we check in, the first thing I do is seduce you.

Okay? So let's make this real simple. Okay, Ladies. Hey. Hey. Hey. How are you? You there? Hey, let me make this really easy for you. Your guy's going to be more open if you fuck him.

And they don't like when you have that tone. So, ladies, your guy's gonna be more open if you just get that three minutes out of the way.

We didn't ask for much. It's Three minutes, ladies. Three minutes. But here's the thing. You get.

But I started to enjoy it, like, in the beginning. I felt uncomfortable, and I was like, oh. Like. But now I'm like, it's. Even if I don't come, I still am. Like, it's so powerful. Like, I'm like, sit your ass down. And it's just powerful to know that we have that much control. So it's not about coming for me. It's just, like, supporting my man, relieving some of that energy, like, puts, like, this peacefulness. Then we go grab a margarita. We can kind of relax for the night. So for me, it's like. It's a. It's a power play. And most women don't look at it that way. They look at it as like, oh, I'm just a piece of meat. I'm like, why don't you treat him like a piece of meat?

Because there's not one guy on the planet that is fucking upset about their wife treating him like a piece of meat.

I know. That's the same thing.

Men want to be treated like a piece of meat. Please.

That's what's so funny.

Eat the meat whenever, forever.

And you still do this. And now I think it's funny, but anytime you'd walk in the kitchen, it was like a. An instant slap in the ass.

I don't slap you on the ass down.

I know. Now you hug me, but it was like an instant slap in the ass. So now I think it's funny. I do it to you. Like, you come home, I just go in for, like, a real good front grab.

I like it. Grab my balls all you want. You can grab my balls all day.

I think it's funny. And you'll literally be like, thank you. I'm like, this works.

This works 100%. If you walk right in on any man, grab his balls gently. Don't smack them.

No, it's like. It's just like a soft grab.

Exactly. Nothing but straight, hard on the ground.

But that's funny, because if you go up to a girl and just go right up to her in the kitchen, you're like, hey, babe, good to see you. She's like, what the fuck, guys?

Wander that, too. So listen, there is a dilemma here that can be fixed, and the dilemma is simple. Which is it? One strategy. Have sex right away on vacation, right when you get there, go to the bed, go to the shower, go somewhere, blow him. Do something, if you will. Get this man's nut off when you get there. I Can promise you whatever the fuck you want to do next, that man is gonna be open to it. You wanna go bicycles, you want to go do a yarn activity. You want to go scuba diving, you want to go sit and play cards, you want to play bridge, you want to go drink tequila shots and run naked on the beach, fine. This man will do whatever the fuck you want to do. If you get to the hotel, the only thing this man is thinking of, when do I get to put my penis in my wife's vagina and come? This is all he's thinking about. He thinks you're beautiful. He's already sat by on the flight. The whole time. The whole time he's thinking, you've got no kids. When, how long does it be? Tell this woman unplugs from the world back home so I can just have my lover who I used to be with before all these damn kids. And that's strategy number one. Now strategy number two. Strategy number one for the guys, okay, book the vacation. Book the vacation. Actually go on vacations and pay for vacation. Here's the deal. I used to be such a dick about going on vacations. I did not see the investment in my marriage and the value and the ROI of investing money in meaningful experiences with my wife. Now, I did not see this, truly, until about six years ago, and I didn't see it heavily until the last four and a half or five. And now we go on four week long trips a year. Dubai, Paris, Greece, etc. Some of you are like, God, that's fucking fine. Fine. If you live in Nashville, go to Knoxville, like, whatever. Just go somewhere and put money and time and energy into planning a way to get her away from her world. Because if you don't get her away from her world where she can be a girlfriend again, you're gonna struggle with this. So it's one side you putting it out. Notice what happened to us. I created the move, and then she was willing to cross the line. So there's move one for both of us.

I would say the. The second. I'm surprised with how many couples that have kids. I'm like, are you guys doing date nights? They're like, oh, I think we did one date night last week, but we just stayed in bed and watched Netflix. And I'm like, that's not a date. Like, somebody's got a plan. Like, if you're dating a guy who never takes you out and only does Netflix, you're like this cheap asshole. Like, see you later. Like, you don't see value in me. Like, especially if you're a high valued woman, you wouldn't tolerate Netflix. So why would you tolerate that as a date night? And so I think one of the things that you started doing is. And we started doing even when we had no money. It was like literally. I remember remember thinking like, hey, we have to choose what bills we're gonna pay this month. This was like when it was really.

Dark, we would pay for date and.

Stuff and we would pay for date night. I'd be like, I can eat top ramen for the next week, it's fine. But it was so bad. Like we would, we'd be like, hey, we can't pay our credit card statement. But we'd never missed a date night. So that was one of the things that Garrett. And that's really what sparked this podcast. I remember when we first moved to California, we would ha. We always had pretty good conversations. And I remember thinking like, if you just put a camera in front of us, I think this would either be funny, a shit show or give people value. And it's, that's kind of what it's turned into. And we keep doing these podcasts and we have a lot of like students and things that like listen to it. But like, I just am shocked. I would say if I were to give you my second, like your third point or whatever it is. It's like you have to do date nights. Like, even if you're like, I can't afford it. That's such like when you, when we were dating and had no money, we went to the to freaking Jacintos and got three dollar tacos. You know, like when you're dating, you find a way to, to create an experience, whether it costs $10 or $200. You find a way that's not just sitting on the couch watching Netflix.

Go get a blanket. Right, gentlemen, here, deal. So you got no money, you're broke, you're struggling. Fine, get a blanket, put it on your bike. You got $10 for chick fil A, but you don't tell her you're going to Chick Fil A, but you just create two cards. Put two note cards into envelopes, get them for cheap, tell her she gets to pick the dinner and activity for the night. Now you only have enough money for what exactly you're going to do. So what do you do? You put Chick Fil A and picnic in both of them. You let her believe she's got a choice. That's all she wants to feel is she has a choice. And you did some preparation. So you put the note cards in front of her and you say, babe, pick. You get to choose. Activities night. She opens up, it's like, oh, bike ride with blanket with picnic at the park. Yes. All right, then quickly take the other one.

What do you tell your guys that are cheap that just don't take their wife's house?

I'm trying to help the other guys out.

You're helping guys out, but, like, what about your guys that have money that will invest so much heavily stuffing.

Listen, listen, I'm getting there.

Babe, you don't need a cleaner or babysitter. You're fine.

Let me get there, okay? I just am trying to help out all of our listeners. Sometimes there's some people having a hard time. So there you go. You got $10 chick fil a meal. You could even. Not even do envelopes. You could just find some paper. Just go get napkins at Chick Fil A, right on the napkins, crinkle them up and put them in cups. Make them choose.

Okay, but here's the thing. So I think that successful men, they have this, like, pass card, meaning, like, I pay for your bills. And like, I have a nanny, I have a housekeeper, have all this. But she's like, yeah, but you're not phys. I mean, you're, like, working, but there's no, like, time and attention and this kind of thing.

No, well, that's where date night comes in.

I know, but that's what I say for, like, successful men. Like, I'm telling you right now, women, they want time and they want to be seen and heard.

So dates have to happen. And the game with dates for guys that have cash and. Or for guys that just want to make the bigger investment. Here's the deal. You got to look at it this way. Vacations are just like date night, right? It's like, why do I go to the chiropractor twice a week? Because I don't want to get sick. And I don't. I don't get sick. I don't. For three years, I don't get sick. I go to the chiropractor twice a week. Why would I go there? Why would I go to the. Why would I go to the chiropractor? Because it is protecting me from illness. Why do you go on date nights twice a week, Garrett? For the same fucking reason I go.

Take your money because your wife's gonna divorce you and take half of it.

There you go. Look at it as a money protection strategy. That's it. You want to lose half your shit. Don't take your wife out, don't take her on vacations, don't give her attention. Gonna lose half your money. There you go. Just saved you. Best business principle of your life. And for those that aren't worried about losing their money and they're really just in a place of saying, I want to be connected to my woman, the investment in them is no different than you would be looking at investing time, energy and attention into a new employee hire. You're not going to expect them to fucking crush. If you don't put any time into them. You're not going to put no time into a hot, new, high paid, you know, CEO or executive. If you just hired in your business yet you'll look at your marriage from a totally different frame. That makes no fucking sense.

I think. I think the hard thing for couples that we see a lot is they're so hurt for so many years. And I get it. Like I. You get it? I get it. And it's still to this day, we'll have triggers. And I'm like, we're not those people anymore. But we still have a history in a past. And I told you the other day, I'm like, but our history and our past is so much richer than our triggers. And so for me, it's been like, it's still a constant. Thanks. It's still like a constant.

Our history and our history is richer than our current triggers.

And I think that so many people, they throw away a life of legacy based off of triggers. And to me, that's like a weakened.

Human characteristic which demands transformation. Right, so what does this mean? Right, so we've given you some tactical stuff. Like there's like the sex life that we have now. Is it perfect? No. Is it awesome? Yeah. Is it getting better? Yeah. Am I showing up better as a husband? Yeah. Does Danielle say that when she's in the middle of a heated fight with me and yelling at me? No, she doesn't, but she remembers it. And after she comes back down to earth and isn't crazy and I'm the same way when I come back to earth, I'm not crazy. Don't pretend for one second that if you look at my wife's Instagram page that that's how her life is. It's not. That's not how her life is. It's clean, it's beautiful, it's perfect. It's damn near flawless. And that's one clip of what the reality. So you want to see the rest of the Lineage. You go over to my page, you'll see some of what the other side of our life looks like, which is just messy and whatever the fuck and whatever filter you feel like is cool, just put one on there. And if you don't, then that's fine, too. And that's marriage. That's the hard part. And so you're okay, well, what is the incentive to stay married? And that's why you have to answer for yourself. Because no matter what, if you are two people who have been married for decades and you have children and you have scars and history and sexual trauma and fears and doubts and worries, you two are perfectly set up to trigger the fuck out of each other, which means she does this, you do that, you doing that triggers another thing in her, which triggers another thing in you, which triggers another thing in her, which triggers another thing in you. And next, you know, you're both like, go fuck yourself. And then the thought arises for every man and woman that there's someone else out there who magically is going to love me the way I need to be loved.

I think it is a balance for both of us working on our triggers. But when I get to this place and we get in a crazy fight, I'm less. I used to just shut down for weeks, and now I feel like we get through things quicker. But one of the things that I genuinely look at again is I'm like, okay. I look at our family, our businesses, our life, our.

Our.

What we're called, to do, like, our purposes, and I'm like, that's way more important than triggers. But I still have to be aware of my triggers and. And try to course correct them and cross the line for the other person. One of the things that Garrett and I have been working on is guys love words of affirmation and validation, but women do, too. Like, we need that, too. We need. Like, we need to know that you notice whatever I have going on my life, whether it's like, hey, you dropped the kids off at kindergarten, or whatever. Like, tell me about that. Even if you're like, I've got 72 million things in my mind right now about work, we don't care. We want you to ask you how our day was at Pilates like that to us. And we're like, this is the easy button. So men want words of validation and to be cheerleader. I'm like, just ask me how Pilates went. Like, seriously, I don't do Pilates, by the way. I lift weights. But if you show an interest in what Your wife is doing those will earn you huge points. And you have to show interest without being like, now we're gonna go upstairs and have sex. No, show interest because you love your wife.

And when you ladies are getting sexual with us, we want you to want to give us a blowjob. So there you go. And there is. There is. There is a. The truth tale in all of this is you have to let go and you have to change. And that requires everybody to do really hard things, which is you have to let go of your story. And that is hard because our scars create our stories, and these stories become our prisons. And so Danielle can say things, and it can completely send me off the fucking rafters.

And sometimes I say stuff just because I want to be a dick.

Oh, I know it's not because I want to be dick, because you're just a bitch and you're saying rude shit.

I just want to jab them and, like, turn the knife. And it's because I'm bugged. But instead of, like, actually talking to me like, hey, what you said last night, Herb? Or like, you've been working a ton and I'm feeling super resentful. Instead, I'll just be like, oh, yeah.

Do you know, I'd want.

And that doesn't work either. So that's something for me. I'm like. I call it word vomit. I'm like, why did I say that? And then I'll be like, you did this to yourself. This. This fight. You did this to yourself.

Well, you get personal. You decide to go below the bell. I don't get personal either way.

You sometimes go below the bell.

Not. Not like you do. You. You jabbed hard. I'll just blow a fire, which is a general burning of the city.

You don't think that, but there' and I again, you can think whatever you want, but there's times where you. I can't get a word in. And I'm just like, don't shut down. Don't shut down. Don't shut down. Like, so even though you think I throw jabs, you throw tsunamis.

I get it. I'm a fire breathing tsunami dragon. I was on a call this morning with a guy, and he was in tears in a call with me over the fact that he said, I can be outside my home and the world will run parades in my name. My teams will run massive celebrations of our victories. My clients will send me texts. And he holds up his phone, he's like, I've got 60 different text messages of appreciation in the last 48 hours on my phone from clients, strategic partner, et cetera. And then I come home to a fucking war zone with my wife every night. He's like, I'm so tired of this bitch's ungrateful attitude to how much I work. I know, but I'm just saying from his perspective. I was like, okay, well, what do you want? He's like, I don't understand why the one woman I care about telling me, thank you. I see you, I love you. You're the man. Why it's so hard. And there are a ton of women who just. It's like the minute you have to express gratitude to your man or tell him you are amazing, somehow your tongue gets cut the fuck off and you can't say it. And it's not just you over the years, because you didn't start asking for these things until the last year. Until the last year. You were an emotional liar to me for most of our marriage until the last 18 months.

When you say it, though, because it drives me crazy. You've said that a lot. And I have to be honest with you. On the show, you're like, you were emotionally lying for 20 years.

You were.

Okay. But it does trigger me a little bit when you say that. So I'm just gonna be honest with you on this show. Go for it. Because I think it was like, as a wife, as a woman, I was just like, danielle, you can't complain. You have five beautiful children, you have a $20 million house, you have a successful business, and it runs itself. Your hus. Husband's good looking. You guys are both super fit. So I was just like. I didn't know. I was just like. We were doing the date nights, we were even doing the vacations. So I was. I felt like I was like, God, I've. I've. I don't know what I need. And then it was like when you were saying same thing, like, I want to be seen and heard and felt, I was like, I do too. And I don't know what that looks like. And I am. I'm still figuring out this, like, last couple years, I'm like, oh, like. Like I said, there's been times where, like, you actually show interest in, like, my day. And I'm like, that felt really good.

Did you feel that today?

Yes, but. But I'll. But I'll try to do the same with you. I'm like, tell me about Warrior, like, what's going on with this? And, like, I'm trying to be what's the word our therapist would say, like, inquisitive. And I think that when you do that, it shows that you're. Yeah. Curious. It just shows that, like, you're not like, okay, just pick up the kids, you get the lunches. It's like, hey, I want to know about you. And imagine when you are dating, you're literally like, you're talking to them like that. Like, oh, my God, that's so exciting. You went have your oil change. Like, tell me about that. Or like, how'd that job interview go? But then all of a sudden you get married and it's just like, I want my wife to cheerlead me. And you're like, but are you cheerleading her? Are you asking her how her day going? Or are you just assuming because she's the stay at home mom that soccer, pilates and running the kids around is irrelevant to the status that you hold? So you should come home and she should want to immediately fall to the floor and suck your dick.

Well, we do think that.

I know. So that's where I'm like, guys, I you that I'm like, to me, the most powerful man. If he doesn't recognize where he doesn't hold the responsibility inside of his relationship, why his wife doesn't want to do that, he can't just put it on the wife. He's obviously not showing up in a way where she wants to appreciate him, which means she's not feeling appreciated. Even if all she does all day is run kids around and do art projects, she still wants to feel like, you want to know about the 24 pack of crayons that she picked up at Target that day. She still wants to feel like you care about her Chick Fil A outing. She still wants to care about all these little things. So even though I get it as a, as a woman, like, even we were like, I don't want to burden my husband with talking about me and the kids going to Chick Fil A. That's stupid. Like, you literally, like, because you're not the provider. So you're like, why should he want to care about this? I'm telling you right now, successful men, I don't care what your wife does for business. I don't care what she. If she's a stay at home mom, try this. Just be inquisitive. Ask her questions, how was her day? What did she do? And just see if that changes anything in the dynamic.

It's a good way to end the show.

But. But at the same time, like, I'm trying To work on myself being like. Because I do appreciate everything you do. Like, I'm like, I love that you're willing to go out and work. Now sometimes I know you get really stressed out, so I want to fight for your time. And sometimes I get resentful because I don't see you. And I'm like, God, he can create a different schedule and do all this shit. Why are they doing it that way? So but even then it's like a balance of like, I am very grateful, but I have to balance the grateful and resentment based on my time with you.

And that comes down to open communication.

The little things.

Yep. But even open communication, like even talking about what you're feeling and being able to talk about where you're at, being able to share what you're feeling, not keep it in, not be resentful. Because guys do the same thing. Guys keep it in, girls keep it in. And then we wonder why the other person doesn't hear us, doesn't see us, doesn't feel us. And then we blow up. And getting it out and actually sharing with each other has been there. Now we've had, I mean we just had one big fight on vacation. We just had in. It was like a, a two hour walk and talk, yelling match. And it ended in a great place. I feel like, I feel like we both got to a place of truth with each other and you started finding more honesty and I started finding more honesty and we starting to find more and more over time that we are both after the exact same thing together. We want to be seen, we want to be loved, we want to be wanted. Like it's the same shit both of us want.

And on both sides you can keep trying to trade in, trade in, trade in, trade in for that newness, but ultimately you're just hollow. Like I, like, I hear about like, I always bring up like Leonardo DiCaprio for some reason because he's always with like a new 28 year old. I'm like, that's a hollow man. He doesn't know. He just like wants the newness and is like, I am too powerful. You'll get a new one. But what he really wants is just like to be love.

Maybe he just likes 28.

I don't know. I'm just using that at this point.

I think he probably just likes 28 at this point.

He's like, I'm.

Here's the thing, Sarah. There are plenty of guys. This is why I asked the question Lynd on this. There's been a Question circulating in the man world, particularly for men in their 30s, which is, as a high value man, what is the incentive to be married today? This is a question. Now it's circulating in a big way across all the men's movements.

Who's the big guy? Who like, not big guy, but there's Les Watson. No, not him. There was like, maybe him, but another guy who's like having so much sex. So much sex. And ultimately he was like, I just want one woman. Dan Bazerian, I don't know.

Dan Bazerian had sex with over 1500 women.

Yeah. Like, there was a guy that he.

Was like, at that point, your dick has been the. In so many vitamin D. But then what do you want at the end of. He said, you know, at the end of all that, you know, I think you're probably better off in a monogamous relationship. Easy to say with a guy that fucks 1,500 women.

He's like, that's just not fulfilling anymore.

It's just like this though, you know, you don't know what you want sometimes until you have all the things that you don't want.

But. I know, but I hate when successful guys just don't suck. They won't. That's great.

You know, he's.

Successful guys won't admit that they need more than just. I mean, I don't know.

You don't even know.

I don't even know.

You're trying to talk for successful men. You're a woman.

But I'm as a successful woman, like, I could go out and probably like have crazy sex for a while, but in the end I'm like, well, that was fun.

You could. And you for sure would.

But that's fine. I'm not saying I wouldn't. I'm just saying I would get the end of it. I would be like, I'm kind of tired. I just want someone that I come home to that like loves and appreciates me for who I am. And I don't have to take care of him. I just want to be in like a mutual relationship.

Here's the thing that was fun that we got to. Could you be with.

I couldn't be with a first boy.

No, I'm not seeing a purse boy. Is it safe to say that on the planet there are at least 10,000 men that could be qualified, very powerful, good looking guy candidates for you as a husband besides me?

Sure, but they wouldn't have a history.

Yeah, but I'm saying there are. Right? We've even gone down this and played some fun games with this at breakfast, talking about, who would you be with? Who would you rather? Da da, da, da. Okay, so we know that's the case. We know there's at least 10,000 women, beautiful women, attractive women, that would be a good match for me as a man. So there's not like there's one person on the planet that you can pull this off with, right? You can have deep, happy, joyful relationship with a lot of different people. So we know that's the case now inside of that, and knowing that's the case, that's available now comes the question, then what are you actually after with the person you're married to? Right? Because if the fact is, and here's unfortunate fact, for a lot of guys, you don't have many options. So I promise you, you're kind of unfuckable and you got to work on yourself. So just because you get divorced doesn't mean you're gonna be doing anything but Call of Duty and jerking off by yourself. So we're harshly telling men this. Just because you get divorced does not mean there's a banquet of women out there looking for you.

Your old pictures of you that you bring up, you're like, how did you fuck this guy? I'm like, I didn't.

Yeah, I know you didn't. So.

But even you went through that phase where you had a rise as a man for sure.

Everybody does.

Everybody does. Yeah.

So what is the incentive to be married? So the only reason I can see for a couple to be married, it's not to have kids, it's not to have sex. You can have sex and not be married. It's not to get words of appreciation. You can get that from people all day long. You get that from Guy. If you opened your energy up, you'd be getting that shit all day long. Your phone would be filled with 400,000 DMs. You get it at the gym, you get it everywhere. So we know that's not the case. I could go get it too. So we know that's not the case, is it that we can't co parent now? We could co parent our kids. Great. We'd probably be better parents as co parents because I watch that happen a lot too. Because when you're with the kids, you'd be with them. When I was with the kids, we'd be with them. Be great, right? So we know that's not the case. We know it's not sex, it's not money. You make your own Money. So you could go be by yourself and you could live in a smaller house and you have a still a great house and be good. And so we know it's not money, we know it's not kids and co parenting because we do that. We know it's not sex because we know. We know it's not words of affirmation because we could go get those things from other people too. So then what the fuck would we be married for if we can get all those things from somebody else? Why would we be together?

I don't know.

Because you could legitimately go fill all those buckets. You're gonna say you don't fill my bucket. You could fill all those buckets with other people, not me. So then what is the incentive to get married?

I think I could fill those buckets. I know you could, but would it be with one person?

No, probably for sure to be with multiple people.

But like, I'm not just saying like the sex card like to like all these things.

Yeah. And we're expecting all those things to be filled by one person.

Is it possible? I think it is.

I think we're getting close. I think the only thing that happens that you in marriage that you cannot find outside of it is a soul driven legacy connection. It's the ability to look back at the wake of what you've created together. The pits and the peaks. The only reason you appreciate somebody who's created something in money and wealth is because of the they went through to get there. You listen Elon Musk's rise and there's a respect for who the fuck this guy was to get to where he is. Right. Same way marriage, there's a rise that happens and a legacy you can never get, which is one nighters or somebody you hung out with for six months. And average people being single, they're in a relationship, having sex with somebody, they're with them for three to six months, they break up, they're alone for a little bit, they go party, they get another person. Here we are 10 years later, they've been with 20 people. You're a woman in your early 40s, you're still fucking single.

But are you still in the same spot?

You're still single, still struggling, Guys are getting to the same place, still single, still struggling. They're like, yeah, I can go get pussy. But at some point it gets fucking old because you're here to find a soul driven connection which is actually beyond sex. But in marriage you can't find that shit unless you solve all this Other bullshit. And one of the big one is sex. One of the big one is attention. One of the big one is seduction and the ability for a man to see his wife and for her to be seen and felt and loved and vice versa for a guy to be seen and felt and loved. So I love you. I see you. You're amazing. Thanks for a great vacation.

You gave me a high five.

Great vacation sex. So I got a meeting in about 45 minutes. You want to go have sex right now? It'd be a good way to end the show.

I have that meeting with you.

Oh, good. So we've definitely got time to go have sex. So we're gonna end this show. And in the spirit of vacation sex, coming home from vacation sex is gonna be our new chapter. That's all we got for you today. Hey, listen, we have a lot of fun things happening right now around the world of Warrior and DKW styling. To learn more about what's going on here at Warrior, check it out wakeupwarrior.com or you can head to the new garrettjwhite.com website. Danielle rolled hers out. Danielle K. White here just a bit ago.

Yeah, So I am the creator of natural beauty and row hair extensions. I started my brand with with hair extensions. I created a hand tied hairline called Isla and then I recently just rebranded, just kind of my personal brand. If you go to daniellekwhite.com I love fashion, fitness, family, basically everything I'm up to. You can go there. You can find out more options on finding a MBR hairstylist by you. You can find out more about my education. You can come salon in Laguna Beach. So Everything is at DanielleK White.com or you can follow me on Instagram. Danielle K. White.

All right, that's all we got for you this week. We'll see you next week on the date your wife podcast.