Only Fans... Date your wife

Well, my friends, welcome here to the date your wife podcast. And today we're going to talk about my wife and why she put her ass on the Internet.

That's how we're opening the show.

Joe, why don't we start there? Why would you put your ass on the Internet?

You know? Well, it's. There's quite a backstory to all of it.

We got time. That's the point of the show. So give it to us.

Okay. So. Well, I mean, I was raised in a very like, conservative Mormon upbringing. And even like, if you wore like a two piece, it was like, oh, she's risky. Like, I would wear like spaghetti straps, like a, like tank tops. In high school. My mom would like, legit be like, that's slutty. You need to take it off. And I was like, slutty. Like, that's, that's kind of far, like, you know. So I was raised in like such a, A different upbringing. And when I started doing like the bikini, the bodybuilding stuff, and you literally are like, on stage, not only on stage, like, flex and bent over, you're like, you're just out there, right?

Ass, hamstring.

And at first you're like, this is like, scary. And then after, like, I've done four shows and then like, after I did my fourth show, you just, it's not a big deal. And you don't even look at, like, sexual. It was never sexual. It was always uncomfortable. And. And so it becomes like, it just, it's not a big deal. In fact, like, you' stage with all the girls and you're just like appreciating the work. You're like, oh, yeah, great job. Like, you, you're looking at each other like athletes. You're like, oh. And so anyways, I feel like part of doing this sport really like, broke me in a lot of ways where I'm just like, I don't like, look at, I don't look at. I guess I. I'm more comfortable in my skin. I'm like, eh, what's the big deal? You know? So anyways, I, Garrett and I, we did a photo shoot with Brett Seeleys, great fitness photographer. And that's like part of the fun in, in doing these competitions. It's like, it's just like fun to do a shoot together. And like one of the photos, like, we. I'm like, I really want to do like a beach photo shoot. And I'm like, can you come to our house? And then I'm like, oh, shoot, I'm going to Be, like, damn near naked, like, on our beach, where, like, the neighbors are. I was like, oh, well, fuck it. And so I'm in this, like, skinny, skimpy bikini, which is fine. I have no problem with that. But then he's like, hey, I want you to, like, lean behind her and grab her. And I want you to arch your back. And I'm like, wait, what? Like, literally, like, our neighbors are, like, right there. Like, I swear they were, like, kind of watching, but, like, trying to act like they weren't, but it was still, like, unconscious. Like, can you guys keep walking? So anyways, we got the photos back, and they were, like, classy and sexy, but they literally reminded me of, like, the old school romance novel.

Yeah.

Like this, like, the sun setting, the hair is draping down the back. It's, you know, it's like, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I would have thought. It's so taboo when I think back to these, like, cheesy romance novels. So anyways, I post it one night, and I, like, I had, like, a cool caption. I was just like, hey, like, is this a romance novel? Or. And then I was like, do you still have a.

Do you still have the photo on your phone?

So I got. I gotta keep going through it on.

Your phone and read it to us.

I don't. I think I archived it or maybe I deleted it. I don't know.

We'll look it up real quick.

I know what I said. It was just, like, basically, like, this might look like a cheesy romance novel. The truth is, this is my backyard. We are getting ready to compete for a fitness competition. My neighbors are watching us. And, yeah, I was scared out of my mind, and I was like, you know what? But, like, do it and do it scared. And so I really. I really, like, was thinking about the message, and then the next morning, I wake up and I was like, that's just a lot of ass online. So, you know, I archived it, but sometimes I do that.

What does archive mean?

You can bring it back up anytime you want.

Oh, yeah. So she just put it on pause and disappeared.

I was like, she's a lot of ass online.

Does it make you uncomfortable that you put it online? Like, I mean, you know, online. Have you painted gold and, you know.

But it's like, the positioning and, like, literally my butt cheeks are, like. It's very. Because I've posted fitness ones where. Yeah, I'm, like, in my, like, posing for the show or whatever. I don't. It's not Sexual, though.

This one is very, very sexual.

This one is the one. We're kneeling on the sand and you're, like, grabbing my ass, essentially.

I need to see this picture because I don't remember which one you're talking about. Pull it up so I can get a visual for myself. We should definitely post this picture so everyone who's listening this podcast can check it out too. The interesting part is there was a piece in my life where if anyone was looking at my wife, I got super triggered by it. I was super. Now I'm like, hey, look, don't touch. I'm like, she looks great. I'm not. I'm not encouraging only fans. We're not going that path. But how fucking weird would that be?

Somebody.

Imagine being married.

I've had several comments that people were like, when are. When are you guys going to start your only fans page? And I'm like, oh, did I take it too far?

No, they just were wanting to see a little bit more.

Okay, this is a little bit more.

Let me see it. Oh, that's hot. As you took that photo down. Why'd you take that photo?

I even invited you as a collaborator and you didn't accept it. And I was like, maybe I accept it. I don't know. And I was like, maybe I went too far.

That's a lot of ass. I mean, it's a lot. It's. It's kind of naked. You're not naked, but it kind of looks naked.

But it's just, like, the posing and the lighting. Like, I was going through our fitness.

I was like, yeah, that's definitely a winner.

But you know what? Maybe I'll post it later. I don't know.

Jacked. You look hot.

As I invited you to put that.

You should reunite.

I woke up the next morning and I was like, maybe I took it too far. Maybe I didn't take far enough. I don't know. People were starting to ask if I have an OnlyFans page. I think I took it too far.

Can you imagine? Like, I can't imagine if I was, like, taking photos of you, like, nude photos or videos of us having sex and then posting it to random strangers.

I. You know what? It's a tough. It's a tough world out there. I was talking about this at the salon just this week because there's this really pretty girl. She's pretty young. She's, like, 24. And she used to come to the salon and get her hair done, and she was like, one of, like, the top, like, instagram. Models. But then, like, now there's like a gazillion Instagram models, and it's tough to make money. Like just doing collab.

Just being hot enough.

Yeah. It's not enough.

She's like, she's only fans girl now.

So now she's like, she's. I think she's either married or engaged, has a boyfriend. But anyway, she does it. She's like. And she came out openly. She's like, I make a lot of money. She's like, I make way more as in my. With my only fans page than I ever did as an influencer.

There are girls that I have personally met who are connected to guys in the training space. And these women are making several hundred thousand a month.

It's nuts.

And they're in their 20s.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what she.

Does that's like, better than being a stripper. Like, they can't make that kind of money stripping.

She was like, she was almost proud, like, talking about. I'm like, she must be doing well then, like, she's probably hustling her as. As ass off, literally, as a influencer, you know? And then she's like, screw it. I'm just gonna do my own thing.

So I had on, you know, on Instagram, like, at your. For you page is like a function of, like, things you click on.

Yeah.

So there was a point in time where, like, half the photos were girls in bikinis. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Why am I seeing them all? Because me, well, it was you. And also I clicked on a few of them.

Oh.

So I'm just being honest with you. I'm not gonna lie. So I clicked on a couple of them, plus being associated to you. And so. But what was interesting, I was like, dude, I'm so tired of this. Seeing all these girls, like, damn near naked. But then I started wondering. I was like, what is the pattern? Why are these girls doing this? And then I started thinking, I'll bet these girls are only fans girls. And sure enough, 100 of the time, every single one of them, they're buy were they were only fans. And then I came back and I did some mail switches. I like, told Instagram, I said, I don't want to see these posts anymore. This kind at all. And I did it to, like five or six of them. And now all I see is ufc, boxing and money videos. That's it. That's all I see.

Is it too much of a temptation?

Like, this is not a temptation.

Temptation for Me, I'm like, It's just like, it catches you off guard. You're actually click on it. Should I click on it?

And then next thing you know, you do, and you're like, wow, there's tits and there's an ass. Why am I clicking on that? Okay, you know that it's interesting though. Like, there were seasons that we. We launched recently the. The Warrior Married game program.

Hey, wait, wait. Before we move on to that, you can give me crap about having my ass out there, but you have a photo where literally, you.

My balls.

Your balls are on the line.

That was not on purpose.

Online.

That was not on purpose.

Did you take it down?

No, I didn't. I, like, own myself. So, like, if I it up, I'm gonna keep it up there. He's like, you know, I got a screen. Well, I posted the pictures of me doing the nude Greek statue for my first competition.

You posted the ones that were not edited.

Mine never post any of that. I just go for it. And so I posted up like five or six photos in a carousel. And then. And then our son text me a screenshot from his cell phone with a giant circle. And he's like, dad, your balls are on the Internet. I was like, what the are you talking about? He's like, dude, the photos you posted, you can see your balls. And I was like, no. And I swipe over and I see. I'm like, sure enough, you can see my balls.

You didn't. You're okay.

I just love it on there.

Maybe. Maybe you're trying to create another.

Give me my most successful jump roping video. Did you purchase your ticket today? You know which one it is? This thing has like 12,000 fucking views.

15,000 views.

It blew up. It's a blow up. Not in the genre of videos, but for my jump rope videos. Your ticket. That one blew up. And I'm like, why is it blowing up? What's so exciting about this one? And then I go back and I watch it days later and what's going on?

But the best part is, like, you don't know.

I didn't even know.

You don't even know. And it's funny, I saw that video, like, in the morning, and I was like, does he know is you saw.

My penis going after it?

That's the first thing you see. You're like, those are loose.

I mean, I did not see it for days. I didn't know why. And I was like, oh, this is a really popular video. I don't know why everybody's so excited about this one.

It was the jump rope skills, it.

Was my jump roping skills, and the fact that my penis was bouncing in rhythm with it and I was not wearing underwear. And I was wearing these other shorts that just, like, were like, small and it just had lots of room.

Maybe you need to wear the shorts.

I can only imagine the comments. Nobody made comments publicly, though. That's the thing is funny. So I've had somebody made comments. Oh, my God. It had. It had like 150 shares and dms like a ton of this guy. Know what's up with coaches? What's up with coaches on a block right here jump roping? Does he know that he is his penis is bouncing? Well, listen, all these things lead to, like, this. This level of comfort. And it's an interesting game because at a certain level, there's this power that comes from being okay with your sexuality and being able to express it and not being embarrassed or not being shameful. And at the same time, there's this line that seems to be there too, that if you cross it, you're just kind of going to the dark side.

It's all up to people's how comfortable they are. Right. They could be like, oh, my God, you. Or wearing a bikini. Like, oh, my God, you're. You're. How dare you. You're going to hell. Like, even your mom to this day.

Yeah.

When. When we're invited to family reunion, she's like, don't come unless you're gonna wear one piece. I was like, clear, not coming. Thank you.

That's why our family reunions.

Which is why I was like, you wait, what? He's like. She's like, yeah, nobody can wear two pieces. I was like, okay, well.

And on the flip side, I understand why my mom wants that. I also understand it's just a weird situation. I mean, like, if you look at the amount, like, I started advertising on porn in the last week, week and a half for Warrior Married Game, and we've been having the most insane numbers. I mean, there's 138 million unique visitors to Pornhub a day. A day.

I don't know if that. That seems like a lot.

That's half the United States, like, population on Pornhub. Like, 99.9 of all the guys have ever come to Warrior have been in porn. Like, meaning not in porn, like they're actors, but they've, like, consumed it, dealt with it, been with it. And now porn used to be something you had to go get with a VHS tape. Now it's everywhere.

Yeah. You can just go, what do you.

Think the impact has been on our daughters? Just all of this porn these boys are consuming and the girls are consuming.

People are just, like, seeing a lot more.

Yeah.

So it makes it like. Yeah, I guess it just. It's. People are just seeing it more. I feel like, like with everything, though, that's like kind of how it starts out. Like, it's like, what's taboo becomes, like the norm. The more you see it, though, it's.

Like, so what problems you think are coming for our daughters because of that? We have four beautiful daughters.

I just look at how girls dress. It's like literally like your nipples are hanging out. Like, that's like a thing. You wear a sheer shirt and your nipples are hanging out.

And I'm like, and how do you feel about that?

I mean, I just don't. I don't really think I want my nipples hanging out. And like, sometimes even with Bailey, I'll be like, you know, you can see your nipples. Like, it's kind of a trend. Yeah. And. But I. What I feel bad for is the poor men. I'm like, girls were like, oh, nipples. Another pair of nipples. Guys, they almost like, have to avert their eyes. They're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know, and some might like, be like, man, that's great. I'm going to keep looking. I. But I literally. But I think that women, I mean, even our oldest daughter, she's like, well, they're just nipples. And I'm like, what? You wouldn't do that if you didn't want the attention. I'm like, so you can call a guy a pervert for looking at your nipples. But like, like, I honestly think that men can't help it. They have to, like, work really hard to avert their eyeballs.

Men can't help it.

That's what I'm saying. So, like, if a guy accidentally glances like, oh, like, and he might even be like, I didn't want to see that. I tell people, I'm like, you think people want to see 17 year old Dipples? Oh, I'm like, no.

In fact, 17 year old, and maybe a 25 year old, but not a 48 year old.

But even then, like, say you're with your wife or a girl or whatever, and you're like, oh.

You're like, dude, put it in another place. If it was like, Elise, and Elise is not my daughter, her best friend, and she's wearing a shirt with her nipples popping out and they're in our living room. I don't want to see that as a 40 year old man because problem is, is it still. There's a piece in my genetic coding of sexual drive that will look to the nipples even though I know this is 17 year old, almost 18, maybe.

Just feel like bad about it.

Dude, you're trying to look away.

They're like 28. Like what's the number for men? Like if you're 28 you can gaze.

Oh, at 28 you're just all in it. You just sit, you just ponder, you know, you meditate on them.

You're old enough now, like even if you're like 58, you're like, well you're.

28 and we could get together such beautiful.

So then it's okay. You're like, it's fine. But if they're under, if they're like 22, you're like, I feel guilty.

No, 22, you're good. 18 under 18.

So you can, you can gaze like. So as a 48 year old man, as long as they're not under 20.

No, under 18.

If they're under 20, you feel bad.

No, no.

You feel like a dirty old man.

We feel bad. Above 18, we're good to go. Well, based on who, like based on the dating game that's going on.

I know the number of dudes in.

Their like 40s and late early 50s dating 20 something girls.

I was joking around, I think with somebody about Leonardo DiCaprio, how like all he's like, I don't know how old. He's like 50. And all of his girlfriends remain the.

Same age, 27 or something.

They're like 27. And the minute they get like 20 80, dump. Someone gets a new 27 year old. I'm like, so gross.

What's crazy, for three decades he's been dating the same age women.

I know, that's what I'm saying.

He keeps getting older and they're the.

Same age and they're called 27.

Yeah, well, it's probably. Well according to like a lot of like the studies and stuff my guys have done who are in the dating space, women in their 20s now, like today these women don't have any desire. Like their drive is just to around and have fun, which means there's no long term commitment. So there's this desire to fuck around and have fun. And the older guys coming out of divorces have no desire to get remarried or be serious. So they end up hooking up with girls in their 20s, which is wild because it's really hooking up with girls their daughter's age.

Yeah, it's weird. I mean, I had this woman, though, that said she was like, you know, she's on, like, her fourth marriage, and she was like, you know, you marry men for a season. She's like, my first husband, I just wanted to be taken care of. He's like, but he would be an awful father. So I got rid of him, and I married this other guy, and I knew he'd be a great father, but he didn't know how to produce. So once I had my kids with him, I got rid of him. She's like. And then she's like, and now I got this. You know, she's like, so, you know, you got to marry him for a season. Like, what do you want out of life in that season? I was like, maybe marry for love.

Hey, you know what? It's true. But what didn't happen was the man didn't evolve.

That's what I was thinking. I was like, okay, so you had the guy that you married to take care of you, and you ultimately wanted children, but he was like, no, I don't want kids. So you're like, well, that's non negotiable for me. He didn't. He didn't buy into that. So then she marries the guy that she's like, oh, he's gonna be such a good dad. But he didn't. He didn't accomplish more. He didn't evolve. So she's like, well, that's not gonna work.

Yep.

So it sounds like she has, like, a standard, but she's like, they're not. It's, like, not evolving.

It's not a bad. I mean, it's not a bad standard. The strategy is questionable, which is, like, retiring the man every time versus the man. Evolving. Yeah. I feel like we've gone through that.

Really? The story. But how she said it was kind of funny. I was just like, makes sense.

She's doing it blunt, and she's doing it intentionally in a way to tell you for shock factor, which is okay.

Right. But here's the crazy thing. Even with you and I, like, people are like, gosh, how did you guys, like, make it through? And I'm like, because we both grew. Yeah, we both evolved. If Garrett, if you would have stayed back in, you know, hippie Garrett mode, walking barefoot, I'd been like, peace out, you know? And same with me. If I never evolved and. And created what I did, you. You would have left.

Yeah.

You know, so it's just. It's. You have to grow together or you genuinely will. You'll just become not connected anymore. Yeah, it's just like, when it's. That's why I'm convinced, like, timing in life when you connect with somebody is because you're at that same vibration. So if you don't continue to stay on that same vibration and somebody goes a different direction, then no wonder you're not attracted to that person anymore. You're on totally different playing fields.

Yeah.

So I find it interesting when I see, you know, men or women, either way, where it's like, maybe the. The woman, they get married, the woman's super hot and whatever, and then she has kids and gains 100 pounds and the guy's still with her. And I'm like, how is that? How do you tolerate that? But I'm like, maybe he doesn't care. Like, I don't know how it goes for guys. I know that if, like, we got married and you just kind of, like, didn't. If you weren't, like, producing, I'd be like, this isn't attractive. I'd be out. And I'm not to say, like, I'm in it for the money, but, like, some level, I want to feel taken care of, and every woman's in it for money. But that's what I'm saying. Like, I am a producer, but I expect you to produce, and that's sexy and that's attractive.

Yeah.

So that's why I'm saying, like, men, they're so. They're so visual. I find it interesting if you have a guy that's, like, married to a woman who's, like, hasn't taken care of herself, you're like, how is. How do you tolerate that?

Well, guys, number one, guys are very visual, for sure. And number two, everybody's body type is different. So guys have attraction to total. I mean, there's just a totally different range. If you were to sit a whole room of guys down and line up a whole diversity of women, the guys are kind of like, yeah, I mean, yeah, you know, I'm not kicking her out of bed for eating crackers. And that one's, like, hot. You know, she's hot. But their range is way wider. Women's range is not wide. Our experience with women and my experience with women, like, just in watching and the training that we've done and the truth that these women share in our events and also the studies that my guys have done on just the research from psychology, then there's a. There's a certain kind of guy that all women are going after. And then. But for guys, that range is way bigger.

I don't. Way more different types of women sound like a real big asshole right now.

All right, we're ready for it.

But if I. Because I do a lot to take care of myself. I've had four kids. I'm in great shape. I do all the beauty regimens and all this stuff. If I was like this and you say like, you get. You were like 100 pounds overweight or something crazy like that, I wouldn't, I'd be like, no.

What do you mean no?

I'd be like, I can't. I don't want to have sex with you. I don't want to be with you. Yeah, Like, I just, I, I'd kind of. I don't know if I'd want to. I know that sounds like super vain, but I also think the same of you with me. I think if I were to like, not take care of myself. But it's not even just about how you look. It's like how you show up. Somebody who takes care of themselves, they show up differently. They have more certainty. They, they, they value, take, you know, taking care of themselves. I think that's, that, that's an important feature in this life.

Well, the discipline is right? So like, the inability to deal with your body is a function of discipline. And by the way, I'm not even talking about like six packs and being shredded. It's like, it doesn't matter. Even like I've told you up to, you know, even you at like £130, I was like, you're still hot.

And I've never been 130 pounds, 120, whatever it was. I thought, I have like a 10 pound range. That's not a lot.

But you have a hard time with it, with yourself. I think I'd be okay with a bigger range. Like, I mean, I'm just like, I'm in it. But like, again, the same piece comes down. This is a really hard truth for people to come to terms with. If someone lets themselves go physically in the marriage, is that a justifiable cause for divorce? And then you come back and it's the same question. Well, if sex is taken off the table and a woman will not put out in marriage, is that justifiable cause for divorce? If a man cannot provide money and financial support for the family, is that justifiable cause for divorce? These are all questions that people are asking all the time of themselves and getting honest about the answers to these questions is a big deal.

I think it just depends. Like, are you in a painful space? So if I know you coach tons of men, you've even told me, like, there's some of these men that are like, insects and marriages. And I'm like, is that painful for them? Did they not care? Do they not value that? Can they not get it up? I mean, I don't know. Like, why is this not a priority to them? Because it's not.

Just, like, we have two guys. You have guys that are locked into the I will never get divorced. And so the challenge is if. If there's no threat of loss, the idea of transformation or change becomes difficult.

I think that's kind of an ego thing, like, to say, like, I'll never get divorced. You're like, what story? Who wrote your narrative?

Like, and, well, that is the frame. A lot of that comes from the Christianity of, like, I will get married.

They hold it like a badge, like, I will never get divorced. And you're like, okay, so if your wife cheated on you or she gains £100 or she doesn't put out, but you want to hold that badge real strong, like, you stayed married. I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, I don't like, who. Who gave you this rules? And why do you. Why do you have to abide by this specific rule as if it's like a badge of honor?

I mean, imagine if you put on £100 and then you cheated on me.

£100 over, and I'm like, but you said you're gonna stay married to me. So, like, I mean, at that point, that's bad, right?

Did you hook up with. At 100 pounds overweight? I was like, show me this guy. I'm like, you can have her. This is a very sensitive topic because, like, at a soul level, none of it matters. And yet at a physical level in this life, it does. It's like, there's a piece and an experience in this for all of us that we're having. Like, I have a client right now. He is 60, and his wife is 70, and she's having a lot of physical challenges right now, and they've been married for 38 years, and. Or been together for 38 years.

See, that's different. If you have history with somebody and you have some kind of, like, medical problem or whatever, I'm not gonna be like, well, I'm out. Bye. You know what I mean?

Well, that's what I asked him. I was like, where is it at? And he's like, hey, we knew this time was coming.

Yeah.

He's like, we've been together for 30 plus years. He's like, I've been, I've been with her for 38 years. I got together for the mirrors. I was 22 and she was 32.

Wow.

He's like, we knew the time was going to come and now we're here.

Is there a 10 year gap?

There's a 10 year gap. So now he's 16, she's 70. And if he was married to a woman that was 50, totally different experience. And obviously being married to a woman at 70, like, there's a 20 year gap in life. His whole life experience would be different. But like you, everybody is fighting to have this new experience and expression. Sex happens to sit at the core of it for all couples, but it gets ignored. Why does it get ignored? Why. Why are women okay with ignoring this topic?

I think it's like, it's like, oh, they look at it like, so carnal, like, oh, how dare you? You know what I mean? But I'm like, I think it's like part of the package here on this, on this earth, you know? So I don't know. I didn't get it for a long time with how we were raised. Like, that's why even, like, you know, how we started the show off, like, hey, all this was taboo. No, no, no, no, no. But even, like, how I was raised at some level was like, it was like, sex was like a chore, you know, it was like, okay, well, you're married. It wasn't like, taught to be, like, it could be fun, it could be enjoyable, it could be freeing, it could be powerful. Right?

Yeah.

And when I found this out for myself, I was like, wow. It was like, women don't even know how powerful they are and they're holding themselves hostage in this narrative that sex is bad. And I was like, wow. So for me, I, when I kind of had that feeling, for me, I was like, it's not, it's a, it's a, it's powerful. Yeah. Women hold this card, you know, and, and it's sacred and all these other things, but stop looking at it as just like this carnal thing, you know?

Well, you heard it, you heard it here on the show. Like, it is a powerful thing. And it is a powerful thing for a couple to have it. I think if you take a couple and you have them bond sexually, a marriage that is deeply committed to themselves sexually, if this is happening frequently, multiple times a week, and it's connected and it's soul level. Not every time, but soul level. Frequent enough to where there's this bonding moment. That couple can deal with a whole bunch of shit in life. But take a couple who's starved in that, particularly a guy who's starved in that, and a woman who's not feeling this power of an orgasm and expression of it and feeling connected to it and feeling desire for it, whether she's in her 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s, or 60s. You have a couple that will become partners, but there will be no passion.

Well. And it's. There's less of that soul connection like you were talking about. And you know what I realized, too, is, like, there was a period in our marriage where I was like, dude, this guy could have sex, like, three times a day. You know?

It's true.

And I feel like now, though, the connection and the quality that I notice, you're like, I'm. I'm, like, coming after you. Like, you're. You're more satisfied. And I'm like, huh, how interesting. Like, it was almost like you thought you wanted more sex, but what you really wanted was that connection.

Yeah.

And so you. You thought you wanted more and more and more frequently. But then, like, when we've had, like, great sex, you're just like, oh, I'm good for, like, a few. Did you know it's been, like, four or five days? You're like, oh, shit. You know?

Yeah.

And so I think, because, like, there is that connection, there's less of, like, tallying it up or feeling starved, if that makes sense.

You gotta remember, too, like, there were times back in the day where we would have sex and it was like, the opposite of fulfilling. It was like it took from me.

Yeah.

Like, I felt, like, worse afterwards. I felt like I was like. It was like you said it was a chore. And so I'm sitting there going, dude, I would have felt more connected on porn. Mad masturbating. Because at least then I knew my hand wanted to participate.

It's like, you almost probably felt like, why do I feel like. Why do I feel like I'm taking advantage of my wife? Why is this such a chore?

Yeah.

You don't want to have this, like, feeling of, like, God, I'm her husband. Like, she should. She should just want to do this. But we had to overcome so many things based off of, like, how we were raised and stories. And it wasn't. It wasn't just you. It wasn't. It was like both of us had to overcome These stories and recreate our marriage and sex life to what we wanted it to be. And so that's really the point in growing together, is both of both individuals have to figure it out on their own and then almost, like, come back together. And I find that that's very rare. Like, it's very rare. And so I feel like what we have done is like. I'm like. It's like. It's not like we've been married for a long time, but, like, we're in a really good space.

Yeah.

It's like there is that connection and respect for one another.

Well, in the land of marriage, we have been together for a long time.

No, I know, but there's.

I meant to go for 23 years.

Yeah. But, I mean, they're married for 21. There's a lot of people that have been married for, like, 22 years and that they're. They can't speak for them or. I can think of specific couples. I'm like, they just seem like buddies. Like. Like, they don't seem like there's no passion. There's no passion. Or they're just, like, married. They're like, I don't really feel like dating anybody else. So this guy will do.

It's like, well, as there's like, a.

Roommate that you're like, yeah, I love him and respect him. And you believe that you love them like you love your dog. You love them like you love your neighbor. You're like, yeah, I love him. Cool.

But we were. I mean, we've had. In order to pull that off, it's required us to do some extreme things at times.

Yeah.

And those extreme things are pushing us constantly to let go of who we've been. And there's a push, pull game that goes on between you and I, which is pushing and pulling each other to the next level. It's like, you slow down, and all of a sudden I'm pushing and pulling. I slow down, you're pushing and pulling. And now we're playing this dance to this new destination and this new place. Most couples are unwilling to do this. So you got one person in the partnership who's saying, I'm ready to go, and the other one's like, eh. Well, it's hard because I'm not really feeling it. I want to go.

If you say, hey. Like, I'm like, I think the biggest thing I hear, like, especially in Warrior, is like, it's almost like the guy's like, hey, I want my wife. I'm like, you can't Want it for your wife, like, she's going to have to, like, figure it out on her own. And so you. You feel like these couples, that one's trying to drag the other one, and it's like, how long are you gonna try to drag them?

Yeah. You know, how long should somebody try to drag the other partner? What do you think?

I mean, I don't know. I think when it. When it gets in such a painful spot where you're like, I can. I can honestly let you go. That's probably when it's time. When you're like, there's the. Like, it's almost like there's like a numbness, or you're just like, hey, I love you, but, like, we're on two different galaxies now. Like, I can't. It, like, it's almost just like, yeah, like a numbness where you're like, okay, I've got to move on. And a lot of times that might spark the other person to actually. It's like when people all of a sudden get divorced, all of a. You're like, whoa. You all of a sudden have, like, a rocking body, and, like, all of a sudden your business is producing and, like, all this stuff. So you're like, why couldn't you do this in the marriage?

And that is the big question for all of you listening. There are some of you listening to this show where your marriage is on the rocks, it's on the edge, it's on the cliff, and you just not sure what to do. And this is the one piece that we have seen. Danielle and I have been able to recreate who we are individually and then redate and fall in love with the next version of us. And we've been able to do this over and over and over again the last 10 to 15 years. We weren't so good about it in the first 10 years, but we've been really good about it in the last 10. So, like, even fitness and the way we're pursuing fitness, it gives us a. There's, like, a new version of us that's coming to the table every time, and then we get to date and get to know that version with all the core pieces. But this requires you to do what's required today. If you get divorced, you're gonna work out, you're gonna take care of yourself. You're gonna lose the weight, you're gonna put your. You're gonna dress up, you're gonna do your makeup, you're gonna take care of yourself, guys, you're gonna manscape. You're not gonna be hairy syndrome, bad guy going on with ass hair. Like you're gonna trim down, you're gonna take care of yourself. You're gonna go tanning or to do these things. All of this shit that you would do when you're single, just start doing that shit while you're married and do it with her and watch what happens. Take care of your body. Manscape yourself, dress nice. Take her on a date night every week without kids and without friends. Take her on a monthly staycation overnight just at a local hotel. It could be the Super 8. Doesn't matter. Go on an annual one time, at least 5 to 10 to 10 day vacation which has one purpose, sex and connection. That's it. Sexcation annually. You can't fail if you do this shit. Take care of yourself and then date her again, seduce her again. But a lot of guys are, they don't even know they should and so they wait until they get divorced.

Well, I think a lot of guys in the narrative's changing, but they're. The old story was like, you just provide and that's enough. And it's like it's not enough. Right. And so I think that couples are kind of getting into this situation where it's like the woman wants to have more than just.

Just be just a provider.

Yeah, just a provider, especially a powerful woman. It's like, hey, like I, I can provide for myself, I can produce. So I will actually want to have somebody who I connect with and want to grow together with. So. All right, you guys, we gotta finish up this podcast. This is essentially why we started this podcast called date your wife, because truthfully, to keep your marriage alive, you have to continue to date. You have to continue to do those small, simple consistencies that you did when you're dating to keep the spark alive, to keep the connection, to keep the respect for one another. So if you are listening to this podcast, share with your friends. We'd love to help you guys out. We have a married game. What is this called?

If you go to dateyourwife.com and you can get access to our weekly date your wife experience, which has an entire breakdown of a weekly call that we do with couples from around the world who plug in based on the warrior way principles and how to live individually and how to live collectively. You're welcome to come join us on that. We also have free 30 day trial to check out the Warrior launch protocol which is all the Warrior app, all the coursework and curriculum about how I live and how she lives too. But she lives it a little indirectly. I live it directly. And why tens of thousands of men and women are using it, too, to put their marriages back on track by putting themselves back on track. You can find that@warriorlaunch.com so all right, here's to Ash Cheeks on the Internet and the spark of our topic for today. Have a wonderful rest of your week. We look forward to seeing you guys next week here on the Date your wife podcast.