Parenting With Purpose Not Guilt | Date Your Wife | Ep 008

All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the date your wife podcast. My name is Garrett J. White. I'm your co host here with the beautiful, wonderful, fantastic queen, my wife, Danielle K. White. Danielle. I changed your name to Danielle K. White. I added your middle initial here years ago. How you feel about this? Because you named your entire salon DKW after doing this. How you feel about that?

It's cute that you think that you named that because I came up with the initials or I didn't come up with the initials. Those are my initials.

You're gonna need to talk straight into your microphone.

I'm the one that named my. My brand DKW styling.

Okay, well, I was the one that started calling you Danielle K. White, which then led to DKW styling. Is this accurate, yes or no?

No. You started calling me Danielle K. White.

After I started calling you Danielle K. White after you had built DKW styling.

Yeah, I had already decided on that name. And then, like, when you came out with Garrett J. White, and you're really specific with Garrett J. White, all of a sudden you brought out Danielle K. White.

Yeah. So do you. So you're not giving me any credit for this Danielle K. White thing.

I'm gonna give it to my parents.

Sorry. I was figuring you were gonna go there, like, eventually it had to go back to your mom. She's the one that named you. So welcome to the show. If you're not. If you're new here to the show, you haven't listened this to episode number, I believe, number eight. It's episode number eight. We're heading down the path here again with another conversation in this traumatic and dramatic game of. Why are you touching my dials?

Can I just turn the volume down?

I'd like you to touch my dials, but you're not those dials.

I just wanna turn the volume down on my headphones. Cause I have a really. I. I have a little bit of a How's this work Headache today.

Does this feel fine? Wait, talk like, literally.

Literally.

You're like. You're jacking the shell up here.

No, I'm ready to go.

No, you're not talking under your microphone. I'm gonna sound louder than you again. Then we're gonna get people complain about the audio.

Oh, my God.

Talking to the microphone.

Look, I'm eating the microphone.

Well, you feel like you're eating the microphone because you ate chips. Coming into the studio to start today's show.

I'm hungry. Okay, let's start it off. Let's do this.

We're here. We're finally officially getting into it. So anyways, back into this conversation. We. We're getting back on topic. We launched this show. I'm gonna ask you, why did we launch this show? This is number eight. Why did we launch date your wife, the podcast? We just got back from Maui, Hawaii. Just something you do. You were bored.

I was like, you know, you're like.

Get my eyelashes done, get my nails done, or launch a podcast.

I think eventually something will come out of this.

You don't think something's coming out of this already?

No, I think something is. But I think a lot of people, it's like, you've built up your following. I built up my following. You built up your business, I built up mine. Then we worked together, and then I was like, I think people would always hear of this mystery person.

You were a mystery. Nobody in Wake Up Warrior knew who you were. Some people even question whether you existed, that I had actually made you up.

People would often ask on my Instagram, are you married? I was like, yeah.

Yeah. You know why they didn't ask? They asked if you were married.

Cause you didn't have any pictures of me.

Exactly.

I don't have any pictures.

No fucking pictures of me on the Instagram.

I'm so bitter about that. You need to get over it for years.

You don't put me on the Instagram.

You for years. So get over yourself. You know what? I didn't put my kids on my Instagram either, because I.

You didn't like them either?

No. I don't consider myself a mommy blogger, and I'm very protective of my kids.

So are you anti mommy blogger? Like, are you against mommies who blog?

No, I'm not against it.

What is a mommy blogger?

It's a mommy blogger. Is just like, you're a mom and you blog about mommy stuff.

Like diapers?

No, I want to be anything.

Squeezy packs for kids.

It's like, your career is mommy blogging.

Your career is mommy blogging, but you did not want to be a mommy blogger because you had some other things going on.

No, I enjoy. Well, I just didn't want to blog about my kids. Like, okay, got it. I feel like it's important to blog about, like, stuff you enjoy reading, and I don't enjoy reading kids stuff. I love my kids. I just don't enjoy reading other people's mommy blogs.

Is there such thing as a wifey blog?

Yeah. Now it's just like you would fashion blogs. I feel like every wife out there Is like, now a fashion blogger.

Like, what? She. She makes her husband take pictures of her all the time.

That. And then it's just like the whole. The whole idea of fashion blogging, like, really took off her moms. I'm just gonna say it did.

It gave moms purpose.

Yeah. It's like, hey, something to do. Make a little extra cash.

Not a problem. So there's. We're gonna have listeners that are gonna be mommy bloggers. Listen, if you're a mommy blogger, you are a wifey blogger or you're a man, you're listening to the show. You're part of the Wake Up Warrior movement or you're one of the followers inside of our game with NBR Tribe. You're part of our tribe members over there in the hair industry. We. Where you're in the financial services world with me and Warrior wealth and all of our teams over in that area. Whatever aspect of business you may be part of, involved with us or whether you're here for the very first time, here's what I can promise you. In today's show, we're gonna talk about parenting. And we change up the topics every single week here inside the show. One week, we talk about sex. That's my favorite one. We've already done that twice here in our roundup. We talk about on that week after about money, which we do. I like that topic also. We've already discussed that one. And this week we're gonna go into parenting. This will be our second conversation here in the podcast about parenting. We talked a little bit about spanking last time. We. But on this topic of parenting, we just came back from. We just came back from a little trip. Tell us about this trip that we just came back from.

We went to Maui for a whole week, hon. Good job.

My whole fucking week. Why was this a big deal to go for a whole week?

Sounded really angry about that.

Yeah, well, no, it was fantastic. Not like whole fucking week. Like that's how I initially would have felt about it. Turned out to be good. We're gonna talk about this today.

I feel like we have a close little family.

Okay, so why was this a big deal to go to Hawaii for the first seven days? Because you and I did not exactly have a positive connection to the. So the state of Hawaii.

We didn't?

No. Well, maybe I didn't. I didn't have a positive experience with Hawaii.

Oh, really?

Nope. Didn't like it.

Ever.

Never. Didn't like Hawaii. Had a wonderful time in Hawaii with you this time. Do you know Why I didn't like.

Hawaii because we went with my family.

Nah. Okay. Part of that. Part of that was going with your family. But that's not because, like, it's not that I was against your family. It's like, so much as I was that going to Hawaii created problems for me. It's why most men struggle with going on vacation with their family.

Just because, like, you are not working.

So that's part of it. So working gives me purpose. Right. Going on vacation was really hard for me.

Purpose.

Now, Sunday, it doesn't give me purpose. It was hard for me. Do you want to know why it was hard for me?

I think it would be hard. It'd be like, you know, imagine. I think I had this conversation with you the other day. Like, if you're an athlete for so many years and all of a sudden you retire, and then you're like. You're like, oh, now do I? What do I do? I'm used to going, like, a million miles an hour, and now somebody's telling me that I should take time off, and I'm supposed to be okay with that. And you actually go the opposite direction, and you're, like, in this weird funk, I would imagine.

Yeah, well, it was really tough. Like, so work was hard to slow down from. That was one thing. The other thing that was hard for me is that when I had. When I was at home, I had my patterns, and I also had my ability to distract myself with work so that I didn't think about having sex with you every five minutes. And then when we would go on.

Vacation, are you normal, do you think? When guys are on vacation with their wives. I mean, I know you're, like, a highly sexual man, but, like, do you.

Think I'm a very normal man? Okay, the only men who are not highly sexual are men who are older, who cannot get direction.

That's what I'm asking. Is it normal for men to want to have sex every five minutes?

I believe it is. I mean, if you. Here's the thing. I don't want to have sex every five minutes when I have a lot going on. But when I'm on vacation and my wife is gorgeous and she's in a bikini and she's lying on the beach, and we're in Hawaii, and I don't got shit else to do, I lay there and I think about sex every five minutes. And so every five minutes I'm thinking about having sex.

That's why you started surfing.

But I. But I didn't. I should have surfed a long time ago, but I didn't surf a long time ago. That's why Hawaii was hard for me. Did you know this?

You know, I think it's important because.

We always fought about this on vacation.

I think it's important to have hobbies. When I'm on vacation, I shop. I can lay there on the beach.

And shop on your phone.

And shop on my phone. And it's like the sun's hitting me. I can get up and play with the kids for a minute, then they can play, then I can shop. It's such a good balance.

Are you ever thinking, I'd like to have sex with that man looking at me and not some other random man? I mean, me.

It's hard because on vacation, Hawaii.

Did you have the sun? Maui while we were there? Be honest. Straight with us. Did you have have a thought about this? Like, I want to. I want to. Seriously?

Yeah. Sometimes when I tell you when it really happened, when you put that floaty.

On, you were turned on by this. You were hoping I'd be naked with the floaty.

We had this like giant floaty in Maui. That was so funny. Me and my girls would go, I was clearly too big for the floaty. And if I'm too big for the floaty, you can only imagine, Garrett, you're.

Too big for the floaty. What are you talking about?

He's fit right in it. It's a child sized floaty. And I. But it was cute. I didn't care. I liked to have fun with my kids. So we'd go sit on it and let the waves throw us around. And then I'm like, Garrett, you go, and he's a lot bigger than me. He's 16, two. I'm five, three.

£200. You're like £100 and what? £5? £112. £15.

Close enough.

All right. Right in there. £115.

So I go out with the kids and it already looks silly. Then he goes out and he's a big dude. I'm like, that inner tube is fully gonna sink. And then I see him sink. And then he comes in and he's got it around his waist. And I'm thinking like, oh, my God, it's stuck. I think it is stuck. And he's like prancing in. And I was like, oh, no, it's not stuck. He likes it.

I felt like I was like, captain lifeguard saved.

And then he stands there and he puts his hands on his hips and.

I was like, that's right.

You want a photo, don't you? He's like, no. And he's like, yeah, I do.

So I had you. So I became it. You became an Instagram wife there for a second and took some pictures of me. I like getting pictures of myself with the inner tube around me. Okay, so, like, you're. You were not. You're joking around. You weren't actually turned on. That. Is there ever a time when you're in Hawaii, you're just watching me. You're just like that guy. I just want to give it to him.

Specifically in Hawaii.

Yeah. Did you ever have this thought? One time in the seven days parenting show. It is, but it always gonna come around to sex, because that's what the guys want to hear. The guys want to hear, and then we'll move on.

Maybe this is for a lot. And I don't know if you're like this when your husband comes up to you and is like, you like that I look hot? You're like, no fucking no. No. But when you're not paying attention and you just look cute or you're playing with kids.

Did this happen? Did that happen?

We don't. I don't know if women are like as.

Did this happen for you in Maui?

I'm sure it did.

This moment where you were like, I literally am giving it to that guy later tonight.

It's not like that, per se.

It never happens that way.

Will you shut up? It's like, for a girl, maybe. Maybe sometimes you're like, I'm gonna rip his pants off. But usually.

Have you ever had that exact.

Oh, God, shut up. Usually what it is. Are you gonna let me finish? Holy smokes. Usually what it is, you'll see him walk by, and you just kind of, like, get a little bit of, like, the butterflies, and you're like, ooh, he's cute. And it's more of, like, the romance or, like, the courtship or like, oh, I'm so glad he's so cute with the kids. It's very rarely, but it's not 50 shades of gray.

I want to be, like, handcuffed in the bedroom. You don't get that thought?

Oh, my God, no. Let's move on.

Okay, well, listen, all of this talk in Hawaii about connecting and being in the game, it actually is very relevant. Although you think it's not relevant. Here are the facts. Without sex, there is no babies. And today's topic is about babies and talking about the conversation of parenting. And we're going to specifically look at a couple ideas. First, we're going to look at the idea of parenting and vacations, and then we're going to look at this idea of differing parental strategies when it comes to dealing with discipline.

Okay, really quick.

Yes.

There's a lot of times where I feel like. I'm sure everybody feels this way. You're like, oh, I could be a better mom. I could be a better husband. I could be whatever. But when we. I will say, and I'm sure you noticed this as well, when we were in Hawaii, we were just sitting down having dinner one night, and this lady who wasn't even our server, she was a server at the restaurant, came up to us and. And she was like, you guys are the cutest family. She's like. And you know what? You genuinely, like, can tell. You're like, I don't know what she said. She's like, you're connected and you want to hang out and, like, be together. And she's like. And that's such a rare quality to see nowadays with family just having dinner. And I was like, aw. So I think despite everybody, like, I mean, we always are, like, especially with both you and I working, I face a lot of, like, that mommy guilt with parenting and that. It's nice to hear something like that because it's always like, quality time versus quantity sometimes. And I do feel like we're super close to our little family. You know what I mean? So I was like, hard to.

Hard to compare sometimes, right?

Yeah, it's hard to see. But so when somebody else sees it from an outside perspective and they can just feel the energy of your family and they can feel like, it's nice to hear that you're like, oh, well, despite whatever. If I think I'm doing right or wrong, like, I just feel like we have a cute little close family. And I think that taking vacations such as Hawaii, even though they're hard for you, it's such. It's. I think a lot of times family vacations, they're not for the husband getting laid. They're about, like, reconnecting with the. With the family. And it creates. I remember as a kid at creating these, like, crazy, memorable experiences of, like, pattern or, like, routines of going to Hawaii or traditions or whatever you want to call it. And I remember as a kid, sometimes family vacations, they're not the funnest for the adult sometimes.

Right?

Especially if you have young kids. Like, let's just put it out there. Like, kids can be, like, crazy little assholes. Especially if they're under, like, four. Four. You Try to go to dinner and you're just like, God, give me a glass of wine so I can ignore my child jumping out of his seat right now. So I think that regardless if, like, it's always the funnest for the parents, when you look at the overall experience and the quality of time that you had with your family while on vacation, you're kind of like, oh, cool, you know, And I think that's why I push so hard for vacations, is because I know you said you didn't vacation a lot when you were little, and I didn't vacation a ton, but we had probably two or three traditional vacations every year. And I just remember looking forward to them so much. And some of my funnest memories are those family vacations.

I agree. I agree. Our biggest memories and vacation when I was a kid came down to traveling for family reunions. Like, that was it. Like, every summer, we would travel. We would go to Utah to my grandma and grandma and grandpa's house, lived in a place called Perry, Utah, and we would go there for vacation. We drive in from California, drive in from Washington for the family reunion, and we could hang out with everyone. We didn't get to go do cool stuff like, you know, go to Hawaii and things like this. Like, that wasn't happening. But we loved it. We loved the trips. I loved the routines. And I saw this, you know, I saw this happen last week on vacation, too. But we're. Before we. Before we get to the vacation side, I'm going to come back on another topic that you brought up here, which is the guilt side of the game, right? The guilt and feeling the guilt and feeling the shame. Being a parent. Now I can speak about it from being a man. I can tell you as a businessman, this is one of the. This is one of the big killers. As a father, particularly if you have a business or have multiple businesses you're running and you're very busy with what you do and how you build. There's a constant toggle between how do I deal with the guilt inside of me as a man and how do I deal with the shame that I feel at times with not showing up as a husband or even showing up, but feeling like at times you don't show up in a way that is actually connected or a way that makes you feel good? And this was one of the big struggles I had as a parent was this inability for me to not constantly feel guilty. I always felt guilty. Like, if I was at work, I felt guilty. If I was at home. I was feeling guilty because I wasn't at work. I was feeling this guilt all the time. And I don't know how much of this came from the culture that I was raised in. I was raised in the Mormon culture, something my wife and I have not been practicing for about a decade. And yet inside of that culture, and we have come to find that that same feeling exists in a lot of very intense religious cultures, and there's a lot of guilt. And the guilt that I was feeling as a father was that I was letting down my children. And I got stuck in this story for a couple years where I was convinced that everything I was doing was fucking my kids up. Like, it didn't really matter what I was doing. Like, whatever I was doing, I was fucking my kids up. Like, I was messing up their future because I wasn't spending enough time playing LOL dolls, or I wasn't building Legos long enough, or I wasn't spending. And I was trying to find this balance for me as a man in how do I actually balance what I do at work and how do I balance what I do with my children? Now, I'm gonna keep talking about this subject, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on kind of the initial stages of this, because I hear you reference the mommy guilt factor, and I don't think mommy guilt is something that exists just for women who are professionals also.

No. Yeah. It goes for all moms, I would say, whether you work or you don't. I just feel like balance is key, I would say.

Yeah, but talk about the guilt. Don't talk about the solution to the guilt. Talk about moments you felt guilty as a mom. Have you felt this? Because you do a good job of.

Reframing things, But I think I said this on our last parenting podcast, but I remember it was harder. I'm a young mom, and it was harder when my kids were littler. I think as you get older and your kids get older, you're like, what the fuck was I stressing about? And so I remember thinking when my oldest is 11 now, and I remember thinking when she was 5, like, I was like, she has gone crazy. I don't know who she is. I can't. Like, she won't do anything I say, and, like, I can't get her to do things. And, like, she wasn't, like, my cute little toddler anymore, and she's all sassy. And I was like, oh. And I was, like, stressed out. And. And I was like, and I'm not spending that much time with her. And like, I was just like going through a lot in my head. And I remember just kind of this, this voice kind of came to me and just said like, like, let go. Like, let go, it's fine. Like you. She was never your kid to like really control, just kind of like lead by example. And for me, I feel like, because I was facing the mommy guilt, I was always like trying to micromanage and like always be there. And I was like, I just need to chill out. And then. And then the other thing I realized too is it's so funny. I think it finally actually hit me this year because I have another daughter who. Well, Ruby. She's six. And I remember, I. Cause I only am at the salon working two days a week. And then I have them in daycare at school. And I'd always feel like this rush, like, oh my God, I need to go pick him up and I gotta spend this quality time with them. And I'd go to pick him up. And Bailey would be doing her sports or her activities after school. And the youngest would be in daycare and I'd go to pick up the youngest and she'd be like, oh, mom, can I stay? And I'm like thinking, how sad. Like, she hasn't seen me all day and she wants to stay and play with her friends. But I was kind of like, you know what? That's fine if she wants to stay and play with her friends. And then at night we go into the routine and we do dinner and we do homework and spend time. And that's just. That's just how it is. Because if. If I pick her up at school at 2 or 3 and then we go home, it's not like it's. It's not like we're spending quality time. Usually I'm trying to get stuff done with work and she's just playing Barbies in her playroom. And so I was kind of like, well, why don't I just like let her stay at school where she can kind of interact and get that social interaction at school? Because we live in a neighborhood where there's not a lot of kids and that's kind of like an after school play date for her. And so I was like, I just need to like, let go. She, like, she wants to be at school. I don't have to like, be there. I don't like. I think I had this like, guilt, like, oh, I'm a full time working mom. Which I was kind of like, I am, but I'm not. I'm only in the salon two days a week. So I kind of just. The guilt for me was just learning how to kind of balance it and also learn to like let go and kind of quality versus quantity I guess.

So you mentioned this idea of letting, letting the kids stay at school which comes down to this topic of daycare and this topic of babysitters. And I think it's a good one for us. As segue into around the idea of guilt. We're going to keep coming around this guilt and shame idea and this mommy guilt and this daddy guilt that exists. We hear about mommy guilt all the time but I promise there's a shitload of dad guilt that happens and guys do not deal with this very well. I'm going to give you some tips on that here in today's show on how to start dealing emotionally with the guilt which I actually learned from Danielle. But I've also been supportive inside of a book called the Warrior Book. And if you're listening to the show for the first time and you're a man and you have not gotten access to this amazing powerful manual and tool, I would encourage you to head on over to warriorbook.com and you can pick up a copy of that book today and it'll start guiding you down a powerful tool known as a stack which has set me free inside of the way I feel with this guilt and shame around my kids. Now there was one of the frustration pieces for me was being able to take my wife on dates and it was not happening. And we were constantly being held hostage by this ability for Danielle's parents or her sister or someone else to watch our kids. And so we started. I started pushing really hard as a man for babysitters. I started pushing hard for nannies and individuals to come in and some part time help, full time help. Daniel, talk to me about this because you were not really comfortable initially enough. There's far more women than I ever anticipated who are absolutely uncomfortable with the idea of leaving their children with anyone but like grandma or Ruby.

It's not, it's not just. I think that women have a hard time taking time for themselves and so if the idea and like what little time they have they don't want to maybe like they feel guilty spend spending away from their kids sometimes. I mean I don't know. I'm sure all women are a little bit different but I.

Do you think, do you think it's a guilt thing? Like do you think it's, do you, did you feel guilty?

I think it's A money thing.

A money thing.

I talk to a lot of women who can't justify the cost and their husbands are kind of like, maybe run the money card, I don't really know. And then they like, it's just like both, both of the couples like just decide it's okay to never do a date night. Even I remember.

Do you think it's a financial justification or do you think it's like a guilt thing?

I think because there's a lot of couples that I think it's a financial thing. And it's not even that they can't afford it. That's just the story they decide to tell themselves. Like, they, date night's expensive. We can't put that into the budget. And who would I trust to watch my kids? Like, the whole idea, like, everything about it is just stressful. Like, they're like, especially if you have young kids, you're like, k, I don't trust people to watch my little two year old. And then is that not working?

Just locking it in for you?

And then you're like, I don't trust people to watch my little 2 year old. They're thinking like 2 and 3. They're like just crazy all over the place. You're like, I don't trust them. And then you're like, so you're already kind of like, you're already kind of like really nervous. And then you're thinking like the whole time you're out on date night. And this goes for like young moms. The whole time you're on date night, you're like, okay, oh my God, we just spent like a couple hundred dollars. I'm stressed out. This isn't even fun because I remember feeling that way as a young mom and then it like. But I kind of was like, you know what, I need to. I just need to chill out. Everything's fine. And then the more you do it, it's not that big of a deal. I know. Like, some people will even say, like, well, I'll just have my parents watch them. And they're like, that way we don't have to pay for a babysitter. And I'm like, that's a nice excuse. It's because you don't really trust anybody else to watch your kids. And in my experience, no offense, do.

You think it's a trust or it's a cheap bastard thing?

I think it's a trust thing too. I was gonna say, no offense. Even though I love my mom and I've had her watch the kids, there Was times when my kids were littler that I was like, I feel more comfortable paying somebody because I know they're just gonna be like on them 24, 7. My mom said six kids and she's just like, whatever, you wanna go ride your bike outside, that's fine. I'm like, mom, just. Times are different. We live in California. We don't let our kids ride their bikes out on pch. But thank you. So I think it's funny. I think it's a trust thing. I think it's a cheap thing. A lot of times I know for girls, they're thinking especially maybe if they're not working, they might be thinking, okay, well, it's a couple hundred dollars for date night. If we did that twice a week. And that's like say $1,000 on date night. It's like, oh my God, I would never spend $1,000 on myself. On. If you're into clothes or shoes or whatever, like I am. You'd be like, in your head you're thinking, I would never spend. Whether it's clothes or shoes or whatever, whatever it is, you're like, I would never spend a thousand dollars on myself for the month. And so we as women always, I think take on that that expense is not a couple expense. But it's like, you know what I mean?

Like, you think so did you take that on as a woman? Like, you were like, this is like an expense I'm incurring?

Well, yeah. And almost like, well, I could use that money towards something else and we should put it into the kids and we should take that money and put it in the kids sports. Or we need it for this or we need it for that. And you know what I mean? And it's not like a part of the budget. It's just like this story that they operate on that's like, we can't afford it. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't care what your financial situation is. Like, you can afford it. And I think the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And all those moms that like think, I get it, like, you're stressed out, you don't trust anybody to watch your 2 year old. But like, you can't live your life like that. You can't live your life and just think, I'll never have time alone, I'll never go on vacation without my kids, I'll never be able to travel. And then when my kids are 20, then I'll do it. I see so many people like that kind of get lost in that, that they think, well, I chose to be a mom, so here's what I'm gonna do. And when they're older, then I can have my freedom. The problem is then they finally have their freedom and they're fucking lost. And they didn't find any purpose for themselves. And then all of a sudden they're freaking out and then they're creating drama in their older kids lives so that they feel that they have purpose. And so I think whether you're a working mom or not, it's important to let go and allow some time for yourself and allow time with your children.

So what I'm hearing then is this is a guilt conversation around money, but it's also a guilt around a guilt and it's also a fear. There's fear and guilt mixed into this. As a woman. There's fear around having your children with somebody else. There's guilt around spending the money on, on yourself and you as a couple. And all of this is sourced by a story that somehow, somehow the best parenting I can offer my children is to not spend alone time with my spouse.

Yeah.

Like, isn't that interesting? We were sitting in Maui and I was talking to this couple that was there and it was the very first time. They were from Indiana. They were at the luau. They were at the luau dinner with us. We were there with our kids.

Do they have kids?

Yeah, they have kids. They had three children. That was the first time in 13 years they had taken a vacation without their children. Right. They had never gone on vacation together in 13 years without their kids. And you don't think it's crazy is you would think that this, like, that's an anomaly. That is not the anomaly.

That's like the fucking standard. I know.

Like, listen, if you want, like imagine, look at how ridiculous this is. Like, imagine. So here's the strategy. You have children and when you're young and vital and have all this energy, et cetera, you're how, you're, you're fitter, you're having more fun. Like you're, you, you're more youthful, you can do more. You don't go on vacation with each other as a couple without your kids. You go only with your kids. And then when you get older and you're in your late 50s and your early 60s and your late 60s, then you go. When you can't physically do half the shit you could have done when you were in your 30s and 40s, and now your kids are all older, you're exhausted and tired and you're disconnected from each other. And that is literally 90% of the couples lying around the Four Seasons Resort in Miami.

That's what I was going to say. Like, it was like, you finally decide to go on vacation without your kids, only to realize you, like, create chaos while you're on vacation because you don't have your kids there with you. You're like, you're bored.

You have nothing. What would you do with each other?

Like, oh my God, like, we've never been alone. And so I think it's important, you know, if you're a young parent listening to this show right now, like, start, start doing it now. You don't need to wait till your kids are like 10 or 5 or whatever it is. But I just think it's important to kind of create that. Like, I just decided a long time ago, just because I have kids doesn't mean I can't, like, live my life. So if I want to work, I'm gonna work. If I. And I always wanted to be a mom. Like, I always did. You know what I mean? But I didn't want to be just a mom. I wanted to have my mom get.

Pissed off when other women say the high school. I don't.

I think some do, but I know a lot don't. And I don't mean to like, disrespect moms who are not working. Like, I think they maybe have other ways where they found. Find balance in your life. They maybe are. They're. Maybe they're a part of their community or their church or something. You know what I mean? Like, I. There's a lot of women that don't work, that are involved in other things. I just think it's important to have something other than just being a mom. Because in my experience, like, I've seen a lot of women, like, I mean, I guess I can't say in my experience because my kids aren't like grown up and married yet. But, like, I've seen a lot of women that. Their. Their kids leave and they're in this, like, funk, you know, like, that was their purpose their whole life.

That was literally. That was literally my.

And they feel like it's too late to start anything for themselves. They're like, well, I'm like 50 now, so, like, it's too late in the game for me to start something and I'm not gonna go back to work at Nordstrom's or Target or wherever, you know what I mean? They're just kinda like. And then some do Some are like, no, I need some purpose. You know, I don't even need the money. I just need some purpose. And so then maybe they go back to work. So I just think it's important as a mom to balance the whole. The whole guilt thing, you know, and it's important to understand that, like, living by example, leading by example, and just do what is right for you and what works for you.

Okay, so we're gonna. We're gonna do a little summary here on this, this topic, because we're. We. We got here on this topic on this idea of guilt. And this is literally what led us to this place of talking about vacations and talking about going on vacation with your spouse and. And the guilt that a person ends up feeling over and over and over and women are feeling. And the ultimate story that used to work and only worked because everybody believed it was that as a woman, your sole calling in life was to fulfill the needs of your children and your husband. Now, what this led to was an example inside of my family with my mother, which my mother played that game for 30 plus years. And her entire commitment was to raise us children, which I thank God every single day. My mother was so to committed. Committed to who? She was a woman. She was in Maui with us. They live in Kona, Hawaii. We flew them over for the day. They hung out for a day. My mom and I got to spend some great time together, talking. But here's my mother in her 60s, and she's redefining who she is again. She's finding herself over. She's like, who am I? Exactly. And part of the frustration that I've watched happen for her, and I've watched happen for tons of couples in their 50s and 60s who are in this place of trying to rediscover if they actually want to be together anymore. And interesting statistic. One of the highest age brackets filing for divorce in the United States of America right now are women between the ages of 50 and 56. Their kids are just getting out of high school, they're just graduating. They're turning and they're looking at this man they're with, and they're like, I don't know who the fuck you are. Like, I have literally invested the last 20 years of my life into these children. I don't even know if I want to be with you anymore. And it makes sense because the guy shut down, the woman shuts down, all the focus becomes about the children. And inside of this focus about the children, they begin to lose themselves. And there's this guilt that has to be dealt with along the way. And this guilt of being actually willing to put yourself as a couple before your children. And I would have you consider that the greatest parenting that you can offer your children is to demonstrate great relationship with your partner. Like fuck everything else that you think you're supposed to teach your children. We have a fucked up society today where couples and relationships are falling apart everywhere. Marriage is no longer the standard. People are not getting married anymore. Marriage is not. Marriages are not working. My neighbor on both sides of us in our current development, marriage number four in my neighbor to the right, marriage number three, now currently divorcing in the house next to me. Big money, big opportunity, big business. And divorce is running rampant. And why is it running rampant? Because we have this faulty belief system that says the following, and that is that my marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children. Thinking that the raising of my children will somehow happen with more power from a couple that's disconnected, doesn't love each other, is not having sex, is not communicating, is not on fire together, and doesn't go on vacation and spends most of her time under guilt pressure. And, well, results would tell us that that is not working. Results would say that you're full of shit. Results would say that that story needs to die. And, Danielle, that's what I'm hearing from you is what I'm hearing from you is that there has to be a letting go and a priority that's actually given so much for that Louis Vuitton case. Not holding your cell phone up very well.

Yeah, it's a balancing act. And I just know, like, I used to even, like, as I got more into my career as well, I remember thinking like, I have two kids. And I'm like, oh, can I have more kids? I feel like I chose my career. And then I. I remember even thinking, like, screw it. No, I'm not gonna let my career determine if I want more kids, you know? So for me, it was trying to find just more of that balance. And I just decided, like, I'll figure it out along the way. But there's one thing that was true for me, and this is something that we decided when our kids were little, is we're gonna go on date nights, we are gonna go on family trips. Well, at least I decided I was gonna go on family trips. And finally you decided to come along with me.

There was literally a time where she was like, listen, you either come on the vacations with me, I'm gonna leave you.

I felt like you would even, like, self sabotage a little bit and be like, like, I got it. This came up, or that. And I was like, oh, my God. I get that, like, family vacations, like, there's less sex and it may be less fun when you have little kids, but it's not always about just you and I or you or I. Or it's about, like, family time and kids and. And just memories for the kids. And so I don't know, I think if you're a young parent or if you're not, even if you have older kids, like, it's not too late to start taking that time, because I can promise you, like, with. With anything. It's just if you put in the time, you're gonna. You're gonna kind of like, see that back. I mean, your kids are. Oh, my daughter's actually calling right now.

I'll go ahead and answer. It's a little parent time. Okay, let's go speaker and let's see what happens.

Okay. Hello.

Hello. We're done.

You're done. Okay, I will be there in 15 minutes.

I'm gonna ask you a question, Bailey. Yeah, here's a question. What was. What was the. Why do you feel like family vacations are important for moms and dads and for kids together?

Am I on your podcast?

Yes.

Yes, you are. You're on our podcast.

So I can actually hear you.

All right, go somewhere quiet. We're gonna get real time from Bailey. Our 11 year old's gonna give us some real time feedback on this so that we can. We've not preset this. I don't know what she's gonna say. She has. She has.

I'm gonna end my live video. Cause it's.

Oh, your live video is on there?

Yeah. All right, well, hold on now. I gotta call Bailey back.

All right, well, you're calling Bailey back.

Live time.

Live. All right, so anyways.

Oh, I got her.

Oh, you got her.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Okay, so, Bailey, here is a question. You ready?

Yeah.

You're a live guest artist here on the date your wife podcast.

Oh, like, you're literally in the podcast room.

Yeah, literally, we're in the podcast room. Mom's gonna put the speaker up here. You're gonna go back and listen to the show this week. All right, so listen, here's a question. Why is family vacation so important to you as a child? Like, why do you think you're not a child. Excuse me, You're a young lady. You're 11 going on 18. Talk to me about why was going To Hawaii. So much fun for you.

Well, I think it's important because for as a kid, or as you said, a young woman, to go on a vacation with your family. Because like, if you're. Because you guys. You guys no fence, dad, but you are kind of a workaholic, and mom, you're a workaholic for a woman, and if that makes sense, because you work very hard and stuff. So I think it's important because then you guys get off like your work and you actually get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school or after your date nights or in the morning.

So here's another question for you.

Does it build memories for you, Bailey?

Yeah.

Okay, here's another question for you outside of vacation. Talk to me about date night. What do you think as a kid, knowing that mom and dad are so committed to going on date nights every single week? Like, what are thoughts that go on for you as a young lady, not as a little girl. As a young woman? What are thoughts you have when you see mom and dad going out and mom kissing dad and all of. Like me just committing to take mom out all the time? What are your thoughts about this as an 11 year old?

I think you're a very committed husband. Because most of my friends, their parents only go on date nights once a month or stuff like that, and they'll make it like a special occasion, but you kind of make it like a special occasion every time you go on a date night. Which, like every two, like every week, twice a week.

What does that. What does that tell you you need to expect from a man when the time comes? I realize that they're disgusting right now, and you're not all about that, but when there comes a time that a young man's going to take you out when you get married, what are you gonna expect your husband to do?

Take me on date nights a lot.

I love it. And also, is kissing and hugging. Is this okay?

Yeah, only when you're married.

You can kiss and hug all you want before you get married. There's some other things we're gonna hold off on, though. All right, so you are amazing. Mom will come and coordinate with you. Be back, pick you up in a bit.

Okay.

Are you still in play practice?

All right, so those of you who are currently on the live stream and here in studio, we're going to let you go on the live stream. Check out today's episode in Date youe Wife, the podcast. If you're online here and you're Watching us or listening to us live in itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, or soundcloud. I've been live streaming on Facebook again. If you want to check this out, go check out and subscribe to the podcast found in itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, SoundCloud, and coming soon to Spotify. You can also get the videos of these shows found@dateyourwifenow.com I'm going to kill this live stream and we're going to finish up this show. All right, live stream is done. And your live stream is done. Live streams are done.

Let's close it up.

You don't need to close it up.

I gotta close it up.

You don't gotta close it up.

Yeah, I told her I'd be there in 15.

No, the show's got 20 more minutes. You shouldn't have told her 15. They're in daycare, right?

No.

Where are they at?

I don't know.

Just on the street, riding bikes with grandma.

Yeah, Hopefully.

Okay. We're gonna continue down this path. It's an important thing. That was a great little introduction. We had Bailey in there.

Yeah, it was cute.

Okay. What do you. How do you feel about that with her? What she said about her friend's parents?

I know. That's so crazy. I. I did. I think we're an anomaly. I think the fact that we go out once or twice a week, people are like, oh, my God. And I'm like, you guys, it could just be like a dinner. Like, that's not that big of a deal. Imagine. Imagine if you had a set sitter every week and one of the date nights, it was literally just like, dinner. Like, do you understand when you have young kids, to not to just not have to cook dinner, to sit down, have a glass of wine, hang out with your husband, even if it's only for like an hour and a half, and have dinner. That could be considered a date. And you could tell the babysitter, hey, can you just make sure they get in the shower and feed them? And by the time they're done, like, you can be at home and still connect with them and put them in bed and read stories and whatever you want to do. But it's just like the routine of maybe, like, shower and dinner is somebody else does for you. Like, that's. It's so great. And it's not that big of a deal. And then you could do another date night where, you know, it's a longer date night, and it's like kind of like you go out later or see a movie or Go to whatever you like to do. So I just, I think it's, it's so random when people only go out together like once a week. And I know even when our kids, right now our kids are getting older and we can go sit at dinner and everybody's pretty well behaved, but it's still, the kids demand your attention. You know what I mean? And so even though our kids will just sit there, they want to talk to you, they don't want to be ignored. They want to sit and communicate with their parents and tell them about their day, which is great too. Family dinners are great. However, that's the key element that you're missing when you, when you go on date night. So even if your kids are well behaved and they're older, it's still important to have one on one time because otherwise your kids are going to be grown, you're going to be older, and you're going to be like, oh, Jesus, like, I don't, I have all this time now with my husband and I have no kids. But like, like we're not connecting. Like, why aren't. What's wrong? What's wrong? And you know, maybe some couples get divorced. Maybe some people, some couples find distraction or even some moms poured that same energy. Instead of pouring it into their spouse, they might pour it back into their kids, even when their kids are grown adults. And it's like at some point you have to like let your kids live, you know?

Well, I remember there was a woman in a couple in one of our old neighborhoods that we used to live in. And she would. Her husband was gone a lot. He was a professional, he was actually a doctor. And he was gone all the time, working, working, working, working, constantly working, working. And she was with the kids and had full time nanny support. But there was this slow dying that was going on in this woman. It was interesting because, like, she would cling to me and to Danielle with this almost desperation and this weird. She would see us go out and our kids, we'd go pick our kids up and say, we need to go, we're going out on date night. And she'd be like, oh my God, you're going out again and again and you're going out again. And. And I would see it in her eyes, this pain of, why does my husband not do this? Like, why is my husband not taking me out? Now? I don't know the full side of the story. So I don't know how she showed up in the first 20 years of their marriage. Maybe he's like, fuck you. I want nothing to do with you. Maybe, you know, she's cheated with five other guys, and he wants nothing. I don't know what their story was as a couple, but I do know that I saw the pain from something so simple. And maybe one of the greatest strategies you can be as a parent is to treat with respect your partner and show your children what a great relationship actually looks like. Like, our kids see us fight. Our kids see us happy. Our kids see us passion. Our kids see us on fire. Our kids see us ignoring each other. Like, our kids get to experience the whole gamut of what those feelings are. And you don't go out on date nights, and you don't go on vacations, and you don't spend money because of two faulty stories. And one of those stories is, we can't afford it. And I'm not talking about going to Maui to the Four Seasons. There were times, like, there were plenty of times in our relationship that would never have even been an option. The idea of spending $1,200 a night in a hotel, like, we'd have never done that. No way. We'd have spent 1200 the whole fucking month, let alone, like, in one night on a hotel. Like, that would have never happened. But it's the principle and the pattern, and it's like people thinking they're going to save money when they get a bunch of money. If you don't have a habit of saving money now, you're not going to save more money when you make more money. You're just going to spend more money. You don't. You're not going to just fall in love with your. With your partner. You're going to have to find yourself in a decision, a place where you're going to have to decide, listen, this is important to our relationship and our guilt that we are currently allowing to run the show, and our shame and our fear, which all these emotions are having to go somewhere. And so we project them onto our children if we don't make a decision to change those. And nothing ever changes. Now. We weren't. I don't remember. Like, I mean, we. When we first had Bailey, like, you know, that was right when things started falling apart for us. It was like 2008. Like, I don't remember going on date nights.

I know.

I. Like during 2008, 9 and 10. I don't think we did.

We were that young married couple again, raised in kind of a. A very conservative Mormon culture where you just. You didn't. You didn't do that. Like you'd go on a date maybe once every couple months if grandma wanted to watch your kids. Like, that's just kind of how it was. And so we, as a young married couple, had a kid. I mean, we would go out all the time before we had a kid. And then, and then we had Bailey. And then it was just like, okay, you settle into parenthood, and that's what it is. And I don't even think we realized that we had. We had drifted and our girls are four years apart. So there was like this four year period where we were just like sustaining. And like, things weren't bad, but we were just sustaining. And then interestingly enough, that's when the market crashed. That's when you like, fell out of mortgages. That's when we like lost like all the money we had. And all of a sudden it was like, wow, this sustaining is not that fun anymore. Had we had actually reversed it and when we were first married, continued to date and continue to take time together, I think it wouldn't have been as hard when we kind of lost everything. We would have been like, all right, like, it's. You know what I mean?

Like, we'd have been able to. There would have been way more communication.

Yeah, right. I think. But that's a funny thing is I think people have kids and even if they're. They're like babies or young kids, and they just think, well, I can just take them, the baby, or I can just take the kid. It's not a big deal. Or we don't need family vacations or. Or we don't need individual vacations. I'm like, you say that now, but you do that for a period. I mean, we did it for like four years. You do that. You imagine couples who do that for a period of 20 years, 20 years.

Of a habit of not being with each other.

I wouldn't want to go to dinner or on a trip with my husband either. I literally would be calling every single one of my kids, like, hey, you want to go to lunch with me? Like, regardless if I was a working mom or not. So I just think you lead by example. You guys, like, start now. Like, you chose to be married, you chose to have a family. That's great. But there's connection with each of your children and there's also connection with your. Your spouse. Otherwise your kids are going to grown. And what have you taught them? You've taught them that, like, you ignore one another and then you, you just, you pour all your energy into Your kids till they're 90. I mean, I think it's important to keep that connection. But, like, at some point, it's like, you'll always be their mom, but you're not always gonna be their parent. Ooh, I like, that just came out.

Listen to you say that one more time. You're always gonna be their mom, but.

You'Re not always gonna be their parent.

But you're not always gonna be their parent.

There you go.

Oh, my God. Well done. That was. That's really deep.

You know what? One other thing that I just wanna say out there, like, if you're a mom and you're, like, listening to this and. And you're like, holy shit. And you've been feeling something in your heart like, I need to do something for me. And maybe you're like, I don't need to work, but what do I need to do for me? I would encourage you to look into that and follow that voice in your heart to find some purpose and some passion in your life. And that doesn't. That's not going to take away from anything that you will ever give your kids. In fact, it'll give more to your kids. So allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself before it's too late. And your kids are older and you're just feeling left alone and depressed and some on some kind of antidepressant medication.

So you have you this. Let's shift to this. Because one of the ways thatone of the ways that I watch you start to become more fulfilled in our relationship is that me and Danielle both have a purpose beyond each other, and we have a purpose beyond our parenting. And that purpose fulfills both of us individually. And then that individual connection with ourself then connects with each other as a couple. And that couple love then spreads down into our children. And I watched this pattern happen. Now, Danielle, you chose to really pursue some passion with hair. It's what you've done with DKW styling, the creation of the hair extension method. Natural beaded rose.

Here's what's crazy is you can find passion in anything. I wasn't always passionate about hair. I wasn't. So there's a lot of women and maybe men who. I'm just gonna say specifically to women, because I'm not a man, sure, go for it. But I would just say there's a lot of women that are. They want to have a purpose. They want to have a passion, and they don't really know what it is to be Honest with you, I didn't even know I was that passionate about hair until I decided to take. Take it on as more than just a hobby. And then as I got really good at my craft, all of a sudden I found that I was very passionate because I knew my shit. And so if you don't know, if you're like, why don't I feel like I get what you're saying, Danielle? And I don't know what to. I don't know what my passion is. I don't know what my purpose is. I don't know what to go into. You literally can make anything you're passionate about a. Your purpose and your career and wherever you want it to go. And I think the biggest mistake that women make is just. Just not starting it or not doing it. They always say, well, you know, when my kid is in school, then I'll start something, or when. And there's always. There's like this. This. This soundtrack running in your mind. When this. When this happens, when this happens, when this happens, then I'll fulfill this. Then I'll find me, then I'll take time for me. And I would just encourage you, like, don't let that voice and that soundtrack sit in your head for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Like, if you're feeling that, you just need to go. And if you have the willingness to go, you'll figure it out along the way. And I know this. I absolutely know this, because that's where I was at.

All right?

You weren't even listening. That was big shit.

I was listening. I was listening passionately. I was actually setting up another live stream to help get some more people connected to this show. So we'll set that up here in a second. So this purpose, what I noticed as a husband and what I noticed as a father, when my wife found purpose beyond me and beyond our children, she actually became a better mom. And it sounds weird to have that be. I actually think she became a better lover and a better mother and a better partner when she found purpose beyond me and beyond the children. And this was not something she always had. I would be at the office, I'd be the office, and I'd be working.

I would be more attractive to you, too.

Oh, for sure. Like, when we went back in the original days, like, you didn't really take hair seriously. It wasn't like, something you were passionate about, and. And you didn't definitely feel any purpose with it. There was just something that you were doing. It was like a hobby for you. And as I Saw. What I saw as starting to happen to her is I saw her starting to find more certainty in herself, and that certainty became very attractive, and that connection to herself in this purpose became very attractive. And she had. When she was with her kids, she was more present, and when she was with me, she was more present because she was feeling more fulfilled. I was no longer the purpose of her life, and her children were no longer the purpose of her life. That she had a purpose. That was about Danielle, because before being married and before being a mother, she was Danielle. She was a woman who needed to find a path. Before Danielle and before my children, I was Garrett, and I needed to find a path. And every single day, we're finding this path inside of ourselves individually, but we're also searching for it and finding deeper pieces of ourselves as parents, and we're also finding that in deeper aspects of ourselves as. As a married couple. So this guilt. Let's come back to this guilt idea.

I feel like this show should be called Parenting and Purpose.

Parenting and Purpose instead of date your wife.

No, this specific.

Oh, this particular one.

This specific episode.

This specific episode is called Parenting with purpose.

Parenting on purpose or with.

With Purpose. On purpose. I don't know. You look beautiful. Talk to me about this. O. From a female perspective, how did you literally overcome the mommy guilt, like, give us this idea? Because I remember trying to. I remember trying to get dates set up, and you were there.

You know how everybody has, like, their stories of, like, pivotal moments in their life that they're just like. Like a lightning bolt is like, you got this. I remember. And I don't remember specifically how many years ago, but I remember I just was in this phase where I was just like, I can't. I can't push my vision with my. Because I'd gotten really into my career, and I had found a lot of passion, and I just was really into it, and I was like. The part of me had so much guilt. Even though I felt like I was spending, like, quality time with my kids and balancing it well, there was so much guilt of, like, pushing it to the next level, because I was scared that, like, if I push my business to the next level, then I'm. It's gonna take away from having kids, and I won't sacrifice being a mom. And then I realized I was like, this. This, like, lightning bolt, like, literally, like, came down and just was like, if you quit now, you're being selfish. You're being selfish to your kids. You're being selfish to others. You're just Being fucking selfish. Just quit leaning on this as an excuse. This guilt is just burying me. Like, I felt so heavy. And then the minute I had this epiphany or whatever you want to call it, it was just like this weight was lifted off my shoulders. And all of a sudden, I gave myself permission to fulfill my purpose and be a mom and be damn good at both of them. And I knew that if I chose to have more children, that I would figure it out along the way. And I was no longer going to live under these terms of this mommy guilt, that I was going to live my life how I wanted to. And I knew that I could do that while being a parent and a mom.

So this is like you're passionately declaring this. You're taking a stand for women and finding some purpose.

I feel like, you know, there's a lot of people, there's a lot of women who. They're like, well, I don't need to work. And I'm like, honey, I'm not saying you need to work. Trust me, I don't need to work. But I love what I do. And I genuinely believe that I am a better parent because of it. And I don't think I would be. I'm a better parent because I'm happy. And happy people are better parents. If you don't have purpose, you're not fucking happy. And kids can sense that. I can't draw it out any more simple than that. If you're not happy, you're not going to be radiating to your kids. You're not going to be what you should.

So you have a whole lot of parents and a whole lot of couples who are faking happiness, and they're expecting their kids to interpret their fakeness in their happiness as real. Right? It's like sitting in a situation inside the Bible, there's this reference to this idea that when a child asks their father or asks someone that is important to them for bread, why do you give them a stone? And yet, this is what most husbands are offering their wives. It's what most wives are offering their husbands. It's what most couples are offering their children. They're saying, hey, listen, here is some truth behind this. Here is how we love you. But the energy that they're actually offering up is a bunch of stones. Here's a bunch of stones I hope that those fulfill. Yet inside of our family and inside of our marriage, as my wife and I have gotten more and more on the same page with each other, but as we've also gotten more and more okay with the idea of who we are individually. This has opened up a possibility for our children to see a new path for living. Because at the end of the day, this is truly what parenting is. Parenting is about role modeling, how to live. Like, if there was one skill set that you could give your children over all skillsets that you could give your children, it's the one skill set which is how to powerful live the truth of who they are. But as a parent and as an individual, if you're living in a place of bullshit status, if you're living as a liar suppressed underneath this burden of stories of what you feel like you have to do and how you think it's supposed to be, and you're trying to be the parent that everybody thinks is perfect. And you're trying to do this inside of a religious context, underneath a political context, underneath a socioeconomic context, or you're trying to do this the way that everybody else thinks that you should be doing it. What you've actually taken away from yourself is the one gift which is giving your children an example. Not your fucking words, not your preaching, not your quoting of scriptures, not. You're talking about how things used to be when you were old and how you were young and how grandma used to do it. No, our kids today smell bullshit from miles away. Like, our children are the I generation who are linked directly up. My son is 19 years old. He's part of the millennial generation. The millennial's the last part of that. And then our kids have been raised in technology. My daughter, you got stuck in it. You got stuck in traffic, and my daughter was googling it and finding out what was going on with the car accident before you even knew what was going on in the car accident. Like, inside of traffic. Like, our kids have access to information and access to data that we never had access to. And they know when you're fucking lying. So it was a question. Danielle, what tip would you give to a woman who is currently sitting trapped inside of her own guilt stories, is suffocating her own purpose as a woman is living inside of a story that's got her boxed up. What advice would you give to her? Where does she begin to start? She's miserable. She's not happy. Her husband knows she's not happy. The kids know she's not happy. And yet she continued like, but she's.

Not as happy as she could be.

Okay, let's pretend like she is happy for a little bit.

Well, for I even think before I really started kind of My passion with work and kind of felt like my own purpose. I remember thinking, like, I loved my kids. And there was moments where I felt genuinely happy. Like, I was like, God, I love being a mom. But I kind of felt like there was times I was a little bit depressed and like, I felt like something was missing. And I don't know if a lot of women experience. Experience this, but I want to just feel. I don't know, I think I just felt like something was missing.

That's it. That's it. I was just giving some example on another one of our social media pages, a sample of the show. So you felt like there was something missing and inside.

What did you ask me specifically?

I asked you, like, what advice would you.

I'm like, ADD because you're like, what.

Advice would you give a woman? What advice would you give a woman who's trying to find her purpose? We're wrapping up. We're wrapping up the show. Like, she's trying to find her purpose.

I've been giving so much advice. I think you just have to. You have to make the choice over and over again that it's okay. You have to give yourself permission. You have to give yourself permission. And I think if you're willing to just start whatever it is that you enjoy doing or whatever. I don't know. I think if you just start, gosh, my advice would be listen to your heart. There you go.

I'm gonna give some advice to the men. You ready, men? Take charge, son.

Take a shower.

No, I didn't say take a shower. I said take charge.

I thought you said.

No, it could be take a shower, too. If you haven't showered in a while, that might be a good, good strategy. I'm saying take charge, meaning make this shit happen. Like, don't make it negotiable. Like, interesting enough. As much as my wife's an advocate for. Advocate for date night now, she was not so much an advocate for the date night in the beginning. Like, I had to fight for this. Like, I knew that we needed to do things differently. I had fight. And now it's normal. My wife now it's been over a week. Babysitters, like, everything, like, it was on me. Like, Danielle, like, I was the one that started fighting for this to happen. And it's not going to be easy in the beginning. And you're going to have a wife who's dealing with all this guilt and she's dealing with all this stress and all this emotions about leaving her children with the kids or leaving her Kids with. With. With a babysitter. Or maybe she's like, no, I'm not going into care.com which, by the way, you could go to care.com and they're not a sponsor of this show. We've used that as a resource tool. It's how we found the amazing woman girl that we have now that watches our children. She's amazing, a very powerful resource. Again, we are not a sponsor, philosophy, affiliate whatsoever with them, but it's a great website. Care.com maybe a good place for you to start interviewing for applicants, to start watching your children. So you can go on date night once a week. But fight for it, gentlemen. Fight for it. Like you can't sit back and hope she's just going to wake up one day. Some of you are in relationships where your wife right now is so stuck and so frustrated, she doesn't know what to do. She needs you to fucking lead. Put your crown on, pick up your shield and your sword, and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. And the only way you're going to do that is by creating the date nights. You want to be a better father, then date their mother. You want to be a better father, then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father, then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and fight for a marriage. We were knocking on the door of divorce. Divorce. Just like everybody else. I've been married and divorced once before. Danielle and I were knocking on the door. This would have been divorce number two for me. And we woke up to a possible game that we could fight harder. And as a man, if you need resources and tools to support you with this, I'd encourage you to head to warriorbook.com this is a place where you can begin your journey as a man to learning to take that kind of stand. Now, we don't have direct resources for the women outside of this podcast right now, but I hope that our show right now, inside of this, is inspiring you to take some different actions, to do some things differently inside of the way that you look at it. And today's message really is learning to deal with the guilt and learning to deal with the shame that comes with choosing to put your relationship in front of your children so that you can ultimately become a better parent and allow.

Yourself to be happier.

The end. Allow yourself to be happier. The end. That wraps up the show. Here's a couple of things. If you're not currently subscribed to the show, we'd encourage you to do that inside of itunes, Google Play, Stitcher or soundcloud. Leave us a review. We'd love that. Also, if you'd like access to the videos, action guides, audios, as well as all of the show notes for this particular show, you can head over to dateyourwifenow.com where all of those resources are available for both this show as well as every other show that we've done here in this episode. We'll be back next week here for episode number nine and we're going to be diving into the topic of communication. We've got a treat for you next week on that one. And then we'll be back around two weeks from now to my favorite topic. We'll be back to sex, my friends. We'll be back to the topic of sex. But have a great rest of your week. Have a great rest of your day. We look forward to having you here on the show next week. Share the show up with another couple or another individual you feel might got inspired by it. Also, we'd love more and more couples just like you to participate in this every single week with us. Your topic this week on Date Night is scheduling regular date nights. That's it. You're going to go on a date night to schedule date nights and talk about the guilt that may be going on for you. My name is Garrett J. White. I am your co host and this is my beautiful wife Danielle dropping the bombs today in today's show, signing off and letting you know. We will see you next week.