Porn to Power

Make money. Hopefully I could buy your love was the plan. Maybe I could just buy her more shit and then she'll eventually want me. And inside, the more that I built, the more that I felt alone and the more I felt like I was chasing this never ending checklist of requests from you that eventually, once I did this, then I would be enough for you. And so I hid in porn. Well, welcome to this week's date your wife podcast. And I'm gonna cut right to it. We're here having a conversation about porn and the reality of porn for men being in marriage. The problem that porn can become, the pathway that porn can become, the obstacle that porn can become. And I've invited my wife to have this conversation. We actually had quite a debate all day long about doing this podcast. Why was it such a debate for you?

I. You coach, you know, hundreds of thousands of men, and my perspective is, poor me, I have to go to porn. And I'm like, there's a. There's a whole nother side on the women's perspective of how we feel not open or vulnerable to have sex or whatever it is that leads a man to go to porn. So there's. In every relationship, there's always two sides to the story. And I always hear the side of men and warrior, that's like, poor me. My wife won't put out. I'm. That's why I watch porn. And I'm like, but how did you get in that situation where your wife is not putting out?

Like, so, I mean, it's a good question. We can dive into that. We're gonna look into it and we're gonna look at it in our relationship. About how I ended up going to porn and why porn became a regular release and escape from you.

I don't think I knew until later. Like, you didn't share with me till later.

When do you. When do you first remember knowing? Like. Like being aware of the fact that your husband was going to porn and masturbating, having orgasms without you?

Honestly, I mean, there's a lot of backstory, but I don't think it was until you didn't care. And there was a. A weird. You can be offended by saying weird, but there was a weird Fleshlight. And I was like, what the is this? And I was like, that's so gross. And you were like, yeah, I jerk off in the shower every day. And I was like, even more of a turn off.

Yeah, that flashlight was actually 2017.

I know.

That was in the. In this. When we moved into our first home here in the Strand.

I don't know if I can't remember if you had shared that you were looking at porn. Porn before that. You got to a place where you just didn't give. You didn't care.

So we were in. It was 2017 till you found out I'd been looking at porn on and off since 2000 and like, 9.

I don't think you told me, though.

I've been looking at it at least once to three times a week from 2009 until about2014.

I didn't know. I don't think I was aware that you were doing it or I don't know if you felt that it was a problem for you.

It was a survival strategy for me. Like, I was dying. I remember sitting in. In Gilbert, Arizona. I was sitting and talking with one of my friends. Name was Tony. And I was telling him how frustrated I was about the lack of sex that I had in our relationship and how frustrated I was about how trapped I felt as a guy. And I just felt trapped. I felt trapped. I didn't know how to get through to you that sex mattered to me. Like oxygen, and we weren't having it. And when we did, it was vaginal masturbation. It was this chore sex that you were putting on. And I get it.

It was.

And we can talk about how we got there and why that was the case, but nonetheless, it was the case. It was chore sex, vaginal masturbation, which, when you're masturbating, particularly with a fleshlight.

There'S at least no emotional connection.

No, there's better connection with a fleshlight than I was having. Having sex with you.

I get it. I've had similar experiences as a woman where I'm like, this would just be easier to take care of myself.

I get it. So I'm. I'm going down this path, not sure how to communicate. I mean, at one point in the game, I'm begging for hand jobs from you.

I feel like that was, like, really early married.

That was when. That was. That was in 2000. No, I never. We were already been. We'd already moved to Utah. This was in our Utah house. I was begging for him. I remember one of the particular days going into the bathroom and asking you. I didn't. Couldn't.

I was such a. I remember feeling very turned off. Like, I remember this phase, and I was like, oh, I can't do it.

Yeah, you couldn't have sex with me.

But that was like an old time Low for me. I was like, I want to be attracted to this man. But now it's like beyond just like having sex once a week to do my wifely duties. It's like, I can't. I don't even want to do a hand job. But it. But it was like, I. I don't like, I. I think that was like. Yeah, it was just a really big turn off, if I'm being completely honest. I'm not saying I didn't play a role and why. How you're showing up or that happening, but that's how I felt in that moment.

Yeah. What do you think it felt like as a guy to have to get the courage and to feel that the only option you have beyond porn is to ask your wife to jerk you off?

Probably really crappy.

Horrible.

The question is, why? For me, why did I feel that way?

I know now, why did you feel that way?

I remember being. I mean, you're the first guy I got married young. I got married at 20. You're the first guy I had sex with. And I remember it felt kind of awkward. And I was like, oh. I realized, like, when we first got married, I was like, oh, shit. The foreplay is actually better than the actual sex. Like, I didn't know what I was doing. And it was weird for me. Cause I imagined as a raised Mormon woman, girl child, that sex was not talked about. It was super taboo. So I just thought it must be like, if the foreplay is this good. I can't even imagine. Like, I just thought fireworks.

Like, that's.

That's all I can describe. And I remember, like, even, like our honeymoon, I'm like, wow, that hurt and was uncomfortable and there was nothing sexy about it. So it was really hard for me to have this fantasy about what sex would be because I felt like we had great chemistry and like, we'd make out and do other stuff before getting married. And I'm like, if this is that good, then that's gonna be so good. And I think I got married and had sex and was disappointed. And I just. Like, I said I didn't have any other comparison of sexual partners. So I didn't really. It just felt awkward to me. And I grew up in a home that was very. Like, they didn't say I love you. They weren't huggy or touchy or kissy. Like. Like, that was not how I was raised. So it got even. Like, it was even harder for me, you know, caught myself, had a girl. But so I think at a young age, I just didn't know how to feel or think. It just felt awkward, that's all I can say. And then I remember being newly married, we moved to Vegas and you had always worked a lot. There was actually one of the things that I found I found attractive is that you had drive. But amongst having drive, even when we were dating, you always made time for me. We always had connection, conversation, chemistry and making out. So it was like we, I, you worked a lot, but we still had connection. And something happened with probably on my side where I disconnected, feeling awkward because I was like, this should be like fireworks and it's not. And then you feeling the pressure of. And again, it's taught in our culture, in our society and the religion we're at that the guy goes out, he works, he hunts. That's what he does. Like you flip into that mindset of like, I got the girl cool. And I remember feeling several occasions when we were first married where I was doing hair and you were working. And it wasn't uncommon for you to work until 9, 10 o' clock at night. Like I'd be like, hey, are you coming home? Should I make you dinner? I remember working at the salon until 7 or 8 because I knew you'd be working late. Coming home, making my own dinner. And I, I wanted to hang out, but I was kind of like, well he's, we just got this new home in Arizona, we're young, he's, you know, building a mortgage company. I just remember feeling like that's his duty, that's what he's got to do. And then I remember you coming home and I would be, well, I love like these fixer upper house shows. I don't know if you remember. And I'd say, hey babe, like you'd make food and be like, hey babe, come hang out with me. And I remember on like not like one or two occasions, like all the time, you would be like, I, I don't want to watch this show. And I was like, I know, like it for me. I was like, just come hang out with me, be with me. Like, I didn't really necessarily care about this home fixer upper show. And you would act really pouty and say, I'm going to bed, are you coming? And I was like, I remember being like, no, I, I'm not coming. I worked all day too and I just wanted to like hang out with you. My wifely duty is not to go upstairs and have sex with you right now. And so I just remember feeling like he doesn't Even care to hang out with me? So it went from like, even though when we were dating you were working a ton, there were. You always made time for me. It'd be 10 o' clock at night and you'd be like, let's go get ice cream and freaking go park up here and make out and talk and whatever. And it, it quickly went from that to like, no, I'm working, I'm paying for this house, I don't have to put deposits, I don't have to hang out with you. I'm too tired. And it came across like you didn't care. So I shut off. I just shut off emotionally. And I was like, that's fine. So when you would want to have sex, I didn't want to have sex with you, number one, because I felt awkward. I'd never really learned how to have sex. And number two, I felt like you, because you were providing. I was just expected to have sex. And I just was like, I'm not interested in that. At a young age, whether I knew it or not, I was like, no. I was like, I was physically turned off by you because there was no connection there. And I've actually been. I think you portrayed me as thinking of you as not attractive physically. I've always thought of you attractive physically. When I am not attracted to you is based off of an energy of feeling like we're not connected or when I feel like you go into a pouty phase and I'm like, when you're in that like, kind of pouty phase, it's a turn off to me. And even I've asked, I'm like, why am I turned off? Why do, like at a young age, I didn't know. I was like, why do I not want to have sex with them? And I was almost like, it's just, it's really hard for me. Like, I didn't know and I didn't. I wasn't one to go talk to anybody. I had all Mormon friends. Like, I didn't even know who to go to. And it wasn't until we like escaped the Mormon bubble that I was like, it, let's, let's, let's do it. And it took a while. 2017, it took, but I'm saying, but it took a while. But that move was kind of a rebirth for myself. I don't. I felt like it was a rebirth for us. But yeah, I mean, that. What, when did we get married? I mean, it was clear up until.

That was 14 years of marriage. It was probably and the flashlight came at year 14 in our marriage.

Right. I was just giving you like a backstory of like, why I'm like, because I wanted to have good sex and passionate sex.

But you didn't know what that.

Like, I didn't know what that looked like. And I was physically unattractive to you based off of a lack of connection with us.

Anything else you want to say?

No, I was just giving a backstory.

But anything else you want to add? No, you complete?

I'm good for now.

Okay.

What was your experience in the beginning?

Your awkwardness with sex was more than mine. I hadn't had sex with except one other person. I was married once before you. That's it. So I didn't have a whole. I didn't have a body count. I didn't understand how that worked. I didn't have sex with like a hundred vaginas. I'm not these guys that teach dudes to go pick up chicks so I can gain all this confidence and certainty. So I have no fucking idea how it works. I know this, that when the minute we got married, there was an expectation of wealth. And whether you gave it to me personally or not, it came from your family. It came from how they looked at me when I first came into the family as this broke, poor school teacher with nothing. Who is this guy repping my daughter? He has no money. So I made a decision. I made a commitment. I will be fucking wealthy. I will be rich. And I will prove to this girl that I am worthy of being her partner. And so I did. And the pressure that I felt was immense because I wasn't just dealing with breaking out of a sexual box. I was breaking out of a scarcity box, out of a financial box. You were raised in a wealth and abundance. I was raised in a fucking trailer. I had nothing. So I was fighting against my scarcity with money, fighting against standing as an entrepreneur for the first time. Your parents were entrepreneurs? My parents were fucking slaves. I came up in a trailer with slaves, in scarcity, with no fucking money, no hope, no future. I'm the only one that broke out of my family. And here I am weighing against my insecurities as a man trying to be a spiritual leader, trying to be a husband to not it up in his second marriage, trying to not be broke and build a business that can work as a first time entrepreneur, having no idea what the fuck I'm doing. No mentors, no masterminds, nothing. Just trying to read books from Robert Kiyosaki and figure it out. As I go, while at the same time having never been taught the art of seduction. Which means I had no. There was no warrior's way. There was no teaching a guy to live by the code and speak his truth. There was no date your wife podcast. There was no live the warrior's way Daily Core 4, make deposits with your wife. There was no stack your shit out and learn how to deal with your thought processes. There was fuck all, nothing for me. Which means I was alone, trying to navigate a territory with, with no fucking maps, no mentors, no guidance, no structure, no support and no system. And I was a savage. And I did exactly what I knew how to do, which is I could control what was happening in the business. And so I just worked harder. And I thought if I worked harder, I could pull this off. And I wanted to be with you and I wanted to spend time with you. But the combination of your awkwardness and my awkwardness blended to create the next level of resentment. And our awkwardness led to resentment. And all of a sudden you were resentful and I was resentful. And I started working later because I'm like, all she can do is sit in front of that tv. She doesn't actually want to talk to me, she wants to watch TV. I don't give a fuck about these TVs. You know what I've been dealing with for 12 hours today? You know what fucking bullshit I've had to deal with? I just got fined by the state of Nevada and $250,000 I had to pay today. You don't give a shit. You want to watch your fucking fix up tv. So I'm not saying that this is your fault. I'm saying these are the thoughts and the feelings and emotions. But of course I'm Mormon, so I don't say any of that shit. I'm filtered as a motherfucker. I'm quiet. I'm saying, then I got down, sat on a bench, I'm all this filtered. Be reverent, shut your mouth, Be fucking quiet. I didn't say fuck. Didn't yell at you that way ever. I would. I didn't even yell at you.

I think we both shut down.

I didn't even yell at you because in Mormon culture you don't do that. You're, you're, you're, you're like a castrated sanitized that won't speak your feelings. And everything about church culture was suppressing my masculinity. So here I am as a guy already getting my balls cut off. Me from the church we're raised in, have no clue how to handle this with this beautiful young woman who I love with all my soul and have no idea how to get close to her because the things I keep doing are causing her to feel more disconnected. Causing you to not want me, not love me. And the more I did what I thought would work, it didn't pay out. And so I had to survive. Like I'm a producer. See, sexual energy and creative energy is part of being an entrepreneur. You can't create businesses without sexual energy. This is why the most well sexed in men, men who have high sex drives have high energy when whether they're quiet and logical or they're out loud like me, the one thing you will find common. I mean, some Tiger woods elite fucking athlete, sex addict. Why? Because the sexual energy required to build and manage something fucking massive can be used to transmute into business. So I poured my sexual frustration into two places. Make money. Hopefully I could buy your love, was the plan. Maybe I could just buy her more shit and then she'll eventually want me. And inside, the more that I built, the more that I felt alone and the more I felt like I was chasing this never ending checklist of requests from you that eventually, once I did this, then I would be enough for you. And so I hid in porn, man, I hid in porn like every guy that's ever come to Wake up Warriors hidden porn. I didn't know and I didn't tell you, just like you weren't telling me. And so I would suffer in silence and to the point that if you were even showing a little bit of emotion towards me at night in order to not be rejected, I would go upstairs to the bathroom, I would jerk off and get a nut twice in 10 minutes watching porn so I could suck all the sexual energy out and not have my hopes head up. So I'm not getting my fucking hopes up. I don't want to get rejected again by this woman. I'm so tired of being rejected. I feel so fucking miserable about myself as a man. At least porn doesn't reject me. Porn always says yes. My hand does not say no.

I didn't know.

Well, it's what was happening. And so I suffered. Night after night I would lay in bed next to you and there'd be only like three feet between us in the bed and it would feel like you were on the other side of the Grand Canyon. And my arm would feel like this, this thousand pound block of concrete. And all I wanted to do was reach across and touch you. And I couldn't. I couldn't even fucking touch you. I didn't know how to break through what was happening. So by 2017, I stopped giving a fuck. We moved into the house, and I got you the last thing on your checklist that you had told me because I played this game. We made a You can meet. Talk to him about our 50 Shades of Gray contract we created in Cabo.

I think it started before we moved to three Ocean Front.

It did. It would talk about the shades of great contract I created with you. You remember this?

I remember this was on Ladera, though, because I remember sitting on my laptop. I think you were so desperate to find a solution. And you. It was like, what is your love language? What. What do you want? And now I know what I want. But then I didn't. And it was like, I don't know, like, you had a really hard time, which I still think we had to break through a lot of things. You had a really hard time seeing the value of taking me on a trip or buying me a birthday gift. Like, it was like, I felt bad that you bought me a birthday gift. Like, it was, like, grudgingly. I'm like, I'm. I'm sorry that it's my birthday again. That this is awful for you to the point where when we were first married, you forgot my birthday and then remembered and bought me a dog. But even then, like, I felt like Christmases and birthdays, it was just like, I have to do this for my wife. And I was like, I'm sorry that you feel like you have to celebrate your wife and that you don't want to give her anything. And so I was like, well, maybe my love language is gifts. I'm like, I. I want you to give me gifts. And so you created this agreement that was like, oh, I can't even remember. It was like, how many. It was like, sex per gifts or something. You were like, you can pick out.

I can ask you for sex anytime I want in the week, twice a week. You can't say no, no matter what.

And it was like, and you can pick out two gifts or something, and I can.

I can save them. They're rollover sex minutes.

I don't think this actually panned out or worked, but I remember. I remember doing it and, like, buying a handbag online. And I'm like, why do I feel so dirty? Like, I just remember, like, feeling like.

Yeah, you were a prostit.

Well, there's a lot of women that operate in this. And they feel dirty.

I'm sure marriages are prostitutes. I was working with my guys, but.

I realized, like, even then, I was like, oh, this isn't. I thought, because I'm trying to figure out myself at a young age, a mom of two, I'm like, okay, but there's a backstory to this piece that you haven't shared.

Go for it. What is it? And you didn't finish the 50 Shades of Great contract. So how about we finish that and then we'll go to the backstory?

Okay.

Well, the agreement was real simple. We were laying at the beach in Cancun. My wife had a thong back on, which, at the time, was the first time she'd been that rude, risque. I know now the woman's ass is everywhere. But back in the day, she wasn't. She was much more conservative and very much withdrawn. So she agreed to wear a thong to the beach. And I know. I couldn't believe it. I was blown away. So I'm laying by there, and she's reading Fifty Shades of Gray. That was the book you were reading at the time?

I don't remember.

We're laying at the beach. You're in a thong. You're reading Fifty Shades of Gray. How am I not supposed to want to? You right there on the beach? I want to, but everything in mind is like, I don't even know how to approach this right now. I feel, like, awkward. And I'm sitting there, I said, you know that book you're reading? You know, the thing about Mr. Gray is he just created a really simple sexual contract. He made the girls sign it. What if we just created an agreement and you're like, what do you mean? I was like, what if we create an agreement? Here's what I know. You want me to buy you shit. I'm an asshole about it. I want you to have sex with me, and you're a bitch about it. So how about I stop being an asshole? I'll buy you two things every week, whatever you want, and you stop being a bitch, and you fuck me twice a week whenever I want. And you said, okay. And I pull out a little napkin, and we signed a little agreement, and then we tried it, and then it went down the path. And here's exactly how it played out. For me. I don't know. For you. For me. Okay, the first week, the links come in, and they're like, $600 pair of shoes, and, like, something is like, $1,200. And I was like, okay, that's okay. All right, I see this game, she's ready to play. And then I saved my sex. And I came up to ask you for sex one time, and you try to say no. I said, oh, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. Don't violate your contract. I already bought you two things. You're going to go in the room and have sex with me right now. Because I said anytime I want to, you're going to come have sex with me. And if I don't want to have it today and I want to save for tomorrow, if I want twice in the morning, I want to have twice in the afternoon. Great. I get two times this week where you cannot fucking say no because I already bought your shit. This is a fair business negotiation. Don't go back on a contract. So we do this for the first week, it's not so great because it's like chore sex, vaginal masturbation, like, more grudging. I had to grab your hips and move your ass just to get you to go. I was like, oh, my fuck. I'm moving her. I'm jerking off to her. Now that's where the term vaginal masturbation came from. It's why anytime I say it, every guy knows what I'm talking about. I'm like, dude, how many of you run? I put a thousand guys in the room. Never heard me speak before.

You like that?

Vaginal masturbation?

No, I think that you like the.

Oh, well, now we get into it totally different. I smack you on the ass, and we do all kinds of fun stuff, but I have no problem with that. Back in the day, there was no energy, no passion. Now you submit and allow me to do some things which are fun. Back then, that was not the case. You were, like, dead. Like, more. More like the morgue body mode.

I was like, just get her done.

Oh, my God, this contract's so bad. But, dude, I really love those shoes. And I'm, like, sitting there, think the.

Shoes were worth it? I remember being like, this. This isn't what I want.

This is why this. Next week, the stakes rose. Then I get two links from you, and the links are both over $2,500 a piece. And I was like, this bitch is raising the stakes on me. I was like, okay, so fine. I was, like, stomaching. I was like, because I had a hard time buying you. I just did. I had a hard time with that. I had a hard time with vacations.

Yeah.

And I was like, okay. And I remember buying them both. And then we. I got even Worse sex that week. And I was like this. And I thought in my mind, do you know what kind of sex I could have in Vegas for $7,000? I would be causing any name I want.

I'm positive you didn't spend $7,000. I don't think we even had that kind of disposal.

We did. I remember because of how irritated I was. The fact that I had just spent more than I'd ever spent on you before at that point. This was back Ladera Ranch.

That's why I'm like, I don't think.

That we had that kind of money. We had money for me to go spend $7,000 on you either way. But anyways, we did it. I did it. And I was so disgusted. But I was like, I can't keep doing this. I feel like I'm sleeping with a hooker right now. And she's bad. This is a bad hooker. She's not even that good. She's hot as. But she's the worst performer I've ever seen in my life. If we were ranking, you were the.

One that brought up the contract, so.

I know it was a bad contract. So we ended the contract, and it left me spiraling.

I think there's a. There's the. The piece of the story, too, is that made it even harder for me, like, amongst this, like, resentment for one another when I'm pregnant with our second daughter. You were like. You were really weird with sex when I was pregnant. And it was almost like it went from, like, whether you want to call it master vaginal masturbation or whatever. It was like when I was pregnant, it was like you had empathy for me being pregnant, but now you, like, didn't want to touch me, kiss me, anything. And you ended up having an emotional affair and making out with another woman and pretty much dating her. When I'm nine months pregnant. I remember being nine months pregnant and you coming to me and being like, hey, I kissed so and so. And then later you're like, okay, well, we were kind of like, she was a client. We were kind of dating. Not dating, but hanging out a lot, so might as well be dating. I had emotional affair, which I'm like, even worse than just, like, kissing. Like, you told me you kissed her. I was like, oh, weird. How'd that happen? You lied to me, like, three times about how it happened. You're like, oh, it was in the office. And then later you're like, oh, it was just randomly on a hike. And then you're like, okay, it was like, in the Car. So you got to realize my. My trust levels are just being fucking smashed, like, so I'm already feeling awkward with sex. We are, at the time, losing everything. So we had lost everything. You weren't providing. I'm doing hair, but I'm bringing in a little extra side hustle, trying to help the family where I can. And then I'm pregnant with your second daughter. Like, the time I knew things weren't good and I was looking for purpose, and I was like, oh, I'll have another baby now. I'm so grateful for that baby. But at the time, I didn't know. I was like, oh, why am I so sad? I should get pregnant again. That will give me purpose. And I'm telling you right now, so many women do that, looking for purpose. And I'm not saying they don't love their babies, but they're like, my babies bring joy and happiness, and my husband is not fulfilling on that side. And so I'm like, okay, even though I'm not happy. And I. And at the time, I didn't. I wasn't, like, considering divorce. So we get pregnant with Ruby, which is my second daughter, and nine months in, you tell me you're having an emotional affair with another woman. So I'm already, like, not that connected to you. Physically not attractive. I need you to understand, when I say physically not attractive, it's not like how you look. It's just. I'm turned off by your energy and how you're showing up. You're not producing. I'm pregnant with your second baby. I'm not feeling. I'm already not feeling taken care of because we're losing everything, and I'm pregnant with your second daughter. Then you tell me you. You cheated. So I'm in a. Like, as much as I hear the pain in what you experience and having to jerk off, I need you to acknowledge you didn't. I didn't know you were watching porn. And I need you to acknowledge how you were showing up. Yeah, like, we. It's not like. Like, now you show up. That's great. But then we had nothing. Our cars were getting repoed, and you cheated on me.

Yep.

And I was pregnant.

Yep.

So there's a. There's a piece that people don't hear that. That side of the story. And I know you've talked about it now, but, like, that's still a very painful piece of the story for me, where I was like, cool, go ahead and take your. Go jerk off six times, because you're gonna have to Communicate and win that trust back with me. Like, I refuse to. You want to buy me handbags? That's fine. I'll take them. It's not what I want. It's not what you want, but I.

Wasn'T buying handbags until five years after that.

Right. I'm just trying to say, as much as you feel hurt, and as much as men watching porn feel so hurt and their wives aren't putting out, I just propose a simple question of, how did you get in that situation? Now I can see it. So I'm in a place where I'm like, hey, let's not operate in. We are both scarred. We're both in. We both had painful experiences, but I would like to, like, rebuild this relationship in a new chapter. And I think that when you finally communicated, I remember it was like, in kind of Ledera, moving down to Dana, when you finally communicated, like, I'm not okay with you not having sex. I feel like an abused dog. Like, I feel like a piece of shit. And I remember I was like, I. I had no idea that I had hurt you so bad, because I. Even though men are more sexual than women, I still wanted passionate sex, too. I actually think I'm a very highly sexual, driven woman. Like, I don't believe I am approved. Like, I think that's something I'm sure you noticed when I was. We were dating. Like, I think I. I think I wanted it. I know I wanted it, but I did was weird and awkward and whatever. So I finally got to this chip when you communicated like, I'm hurting. And I was like, oh, wow. And it. Like, I think that it hurt me to realize I had hurt you so bad. And I was like, okay, regardless, if I feel scarred, like, I have to flip the narrative. And I don't know if you want to talk about this on this particular podcast, but. Because I feel like we do have a pretty healthy sexual relationship now, but I literally had to be like, okay, I'm. I'm not gonna turn him down. I'm not gonna. In fact, I'm gonna instigate. I'm gonna instigate it on vacation. I'm not gonna expect anything in return. I'm just gonna work on this piece of me being available for him. And I felt like it wasn't, like, overnight. Like, we'd go on vacation, and instead of you feeling like you had to go hide in the closet and jerk off, I'd be like, hey, you want to go have sex in the shower? Like, I tried to make it an effort is what I'm saying. And I feel like over time, I was like, you started operating different with me, and I was like, oh. And there was more connection and chemistry and sex and. And it. And it seemed like we had turned a corner. Obviously, we had two more kids. And it wasn't until like, this last year where all of a sudden it got rocky again because I felt like it was almost. We lost a little bit of that connection because you had all this good sex. And it was interesting hearing you on the. In the beginning of this podcast that you poured all this sexual energy into work. And I. I'm like, oh, he was really. He was sexually satisfied at some point. And I kind of feel like you didn't take your foot off the gas, but it was just kind of like some. I don't know. I don't know. Like, I just felt like there was like a disconnection, and then it was like all of a sudden you had to go back into work mode, and I had just, like, support you. And I'm like, we've already done that, and it doesn't work. And that's why, as hard as right now, I'm like, we were. We were. We were connected, and then we kind of went numb. And then we realized it's not just about good sex.

So what role do you feel? Your own discomfort, your own awkwardness and your own disconnection with me? Being young, feeling awkward about sex wasn't what you thought it was. Feeling disconnected because I'm working a lot, and knowing that you were disgusted and not talking to me about it goes both ways. What role did you play in leading us to that ultimatum in 2016? Because the Fleshlight in 2017 and 16, those were the ultimatum years. And I flat out told you, we don't start having regular sex. I'm divorcing you. I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. Regardless of what the past has been, that's what led us to therapy. That you wouldn't gone to therapy. You thought therapy was stupid. So we ended up in therapy. We ended up at Date with Destiny with Tony Robbins. We end up buying a new home in the Strand. I end up with a Fleshlight in the Strand, still. Still having to satisfy myself. And we are now, at this point, married in 2002, we're 15 years married, and we're still dealing with this as a topic. So although in the last four years, I've looked at porn maybe a total of 10 times by myself. 10 since 2017, maybe 10 times I.

Have A real question, as you get older, does that sex?

No, you answer my first question and then I'll answer that one. Okay, so first question. What role did you play in me going to porn?

I think it. It was my lack of communication as well. Like, I. I genuinely. That's why I genuinely believe it's like the women and then me too, included are just taught, like, hey, he's providing. Don't ask him how he's feeling. Don't worry. Don't share your feelings. Like he's just gonna provide and you need to be this strong one.

Yeah.

So I felt like it was like, don't burden him with your feelings.

Wow.

So it wasn't like an attack. It was almost like in order for me to support you as the provider, I couldn't share my feelings or my truth because it couldn't distract from you being the provider.

And you shared truth this year, 2023, with me in a way I should have shared with you in 2009, in 2010. Right. I mean, we were about to repeat the same cycle, only the roles are going to be reversed. You were about to go off with somebody else in a place because you were not feeling.

I was never about to go off.

I know, but I'm saying you were mentally bent in a direction of this.

Yeah, I was like, this is going.

To happen this year. But you were already. And you were very honest with me in a way I could not, did not know how to be honest with you in the past. I had no idea during those years.

Can I share something from a woman's perspective is like, I. A lot of times, like, so if we're not connected, all of a sudden my mind wanders and I'm thinking about other men. And then all of a sudden I'm like, I've never. Just so you're clear, and I know I've shared this with you. I've never entertained or even flirted with another man. If anything, if a guy seems like he's flirting, I give off a genuine fuck off vibe. But I. For the first time, it doesn't mean I'm not human. And I don't fantasize about these things. And I only fantasize about it when I feel like we're not connected. And so I have always felt guilty about these feelings. Like, he's the provider. You just shut your mouth. And I was like, no, I was like, I'm not okay with that. Because I feel like I'm like, I'm sure how you have felt. I was like, I'm a good catch. I work, I make money. I, I am a good mom. I'm fit. And I'm like, I, I don't, I'm tired of feeling guilty. I want to think about you, I want to fantasize about you. And it was, I didn't know how to, I mean, it came out kind of wild, but I didn't know how to be honest with my feelings because I felt like I was judging myself inside of my own feelings. Similar to probably how I'm sure you felt like, I shouldn't expect this out of my wife until you blew up and you're like, this is a non negotiable and I want to have sex.

Well, do you know when I showed up that way was after I knew in my own heart, you gotta remember I launched Wake up Warrior in 2012 when I launched Wake Up Warrior. Do you know that I launched Wake Up Warrior? Body being in business. There were only three Bs, not four in 2012. That was body being in business. Do you know why I could launch those three? Because those are three. I had credibility, right? I had no credibility in marriage. I had no credibility as a father. So I didn't even launch it. I also had no idea if we were going to stay together. And I was like, so I'm not going to try to train on that. I'm going to live by a code. See, the foundation of the Warrior movement is the fucking truth. And when I hit rock bottom after the loss of the money, the birth of our second child, cheating on you and having an emotional affair with another woman, all of these things occurring at the same time, left me in the bottom of a fucking pit. And in the bottom of that pit, I heard a voice and simply asked me, have you had enough yet? And I was broken. I was broken. All of my moves gone. 2010 just broken. Then I break my Achilles tendon because I'm still not getting it. And I break it a second time and I'm still not getting it. And I tear it a third time. And God says, leave the religion you were raised in. Leave the traditions of your fathers, leave your family, AKA the way you've lived and move. And so we did, and we moved to Arizona. And I'm sitting there with Achilles tendon rupture and I'm trying to recover and I'm still feeling miserable about myself. And of course now I'm trying to dig myself out of the fact that I cheated on my wife while she's pregnant. Why? Because I couldn't be Honest. And not only could I not be honest, then I couldn't be honest. My whole fucking game with you. I was hurting. I wanted you. I loved you. I desired you. I wanted no other woman but you. I did not want to go to porn. Porn makes a man feel so fucking weak. It's not. It's enjoyable for a moment, and then it becomes a virus and it begins to plague a man's mind, and it begins to put him in a place of powerlessness. And then when he looks at you, the problem becomes, is that then I'm not seeing you anymore. I can't even be with you because I'm with these sexual images in my mind that just perpetuate over and over, like sliding fucking photo after photo. Now no matter what you do is still not going to be enough. So now my addiction starts to run deeper into this idea and retreating and knowing that I'll never be rejected, never be turned away. But the problem is it never ends there. It never ends there. And that's why I tell guys that come in all day, if you're not getting this conversation handled, if you're not able to have this kind of direct dialogue, which is terrifying. It's a risk.

I get it. It was risky the beginning of this year when I was like, hey, how you're describing, you feel crappy for looking at porn. Women, I don't think it's a natural desire to look at porn, but that doesn't mean we don't think about it. So women are probably feeling as guilty as having these porn, like, thoughts replaying in their mind with somebody that's not their husband to the point where they're like, I. This is. I got it. This is all consuming and so consuming for you.

Earlier in the year, when did it become consuming?

It's like on and off. Like I said, like, there's always this. This fantasy that's not you of somebody who's more powerful that will fulfill me. And it's always when our relationship is disconnected and when we are connected, there's moments of chemistry. But what I notice when we are connected is it's just like the thought doesn't really pop up. And we've watched porn together. But, like, when. Even when we're connected, I'm not like, let's watch porn. Like, we. We've used that for a tool, I think, because we were married so young, and I was, like, curious, and it sparked a lot of fun ideas. Yeah. I was like, whoa, you can do that. So. But I could also see to where it was a problem. And I, like, I'm just communicating. I don't think women would think to go to porn, but that doesn't mean they're not fantasizing and thinking of another powerful man that could take care of them better. So. And we probably fill with the same, like, shitty guilt that men do in the sense, like, I don't want to feel this, I want to fill this with him. And I would imagine that it gets so painful for both the man and the women. They don't see an out, so they get divorced. They don't see a reconcile, so they get divorced.

Well, I want you to look at, like, how deep this is. We live in a 25 million dollar home. You have a $250,000 Ferrari Portofino, a $250,000 Lamborghini Urus. You have a million dollars in jewelry. We've gone on 24 trips in the last three years. We've gone on vacations to Bora Bora, Mexico, 15 times, Europe, taking you everywhere. Date nights, once, twice a week, sometimes mostly at least once, almost every week, twice a week. Date nights send you love messages all the time. I play with the kids, I show up with all the kids. I do all this. Right? So I've. When you say the word, I'm just telling you guys listening to this are going to go, you want a more powerful man? What does that look like? Because I'm looking at a guy who bought you a $25 million home, who put you in supercars, who is all in with his kids, who takes you on date night, takes you on trips, buys you all the shit you've wanted, and yet you're still in the place in your mind saying, I wanted somebody more powerful.

I would say it's more of like a fantasy. Because when it comes down to it, what I realized this last year when realizing where we're at, I was like, oh, I, I don't. That was a fantasy.

Yeah. It's like the power was what, what were you looking for?

The. There was no power. It was a fantasy of being with another. With another man. And yeah, I'm not going to envision myself with the taco guy down the street. That's weird. If I'm gonna have a fantasy, I'm going big. So it's not. Don't discredit that as me saying, like, you're not powerful, but when you're feeling disconnected, you might visualize or think about another powerful man. Let's just say that, well, I'm just playing. And it's because there's. I got to the beginning of this year, I'm like, there's not enough money that will fill the void of a true connection. And when that connection is there, I don't have the want or the desire or the fantasy. Similar to how a guy probably, when he's feeling emotionally connected, probably doesn't think to go to porn.

No. If he's not having sex, he goes to porn. Emotional connection has no bearing in sex.

Okay, so for guys? Sure.

None. Let me share. Okay, you just talked. Let me share. We're doing much better on this show of letting each other share, but I need you to let me have some. Okay. So men want to fuck. They don't want to make love. They don't want to emotionally be heard. They know they do after they're satisfied in fucking. But if a man doesn't get to fuck, then what he's left with is connect. He can't connect. So the challenge is women want, Well, I want to be connected, and then I want to fuck you. And men are like, I want to fuck you.

Yeah.

And then I will connect you. You can talk to me anything you want as long as I just nutted and I nutted in you and you fucking smacked me and called me daddy and I'm feeling great. You can talk about anything. I'm very fucking open. I really here naked with my cock out, just, like, jizz down my left leg and just going, hey, I am an open human being right now. Tell me what you need to tell me. Let me finish. Nope, you're trying to talk. Let me finish my point. You're so excited to talk. I've been so fucking proud of myself. This show I've given you so much fun. We go back and watch the show. You've talked for 80% of the time. You're doing great, and I love it. Keep talking. Give me some time for a second.

Go for it.

You just keep etching like you're pumping the gas, like you're wanting to just throttle into the intersection.

Go for it.

All right. So this piece, though, for guys, this is why they go to porn and why it's a constant battle for good men. I'm not talking about assholes. Every guy's had their asshole game, and guess what? Every girl's been a bitch. So it's not like there's like this one person did something or didn't. You withheld for almost 15 years. You made it weird and awkward. I was not helping that situation at all. So I am just as Accountable. But we created disconnection. Now, when I having Data points of 55,000 men. Wake up, warrior. I have more data points on men who are entrepreneurs, who run businesses, who are married with children, than any motherfucker in the game. And I will tell you what we have found, which was true for me. If a guy is fucking regular with his wife, he is open to just about anything. If a man is told, you must hit this checklist to earn sex with your wife, many of them will get halfway down the checklist and be like, ah, fuck her. I'm going born. Just go jerk off. Easier to jerk off. Look how long that goddamn list is. It keeps growing. It's like the fucking horizon. I sail out of my sailboat. I hit the four things. I get out to the end of the four things. Bitch, I laid 10 more down, and now I'm trying to sail out to the 10th one. I get out to the 10th one. I'm in the middle of the Strip of Gibraltar. I'm way the fuck out in the Bermuda Triangle. I don't even know where to go. I'm stuck. She just told me ten more things, and then we break and we're like, okay, fuck her. I'm not playing this game anymore. That's where I got in 2016, 17. I got to the. I'm tired of leaning on porn. I can't do this the rest of my life. I cannot be a porn guy. I have guys coming to me right now. Danielle, guys. Right now. Guys have come and talk to you who are having sex three times a year. You think that fucking guy is just shut down Fat fucks that are over 60. Yeah. Their sex drive shuts down. Because I know the only examples you ever go to in your brain, they're fat fucks over 60. Every other successful entrepreneur under the age of 60 who's not a fat fuck, and even the fat fucks under 60, guess what they want. What do they want?

Sex with their wife.

That's it.

So I hear you, and I feel like I turned into, like, a sexual monster.

You do. So four years ago, after 20 years of being married, 16 years it took.

You to get for me is I felt like I finally, like, unleash, like, you put me up with any porn star in the game, I will be the queen of that show. So I felt like I. I was like, he wants sex. And not only, like, vaginal masturbation, he wants a show. Learned how to dance. Did the lingerie, like, really felt like I was putting not only an effort, but I enjoyed it. It wasn't like just for you, it was for me. I enjoyed it. It was fun. Whether I was drunk, sober, quickie, whatever. I liked it all. And I felt like you did too. And I feel like what happened for me in the last, you know, leading up to the conversation early in this year is I was like, I have showed up. You came to me and you said, hey, I want more words of validation. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Because I felt like you went into the war zone again where you were like, when Warrior Con hit last year, you. You said to me, hey, I've got a season and I just need you to be patient with me and I need you to support me. And I, I got a lot of work to do. And I was like. And I knew the obligations and finances and home and everything. And I was like, okay, I've just got to, I got to go into support mode. And I didn't know what that meant for you other than I was like, I'm going to show up sexually. I'm going to make him dinner every night. I'm going to make sure kids and everything. I want to not give him any more stress.

Yeah, it was great.

It was great for you, but for me, I, all of a sudden was like, I'm showing. He says he wants to be fucked. And there was a period of time when we were having great sex and I got everything I wanted. I got connection, communication gifts without grudge, like trips. Like, I was like, oh, shit, I. I'm getting everything I want. I'm getting the emotional connection and everything. It doesn't feel forced. Plus now I'm having fun sex. That's great. And then there was this piece in you that went back into stress survival grind mode. And I was like, I've got to be supportive. And it wasn't until the beginning of the year, I'm like, okay. So he fought so hard about connect, about sex. So now is my turn to say, hey, I've showed up sexually every way I know how and you're telling me you want more words of validation. I get it. So do I. I want connection, I want time. I don't want you to be numb on these feel frees anymore. And I had my fair share of drinking at night because I didn't. I was like, I just got to get through this. And if he's numb, I'm numb. And both of us fell asleep with the will. And so I felt like I was like the wake up call to this year. Like, you Were like, hey, sex is a non negotiable for me. And I'm like, great. Guess what's a non negotiable for me? True connection. And I. I think that as much as you're like, men want to be fucked, I also think that they want connection. At the same time, you're like, women just want connection. I still like sex too. That's part of connection for me. So it turns out we're both after the same thing. Your top priority might be sex so that you can feel connected. And for a woman, it's connection. And then she feels sex. And. And I can totally see how that plays out. And so I felt like I had crossed the line. And I was like, it can't be about connection first. I'm just gonna fucking blow his mind. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna show up like the best porn star I know. I'm gonna do that first. I'm not gonna expect gifts or connection or anything else. And I'm gonna see what I get. And I got what I wanted, so now I'm fighting kind of for what I want. Whereas I'm like, hey, I'll still be your porn star, baby. I don't care. But you just telling me, don't. Not sharing your feelings with me is not okay. So if you're stressed with the business, whatever it is, like. Like, instead of, I can't read your mind. So when you're like, hey, come to me and just tell me I'm the man, I'm like, is he hurting right now? I like, I don't know. So it comes down to a place of, like, we can't repeat what we did in the past and we already addressed in this podcast. The problem was, is you didn't share your feelings, and I didn't either. So this, the new chapter has to be of us staying in communication, where we're not constantly dealing with old past scars.

Complete. That's good. It's really good. Anything else you want to say?

Whenever you end it like that, I feel like you're like.

Like what?

It's almost like, are you done?

I'm not saying, like, are you done? I'm saying, are you complete? Like, that's it. Do you have any more you want to add to it? Because I don't want to start talking and then have you try to talk again. So I'm just holding space for you. We've had lots of people on our show be like, these guys cut each other off 24 7. So I'm practicing. We just came out of a great therapy session where we were required to practice. I am simply practicing. I think you will find that you spoke save 75% of the show. So I'm just asking you, do you have anything else you want to say right now, or can I say something?

Go for it.

Yeah. Not asking for permission. I just want to make sure you have all you have. Okay. So I hear all of that. 100%. I hear all of it. I do. And the ability to share as a man, it's tough because if I share with you everything I'm thinking, everything I'm feeling, and the weight of what I'm building, it will crush you and you'll be turned off.

Why don't you try me?

I've tried. Just last year in the fall, when I was under some serious financial pressure, I was driving down the road with you and I said, I have so much financial stress right now, it's fucking heavy, you know, Good. Deal with it. That's your job.

I'm confident I didn't say that.

I am 100% certain you did say it. Because then I was like, okay, this is now on me. So I want you all to understand from my side, and I get to talk. So let me talk from my side. This game of emotion and sharing is very tricky. It's like a booby trap for a guy. Because if I share too much, you get overwhelmed and crushed. This is why most men hide their feelings from their wife, because it will cause too much stress and anxiety. Because you're not built to deal with shit like we are. No different than if you took a guy and you throw him in the house and tell him to take care of his kids every fucking day. There's one in a million dude that can do that. Most guys put them in the house for three days and fucking shoot themselves in the face and jump off the balcony. They can't do it. They're not built to do it. They're not built to manage and curate and cure care for the kids. It's not. It's just not there. Most highly successful men are not that great. Put them multiple days. They'd rather be on the battlefield of business or actually in the battlefield. These are our military guys would get redeployed to go back to Afghanistan and face death over trying to deal with their kids for a week straight. They're like, fuck this. And I was like, I know I'll be in room a thousand guys. How many know right now your wife is underappreciated for the shit she deals with the kids. Raise your hands. Everyone. Everyone. Not one motherfucker in that room's not raising hand. Me included. Both hands, both feet. We're like, we get it. We're not moms who know what the fuck we're doing. So there's a part of this too. It's about like trying to be honest, but figuring out a way that's healthy to be honest and what to actually be honest about. Because I. If I look at this, honesty is what was not being brought to the table. It's why the foundation of the Wake Up Warrior movement is we live by a code. Real facts, real raw feelings, relevant focus and result driven fruit. Everything in that mechanisms of the stack of Core 4 of the door of the game winning the impossible game. Our life is a function of the Warriors Way. The only way I could become who I am right now, and the only way I could morph into the guy I'm now trying to become is through the Warrior Way system. That's it. There's no other way around it. I couldn't get there any other path. You couldn't get to talk therapy enough. It's why I talk therapy so intense. This is why he's shocked half the time. You and I are in the things we say we're not normal. And we're not normal because you've been raised in a bubble of the Warriors Way system. For the last decade, you've been surrounded at a level of integrity and honesty. And obviously we got to a place that we had to readjust again this year. But porn stopped for me when you started fucking me. Once you started fucking me, I didn't want anything to do with porn. I had no desire to go to porn. I didn't even think think about going to porn. And that happened after the birth of Ila and you starting on your fitness journey. And all of a sudden you felt you were sexy. And then you turned on the switch with your sexiness. And from that year in 2000 end of 2019 into early 2020 through till now 2023, I will not take it away from you. You have been everything I could have imagined and more. You have been beyond my wildest sexual fantasies. You have accomplished the highest level in my mind of what is possible for a woman. You are the most amazing, powerful, sensual, sexual, intense woman I could ever want. I do not want another woman. I do not want to fuck another woman. I don't want another vagina. I don't need other titties in my Face. I need nothing. I want you. And you set me free from my porn patterns of 15 years of desperation because of one decision. You chose to fuck me. So the question I have for you as a woman, how do we help these guys and how do we help these girls? How do you help these guys get to a place where they can own their truth and stop being assholes? I can speak to this. How can you talk about the switch you made? Because the switch you made, you cruise right over it. You got to look at this numbers, Danielle. 15 years of marriage and you were a prude. And then five years of marriage, you've been a fucking rock star? I think so. What is it? Because you were not even remotely close to being the same woman sexually today that you were four years ago.

There were several things. I think. Number one, the pivot for me was when I realized how painful it was for you. And even though I had my own issues of pain, I didn't realize that specific topic was so painful. And I was like, God, I didn't realize you felt that way. And when you finally had the courage to share with me, I was like, that's not good. And it made me feel bad. You know what I mean? Like, even if I didn't have chemistry or connection with you, I was like, I didn't. Wasn't my intention to make you feel like a piece of. Like, that was not my intention, and I felt like a piece of shit. But, like, I was like, okay, well, I kind of went to this place where I'm like, I'm not getting what I want. We're facing divorce, we have two kids. Like, what if I just show up sexually? And I. Like, I said I was uncomfortable with that. And it's not. Like, all of a sudden I was like, flipped a switch. But I was like, hey, I'm gonna make more of an effort to instigate. And the other thing I decided as I was like, I'm not gonna turn him down. If he leans over and says, hey, do you want to have a quickie? As much as I'm like, you don't remember the other day, I'm like, you don't ever have to ask me, like, just come over and slowly put the moves on. I'm not going to turn you down. But it was a place in our relationship where you felt awkward, and you'd say, do you want to have a quickie? So it was even down to, like, where I was like, I'm not going to deny him, and I'm gonna go out of my way to instigate. And another thing that I did was, like, on vacations, I knew vacations were hard for you because you'd spent all this time with me, and you'd be like, I just want to her. And, like, I was just like, straight arm. And I can acknowledge that it was uncomfortable. It was awkward. I just was like, how can I avoid him, dude?

I'd be in, like, Hawaii for a week.

So I got to this place even more vacations. I'm like, I want vacations, but I don't want to feel like I'm dancing on eggshell. So I was like, what if we get to vacations and the first thing we do when we get in the doors, I'm like, get naked. And it wasn't like, it wasn't vaginal masturbation. I was like, get in the shower. Let's go. Like, I made an effort to try to make it not feel forced. I made it feel flirty, sexy, hopefully. Even in the beginning, even if I didn't orgasm, I was just like, this is important for him. And it's so funny because now I'm in a place where I'm like, I don't really care if I orgasm. Like. Like, did you have fun? Like, for me, that's very powerful. Like, I'm like, you had an orgasm? Yeah. Like, I'm like, whereas before, I'd be like, well, if I didn't go, like, whatever. Like, I didn't understand pleasing my man. Right? So that's kind of how it started. And it. I started to see it as, like. Like I said, your energy kind of softened towards me, and you didn't seem so resentful and so angry. And the fact that I was instigating, There wasn't this weird energy of like, hey, can I please have sex? Because I was like, I was the instigator for a little bit. So I just. I feel like if women are like, here's the thing. Like, I. Oh, I don't know if all women, but I. At some level, I, like, wanted to be taken. I wanted that good sex. I wanted to be loved. I realized, like, yeah, there's community. I got so much from our last podcast where it's like, it's not just about sex. I'm like, I agree, ladies. It is not. But if it could start there by you kind of letting down your guard or in turn, are you getting what you want, which is like, this marshmallow teddy bear guy that wants to talk and love and communicate and be vulnerable and share his truth. And that's what I started to see in you. So it was like, I then in turn wanted to be your stripper. I then in turn wanted to have sex with you. And it wasn't a chore and it was fun. It took a while for. It just took reps like anything. And then I think after gaining almost 70 pounds, having a DVT preeclampsia, like, I was like, I remember looking at my body and being like, well, I guess this is what I have to accept. And I was like, that I'm like, I'm not like, I've always been really into fitness. I'm like, no. And everyone's like, you're older, it's okay. And I was like, no. And so that's when I got got into doing fitness competitions. And it scared the out of me. But it also being raised Mormon, they wear garments to cover their entire body. We're taught that you should wear one piece. That you can't have us if you have a swimming. Shut up. You're thinking, I know what you're thinking about. If you have, if you're not wearing a one piece, you're basically going to hell. You're immoral. And I'm like, why is it my fault that I can't wear a bikini? And the guys can't control their thoughts, right? But I didn't know any better. So I find this, this, this, this freedom. And I'm like, hey, I worked my ass off. I've had three kids and I'm going to get on stage in a thong. And you better believe that's powerful. And so I encourage women to do it. But the crazy thing is, is I'm like, hey, you don't have to be a competitor. Because guess what I realized is that your man always sees you as the best stripper on the planet. Your man. You could be like, one thing with you is you're like, I could be pregnant. Or I could be 10 pounds overweight. I could be squishy. Like, you're always like, baby, you look fucking hot. Like, so you're. I may, I can't speak for all men, but you have always loved me at every shape and size. I think you feel a little bad for me when I'm super pregnant. But you've always been very like, just like you. You just like love me at any shape and size. So it wasn't even like I was doing it for you, right? And so a lot of women might be uncomfortable putting on lingerie. They're like, well, I'M not a fitness competitor, Danielle. And I'm like, your man will love it. He doesn't care if you're a fitness competitor. You throw on that lingerie and come out and do a dance. He's like, holy shit. He loves you, and that's what he wants. And that's what I got with you. So for me doing the competitions, I was like, it unleashed the beast. It unleashed this confidence. And I think that then even you were like, shit, my wife was hot. But now she just went to another level.

She did.

And it was. And it was fun. It was powerful for me to actually understand how you saw me. And I was like, he always thought. He always wanted that. And it was fun for me to see. And like I said, it was a very powerful place to be in. And I loved it. And so I think I became. I felt like I had worked on my body and crossing this boundary with you. And so that's why, again, going back to the beginning this year, I'm like, no, if you're gonna shoot for it all, so am I. Which means no more numbness. I want connection. You don't get to just be stressed and be the provider. If you're stressed, please communicate that to me. I refuse to repeat what we did. And so that's where I got.

And I love you, and I'm grateful that you stayed in the fight. I didn't want anybody up.

I know, and I don't either. But if you're gonna go toe to toe with me, I'm gonna come right back at you. I want you for what I want.

I want you to push. Pull, baby. Push, pull. This is the game that we signed up for. Push, pull. Sometimes you're gonna be pushing me. Sometimes you'll be pulling me. Sometimes I'll be pushing you. Sometimes I'll be pulling you. The push is encouraging. The pole is painful. And I pulled you, and you've pulled me. And I'm proud of you. I know. I love you and I'm proud of you, and I love our life, and it's great to be at a place where we're actually able to solve. It's like being in business. Until you're good enough to have tax problems, you don't really have a great business. You should have great tax problems. If you don't have great tax problems, you. You suck as a producer. If you're still having Bobby Bingo do your taxes or H and R block, you haven't done much. The minute you have to invest millions of dollars to try to Figure out how to strategically build your businesses to eliminate personal taxation from a raping government. You know you've arrived. Well, guess what? In marriage, when you know that the thing you're fighting for and willing to end your marriage over is soul level.

Connection, you're fighting for a good problem.

We've gotten to a great problem. We got a tax problem of the soul. We got the money, we got the marriage, we got the sex. We haven't found a stripper pole in the bedroom. You're amazing in bed. Amazing in bed. Blow my mind. I realize I got some insecurities and things and scars I'm still working through. Don't worry, I'm gonna handle them all. And I'm gonna pull you again. It's coming by next summer, you're gonna feel it. You'll be a fucking monster, sober monster, massive. Just gonna demand more, and you're gonna demand more. And that's the purpose of this game, is to keep playing this way, demanding more, requesting more, and surging more and never tolerating. And when we both fall asleep and one of us wakes up, it's the job of that person to wake us both fucking up. And this year it was you. So listen, boys, I'm gonna talk to you here. There's many of you listening this on the podcast, but there's a whole bunch of you that have come to this video, this interview from a porn site. Hear me out, hear me out. No guilt, no shame. I'm advertising like a motherfucker on porn sites. People hear this and they're like, you're a goddamn lunatic. I said, no shit. That's why God chose me. And people hear me say that and they're like, oh, fuck, now he's definitely a goddamn lunatic. I was like, I get it. You have to be quite a savage psychopath to be willing to step into the belly of the beast to go find the unreachable. If you're here watching this video or listening to this podcast, and you are a man, and you are sick and tired of the porn game owning you, even if it's just once or twice a month, but the sexuality that you desire, my man, the shit that you're hearing me talk about, the stuff I was dying over, if you're ready to get it, I can show you how. I'm so grateful that my wife was willing to be on this show with us and talk about this episode because I wanted the female perspective. I wanted you to hear it so it wasn't just for me. I wanted you to See the proof of the fact that I had turned my shit around. Not just hear me say it, but hear me talk about it. And then hear her talk about it. So listen, you went to porn, you jerked off. Maybe you found me as an ad after you jerked off, and there I am. It's awkward. It fucking feels weird. I understand. I get it. Maybe you're going to look a pony. See this ad by me and I say some obnoxious shit like I do, and you ended up on a page watching this podcast. I will tell you right now, please do yourself a fucking favor. Please. Not for me, for your wife, not for me, for your children, not for me, for your company, not for me, for you and yours. Complete the required application on this page and step forward into a conversation with one of my team members to find out if learning the Warrior's Way methodology could be the gateway for you. Because I will tell you right fucking now, there is no possible way myself and the tens of thousands of men who have come through this program, weaponized themselves with our systems, put the app on their phone, played daily in the game, and associated with powerful men like me, like you, around the world, online and in person, every day, every week, every month, and have been for the past fucking decade. I didn't make this shit up last week. I did it to set myself free. And it worked. And then I shared it with others, and it worked for them, too. And guess what, my man, it will work for you. But you'll never know if you just bounce off this page. And if you've gotten this far in the game, you went from porn to watching this video and you're this deep into it, my man. Fuck, dude, you know you're ready for this. So listen, if my language offends you, you're welcome. Because if you're here and God led you to this place with me, my man, you have a calling on your life, and he sent me into the darkness to find you. So you can either hide and run away like you have so many times, avoiding and ignoring your wife while jerking yourself off in the bathroom like I did, while she lays in another room, dying slowly inside of her own soul, or you can choose to wake up. I don't give a. If you look a porn, don't care. That's my opinion about it. Don't give a. But here's what I know. A man who's his wife. A man who's being loved by his wife. A man who shows up in a way to be loved and seduced and by his wife, a man that shows up that way, that guy doesn't tend to go to porn. He didn't care anymore. The way to solve the porn problem is to fix you, my man. And porn isn't a problem. What's the problem is the fact that you're not regularly your wife. So follow the instructions on this page or if you are here listening to this podcast, go to porntopower.com porntopower.com p o r n t o porn p o r n porntopower.com and you can learn more about all of the programs we have here at Wake Up Warrior, some of the things we can do and guide, and you'll hear case studies and testimonials of men who have done exactly what I'm talking about. Don't sit on the sideline. You're worth more. Your wife is worth more. Your marriage is worth more. Your family's worth more. Your life is worth more. Do us all a favor. Complete that application now. So give us our last words in this podcast.

I think that communication goes both ways. And I would encourage. I can't speak for men, but for women, I would encourage you to speak. Speak your feelings. Whether you feel guilty, whether I think that women are, they, at least in my experience, it's like, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Tuck your feelings under the rug. You need to be strong for the family. So as much as men feel like, provide, provide, provide, provide, it creates this rift and this disconnection that both are doing what they think is right for the family, and then it's ultimately not right for the family because that's how families split up. So I would just say my words to women would be, how do you get what you want if your needs are not being met? You can make it about the guy, or you can flip the script and do everything in your power and possibility. And at that point, if you're not getting what you want, then it needs to be communicated with your husband. But for me, in my experience, I was kind of in this place where we're either gonna make it or we're not. So I'm gonna put forth the effort to cross the line and meet his needs and see what happens, because I'm already in a painful spot myself, so what do I have to lose?

So that brings this show to a wrap. So again, that is PornToPower.com check it out, gentlemen. Regardless, if you're just listening to this podcast and you weren't gonna didn't find mine a porn site. This is a program for you. Let us get that operating system into your life. Let us take guide you to the path of having it all so you can solve better problems. I want you to have tax problems and I want you to have soul level connection problems with your wife. I want us to eliminate the money issue and I want us to eliminate the getting laid issue. Can we solve those two problems, bro? So we can go play higher problems. Let's go solve wake up the world problems. Let's go sales of God's calling on our life problems. Let's go solve I've got a $10 million tax problem. Let's go solve those problems right now. The rest of these problems, they fucking suck. So have a great one again. Porno power.com and that brings a wrap here to this show.

I also got us do a little promo if you like this. We're getting ready to launch a reality series called the Real White House. So stay tuned because Garrett and I believe that where the world is going, it's much more about us and what we can do as families and individuals. So stay tuned to that. It'll be launching in August and we're going to give you a sneak peek with our four daughters, my stepson life and and you can create it too. So stay tuned for that.