Pregnant Sex | Date Your Wife | EP 064

Well, hello there, my friends. It's your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior, and also the CEO of DKW Styling.

You can't take that title.

I can't take that. You're gonna have to talk about that microphone, because the last show we did, your audio was way too low.

Your audio, really low.

Your audio is too low. You need to step up to the mic, woman. How do you feel about that when I say that? Step up to the mic.

I feel like I have an indent in my head.

You do have an indent in your head. I have a giant caveman forehead. So when it comes to any type.

Of thought, I had, like, makeup, natural features, and I'm, like, looking at myself in the camera, and I'm like, God, why won't that rub off? And he goes, oh, that's your dent in your head.

You have a dent in your face.

Just so you know, we started off, I was like, really?

We started there.

He's like, you didn't know that? I was like, I don't have a dent in my forehead. He goes, yeah, when you go tanning, it shows up more.

I was like, but you didn't know this. You really didn't know this in my forehead?

I don't. I did.

You really not know you have a dent in your forehead?

I don't think I have a dent.

It's not a bad dent. It's just like, a little dent. It's like a cute, damp look when you're tan. When you go tanning or the spray tan, it makes it a little more obvious.

It's so weird. And now everyone's gonna watch this video and they'll be like, oh, yeah, the dent.

No, it's not. Listen. The dentist. I'll lick the dent. Literally lick the. I'll lick what? Everything. Anything.

I literally, this morning, I'm 22 weeks pregnant, and I'm like, so hot.

No, I mean, so fucking hot.

It's not pretty good, but I can't even imagine how you can just put on, like, 20 pounds. People tell me I'm little, but I'm. I'm normally really little. And then I put on a good, like, £45 and I'm pregnant. So for me, I'm like, just feel, like, massive. And I mean, it's. I don't know. It's just weird, like, as a woman watching your body go through all the changes, like, you're like, be getting dressed in the mirror, and you're like, wow.

But you know what? Here's the deal. Like, I'm going to be straight with.

You, because this morning, I'm, like, getting in the shower and he's still eyeballing me, and I'm, like, thinking, like, more to love, I guess. I don't know.

Like. But, like, let's be serious about this for a second, though. Like, I mean, I. I'm looking at you, and I'm having two experiences. I'm having experience number one.

That's so huge.

No, no, no. I'm having one experience which is like, oh, my God, this woman is carrying my child.

No, that's for sure.

No, no, no, I'm. No, I'm having. No, I have. It's not. No, it's a. It's a sense of. Like, this.

I'll tell you what you're thinking.

Protection. No, that's one thing. I'm getting to the second thought. I'm just talking about what the small thought was. The small thought was like, I'm seeing the belly, and I'm thinking, okay, this is exci. Like, there was a moment of excitement.

And then it went straight to the penis.

And then it went straight to the penis. And then I was like, she's hot as shit. Her breasts are giant. I love it. Look at that ass.

They just had them reduced, and they're just.

I don't know why you did this.

Cause I already have boobs. And then I had implants done when I was 18 to add more to the more boobs I had. And then. And then I get pregnant. It's just one. It's just a lot of boob.

So it's good, though. Here's the thing. I get it. It's your body that's kind of going to the place. Like, whatever the place is, I like it. I'm not gonna. And you know what? The last couple pregnancies, I don't think I've been comfortable enough with myself to be in a place of just, like, you're hot as shit. And so I was kind of weird about it. No, I was weird about it.

Like, I said, I was weird about it. I feel good, but there's just a lot of changes. You're like, whoa. But it's good to know that you're. I'm still turning you on, I guess.

I mean, what's that feel like? Cause you're feeling bad about yourself, but I'm thinking you're hot as shit. And I'm turned on.

I feel bad. I just am. Like. I know it's, like, part of the process, but it's Just, like, amazing to see what the body does.

And, like, exactly my point.

But for me, like, I'm pretty narrow, and it's like my hips widen, and every day I'm like, wow, that's impressive. Like, my bones shift. It's impressive.

Well, listen, I mean, I still have the image in my mind of you naked coming out of the shower today.

Screenshot that.

Yeah, I did. I screenshot. Literally, I pushed my. Like, the side of my temple and took a screenshot.

With today's show, I think we should.

Talk about pregnant sex.

Pregnant sex?

Yeah, just having sex. When you're married and pregnant, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna talk about what goes on for a second. I'm take a little side tangent.

You have been saying you wanted to bring this up for a while.

I'm gonna bring this up. I'm gonna bring this up on today's show. This goes out.

I'm not gonna cry a river for you.

This goes out to all the men who have never been given a voice of what it is to be a man when your wife is pregnant.

That's crime. So that's good. Okay.

Okay.

We're gonna have a. I'm really pumped.

We're gonna have a conversation.

And gassy. And my boobs are swollen and growing a human. I'm excited to hear what you have to say.

Exactly.

Please elaborate.

But you know what? This is exactly the problem.

Are you kidding us?

Hurt?

Are your balls enlarged? You have slight tightenings. Braxton Hicks contractions. Garrett goes. What does it feel like when you have a contraction? I'm like. Like a gentle kick to your nuts.

But you know what? Here's the thing, though. Like, let's say. Yeah, exactly. But this is the problem.

Okay, tell us.

All right, this is the problem. The problem is, is that everybody knows exactly what you've just said. And so guys are thrown into this corner and they're put into a little shoebox during pregnancy, and then the recovery after pregnancy. And then they're trying to, you know, do any of the stuff to get pregnant before, which is kind of weird. I mean, guys like the before get pregnant sex, but it's kind of weird because you're like, I know my wife's fucking the shit out of me right now, but I know it's not actually because she wants to fuck the shit out of any outside if she wants to make a baby. So. But I'm just let the guys experience. Hear this. So there's a phase inside of this where you're super pumped. As a guy, you're like, yes, I'm getting laid a lot right now. But, you know, the intention is to make a baby, which then changes the sexual game and for nine months, and then like three or four months of recovery after. So basically a year, you go to a place of sacrifice, but a guy goes to a place of sacrifice, too.

Sorry, sorry. Keep going.

This is exactly why guys don't get a voice on this, because everyone wants to talk about what's going on with the woman, which I appreciate.

Sorry. Crying. I'm laughing a little bit.

Okay, keep kind of like exact. This is exactly what I'm talking about. This is why guys do not voice.

Oh, okay, sorry. I'm gonna keep a straight face. I'm sorry. Tell him, Garrett. Tell.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

Trillion says I can't. I can't even go there because, like, I just trying to go there. The mockery and the level of mockery. So in depth. But here's the thing. I'm going to tell you. There is a lot of men who, when their wife is pregnant, have no idea what to do with all the sexual energy.

You know what I'm saying?

And they don't. They don't know how to operate. And there are a lot of guys that cheat during pregnancy. And there's a lot of guys that struggle during this phase to figure out, what do I fucking do? Because I'm basically signing up, let's have a baby. But I'm signing up to basically a year of. Okay, now, I'm not saying the woman's not signed. There's books. What to expect when you're expecting. I need to fucking write a book called what to Expect when youn're Expecting Penis Edition. Like, how to deal with your penis and how to deal with this game when you're. When you're the. When your wife's pregnant.

But here's what I've noticed from my side is I feel like. I feel like you're kind of. It's like you still are turned on, but then you're like, are you okay? Are you not okay? Can I approach you? Can I not approach you?

Yes. I don't. I don't approach you about this.

And I told Garrett, I was like, listen, it's fine. You can approach me. It just has to be before 8:30pm, like at 9. I. Even if I am, like, ready to.

But let's be serious. When you're pregnant, like, the guy's not approaching. I just had this conversation with three different guys with pregnant wives, right now. And every single guy concurred the same thing. They don't approach it, but they want to have sex, but they don't approach the top of the street.

It's hard because I feel like sometimes you shut down a little bit. Like you're just like, I want to give her her space. And then you shut down. And for women, we're kind of like a lot of times were like, well, he's asleep. Okay, good night. Like, it's not like it's easy because.

I'm never asleep at 8:15, which means you're already in bed.

Times like date nights and stuff where we watching movies, like cuddling, and you're literally start snoring. And I'm like, all right. So I could just turn out the lights and the tv or I could just wake him up. And sometimes I wake you up because I'm like, oh, I'm still awake.

True. You've woken me up a couple times in five months. Listen, I'm not even complaining at all. I'm just saying that there has been zero. I mean, where could you go for a reference? There's no blog posts on this. There's no podcast, there's no books for guys. Listen, listen. What to expect when you're expecting. Penis edition. This is the book I'm gonna write.

I like that you give me space. But then sometimes I feel like I'm like, don't treat me like I'm a kid. Like, not a kid, but don't treat me like I'm pregnant. But then I'm like, oh. Then part of me is like, no, relax, enjoy it. Enjoy the pregnant perks of like people asking like, how are you feeling? Are you doing okay? And I have pretty easy pregnancy, so I find myself making stuff up like, oh, my back's killing me. I feel like really shitty. But really, I'm like, you know, do.

You really, do you really make up that you make up that you're injured? No, like this really happens.

But you know what? I'm very non dramatic. So I'm like the type of person that like I'll be working. I'm like, oh. And people are like, you're grabbing your belly a lot. Like I do hair and I'll be this on. They're like, you're. You're really. Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, just can't breathe for a second. It's feeling really tight. And they're like, why don't you sit down? I'm like, oh, I'm fine. Like I'm that's, like, my personality. I'll be like, I'm fine. And then, like, it gets to the point where I'm like, oh, yeah, I should sit down. I said, I'm like, oh, that's nice. So I have to, like, give myself permission to, like, like, take a little more love when I'm pregnant, I guess, like, just be like, hey, embrace it. Like, people are like, you're glowing. And immediately I want to be like, I'm not glowing. And, like, I just have to be like, thank you, you know? And, like, sit down and, like. Cause I'm used to, like, go, go, go. And so I have to, like, listen to my body and be like, all right, it's good to, like, keep active, but I need to, like, chill out for a minute. And so for, like, when you come and approach me, like, I like that you're kind of, like. You're very, like, protective mode, which I.

But I don't. Beyond that, I don't approach you. I don't approach you sexually. I'm not trying to hit on you. I tell you you're beautiful all the time. I say you turn me on. I say that.

This is my perspective in the book.

What to expect when you're expecting penis.

Additionally, for a girl, especially, like, when you're growing a human being, because you're like, it's.

I get it.

Like, you're kind of, like, giving me my space, and I'm like, ooh, I don't know if I want to instigate. I literally. My pillow looks really good right now. But then you're like, well, I gotta instigate every now and again. But I feel like you don't instigate at all, so I don't instigate at all. I know I'm pregnant 100%.

I've not instigated one time in five minutes.

No, I'm telling you, I would like you to instigate.

You want me to instigate? Yeah. How do I instigate?

Like, you used to.

I start going after it. I just make a move.

Yeah.

Hands get wandering.

Like, if I'm. If I'm, like, awake. Usually, like, I don't know what Garrett does. Sometimes he's, like, brushing his teeth. And I think he says he's, like, brushing his teeth, but I swear to God, he's, like, on his phone.

No, I'm not. I brushed my teeth. I have a routine.

I know you are. You're looking at surf videos.

I do watch surf videos on Instagram every night.

Are they real surf Videos.

They're not real with me. Like, I can't surf that good. But, yes, I do. I'm not. I do have a routine. I look at surf videos every night of guys surfing, doing crazy cool shit.

Look at the news. Garrett looks at surf videos.

I look at surf videos, surf porn every night. So listen, like, so what you're telling me is you're telling me that I should actually come after you.

I mean, not, like.

But you're telling me you also don't feel good about yourself. Well, of course. Gently. There's a baby in there.

No, like, I don't feel good about myself, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have sex.

Okay.

The lights can be out. I don't.

Last time we had sex, like, a week ago was awesome. Yeah, it was great. I mean, it was actually very good. And, you know, I didn't have any weird feelings about the baby. Some guys have a really hard time with this. Like, they literally cannot have. I have. I know guys at once. Like, they're at six months. They cannot have sex at all because they're like, this is super weird things.

The only time it gets weird is literally, like, the last month because you're.

So big and uncomfortable, and you're just.

Like, I don't know. And, you know, I don't know if you know this, but every night I've gone into labor. I went into labor naturally with both my girls, and we had sex the night. Literally, I'm, like, overdue. And I'm like, babe, because I've heard sex induces labor. And I'm like, baby, you're gonna have to put one in for the team. And you're like, really? Are you sure? And that's, like, the one time that you're concerned, too.

I'm super worried. I'm like, dude, I don't know if.

We should do this. Yeah.

But I'm like, this is bad news.

Sometimes it works. The baby happens, like, literally within an hour of, like, being over my due date and having sex. Like, I end up having contractions going into labor. And it works. So it worked for me. And maybe it was because it was overdue and ready anyways, but I swear. I swear, like.

But seriously, like, there is no written material in podcasts to deal with and guide a man through the emotional hurricane that there is not. There is not. I have searched for this. It does not exist. Like, because of exact. You look at the mockery that came about. All of society mocked me.

It was a little funny. It was a Little funny.

It is funny. It is funny. And that's. I was laughing too. That's what I'm like. I think it's funny what you're saying. And it does sound ridiculous for a man to even acknowledge that. Holy shit. This is kind of hard being married and being a sexual creator and a producer. I'm not saying I have put on my accountability pants. That's what I'm telling you.

What are you gonna do differently?

Have I been pouty? I haven't been pouty in five months. No, but you not one time pouty.

No. And I again, not one time.

Not one time dick mode about it.

I like the space.

Can you acknowledge?

I like the nurturing and I like the protection.

Exactly.

But at the same time, I'm like, just.

You want to be taken? You want to. Is this what you're wanting?

Don't. That's unclassy.

Okay. You want to be made love.

No, that's worse. I want to be made love.

Do you want to make love to me? You like to be caressed? I want to be intimate with you.

I'm just saying like. Like you can still. It's almost like I want, like the pregnancy perks, but I. I still want to be treated like me. I want to be treated like have the perks of pregnancy. But I also want you to, like, act towards sex. Like, I wasn't pregnant. You know what I mean?

Okay, so listen, this is the part where we move. Well, this is. Let me explain. I'm basically writing chapter one of what to expect to expect when you're expecting penis addition. And here is the thing that happens. Your wife gets pregnant and then all of a sudden this emotion comes up in you that is like, comes from the gods. And it is a protecting, like, nurturing. I will fuck anyone up who comes close to this, including your other children, by the way. It's like everyone is now second class citizen to spouse with the baby in the belly. So this thing births in you, and what it does is it completely suppresses the sexual drive between the man and the wife that he is curating and protecting. But here's the challenge.

Does it feel like you go into parenting mode because you're protecting?

No, no, no. It's not parenting. It's not parenting. It's a sense of like, protecting, like, I love you, I will kill for you, I will protect you. But here's the challenge, though, is the sexual energy, once away from that environment immediately is triggered by just about any female that walks the planet. That is not pregnant.

Is it more so?

That is not pregnant.

Is it more so than usual?

But it's different. But it's different. Yes, because this energy rises in a guy to protect, which it overwhelms this sexual drive.

So it brings in more of, like, your manliness, so.

No, it brings in your manliness to protect.

Right. So then any girl that walks by with boobs, you're tracked, you're excited, you get triggered.

10 times more sensitive to it. Yes.

Is it because you're not getting laid as much?

Yes. And because. And because the sexual energy is like being suppressed inside of the relationship where you're protecting.

Is that truth or is it just because you're not getting laid as often?

I'm sure it's both. I'm sure it's both. You have a rising. Yes, you have a rising energy. And it's a great theory. It's chapter one in what to expect when Expecting Penis Edition.

Excited for the launch of your first penis book?

Like, I'm serious. Like, I was sitting. I was having a talk with this. I was walking with my business partner, one of my executives this morning. His wife is pregnant, and I'm having a conversation with him. I'm talking with another guy whose wife is pregnant two days ago. I'm talking with another guy whose wife's pregnant, like, four days ago. And I'm like, okay, listen, I'm gonna play something out here. Let me play out a scenario for you. Do you experience these feelings? And I explained the dichotomy, the rise of the protecting guardian, the decline of the sexual drive towards your wife, and then the trigger outside. But there's no idea. A guy doesn't know what to do with this.

I know. I basically feel like you have one chapter of your book.

I know. I've got chapter two, which is what I've done. No, what I've done with this. Chapter two is amazing. No, we're not circling. Chapter two is amazing. Do you know what chapter two is? Make a fucking decision. And that is why, when you got out of the shower, I look at you, and I have chosen to channel my sexual energy. Although triggered all over the place, I channel it towards my beautiful, gorgeous, pregnant wife. It's a decision. Chapter two is the penis power is a decision.

Even though you're under suppression of guilt for men. Like, when you feel, like, sexually drawn to another woman.

Yes.

When you're like, oh, my. Oh, my God, my wife's pregnant. Like, I can't feel like this. Like, ah. And you like. Like, is there any Guilt, for sure.

Well, there's guilt if you're thinking about.

It, if you're entertaining it.

If you entertain it, there's guilt. If you get triggered by. You're like, oh, my God. Shit. And then you just turn and you go. But, like, a lot of guys entertain it. They entertain this shit when the. What, they're pregnant?

Entertains it. Male, female.

I know, but when your wife is pregnant, it's even easier to entertain it. I don't entertain it. I've made a. Literally, I've made a decision. So I'm in this weird place, which I can't figure out either. Which I'm like, I'm actually okay. Like, I don't have any weird. It could be that I'm 43, though.

You've mellowed out. It's been good.

You know, I'm not 20. You know, 23. I'm not 30 years old. I'm not 35. I'm 43 years old. So maybe it's different when you're in your 40s, you're 42. I'm gonna have to write three editions of this book. What to expect when you're expecting penis edition for your twenties, which I've got no answers for them.

This is sounds.

What to expect when you're expecting penis edition for men in your 30s, which I got no answer for you, but I do have some for your 40s.

My stomach hurts just talking about this. Are we done talking about.

I'm trying to have some empathy, but you're trying to.

Amid my back hurting and my boobs.

And I'm like, I know. This is why it's so bad. And this is why the guy gets backed into the corner where he's just like, I have no leg to stand on right here. So you feel weird because you're like, I sound like a little bitch right now. I can't whine about this. I don't have to push a pumpkin out of my penis here in nine months.

Okay? So I'm giving you. I've heard the same thing for the last 15 minutes. So I'm giving you a solution.

What is the solution?

You're saying you get, like, triggered by anything that walks by. You say you're feeling protective, so I'm gonna give you a challenge.

I like it. Give me the challenge. Here it goes. Chapter three.

Yeah. I like the pregnant perks. I like. If I'm like, say, babe, I feel like shit, I'm going to bed. That's like, a definite no. That's a clear sign. Of like, it's not gonna happen.

That's a clear signal.

I'm like, I'm bloated and pretty gassy. That's also a no. My boobs hurt really, really bad. That could be a yes.

Could be yes.

That could be a yes. If that's the only thing I say, I'm like, my boobs hurt really bad. Like, I might.

And I say, would you like some therapy?

No. If it's. That's the only, like, you know, thing I say. It could be a yes. It's a no. With, like, I feel like shit. I feel gassy. I think I'm gonna puke. And. Or if I'm just snoring. Those are all nos. Clear signs of definitely not gonna happen tonight. Okay, so.

But.

So my challenge to you, you've given.

Me all the clear signs of what the challenge does not entail. Now, what is a challenge?

My challenge to you is, like, just like, before I was pregnant, there's some nights I'm just, like, laying there. I'm not asleep, and I'm like, all.

Right, you gonna just make a move?

What do you do? And you know what you do? Sometimes I'll do.

What do I do?

We have this call map for our girls, and it's like, we just discovered it. And it's like you just put on meditation. It, like, guides them through meditation. And my oldest daughter has a little bit of anxiety.

Little bit. A lot of it.

A lot of it. But she's actually harder to put to bed than, like, my. My seven year old's like, bye, Mom. I want to go to bed. I'm like, love you. Good night. Brush your teeth. See you later.

Yeah. She's like, straight from the gospel.

I found this calm. This calm app, and it seems to help. And so part of our, like, sexual frustration for so long with kids is like, they. My daughter's 12, and we still would have to, like, go in and tickle her back for 15 minutes to get her anxiety to calm down. And so it would get to this point where I'd be. I'm very like, hey, fend for yourself. Good night. Mom's going to bed. And Garrett got in the habit of, like, going. And I think you genuinely like spending time with them and stuff. And sometimes it would end in a battle, and I'd be like, oh, my God. So my goal is like, let's put on the call map, like, if you know there's a window. Kind of like before I was pregnant, like, if you know there's a window, like, Bailey, you're fine. Here's the call map. Love you. Good night. Bye. Bye.

She asked for nine hugs.

And then don't. I know. It's fine. And then don't go dick around with surf videos and brush your teeth for 15 minutes and put. I don't know what you're doing in there. Are you exfoliating to go with your chapter two?

No, but I'll give you exactly my routine. I go in, I use the clear and whatever. The orange face soap that you converted me to like 18 years ago. I wash my face. I take out my denture. Cause I still have one.

I know.

I put it in the thing. I put the pill in. I brush my teeth. I take a piss.

We have separate bathrooms.

I do my thing. I, I. What else do I do?

I know.

I strip down to my. To my boxers.

Literally. You. So routine, like.

And then I come into the room. And I'm not lying. I am watching surf videos.

I know, but.

And I'm excited about watching the surf.

Like, I. You.

They're great.

Routine. And that's great. Yes, I am. I get so tired. I have to, like, force myself, like, to barely, like, take my mascara off and brush my teeth.

I'm like, I can't even do that. I can't do. Go. I'm like, ruby, I can't go to bed.

Some nights I'm like, I didn't brush my teeth.

Yeah. I can't do that.

And then there's some nights I'm like, I have makeup all over.

I don't care if I'm sleeping for 15 minutes. I have to do it.

Yeah. No, I cannot do it. Yeah. Ruby's so cute. We're in Hawaii and Garrett's not there. I took my girls to Hawaii. This is off topic. And she's literally, like, she kept falling asleep because the time's different. And anyways, she'd wake up every night at like, two in the morning and be like, mom, I don't have. I didn't brush my teeth, and I don't have my retainer in. Cause she had braces really little, and they already got them off. And. And I'm like, ruby, I'm, like, asleep. I'm like, ruby, it's okay. She's like, no. She's like, panicking. Cause she doesn't have a routine or her routine right. Then my other daughter is like. I'm like, bailey, please brush your teeth before to go to bed. She's like, no, she doesn't brush your.

Teeth for five days.

I mean, I'm not that bad, but I'm just saying that it's just funny how Ruby is more like me, but she's so routine like you, and then Bailey's like you, but then she's also like me, where she's like, I don't care.

So we have this. All right, so here's the deal. So what you're telling me, your challenge is to make a move on you?

Just. Yeah, make a move. Pretend like I'm not pregnant. Like, unless I give you some clear signs or I'm like, babe, I'm really not feeling good. Like, just make a little bit of an effort.

How many times a week should I make the move?

I feel like you maybe feel weird. Like, I was like, does he just feel weird, like, having sex? Cause I'm pregnant? I don't know. I mean, sure, we might be.

No, I'll have sex with him.

He's gonna be limited on position.

No, I have no problem with that. I don't have a problem with having sex while we're pregnant. What I do have a problem with is this thing that the gods place in my soul of, you are the protector, you are the guardian. You shall hold the space of safety for the queen as she raises this child. And then there's the societ thing of like, listen, asshole, you have no neg to stand on. You're not the one whose body's getting jacked and gonna spend 12 to 18 months in recovery. No, like, there's like, there's all. Society does not give you any credit at all as a man for what it is to be a man.

And with a pregnant woman, it's good to know that.

It's just like, shut up, pussy, and just deal with it.

You're like, okay, that's still hot.

You are still hot. You were so hot coming out of the shower today. I'm not gonna lie to you.

But is it like, okay, nevermind.

No, I was just as turned on with that as I was any other time that you've come out of the shower when you were not pregnant.

Nice. I was reading.

You looked fucking great.

I was like, okay, wash your face. I wasn't reading. I was listening to it. She was like, talking about how, like, she was like, young Christian married. Like, wasn't like, super comfortable with herself and, you know, which is pretty much.

All young Christian married.

So she's talking about, like, having sex and she's like. I was like, all worried. Is he looking at this? And that and that. She's like, you know, what guys think when you're having sex? They think boobies.

I actually don't think boobies.

She's like, they don't care if your bucket's big, if your bucket's small, if they did. She's like, they don't care. They literally are just thinking boobies. I'm like, oh, my God.

I think the Christian culture tends to breed men to think about boobies. I think it's because boobs may be a little more like, you know, safe ground to play with instead of having sex. So maybe that's the deal. I love your breasts, but I'm like, more about. I'm more about caboose. More about the caboose.

You're in luck right now.

Yes, I am.

All right, let's wrap it up.

So what this is is, like our official announcement.

We added zero value for you today, but we'd like you to tune into Garrett's penis book that comes out late next year.

It's not called the Penis book. It's called what to Expect When Expecting Penis Edition.

It's exciting.

I'm gonna do a co authored book with these guys. I guarantee they will not fucking do this. So I'm gonna have to call this, like, a different title. It's gonna be the Dark side of Pregnancy, The Pain of Having a Penis.

Garrett goes to the day where Garrett goes, today, he goes, oh, I'm. Oh, she kicked. And he goes, what does that feel like? I'm like, feels like a baby inside you, growing and kicking. And he's like, oh, that's cool.

You just knocked my live stream over. That was awesome.

So there's really no way to describe it. When you start to feel the baby move, it's not like you're like, oh, it feels like gas or heartburn. You're like, it literally feels like a little human.

Feels like a human kicked you.

You're like, oh.

Which, as a guy, feels super weird.

Which, like, sounds weird, but it feels exactly like that. There's no other description.

There's no other description?

No. So, like, can you imagine if you eat a hamburger? You're like, that's my hamburger shooting down one side of my stomach. No, it's a baby. Oh.

I mean, I. I don't know. I think I sit back in just complete fascination with the whole thing. I think when we go to the baby ultrasound, I'm sitting there watching this thing, and I'm just. I look at you and I'm like, holy shit, she's amazing. How does she do this? Then I look at the TV screen, and they're doing the scan, and I can see the baby, and she waves at us, and I'm like, holy shit, there's a baby in there. Like, it's so crazy that, like, an entire. Which was probably max effort. Three minutes of participation on my side, maybe five.

Can I tell him?

Can I tell him the story and this thing happens?

Can I tell him the story?

You can.

I think we've said this before.

I don't even know what it is, but you should tell the story.

I'm just gonna share it. Garrett's so animated and, like, so pumped, and he's like. Like, he's always like, yeah, I go into labor with my second baby.

Shit. Like I said, I'm not doing this. On this labor, though.

I am committed to not, because it's funny. So we get to the hospital, and I'm like, oh, yeah, they're getting pretty bad. And they're like, yeah, you're at a seven. Like, do you. Do you want to get an epidural now? It's like, now or we don't. Like, he's got a few other girls in line. And I was like, no, I think. And then I'm like, oh, yep. Nope, we're definitely gonna do an epidural, because I was trying to see, like, how long I could go. And literally, the contractions hurt so bad that it, like, wraps around your whole back and your body, and you want to, like, throw up and freeze and curl on a ball and so many things all at once. It's a great feeling. And I'm like, okay, let's do the epidural.

And as a guy, you're sitting there, and you're like, I absolutely am worthless as tits on a bull right now. I got nothing to do. And I made my situation worse. I became worse than tits on a bull.

Garrett had a Red Bull. It was, like, 12, because I went into labor at, like, 12 at night. And he's like, okay, tonight's the night. Tonight's the night. He, like, literally is, like, sipping a Red Bull while driving me to the hospital. And I'm super pumped. The psychologist comes in, and I'm, like, bearing down, like, mid contraction, needle in my back. And all of a sudden, literally, a tray flies, and we're like, what? And we hear this bam. Like, this thud. And a whole cart falls over. Garrett is stone cold on the floor. The fucker passed out. And I'm, like, turning. What is going on?

And I'm like, oh, it was bad.

Passed out.

It was Bad.

And he quickly came to.

And I came to your. I came to. To your mother.

My mom was there. She's like, are you okay? They wanted to take him to the er. And I was like, he's fine.

You know why we didn't take him to er? Because that was eight years ago. And eight years ago, I don't think we had insurance. We didn't have insurance eight years ago. So. So I was freaking out. I'm going, fuck. You cannot take me to the emergency room. All I could think about is, that's.

Like $10,000 just to have the baby.

Yes. We had no insurance.

Had barely enough money to pay to have a baby. So that was fun.

So I'm laying there in a bed. They bring me in in a bed. I'm lying there next to my wife, and she's pregnant.

I'm numb at that point. So then he's in a stretcher next to me, a bed, and we're laughing at that point, holding hands, and we got a pitcher. So.

Oh, that was fun. Pretty much demonstrated my weakness. I mean, it was just.

It was ridiculous. It's a good story.

It is a great story.

And then when they go.

They put me in the corner and Timeout. Literally, they put me in the corner.

And then they go to cut the umbilical cord. Garrett's, like, wanting to see. And the doctor who's, like, the sweetest guy ever, he's like, you sit down. No, you sit down. I was like, oh. But they. I. That room had a mirror, and you could see it.

But, yeah, I'm. I. I was. I was in a bad place. I literally couldn't cut the umbilical cord because I. I literally was in a bad place. I was going to pass out again.

Weak with blood.

Yeah. I'm never hearing.

That's weird because you've had lots of surgeries and. Yeah, but I guess it's different when you see it on somebody else's.

The good news is I don't have a problem plunging a toilet because this is one of my professions at our house. I know. Neither do our daughters. And my other daughters use way too much goddamn toilet paper and plunge the toilet. So I'm dealing with shit all the time. But blood for whatever reason, and needles in the back. I just don't.

I just get grossed out by toilet water possibly splashing up and getting me.

It does splash up and get you. I've had treacherous moments. We'll save for another show. We'll just call it the Shitty side.

Of Being the Dirty side of.

So literally, I am going to write a book. I don't know when it is. I'm taking notes along the journey here. With these five months of pregnancy, I literally have.

Let's co write a book together.

No, there's too many books that have been written by women about pregnancy. Everybody. There's like 10,000 books about being pregnant. What to expect when you're expecting, how to be a great mom.

Belly laughs.

Nobody has got belly laughs.

Penis laughs.

No, exactly. Penis laughs. Swift kick. You know what the title of the book's gonna be? Can you push a pumpkin out of your penis? That will be the title, but the penis will be like. Put some asterisks in there.

I'm just excited for the concert and.

I'm gonna write a book just for guys about. Okay, how do you not become a dickhead during the 18 months of your wife's metamorphosis?

You can't act like a dickhead. You can't act like a dickhead.

And you don't get to give yourself permission to wander eyes around the place. So what do you do during this phase? Because this has been pure, glorious time.

Are you already, like, pregnant and not feel? And then you're, like, walking with your husband and he, like, looks at another chick. Wouldn't you wanna just like, slap him?

Exactly. And this is happening a lot, by the way. This is happening a lot. This is happening to a lot of men. They do not as much as like, we're joking around about this. I swear to God. This is an issue. This is an issue. And men do not have guidance. I am gonna write.

We need to talk to some of your guys.

We have been. I have been. I've already been in conversation right now inside of the Waco Boy brotherhood. We have right now, we've determined somewhere around 13 to 15 men whose wives are pregnant right now. And inside of that, we're gathering data and we're testing the what to expect when you expect it. Penis.

Jeff.

No, I don't mean Jeff.

Did Jeff ever talk about. Jeff does it. So Garrett's like, right hand man Jeff. His wife is pregnant and literally due like a week before me.

She has baby this baby three coming, which is like. But they have Noah, which is like three. They have Avery, which is like two, and then they have the newborn.

Did you ever talk to him about it or you guys?

We just talked about it on a walking dog this morning.

There you go. All right, let's wrap it up.

All right. We're wrapping this show up. All Right. This back hurts. We're out of here. All of our livestream friends, thank you so much for being here. You guys got to see. Oh, my God. Please post that pic. People are asking for you to post the pic of me passed out with you next to you in a hotel in a hospital room. All right, dude. All right, all right, listen. So here's the deal. We're wrapping this up. Here's the deal. The final thought I'm gonna give you is this, right? There's always another side of the equation inside the game of pregnancy and inside the game of marriage. Not being pregnant, being pregnant. There's always a position as a man that you've got a decision on how you choose to stand, Right? It doesn't matter what the situation is. And it took me a long fucking time. We've been together for 18 years. 18. What did you think I was gonna say?

You're like, there's always a position that works. I was like, there probably is.

I like that your mind's going there right now. Which means tonight's gonna end up well after date night.

We better get home.

We better get home. You got a 15 minute window and I only need three minutes, so we're good to go.

Don't sell yourself short.

All right, five.

At least five.

All right, five minutes. We got five minutes out of the 15. Documented. Over to the corner with no passing out.

You know what was fun is the other day, our kids were upstairs watching a movie. It was only like nine.

And we had sex in the guest room.

Because I was like this. And I was like, you know what?

That was a great idea. It was your idea.

Because I was like, they're entertained. We're entertained.

And basically we were like, we were guests in our own home. And then we were guests in our own home. It was awesome.

It was, like, sneaky.

We should go down or sneak in a guest room right now. Have a nanny continue to watch the children.

Oh, no.

All right, we're out of here. This show is over. I have no idea if you're getting any value outside of this, like, but. But I tell you what, I'm going to write a book.

Hopefully you got a laugh.

It will come out in 2020. It's going to be for men who are facing the game of pregnancy.

So we do a podcast once a week called Date youe Wife.

Yes.

Usually they do that.

That's what they've been listening to.

Yes. So this one was a little more funny. We try to add value. Tune in every Tuesday as we wrap this show up, you can catch a repeat@dateyourwifenow.com or you can also see a repeat on my blog@dkwstyling.com this podcast is.

Also available inside of iTunes Stitcher, SoundCloud, and Spotify and you can get access to it there every single week, as well as a supplemental show that I do every single day, 20 minutes a day called Warrior on Fire available in the same platform. Thanks so much for being here. We're out of here. Date night is coming to conclusion. I've got 15 minutes to get her home to the guest room and take care of business that I am committed to doing for the rest of you. Have a great night and we look forward to talking to you next week.