Processing Guilt | Date Your Wife | Ep 092

Hello, and welcome to the date your wife podcast. I am your host, Danielle K. White with co host. Co host?

You can't be the host and then make me the co host.

I'm the host. This is my co host.

Actually, I think you probably could. I mean, if you're the lead host, I'm the co host. That would make sense. Are you the lead host?

We are your hosts.

We are your hosts.

Hosts.

You know, one of the interesting conversations I've had with our daughters recently is lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, Q.

Not the top.

It's not the topic. But I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna do it straight with you. I didn't understand what the Q was. Q was questioning. Questioning who you are sexually or who you are as a person.

Like 12 to 15.

Listen, the reason this topic came up is because Bailey was talking to me about how one of the boys in fifth grade was gay, and then in sixth grade, he was bi, and then in seventh grade, he is Q. Like, I don't. And I didn't understand what they meant. I was like, what the fuck is Q all about? Tell me about this Q. And she's like, q is questioning. I was like, well, of course. Questioning fifth grade. I think today, sixth grade, he's bi. Seventh grade, he's questioning. In fourth grade, you're questioning whether you're bi, straight, or gay?

No, I'm just questioning what kind of.

I guess you couldn't be gay. Be lesbian.

What?

You'd be lesbian. You wouldn't be gay. You'd be lesbian. You're a woman. Yeah, no, listen, I don't have any problem with gay, lesbian, transgender, Transgenders look a weird thing for me.

Really?

Yeah, it's good. It's a little weird. I don't think it's, like, weird weird. It's just like, I don't really get it. But the thing I really don't get, Q. Why I think Q. I think Q is fucking it up forever.

All the people like Miley Cyrus, she's Q.

Questioning what she is. Yeah, I think she is. She just left her husband for. For a woman.

It's fine.

All right. Anyways, I just think it was crazy to be a parent having a conversation with my seventh grader. She's 12. About this, but she was super mature about it. I was mature about it, but I didn't, like. I didn't really know how to have the conversation with her because I didn't understand it. I was like, explain to. This is normal talk. In the middle school, when I was in middle school, two girls kissed one time on tv, and I couldn't even believe it.

I got to be honest. I think it's, like, important to just have good communication even when you're younger. So who cares? Like this they're going to experience when they're 12 or 20, so.

Well, I don't think it's so much as a problem, so much as I think that our kids are facing a whole lot of conversations we never faced when we were kids. When we were their age. You were not having the.

Yeah, but you.

You were not having those conversations.

Okay, but you still have the same feelings, and I think that now. Nope.

Talk right in that microphone.

No, I'm good. I think you have the same feelings. I just think that you think the.

Feelings are the same, but the situations are different.

Yeah, everyone always has the same feelings and emotions. It's fine.

When I was in. When I was Bailey's age, I remember going to a sleepover at a friend's house. I wasn't even really friends with him, but I went to the sleepover.

You were Q.

No, I wasn't cute at all. There was Porky's. I was for sure straight. Like, I've never even had the feeling to go the other way, because I can tell you why. Because they show Porkies, which was a. Porky's was a tv. It was a movie.

Porky's.

Porky's is the name of it now. The greatest part about Porky's was the fact that there were nipples and naked breasts. And, like, as a young boy in middle school, you're super pumped about this.

Why does this podcast always go to sex?

Where did you think it was gonna go when I said Porkies? Do you think I was going to go to, like, you know, linens for the. Linens for the couch?

Like, I don't even.

I don't even. Couch linens. All right, listen. They don't. May have linens.

Jesus.

All right, our topic is. No, our topic is on parenting.

No, it's not.

It is.

No, you had two topics before we got here.

I know. And it's going to be linked up to the topic of parenting. That's why I brought up the conversation.

No, it was not parenting. What was it? It was good.

No, I have. Listen, here. Here's the thing we're talking about. No, it has everything to do with parenting, because it's a feeling that I have that you were talking about earlier, which is the feeling of guilt.

Oh, guilt.

Come listen.

But that's not parenting.

Oh, My God. You're out of your mind.

Okay? There's a lot of mommy guilt, okay?

And there's a lot of dad guilt, too. So talk to me, mom. Guilt. What we're gonna really address.

No, there was another topic. There was, like, guilt and overcoming guilt.

There was guilt, and there. No, there was just guilt. We were talking about guilt. It wasn't any other topic.

You were asking me. You're like, do you face guilt? And I was like, that's.

No. And I was asking, how do you. I just think.

You think I'm a robot.

I don't think you're a robot.

Do you expect. Do you experience happiness?

I don't think you're alone.

Do you experience guilt?

Do you have feelings?

Do you. I'm like, I.

Are you made of plastic?

Yeah, plastic.

Are you a blow pump? Come on. No, you're a human being. Congratulations. All right, listen, so let's have a talk about this guilt. No, I have. I know exactly where I'm taking this show. I just talked about the conversation with my kids because it was a good segue, which you're fucking up right now. A good segue to talk about the conversation of energy around children and bunch of energy around life, which is. I have a lot of guilt around kids over the years. Like, a lot of guilt. Right? I'll give you.

I make decisions on, like, is this gonna make me feel guilty? And if it does, I'm like, ooh.

You really think that. You think does this. If I make decisions, makes me feel guilty, yes or no?

I literally think guilt is the enemy.

Like, all right, talk more about this.

Nothing can pull you down more than guilt. And so, honestly, when I'm making decisions, I'm like, I'm gonna feel bad about that later. So I'm not gonna do it.

When you have sex with me out of guilt, do you feel weird about it?

No.

You don't?

I feel accomplished.

Accomplished.

I'm like, check that off the list. Here's how it goes for women. We have, like, a checklist of things that might make us feel guilty. And we're like, nailed that, nailed that, nailed that. Because we.

Because we feel guilty. Like, do you avoid it or do you do it?

We fear guilt. We're like, guilt's gonna take us to a whole nother low. Like we talked about on last week's podcast, where we're like, listen, false. What do we call it? False loop or false.

Yeah, the false lift.

Yes. And so, like, there's nothing worse than that guilt. You wake up as a Woman, you're like, shit, I was a bad mom. Shit, I drank too much. Shit, I was a bad wife. Like, shit, I was a bad business owner.

Like, do you wake up with this feeling? Is this actually a feeling in the morning? Always in the morning, right when you wake up?

No, it's never like, midday. You're always in the morning. You're like, all right, you know what.

I'd like to hear about? I'd like you to share with everyone your dream about being Matthew McConaughey. No. Yes. Just share it. I think it's good. I think it's a good segue. You didn't hold up strong there. Literally. You were Matthew McConaughey in your dream. So it wasn't. You were sleeping with Matthew McConaughey.

I don't know what time it was. And literally, I. Do you ever have dreams where you wake up and you're like. You were dying in your sleep, and then you woke up and you're like, holy shit, I brought myself out of it.

I never do. I don't dream. Never. Never have dreams. You have all the dreams for us, so tell us about it.

Oh, my God.

I'm living through you and Matt McConaughey, who you became.

So I. I thought you were gonna.

Tell me you had sex with Matthew McConaughey in your dream. I was like, I can respect that. But you became Matthew McConaughey. It appears you are a Q. You are questioning.

In your dreams, I was like an action figure. I don't even know. So in my dream, I woke up in the middle of the night. I was, like, scared to death where I had, like, so much bad energy around me, and I was, like, cuddling up again, scared.

I was like, you right up against me. I didn't kill you.

I literally was like, I gotta go pee so bad. And I didn't want to.

Oh, you were scared.

I was scared.

I was scared when I watched Gremlins back in the day to go pee. All right, keep going. Keep going. I was, like, eight years old, though. I was terrified to walk down my grandmother's hallway from the bedroom.

No, I just think that there's, like. I don't know if it's. I actually. I have a little bit of anxiety, and so sometimes when I go to bed, like, I think the anxiety happens in your sleep, and it makes you dream.

Were you anxious last night when you went to bed?

No, I was actually fine. But I've had a lot with business and work and life and a new.

All right, so you're Matthew McConaughey. Talk to us about this dream, though, because I thought it was quite traumatic.

So I woke up, and I'm, like, scared to death, and I'm, like, snuggling Gary.

No, don't talk about when you woke up. Talk about the dream.

So the dream. Okay.

All right, let's go.

Off. So I wake up, or. No, I'm in a dream. I'm Matthew McConaughey.

Talk like Matthew McConaughey.

I don't know.

All right, keep going.

Does he have an accent?

I don't know. He sounds like a guy, though, because.

He'S like, I'm Matthew. So I'm in the middle of a dream. I'm in a canoe. I'm in a canoe in a dark river.

You have a paddle in the canoe?

Yes, yes, I have a paddle. And I'm paddling my ass off, and I don't know what I'm paddling away from, but I'm scared.

Are you in a river or a lake or an ocean?

It's like a dark river. I don't even know.

You're in a dark river.

That makes sense. So I'm paddling in this river, and I'm Matthew Agony.

And, like, are you shredded, Matthew McConaughey, or are you a Fatty McGee? Are you Fatty McGee, Matthew? I don't know. Maybe it's later down the road.

Anyway, I'm paddling and I'm scared to death, and all of a sudden, I go from paddling to I'm in a ski suit, and I'm like.

So you're in a river, and then you end up in a mountain in a ski suit?

Yes. And I'm. That's why I think I'm still Matthew McConaughey, because, like, I couldn't do that. I don't know how to ski. Matthew does, obviously.

Oh, does he? Have you seen him in a ski movie? I've never seen him in a ski movie.

He does no harm. He does all things.

He does all things.

He does all things.

It appears you in your dreams, too. So that's good. Continue. He not only does you, he becomes you. He eats you alive.

I'm skiing down the mountain, and an avalanche is coming to get me. And all of a sudden, the snow is, like, caving in on me. And all of a sudden, it's like I can't see anything. And then I think the snow gets me, and I wake up and I'm in a warm pool of water, and, like, the sun is shining on me. And then all of a sudden, some, like, monster pulls my ankles and is, like, eating my feet.

Did you feel the eating? That was new. I didn't hear that.

Yes.

Yes. Really?

Literally.

Were you laying in blood? Maybe not a warm pool.

What does this have to do with today's topic?

Well, I'm just talking about. You have lots of dreams. Your dreams mean things. And part of what we're dealing with is the emotion of guilt, which is there are a lot of feelings I get around guilt. I don't become Matt Steven McConaughey when I have them, but I do have them.

I think this dream was because I've been anxious with work. I fired Garrett back in January because March.

You fired me in March? No, I quit in March. You didn't fire me.

I fired you back in, like, you fired slash. I quit in March, and I have, like, taken on the role of CEO, salon owner, education director.

How's that feel?

I feel very strong.

You. You look very strong.

I feel like I've snapped back from this baby. Strong. I feel like I mentally feel strong. I feel really strong. And I'm. Part of me is like, why did I avoid this? Like, that's. That could be a whole topic in itself.

Well, let's talk about it right now. Why did you avoid it?

I think I was scared. I think I was scared that I couldn't become this person, that it was going to be too overwhelming, that I was scared before you in an avalanche. I don't fucking know.

Well, that's what happens when you become Matthew McConaughey. Anything's possible. That's a motto for today's show. Become Matthew McConaughey. Just WWMD. What would Matthew do?

Apparently, he is like my superhero of. I don't know what.

I think you just. Internally, you have a sexual, deep desire for Matthew Rane, and I respect that. I don't have any problem with it. I think it's great. I mean, he's a shredded guy. He's a great actor. He's got great curly hair, whatever. He's gotten super skinny for roles. That's impressive. You have to basically starve yourself to become a movie actor. I would never do that.

Is this podcast about Matthew McConaughey?

Well, it appears it is. Because your dream was about Matthew McConaughey.

No, honestly, I went through a lot of stress with work, and I was just trying to figure things out, and I actually feel very strong. I feel like things are good, and I was scared, and I don't think I had anything Any guilt with work? I think I was just, like, scared of the unknown.

Do you know what I've noticed? What? I've noticed that you're an amazing mom to babies.

I'm a good mom.

You are. Like, it's very interesting. You sit and have stare offs with our baby for hours, and I think it's beautiful.

I'm just being in the moment.

I know. I love it. What's that like, being a mom? Like, having a baby? Like, seriously, what's that like to hold a little creature three months old that, you know, you made and pushed out your vagina?

Fun fact about me, I actually never really wanted to do business. I literally was like, I want to.

I thought you were gonna say I didn't wanna have babies. I was like, really?

Literally, from the time I was like, 15, I'm like, I'm gonna have seven kids. I'm gonna marry a rich dude, and life's gonna be over.

You wanted seven children.

I literally.

Did you think this?

Yeah. I was like, I want seven kids. I told all my friends. They're like, you're nuts. And I'm like, meh, you're nuts. But I realized I don't want seven kids. But I realized I really do love being a mom, and in a lot of ways, that's actually pushed me to have the success I've had in my business. So.

Okay, so we started on this topic before we took this huge detour about Matthew McConaughey and ended up back here, which was a great detour, by the way. We started to talk around guilt. Now, one of the questions I asked you while you were driving down the road with me and you were sitting in shotgun on Instagram, I asked you a question. The question was simple. Do you feel guilt? That's all I asked you. I said, do you feel guilt?

And you said, it's a normal human emotion.

Well, that was a nice Wikipedia definition. I appreciate you pulling that shit out.

That's what I said.

You know, you did not.

You were like, do you feel guilt? I was like, yes, I feel guilt.

Yeah, but you didn't say, it's a nice human emotion. Yes, I did. No, you just said, yeah, of course I feel guilt. That's not what you said. You said, yes, of course I feel guilt. Okay. So then I asked you another question. I said, well, how do you deal with the guilt when you feel it? Because you never seem like you're guilty about shit.

I hate feeling guilty.

You seem the opposite of guilty. I don't even know what the opposite Guilty is. What is the opposite?

Guilty. I think that guilt, like, takes you to spiral to a whole nother low. And so for me, when I recognize that I'm feeling guilty, I'm like, ah, fuck. And I literally am like, okay, let's look at this logically. And I'm like, could you fix this? Could you perfect this? Could you? Why do you feel this way? What can you do to not feel this? And it's so funny because I think that women feel the mommy guilt. But I'm like, how can you set yourself up to win where you don't feel the mommy guilt? Or I'm just gonna talk about women and. Cause right now I'm trying to like, lose baby weight. I'm almost there. I'm like six pounds.

You look amazing.

I can fit in my clothes, but I'm not like, bikini body ready.

You have. Listen, the baby's three months old and you are looking amazing.

Well, what I'm saying is there's even guilt with women with food, okay? So you wake up the next morning, you're like, ah, shit, I shouldn't have that glass of wine. Or, oh, shit, I shouldn't have had that brownie or whatever it is. And so to me, I'm like, okay, well, there's this period at night where it's like three to four hours where you're like, oh, I want a treat, I want a treat, I want a treat. But then I have to ask myself, is it worth feeling the guilt? Because I know that the guilt will ultimately spiral you even lower. So is the guilt gonna set me up to have a shitty day the next day? Then that three hour time window where I know that I want a brownie or a glass of wine? I'm like, no, I can control that and have self discipline because I know the guilt is gonna last me like a whole day tomorrow. So for me, I know that, like, guilt plays a huge enemy in my life. And I know that you're always at choice. We give children choices. Like when we're parenting our kids, I'm like, hey, do you want to take a shower right now or do you want to have a take a shower and then go like. I always try to give my children choices so they don't think I'm like dictating or controlling them. That was a really bad example. But like, do you know what I mean? Like when you're like, ruby, do you want to do this or that?

Yeah.

And it makes her make a decision and she feels like it's her own, that's kind of how I go into guilt. I'm like, okay, so if I choose this now, then I don't suffer the guilt in the morning. If I do this as a mom, if I do this with my health and diet, if I do this, then I don't suffer the guilt that could last longer and spiral me downwards.

Do you know how to deal with the guilt?

No.

Stack it. I know you. You're able to do this in your mind and you're able to make this assessment. You're basically stacking in your mind, which is what I do through my app on my cell phone.

Okay.

With the entire stack system attack with a stack. Like, the entire system is about dealing with my thoughts. I don't think most guys can fucking change that around their head like you.

I do think I. I'm just super logical. And I do think I flip things because I hate that feeling so bad.

Is that why you flip it with me in conversations, though? You'll take the opposite even, no matter what?

Because I'm like, ooh, why do I feel this way? And I'm like, I don't like feeling this way. So I know that if I take the feeling out of it and I logically look at something, even if I'm in the wrong, I can understand it, and then I can, like, let go and try to do better.

So you deal with the guilt by flipping the story in your mind.

Yeah.

Which is what stacking is. Did you know this is what stacking is?

That's great. A lot of people need that tool.

They do. And some people have superpowers, like you, to become Matthew McConaughey and turn your.

And my baby. We're unicorns.

You are. The baby's amazing. Baby's been sleeping. Baby Isla's been sleeping through the night since, like, three weeks. She's sleeping, like, 10 hours.

She's a good baby.

She sleeps in the snoo, though. The snoo is a magical device. I think the snoo is a unicorn maker.

I think you promote the snoo every time we do a podcast.

Well, because I'm so fucking impressed by the snoo.

All right, so let's get on topic and let's see.

We are on topic. We've been on topic this entire time. We don't even finish the show. We're on topic. We're dealing with guilt. You talk about how you deal.

How do you deal with guilt?

I told you, I stack it. I deal with, like, a series of questions that help me flip the guilt. Because the guilt itself. Guilt plagues guys in a massive way, right? So guys go. Guys who go through all kinds of guilts inside of marriage and dealing with kids and dealing with business, because you have the idea of the expectation is, go make money, go make money. Go make money, go make money, right? So you go do that the best you can, and you make the money. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't make the money, which is worse. But if you make the money, you feel one thing. If you don't make the money, feel another thing. If you make the money, you feel guilty because you're gone from the family and the kids. And then if you. You don't make the money, then feel guilty because you're gone and you're still not making the money to take care of the kids. So of the levels of guilt, the worst guilt is not making the money and being gone from the kids, but if you make the money, you're gone from the kids. There's like a justifiable guilt. Yeah.

I can tell you. I remember there was a point in our marriage where you were working your ass off and then you weren't paying the bills. And I was like, oh, this isn't gonna work out.

It was a foundation for a way.

And you know what? It's so funny. I feel like a lot of women are fine. They're fine with, like, taking on the home load until their husband's not paying the bill. They're like.

It'S true. It's true. I was feeling about myself. I was feeling about myself.

Do you hide? Do you hide? Like, what do you do?

No, like, I. I sometimes when I think back, I'm not sure exactly what I was doing because I was trying to figure out what I was doing. So I would spend the whole day, like, doing a lot of.

Did you feel like your role was, like, to be the provider, but then if you weren't providing, like, how do you feel?

You feel. Oh, you feel worthless? You feel worthless? Tits on.

So what do you do? Do you hide?

I try. I mean, I kind of hid. Yeah. I mean, that was back in the beg for hand jobs days.

Do you feel guilt?

Yeah, there was tons of guilt. There was tons of, like, shame. There was tons of guilt. You feel like shit.

So what? Like, here's what you feel like.

Total shit. You feel like a worthless guy. You feel like you can't provide you with this guilt.

What do you do instead of hiding? What do you recommend doing?

Well, what do I recommend doing? Or what did I do in the beginning. Both what I do in the beginning, I literally ran. And you're like, you're running from your life. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not running for my life. You're like, you're running from your life. I'm like, not running from my life.

Garrett was running, like ultra marathons. And, like, I was running like 15.

20 miles a day.

And not paying the bills.

And not paying the bills. But I was running far.

Thanks, Forrest.

Thanks for. But I was running far and I got super skinny and I looked like.

I'm like, I fucking believe. Run harder, baby.

No, you weren't saying that.

No, I was like fucking.

You weren't saying anything.

Stop running.

It wasn't working out. Like, I didn't know what to do. And I think the hardest part is I didn't know how to talk to you about any of it.

Did you feel like I was not supportive?

Yes. Really? Yeah, 100%. I felt like you were supportive.

No, not supportive.

Yeah, I felt like you were not supportive.

I was not.

I know. Easy, Matthew McConaughey. I told you. You just asked me a simple question.

I showed up on your ultra marathon days and I was like, no. How's your run?

Yeah. No. Are you kidding me? I remember I was doing the 180 mile red rock Relay. You showed up and I felt fought with you. I got in arguments with you. While I'm like 130 miles into the race, I'm arguing with you walking down.

The fucking road so hard as a woman.

What? You're telling me how talented I was at 170 pounds running.

You're telling me that I should support you. And I was like, motherfucker, pay the bills.

Yeah, I know. I didn't get that. What I got was you weren't supporting me in my pursuit to run lots of miles.

Cause that was going nowhere.

No, it was actually deeply powerful. Do you know what it did for me? Here's the thing is funny, like, that entire time period was. It was very important for me.

You weren't going to be a professional marathon.

No, I wasn't. But what it did do is it taught me how to hurt for long periods of time. And you and I were doing shitty.

You have so much mental endurance.

Well, I was learned how to physically hurt for.

I think there's a lot of days.

And days and days on end with no complaint at all. Just fucking hurt.

I will say, like, because I'm really into fitness and working out. And I will say there's Something physically with the body. Like, you can push yourself so hard and when you can physically break yourself, you can mentally take yourself to another level.

100. This is what, like, this is what I've done. I went from marathons and so to Iron man to Ultra.

At the time, I was like, To Kokoro, I was like, you're just like, what are you doing? But I realized you were kind of like, mentally enduring yourself to handle so much with business. Like, physically, if you can take a beating, like, business wise, you're like, bring it on.

Business and marriage, like, like, literally, this is why. This is why there's a lot of.

Breakthrough with the physicality of it.

Massive. Like, I learned how to hurt.

I sometimes like physically kicking my own ass in a workout just because I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be better at business.

Like, I just, I feel like there's a. Feel like there's a switch inside of. I think as a parent, as a husband, everything, like my ultra running years train me to feel that way.

There's like, the training, there's the discipline. There's like, there's such a high in everything.

There's just. But there's a difference. It's like, it's almost like you learn how to hurt and be okay with hurting, and there's no finish line. And that's like marriage. Marriage is no finish line. It's not like you ever get it figured out. You're up, you're down, you're up, you're down, you're up, you're down. You and your kids, you're up, you're down, you're up, you're down. Business, you're up, you're down, you're up, you're down with yourself. You're like, up, you're down, you're up, you're down. And what I found throughout all that and then what really brought it home was all the training. For a couple years I did with the Navy Seals groups inside of like, sealfit and a bunch of our other friends that were like veteran Navy Seals and veteran Special Forces military that were training me and training my friends, like, they would just beat the shit out of us and they would keep saying the same thing. We're like, there's no finish line. There's no finish line. What the fuck are you looking for? There's no finish line. Why do you keep pretending in your mind that there's some way this thing's gonna end? It's never gonna fucking end. And I'm like. And it was Weird. There was a snap. I was sitting one moment in the middle of a field. I was in a grass field during this three day, no sleep camp.

I love those moments.

And they beat the shit out of me. I'm 48 hours in, we're sitting in the middle of this big green grass. Greenfield. I still to this day don'. Where the fuck this field was. We're sitting in this field. There's about.

I never had that moment. I said, I love this moment. I. I was empathizing with your, like, just your.

You had a Matthew McConaughey dream about being in this moment.

No, like, there's these moments when you're like, I don't think I can do this. And then. But yours. You were in a field. I don't.

But mine switched. So here's how my switch, though. I'm sitting there, we're doing push ups. There's no end to the push ups. We would do 10 push ups, then we would sit back on our knees, then we would extend back out. We would do 10 pushups, we extend back on our knees and we rest. The guy leading us, this big ass Jack dude, would lead us. And then like 15, 20 seconds later, we'd be doing 10 more push ups. There was no end. There was no talking, there was no yelling. There was nothing. We're sitting in this field 48 hours, no sleep, beat down, I'm exhausted as fuck. We're doing push ups. And one of the coaches on the mega going, he's like, there is no finish line. There is no finish line. And come over, White. Why the fuck do you keep looking like there's a finish line? There's no finish line, White. And I'm like, sitting there, I'm like. And all of a sudden this shit.

No finish line.

It snapped in my mind and I literally collapsed into the event.

I don't go, do you know when you were in, what was the name of that camp that was?

Kokoro. This is where I'm telling the story from.

No, when you were in that camp. I remember. I don't. I feel like kind of. I'm very in tune to energy.

Yeah.

And I remember working out where there was like, Like, I don't want to say our souls met, but I, like, saw where you were at and I was like, oh, shit. And I. I was like, that's gonna be hard and that's gonna open up a lot for him. And I think in that moment for me, I was like, okay. I had a little bit of like, empathy for what you were experiencing. Even though I wasn't there energetically, I was like, I hope he's okay.

That was 2015. That was a fantastic. I mean, that was a quantum year for me. Those who have never been to Kokoro camp with Navy SEAL Mark Devine and the rest of his team at SEAL Fitness, I'd encourage you to do it. We've had about 50 guys from Wacoboria go through the Sealfit Academy, go through Kokoro, go through their six day event, et cetera. It's like phenomenal. But it broke me. I was sitting there in the middle of this and it broke me in that moment in 2015 was the first time I got to this.

There's a lot of power in submission.

There was huge. But what I submitted to was the idea that there's no finish line, which is I just did the work that was in front of me. This empowered me to work on us. This empowered me to work on my business. So I'll be hurting and suffering in business with so much shit to do. And I just take a deep breath and I'm like, there is no finish line. This will not end quickly. This is gonna fucking hurt really bad. And it is what it is.

I feel like I get a little bit overwhelmed with like, when I look at the future of my business and life and everything else, I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna forget it all. And when I get overwhelmed, I just want to like curl up in a ball, have a bottle of wine and like do nothing. And that's when I'm like, I'm just gonna be a stay at home mom mom. I should just be happy and grateful for being a stay at home mom. I just. That's all I'm supposed to do.

You and sell out in that. Who actually don't want to be. Listen, I. I fully support women who want to be CEO mom and be say home mom. I love that. But do you think there are a lot of women who sell out to that?

I'm not going to say anything because.

All right, I'll say something. I think a shitload of women sell out to that because I know a ton of them who are miserably depressed in their 50s and 60s. I do know them personally.

Well, that's not true.

And some of them are in my family.

Here's what I'll tell you. Here's what I'll tell you. I love being a mom. I love being everything about it. But I also know, like, that I love doing stuff for Myself as well. And not only that, like, I think a lot of women pursue things outside of being a mom, but they look at it as a hobby. And I did that in the beginning. I. I literally jumped into hair because I was like, it's a hobby. Like, I can have a little bit of purpose outside of being a mom and maybe I'll make a little extra income and like, that's great balance for me. And then in life, I was faced with this situation of like, oh, fuck, I don't know if I'm gonna stay married and if I'm gonna work. I'm not looking at it as a cute hobby anymore. And I think I gave myself more credit for who I could become and what I knew and everything else with hair. And I no longer looked at it as like a hobby. And I think that a lot of women, they're super happy being a stay at home wife. And from my experience, I felt like maybe I could do more, but I was put in a situation where I had to do more. I didn't know if I was gonna stay married. I had two children at the time. And I was like, I have to make a decision for myself. And I was like, fuck that. I know I'm capable of more. And I think that. So for me, it's like, it's not. I don't want to talk down on anyone who's like, oh, I'm content being a stay at home mom, or I feel like a ton of pleasure. I feel like a ton of growth being a mom. For me, that wasn't my path. And so I feel like if the cards were different, could I have experienced the same amount of growth? I don't know, because that wasn't my path. But there's times even now where I feel a ton of guilt, where I feel a ton of like, holy shit, I'm trying to work and do everything else. I'm like, ah, I should just be a mom. And I'm like, no, I love working. And what's cool about when I was put in a situation where I had to make it more than a hobby is like, I'm really fucking good at what I do. And I began to value my mom time even more. Like, I began to value who I could become as a producer. I began to value who I was as a mom. I wasn't just like, oh, I'm looking for something to make a little income and maybe like, I can buy some clothes with it. I'm like, motherfucker, I'm gonna compete with you this Year. Like, I'm not saying that to have an ego, but I see so much in myself where I'm like, this is so cool to be in a place, in a situation where I can sit at dinner with my husband. I'm like, what are you doing with business? Here's what I'm doing with business. Okay, what are you doing? And I'm like, holy shit. We have two separate businesses that are rising together. And that's my path, and that's the path I created for myself, and that's the path that I chose for myself. So kudos to all you moms out there, because there's times where I'm like, shit, mom guilt is real. And I had a lot of mom fail moments, but I think I would have mom fail moments whether I chose to work or I didn't. And I personally believe that working has actually, in a lot of ways, made me value my time so much more. And when you value your time, every fucking moment matters. Smiles with your baby matters. Like, sitting there changing a diaper matters. And that's what's so cool, to be in a place in life where I'm like, life is fun. And I have created this, and I'm so excited to see where it goes.

I literally have nothing to add to that. Matthew McConaughey, that was beautiful.

Oh, my God. Fucking put on your snowsuit.

Oh, I guess I should be a female actress. I don't know who I should be. Who would I be?

Kate Beckinsale.

Kate Beckinsale. Underworld in black leather with gun shooting werewolves.

You were so into that. And I was like, I had short blonde hair and I was like, you like Kate Beckinsale? I'm like, I have short blonde hair. And like, that's not.

Do you know why, though? Is because she was wearing black leather and she was hunting werewolves. And I don't know, for whatever reason, but 15 years, 16, 17 years ago, I thought that was hot.

Well, we know what our. My Halloween cost. Assume it's going to be this year.

Is it? Is that what it's going to be?

I don't know. Let's wrap up the show.

All right, listen, this. This brings to conclusion here. We talking about guilt. Hopefully you got some shit from that. We talked about, like, having babies. We talked about running businesses together, and we had some conversations about, well, Matthew McConaughey. And if you like him, I guess.

My Superhero is Matthew McConaughey.

My superhero is Matthew. We did end up getting rented the same yacht with the same driver in Capri last Summer that Matthew Ghana had with his family.

It's true. Good for us.

I think you're stalking him.

It was weird.

You're stalking him in your dreams. That's right. I appreciate and I approve. Listen, I love you.

Who's your crush? He's not actually my crush. I don't know why. It was Matthew McConaughey in my dream.

He was my crush.

I think he's my.

You're my crush.

I'm your crush.

You got it?

No.

Yours is Matthew McConaughey and mine is you.

I'm never gonna love this stand. Be the best you who you can be.

Be the best you you can be. And if you can't be, be Matthew. We're done with the day show. A couple little promos out there. We got Warrior Greens powder greens. We've got hundreds, not thousands, hundreds right now at the time of the show who are currently consuming of the Warrior Greens powder green supplement every single day as part of their Core four. If you want to check that out, I got a funny movie there. Worst case scenario, be entertained. Best case scenario, get yourself some Warrior Greens powdered supplements. Take on the road and or half of the house. You can check that out@warriorgreens.com also, we have a new video series available at seven. It's actually not seven. Excuse me, not seven pits. It's@betheman.com, which is where we have the seven pits of married businessmen with children. It is not built for women, but women do get value from it. It is built for men who are married who have children. If you are a man in that place or you are married to a man in that place, I would encourage him to head on over to be the man.

I don't have a sales page.

You don't need one. You've got Matthew McConaughey.

I have amazing hair. And I have an education company called DKW Styling Academ Me.

She. She fired the name Big Money Stylist.

You can't scale that.

I'm like, yeah, but it's always going to be Origin. It's always going to be Origin.

I'm like, hey, I need to scale my. Like, my mastermind's getting your. I'm like, can I create Big Money Stylist Academy? No, I cannot.

No, you cannot. Well, that was cuz. It was my idea. All right, listen, that's all we got for you guys. See you guys next week. My wife's looking amazing. We're going to Hawaii. Maybe do a show in Hawaii. In Hawaii. Just like Mexico. Good night. Peace. See you later. I'm gonna go get my wife naked right now. As she thinks about being Matthew McConaughey, which is really weird for me. Bye. Bye.