Raw Collision Conversation | Date Your Wife | EP 128

So welcome to the show. We're gonna have a real conversation right now. Might as well fucking have it right now.

Yeah, I disagree with your methyologies.

Well, let's talk about it. Let's talk about your disagreement with my methodologies.

Well, welcome to the big. No, this isn't big. Money size. Welcome to the date your wife podcast.

Yeah, that's how intense this morning's been. You can't remember what show we're on.

My mind would depend money size, because I'm doing another one after this.

Yeah.

Oh, man. We got back from Hawaii last night. Amazing trip. Got back at about 1:30 in the morning and straight into family entrepreneur, husband and wife mode. And it's been a little bit of a spicy morning.

Listen, we have. We have a squadron of women, I'm told constantly, I don't know how to manage women. This is what I'm told. I'm told that I know how to manage women, which is a challenge with the fact that I have a wife and four daughters.

Who tells you that?

You. You tell me this. You say you don't know how to manage women. You say the wrong things at the wrong times. No, you say the wrong things at the right times and the right things at the wrong times.

Do I say that always or did I just say that specifically with this morning's incident?

Have there ever been a time I've handled it well with women?

I think there's been times with Bailey, you handle it very well.

Okay, good.

With women, sure. Certain times. There's certain times that you create a better frame, but you're also quick to fly off the handle. And that's when I feel like it's not the best approach.

What does fly off the handle look like?

It depends on the woman. Because, like, honestly, it's like a ticking time bomb.

Women are a ticking time bomb by grade, kind of.

So are men. That's why you fly off the handle. That's why you say things. Everybody.

I say something different.

Everybody can be a ticking time bomb based on series of events that lead to the time bomb going off. And sometimes you have the perfect storm and then two time bombs go off.

So at what point does someone's reaction to truth become their issue?

See, but you can't reframe this.

This is not a reframe. I'm asking a simple question. Don't pull a Bailey right now. Bailey tried to do this to me all morning. This morning, over facts. I spoke facts to her. I didn't yell them at her. I spoke them to her. And she was offended, screamed, yelled, threw shoes at her sister, called me an asshole, called her sister a bitch, and is still not at school.

I feel like we need a little bit of a backstory to this if we're gonna go down this route.

So let's go down this route and let's have a backstory.

This morning it was so I woke up peacefully, everything. Like I went up, hugged Bailey. She was almost ready for school. Then Ruby gets up and Ruby loses her shit because Bailey's wearing her Nikes. Which she always tells her, don't wear my Nikes, don't wear my Nikes. But Bailey never listens. And I remember that. I mean, I had sisters too. And I'd always steal their stuff and then I'd get a shoe to the face. But so I get it. So I'm like just waking up, I'm a little bit jet lagged. Cause we got home at like one in the morning and they're like screaming and fighting. And I'm like, what is going on? And I'm holding the baby. So then you go up and interject and you're like, I'm going to have this conversation with Bailey. And then I went in. You're like, do you want to be a part of this? And I'm like, no, it looks like you got it. I have a. I have a call like in five minutes. So I walked out. So it was already like chaotic this morning. Like it. Things were high. You're like, I'm going to take Bailey for a walk. I'm like, okay. So in that situation, I don't know what went down with Bailey, but you got her to school, so it seems like you handled it pretty well.

Is she at school?

I don't know. Is she?

She's not at school.

She's not at school?

No, I didn't take her to school.

He's not at school.

No, I didn't take her to school.

Who took her to school?

I don't know if anyone took her to school.

How did you. I don't even know how you ended.

Then I had a call I had to be on at 10 o'. Clock. I'd already spent from 8:30 to 10 o' clock with her. She came to the park with me and I on our bikes.

And then where you don't know if.

She told her, go to write down all the things that she doesn't want about her life. She said, stop giving me therapy.

So is there a consequence for her not going to school this morning?

Oh, you tell me. She threatens to kill herself. So what do you want me to do? Okay, well, I'm just saying, like, we have a situation where you would.

Well, that's not the story. So now I need to come back and revisit that conversation because I had no idea she went to. Didn't go to school. I actually thought you got her out the door.

Oh, no, I didn't take her to school. Ruby had to start school.

So I was on a call, then you had to go on a call.

And then I was already on a call.

I come out, and we're getting ready to meet for. I'm like, hey, do you still want to do the date you write podcast? I'm like, I get. It's kind of chaotic this morning. Like, it's fine. You were like, yeah, I'll be there at 10:35. And you're like, I'm running late. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Let me know when you're ready to go. Then I. I'm like, where is my nanny? Like, she's supposed to be here. Like, I don't. I see her car. Where is she? She's hiding in the kitchen, crying. I'm like, oh. I'm like, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, Garrett just. You know. And that's all she said. And she's, like, in tears. And I'm. All I'm thinking is like, I have no idea what Garrett said, but obviously he was annoyed or triggered with something. The morning was already chaotic. The one nanny who we've been out of town who worked 60 hours a week. I don't know the exact number of hours. Sorry, but she worked a ton of hours last week because we were out of town. She came in, and the first thing. It's not like, good morning. How are you? It's. I need you to stop the drama. And. And she's like, what the hell? And. And I don't know what you said. And I'm like, what did you say to her? I'm like, I think that that was a bad move. I'm like, you're already in chaos. Your Monday's already behind. My Monday's already behind them. One nanny who, regardless, if this is an issue and we need to talk about what, why when the first thing, she gets out of her car. Why would you say that? You're already. Like, things are already rough. So, yes, I would disagree that that is the timing or place to communicate that to anybody, man or woman. So I think that you kind of flew off the handle because of how your morning was going. And you took it out on her. Not to say that these topics don't need to be discussed, but timing wise, then I come in, and she's crying, and you're like, let's go. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm dealing with a crying nanny right now. Cause you said something. So just give me, like, five seconds. Cause she's holding my baby, and I wanna make sure she not. She's. She's holding my baby. I have to make sure she's at peace of mind and not worried about a fucking meltdown now. Cause I gotta go in and work, and I'm going to the salon and some other things. I need to make sure my nanny's on point now. So you're gonna need to give me five minutes to just talk to my nanny for a second, who's in tears. So the domino effect of, I guess, Bailey having a crazy meltdown, that you saying that didn't help the situation. And that's the only thing I was trying to get across this morning. And then you wanted to reframe it and bite my head off. And I was like, okay, I'm not.

Reframing and biting your head off at all.

Well, you were, but now.

No, I was speaking facts, and you took it as an offense. So, like, this is a perfect topic for marriage. Like, this is a perfect topic for marriage. Because the problem with speaking anything in a factual way is that you can't control what other people receive it as. You can't. So when I walk in and I have a conversation with Bailey and I say, here are the facts. You stole your sister's shoes. You did not ask to wear them. She likes her shoes. And immediately she wants to reframe and go to, well, she did this, and she did this. And she always takes my clothes and her dog shit on my floor, and da, da, da, da, da, da, Stop. And then I say, you stole your sister's shoes. Don't be a victim. And now all of a sudden, I'm victim, shaming. And now I'm emotionally told that I'm too intense, that I'm overwhelming because I just spoke the facts into her world. You stole your sister's shoes. She has a right to be upset. You stole your sister's shoes. The end. Now, according to Bailey, I'm the rudest asshole that's ever lived. How dare I ruin her whole morning by saying that while having shoes thrown at me. Now, let's continue the conversation. We have a team of Women that work for us. I have been told over and over again, I am not qualified to raise or to teach these women to lead them. So here's what I know about fucking women. Women are emotional as fuck, and they're dramatic as fuck.

Okay? But I would challenge, period.

Let me finish. I'm gonna speak some facts into this show, and then you can try to reframe them like a typical woman.

Cool.

Here we go.

The fact that you're not taking any responsibility for the fact that you were emotional this morning and talked to the nanny that way. Men are also emotional still.

Not even to the point to let you go. You're so quick to try to reframe. Bailey, I need you to settle it down. Bailey. Settle it down. Into the following pocket.

I'm excited to hear this.

Yeah.

Okay.

We have a boiling issue that's occurring in our home with the women who lead it. This boiling issue is not being addressed as a collective body. It's being addressed individually, but it's still not even being addressed. I get paid tens of millions of dollars to see impending doom coming in. People's organizations, teams, and situations. We have a problem in the casa. If we were a reality television show and we were in Orange County Housewives, this would be fucking fantastic. Because our show will be number one because of the amount of drama that goes down in our house, because of how many goddamn women are in their house at the same time. You are supposedly the queen bee. What are you planning on doing about this impending doom that is marching towards us? It's like the movie Spartan 300, and the Persian army is coming, and the Spartans have sent 300 men to the gate.

Here's what I kind of get to is, like, there are certain personalities that could have the same. They could experience the same thing, and two have vastly different stories. That's how it goes in marriage. Right? And it's like how the person sees it, how they interpret it. And so one person, you could be in the same movie, and they're like, oh, I saw it this way. The other person's like, well, I saw it this way because of who they are as a personality.

Got it.

And that's fine. The only thing that I was suggesting is then if this is constantly a problem, then it has to be a sit down with all the women, which I talk to you. I'm like, I'm kind of at that point where I'm like, we need to. Like. I've had individual conversations with all of them, and so have you. And I'm kind Of at the point where I'm like, okay, everybody needs to be in the same room, and we're just gonna hash this shit out because what's going on? So I think that's great. I have no problem, like, planning that, scheduling that, especially when I feel tension. I do that in my salons. I'll do that with team members. Like, it's like, hey, let's not assume anything and let's have an open dialect conversation and clear some shit up.

Okay, you just did it last week with your company. So when are you going to do it this week?

I. I have no problem doing it. I've already, like, coordinated with Sammy, talking to them about schedule changes, talking about, like, what's the bigger issue? I just got home from Hawaii last night.

I know. Me too.

I know. All I was saying is this morning is, like, that was bad timing, and now it's going to trickle into both of our days.

Okay, well, a lot. There's about 19 things that were a bad time in the show.

Okay. But we didn't add to it. That's all I was saying. So you want to talk about on this podcast? So there we go. That was no. And then you wanted to say that women are dramatic, and I'm like, well, men fly off the handle. So are men not dramatic because they can't control their emotions and they fly off the handle?

Is that just another way to call guys dramatic?

I guess. You said guys aren't dramatic and women are dramatic. So I was just trying to say, well, guys tend to have a temper and tend to react quickly. Does that mean that they are not dramatic? What's a good word for a guy?

I guess I would ask a question, like, if I speak to you, and every time I speak to you, you cry.

Listen, I can take a direct conversation.

Oh, you can?

Most women cannot.

Okay, so we've at least gotten to the same place. Most women cannot handle a direct conversation.

So if you have an employee, you know that this might happen.

That's how you make it about an employee. Let's make it about women.

Why are we making about women?

How many women do you know can take a direct conversation without getting emotional, losing their shit?

Quite a few. I have a team of them.

Yeah, well, you built a team of beasts. Congrats. Let's look at the rest of the women. My experience is most women can't handle the truth. I'm gonna piss a lot of women off right now with this show. This is this effect.

I think that.

No, I know I'm not Saying guys can't handle truth. I'm saying, a lot of women can't handle fucking hard.

Women will tell me all the time. Women will tell me all the time, like, oh, I just can't say no. And I'm a people pleaser. And I'm like, you're not a people pleaser. You're a conflict avoider. And in the end, that just stresses you out. And then you come across passive aggressive. Like, I think that at some level, I've always actually been, like, pretty. Because I hate. I hate feeling like, oh, my God. I didn't, like, speak my truth. I didn't say what I was thinking. Like, I feel like I'm directed. I've even had maybe the opposite problem where I'm like, I was so direct, I kind of sound like an asshole. Like, I need to. I need to sugarcoat this based on who I'm communicating the message to.

Should you have to sugarcoat to it?

I have. No. I always look at. What do I want the outcome to be? So. And again, it could be my nanny. It could be one of my other employees in the past. It could be. It could be anybody. But there's. It could be students. I'll give you an example. I have an Academy with 500 students that are primarily women. And when you give them coaching and feedback, like, you can't just come out and be like, well, I can't come at him like a dude. I can't even come out on how, like, somebody would maybe speak or communicate to me. It has to be, like, for a lot of women, especially in the coaching space, you have to be like, okay, you have to, like, pat it a little bit. Like, you have to be like, hey, this is beautiful. Here's what's happening. Then, like, give them some feedback and then close the loop.

Do you think this is why.

But not all women. I think you have to, like, everybody's. Every woman is different. So. So I look at it as, like, how can I get the impact? Whether it's a student or an employee or whoever it is, I'm like, okay, they're gonna receive. I can. I can be very factual. And some people are like, thank you for your honesty. That was great. And then I can do that to somebody else. And they're like. And you're like, oh, my God. I just said the same message, same exact thing to two different people. Men, women. I don't know. I imagine men don't, like, cry, but I always look at, like, well, how do I get the outcome that I Want. Because people. Well, people, maybe men and women. My experiences is some women close down. So your approach to get to what you want has to be different. And gentlemen, if you're listening to this, like, maybe your fucking wife's like that. And you're going at her like, just trying to like. You're like, come on. You're going at her like a dude. And you're like, okay, well, how do I get my message across to my wife? Well, if, you know, your wife closes up, maybe you can't, like, go at her. And you have to approach it a little bit differently to get the outcome that you're looking for.

That's why I coach dudes.

Well, you should coach them to communicate with women.

We have. We just have found out that women can't handle the truth.

So you coach dudes, but not on how to communicate with women?

No, I didn't say we didn't do that. I said that we just have come to terms the fact that most women can't handle the facts.

But you always come to me and you talk to me about your guys, and you're like, you know, he wants his wife to want more sex. He wants his wife to want. He wants his wife. And I'm like, it's a communication error. And he's like. And you're like, what should they say? I'm like, I don't really know the full scope of the full story. Like, the relationship.

Like, whatever it is, we got the situation right now. I mean, one of the things you're able to do is that you're able to just block out feelings. You have a gift at being able to block out feelings. You're an abnormal woman.

I don't block out feelings.

Yes, you do. You have the ability. You have the ability to box up your feelings into a little box, put them down in a vault and just operate. Moving forward, you're a surgeon. You can cut people's bodies with a scalpel, with no pain meds and have no problem with it.

No, I just, like, it's.

You're not a normal woman.

No, there's a lot of women that I would say are probably like me.

I don't feel like unless there's women like you.

But in the population, I don't feel like I, like, close down, though. Like, I feel like I'm very like you.

Just don't take on people's feelings because.

It stresses me out. Because I don't want to be stressed out. I'm like, okay. Like, I don't feel like I Close off. But I'm kind of like, how much.

How much collision do you avoid because you don't take on feelings?

How much what?

How much collision do you avoid because you don't want on your feet?

Well, like, for example, even today, like, as our nanny was crying, I was just like, hey. Like, I wanted to validate that she was sad and also make sure she's okay to take care of my baby in her hands.

Agreed.

But then I even said. I said, I need to put a pin in this conversation, but let's talk about this later today or let's schedule a time. So for me, like, I feel like I'm hearing. I'm not, like, a total robot. I'm just, like, saying, hey, right now is not the time because I have to go do X, y, and Z with business or kids or whatever. So I can't let this story unravel at this point in time. And I think that that's probably something even couples should do. It's like. It's like, why a lot of couples go to therapy. Cause it's calculated time to actually go. It's set aside time to talk about your feelings in a safe space where instead of, like, you're upset about work or this or that, and you come home and you're like, ah, fuck it, and both of you blow your L. Right. And so I think that there's nothing. I feel like I'm not trying to avoid conflict. I'm trying to time conversations.

That was a good reframe. I'm not trying to avoid conflict. I'm trying to time conversations. I mean, there's a lot of truth in it. So this morning, when Bailey's having a meltdown, she's throwing shoes at her sister and calling her a fucking bitch. Like, how am I supposed to handle that? How's that go down? Because I had shit I had to do. We're sitting at the bottom of stairs. You're holding a baby.

You're up.

I've been upstairs.

I was trying to just. Yeah, you kind.

Six o'. Clock. I'd slept three and a half hours.

You. I had. I literally had a call in five minutes. I went and hugged Bailey. She was fine. I was kind of irritated at Ruby because Ruby does, like, this freak out, like. And I'm like, oh, my God. We were so close to getting Bailey out the door, and she was happy. And Bailey's a ticking time bomb, and we were so close. But then I also get it, because I'm like. I'm like, God, I get It Ruby's constantly like, don't wear my shoes. But then you know what I will say? Ruby takes her shit. She does. But then sometimes Bailey does wear her shoes. And she's like. And she doesn't care. She's like, ruby, is it okay if I wear these? And she's like, bailey, okay, fine. You know what I mean? And then they're like sweet and lovey dovey sisters. And then there's times where Ruby just decides, like, everybody wants to act like Bailey's crazy, but then there's times like Ruby just loses her shit, right? And that's what happened this morning. I'm like. I'm like, Ruby, like, I know that you don't like her to wear your shoes, but if you don't want her to wear your shoes, then you need to be consistent at that. You can't, like, let her wear your shoes sometimes because you're in a good mood and then be mad when. When she didn't ask and is taking it.

That's being a woman. No, you change your rules based on how you feel.

Oh, my gosh.

You just listed it out right there. We just defined woman. W O M E N woman.

You're so. You're so.

I'm not rude at all. I'm just. It's a rough morning of speaking to facts about crazy women, that's all.

But I'm just saying, like, my daughter's. You were talking to Bailey and I was like, bothered at Ruby because I'm like, I could. But I could see how it was the perfect story, how it happened. So how I would have handled it is.

I love how your would'ves. This is my favorite part.

You asked me.

I know, I know, I know. That's what I love. That's why I asked you, because some of the greatest.

How would have you have handled it?

I know you're a great accountant.

Do you want to hear the answer?

You're a great accountant.

If you don't want to know how I would have handled it, I'd like.

You to share with me how you would have handled it, accountant.

I'm going to handle you.

And we already know how you handled me. Hawaii was a great job.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

Hey, listen, welcome back.

You're my best wife ever.

Yeah, well, handle your shit in the morning, sir. Right now we're in business partnership mode, trying to figure some shit out here.

I feel like with Bailey, she's tough and I get it. Girls are crazy. How would you handle men?

I know but how would you handle this?

Crazy.

How would you handle this?

Morning I probably would have said, are those your sister's shoes? You better fucking run before she sees you. And then when they got home, I would have been like, the fight was.

Already upon us, though. Like, that's like, it was too late.

I know.

So what would you do? The war is starting to.

War has already started.

You were right there. You heard the war. You didn't address a war. You were holding the baby.

To be honest, I would have looked at the app. I'm heading out the door with the baby. Here's what I would have done. Here's what I would have done. You ready? Because I know the outcome is I need to get Bailey to school, because otherwise she's going to go in terminal meltdown and she's going to miss school, and then you're going to be late for work, and you're going to have to do a walk and talk. I would have said, ruby, too bad she gets to wear those shoes. And then I would have been like, bailey, go, go, go. And I would have, like, not talked to anybody about any feelings in the morning at all. I would have just been like, get your ass out the door, Ruby, stop it. She's wearing your fucking shoes. And then I'd have been like, sarah, go, go, go. And I would have been like. And then Ruby would have slammed her door and been really, really, really pissed at me. And then I would have gone in later this afternoon and talked to Ruby individually and said, listen, I understand, and I validate your frustrations, but I need you to know sometimes you do let Bailey wear your shoes. And I would have a conversation with Bailey, and then I would go have a conversation with. Or, excuse me, with Ruby. Then I would have a conversation with Bailey, and then I would come together and say, oh, let's come to some agreements with our shoes. Ruby, are you okay? If she ever takes your shoes, she's done it in the past, and you said okay. So I need you to be very clear. Look Bailey in the sister. Look Bailey in this face. You tell her right now, don't ever take my shoes. Be very clear. And then I need you to understand that you can't take any of her shit. So I would have approached it that way because my outcome would be to get Bailey to school, and I literally just. Even though I would have felt bad, like, even though we felt like Bailey was in the wrong, was she? And to get the outcome I wanted, I would have just pushed her out the door. And if it escalated even more. And if it escalated even more, I would have been like, bailey, you have two choices. Get your ass out the door or you've lost social time or you've lost your phone for the next three days. You choose here. Here are the two outcomes you choose. You've got about 30 seconds to choose. So do you want no phone for the next three days, or you want to take your sister's shoes and get the fuck in the car? And that's how I would handle it.

So this morning you didn't make any moves to handle it?

I didn't. I thought you had it.

Okay.

I. I mean, you had it at some level sometimes. Like, I. I like the conversations you and Bailey have together. I feel like it. I didn't know how it ended because literally I jumped on my call at 9am and I didn't. You were like, do you want to be a part of this conversation? I was like, I don't really have time. And you were like, okay. Then I got it. And I was like, okay.

I think the. The tough part is being able to address issues at the core and solve them versus just kicking the ball down the road, right? So, like, there's problems in the federal government. We continue to borrow more money. We continue to put more taxation on the middle class. We continue to think that the answer to solving our problems as a country is just to increase the debt cap. It's not changing anything. Hey, we're going to let go everybody's student loans that didn't change anything. Doesn't change anything. The taxpayers still had to pay for it. The banks benefited. The kids went to school with worthless fucking degrees. Nothing changed. Right? So at some point, collision doesn't happen in the government because the collision is too heavy. If you try to have collision in the government, you're gonna. It's gonna fall apart because you've let the problems go down the road so fucking long that you try. There's no possible path to complete it outside of destroy everything that is. So we have a daughter who operates one way. We have nannies that are operating one way. You have teams that are operating. I've had to go in and clean sweep the salon twice, fire everyone twice.

Only once.

Twice.

When it was twice.

Twice. Well, you did the second one.

I didn't. I fired two people at once. That wasn't the whole salon.

Okay, well, I was the one that had to take the whole salon down. And me, I had to do that. And that clean sweep happened not because it just crept up overnight. It Crept up because it was something that was allowed to continue to occur in back talking, back dialogue for months and months and months and months and months until it was like the federal government. There was no choice but to destroy it. Which means we had to clean sweep, fire everyone from the team because everybody was corrupted with cancer. So how do you deal with that? With our teams, our children? When kicking it down the road is easier. For example, this morning, it would be easier to get Bailey out the door to school. It would have been easier to probably, but we were already in war zone. Ruby's screaming, so what do I do? Pick Ruby up. And now I'm telling Ruby, it's okay for your sister to take your stuff. And I'm saying that your feelings don't matter and what you care about doesn't matter, while at the same time saying, okay, well, our bigger agenda is getting Bailey out the door to school, which I agree with. Like, getting her out the door to school was, like, been rough. It's been a rough issue since sixth grade.

How did you leave her this morning? You just said, handle your shit or what?

I'm left the same place I'm left at every single time with her. I was the one battling.

So if you were like, hey, you didn't say you have to go to school.

I've told her really simply, you got her off of school this week. Two days already.

I know. So that's why. But we planned that months ago. So that's what I'm saying. She should have gone to school today. So if she didn't go, she should have some kind of a consequence.

I agree.

Why did you allow her to not go?

What did you want me to do? You want me to backpack her? Put her in my backpack and drag her to school?

Sarah's now gonna take you to school.

Yeah, that didn't work.

If you don't go, you lose your phone and social time this week.

Okay, well, there we go then. It's two things are handled. Phone and social time.

Did you give her a consequence, or did you just say, I gotta go?

I had to head straight into a meeting. She threw her phone down and broke it. I'm just saying right now, like, I hear where you're at, like, from it. I do. I get it. But I also know that rising issues are, like, there's a concept at some level, like, there's a unification as parents that we have to get on the same page not just with our kids. We have to get on the same page with, like, our teams with the same Page with their internal teams and nannies and everyone, which requires you and I, like, you and I can go on an amazing trip to Hawaii like we did for five days, but we still have to come back. Most couples face the same thing, which is you. You can. You can build a big life, and it's great to be in love on a vacation. It's a whole other thing to come back and have kids and chaos and business and all the rest of the stress that we're dealing. They're still trying to have communication. Like, you and I are not being on the same page on one of our big shows. I think we're on the same page now more than ever.

I feel like, specifically with Bailey, though, like, you have very little follow through. And I don't know if it's what.

Follow through do you have.

I told you, like, anytime she's called me this week where she's like, hey, I'm leaving school.

I'm like, I know.

And I had to tell you that. I said, hey, I need you to understand. Bailey's always going to come to you. I'm bad cop. You're a good cap. She's always gonna come to you. Here's what I've already told her. I need you to respect what I've already told her.

I got that, too.

And I feel like you come in as, like, bad cop, but then your follow through is not that great. So.

Okay, so what's your follow through?

Look, like I said, like I said, when she started high school, you were like, it's gonna be really simple. She has a phone. She has friends. She has a card that she can buy food on. She's like, if she doesn't go to school, if she doesn't get up, she loses those things. And so I'm like, okay, well, then you gotta be, like, very clear with, like, Bailey, if you don't do this, this is the consequence.

I get it.

It's the only way for her to choose and fall in her face and decide what she wants to do.

I did it 100%. So this morning, I finish the show, and then I go home and I take her cell phone.

Okay. I just was wondering how we were gonna wrap it up from this morning. Like, if we.

It sounds like that's the answer. I took the phone this morning.

You already took her phone away.

She threw the phone across the room. I said, you lose your phone and you don't get any friends this week.

You said that to her?

I did.

If she didn't go to school while.

She was throwing tennis shoes and then she threw her phone. Yeah, I hear you. You're as fucked in head on the whole situation as I am. Like this. Like, listen, at the end of the day, we're dealing with like complicated human beings called every human being. Human beings are all complicated. Women have a specific type of complication. Men try to solve that problem being mental, which is, we come through. We're like, this is stupid. I'm punching him in the throat. Listen, you're saying, no, we need to coddle you, wrap you with duct tape and bubble wrap you and make you feel good.

Women, no women are alike. Men are probably way more alike. And you can come to them, you can probably take 100 men and give them the same conversation, have the same outcome. If you put 100 women in the room and you have the same conversation, all women are so different. They're gonna. They're just gonna respond to whatever it is. So different. So men are like, oh, I'm trying to figure out my wife. And you're like, are you. Like, you should know your wife. Like, you should know her.

But what if she's a liar?

I don't know if she's a liar.

Most women are liars.

So if you are looking, I'm going back to this phrase of like, what do you want out of this conversation? What do you want the outcome to be then? What do you have to say to her that's going to open her up to make her feel vulnerable enough to get it out and not be frustrated and not wall up and not be like, well, you. And then you're like, well, she's not. It's her. It's her. She's the problem. Well, maybe you had to approach it a little bit different based on your history and patterns with your wife or whatever it is. I feel like this is. I feel like this. I've become a better communicator over the years off of that one simple philosophy of what do I want in this moment right now? And I think that you. I think that you finally kind of like eased up a little bit. Like when we would try to have a conversation in the past, whether it was with kids or whatever, like, you would just like, I felt like I couldn't get in and talk. And I feel like now you at least let me get my words out.

Yeah.

So I feel like that's like one thing that's gone. I've become a better communicator. But you've realized in order to get me to communicate, you gotta shut Your mouth sometimes.

Yeah. That's why you do most talking on this show. It used to be the other way. People notice this. I noticed this. You do about 70% of the talking on this show. It used to be the other way. It used to be 30%. I used to pull it out like wisdom teeth. Now you got all this power and opinion and all the certainty.

Oh, I'm just one of those women, you know?

One of those women. So listen, this collision conversation that we're having this morning, this is real life, though. This is what people face. This is why most people don't get it. That's why most couples don't work out. That's why most marriages don't work out. It's why they're not working out today. Because complication of dealing with kids today is very complicated. It's more complicated than it's ever been.

Well, we got three more down the pipe.

Yeah, well, no shame.

Probably should figure it out.

But here's the deal. So we have this council of women in our home. They're amazing women. All of them individually are amazing. Them collectively, you're creating a bit of an insane fucking cocktail, you know?

I think maybe.

So what are we gonna do?

I think that's why I'm a girl mom, and, like, I honestly don't get phased that easy. I'm like, I can. I can. I can compartmentalize and be like, hey, we're gonna put a pin in this conversation. And it's not like I'm, like, stressed about it all day, and I'm not, like, shoving it under the rug. I'm just like, okay, right now is not the time to have that conversation, right? And then it's. It might be, like, a bunch of conversations that you have to have. And I'm kind of at the point where I'm like, all right, we need to just get everybody in the room and have a conversation. Because, like, what's going on is not working at some point. And I also, too, feel like I'm. It's like with Bailey, when she, like, blows up and, like, loses her shit and, like, the lights go out, I like. I kind of just get really calm, and I'm. Like, she's. That's not even her right now. Like. And so I don't react because I'm like, she's. The lights went out. Like, that's the only way I can describe it so I don't feed into that, because I'm almost like, bailey's not in her body right now. She's not in her right mind, there is. There's nothing for me to read out of this situation. When she comes back down to earth, then I can have a conversation with her. And so I don't get triggered easy because I'm like, where'd that person go? Where'd you. You went up to fucking Saturn. I'm. When you come back down, let's have a conversation about it. I think that's why you and I work out so well, is because I can. I'm just a little more like, okay. But I, again, I've had to become a better communicator over the years because I used to just, like, bottle it all in.

It's a tough game. It's a tough game. Being married. It's a tough game running teams, a tough game. Run a business. Why most people can't do it successfully. There's a lot of emotional bandwidth that's required. Your emotional bandwidth is more than it used to be. And at some level, somebody has to do a lot of listening in trying to. Through this situation with all of our kids. Like, somebody has to listen. Like, listen and not just listen and go shopping. It's like, listen and dialogue and fix problems.

I love how you're like. You act like listening and shopping is a problem.

I didn't say listening and shopping was a problem. I said they have to more than just listening and shopping. That doesn't necessarily solve the problem.

You used to be like, you're not spending time with Bailey. I'm like, yes, I am. You went to the mall. I'm like, I don't care. I can still have conversations. Like, I have had a lot of crucial conversations with Bailey at the mall picking a pants.

Okay, well, there you go.

And actually, I actually like doing conversations at the mall because I know that scary Bailey's not going to flip her lid and freak out on me because we're in a public place. So I'm like, I'm going to take you to a safe place where we can have a safe conversation.

Like a hostage exchange.

Yeah. I'm like, I want to win in this situation. Plus, I need some new pants. So let's go to the mall. It's a more productive. If it's her in her room, I might be yelling at her because her room is dirty and this and that. I'm not going to be yelling at her at the mall because her room's dirty. And then she closes off and then trigger, trigger, trigger. So, like, you say comments like, well, you just went shopping. I'm like, I Got to be honest, some of our, like, most connected conversations was when I just took Bailey shopping, and I felt like they were productive conversations because we were in a public environment.

Well, I mean, the situation scenario we're in right now is why most men just don't get involved. It's why we got to where we are as human beings. Men are like, no solution here. Nobody actually wants to solve a problem. Even though all these women have a nail stuck in their fucking forehead, nobody wants to pull it out. I guess we're just going to pretend it's not there. You guys all look great. Nice clothing, hangers on your foreheads. You're like, oh, my head. My forehead hurts. Well, why don't you take the fucking nail out? No, no, no. I can't take the nail out. You always want to talk about the nail. It's not the nail, motherfucker. It's the fucking nail.

Is that like, a meme?

It is a meme. It's a YouTube video. It's called not about the nail. It's hilarious. And literally, for, like, two minutes, you watch it, and then you find out there's a nail on her forehead. And she's like, it's just so hard. And it's just the pain in my forehead. It's just. It's never ending. And then he turns and he goes, well, it could be that you got a forehead. And she's like, oh, my God. You always do that. You always do that. It's not about the nail. And then he sits there and she's whining about it, and then he goes, oh, you know, that must be really hard. It is. It is really hard. It is really hard. I'm like, at some level, it's just. It's fucking. It's a shenanigan.

Okay, so we gotta wrap this podcast up. But what advice could. So what advice could you give to the world?

There's no advice to show therapy for us. There's no value.

There's no advice they can tell.

Right now, there's nothing we can say to help anyone.

Thank you for bringing our sanding board. We'll see you on another episode of the date your wife podcast.

Date your wife podcast. Today's episode was simply an a view into the challenges we faced.

We were going to have to have this conversation. It was either going to be tonight or on a podcast. So you guys just got to hear it on podcast.

That's why I forced it out now.

In a safe environment where nobody blew up.

Exactly. Which is how this podcast gained Distraction. People like, that's why half time, dude, it sounds like you and Danielle are just barely working through that issue on the show. I was like, we didn't come in plastically rap like every other couple podcast.

We weren't trying to work through that and then deliver value. We just wanted to work through it with you guys.

Value is next week. We'll be next exposing ourselves. Next week we'll be back to talk about how the fuck we handled it. But this week, the problem is very, very clear. And this is the situation across the board with every single couple, which is there are different ways for handling situations. And the hardest part is being able to deal with the game of collision. It just is. And everybody deals with collision different. Some people avoid it, some people attack it, some people like judo it, some people nunchuck it, some people shut down. Everyone has their coping mechanism. So while you can shut the emotions off for you and go on your day, I cannot when I know issues are there. I just cannot. I cannot do it. I have to at least address it. And that's what I did. That's what I did with one of our team members. Morning. I just told her, hey, listen, this can't continue. We have to have a conversation about this later today. I'm happy to have a conversation with you, but I thought we were leaving for the podcast. You're reading text messages.

I know. I want my daughter to actually go to school, so we're wrapping it up.

All right.

All right, you guys. Well, stay tuned next week to hear the new story, and hopefully we can add some value. I also run a hair podcast. It's called Big Money Stylist. If you're a hairstylist, if you're an entrepreneur, if you're a woman, you might like it. So tune into that. Look it up on Spotify, and there you go.

We also have. Right now, we're convention.com we're con. Tickets have been released virtually at the time we're recording this. So if you're a man who is struggling to figure out how to put the entire game together, listen, I'm playing at the fringe of fringe of the game right now. As you can tell on today's show, we are pushing constantly, without the tools of dealing with myself every single day, there's no fucking possible way I could handle being in the world I am right now with the amount of pressure change and the number of women who are currently at the core of my world. So if you're a guy who deals, has to deal with a ton of women at the core of your world.

Then you create a company called Wake Up Warrior.

To offset this reality, you had to build your own man club. Check it out@warrior wakeupwarrior.com or head to warriorconvention.com for the rest of you, have a wonderful week and we'll come back with having figured out what the fuck we figured out, and we'll debrief our great time we had in Hawaii. So although it sounds like we had no fun at all, we had a great time in Hawaii. We just came back into the reality of a shit show of Hawaii beauty. My friends, we're out. This is Garrett White and Danielle K. White signing off, saying love and like, good morning, good afternoon, and good night.