RAW "THERAPY SESSION" - MONEY IN MARRIAGE | Date Your Wife | EP 133

Hey, everybody. I am Danielle. Welcome to the podcast. Date your wife. This guy tried to introduce it, but he keeps introducing it as his other wife Keith's podcast, which is called Married Game. And I have to remind him you're not married to Keith. He doesn't put out like I do. So this is actually the date you wife podcast. Welcome. If you guys are new and you've watched our podcast or listened to it, we're kind of in a different setup. Do you know, I don't think they actually. There's nowhere they can see this podcast.

Why?

There's social media clips, but you can't. There's not. Like, we used to put it on a blog where they could go view the.

You don't put it on YouTube?

No.

Why?

It's only put on like Spotify and.

So nobody can see it.

Nobody can see it unless you show. Excuse me. The social media clips. So we spent all this money on all this studio and.

Yeah, no, we can see it.

Well, we utilize the clips for social media, but no, we should make the videos available.

We can put the whole video. I put the whole video on Instagram if you want it.

Yeah, you can. Yeah. In fact, the guy who edits it, I always tell him to send me the full 30 minute clip. Create my own clips based on things that I think people want to hear.

Okay.

But then you can also. You can post the whole episode on YouTube or on. On YouTube, which you put on YouTube too.

We used to put on YouTube. I didn't know it wasn't going to.

YouTube for you to be consistent.

Wow. I am consistent. Consistent at pissing you off. So listen, I'm going to play a video for you. A little audio here for all of our listeners and our watchers. Here it is. This will set up the stage for where we are going for today's conversation. This is a video from a customer.

Your customer.

Like, hold on, Here it goes. Here goes. Ready? It's with heavy heart that I'm posting this video. You Garrett. You Garrett. You lying cunt. You lying piece of shit cunt. There you are. Well, there we go.

That's how I felt.

That's about what my wife sounded like last night in the kitchen. So we're going to talk about today. The concept of you must be man enough to handle the heat, no matter who it is, customers, social media prospects, people who just want to persecute the shit out of you. Your spouse, your kids, your teenagers in a meltdown, your children having a tantrum and men melting into oblivion. Child crying in the middle of the night. So you released a bit of rage last night. This is the first time we're talking.

Since the moment I knew this would be kind of like a therapy session. Live.

Yeah. So we're gonna do it live.

To be honest with you, like, you said a few things over the past couple days that had triggered me, and I just, like, lost my shit last night because I felt like you. Well, to give you a little backstory, Garrett's been traveling for, like, I swear, the last, like, two months, and I feel like I've been a pretty supportive wife and shown up both emotionally and sexually when you're home. And I felt like I was fine. I knew it was, like, a season, and I was like, that's fine. I can support you and working. And I never wanted you to feel like I wasn't. Like, I knew you needed to go do this for our family. So I don't know if it never. If it didn't come across that way. I felt like I went above and beyond to be like, it's okay. I got the front home, and I run my own business and my own teams. But, like, you need space. And. And then when you were home, I felt like I really went out of my way to just, like, be with you, connect with you again, both emotionally, physically, like, all the things you did. And there was a few things that you had said over the past couple days that I felt like were putting me down a little bit.

Okay.

And one of them was like, I'm trying to plan a family trip, and I understand if it's like, you've been traveling a lot and you don't want to do a family trip. But for me, that Christmas trip is very important, and I spend a lot of time with myself and my teams coordinating it and getting it all together. And I'm not somebody who's like, yeah, fuck it. I'm gonna go spend hundreds and thousands of dollars. Like, we've done that before in Europe and stuff. But usually I feel like I'm pretty conservative. I take a lot of time in planning it, but I just. I felt like there were like, you were like, oh, I just don't wanna do this Christmas trip anymore. And then the other sentence you'd be like, but thank you so much for. It was like, conflicting messages. Right? And then I'm just thinking. But then you said something where you're like, well, your business really isn't doing as well as you think. And it's like the little jabs like that where I'm like, fuck you. I'm like, okay. I'm like, you don't even know how well my business is doing and because you don't want to, because you're stressed about money. And I'm trying to plan a family trip. Why do you have to say something like that? So I kind of like let it go. And I was like, whatever. And so last night I'm in the room snuggling with Isla. I had already put Charlie down. Your brother's in town, made dinner for everybody. You helped clean up. That was great. Ruby does this thing. Our 11 year old daughter does this thing where when she's like fatigued and tired, all of a sudden she acts like a three year old and she's got. And she's like kind of OCD with certain things and they have to be a certain way and like. And she literally goes into this like meltdown where it's like, I always say it's like the lights went out and I can't really help her. And you came in when I'm trying to cuddle Isla in bed and Ruby's doing something and I'm ignoring her because that's what I do when Ruby's in that moment. It's like if somebody's heated, you can't get through to them because they're so heated they're not going to hear what you have to say. So I just hold the space where I don't fucking lose my shit. So that's what I'm doing. I'm watching my daughter and I even had gone over. I'm like, do it like this. She was trying to sort laundry and I was. She goes, that's not how you do it. I go, then don't ask for my help. So you come in in the midst of chaos, you ask me, are you. Did you have a cocktail like all of a sudden, super judgy. And then you're like, why don't you help your daughter? And I was like, motherfucker, like you've been traveling for the past like six weeks and you're coming in and trying to not like you made me feel like I was being a shitty mom. I'm like, you haven't even been here. Ruby does this. I had the whole situation handled. I'm going to just let her like, like she does this, right? And so I like, it was like you were like, why don't you help your daughter? And I was just like, I didn't ask you to come in. So I just like lost my shit. I was Like, I felt like there was, like, little things in the last couple days, and I was like, why did you need to say that? Like, I feel like support goes both ways. Like, I feel like I have been supporting you. I feel like I have been like, hey, thank you for making this happen for our family.

And.

And then in the flip side of things, you're like, babe, you can't spend four grand on Garland. And I know you're like, well, we need to be aware of these things. We need to be aware of our spending. We need to be aware of these things. I'm like, well, you weren't aware of that six months ago when you decided to fly private with all your guys and go journey. And now all of a sudden, you're taking it out on me and saying, like, I can't spend money on Garland. That's not fair to me. Like, I just was like, all these little things had built up, and I was like, I just blew up. I was like, it's not fair to me. So I'm like, I understand. It's like, hey, you need to be aware of spending and things like that. I'm like, well, you aren't.

Do you understand? Do you understand? What does that mean? You understand?

I just feel like I spent. I spent all this time trying to make the house look beautiful.

You do.

And I even, like, it was like, one of those situations where that garland probably normally would have cost, like, 10 grand, but I was like, if I do it myself and I add the extra things in, I can do it for half the price. So for me, I was like, really? I'm like, oh, man. Saved us money, made the house look beautiful. And so for you to be like, hey, I felt like you kind of threw it in my face. I'm like, okay. Well, I felt like I was doing something for our family, and you said, it was beautiful, but then you told me, you can't do this, so I'm like, okay. So I feel like my understanding goes as deep as your understanding with what? Just, like, spending. Like, you want to throw it on me. But I'm like, I believe that I have as much awareness as you do in a lot of things.

Well, you have more awareness than I.

Do in a lot of things.

I think one of the topics that we're getting to is the fact that you and I have never gotten on the same page with money ever. Not one time since we've been together for 21 years. So the only answer that ever is is anytime the topic of money comes up, anytime the topic of budgeting comes up. Anytime the topic of money, of awareness of how much is being spent comes up. There's no closure to it, ever, ever. Not in 21 years. It continues to be an open loop conversation. And the only answer is make more money. So there's never any other conversation that happens. It's emotional. You feel picked on you, attacking you. You feel like it's not safe. And I don't know how to enter the conversation with you and not have you feel like I'm talking down to you or I'm devaluing what you're doing. I don't know how to have a conversation with you about money because you don't actually want to have a conversation about money.

Like, oh, your business is not even doing well. I feel like that's so out of context and you don't even know.

I didn't say it wasn't doing well. You were talking.

You said you're like, your companies aren't making any money. Good thing.

I didn't say they aren't making any money. I said you are under an assumption. You business, bank account balance, run your life, which is if there's money in the accounts, you spend it, period. You don't know budgeting, you don't know account statements, you don't know income statements, balance sheets, cash flow statements. You don't manage any of that. You don't manage our estate planning. I understand that, but you don't deal with our estate planning, our trusts, our insurance, our coverages, payroll, nothing. You don't do any of it.

I don't want to do any of it.

I understand that. You don't manage our personal bills, nothing. So when I come in knowing that I've hired all those people who manage all of that, and all those people are part of me, and two of those people up in 2022, they fucked up with awareness of what was happening, which put ourself in a situation where I had to go fix some problems. Put a pause real quick. So I'm coming in with the fact that I've spent all that, just like you're talking about with the kids. I'm talking about that from a frame of money. I know 99% more of what's going on with our money than you do and you know 99% more than I do what's going on with our kids. So you get upset because I come in and try to have an opinion about the kids, but I don't have all the context. I don't know that I was throwing or Ruby's throwing that tantrum every night. I can imagine that happening. So I come in and you feel threatened. Like I'm looking at you like you're an idiot for not doing something which is not my intention. I just saw my daughter sitting on the floor. You look at situations inside of money.

Look at me and said, what is wrong with you?

You were sitting on your cell phone and your daughter was sitting on the floor and she was asking multiple times.

What is wrong with you?

You were sitting on your, on the bed on your cell phone while she's.

On the floor asking for help, having a tantrum.

Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know what the problem was. She was asking for someone to show her how to sort between colors, lights and darks. You were lying on the bed on your cell phone, not cuddling with our daughter. Our daughter was laying on the bed next to you. You were laying by yourself, buried in your cell phone. I don't know what you're doing in your cell phone, but you're on your phone.

I watched a movie and I'm always on my cell phone.

I'm not saying any of that. I'm saying this was the situation I walked into. I walked into Isla laying on a pillow watching a cartoon, watching the Home Alone movie. I'm watching you on your cell phone and I'm watching my daughter sitting on the floor with a pile of clothes crying, asking for help.

You didn't need to say anything.

Okay, I got it. But I'm just saying that's the situation I went into after rocking our daughter to sleep for 30 minutes and putting her to bed. Then I came in. It wasn't like I was out smoking cigars and drinking with my friends. You made me go back up and get her after she woke up. And then I went back up and got her again and rocked her back to sleep for 30 minutes. You know, remember this? We were sitting downstairs all on the couch and she starts crying and the monitor goes off and you said, I'll take Isla and go watch your show. Will you go please put Charlie to bed. So I went up for 30 minutes, put the baby to bed. I come back from putting the baby bed, come into the living room to into the master bedroom to see you. And there's my 12 year old on the floor crying, asking for someone to show her how to sort clothes. You're lying on the bed on your cell phone. Idola is across from you, not touching you, lying on the bed, watching tv. So this is just A situation.

I'm clear just, like, how you say things and approach things.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

I feel like I'm pretty. Like, I don't think. I try not to say things to where I'm, like, putting you down or saying things that I'm, like, not grateful for the work that you've put in for our family. Like, I don't feel like I say things. And I think sometimes you say things. I'm like, why did you need to say that?

Why would you bring up me? Drink and feel free. Yesterday morning on our walk, I was honestly curious.

Okay.

And I was honestly clear as last night as to why you were not helping our daughter. How is it any different? You get a hall pass to say certain things.

What is wrong with you?

You were sitting on your phone, your daughter's crying.

I know you didn't compare those two things. I was actually genuinely crying, like, because I've drank those fill freeze. And I was like, I don't. I wouldn't want to feel like this all day. And then I dropped it because I could tell you were triggered and annoyed. You came in and you were rude. Your tone was rude. You said, what's wrong with you? It was very much like, oh. Like, I'm like, to me, I'm like, I've been holding down the fort. I've been with our kids. I've been the best mom I can, but sometimes when they're having a meltdown, I'm not going to do a goddamn thing.

I got you. I hear you. I hear you. So I walked into a situation. How could I have handled it differently?

Not been rude.

Okay, so what?

You speak before you think.

Okay, so do you. So what would that sound like and look like? How could I have operated differently last night to allow you to experience not feeling attacked? Well, like, what am I supposed to say? I don't know what to say.

I know, like, that you're stressed with work and everything. And I honestly have tried to bend, like, very the side of me that's very light, very feminine, very sexy. Like, I've been amazing. And so, like, I feel like I'm, like, really going and supporting you. And then I'm like, I just felt a little bit like there's little digs. And I was like, I can't. I'm holding down the fort. Support goes both ways.

Okay, I get it.

There's been times where I've wanted to go into this other version of Danielle, who's very alpha, who's very aggressive, who's like those two people, we don't collide well in that space. But I also have this very like feminine side. And I tried to more like, I call it like mom mode. Like I've been inside of my business, but I've been less. I've been really just trying to focus on mom mode and kids and family and that kind of thing because it brings out a more feminine side of me. We can't both be in our alpha or we collide and fight. And so I think I just got to this place where I just felt like maybe it was like you were stressed, but then all of a sudden you were taking it out on me and I'm like, well, you weren't stressed when you were spending X, Y and Z again. I'm just using that as an example on the private flights and the amount of journeys and all this stuff. And now all of a sudden, like, I'm unaware of the money and I'm unaware of this and I'm ungrateful. I'm not saying that. Just was trying to book a family trip for our family yesterday and felt like you took some unnecessary digs. And so I was just kind of between that and feeling like I'm been parenting the kids more. And then to have you come in and feel like my me being a mom, like being like kind of attacking, I was like, hold up.

I was like, I get it, I get it.

So now I'll share from my side. I get to work like a fucking maniac. I get to travel, be away from my kids. Don't want to. I get to hustle and deal with issues I don't want to solve. I have to struggle every single day waking up from the time I wake up to going to bed, not only trying to be a husband, not only be emotionally available as a man to my children, not only run a team with 37 full time employees, not only make some of the most significant pivots in the history of my business world, but while at the same time doubling down on all this while trying to be a husband who can show up knowing that when I leave our home, I have to be a fucking war every day. Then I've got to try to transition from war fucking mode into here. And then you're questioning me about traveling and then you're starting to do the thing this week, long before I started digging, the thing you used to do back when I traveled, which I have not traveled a ton until this year and I have not traveled a ton until the last couple months. And if you go back to this whole year, I fucking traveled with you a ton of. We've done two week long family vacations. I've gone on massive trips with you this year. Tons. I have a season of fucking war that I'm in. So as a husband, I don't know how to show up in a way because I come back and you do the angry woman thing of you're traveling for business, so I'm going to be a bitch about it. And then you come in, you started already doing it this last week. I would try to touch you and you're like, I'm irritated. I would try to talk to you like, I'm irritated. I'm like, okay. And you had done a great job. You had. Your bandwidth had been burned up in the six weeks. Then when you found out I had two more weeks of travel and work that I had to do before we get done with Thanksgiving and into Christmas holidays, and then everything's established. I need established. You found that out. You went off the reservation and then you weren't nice. You were doing your best. I could see your battery was gone. I didn't know what to tell you. You think it's fun for me to be jammed up in a hotel room while I'm on the road doing business when I'm gone from the family? I don't. I don't think that's fun. It's not fun at all. I don't like it. On top of this, as a businessman coming home, I get to come home and you get a break. I come home. You get a break. I come home from work. Yeah, I come home. We have coverage from the morning with nannies to the nighttime. I come home from a full day of 12 hours of work and then I'm all in on the kids. You get a break because I'm all in on the kids.

I don't get a break.

You can have a break. You can have a last night. I didn't ask you to make dinner last night. I didn't ask you to.

I was doing it. It's not. You're saying that you're all in. I'm also in every single night. We're both all in.

I got it.

So you don't get to say, hey, I'm all in. We are both all in. In that moment.

Got it. So then when I'm traveling to support our family and to build our companies, why am I made to feel like the bad guy for doing it?

I never made you feel like a bad guy.

I didn't make you feel like a bad mom. Last night, you chose it.

You looked at me and said, what is wrong with you?

And you looked at me and said, why are you continuing to travel? I don't understand. Why are you doing this? I don't understand it. And then you'll bring up stuff in the past about finances, and you'll be like, well, why did you do this? Why did this? Easy to look in the rearview mirror about decisions, hard to own. What is reality right now? So, listen, the problem is, you and I, neither one of us are seeing. I'm trying to cross over into your world. I don't understand it. You don't understand my world. I am not even to doubt at all that I would get crushed under the pressure of what you face as a woman and what you have to deal with every single day. I also know you couldn't handle two fucking seconds in my world. You would break in half. So us trying to do this. What I'm saying is, how do you create a conversation where it's safe for two people outside of doing it on a live podcast? Cause we couldn't have this conversation any other place right now. You wouldn't have this conversation with me over lunch. This shit would spiral out of control. You're only keeping it together, and so am I. Because it's fucking being recorded.

No, I feel like, though. Like, I just. I feel like I'm, like, an elite woman. And so you are. Literally. There was, like, two days last week where I was like, hey, babe, I just need space. Like, I just need space. And then I feel like I. Like the weekend, I booked two double date nights.

You did great.

Planned it, like, showed up like a porn star. So then it was, like, Sunday. We had a little bit of a spiral, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I feel like I just showed up, like, the best wife over the weekend. And then it was, like, nothing. And even, like, it was interesting. Like, the second night we went on a date, I was like, you're like, I'm gonna watch the fights, babe. And I thought it was gonna be, like, 30 minutes. And then, like, hang out with me time. And it was like you were so sucked into the fights. I was like, he doesn't even notice me anymore. Like, did you get what you wanted last night? So now you're into this. So it was just like a combination of, like, yes, you have been traveling so six weeks, and I've got through that six weeks. And then you were like, hey, I am going to be traveling again. For a week, next week, and then again. And so it just. I was like, I need space. Because I felt like I held down the fort, and this is, like, not my capacity, but this is what I told myself. Like, this is the window. And then you were like. So then it was like, I lost trust a little bit, but I understood because I know you had to do things for our family. But I was like, I just need a second to digest this. And so. And you were like, okay, I understand. And again, it was just an interesting week because it was like, I thought this was done. And then it was like, hey, I'm gonna be traveling again. And so it was just. Yeah, it was just like, one of those moments where I was just like. There was little things that I felt like you said that I just lost my shit. I was like, okay, I need a second. I know. I'm trying to say that I understand that you need to travel. I'm appreciative to that. I feel like I had shown up like a good wife. I'm a faithful wife. I'm literally like. I'm like, I think I show up pretty fucking solid as a woman. And so it was.

You do. I'm not questioning at all.

So that's all I'm saying is, like, you kept saying things like, well, you don't, like, appreciate me traveling. I'm doing this for my family. I'm like, I know you are. I know you are. And that's fine. But now you told me you're traveling along, so just give me a second to digest it. And then again, like, that's why I had the conversation with you, like, real last. Like, yesterday, I was like, can I. Are we in trouble? Can I not book this family trip? Because part of me is like, as a woman, I don't really want to do all the finances. Like, in the beginning of our. Not even in the beginning of our marriage, but there was this phase when we had lost everything. And you were like, you're responsible for the bills. And I think it's because you didn't want to look at the numbers for sure. And I had to come to you multiple times and say, like, I don't have. The bills are 6,000, and there's 2,000 in there. And you would be like, I'm doing the best I fucking can. And I'm like, just bring in the awareness. You put me in charge of paying the bills, and there's not enough money in the account.

Yeah, I get it.

And I'm just bringing awareness when I say you spent $12,000 on Christmas lights and garland. All I'm doing is bring awareness. No different than you're saying, and that's fine.

But I don't know that I can't do that. I've never been that I have to be on a budget.

Never once told you you can't do.

A lot of money as a woman.

I've never said, I don't even want.

Control of my own money. I'm like, I get it. I'll be your artist. I'll be your museum. Like, I make great money. I'm like, but I don't. Yeah. I'm like, I don't care. I don't want to manage it. Like, I really don't want to do that.

Well, it's very clear you don't want to manage it.

So I just need to trust, like, are we good here?

I know. And when I.

If you're telling me, like, you don't. Hey, babe, you can't. You can't spend this on garland. Like, I said, that normally have been like, double the price. But I was like, ah, that's kind of expensive. I'll do it myself. I enjoy it at some level.

Until I remember the context of when I brought that up in. I said, the garland is not a situation. I said, there's no awareness for the amount of spending that's going on. Stop, pause. Let me finish. I brought up the garland as an example. I said, look at what happened last week. $4,000 in Garland, 6,500 in Christmas lights. That's $10,000. That's just one of a ton of things that occur, just like this. Small things of transactions of a thousand to three thousand to five thousand. And that shit fucking adds up. And there's no awareness that you and I are having with our CFO and our teams to sit down and look at money. That's all. That's all the conversation and all this was backed up by the fact that you were upset about the fact that I was traveling. And I said, I'm traveling to pivot the businesses and fix a problem.

Right. But can. But my only point is when you're bringing up garland as an example, when you tell me, hey, I'm gonna fly private with my entire team, we're all gonna journey. It's like 10,000 a person plus the private flights, probably like 75, $80,000. And then you're telling me, like, hey, you need to be aware of the $12,000 in a garland. I'm like, but where was this awareness? Should you have not spent that.

Great question, great question.

And then you're like, my team's fucked up. And I'm like, I don't do the finances, and I want to trust that your teams have it. I want to. I don't want to do it.

Yeah. So then I lose.

I feel like I lose a little bit of trust because I'm like, not only am I being told like, hey, you need to be aware of your spending, but I'm like, but are you being aware of your spending?

You love to bring up the same examples all the time. And I appreciate your passion with staying on them like a ravenous dog on a bone. I like it. I appreciate the fact that you do. I think you're just triggered the question. Of course I'm triggered. You're triggered. What the fuck are you talking about? You're not sitting here untriggered. This whole conversation, a conversation triggers. You're fucking triggered. I'm triggered. The end. And we're dealing with a topic. The topic is money. How do I approach the conversation of money with you in a healthy way that doesn't turn us to us fighting? Because every single time I attempt to approach to put budget constraints or any type of awareness on spending in our personal lives, you only want to make examples of business moves I make with money. You don't take any responsibility inside of.

Our spending for our family choices.

Okay.

For example, our nanny fired, and you're like. You're like, I'm gonna compensate her for two months. I'm like, I feel like that should have been a joint decision.

I agree.

So I'm not involved in certain decisions.

Right, but you're also saying you don't want to be involved, so what am I supposed to do? I don't want to be involved. What you just said two minutes ago.

But you say you want to put me on a budget, but then you're also, like, telling me, like, you make decisions. Like, I said, you fired the nanny, and you said you're gonna give her two months compensation. I'm like, that's unnecessary.

And all these nannies exist because I pushed for them.

Okay, I'm just bringing that up.

You don't seem to have a problem with their support now.

Okay, I'm just bringing that up as an example. You're making big financial decisions. I don't get a say in. And I'm okay. I'm okay with that until you come at me and you're like, you need to really. You shouldn't buy that bag. Or you shouldn't buy that. I'm like, I didn't get any say or any. Any say in things that you're spending money on.

Okay, this is great.

So then you're gonna. If you want me to be more aware, then we're both gonna have to submit.

I want you to look at the examples. We're always talking about your personal spending and spending for the family. And then you're always referencing business spending. I make. You're not ever referencing personal spending.

I make you're flying private. Was not. You did not need to do that.

Okay. We could have probably gone commercial. Let's come back because you are. You are loving that topic.

That's my best example. I got that.

Beautiful. What was the purpose of that trip? Why was I taking the trip with those people? Jeremy Findlay, Michael isom. Jeremy. Jeff McGregor, Corwin Smith and Trevor O.J. white. Why would I take my team on a weekend trip?

It was like a bonding, something that you want to do for your company.

I don't know exactly. You don't know why? You don't know why I wanted to.

Elevate your guys and team. Team. Team bonding.

I have two trainers that I have to have stand in power inside of this company. They need time under tension. Going on a medicine journey allowed us as a team, Jeff McGregor, as an executive, to bond with both of my trainers.

When I hear that we're short here and that we had this money come out in this, I'm like, well, we probably shouldn't have done that if we didn't have the money to do that again.

You are rewinding and looking at the tape. Six months ago, I made moves. Six months ago, I can only operate off of data that I have right now. There was a shift in data that happened. I was unaware of. Unaware of.

Right. And all I'm saying is I as a woman, I want to trust that you've got this all managed.

So do I. I want to fucking trust, too.

Who do you trust?

So I want to trust you. I want to trust me. I want to trust our teams. I want to trust the fucking business.

How have you not trusted me?

I can't have a conversation with you about money without. Okay, we're trying to have it right now. So how do I enter a healthy conversation with money knowing the following two facts. One, you don't want to know, and two, you want to have an opinion about everything.

I don't have an opinion, but hardly anything.

You want to have an opinion about the moves I make, but you don't Want to be involved in the money.

Conversation you have not everything you've done this year and the money that you've seen spent, I've supported. And like, even though I was like kind of my pants that you were spending that much on certain things, I was like, the only thing you keep.

Referencing is one thing, one trip.

It could be like your ad spend. It could be there's so many, like, little things. I'm like, well, you or even like, I know it's like investing your business or whatever, but I'm like, hey, his business. Like, I trust he's going to provide. That's fine. Like, I don't feel like it's fair for me to say, hey, like, babe, you can't invest that in ads. Would I do it? No, but there's a lot of things I wouldn't do and you wouldn't do vice versa. So I'm just saying there's like a lot of things where I'm like, I can't control your business. You at some level can control my business and the money I bring in because I don't manage it. So I just want to feel like that I know you can produce, I know you'll take care of the family. I just don't like when it comes back on me and I feel bad about it when I don't. I haven't even given clear parameters or guidelines. But then I'm like, well, it probably didn't make sense to spend money on X, Y and Z, right? And for me, I'm like something as stupid as, like, you know, I get it, it can be significant over time. You know, 10 grand here, 10 grand here, 10 grand Here, those adds up to the hundreds of thousands of dollars. But, and I understand that, but I'm just kind of like, do you understand that? Why do you keep asking me?

I'm asking you, do you understand that? You say you understand it. What does that mean? You understand that that can add up. You don't look at the credit card statements, you don't look at the profit loss statements, you don't look at the cash statements. You don't look at any of them.

At the beginning of the quarter, I even told Jeff and Sammy, I said, hey, there's certain things that I want to do with the home, say, for example, the trees. And Jeff's like, that's not a problem. And I said, and I have no problem if I have big projects being done in the house that they're not all done like a three month window. And we're like, what the fuck? 200,000 just left, right? I said, so can we schedule these projects out? And specifically I told him this in, like, February. And I'm like, I just want. He goes, when do you want the trees done? I go, sometime in the summer would be amazing. And I even did it in two different segments because I didn't want, like, that much cash coming out, right? And then, like, the dishwasher that was always planned on being done, like, quarter four. So there's house projects that I know you say you're not aware of, but I went to Jeff at the beginning of the year.

I didn't say I wasn't aware.

Let's plan this house.

I didn't say I wasn't aware.

I didn't say I'm not aware. And all this adds up.

I didn't say I wasn't aware. I said, you're not aware.

I am aware.

You're aware of the things you want to be aware of. You don't want to be aware of all of the heaviness of it. You want to be aware of the. I want to buy this shit.

What I'm trying to tell you is, like, I feel like I am a team player, but I feel.

I feel like I'm a fucking team.

Player too, and you are, but I can't operate under, like, you're like, you have no awareness. And I'm like, I've never been told that I need to have awareness.

And I'm telling you now, if you want to have an opinion, which I would love you to have an opinion if you'd love to have an opinion. It's just like me trying to have an opinion about the kids but never being involved with the children, only occasionally. And you don't respond to that too well.

It scares me a little bit just because I feel like you're not even as aware as you make yourself out to be.

Of course I'm not.

I like it, like, when you're like, line up my team's fuck up.

I'm like, how did line up line up a thousand entrepreneurs. Line up a thousand entrepreneurs. Line up all your hairstylists. The hardest game in the world in business. Not selling and making money. It's keeping it and growing it. The end, which is systems and process and people. This is a. This is a work in progress. This takes a lot of time and energy and effort. Do you know how many people sit on our current financial team? We have a financial advisor. We have an insurance agent. We have three different sets of attorneys. We have an estate planning team, we have a tax team, we have an entire book, two cross checking accounting teams that cross check each other and a cfo. You don't know any of these people fucking exist. I deal with all of them.

How can we get on the same page?

This is what we're doing right fucking now. I mean, I am just asking you one simple question. I love you. I respect you. I'm going nowhere. I don't give a shit. You could blow up like you did last night, every fucking night for two weeks. I don't give a shit. I don't care. What I want is honesty. And I want you to feel safe. That's it. I just want you to feel safe. And I don't know how to make you feel safe. When I get attacked for going to do the things in business I need to do to make the family safe and then you get upset at me for going. I'm not saying you haven't shown.

I honestly haven't been upset that you were.

You have been recently in the last 10 days. And that's what started.

I was a little bit annoyed that you're like, I have two more trips.

I was like, yeah, and you made it personal. And so it came back personal at you from me. You made it personal. Things got personal between us.

I feel like I really didn't. I had two nights this week where I was literally like, hey, I just need to.

That's fine. It's not just that. It's energy. You say it to me all the time. It's your energy. It's the way you say things.

My energy showed up solid this weekend.

It did. So did mine. Until last night. We had one exchange. Until you think I've been showing up like an ass. Okay. I watched the fights and you were right there with me. I thought you were watching the fights with me.

Comments on Sunday that I was like, why did you say that?

We went on a walk and talk after. I stayed up all night watching the kids while you slept. What do you want me to do? I was working six straight days and then I stayed up all night with the babies. Then I was with you on a walk and talk in the morning, already fatigued, already tired after six weeks of travel.

So that's why you said things.

No, of course I say things under duress. I'm tired. I'm asking for empathy and sympathy and you're not giving me either. And there I am after watching a baby. I watched the babies all night. Not you. I did.

You did that I did.

I did. I did. After six straight days of work of which you didn't watch the kids on night shift one time the whole week we had nannies that watch them at night.

It doesn't matter. I have been on those kids for the last six weeks.

I'm not. And I've been on the aggression of dealing with our businesses and large events and entire explosion at the same time. It's not better than me. It's not worse than me.

Have this stress. So I kind of like little things when you say, I'm like, I'm gonna, Me too. I'm gonna let it go. I don't feel like I say rude things.

You, of course. And I don't feel like I say rude things to you.

You said a couple rude.

You said a couple rude things to me.

What?

We're sitting in a mere paradox. You're in your own little blast box and I'm in my own little glass box. And all I'm saying is, how do we get out of these glass.

I mean, last night I blew up on you, but prior to that, I didn't say any, like, jabs. Or digs.

Okay.

I'm just saying you said a few things that were kind of hurtful. So I was like, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to yell at you right now because I'm kind of in this space where I just want to be relaxing and then it's just, Just need a minute.

So how do we make it through this season without you losing your shit.

In the next like six weeks?

I'm done. I don't need to lose my shit.

You already lost your shit last night. So how do we make it through the next six weeks without you losing your shit?

How? I feel like I've really gone above and beyond.

So do I. I feel the same fucking way. I don't understand why you say that and then you act like I'm not.

I, I, I didn't say you weren't.

Okay. But I'm just saying, okay, I'm going all fucking in as a man and your husband too. So you're going all in. You just going all in sexually and all the rest of this is part of being a wife. This isn't just like some bonus gift. I'm all in as your husband. Watching the kids, covering the kids, building the businesses, managing our teams, hiring and firing people you don't want to deal with, cleaning shit up you don't want to fucking touch. I'm the fucking cleaner with half the shit that goes on in our world.

That also means the story needs to end.

Okay, well, what's your story of I'm.

Going all in, Rehired a personal assistant, restructured all the names.

How did you find her? My agency that I reached out to, that I paid.

Take all the credit.

I'm not taking all the credit.

I'm just saying we're both busting our ass right now.

I got it. So just fucking acknowledge that.

That's fine.

Great. Then why don't we start there with respect, with the fact that you are doing everything you can. That's fine. I'm doing everything I can and I don't know the world you're pushing and you don't know the world I'm pushing. And in the middle of this, we have this topic called money. I would love to find a healthy and productive and powerful way as a couple, as a producer and a producer as my equal in life. Not my equal, my harmonized. This is what we're here. I'm saying, how do we do this? How can we create an environment where I'm faced with these two variables? I can problem solve, but I have to know all the variables involved. You don't want to be involved in anything, but you want to have an opinion about everything. So I don't know how to work with that. How do I work with somebody? If you were an employee and I'd say, well, what do you want to do? Well, I want to be involved in nothing, but I want to give you an opinion about everything. I would love to know your commitment to being involved in the financial conversation. And then from there I can work my way back. We're not even inviting you to the meetings today because we're too worried it's going to go too deep and you're going to get bored and leave or you're not going to be involved.

I don't need like a three hour meeting. I need like a debrief of like.

What do you want to see?

I don't know. I don't even know what I should be seeing.

How can you make decisions without data?

My own numbers and are you tapping into my numbers and our numbers?

No, I'm not touching your business at all. Your business sits as a savings account. So what would make you feel. Because part of this for me was not about telling you not to get the garland. It was not about you trying to get Christmas lights. It was about saying we must have awareness on the math and the money. More awareness than we're currently having as a couple. And my teams are ready to do this.

Wanna propose. Like, I am very consistent and open minded. If you said, hey, Danielle, we're gonna meet every week at Monday, it's gonna be 10:30am it's like, with my team meetings, it's part of my day. But the problem is I feel like my schedule is more flexible than yours. So we had this intention to do this the beginning of last year and we met a couple times. And then you got busy and it didn't continue to happen. So I'm okay even if you're not in the meeting. And I personally meet with Jeff and he gives me a rundown of the numbers and where we're at. That's kind of one of the things we started to implement. And then it just kind of like, it was like Jeff was like, I was too busy, you're too busy. And I'm the one that has the most flexible time.

True.

So I'm open to creating whatever that looks like.

So what that looks like.

I can only operate based off of, like, the space that I'm like, given. Like, it's. Nobody ever said, like, here's your budget. I'm like, I make, I'm a. I'm a producer. I make really good money like you do. I'm so tired of, like, feeling bad that I have to, like, spend money on things like women have. I think that women in general, like, feel more guilty about spending money specifically on themselves or their children or their home. Like, it's hard for women to kind of, like, let go of that guilt. And I feel like I found a really good balance with myself where I'm like, I make good money and I spend a lot, but I'm actually somewhat conservative. Like, I don't feel like I'm like, out buying watches and shit and stuff like every week. You know what I mean? Like, I have some nice purchases that I make and some nice things I do for the home, but I don't feel like I'm like, that outrageous. So if I need to, if there needs to be a budget, I'm open to it. I don't. I don't care. I just need a frame that I can operate in.

Here's what, here's what we're operating is with the financial teams, right? Is Pareto's law, which is, no matter what happens to income, expenses will rise to meet income, no matter what. This is a function of life, period. You make more money, you spend more money. Right? If we rewound back in our life the idea of spending 12 $10,000 on Garland and a Christmas tree or taking a private flight and spending $200,000 on a weekend retreat with my executive teams. Guess what? None of this would even been a fucking option. We couldn't pay the rent. So if you look at what's happened over time is as income. We live in a $22 million home. We have supercars in the garage, we drive, and we have a lavish lifestyle and we love it and we live it and it's beautiful and we deserve it. We have built this fucking life for ourself. We're not in bankruptcy. We're not on the edge of breakdown. We're not going to lose everything. Our game is not even at risk. What is at risk is a future that looks like this. When spending rises with income, you end up in a shitty situation. At some level, you have to start establishing budgets and say, we don't need.

Any more shit that goes with both of us.

I am not saying it doesn't.

And I think you love to.

Look, I agree. You are the. And this is what I love about you. In business, you are happy to get. You are a. If we could get you to operate in. In our personal life the way you do in your business, we would be fucking solid. Because you don't want to spend money on shit in business. You let me do all the spending on business. You look at what happens here. I spend all the money to go figure shit out. Then we take what we figure out and transition it over to your company, which then doesn't have to spend any money because my company spent all the money to go figure it out, including my executives that manage the backside of your business, including the studio, the podcast studios. All this stuff was stupid shit to you when I first did it until you needed it and use it. My training room down the hall. You use all these things for us. We use these things. So I'm saying, okay, we're never going to see the world the same. I am always going to inherently have a hard time, always have a hard time looking at the idea that pouring $10,000 into Christmas lights makes any sense. It's just going to be hard for me, period. Fuck me the rest of my life, I will always be like, but it's so simple.

It's so simple, so happy.

And guess what? And at the same time, you will struggle constantly with the willingness I have to invest in our people to buy and to create experiences for our team.

But I don't feel like even supportive now.

I get it. Even for our students, you're like, they don't eat it. Chicken sandwich, turkey from. From the gas station. I'm like, let's create a better environment, a better experience. We both have strengths in this. Both. You don't want to spend any money in business. I don't want to spend any money at home. So between the two of us, if we can get this thing fucking dialed in, we'll have the perfect harmony, which is I'll spend unnecessary bullshit in the business, which I do. I spend on this. I spend unnecessary money all the time on shit. My teams have built a culture that's. I get it. We waste fudgeing millions on stupid shit. I agree on the side tone of this. We have spending money out of control with our teenager who just runs her amics over the fuck she wants because she follows her mother and we have no controls inside the home. I'm not. I've never said we weren't. Never said we weren't. Like this whole conversation has been not one of you fucking suck.

It's been like you finally got a good therapy session. We needed to get it out. It's fine.

So listen, the proposal on the table is what then? One meeting a week.

Are you going to say stick with me?

Yes. It's one of my practical meeting with Jeff right now. One meeting a week. Inside of that is a financial update of both brands, both businesses and our personal life. And the entire model has been about how do we continue to stock. The only reason we have savings is because I made strategies like this in the past was I just stockpiled and forced us to fucking save money. That's it. I just pulled money out of the business, pulled money out of our personal and stockpiled it in vaults. It's the only reason the business got saved. And a bunch of different things happened to us personally in the last four or five years. A change happened to Covid that let us fund some of the things we're doing. So all I'm asking is for your attention in it for an hour once a week, and then you can have an opinion. If you don't like what numbers are, then at that point you have to. If you don't like something, then you can have an opinion. But it's also going to come with a asterisk, which is you need to know more of what's going on. And then we can unfold the picture that we painted for you and say, here are the function or factors that are playing into that.

Do you have an opinion about those factors? Like realistically, like If I'm booking a family trip and I'm like, yeah, I think this would be fun. And this would be fun. Is it a. Is it because you don't want to go because you've been traveling, you don't value spending that on a family trip, you're kind of over it. Or is it legit? Like we don't have the money? Because like I said, you're not going to value travel like I do with.

My kids, for sure.

You're not going to value garland like I do.

Never.

Stupid garland.

Never.

You're not going to value things. Things for the home. Men are just not wired that way.

Never. But I appreciate them.

Right?

Clean house. I like it.

Women, cuz we're like, it's not clean.

I don't do it.

I did it. And you love it. But then I kind of feel bad. Like you made me feel bad about it.

Yeah, so do I. As a man. You want all these things, but I feel bad because I work a lot. It's like, ah, how do I rec. How do I reconcile this? I feel like because I'm gone, I'm made to feel like because I'm traveling too much, yet at the same time I'm the same guy that has to pay for the garland. So I'm like, how do I be the guy who can be home but not be the asshole who has to work all the time, yet to be the guy who has all this, you have to work. So it's like we kind of swapped in normal life a long time ago, babe. We're either in it to win it, which we are.

Such a real podcast. I bet everyone listening to this is just like, yeah, what do you do? We don't know.

No, we do know.

We don't know.

We don't right now. We know one thing, which is we feel better as a couple for having done the show with you. You feel better? Yeah.

I needed to talk and I was.

Like, there's no way we're gonna talk outside of this. I was like, there's no way I ended up leaving on my trip. We'd have been upset and it wouldn't have worked out. So listen, here's the deal. I told you this this morning.

Look at me. Come here. I love you.

I know.

I love you no matter what. Like, no matter what. Like, you're. I'm yours, you're mine.

It's a rough season.

It's not even rough. It's just we're in a season. We're in a season where shit's happening. And I appreciate you deeply, like, who you are and what you are and what you've been and what you've always been.

I think, too, for me, it's like I. Because we had so much past trauma, I'm always like. I start having, like, these nightmares of, like, sharks eating me. And I'm like. And you're like, how come you're not sleeping? I'm like, it's like my stress and anxiety of, like, I don't want to repeat. And I'm like, I have to remind myself, like, that we worked so hard to get here.

So I'm like, yeah, I love you. I love you.

It was a interesting podcast.

Look at me. I love you.

I know.

But sometimes I know I'm not going.

I need to release the rage.

I want you to, though. I want you to. I want you to feel safe to be able to do that, no matter what. I love all of you. All of it. All of it. There's nothing you can do to have me leave. There's nothing you can do to have me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, period. We'll figure this piece out. Just like we figured everything out. You and I are both talking about this. Our life is at a place that, like, we never could have imagined. Never. Ten years ago, we saw a vision for what our life could become, and we've built it, and we're just taking it to another level. God's, like, preparing all of us for this. So. I love you. I appreciate who you are and what you've done in our home, like, what you've done with our kids, the system you put together with our nannies and the homeschooling process and how amazing our children are. I don't ever want you to feel this way. I hate that you feel this way. I don't want you to feel these things.

I do my best to try to.

Keep it from you, and I. And I was trying to keep all of it from you so I could just fucking handle it, because I had it handled. Like, all of it. I had it all fucking handled. And I know that it pushes you, like, stresses you out. So I'm here. I got a couple more weeks of this shit. Just let me fucking murder this shit like I do. And then we get to recreate something new for 2023. And this podcast was our therapy.

And it's like a reality show.

It's the reason why we wanted. I wanted to do it because I knew there's no way we were going to Have a conversation like this today, and then I'd have left on the trip and we would have. It would have just festered and boiled, and then it would have taken us, then it would have been back for a week and then gone on another four day and then my back for the holidays.

I know. That's like, one of the things I feel like as us as a couple, like, even when I don't want to talk and in the past, I would just close off, I'm like, that doesn't serve me. And so as ugly as this conversation needs to be, or as public as it needs to be, I kind of got to this place where I had to ask myself, like, what is the end result that I want? And it's to not feel this way, to have this conversation, to get over this and get back on track sooner. Because I feel like if you don't get back on track, you just kind of digress to where then you have to work so much harder to get back on track. And I recognize that in myself and inside of our relationship. So even though I'm uncomfortable, I'm quicker to course correct versus let it fester.

Me too. And I appreciate you for it. I love you for it. And you are a fantastic mother. You're an amazing wife. You're everything I've ever wanted. And you have been showing up, like, at the highest level across the board in our area in the last, like, four or five days to a week. I apologize. I don't know how I now see how I could have done things differently this last week. And I don't want you to feel these insecurities. I don't want you to feel this lack of safety, that things are fine. I have them handled. I have them handled, period. And I want you in as much.

As you want to see and as.

Little as you want to see, and I want you to have a system to where you can spend.

I feel like I would. I would feel safer if I was a little more involved. And there's times I'm like, should I be spending this? And I'm like, I kind of honestly go off of your pace. Like, if I feel like I'm like, well, we must be fine, because you'll tell me, like, we're fine, we're fine, you're fine. Or like, I'll see spending that you'll do. And I'm like, okay, we must be fine. So for me, that's like my green light or my permission of, like. I mean, I'm like, this is kind of Ridiculous to spend this on lights and garland. But I'm like, but he's making moves. So I feel it's okay for me to make to do this. And then it's like, it's not okay. And I'm like, I didn't know.

Yeah.

So I don't have a wide enough scope. And I'm not saying I don't want that. I'm going off of your pace.

Listen, we're going to create a game to where you feel you have green lights. I mean, you can do whatever you want with your business money. Like your business money is your business money. You do what you want, you make more money than most of the guys I lead.

So I'm not trying to control you in that place, in our place, I'd love you to just know that you had a green light. So no matter what you knew. And that's what our plan is. We're putting together have an entire new model that we figured out over the weekend. A way to conceptualize this and visualize this even inside of our software so the guys can use this because we're not the only ones that are facing this. We watch this happen across the board with our guys. This topic is really hard. Money's a hard topic.

Sex is a hard topic.

Kids are hard topic.

And then most couples never get through.

Any of this shit.

So part of reason why we do this podcast, you can tell, is it's cheaper than therapy. We gotta have some money for that garlic.

More convenient. We have our own studio. These are our brands. We're just two entrepreneurs trying to figure out how to raise five kids.

Just a fucking circus. And you are doing amazing. So I love you. Thank you for being here on the show and this episode.

Listen, if you got value from this one, share this shit up. There are so many different people out there, so many different couples who are struggling. I can promise you. There's just no podcast you're going to ever listen to. When it comes to marriage. That's going to be even remotely close to what we do here. This is not a Tell everybody how we got it figured out. As you notice, our shows week to week are really just me and Danielle dealing through shit. And the last time we were this raw and dealing with some hard shit was back in 2000, I think 18. We had a few show. We had a whole bunch of episodes. If you are new to the show, go back and listen to some of our earliest episodes. You'll hear the evolution of the show. You get to hear the evolution of Danielle who back in 18 started her first podcast with me and she's just fucking killing it now. So thank you so much for being here. I love you. And you can follow more Danielle on Instagram daniellekwhite.

Also, you can check her out@dkwstyling.com as well as myself, Garrett J. White, on instagram and or wakeupwarrior.com thanks so much.

We're out of here.

This episode is coming to a wrap now.