Secrets to Explosive Growth: How Fitness Power Couple Carter and Alyssa Transformed Their Lives and Relationship

Welcome to the Danger Watt podcast and today we're excited we've brought on a special couple. There are some people in your life who just make such an impact that you rip the ass out on three of your favorite pairs of slacks. And two of those times occurred back hind stage as I'm going on stage in front of 5,000 people, one of which happened with wife, and she was laughing her ass off, not supportively laughing that I had ripped my ass out on my slacks. Now you might ask yourself, why do you continue to rip the ass out on your slacks? Well, it's really simple. I hired a trainer who guided me to get glutes.

You.

You know, he did not have an ass. It was, like, embarrassing.

I just found out that we're going to put it all in the air now. That he used to get his pants tailored because his ass was so flat.

This is true.

I just thought maybe genetically it wasn't in his cards.

Well, it isn't.

Daddy's got a donk now.

Wait, wait. Before we go, I gotta introduce him, though.

Oh, yeah. Welcome to the show. Right out of the gate. This is my trainer, my coach, my guy. Carter Montgomery. Miami, Southern Florida. Hit me up on the DMS in Instagram a year ago when I was training for my first fitness competition. Asked if I needed some help with posing and they'd be happy to help. And I never respond to anyone's DMs on Instagram. I have thousands of unresponded. Don't talk to anyone. But for some reason that day, I felt connected to who he was. And it just vibe felt right. So I was like, cool, hit him back. I think we're on a facetime like a day or two later.

Where.

And then we went from posing and then we went into my first show and I was about five, six weeks out. Six weeks out. And I was not following the diet. I was just eating a lot of chicken and rice. And Danielle said, you're not going to be ready. I said, I will be ready. She said, there's no fucking way you're going to be ready. You call Carter right now and tell him.

Well, I'm like, you're four weeks out. You're not even trying to cut.

We sent the video like, that night.

I think he was having like three bags of rice cakes today. I was like, you can't do that.

There's nothing wrong with it. And a whole cup of rice. I was just, you know, Garrett just.

Took the concept of being a bro and he just embodied it in his Own way.

It was bro.

Like, you're like, I'm a bro now.

I'm a bro. I eat chicken. I eat rice. Back the.

But I was like, well, you're doing a show. You got to. We got to start the cut. He's like, I'll be fine. I was like, okay.

He's like, what do you mean? I am dieting. I haven't had a burger. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I probably had a couple of those and a few ice creams at the night time.

Yeah.

So car Coach Carter, as affection know right now works with over 65 of our most powerful guys in Warrior, and that number is continuing to skyrocket, and he has 100% results with every single guy to the level that. It's actually. It's actually terrifying how quickly are guys who are already disciplined following his programming, his science, and his game. So you can learn more about him. We'll put all the tags here in the show, but we actually got Carter here with his beautiful wife for a different reason. It's not to talk about a big his shoulder cap is or how impressive his back is or his abs or his ass or his quads or his calves or how impressive your wife's body is. You guys both are like the little Barbie Ken of Miami. So we're here to talk about relationships. And so we're going to dive in with relationship question number one. Ready?

Hit us.

Okay, Alyssa. Who. Who saw who first?

Who wants to answer that?

That's you, girl.

Get it?

Who saw who first? Did you see him first? She see you first? Who was. Who was first around striking with the eyes?

Well, Carter and I knew about each other for a really long time because we both started in the bodybuilding competing world as teenagers.

Oh, wow.

So he started competing when he was, like, 15. I moved to San Diego. I started bodybuilding competing when I was 18. And we were both the youngest, like, in the industry and around. So we're both like, I see you like. So we always had this respect for each other. I didn't think anything of it. And then a couple years down the road, we finally met after following each other on Instagram. And it was super corny, but we went to the same gym, and right next door was Chuck E. Cheese. So I tagged Tag Chuck E. Cheese. And then he tagged it one day, and I slid in his dm. Let's just be real.

So wait, did you guys live in the same city this time? Oh, okay.

So.

So wait, so this whole time, though, this view so you know of each other?

We Knew of each other.

Okay.

Always had respect for each other, always admired each other.

Were you, were we having any desire for her during this respect time or were you two psychopathic, like obsessed with your, your computer?

I was way too obsessed with my goals. I obviously was very attracted to her, but at the time, actually in another.

Relationship, and I saw that, so I leaned out.

Yeah. Oh, you saw the other relationship.

Relationship. And I was also just super focused on my goals and that. So I never really pursued it. But there's always been this mutual respect between us and that just is kind of where everything blossomed, is like we were just friends. Saw each other kind of from a distance and there's just again this mutual respect and it blossomed into this wonderful marriage we have now.

So now you two, you two, like, we just found out. I mean, again, we. I just got to hug you for the first time. Like two nights ago. No, last night. Last night, Last night. No, it was last night. You guys seen her at the house.

Not even 24 hours.

Not even 24 hours since we've seen you physically for the first time. But it doesn't feel like that. And data I was not aware of that was dropped last night is you two are both in your 20s, still are fucking insane. Okay, so.

But you started so young, like even in like bodybuilding and that. Like it's like, like you said you're the youngest, like that we're kind of doing that. So you almost in a way of like grown up together. Because it's like totally. When did you meet her? When she was. When you were like, how old are you guys? When you actually officially met?

Like, like 21. I just turned 21.

Okay, but then you knew of each other even before that.

Okay, okay.

So we tried the friend thing, dating thing, and then it just wasn't the right time. Multiple times. And everything happens at the right time. And we both had to grow so much before we were actually ready for each other. And I remember telling him vividly, I was, I date you, but I'm not ready for you. And then I went into another relationship, which I had to learn some lessons from. He had to continue learning lessons from his 10 year relationship. And then we both went on a path of complete healing, like spiritual healing, inner child healing. And I was like, it's okay if I don't get married for another 10 years or I find that person. I just want to focus on myself and heal. Then we ran into each other and then he confessed his love for me.

So how old were you guys at that point, like, when?

24.

Okay, so you had gone. When did you decide to go on this healing journey? Was that, like, a conscious decision for you? Like, or was that some people you knew that kind of brought you into it or what?

It was a conscious decision for me. I've always gone towards that more like, healing, spiritual path. And I was at the point where I was like, things don't happen to me. They happen for a reason. And I wanted to look at these patterns and cycles and really dive in and take responsibility for my life. So it's when I chose to take responsibility for my life that all of, like, these goals that I really set for myself started manifesting in reality.

Wow.

That's when I won the first pro card in wellness. That's when I met my husband. Like, met. We always say met because it's like, I feel like we actually met each other's souls then.

Yeah, like, you knew of each other, but, like.

Yeah, but you slide it. You slide into the DMs. This is at 24. This is 21.

Carter knows how to slide into DMs.

He's sliding.

This was 20 20. He. He's like, I don't DM girls, and I DM do back.

I don't. But I also. I also, like, don't DM people. But she was the one who was like, you should just, like, message these guys. Because I saw him. You posted a picture of you posing, and my exact message was you. I was like, bro, you look great, but you pose like shit. Please don't go on stage like that. And I think that's what caught your attention and me signing your DMs work.

Hey, me and Alyssa both are a part of this.

How did you find. Did you guys. Were you following Garrett or were you following both of us and think, no.

So. Which is crazy. This is for everyone to hear that a year later, we were sitting here on this podcast, but basically what happened is we got married, like, six months prior, and my dad passed away when I was younger, so I never really had, like, a male influence in my life. So I didn't know how to be a husband. I didn't really know any of the steps to take, so I just, like, dove in to try to learn everything I could. I came across the date your wife podcast, and that's how I found both of you guys. And finally after a couple episodes, I was like, ah, maybe I should follow this dude followed you. And then that's when you just started that competing journey and everything blossomed from there. So it's pretty crazy.

It's quite. They found us on this show.

Now you're on, literally, like, a year.

And a half later. Yeah.

Crazy. It's amazing. Okay, so we're coming back to the dm. Slide in. So your response is what?

When she slid in my dm, she said, why'd you steal my tag? Or something like that. And I don't even remember what I said, but I think I tried to play it off. Like, I didn't.

I knew he was the one, but.

I totally got it from her.

I'm the funny one, and she is the funny one.

And then, to be honest with you, the conversation kind of, like, died out from there. Like, we'd, like, stay in contact, support each other from a distance, but there wasn't really, like, much of, like, a lot of communication or, like, hanging out or anything like that.

No, it worked out together. And then I had never had a tv. I just never watched tv. It wasn't my thing. And my grandma's like, you don't have a tv. I was like, hey, Carter, do you want to buy a TV with me? It was our first date.

Wow.

Go to Costco and bought a tv.

So you bought a TV on your first date night, and you come back and did you put it on the wall?

I didn't put it on the wall because I was like, I can't see her again because I'm, like, madly in love with this chick. And it's definitely, like, not the right timing for anything. And that's when basically, what, two years probably passed.

So were you in a relationship at that time?

We broke up for a very short period of time. And then I got back into that relationship. It was one of those, like, stop and goes for.

But you already knew Alyssa, was it?

Yeah. I never had a girl that I admired as much as her. I respected as much as her. And I never, like, put a girl on a pedestal like I did with her. And there's just like, this overwhelming respect and, like, admiration for her that just, like, with. Not without even knowing her that well, I just had it. And it was just like, dude, there's definitely something special about her. I didn't know what it was in the beginning. It wasn't until we, like, call it rekindle, like, when we actually, like, started talking, that I was like, I'm definitely in love with this girl. And that's why I told her. I was like, I'm in love with you. I want to take this seriously.

And I told him we had to hang out as friends first because I was protecting my heart because I wasn't ready.

Were you in a relationship?

I got into relationship after him and I first kind of met, and that's when I told him, I'm not ready for you. And it's because I liked someone else. But it's okay, because that relationship, it was very toxic relationship. But that is what broke the cycle for me to really, like, dive into my healing and dig deep into my childhood trauma. Because I realized that I attracted that relationship because of the relationship dynamics with my mom and my father and those things and just really digging to that root cause.

It sounds like you guys had chemistry, but you. The timing wasn't right.

It's exactly what it was. There's definitely chemistry. It's just those timing.

But what's so cool is like, that you. The timing came back around. You know what I mean? Because I always, like, wonder, like, Garrett and I, when we met, I'm like, it was like, timing. Like, he was divorced. Like, I had just moved away. I was 18 years old. I'm like, we met at this, like, random church function. I'm like, like, the timing of everything is just like. And when you're ready, your souls are ready to connect. You know what I mean?

And that's exactly what it was. Because when I saw her, we were both at that point where we just, like. We were both single and both, like, made the decision on our own that we're like, we're not going to try to pursue another relationship or do anything like this. Just focus on ourselves. And then that's when we met, and everything was just, like, legit. Sparks flew, and then it just blossomed from there.

Yeah.

Well, here's the deal. I've only been around you two together in person, and, like, the energy that bounces back and forth between you two is real as around a lot of people that are full of shit. Around a lot of people that are not full of. And people are full of shit tend to get not full of.

They're also really newly freshly married, too.

What? You've been together for four years?

Four years.

How long you been living together?

So almost four years. We moved in together after, like, two or three months of dating.

Okay.

We were both like, this is stupid. We just need to live together already.

So you basically. I mean, that's. That's why I asked, because I'm like, you. It's not. Yeah, you might officially just got married, but you basically been married for, like, four years.

Yeah, for sure.

And, like, Taking the life. How long you two have been alive? Four years. Is a significant amount of your dating time.

Absolutely.

I get it, Garrett. We're young.

I keep having this thing because I'm like, yeah, I mean, car's my guy. We're like the same age. And then I'm like, I could be your father. I could legitimately be your father. I could. I mean, I have Parker at 22. Let's see, you're 29.

How old are you?

20 years older than Carter.

About to be 29.

I'm 20 years older than Carter. I just feel so much younger. I feel so much younger. And he's much older.

It's the muscles.

It's the gray. It's the gray nose hairs.

We call it salt and pepper.

Exactly, exactly. Okay, so you guys move in together, and you're starting to be in this relationship together. What is like. What is. What is the vision you're having in the beginning? Did you guys even see each other being married? Was this like, something you're like, we're going to be together forever, or was this like.

I remember vividly telling my friend Joshua. He was like, you need to go in this relationship, because I was having my hesitations to protect my heart. I was like, you're right. I'm gonna marry him.

And that was it.

That was it. And he knew too.

The same for me. I just knew she was too special to not treat her as my wife. Like, she deserved nothing less. Like, I very much could have just had fun. And we just, like, did our thing and just, like, whatever. But that's when I told her, like, I sat her down. I said, I care about you too much. I don't want this to just be a fling. I want to take you seriously. I want to date you. You're very special, and are you willing to do so? And she basically said, I need to spend more time with you. And the cool part is, is I was an in person trainer at the time and Covid was happening, so she didn't have a gym to train at. She was training for her pro card. And so of course I was like, hey, you come train at my gym. Because private gym. Let's go. She came in, but she, for a couple months just watched me train. My clients just kind of saw me, like, interact with people and just me kind of being like my natural state. And she says that's ultimately kind of what made her fall in love with me. It's just how I am with people.

Yeah, I love seeing him in a different environment.

Yeah.

Seeing how he's respectful to people and how they receive him, because I feel like it says more about a person from how other people see them. So I got to see him through everyone else's eyes.

Oh, wow. Wow.

I think it's fun to, like. I tell Garrett all the time, I love seeing him in his element. Like, whatever you're passionate about, it's very, like, sexy. So, like, when he's, like, training and speaking on stage, I'm like, wow. Like, I'm, like, kind of, like, just totally impressed, you know? So it's fun to almost, like, sit on the sidelines and, like, watch your man and be like, oh. And, like, he's so into, like, his speaking or he's so into his clients. It's like, it's fun to, like, see them do that, you know?

Absolutely.

And that's probably why we connect so much, because you play the way I play 100%, which is, like, all into the nines. Let's fucking go. Value, value, value. Let's go.

There's just no other way to do it.

Yeah. You know, so the fitness game, you two were both in it as competitors and pros. What. What had you pursued? Just the. The physique part of, like, even teaching other people, training other people. Like, what was that? Was that always part of it?

No, it's not always part of it. So I used to work at Wells Fargo to be a banker, which was great for bodybuilding. It was a controlled schedule. It was consistent. Everything was great. But I just knew that, like, I wanted to make money in fitness, and I went pro thinking that money was just starting to start getting thrown at me, and all this stuff happened. But you turn pro and you realize that's not what it actually is. You need to make a business out of it. And that's when I stepped into personal training, and I was training people in person, and I loved doing that. And she started her online business back in 2017, and so she was coaching people for a long time, always doing the online space. And for me, that was such a foreign thing.

He actually asked me business advice when we were friends.

Yeah.

Because I was like, he wanted to start his own online fitness coach. And I was kind of one of the first in San Diego to really blow up on social media.

Personal trainer, too.

And never in person, always online. Yeah. I started it in college, and then I graduated college early because I knew I could do this and I could build my own online business and make lots of money.

Who. Who sparked you to go the online path? Did you have a coach, somebody back in the day that was like, gave you the, the nudge to go that direction.

No, it was more of like an inner calling. I was actually studying hotel management and hospitality. I worked at like, five star resorts since I was 16, and I saw that path for myself because I've always loved being in a position of, like, service and giving people, like, a valuable experience and making a difference.

Yeah.

So while I felt good doing that and I just started pursuing this fitness passion for my own personal goal, people obviously start asking you for advice when you look good. Like, how do you do that? And I was like, you know, I could actually change lives on a really larger scale. So I started sharing my fitness journey on Instagram. And then I cultivated a following. Saw other women offering online fitness coaching services. I was like, they're no better than me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Why not me?

Well, there's a lot of unqualified people coaching on fitness.

Like, yeah, very much so.

Yeah. That you're like, what in the world? So.

And that's what actually encouraged us to team up together is because we were just so tired of people getting the incorrect help. Because even with diet and exercise alone, you can really hurt someone. And I was like, it's a disservice if we don't help people.

Yeah, because you're passionate about it and you've, like, gone through it.

Exactly.

So knowing she was, knowing she had the experience in that industry.

Yeah.

And had the reps in business going to her as a man, this can be difficult at times for guys, but for you, this was not a problem. What was it like going and like leaning in to get her support from, you know, for you launching the online business.

Yeah. So the crazy thing is, is I was doing great as an in person trainer. I mean, I was making the most money I ever made. I loved what I did. I love my clients. I was just, I was working 10, 12 hours a day, six, seven days a week. I was very busy. And she even from the beginning was like, let's join forces, let's do this. And I was like, no, the relationship's too early. I need my own money, I need my own thing. Like, we. That's seems too crazy for me. Like, I can't jump into that yet. And so we did that for a long time. And finally we bought a house that was like about an hour away from my gym. So I was commuting a lot, and she would like, send me pictures of like, her and the dog, like, laying in the grass or like at home. Working. And I was like, I can't be gone every single day anymore. Like, I want to go spend time with her. And that's when I finally. She was like, come work with me.

Like, I'm like, quit your job now.

Quit your job. And I was like, I told her, make X amount of money and I'll quit my job. So she did in, like, two weeks.

Oh.

And I was like, no, no. Hit this number, and then I'll do it. And then she did that in, like, the following two weeks. And I was like, oh. She just proved this. And I said, you know what?

He's like, you just made half my year's salary in a month.

I was like, this is time to go. And so I jumped in full speed with her. And there was never, like, an ego thing from it, as again, it was always been, like, this respect and admiration for her. And so it's more of just like, let me learn from you. Let's do this together, and let's just, like, build our empire. And that's exactly what we've been doing, you know?

And that was always the goal. Just build our empire.

Together.

Together, Exactly.

So this is difficult, meaning it's difficult to work with your spouse.

Very difficult.

Are you guys doing, like, something together right now or individual, like, thought together? Oh, it's all together.

This is gonna be challenging because you're like, where does the line of my lover begin and my partner begin?

Because we can't work together doesn't mean that.

No, no. Because here's how it will work. So Danielle will come to me. Business. All right. We've got our business hats on. Okay. And then all of a sudden, she's like, you can't talk to me like that. I'm your wife. I'm like, okay. That's how I talk in a business meeting. You're like, I'm your wife. You need to respect me. I was like, did you just pull the wife card on me? Like, right here? You can't go business, boss. And then all of a sudden, go wife card on. So it was confusing for us. But add. Add your two cents.

Here's my two cents is like, I've heard him talk to other women that he works with. And his tone is a little more gentle, but we're comfortable because we're married. So his tone is like, he's talking to a dude, but he's talking to me.

I don't sleep with those girls.

I know, but I'm saying I've seen him interact with other women in business, but he talks to me like, I'm a dude in business. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So then I have to pull out the wife card. Maybe I just need to be like, I'm a female. Please do dial it in a little.

Just show me your tips. That's all you have to do.

And then he'll say that. And I'm like, I can't have a conversation.

I can't. I.

You interrupt my pattern the whole time. That's all.

My boss is sexually harassing me normally.

I was like, this is going nowhere.

This is sexual. I'm turning this into hr.

I was like.

I mean, I think that we could work together. The problem is, is, like, you guys are in, like, the same industry, so. We are. We have two totally separate businesses, plus we have five kids. So for me, it's like, when I try to bring him over in my business, I want help. And then I'm like, don't tell me what to do.

Yeah.

I mean, I totally respect that, though. Yeah. Yeah. It is hard. And we've had similar conversations about the tone.

I remember briefly, every fight starts because of tone. Every single fight. Yeah.

It doesn't matter the context, whether it's.

Me or whether it's her. One of us. Like, I don't like the tone.

You're totally this vibe up right now with your tone. Okay. I can't hear anything you're saying.

Yep.

Because now the fight's just about to.

But then if you say, can you change your tone? Then immediately, like, there's defense mode.

But I mean, like you said, though, it's navigating business and the relationship. And again, that's one of the big reasons I even, like, sought out the podcast. And I was really just trying to learn how to navigate this stuff because. And. And we finally got to the point now where we're understanding that the business and the relationship are completely separate. But for the longest time, they were one.

Yeah.

And so there was no separation with anything. We live together. We work together. We don't have an office. We work in our up. Our house together.

We each have our own designated rooms.

Yeah. So it's just trying to, like, navigate all that, and it's finally gotten to the point where we're understanding, like, it takes just as much effort as the business does. The marriage does. Like, we have to separate things. We have to allocate the time for the relationship, and that's what we're all. We're finally learning and seeing big improvements with because it's. It's been Difficult.

We jam packed a lot in four years. So in 2022 alone, we bought a house in March, he quit his job in June, we eloped in December, and we left December 31st. Oh no, December 27th to move out of state. This is all in one year.

Yeah.

That's a lot.

And then three months after that, we moved to Florida. She had a medical issue she had to deal with.

Oh, yeah, that was the end of.

22 monster to deal with as well. And then we're running the business and all of that. So it's just like in four years, so much has happened that it was like just trying to get a chance to breathe for a second and then understand that, like, we got to a point that we're super proud of, but understanding it's a whole different monster now and you actually have to try to control it and again, allocate the time for things like put a lot of intention into that. And if you don't, it's just going to continue to be difficult.

I feel like when you're entrepreneurs too, you, there's always stuff that needs to be solved for so you can go to dinner and you're like, like, oh, I really want to bring this up. But then you're like, but I also want to, like, just chill. But then you get this point. You're like, we have nothing to talk about. All we talk about is work. So then you sit in this weird, awkward silence. You're like, how was your day? How was your day? And it was like, so it's like you have to set that aside, that time aside. But like, like, literally work on turning off your brain because we go through the same thing. We'll go on date night. And I'm like, really want to ask him about this? How do you guys differentiate now that you've recognized that inside of your relationship, how do you go on a date night and turn it off as entrepreneurs?

Go ahead.

Oh, no, I think that's a great topic because this is actually something that we're currently overcoming because we, even though we're with each other all day, we may not actually talk to each other all day. And then it's on my mind to be like, asking him a business question. He's like, why are you asking me that right now? I was like, well, I don't see you. So now we're having to, like, designate certain meetings in times where we have appropriate conversation. So it's really just like delegating well.

And then just also understanding that, like, when a certain time hits Business shit's turned off. There's nothing that is so important that it can't wait till the following morning. Yeah, but, like, in the beginning, again, I'm just all about value and serving and, like, again, like, I want efficiency with everything that. We put that to the side because, like, no, no, like, this takes a priority. And it's like, we need to understand that our relationship is the priority amongst everything else, because without that relationship, the business, everything else would not be here.

You know, how do you guys support each other, like, spiritually in that, like, meaning, like, energetically. When knowing the ups and downs of the game, knowing the what, the pressure and the stress that comes through. Is there specific things you do for each other to help them, the other person, feel supported emotionally or spiritually during the process of building?

That's a great question. So we used to. And that's where I feel like for the past year we've struggled the most, is we used to do little things when we, like, lived in California, where random light. It could be a full moon. We'd drive up to the mountains and go, like, lay in the bed of the truck and, like, watch the full moon together. We'd go to the beach and just, like, chill. Random. Like, we'd always allocate some time just to, like, actually kind of, like step away from everything.

And then that's when, like, we'd be able to heal and connect.

Yeah. And, like, just not only connect with each other, but, like, connect with the earth and just like ourselves and just kind of, like, let everything go. And for the past year, we haven't done that because we moved cross country. It's a new environment, all of these different things. So that's something we're actually trying to get back to is, like, actually just allocating the time to, like, just support each other on that level because we're both always there for each other, no matter what it is. But it's more of just, like, actually having the space for each other and allocating that time. Because without that, it's, you know, everything is just work, you know, easy to make it just.

Well, and when you don't have kids, it's easy to make it just work, work, work, work, work, work, work.

Well, and that's like you told me a while ago, you said, you know, running a business with your wife is one monster, but add kids to it, and it's a whole nother one. And that's where it was like, one of those things where I'm like, I need to get a grasp on all of this. Because if we add kids to the mix, like, again, that's a whole nother thing to deal with. And I want to make sure we're in a spot where we're like ready to like handle that.

Because we're also making it work, work, work. We're like, well, we can't have kids yet.

Yeah, but you know what? You can create whatever you want exactly is create patterns for yourself. Like you said, like, okay, on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, we are gonna go take a walk on the beach or the boardwalk or whatever is by you. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because even like when you have kids, it gets even harder. But if you set those boundaries and if you set those, you know, times right now, it just becomes non negotiable. Like for us. I told Garrett, after I had our, our fourth daughter, I was like, I'm sorry. Like, we have, we doubled our family, but I'm not gonna stop our relationship and I'm not gonna stop living life. So one of the things that we do is we have a nighttime nanny even though we're not working. Because I want to go walk on the beach and talk with my husband. And sometimes we'll just take a frisbee down there because I'm like, sometimes if we walk, I know business or kids is gonna get brought up and I'm like, I need to unplug. And we'll literally just like go play like some kind of softball or Frisbee. I'm a professional frisbee player. So he gets really irritated. But. But it's funny.

She's a professional frisbee thrown into the rocks or the ocean. Not ever to your partner player. Which pretty much describes our marriage well. Here, hun, go get it.

Say, I don't give a figure out.

Where it goes, where it's supposed to go.

Thanks for the idea, guys.

I just want to watch. Watch him run around. I'm like, oh, no.

Literally, this. She will literally throw it everywhere. I'm not.

I'm pretty good.

You're really good at. You're a great catcher.

Yeah, I can.

That's because I throw it right perfectly waist high, just right there in the basket. Just true. Not Danielle. She's like, sprint, go get that right now.

But I would say, like, if, if you want to have, if you're looking to have kids soon, start setting up those little things things. Because kids are a show, I'm not gonna lie. And if you set those up now, it'll just be a priority for you then and you'll no matter what goes on, you'll make time for it. You know, like us with our date nights. We'll go on date nights, like, twice a week. No matter what's going on, we're like, bye. Like, we could be super, super busy, but that's been one thing that's, like, helped hold us together is physically, like, going out and going to dinner and just, like, connecting and talking. We've made some of the biggest moves we've had just on those, like, date nights, even if it's something, like, down the street in our sweatpants, you know?

So I love that because you guys are the foundation. You two without each other, wouldn't have any of this.

Yeah.

And that's a conversation we had last night at dinner. I said, I just always want to remind you it was just you and me with nothing to start, and it'll always be that way. It was just you and me to start. So let's just always remind each other of that.

On the pursuit of wealth and the pursuit of money, it comes with a price. Yeah, right? And that price, most people allow it to distract from the connection of the relationship. And so it becomes easy to just get in your silos and go. Which is what we did for a long time.

I was gonna say we. I mean, how we were raised and grew up, it was just like, we weren't as. I feel like now. Younger couples are more, like, spiritually connected.

Yeah.

We grew up in very much, like. I mean, we had a connection. We were dating, but it was like, we got married. It was like, hey, hit the checklist. Like, I'm gonna have babies. You're gonna work. And then, like, all of a sudden, we had two kids, and I was like, I don't really like you anymore. But it's because we stopped dating once we got married. We had this incredible connection and got married. And then we literally went into, like, we got to make. We got to hit the checklist of life. You know, we got to be successful and have babies and have the picket fence and the cars and all this. And then all of a sudden, we. When we lost everything financially, it exposed us, and we had two kids at that point, and I was like, oh, I feel I don't even have, like, a husband. I'm like, I felt very alone and stranded, and we didn't work on our relationship when we were early married. So now when I speak with young couples, I'm like, you can't ever lose that. And when you feel it drifting, you have to make a conscious effort to Come back to that. Because if you add kids to the mix for women, at least I thought my second baby, I was like, oh, I'll just have another baby. That'll give me purpose. Only to realize I was dying inside of my marriage. And now I love my kids, right? But the reason I had my second daughter was because I was lacking purpose and connection with my husband. I thought a baby would fix it.

So just why a lot of people have that second child, I've learned it's crazy.

First baby game is like a rocking game for everybody because it's different for the woman. She's making the baby, her body's changing. Husband's like going to the desert. That's Parker right now. He's just like going into the desert as a 25 year old with his fiance who's pregnant. And like he's like panicking guy panicking. He goes, well, he's doing whatever guy does. The minute you watch, the minute you get pregnant, you're gonna be five times the producer.

But like the guy told me that it will protective mode.

Well, it's crazy because, you know, it's funny you told me that before, but I felt that the minute we got married. Yeah, the minute we got married, I was like, there's this fire inside of me that like just. Oh, straight up awoken the man inside of me. And I was like, it is time to go and get after life and provide this woman everything she deserves and build this life that we want. And it's. I can only see how kids can only be a massive catalyst to that.

They're a massive catalyst or a massive distraction. They're great.

But you know what? We wouldn't have built what we had if we had not had kids. Like, kids put a healthy element of pressure on people. So I like, obviously I love kids. So whenever I. We just had a couple that we did a podcast with and they couldn't have kids, I'm like, no, you need one. Just one kid. I'm always that girl that's like trying to talk everybody into having a baby. Because I know what it has done for me. It's like created the woman I am today. I don't even think I would have pushed as hard as I did in business if I didn't have kids. I know I wouldn't have.

Yeah.

So kid game is real. Like, are you guys like serious about the kid game? Like now?

We want to. It's just that.

Would you. For me, it's going to be face over here. Yeah, Yeah.

I want a Kid too. It's just going to be a journey because I'm going to have to go through a process too.

It's not hard, bro.

There's never.

Yeah, put it in payload.

He means a hormonal journey.

A hormonal journey. Hormonal journey.

Hormonal journey's over here.

Probably shooting some blanks.

I got it, I got it.

So I'm pregnant many times by now.

Like the number of shots on goal, we would have scored 100. So you're on the hormonal journey and this has already started?

Not yet. That's going to be probably the end of the year. I think it's going to be time for me to finally say, okay, time to go on this health journey. Yeah, the body goals and all of that. I can get back to it. I've been obviously focused on that my entire life and achieving a certain look and I've achieved it. And I'm now okay with putting that aside and letting my ego go aside so I can actually build the family and go through that journey.

And can I ask how that works within bodybuilding? Does it make like, does it make your sperm die? Can I ask?

My sperm were dead before I started bodybuilding, so I'm good. We had snipped it.

I know, but I'm just curious about.

Yeah, so they call, they call testosterone like male birth control. Okay. It's not like a guaranteed to make you infertile, but it will reduce like sperm count and sperm motility. Now I've been using stuff again. I've been competing a very long time, so it's been like 10 years of me using stuff. So again we've.

How do you, can you reverse it or how does that work?

So you have to go to the process. I'm gonna have to come off a testosterone.

Okay.

And then do something which is called a pregnancy protocol. So you implement basically a couple different compounds which would naturally increase my, my sperm count, my sperm motility, things like that. And then we go on the journey to try to conceive from there. But it's, it'd be like a six month process at least for me to go through that journey. And I also have to be okay with now. Yeah, I mean, I've been on testosterone for 10, 12 years.

You know what's crazy?

So coming off that's gonna be crazy.

This, this just comes to mind. It's like for you're in this space, it's almost like letting go of this identity. But also women have to do this when they get pregnant. It's so hard and nobody talks about it. You're like, you go from, like, watching your body, you're like, what is happening? And then you have the baby and you don't even recognize yourself. So I think you going through this will actually have. Have. You have so much more. Yeah. And more empathy.

Yeah, it's.

It's wild. It's literally like you kind of have to, like, surrender and let, like, this identity.

Yeah. And it's crazy, though, because, like, since we got together, I always wanted kids, but I was never ready to surrender and say, okay, I'm do it. Like, it was still always kind of about, like, my image.

Yeah.

But I just finally got to a point where I'm like, no, that's more important to me than anything. And I've also proven that I can make anything happen. I'll be able to get my physique back in the six months.

But you could help a lot of people with your journey in doing this. There's a lot of bodybuilders similar situation, things like that. I would document your journey of doing it totally. Because I think, like, like, it's like when somebody loses a ton of weight after having a baby, like, for me, I'd always be, like, really scared, and I'm like, oh, it. I'm just gonna put it up there. And people were wanting to know, how did you get these results? Like, what are you doing? So when you go through that process, because you're in the fitness space, I would encourage you to, like, share your journey because it'll probably help a lot of people.

100. And it makes you so relatable like this. Well, that's what I was going to bring up too. It's like, a lot of people, and I'm sure they do it with you guys too, is they. They look at the nice house, they. They look at the nice cars, they look at all this and say, oh, it's so easy. Like, you guys are living the life but not understanding what happens behind closed doors. The. The struggles, the obstacles. Like, everyone thinks it's so easy, but it's like, it's a whole different monster. Like, if we just both had a 9 to 5 and, like, didn't see each other all day, miss each other, came home, had great sex and, like, slept and went. It'd be a whole different vibe. You know what I mean? It's just everything comes with its own price, and it's, you know, just willing to tackle it and keep pushing through, you know?

Well, look at it this way. You're going to be willing to let your body change, and she's going to be willing to let her body change. So you can both bring life in of the world.

Exactly. And that's a powerful thing.

And having a child should be one of the most selfish things that you do. And it will continue to be that way. You're a parent forever after.

That's like Keith. I mean, Keith says women don't divorce hus or don't divorce children. They divorce men.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, the kids are in it for, like, life right with it and, like, the commitment. I've watched Danielle get pregnant six times, and she's had four births, and I was blown away at all of them. I passed out during one.

Did you really?

They gave me the epidural, and I, like, all of a sudden heard this thud, and I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Wait, you, like, straight dropped?

Which.

Which verse?

It was on Ruby, My second one. Well, I went into labor, like, midnight, and he grabs a Red Bull and he's like, I'm ready, babe. And he didn't have any food. And, like. And then they're like. They're like, we're gonna take him down. I'm like, you're not taking him in here. At the time, we were broke and had no insurance parents. I'm like, no, no, no. You're gonna sit his ass down right here. Like, what are you doing?

He's fine. Give him water.

So as I'm sitting on the delivery, they have a him into. On a bed next to me.

That's awesome. That's a great.

They prop your legs up too, make you feel like you're involved.

They were checking to see if I had a balls. Did you really just pass out?

The funny thing is, when I went to deliver Ruby, like, when I was ready to push, they go, the doctor goes, you sit down.

Like, I got up to come over. He's like, no, you stay in the corner. Because I'd already been a problem and distracted the delivery team because I was passed out on the floor.

They're like, this is her show.

Exactly.

Taking her energy. Well, I remember the look. I'm laying on a bed next to her, and she rolls over. She's got an epidural in her back, and she looks at me, she's like, are you serious right now?

I'm like, I also. That was a really rocky time in our relationship, and I wasn't sure if I liked him that much.

Oh, wow, that was a bad. That was actually.

Losing everything. And I was like, pregnant and like, yeah, Danielle.

Danielle could have. Daniel had big cash in there. She just pushed the baby out, cut the umbilical cord herself and told me.

To myself, no, my. So my second baby was the only reason. I think we stayed together, because I don't know if Gary. I'm sure we've shared this on many shows, but he had an emotional affair when I was nine months pregnant with my second daughter. And he comes and he tells me, and I'm like, what am I supposed to do? I'm like, having your baby in three weeks. And at the time, I was just, like, very, like, kind of numb. And like, in a weird way, when he told me that, I wasn't surprised or cared. And that's when I was like, why am I in this relationship? But it also, like, because I was in a very vulnerable space where I had just had my second baby. I was like, well, I'm a hairstylist and I don't know what I'm gonna do. So even though I'm in a vulnerable space, I'm like, I felt like I owed it to my children to try to repair this. This, so. But if I didn't have my baby and I had other financial income coming in, I'd probably been like, okay, see you later, you know, but go yourself, for sure. But I mean, obviously it worked out. We had two more kids and we built this life. So I'm glad that I stuck it in. I think we, like I said, we were just raised in, like, a weird environment where I never was, like, taught to, like, it was like, we were just taught to grind and, like, not like, you didn't have to work on your relationship. Like, that's what our parents demonstrated, you know, so. All right, guys, a little bit of an interrupt really quickly. If you are loving this podcast and you're sharing it with your friends, I would encourage you also to check out my education page. I'm Danielle K. White, the creator of Natural Beaded Row Hair Extensions. So if you're a hairstylist or you're looking to find an artist that offers NBR hair extensions, go ahead and visit NBR Education.

I think for. For us, immediately after we got married, we got to experience firsthand when someone we love, like, go through a divorce with a freshly turned one year old and five year old. And that gave us so much perspective.

That was so hard. So, yeah, on that. No, that's actually, yeah.

I just. I didn't want to be specific unless you were.

So. We moved to Tennessee a week after we got married. So my brother was living out there. A month of us living there, his wife leaves him. And so I have my brother, my older brother in my arms, crying to me about his wife leaving him. And I saw a lot of the red flags. I was seeing stuff that was going on. But now here I am, a month into marrying the girl of my dreams and trying to enjoy that and be happy. But at the same time, I'm seeing my brother's relationship crumble right in front of me.

Right.

And it was their. It was. It was their daughter's first. Second daughter's first birthday, like, the day after. And it was just a emotional whirlwind of, like, trying not to let that affect our perception of anything on us. So it definitely was like a crash course on, like, hey, we need to make sure we prioritize us and do all of the right things so this doesn't crumble, you know?

And my parents divorced when I was, like, three and a half.

Oh, wow.

So I never got to experience, like, a mom and dad together. So to me, it's just really important to never allow that to be an option. And him too.

All in with each other. Yeah. It doesn't have to be an option. Right. All in for us is like a couple different. There's a couple different topics. There's, like, the ability to communicate, the ability to be intimate, and the ability to have deeply passionate sex. And then what wraps all that up is to be able to actually feel connected at, like, a soul level with the person you're with. Right. Which tends to eclipse or come out of those other things. Here comes a big question. Do you guys sleep naked?

That's so funny.

Or do you bundle up in North Face jackets?

No, we do sleep naked some. I sleep naked more.

Okay.

But we do sleep naked. But, like, we cuddle like a motherfucker. Like, we are always cuddling. Like, it's always that. But yeah, I mean, the sleep naked thing, like. Like once. Yeah, once or twice a week. Other than that.

Is that the wrong answer?

I think Garrett, what he's getting at is he secretly wants me to sleep naked. And I'm like, I have a fight year old that comes in our bed every night.

Like, I was naked and they both came in the bed last night.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I definitely sleep naked more.

6. Garrett.

Goodbye.

I think for me, our, like, dog and our cat will, like, sometimes jump in bed, but they'll smush me and I don't know I feel weird naked like that.

So as long as they get kicked out.

We had an old weenie dog. And like, not to go into too much detail, but I was like, how long have you been sitting there watching us? Like, I was like, what in the world?

So our dog will leave.

She has no. As soon as she hears this making out, he's like, she gets out and goes to the other room.

Our dog says, I will sit on the corner of the bed and just watch. She was old.

She was so old, though, I don't think she could get off the bed. She, like, literally.

I was like, we have been rallying. I mean, we're talking. Teenagers can hear us next door, like.

But the wiener dog is still at the bed rocking.

Everything's going like the show is on.

She looks up like, are you guys done?

She's done.

Well, we don't even know she's there. And we get done and we're both coming, like, like, we look over at the dog just sitting there staring at us. I was like, that dog literally just got a front row seat. A great movie. Okay, so where is sex as a situation for you two? Like, when you, like, look at how your sex life is, how would you describe your sex life? But we're starting over here. Yeah. The guys always have a difficult answer. We're just.

Well, today I literally said, oh, this was a new position.

There we go. I like it. It was a creative weightlift.

It wasn't like a young phase.

I feel like I like it. Ok, so it's creative and it's fun, like, for you guys. Like, is it natural? Like, are we still in the natural phase with each other, with it? Like, it's something comfortable. But the reason why I ask is a lot of couples we're talking to are, like, been married for 20 years and half of them have gone through deep spells of dysfunction sexually with each other. And you're young enough in it. You probably haven't fucked it up real bad yet. But it comes like, it happens. Babies get born. Things, like, changes shift. But for now, like, what is? What is? Let's look at it this way. What's like your philosophy or your way of thinking about sex with each other and intimacy?

I think sex is a massive component to a healthy and successful relationship. And we've always, like, prioritized that. I would say it's never been an issue in terms of wanting each other. It's been in the. It's always been the communication piece. Again, I married. I didn't marry. I was with for 10 years. The girl that I lost my virginity to, she's, like, the third or fourth girl that I've ever been with. So I just. For me, it's just learning how to navigate a lot of things, trying to understand a female, understand what she likes, and all of these things that I didn't know how to communicate in the beginning. And I also, like, sex was kind of a weird topic for me. Like, obviously, like, love sex. I, like, want her and all these things. I just didn't know how to actually have the conversations and create the safe space for her and for myself to even have those conversations and see what she likes, like, what I like, and how to actually navigate all of that. And that's something that's always kind of been, like, a work in progress, and I feel like we've made a ton of progress on. But, like, that's. That's really been it. I mean, it's. Sex has never been an issue. It's been incredible. I love her. And it's never been, like, we don't really go through dry spells or anything like that. It's just continuing to make sure we're able to, like, keep elevating it and prioritizing the communication to create that safe space for both of us to do what we want, have what we want, and know what the other person wants.

You feel like you get too busy, though, that sometimes you forget about it and.

Absolutely.

Sometimes I'll notice, like, a disconnection with me and Garrett, and I'm like, it's been four days. Okay. That's why. You know?

And you're like, that's exactly what it is.

I mean, it's the work from home. We have the business together, this and that. I'm tired.

Yeah.

It's 9pm And I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm just gonna lay in bed.

But that's why we love traveling. And, like, even if it's something simple, like going to a hotel.

Yeah.

Hotel sex is the best.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's, like, always trying to make sure we at least allocate the time for that. Because, like, even. Just, like, the pet pets, like, they're the blocks. You know what I mean? And that's why I'll get mad at them, because I'm just like, oh, yeah.

You're like, I'm shooting you in the face.

I would encourage you to, like, even if you end up having kids soon, like, still travel, because that's, like, one of the things that we do. And we were talking about this before the show, it's the one place where I feel like you kind of can, like, leave home at home, you know, and you're just really, like, with each other, and it's, like, so present and so sex and everything is just natural and frequent, you know? And so it's. It's crazy because you get home and you're like, how did it become four days? But it's just like, life and business and you're tired and whatever, but on vacation, it's. You're just. You have nothing else going on. So for me and Garrett, like, we. We travel probably. Like, I swear, we travel, like, every other month, like, somewhere at least. And those for us are, like, really good reconnecting points. In fact, when we went to Greece, we were so busy the month before, I'm like, oh, this trip came in, like, such perfect timing, but only we'll go from the.

The vacation sex of, like, two, three times, four times a day. And, like, on vacation, wild. And then we'll come back into regular life, and regular life hits us and our kids and our dogs and the businesses in life, and it's like.

I'm like, I'll see you on Saturday.

Like, yeah.

And I'm, you know, I'm on, like, two cc's of tea every week, going to bed naked. So I'm ready to go whenever.

Yeah.

She walks by. I'm like. She's like, I'm so tired right now. I can't believe. I'm like, I. I'm gonna cuddle you naked right now. And you're like, why are you. What's going on down there? I was like, you know, what's going on down there? Why does it feel like there's a stick in my back? I was like, well, I'm just trying to cuddle you.

The problem is, for, like, women, I will say this. Like, if I don't feel like my needs have been met, like, I don't. If I don't feel like he's emotionally, like, seeing me, even if it's just, like, asking me how my day was or doing little things for me, like, I'm like. I'm less likely to want to. Like, almost like, I'm like, I'd rather go to bed. But if I'm feeling, like, seen and heard and he, like, comes on to me, I'm like, yeah, you know, but that's, like, one of the things I think that men and women, like, struggle with is, like, for me, I'm like, if I don't feel connected, it's less frequent, I feel like is the same for you.

Oh, yeah, we completely resonate with that. I'm like, well, you annoyed me earlier. Yeah, I'm not feeling it.

It's also super cool to. And that's why I think these podcasts and having these conversations are so crucial, because what you guys just said about like, hey, vacation's great, but then you come back and life kind of happens. I almost thought it was a problem, but it's very nice to hear that it's kind of normal. Like, we all struggle with that same shit where it's like, life happens, you get busy. There's so much going on that it's not just us. It's like a life thing.

You know, we had the wildest two days in Vegas ever. It was like a. It was just a giant explosion of amazingness.

But I love that this one time we came off a vacation and Garrett said the same thing. He was like, I feel so, so disconnected. And I was like, babe, it's not always going to be like Bora Bora, so you need to, like, have some grace for yourself that you just had, like four back to back events. You're feeling a little bit disconnected, and that's fine. That doesn't mean we have to sabotage and let's disconnect. I'm like, let's, okay, you had four weeks of hustle, hustle. Like, okay, let's go take a trip to Cabo, or let's like, take a date night and let's, like, reconnect. And what we used to do in the past is he would work, work, work. We would have these, like, dry spells or whatever. But then I became resentment and then it was hard to get back on track and turned into like six months. And then all of a sudden we're roommates. So now it's like, it's something that I recognize, but I love that you just brought that up because that is how life is. You just have to not let it go for so long to where you're like, resentful to your spouse and annoyed. You're like, wait, where are you? I need to reconnect with you.

That's one of the things I, I love about her is, like, the communication has always been so, like, open and honest. Like, if we're. Either one of us are doing anything that's disrespecting the other person, causing any kind of resentment, like, we will always communicate it, even if it's a tough conversation. Maybe there's some yelling, maybe there's some Arguing. But, like, we will always make sure we get our point across. And even if the other person is defensive, like, we'll always allow the other person to get out what the they need to say. And that has allowed us to at least, like. Even if it takes us, you know, a couple hours to really, like, digest.

And understand, it's really no more than a day. It's like a couple hours. It's like we're going to bed, cool, happy, cuddly, kissing all over each other.

Like, resolving it.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, if you can figure this pattern out now.

Yeah.

And you just figure out what your game is together sexually, like, what do you need? I couldn't. She couldn't acknowledge what she needed. I mean, as far as I was concerned, we were dating. We've been together for probably 15 years before she actually admitted that she wanted to have sex. Like, she wanted to fuck.

We were married in, like, a Mormon upbringing where it was, like, taboo to have sex. Like, it was just like, you get married to the one guy and that's what you do. And so we had, like, crazy chemistry when we were dating. And then we got married. I'm like, well, this is weird. But then I'm like, he's the only man I've ever been with. We had to, like, learn how to have sex with each other. So for me, it was like, I had to, like. Well, we went through this weird phase, like, I told you guys, where we were super disconnected, so I had no desire to, like, I was just like, whatever. It was just like, I didn't really want. I wanted to have sex, just not with him. Yeah, so it was rough, you know, we had to, like. I always tell people, I'm like, we kind of, like, raised each other. We. I met him when I was 18.

Yeah. So you did grow up together.

Literally.

But I think kind of like, you too. Like, I'm. In a way. I mean, you knew of each other for a long time, but it wasn't the right time, and it wasn't the right time, and then it was the right time. And that was like. That's what we went through. But a lot of this came back to a couple things. Number one, we couldn't. We weren't communicating our truth fully to each other. Here's what I want and need from you in this relationship. Here's what matters to me.

Me.

Like, she would always say, like, see you, See you, See you. But, like, like, if you feel that Carter's seeing you, what does that mean to you? How do you know Carter can see you, and you're feeling seen.

Yeah, he. He'll take a pause, and it's like, a certain tone and, like, look that he'll give me. And I can always read him in his eyes. I can tell when he's truly connected because I see, like, that light turn on.

Yeah.

And to me, I just. I just. I feel like I can truly, like, look into his soul and he can see into mine, and there's no other way to really, like, describe that. And that's when I know, like, the guards are down, the ego's down, the defense is down. It's like, I love you. I hear you. Like, we're gonna make this better.

That's probably, like, frequent conversations like that. You know what I mean? To, like, at least for me. Like, I. We have business conversations all the time, but I have to have conversations where we're, like, almost, like, feeling into each other's feelings, like you said, and connecting. And I have to have that, like, multiple times throughout the week.

Week.

Otherwise, it's just life goes by and you're like, oh, we didn't, like, truly connect, you know?

I think that's, like, one of the big things for me is, like, recognizing my own personal patterns and the things that I do that don't allow me to connect to her. Like, I just get in work mode, and it's like, dude, I shut everything else out, and it's that. And I shut her out. I shut. Like, literally everything else gets shut out except that. And so, like, one of the biggest things is, like, you'll. She'll, like, you'll just walk by me. Me, and not even acknowledge me, not kiss me, not, like, slap my ass, like, anything. Just walk by me. And so it's just, like, starting to recognize these little things. And that's why it's great to have a relationship react. You just, like, tell each other that stuff. So I'm like, okay, cool. At least I'm mindful of it now. And I'll, like, put in the work behind it and, like, start changing some of my up habits so I can continue to, like, cultivate again, that safe space for her, you know?

So is it something he says or is it something you feel?

I think it's a feeling. Yeah, more of a feeling. But if we notice that we need to, like, regroup, we'll. I'll be like, let's go to the beach. Let's go on a golf cart ride. Let's go on a Harley ride. Like, just, you know, it's a Tuesday Afternoon. Let's just get away for a second. And then we'll be able to, like, chat or just not say anything at all and just kind of be in our own element, and then we'll be able to, like, reconnect again.

I think it's common, though, for men to, like, get in that zone and it's just, like, in their DNA. And so I think it's at least for me, I feel like it's my responsibility to make him see me. You know what I mean? So it's. You can say he doesn't see me, but at the same time, I'm like, I have to almost, like, bring him back to earth. Does that make sense? Because they just get so sucked into business. And one of the things, like, for me, like, that I'll do with Garrett is I just, like, come up and grab his face and, like, I'm like, hey. And just kiss his face, you know, or something simple like that. Or did, like, almost like, distracts him. He's like, ah. Like, his guard goes down, you know? And so I think men need that. They need almost like. Like, they get so in work mode that you can't be offended because essentially they're, like, trying to provide and take care of us. But it's also like, okay, let me bring him back to earth so he remembers how hot his wife is.

Yes, I do walk by naked in his office. No, I'll come in to the office naked while he's on calls. And we like, funny today. Yeah, I like it.

I think it's beautiful. Danielle will do that with, like. She'll do that with tits sometimes she'll do that and, like, pull her pants out.

I just think it's funny. I'm like. I'm like, I'll see him on a serious call. I'm like, wonder if this will work. I'm like, oh, still works.

Of course it does.

It's funny, though. It literally is the only thing that'll snap me out of it. I'm like, yeah, everything else, what's up?

Honestly, men are so easy.

I know, I know.

It really is that. Yeah.

You guys are the complicated ones.

We could not get away with the same move.

Yeah, we don't want you to locked into your game.

And I'm just.

I've tried it.

I walk by, I'm just like, hey.

I be like, what are you doing?

No. Okay. So inside of that, that container of connection around sexuality, also being able to tell each other the truth, like, it's a big one. So where are you Guys at. With the truth conversations and being able to tell you, like, literally, no matter how hard the truth is, being able to actually talk it through.

We started that so early on. I think we had so many hard conversations early because we didn't feel ready to expose ourselves for everything that we are. And we knew from the beginning we had to do it right and just share everything that we possibly could with. With each other, even if it made each other feel uncomfortable. And so because we started our relationship that way and we had to continue to make decisions to choose the relationship to be, like, okay, now we're ready to really pursue this. Yeah, that telling the truth is so easy for us. Like, there is no dishonesty between him and I. Like, I can truly say from my heart, I've never lied to him, and I know he can say the same.

So I think. I think what's hard for me and I was telling Garrett is I, as a woman, it's not like I'm dishonest, but I don't want to ever, like, rock the boat or burden him. So sometimes I hold back my feelings. So in not sharing my truth, I'm just holding back. And so that's, like, something that I have to work on if, like, I'm angry or, like, this is going wrong with business or I'm just, like, sad or whatever, because I'm like, I know he's had a hard day, and so I would, like, shove that down for so long that, like. Like, a couple years ago, I was like. Like, I feel like I'm, like, dying. Like, I need to tell you. I need to, like, express my thoughts and my feelings and not feel like I'm burden. Burden. And also, like, men are fixers. So I wanted to be able to share something without him being like, let me fix you. I was like, I know. I just need to talk. I need to, like, talk this out, you know? So I wouldn't say I was dishonest, but more than I would just say I withheld the truth of how I was feeling, and inside, it was only hurting me and causing resentment towards him. So I'm like, okay, I can't live that way anymore.

Absolutely.

Withholding him never works.

Yeah, but that was just, like, my nature. I was just like, nope, I'm the strong one. I can't. I'm just gonna focus on the kids and the business, and I don't want to, like. I just wanted to be, like, the perfect wife. But inside of doing all that, I was like, okay, I'm not sharing how I'm feeling. And that doesn't. That was actually affecting our connection too. So I was like, okay, so it's scary to share your truth, but if I don't share how I'm feeling, then I risk our connection. So.

Because you're assuming that he can't handle, like. Like your emotions because you don't want.

To disrupt it, he's very reactive. So we've had. I've kind of. In the beginning of our relationship, getting better, I would share something, and my tone was not very nice tone.

We know.

So then he would tsunami and blow up. And so then I didn't feel safe to say anything. And then he'd say things like, well, you're just being a nagging. And I was like, I'm not trying to be a nagging, but I am pretty fired up about X, Y, and Z. And it was. We did this for so long in the beginning of our relationship that it was just. I stopped feeling safe to share because I was. I was avoiding some kind of conflict or fight. And then I realized, like, I had to take accountability for my tone. I had to take accountability for how I. How I said something. And so it didn't come across because I was, like, sad. I don't want to sound like this naggy. I'm not meaning to, you know? So I had to kind of work on that inside of me. And then inside his. His tone and his reactivity got a little bit better.

Improving. You guys do therapy at all?

No, but we just decided that we're gonna start. Yeah.

Just to help navigate the communication piece. That's the thing is, like, we don't have a problem sharing the truth. I don't have a problem being honest with her. I have a problem hearing the truth again. Like, I just have a warped view of a lot of things. And. And it's just, like, sometimes I have a hard time hearing the truth and understanding that, like, it has nothing to do with me. Her past anything has nothing to do with me. And so I need to put myself in a position that I can actually receive her truth. Truth without me getting so emotionally charged from it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which is a really. That's literally the hardest part for me is that.

And then you're both defensive.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

And then you train each other to be defensive whenever someone brings up one another's feelings.

Yeah. I think, too, like, therapy is great now. I used to think it was if, like, you're broken. And now, like, I realize I waited so long to ask for Help that I had so many battle wounds and so many triggers with him. And so now we always, like, promote it. We're like, like, think of it as, like, you have work, you have meetings with people. It's like a working meeting in your marriage. It's like having a sounding board so that you guys can get through these tough conversations and that you don't build up years of triggers and resentment. That's unnecessary. So now, like, we even were telling, like, Taylor and Parker, we're like, you guys are like, having a kid. Like, this isn't because you're broken. Think of this as, like, maintenance on your marriage. Because, like. Like, it's not going to get any easier when you have a kid.

You know, I also, like, kind of get giddy about the fact that, like, walking into, like, couples therapy, like, holding my wife, cuddling on the couch, like. Like, when I think of couples therapy, I think, like, two people sitting in separate chairs, like, all this toxic energy. But I'm like, it'd be great to just, like, walk in there, like, hey, we're doing awesome. We just want some help.

Learn how to communicate a little better.

Sometimes you'll have battles, and then sometimes you'll be like, oh, that was fun. Like, it's just like. It's almost like a date. You're like, what's a fun date? When you got to talk to somebody.

We feel so good after a fight. We're like, God, that was stupid. What were we doing?

What? Organized fighting as imagine. It's like therapy is like going into the octagon with, like, giant padded gloves, and you can punch the shit out of each other, but everybody's good. Nobody got bruises, no bloody noses. There's a bunch of motion.

Well, I.

A whole lot of flaming going around.

I will say with Garrett, there's. Sometimes we'll get done with therapy, and he'll be like, I feel great. I'm like, I'm kind of wounded. That was a lot. What did you just dump on me?

So.

But I also think that. That your personality is like. And men's personality a lot. They just, like, they can go off and yell, and then, like, two minutes they're like, I'm good, babe. And we're like, I'm not good. I'm still processing. What the hell? Just. I saw, like. I just saw a tornado. I don't even know what just happened. Like, I need a minute. And I used to, like, get super offended. Now I'm like, he was just processing his own. And it not. Wasn't necessarily about me. So I've learned to be very patient with that aspect and been like, hey, I can be like. Like, oh, I'm so wounded now. I'm just like, he was getting out of. You know, And I'm like, he's hurting, and I can help him through that.

Therapy would be good. We got the guy for you. Let's.

Let's do it. Bring him on the team.

He's great.

He's a little quirky.

Quirky? Quirky.

He's a little quirky.

Thought you said porky.

No, he's like, you're. Like, you're really smart, and you're.

Welcome to Miami. Me, Latin America. Oh, yeah.

You guys both speak Spanish?

I speak Spanish because I learned it in school just growing up in California. Yeah.

I mean, we'll be in Mexico, and she'll be navigating everything to everyone. And I just sit there just like, all right.

It's Danielle. She's just arm candy for us in Mexico. And everybody tries to speak through in Spanish. And when we're in. In the. In the Middle east and, like, Dubai, they'll talk to her in Arabic. Everybody just assumes she speaks in our.

I'm like, I'm from Utah. Sorry. Ye.

I speak Utah language. Okay, so here's the final question. And what. When you guys look at, like, you two as a couple at the stage you're in number one, like, there's your generation of kids and adults, like, kids from teenagers now becoming in the young 20s, you get around most. Like, young, I should say kids. You get around with young kids in Orange county, it's the same thing your age. Like, they're not even the same fucking ballpark as you do. They're still figuring out who the fuck they are trying to work at the sandwich shop, ride their e bikes around with their buddies. Like, it's weird, though. Like, it's weird to us, right? And I found that to be the case, like, around the country right now. What is it you two chose to, like, take this on? Like, at this. At your age, you guys got married in your mid-20s, right? I know. I'm saying I was 27. We got married, and Danielle was 20. So we were both really young, too. On the wealth side of it, it's beautiful because you don't waste a decade and a half fucking around. But I'll start here, like, for you, Alyssa, like, what. What was it that was driving the decision to actually get married in a world of people who aren't even getting married anymore? And a lot of women aren't getting married. They're just like, yeah, fuck, I'm not even getting married. But what was it for you?

I think we, like, hated this new concept that the man and woman shouldn't get married and build this wonderful life together and be together forever. I did have two few wonderful examples. My nana and papa were married for 57 years until my papa passed. My Nona and Nona are celebrating, what is it, 70 years together. My grandpa will be 90 and wow, I just. I loved seeing. So my nana, papa, for starters, built a business together. They started with a thousand dollars in the bank and became multi millionaires. So to them, I grew up around that and the success and seeing them work together and have this bond as a man and woman, like, creating this generational wealth or opportunity for their whole family. Coming from. My papa came from immigrants from Italy, and my nana came from a family of nine children in Minnesota, where they all packed up together and like, their. What is it? Their station wagon and drove to California like there were nothing, you know? And for me, I still wanted that. Like, that was my dream. And he's always been very traditional and old school, and I really admired that about him. And I was just dating guys, like, everyone's such a loser. And it was so hard for me to conceptualize that reality with the men that were around me. So when we got together, I was like, this is reality. Like, I can have this. This is achievable. So deep down, it was always a desire for him. It was always a desire, too. So when we met each other, we're like, this is it. Like, I get to live out my reality and dreams. So I don't know. Did that answer the question?

Well, you had. You had. You had the impact of legacy and the impact of people that you love who had demonstrated a path. So you saw the path. You're around the path, and that path became your path. Like, in our world, it's the same thing. This is why, like, even doing this show for us is a version of being your nana and being your papa. Like, which is like. I'm saying, it's like we're trying to show an entire new generation of couples that are rising in entrepreneurial power in their 20s and their 30s, that you can do this and you can do it in a way that doesn't fuck both of you up for two decades. Because our whole group, of our age group, in our 40s and 50s, that's what we deal with. Wake up, warrior. We deal with the carnage of couples that got together. They were in love with each other, they got pregnant, they had a baby and then shit goes off the fucking rails the next 15 years, years and they have another baby and another baby and another baby and then it's like they get this point and these are all the dudes you meet in a sent brotherhood who you didn't meet all these guys in their up stage. Yeah, it's like now they're in their powerful stage, but there's like this carnage. So for you, what was it that drove for you? I mean you, what you had.

I watched my mom lose the man of her dreams when I was five and my brother was nine. And I watched her try to find that again. And she's still, to this day has never found that. She still speaks so highly of my dad. Dad. And just like I watched her lose the man of her dreams and so I just know that like our time is so limited and like I always wanted my person. Like I always wanted what my mom and dad had. Even though I don't even remember any of it. But just like again, 20 something years later, to hear how my mom still speaks of my dad and how she was still so madly, always said I would still be with your father. We were so madly in love. Like all of these things. I was like, I always wanted that. Like, it was just like ingrained in me. And that's why again, like I, I never fucked around. I never did any of those things. I always just wanted my fucking person. I just didn't have the right person until I met her. And when I, when I met her I was like, I'm not fucking this up. I am not fucking this up. Like, no way.

When we started dating, he's like, holy shit, you're another version of me. I was like, and you're another version of me. So imagine what the fuck we can do together.

Yes.

And we knew we like supercharged each other and we amplified each other and we knew we could build the life that we've always wanted together. And it was with each other. But for us it's just we've always made it known that it's him and I and it'll always be that way.

You guys have a lot of like traditional values which I think are like missing in like the, the 20 year old space. And it's like. But yeah, so it's cool to find like rare couples like you guys that still, I mean like have values and morals and standards, I mean, and just have that traditional mindset. But it's a twist because like the traditional Mindset of our parents was like, like, you got married and you didn't have to try on your relationship anymore. You're like very traditional, like male and female. But you also understand that marriage is work and it's a constant effort and that you're not just persevering that you're co creating. So I love that you guys are sharing for, you know, young couples listening that this is, this is not just a game of like, get married and then stop trying. It's a game of expanding together.

Yeah. And I mean, like, it's also when you meet that person, like we're talking about like, like that desire to provide. Like, when you meet your person, you don't want anything else. Like, you don't want to around. You don't want any of that other. Because like, you. You have your person. And she completely opened my. My eyes up to like, what's possible in this world. Like, again, her grandparents built an amazing life for themselves, but even her, like, we, we. One of the first vacations we ever went on, she. We went to Maui and we went to like the Grand Hyatt right there in Maui. And it was like this beautiful place. They had penguins, like, all this beautiful. And I've never once been in a hotel that nice experienced anything of that level. And she introduced me to that and I was just like, whoa. Like, it just completely opened my eyes up. And she's like, this is possible. Like, we can do this. Like all of this. And she just kind of like set the bar. And once she did that, I was like, oh, I can get us there. Yeah, we can do this. Let's go.

Yeah.

And it's just completely altered. Literally just completely altered my reality.

That's why I always joke, I was always joking around with Gary because my family grew up in abundance. And. But then also, like, I always tell Gary, I'm like, you're my workhorse. I knew you'd get us there. Like, I saw something in him that I just. Even though we met with nothing, like, I knew, I knew he was gonna, he was gonna take us to the top. You know, I saw that in him. I was like, okay. And then, same thing. He was exposed to my family and my lifestyle and he's like, whoa, I never thought this was possible for myself, you know.

Now you hear and both of you setting the standard and you're on the path.

Path.

And we have some big to do together.

Yes, sir.

And you two are amazing.

Oh, you guys are amazing. And you inspire us truly. And we, we do admire Your guys's marriage and relationship and how you are as parents and how you show up with so much intention in every aspect of your life, even if it's messy or chaotic at times, like it's reality, but it's like beautiful chaos. And you make that chaos beautiful. You can make it so fucking ugly or you can make it beautiful and you love it and you wouldn't have it any other way. So, seriously, a huge congratulations to both of you guys and thank you.

Well, you guys are both on the path. You have the. You have the beautiful feminine oracle eyes and connection like as a woman, like pure fire. The minute I met. The minute I met. She walked in, I met her. I knew exactly why you were taken by the woman. She has the eyes. The same thing I did with Danielle. I couldn't do anything else.

You can see into their soul.

I mean, no, you do.

You have soul eyes like Caitlyn Peter's.

Caitlyn o', Toole, right?

Yeah, Otul. Yeah, Caitlyn the same way. Caitlyn, stand right there. Same thing with the eyes. You can see. It's like powerful women who are soul connected, which we need at this time. Soul connected women who are deeply in their feminine, who also can stab a bitch if they have to, is also still deeply in their feminine. Right? And at the same time, men who have morals and standards and commitments, excellence, like these two things. And you two embody this as a young couple. It still is mind bending to me because either I think I'm way younger than I am, or you two just operate. You operate in a way that's just way older, like decade, 15 years older than what you are. You run just as hot as anybody in the 40s. We run with as a couple, which is a good spot.

Just to be clear, we didn't think either of you guys looked like you were in your 40s.

I was like, do we need Botox? Do we need stem cells?

No, I thought you guys 30s, just in your maturity levels.

I wasn't like, totally fine.

That's why when you said you were both in your 20s, so I was.

Like, oh, cool, 20, 28 and he'll be 29. Just to clarify.

Just.

We're there, we're clarifying.

We're all practically 30.

Chime in on, on what you said, though. I think one of the most important things, especially for all the men out there yet listening, especially the younger men, is be a student. You have to learn. And if you didn't have an example or anyone that you can learn from we live in a world where you have access to everything at your fingertips. This podcast is one of those things. Learn, soak it in, because if you don't, you're just gonna it all up.

Yeah.

Learn from other people's mistakes.

Yeah.

Like, it's the best way we can do it. And again, we live in a world where we have access to all of that, so there's literally no excuse.

Beautifully done. So where would they. Where would they follow you to? Or where would you like them? Where. If I wanted to hear more about either one of you, we're gonna put all that in the show. Notes and stuff, too, but, like, just here, verbally on the show, we think for you, Alyssa. Where would they find you?

Yeah, my Instagram is Alyssa Rose. Bonus. And then we're actually started. Just put together our own podcast studio. So.

Yes, you did you have a name for the show yet?

The Ascend Podcast.

The Ascend Podcast.

I like it.

Okay, so this is happening. So we'll be able to find that in itunes. Yep, in the podcast directories. Okay, cool. And where were they? Where would they reach out to you for personal training?

Good old Instagram, baby. At Carter Montgomery Underscore. That's where you can find me. Our business is the Ascension Fitness, so you can go on there and see some insane client wins. If you want to see all the people that turned into beautiful humans, you can find us there.

Ascend to beautiful humans Ascending.

I am one of those that have ascended because of the rising size of my left.

Yeah. And glutes.

Girls like nice butts. Yeah.

Danielle didn't know she wanted handles until I got handles.

It look like you worked out, and then you got a bum.

So she never told me this one time. I always thought I was a savage, only to look back now and go, that's a skinny spongebob. Now my guys, like, send me photos. Coach, I was watching a video from, like, the. In the whole. In the homestead, of course, from, like, three years ago. I didn't ever think you were a skinny, but you were a skinny bitch. I was like, I know there's no going back. So, hey, that's the goal.

Get so big, you make that old version of you look like a skinny bitch.

Well, I'm gonna make this version of me look like a skinny bitch. We're on a Road to 250. I got £25 to go. I gotta eat more cars. Carbs. I actually got my hunger back. I want to eat a chair right now because you cut my carbs out of, like, two of my meals.

Told you I was trying to get that appetite back. It looks like it worked.

It's back.

Eat the chair now. Eat the chair.

So, hey, listen to the show. You know our deal every single week here at Date you Y podcast. Share it up if you got some value from it. There's other couples that need to hear it. There are couples every single day that are desperate and falling apart and needing to know that they're not broken. And the things that they're facing are actually quite normal. And one of the tools we use to help out couples, couples like yourself, are the tools of Warriors Way. You can learn more about the Warriors Way, get a free trial today. Check it out by going to warriorlaunch. Com. These tools are not for everybody, but for the people they are for. Well, it's life transformational. Thanks so much for being here. We'll see you guys next week here on the daytrify podcast.