SEX, MONEY, INTIMACY

And women just want to be slutty. And I was like, it's true.

Every woman deep in her core wants to be a slut.

Well, like, slutty for her husband. Not like slut.

But what is that? What is slut for?

She want like.

Well, hello there, my friends, and welcome to the date your wife podcast. This show brought to you by Pfizer.

What the hell?

Absolutely fucking not. Go fuck yourself vaccine. All right, Anyways, welcome to Day 2 Y podcast. If you like to get vaccinated with 14 boosters and you're from a socialist mindset, you probably are not gonna like this show because you are absolutely missionary style. Sex at 2pm on Sunday after a little church worship service, after you said the same prayer 42 times for the last.

Why do you guys have to go after the church people?

I need to stop doing that.

I know. I was like, they're not at war with you.

I know.

They're all trying to be. Trying to be better human beings.

I know. God actually told me that.

Yeah, I know, but it's.

And I told you.

But you know what? I do. I. I tell you this all the time because I'm like. We started going back to church and I was like, we're like the narcs. Like, we. We just. We gotta. We're we're gonna get something out of this. But we're like, kind of undercover in the church scene right now. But I think it's because we're actually. We were just talking about it a second ago. I'm like, I feel like we're. I mean, we've been married for 20 years. Like, it's not like we've gone off and gotten super wild or done anything crazy. Like, we're. We're like, normal but not normal. Right? And so I feel like a lot of us have done a lot of inner work on ourselves and then together. And so this game is about, like, permission. And in the church community, no matter what community, religious or church community, there's there. We're controlled by so much guilt and shame. And. And so it's like we just ultimately are chasing this happiness and this freedom. And sometimes for me, this happiness and this freedom went against everything I was taught being raised Mormon, right? It was like, you shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do this. And so if, say, for example, I had a cocktail or had crazy sex with you, it was like, that was not acceptable. And now you should feel bad. And I'm like, wait, but why? I. Why Should I feel guilty for this? So then I need to go back to church so that I can avoid the guilt. And I feel like I put in my time with God and then I go back to the same pattern of doing something that was taught that wasn't appropriate. And then I feel guilt and shame, and then I come back to church to make me to repent of my sins or whatever it is, and I'm like, what if I flip the narrative that, like, is this bad? Is this bad what I'm doing, right? And kind of giving myself permission to just really discover who I am and work on my. On myself? So.

Well, here's the deal. I don't think there's another topic on the table for married couples that has more of an impact on overall, like, wellness and happiness than the topic of sex. And right around with sex is money. If sex and money are messed up, family's gonna fall apart, right? If sex and money are messed up, marriages fall apart. If sex and intimacy is messed up. Like, it's really difficult to be a producer. It's not that you can't be. It just. It affects it.

Right?

And what we have found in more and more often is just like, there's an inability for couples to be honest with each other. So why do you think that is? Why is it. Why is it so important?

I think they're almost honest to communicate what they want. Whether it's like, I'm gonna hurt your feelings, or I feel guilty for even wanting this, or am I gonna be exposed if. If I share my feelings, are they gonna. Is my wife gonna think I'm less masculine? You know, I mean, I don't. We were just talking about that in therapy where it's like, I think men and a lot of times are kind of scared to communicate their feelings in an attempted. It exposes them or makes them feel less masculine.

Oh, we. We were just. I mean, and we were just literally discussing that because there are times where, like, it's a mixed message. It comes from women, which is, we want you to be manly.

Manly, but in touch with your feelings.

But in touch with your feelings. And we want you to go hunt and be.

But don't be too in touch with your feelings because that could be off putting.

Don't be too intense because we need you to come home. This is not a battlefield. This is a home. I'm your wife. And then yet at the same time, we need you to go out there and kick ass and take names and go hunt and get us the new family vacation. Get us the new house that we want. While at the same time I need you to come home and tickle your kids backs when you go to sleep.

Exactly.

But then I need you to turn right around, I need to go kick some ass and crush and dominate and fuck things up. And then I need you to come back and like sit on the couch and do nothing and just sit and be, not be activity. Why do you have to move so much? Why are you so energized? So I'm not saying there's not a confusing message coming to women, but the confusing message coming to guys is if I go provide, then what should follow is sexual sex should follow. For a married guy who's thinking, hey, listen, I live in a woman, I'm doing my part. I did my part, I'm producing woman. Why do you not want to just sit on my face?

Here is the kicker. So women might, they do want to be taken care of. They do want to, you know, have that aspect. But then again, we also want to feel seen and heard and connected. Because what happens, especially for some reason in our culture, I can only speak for like, the culture I was raised in is like, otherwise the women will withhold sex even if the guy is perfect producing, because they don't feel like their needs are being met. And so it goes into this weird thing where the guy is like, I just am going to hunt and take care of you. And she's like, well, I'm just going to be the mom. And those are our rules. And then, then they're surprised. Why they have really awkward sex or they become resentful, or there's just no chemistry. But it's because they've settled into the roles where she's like, well, I'm doing my part. You don't appreciate me. I did the dishes and the laundry. And he's like, I don't care. And he's like, well, I went out and hunted, so they're both not feeling seen and heard. And then sex goes out the window, communication goes out the window. And it's just two partners that have decided by culture and society that like, that's enough for their marriage. And I'm like, that sounds really crappy.

I mean, if you look at like, there's still levels of discomfort sometimes for me in approaching you, but not like even close to what it was.

But that edge is good. It's like if you're in a space where you're like, ooh, we've been married for 20 years. If you're in a Space. You're like, can I approach my wife? I'm like, that's good. I would imagine that means there's still a little bit of that chemistry there.

Well, that's not the chemistry. I mean, I guess you could look at it kind of from that place. It's like there's an edge of uncertainty which creates polarity. But inside of it, a lot of it, too, is kind of negative programming of not being able to comfortably approach. Because one of the things you always say to me is, like, well, why can't just be normal? Just, like, be like, be the man. Like, relax. Like, just own it and be the. And I was like, I got no reps, woman.

I got no reps of me shutting you down. Like, it was like, you would try to approach me, and I'd be like, oh, I just don't feel good. Like, whatever, or, I gotta run or I gotta do this. So you stopped. Like, we went into the autopilot. Being married, just talking about.

We.

We can only speak from where we've come. Like, we were. We were that couple, right? And we were talking about it in our group therapy thing where they're called, what they call it pin cushion sex, where it's just like, you know, it's been a few days, I'll throw you a bone kind of thing.

Cushion sex.

Yeah. And it was like, that's how a lot of couples operate. And the problem is, like, that just ends in divorce. Like, it just does. Like, you get to a point where neither of you guys are feeling seen and heard. You're. You're. The pain has hit its tipping point where you're like, I would rather be with somebody else.

Well, that's when. That's why you got so many girls that are unhappy working out a lifetime fitness, looking for a visual attention.

But here's the thing here. Here's the crazy thing is you were saying this right before we started this podcast. You're like, dude, men just want their wives to be slutty, and women just want to be slutty. And I was like, it's true.

Every woman deep in her core wants to be a slut.

Well, like, slutty for her husband, not, like, slut.

But what is that? What is slut for her?

She want, like, like, not slutty. That's better, I should say.

No, there's other.

You want to feel, like, sexy.

Okay, what does slutty mean? I mean, on one of our calls during Date Drive experience, one of the couples said, one of our goals for 20, 24 is I'm trying to be a little less slutty. Well, you weren't on the call. No, no, you weren't there. Yeah. We had this whole thing start where one of the women shared with the group that her target for 2024 is to be less slutty. And every guy on the call. Yeah, of course. And every guy on the call was like laughing, looking, going, that's the worst goal ever. But she's like, I'm very aggressive. And he sometimes is not so down. And I would. And we were talking to her on the group and I said, how often could you have sex? She's like, every day, twice.

Oh, my gosh.

And I was like, that's awesome. And every guy's like nodding their head. You know what's funny? That happens in warriors. We get guys that come in, be sitting at the same table talking about sex and marriage. And you get a guy who wants to have sex twice a day with a woman who wants to have sex twice a month. And then you'll have a guy who wants to have sex twice a month who's married to a woman that wants to have sex twice a day. I was like, God could not have created this game more fucking crazy. It's like women wanna have sex when they feel emotionally hurt and valued. Men are able to be emotionally see and value once they've had sex. So it's like everything is in the inverse. It's all backwards.

I feel like we're now we're like pretty.

I think we're finger fantastic now.

Like, yeah, I was like, I feel like now we're like, we're at good pace.

Well, there's a piece of me too, that's like, I realized, like, I've been able to let go of a lot of my past hurt, which didn't even have to do with you.

But you know what I had to do is like, I got. This was like years ago. But I was like, I didn't realize how much you were feeling denied by me. And I remember it was like clear when we lived in Ladera Ranch. And I remember you like made a comment or something to me, you're like, I'm hurting so bad. Like, I feel like you're like, I'm. I'm working, I'm trying to provide for the family. And you're just like, here, here's a bone. If at best. And I was like, I think I finally realized the hurt in you behind something as simple as sex. And I was like, and you know what? I actually want to have good sex. Remember when we were in therapy way back then? I was like, I want you to take me. I want all these things. So for me, like, I just made the effort. I was like, you know what? I'm not going to hold the sex card anymore. I don't want to hold the sex card anymore. I'm over it. Like, it can be a very powerful tool, and women in every relationship hold the sex card. And I was like, I'm done with this. And so I just decided. I was like, I'm not going to. I'm not ever going to say no. And not only that, I'm going to initiate. And so I did years of that. I mean, if I ever said no, I was literally, like, sick. Like, even if I was, like, half asleep, I was like, it's fine. Make a move. Like, I just told myself, I'm like, what if I just. I just got. It wasn't even, like, I just stopped wanting to carry the sex card. That's the only thing I can tell you. And it was very freeing for me.

I was like, why was it freeing?

It was freeing because I'm like, this is so stupid, and it's not a big deal. And I also felt like I wanted you to feel safe enough to come and approach me and that I'm not gonna, like, shoot you down. So I just. Now we have, like, a healthy balance. But it took me years of just being like, I don't want to be that person anymore. And I didn't realize how much it was impacting our marriage and hurting you.

So I was like, guys just get to play. And again, because there's not really a safe place for guys to talk about this. Guys don't talk about it, right? So you take, for example, take a. I saw this couple. We were Chuck E. Cheese, me and. Me and I yesterday. Hadn't met a Chuck E. Cheese in seven years, right?

I know.

Wild. Same Chuck E. Cheese. Things are a little bit more advanced with some of the tools, but half the game's still broken. Chucky's still running around high fiving, high fiving. And Isla was just, like, not even sure what to think about it. But we were sitting there, this couple walks in, they have five, five kids, all under the age of eight. Had to be. And I look at them, and I go, you two are brave. Well done. I was like, we got five, but they are very spread apart. And I told the ages, and he like, yeah, that's a little bit separate. I said, yeah, 24, 16 or 24 17, almost 13. 4 and 2. And I was like, yeah, we got some gaps. And these kids are all packed in there. Well, what. No one. I'm not taking away from what the female experience is, because I don't know what that's like. But for a guy during that decade of pregnancies and watching their wife recover, there is. The fact that anyone stays fucking married at all is insane because the guy has to go into sexual hibernation while his wife is pregnant. Now, he did this to her, so it's not like he can take it away and say, oh, you know, I didn't get my. Maybe somebody's other guy was getting your wife pregnant and then you were. Than in isolation. But it's tough. And there's no. Where are we talking about this Nowhere. Nobody talks about what the guy goes through during this time. What is a young guy in his 20s or early 30s having to sexually do at his. Like in his 20s getting pregnant, his wife getting pregnant. He's in his sexual peak. The dude has a heart on half the day and now he's being told, hey, you just need to fucking keep it under wraps. Like, keep it on lockdown. Take care of your wife. She's pregnant, she's hurting. If one guy tries to offer up how hard it is for him to have a pregnant wife for himself sexually, everyone's going to say, what, they're not.

Going to feel bad for him.

No, you. Will you even mock me? You made fun of me when we were talking about it. I was like, you're like, oh, my.

God, I mock you because you go, I'm going to create a book called what to be expecting when you're expecting penis edition. I was like, nobody will buy that.

Oh, we will sell millions of copies of that to dudes whose wives are pregnant.

But like, so I have some empathy now. At the time I didn't. But I also think too, like, some women. And not taking this away from the guy, but some women are very. When they're pregnant, they feel beautiful. They're more. They're more sexually active. I am not that way. So I feel bad that you. I love my babies, but I hate being pregnant. Like, there's nothing about it that I'm like, this is such a beautiful experience. Like, I don't like being pregnant. Okay. There's like a few times where I'm like, oh, yummy, cute baby. When are you coming?

You like pregnant photos?

What?

You like pregnant?

No, no, no. It's not even about.

No.

I just, I'm. I don't like being pregnant. I'm emotionally all over the place. I just don't. I get high, blood, prayer, all these crazy things. Like I'm. It's not a very fun experience for me. It feels like I'm putting my body on hold to create something beautiful. And I know that. So I'm like, what's nine months? Or what I receive in it? But I'm just saying there are a lot of women who like, they feel sexier and they love it. And I was just sadly sorry for you. Was not one of those women. So I think because I don't. I'm. I'm literally like not myself when I'm pregnant. And you, I think you almost feel bad because you're like, I did this to her. So for your experience, that might not be every guy's experience. Some, some I've. I've heard of this, that some men are very attracted to pregnant women. But maybe they have those pregnant women that just are more confident when they're pregnant. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've seen. We. We know a few people where I'm like, they're actually hotter when they're pregnant.

Wow. They are.

And they show up like they think they'.

They're definitely hotter. Their energy's better.

Yeah, their energy's better. They're like just a ball of butter. And they're just like, they radiant. They are just beautiful. And you can tell they feel more confident. So I. Sorry for you. It was not that person.

But a lot of the women that feel that way typically lose weight when they get pregnant. Yeah, they actually get fitter when they're pregnant.

I have noticed when they're not pregnant, it's wild.

It's actually like, you look more fit when you're pregnant. That doesn't make any sense.

The weight goes just.

And then they get done with the baby and another changes. So like this game of sexual, like this sexual dynamic and this sexual conversation is like a topic that needs to be had. And even now with therapy, therapy over a year now has given us the ability, I think, for us to have more powerful conversations that don't just lead in. You're in your ego. I'm in my ego. Fight, fight, fight. Steven's able to step in and neutralize. Because even in today's session.

Yeah.

There was moments where your ego starting to rise up and defense and deflect. And I'm like sitting there doing my best. I'm like, geez, man, how would this work out if you didn't have A therapist.

That's what I said. It's. We talked about this in our last podcast. It's a working hour on your marriage. Like, it's almost damn near impossible because you are human. We are human, and we always have the ego. And ego is, like, looked at as so negative, but it's how we can do half the shit we can do. You have to have an ego to build this kind of stuff. So you. But also, like, understanding, like, you to have certain conversations. The therapist helps deflect the ego and actually clearly communicate what you're both trying to say, but don't know how to. So it gets the ego out of.

The way that reframe. If you look at these two things, right. So we were talking about date night every week with your spouse with no kids and no friends, and therapy every week with your spouse. Different time. Date night for activity of fun and experience and dinner and whatever. And therapy to work on your marriage. If couples did just those two things, game fucking over. Marriages across the board would skyrocket.

Right. And you think about, like I was saying this again, a lot of successful, especially men, entrepreneurs, they. It's. It's like you have to have that. It's only two hours of your week. Remember, like, last year, you're like, I realize. I think I only spent four hours with you all week or something crazy. And I was like, no. And I don't even think they were effective hours. It was like, passing by.

High five.

We went on a date night, had some cocktails and went to bed.

Like, it was bad.

So it's like, you've got to.

There were some times I remember, like, legitimate weeks where I would count the time, and I'm like, the most important woman and person in my life. And I spent, like, five hours with her this week even. And that was just on. That was like, five hours on a date night. But, like, we've been doing a lot of the things that was even, like, with vacation and trips. So, like, if I went back and retooled it and I'm looking at somebody that's married right now, I'm like, well, you're not broken yet. Doesn't matter. Go to therapy. But the thing is, all therapists are not created equal. It's like going to a chiropractor. All chiropractors are not equal. All life coaches are not equal.

Right.

You know, coaching with me is totally different than my experience with therapist Bobby Bod Light.

Yeah. I would say even too. If, like, if. Because for us, we've gone To a few that. A couple that I was like, she's off her rocker. So just don't put too much clout in the name therapist. Find one that's going to effectively work well with you and your partner. So. But yeah, we. It's all the little things that we've done. People ask how we've built what we have and how we have the relationship we have, and it's not always perfect. I mean, two. Two podcasts ago, we were fucking war, right? It's. But it's real. It's real. And I think it's just all the little things that we're committed to doing. It's like, consistency inside of your marriage. You are consistent with your diet. You are consistent with your patterns in the morning, with your work. You are consistent with so many things that you have to create different patterns to create consistency to a great marriage.

Which consistencies are what? Date night, therapist. Trips, Trips, trips, trips. This is also something that's very surprising to me. I'm like, guys are not actually taking their wives on even overnights. A lot of guys, like, when was the last time you took your wife on a vacation? This was. These are. Some of these guys are established guys. That'll be tomorrow. I say, when was the last time you took your wife on a vacation that wasn't work focused, with no kids?

Maybe because it's too painful.

Some of these guys are years.

Maybe because it's too painful.

That's exactly what it was for me.

That they're like, I can't imagine spending three or four days alone with my wife. Wait, we're not going out with other couples. We're not. I have to. I can't work. And we're supposed to be on vacation. I can barely go on a date night with her.

You know, this is.

And they're like, I love this woman. I'm never going to cheat. I'm going to provide for her. But, man, that sounds really shitty to go spend four days with this woman. That is. It just sounds painful. But I get it. We were there, right?

Why Covid? This is why during COVID there are so many divorces. People actually had to be around each other like most people. I think. I think right now, like, if you actually gave people permission to. To. To be really, really, really honest, like, if you could really do that, you know, they say the divorce rate now is, like, hovering over 50%. Between 55 and 60%. I would bet that of the other 40, 45% of the marriages, that half of those are complete shit. Shows of people who just are like, we're in it to win it. We love Jesus, we're never getting divorced. And those marriages should probably end too.

Here's what I'll say is maybe no.

One should be married.

Here's, here's what I'll say with us is one of the big things is remembering to have fun with each other. So I think that's when vacation started to be more fun for us because it was like, hey, like, let's just go have fun. And when you're like constantly in business and work and kids and stuff, it's sometimes you almost feel guilty for having fun. You're like, I can't possibly have fun. And you're like, why? What is this three day weekend in Cabo gonna do for your marriage? That in turn you can pour this energy into your business?

But you know why? You know, a lot of guys don't want to go on vacation, but that's what I'm saying.

And I'm saying it's not just fun. But here's, here's, you know why? Because they're not getting laid.

Because they're not getting laid. So why in the fuck would they want to go on a vacation? Watch your wife in a bikini on the beach all day, and then like hope that they might get laid one time in five days.

So it sounds like it's probably time to have a convers conversation of like, how you're feeling. Hey, I would love to take you on a vacation, but I just want to have sex with you all the time, you know? And it's, it's, it's something that, it's like not going to happen overnight. Like if your marriage is in a crappy place, it's not like you were amazing and then tomorrow you're like, I hate you. I think I'm gonna get divorced. It's this slow things that you're not doing that you don't even notice that all of a sudden you're just disconnected. So you're disconnected for like five years and you're not even in a painful place. And then you're like disconnected, connected and in a painful place for like three years. So you've had like eight years of a shit show. Do you better believe it might take you another like five years to just build back up? Because that's kind of how I felt. Like with us, it was this unconscious numbness that we weren't even aware of. And then all of a sudden we were in a bad space. So we like had a five Year, Unconscious awareness. Then we had a five year, like, kind of like trying to fight and figure ourselves out. And then it finally started to, like, I could see the light at the tunnel, end of the tunnel. So we had like this 10 year period of like 5 years crap. 5 years, try to mend. And then we're like, I hear.

I know there's a lot of people listening going, oh, my.

But, like, that's what I'm saying. People are like, I'm not willing to put another 10 years into this. I'm not really. And you're like, why you have five kids with this woman? Why you. You're. You've already spent 20 years with her, so you're not. You're just gonna quit before you even, like, try to mend things before you try?

What is it? What's a guy supposed to do if his wife won't rise?

That's what I'm saying. And so she just is stuck in the. To be both people. So both people have to come to this conscious effort that, like, okay, I'm in the fight still with you.

Like, what happens if she. She won't. Or vice versa. He won't. What do you. What do you think?

I don't know. I think if you.

I.

For me, it was like I was in a place where forever ago when I didn't even want to do therapy, but I was so. I was at a point where I was like, I'm going to end my marriage. So I don't feel good about ending my marriage. If I don't feel like I've worked on me and actually done everything I know before, I can finally say, okay, we're. We're good. I did everything I could. You know what I mean? So I think it took both of us doing that. And at some point, I get it. Like, if you hadn't have turned the corner. If I hadn't turned the corner, it's just that we would have grown apart and it was just like, there. We're not in the fight anymore. We've just grown apart. You don't want to go this way. I'm going this way.

Yeah.

And sometimes it takes the other partner to see that. Like, hey, I'm. I'm out. I'm out the door. And then all of a sudden, then they get divorced and then they rise and you're, like, sad that it got to that point where now all these things that your husband or wife wanted you to do, and now you, like, lost all this weight. You're on fire. You're doing this, you're like, it took divorce for you to do that. And maybe that's their path. I don't know. Right.

What's crazy is, like, is the same if they showed up the same way in marriage as they were when they got divorced and now are single with the same passion at the gym, same passion for grooming, same passion for making money, same passion for taking care of themselves. Same passion for presenting themselves as desirable and attractive to their spouse if they put any energy. Like a woman who's in Lululemon's all day long and ponytail, piggy, tails a ponytail and doesn't give a shit about taking care of herself outside of, like, I go to the gym, I run the kids around, et cetera. No. Never caring about presenting herself to her husband or vice versa. A guy who. I mean, I. I just don't know what to do with these dudes that are overweight with women that make a lot of babies. I'm like, bro, you have no hall pass with the hat, the fat, hairy bagel. Like, what the are you doing?

You know what is really the. I think the reason I'm, like, so committed to you is I remember being, like, really young and in our 20s, we lived in Vegas, and I have these moments where it's like, you call God whatever you want. Somebody. Some. Somebody else talking to you that you're like, whoa. Like, you have, like, these moments. And I remember we had gotten in this big fight, and I'm sitting there, I went and slept in the other bedroom, and this clear voice came to me and just said, like, you could probably get divorced. You could probably remarry somebody else, but you're just going to hit this loop again. If you can't figure it out, you're just going to hit this loop again. So I was like, okay. For me, it was. It was like, all right. Just because I go marry somebody else doesn't mean I'm going to stop the same patterns and behaviors. Right? I might just repeat this whole thing again. And so, like, kind of understanding that at a young age, I was like, okay, so marrying somebody new maybe isn't the answer. And maybe there's something part of being married is. Is figuring out the game.

So that newness is very attractive.

The what?

The newness?

Yeah, it is. But you know what else is really attractive? Having somebody that you trust and feel like they're just. There's this respect and love that's way better than the newness. And we.

I have.

We have found ways to create newness and Spark and, like, where there's some. I don't want to share too much on a podcast, but there's some times I like, I wake up and I was like, we went to that strip club, babe. That was great. And that's like. I'm like, to me, I'm like, I just wanted a little spice it up, and I didn't need to go spice it up and actually go have a fivesome. I'm like, because really, what's that gonna do for our marriage? It's gonna cause a lot of weirdness, probably anxiety, guilt, went down the wrong path. So it's like, the newness can be created in safer ways where it's. It's fun for your marriage, role playing.

I mean, it's hard to get to a place like that, though. Like, the amount of comfort you have to have and certainty in yourself and in your partner to, like, just be safe and let go. But all these things begin and originate, like, whether it's. Whatever it is. When you get to a place where you recognize that in this one simple statement, new is or better is always different. Right? In the sense that to do something new always pushes for something different. If I want it better, I have to do something different. But unfortunately, every time I do something better doesn't mean it's going to be different, right? It doesn't mean it's going to be better for me. If I do it different. Oh, well, I do. I'm going to go get a different person to be married to. Then it will be better. And you're like, well, not necessarily, but we know that in order to have a better relationship, you do have to end the relationship. That is so the only challenge of being able to do that inside of marriage. Can you divorce your spouse while still being married and then re propose to your spouse while still being married and do it as a symbolic, spiritual thing? Yes. Governor Newsom's state of California doesn't actually register you as divorced, which is a whole other topic for another day about whether you should even give a shit if the government says you're married. But there you are saying, I'm gonna be reborn in a new relationship with this person. I'm recommitting to a new possibility with this person. I'm recommitting to a new version of me. I mean, you and I existing right now. We're the same. We existed as beings seven years ago when we were at war. We existed as beings every time we've been at conflict and thought we should end it.

I always Am like, what is the deeper issue? What am I miss? We even did this with moving. We would, like, move every two years, even when our marriage wasn't great. And we were like, oh, see, we just needed to move to a new environment and a fresh start. And so I even realized we even had a pattern with moving to the point where I was like, we can't keep packing our kids up and moving. Like, what are we running from?

Over two years.

And it was like, we just loved the newness. And so now we are in this house, and I'm like, where do you go? We cannot move. Because we literally, like, we'd move every two years. I'm like, where do you go? Like, we can. Sure, we can move. But what. Where is this newness? How can this newness be created? Like, what. What do we need to do?

Are you even made the comment to me, you said, I don't. I think we need to move to Miami.

I know.

I think I sell the house, pack up. Let's go to Miami. And I was bored.

I was like, I need some newness. What is the newness I need? I'm like, it. Let's sell the house. And then I was like, now I'll just go buy another pair of shoes. I don't need it. I don't need a whole new house.

But there was a commitment.

I love shopping.

Yeah, I'm sure it is. But if you look at. If you look at what changed in the last year, what changed was we became new.

Yeah.

Like, we became new through the work. We became new.

Yeah, there was.

And it wasn't just couples work. It was individual work. Work I was doing on myself. Work you were doing on yourself. My healing journey. Your healing journey. Therapy is a healing modality. Date nights, trips, experiences, putting on the date, your wife experiencing, being able to provide and give value to others. Getting real active with the podcast, you know, real White House podcasts with our other kids. Like, our children, like, just being willing to put ourselves out there and continue to push and to fight. But there was a vision that pulls anybody forward. Like, what was the thing that you saw, like, for yourself? Like, because I was sharing this with, like, our son last night. He was, like, trying to get inspired about. Inspired about making more money, even though he's already making great money. He's like, you know, like, how do you do it? And I said, you have to have a vision. Like, you have to have something that you believe that you're fundamentally called to in order to be willing to do what's required to get there. What's the thing for you, like, what has you endure 22 now, going on 23 years together, there's this piece of.

Me that's like, I probably could have been happy with. Had a great earthly experience here with a lot of men. You for sure could have, but I specifically feel like. It's like. I just feel like we're, like, there's something we're supposed to be doing here together. And so when I think about that, it really surrenders my ego a little bit about, like, what's our mission? What are we doing? What are we doing? All right, you can go have sex with other guys. You can go be married to other guys. Not saying you can't have a great life, but what is your mission? What are you two called to do together? Because I think that we. I feel like there. My vision is there's like, there's just a bigger calling there. So that's kind of, for me, it's like, all right, we got to set the standard. We got to figure out our shit. Let's work through this. To show that other couples can maybe make it through this as well. And also, weirdly, I feel. I know Wake Up Warrior is your company, but I feel. I feel like I'm your. Like, I. I feel like I'm, like, the one that's also called the Wake Up Men. I'm like this tiny little woman, but I. I feel very strongly that I'm supposed to help power player men Wake Up. And I don't know if I directly am like, this is the guy that's gonna help me do it. So I don't know that's how, like, I describe it. But, yeah, there's a deeper calling for me, for sure, that keeps bringing me back to your, like, feeling like my mission is really big, but it's not done alone.

Yeah, well, I agree. And here we are together doing it. We'd love to invite you into a journey with us. Every week of the date your wife experience a weekly call with couples like ourselves gathered together. Powerful couples, movement leaders, pastors of churches there with their spouses, getting a chance to have real dialogue. We bring our therapists in. We bring other powerful couples in just like you. You get to come to experience it, talk, discuss, share. You can sit on the sidelines for the first couple weeks and just watch it go down or participate. You don't have to have your camera on. We give it. Make a real save. You can just watch and see what's going on because there's tons of couples on there talking and sharing. All this happening every single week here in the DHUF experience. You can get access to free for four weeks. Come Tessa for a month, see what you think if it's something for you and your spouse. Along with that comes the Warrior Launch membership, which is a step by step guidance system to learning how to live the Warrior's way, which is the operating system I live under. Danielle spiritually lives under I letter of the law live under and tens of thousands of other men and women live under also as a way for dealing with yourselves predictably and powerfully every single day. Ultimately, being able to bring and channel the kingdom of heaven threw us into the kingdom of earth in a real way, bearing real fruit. So we'd love to give you access to that. You can check that out by going to warriorlaunch.com, gain access for 30 days for free. At the end of that, if you like it, well, there'll be a month to month membership with the software and all the rest of it that comes with it. And if you want to find out more about the hair game. And also Danielle has a new asset online that she originally started.

Yes.

Back when she was stacking cash to leave me because I was quite a douchebag.

Well, I started my brand with a blog called DKW Styling and then I launched multiple brands and I stopped blogging. And now because I have multiple brands, I was like, it's not, it's not just DKW Styling anymore. So I just relaunched the blog. Danielle K. White. You can go check out more about. I run multiple podcasts. I run an education company for hairstylists. I have a hairline and I own a salon in Laguna Beach, California. So. So it's kind of. And I love fashion and fitness and being a mom and all those things. So this, the Danielle K. White blog is just kind of me. All versions of me.

I'm blogging, you're blogging. I don't even know what to do with ourselves. We've become the blogging. True. All right, well, thank. Check it out again. Go to warriorlaunch.com for that free membership. We look forward to having you here next week. We didn't really talk a lot about unleashing your inner slut, but we definitely had some good conversation. I think that's where we started with today. Now we had. Look at this.

Keeping it classy.

God, just keeping it classy around here. Keep trying to make it too trashy. That's why we invite the spirit in, starts guiding us I didn't even say the word, but maybe twice the whole show. And there was the second one right there. So we're out here. We'll see you guys next week.