Sex On the Back Burner | Date Your Wife | Ep 045

Crack a lack in your soul. Crack a la.

Welcome to the big, I was gonna say big money sized podcast.

It's not Be My wife.

Welcome to be my wife. Be the man married to be my wife. This is the, I keep wanna say big money stylist podcast.

This is the Date your Wife podcast.

It's a date your wife podcast.

This is my husband and I'm the wife.

Yes, you are the wife. I am the husband. This is go time. Welcome to Date youe Wife. Bage. If you're here for the very first time. Uh, yeah, well, we talk about a few things here every week. We're gonna have a different conversation. Week one, we tend to talk about power. No, we don't. We don't talk about power. Fuck, I'm all over the place. We talk about sex. If I forgot about sex, that just explains how long it's been since I've had sex.

Let's just go into it.

It's been a little while. It's been a little while. Like we were in a bit of a drought right now.

But let's talk about patterns.

This is why I talked about power, because I literally couldn't talk about sex because I like haven't had any.

You know. You know what though? Sometimes, sometimes I notice when it's been a bit for you, you gotta channel your energy somewhere.

So I work more and then you work more.

But then you had a lot of big moves that happened this week. And sometimes, sometimes I'm prompted to not.

Have sex with me so that I make big moves in business.

No, but sometimes I'm like, I can feel the energy being like, in the past, you used to take that energy out on me. But like when I feel like a crossroads with work, I feel like stable with our relationship. So when I feel that pint up energy coming up in you, I'm like, let's see where this goes. And it sounds like it went well this week.

I've just been torching.

I've been playing my part.

Walking around being beautiful and I was just putting.

One in for the tea.

Going to sleep at 8:45pm you know what?

I've had a long week.

You have had a very long week. Okay, so let's talk about this though, because this is a thing that can happen to couples. They have very long weeks and sex gets put on the back burner. We have demonstrated sex on the back burner for nine days.

Yeah, that's a long time for us.

Nine days of no sex.

Yep.

What do you have to say for yourself?

I already told you I was putting one in for the team, so.

Well, tonight you're putting one in for me, so the team has accepted the gift, and we've done this.

You're giving up to wine and dine me.

Let's talk about what happens in the psychology of nine days, because we've yet to do a podcast. This entire year, that's been nine days.

You were talking about life getting busy.

Okay, so life gets busy, but, like, what goes on for you in your mind? Like, so we're in nine days. What goes on for you in your mind when we're at nine days with no shit. No. I want you to bullshit. Yes. Put this out here. Here we go.

So I'm gonna. I'm gonna just be honest.

I appreciate you. Second pre frame on that. Just get to it. Everybody knows you're gonna get honest in this.

Do you guys wanna hear the truth?

No, we want you to lie to us. All right, what's the truth?

So we. Well, so I got pregnant at the beginning of this year, and then I miscarried. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna, like, take a break and not worry about it. And then I was like, you know what? Like, time's a ticking. And I'm like, we should just try. Let's just try. So we. I usually, like, it works pretty well, like, the first or second time. So it got to this point where I felt like you were like, again, again. And then even, like, I was just kind of like, to this point where I was like, did we lose the fun? And so then I just was like, whatever. And then that mixed with, like, being busy, I think, like, I've been going to bed at 8:45. I'm not gonna lie. With the time change and just. I've been working more at my salon, getting ready for events. Like, just had a lot of shit happen this week. So I literally, like, 8:45. I'm like, all right, I can't keep my eyes open. But on the positive note, I've been waking up earlier, so I'm gonna blame part of it on the time change because I've been getting up at, like, six. Six a night. Usually get up at six.

Okay, so this has been a. Okay, so what I'm hearing from you is that we tried to do baby sex. And it was a lot, and it was great. And last Wednesday, I even spiced it up. Last Wednesday, I said, no, I was too tired, which was the first time in our whole entire life, like, being shot down.

I was.

I Think got hurt, too.

Oh, that fucker's gonna pay for shooting me down.

That was the first time in 15, 17 years that I've done that.

The performance in the morning was so. I knew we had been going, and I was like. I still wanted to make it fun, so I was so disappointed in you because my performance in the morning was very good.

It was? Yeah, it was very good.

And then you were like, well, I'm over it. And you went to sleep, and I.

Was like, I didn't say I was over it. You said. I did not say I was over it. What did I say?

You said, no, babe, I'm too tired.

Exactly. How many times have I heard that from you? You know what, though? I've heard that from you 4,000 times.

No, you haven't.

And that was just the first time.

I just open a ball and I start snoring and hoping you don't poke the bears.

And you fake like a fake sleeper.

I'm not really. Like, I really am tired, but.

But you fake.

I do put in a little bit of a snore. So.

This is why you are good at faking orgasm sometimes.

No.

Yes. You fake snore, fake orgasm, fake. Fakey. Fakey. All right, so there's a. I mean, it's a. It's a weird place for me. I've been sitting here going, what the fuck is going on? It's been, like, nine days.

But you know what?

Let's. And I feel weird about it, though, too. Like, I mean, not weird about it. I just feel like I'm like, man, she's really taking this hard that I shot her down.

Yeah, I wasn't really. But you know what you said right before we started this podcast, and you said something about. I was like, yeah, I've just been so tired this week or something. And you were like, because if so much has gone on with work. And you were like, yeah, that's why I was letting you go to sleep. But I think that's, like, your pattern. Like, when it's been a while, you almost go into this, like, retreat mode.

I do.

Where you don't even try. Like, I know she's asleep, and I get it. Like, I'm tired, but I can still be woken up. Like, there's been times where I'm tired, and you're like, babe, I'm giving you a massage. You're like, babe, like, that doesn't like work so well. It always works. Okay, has there been one time where you didn't. Where you gave me a Massage where.

I was like, yes, but you have to agree to the massage. You have to agree to the massage.

If I jump on my back and start rubbing it, I'm not gonna throw you off. That's like me jumping on you and being like, throw me off. Like, throw me off.

So that's just the sign. I just need to jump on your back and start rubbing you. I get weird, though. I'm not gonna fucking lie. As a guy who gets weird, that's in you.

That's you.

No, I know, but it's not just me. I've had this. You talk to the ladies, I talk to the men. Many, many. If you're a single guy, you just wouldn't tolerate this shit. But when you're married 15 years, yes, you would. No, you wouldn't. You won't tolerate that. If you've, like six months, you won't tell her this. You've been dating, like two years. Maybe you start having the married thing going on. But as a guy, it's weird. It's like this dilemma because you're like, okay, I'm sure at some level I've screwed this up, right? So I could justify in the position saying, well, I did reject my wife on Halloween night, and the morning was a great show and we were there and she was ready, and it was like, baby time. And I was like, not ready. And I. I don't know. Right. Whatever the case is, for the first time in 17 years, I tell my wife, I'm too tired. I managed to shoot my.

You drank too much. Plus, we had been having a lot of sex. So you were just like, I don't care.

Conditions are I should shoot myself in the face and punch my own balls for even saying, you're too tired. I made fun of guys who said, I'm too tired. I was like, how can a guy. Absolutely.

Does that happen with age? How does that work?

Oh, 42. Well, I don't have an. I'm not too tired of skateboard or surf, so maybe that's. Cause it's in the morning.

No, for real. Does that happen?

Yes, it does, actually. Because the minute I said that, I did some stacks on it and I thought, maybe my testosterone's down.

No.

And then I see all the old guys that are in their 40s.

Like, guys in their olders, when they get older, does it, like, calm down? And then girls, when they're like in their 40s, all of a sudden it's like, revved up. Isn't that how it works?

I feel like you've gotten revved up. I'm like, or you just revved up to make a baby?

No, I'm. I'm just like, I'm not, like, revved up. I feel like I'm, like, normal, but I'm just having more fun with it. Cause I think in the past, I was like, it's chore. It's checklist. And now I'm like, if you're gonna do it, you might as well do it.

Yeah.

So I've been trying to have more fun with it, but. But no. Like, I noticed with you, you kind of go into this, like, back to, like, the pattern and behavior. Like, you just need to, like, jump in.

Yeah, it's very awkward. I don't understand it. Like, last night I wanted to, but I was very awkward. Night before, it was awkward.

I would imagine, if you're dating or if you're married, like, that doesn't go away. If it's been a while, you're kind.

Of like, it's kind of awkward.

That's when you just have a stiff drink and you're like, tonight's the night.

But even after having a stiff drink, you still feel like, I get to this weird place where I don't want to. Like, it's weird. It's like, I don't want to be a victim. So I'm like, okay, I'm not a victim. And then I'm like, I'm focusing on business. But then I'm like, I can't really. I feel this, like, this energetic block between us. And then I feel like I kind of want to be a victim. And at the same time, I won't let myself be a victim. So I just, like, kind of go forward.

I guess you get a little bit mean.

Like, I do get a little spicy. Like, the more days if we don't have sex tonight, I got no promises.

Well, then you better, like, because spicy.

Is, like, upon us. Because, like, literally. Have you ever seen the hot, sexy, crazy girl matrix? There's a video online this guy did where he talks about, like, the ranking of hotness and crazy. It was the crazy hot matrix. You've never seen this? We're Googling this right now. Hold on. I'm Googling this right now. Where's my phone?

I've gone the crazy hot matrix.

No, I'm googling this right now to prove to you. And I may play a clip from this here for the show.

I'm wondering.

Crazy, crazy.

What are you watching during the day Matrix?

No, this is like, Caitlin, here it Is Hot crazy Matrix A Man's guide to Women. This video went viral for guys and it's hilarious.

It go viral for girls. It's been taken down.

It got taken down. What the hell's going on with this? Hold on. Crazy hot women.

No, it's not gonna work.

Crazy hot crazy Matrix. Hot crazy.

I'm kind of over it.

Matrix. Now I'm gonna see if I can find it. Hold on. Oh, that's a. There it is. Okay, okay, okay.

That guy looks scary.

Oh, no, he's doing it. Funny Crazy Matrix.

It's everything a young man needs to know about women. I've developed this on my.

Listen.

Over 46 years of living on the earth. So this is how it works.

Is this real?

Yes.

It's like we have a.

Your crazy axis and your hot axis.

X's or what is, as usual, measured.

From 0 to 10. We're all familiar with that. Crazy is measured from 4 to 10. Because, of course, there's no such thing as a woman who's not at least a 4. Crazy. So you got 4 to 10. This is your hot crazy line right here. Very important that you keep in mind where the hot crazy line is. As a rule, this is your no go zone. We do not hang around and date and marry women who are not, at least in our mind, a five. So this is your no go zone. Don't go here. We just rule this out. That's the way it is.

All right?

Above a five and to about an eight.

So it's like hot and then crazy. Okay? So they have to be a little crazy.

You can hang out here and, and, and meet these girls and spend time with them. That's your fun zone. But keep in mind, when you're in the fun zone, you want to move out of the fun zone to a more permanent location. Okay? So that's the fun zone. Above a five, hot. Below an eight, hot. And below the crazy line. This means these are most of the time, not crazy. Okay? Above the danger zone. Above the. Above the crazy line. We have the danger zone, right? This is your redheads, your strippers, anyone named Tiffany. This is hairdressers. This is where your car gets keyed, you get a bunny in the the pot, your tires get slashed, and you wind up.

Dressers are in the category with strippers.

Now we have some of the chart filled in. We got a couple more pieces to put in.

It's almost done. This is great.

Understand something. This is not a static environment. This is a situation where you have got to use this matrix over time to develop some reliable data. It's like a dope chart, okay?

You.

Because at any moment in time, any woman that you have previously located on this chart can vanish from that location and appear anywhere else on the chart. So what you have to do, collect some data. And once you have a cluster of data points, you can begin to consider that reliable. Now, moving on. You have this zone here. This is below the crazy line, above an eight hot, but still, you know about a seven crazy. This is your date zone. You can stay in the date zone indefinitely. These are women that you introduce to your friends and your family. They're, they're good looking and they're reasonably not crazy most of the time. Okay, so this is. You can stay here indefinitely.

Oh, where's Danielle?

So rude. Why, why do I feel like I'm in some crazy box?

And between about a seven and a five crazy. This is your wife zone, okay? When you meet this girl, you should consider a long term relationship. This zone is not scaled to size. This, this is a, this is a representation and not an actual. If this is not a pie chart showing you how many of these people are out there, this is simply a representation of what you're after. You want to be five to seven crazy, above an eight hot. That's your wife zone.

Okay?

Now five crazy and above and eight hot. This is your unicorn zone. These things don't exist. If you find a unicorn, please capture it safely, keep it alive. We'd like to study it and maybe look at how to replicate that. I was explaining this to a guy one time and he said, wait a minute, below five crazy, and she's like smoking hot. She's like at least a nine and she's chill, she's totally cool. She's like not even a three crazy. I said, you're telling me you've met a girl, she's a nine hot, and she's like a two or a three crazy. He said, yeah, man, I like her a lot. I said, you should be careful. That's a dude. You're talking to a tranny. So you got your. You got to be careful because down here below a four crazy and above an eight high, you're probably talking to a dude. That is the universal hot crazy matrix, okay?

I told you this existed. What are you, what are you taking from this? Besides the fact that hairstylists and strippers are above the line?

Dickhead.

We introduced a new element here. Playing a video clip during the show.

I can be a stripper and a hairstylist.

I'd like you to be a stripper.

There's nothing crazy about it, just a lot.

Just stripper for me.

Yep. I'm gonna be a chill stripper.

Would you ever put a pole in our. In our. In our bedroom and do a dance?

No, I would fall right off that thing. I'm not that coordinated. I didn't dance. Yeah, I would be like, watch this, babe. And I'd be like, woo. And you'd be like, oh, that didn't. That's not sexy at all.

Do you know why I showed that video one? Because I think it's funny and I think guys are gonna like it. But also I'm gonna create a matrix about duration of time in married sex. I'm gonna create the married masturbation. The married sex and masturbation. That game. That happens because most guys do. There are a few guys who can just go, go, go, and it's not a problem. Meaning they just go for durations of time and they're not angry, they're not weird. And it's quite possible in the matrix that this will actually be. You're married to a woman.

No woman is below a four.

So he's like, we're gonna start the crazy matrix at a four, because we all know there's no woman on the planet below a four. Okay. All right, back to my point with me.

Okay.

So, like, weird things start happening in my brain. What's different now about what happens now than in the past? If I got to nine days before I started thinking I was in the wrong relationship, I was like, I'm in the wrong relationship.

That's where your brain goes.

Yeah, that's what I did. In the first 10 years we were.

Oh, okay.

Then that shifted to a place of just like, fuck. And then it got to a place with all the stress. I'm dealing with business. It's easy for me to just justify and be like, well, I'm not gonna bother. Well, and then I also. In a place where I can't feel sorry for myself, so I don't really feel sorry for myself. What I do do is torch the shit out of people in business.

Do you think? But so do you think that's bad? Like, maybe you need. Do you need that sexual.

Like, what I do know is when we were having sex, is it good.

To be torching people? Like, maybe I didn't put one in for the team.

No, it is good.

Is this like an unstable place to.

Be or is it. No, because I'm. Because I don't have the victim energy anymore with it. Like when we, when, like when we're in baby mode, which is the only time this happens. Baby motor on vacation where we're having sex like every day or multiple times every single day. Like at a certain point, like two, three days in. Like if we're having sex twice a day on vacation or something and we're, we're, we're like three days in. Like I'm like, I'm like, that guy is kind of like, holy shit. Like I could deal with a couple days of rest right now. I'm okay, I'm okay. And I never thought I would be that guy, but that is the truth. But when you go nine days, it kind of creates this interesting game. Or nine, 10 days. Like there's guys that we know inside of Warrior programs gone six months.

I think that what happens for girls too. And like it's not like it gets to this place where I'm like, like I think I lose a little bit of that attraction factor. Like so like I felt it.

Have you felt.

Yeah. So like if we're. There's like not attraction because what happens is. And this is what I think what happens. And we, I was joking around the other day, I think in my salon or something talking to women. And I was like, I was like, listen, you gotta have sex with your man. You gotta tell him he's a man. Like they're that easy. And I'm like. And I know sometimes we. Cuz I was actually talking to Morgan because she's younger, right? And I was like, I know like sometimes you like, you don't want to do it or whatever. Or like women, we always think like, why do I gotta tell him the man like. Or why do I always have to pat him on the back like I'm carrying half the show here. Like I'm fucking. Like, he doesn't say thank you for doing my laundry. He doesn't say thank you for picking up the kids. He doesn't say, but I have to continually. And I was like, listen, listen, I get it ladies. But if you just tell your man he's the man and you have sex with him like he will in return, you'll get what you want out of things. And like we don't need that validation. But in turn we'll get other things. Where from men? Like for you, it's like just being more present. I feel like you actually want to be with me. Like you're more. You're always pretty good with the kids. But like I just feel like you have better chemistry and better connection, which is what both couples want on. On both sides. And so I'm like, listen, a lot of times, in order to get what you want, you kind of have to, like, do little things, like. Like, literally. And it's so simple. Like, just, like I said, like, you just kind of have to. A little bit of positive reading. But even I, like, we kind of slip, and we kind of both drift. And I notice, for me, I just, like, lose a little bit of, like, usually when we're on point, like, you walk into a room, and if you're just like, T shirt and jeans, I'm like, and. And you'll, like, shave or something, and you just look nice. I'll be like, oh. And I'm like, he looks cute.

But you haven't felt that in the last week.

And I haven't felt, like, in, like, grind mode.

Yeah, we've had a lot of shit going on.

Yeah. I mean, I'm. But I'm like, in the past, when we would have these weeks where we. You would go to this place, and so and I were like, our relationship sucks, and then we would allow ourselves to drift even more versus, like, all right, like, now I feel like we're pretty, like, stable. And so now when it gets to that place, we're kind of like, all right, okay. Obviously, like, we can say it's been a long week, but we know how to, like, get back on track, and.

So we're committed to getting back on track tonight. Yeah.

If you can.

I'll get back on track in the studio with you right now.

I will not.

But right after the show, I will.

I'm a hairstylist, not a stripper.

Well, you don't have to take it all off.

Some of it.

I think that brings us to a conclusion for today's show.

So what was today's topic?

Today's topic was sex, obviously. And we introduced them to the crazy hot matrix, which is hilarious. So Google that up and look it up on YouTube and you can find the crazy hot matrix. I'm gonna come up with the married sex matrix.

Okay.

Like, what happens to a guy? Like, what happens. Cause, like, we've studied this with our guys. Like, I played.

But if you could plug in a.

Formula that helps them figure out what to do and how to get back in. Because, like, if you're not in a confident relationship, then you end up at, like, nine days, 10 days for a guy. Like, he just doesn't. He will. At about seven days, a guy unplug from his wife, like, it's just not safe anymore, so he'll unplug.

What does a wife do if her husband travels a lot, though? That's hard.

This is a hard one. This is a hard one because then.

They come home and I've talked to people or I've talked to women who. Their husbands are military or they just travel a lot, and I'm like, is that. I would ask them. I'm like, when they get home, it's. Do you want to, like, jump their bones? Are you kind of like, in this weird space and. Yeah, and I'm like, I always feel like there's probably this weird space where the women are like, almost like they don't. Yeah, they don't feel safe. They don't feel comfortable. They don't. Like, they don't. They need some time to warm up. Do you know what I mean?

I do, but it's weird for the guy too, so I get the warm ups on both sides. I swear to you, the bad thing could happen. You want me to tell you the what? The best thing that could happen? Like, if you guys have been apart from each other for a bit or you're in a weird situation, I don't know what it is.

Out of the way.

Yeah. But you know, literally, like, it's like, even if they. You just like, you're like, tired and you're sweaty and you're like, whatever. It's like, get in the shower, wash each other down, fuck really hard in the shower. It won't last long. Guys will be done in, like, less than a minute. And then like, relax, go lay. Like, if you could just have. Like, if we could maybe we. Maybe we need to implement this.

Who does?

Like, you and I. I mean, we haven't been to this place, like, in a long time.

Sometimes, though, when I feel adrift, that's usually like. And it's usually like, I'm not gonna lie, I'll get tired at night, and I'm like, I don't care anymore. But when I feel the drift, that's usually when I bring out the morning sex weapon. And I'm like, I'm like, you'll be literally leaving. And I'm like, It's like.

I was like. And it's such a mind fuck too, because, like, I'm in business grind. I'm like, super focused, ready to leave and go smash it. And then she's like, right now. Right now.

And you know what's so funny? You're like, I'm gonna be late. I'm like, are you gonna be late? And then you're like, your guys are. Your mind was like, nope, I got this. So. But I had to, like, really, like, go after it a little bit. You know what I mean?

You did? Well, I was already. It's like a vehicle that had momentum going down a hill. So, like, I was already, like, down the hill. So it took a second for even anything to switch to my lower parts.

I quickly persuaded you.

You did. Well done.

All right, so our message, I'll use my lady powers.

Our message for today is, is that when you're in a drift, do you get after it? And you finish when you nice the.

Drift and correct the drift. Otherwise no relationship will work out.

And for all of our single guys listening, you've now heard the hot crazy matrix. So you know how to go find yourself.

I want to know what my level is. Where am I?

You're definitely a low crazy. See, but you're like a four. Like a four crazy. And you're like a 14 hot. You're a unicorn.

Sweet. I'm like, I've captured.

You're like a goddamn unicorn.

Keep me safe.

Feed me unicorn.

Care for me.

Yeah.

Treat me well.

Let me sleep in my cocoon at 8:45pm with my dog at my feet. All right, well, we'll see you guys next week. The sex top pick is over. We'll be back for the conversation of the moolah and dinero. For the men in here who have not had a chance to get opportunity to look at the warrior book, we'd encourage you to head over to warriorbook.com or you can pick up the book be the man by heading to Amazon and and search and be the man, also available in itunes. For the rest of you, have a great rest of your week. We look forward to seeing you guys next week here on the date your wife podcast.

Bye.