Sex With the Lights On | Date Your Wife | EP 112

Hello, my name is Gary J. White, the founder of Wake up Warrior, and I'm here with my lovely hostess with the mostest compadre.

And we haven't been in an actual podcast studio in a long time. We did. We used.

Long time.

We did the last. Our first. Our new first podcast at our home.

Yeah. Well, how did that go down? Did you like that?

I thought it was good. The audio was a bit iffy.

The audio is shitty.

You know what?

Let's call it what it was.

But you know what's so funny is I showed up for a team meeting that I wasn't invited to, and then.

Here we're doing a podcast.

And then I was like, let's do a podcast because it's in the same meeting room.

So here's the deal. I. I'm gonna shout out, out to this person will know who they are, but I'm not going to say their name. They had. I. I just did a call today with a. A man, a young man, 27. I say young. I like that. I'm 45 and I can call him a young man.

You've been wanting to be 60 for your.

I'm like, listen here. Well, his own comments were, I'm closer. I. I'm actually close to your son's age at 22. I said, yeah, but you're established a much further down the path of my son. Right now. My son's 22. Not even a prospect for a girlfriend. Well, and he's 27, married, 17. He is, he is. He's getting it figured out, though. So anyways, like, I had the conversation with this guy and he said that his marriage was in a frustrating place and there was. They weren't going to get divorced. There was none of that going on. But there was. Sex was not happening for a long time, almost a year. And they loved each other, but there were just some discontent when we were.

In, like, not a good space. Like, I don't think we would be married if we didn't have sex for a year.

They were doing other things. They just weren't having sex. Anyways, here's the thing. The reason I bring up, though, is that the solution to their problems was not go to sex therapy. Guess what it was.

What?

Listen to date your wife, the podcast. Why do you think that we're able to give people that kind of healing? That's healing. To get to start having sex again. That's a big deal.

You know what?

It's a big fucking deal to do that.

You know, I feel like we're just pretty real with things. Maybe. I don't know.

I think we create opportunities for people to talk about things. So in the spirit of talking about things, let's talk about how your sex game is leveled up.

I was wondering why you want to talk.

Well, I don't know, but you need to talk right into that microphone.

It's mic, I'm telling you.

No, you need to adjust. It's not a limp dick. Here, hold on. You just adjust it right there. See, that works right there. Perfect. Okay, so let's talk about your sex game in the last year and a half, because your sex game has definitely gone through the roof.

You've gotten through the roof.

I have. I've shot through the roof. Listen, let's talk about, though. Cause you have. You went down a fitness thing and you started doing body. That didn't. Just little help. It's like the sexual monster that I've wanted to be dominated by the woman who tells me, I conquered you. Which is a statement that you used here. About a month ago, we just ended having sex, and you were like.

You said, I conquered you.

No, no, no. Own would be like, nice. You said, I conquered.

Either way, I conquered. And on you. You are welcome.

Well, let's talk about this. Like, you took on fitness and it affected your sexuality. Why?

I. You know what? I don't know. I think I used to be in this place where I was like, oh, I don't want to have sex with the lights on and this and that. But I don't think it was necessarily just about me. I don't think I liked having sex with you for a while. I don't know how else to say it. And then, like, when I liked you and then I liked me, and then I got really unfit, I was like, we should have sex. Sex all over with all the lights on all the time.

Okay, so we face two major issues. Issue number one is I don't want to have to look at you when I'm having sex.

I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be intimate with you. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, there's, like, sex, and then there's, like, intimate sex. And I was like, like, what's the.

Difference between sex and intimate sex?

Well, because I hate when people are like, you know, we're intimate. I'm like, what does that mean? Like, what is it? Sometimes you just have sex, and sometimes you have intimate sex.

Okay, what's the difference, though? You still haven't defined it. Give me an example what sex is. That's not.

I mean, there was years where all we had was just sex and it was just like, checking it off the list. And it was like. It was just.

Did you ever like it during that time period?

I did, but it wasn't intimate. Like, of course.

Like, you were just going to get off. But it was like, I could get off. This could be any guy.

I mean, it was just like sex. Yeah. Did you ever see is like, you. You cross the other line for that other person and, like, it's fun.

Did you ever. I know this wasn't really a big thing for you. Was vibrator ever a thing for you?

No.

No, it never was a thing for you. Some women, it's a thing for her. Some. Some guys.

Married women.

Yeah, married women.

I feel like I have my own personal.

Yeah, well, I'm your own. Exactly. Did you hear that? I have my own personal vibrator. See, that is the problem when you have sex without intimacy. I'm a personal vibrator. I see how this is working. Well, don't worry. The term that I used for it on our side as a guy was vaginal masturbation, which was like, when there's.

No intimacy, I just feel like I go into shut off mode. Like, I don't even allow myself to have fun. Like, so for me. And I don't know if any other women feel like this. Like, if I'm not connecting to you, like, we'll have sex to have sex. But, like, I kind of like, I hold my emotions and I hold my vulnerability.

That's what you hold the most, your vulnerability.

I don't. I don't let myself even, like, enjoy it or have fun. It's just. It's just like, okay, get off. Have fun. Like, have sex.

Okay. So we had two things happening. One, we had a change in how you were seeing me. So that was one thing. And the second one was a change in how you were seeing you. So when did you start seeing me differently? To where you're like, hey, we don't need two comforters. The windshields, the shades can be up. We can have sex with the lights on. I'm gonna tease you and play the game. Like, this happened a few years back. I don't did this. I mean, this was happening a bit before the baby was born, but it's happening way more after the baby's born, which I think has to do with you seeing you. But let's come back to you seeing me. What changed?

I think I, like, I Liked you again. It was so funny. We were filming a sales documentary at our home and you weren't in the room because Jeremy was doing his interviewing me and he was just like, asking. We were just like talking about Isla and all this stuff, and I was like, it's funny. Like, I got to this place, I didn't want to be married to you. And that's why we had such a big gap. We had like an eight year gap. And then it got to this place where I, like, I even feel like with Ruby, because. And I know you've shared this so I can share it on a podcast, but, like, that's when, like, we had some issues. Like when I was pregnant with Ruby.

Yeah.

That was when I cheated and I was like nine months pregnant. And I even think back to when I got pregnant with Ruby, it wasn't because I, like, wanted. I want. I just felt like I was like, oh, it's been that amount of time. It's time to have the next kid. And I don't even think I really was connecting with you when I got pregnant with Ruby. You know what I mean? And so.

Which is weird because I think back to that. Yeah. But I remember feeling both of you.

But the point is, like, with Isla, it was definitely like, I got to this place where I'm like, I want to have your babies. Like, I. That's when I knew I. That's when I knew I, like, wanted to be married. So I was like, I. I want your babies. And me.

Well, we had two things happen. Number one, we. We purchased a home, which we hadn't purchased a home in 10 years. We'd been leasing because I think both of us were like, you know, we don't know if it's gonna work out. And so we bought the home.

And then I remember you were like, you were telling me you're committed. You're like, finally, like, divorce was off the table. And you told me, like, you're like, I'm committed. And that was like the last piece of the puzzle because you were like, even backpedaling into buying our house before we bought our house now. And you were like, melting down. And I was like, like, you say you're committed. This is. This is. I know. You're like, oh, you don't need a house and this and that. But then at the time you were talking about buying a Lambo and I was like, live in your Lambo.

I was like, I remember that. You were. You know, when I think back on it, it does make a lot of.

Sense seem like the smart.

No, it does make a lot of sense, what you were saying. But at the time, I didn't really.

Want to hear by, like. I was like, are you serious? But to me, I was like, let me get this straight. You're gonna go buy a half million dollar car, but you won't put a down payment on a home? I was like, I need you to look at your priorities here. But we. Obviously, we know how that went. We got the house. And then a year later, you were like, I'm getting my Lambo.

Yeah, we did. So we got the house in 2017. We bought it. That was a big shift. I got the Lambo, which was a big shift. Now.

Now you're, like, over the Lambo.

I. You know, I really. I drove the Lambo today. I like the Lambo. I just decided that I'd rather have a vehicle that I can put all of my kids in at once. I'm becoming that guy.

You're so responsible.

I mean, I'm. I'm becoming that guy. I'm like, what do you want? I want a really nice.

I want a nice home.

I want comfortable retirement plan.

I want. I'm like, oh, dirty to me.

Want to golf on Tuesday with Bobby? All right. So, like, you. So you have a change, Alyssa. So you change the way you're looking at me, but then you have, like, a ma. Like, and sex definitely gets a lot better. A lot better. You're having more fun. I'm having more fun.

Somebody's having fun.

Both of us are having fun. But then. Then the quantum game happens. You give more.

You can't even look at me straight right now.

I can't? Because all I can think of is you naked in, like, a thousand positions. Okay, so, like, here's the thing. Like, you changed how you saw yourself. Cause you always thought, you know, hey, I'm gonna attract you towards you.

No, I think I. Like I said I was more willing to be more vulnerable. Vulnerable around you, because I felt like we, like, gained that spark back. And I was like, hey, I'm yours. Here you go. You can have whatever piece of me you want.

Yeah. Then that was the first time. And at the same time, you want to conquer me, which is great. You're like, I want to conquer you, and it's all yours.

You know what I realized when we got married young and I realized I was withholding sex, and you felt like it was a control thing, and it probably was. And then I realized I'm like, how much power women actually have with the sex conversation card. And then I was like, I can literally. I could literally have this to my advantage.

That's bullshit.

But I don't.

It's a great gift, but it's bullshit. We talked about this on last show. When you come in to sit naked on the keyboard and in the office of the house, like, what power do I have?

But sometimes. Sometimes I'll be like, oh, I can get what I want if. If I approach it this way. But then sometimes I don't. So sometimes I feel like I'm like, I come and seduce you or whatever. And then, like, this happened actually recently. And then, like, you were still kind of an asshole. I'm like, let me get this straight. Like, I'm really crossing the line in so many ways, and you're still being rude. And even recently, I'm sure people know about the stack. And I was so frustrated because it was. It was recently, you send me a stack, and then you come in the next morning and you give me a kiss. And I was like, no, we have to. We get to have a conversation. You don't get to just send me your stack and think that I forgot about the mean words you said to me. Like, no.

Yeah, that was hilarious.

I always have this theory, like, where I ask myself, like, danielle, how do you get what you want? And so sometimes I feel like I'm the one that's quick to not fold, but, like, just be like, I don't care. It's. That doesn't matter anymore. Like, I love you. You know what I mean? And this was, like, the one time that I felt like, I'm like, okay, I, like, went across. I crossed the line. I just.

They went around. Sorry.

I'm telling you, like, I love you. It doesn't matter. And, like, I just felt like. But I just think you were kind of frustrated with work and a lot of other stuff going on.

Yeah, I mean, we were on vacation for, like, eight days, which I think.

It was a combination of buying our new house.

Yeah, we just bought the house.

Going to Mexico for going to Mexico, spending a lot of time together.

Spend a lot of time together.

But you had a meltdown, like, this last time we bought our house.

And I, Like, I'm still having a meltdown. You're still having meltdown? Yeah, I'm still having a meltdown.

When does this meltdown end?

Well, let's continue to talk about why you changed, how you saw yourself. And then we'll come back and we'll talk about my fucking meltdown because I Had a meltdown. The last home we bought, too. It's like this new level, new devil.

It's not that I changed how I saw myself. I changed how you saw me.

That is bullshit. Of course you change how I saw you. But I always thought you're hot. I think you're hot even when you got big boobs and you're pregnant. Like, I like the big boobs, but you. You change yourself. So let's own the fact that you hired a trainer, you went down the fitness path, you became a bikini competitor, you started knowing you thought you were sexier.

I definitely thought I felt more comfortable. Like, just. I felt more comfortable. Yeah. I mean, I always felt pretty confident and comfortable, but I was like, all right, I worked pretty hard. And I think it's like, I was raised super conservative. We were both raised Mormon. And it was like, your mom. I remember when we were dating, your mom was like, your girlfriend's wearing a bikini. I was like, yeah. Like.

And it was like a big triangle.

It was like a. Yeah, it wasn't. It was like a super. Yeah, it was like a. I was.

Trying to get you to wear a thong bikini on vacation with just you and I.

That's what I'm saying.

But you wouldn't do it.

I know, and that's what I'm saying. Like, then all of a sudden, I was like, you know what? I want to get fit. Push my comfort zones. Like, let's just see where this goes. And so it became, like, not a big deal. I was like, it's just. It's just a muscly ass. Who cares?

It's just a muscly ass. In the young kids terminology, they call that cake.

I know, but I have to be. I have to remind myself that I have daughters. Cause I'm like, oh. Like, there was this, like, new game, Certainty. And then all of a sudden, my daughter that's 14's like, well, mom, you wore a thong. I'm like, I wore it for a bikini competition. No, no, no, mom, you did fitness photos and you had underboob. I'm like, I did have underboob. I'm like, is that legal? Can I do that in photos?

I mean, you did, and it was beautiful.

I thought it was fun.

And you did an amazing bourdois photo shoot for me.

I know, and that was actually pretty.

Although most everyone on Instagram got to see it before I did. And I was getting texts from my friends saying, bro, I don't know how to say this, but your wife's hot. Man, like, no offense, right? What are you talking about? Like, have you seen the photos?

I'm like, I'm wearing less in my bikini shoe than I was in those boudoirs.

Oh, for sure.

But it.

But no guy's gonna send me a message about that. It's because you had the lingerie stocking things.

I know.

Even though you're mostly covered up.

I know, but my friend that's a photographer, like, she. She was the one that's like, oh, my God, can we do these photos? They're so cute. And she always gives me, like, good pricing, and so I promote her. So I didn't. I only. I posted the very conservative ones.

Well, whatever they were, they worked. We got the book for them. They were amazing. And we're gonna come back. So you see yourself. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna tell you from the male perspective. And guys, gals out there, if you ever thought about doing the fitness thing, do it for one simple reason. Because the certainty and confidence in my wife. When you marry, I push babies out of my body. Incredible. I can never do that. Two, you have a situation of, I'm a producer and I make great money. Awesome. Three, I'm already attracted, but now I'm gonna do fitness, and I'm gonna love my body. And four, and this isn't like, I eat cupcakes. I love my body. Like, the fitness game is, like, intense. Like, the amount of discipline for the nutrition, the weightlifting, etc, and Danielle putting.

Weight on crazy is like. I was like, oh. Everyone who. Who I talked to is like, oh, it'll take you, like, three months. Like, you. Because I lost the baby weight fairly quickly. And I was like, I want. Now I want to, like, put back on muscle. And I. Everyone's like, oh, it'd be good in, like, three months. But with 2020, everything, I was trading for a bikini prep from January clear till I finally did a show in September.

Oh, and you did amazing.

And I felt like I was pretty disciplined, like, with my. With my diet, my workout. Because I. The thing is, I'd find a show, and then I get canceled. I'd find a show. I mean, I had a few moments where I was like, it. I'm not doing anymore. And then I was like, no, I got to do it. I've been training all year. And I finally did it, and I had. I had really good results. I won in every category that I. That I entered, and it was kind of like a rookie show. But I. I mean, there's like, 50 girls. And I won top three in every category I. I entered. So now I'm like, okay, I'm. I'm actually training for another one this year. I want to get my pro card, but I just. I don't know if I can.

That's a massive commitment.

I don't know if I can put on that.

You can do it.

I don't put on that size.

You're put on like 10 more pounds of muscle.

I'm naturally, like, lean. It's, like, hard for me to put on muscle.

That's lots of chicken.

That's a shit ton of rice.

Shit ton of rice. And tilapia. Tilapia. By the way, side note, what happened with our baby that was unexpected was that our daughter eats the best of any child we've ever had. Our child also has the best TV shows, YouTube show she watches called Cocomelon. Between Cocomelon and her diet, she is literally better than all of her other children were by the time they were five.

She wants chicken and rice and broccoli every day.

That's all she eats. She wants trees.

She's a little tank.

Trees. She just eats chicken, rice, fish, broccoli. And ice cream.

And ice cream.

She likes skinny cows.

That's my treat. Okay.

So you go through this massive change physically in yourself.

It wasn't just. Yeah.

It was massive internal certainty though, right?

And I didn't. I guess I. I didn't notice too big of a difference.

Oh, everybody around you noticed.

Really?

Oh, everybody.

Well, I mean. I mean, I feel good about it and I'm.

I feel great about it. Like, I told you, my sex life. Our sex life went to the roof. Like, this was when you were telling me you had conquered me. I mean, this is when you show up in high heels in a bedroom.

This is the whole podcast.

This is the whole fucking podcast. We're just going there. So, like, I'm a huge fan of the fitness game because of the confidence and certainty, but the big delivery to me, if I say, what's the reward? I'm living my best fucking life. Is right. Like, is. There was a certainty and almost an edge of arrogance.

Yeah. Sexual arrogance again, you are welcome.

That was Danielle's date night. She planned last week. She texted me and said, here's what we're doing first. Which was weird. 2:30 tea time.

I think we're going to have tea.

Fucking tea. That's weird. If we're gonna go have some tea.

You know what? Let's talk about date nights, because we do date Nights, once a week. And we did these even when we didn't even like each other. And I. People.

This wasn't quite the date night, though.

It was. I did. We had tea time, which was golf tea time. Then I found a.

But I had been talking to a guy from London that day. So when you sent me the text, I'm thinking, we're having fucking tea time. That's weird. I've never had tea, but is it, like, liquored up tea? Like, what kind of tea is this? Like, is this tea that makes you see. Are we doing ayahuasca at lunch? No, I just. I was. I literally didn't realize you meant golf. Yeah, tea time.

No, we're golf. No, we were golfing. Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense. You know, golfing instead of drinking tea, since we never did that. So we go golf. And then.

And then I found a company that does massages at your home. So I like, set up, like, our whole master bedroom balcony. Basically, like, opens up to, like, the ocean. The ocean. It looks like you're in a super sweet hotel. So then I get, like, massage therapists to come. Then we went to my favorite steakhouse, and then we came home.

And you didn't bring a jacket, And.

I didn't bring a jacket.

Yeah. Cause you always do that. Let's tell them about that. How many times do we leave to go to date night and you don't bring a jacket?

I had this really cute.

Only to take my jacket.

I had this really cute slip dress on, and I put on a blazer that had no sleeves, but it was cuter than, like, a coat. But then I ended up wearing your coat, so it really defeated the purpose of the outfit. Except for the entry. The entrance into the restaurant. I looked hot.

You did look hot. And then for about three seconds as you sat down, realized we were all outside because of COVID and the heater was not gonna be enough. And you had goosebumps all over the place. As much I like, you know, nipples popping. That was not gonna work long term. So I took my cool jacket, and you took the jacket. And then I sat there with nipples popping for the rest of the day.

Why would you wear a T shirt?

Because I had a giant, awesome coat. You took. Why would you wear a T shirt? Well. Cause you took the jacket.

That's a girl thing. Just always. Guys just always have an extra backup coat.

I need a back jacket.

Yeah.

All right, so date nights are. Date nights were happening, but date nights have changed for us. Because, listen, I wanted to plan the Date last week. But you didn't do it. You took over.

I get so bugged because guys version of planning something is always last minute.

Not true.

Yes, it is. It's so true. Sometimes, usually when I plan date nights, I plan them on like Monday. So my brain just knows, like, Monday, it's Monday, it's Monday. You gotta plan date night. And so we usually do date on Friday or Saturday. And it's hard to get restaurant reservations, especially with everything that's going on right now. And I'm always trying to think of something different. And you always wait till if we have a date on Saturday. There's been so many times like Friday night, I'm like, do you have a reservation somewhere? You're like, no. I'm like, do you have plans? So many times I have so many plans.

Maybe on one hand, you know what?

I've decided not to get irritated on the small things in life. And if I want exactly what I want, I'll just plan it and stop being irritated about it.

Well, thank you.

I want you to want to plan date night, but you don't want to. And when you do, it's something weird. And I'm always like, listen, want to do that?

Here's the thing. Like buying you gifts, which was part of your love language, didn't work out so well because I didn't really know what to get. So then I would get stuff, you wouldn't be happy. So then you take it back. So then you gave me a list now of what stuff to get.

We had this conversation is I'm like, you would always try to buy me last minute me something.

Yeah, I did.

You'd literally like go to the mall like Christmas Eve and buy whatever shoes.

It was kind of a status thing for me.

I don't know why. No, it was a lack of preparation and laziness.

True. Yeah.

But I finally was like, babe, I need you to stop going to like, you need to plan ahead. And I was like, I'll never say no to diamonds.

2020. I did.

Well, so you slowly now I feel like birthdays and holidays, like you'll get me like a nice piece of jewelry or whatever. And we took 20 years a jewelry guy. And. And it's fine. But you know it's my favorite. And you actually haven't been. You're not like this anymore, but, oh, begrudgingly gifts. Oh, that moves.

You just did that. Did you see that? The table? The table just got a heart on, went straight up in the air. You must have said something right There. Begrudgingly gifts.

Yes.

I don't do that so much anymore.

You don't. The last time you did find the grudgingly gift, the last time you did that was actually last Valentine's. And.

No, it wasn't last. It was two Valentines ago.

Two Valentines ago. We were at.

You were pregnant.

No, I wasn't pregnant.

It was before you got pregnant.

No, I wasn't going up on stuff. I wasn't. I wasn't pregnant. It was. It was last.

We were doing a date your wife podcast when I got you there.

No, that's not. What I'm talking about is last.

I did it twice.

Yes. We were in the Dior store, and I, like, you hadn't got. You got me some, like, cute lingerie. But let's be real. That lingerie is a gift for you, not necessarily a gift for me. So then we go into the Dior store, and I'm, like, looking at some shoes, and your energy was so weird, and you were like. And I was like, gosh, I get them. And you're like, I mean. I mean, you have a lot of shoes. I was like, I'll take two pairs of those ones and those ones.

Oh, you're such a bitch, too. Because later we find out.

And then I was like, I mean.

That in all the best ways. And then you tell me later. No, late.

No. I go, do you want. I can use my card? Do you want me at the register? And you then. Which even pissed you off even more because you're like, no, no, babe, it's Valentine's Day. I got them. I'm like, both pairs. Are you sure? Should I grab another?

You kidding me? You did that to me in Mexico with the tequila, too. I know you, like, you cornered me in the situation.

Don't act like an asshole, and I won't treat you like an asshole.

So she only. She didn't even want the other pair. She literally just said both pairs because she wanted to stick it to me.

I've worn them once. I don't.

Yeah, well, I don't know any shoes you wear more than once.

I wear them a lot.

Some of your shoes. Most of your shoes you wear.

But I was like, I. The reason I was so bugged is because this was after Isla was born, and I felt like we had, like. I hate it when I feel like we've come really far with a lot of things and then something.

I regress.

Yeah. And I'm like. I mean, I'm sure I do the same thing, but that Was like, one moment that I was like, oh, really? Okay.

That was my moment of regression. I did regress. Yeah, I was feeling. Yeah, I was feeling. Sorry. It is what happens, right? So part of the struggle from my mind forever has been pouring money into my wife and my family, into our things. Like, this is a investment, right? So part of my mind is, what is ROI on this? So my mind, like, does some weird math. It starts calculating how many shoes I know are in the closet, how many she doesn't wear. I'm looking at the shoes, I'm thinking, she's gonna wear these one time. Take a picture of my Instagram.

Mine does that same thing.

Bam. 1200. Two pair of shoes gone.

And surfboard. And I'm like, surfboards?

That was a bad example. Surfboard's the cheapest sport in the world, okay?

Technology.

Only thing cheaper is rubber band collections, car payments.

And I'm like, okay, if we put this in perspective. And I think I. When you do look at things in perspective, I'm like, hey, like, you pay this much for your car. Like, we go Valentine's is once a year. We go on, like, three vacations a year. Like, because I think it's hard. And maybe it's hard for a lot of men to, like, spend money on, like, certain things, but you have to. You have to. Like, if you go into it with weird energy, then women feel kind of guilty and like, no, I don't need it. I don't need it, but I really want it. And then it kind of, like, up the whole experience.

It made it worse. It was like, you have to look.

At things like that with perspective. Whether it's gifts or vacations or whatever it is. Like, you have to, like, where. Where else are you spending money? Where you're like, I have no issue, like, spending money on this. But then something that means a lot to my family, that means a lot to my wife, that only happens two to three times a year. If you look at what you spend on that versus what you're spending on something that you don't put two seconds of a thought into it, you're kind of like, oh, okay, well, maybe. Maybe I can cross the line. And maybe I need to, like, let go of this weird energy.

Well, the thing with it, too, is, like, I mean, it's like, done with a story change, right?

Well, you're talking about me and how. How did you, like, level up with sex and stuff? And I'm like, yeah, I had to, like, tell myself, like, this is important to my husband and In So, like, I started to enjoy it too. Right?

Yeah. And so I did that with jewelry.

Yeah. Well, I'm just saying, like, it did.

Take me almost 20 years to get there.

Ways. It goes both ways. So you're like, how did you get there specifically? Stop. In the beginning of the show, like, sexually. And I was just like. I just, like, submitted. I was like, okay. And then, like, the more I submitted, the more I was like, this is awesome. So I don't know if you feel that way buying. If you like buying me gifts or.

I do.

I mean, I think you realize, like, the exchange.

Well, the exchange is valuable, right? I mean, it's like, we've talked about it before. Like, our contract we made back in the day, that was like our indecent proposal.

But you know what else I was even thinking? Like, I remember when we first started this podcast and we started a show, we called it Quickie Cookie, Porn Star.

Oh, quickie.

We don't even do that anymore.

It's just always pretty much porn star, porn star, porn star.

Because that sounds cheap. It's just like.

Well, that was coming from your own analogy, porn star.

But even now, like, it was funny. Then go back and find that episode.

That is actually interesting. Because when you tried Quickie, Quickie, Porn Star, it was a revolutionary show.

It was. But now I even think back and I'm like, no, it's always good.

It's not really. It's always kind of like, porn star, porn star, porn star. But it's not. I think what. I think what we're saying. I think what we meant by porn stars. Like, there's intimate connection.

Yeah, yeah. It's like fun. It's like.

Yeah, that's kind of like saying jumbo shrimp, though, because you have like, intimate connection and porn star, and you're like, that probably doesn't go together. No, that's all right. This is a good analogy. We're rolling with it. So here, here is a piece that we're going to add from the framework of the five for the show today. So the piece, the jump that we made in 2017 was a jump from stage number three in the five stage of relationship seduction, again, to strangulation to suffocation. Right. So if you haven't looked@divorceyourwife.com, you can check that video out over there where I walk through these five stages, about an hour long video. I think it'll be really useful to you. The jump for us was across the void, which was divorce. Our storylines, divorce ourselves as individuals to make it to the submission phase. Because that's what you just said. You said you submitted. And I had to submit too. Right? Here's the thing. If I had it my way, I would have fought.

You have to get what you want. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I would have fought to be just really good. But it was weird, like, with money, because, like, money for me was a weird thing growing up. I didn't have, like, there wasn't any pursuit for it. And Danielle's been like my trigger to keep pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing. And it became a game changer.

It's not even about money. It's about growth, though. And I think that money is the tool that you. That is a result of your growth.

But I didn't see that growing. I didn't see that in the beginning of our relationship. Right. So I felt used and I felt like, oh, my God, I'm an ATM machine. But I actually came to terms that I was like, at a certain level, I am an ATM machine. And what's wrong with that? Right? At a certain level, you were like.

I think that women want to be taken care of, but I'm pretty independent. Like, I always. I never wanted.

You're very established now.

Well, but even in the very beginning when we were married, I was like, I will always work. I'm like, but it wasn't even that I had to work. I hated the idea of, like, having somebody tell me, like, you can spend money on this, you can't spend money on that. Like, I wanted to be able to, like, I was just very independent. I was like, no, like, I want to be able to contribute. I want to be able to, like, purchase things. Obviously I wouldn't purchase things if it put our family at risk and things like that. But I wanted to be able to, like, not feel I wanted to keep my independence.

I guess you could say that's hard for some women. That's hard for. No, it's hard for, like, stay at home moms, some other individuals who just don't either have a storyline, want to go or they don't. I watch guys control women like crazy like this, where they have to check with them on everything.

Like, I don't think I would have a problem with it now. Like, even if I. Even if I didn't work now, I don't think I would have as much of a problem. Especially because we have kids and managing the home and. And like, that's. That's a full time. That's a full time thing. So I don't think I would have, like, the same feelings of, like, oh, I can't spend this and this. Like, obviously I wouldn't spend things that puts our family in jeopardy or anything like that. But I think it, like, again, getting married at a young age and not having kids, I was like, I'll always work. I want. Like, that's just part of who I am.

Yeah. You spent some money here in the last 24 hours.

I did.

On two things.

What did I spend?

Two items.

What did I buy?

Two assets.

What?

Two assets?

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know, one deals with building your assets, and the other deals with jumping with your assets.

Oh, I bought a trampoline.

Yes, we did, ladies and gentlemen. A trampoline. Fucking lean.

This podcast is weird.

No, it's not weird at all.

It's all over the place.

It's not all over the place at all. People are definitely following this. You're just not. That's weird because you're the co host.

I feel like I'm trying to circle this back around.

No, no, I've circled this around every time.

Rusty. Are we a little rusty at our.

R. You're not rusty at all. Okay, not rusty. You told them how good we are in a sex game now. So anyways, the trampoline was a big purchase. You also purchased a Smith machine.

I know. I'm turning my downstairs into, like, a jungle gym. It's gonna be great. Like, yeah, warm up and I'm gonna go over and lift some weights.

Yeah. Well, our daughter jumps on her little bouncy house, and she's fallen in love with Ju, and she's the only kid hasn't had a trampoline. So we finally have a yard that we can make a trampoline happen. So this. This whole process, let's bring some point to this whole fucking joke. The show has two points, right? Point number one is this. In order for you to grow, you're going to have to let go. So we're going to say this every single time. One of the best ways to let go and grow is inside the wake of the challenge. We have one of those happening every two weeks. We have a new challenge starting here right now. At the time we're recording the show, challenge number nine is currently underway. Challenge number 10 is currently taking seats. We'd love to have you part of that. About five to 600 individuals, men and women, join us in the wake of your challenge. Every two weeks, we're going to teach the art and science of the worst way to having it all which ultimately assigns to put our relationship back together, as well as thousands of other couples just like you. You can check that out at wake up. Warriorchallenge.com now we have another piece we talked about, divorceyourwife.com. where's that free video series I told you about? And that video series is ultimately going to walk through the five stages of relationship again, seduction, which we're kind of entering back into. Seduction, suffocation, or strucking a strangulation, suffocation, submission, and salvation. Check that out if you want to learn more about that process. But our message for today is really, really simple, is that you are going to have to change.

So what's. What's the. What's the secret sauce of change?

Yeah, the worries. Way to have it all. So there you go. It's in a literal sign. We don't have to give you some meme or some Instagram post and tell you, change be better. Nope, Just go to wake a wordychallenge.com but what can you do today? Well, we can have a conversation around date night, which is this. If you have something you want to do on date night, then schedule it.

Are you going to schedule that?

I have a lot of things I want to do on date night. You reject all of them, one of which is shooting guns.

Oh, my God.

And you never want to do it.

We went and did that one time, and I was like, that's. I don't.

Like, I wanted to bungee jump.

You said, no, I went bungee jumping on our first day, and I'm terrified of heights. That's how much I liked you.

Yeah, well, that is like. That's called false pretense. You did the first date, you jumped, and now 20 years later, no jumping. All right, well, listen, somebody planned the date this week.

You know what? You know what? Get after your date is. What were they talking about at church yesterday? The.

A lot of stuff. The pastor's really good.

A lot of stuff. But I was like. I looked at you and I'm like, babe, you're my. What was the word he was saying?

I'm the go guy. No, I'm the go guy, and you're the thinker.

No, but, like, he was like, oh, never mind.

You need somebody who's like, you should look at your notes. Do you have notes?

No, I don't. We started going back to church, and every week I'm like, that's so good. Like, I usually write half of it down.

And then really, we're going to church here in Orange County. If you're in Orange county, check it out. Ocean Church. Really loving it. Pastor Mark's amazing and we're having a great time there. So you have a wonderful week. We're proud of ourselves. This episode number two.

We're going to come.

It's kind of all over the place. We need.

We need some more reps. We literally. I was literally in the mid middle of a team meeting, and I was like, the podcast studio is right there. We don't have one for this week. And we missed on last week. We said, we're gonna do it, we gotta do it. So.

All right, have a great weekend.

I hope you guys found some value in this. And we'll see you guys hopefully every week.

We'll see you next week. We may never see you, but you will see us.

You will see us.

Or you'll hear us. We may never hear you, but you'll hear us. Either way. Have a great week. Get on your date nights.

We'll see you next week.

Next week, Next week. Ciao. Sayonara. See you later.