Space and Love | Date Your Wife | Ep 016

Well, hello there, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another edition of Date your Wife, brought to you by the Warrior Book, and the announcement of an entire new experience found@warriorbook.com, which is known as the King's Kit, which involves the Warrior Book, Be the Man, the Book, as Well as a 30 day King's Challenge for the investment of what used to be just for the book of $100. So if you're interested in that, check that out over@warriorbook.com. that is the sponsor of our show. But, you know, here at Date yout Wife, I'm not here by myself.

You're your own sponsor.

I am my own sponsor.

Nice.

Who? Somebody's gotta pay for this shit. Well, are you paying for this?

Yeah, I'll pay for it.

You are. You're gonna pay for it.

I got you.

You've got a beautiful kimono on tonight.

I know, it's cute.

It is cute. You look fantastic in your kimono. Oh, I like it. Okay, cool. So our topic today as we dive in is the focus of parenting. If you're new here to the Date UI podcast, my wife is going to do the thing that she despises doing every time I put her on the spot for this show.

Why are we doing this show?

You are amazing. Give it. Are we doing this show? Off you go. And please give us a better answer than the last lame answers you've given us the last four weeks.

We are doing this show because we believe.

Put the mic up in your mouth. Right.

By the way. Oh, my God. You always want me to, like, chew on the mic.

I don't want you chewing on the mic. Hello. I don't need you to put your mouth around the mic.

Okay? I will not do that.

All right, so talk to us. What is the point of this show?

The point of this show is to keep it real.

Therapy with Garrett. It's Garrett.

I think it's just for us. I'm not gonna lie. Hopefully we add some value for you guys, but, like, liter literally, I was like. It's like, you guys are our therapists. You guys are our sounding board. We can only say too much on this show, you know?

No, they're our sound. I think we actually. I think it actually allows us to say some on the show that maybe.

We wouldn't spend any time talking about it. I think people like it because they're like, literally. I felt like you guys almost got in an argument and then you like every show. Like we did.

We did. Literally.

And then they're like, Then I could feel the chemistry and the tension, and I'm like, we did.

And then we. And then we had sex after we did in the studio.

Shut up.

We actually have never had sex in the studio.

Do you know, is that, like, every guy's fantasy in the podcast studio? No, like, I'm just wondering, is that, like, a fantasy for guys to, like, have sex in your office?

Absolutely. It's a. It's absolutely. Of course. Why wouldn't you. Because you're sitting there in your office and you're thinking about having sex with your wife question. I'm sure you can pretty much not name a place I would like to have sex with.

It's not like a video. I was gonna say it's probably anywhere. So tables dirty. This'll do.

Yeah, pretty much.

Okay, so the topic of our podcast today is on parenting. And this is always a tricky one for me because I feel like with moms, there's a lot of that mommy guilt that goes around, and I just feel like I'm trying to. I'm doing the best I can, but I ultimately believe the guilt kind of holds us back. So it's like this balance of, like, letting go of the guilt and parenting the best way you know how to. So anyways, that's where we're at, and that's kind of why we're doing this podcast, because we want to share more with you guys and keep it real. And we have a topic each week, and that's my answer.

Okay. Okay. All right. So I've got some interesting insights to add to this today because I have a son who is 19 years old, turned 19. He lives in our home now. He's been with us for six weeks. Living here already. The last six weeks already. Is that crazy? So my son's name is Parker, and it is the first time since he was nine months old that he has chosen to live with his father. It is also the first time since he was. Well, since ever, that he's decided to call me dad. And this was an amazing experience that's happened over here the last six weeks, but it's actually the result of doing the warriors way work with him over the last three and a half years. So part of what I'm going to share today and we're going to talk about is we're going to intertwine this game of mommy guilt. We're going to also come to the topic here as a father, which is the ability to connect with your children and the work that's required as a man. To. To actually stay connected to your children. And then we have a third topic I'm gonna bring in today, which is why sometimes, as a man, the only reason that you're actually spending time with your children is because you think you're getting points with your wife and hoping that you get to have sex.

Wait, say that again.

Yep. You weren't even listening. I just threw it to sex. Cause you were not paying attention. Like, literally, this is a focus of.

Topic today I'm bringing up without the babysitters calling.

Okay, I appreciate that. Here's the thing, though. Like, there is some twisted reasons why guys do things with their. And what I mean by that is why they will spend time. And I'm gonna talk a little bit about how I used to spend time with my kids, thinking I was getting points with Danielle so that I could have sex. Pretty much everything came back to sex.

I think you actually liked spending. I think you genuinely always like spending time with your kids. I think what you tried to do was use it as leverage.

Yeah, 100%. Let's talk about that. Let's start there first with leverage.

So are we talking about sex or kids or parenting?

It's always about sex, but we're talking about kids. You can't talk about not sex when you're talking about kids, because kids have sex, have kids. All right, so talk about this game of how it fell. Because literally this was a strategy that I was using.

I had a. I saw through your strategies.

Okay, I'm sure you did. So talk about what it felt like to know that I was counting points and wanting to have sexual connection with you based on spending time with the kids or, like, taking the kids to school, etc.

In general, when people, like, tally up things to be like, see, I'm ready to cash in my chips. I'm like, that doesn't fucking work like that. Like, you can't cash in your chips. Like, I almost get more turned off when people do that. Like, even in, like, a friend relationship where they're like, hey, I'm gonna do this and this and this. But then when they come acting at you, expecting, like, favors, and they're like, well, I did all this. And it's like, well, don't do that with the intention to cash in one day. And so for me, when you were doing that, I'm like, k A, they're your kids. I know you love spending time with them. And I don't want you to use those to. You can't use those. I'm like, no, you can't cash that in with me. Sorry, buddy. Like, it is what it is. I'm like, if you don't want to spend time. I think I even said a few times, I'm like, if you don't want to spend time with them, like, peace out. See how that goes for you. And I don't think that's ultimately what you wanted.

What I wanted to do was spend time with my children. But I had gotten stuck in this very interesting place where I was trying to find an entry point into connection. Now, if you haven't noticed, on this show at this point, a vast majority of my entire experience in being married was this pursuit of getting laid. I just wanted to have sex. I was like, man, how do I make this happen as a married man?

You've been so much more chill lately. And I think it's like you found more balance in your life.

It's cause I surf and I get laid more.

Yeah, but I even asked you the other day. I was like. Cause like, I feel like everybody has this thing that they go to in their mind. Like, our minds constantly want to be busy, right? So when our minds are not busy, we get stuck in this weird, funky, dowdy, weird place in our own minds. It's like now we constantly have to be entertained. And so if there's this space where we're not being entertained and we're not like, meditating, and we're just like, in this space, it can be kind of like, what do I think about? And so some people maybe think about food. Some people maybe think about online shopping. Some people maybe think about sex. Some people think about surfing. Some people think about the neck, whatever their passion or whatever they're working at. But it's like, it's. At some point, you have to kind of be able to unplug the obsession. And there. I think there was a point too, when, because it wasn't as frequent, like, sex wasn't as frequent for us, it became this forbidden fruit or this something that you can. It almost made your mind want to go there more. It became a little bit of an obsession. And so anytime you were trying to, like, you had that point in your day, and everybody has that point in your day where it's just like, okay, I need to, like, shut my brain off from work or whatever it is, but you don't know how to shut it off. And so you would go to thinking about sex. Sex.

Is there ever a time in the middle of the day where you think about sex?

No, I think about shoes okay, so.

But you have. How many times a day you think you think about shoes, like, think about.

Buying some shit, but oftentimes I don't buy it.

I know. Oftentimes I don't get laid. So, like, we're kind of on the same page with that one. Well, so talk to me about the. How many times you think about it.

That's what you're saying is everybody has, like, what's kind of in their mind. Like, a lot of people go to social media. I don't really like scrolling through social media. I find myself getting triggered and annoyed.

Me too.

And so maybe, maybe that's on me. I don't know what it is, but I just, like, I'm like, for me, I'm like, I want to just, like, have something to focus on, but not, I don't know, like, for me, like, scrolling through, like, looking at shoes or clothes or whatever. And I'm like, thinking about putting this and that together. Like, it's very. It's kind of relaxing to me. And then. But I don't always buy. But then sometimes I get in trouble and I do buy. But there's always a space where people, like, have something where they have to think about. And the more you allow yourself to think about it. That's what I believe. It allows it to become an obsession. I remember there was a point in my life where I was kind of foodie and I would, like, restrict myself on food. And then guess what? On that time instead, like, I wasn't like, scrolling through shopping anymore. Guess what I was thinking about? I was on Pinterest looking at food recipes, and I was like, oh, my God.

Were you really?

Yes.

You'll go on Pinterest and look at.

Food and I would look at food recipes.

I didn't know you were.

Wouldn't that be so good? And, like, what if I made this and this and. Oh, look at this. Chocolate syrupy bl. Yeah. And girls, you know, you can relate to me. Like, I. I can always tell when. When now, because I. I think I struggled with that a little bit. I can always tell when a woman's having food issues or struggles with it because it's like all sudden they're pinning a shit ton of food. And I'm like, yeah, you're not a cook. And so that means you're. That's where your mind's going. And I'm not to say that. That I'm any less guilty. I mean, look at my freaking blog. I'm always pinning shoes and clothes and crap and my whole Instagram feed is, like, me talking about what I'm wearing, whatever. But even that kind of, like, gets old. And so it's like, it becomes, like, not fulfilling anymore. But anyways, my point being, like, we all can get obsessed over something, and. And you kind of have to figure out how to. For me, it's like, get obsessed over multiple things and kind of, like, balance it. Like, allow yourself to do this. Allow yourself to surf, have sex, whatever. Allow myself to buy things. Allow myself this. But just don't let it overly consume me where it taps into that guilty side of things, because that guilt ultimately is more destructive.

I'm gonna say some of these topics for our sex topic. We'll come back, because there's, like, a lot of.

There's so many topics.

There's so many things about sex I could just continue to talk about right now with you, but we're gonna. We're gonna.

It's just parenting.

Well, again, like I said, you have to have sex to have kids. So, like, you know, at some level, this, like, sex thing, two children is connected. Like, they come one after the other. It's like the chicken or the egg. Yes, we know the scenario. There's a chicken, there's an egg that comes. But anyway, so. So you're. You're sitting in this place and you're talking. You're actually bringing up an interesting topic of parenting, which I didn't believe we were going to take up, but we're going to talk about right now, because you brought it up, which is the importance for parents to actually have a place to unplug beyond their children and their partner and why that actually makes them a better parent. So you're bringing us up. And I used to look at you. You would watch TV like Netflix back before cell phones. You watch Netflix at night.

I still do. I hate.

No, you don't even watch tv, though. It's the weirdest shit ever. You turn the TV on, and then you're on your cell phone. But if. But you're not watching the tv. You couldn't tell me what the hell's going on. But if I turn the TV off, you get completely pissed off about the fact that I turned off the tv.

I've been talking to. I've talked to lots of women.

All right, so talk to us about the strategy you have at night of having background TV going when you don't know what's happening.

It's therapeutic.

You've watched the same movie five times, and you still don't know what the fuck's going.

So who cares?

Literally, you've started the same movie five times in one week.

It's in my shopping cart. It doesn't matter.

Okay, Talk to me about why you need this date compression time.

The thing is, you have to be careful, because if you have six things in your shopping cart and your two glasses of wine down, you're screwed.

Yeah, you're buying that.

So you got. If you're gonna do that, you gotta, like, cut out. I, like, literally cut out the alcohol.

Or get rid of your cell phone.

Yes, I'm. I do that. I'm serious. Like, I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna drink it during the week. I'm just gonna save that for, like, date nights. Cause we know that leads to too many fucking pairs of shoes.

Yes, yes, yes. And a few drinks on date night for you at least, tends to lead to a very happy time for me.

Yeah, sometimes. Well, usually.

Usually, sometimes not. It's when you go too, too far.

Yeah, I can't go too far. I'm a lightweight.

All right, so seriously, come back to me on this topic, though, because talking about this from a perspective of a woman, and I'm gonna talk about this from a perspective of a man.

All right.

Why you need time outside of your husband and your children.

I was thinking about that today, too. Cause I was like, garrett's gone.

You had time to go.

The kids are gone. I know. And this is. Let me finish. I was like, garrett's gone. The kids are gone. And usually I'll get all, like, panicky. Like, the skill sets in. Like, I should be having family time, which is sometimes it's important to have on the weekends. You don't want to totally disconnect. But I was like, oh, I'm gonna just open my back door, feel the ocean breeze, grab a lemonade, and scroll on Revolve.com for the next two hours.

And you did. Right?

It was amazing. And then I. And then I got so many things in my cart. And then what I do is I go to my cart, and I narrow it down to what I actually want. And then I ended up only buying two things, but it was a great afternoon for me.

But what does this do for you as a parent? Think about this. Think about this today. Okay. So this morning, I woke up.

I think it's important to have something. Well, what I was thinking about is you were not here. Is I, like, I got a little panicky. And then I was like, I'm not dependent on Garrett. Like, I don't have to have Garrett to have a good Saturday.

You used to. You used to have to have a good Saturday. You get pissed off.

But it was more like the guilt would set in, like, oh, my God, it's family time. It's family time. Which, again, I'm not gonna say, like, there aren't. There are days that I'm like, I have to, like, force family fun. Like, I'm like, we're gonna be tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow.

Usually it's a Sunday. I'm like, we're staying together as a family. We're getting out of the house, and we're doing something as a family. But yeah, there also can be, like, a balance of, like, on a Saturday. If you're like a workaholic, like many of us are, you almost have. It's interesting, but you have to force yourself to kind of, like, take a day off and do a hobby or do something else that's not work related. It just creates more balance in your life. And I feel like just like, okay, I'm ready to go back to work on Monday or whatever it is.

Do you think if you couldn't actually go on your cell phone and shop, you might surf?

No, I will never surf.

No, I'm just saying imagine, like, cell phones didn't exist. You could not go to a cell phone.

Would you go to surfing before cell phone?

What were you doing before cell phones? Cause you didn't have cell phones. Cell phone is now, like, your addiction outlet.

I've always been a big movie watcher, and I love series. Even though you're like, oh, you have it on you, I actually am paying attention and I am watching.

Wait, back in the day, you used to actually watch the shows. Now you just pretend like you're watching the.

To multitask.

It's not multitasking. It's impossible. It's called ignoring one thing and doing another.

No, it's not. You're not a girl.

You don't know I'm not a girl. You're accurate in that one. But I can definitely observe what it is you're doing, which is you're not multitasking.

I definitely am.

Multitasking would assume that you actually know what's going on in the show while you're on your phone.

Don't listen to him.

Okay. All right, listen. So I'm going to give some relevance to the show because Danielle is just, like, having a good time talking about God knows what. Here's the deal inside of this game. I know this is a husband. This has been Very difficult as a businessman, which has been okay. Creating for myself space for me beyond the business, beyond my beautiful wife and beyond my amazing children. Like, I used to feel so guilty about giving myself time to be with me. And truly surfing has given me this. It's not even a guilty pleasure. It's just the time that I get to be with myself. And in that place, I become a better father, I become a better husband. Particularly on the weekends. On Saturday and Sunday, I don't golf for five hours. I fucking hate golf. I think golf is for pussies. And it is not a sport. You can take it for what it is. Almost everybody that golfs is overweight. And literally I have no patience because there's no sweating. It's complete skill. I get it. And it's because I suck. I get it. I understand on that. Listen, come surf and we'll see how you do out there. But here's what I'm telling you though, is like inside of it, regardless of whether it was golf or it was surfing, I did that on purpose to show my disgust for golf, whether it was surfing, inside of that. As a man, giving yourself permission to find space for you, because think about how my work week goes. Like, I start in the morning early and I work every day. I work on Saturday and Sunday. At times I have meetings. There's some crucial shit that went down in my companies this last few days. So I'm in meetings today for a couple hours. I'll be in some meetings tomorrow and Sunday for a couple hours handling some stuff. And inside of all of that, there is a tendency for businessmen to leave straight from business and go straight to family. And there's no transition. They wake up in the morning and they go straight to business. And then they come home straight to family. And then on the weekend, they're in only family mode. But this is a very overwhelming proposition because now they feel guilty about having any time for themselves. So I can understand why men go golf for five hours because it gives them a chance to be with themselves. But if you don't give yourself space as a man to do some stuff beyond your wife and beyond your children, beyond your employment, you're going to find yourself get exhausted and fatigued and being super dad has to be redefined. Today, what was my schedule today? This morning I woke up. I woke up before everyone, because I always wake up before everyone. I even slept in this morning till 6:30. This was unheard of for me.

I was.

Did you recognize that? I slept until 6:30.

I sleep in A little bit.

You slept in till, like, 8.

Like, 7.

47, 40 that. Which if I sleep in, then everyone in the house, even Bailey and Ruby, slept in this morning. Parker was, like, coming out of worry week 47.

That's good.

But I woke up this morning, I did my own thing, and then I went and picked my son up, and then my son came back from worry week 47. We got to have some great debrief conversations about his experience inside of Warrior Week. He's the youngest Kid, youngest guy 19 years of age to ever graduate from Warrior Week 47. Warrior weeks of app. You can learn more about that@warriorweek.com and then I go out and I surf with my son for two hours. Then I come back and I take my daughters and their friend to the beach, and we play volleyball and we skateboard for two hours.

You're just living your best life.

And then I come and have a business meeting with an important member on my team for two hours, and then I'm with you.

Oh, my God. This is like, check, check, check, check.

But it's about space, and the space makes me a better father because it gives me a sense of being fulfilled, I think. Well, you tell me.

You tell me.

You tell me. Yeah, I gave you that look in the eyeballs.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did. I gave it, like, opened my eyes a little bit more. Like, what do you think? Well, what do you think? You tell me. I play this strategy. You heard it. Doesn't make you. Doesn't make me a better father, a better husband or not.

What? I don't know. We just started. How do you not know? I don't know. We just started dating.

It's not like I started this strategy today. I've been doing this same strategy for.

Years, giving myself more time, waiting for today to play out. But I will say I was gonna ask you something when you were talking about all that. If you don't get a chance to surf, does it throw off your day?

If you don't get a chance to look at shoes, does it throw off your day?

It does not.

It does not.

It does not.

So you're willing to give me your phone for the entire day tomorrow?

I didn't say my phone. You said look at shoes.

I know you're willing to give me your phone all day. So you can't look at any shopping.

I will just not look at shopping. You can't take my phone.

You won't look at shopping?

No.

Do you see that hesitation? That's why you're a liar.

No, no.

That was not a. That was not a firm.

That was a firm.

Are you committing right here on the air to go without your cell phone and social media for an entire day and no shopping?

How did I get punished? Based on asking. You're asking me if I am.

I'm pulling your moo, which is anytime I say something, I have tons of moves. You know I have moves.

Oh, my God. Just answer the question. If you don't surf, are you grumpy?

I'm not as happy for sure. If you do not shop, are you happy? Yeah. Bullshit. You are lying.

Oh, my God. I don't have to shop every day.

You are lying. That's not a good thing.

Let me close that window really quick. Hold on.

There's a reason why a box shows up on our front door every fucking day. Are you kidding me?

Listen, that's not.

You're a total hypocrite. You're a hypocrite.

You cannot answer the question.

I am answering a question. I already answered. I said, yeah, I will be less happy, okay? You still are dodging like a fucking dodging champion.

That wasn't that.

This isn't even dodgeball.

Listen, let me talk to me.

Truth. All right, go.

So.

So let me finish my reframing question where I don't actually answer anything. I just put it back on. Garrett, no. All right, go. Everyone that's listening to the show knows how they should. This is my strategy.

If you don't. If you don't surf, because here's what. This is, what I'm trying to put out there. People will say, well, I have to work out.

I'm very excited to figure out what you're trying to put out there.

People always say, like, okay, if I work out because it makes me a better mom, it makes me a better father, makes me better. This I have to work out. But what I was saying is you have to keep your addictions in check. You have to keep a fine balance.

Like shopping.

Yes. And I said that I threw myself under the bush.

You did. When did you throw yourself under the bus? So many times the bus drove by. You completely were not underneath it. You were, like, waving to it while looking at your phone and shopping.

You're admitting that you have to surf in order to be happy or.

I didn't say I have to. I said I'm more happy. You said, if you don't surf, what happens?

Exactly.

You should go back and listen to the show.

You should go back and listen to yourself right now. Jesus. So listen, anyways, keep your surfing in check.

I love that you literally. You don't understand. I am the reframing master. No matter what you say, I'll reframe. You are.

You are the queen.

You are the queen of the spin.

Question in your life that can challenge you. And you love it.

I love every second of it. I never said I didn't. I love it. You turned me on. This is complete foreplay. I love that we do this before date night because it just like riles everything up. It just like builds all the sensual juices. They just start flowing in our hearts. I start having heart orgasms while we do this show, anticipating the physical orgasms later.

Totally missed my point.

No, what is your point? Cause I'm still trying to figure out what your point is.

My point was just saying, like, you're saying you need to surf to be. Not you don't need to, but you're saying it helps you be a better father. And I was just. The only point that I wanted to make is you have to be careful with like, your hobbies or your interests or something. Because when they could become too much of an obsession, like your clothes. No, just let me finish.

Okay, go.

If it becomes too much of an obsession, it actually can take away from time with you.

I totally agree with you.

I can throw myself under the bus and say there's times I'm on my phone too much at night and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I should be hanging out with my cute little daughter playing LOLs and doing this. And that's so I'm just saying there's. It's fine if that makes you happy. My point was just saying, like, make sure that you keep yourself in check with whatever your hobby is. Because it's not that the hobby makes you a better father. It's creating more balance in your life so that you have you time and something else that you can focus your energy into versus just having sex with your wife or focus just on business or whatever it is. And that is what makes you ultimately a better father.

Well done. And I agree with you on the addiction. This is why I surf before you guys wake up. You realize this, right? I think I'm a dawn patrol guy. I'm up there now. The sun's getting there. I'm being 6 o' clock in the water. Like you won't even be, like, before I get out of the water, I.

Get up at 6:30.

You're true. But you're still like, in that you're true. You're through. You're true. You're through. You're still in this, like, interesting play anyways. Okay, you. You seriously, like, derailed this entire focus. I'm trying to keep this show on point, and you derailed it. I'm just getting to the principle, which you're, again, cross checking on. You need space as a parent away from your spouse and your children to be a better parent, because one of the things that you don't end up having if you don't create that space is you end up having very little patience. Now, take this, Danielle. If you were. Go back to when you were working in the salon, like, five days. Take the salon. Take the pressure of the salon, the pressure of the business. Take all the marketing that you had to do, and then take the pressure from me to want to have sex and talk to you and communicate with you, et cetera. If you don't. If you don't have space, if you don't have your own, you time to go get your fingernails digged.

I imploded. That's why I cut back. I was like, I can't continue at this speed. My life is not as happy as it could be, and I can't continue at this speed. So I had to let go of things in order to create more space in my life to not work behind the chair. And in doing so, I'm much happier, and things have started to pick up momentum.

Did you know that I'm having a very interesting experience having Parker living with us?

What is that?

I really like having a son.

I know. It's, you know. Can I be honest with you?

Sure, go ahead.

So it was interesting because everybody, Garrett's son is 19. He's been living with us. Obviously, if you heard in the beginning of the show for the last six weeks, and everybody's like, how's that going? Is it so weird? And I'm like, he's so easy, and he's, like, such a good kid. And he's like, genuinely like. It's weird for me because I'm like, oh, my God. I just see you as being little, and you're like a man now. You're like, he's taller than Garrett.

He's taller than me.

Garrett's a big guy, and so I'm.

Like, oh, my God.

There's, like, a man child living in my house. But he's so sweet and respectful and nice and cute with the girls. So what's been. The only thing that's been hard for me, and I know it's just a season. And a time frame is like, I'll see you. Like, Like I say on a Sunday afternoon when you'd just be hanging out with me. And the girls are like, hey, me and Parker are gonna go surf for an hour. And it turns into, like, three hours. And I'm like, oh. Like, I feel like I have, like, fomo. Like, I'm like, oh, girls, maybe we should go down. Like, I feel like it's, like, taking away time from me and the girls. But I'm like, also, like, you know what? Parker's 19. He's gonna, like, get friends quick. He's gonna pro quick. He's probably gonna not live with us. And. And you haven't had this time. And so as much as I'm like, oh, like, he's not with us, I'm like, no, no, no. I can't be like that. Like, he needs to go have space with him. That's so cool that they can connect. But I find myself in having these weird mixed emotions. Like, babe, hang out with your girls. What are you doing spending all this time with Parker only to realize, like, you had tons of time with our girls. And I know this is. This is a season. Do you know what I mean? Because he's 19. He's not 6. So I'm kinda. I have to kinda, like, I have to be like, no, it's fine. It's fine. And if Parker was an asshole, I'd be like, ah. But he's not. He's such a nice kid. So I'm like, it's like, it's been fun to have him here, but at the same time, I'm like, wanting to. I'm kind of like, so wait, he's not living with us forever, right? You know what I mean? Part of that is I'm like, I don't want you to take on that role of a dad now when he's 19, I'm like, he's 19. He's gotta be a man. He's gotta do things on his own. And so for me, I'm, like, trying to tiptoe around, not overstepping my boundaries, because I've never felt like his mom, you know, I've always just been there, like, inspiring.

I haven't felt like his dad has.

He lived in Canada. He lived in Canada. We only saw him maybe once, twice a year, if that. There was, like, two years that went by that we didn't see him. And in the beginning, I think I'd even be like, reach out to your Son. Get your son down here.

You did do a lot of pushing on that.

I just kind of got. Because I didn't want you to, like, lose that connection. Then I had. We had our own kids, and I was like, I don't care if you don't want it. I'm not gonna fight for you. And so for me, like, it's cool to see you guys, like, reconnect. And it's weird, too, to see, like, how many similarities and traits he has that I. That remind me of. We have a daughter who. Their birthdays are on the same day, and I swear they look similar and they have similar mannerisms, and it weirds me out. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God. It's like. It's like a man version of Ruby, and it's so. It's kind of. It's interesting. So I'm in this weird place where I'm like.

I could feel it. I could feel you feeling. I could feel it even when I went out today. I could feel you kind of being like, oh, but what about our girls?

Yeah. And I'm like, oh. And that's why I was like, hey, I'm gonna go do the podcast. Cause I was like, with. We have another podcast called Big Money Status. And I was like, I'm gonna go do the podcast. Will you take the girls to the beach? Cause I knew if I kind of stepped away and, like, unplugged, you'd be like, yeah, girls, let's go play hard for a minute.

And then, which we did, we went for, like, two and a half hours.

But I thought almost three hours. And I don't want to tell you, like, hey, go hang out, girls. But I want to, like, I'm just like, hey, balance it out. Balance it out. You know, I feel like.

I feel like I'm doing a great job with all of our children.

What I'm sharing is it's just a weird and interesting place for me to be emotionally. Do you know what I mean?

I do.

I get it.

I get it.

I'm a pretty cool person, so.

You are a pretty cool. You are a pretty cool person. And my son. Having my son in my life has been a serious journey. Like, if you're listening to this, and you're a man who has children from another relationship, another marriage you were in or just an estranged child or whatever the case was. Parker was very active in my life for the first two years, and then me and his mom got divorced, and I was very young, and then I got remarried here about Three years, four years after that time to Danielle. And then Danielle and I have been married for almost 15 years coming up this year. And we had our kids, and there was a lot of chaos. And his mother went through another divorce after me and then got remarried to another guy. And there was a lot of stress and there was a lot of struggle, and it was ultimately Wake Up, Warrior. That brought my son back into my life like I was doing and playing the game of the Warrior's Way.

Wake Up, Warrior brought me us back together.

Brought us back together and brought my son back.

It might actually work.

Yeah. It turns out it works to the tune of over 10,000 individuals who are playing this same game with us every single day called the Warrior's Way, which, by the way, I'm going to go ahead and shamelessly promote this book right here known as the Warrior Book. This book is married up to another book called Be the Man. And if you are a man and. Or you're a woman, you're wanting your man and to get action inside of the game of understanding himself and also being able to translate into being a better husband, a better father, a better businessman, a better producer, more fit, more on fire, more focused, more connected to God. There's a brotherhood that we have in over 27 countries, and the gateway to this exists@worrybook.com.

You know what I was just thinking? What go for it is this would be so. So we were raised Mormon, and at 19, Mormon men, like, they get the opportunity if they want. And in the culture, like, you take the opportunity and you go on a mission, you go on a mission. If you didn't go on a mission, they're like, oh, why didn't you go? If you're raised Mormon, you go on a mission. And regardless of how much you know about the church or you don't, I think it's an amazing experience for young men to just be on their own, take on responsibility, just being thrown into just hard work and being on their own in a different environment, well, it.

Forces you to not only work hard, but it also forces you to learn how to take care of yourself. You to give a.

About other people and you.

At a time when you tend to not give a. About anybody.

You moved in Miami and you also learned another language. And so I was just thinking, I'm like, I don't know. I feel like the warrior that it should be for, like, there's going to be like a. There's my entire seeing this.

Yes, there's something that Parker's going through.

Some things, all the. Like how they're like all the millennials are all entitled, blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying all of them, but there's like this tendency to like sit around till you're 35 and then figure out what to do. And because we were RA in Utah in a more conservative state, like, that wasn't what guys did. Or girls like, you just like, you got married, you got married. I got married at 20. I was done with hair school by 20. I was on my career. I was like, I mean, you're focused. It's just focus. And so I think it'd be cool to introduce something like that. I'm sure you guys already have that in the works, right?

That's what we talked about for two hours surfing today. And we talked about a lot of other things, surfing. And we talked about how much fun we have surfing. Nice, but interesting. As a parent, I never had the chance to raise my son, so I never could see the difference between raising my daughters and raising my son. And I'm not gonna lie, like, there's a big, huge void.

He's the next piece of the puzzle.

To me as a father getting to raise a son. Like, I've not had that experience. And let's be honest, like, there was a piece of you that wanted to raise a son too. Like, you've wanted a boy.

I still want a boy. I mean, I recently miscarried about four, five weeks ago, and I was excited.

And I was thinking, like, you were excited about miscarrying?

No, I was excited.

Oh, you were excited because you thought it might be a boy?

Yeah, I was like, I have two girls and it'd be awesome to have a boy. I just think different energy in the home and.

Well, I anticipated that I was gonna have this young man, this boy that we were going to have, and then I would be able to raise him up and force him to surf because he would just be submersed in the water from the time he's little. Little did I realize I was gonna get my 19 year old son come back, who has huge skills on a board with skateboarding and wake surfing and wake skating and wakeboarding, and he picked up surfing and he's like, as good as I am.

After a year, you're moving into a different relationship. You're gonna have the adult relationship with your son. Do you know what I mean? Even if he, I could see this, like, if he ends up staying working for Wake Up Warrior or not just staying here and maybe meeting a girl, maybe not But I just see it going a different turn and what you thought was lost because you didn't raise him. It's cool to see it's coming full circle, you know what I mean? And everything is based on timing and happens kind of how it should. And to be honest with you, I don't think I would have married you had I known that you had a two year old son at 18. I met Garrett when I was 18.

18 years old, you crazy woman.

I know. And when he was 25, I didn't think he was. I've always been attracted to older guys. I think I've always dated a little bit older. And so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. And I didn't until I found out after been dating a couple months that he had a son. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I want to continue to date him. That's weird. And I think, were you ready to.

Tap out because you were like, shit, I don't know.

I just confused because I had a lot of feelings for you and I'm like, I really like him, but that's a lot of responsibility. Like, I don't know, I'm not ready to be step. I'm not ready to be mom at 18. Sorry, that's super weird for me. And so I remember the conversation even I had with you and I found out and I think you don't want to. You didn't want to tell me because you didn't want to scare me away because you kind of liked me.

I really liked you. But I also was like not telling anyone when I dated in the beginning because I was like, dude, yeah, you.

Didn'T know if you were going to stay.

Like, I'm not going to be with this person. Why would I waste all this time talking about it?

But anyways, my point being like, I think that had you had a son in your life at that time and you would have had like visit like, like visitation rights or 50, 50. I'd have been like, whoa, I just moved away to college. You're fun. Bye. Bye. You know what I mean? There's no way that I would have even considered dating you. And so I think that timing plays a big role in how things play out.

So it's even now with the timing of Parker being here inside of my world, like, it's perfect if this wouldn't have happened five years ago. I mean, he was 14 at the time. He's 19 now. There's just a lot of things that had to happen for this thing to play out, and I'm very happy about it, very excited about it. So we're gonna have one more topic, then we're gonna wrap this show. You ready?

Yeah. My back hurts. These chairs suck.

Which one are you in? That's a good one. You just need to. You just need to learn to sit up straight. You don't have very good posture.

I'm injured this week.

You are a little injured. All right, well, I don't know if you're gonna say anything.

I don't really care if people want to know. Really, I don't care. I don't think it's a big deal.

Well, I'm not gonna tell them. If you want to tell them, you could tell.

Well, now I feel like I have to. I. Okay, all right. Another fun fact about me.

Here we go. Here we go.

Fun fact about when I was 18 and dating Garrett, actually, I decided to go get a breast augmentation and AKA boob job. Well, most people know what that is. And I went really, really big. I'm a small, petite person. I'm only 5 3, and I never liked them. And they were always really, really big. But I don't know if you noticed, but boobs kind of go in trend, like, small, big, medium, whatever. But anyways, my back always hurt, and I didn't. I just felt like there were a lot for my frame. And right after I had miscarried, I was like, you know what? I really have been thinking about getting this done for the last. Forever, like, five, six years. Like, ever since Ruby was born. And I'm like. And I kept saying, oh, I'll wait till I have one more kid. And I finally was like, you know what? I'm just gonna get it done. I'm tired of it. So I just recently went and had them redone, and I am much more comfortable and happy. My doctor did an amazing job.

He's great.

His name is Dr. Steven Ipp. Give him a little shout out.

Orange County. He's big time.

But I just. So I'm actually. This is. When did I have it done? Wednesday, and it's Saturday.

So just.

So I'm like, I'm still a little sore, but I was your supporter during.

Breast augmentation one and breast augmentation number two.

I just was like, yeah, bigger is better.

I was a huge fan of you getting bigger boobs back then.

I know. I think you were nervous when I was like, I'm getting them redone. You're like, why would you do that and I'm like, I was a little nervous, but you're supposed to have them redone every like 10 to 12 years. So anyway, they were due. Shelf life was done. It was something I'd wanted to do. I just went. I hadn't taken out. They put smaller ones back in. So there we go.

And you know what? I'm just happy that you're happy.

Yeah, I'm so happy. Like, I was telling Garrett, I was like, looking at your back and I'm like, oh, my God, why didn't I do this sooner? Like, I feel like me. But I had a lot of this mommy guilt. I'm not even gonna lie. Like, I wanted to do it forever, but I was like, yes, but you wouldn't have surgery. It's an elective surgery and you're going under. And what if something happens? And that's so selfish of me and I can't do it. And now that I had it done, I'm like, oh, I feel like. I feel like literally a weight's been lifted off my chest.

Well. Cause literally a weight has been lifted off your chest.

But I'm like, oh, why didn't I? I should have just taken care of it. But so I'm super happy that I did. And I feel like, back to me, which is weird that I waited so long.

And the crazy part is you were actually nervous about going under because why?

It freaks me out.

Yeah, because you could. What?

Die?

Die?

Yeah, I just wanted.

And so you were nervous about leaving?

Well, yeah, just kids and everything. And there's just like. Like I said, it's like an elective surgery. And I'm like, oh, my God, I shouldn't do this. And. And so anyways, it was still scary, but I knew, I don't know, I was like, I'm just gonna go in and if I'm kinda one of those people, if everything falls into play, then it's supposed to happen. And everything just kinda fell into place, timing wise for me. And I was like, okay, it's not a big deal. I feel good about it. I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna go for it.

So anyways, and so you did it, and it made you feel better about yourself. You're still in the kind of recovery phase right now and will be for a bunch of weeks, but you're feeling better about yourself. But this really ties into the entire point of what we're discussing, which is doing something for yourself and creating space for yourself to actually make you a better parent. Now at the End of the day, here's what I'm gonna tell you as a parent, as an individual, if you. As you as an individual, if you hate yourself working, if you are a man and you hate yourself, right, you don't have respect for yourself. You don't have time for yourself. You don't have love for yourself, like, it's impossible for you to offer that up to your wife. It's impossible. You offer that up to your children. So if you walk around in a body that doesn't work for you, if you walk around inside of an energy or a suppressed feeling inside of you that you don't get out of, if you don't have time for you to discover and investigate you and be part of just being in love with yourself, which sounds completely fucking egotistical. And yet, here's the interesting thing, and I'm gonna go to the Bible on this one for you. Yes, I've been quoting this like three times in three different trainings this week. I'm gonna roll with it, and I'm gonna do it again here. Then there's two phrases. Jesus gets asked a question by somebody says, okay, well, what are the two great commandments? You know, what is the number one? What are the great commandments? What is the number one commandment? You know, what does God ultimately want? And the attorneys at the time were asking this question to Jesus, and they were asking him the question, trying to trick him. And Jesus, of course, is like, not to be tricked. And he responds with very simple response in contradiction to the ten Commandments and all these other things that had gotten so complicated in the way that people were living at the time. He said two things. One, love God with all your heart, might, mind, and strength. And he said the second one, which is where the mystery is, which it says, love thy neighbor as thyself. King James Version, that's where thee, thy's. If you want to translate in a modern version, it's like, love your neighbor as you love yourself. In this case, love your wife as you love yourself. Love your children as you love yourself. But if you hate yourself, it is impossible for you to actually love your wife. It's impossible for you to love your children. You cannot do this. You can try to love God all you want, but consider you're also going to hate yourself. You hate God if you were a creation of God inside of that. If you and your partner are together. There's no possible way for me to love this woman if I hate myself. And most of what has changed inside of a Relationship is a deep understanding and appreciation for who I am and inside of understanding the deep truth and appreciation for who I am and being willing to do things for me because I want to do them for me. Not because I need Danielle's permission, not because I want Danielle to like it, but because I know the inside of doing it is going to be something I feel like I need to do. Danielle wanted to do the boojob and it was something that you felt like you needed to do. I wanted this tattoo on my arm. You did not like this, me doing this.

I like it now.

Yeah, but you made. You were like a against it. You were anti. Kind of like I was a little bit anti about your boob jobs here. Get it? But inside of both of these moves, it actually has given. It gave us something. And there's hundreds of moves we've made just like this that have given us something as individuals and as parents that we can actually give back to our children. If you want to love your children, you cannot hate yourself. If you hate yourself, what you will offer up is a manipulative, bullshit, motivational game of love to your children. My children love me and trust me right now at levels they've never. My son loves and trusts me right now. Do you know, has learned through Warrior Week and the process he's gone through to actually love and appreciate himself for all of who he is. My kids talk to me at levels they've never talked to me before as a father because I have learned to appreciate the fact that I am a complete fuck up. And at the same time, I'm completely fantastic. And guess what? The same is true for my children. And when I come to accept all of the vastness of who I am inside of accepting the vastness of who I am, I'm given this permission slip to experience it with my children. I'm giving it as an experience to experience it with my wife. Would you say that I've become a better father, yes or no? Yeah, I think that is a long ass pause. Are you kidding me right now? Like you're sitting here trying to think about whether I become a better father. Are you looking for something important to say? That was the longest passage.

Did you just want a yes?

Well, that's all I was looking for. Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

I was gonna add to it.

Okay, well, you say yes quickly and then you go, all right, so what do you got beyond the yes?

Yes. But I think. I think you're always striving to do better, like in life in general. I think that that's kind of like the warrior message. And so when you're teaching and preaching that you have to hold yourself to a higher standard. So I wrote so.

You literally didn't even answer the question.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I asked you.

Do you think I said yes?

That's it.

Oh, my God. I elaborate and you. I say yes, I don't win.

But you didn't elaborate. You elaborated on a concept. You didn't elaborate on me as a follower.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, do you think it. I mean, you don't have to say it as if you think, I met Jackass and I've gotten better. You can tell everyone that right now. I will be okay with this, because I know I've gotten better as a father. But you may not see that. You may think now you're the same you've always been. I mean, this is a pressure moment because I'm literally putting you on.

Why do you.

Putting you on the stage here to, like, decide my fate. This is like the movie Gladiator, and you're the king with the thumb up or the thumb down move. And everyone's like, cheering.

No, I think. What do you have? I think you're a good father.

Good father. That's it? Just a good father. You're a good father. It's like a fucking good father. So I'm better than a good father.

What would you like me to say right now?

I don't know what I want you to say.

Okay.

Outside of, like, you know, talking about how I go all in as father.

You want a lot of praise right now?

I do. Praise me, woman. Go.

You're the man.

Thank you. All right. That's all I needed. I just need you to say you're the man, and I will be naked with you later tonight.

You're a good father. I think that sometimes good is a shitty word. You are a great father.

Here.

Thank you.

Thank you. I was looking for. Great. Well done. Yes. I was hunting for a compliment. Just like you coming in and asking me if you look amazing in something. Actually, you never have to actually ask me. Why are you looking around the studio right now?

Just looking for Garrett. Where'd he go? Bring him back. No. Good podcast.

All right, well, we're wrapping it up.

Respect yourself and you will respect others. Respect your children and they will respect you. Respect yourself. People that you're around and you work with, vice versa. I did a post this week on the blog. I'm like, just be fucking nice. Like, there's a lot to Be learned in being nice and liking yourself, being nice to yourself, taking time for yourself, taking time for others, creating balance in your life like it is what it is. We all know this.

I love you.

We all know this.

You're amazing.

You're amazing.

Thank you for being on the show.

Thanks for inviting me.

You're welcome.

Or it's my show.

It is your show. Thank you for inviting me to your show. All right, we're gonna wrap this up. Here is our principle for the week, which is this. What are you going to do this week in creating space for yourself beyond your partner and your children so that you have the ability to actually be a very present parent and partner? What are you gonna do to have that be your topic inside of date night? We already did that to start our date off tonight. And a last reminder here. Warrior book itself is no joke. This book itself and the science of it not only brought my son back into relationship with me, but also restored my marriage and has done so for over 10,000 families in 27 countries. And if you are a man and you're looking for the new, improved version of this, we have Warrior book connected to be the man in the book. Plus a war map journal, as well as an opportunity to be part of the King's Challenge 30 day challenge inside of a new processing system we call the King's Kit. You can find that out more@warriorbook.com we'll be back next week. And our topic next week on this show will actually be around communication. And we're going to specifically talk about digging for compliments, which obviously I was doing here at the end of this show digging deliberately for a praised comment from my wife. And we're gonna talk about how that's probably not a good move.

I feel like. Do you do that a lot? I feel like maybe.

No, I hardly ever do right now. I was just.

What you do, if you like affirmation, you have to be like, you're such a good. You have to.

I tell you, you're a good wife.

No.

Cause I say you're such a good mother. And you know what? You'll say? Thank you. And then you'll look at your phone and buy some shit.

I will not like an asshole.

All right, we are wrapping this show up. We will see you next time next week here on our date night as we talk about the topic of communication. And we continue to take this down until next week. Hope you guys have a great week and bye. Bye. Are you gonna say something awesome to end the show? Go.

Oh, we're still going.

We're still going to end up quickly. Say something Great. You have 20 seconds.

Are you team Garrett or team Danielle?

Oh, boy. We already know I win. Good night.