Stop Dancing On The F*cking Line | Date Your Wife | EP 119

Welcome to date your wife. The podcast. You're gonna get about 17 minutes of podcast.

It's a quickie podcast.

Quickie, quickie podcast.

Remember that episode? I still get comments.

Do I remember that episode? Every man that walks the planet remembers that fucking episode.

That's funny. All right, welcome to another episode of the day you write podcast. We stopped for about a year. We're back on track. I've had so many people, like, message me, and they're like, thank you for doing this podcast. Like, we love it. We're back. Like, it's fun. I think it's like, it's. You know what I realize is when you're married, sometimes it's like you feel like you're like roommates just kind of passing by. And we do date nights. But I think I liked doing the podcast is because it, like, gave us a chance to kind of communicate and just communicate live, I guess, with everybody else listening. But I look at it as, like, it's like a. I feel like I, like, went on a little lunch date with you when we do these little podcasts.

We do. I had a little. I had a little miso soup.

I had some chicken and rice.

You had some chicken and rice? Cause that's how we do it when you're in bikini. Cut time. All right, so recently, Danielle and I have been asked to open our mouths together on stage at funnel hacking live. 7. Woo. 7 years in a row I have spoken at Funnel Hacking Live.

When was it? Like, me and the family came, but I didn't really see it.

That was like 2, 20, 15 or 16.

They asked me to speak.

And then you bailed.

And then I bailed.

You bailed.

And then I was surprised they asked me to come back again. Do I just get a green light? Because I know this guy. Like, I know you.

They're like, Russell gave me the look. He said, if she bails two times in a row, she's never being asked again. Now, you did have a little anxiety on the last one. I mean, let's look at that.

I don't like public speaking. Like, I don't know if anybody does. I actually know you love it, but I get so nervous every time, even. But then once I'm in flow, I'm fine. But every time, it could be 300 people, it could be 3,000 people. I always get a little nervous.

Well, you're going to be speaking in front of 3,500 in person in Florida, because that's the only place to let us do events. And about 10,000 people virtually. So about 13,000 people are going to hear your voice at the same exact time.

You know what is hard for me? It's intimidating to speak with you because you're such a phenomenal speaker. And I think in the past, I would just rely on you, and I'd be like, hey, where is the Owen with this? You know what I mean? And I feel like, yeah.

Is that how you feel when I walk around my shirt off? It's kind of intimidating.

Yep. I'm not gonna say anything.

Feeling super intimidated there, young man. I see how that threw your game off. All you can think about.

I was, like, trying to.

All you can think about is my shirt off.

I was having this moment, and I was like, when do I think Garrett's the sexiest?

What came up in your mind?

And. No, I.

Tell us about it.

I do love you when you're dressed up.

Wow. It's just when I'm wearing a suit.

A suit. Or even just, like, a nice jacket or something. The date night's cute.

Am I wearing a nice jacket right now?

Yeah, you look. You look better than normal work attire. And I'm kind of looking homeless today. But usually you're in these Lululemon pants that are, like, the ugliest fit I've ever seen.

You don't like those pants?

You roll them and they're like.

Yeah, I roll them.

It's weird.

Why is it weird that I roll them?

They're like, wide legs, and then, like.

Yeah, and then I roll them at the bottom.

They're Lulu's.

Yeah, they're great anti ball crushers.

I know, but you wear them.

That means your balls do not get crushed because it's anti bad experience.

They're, like, barely nicer than a pair of sweatpants.

Yeah, I know, but they're not even.

Like, a cool style or fit.

Like it's cool.

Like, joggers are cool, but they're not even, like, a cool jogger.

Yeah, but I don't want that. I'm kind of going back to a little baggy style.

I know. So anyways, you don't ever. You get ready on date nights or when you're speaking. So it's like. I like. I just think it's hot when you get all ready.

Yeah, well, I got into a haircut.

Or shave your face.

Oh, well, that's a lot of things at once. So if I cut my hair, shave my face, and put a suit on.

Do you look at me?

All you want to do is get me naked.

No, you just, like, Carry yourself different. I'm like, he knows he fucking looks good. Like, you just carry yourself different.

I know I look good with, you know, the baggy anti ball crushers.

Is it different? Is it like you every. Like, doesn't matter what I'm wearing. Like, it doesn't. I mean, hat or date night? Like, do you. Is your mind always go to the same spot?

I'm gonna go ahead and say that men have a lower standard for how the package must look because I come.

In and you know why?

Let me tell you why?

It's because cut off jean shorts today.

I'm literally so hot.

You literally.

I mean, I just want right now in the studio. Yeah, it's so hot. Let me tell you why, though. Because guys genuinely focus on what's on the inside while girls focus on what's on the outside.

Are you saying. Did you mean that? Did you?

No, no. Follow me. This is why no matter what you wear, I'm focused on the inside while you're worried about my packaging on the outside. I'm not saying that wrong. I've reversed the statement on purpose. Now let your mind run a bit. Men are focused on what's on the inside while women are focused what's on the outside.

I'm lost.

You're worried about the packaging. I'm just worried about the prize. I'm not worried about how it was wrapped. So you wrapped it in fucking, you know, the paper sack from the grocery store. I know what's in that box. You forget. I guess when it's wrapped in, you know, a gray haired, hairy backed.

I just sometimes see Lululemon jean wrapper. I can't see. Where'd he go?

You're like, who is this hairy Viking? All right. So side though, I. I'm finishing my series, the Vikings.

Oh, really?

I've only got three episodes left and then it's over. And I've.

What are you gonna do with your life?

Well, I've. I've never watched a series in my entire life outside of watching break. That's not true. I watch Breaking Bad in 24. I watched Breaking Bad with youh and I watched 24.

I've never finished a series either. I.

This is the first series I've ever started.

And then I was like, oh, it's taking a real hard left. And I stopped.

We never finished 24. I never finished Breaking Bad.

I finished.

I started Games of Throne. I made it through one season. Did you finish Game of Thrones?

Oh, I started watching Game of Thrones.

And then I skipped to the very end and watched the last episode. And I was like, I'm fucking lost. How the hell did we get here? So that's happened, which was new for me to do the serious thing. You know, there were some times that. There were some times where I was like, I hope my wife falls asleep early. I wondered and you know what I wanted to do? Go out, have a cigar and watch Vikings.

I wondered.

I was like.

I started to catch on to it because I would be laying. I'd be laying there at 9:30 and I go upstairs and I like to have like a movie on in my room. And I like to like shop on my phone to turn my brain off. And I always know when you want to do that because you come in and you're like, well, babe, it's 9:30, so you look tired. I'm like, babe, I'm waiting for you. And you're like, no, you go to bed.

I'm like, you're so tired.

I'm literally. I'm waiting.

Sleep. And then I'll disappear for like two hours. But I decided it's not working out so well because it makes me a little too tired. So, like the 10:30, 10:15 is probably better than the midnight 12:30 watching Vikings.

Did you come. Were you watching Vikings last night?

Yeah, in bed in my cell phone.

Oh, I must have fallen asleep.

You were. You built a pillow wall between me and you.

Yeah.

You see how excited were you about the pillow wall?

I started watching a Netflix series.

Yeah, it's bad.

And it was funny.

No, it's dumb. All right, so here's, here's. Here's some interesting shit that's gone down with us. We have a lot of people in our life who are single. And you and I were having the conversation about the idea that the problem with single people is that a lot of single people, particularly older single people, divorced single people, or even people who are married, who think if they got divorced, magically, shit would be different, which is not true at all. But there is this challenge to having it all, which they face, speak about it. We're not gonna name any names, although there's lots of names we could put on this list that are close to us.

I just think that.

We were just talking about this as we were walking in a studio.

I just. I feel like in every relationship, even in my own, and I feel like it's funny because I'm young, but I always have to remind, like, how old are you? I have to. I am. I'm young.

You're Young. Say it. You just brag like, oh, I'm so young.

I am young. Say your age. I'm 37.

Turning 38.

When I'll be 38 next week.

By the time this show plays, you'll be 38.

So, anyways, congrats. But we got married when I was 20. We met when I was 18. So I've been with you for 20 years.

Wow.

When people. Yeah, exactly. So when people, like, look at me, I'm like, I've been married to the same man for 18 years, together for 20 years. You better believe I got some fucking reps in what it takes to build a good relationship. So I. And I know that inside of relationships, it. There's a level of submission that has to happen. There's a level of taking accountability that has to happen. Like, it doesn't matter who you're with. Like, you will repeat the same problems if you don't see them. Like, it's. It's. It's just.

And this is tough to see in yourself. It's always easy to see in other people. Right? So we watch inside the relationships. A lot of single people in our world who. In their 30s and 40s with a lot of single people. Friends. We like the single people friends. A lot of them are women who are friends with my wife, and they all have boyfriends. And we watch a relationship game go from chaotic to loving to exciting. They follow the same lines we've talked about with the five. Stage one, seduction. Oh, my God. Here she is, everyone. The person I look for my whole life. Stage two, all right, there might be some things off with this person. Stage three, I can't fucking be with this person. I need someone else.

And you know what happens is, it's like in the beginning, like, the little things and the little red flags, you literally.

You kind of see.

You cannot see.

Cannot see.

You can't see what? You don't know.

Can't see it. You know it. You just can't see it because part of your brain's omitting it. It's like there's a piece. You know, there's a piece in your brain that actually does this.

Why does it do that?

There's a piece of the brain want.

To accept it or you.

The brain can't. The brain can't consciously deal with it. It can't have that much sex vibe in the brain at the same time.

Reality, it just kicks it right out.

It's like, yeah, that's why everybody thinks you're sexy. At some point in the Sex game.

But, you know, we always, like, joke. I'm like, men are just thinking with their.

Their penises.

But girls do the same way.

Like men's penises, the old thing.

No, they. Girls are the same way. They're like, oh, he just loves me. And like, they. They're like Google eyes. They might not be thinking with their. They're thinking. They're thinking something.

Yeah, they're thinking craziness.

Okay, so they want what?

Tell us. Because we've been waiting our whole lives for what you're about to say.

Share with you exactly what I think.

There's a movie called what Women?

There is. But I'm going to tell you the number one secret what women want.

Okay, go.

They want a commitment. That's all they want. They want a committed person. They want a commitment.

Is that all they want, is just a commitment? What if you're a committed asshole?

That's not gonna work out. They wanna feel safe, secure and commitment.

Is that what you really wanna feel? Safe, secure and commitment. Is that the first thing he thought when he looked at me? That guy's stable.

It's not what I actually, that guy.

Exudes safety and confidence and predictability. I'm gonna hook myself up with that accountant.

No, I went with my gut and my heart and it told me.

Which said nothing about commitment. So look at that beat.

So, no, I did. I did look at you as committed because I was like, oh, this guy's seven years older. He's almost done with college. Like, he's got a together. Like, we have fun together. Like, I looked at. I did. I looked at you as like, somebody who, like, financially would take care of me. I was like, he's got his together. And I.

You could see that even when I took you to the Jacintos.

Well, and I shared this for the.

For the five dollar dinner and the fifty cent meal.

We were dating for. We dated for two years and we broke up so many times. And you kept pushing me away and kept pushing me away. And I was like, babe, like, I just want you to. I just want to feel safe and secure and feel like you're not pushing me away. Like, I'll marry you tomorrow. Like, you just got to show that you're committed. Like, for women. Like, if you show that you're truly committed, like, I'm. Like, I'm yours. Like, I want to pour my heart out to you. Like, I want to be vulnerable with you. I want to. Like, I want to give all of me to you. But we have to feel safe. And I think, I think my, My other number one rule is 1.A and 1.B is if you're married, if you're in a committed relationship, stop dancing on the fucking line. Don't put yourself in a situation that could go a direction that you, that you shouldn't be in.

If I am, if I am in a situation where I am hanging out with beautiful women and I am alone with beautiful women and it is a Friday night past 10pm If I'm doing this and I am a married man or I'm in a significant relationship, it's a bad idea.

Well, and not only that. When you were coaching women at one time, like one on one, that's when it was like, you're like, oh, I have a business meeting. But I'm like, you're going to dinner at night on a business meeting at 6pm but, but it's business, so it's okay. Right? But it's not okay. Like you're a man, you're a woman. If you're going to have a cocktail or whatever it is and you're having a business meeting, guess what? Like, like when you're drinking, things are going to get shared that's not going to be shared at a 2pm lunch date in an office, right? Like, don't put yourself in a stupid situation.

I used to put myself in stupid situations. I don't put myself at all in stupid situations.

That's good. I don't even.

I don't even. Except for surfing, where occasionally I find myself in a stupid situation. Caught inside.

I give off such a off vibe. Like even when I'm like running.

Have you ever put yourself in a, in a situation?

No, never. I don't even notice people.

Have you ever. Never. Your whole marriage with me, you never put yourself in a situation? I'm not saying anything happened in the situation. I'm just asking, have you ever been in a situation?

I honestly haven't never been in a situation.

You didn't know you were in a situation?

I was in a situation.

You for sure been in the situation. You just didn't know you were in the situation.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come across that way. Yeah, no, I'm actually like pretty. I'm like friendly, but I'm. No, I'm not even. I don't know if I'm friendly.

I kind of shut it down.

I do shut it down.

I didn't used to shut it down because I'm kind of a flirty person.

You're a flirty person. And you're very friendly. So you're always like, hey, how's it going? And so with women, if you're like friendly and flirty and they're in like a shitty spot in their relationship, they're like, attention. Thank you. Let's do this.

Bottom line, guys cannot put themselves in the shitty situation. Guys are bad at it. A guy, A guy had very, very few men have any discipline at all to put themselves in even a halfway sort of close to the boardwalk of shitty situation. I am one of them. Which means I don't do it. I just don't do it. Like, if I'm gonna text somebody's wife, like one of my guys wife about something because of in our programs, literally I will send it to the guy and say, hey, send this to your wife. You want her to get it? If you want her to get it, you know what it is?

I think it's respectful. Like I. Yeah, like, I think that's like a respect thing too. Like, I have men's numbers in my phone, but I'm not like, I don't. I, like, I don't text them. It's like, literally I would like text the wife and be like, hey, what? Even though I have the guy's number, I'm like, yeah, I don't care.

Okay, so we have two things going on here as we wrap up because it's a shorter show because we're doing this in between a live event that I'm running right now. And we had a few minutes to shoot this podcast for you. So this idea of commitment is number one idea. And the number two idea inside of today's conversation is the simple fact that men view their wives from the inside out, not from the outside in. Much more deep and committed are men emotionally to the relationship. Because we like to see things from what's beyond the rapper, where it appears that women only like to see what's going on on the outside of the rapper. Can't see through the anti ball crushers, can you? I mean, why would you feel by yourself If I had crushed balls, you know? Have you ever had any gratitude stacks about the Lulu?

I'm trying to tell if you're like just messing around or fucking around if there's a deeper.

No, there's no, there's no deeper message. The deeper message is I'm fucking around. I'm certain that, listen, everybody as a package matters, right? So you can be amazing on the inside, but if you're packaged like an asshole, you're going to be pursuing to Be an asshole. And he's a partner. Yes. Dressing up. Nice, good. But during the week, I work and we're comfortable. That's what I do.

Yeah. No, and that's fine.

I go Steve Job style.

And our relationship is much more. I'm turned on.

Other.

Like, I'm turned on just by who you are as a person. Not necessarily, like what you're wearing or.

Whatever, but you can see past the long eyebrow hairs.

Yeah, I can't.

I do trim those. I'm on it.

No, there's moments like, we have, like, where we connect on such a. Like, a spiritual level too, or we can, like, the kids can be chaotic in the kitchen, whatever, and we can look at each other and we're both like, hey. So I think that's like a cool. A cool space to be in when you're married. You know, like, you can still kind of have that spark and connection and chemistry.

Well, we're going to talk about rebirth, and I got a framework for us to talk about a funnel hiking live. That's going to be. That's going to be our presentation. We're a couple hours on stage in front of thousands of people.

Is that what they asked us to talk about?

Yeah, they asked to talk about rebirth and reinventing yourselves. Right. Because that's what a lot of people have had to do inside of COVID And we both did it individually as individuals. We did as a couple. We did it in our businesses. Had the most profitable years we've had ever. And also exploded in our lives in happiness, joy, and fulfillment amidst the time when everybody else was feeling compressed and stressed. So here's the deal. If you are wanting to know more about Wake Up Warrior and what we do here, check it out. Wakeup warriorchallenge.com Also, if you're unaware of what goes on with the five stage of relationship, you can check that out@dorceyourwife.com and if you'd like to get a bunch of pretty pictures of my wife and all the cool shit she does in the hair world, check her out on Instagram. Handle Danielle Kwhite. And if you'd like to know more about how men really operate, it's called we look on the inside while women are superficial and look on the outside. That's all I got for you. We got to jump into my life event. Have a fantastic week. We'll see you guys next week here on the date your wife podcast.