Surrender & Simplify | Date Your Wife | EP 087

Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to the Date youe White podcast. My name is Gary J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior, and I am here with the founder of DKW Styling and the creator of Natural Beaded Rose, the womany Bady Bidoo. And you're listening to the show. You're actually listening to it after we just finished up our BMS convention series with over 700 artists here in Huntington Beach. Even though we're recording this before that.

Show, it was amazing.

It was amazing. You nailed it in our minds. All right, so this event coming up, I mean, what is this like, as a woman to be in a place where you. You have companies are doing millions and millions and millions of dollars. Your doing millions. Your training companies are doing millions. Your new hairline comes out here in the spring. That's going to do millions. Like, literally help me understand what this feels like, huh? Go for it.

You know what? It feels good. But here's what I'll say. Like, there's. And I like it. I think Cullen actually gave me this parable. He's like, listen, like, don't. Because I had a hard time, like, letting go of my businesses and letting them fly and letting them grow. And he was like, saying, like, basically, like, don't underestimate the. He's like, without a spark or without the creation, like, none of this happens. And it's not like, just the spark. Like, you can literally, like, light a fire and have it spark, and then it can die easy. So I feel like I, like, kept the fire brewing for, like, a while until I was just like, this is exhausting. I need more oxygen here. Like, this is, like, this is a lot of work. And then it was like, when I started, like, this past year, like, kind of, like, letting go and letting it fly, it started to take off. But I kind of got over in other areas of my business because I think I stepped outside too much. So I lost the respect of, like, some of my artists and some of my team members and stuff because I was just, like, too far out. So for me, I'm like, okay. Because I always had this story in my head of, like, okay, like, you need to work, work, work, work, work, work, work really, really hard in order to create success. And then, like, stepping away, I saw a lot of success happening. But also I realized, like, I need to be in the mix and I need to just, like, balance out my time. Because being in the mix doesn't mean I go back to, like, Crazy Danielle, where I'm working all the Time and, like, can't let my baby go. Do you know what I mean? So it was like, for me, I'm like, okay, I. We blew up this year, and I also learned a ton about myself and put my time where it's the most valuable so that I can, like, keep my baby and keep the fire going and let the oxygen get in and, like, let it build and brew so it feels good and I'm good, but that's where I'm at.

Did you ever anticipate that you, as a woman and as wife, would end up building three brands that would do multiple, multiple seven figures every single year? Did you ever see yourself doing this? Like, was this, like, in your mind back in the day when we first got married, you were thinking, you know what? I'm gonna get to a point where.

I think when somebody starts a business, they don't really. They don't fathom it. Does that make sense? Like, it's like this gut instinct where you're like, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm, I'm. I think I'm an awesome person. Like, you know what I mean? You're like, yes, I think, I think I can do this. And it's just like you have this realization where you're like, I don't know where this is gonna go, but I just in my gut feel like this is. Something's gonna happen. But you don't have any business experience, so you literally can't even fathom this company, this company, like, this kind of money. You just, like, have enough courage and belief in yourself that you go.

Three weeks after we finish the BMS event, I have almost 1500 men at the Hyatt Manchester in San Diego, California for a warrior Con.

How does that feel?

It's very exciting. The biggest Warrior event we've ever done with guys in person.

Do you feel like you're kind of like, like, where are you going with Warrior? Like, do you feel like you're on this tipping point? Are you going to pump the brakes? Are you like, this is like, what?

No, we're going to unify the men in 2019. That's the goal. We're going to unify the men, meaning we're going to tighten up the game again. Warrior Week has, like, been our. Been our bread and butter staple. We just finished Warrior Week 54, which is 54 groups of 25 men have graduated from it. In 2019, we have 15 to 18 Warrior Week events happening. I've got seven full time trainers inside of that. Like, we have 36 full time team members. Wake Up Warrior. Like our online stuff and books and everything have exploded. We've done tens of thousands of sales of the Warrior book. We've had tens of thousands of copies of Be the Man, the book go out at the same time. And so there's been a lot of stuff that's happened. You know, it's interesting though, when I sit and look at where we're at, I feel like. I feel like we're actually in a place of cleanup. Yeah, cleanup. Which is kind of where we've been in your businesses too. It's just cleaning up and simplifying.

Yeah.

Like, it's like, it's like a cleanup.

It's not always more.

No. And it's getting rid of people who don't belong to be here anymore.

Yeah.

Which has been an interesting thing. We've cleaned house in the salon. We cleaned house inside of bms. We cleaned house inside of Wake Up Warrior. We've gone through a process of really cleaning house. I shut down two different companies that were very good. Actually three, which is crazy to be in a place. We have three businesses that are doing that were all successfully, had already profited a million dollar plus.

They're not worth the stress.

Yeah, they weren't worth the stress. So we just. We shut them down.

Because your time's more valuable.

Yeah. So I think the point here, we're sitting here is it's not like me and my wife tooting our horns about what we're creating or what we're doing, but it's like the understanding that as a couple, there's a certain. There's two principles inside the game of money. That took us a long time to remember. Like to not remember, to actually learn. Remembering would imply that I actually understood it, but I didn't fucking understand this at all. Which was this idea of being able to surrender and simplify. Right. Surrender and simplify. So Danielle's talked about surrender, but let's talk about this inside of the marriage relationship. Because you and I have gone back and forth with how we deal with money. There's been times I've made a bunch of money. And then you weren't making much. And then there's been times where you were making a bunch of money. I wasn't making much. And now we're both doing well. But the game is surrender. From the beginning. Like when you remember as like a newly married woman, I have to believe that you were in kind of a hey, my husband's gonna take care of us mode, which was like the Entire culture we were raised in, right?

Yeah. When we first got married, I did hair right out of the gate. And I had my own account. I remember. And you had your own account when.

We were first married.

Yeah, because I remember we didn't really think to do it any other way. We were both working, and we were both independent people. And so when we came together, we kind of kept it that way for a while. But you always paid the bills and took care of us. And I just kept stockpiling cash, and I was like, this is cool. I got lots of shopping money, and I could just, like, hang out. And for me, it created, like, a sense of safety. And I, Like, I always thought, like, in a relationship, and this is just how I was raised, is like, my mom would always say, you know, the husband pays the bills, and. And the wife, if she wants to contribute, can. But, like, I don't know. That was how I was raised. Like, my dad paid the bills, but my mom always worked too.

Well, my mom never. My mom worked her ass off raising kids, but my mom never. My mom had a couple jobs.

My mom didn't want the pressure to have to pay the bills. Like, she worked because she loved it, and she, like. But she started. But the thing is, she didn't pay the bills, but she paid for their lifestyle quite a bit. Like, my mom would pay for all the cars. Like, she. Anytime they wanted to redo vacations. Vacations. Anytime they wanted to do stuff in the home. Like, stuff that my dad. My dad's like a super. Just, like, chill, simple guy. Really good at what he does.

Super conservative.

Yeah. And my mom is less conservative.

She's a little more flamboyant.

She wanted. I think she wanted nice things in life, and so she didn't want. She married my dad, but she didn't necessarily want a simple or simple life. She wanted nice things. But my dad. I think my dad did well. But he was just. My. My mom would always be like, he's just cheap. Dave's just cheap. And I'm like, he makes good money. He's just super.

And he just had other priorities.

Yeah, he didn't care about the nice things. He was just like, I don't care. And my mom wanted all that. So that's like how they're like, he paid the food, the bills, the mortgage, and she paid for lifestyle, I would.

Say, and raise one of my family. My mom provided a couple times along the way, but with five kids. And my mom wanted to stay home. And that was kind of the agreement they had. As my mom stayed home, my dad worked his ass off doing a whole lot of different things over the years and it was just a different game. But all my sisters were raised under the same kind of thing my mom was, which was my sisters are supposed to stay home and take care of the kids. And now I have one of my sisters who just graduated from massage school and she's moving on. She just got married. She was married, divorced, got remarried again to another guy, nice guy. They came to our house for their honeymoon, which is fun, but she's doing a thing and she sees herself as a producer. And then you have my sister, my other sister, whose husband does a good job, but it doesn't make enough money to pay the bills. And she is irritated by this as part of the Warrior woman programs and a bunch of other things we've done. And she's lit her ass on fire and now like is wanting to be a producer. And then we have my oldest sister, Heather, who. She's doing the thing like my mom. And I think she's a crazy person for doing it because my sister's like a born producer. Do you think they. Do you think women are.

There's a mommy guild. No, there's this mommy guild.

Okay, talk about this.

They're like, well, how can I work and take time away from my kids if I'm not helping support my family to make you less crazy lady.

Yeah.

And who knows where it's going to take you? I think in a way, like, if you don't, if you feel like you want to, if you want to pursue those passions and those talents and whatever it is, like, it makes you a different and better person. You learn differently than you would be just being a mom. Like, I don't know. In my experience, and I can only speak for my experience, if I was just a stay at home mom, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Flat out.

No way. I think you'd be fucking insane.

I don't think I'd be insane.

No, I think you'd be crazy.

I think I'd be less outgoing.

I think you'd drink more.

I think I'm like a shy person. And I'm not like the type of person that's like, oh, I want to volunteer for every little mom's event.

And maybe you would if you didn't have anything to do.

Maybe I would have maybe like room.

Mom of the year.

Yeah, maybe I would have maybe every.

Room mom of the year. I know she doesn't have a full Time.

I think I would have been the.

Best gutter cupcake maker of all time. You for sure.

Yep.

You'd be one of our friends.

I don't know.

She is literally like. She's like. She is like amazing.

I will say that me going in.

Which is not a bad thing, by the way.

No, I know. I take that back. Maybe I could have been like the best young version of me as a mom, but with our relationship with me going into work, I have.

It's made it better.

It's made it better. And I feel like we both have, like, respect with one another as far as, like. Cause we both work and I don't know.

Well, I do know. I've noticed there's just a trend. There's two trends inside the conversation of money that are very different than when I grew up, which is. One trend is that women see themselves as a vital piece of the production game, which, interestingly enough, according to one of our lead coaches, Kevin Voisin, who shared a story about this, talking about back in the day, if you think back in the day, the economic engine of life was the home and the family were the employees. And men and women lived like they lived with their kids back before the industrial age, back in the agricultural age or agrarian age. Like, couples and families lived together. Grandma, grandpa lived there. And all the economics of the family was actually taken care of during family day to day experience. So, like, there was.

I have a really direct question right now.

Yes.

If I was just at home.

Yes.

And maybe I was the literally year school mom of the year, whatever. Do you think. Actually, I can't even ask this question because we have never been in that situation. But I was thinking, like, do you think that you would have looked at me the same or would you. I don't know, like, let me ask.

You a direct question.

Okay.

If I had a penis coming out of my forehead, could you look at me the same?

I realized that question was irrelevant because it's a situation you've never been in.

Oh, for sure. But I appreciate going there. I think. I think the question you're really asking is if I like, do you find me. Do you find our relationship works? Because I do both.

Yes.

Yes. And I would say it works better because we do both. Let me come back on my story. Can I come back on my story?

Yeah. I get ADD and I.

It was a great ADD question. It was a great cut in. So Kevin was sharing this, though, again. He's a big historian. Buff historian major, like, used to be a history teacher. So he studies everything history wise. So thank you Mr. Voisin, for sharing this. But the entire culture was that families worked together, right? Men and women both were producers. There was not a man was the producer, woman was the producer. For literally 5, 600 years, 800 years, families operated where the man and the woman were both responsible for the economic engine of the family and the kids too, and grandma and grandpa. And this is why families stayed together, because the home was the ATM machine, it was the producing engine. Then the industrial age comes and man separates and men go into warehouses and start working and they go to the industrial game, they start working, they start working on product lines and working for Ford Motor Company and the entire industrial complex changes. And there's this rift inside of the fabric of the way a home works. The men get sent off to war and the women have to support the jobs plus the children while the men are away at war during World War I, World War II. So this rises into an entire other game, which by the way, I talk about all this inside of Be the Man in the book, but I'm going to. It's all going to make sense in a second. So then World War I and World War II and the women are actually covering all the workforce plus raising the children while the men are at war. Then they come back into 1960s and 70s, the feminist movement begins rioting and they're looking for the women's suffrage and the ability for women to vote, which is fantastic. I agree. The women start looking, saying, hey, we're doing a lot of shit around here. We should probably be given permission to vote and do a lot of other cool stuff and be able to produce how we want and do what we want and have free nipples if we want, which is like a little free the nipple movement, I guess that happened last year. So this happens. But there's this crazy game that started occurring is this rift between men and women where women started to see themselves as capable of doing all of these things. But there was a message subtly put in there by feminists which was that women don't need men. And so men and women have been at this war front that's happening. But what I believe is trying to happen right now, and it's exemplified of what Danielle and I are doing, is that with the Internet and with the ability to go home based business and the opportunity to be able to two parties, to be able to actually contribute in a different way without going full time into an office every day, is that the economic engine and providing of revenue is actually Coming back in the home, which is men and women are both being looked at as equal, but not the same, but they're being looked at as equal opportunities to be able to contribute to the family. So this is a long way of saying that in less than about 150 years, it appears we're heading back. At least the universe is trying to bring this back into a place where men and women see each other as equal producers. And I think that has to do with the conversation of money and some. That doesn't mean if you're, if you're a stay at home mom and you're, you're managing the cast music, there's a.

Lot of pressure on like successful women. And like this, like, like you said, the feminist movement, where they've had to be like almost channel this masculine energy and like lost a little bit of their femininity.

Yeah.

And I think like, for me, when I had like tapped into that, I was like, I. I don't know that I want this much stress. So it's even like working as a team to create the same result. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, I don't want to do it without a partner. I don't want to do it without a man. Do you know what I mean? So. And I think that that's probably why it's circling back around is cause there's a lot of strong, powerful women, but they're like, I don't want to do it on my own. Like, I can. I am choosing not to.

Yeah, well. And I think there's a lot of men that are starting to rise at least inside the wake of warrior movement, to be okay with that. Like to be actually more than okay. To be empowered by it.

Yeah, I was gonna say. And like, there's times where too, I'm sure, I feel like this is kind of like you teach us in more here where like, you're like, you need to give your wife that respect and let her lead and take counsel from her. And it's kind of this like ebb and flow and back and forth. And instead, because like, in a lot of situations, if, if I don't respect you and you don't respect me, then this doesn't work.

There's a lot of guys that have a hard time with the idea of their wife working.

Is that a control thing?

For sure. It's also a story too, because guys get to a place where they're like, well, my wife's working. I think what it does too is it makes a Guy feel inadequate. And a lot of the stories is, well, she needs to work because you can't get it done. And you know what? In a lot of cases and millions of families.

But like, for you, like, it made. Like, I feel like it could make a guy rise more or.

Yes.

I don't know.

Well, in a lot of cases, too. Like, there's a lot. There's a lot of guys that are quite weak.

Is it threatening? Is it threatening?

For sure. To. A lot of guys is very weak, and they're weak men, and they. They get very threatened by their wife having any sort of power. So if she starts to make money, particularly if she makes more. We see this happen in our BMS programs with our natural beat to rail artists, where, like, we have artists who are making double or triple with their husband. Yeah.

But it does kind of fuck with the relationship.

It completely fucks with the relationship.

Like, where do you go? What do you do?

Well, that's why I think a lot of guys don't want their wives to make money, because it's easier to. If a woman controls sex and money, it leaves a guy in a very interesting place. The guy's got to be very confident.

Certain as a man, I make money, but you make more than me.

Well, my target is to make 10 times more than you all the time.

So is that what your goal was?

Yes.

Like, you were like, my wife can produce, but damn it if she out produces me.

Yeah.

So maybe do you have a story of feeling like if I was out producing you, would that be hard?

It's not happening, so.

Okay, but I'm just asking you to put yourself.

I'm telling you right now, it's not happening, so we don't have to worry about that.

Okay, so let me ask you this then. Do you hold my business back, which is also your business back, because you don't want it to outproduce anything that warrior does, even though it's not just my business anymore. Because you will always say, you know, tonight we've just talked about the salon, and we've just talked about bms. And I'm like, I got pissed last week, and I was like, motherfucker, they're not just my business.

Wasn't last weekend or two days ago.

But I was like, it was our businesses, so don't tell me that we sat here and talked about me the whole night. We talked about.

So why would you say that I'm sabotaging your businesses if they're our businesses?

That's what I was just Thinking I was wondering, would you ever allow.

But they're our businesses, so why would I sabotage my business?

Right. So would you allow me to.

Which are our business?

Hey, don't be. You feel uncomfortable. I know how you go. Don't do your evil laugh. Be honest. What, do you let BMS and DKW rise? Do you always make sure it's, like, below warrior?

Well, here's what I can do.

Like, if it had the opportunity to, like, the numbers came out and it was bigger. Yeah. Would you push it more?

Sure. Sure.

Okay.

But right now it can't, because they. Both of these companies feed off the systems that I learned inside of my other companies, and half my teams have to support those companies, even grow.

Just thinking about this. Would you ever, like, not allow it to surpass it if it had the opportunity to? Because in a way, you like that control.

For sure, I like the control.

So then every guy likes the control.

I don't hold you back from making money. I just always make ten times more. You can make as much as you want. You can be a biggest producer you want to be. I'm gonna make 10 times more.

That's the thing I realized, like, I.

Was like, even if I have to be your Jay Z to Beyonce game and I have to own the company, then I'm like, good. She's the star, and I made 10 times more.

I'm cool with that because I don't want this. I don't want to deal with the stress that you do deal with. Like, I deal with stress. I deal with shitload of stress, and I deal with stress a lot too, but the amount of stress that you deal with, I'm like, you deserve to make 10 times more than me because I'm not willing to take on that stress. So I'm cool with, like, that's fine. You. Yep. Keep. That's great.

So we've come to a principal. Literally, this is the advice when guys come to me and say, well, what should I do about my wife's business? I said, you should help her like crazy and help her build it. And then they said, okay, good. And I said, and here's your other thing. You have to make 10 times more than her. I literally. That's the principle I teach my top.

Producers, my mom's, that are, like, in.

Their program, and they're making 30,000amonth, and.

Their husbands are, like, 300,000amonth, and their husbands are, like, employees, like, don't even have the option to make.

Yes. It's a hard game. And if their girls are honest, it fucks with the dynamic of their relationship. I know there are a ton of very aggressive. We have a ton of Midwest, Midwestern women inside of our big money stylist programs. Married to good men, good old boys from the Midwest here in the United States of America. And these men are not making more than 40 to 60 to 70,000 a year. And their artists, their wives come to our programs and start making 25k a month.

Hairstylists and strippers.

Strippers and hairstylists on the crazy hot matrix, you remember from last show. So, like, listen, I'm just telling you, it creates issues, right? And so it takes a very strong man to be in a place where his wife makes more money than him. Because typically what ends up happening is you have a guy who will become more feminized. I'm not saying that's all the time, but I'm saying you will tend to watch every couple. I know.

If you have guys in your program, women's out producing and what advice do you give to them?

Become a better producer. Make more. I'm not kidding you.

Okay, but why?

Because literally, in the dynamic of the game, women control sex.

Okay? What if they're mention mentality, opportunity and jumping in with their wife and helping them produce sexuality?

Yes. And I encourage that. I encourage that.

I think that you saw that even in my business, I was just like, I don't. I don't want to carry this stress, this weight load, but you finally would, like, saw the potential of where even my business could go. And I think you finally took it on as, like, our business.

I did completely. I 100% agree. So there's a harmony in this when you allow. But there was times where you were rising and you were making money. And I was like, oh, man. And you know what? There was actually a phase too where you were rising making money. I was like, good. Hopefully she makes money and then she leaves me and finds a guy that's better.

Oh, such a victim.

Better than me. I was a victim. I agree with you.

Well, good thing you snapped out of that.

Good thing you snapped out of that.

Is that the end of our show?

It appears it is.

Okay, tune in every week.

Do you know what I do? You know, I had fun playing something on the last show. I'm gonna play something on this show. I'm gonna take all of my guys.

No, stop listening to Pearl.

James, stop. I'm gonna take all of my guys. I'm 42. I'm taking all my guys back to the day. To end today's show. Here it is. Hold on.

Well, no, you can't. If you play that, they'll take it down. Yes, you can't. They'll take it down. And that's a wrap.

Yes, my friends. You can't play music back in the day. I'm gonna sing it. This is gonna be a Garrett cover album. Here it comes.

I know the words.

Do you sing them with me? Here it comes. Here it comes. Here comes. You know it?

I think so. I don't know.

She said, have I got a little story for you. What you thought was your daddy? Nothing. But why? All right, we are wrapping this show up. A little Pearl Jam at the end there. A little sing along. Little stick sing along. Which brings us to an end of the date, your wife podcast. If you are not currently accessing the Warrior book, gentlemen, we'd encourage you to get over there, warriorbook.com, pick that up. We'd love to start teaching you on the warriors way. Also, be the man. Available on Amazon if you need to start there. As far as this show, it is a wrap. We will see you next week here on the BMS and not the BMS.

Also, go to DKWSigning.com it's my blog where I post a repeat of all of my podcasts. Plus fashion, hair, and all that good stuff.

The end. We'd like to thank our sponsors, Pearl Jam, for the song Alive. They didn't sponsor us in Chickfila for our drinks and our chicken sandwiches. The end. We will see you guys next week.