Surrender to What Is | Date Your Wife | EP 059

Hey, everybody, it's your boy, Garrett J. White, the founder of Wake Up Warrior and the co host of the Date your Wife podcast. I'm currently sitting here in Cabo huddled. I think I don't need the huddle.

Do we have to, like.

I don't know if we need to huddle.

I don't know.

I think. I think I'd huddle. Like, I'm gonna hold it like this and then I'll come deal with it. Anyways, we are. We're coming to live here. Well, you're gonna be listening to it, but we're doing this live in Los Cabos. But we have a different experience here because this podcast we were going to do in Los Cabos, but technically we were actually supposed to be landed in Orange county right now, picking up our vehicle and driving back to go see our children. But we are not doing either of those. We are here still in Los Cabos.

So are you sure that flight confirmed. Are you sure that flight confirmed?

100 confirmed. New one is confirmed. It is 100 confirmed in the email. So I'm gonna have Danielle run you down. What just happened?

Okay, well, first off, welcome to the Date youe Wife podcast. If you are new to our podcast, we are married. Been married for almost 16 years. Dated for a couple years, so together almost 18 years. Yep. Met Garrett when I was a wee lad. And we have two kids and another one on the way. Super excited about it. We've had our ups and downs in life and in marriage, but I feel like we've got some pretty good reps and experience at this point in the game, and we're doing pretty good. We're in a solid space in our relationships. So we try to share a lot of value in this podcast, whether it's with our relationship, whether it's with, you know, finances, kids, whatever it is. And honestly, this podcast was birthed because we rekindled or reconnected our relationship by dating again. Because we know when you get busy with young kids, it's hard to leave the kids with a sitter, especially if you're going out of town overnight. Young kids are just hard. So we started dating again and made it a priority when our marriage was not great, when our kids were little and kind of fought through some ups and downs. And now we're in a good space, and I'm super excited for our next child on the way because I feel like we're gonna go into this a little bit more relaxed. But back to the story. Can I get a drum roll or I Feel like I need to add some suspense. No. Drumroll.

What happened?

So for Valentine's Day, I bought. I got Garrett a trip to Cabo. Is that too close? I got Garrett a trip to Cabo. We love coming to Cabo from. You can fly straight out of Orange County Airport, which is where we live, to Cabo in, like, an hour and 45 minutes. It's super easy. Like, the airport. Both airports in the Cabo and Orange county are super chill. Like, it's just an easy trip. Like, it's a fun weekend getaway. The weather is, like, always nice. I mean, it's February and we're hitting 80 degrees, so it's just a fun, quick trip. I always joke around. I'm like, we just need to get a house here at this point. But one of our favorite hotels we like to stay at is the one and only, and that's where we're currently staying at. So, anyways, I'll let Garrett share more of the story, but we were flying home with Alaskan Airlines, which I can't say I'll book them again, not just because of what happened, but prior to this. Their customer service is not great from what I had experienced. Anyways, so we get to the airport again, no stress, easy airport. We get on the plane, we take off. We get, like, halfway home. And the pilot, all of a sudden, I look over, and we're, like, taking a pretty deep turn. And Garrett's like. Garrett likes to work when we're flying. He's got his headphones on. He's, like, dancing. He doesn't know what's going on. And I'm like, where. Where are we going? I was like, that's. This is. No, we're taking a deep U turn right here. And then the. The flight attendant. Not flight attendant. The captain gets on and is like, hey, everybody. Kind of sounded, like, peppy about it too. He's like, hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. Free cocktails forever. No, he didn't say that. He was like, hey, everybody. We can't get our cabin pressure to stabilize, so we're gonna go ahead and land back in Cabo. Sorry about that. We'll be landing shortly. Go ahead and buckle up and prepare for landing. Like, that's literally how he said it. And I like, I hate flying. Anti emotion sickness and any kind of U or up or down or turbulence, like, I feel. So anyways, I immediately kind of got, like, a mini panic attack, and I was like, oh, my God, this never happened to me. And Garrett's like, are you okay? I'm like, we have to land. He's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, no, we have to turn around and go back to Cabo. And I'm like a super chill person, but every now and again, I have my moments where I'm like, ah. Like, I kind of freak out for. For no reason. Not no reason, but I freak out a little bit. I had a reason, but I just immediately, you know, like, I'm a mom, two kids, pregnant. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, literally, like, did I live my life to the fullest? Like, what is. Like, what is the captain not telling us? Yes, I'll take that free cocktail.

Were you really. Were you really that nervous? Like, were you like, holy, this plane's going down. Did you. Did you have the thought?

Well, how calmly he said it. I was like, oh, no. Like, there's some, like, the cabins. I'm literally like, oh, my God. Like, we're losing. I could. I. It was probably in my head, but I was like, we're literally losing cabin pressure right now. I think my eyeballs are going in. Are my eyeballs going into my head? Like. Like, I'm like, my legs feel like they're getting sucked in. Is the cabin comprising.

Oh, Julie is crazy. I. I don't know technically what would happen, but if. If the plane did, like, lose cabin pressure at that tight. That's when the. That's when the oxygen masks come down.

Yeah.

And then he put the oxygen masks on so we didn't have to do oxygen masks. That was good. So here was the. Here was the deal, though. So we're. We're sitting here in Cabo, but, like, as we get off the plane, like, everyone's in this kind of place of, like, what the fuck, right? Because, I mean, you've got half the plane.

Look, they were thinking, what's so funny is I'm, like, panicking, thinking. And I'm texting my daughter. She's like, do not get on that airplane. I'm like, oh, honey, I am not getting on this airplane. And it's so funny because I'm feeling like people are like, oh, that's cool. Are they just gonna, like, throw a new engine on? When do we get this up and going? And I'm thinking, oh, my God. Like, really? So I'm immediately like, no, we're gonna get a hotel. We gotta. I'm like, already on my phone, we're in the Runway. I'm, like, looking at hotels and flights and rebooking, and I'm like, These guys are. They're going to go sit in a really long line and wait for Alaska to comp. Comp them for everything. And then they're going to be pissed and nothing's going to happen. And they're going to take 17 planes to get home. And I was like, oh, hell no. So I just kind of, like, surrendered to what is. And I'm like, hey, I'm happy we're safe. And I literally got on my phone, called the one and only. I'm like, hey, we just were there. Do you have an extra room? They're like, yep. I'm like, can you send a car right now? They're like, yep. I'm like, cool. So before we even pulled into the gate, a car was already headed to get us. And then I'm like, garrett, get on your phone right now. And I go to, like, Travelocity or hotels, and I search every airline. I'm like, see what flights are direct today, tomorrow, like, the next day, what options are. So then, like, we can't find anything. Finally, we get in the car. We. We do find a flight, but it's not for a couple days. But I'm like, garrett, keep sharing about the story.

So there's no flights on Monday, and there's only a flat on Tuesday. I have a full day of tomorrow meetings in office, and Danielle's got a full day of hair on Tuesday in the salon, and then she flies out to Hawaii on Wednesday with the kids, and I fly to Tennessee for funnel hacking live. And there's like, there's just a lot of stuff that's going on in this short period of time, but I'm sitting at this, like. And I'm having this experience about myself, watching how everyone else is reacting, realizing that that is how I used to react all the time, too.

Oh, I submitted real quick.

Like, I. I, like, I was just.

Sitting there kind of like, I expected nothing for free. And I submitted real quick. I was like. And it was so funny. As I'm calling the hotel, I get a text from Alaska, and they're like, we're sorry, your flight was not up to par. Please click here for a discounted voucher. And I was like, what?

Yeah, I got, like, a discounted voucher on my flight that already didn't go through. The bummer I had, was it. I mean, there was only, like, four seats in first class. We were in one of them, and I was excited for the turkey burger.

That's so gross.

Well, I'm still. We made no lunch. If you Realize on this vacation we continue not eat lunch, we just end up at dinner.

You don't usually. We've been eating like huge breakfasts. Like, you guys know how it is. Like you go on vacation and you're like, yes, I'll take the pancakes, the bacon, the oatmeal, the sausage, and yes, I'll have a side of whatever that lady's having. That's great.

Here's the visa. I'm gonna get to an actual principle about why even of this matters. I'm sitting there and I'm watching these people freak out, and I'm watching women start getting super panicky. I'm watching men getting angry and irritated and they're all storming up this escalator up to the Alaskan check in desk to be the first ones to yell at the poor girl at the counter to get them rebooked and reinitiated and move them all around. And I realize that it's like everyone's got schedules and shit's going sideways for everyone, but I'm looking at that. I'm remembering how I spent most of my entire life freaking out about that I couldn't control, like literally things I cannot control. I still do this. I'm not saying that I don't do this. I say that I do this significantly less than I've ever done it before. I spent a vast majority of my life being angry about shit I couldn't control and trying to force things to be different than they actually were. Byron, Katie calls this arguing with reality. So, like you can look at the reality and reality is what it is. My surf coach, when I first started surfing here almost two years ago, I went out and we paddled out one on one of the first few sessions we had. And the, the waves were not big, but they were pitching on the beach and they're short break waves and they're pitching pretty hard and they're about like, you know, four foot waves. And a shore break wave that's pitching hard at 4ft is very powerful and knock you out. And I'm trying to fight these waves and I'm not, I don't understand anything about sets, nothing. So I'm just like paddling my ass off, getting destroyed. And I finally, I paddle out to the break where we can catch these waves. And he looks at me, he's laughing, he's like, let me share something with you real quick here in your first week of surfing. I said, what's that? His name's Coach Mo. And Mo looks at me and he says, Listen, you're gonna find out real quickly. The ocean always wins. He's like, you cannot control the ocean. You cannot control the water. You cannot out muscle or hustle the waves. Nothing. The only thing you can do is deal with whatever the ocean is giving you. So here's some tips. When the waves are coming in like this, don't paddle out. Just sit and relax, wait for the set to die, and then paddle out in between. And I was like, what? So that first week I'm getting this lesson, well, that was. I operated most of my life trying to force things. And this situation at the Cabo airport would have been something a number of years ago, I would have lost my mind over. And I would have snapped into this button of entitlement and victimhood and anger and frustration. And I would have yelled at the steward and yelled at the pilot and yelled at the people helping us. I would have been the first ones in line. I would have probably made some shit up about some dramatic thing I'm missing and how they need to owe me X, Y, and Z, and I need a free gift card to Subway. And yet I was sitting there, I was like, well, there's nothing I can fucking. Okay, you're hitting on the exact point. Go after it. Let's go.

Well, I just think it's interesting because it makes me wonder, like, what other areas are you stressing in your life that is out of your control? And it's interesting, too. And I don't know if you experience this, Garrett, but, like, there's times in our life where, like, things, like, fall into. Into place so magically. You know what I mean? And I'm like, let's not fight the universe. As cheesy as that sounds, it's like some things are out of our control, and you can't. If you fight it, it's just going to make the whole experience worse. And so you have to, like, just submit quickly and be like, okay. And then flip it and just be like, well, hey, we're back in Cabo. We're one and only. We get to spend two days together. What can we uncover in this two days that we now have? And, yeah, I miss my kids. I was excited to see my kids, but I also know, like, as soon as I get home, I'm taking my kids. It's just me and my two girls, and Garrett's doing a business trip. I'm going to be with them for a week straight in Hawaii. So I know I'm going to, like, be able to spend that quality time with them. But it's just. It's just crazy because sometimes we cause a lot of unneeded stress. And women, if you're listening to the show, you might want to ask yourself. And I get this way too, like, with my kids, and, like, they're yelling, and I'm yelling, and then the other one's yelling, and then all of a sudden, the whole family's fucking pissed. And it's. You're like, wow, I started this. You know? And so it's not just you that you're affecting by feeling mad or entitled or whatever. And it's. It's almost like you have to change your state and change. And the more you learn how to change your state, the quicker you can do it. So you can be in a situation where you're like. And you can be like, well, it is what it is. And what direction. What am I supposed to learn? Or what direction am I supposed to go at? And. And if you look at it from that perspective, so many things open up because of your attitude.

Hard to deal with that attitude, though. This is not something simple. This is not something easy. There are fewer somewhere today. I just happen to be on point. There are plenty of times in the past six months I've not been on point. Like, if you take the Cabo airport situation and you look at our marriage, I spent. We dated for two years. We'll be married for 16 years. Coming this August, we're gonna have our third child together. I have four children. My son Parker, who's almost 20. Bailey, who's told. Bailey, who's 12. Ruby, who's almost 8. And then Isla, which will be born this summer, will obviously be a newborn. Right now, she's like, four months, and she's the size of a. What is she the size of?

She's a sweet potato.

Sweet potato. And if you look at most of my marriage with Danielle, up until probably the last three to four years, I constantly tried to force shit with us. Forced connection for sexual intimacy. She's already joking and laughing.

I don't know why I have to share this story, but Garrett went through this phase of what I'm going to call soul searching.

Yes.

And I'm like, God, he's too young to be going through, like, a midlife crisis, because this was a while back. I mean, it's like. This is like 7, 6. Six years ago or whatever. And I remember he would like, I don't even know what you went to. I don't know what you went to. But there was this one event that you went to. And I'm like, kind of. We were a little disconnected at the time and I'm thinking like, like anything you would do would like, get on my nerves. And we were trying to reconnect, but, like, we were just in a place that it was just ugly. And I remember there's one situation where you went to this event, you came back, you grabbed my shoulders and you looked at me and I, you. I'm like, what are you doing? And I'm like thinking like, I have 75 things to do right now. I have a kid in preschool. I've got to go pack a lunch. I've got. I have like my checklist of what I need to do. And you're like having a stare off with me and you're literally like. I'm like, ah. I got like nervous and annoyed and I was like, yep, we're screwed. But I just remember you, like looked into my eyes and you're like, we need to connect. And I was like, I don't. I wasn't at the same seminar. So this is really fucking weird. You know that, right? I think I said. I mean, I may have said it like, nicer, but I was like. I almost got like, irritated. I was like, this is not how you fucking connect. And I think I just walked away and I did my thing. But I just. That was a weird. Those were a weird couple years.

I had no idea how. Like, there was an example of me trying to force it, right? Like at the event I was at, you would stand with another person, you would look them in the eyes and man, another man, another woman, et cetera. You'd look them in the eyes and, oh, you know what I just realized? I. I threw the gel away. The hair gel.

That's what you're thinking of right now.

No, I was looking in the reflection in the glass here on the deck of this, the hotel, and I'm like, oh, I forgot my. I threw away the hair. I forgot hair product on this trip. So I borrowed. I bought some hair gel here at the hotel, but then I didn't. Wasn't ever going to use it, so I left it here. No, I'm coming back to it. So I'm trying to force the connection with Danielle based on what I'd experienced at this event. She's not hearing it at all, right? Not at all sexually. I was trying to force things too. I would buy sex toys. I would do all these things, thinking if I just. If I could just get the magical combination of the right, you know, Rabbit or something, that somehow my. The sexual energy we weren't experiencing would actually become normal. But it wasn't. It wasn't. You know, I look at my daughter right now. My daughter's 12 years old. Like, she is a. She's a handful. Like, I don't even know how to say any other way. She is a complete and utter handful.

I, like, love her to pieces. Like, literally, I connect with her so deeply. But she is the hardest kid. And it's not like, you know, they say, oh, when kids get to teenagers or whatever. Like, she's been hard. She was actually an extremely easy baby. I will say that, like, the cutest, easiest baby. But I would say from, like, 2 years old till 12. So the last 10 years, she is very much like Garrett. She's very hot and cold. But then she's a girl, so she carries all these emotions, and, like, then she has a lot of, like, stubbornness and anxiety from me. And so she is, like, so powerful, but, like, so hard for me. But she's like. I mean, I connect with her quite a bit. I just don't. I'm always like, how can I help you?

I, like, who struggle forever as her father, because I didn't know how to not force things. So I would, like, she would get angry, then I would get more angry. She would get it. She would get aggressive. So then I would get more aggressive.

To, like, fail to figure things out. And that's hard as a parent. Like, literally, you're like, oh, my God. Like, she's so committed and so stubborn. But when you're 10, 12, 5, 6, you don't know what's right and what's wrong. And so she's like, the child that has to figure out things through experience. And I'm like, I just have to hang on and hope, like, just kind of guide her the best I can. But I. I've, like, realized, like, that's how she learns. And as, like, scary as that is, I'm like, okay, here we go. Hang on.

So we're in Cabo, and we're learning you can't force the game. And, like, you know what's funny is I'm sitting here thinking about this. Like, we were having a lot of really good conversations about business. The last two days, we've been fighting a little bit. Two days ago, not really fight, but I was arguing. And then this morning, it was less arguing. I was going through a midlife crisis this morning.

It's so funny, though, because, like, we'll fight, and then, like, I Just get to this place where I'm like, I can't win. And I've learned a long time ago, like, patience is key with you. And I. I mean, I. I think I'm a pretty patient person. And so I. I mean, I might, like, snap every now and again, but for the most part, I'm pretty chill and I'm pretty patient. And so I get to this place where I'm like, it's. You're a lot like Bailey. Like, I. Like, I can literally, like, share ideas and business strategies with you and whatever. And I'm like, he's getting. Getting more. Fired up the more I'm trying to tell him this. He has to figure it out on his own.

He.

He just has. He's a doer, and he has to figure it out on his own. So as much as I, like, try to share things with you, like, I'm. It's so hard for me. I'm like, okay. And then it's funny, like, the next day, you come to me, and you're like. It's like, you have a come to Jesus moment. You're like, you know what I think? Yeah. And you're like, I think I'm working so hard, and things are not working and this and that. And I'm like, oh, my God. I feel like this is what I was trying to tell you yesterday, but all you heard was, what did you say? When? I was like. You were like, what do you want out of your business? And I was like, I don't feel guilty about this, but I want to make a ton of money. I was like. Because I know in making a ton of money, that you impact more people. And ultimately, the goal is to impact more people, but you can't do that by playing small at some level. And I 100%, like, stand behind my products and what I deliver. So I just flat out look at Gary. That's what triggered an argument. He's like, what do you want? Because we were trying to come up with a strategy for this event we have going on, and I was like, I want to make a ton of money. What do you want? And he's like, oh, you're just going to rape the marketplace.

And I've had to, like. So, like, here's the hard thing. The hardest thing is being if you look at how marriage is, marriage is like. Marriage is crazy because you have two individuals who are evolving human beings who. Who are challenging the way they think, challenging the way they believe, challenging the way they conceive marriage themselves. Parenting, money, Business, kids, their bodies, sexuality, communication, God, purpose, all these things. All these things are constantly moving. And they're not, they're not static, they're dynamic. They're not like a piece of concrete. Literally, they're like play doh. And they're constantly changing. So you have me, who's constantly evolving and changing. We have Danielle, who's constantly evolving and changing. We have our children that are constantly evolving and changing. And then we're together in this thing called family. And yet we want things to constantly evolve and change because we demand variety in our lives. Yet on the flip side, we get completely pissed off about the fact that things are constantly evolving and changing. And it's hard because if you're thinking about this, if you're growing as a husband, if you're growing as a man, right? Fuck being a husband and man. For a second you just come back and say, if I'm growing as a man, then the man I am today is not the same man I'll be 90 days from now. Like if I'm doing the warriors way work, I'm stacking every day, I'm doing my core form, hitting my generals 10, I'm pushing the envelope of challenge based lifestyle. I'm hitting my doors, I'm hitting my keys. You have no idea what that is. Check it out@warriorbook.com. if you're a man, it may be something you'd be interested in. If I'm playing the game, then this means I'm actually not the same guy every challenge. I mean, two years ago we came to Cabo, not to this hotel, to a different hotel, and our entire lives changed forever.

I think it's funny too, because what's cool, like when you level up in life and you'll go back to a hotel or a restaurant that you had like your first time experience where you have this moment, you're like, we made it, we did it. And it's a cool space to be in, to go back to that same place, that same plane ride, that same hotel, that same experience, and be like, huh, this isn't as good as I remember. And it's not that it changed, it's that you changed. And so it's, it's cool to recognize that and be like, okay, what's next?

There's something that's going to change here. I can feel it. I can feel there's something that we needed to settle into. And I needed to settle into. I should say. I, I think that, I think there's some things that I'm Settling into with some ideas that I started pushing questions on this morning, and I swear to God, the universe delivered the answer. I know that's weird that an entire plane of a hundred plus people would be turned around so that I could have my experience. But that's, I'm rolling with it. I'm rolling with it.

I just feel like with what's interesting with you, and I'm not saying, oh, I'm always right, but there's, there's times that I like, see something and feel something and I'll look at you and I feel like, I'm like, okay, like, we can do this. We got this. Whether it's in business relationship, whatever it is, I'm like, this is the direction we're going. And you kind of kick and fight me. And I have recognized that with you. And so as much as it is, I think women are there to push their husbands. They're there to be like, hey, you can do more. You can, you can make it do whatever you want. And it's not like we're trying to put the pressure on, but it's like, but we see, see this greatness. And it's like we want to have opinions, but at the same time, it's more than just opinions. It's just like we see the greatness and where things can go as like a unit, as a family, whatever it is. And so there takes women. I'll just tell you right now, like, be patient, like, always support your husband and he'll do the same thing back. But in having patience, it's cool to see things unfold and be like, ah, see, I saw this. I knew it would happen. And with patience and hard work, it's cool to see that we're there.

So we're here, we're here.

I don't know if that has anything to do with us being back in Cabo, but.

No, it has tons to do with it. Like, listen, two years ago we were here in Cabo and we were about to make a decision. We had already put money down. We were buying a home in where we currently live. And it was the biggest house. It was the biggest financial investment as a couple we had ever made in a home before. It just was. And you live it. When you're in super jumbo financing and the amount of down payment with 20, 30% down on a house, when you're dealing up in the range of, you know, eight to $10 million, you know, you're just in a place where it is a very different commitment for us. And we had not made a commitment to a home like that. We. We actually hadn't even been in our own home and ownership for previous, like, probably eight, nine years. We had just been leasing after things had fallen apart in 2008, heading into 2009. And we didn't. We didn't own a home. We just leased homes from that time almost a decade. And so March of 2017, we moved into our current home that we're in right now. And my wife was fighting for us to get there. And I actually panicked. Like, I completely and utterly panicked. I was sitting. We came to cabo, I put $150,000 earnest money, non refundable deposit down in the house, which may sound like a lot, but for the amount the house was, it wasn't that much. Even though that was more than like our first house was. But we put the. Put this down and I remember I was ready to walk away. Like, I was so angry. And I was angry at Danielle and I was angry at myself and I was angry. Just the pressure of what I was feeling to grow and the pressure to expand, like, there was just so much goddamn pressure going on in my mind and my heart. And the pressure that I was facing was the pressure to grow and the pressure to expand. And moving into the home that we moved into was not about moving into the home. It was about a change in our own story. Like, I look at the last two years, it was literally February this time last year, two years ago, 2017, we were at the Pedra Hotel in San Luis or in Los Cabos, and I was walking up and down the beach at midnight, like, panicking over just life and panicking about what we were doing and panicking about, can I pull this off? Can I keep pushing this hard? Can I keep doing this? And now I look back at that decision, it's almost comical to me. It's almost laughable that I was even stressed. And yet our businesses and our lives have gone 10x in the last 24 months. My wife's like, talking to our daughter right now, saying goodnight to her and are saying hello. And I feel like we're here at again. Like, I feel like I'm at this crossroads here at Cabo, you know what? And I swear, like, some shit's about to really change for us again.

I feel like day one, when we got here, like, I. It's so funny because Garrett works a ton. I work kind of a ton. But when I look at how much I work compared to Garrett, I'm like, well, I work very Little. And so it's interesting, like, whenever we take vacations, I know Garrett has a lot of pint of energy and he has a hard time relaxing, especially, like beach vacations. And so. And I. I'm like, chill. I'm like, yeah, I could sit here, read a magazine, scroll through my phone, listen to a book, like, whatever. Like, I'm chill. And it's funny because I was thinking when we were coming here, I'm like, okay, we'll definitely get some business planning in, like, if I put that. And then, like, day one was. Was I was trying to business plan, which ended up in a little bit of a fight. And then day, we're only heat. We were only here two nights. And then day two was you, like, I don't know, having a come to Jesus moment. So what? Who knows what day three brings?

I swear it's not happened on purpose.

Maybe. Maybe it's happened on purpose, maybe it didn't. But either way, you can't fight what is. And so you might as well enjoy where you're at and see what opens up while being in that space.

Just my final thoughts for today's show. Right? There's all kinds of shit that's going on around you. I'm gonna speak this to the guys. There's all kinds of stuff that's going on around you, particularly inside a marriage that you have little to no influence over. Like, you're not going to change the. The characteristics of your wife. Like, that's not possible. And there's a lot of characteristics you probably think she should change. What I've come to find is that often all the stuff that I wanted Danielle to change was actually becoming what's the stuff that's been there. Our greatest asset, like her greatest strengths have been the things that drive me fucking nuts. And at the same time, now I'm learning more and more and more. Even after this weekend, being here, where she still triggers the out of me and we get in arguments and I get fired up and I can't even breathe and think straight because I'm so angry. And then I always want to go back to my game, which, like, fine, I'm burning all the ground.

I think I get you to question things. I think, like, I get to this place where I'm like, I'm not gonna win. Like, he'll figure it out on his own. And. And it's so funny because usually it I think my job and not my job. And maybe this is like, a lot of women feel this way. Our job is to Question because it gets the guy thinking of a different direction or different possibilities. And even if you hold strong, because there's been times we get in arguments where you come back and you're like, no, but it reconfirms whatever decision you've made in business and life, whatever it is. It like, reconfirms it. But simply by posing a question of like, hey, could we do it different? I think it helps keep things on track where they're supposed to. To be. Does that make sense?

100% it does. Like, I swear there's some moves, but I'm going to make them business that are going to come unfold between tonight and tomorrow. And by the time we get back on Tuesday, like, I'm going to make some more major moves. I can just sense it. There's some ideas already floating around in my mind that aren't going to come into fruition. They're not going to become concrete for me. And what I can clearly see until we needed more time. If I'd gotten back, if we'd gotten back on the plane and we got home tonight, we. We would already be back with our kids. I didn't have enough clarity. I'd have slipped right back into the thing. And this morning I was on. Literally, I felt like I was in like a bunch of midlife crisis questions again about my life. I was like, what the am I doing?

Read that book zero zero fucks given or whatever.

Subtle Art of Not Giving a.

And he looks at me and I didn't know if this was a compliment. And he goes, how do you do it? Like, how do you do it? And I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, like, how do you think the way you do? Like, you seem like you don't give a. A lot. And I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, okay. I'm like, here's the thing. I just know, like, I'm a giving person, but I find a lot of joy in giving. And for me, it's like I even. Giving becomes something that is, like, for me as well. And it's funny. I'm like, there's. There's too little time to, like, care about little. And I just think I get over things quicker. I'm like, ah, whatever. Like, I definitely care what people think. I definitely care. I. I overthink things a lot. But I quickly get to this place because I think I'm so in my head that I'm like, there's nothing you can do. And I just kind of like Let it go. And I'm like, I don't want to say I don't give a shit, but I'm just like, I surrender to it. I'm like, there's nothing you can do. Whatever. And I don't know if that's, like, a certain type of person or. But Garrett is like. Garrett's just very giving, and it's such a strength. But it gets to this point where I'm like, you're giving so much that you're losing yourself. And so I feel like I'm always that person that's like, hey, hey. Like, I get like, you can sacrifice yourself, but you're not going to sacrifice, like, your family. You're not going to sacrifice time with me, because then this relationship's not going to work. And in doing so, you're actually going to help yourself. And I always think back to, like, you know, again, on an airplane, when the oxygen mass drops down, first, you help yourself before helping your children, because if you don't help yourself, you can't help anybody. And so if you can apply that to all life, like, there's a lot of truth in that. Like, if you burn yourself to the ground, you ultimately can't help other people. And if you're a giver and you give too much. I have a lot of friends that are givers, and I'm like, you. I know this is going to sound crazy, but you need to. You need to be a taker. And there's so much guilt, and they're like, I can't do it. And I'm like, I know, but you're running yourself into the ground, so ultimately you can't give anymore.

The show has gone a lot of different directions.

I know.

I think it's been. No, I think it's really, really good. So, listen, you're gonna get. I'm practicing letting go.

I.

You. You guys.

You know what, though? I felt like I shared this on some other podcasts, though. Like, there's. I don't know if there's a right way to do it, but there's a lot of power in letting go. And even for me, I. I'm sure for everybody. Like, you let go, and you can live life more to the fullest. And so it's like, you don't want to completely disconnect, connect, but there's a difference between disconnecting and letting go. And some people let go and then they disconnect. And I'm like, no, no, still. You're still there, but you've got to Let go of the forcing of whatever you're trying to do.

I can feel it. I can feel it in me. There's some coming next. 24 to 48 hours, huh? Very, very interesting. We're going to wrap up the show out of here. We're heading to dinner. We're in Cabo for a third night, unplanned, and we're going to go have some tacos. So you guys have a great trip.

I was like, I planned nothing. I don't know why, but I was like, I plan nothing. We'll see where this goes.

Well, now we know where it went. Two more nights in the Cabo at the one and only my friends talk out for you. We're done with this podcast. We're done with this show. For more details on all things we're up to, you can head to dateyourwifenow.com where you can pick up all the show notes, videos, etc, except for this one. There's no video. Or you can edit DKW styling.com where you can find everything Danielle's up to in the hair world. Her new hairline called Isla Hair, the Things Inside, a Big money stylist, and everything she's up to at Styling Salon and her blog posts that are happening there every single day.

I post, I post all. Most of our, most of our podcasts are videos. So if you want to see us live, you can go to DKW styling.com to see that. But then if you love hair, fashion, all that, you might like that as well. And if you want strictly the podcast, download it on itunes or just go to dateyourwife now dot com.

That's all we got for you. We're out. This is Gary White, your co host, here with Danielle K. White. We're about to head to eat some tacos. We'll talk to you guys next week.