The Certainty of Collision| Date Your Wife | EP 094

There we go. All right, my friends. All right, my friends. Welcome to date you wife, the podcast. I'm looking at the wrong camera. There's the camera. Welcome to the Date wife podcast. It is the first time we're coming live from our home studio.

I know, because, you know, home studio.

We have a home studio now here at the Date wife podcast. Not just a regular studio with the cool black and blue.

It's because, like, I wanted it to.

Feel more authentic because it's in our bedroom. No, actually, welcome to our bedroom here on date your life, the podcast.

We video many things.

We video many things in the bedroom for. No, we don't actually. We've never done any videos in the bedroom. Would you ever do a video in the bedroom of you and I in the bedroom partaking in the committed marital bond?

I'd have to be pretty drunk. Like, I wouldn't just be like, hey, babe, let's turn on the video.

You're sober. You would not do the. You would not do the video in the bedroom sober?

I would not do a video.

You wouldn't do it this?

No.

But would you do that? You would do this? With how much alcohol would you do this? You know, you're pregnant now. You can't have the alcohol. No. How much alcohol would be required in order for the video to come out?

Quite a few shots. Okay, so just enough shots where I could barely push the on button.

Oh, I love it. Okay, so anyways, we. We are here in episode number 50 bajillion. No, it's like 50, 56, or 57. Date your wife podcast for those that are live stream. Actually watching us right here on my fan page at Wake up Warrior. If you've not partaken in the date your wife podcast, you can check that out on itunes. Google Play.

Why do we do the date your wife podcast?

We do the date your wife podcast because it's great therapy for us.

Fucking lame.

That's number one. Number two, we're doing our blood cars. We're doing some therapy on here. No, the actual reason we did the podcast is because we started getting out in the conversation with the warriors way. If you're not familiar with the wake Up Warrior movie, you can check that out@warriorbook.com but inside of it, one of the conversations didn't exist from 2012 until 2018 was the conversation of this beautiful woman here to my side. My wife, my partner in crime, in business, and in life. Her voice wasn't heard very much in it. So I came to her and I Said, let's do a podcast. But instead of doing one podcast, we launched four podcasts in 2018.

Garrett likes to do things small. He's like.

He's.

He doesn't do things in excess at all.

Do you know that I. I actually drank too much green smoothie, and I started getting kidneys.

Literally, like, everything to extreme, like, to the point where I'm like, I think that's too much goddamn spinach. Like, your skin's changing colors.

Oh, it was too much. It wasn't changing colors, but I was getting problems in my kidneys. I started getting pains, and I'm sitting in my doctor, and I was like, I'm getting pains in my kidneys. He goes, well, tell me about this and tell me about this. And the next thing he says, do you happen to be eating a lot of spinach?

Okay, but just to give you guys a normal idea, like, most people, like, it's like a handful of spinach, like a couple bananas, some berries. Garrett has, like, you know how they come in boxes? Garrett has the full. A full salad. He dumps a full salad in. What is our.

It's a Vitamix. Vitamix blender.

I mean, that thing. He's. He's pounding the spinach down in a Vitamix. Like, I'm like. I'm just looking at it. Like, I mean, you're just gonna shit your pants.

But you know what? It felt good. Like, I had not been an act. I've been a pretty good shitter. But then I. I did the green sm. You're full of shit. I was full of shit. Literally. I found this out, and then I started doing the green smoothie. But I went with the same strategy.

Which is a direction where you, like. I mean, that seems painful.

It did. I think it. I think it got rough. It got rough for a period of time, and then, like, obviously, I stopped. So I went to the. Anyways, fuck the green smoothies. We're not talking about those anymore. Welcome to Date UI podcast. We're here on this show to talk about the warriors way, but specifically inside how that plays out in four conversations. Week one is about sexual. Week two is about the idea of money and business. Where we're going to be today. Week three is about children and parenting, and week four is about communication. So today is. We've already talked about sex. I got her pregnant.

We've been talking about kids and sex. So let's.

Kids and sex are over. You've got one in you. So let's get an update, though. Talk to me about how you're feeling with this amazing baby in your bedroom.

I feel chubby.

And is this hard as a woman when you're getting pregnant to feel that way?

It's funny. Funny because, like, you'll kind of forget, and then, like, you'll be getting dressed and you'll look in front of the mirror and you're like, sweet Jesus, whose ass is that?

You know what? I like your ass when you're pregnant. I like your breasts when you're pregnant, too.

Oh, God.

But you don't like your ass when you're pregnant.

Just everything gets all sorts of soft.

I don't think it gets as soft as you think it does. I think it just gets, like, nice size, like, beyond handfuls.

I mean, I can't think, but I like this.

I'm okay with this.

Is my ass pregnant or is. What. Where am I showing more?

Is my ass pregnant?

I don't know. It's okay.

So anyway, result is worth it. Yes, you're due. You're having a baby, but you're due. When are you due?

End of July.

End of July. Why do people say we are having a baby? Because it's nothing I've done. I participated for a glorious, like, 10 minutes. And then you're pregnant.

Well, I know. I mean, you're not growing the baby, but it's our baby, so.

But we are not having a baby. You are having a baby. I am watching you have a baby and trying not to pass out.

But maybe we should say we are having a baby. Having a child. Together, we're gonna raise a child.

I made a baby for 10 minutes. I participated, and my wife did all the rest of the work.

10 minutes is.

10 minutes is generous.

I actually.

We should back that down to four minutes.

I actually think I know the exact moment it happened.

When was it?

Swear to God.

When was it?

I literally, like, as a woman, I think you kind of know you're.

You're okay. Where were we? Were we here in this room?

It was in the closet.

It was in the closet. Sex.

How did. I thought we were talking about business?

Is that really where it was? It was a cl. Oh, it was. And I was leaving that.

Yeah.

And I was heading on out of here. I was fucking heading right out to office. I was leaving this exact room.

I had this shit tracked.

I was leaving this room right here.

My app. I knew when my window was, and I was like, this fucker's leaving.

And then. And then you all. Then you got crazy and you decided to loop me into the closet, which I cannot deny your powers of the closet sex.

You got. You. You just.

And then we got pregnant.

Yeah.

And it was fantastic. And here we are, three and a half months later, you're pregnant. I'm super easy. I'm a slut. I'm, like, so easy like that. I'm, like, a total man.

So, anyways, today's topic we're going to.

Is not sex and getting pregnant. It's actually the conversation of money and business.

Yeah, let's do it.

All right.

Let's, like, you know, a lot of people will, like, DM me and question me, and, like, we'll get more comments than I actually anticipated. If people being like, you guys should do something together. I'm like, watch our podcast. Like, yeah, but I think people want to see, like, a more business side of both of us. So I don't know.

So we're going to be business focused.

Yeah, let's talk about this.

All right. Let's put our business hats on. All right. My business hat's on, yours on. Okay, we're gonna talk about. You ready to talk about this? We're talking about two things. One, haters in business. Number one.

That's lame.

No, it's not lame.

All right, let's talk.

We're talking about our strategy of how to deal with people who talk shit. And the reality is, no matter who you are and what you build, you're gonna have people who talk shit. Now, this is not a new topic. Everyone who's doing anything at any level ends up talking at some point about haters. And it's not because they actually want to address the haters. It's because they want to address the people who don't build shit because of haters.

I think that any successful business, you're always gonna have, like, your rivals or your haters. And that's just, like, a part of business. But I think when you're new in the game, like, you take every little hater is like, oh, like, yeah, you think it's serious? You think it's serious? And then, like, now. And it's funny because, like, even both of our teams, if there's, like, some drama or shit going on, we're both like, oh, and they're stressed now more about it than we are. We're like, oh, cool. Block them.

Yes. Like, you know what it's like? It's like. It's like parents. So I had a cousin who had. They had at the time, five children. They went on to have seven children. So I'm sitting there, and we had just had our first. I had a Parker, but he was not in my life. We weren't active a lot. My son from my first marriage. And then we had Bailey. And Bailey was little, and we were paranoid because I didn't get to really raise Parker, so I was raising Bailey, and I was paranoid about every little goddamn thing. Me and Danielle were paranoid. And so his kids. He has all five of these kids. One of his kids, their two kids are up on this shed, up on the roof, and they look like they're gonna fall off. And I'm stressing out, like, going dad mode the entire time. I'm like, I swear to God, this is, like, trouble. You know, they're going dad mode. And, like, I'm trying to block, like, what's going on. Like, I'm worried for his children. And he says, eh, though, they're fine. And like. Like, at Kid 5, he stops stressing out. And do you notice you're less stressing? No, I don't think you are.

I think you're.

I think you're stressing. Same. I think you're. Same stress.

Yeah, Same level of stress is going on my kids. I think there's, like, a lot of, like, with kid, but with business, I've been like, oh, yeah, it's fine.

It's fine. No problem. Okay, so haters, then. How do you deal with them? Because the reason why I gave that analogy is that, like, people deal with haters from a totally different direction. I'm gonna go right here. I was gonna show them what's going on here on the actual video of what's happening. That's what's going on right there. What the camera does.

If you guys are listening.

Yeah. If you're not watching this, you have no idea what I'm doing.

And you can see us live. You can also see a repeat of it on my blog at dkwc. So if you're visual, you're hanging out at home. You want to see what we look like, maybe get a good laugh? Go ahead and go to either one of those websites and you can see this in person.

Oh, shit. You know what? I just had a comment coming from Garrett Berry. Would you like to hear it?

Is it nice?

Yeah, no, it's good. He said, I try, but all she does is sleep or lay in bed. I spend my days playing with the two younger boys. Working, cleaning, doing homework, cooking, yard work. Making excuses, trying to be. Trying to be supportive, forgiving, praying, reading. Why? And generally feeling like a failure when I Do something for me, like, work out or. Recently got my first set of reading glasses. She makes comments like, I'm cheating or don't care about her. Not sure where to go from here. God tells me to hang on, but I'm worried. My two young boys are learning poor relationship habits and I'm starting to become depressed. That's a fucking great comment. That's a really. Well, I think it's, like a tough situation. This is coming in from live from Garrett Berry. What are your. What are your initial thoughts? What are your initial thoughts if you're a woman?

Garrett is also live on his fan page and that's a comment that just came in.

So. But, like, if you're sitting there, there's.

Always two sides to a story. So, like, okay, it's hard because I feel like this is what's helped me in my relationship is honestly, like, when I'm trying, when there's a end result that I'm looking to get, sometimes I don't look at the steps that I need to take in order to get to that end result. And so I judge an end result based off not willing to do the work and seeing the big picture. So I know, like, this is probably hard to hear, but a relationship is compromise and sacrifice on both ends. And honestly, like, for me, like, there were so many times I wanted to tell Garrett to fuck off.

You did tell me to fuck off.

That's true. And you probably told me to fuck off right back.

I did.

But it comes to a point of like, okay, ultimately, even if you're kind of like, er, butting heads, if you're in a relationship together, ultimately, like, you would like to have a better relationship, nobody's gonna walk into a marriage or relationship and say, man, I wish this was shitty. You know what I mean? So regardless of what negative comments are coming and things like that, you have to look at a relationship like, how do I get that end result? And the end result is always a great relationship.

Okay? So I think the question that Garrett's ask, which by the way, great name, my friend, is like, things are obviously in a shitty situation. Kind of like haters. Haters can put you in a situation where you feel very shitty about yourself, right? But inside of this place in relationship, there has to be a decision that's made, and that decision is, you have to choose you. Now, this sounds contradictory to what most people will tell you. By the way, we're not marriage therapists. We don't have marriage licenses. We actually. That's not true. We do Have a fucking marriage license. We got married, and you know what we have?

I got married at 20, and I'm only 35. But we have been together together for. We've been married 16 years this August, and we only dated for a couple years, but that's. We've been together almost 18 years. I know I'm young, but I feel like I've got a few things figured out. Being in a relationship for 18 years, having it be my only marriage, and getting married young, like, didn't necessarily put me ahead. It just made me have to figure out some quicker.

Okay, so maybe we do have a little bit of expertise on this called being married 16 years and together for 18 years.

Business, like, how do you get good at business reps? How do you get good in business results and reps? So if you have good results in your marriage and we have reps of being married 16 years, I'd say you have a few things figured out. So when I hear podcasts are like, we don't have everything figured out. Well, you've got some figured out, so give yourself some credit for that and educate on what has worked for you inside of your relationship.

So here's what I'll tell you, Garrett, and here's what worked for me, okay, is I had to get very, very clear about the fact that at the end of the day, if I'm in a relationship that's not working out, okay, this is so fucking hard to do. It is so fucking hard to do. I can't explain how hard it is except for this. You have to take responsibility for the fact that your marriage is the way it is because of you now. This is hard. I wanted to blame her over and over and over again. I was doing all kinds of work on myself in therapy and all these things I was going through, and at the end of the day, it always looped back to me. And I remember getting so pissed off, because I just wanted. At one point, I was like, it needs to be her fucking fault.

Pissed. So, like, we were both kind of in that boat at. At some time. And I think that's when you lose sight of, like, the vision of why you are married and you're not willing.

To, like, we weren't.

We weren't sacrifice kind of, like. And really look at the picture of, like, okay, if I want this to work, like, I have to surrender at some point. Do you know what I mean? And so they're in a relationship. There comes a lot of, like, guilt and blame and shame and, like, I'm Doing everything I can. But if you're doing everything you can, it's not working. Like, you have to look at it from a different angle. And both parties have to be, like, you have to sit down with your spouse and have, like, tough conversations.

And I. We were not willing to have those conversations. Our conversation. Well, I wasn't willing to have that tough conversation with myself. Yeah, right. No different than a business owner wants to blame his lack of success on his employees, right? At the end of the day, you hired them, right? Like, you hired these individuals to work for you. You hired these individuals to be on your team. If you don't have the balls as a business owner to collide with your teams and bring changes, which most business owners don't, which is wild to me, right? So they have all these things going on. They want to blame their teams. You can't fucking blame your teams. Like, you are responsible. Your business either works because you chose to make it work or it doesn't. If you have people that don't work, then fire them. If you have situations that don't work, then fucking fix them. If you have shit that's going sideways, repair it. Last summer, last year, our salon, we had an individual make a series of decisions. Three individuals in our salon ended up stealing over $600,000 in revenue from our business. Caused all kinds of fucking chaos. And guess what? At the end of the day, I can blame these bitches. I can continue to blame them, but at the end of the day, it's my fault. The buck stops with me. I'm the business owner. I don't get to point my finger at these artists. I get to point my finger at myself. Like, the problem was me, right? And the same thing had to happen inside my marriage. No matter how desperate things had gotten for me inside of our relationship, at the end of the day, it was my fucking fault. Like, I had chosen to be married to this beautiful woman, and yet I had also chosen to create a series of patterns from the time we were married. And so the last piece, I'm gonna leave, and then we're gonna go to business on this topic for today is this. Garrett is. I'll tell you this. I could not see how I had spent a decade creating the patterns inside of our relationship. And that was not her fault. She was not to blame for this. That was on me.

Isn't that so hard? Like. And I. I think that's so hard in a relationship because patterns and behaviors are built on stories that we tell ourselves. And stories are so strong, we Believe them to the core. So it's one thing to be like, oh, I'm gonna make my marriage better, but you literally have to shift your stories and, and it's just like mind boggling in your patterns. And it's not like something that's done overnight if you have a series of 10 years of just a shitty relationship and bad patterns, like, it's consistent daily effort. And there's times like for us, like we'd been married probably like seven years and all of a sudden things got kind of rocky and I was like, what the. And then it took us like four years of consistently trying to make better choices. And like, that's why, like, I'm like, four years. I mean, it's not like you. We weren't like totally shitty that whole four years. You know what I mean? Obviously we probably wouldn't have stayed together, but I think that we were both, we both wanted, we both wanted that end result, which was like having a good relationship. And for me, I remember being like, even as young as I was, I was probably like 23, 24. And there was like a moment when I was like, it, I'm out. I want to get divorced. I remember like we got in a fight.

Keep going, keep going.

You have to go to the bathroom. Anyways, I just remember like one night, like I went and slept in the guest bedroom and I was super, super pissed. And I remember just thinking, like, I don't know if I want to stay married. And like this voice came to me, like, even at such a young age, like saying, hey, it's, it's not necessarily going to be easier with somebody else. Like, you gotta figure out your shit. And so, I mean, I get there's circumstances where obviously people shouldn't be together, but I just, I kind of knew. I was like, hey, I've gotta be able to like, figure this out. You can't trade one set of problems in for another set of problems. If you can't really inwardly look why something is not working, it won't work with the next person or the next situation.

So we, we started down a path of really just committing to be responsible for our own change, like as individuals. And that led over into a conversation in business that allowed us to make some really big, important decisions in business too. Like very important decisions that were all about change for us as the way that we engaged with not just ourselves and mirrors, but the way that we dealt with our employees and the way we dealt with our clients. But part of that toughness comes through the process of dealing with people who talk shit. And it's crazy because human beings in the beginning stage in business, you think, think that you will be different, that there is something that you can do that will have people not talk shit. Like you think this is possible.

You believe in your product so much and you're just giving it your all and you're over delivering. So what asshole is gonna talk shit?

No one will possibly talk shit about me. I'm gonna be doing it. Exactly. I'm gonna be the highest ranked on Yelp and no one will ever talk shit.

But you know what's interesting for me is like, and I learned this like in the beginning of my career with education is like people would take a one time class and then they would say, oh, natural beaded rose doesn't work, like, whatever. And I would get so defensive and I would respond very defensive and I'd be like, oh my God. Because I'm thinking like, I'm pouring my heart and soul into this and I want to just be like, well, you're stupid and you don't work. And in every industry, no matter what product you're selling, no matter what service you have, you're always going to have some asshole who's going to be like, oh, it wasn't great, you know, oh, what is this? But like, you can't be an expert overnight at anything. And like, that's just how it goes. And so I'm like, okay. And so that's why I had to like look inwardly and be like, okay, well I want to say you, but I'm really not going to learn anything. So I had to figure out how to become a better teacher. Because with inside of hair, like it's one thing to be an expert at your craft and be really good at doing hair, but it's a whole nother ball game to teach and to learn. To teach is like a whole nother expertise in its own. And I had to learn how to become a better teacher and a better educator so that, so that I knew that I was delivering a better result to my, my clients. And again, you're always going to have somebody who's like, oh, this shit doesn't work. And, and that's just how business works. And you can't like be offended and sad over every little person that's like, hey, this doesn't work. Because a lot of times it takes a lot of accountability to be like, okay, well why doesn't it work?

Okay, so let's look at this hater idea and what we've done to actually deal with it. Here's what I'm going to tell you. Phase number one, you're going to attack, which means you're going to be attacked and you're going to attack and you're going to be consumed by this shit all night long. I'm not going to give you some unicorn fucking fantasy about this. It is going to be personal. You are going to lose sleep over it. You're going to feel fucking, you're going to wake up with anxiety over it. You're going to be stressed out. Like anyone who tells you this is not how it is is completely full of shit. I don't care if you're a man, a woman, I don't care how old you are.

You're triggered. You're human.

You are. Like when people start to call your baby ugly or they tell you that you, that's not your baby, you stole that baby. Like, whatever it is, you will get to this weird place of feeling this anger and this upset energy about it, and that's okay. Round one of this is about preparing you to receive just the certainty of collision. Like being willing to collide, being willing to take a stand for what you stand for. You don't have to go looking for haters. The moment that you take a stand of any significance, meaning you take a stand that has any type of traction. My wife has done in the hair industry, I've done in the financial services industry, and I've done it inside of the training, coaching, consulting space. Like inside of all three of these industries. We took a stand and then as we did it, you don't have to go looking for it. A war will come to your front fucking door of haters who are there to train you on how to be able to effectively and powerfully collide with other human beings. What do you think about this?

Yeah, I just think. I just think within any industry, like, if you can't take the heat, then you're not strong enough to keep going. So people that have had like immense amount of success in their life, it's because they overcame this and they figured out how to move on and be like, fuck you and tunnel vision and work harder and be smarter and become the best at whatever it is they're doing. And so in a way, like, for me, and I don't know if you feel this way, like, my instinct is to be like you and like be like really pissed. And then it almost fuels me. I'm like, ugh. Like I get pissed, but. And I don't Know if it's like, a little bit of, like, doubt in the back of my mind, and I'm like, okay, well, fuck you, I'm gonna get better. But in a way, it, like, fuels me. I'm like, I'll show you.

Yes.

So it can be healthy, but it's not something that you want it to consume you and obsess. You want it more obsessed about just getting really, really good at what you're doing or offering.

No, I think it actually. It does fuel. It does fuel.

So is that healthy or not healthy?

Yes, in the beginning, it's absolutely healthy. And people will tell you, no, no, no. Just go meditate and call it. Good. No, I think you need to fucking punch people, right? Because it helps you. I swear to God that the way the game works is it like. I launched my first podcast, Warrior on Fire podcast. Now I get we put ourselves in a trustful situation. I launched a podcast with explicit lyrics and my marketing team, and I put my podcast, Warrior on Fire, in the religion and Christianity section of itunes. Now, this podcast still is there, and you can completely access the show Now. I stopped doing the show publicly a year ago. Daily Fuel. The podcast is available every single day. We have a large membership of people who actually have subscribed to our paid membership with this, called the Daily Fire Daily Fuel. You can check that out@warriorbook.com, we don't even have it available at the Marketplace, but it will be starting in the month of March to everyone if you'd like to be part of that. But unless I launch this podcast, and I get it, I was a knife salesman at a waterbed convention, right? I'm showing up with a knife and wailing it around and all these waterbeds, and people are paranoid. So I get. If you go look at my podcast, Warrior on Fire, in itunes, you will go see that the top section were actually pastors of churches who had gotten their congregations to literally assault anything and everything that I stood for. Now I understand I started a fight inside of this without having to try. It's not like I sent an announcement to all the local churches. Hey, all Christian churches. Just so you know, my name is Garrett J. White. I'm fucking here to drop a podcast with the word fuck about every three sentences inside of your Religion and Christianity section. And by the way, it's going to probably trigger the shit of you because I'm going to talk about God, I'm going to talk about Jesus, and I'm going to say fuck, and I'm going To put it all in the same three sentences. And you're not going to know what to. No, I didn't do that. I just launched it.

You're still under that category.

Yes. No, no, no. Actually, we moved it to personal development. We moved to business. We moved it to business like, a year, like. Like six, eight months ago. We moved the podcast last year sometimes. But anyways, I started there, and I. Every day, like, it was. I was getting hit with emails. I was getting hit with messages on Facebook, Instagram, all day long. Somehow people get my cell phone number. I was getting hit. Like, people were out to shut me down. And I knew I brought this on myself, but I wasn't prepared for the heat I was getting. So I would wake up every day in this motherfucker like, you motherfucker. And I. And it was funny because I would sit there and be like.

But they're in the religion category.

Yeah, well, they wouldn't call me motherfucker. Oh, I would call them motherfucker. No, no. They would, like, quote scriptures to me, tell me I was the Antichrist. I was Satan. I was Lucifer and reincarnated.

So how much did you lose on stressing about that?

Months. But I didn't lose time. That's my point. When I did it, when I did it, there was a. There was a time in that first three months, it was weaponizing me. It was making me strong. And I don't think anyone who builds anything in today's industry, in today's marketplace, can ultimately sustain the game. If you don't have a phase of time in which you get fucked up with haters and comments online, because it just builds wisdom that you will not get by just talking to your spouse or to everyone who thinks you're amazing. You won't double down on your commitment. And at the same level as when people are talking shit, when everybody look at your comments, you could get 100 comments from people like, oh, my God, you're great. Then you get one comment that says, you're a dickhead, Garrett. You're an asshole, you fucking cocksucker. And all of a sudden, the only thing you can think about is that one comment, like, you're obsessed. You ignore the 99 and only the one that you see. And then you're, like, engaging like a crazy person, texting, trying to be some keyboard return warrior with the person. So phase one, to me, I'm a little fired up.

I was just like, well, let you do. I'm gonna let you release.

So anyways, I. I still get Triggered as, like, I do. One of the reasons I'd unplug from social media a lot and I have my teams run a lot of it, was because I, I just get triggered.

I think it's human nature to get triggered, but honestly, like, there's. There gets to this point in business where you're like, I've got too much stuff on my plate. Don't tell me. Unless it's like on a need to know basis, you know, and there's times when you need to protect your brand and whatever it is, but a lot of times it's just like, I don't need to know. And like, people that are haters and talk shit, like, they just keep running their mouth. What you don't realize is like, they actually find a lot of purpose in doing that. Like, they, they don't have anything else maybe going on. And so that's kind of. That's the direction they go. And so you have to understand that, like, you're not at that level and you need to focus on, like, you can use it as fuel, but at the same time you also have to like, tunnel vision and focus on what you're doing in business. Otherwise you'll just like, be pissed and you don't want to. You. I don't know. I don't think it's good to operate on a. Just so much anger all the time.

No, I got a comment. It was so funny. JJ Steelmong said, you are a dick, but that's why we love you. You're welcome. All right, so. Oh, Katie Yule. Haters see what you. What they want in themselves, they see in you. Completely true. All right, so we're gonna shift the topic from haters. All I'm gonna leave you with is this. Phase one is you're gonna get beat up a little bit. You need to take that on. Phase two is you're gonna start to see how to spin what they say as marketing. Which means you take screenshots, you take downloads from them, and you actually spin it. You use it to your email list, you repost it to social media, and you just start taking what they do and you spin it. That's phase two where you start to say, I'm not pissed. Thank you for the content. Phase three is you're too fucking busy. You don't give a shit. You hand it off to somebody else to deal with and you only have it brought to you if you need it. Phase one, get in a fight. Phase two, spin to marketing.

Phase three, handoff somebody else, avoid 100%, though. Like, there'll be times where it's just like a little teeny bit. But you know what? I will still use it to write good content. I'll be like, okay. Because again, like, you don't want to let it consume you. But at the same time, like, I get so many good ideas and so many good blog post ideas off of, like, one little thing that pisses me off. I literally am like you. And I just start writing or I take notes.

Yes.

Voice audios.

And it's fuel.

It's like word vomit. And. But then I, like, read it back and I'm like, shit, that sounds pretty damn good. And so I think that there's.

Because it gives you the fire.

I don't know. Yeah, maybe it's good for me. Fires me up a little bit for you. You have to do your little meditations in between. I call them napitations.

Napitations. My wife makes fun of my meditation. She says I'm not natitation.

She's always like, I'm gonna go meditate. And I'm like, cool, nap. It's cool.

Now. It's not an application. My wife literally has made this up. She says that I don't meditate. I just nap.

Here's what I know about Garrett is he runs, like, so hard and so fast. Even his mind, his thoughts is talking. Like, I. Like, when I do a podcast with him, I have to, like, be on my toes and really, like, keep up. Like, he just. Brain is just always going, going, going, whereas I'm just kind of like, like, more observant. I learn differently. So, like, for me, I just sit down during the day. But Garrett is just like, go, go, go. So he needs.

He needs.

He needs, like, he needs concentrated napitations to regroup.

Welcome to the napitation. This is like, now I get where our daughter's got him. Our younger. Our oldest daughter calls hand sanitizer. Hanitation. No, Hanitizer. And then Ruby came up with one too. What did she have?

I don't remember.

All right, it's all good. Okay, we're going to go to a new topic. New topic for the show. Okay. New topic is in the topic of know your numbers.

Know your numbers.

Oh. So we went out to Tony Robbins event Business Mastery.

We did this on last week's podcast.

No, we didn't. Not really.

We didn't. Okay.

No, we went out to date your wife. Excuse me. Went to Business Mastery with Tony Robbins. We did talk about this on our podcast last week a little bit, but we're gonna actually talk about it a little bit more. Cause there's an expansion to this, and the principle is this. Your spouse is there to guide you.

Tell me more.

Tell me more about this greatness you speak of. I shout tell you more.

I have some theory to this, too, but tell the story.

No, I'd like you to actually give the story. Off you go.

Okay. Well, I think what Garrett's referring to is, like, literally, one of the speakers of the event was named was Keith, Keith Cunningham. And he is a big numbers guy. He created a software that has to.

Do with numbers called CFO Scorecard.

So, yeah, so. And a book called Do Less Stupid. Road Less Stupid. The Road Less.

Road Less Stupid. It's fantastic.

We actually were, like, geeking out over his stuff. It was really cool to. And he basically, like, put, like, all the accountant verbiage into, like. I don't want to say, like, dumb person person's lingo, but, like, it better for us to understand it. He created, like, a really cool software, and I was like, oh, my God, I don't need this in our business. But literally the night before, it was, like, the first night of the Tony Robbins event. We're sitting there at dinner, and it's so hard for me, as your wife, to bring stuff up with business. Like, it's so hard.

It's hard. Why is it hard? I mean, I'm so open to it.

I literally have to be like, what's the best way possible?

If you're naked and I'm naked, you could definitely tell me whatever you want.

No, you. Then you would just be like, nothing would get done.

There'd be a lot that would get done. Just not a lot with numbers. Except. And after that, too, one night.

No. Okay.

All right, continue.

So anyways, we're sitting at dinner, and I. Garrett spends a shitload of money on ads. And I was just like. I was just like, God, like, when I was like, how much do you spend on ads? He would tell me, and I was like. And so every time we tell me, I just, like, kind of keep my mouth shut. And then for some reason, like, I just brought it up that night at dinner, and I was like. I just posed it as a question. I said, you guys have built up, like, we're at the Tony event, and literally, guys are like, stopping, dude, can I take a picture with you? Like, every five seconds? And I was like, do you want me to take it? Can I help you? Like, let me help you out here. So literally, I'm like, do you Think you've built, like, enough following and enough, like, enough people know about you? Do you have to continue to pay for that much traction and that much ads? Like, have you ever tested maybe not putting that much into it and seen. And I just was like, asking questions, but he was getting so pissed. And he's like, no, we did. And we sat and argued, like, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And I was like, I was getting pissed. And I was like, I am trying to. To not trigger you. And I'm trying to. I really wanted to be like, what the fuck are you spending this much money for?

Yeah.

But I'm literally like, I'm just trying to pose the question as like, I work for you, and I can't be an presenting this question. And I'm just trying to, like, play dumb and be like, I'm just trying to have, like, a better understanding. So anyways, I didn't want to ruin dinner and just got to the point where this conversation was circling and circling and circling and it was going nowhere. And I was like, I get that you don't understand my question, so we don't have to continue to talk about it. If you want to bring it up later, great. This is my question. You're not. You're responding with a question like it just was going nowhere. And so then the next day, the Keith comes out and he's talking about numbers. And I was a little bit late because like, six in the morning is like nine in the morning here. And so I come down and he looks over at me and I see what they're talking about, and he smiles and I go, what are they talking to you? He goes, exactly what you were asking me yesterday. And I just smiled and started laughing. But one thing that I was thinking about that drives me nuts is I feel like I can't ever say anything to you. Like a has to come from somebody who's like, hierarchy. And then you come back and be like, you are right. And I'm like, when do I have to. Not when do I get to be hierarchy? Like, when do. When is it like that you can take a little bit of say in what I'm saying and not just be like, so triggered. And I don't know if you can.

Well, I appreciate your question. I shall answer it with an accent.

Yeah. Because this is Garrett going into his. Like, he. You have no response.

No, I do have a response. I'll tell you right now. You didn't listen to me until you listen Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins tells you Tony Robbins tells you shit. I've been telling you forever, but because it's Tony and he's giant and he does awesome shit, and there's, like, fucking 6,000 people in the room, and they both change your life. Forever.

No, the last one was. No, forever.

Forever. Repeat yourself.

You have made a really big, big impact on how I teach people because I have a better understanding of human.

Beings, and they've had a huge. They've had a huge impact on you. Don't lie. Yeah, okay, there we go.

But I always listen to you. What are you talking about?

Like, from the moment, you always listen to me.

More so than you do.

Okay. On the topic of business, I'm sorry.

To turn this on me. Get your hand off my leg.

I'm trying to slowly persuade you. Yes, you are getting hot.

So listen, you can just, like. You can just take a minute and be like, okay, yes.

No, I'm saying right now. I didn't. I don't listen to you very well about numbers, and here's why. My story has been that my wife doesn't know the number, so why would I listen to her about the numbers? Because she doesn't even look at the numbers. So she's got opinions about the numbers, but she doesn't look at the numbers. She also doesn't believe in advertising, except for advertising is how I've built all of her company. So, like, we've been in this battle. So my point being is that Danielle blasts me. I'm like, no, we're going back and forth. It's getting heated at the Cheesecake Factory in Florida. In Boca Rid. No, West Palm Beach. And we're about to go into the event again for the second day, and I'm like, I'm pissed. She's pissed. We hardly talk on the way back to the hotel.

No, it wasn't that bad.

We go to sleep. Did we have sex?

We had sex that night.

Oh, we did have sex. All right, so we had sex. I guess it wasn't that bad. We had sex. And then the next morning, I go down to the. To the event, and I'm sitting down there, and I was so excited for Keith Cunningham, because I was just ready for him. And Keith comes in and he starts talking about numbers. And I'm like, motherfucker. Like, he's, like, saying shit. I'm, like, taking notes so fast. I'm drawing things, taking notes. And then I. That night, we had been looking at our P. L's for your salon, and you wanted to know numbers on the salon. Numbers on hairlines, number on that. Like we were. And I was having my teams, my CFO send all.

I can't look at any numbers because I just get pissed when.

But I'm showing. Exactly. And I'm showing you these numbers in the P. Ls and the balance sheets on her cash statements. And Daniel's like, that number's bullshit. And that number's bullshit, which bled into dinner, which met into her attacking Moore, which I get it.

I did. I was very careful with that question.

Yeah, but you were fucking pissed.

No, when I.

You were fucking pissed.

Now that's your story. I was fucking pissed. I wasn't.

Were you pissed?

No, I literally. You heard me. I was, like, dancing around the question. I'm like, how can I present this where I'm not like. I was, like, very Zen.

All right, you were Zen that you did a good job of controlling the frame because I think you knew that I was losing ground quickly. So the next day, then, after this happens, I call my ad teams and my marketing team works for me, and we start going through cinematic diving through. And there was one particular campaign that I'm at about, oh, 5 to 8,000, 10,000 a day in advertising that we've been pushing out on this campaign. And in my mind, I thought. I thought in one campaign, on this one campaign we were doing that we were breaking even. And I was like, if we're breaking even, we're totally good, because I can take this. I can spin it on our second, third, fourth cells. We build these leads. It's no problem. It's no problem. So I come back and I start looking at a deep dive. And one of the things that were not included inside of the ad reports that I were getting were my cogs, were my cost of goods and services. So my shipping, my. And all these things that we had been doing were not calculated inside of this particular one campaign, in this one funnel inside of this game. So I'm looking at this, and we're running like, 10k a day, 5k a day. We're doing these 5 to 10k down this campaign, and I'm thinking, we're breaking even. So I come to find out that we're actually losing 50 to 70,000amonth.

How did you not figure that out sooner?

Because there was one element inside of it that was not being included inside the number of reports that I was getting. So those numbers were actually sitting in another report that were not sitting on this particular advertising campaign.

So you didn't know your number, and.

You'Re saying I didn't know my numbers.

Danielle doesn't know her numbers.

Well, obviously I knew my numbers, but obviously I didn't know all of my numbers. So the rest of the numbers were added to the equation. I was like, shit, we're losing. So my wife makes a comment, I get here, and then I get to the same resolution. Yet it was my wife who attacked this issue. I probably would not have found this issue myself. Based on how I was getting my numbers and how our teams have been putting together reports, I probably wouldn't have gotten this information for probably another month or two.

Make you wonder, what other areas are we ignorant in in our businesses that we're missing?

Yeah, for sure. Like, yeah, well, they did completely. You. Well, you had been going after me about this. Like, let's. You. Let's use it. You know what?

For me, like, honestly, when. When I was trying to, like, build my salon and my staff and everything else, and I could barely keep track of my own numbers. And then I started hiring employees, and plus, I was paying the bills at home. I kind of just got to this place where I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And I just felt like I was, like, a crazy person. Like, I was trying to, like, be a mom. I was at the salon all day. Like, I was trying. I had so much on my plate, and I was losing a lot of my femininity, and I just felt like I. It was because I was stressed, and I had no breathing room for myself. And I remember, like, one night looking at Garrett, and I was like, I'm not paying the bills anymore, and I'm not gonna do. Like. I. Either you can take over my. My numbers at my salon, or I'm going to hire somebody to help me do this, but I'm not going to do this anymore. And I remember you were like, okay, don't worry. We'll take care of it. Because I think that men genuinely want to make their wives half happy. And so even though I was at this place where I was, like, ready to hire it out, I just knew it wasn't something that I could do anymore. And so Garrett's teams kind of took it on, and they ran all the numbers. And as aloof as I may have been, I was kind of like, oh. Like, I literally just felt like I had breathing room, which made me feel like I was me again. And so there's, like, this balance of delegating and handing something off, such as numbers, but not being so ignorant to what's going on to where there. If there is a problem that you cannot fix it, you have to. And that was one of the things that Keith said. He was like, you can't. The. The power is not in looking at your numbers and knowing your numbers. Your. The power is looking at your numbers and know how to, like, change things if something is not working. And that. That statement, like, hit me. And I was like, oh, you know when like, a knife just hits you and it's like, you know it, but like, then somebody says it and you're like, ah, you just crank the knife. And that's how I was feeling in that moment. And so, like, my goal was like, okay, so I checked out for a year and I was aloof or whatever you want to say. And. And that was great. But I can't be completely ignorant to what's going on or I'm going to miss the big pictures. And only I am in my business that knows what to make changes in. An accountant is just going to give you the numbers. They're not going to know, hey, cut this out. Do this. Because they're not in your business. They're just in charge of giving you the numbers inside of your business. So kind of keep that in mind that you can't completely check out. You have to be as involved.

The principle that we started. This whole conversation wasn't even about numbers. It was about this. That it's your partner who actually gives you insight and guidance in ways that no one else will give it to you.

I think a partner gives you the swift kick and it's hard to receive. I know, like, even for you, like, with when I was like, hey, I need to do things different. I want you to come into my education. I want you to help me with, like, the marketing side of things. And in the beginning, I.

And I didn't. And I didn't want to even do it.

You didn't want to do it. But again, it was like, one of those things. I was like, I'm going to hire this out, or you can join forces with me. I think that we make a great team, regardless of, like, how much we butt heads. I think, like, if. If I could choose a business partner who would take this to the next level, it would be you. So are you in? Are you out? And he said, yes, I'm in. Finally, after a big fight and argument.

And whatever else took like two years for us, but I remember this specific.

Conversation, and I was like, either it's you or I will hire this out. I'm not like, I know where I want to go, and I want you to be a part of this. And it was. I think. I think it was easier said than done because immediately after, I kind of stepped away and Garrett started doing things with marketing, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And, like, we don't do this that way. And he's like, you're right. But what you were doing, people don't do in your industry. And you wanted me to jump on, to think differently and do things different, so you're gonna have to trust me. And I was like, so it's like, it's. It's hard to work with your spouse, but it can also. Like, I think that you have. We have, like, such a strong bond, but it's that we, like, we know each other. Like, you know what I mean? But that doesn't mean it's easy.

Well, we, like, if you look at this, you impacted me in, like, more ways than I can count, like, when it comes to how I look at my business. On the flip side, I've returned that favor to you in many different ways. You know, we specifically, like. And I remember when I came to Danielle with the salon, I said, we're going to start getting women to apply to get their hair done. She's like, that's not going to. That's not possible. It's not how we do it in this industry. I was like, no, no, no. We're gonna get women to apply. They're gonna fill out applications to get their hair done, to sit in your seat at your salon. And by the way, the price that you're charging, we're gonna get those to 3,4x of what you're currently charging, and the value is gonna be way higher. And they're like, no, no, no. And everyone's like, you're never gonna pull that off. It's never gonna work. I was like, bullshit. Watch. It will work. And sure enough, bam. Not only did we do it, it's now become the storyline inside of Big Money Stylist and all the copycat companies who have birthed. I launched Big Money Stylus with my wife. We took the name Big Money Stylus. And my wife's like, no, no, no. That name sounds thuggish. It sounds gangster. It won't work. I was like, no, it's fucking direct response. It will work. Big Money Stylus. There's no question about it. Big moneysylus.com. like, there's no question. We launched it. Within two years, we became the number one training company in the country. Inside the extension game now, all kinds of companies have spun off, copied us, duplicated what we're doing. No different than what I've done with Wake A. Poyer. But inside of it, we are constantly changing and constantly pushing. But it's her and I together pushing as a couple, which has made it so spontaneously amazing as a couple. Like, I couldn't ask for somebody better. I don't like always hearing what you have to say, but it doesn't mean. But it does. I loathe to love you. I love to loathe you.

No, it is true. It's like we say things to one another that maybe nobody else will say on the team.

No one on the team will say.

And as much as it's like.

And they won't say it, they won't say it the way we say it to each other.

Yeah. And as much as it, like, it kind of stabs. And that's why, like, I have to be like. I feel like I have to be very careful with how I approach things because I don't always want to come across very like. Like going after the jugular, I guess you could say. I have to have some tact in it and be like, hey, if we are going to be business partners, I have to treat him like a business partner. I'm not going to be like, why the you doing this? Or what? That's not going to work. You know what I mean? I. I have to treat you like I would if I hired somebody.

Yeah.

You know, and there might be conversations with people you hire where you butt heads and it's a stern conversation, and you're like, no, that's how we're doing it. But there's still a level of respect in communication that happens with somebody. And I think that when you're married, a lot of times when you're married and working together, you kind of lose the respect filter. And that's why it's probably hard to. To communicate and work together. So you have to be able to, like, if you're in a relationship, if you're running a business together, just be able to wear your business hat, I guess you could say.

So, like, this is. This is like kind of how we summarize this show into the following idea, which is like, if you are. If you are running a business, it's hard. If you're running a business and you're partnered with your partner, it's harder. But at the same time, with that harder comes a whole level of possibility and power that you won't access in any other way. Right. When you're sleeping with your partner, making babies with your partner, raising children with your partner, and you're doing all this stuff with your partner inside of that place. Oh, the live stream died on my cell phone. As you're doing all these things with your partner, there's some possibility that arise that wouldn't otherwise arise. And that power itself has been found with my wife. It's been found with me. I found it with her. Like, it's just. It's changed the way that we deal with each other. It's changed the way that we interact with each other. And doing business and being in business together has been one of the most rewarding things that I've ever done.

It's forced us to, like, definitely communicate better and more and have a respect and understanding for one another. I would say.

I agree. 100.

All right, well, we got to wrap this up. This up. We have kids, but we got some.

Kids for bath time. We got to get to bath time at school night.

It was a good show, though.

It was a good show. I enjoyed it.

Fiery. It was a fiery, Like, a little bit fiery. I liked it, though. I think people, like. I think people want to hear more of this side of us. I think this is like the real side. Nothing. The other sides aren't real.

But I think it's a business side.

It's a business side. And I think people are like, gosh, how did they. Like, how did you do that? How do you work together? How did you guys build this? How do you have kids? How do you. How do you do it?

How do you do it? We do it exactly this way. All right, that brings us to conclusion. There's our doggy on the video. You can check out more dateyourwife.com or date your wife now.com where all the videos, all the notes, all the audios available for this show. We are going to bring this show to a conclusion. We did it live stream on Facebook, but my cell phone died here just moments ago, and so we didn't get to experience that.

That's a great accent.

That's a great accent. We're gonna wrap up this show. Thank you so much for being here. We will see you next week. Cheerio and have a great rest of your day. This is Garrett Shake White, founder of Wake Up Warrior, and Danielle K. White, founder of Big money stylist and natural Beaded Rose founded DKWStyling.com we will see you next week as we talk about the conversation of parenting and how we.

Already talked about that. No, I don't know. We'll see you next week with another form of a podcast.

Oh, another form? Another form of a podcast is coming to you as we wrap this show, and I cannot stop it. I'm going to stop it right now.